


More Than Friends | Septiplier

by songsforfelurian



Series: More Than Friends [1]
Category: Septiplier - Fandom, Youtubers, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Falling In Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Light Bondage, Love, M/M, Markiplier - Freeform, Oral Sex, Questioning, Rimming, Romance, Septiplier - Freeform, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexuality, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Switch jack, Switch mark, Switch septiplier, Vers jack, Vers mark, YouTube, YouTubers - Freeform, explicit - Freeform, friendstolovers, jacksepticeye - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2018-08-07 22:11:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 73
Words: 333,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7731664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songsforfelurian/pseuds/songsforfelurian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I stay up way too late to avoid going to bed by myself. And you're the one person I always want to talk to. And you're the one person I wish I could see before I fall asleep. I honestly don't know what that means. I don't know what would happen if you were here right now. I just… wish you were."</p><p>This is a work of fiction based on real-life youtubers Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. Mark and Jack (Sean) spend a week exploring unfamiliar feelings and the beginnings of a relationship. I've attempted to write a fairly realistic love story about two people questioning their sexuality and experiencing a same-sex relationship for the first time. The romance builds to strong sexual content.</p><p>This is my first attempt at fanfiction and my first attempt at romance, although I've written plenty in the past. Constructive feedback strongly encouraged!</p><p>Find me on Tumblr: @songsforfelurian</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I'm brand new to the world of fanfiction and appreciate your view.
> 
> Please note that this is a work of pure fiction. I know Mark and Jack have a lot of fans and subscribers that feel like Septiplier has run its course. I'm aware that the two identify as straight, and wouldn't have written this piece if I didn't have a great deal of respect for them as people. If you're offended by the idea of these two in a romantic relationship, this piece might not be for you, although by all means, give it a try! If you follow these two and enjoy imagining them in a fictional relationship, or enjoy spending time with characters who are questioning their sexuality, I hope you can find something to like here.
> 
> UPDATE 4/20/2018
> 
> After a long break, I'm actively working on this story again! Thank you SO MUCH to those of you who have stuck around this long, it's truly amazing and I can't thank you enough for sticking by me, encouraging me, and helping me believe that I could really make a difference with my writing someday. Lots of love to you all, please keep in touch.
> 
> @songsforfelurian  
> songsforfelurian@gmail.com

**SUMMER 2016**

 

"Dorkiplier."

"Jack-in-the-box."

"…Uh… guys?"

"MarkiBARF-"

"SEPTI **CUNT** -"

"JESUS! GUYS!" Bob was yelling now, attempting to drive a virtual wedge between his two friends as they giggled idiotically, exchanging increasingly creative insults. "Are we done recording?"

Bob normally enjoyed the snarky banter - often participated, in fact - but they had been recording for hours, and he was ready to log off for the night.

Mark paused in his giggle fit. "Sorry Bob! I think we're good!"

"Yeah Bob, thanks, man," Jack added. He knew that he and Mark had reached the point of unhinged delirium, and felt badly for subjecting Bob to their antics. "Maybe we should pick it up after we all get some sleep?"

"Great, thanks guys," Bob said, without a hint of annoyance. Then, coolly, "See ya, Septiplier." He disconnected.

Jack continued in his giggle fit, but Mark's smile started to slip. He was exhausted. The timing was terrible. But he decided he needed to take that comment from Bob as a sign. He needed to talk to Jack. For  _realsies._

"Hey, man," Mark said.  _Don't be weird. Don't be weird._ "Could I talk to you for a few? Before you sign off?"  _Nailed it._

"Aren't we talking right now?" Jack said brightly. He was tired too, but had been thoroughly enjoying himself, and hadn't planned on sleeping any time soon. "What's up?"

"So, there's this thing."  _Great start._ "I just have some stuff…"  _Oh God, so awkward._ "I just wanted to know…"  _What am I even saying?!_ "Hang on a second."

Jack watched with mild concern as his friend - his normally confident, articulate friend - struggled to put a sentence together, before his face disappeared from the screen altogether.

"Mark?"

A chat window appeared where Mark's face had been.

M: Hey man, is it okay if we talk like this?

J: oh god, it's my voice, isn't it? i know it can be a bit much. no problem, i can screech at you plenty tomorrow.

Jack meant it as a joke, and hoped Mark would respond well to the light-hearted remark. He knew something was up. Something serious. They had spent countless hours playing games together and keeping each other entertained through video chat, and Mark had never switched gears like this.

M: Come on man, you know I love hanging out. I just wanted to talk to you about something, and as you may have noticed, I've been completely consumed by awkwardness.

J: i getcha. it's no problem. how can i help? are you alright?

M: Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a couple of questions.

J: about?

M: Septiplier.

J: heh, like, our fake alter-egos who snog and stuff?

M: Yeah. Them.

J: c'mon mark, bob was just joking. he knew that comment would get to you. not a big deal, yeah?

M: It's not really about what Bob said. This has been on my mind for a while. I was just looking for an excuse to talk to you about it.

J: ok. well, you said you had questions… ask away!

M: Have you read any of the stuff they write about us?

J: not really… snippets here and there. i mostly know what other people tell me. fans like to think about us hooking up and such, right?

M: Yeah, kind of. You should check it out sometime. You won't believe the amount of stuff out there. Hundreds of posts. Every topic and situation you can imagine. Chapters upon chapters of the stuff.

Jack let his fingers slide off his keyboard while he considered the tone of this conversation. They'd talked about the Septiplier phenomenon in the past. Mark had always played it off perfectly- he could acknowledge it and joke about it, but it never seemed to affect the way he treated Jack. The fact that Mark had continued to invest in their friendship in the face of so much awkward publicity was one of the things Jack appreciated most about his friend. Mark wasn't just any guy. He was supremely cool, both charismatic and caring. And here he was, agonizing over something in the middle of the night, and allowing Jack to witness it. Jack decided to be as supportive as possible.

J: so i take it you've been browsing and getting a bit wigged out? i mean, the septiplier thing has been around for a while. i never really felt like it affected our friendship much, and i've always appreciated that. so what's bothering you?

Mark ground the heels of his hands into his eyelids, trying to scrub away the exhaustion as he considered Jack's response.  _This could be going much worse_ , he thought. He punished himself internally for letting these thoughts get to such an awkward place. And for underestimating Jack. Jack, who had always been there for him. Jack, the least judgmental person he knew. Jack, one of the few people in the world he really trusted. He decided to go for it.

M: I'll do my best to explain. So, you know the schedule I keep, how busy I am all the time. And you know I love it. I love my job, I love what I do. But the pace of it can be… exhausting. Draining. I'm worried about what I could be losing. Or missing. When I read what people write about me… what they write about us… sometimes I worry that my fans know more about me than I know about myself. When I read that stuff I think, am I still capable of caring about someone that way? Am I capable of letting someone care about me? Is all of this work, this effort even worth it? What could I be missing out on?

Jack read and re-read Mark's stream of consciousness. He wasn't sure if Mark was trying to make a point about their friendship, or if he was hinting at a more general identity crisis.

J: i know what you mean about the pace. it can be easy to lose touch with yourself, especially when you're… performing… all the time. do you think you may need a break? take some time, figure some things out?

M: Maybe. That's only part of it though. The other part is…

J: hmm?

M: The other part is you. Us. The whole deal.

Jack didn't respond right away. Mark ran a hand through his black-and-red hair and shifted uncomfortably in his computer chair. He stared around his darkened bedroom, which was sparsely decorated. He thought about the dresser he'd bought when he moved into this house, and how several of the drawers remained empty- he didn't own enough clothes to fill them. He thought about how silly his king-sized bed looked with a single pillow on it. He thought about how many late nights he'd spent avoiding logging off - recording videos on his own, or hoping his friends would stick it out with him for one more game, one more round, one more hour - anything to avoid the silence, the darkness, the vastness of his empty bed. He thought about the fact that Jack was so often his lifeline, a friendly voice he could always count on, a bright spot in a dark night that just kept coming.

J: i want to help, mark, but i'm not sure what you mean. you said you're worried the fans might know you better than you know yourself… are you worried you might be liking men? in a… more than "friendly" way? because that would be fine! your friends and your fans love you. they just want you to be happy. i just want you to be happy.

M: Thanks. I know that's true, that's why I brought this up to you. YOU make me happy. Not "men" – YOU. I didn't used to think much about it because we became good friends so naturally. And I have always been attracted to women in the past. I never even thought about dating men. It just wasn't how I grew up. I knew that "straight" was the norm, that I was supposed to date girls. So I've been walking that path. But… do you ever wonder if people date who they date because they really want to, or if it's actually because of other people's expectations? Have you ever wondered who you'd really choose, out of all the people in the world?

J: you make me happy too, mark. these are complicated questions. i've never really been sure if I'm 100% "straight" or not. like you said, it's so much easier to just do what other people expect from you. it's always been that way for me. i've dated a few girls but honestly, never felt a connection strong enough to keep my attention away from my work and my friends. i always thought it was more about meeting the right person… never really thought too hard about whether that would be a guy or a girl. and when it comes to you…

Mark's senses were starting to sharpen a bit. He had expected Jack to be kind and accepting, but he hadn't expected…  _this._  He had no idea that Jack had experienced similarly conflicted feelings. He bounced his knee impatiently, waiting for Jack to finish that sentence.

J: mark, i've looked up to you since before i even met you. you were like a rockstar to me. i know we don't really talk about it a lot, because i didn't want to make things weird between us. but I pretty much wake up in shock every day that you want to spend any of your time screwing around with me. you were like, my idol, man. and now you’re like, my best friend. i live in constant fear of fucking it all up. so the way i feel about you… it's not exactly simple. i'm probably just as confused as you are.

M: Confused in a good way? Heh…

J: look, i have an idea. let's make an agreement. i will tell you one confusing thought i've had about you, and you can tell me one confusing thought you've had about me. something we haven't told each other before. no judgment, no weirdness after. promise. then, we should sleep on it. maybe talk more about it tomorrow.

M: No judgment? No weirdness? For real?

J: for realsies.

M: OK. Sounds fair. So… who goes first?

J: i think that'd be you. you know you can trust me, right? trust me. it'll feel good.

M: Ok. Here goes. I stay up way too late to avoid going to bed by myself. And you're the one person I always want to talk to. And you're the one person I wish I could see before I fall asleep. I honestly don't know what that means. I don't know what would happen if you were here right now. I just… wish you were.

J: listen. i don't know either. i do know that what i feel for you is… special. different than what i feel for my other friends. different than what I felt for any of my girlfriends in the past. you are… my favorite person. and if i could be there now, I would.

Mark sat for a moment, taking this in. He knew that his friendship with Jack had grown over time, that it was something special. Something worth investing in. But they had spent so much of their time together working or goofing off. Jack had never articulated his feelings so clearly, or so seriously. Mark guessed he hadn't really given him a lot of chances, and cringed internally, thinking that his goofy personality – the same thing so many people claimed to love about him – was also the thing that kept even his closest friends at arm's length.

M: Thanks for telling me that. And for being for so cool about… everything. You promise we can talk more later? After we have some time to think?

J: under one condition. pick up your phone.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Mark's desk vibrated suddenly as his phone screen lit up. It was a video call from Jack. He smiled, despite the massive lump of awkwardness that had lodged itself firmly in his midsection, and accepted the call.

"Two things," Jack said brightly, as his face appeared on the glowing screen.  _How is he always so chipper?_ "One: I'm not going anywhere. I needed yeh to see my face and know that. Believe me?"

"Yeah," Mark said, smiling even more widely at the confidence in his friend's voice. "I believe you."

"Great," Jack chirped. "Two: I'm not going anywhere  _tonight._  Go on. Get in bed. Bring the phone with yeh."

"Seriously?"

"Ser'sly."

Mark's smile slipped as he contemplated this. He knew they were just friends, and he knew they were physically a world apart. But he also knew that something  _intimate_   was about to happen. That they were about to take a tiny step over the line that separated friendship from… something else.

"Hey! What did I say! Nothing to worry about, yeah? In yeh get!"

The knot in Mark's stomach started to loosen.  _Could it really be this easy to open up? To feel better? Or did it just feel easy because of Jack?_

Mark smiled more confidently. He stood up from his computer chair, yawning hugely and rolling his neck and shoulders, attempting to release some of the tension he had been carrying. He turned off his computer monitor and felt his way over to his neatly made bed, phone in hand. He slid under the sheets, noticing how cold they felt against his bare feet. Finally, with a stiff groan, he let his head drop onto the pillow, propping the phone up in his blankets so he could see Jack, who was yawning and stretching himself. The time on Mark's phone screen read 3:34 AM.

"Sleep time for you too?" Mark yawned.

"Nah man, it's basically lunch time. I was just up early fooling around with you lot."

 _Right._ Ireland was eight hours ahead, a fact that Mark forgot often, because of the strange hours they both kept. He cringed internally again. 

_How often does this happen? How often does Jack go out of his way for me? How many times has he done something like this, for my sake, expecting nothing in return?_

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jack had noticed the look on Mark's face.

"I see it, you know? I see the things you do for me. I'm sorry it takes me so long to catch up sometimes. But I see it. I see you. I'm sorry if I don't tell you enough."

"None of that, now." Jack's voice was cheerful, but quiet, and he was looking down into his lap instead of directly into the screen. "I couldn't begin to repay what yeh've done fer me, Mark, so don't start. Being a decent friend is the least I can do."

"I'm not even done apologizing. No, let me finish." Jack had looked back at the screen and started to protest. "I was an idiot," Mark went on. "This is what I mean by feeling out of touch. I thought if I told you any of this… I thought if I even started this conversation… I thought you'd be gone. I thought at the very best, you'd be nice about it, and laugh it off, but that our friendship would  _change_  or  _end_  or… I don't even know what. And that was stupid. That's not who you are. I should have known better. I should have known YOU better. I hope you'll give me a chance to do that, if I can get out of my own way."

Jack was looking away from the screen again, clearly embarrassed. "Please… stop apologizing, I can't take it. It hurts me- " Jack's voice became even more quiet, almost difficult for Mark to hear- "I can't think about yeh feeling badly like this. I should be thanking you- I… I could never've started this conversation. You mean too much to me. I would never've taken that risk. I would never've risked losing you. I couldn't face it."

Jack finally looked back at the screen, only to find Mark's eyes closed, his glasses all askew across his sleeping face. Jack took the opportunity to stare, something he would never have allowed himself to do under normal circumstances. He took in Mark's features- from his ink-black hair, the top dyed vibrantly red to match his bright, energetic persona- to his strong, slightly creased browline- to his wide mouth: lips that usually formed Jack's favorite smile in the whole world. This is why Jack didn't normally stare; the beauty of Mark physically  _hurt._

Jack contemplated this pain that he had tucked away. He could feel it in little pinpricks behind his eyes - in the way his heart had started to  _squeeze_ , his pulse slightly elevated - and in an uncomfortable rustling sensation he felt suddenly, fluttering around his abdomen. He examined each sensation, one-by-one, forcing himself to confront ideas he had refused to acknowledge for so long. He owed it to Mark. Sweet, perfect Mark, who had taken such a massive risk tonight. Had it even occurred to Mark what a lesser human being might have done with this information? Jack was staggered by this thought: how much trust – how much faith – must Mark have had in Jack, to even raise the subject? Or, had he acknowledged the risk, and felt something so strongly that he had no choice but to take the chance? They both had a lot to lose, but that was just it - Mark had said he felt like he was losing already, missing out on something so important that he could hardly stand it. The urgency of it was becoming increasingly obvious to Jack, and it was slowly breaking his heart. He had to help. He had to figure this out, for himself and for Mark.

His thoughts turned to the logistics of the thing. He considered Mark's mouth, which had fallen open ever so slightly in his sleep.  _Do friends think this much about each other's' mouths? Mmm.. don't think so._

Mark had said,  _I don't even know what would happen if you were here…_

Jack tried to picture it. How would he comfort his friend? How would he show his care and concern? Well, he had hugged Mark before. It had felt nice. Mark was a bit taller than Jack, broad-shouldered and strong in comparison. Jack remembered the pleasant sensation of being encircled and squeezed. He liked hugging Mark. Hugging Mark was good.

But hugging was something  _friends_  did. This conversation was about…  _more-than-friends_. What did  _more-than-friends_ people do to comfort each other? He imagined what it would be like to sit next to Mark in his room. He imagined saying something witty and reassuring, and picking up Mark's hand for a comforting squeeze. He imagined brushing his lips across the palm of that hand, pouring care and comfort into the gesture. He tried to imagine where else he could place his lips… and was promptly startled by how quickly and naturally he was flooded with imagined scenarios and sensations, many of which made his face hot with embarrassment.

His head swam.

He was happy to have some time alone with these thoughts before trying to talk to Mark. He did a quick body-scan, expecting to find fear and anxiousness taking hold within his chest… but the sensation was more like excitement.  _Could this be good? Could this help Mark?_ Maybe it was senseless. Maybe it was just fantasy. But maybe, if he could put himself out there, if he could trust Mark the way Mark had trusted him… maybe he could help his friend feel…  _loved._

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Oh God. What is on my face? Ugh. It's bad. Feels bad. Ehhggh._

Somewhere through the haze, Mark was aware of an alarm beeping, and sensation returning slowly to his body. Particularly to his face, which was covered in drool and uncomfortable spots that had been pinched by his glasses in his sleep. He reached up to wipe at his mouth.  _Gross._ His hand promptly bumped into his cell phone, which was still inches from his face, right where he had left it the night before.

His eyes flew open.

_The night before._

The night that he had told many of his deepest, darkest secrets to the one person in his life that he was horrified of losing.  _Oh fuck, fuckity fuck. What did I do?_

He swatted at the screen, trying to silence the alarm that was growing steadily louder, doing little to calm the anxiousness that was rising in his chest. "God – fucking – DAMN IT – SHUT UP!" he croaked at the cell phone, which was obviously mocking him in his vulnerable state. He finally swiped the screen appropriately, and saw his notifications pop up where his flashing alarm had just been. He scrolled nervously and saw that he had text messages: one from Bob, and one from…  _Jack._

J: you fell asleep, which was the whole point, so if you start feeling badly about it, stop! been thinking lots about you. take your time. i'm here when you're ready.

 _How did he always know?_  Mark read and re-read the text, his anxiousness fading a bit as he imagined Jack sleepily typing the message, trying his best to say all the right things. He was overcome by appreciation for this guy, this  _person_ who seemed to have a never-ending supply of kindness and understanding, despite the extreme awkwardness Mark had brought to the table the night before.

He flipped back to his notifications to check out Bob's message.

B: Hey man, everything alright? Sorry if I crossed a line with that comment yesterday. Sometimes, I think about being supportive, and then skip ahead to being a sarcastic asshole instead. If there's something up with you and Jack, we can talk about it. Know that I will continue to torture you relentlessly, but, also know that it comes from a place of love.

 _Hmm. Could be worse._ Mark was nowhere near ready to explain himself to Bob, but it was nice to know Bob was there for him… in his own unsupportive way. He replied to Bob first:  _Thanks asshole- we're cool. Working on it, will update you eventually. Games later?_

He had to think more carefully about his response to Jack. The time on his phone read 8:06 AM. It was still early evening in Ireland- would Jack be awake, or would he be napping to make up for the previous night's lost sleep, preparing to work hard into the night? Mark was worried about disturbing him, painfully aware that he was most likely the reason for most of Jack's lost sleep. He chewed his bottom lip, thinking carefully about his next move.  _Am I even ready to talk? Text, maybe- much safer. If he's sleeping, his notifications are probably silenced anyhow._

M: Hey. Again, thanks for being incredibly cool. You were right, I did start to flip out, and you did make me feel much better. How do you always do that?

Mark paused, breathing deeply, summoning the courage to go on.

M: Maybe we could text for a bit when you're up for it? I hope you've gotten some rest today. I'll be here when you're ready.

Mark plugged his phone into the wall charger; he had left it unplugged the night before, and had no intention of letting his battery die. He might miss an important call. Or e-mail. Or…  _Fuck. Own up to it, Mark. You just don't want to miss anything from Jack._

He stood up slowly, stretching his knees, shoulders, and hips, which were still stiff from tension and a short night's sleep. He was halfway to the bathroom when he heard a video call notification coming from his phone.  _God, Jack, I said text!_ He felt like he might actually die of embarrassment.

He willed himself to turn around, sat back down on the bed, and answered the call. Jack's tousled green hair and brilliant blue eyes filled the screen. He yawned audibly, and Mark noticed that he was laying down, presumably in his bed, much like Mark had been the night before.

"Mornin' sleepyhead," he yawned.

"Jesus, Jack, you should be sleeping! I'm sorry I woke you up, that was stupid, I should've..." Mark stopped himself, aware that he was talking quickly and loudly, and that Jack was always a disaster when he first woke up.

"Mark, Jesus, gently, please. 'M barely awake yet. I'm calling you on purpose, so just give me a minute."

Mark obeyed, promising himself that he'd make a concerted effort to  _get a fucking grip,_ for Jack's sake. He sat quietly, watching Jack attempting to rouse himself. Jack brought one hand up from under the blankets to brush his hair out of his face and rub at his eyes sleepily. Afternoon light must have been creeping into Jack's bedroom, because his pupils were steadily shrinking, his vibrant, blue irises becoming more prominent, until they were all Mark could focus on. Jack started to smile, and finally broke into a quiet, sleepy giggle.

 _Oh God,_ Mark thought.  _I was staring. I'M STILL STARING. What am I doing? Why is my mouth open? CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, MARK!_

Mark closed his mouth.

Jack finally ran out of giggles. "Sorry. I'm not laughing at yeh, I swear. It's just that-" Jack paused to stifle another massive yawn- "when you fell asleep last night, I took a few minutes to just… watch you… and think a bit, yeah? It helped… I don't really get the chance to really  _look_  at yeh much, y'know? I wanted to give you the same chance… see if it might help yeh think things through at all. Yeh're not mad, are you?"

Mark felt the cool beginnings of relief rustling around his insides. "God, Jack… no. I'm the opposite of mad. Confused, nervous, embarrassed… nowhere close to mad, though. So, staring is… good?"

"Sometimes," Jack replied. "Try it. See how it feels. Yeh have my permission."

Mark stared. He was completely overwhelmed by the big picture – the calm affection and acceptance that was so obvious in his friend's face – so he tried to focus on the details instead. The eyes stood out dramatically. They were electric. Mark had only stolen glances in the past, had never properly taken in the brightness and the detail, never wanting to make Jack uncomfortable. He willed himself to move on, glancing at Jack's hair, vibrant in an entirely different way- intentionally dyed green to match Jack's boundless energy and bold, cheerful demeanor. At the moment, it was sticking up all over the place and falling messily into Jack's face.

The realization hit Mark hard:  _I've never seen him like this. He never looks like this on camera… only in private. This is… private. This is just for me. He's doing this for me._

"Jack…" He was practically whispering. "The way you look right now… it's… I…"

Jack shivered slightly at the low, lovely tone of Mark's voice. "Hey," he started. "I know. I'm pretty sure I felt something similar last night. D'you want to know what I think?"

"I do," Mark managed to breathe.

"I think it's too hard to explain, and too much to figure out, from halfway across the world. I think we have to take some chances. I think I need…" Jack paused, licked his lips, reflected upon the way the word  _need_ hung in the air between them.

"Yeah," Mark finally said. "I need to see you, too."

 


	4. Chapter 4

Mark had slept very little the night before. He was sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair at the international arrival gate of LAX, slowly sipping from a bottle of water, reflecting on the fact that he'd spent all night anticipating Jack's arrival. He'd practically been sick with nervousness, despite Jack's best efforts to calm and reassure him. He flipped back to Jack's most recent text message for the thousandth time:

J: nothing to worry about. we can do this. i'll be there soon.

The thought of seeing, of  _touching_ Jack had been almost unbearably intense as Mark had tossed and turned in his cold, empty bed the night before. Luckily, as his gaze roamed around the busy airport, Mark felt a calm exhaustion start to settle inside his head. Thus far he had been left alone with his thoughts, his hooded sweatshirt covering his signature red fringe, and sunglasses in place of the sleek frames he usually wore. He loved his fans, but he didn't feel like stepping into the spotlight today.

Mark breathed deeply, trying to focus on the reassuring sweetness of Jack, trying to find his way back to the feeling of calm safety Jack had inspired in him over the past few days.

The decisions had been made quickly. Mark and Jack would spend a week stockpiling content for their channels, and then Jack would fly out to California to spend some time with Mark.

"So…how long should I stay?" Jack had asked hesitantly, hoping that Mark wouldn't misinterpret the question.

 _Well, since 'forever' is probably off the table..._ Mark had thought.

"Let's not decide now. Buy a one-way ticket. If things get… crazy… you can head home anytime. If things…"

"…Don't suck?" suggested Jack.

"Yeah," Mark laughed. "If things don't suck, you can stay as long as you like."

And so it had gone. The week had passed at an agonizing crawl, although patches of brightness yanked at Mark's memory- occasional instances of late night chats and reassuring messages from Jack, despite the grueling schedule they'd set for themselves.

Mark was so lost in thought, he almost missed the opportunity to watch Jack wander through the arrival gate and into the mass of people crowding the airport.  _Almost_. Mark snapped back to reality, taking full advantage of the opportunity to watch Jack, just for a moment, before Jack spotted him. Mark almost didn't recognize him, noticing that Jack's face was clean-shaven for the first time in a long time.  _Maybe he didn't want to be spotted in public?_ Mark knew how that felt. He took in Jack's slight frame, fitted jeans, thin hooded sweatshirt. Jack was just…  _cool._

But Jack was also  _nervous._ Mark could tell. Jack fidgeted with his cell phone and the beanie that was covering his vibrant hair. He looked around with a worried expression that tugged at Mark's chest.

This was awful. Mark was supposed to be the nervous one. Jack was supposed to be bright and lively and confident and… Mark couldn't take it. He stood up and strode quickly toward Jack, aching to close the gap between them. He approached Jack just as he'd turned around, facing away from Mark. Mark hesitated for half a second, then pressed his hands firmly down on Jack's shoulders.

"Hey," he said in a low voice, close to Jack's ear. "I've got you. It's all ok."

Jack stood very still, until he slowly, tentatively reached up to place one hand on top of Mark's. He squeezed, breathed, and turned slowly, sliding easily into Mark's strong embrace. Mark noticed how he hid his face shyly, burying his nose in the folds of Mark's sweatshirt.  _Is this good? Is he alright? He seems… scared. Legitimately scared._ Mark breathed deeply and tightened his grip around Jack, holding him firmly in place.

 _"Jack?"_ Mark said quietly. _"Are you ok? Can you talk to me?"_

A brief moment passed, and Jack finally loosened his grip on Mark's waist, stepped away, and looked at his friend. "Yeah," he said shakily, "I'm good. I'm great. I'm… it's… thanks fer coming to get me."

"Hey," Mark said, trying to settle on a tone of voice that would pass for reassuring, or, at the very least, normal. "I'm sure you're exhausted. I brought you some cold water. I'll help you with your stuff- let's head home!" He flashed Jack the brightest smile he could muster.

Jack finally smiled back, and Mark thought he might have detected a short, faint giggle. Jack gratefully accepted the bottle of water, and watched nervously as Mark grabbed one of his bags and gestured toward the exit.

"Ready to get out of here?" Mark asked. "There's probably at least one fan lurking, and I'm not ready to share you yet."

Jack smiled appreciatively. He was a mess, and he knew it. He'd spent all week in a frenzy of happy, excited energy, and had had no idea he'd go to pieces the moment he stepped off the plane. He pictured the sensation of Mark's hands pressing firmly on his shoulders, and started to feel more grounded. "Thanks, Mark. I'm ready."

Mark felt pinpricks at the base of his spine…  _Why? Because he said my name?_

 


	5. Chapter 5

Jack remained uncharacteristically quiet and fidgety as they drove to Mark's house. Mark was concerned at the sudden change, since Jack had been the embodiment of cool confidence leading up to today.  _Did I do something wrong? Did I say the wrong thing? Is this a horrible idea? Am I singlehandedly ruining my best friend right now?_

Mark searched for something to say, for a way to lighten the mood. "So, you haven't visited in forever! I think you should rest for a bit today, and then we can start planning all the things we can do while you're here. What do you think?" He smiled hopefully in Jack's direction, and Jack smiled back, more easily this time.

"Mark- "

 _There it is again…_ Mark felt pins and needles crawling up his spine.

"I'm really okay. Yeh don't have to worry. I just got… nervous. It was a long flight… too much time to overthink things. Too much time alone with my own thoughts. I'm good. I'm  _so_ happy to see you."

Mark could tell Jack meant it. "It's okay to be nervous. You know I've been an absolute wreck this entire time. I was just surprised- you've been the one holding it together so well. But that's okay. I can hold it together for you now. I've been hoping to return the favor."

Mark took a deep breath, took his right hand off the steering wheel, and reached over to Jack, giving his left hand a firm squeeze.

"Okay?" Mark said.

"Okay." Jack blushed, looking down into his lap, smiling widely.

Jack stood still in the entryway of Mark's house. He'd moved since the last time Jack had visited, and Jack was taking in his new surroundings. There was a distinct lack of decoration. The bare walls and sparse furniture felt awkward to Jack, at odds with Mark's huge, vibrant personality.

"Definitely different than yer last place."

"Yeah. I mean, I loved living with the guys. I miss it sometimes. But… things got a little crowded. I felt like I needed some space… a place to come back to after working or hanging out."

"I get that. But it must be lonely."

Mark kept his thoughts to himself.

"Hey, where's Chica? Almost forgot about the fluffster."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you – I actually brought her back to the guys' house for the week. I told them I had a project to work on and needed to… concentrate."

"So yeh told them the truth, then?" Jack smiled.

Mark smiled. “Yeah, I just left out some of the details."

Mark gave Jack a moment to adjust, before changing the subject. "Can I help you put your stuff away? There's an extra bedroom close to mine, so I'll be nearby in case you need anything." He started carrying one of Jack's bags up the staircase, and Jack followed, grateful that Mark was taking the lead while he attempted to get his thoughts in order.

The guest bedroom was even more sparse than the first floor had been. Jack saw a queen-sized bed, a simple end-table, and a lamp. "The bathroom is right next door," Mark said, "and my room is across the hall." He fidgeted nervously, thinking back on all the nights he'd spent wishing for Jack to appear in his bedroom, and fighting panic at the prospect of that scenario actually playing out in real life.

After a moment, Jack broke the heavy silence. "Can I have some water?"

"Yes, oh, thank God. Yes," Mark breathed, embarrassed. "Come on. Let's hang out downstairs for a bit." Jack seemed relieved by the idea.

 

* * *

 

Jack sat down on Mark's living room couch, which was plain, but surprisingly comfortable. He concentrated on remembering how to breathe.  _In and out, right? Fuck, what is wrong with me?_

Mark appeared with two glasses of water, filled to the brim with ice. Jack accepted one gratefully and took a moment to enjoy the sensation of the shockingly cold water. He finally set the glass down on an end-table, trying and failing to stifle a yawn that that seemed to travel from his mouth to his fingertips.

Mark watched this play out, amused but still slightly concerned. "Jack, the bed's made upstairs… maybe you should get some sleep?"

"No," Jack said quickly, almost forcefully. "No beds. I'm good. I mean… Oh, Jesus. That's not what I meant."

Mark's face settled more firmly into a look of concern. "Jack, everything's alright. What can I do?"

Jack sighed heavily and placed his forehead in his hands, elbows on his knees. "I'm so sorry. I'm just  _so nervous_. I know it's stupid. And yeh're great. And yeh're  _here_. And I don't want to waste a moment of it acting like a fool. I'm just so _tired._ "

Mark's expression softened. "Wait here." He hopped up, rummaged momentarily in a hallway closet, and returned with a huge, cozy-looking blanket and a pillow.

"Stand up," Mark directed, his voice quiet but firm. Jack obeyed, and Mark wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. "Sit," he instructed, pointing to a spot on the floor in front of the couch. Jack wasn't sure what Mark was getting at, but he was too tired to debate with his friend, who was so obviously trying to be kind and helpful. Jack sat. He felt Mark slide behind and above him, sitting on the couch with his knees brushing lightly against Jack's back.

"I’d like to put my hands on your shoulders again, like I did in the airport. I think you'll feel better. Would that be ok?"

Jack was surprised by the confidence he heard in his friend's voice. Surprised and comforted. "Yes. Please," he managed to yawn. He felt a warm, steady pressure through the blanket that was wrapped around his shoulders. He sighed deeply and listened to Mark's voice.

"I want you here, and you are safe here. You can trust me. Nothing is going to happen that you don't want. We've both gotten worked up, picturing what this would be like. It's just us. It can be anything we want. We're going to laugh and mess around like we always do. You'll feel better after you get some sleep. I promise, it's going to be great."

Jack was leaning back against Mark's legs with his eyes closed. He could feel his nervousness dissipating as he listened to the soft, low rumble of Mark's voice – his favorite sound in the world. He took a deep breath, reached up, and gently lifted Mark's hands off of his shoulders. Mark followed his lead without question. Jack pulled the blanket off of his shoulders, found Mark's hands again, and pressed them firmly back where they'd been a moment before- except now, with the blanket gone, Jack could feel Mark's thumbs brushing lightly against the exposed skin of his neck, could feel each finger pressing firmly through his thin sweatshirt. He hoped Mark had gotten the message.

Mark slowly started moving his hands, gently rubbing at the tension he could feel in his friend's shoulders. He leaned over and spoke quietly: "Is this ok? Just say the word and I'll stop. Remember, nothing you don't want."

Jack rested his cheek lightly against Mark's left hand. "I do. I mean, yes. It's good. Don't stop." Jack sighed happily against Mark's strong fingers, and Mark marveled at the sensation.

Moments passed, both of them enjoying the warm weight of each other's presence. Mark started to worry that Jack would nod off in this position, which was momentarily heavenly, but would be really uncomfortable in the long run.

"Jack."

"Mmm?"

"Come lay down up here. You should get some sleep. Here, let's switch."

"Mmm."

Mark gently removed his hands from Jack's shoulders and stood up, reaching down to help Jack stand. Jack placed his hands in Mark's without hesitation, and Mark hoped that his friend's anxiousness had finally gone. Mark steered Jack toward the couch, placing the pillow at the far end and gesturing for him to lay down. Jack complied without speaking, clearly far past the point of exhaustion. He curled on his side while Mark bent down to remove his shoes. Then, Mark lifted the blanket over him, and squeezed his hand gently, sure his friend had already drifted off. But as Mark stood to give him some space, he felt Jack squeezing his right hand, pulling him down until he was kneeling beside the couch. Jack's eyes were closed, and he spoke softly.

"If yeh leave me, I will murder you here on this couch, Mark Fischbach."

Mark suppressed a laugh.  _There's my Jack._  "Anything you want, Jack."

Mark heard Jack mumble something, but didn't quite catch it. "Hmm?"

" _Sean_. It's Sean."

Mark was taken aback, the sound of Jack's given name humming pleasantly in his ears. A conversation for another time.

"Anything you want, Sean."

Mark settled onto the floor, leaning his head against the couch, close to Jack's knees. Jack held Mark's hand firmly in front of his chest, and made no move to release it. Mark carefully pulled his phone and headphones out of his sweatshirt pocket with his other hand. He flipped on some music – the soundtrack to the game Journey, one of Jack's favorites – and watched Jack breathing deeply, clearly fast asleep. He leaned against the couch, feeling Jack's warmth spreading from his hand, up to his shoulder, and into his chest. He sighed, drifted, slept.

 


	6. Chapter 6

_Ugh. Always with the drool. Why._

Mark had been sound asleep, but something was pulling him out of it. He felt the all-too-familiar sensation of drool escaping from his partially open mouth and raised a hand to wipe at it, knocking his glasses askew in the process. "Unnghhg." He heard a giggle.  _I know that sound…_

He felt the sensation again, the one that had pulled him from his dreamless sleep a moment before. Something brushing lightly against his forehead.  _My hair? Moving?_

He opened his eyes just in time to catch Jack, discreetly pulling a hand back from Mark's forehead.

"Gotcha," Mark mumbled. "Red handed." He chuckled sleepily. "Get it? Because red? Like my hair?"

"People tell me yeh're funny, but I just don't see it," Jack teased, a smile creeping across his face, followed by that giggle Mark found so incredibly endearing.

"Hey," Mark said, raising his head slightly and beginning to find his voice again. "You're awake, and you're laughing. This is good! How do you feel?"

Jack gave him an embarrassed grin. "Lord, Mark, I got so worked up. I'm  _so_ sorry. You were great. Thank you, I feel much better now. Except…"

"Hmm?" Mark scrutinized his friend more carefully.

"Except, if I don't eat something soon, I might actually die."

Mark laughed and attempted to sit up, immediately identifying a hundred sore spots in his neck, shoulders and back from the awkward sleeping position. Glancing at his phone, he could see that they'd slept well into the afternoon. "Uuuuggghh," he groaned involuntarily. "Yup. The death. I feel it."

"Food will absolutely solve this problem," Jack said cheerily. "So. Pizza, cake, and ice cream. Where can we find these things?"

"I can get you two out of three with a decent substitution. I'll call in the pizza, and there's a place nearby that actually delivers chocolate chip cookies and pints of ice cream."

"Fischbach, don't even joke about things like that." Jack eyed him sternly.

"Cross my heart," Mark yawned. "I'll get the menus."

"My hero," Jack swooned overdramatically.

Mark was encouraged by Jack's cheery enthusiasm. He shook his head as he got to one knee, preparing to stand and make his way to the kitchen. Jack stalled him though, reclaiming his right hand and holding it firmly. Mark kneeled again and gave Jack a questioning look.

"Really though," Jack said, brightly but much more seriously. "Thanks." He avoided looking directly at Mark, but closed his eyes, opened Mark's hand, and pressed his lips gently against Mark's palm.

Mark sighed and closed his eyes. He could actually feel Jack's warmth spreading to the far corners of his body. The sensation was so powerful, Mark lost all sense of what had been happening a moment before. Jack breathed against Mark's skin and opened his eyes, watching his friend, wondering at the power – and the trust – he currently held in his hand. He silently swore not to take it for granted.

"Just so you know," he said quietly, pulling Mark back to reality. "Just so you know I'm here with you."

Mark opened his eyes, willing himself to look at his friend. "…Thank you. That's a really big deal. To me, I mean." He smiled, brushing his fingers gently across Jack's cheek, before reluctantly reclaiming his hand. "Pizza. Ice cream. Coming right up."

 

* * *

 

"'Bite my glorious golden ass!'" Mark was quoting, while Jack giggled along with the rerun of _Futurama_ currently playing on the living room TV. "Seriously. Bite me. I will fight you for that cookie."

Jack was next to him on the couch, clutching the last chocolate chip cookie protectively. "Fuck off Fischbach, this one's mine!"

Mark's face scrunched up as he giggled steadily at the sight of Jack. "Dude, you are wearing, like,  _half a pint_ of ice cream on your face right now. How about you finish that first and save me the cookie?"

Jack giggled- "Yeh're just trying to…" but he felt it, sticky chocolate that coated his fingertips when he rubbed at the corner of his mouth. "Ha! Shit!"

Mark was still giggling uncontrollably. "Here." He raised his right hand without thinking, rubbing his thumb over the remaining chocolate, brushing roughly against Jack's lips. Their giggling started to subside as they both realized what Mark was doing, and Mark moved his fingers more gently.  _Oh God. Keep smiling. Or maybe stop smiling? Don't make it weird. Don't make it weird_. Mark prayed he hadn't crossed a line with Jack.

"There, I think I got it," Mark said, laughing quietly. He started to pull back, but Jack grasped his hand, stopping him. Jack paused for a moment, then seemed to come to some sort of decision. He turned Mark's hand slightly, looked directly into his friend's lovely, dark eyes, and slowly pulled Mark's thumb into his mouth.

Mark's mouth fell open, feeling Jack's tongue slide slowly over the sensitive skin on his finger, a low, quiet " _Oh"_ escaping his lips as he tried maintain eye contact with his friend. Jack noticed the noise, paused, and then responded by pulling Mark's finger even further into the warmth of his mouth. Mark bit down firmly on the corner of his own lower lip, desperately hoping he wouldn't scare Jack away with the embarrassing sounds that were threatening to escape from his throat.

 _It's just my hand,_ Mark thought wildly.  _This is fine. This is good. This feels… so fucking good. Oh my God. Is this on purpose? Is he trying to…?_

Mark's chin began to tilt back involuntarily. He blinked and felt his breath catch in a shallow gasp. Jack was still watching him, his blue eyes blazing as he moved his tongue in careful circles, slowly, almost…  _lovingly?_

 _Ok, so it's lovely, but…_ Mark noticed that the sensation had travelled from the tip of his finger and settled somewhere in his ribcage. No, that wasn't right. Not his ribcage. Further down. More like the waistband of his jeans. Mark swallowed.  _Oh my God._

Jack was thoroughly enjoying himself as well, was surprised at how quickly this simple action had escalated, and how intensely Mark was responding. He gazed at Mark's tilted chin, his slightly parted lips.  _Fuck. I did not think this through. What comes after this? What am I doing?_ He decided to move back into cautious territory, to give them both a chance down calm down a bit.

Jack slowly removed Mark's thumb from his mouth, watching Mark's gaze stabilize somewhat as he did so. He smiled, squeezed Mark's hand reassuringly, and leaned forward. He spoke softly, his mouth close to Mark’s ear: "I'll play yeh for the cookie. You. Me. Mario Kart. Now."

Mark laughed a bit more freely as he returned to his senses.  _It just gets better and better._

 

* * *

 

 

Mark was nursing his bruised pride, having suffered a brutal Mario Kart thrashing at the hands of Jack. They had worn themselves out on video games and were staring sleepily at the TV, sitting side-by-side, both of them paying more attention to the warm, firm sensation of their arms pressed together than to whatever was playing on the screen. Jack's chin started to droop for the third time, and Mark finally declared, "Okay! Time for bed, unless you want to spend the night sitting up on this couch. We should get a good night's sleep so we can have some fun tomorrow. Jack?"

Jack had steered his head toward Mark, resting it lightly on Mark's shoulder, and was mumbling quietly in protest.  _Is he really falling asleep? Or is he trying to avoid going back upstairs?_

Mark turned, placing firm hands on Jack's shoulders to lean him back against the couch. "Jack. It's alright. Nothing bad is going to happen. We just need to get some sleep." He smiled as his friend opened his clear, blue eyes. Mark picked up Jack's right hand and stood up, and Jack followed, grumbling sleepily. Mark thought about the soft weight of Jack's hand in his.  _When did this become so normal? Did we ever even hold hands before today?_

Mark led Jack up the stairs, Jack following obediently until they reached the door to the guest bedroom. Jack rubbed at his eyes, looking somewhat more alert. "Mark. I haven't even seen yer room yet." He yawned, blinked, and went back to examining Mark's dark features.

Mark's confidence had started to slip. "Uhm. Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, you've seen it over video chat, right? Heh…" He ran one hand through his black hair, leaving the red fringe standing on end. He noticed Jack staring, seemingly enjoying himself.

_Great. I've got Jack settled down and now I'm jumping out of my skin._

"Jack, I'm just…"

"Hmm? What's wrong? Is there something in there you don't want me to see?" Jack gasped dramatically. "Did you hide more cookies in there, Fischbach?"

Mark chuckled. “No, It's nothing like that, I just-"

Mark was struggling. He swallowed, squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and started again.

"It's not like that at all. It's just… I've spent a lot of time imagining you in there. At first it was really… innocent. Like, I just wished I could play games with you in person, or talk to you more before I went to sleep." Mark paused. Jack was listening intently.

"But then… after that night we talked… I felt… I felt like there was a chance we might be... well... more than friends. And I started thinking about you in a different way." Mark was fighting the heat he felt rising in his cheeks. "God, I am so embarrassed. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what comes next. I just don't want to fuck it up."

"Mark," Jack was saying softly. He picked up Mark's right hand and squeezed. "Does it feel fucked up?"

Mark thought about it, examined the steady pressure Jack was applying to his hand. He licked his lips. "No. It feels…"  _Perfect._ "It doesn't feel fucked up at all."

"Right," Jack said. "Listen. I don't know if my imagination is as active as yours. I've never had something like this happen… with a guy. I don't know what comes next either. But I've thought about yeh plenty. I've had thoughts of you that've made me blush, all alone in my room at home. So I think I know what yeh're getting at. But let me quote yeh now. Nothing bad is going to happen. You can trust me."

Mark scrutinized his friend's face. They'd had plenty of goofy fun throughout the night, and he was still adjusting to this calmer, more serious side of Jack. Jack's brow was slightly creased. His eyes were tired, pupils dilated hugely with impending exhaustion ( _or something else?_ ), but Mark could still see the bright blue outline peeking around the edges, like flashes of lightning in the periphery. Jack's mouth was set seriously, confidently. Mark took note of the way they had been trading places throughout the night, how Jack had continued to step up and take control when Mark started to lose his nerve.

Mark reached behind his back, felt for the doorknob, opened the door to his room, and stepped backward into the dark, pulling Jack in with him.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Once inside, Jack turned to shut the bedroom door. He wasn't sure why – obviously, they were alone in Mark's house – but he felt like being  _enclosed_ , truly alone with his friend. He noticed a soft light pulsing outward from Mark's dimmed computer monitor, and started to take in the details – or lack thereof – as his gaze wandered about the room. He walked slowly toward the computer desk, brushing his fingers lightly over the keyboard and mouse that were so often the focus of his friend's attention and physical touch. He imagined Mark sitting in the computer chair into the early morning hours, fighting sleep to spend just a couple more hours with…  _Me._

"Not tonight," Jack murmured.

"Hmm?" Mark questioned, approaching Jack.

"I said, not tonight. You don't have to sit in this chair. You don't have to avoid getting in bed. You can let it go. I'm here."

Jack smiled at Mark, then slowly wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. He felt Mark's strong arms settle around him in a firm hug, felt Mark breathing deeply, warmly against his hair, his lips brushing momentarily against Jack's forehead.

"Listen," Jack said. "I'm going to go change and give you a minute to do the same. I want yeh to get comfortable and then wait fer me so I can come tuck you in, yeah?"

"Yeah," Mark mumbled into Jack's hair, happily, sleepily.

Jack forced himself to disengage, flashed Mark a smile, and walked across the hallway to the guest bedroom. He flipped on the light and ran his eyes once more over the neatly-made bed, the lonely end-table and lamp. He was acutely aware of the complete and utter lack of  _Mark_  in the room, which settled into his chest like a physical weight.

_Nope. Not happening._

He changed quickly into a Wilford Warfstache t-shirt - a souvenir from one of the first conventions he'd attended with Mark and the rest of the gang - as well as a pair of long pajama pants featuring Finn and Jake, two of his favorite cartoon heroes. He brushed his teeth and washed his face in the hallway bathroom, glancing momentarily at the embarrassing state of his bright green fringe in the bathroom mirror.  _Fuck it._ He walked into the hallway, took two deep breaths, knocked quietly, and stepped back into Mark's bedroom.

Mark was standing across the room and paused mid-action as Jack entered. Mark had obviously just started to change his shirt; he held it awkwardly around his shoulders, his chest and midsection bare, his defined waistline disappearing into a pair of long pajama pants.

 _Oh my God,_ Jack screamed internally.

"Oh my God," Jack said out loud. "Hey, sorry, I can give you  another minute- "

"No," Mark said. "Hey. Stay. It's fine."

Jack allowed his gaze to travel back to Mark's midsection, lingering over his tan skin and clearly defined muscles- features that were entirely foreign to Jack in such an intimate, personal setting. Jack searched his mind for some witty comment to lighten the mood, some way to play it cool, but he just stared. Gawked. Gaped.

Mark noticed the expression on Jack's face and smiled, looking at the floor as he pulled the shirt down to cover his waist.

"So?" Mark said quietly, looking up.

"So?" Jack asked, having completely lost his grip on the situation.

"Ready to tuck me in?"

Jack laughed nervously. "Right. Pillows."

"Pillows?" Mark questioned, eyebrows raised. "Have we moved on to the 'awkward nickname' phase of this relationship?"  _Relationship? What did I just say?_

Jack giggled. “No. Pillows. As in, where are they? That bed is pathetic, Fischbach. Can't tuck you in without more pillows."

"Ah. Yeah. I think I have a couple." Mark rummaged in a closet for a moment and emerged with two additional pillows, which he placed on the bed.

Jack slowly closed the distance between them. He placed two pillows in a stack against Mark's headboard, and put the third on the other side of the bed. He pulled back the covers and told Mark, "Sit. But don't lay down yet."

Mark propped himself up in a sitting position against the pillows Jack had arranged. Jack pulled the blankets up, tucking them gently around Mark's waist. He felt Mark's breath against his bare arm and was suddenly aware of how close they were. He chanced a look at Mark's and found Mark gazing at him intently, only inches away.  _God, he looks so perfect._ Mark must have guessed at what Jack was thinking. Jack his expression change, watched Mark biting down gently on the corner of his own lower lip.

Jack couldn't take it. He wanted to be…  _closer._ He placed his hands firmly on Mark's chest, bracing himself as he swung one leg smoothly over Mark's lower half, settling firmly onto Mark's lap. Mark was normally taller than Jack, but in this position, Jack found himself hovering just above Mark’s face. He could feel Mark's muscles contract under the thin fabric of his shirt.

"Is this okay?" Jack's voice sounded small.

"Uhm. Yes," Mark managed. He found Jack's hands with his own and squeezed. "But Jack," he murmured, "how- "

"Oh my God- "

"What?"

"Shut up- "

Jack's hands were moving, one along Mark's jawline, one behind Mark's head, tangled in his hair. He couldn't breathe. His face was burning. He might have been dying. He leaned forward-

Mark tilted his head backward-

Their lips pressed firmly together.

Jack felt Mark breathing, shifting, kissing him slowly. He felt Mark's hands travel toward the small of his back, pulling him in more closely. Jack leaned into Mark's warm body, moaning softly against Mark's mouth as he felt Mark's fingers pushing firmly along his spine, pulling at the hem of his shirt.

Jack found Mark's lower lip, picturing the way Mark had nibbled it nervously throughout the day, and gently bit down. He heard –  _felt_  – Mark gasp quietly; the gasp melted into a soft, low moan. Jack shivered at the vibration he felt from Mark's slightly-parted lips, at the quiet excitement in Mark's low voice. He pressed another firm kiss over Mark's mouth, as Mark's hands traveled underneath the hem of his shirt, hot against his bare skin-

" _Oh,_ " Jack breathed, his attention temporarily diverted from Mark's –  _Perfect_  – mouth. He opened his eyes and found Mark looking up at him with an entirely new expression on his face- incredibly serious, almost desperate. Mark breathed deeply and pulled Jack forward, resting his head near Jack's shoulder.

"Jack," he almost whispered.

"Mh?"

"Jack, I'm losing it. I think I am legitimately losing my mind. I can't even think. I- "

"Shh," Jack breathed into Mark's hair.

"No, Jack, listen," Mark started again. "Slow down for a minute."

"Oh," Jack said, going still. "Hey, sorry, are you alright? Is this okay?"  _Fuck. Too fast? Too far?_

"No. I mean, yeah, it's good. It's… amazing. Just… breathe with me for a minute."

Jack felt Mark breathing deeply, attempting to calm himself, and he tried to do the same. He felt Mark's soft, thick hair between his fingers. He felt Mark's strong hands supporting his back. He felt Mark shifting underneath him…  _Underneath? Oh my God._

 _I'm in his lap_ , Jack thought.

"I'm in yer lap," Jack blurted, much more loudly than he had intended.

Mark chuckled. "Yeah, I noticed that too, believe it or not." Mark was pinned firmly beneath the sheets and blanket, but Jack could feel him shifting somewhat uncomfortably.

"I'll be honest, I did not think this through." Jack looked at his friend - Mark's eyes still wide, his cheeks still burning - and they both broke into a fit of laughter.

"That's okay," Mark finally replied. "I just… I wasn't sure if you knew… if you could feel… if it would freak you out..." His voice trailed off momentarily while Jack searched his face. "It's just…  _intense_ ," he finally went on, "with you sitting there like that. I wasn't sure if you… if we… if we're ready for that. I'm sorry. Did I fuck this up?"

Jack was busy thinking about how gorgeous Mark looked. Flushed, breathless, so close… He shook his head.

"I don't see anything fucked up about any of this. I mean, this is good, right? And slowing down is good. Checking in is good."

"Okay, so let's check in," Mark continued, visibly relieved. "I know what comes next for me. Can I tell you?"

Jack smiled, his hands in Mark's hair. He leaned down, his mouth barely brushing against Mark's neck, and whispered, " _What d'you want, love_?"

Mark shivered, a tiny moan escaping from his throat as the sensations – as Jack's words – fully registered.

_What was I saying?_

"Mm…" Mark swallowed. "I want to take that shirt off you. But, I can't. Not with you sitting in my lap like this. I can't think straight. I just… I don't want to lose my head."

Jack understood his meaning, but he couldn't resist- he brushed a slow, gentle kiss across the back of Mark's neck. Mark tried – failed – to stifle a moan, and tensed his arms around Jack. His mouth found Jack's collarbone, barely accessible under the thin cotton of his shirt. He kissed the skin firmly, almost roughly, using his teeth and tongue to pull at Jack, making his way up toward Jack's lips. 

He was giving in. He was losing it. He kissed roughly at Jack, his tongue finding its way inside Jack's already open mouth.

Jack moaned, tensed, rocked his hips forward on top of Mark -

\- And then Mark was moving, supporting Jack tightly as he pulled himself into a kneeling position –  _Lord, he's so strong –_ and finally rolling to his left, laying Jack down on the bed, Jack's head resting on the spare pillow, his body pinned tightly between Mark and the mattress.

Mark looked down at Jack, gasping, face on fire, trying to catch his breath. Jack was similarly lost - panting, lips swollen, hair tousled, eyes wild. 

 _Fuck,_  Jack thought.

"Fuck," Mark groaned, in pleasure and frustration.

He summoned all of his strength, pulled his arms away from Jack, and clumsily moved off of the bed, kneeling down on the floor beside Jack.

"Are we slowing down again?" Jack murmured, sounding slightly disoriented. He turned his body toward Mark, and Mark reached up to brush away some strands of hair that had fallen into his face. Jack felt…  _hot_. Mark enjoyed the calming sensation of Jack's warm breath against his arm as he gently stroked at his hair.

"Babe." Mark was trying to adjust his voice back to a normal pitch and volume. "That was _incredible_. I never could have imagined how that would feel, and believe me, I've tried."

"Samesies," Jack said dreamily.

"But I think maybe we should press pause for now." He hated the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. "I mean, I don't want to. Is that obvious? I could barely stop myself…"

"I know," Jack said, propping himself up to move closer to Mark.  _Could he be any sexier? There had to be a limit…_

"…And that's the point," Mark continued. "I think there will be a time and place for us to lose control… I  _hope_  there will be… I'm just not sure if we're there yet. I just… I need this to be right. If you had regrets, if you felt badly about this, if I did something…" Mark swallowed hard. "I would never forgive myself. You mean too much to me. Does any of that make sense?"

Jack turned his body toward the edge of the bed and wound one set of fingers through Mark's dark, messy hair. Slowly, gently, he pressed his lips to Mark's face, high on his cheekbone, close to his closed eyelid.

"Sleep on it, yeah? Like before?" Jack said quietly, with the slightest hint of his usual cheerfulness. "And maybe shirts on fer now?"

Mark looked back at him, his pulse slowing gradually under Jack's more gentle touch. Jack looked…  _happy._  Mark reminded himself to breathe.

"You had no intention of just 'tucking me in,' did you?" he questioned Jack, smiling.

"Your guest room sucks, Mark." Jack scolded. "All the fun is in here."

Mark laughed, impressed with the way Jack could seamlessly weave the humor of their friendship into this very new, very different situation.

"Okay. I'm going to try to get back in bed now. I don't think I would make it through the night if you left, anyway."

Jack took this in.

Mark started to stand. "BUT," he said, "you need to behave.  _We_ need to behave. I need you to help me stay… calm. Can you do that?"

Jack thought about this, and Mark could see the exhaustion creeping back onto his friend's face. "I have a plan," Jack finally yawned. He moved to the other side of the bed, propping himself up slightly on the two pillows. "I'm taking yer spot fer the night. Here." He hesitated, trying to edit the blatant lust from his tone, “Come here, now."

Mark crawled into the bed and moved toward Jack. "Here." Jack gestured toward his chest, to the space right over his heart. "Lay down. Just rest there."

Mark obeyed. He settled in with his arm draped firmly around Jack's waist, his face resting against the soft fabric of Jack's shirt. He lay still, listening for Jack's heartbeat… and felt Jack's racing pulse hammering away. Mark looked up.

"No," Jack said, his voice more firm than he'd intended. "Listen," he said, more softly, very aware of the way Mark's body was curved partially on top of his own, "I'm trying to behave. I just need to adjust. Just… breathe with me."

Mark laid down again, and found Jack's right hand with his left. He squeezed gently, then traced slow circles on the back of Jack's hand, breathing deeply, waiting for Jack's hammering pulse to slow. Gradually, Jack's heartbeat returned to a reasonable pace. Mark started to relax, pressing the length of his body against Jack. Jack stirred.

"I was supposed to help you sleep," he murmured.

"Mmm?"

"I was supposed to help yeh fall asleep, not keep you up half the night. Better luck next time."

_Next time._

"Sleep is for the weak," Mark yawned, and Jack's head swam pleasantly as the familiar phrase washed over him.

"Mark?"

"Jack."

"I need a favor."

"Literally, anything," Mark breathed.

"If yeh wake up in the middle of the night…" Jack started. "…If yeh get to thinking and all this seems a bit… much…" he said.

"No, Jack- "

"Just don't leave me here. I mean, wake me up, or something', just… don't leave me here without letting me know," Jack finished.

Mark pulled Jack's right hand toward his face, kissed it softly, and slipped it gently underneath his cheek. "Never," he murmured.

Jack sighed, breathed. Drifted. Slept.

 

* * *

 

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Rickster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rickster/pseuds/Rickster)! 

 


	8. Chapter 8

_Ehhhh. Wha… What even is that…_

Jack awoke suddenly but kept his eyes squeezed shut against the light in the room, trying to figure out what had pulled him so suddenly out of his deep sleep. His nose itched. "Mmf." He dragged his right hand up to his nose and felt-

His eyes popped open. Mark's black and red fringe had shifted during the night, creeping messily onto the side of Jack's face, tickling his nose. 

 _Mm._ _You're still here._

Jack smiled to himself, enjoying the smells of Mark- clean shampoo, and something warmer and earthier coming from his skin. He twitched his nose, trying to ease the mild discomfort without shattering the perfection of the moment.  _But… that's not what woke me up. What is… eeehh…_

"Oh, Jesus," Jack murmured unintentionally, looking further down his chest to the actual pool of drool that was gathering around Mark's mouth. Mark stirred and stretched, and Jack enjoyed watching him slip into wakefulness, despite the sticky discomfort he felt seeping through his shirt.

"Mmmrrrr," Mark groaned sleepily. Then, a little more coherently, "Oh. Jack- " He opened his eyes and looked up.

"Mornin' sleepyhead," Jack smiled. "Don't move too much. I'd like to drag this out, if yeh don't mind." He smoothed some of Mark's red fringe out of his eyes.

Mark happily complied, making small stretching movements and tightening his grip around Jack's waist, until he finally noticed-

"Oh. Gross. Ew. Jack, I'm so sorry. This is a trend, I should have warned you." He propped himself up to assess the damage. "Yup. Totally ruined. We'll have to burn it."

"Oh, I see what yeh're up to, Mr. Fischbach. Don't get fresh with me."

"You can't stay like that. C'mon. Sit up."

Jack was wary, thinking back to their conversation from the previous night.  _"Shirts on for now?"_ But he was still half asleep, and noticed that Mark was in much the same condition.  _Seems safe enough._

Jack finally complied. He sat up and stretched out his legs, allowing Mark to kneel in front of him and pull up on the hem of his shirt, removing it clumsily. Jack's green hair flopped into a tangled mess as Mark tossed his dampened shirt toward a hamper in the corner of the room. Jack stretched, yawning loudly, finally running his fingers over the spot of moisture on his chest.

Jack hung his head and laughed. "Ser'sly, Mark, of all the ways yeh could've chosen to wake me up– "

"Oh God, this is so embarrassing- " Mark looked genuinely apologetic for a moment, before his goofy grin returned. "I'll have to owe you one. So far this is closer to my fantasy than yours, I bet." He ran his eyes over Jack's bare torso, lingering on his pale, almost translucent skin, and the trail of fine, dark hair that led from his belly button down to the waistband of his pajama bottoms.

Jack watched this play out, flattered and slightly embarrassed. His YouTube career had left little time for exercise, and while he maintained a lean, wiry build, he didn't think much of his physical appearance. He felt small and awkward in the presence of Mark's tan, muscular build.

"Hey- " Mark's rumbling voice pulled him away from his self-deprecating thoughts. "So, I'm calm, right? See? I just want to try- "

Mark placed his right hand on Jack's collarbone, gently stroking Jack's smooth jawline before moving it downward to rest over Jack's heart.

"No more beard?" Mark pointed out.

"Ah. Yeah. Ready fer a change, I guess." Jack paused. "And… I wasn't sure how it would feel. To you, I mean. I thought smooth might be better." He blushed as Mark smiled widely.

Mark held his hand over Jack's heart and leaned forward, placing soft kisses down the center of Jack's chest, moving below his belly button, and finally pausing at the waistband of Jack's pants, glancing upward to check on his friend.

Jack was very still. His eyes had gone wide, and his cheekbones were touched with crimson. Mark wasn't sure what this reaction meant, so he sat up and adjusted his position, sitting cross-legged in front of Jack at a comfortable distance.

"Check in?" Mark asked softly, smiling.

"Mm… Yeah," Jack said, still blushing.

"It just… seemed like it would feel good." Mark offered.

"It did," Jack said quietly.

"I wanted to last night…" Mark went on. "I just didn't want to take it too far."

Jack swallowed, nodded.

"Are you alright?" Mark looked concerned, and a little embarrassed.

"I am," Jack said. "Promise. Just thinking. Processing."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Maybe you first?" Jack suggested. He wasn't sure what he wanted to say yet.

Mark smiled and looked down at his hands, which were resting somewhat awkwardly in his lap. "I honestly don't know where to start. I'm just so happy you're here- "

"Why did yeh want to kiss me like that?" Jack interrupted. He hated the harsh tone he heard in his own voice and winced. "I mean, just now," he said, more softly. "Can you explain that to me?"

"Jack, hey, I'm  _so_  sorry if I made you uncomfortable - that is the last thing I want to do-"

"No," Jack said. "I meant… last night was different, right? I mean, I know all the kissing and touching felt nice, heat of the moment and all that…" He felt like he was rambling.  _What am I even saying?_

"Wait," Mark said, his tone firm, verging on agitated. "If something is bothering you, we'll work it out, but please don't… I mean, what do you think is going on here? I'm not caught up in the moment… And I'm not looking for a way out of this… I am  _all in_ … Do you not feel that?"

Jack's blush spread across his face in a painful burn as Mark poured his heart out.  _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

"Mark, fuck, I'm so sorry, just give me a minute to explain it. I didn't even mean what I said." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against Mark's headboard, taking several deep breaths in succession. He kept his eyes closed as he started speaking.

"I got sidetracked by my own stupid thoughts, and I'm sorry." He swallowed. "I just felt really…  _exposed_ … the way you were looking at me. I've never thought much of my appearance, yeh know that… it's been hard enough with girls in the past without the added complication of… well… and then there's  _you_ , God, the way you  _look,_ Mark. Like someone designed you out of all these perfect pieces…" He opened his eyes to Mark blushing, sitting very still, a concerned look on his face.

Mark waited a moment to make sure Jack was done for the time being. "It did feel really complicated at first," he said. "When we first started talking about this, I mean. I never thought I was… gay… before. I never even really wondered about it, or wondered what it would be like. I don't even know if ‘gay’ is the right word for it. I'm sure there's a word for whatever this is, and we can figure that out together. Just like we've figured out everything else so far."

Mark reached for Jack's left hand it pulled it gently into his lap.

"But I am  _attracted_  to you, Jack. I mean, it didn't start that way. With your body, I mean. I just loved– " Mark stumbled over the word a bit, blushed, smiled - "I loved you as a person, loved the kind of friend you've been to me. And now that you've been here… been close to me… it's not complicated anymore. I…" He paused, seeming to summon more courage to finish the thought.

"I love your body as much as I love the rest of you. That's why I want to touch you. That's why things went so far for me last night. It's painful, having you so close, but not feeling close enough… I'm just trying to show you how I feel. And it's not because I'm lonely. It's not because I'm trying to get… laid." He looked away. "Working up the courage to start this thing with you was literally the hardest thing I've ever done. There isn't a single other human on this Earth I would have trusted with this, and you're asking me why I want to kiss you? Why do you think, Jack?"

Silence for a moment.

"I am the world's biggest jerk," Jack said, his face burning with regret. "I'm being an idiot because I can't figure how I could possibly deserve you. It's not you. You are… perfect. I'm just…"

Jack adjusted his position, settling onto his knees in front of Mark. He ran his hands over Mark's thighs and up to his hips, grasping the hem of Mark's shirt, pulling it upwards and off. He pressed one palm against Mark's bare chest, following carefully as Mark lay back against the mattress. Jack climbed over Mark, sweeping his red fringe out of his eyes and pressing a firm kiss to the front of his throat.

 _"I want to show you, too,"_ Jack breathed, before softly kissing his way down Mark's chest, running his hands through Mark's hair and over his broad, bare shoulders.

"Jack," Mark almost moaned. "Wait until you're sure, okay?" Jack was stunned by the restraint Mark was able to show, since Jack had just placed his tongue slightly below the waistband of Mark's pants, close to his hip. Jack positioned himself higher up, planting soft kisses on Mark's neck and face, then pausing to look at him.

"It was a momentary lapse, love. It's the same fer me… there's not a person alive I'd rather be with. There's not a soul on this Earth that I can trust more than you." Jack took a calming breath. "I'm making this up as I go. Just… be patient, yeah?"

 _"Anything for you, Jack."_ Mark's voice was a low rumble, like distant thunder- Jack's favorite sound in the world. He leaned down, pressed his face against Mark's: 

_"It's Sean."_

" _Anything for you, Sean."_

Jack shuddered with pleasure, hearing Mark repeat his given name, his  _real_  name. No one called him Sean – not his parents, not his closest friends. No one except…  _Mark._

Jack kissed Mark's lips. _"Close yer eyes, love."_ Mark obeyed.

Jack moved down his chest again, working up the courage to slide his tongue gently across Mark's left nipple. Mark shifted, groaning quietly: a low, faraway rumble. Jack looked up and saw that Mark's eyes were still squeezed shut, and he was smiling a lovely smile with his head tilted backward. Jack ran his left hand down the center of Mark's chest and stroked gently, back and forth, across his lower abdomen. He felt Mark shift and squirm as he enjoyed the sensation. Left hand still stroking, Jack ran his tongue back and forth across Mark's nipple again, smiling at the impact- Mark had arched his back involuntarily, smiling.

 _"Sean, you feel so good,"_ he breathed.

Jack was becoming equally aroused. Mark's low rumble had settled deep in Jack's lower belly, a warm glow spreading from his spine to his hips.  _I'm getting hard, just from this. Just from the sight and the sound of him._

Jack propped himself up, removing his left hand from Mark's belly and brushing it gently over the bulge he could see forming inside Mark's pants.

" _Oh, God…"_ Mark breathed. "Jack…  _Sean_ … you don't have to…"

Jack could barely stand it.  _What am I doing? What do I do?_

Jack swung his left leg over Mark, straddling him. Mark's eyes flew open. "Sean…?"

Jack leaned forward, kissing Mark deeply, pulling on Mark's bottom lip. _"Hush, love."_ He sat up. gripping Mark's sides firmly and squeezing his legs against Mark's hips, and rocked himself forward, pressing his erection firmly into Mark's. It had the desired effect - Mark's gasp resolved into a deep groan as he thrusted back against Jack.

 _"Oh… oh, _Jesus__ _…_ _"_ Jack mumbled, thrusting again, struggling to keep Mark in his field of vision, gasping with the pleasure of Mark’s every breath, moan, and movement.

Eventually, Mark moaned loudly, arching his back, and reached up to take hold of Jack's wrists. "Sean. Sean, wait, I can't… I won't be able to… Sean, slow down!" He grasped Jack's hips firmly, laughter and moans of pleasure intermingling, until Jack finally got the message and looked down at Mark.

"Uhm." Jack was flushed and breathless. "What? Mark? You okay?"

It was agonizing, the beauty of Jack, staring down at Mark, a thunderstorm crashing behind his eyes.

"You," Mark breathed, "are incredible. And I can barely stand it. If you don't stop, I'm going to lose it. I just wanted to warn you. I just wanted to make sure- "

But Jack was lifting himself off of Mark, moving further down, his fingers hooked around Mark's waistband. Mark's eyes went wide. He propped himself up on his elbows in disbelief.  _What is he doing? Does he know what he's doing?_ "Sean, wait- "

"Fischbach, Goddamnit, if you tell me to 'wait' one more time I may actually listen to yeh, and you will be so very sorry if I do. Hush now!"

Jack panted, scowling up at Mark for a moment, before bursting into a full grin and working Mark's pants and boxers  _all the way off._  Mark stared. Jack stared back.

"Watch if yeh like, just… just be patient with me," Jack said, softening his tone, and Mark nodded back at him. "This is all new to me. I'm making it all up. Just tell me if it feels good, and fer the love of God, let go when it's time- what do you think I'm doing all this for?"

Mark continued to stare silently, his mouth hanging open. _Holy shit. Jack is actually trying to make me come._

Jack was surveying the situation, examining the parts of Mark he was seeing for the first time. His calves and thighs were tight and muscular, his skin soft and warm under Jack's touch. And his cock… well, Jack had no basis for comparison, aside from himself. He had never experienced anything like this, had never seen another man's cock up close before. It was long and thick, and slick with precum from Jack's grinding moments before. He started to reach forward and hesitated, looking up at Mark, nervousness flooding his insides like icy water.

Mark saw it happening and spoke quickly. "Hey, come here. Come on up here for a second." He flashed Jack his most reassuring smile. He sat all the way up and pulled Jack into a crushing hug, firmly massaging the small of his back.

 _"You. Are. Amazing,"_ he breathed into Jack's hair. _"We can stop all of this right now if you need to. It's already perfect."_

The words settled like a lump in Jack's throat, as he was overwhelmed with affection for the man who was holding him so tightly. He ran one hand through Mark's gorgeous, tangled hair, placing soft kisses up and down Mark's neck and shoulders. He sighed. He breathed.

_"Thank you. I guess I just needed to hear it. I'm good. I want to keep going, I just… I need you to help, okay?"_

_"Anything you want, Sean."_

Jack shivered.

_"I… I want you to touch yourself. I want you to show me what yeh like. I want to do it together."_

Mark made some space between them. _"Just focus on me, okay?"_ He kissed Jack softly, taking time to pull at every corner of his mouth. He kept his left hand firmly on Jack's lower back, anchoring him in place, and used his right hand to start stroking his own cock. It was incredibly sensitive. He felt his body begging for release after everything Jack had said and done to push him to the edge. He forced himself to keep calm and move slowly, easing Jack back into the moment with increasingly insistent kisses.

Finally, Jack pulled away from Mark's lips. _"Let me help now."_

_"Ok. Just put your hand over mine when you're ready. You can feel what I'm doing."_

Jack obeyed, grasping Mark's right hand firmly as Mark slowly pumped and stroked. Mark groaned and kissed Jack deeply, then sucked and nibbled his way down Jack's neck, until Jack was moaning and whimpering, his breath becoming ragged.

 _"Ok… pause now,"_ Jack said, _"but stay just like that. Keep yer hand there."_

He disengaged from Mark's embrace and shifted downward, placing his hand back on top of Mark's and planting a firm kiss at the base of Mark's cock. Mark's skin was soft and warm, and the noise he made nearly took Jack's breath away. Jack licked and sucked, gently at first and then more firmly, moving from the base and up the side of Mark's erection.

" _Oh my God, Sean-_ "

Jack looked up at Mark, made eye contact briefly, and then took the head of Mark's cock into his mouth, sucking firmly and moving his tongue in a slow, circular motion. It was so warm against his lips, throbbing insistently. He watched as Mark lost himself in the sensation, eyes closed, head thrown back, alternating gasps and moans.

Jack gradually released Mark's cock from his mouth, and took it into his hand instead. He straightened up, feeling Mark's arm wrapping firmly around his waist again. He kissed Mark deeply, then pressed his lips against Mark's shoulder, biting down as he began stroking and pumping Mark's cock.

After several moments, he raised his head and said roughly, _"Yeh're going to come fer me now. Tell me how."_

 _"Faster- Please-"_ Mark groaned, and Jack complied, working Mark's cock at a faster pace, loving the way Mark frantically kissed and licked at his neck, his chest, his throat.

" _Oh…"_ Mark was tensing. Jack picked up the pace.  _"Oh God, oh… Sean- "_

…And Mark was lost, his face buried against Jack's neck, convulsing in waves as hot, white liquid coated Jack's hand and stomach.

They clung together, breathing heavily, keeping their eyes closed as they took in every sensation: Jack's hand wrapped around Mark's still-sensitive cock. Mark's fingers pressing painfully, wonderfully hard into Jack's lower back. Chests heaving, warm breath on bare skin.

Finally, after several lovely moments, Jack broke the silence. _"What now, love?"_

 


	9. Chapter 9

"Mmh. Now, you drag my body to the shower, because I honestly don't think I can move by myself." Mark sighed happily.

"Couldn't, even if I wanted to. Plan B?"

"We stay here forever. I mean, what's left? That has to be as good as life gets. Maybe this is where I die." Mark's voice was low, almost scratchy. Jack could tell he was trying to be funny, and sweet, but lacked the energy to follow through. Mark hummed quietly, pleasantly against the bare skin of Jack's shoulder.

"Here," Jack said decisively. "Lay down with me fer a minute, and then I'll try to bring yeh back to life."

"Oh, God, Sean... You've done that already."

Jack kissed Mark carefully in response, laying both of them down on the mattress among the mess of sheets, blankets and pillows. He pressed himself tightly against Mark for several moments before reluctantly disengaging and sitting up.

"C'mon love. Just like in  _Kill Bill_. Start with yer little toe." Mark chuckled, wiggling his toes for Jack to see.

"Hey now! Making progress. Fingers?" Mark wiggled all ten before tickling Jack ruthlessly along one side.

"FUCK ME! Mark! Yeh big baby, yeh're fine. C'mon, show me the bathroom. Let's get cleaned up."

"Say it one more time."

"C'mon! Let's go!"

"No… my name."

"Mark?"

"Mm. It's so nice. The way you say it. So unique. I think you might've had me already, back then. The first time I heard you say my name."

Jack was attentive, now. This was new. "And when exactly was that?"

"Well, it might've been before that, even. When I first caught on to your channel. One of the first videos I ever watched was your playthrough of Journey. Remember that one?"

"I do." It was one of Jack's favorite games and soundtracks to this day.

"Well, I remember watching it, and listening to your voice – you didn't use video feed for that one, you said the game was 'so beautiful, it deserved to be seen…'"

Jack was nodding. "I remember."

"And I didn't know your accent very well at that point, and I remember listening to you say the word 'scarf' over and over again, like it was the loveliest thing… 'scaerf'…" Mark tried to imitate Jack's accent and did a fair approximation.

Jack was speechless. Mark had said he'd had these feelings for a while, but this went  _way_  back.

"So, eventually I heard you say my name for the first time in one of your videos. And you said my name the same unique way, with that same lovely sound. 'Scaerf.' 'Maerk.'" Mark's impression was pretty close. Jack was stunned. Mark had obviously thought about this a lot, maybe even practiced these words out loud.

"Anyway. I know I never told you that. I don't know how I could've, before now. But I've loved you in so many ways, for so long, and I thought you should know. I want to make sure you know what it means to me, to have you here like this. And everything you just did for me…"

Mark was fighting a lump in his throat. Jack heard the change in his voice and brought his face close to Mark's, brushed a gentle kiss across his cheek. "Hush, love."

"Thank you," Mark managed.

"Listen," Jack chirped quietly, "I want to give you a proper snog, but I'm all sticky, and so're you. C'mon. The world won't end if yeh leave the bed. I'm coming with yeh, alright?"

Mark seemed pleased by this notion. He stood up with a groan, moving stiffly, and let Jack lead him toward the bathroom.

"Jesus, Mark. This bathroom is the size of my bedroom!" It was true. Mark's bathroom was huge, the glass walk-in shower big enough to fit the two of them and several friends – although Jack had no intention of sharing this scenario with anyone else.

Mark watched Jack as he looked around, enjoying the warm enthusiasm that flowed from him so easily. He hugged Jack from behind, wrapping him up tightly and kissing his neck.

"So, check in real quick?" he asked, turning Jack to face him. "Did I hear you say you'd be joining me in that shower? Obviously, nothing would make me happier. Just wanted to see how you're doing."

Jack's stomach did a backflip as the implication sank in: Mark hadn't seen him naked yet. People shower naked. Shower with Mark = naked with Mark. He was aware of everything that had already happened between them, had loved every moment of it. But Mark hadn't really  _seen_ him yet. What if Mark couldn't take it? What if the sight of an actual naked guy in his bathroom totally freaked him out?

Mark watched the blush rising in Jack's cheeks. "Hey. It's ok. We've got options. You ready?"

Jack nodded.

"Option #1. I leave you alone in here, with the door shut, and hang out in my room while you wash up. No problem."

"Oh." Jack frowned. "That actually sounds kinda bad."

Mark chuckled. "Option #2. You hang out with me in here. We shower. I keep my hands to myself and the harassment to a minimum. Nice and safe."

"Hmm."

"Option #3, and my personal favorite!" Mark said brightly. "You hang out with me in here. We shower. You let me try to repay you for this morning. We take it as slow as you want, just like before."

Jack smiled. He could feel Mark's confidence, his openness, pulling him back into the moment again. "Option 3 it is. Let's do it. But, uh, slow. Like yeh said."

"Promise." Mark pressed a kiss onto his shoulder. "I'll get the water going." Mark stepped into the shower, spun the dial, adjusted the temperature. Jack stood still, enjoying the view, but stalling for time with his hands frozen at his waistband. Mark looked back at him and smiled.

"Take your time. I'm going to get started. Just join me whenever you're ready. Finn and Jake can stay out there, I'm sure they won't mind." Jack giggled at the reference to his  _very cool_  pajamas.

Mark stepped into the water, intentionally facing away from Jack. Jack watched, fascinated, as the water rushed over Mark, smoothing his tangled hair, falling in patterns across his tanned skin. Mark hummed quietly, smoothing his hair out of his face and making a grab for a bottle of shampoo.

 _Oh, wait, stop-_ Jack thought, imagining his own fingers running through Mark's wet hair…

"Pause!" He said. "Just wait right there. Just like that, ok?"

Mark laughed. "I'll be here."

Jack untied the drawstring on his pants.  _Y'know what time it is, Jake?_ He let his pants and boxers fall to the floor.  _"Adventure Time!"_  He'd whispered it out loud by accident.

"Huh?" Mark asked.

"Nothing, hang on." Jack giggled nervously.

Naked, bare feet against the tile floor, Jack was immediately freezing cold, despite the warm air drifting out from the shower. He hopped from one foot to the other, feeling small and nervous, trying to be brave.

"Are you… doing jumping jacks back there? Heh, get it? Jumping JACKS?!"

"Ha, ha, Fischbach. Stay right where yeh are!"

"Sean, it's alright. Don't worry. It's just me."

_Yep. Just you and yer stupid perfect body and yer stupid perfect face._

"Ok. Coming in. Keep still, 'kay?"

Jack stepped slowly into the shower and closed the glass door behind him, thankful for the warmth he felt surrounding him. He approached Mark from behind, placing one hand on Mark's shoulder blade, and his other hand in Mark's hair, feeling the water rushing through the thick, dark strands. Jack reached for the shampoo bottle, still shivering slightly. He popped it open, drizzled the fresh-smelling liquid into one hand, and reached up to smooth it through Mark's hair.

"Mmm…" Mark tilted his head back, enjoying the sensation. 

 _God, he's so warm,_ Jack thought.  _And so calm. How is he so calm right now?_

Jack's heart raced as he worked his fingers through Mark's hair, massaging down his neck to his shoulders.

"Ok. Rinse please!"

"You got it." Mark ducked his head under the water, and Jack watched the muscles across his back ripple and shimmer as he raised his hands over his head. 

_Perfect._

"What now, Sean? Can I see you yet?"

Jack's head swam, and he shivered from cold and from the pleasant shock of Mark speaking his given name. He embraced Mark from behind, seeking his warmth and support, wrapping his arms tightly around Mark's waist and pressing his face into the heat of Mark's shoulder.

 _"Hey."_ Mark's voice was low and sweet. He grasped Jack's hands, mentally examining every inch of Jack that he could feel pressed up against him. After a long moment, he turned slowly, his arms low around Jack's waist. He lifted Jack to his tiptoes and kissed him, slowly and deeply. Jack sighed against Mark's lips and settled into his arms. Jack's skin was cool under Mark's fingers, so he pulled him further under the water.

 _"Warm enough?"_ Mark murmured.

 _"Mm. Now I am."_ Jack's voice was quiet.

Mark adjusted Jack's position. _"Hey. If you stay just like that, I'm pretty sure I can wash your hair. Can I do that for you?"_

 _"Please."_ Jack almost sounded half asleep.

 _"Just keep leaning on me. You feel so, so good."_ Mark had shampoo ready in his palm. He ran his hand carefully through Jack's hair, massaging his temples, his neck, his shoulders. Jack sighed weakly, smiling against the warm skin of Mark's neck.

 _"Time to rinse. You ready? Close your eyes. I'll hold you up."_ Jack felt Mark's hands low and strong around his waist again. He did as he was told, and Mark leaned him under the water, making sure Jack's face and hair were clear of suds.

 _"Better?"_ Mark breathed.

 _"The best_."

_"God. Sean. You're perfect."_

Mark lifted Jack again, turning them both so that Jack's back was against the warm tile wall. Jack enjoyed the sensation, loved being pressed and held against Mark's body.

Mark was kissing him, leaving warm patterns with his lips and tongue along Jack's jawline, his collarbone, his chest… his stomach. He had bent down to press firm kisses along Jack's belly, his strong hands holding Jack's hips steady against the wall. He lingered for a moment before straightening up again and finding Jack's eyes.

_"Everything ok?"_

_"'M good, Mark. So good. Promise."_

_"Good."_ Mark placed one hand on the back of Jack's neck, one hand lingering low on his hip. _"I'm going to tell you something now. I want you to focus on me, and keep breathing nice and slow. You with me?"_

_"I'm with you."_

_"Sean."_ Mark spoke low and sweet, his face pressed against Jack's. _"You're getting hard now. I want to touch you there. I want to kiss you there. I want you to know how I felt. Will you let me do that?"_

_"Yes. Please. Just… slow."_

_"Promise."_

Mark brushed his lips against Jack's, gently massaging the back of his neck with his left hand. He moved his right hand between their bodies, lightly grasping Jack's partial erection. He slowly squeezed the tip, feeling it swell in response, then stroked downward to the base, and back up. Jack moaned, his head tilting back, giving Mark space to suck at his throat while stroking gently along his cock until it was fully hard.

_"Okay, Sean?"_

_"Mm- don't stop. Please."_

_"Okay. You stay right here, and I'll be right back."_

_"Mh."_ Jack was already lost in the in the many sensations washing over him. He felt Mark's hands sliding down his waist, tilted his head down to watch Mark kneel in front of him. The loss of contact nagged at Jack, so he wound his fingers through Mark's damp hair.

Mark paused, taking in the feeling of Jack's steady hands, of the warm water running down his back. He had pictured this moment again and again over the past week, wondering if it would ever get to this point, wondering if he could ever actually go through with it. But the confusion was gone. He had known the moment Jack had first wrapped his arms around him.

" _I would do anything for you."_  He said it too quietly for Jack to hear, but Jack felt Mark's soft kisses traveling up his inner thigh, finally arriving at the base of his cock. Mark pressed a firm kiss there, looking up at Jack.

" _Oh-_ "

Mark placed one hand around Jack's erection, guiding the tip into his mouth, exploring every inch of Jack with his lips, tongue, and fingers.

" _Oh- Mark-_ "

Mark worked slowly up and down Jack's cock, enjoying the feeling of Jack's hips rocking slightly in time with his movements.

" _Oh, Jesus. Mark, I'm close…"_

Mark gradually removed Jack's erection from his mouth, grasping it firmly in his right hand and continuing to work at it as he stood, searching for Jack's lips. He found Jack flushed and breathing heavy, and kissed him deeply, almost roughly, exploring the edges of Jack's mouth with his tongue.

As he leaned into Mark again, Jack felt Mark's own erection brushing against his hip. He removed his right hand from Mark's hair and felt for Mark's cock, grasping it firmly. Mark pulled back a bit, surprised by the sensation. He smiled. _"You sure?"_ But Jack just kissed him hard, breathing heavy, before biting into Mark's shoulder, pumping Mark's cock in time with Mark's movements.

Mark was so overwhelmed by the feeling of Jack, so aroused by Jack's confidence, by the sensation of his teeth cutting into his shoulder- he felt his orgasm building quickly.

_"Sean, I'm- Oh, God- "_

_"Come fer me Mark."_

…And Mark obeyed, waves of pleasure crashing over him as he thrusted against Jack's hand, coating Jack's belly in white once again. He moaned deeply into Jack's hair as he came, crushing him against the wall, squeezing and pumping Jack's cock so tightly that bright colors exploded behind Jack's closed eyelids.

" _Oh, fuck, Mark- "_

\- And he came hard, slamming his hips against Mark, calling out against the hot skin of Mark's shoulder, spraying white liquid onto Mark's fist and torso.

"Oh. Fuck.  _Mark._ "

He remained tense for a moment, until he felt Mark's arms wrapping around him, supporting him, holding him. He collapsed heavily into Mark's arms, Mark supporting his weight easily as they both leaned against the tile.

 _"Mark,"_ Jack murmured, eyes closed, lost in the feeling of Mark's hot breath and heaving chest. _"That was… I never…"_

 _"Love you,"_ Mark breathed.

_"Love you too."_

 


	10. Chapter 10

Jack was slowly waking again. He was partially on his stomach, his face pressed into one pillow and his arms wrapped around another. He felt something scratchy by his ear, opened his eyes, and looked around.

_I'm in Mark's bed… without Mark. Oh God. Oh God. This is it. He's gone forever._

Jack's pulse hammered as he sat up, his head swimming with anxious thoughts. His eyes finally settled upon the source of the rustling- it was a square post-it note that was stuck to the pillow he'd been sleeping on a moment ago. Actually, it was one of several post-it notes littering the bed around him. He picked up the closest one:

"DON'T PANIC!"

Mark's handwriting. He picked up the one that had been closest to his head, noticing that it held a more detailed message than the others. It started the same way:

_DON'T PANIC! I'm right downstairs and I'm not going anywhere! Jet lag is the suck- you were in obvious need of some extra sleep and some fun surprises. Come down to the kitchen when you're ready. Love, Mark_

Jack noticed he was smiling, his heart rate settling back into normalcy. How did Mark always know what to do?  _How is any of this even real?_ He remembered Mark leading him quietly back to the bed, tucking him in… Mark sliding under the covers behind him, pulling him in with one strong arm, kissing the back of his neck lightly as he drifted off to sleep…  _Yeah. That had felt pretty real._

Jack climbed out of the bed, stretching and searching for clothes, before it occurred to him that his bags were…  _Huh?_  There they were, neatly arranged on the floor next to Mark's computer desk. He was sure he hadn't moved his belongings into Mark's room the night before; obviously Mark had done this. 

 _I must have been really asleep._  

He walked over to his larger suitcase, reading the post-it he found on top: "Surprise! Check the dresser and the bathroom." He lifted the lid of the suitcase that had held the clothing he’d packed for the week; it was empty.

Jack eyed the large dresser warily, wondering if he should be on the lookout for an unexpected prank. Best Friend Mark would have spent the last week thinking of ways to scam him, scare him, embarrass him horribly, or make him die of laughter. But he wasn't sure Best Friend Mark was the same person he'd shared that bed with a couple hours ago. That had been… More Than Friends Mark. He decided to work on adjusting his expectations. He walked over to the huge dresser and opened the top drawer on the left side. Boxers, et cetera, presumably Mark's. Jack smiled at the array of colors and patterns, thinking of the way Mark looked wearing fitted jeans, imagining bright colors hidden underneath.

He opened the set of drawers one by one, recognizing many of the t-shirts, hoodies, and pants that Mark usually wore. He closed the bottom drawer and straightened up, turning to the right side of the dresser, which held an identical set of drawers. He pulled open the top drawer and smiled, pulling out one of his favorite pairs of boxers.  _Hello, flamingos!_ He searched the other drawers, selecting a thin, blue, long-sleeved t-shirt with a hood, and his favorite fitted jeans. He was halfway to the bathroom before the situation truly sank in. 

_I just found my clothes in Mark's dresser, in Mark's room. And Mark put them there._

He made his way over to the bathroom sink, catching his reflection in the huge mirror. He thought he looked…  _good_. His eyes were bright and a pleasant flush was lingering in his cheeks. He was impressed with the state of his hair, given how long he must've slept on it after Mark had washed it. He noticed stubble creeping in along his jaw, but didn't want to take the time to shave now.  _Besides… what if Mark likes it? It doesn't look so bad..._

Then he saw it. His toothbrush, sitting in a cup. With Mark's toothbrush.

He felt pinpricks at the back of his eyes, accompanied by a lump of emotion rising in his throat. He thought back to all of the things Mark had shared with him over the last week.  _"...You're the one person I always want to talk to. And you're the one person I wish I could see before I fall asleep..."_  This was much more than confusion and unresolved feelings. This was Mark, making room for Jack in the most private, most lonely spaces of his life.

Jack knew how badly he needed to brush his teeth, but still considered skipping it. He didn't want to move his toothbrush, didn't want to disturb the image or the new feeling that was settling over him. He deliberated, finally deciding that the stale taste in his mouth needed to be addressed, for Mark's sake as much as his own. He compromised by retrieving his cell phone from Mark's night stand, snapping a photo of the two toothbrushes, and setting the photo as his new background.

 

* * *

 

 

The strong smell of coffee hit Jack as he stepped into the hallway.  _Oh, thank God_. He made his way downstairs and found Mark in the kitchen, pouring steaming coffee into a mug featuring Septiceye Sam, wearing a white t-shirt and navy blue boxers.

"I knew I should have hidden those jeans. You are overdressed." Mark was smiling, looking him over.

Jack took in the rest of the scene: two places set at Mark's kitchen table, with a giant plate of pancakes in the middle, and bacon still on the stove.

"You know, bacon and pancakes. So you can- "

"-'Take the bacon and put it in a pancake?'" Jack finished, quoting.

"BACON PANCAAAKES!" They both sang, grinning and laughing.

Jack walked over to Mark and took the cup of coffee from him. "I knew you'd probably-"

Mark didn't get a chance to finish the thought, because Jack had set the coffee cup down on the table, and was pushing Mark backward, pressing gently on his chest until he was braced against the kitchen counter. Mark chuckled, and Jack kissed him, long and slow, enjoying the fact that he had Mark pinned for a change. Mark responded eagerly, smiling widely between kisses, one hand finding its way underneath the back of Jack's shirt.

Jack pulled back reluctantly, aware of the bacon that was still frying on the stove. Mark studied his face, smiling. "You sure you're thinking straight? You haven't even had your coffee yet."

"Mark, I have never felt less  _straight_ in my life. And  _you-_ " he kissed Mark quickly- "are  _very_ distracting."

They both laughed. Jack released Mark, allowing him to finish up at the stove while he sat down at the table and sipped from his coffee cup. "Jesus, this is good. Thanks, Mark."

"Yeah. I don't usually make it fresh, but, you know… you're here. I got some good stuff when I found out you were coming. Glad it came out okay." Jack blushed happily.

"So… you found your stuff okay?" Mark was setting the bacon down on the table, along with butter and maple syrup. "I guess you got my note?"

"Yes, I found all thirty of yer post-its," Jack teased. Then, more seriously, "You were right though. I wigged out when I woke up and you weren't there. So, thanks. Yeh made me feel much better."

"Just returning the favor," Mark said, and Jack recalled similar, reassuring messages he'd left for Mark over the past week.

Mark finally sat down next to Jack, brushing a strand of hair back from Jack's face. "I'm sorry you wigged out. I know that feeling well. Something like,  _this is too good to be true and it's all going to hell any minute now_ , right?" Jack nodded. "Well, it's not. I'm sorry I left you for a bit, but I wanted to show you… I wanted things to be different when you woke up. In a good way. I wanted you to feel like you were…  _home_." Mark paused. "And I'll be here with post-its until that bad feeling goes away. Trust me."

Jack nodded again. "I do. I mean, I'm trying to. It's not that I don't trust you. It's just that it's… new. I don't know what the rules are. I keep waiting fer you to think it over and decide it's not…  _right_."

"I don't know what the rules are either." Mark leaned over and kissed Jack gently, high on his cheekbone. "But it is right. Everything that's happened so far has been right. So let's eat some bacon pancakes, and we can talk about the rest later." He picked up a fork, stabbed a pancake, cut it in half, and stuffed one of the halves into Jack's mouth. Jack tried to chew, fighting back a giggle.

"See? You can't worry if you're full of pancakes."

 

* * *

 

 

"Let me tell you how this is going to go. You are going to lose those pants, or I am going to wrestle them off of you." Mark had dragged Jack bodily into the living room after breakfast, tickled him mercilessly, and tackled him to the couch. Jack was red-faced, laughing and squirming, completely helpless as Mark lay on top of him.

"Sounds lovely," he managed to choke out, "but, Mark – HA! EH! STOP THAT! – don't you think we should, y'know, talk?"

"Sure. I'll narrate for you." Mark's voice was low, slow, and rumbly in mock seriousness – very similar to the voice he used to record his 'World's Quietest Let's Plays.' "First, you're going to lay still. Right. Where. You. Are." Mark tentatively removed his hands from Jack's sides. Jack took a shuddering, giggly breath.

"Next, I'm going to free you from the prison that is… pants." Mark had already undone the button on Jack's jeans, and he was slowly pulling at his zipper, holding Jack’s gaze.

Jack chewed his bottom lip to stifle a grin, considering his next move. "Okay, okay, I give in! You can take the pants with yeh… to the other side of the couch. While we talk. Fair?"

"Fair enough." Mark had discreetly slid Jack's shirt upward, revealing about an inch of exposed skin, which he promptly covered in slow, hot kisses as he slid Jack's jeans down, little by little. "Hello, flamingos."

"Fischbach, what did I say?!" Jack was fighting a fit of laughter, struggling to keep his composure as Mark's tongue found the crease of his hip.

"Hey, I'm getting to it! You didn't specify a timeframe." Mark went back to work, kissing his way along Jack's hip bone, and finishing with a brief nibble at the hem of his boxers, before he sat up and pulled Jack's jeans all the way off. Jack watched with amusement and affection as Mark folded his jeans carefully, placed them on the arm of the couch, and sat cross-legged, facing him.

Jack took a moment to recover, and finally sat up. He scooted toward the center of the couch and imitated Mark's posture, close enough that he could easily reach out and touch Mark if he wanted to. "Hey," he said, smiling.

"Hey, Sean." Mark smiled back.

"Obviously," Jack started, "I could fool around with you all day. Every day. For the foreseeable future."

"See? We are on the same page!" Mark joked.

Jack giggled. "Yeah, but, Mark…" He thought for a moment. "The reason we've gotten this far is because we talked about things. Well,  _you_ talked to  _me_. You told me what yeh wanted, you told me what was going to happen. You asked if it was okay. I wouldn't have made it through the morning if yeh hadn't been there fer me like that. Not because I didn't want it – not because I wanted to stop. It's… I can't even describe how incredible it feels. But it is so,  _so_ scary. Aren't yeh scared? Don't yeh feel like the whole world is shifting under yer feet? Even a little bit?"

"I do," Mark said. "I mean, I have felt like that. But I think it's been happening slowly for me for a long time. And I didn't really expect it to go like this. I was ready to be devastated by this. I was terrified before you got here. I figured I would fuck up and touch you or kiss you or… I don't know… and you would hate it. I'm serious!" Jack was shaking his head, a pained expression on his face.

"I mean, I figured you'd be nice about it," Mark went on, "...let me down easy and try to be friends. Because you're the best ever." Jack smiled again. "But I had no idea it would be like this. So, I mean, yeah – I feel like the whole world is different. But not the way I thought it would be. I thought I'd be losing my best friend this week. Being with you like this doesn't scare me. The idea of losing you is what scares me."

Jack reached over and picked up Mark's left hand. "I'm so sorry you were feeling that way. I wish I had found a way to tell yeh sooner. I wish I had been the brave one. I'm trying to be brave now. I'm trying to be… all in." He squeezed Mark's hand. "I'm just not a hundred percent sure what that means. Can yeh help me figure it out?"

"Yeah. Of course. Anything you need."

Jack fidgeted a bit, trying to figure out how to put his questions and feelings into words.

"So, what happened this morning. In bed. And in the shower. Is that… sex? Is that what we did?" He blushed, looking down.

"Uhm. Yes?" Mark laughed nervously. "I'm not actually sure. I think so? Why? Sean? Look at me, it's okay!"

Jack made a concerted effort to return Mark's gaze, despite the crushing awkwardness he'd dragged them both into. "I mean, I didn't think I liked… guys… that way. Like, we've all seen gay porn, yeah?"

"Ha. Yep."

"But I've never watched and been like… 'oh yeah, dicks and stuff, men are sexy.' Y'know?"

"I do."

"And when you first brought this up to me, my first thought was like,  _God, I love Mark. I want to make Mark happy._ Not, like,  _Mark, fuck me now_. Yeh with me?"

"Uhm. I need you to watch your mouth unless you want to get tackled again." Mark grinned, teasing. "But yes. I'm with you. And sometimes, those are two different things. You can love someone – love them as a person, love being with them, maybe even love them a lot more than other people – but not necessarily want to fuck them. I think that's where we thought we were before you came here. Maybe?"

"Yeah," Jack replied. "That sounds right."

"And then, obviously, you might want to fuck someone, but not necessarily love them. The two things can be separate. But, Sean…" Mark squeezed Jack's hand. "Obviously that's not what's happening here."

"Agreed. So, before, we were friends. Or, we thought we were. And now, we're…?"

"More than friends," Mark said simply.

"And that means… love… but also, sex?"

"Only if that's what you want." Mark searched Jack's face. "It's the physical part that's tripping you up, hmm? You're ok with what we've done so far, but other things are on your mind?"

"Yeah. Ugh. Why is it so hard to talk about this?"

"Because we're dudes. We've been dating girls and making dick jokes our whole lives. Actual gay sex… it's uncharted territory. But that's the good thing- we don't have to do anything we don't want to do."

"What do YOU want to do?" Jack asked seriously.

Mark thought about this.

"I want to make you feel good. I want to be close with you. I want to do things that feel right and safe."

"Jesus, Mark, yeh're sweet, but this isn't a job interview. I don't think you actually answered my question." Jack laughed softly. "Everything that happened today… I know I want more of that to happen. I want to be with you, like that, again. But I'm not sure where it leads. What comes next?"

Mark went for it. "Well, next, I'd like to suck on your cock until you come."

"Jesus! Mark!"

"What? You asked! I'm serious."

"You really want that?"

"Yeah, I really do. I'm not sure why. I just can't stop thinking about how it would make you feel… and I want it. Badly. I'm not really sure I understood that about sex, until now. When I think about what it would do to you… the way it would feel, to  _you,_ if I did it… it's incredibly sexy. I'm honestly having a hard time concentrating on anything else."

Jack blushed, smiled, and thought for several moments. Finally: "That actually sounds familiar. I think I want to do the same fer you. I didn't really know it until I heard you say it. But I think I would do just about anything to make yeh feel good. To make you happy."

"Okay. So far so good." Mark pressed his lips to Jack's hand, one kiss for each finger. "The next step might be a little more… complicated."

" _Sex_ sex?"

"Yeah. Like,  _Mark, fuck me now_ , sex," Mark quoted.

Jack covered his face with his free hand, stifling a harsh laugh. "Oh, God. Yeh're lucky yeh're cute, Fischbach."

"I'm serious! It's a thing. I mean, it's a thing we could do. COULD. If we wanted to."

"Have you ever…?" Jack started. "D’you know what it's like?"

"Actually… yeah." Mark sighed. "Once. Old girlfriend. I'm not going to lie, it felt pretty awesome."

"It didn't gross you out?" Jack was peeking through his fingers.

"I'm guessing you haven't tried it?"

"No. Never."

Mark smiled. "No… it didn't gross me out. I didn't really think about it like that. I figured it would feel good, and it did. I'm sure it would feel good if you and I did it together. I  _know_ it would. It would be special. And incredible. But I think it's a big step, and we should both think it through. Like I said…" Mark pulled Jack's other hand into his lap, revealing Jack's blushing face. "Nothing you don't want. It's already perfect."

Jack was feeling… surprisingly calm. "You have no idea how much it helps, to hear yeh say these things out loud." He took a slow breath. "I do want to think about it. I think… I know it would be special. With you. I just… I might have to do some research first."

"Whatever you need, Sean. We can keep talking about it, no pressure. Promise. But, just so I know, for later. Are you open to… um… fingers? Could I touch you there? If it seems right?"

Jack considered this. "I trust you. I know you won't push me. I know yeh'll go slow. So I'm open to it."

They slipped into a less awkward silence, reflecting and imagining, Mark lightly moving his thumbs over Jack's warm hands.

"So," Jack finally started. "More than friends. Sum it up fer me?"

"It means… I love you the most, out of everyone I know. It means I want to hang out with you, and talk with you… but I also want to kiss you, and touch you. And it also means… I don't want to kiss or touch anyone else. Just you." Mark brought Jack's hands to his chest, held them against his heart.

"That sounds like a relationship." Jack swallowed.

"It does."

"Mark, are yeh asking me to be yer boyfriend?"

"Wait, you're not already? God, Sean, you're mine, right?" Mark sounded legitimately concerned.

Jack practically dove forward, wrapped his arms around Mark's neck, rested his head on Mark's shoulder. "All yers."

"Oh, thank God." Mark laughed quietly, calm settling within his chest as he felt Jack's weight pressing against him.

The moment stretched. Mark kept his eyes closed, feeling the pleasant rise and fall of Jack's body, counting each slow, steady breath.  _Fifty-two. Fifty-three_.

Jack gradually shifted, moving his left arm so he could touch his fingertips to the back of Mark's neck. He smoothed Mark's hair, slowly and carefully. He traced patterns against Mark's warm skin, felt Mark leaning into his touch.

Mark held Jack firmly, but moved one hand from the center of his back down to the hem of his shirt. He slowly slid his hand underneath the thin fabric. Jack's skin was practically glowing with warmth, hot against Mark's palm. He spressed, kneaded his fingers, adored the feeling of skin against skin. Jack sighed and tightened his arms around Mark's shoulders.

As Jack began to press closer to him, Mark held him tightly and shifted his legs, until he was moving upright into a kneeling position, pulling Jack with him. They moved in slow motion, adjusting carefully, pressing their bodies close together. Jack pulled backward slightly as he rose up along with Mark, leaning his forehead against Mark's, eyes closed. Jack's breathing came more quickly now, as he became aware of their closeness, of the curves and edges of Mark that he could feel so easily through their thin clothing.

Mark tilted his head to press the bridge of his nose against Jack's neck, feeling for Jack's rising heart rate. He had two hands under Jack's shirt, pressing into the small of his back, fingertips resting just inside the hem of his shorts.

Jack's breath was growing shallow. He pulled his arms from Mark's neck, sliding them downward, his hands settling firmly at Mark's hips - squeezing, hard - pulling Mark toward him.

The quiet moment had passed. Mark's lips were hot and hard against Jack's neck as he lifted them both up and off of the couch. _"I'm going to take you upstairs now."_

Jack moaned faintly. Mark was crushing the breath out of him. " _You can take me… anywhere yeh want."_

 

* * *

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Linadoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linadoon/pseuds/Linadoon)! And find him on [Tumblr](http://linadoonofficial.tumblr.com/)! 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Mark grasped Jack’s wrist, pulling him into the bedroom and then turning to face him. He let go, placing his hand on the door behind Jack instead. He walked forward, pushing the door back – and pressing Jack backward - until the door slammed shut.

Jack’s eyes were wide as his back made contact with the door, Mark’s outstretched hand next to his head, Mark’s face barely an inch from his own. Mark didn’t touch him at first. He looked Jack up and down. He was red-faced and breathing hard, wearing an expression that Jack identified as… _hungry_.

Jack swallowed. _“Uhm…”_

Mark grasped his wrist again – tightly, but not painfully – and pulled Jack’s arm up over his head, pressing it hard against the door. Jack whimpered, before a small smile creeped across his face. Mark was so strong. Mark was losing control.

Jack was completely overwhelmed by the pleasure of it.

Mark took Jack’s smile as a cue, grasped Jack’s other wrist, and pinned that one too, holding Jack’s arms tightly above his head. He pressed his own arms against Jack’s, clasping his wrists tightly, and leaned in close. Jack bit down on his own lower lip and felt Mark’s hot breath against his neck, as Mark slowly ran his tongue along the shell of his ear.

Jack moaned softly in response, and Mark promptly bit down on the soft skin of Jack’s ear.

“AH! _Ahh…_ ”

Mark pulled back, his head clearing somewhat at this pained sound from Jack.

“ _Shit_ , Sean… too much? You okay?”

_“Keep going.”_

“You sure-?”

“Keep fucking going, Fischbach, unless I tell you otherwise.” There was a sharp edge in Jack’s voice, and his eyes were blazing, but his smile was playful.

Mark responded immediately, giving Jack’s wrists a renewed squeeze, maintaining eye contact for a long moment, before finally leaning closer and biting down _hard_ on Jack’s collarbone.

Mark heard intense pleasure in the moan that escaped from Jack and pressed – _thrusted_ – against his body, crushing him against the door - once, and again, and _again_.

“Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck._ ”

Jack’s chin was tilted upward, his head leaning against one of Mark’s arms that was anchoring him so firmly in place, feeling Mark’s muscles tense and shift as Mark moved against his body.

 _“Getting hard for me, Sean?”_ Mark’s voice was low and thick. Jack knew Mark could feel his erection through his thin shorts.

_“See fer yerself.”_

Mark gave Jack’s wrists a final squeeze before loosening and releasing his grip, running his hands slowly down Jack’s arms, shoulders and chest. He grasped the hem of Jack’s shorts, flashed him a lopsided smile, and started to kneel.

 _“Oohhh Jesus,”_ Jack breathed. _“Uhm. Mark? D’you want to get in bed-?”_

_“Absolutely not.”_

_“Ser’sly? Yeh don’t have to-”_

_“Sean.”_

Jack looked down, made eye contact with Mark.

 _“…It’s, like, symbolic, okay? I’ve got this.”_ Mark’s voice had gone quiet. Jack took in the sight of him, kneeling on the floor below him, pressing his lips slowly along his inner thigh as he pulled Jack’s shorts to the floor. The sight nearly pushed him over the edge then and there.

 _“Oh. I see yer point.”_ Jack wound his fingers through Mark’s hair and grasped firmly, tracking Mark’s movements as he traveled slowly upward.

 _“Ready?”_ Mark rumbled.

 _“Please,”_ Jack whispered.

Jack watched as Mark grasped his cock, stroking it from the base to the tip and back again. Mark found Jack’s eyes and extended his tongue, licking slow circles along the tip. As the sensations washed over Jack, he resisted the urge to lean his head back and close his eyes, in love with the sight of _Mark, on his knees…_

_“You too, love.”_

“Mm?” Mark rumbled against Jack’s cock.

_“Come fer me too.”_

Mark smiled briefly, reaching his right hand into his boxers to grasp his own painfully hard erection. He closed his eyes and finally, _slowly_ , took Jack’s head into his mouth.

Jack’s moan was exquisite. His back tensed, his fingers tight in Mark’s hair as he struggled to keep his gaze locked on Mark’s perfect mouth. Mark sucked and licked, moving his tongue in sweeping circles, Jack’s hips thrusting insistently against his hand.

_“Fuck, Mark, yeh feel so good…”_

Mark took Jack deeper into his mouth, and was rewarded with a long, low moan. He moved his left hand to Jack’s hip, massaging the tight skin with his thumb before squeezing hard, guiding Jack’s thrusting gestures, feeling Jack traveling deeper and deeper into his throat. He could feel Jack’s movements becoming increasingly erratic as he started to lose control.

Mark poured all of his focus into Jack, removing his right hand from his own boxers and grabbing hard around the base of Jack’s cock, stroking in time with his lips and tongue. He glanced upward and saw Jack, his eyes closing periodically, his chin tilting involuntarily, fighting to keep his blue eyes locked on Mark.

 _“Oohhh-_ ”

Mark sucked hard on Jack’s head-

 _“Fuck-_ ”

Mark tightened his grip, stroked faster and faster-

 _“MARK-_ ”

Jack came hard and fast, his hips thrusting forward as Mark felt warm liquid explode into his mouth.

Mark had tried to prepare himself, but he wasn’t really ready for the intensity of it. He concentrated on keeping still and swallowing hard, fighting through his discomfort at the unfamiliar sensation for Jack’s benefit. He slowly removed himself from Jack, breathing deeply before looking upward.

Jack was looking back at him, releasing his grip on Mark’s hair and grasping instead at Mark’s shirt, pulling him upward. Mark stood up slowly, allowing Jack to guide him as the world spun a little.

“Oh, Mark, are yeh alright?” Jack was flushed, panting, and concerned. He wrapped his arms around Mark’s midsection, pulling him close, and Mark leaned his head against Jack’s shoulder, his hands resting lightly on Jack’s back. “Did I hurt you? What happened?”

“No…” Mark swallowed again. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Was it okay?”

 _“Are you kidding me?”_ Jack was pressing soft kisses against Mark’s hair. “I don’t even have words fer it, Mark. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to explain how it felt. I’m so grateful. I can’t believe yeh did that fer me.”

_“Love you, Sean.”_

“Mark, ser’sly-”

Jack pulled back, ran his hands up and down Mark’s arms as he straightened up. Mark was wearing a small smile, but was uncharacteristically silent. Jack took one of his hands gently and led him over to the bed, pulling Mark down so they were sitting side by side. Mark immediately leaned his head onto Jack’s shoulder and reached for Jack’s hand, holding onto it lightly.

“Talk to me, love.” Jack kissed Mark’s forehead.

Mark breathed deeply for a moment. “Really, Sean. If you’re good, I’m good. It was just a little… _intense_ … at the end there. I thought I was ready for it, but… I’ve never done that before. I’m sorry. I just got a little nervous.”

Jack lifted Mark’s chin with his fingers, and turned his body to face Mark. “Nervous how? Please tell me, Mark. I can’t stand thinking yeh’re feeling bad about this when yeh’ve been so amazing to me.”

“Oh, no- that’s not it. Not at all. I wanted to have this with you so badly. I don’t regret a single second of it.” Mark found Jack’s lips, kissed him lightly. “It was just… the actual, physical sensation. It was so intense, when you came. I just kind of blanked out. It was going so well before that, I got so nervous that I was going to fuck it up. I really wanted it to be perfect.”

“It was. It is. I mean it.” Jack brought one hand between Mark’s shoulder blades and moved it in gentle circles, trying to ease some of the tension he felt. “Everything you did… Jesus, Mark, I didn’t even think I’d last long enough fer you to get my shorts off. The way you were touching me…”

Mark was smiling again, squeezing Jack’s hand periodically. Jack’s heart physically hurt as he searched Mark’s face for a sign of the aggressive confidence he’d felt only a few moments before.

“I can’t have this, love. I need you to lay back fer me now. Can yeh do that?” Jack stood up, straightened Mark’s pillows, and helped Mark stretch out on the mattress, propping him up on the pillows, noticing how Mark clung insistently to his hand. Once Mark was settled, Jack crawled onto the bed beside him, leaning his head on Mark’s shoulder and holding tightly to his waist.

 _“You got down on yer knees fer me.”_ Mark looked down as Jack murmured softly, but Jack’s face was buried, pressed firmly against his neck. _“That was the sexiest, most lovely thing anyone has ever done fer me.”_

Jack was shifting now, sliding one leg over Mark, settling into his lap like he’d done the night before. He put his arms around Mark’s neck and pressed soft kisses against his forehead, his temple, his eyelids. His perfect mouth.

His lips still exploring Mark’s, Jack slid his hands down to Mark’s waist and slipped under the hem of his shirt, exploring the soft, warm skin underneath. His hands crept slowly upward as he reluctantly pulled back from Mark’s increasingly eager kisses, scrutinizing Mark’s face. Mark looked calm and happy, his hands resting lightly around Jack’s hips. _Oh, thank the Lord._

Jack started to pull up on Mark’s shirt, and Mark raised his arms above his head, allowing Jack to remove it, smiling into the kiss Jack reinitiated as soon as Mark’s face was freed from the white fabric. The shirt fell to the floor.

Jack took a moment to rest his hands on Mark’s chest before grabbing the hem of his own shirt – pulling it upwards and off – letting it fall to the floor on top of Mark’s. Mark smiled up at Jack, grasping more firmly at Jack’s sides, clearly enjoying the sensation of Jack’s bare skin. Jack leaned into him, pressing himself against Mark, kissing Mark deeply, his hands supporting Mark’s neck and chin.

Eventually Jack shifted his focus to Mark’s neck and shoulder, kissing and nipping as Mark’s hands pressed more firmly into the small of his back.

 _“Mm.”_ Mark was breathing deeply. _“I love this. Don’t ever stop.”_

Jack straightened up to find Mark’s eyes. _“I will be here every day, just like this, fer as long as yeh want me to.”_

Jack could feel Mark shifting beneath him, could feel his erection forming through the thin fabric of his shorts.

 _“There you are. Thought I’d lost yeh fer a minute there.”_   He kissed him, sliding his tongue between Mark’s parted lips, reaching his arms behind Mark to pull him closer. He felt Mark sighing. Responding. Giving in.

 _“Never,”_ Mark rumbled, Jack’s lips pressing against his throat.

 _“Good. Now then.”_ Jack’s breath was hot against Mark’s skin.

_“D’you know…”_

Jack’s lips were on Mark’s collarbone.

_“…how incredibly…”_

Jack’s teeth grazed Mark’s shoulder.

 _“…_ sexy _you are?”_

Jack was sucking on Mark’s nipple, glancing upward at Mark’s expression, which was both amused and aroused. Mark chuckled.

_“I thought not. So I…”_

Jack’s tongue was traveling down Mark’s chest.

_“…am going to show you.”_

Jack’s back arched as he bent over Mark, pressing slow, hot kisses along the hem of his shorts. Mark’s fingers wound into Jack’s hair as he leaned his head back, moaning low and soft.

Jack lingered, letting the smells and sounds of Mark wash over him, breathing deeply. _You can do this. For him._

He grasped the sides of Mark’s boxers and eased them down, praying that Mark would remain in this state of calm surrender. Luckily, Mark just smiled, almost shyly, and gazed down at Jack as Jack let his shorts fall to the floor, adding to the pile of discarded clothing. Jack pressed gently against Mark’s legs, spreading them apart so he could kneel between them. He felt Mark’s hand rest heavily on top of his own.

“Sean.” Mark was smiling, his voice quiet and sweet. “I can’t even tell you how much I want you to do this. But I need you to know you can stop at any time. It might be more intense than you think. I can’t have you feeling badly either. Promise me you’ll stop if it’s too much?”

Jacked pressed a kiss to the back of Mark’s hand, and another against the smooth skin of his inner thigh. _“_ I promise.” He smiled. “Now relax, love.”

Jack’s lips found their way back to Mark’s thigh, and Mark bent his knee, allowing Jack to move slowly upward, making small noises as Jack moved his lips and tongue over the sensitive skin.

Jack lingered at a particularly sensitive spot, glancing upward at Mark as he grasped the base of his cock. Mark closed his eyes, a low sound from his throat.

Jack nibbled at Mark’s thigh as he started to stroke at Mark, moving his hand slowly up and down, feeling Mark throb in response. He sank his teeth more firmly into the flesh of Mark’s thigh, leaving a trail of bright red impressions as he worked his way upward.

Before long, he ran out of surface area, and hovered above Mark’s erection. He looked up to find Mark watching him, open-mouthed, eyes half-closed.

Jack bent down…

_(Mark’s hand was in his hair)_

…and slid Mark’s head into his mouth.

_“Ohh, Sean...”_

Jack went for it. He closed his eyes and took Mark’s cock deep into his mouth, pressing his fingers _hard_ into Mark’s hips. Mark groaned and rocked, both hands tugging more insistently at Jack’s hair.

Jack was enjoying the sensations. He loved the way Mark responded to every movement of his lips and tongue. He adored the low rumbling of Mark’s voice as he moaned. He had never heard his name spoken so beautifully in his life.

Jack was moving quickly, using his mouth and his hand to work at Mark, pushing him to the edge. Mark had been right: this was _intense_. Mark felt huge inside his mouth, pulsing and throbbing. Mark’s hips rocked in time with Jack’s movements, his hands grasped tightly around Jack’s wrists.

 _“Oohhh. Uhm.”_ Mark was trying and failing to communicate, overcome with pleasure. _“Sean… Ready?”_

Jack didn’t stop, just squeezed Mark’s hand with his own as hard as he could, squeezed his mouth around Mark’s cock-

 _“Fuck! Sean!”_ Mark was coming hard, his head thrown back, fingers tightly wound in Jack’s hair.

Jack was momentarily overwhelmed, struggling to swallow the hot liquid that had forced its way so suddenly into the back of his mouth. _“Mh-”_ he swallowed hard.

Mark was recovering quickly, already sitting up with his hands caressing Jack’s face as Jack released him.

“Sean? You with me?” Jack nodded, unable to find his voice.

Mark was kneeling, inspecting Jack’s face, love and concern so obvious in his deep, brown eyes. “It’s ok, Sean, I’m right here…”

Jack swallowed once more and smiled, somewhat weakly. “Intense is right. How did I do?”

Mark grinned. _“Fucking awesome!”_ Mark imitated one of Jack’s favorite phrases. Jack giggled quietly as Mark’s arms encircled him, surrendering into a crushing embrace.

Mark turned them both and guided Jack down onto the mattress, resting his head on a pillow. He pulled the blanket over his shoulders and draped it over the two of them, hovering just above Jack, taking in every detail of his bright blue eyes.

“I made a cave for you. You can stay here forever, and you’ll always be safe.”

Mark was trying to lighten the mood, but Jack felt his eyes fill with tears. _Fuck, no, not now…_

Mark looked stricken. _“Sean?_ Talk to me? Please?”

Jack shook his head, tried to raise a hand to wipe at his eyes… but Mark was already there, his thumb smoothing Jack’s tears away, his lips pressed against Jack’s cheek.

Jack took a deep breath, wound his arms tightly around Mark’s neck. “’M fine, love. Just overwhelmed. But in a good way, I think. It just felt so… _real_. Like I’d never been touched before, like I’ve been trapped somewhere and you’re the first one who’s managed to get through…”

Mark was pressing kisses into Jack’s hair as he spoke.

“And also… it was _really_ hard to swallow.” Mark paused and looked down at him, and they both dissolved into laughter.

“I know, right?” Mark managed, blushing hard. “We are such badasses!”

Mark recovered first, taken in by Jack’s smile, by the laughter that flowed from him so easily. He kissed Jack mid-giggle, loved the way Jack tightened his arms around him in response.

“Ser’sly, though,” Jack said. “Was it too much? Too far?”

“No.” Mark was firm. “It was like you said – physically overwhelming. And emotionally… yeah. I have never been this close to another person before. Ever. It’s still hitting me in waves.”

“Yep,” Jack agreed. “I’m sorry I got a bit emotional. It hasn’t all settled in yet. I just saw yeh looking down at me like that… and I thought about the way yeh’ve _trusted_ me…”

“I do,” Mark said seriously. “And you’ve been there for me every second.”

Jack took his time smoothing Mark’s hair away from his eyes. “Can we really stay in here forever?”

Mark pressed a slow, gentle kiss to Jack’s forehead. _“Anything you want, Sean.”_

 


	12. Chapter 12

“MARKIPLIER LIVES! Jesus, where ya been, man? You haven’t been on Twitter in, like, 24 hours. I think the fangirls are mounting an actual search party. You have locks on your doors, right?”

“Ha. Shit. You’re right. I should get on that.”

Mark was propped up in bed with the phone in front of his face, wondering how Bob would react to everything he planned to say.

“I’ve just been taking a little break. I recorded extra videos last week so no one would notice.”

“Dude, people notice if you, like, sneeze weird. Your absence in the Twitterverse is obvious. But, hey, for real, everything alright?”

Mark tried to smile, failed, and gulped instead. “Bob. I just need to tell you something real quick, ok?”

“Oh, Jesus, who’s pregnant?”

“Ha! No! Dude. I’m serious.”

“Fine, fine. I’m all ears- what’s up?”

Bob watched as Mark looked off camera and gave a small shrug.

“Is someone else there?”

Mark looked off camera again, smiled, and nodded. Jack appeared in the frame.

“Jack! What’s up, man?”

“Hey Bob!” Jack smiled and waved while Mark blushed madly.

“Dude, I didn’t know you were Stateside! What are you… oh…”

Bob had evidently caught on to the fact that Mark and Jack were both sitting in Mark’s bedroom, in Mark’s bed, tousled hair and all.

Bob smiled. “Dude, I can’t even tell you how many jokes I had set aside for this exact moment. I’m not even kidding.” Bob’s voice was high and teasing: “ _Did the fangirls finally kidnap you? Is someone forcing you to act out Septiplier fanfiction? I can hold a charity livestream to pay your ransom!_ ”

All three men giggled.

“Sorry, I’ll spare you the rest. Seriously, good for you guys. I’m happy for you.”

“Dude, we didn’t even explain-” Mark started, but Bob cut him off.

“What, that you guys are soulmates, destined to make thousands of adorable Septiplier babies? You guys are the real deal. I’m glad you finally figured it out.”

Jack was giggling, and Mark was scowling at Bob. “Did everyone on Earth really figure this out before me?”

“Bro, have you googled yourself lately? You know the answer to that. And the answer is… yes.”

Mark groaned, smiling, and Jack pecked him on the cheek.

“Oh, Jesus, right in the feels.” Bob was smiling. “Really though,” he went on. “Joking aside. Mark, I’ve known you a long time, and I have never seen you have more fun, or seem more happy than when you’re hanging around with this Irish nutjob. Don’t fuck it up. And YOU, Jackaboy-” he pointed accusingly at Jack. “Thank you. You make my friend happy. Just take care of my special snowflake.”

Mark and Jack glanced at each other, blushing.

“So,” Mark finally found his voice. “Bob, you’re the first person we’ve told. I know it doesn’t seem like it should be a secret, but we’re really not ready to let the whole world know yet. We just wanted to tell some close friends. So, uh, keep it quiet for now, ok?”

“You got it, brother. And, seriously. I’m really happy for you guys.”

“Thanks man.”

“Thanks Bob!”

The call disconnected. Mark promptly flopped down on the bed. “Oh, God. The awkward. It hurts me.”

Jack giggled. “Mark, yeh big baby. It wasn’t even awkward! YOU are awkward. Bob was great.”

“Oh, thanks for the reassurance!” Jack climbed over him and playfully pinned his wrists to the bed.

“Sorry love. I’m just… excited. It feels a little more real now that someone else knows. It feels… good.” He kissed Mark quickly. “Now, c’mon, let’s get up. I think we should let Twitter know we’re still alive. And then I think we should record something! I think it would be cool to have a collab to look back on, y’know, as a reminder.”

Mark contemplated this. “Should we let people know you’re visiting, maybe? I mean, we don’t have to spill everything right away. It wouldn’t be too surprising for you to take a vacation and visit me, right? You’ve done it before.”

“Honestly… I’m fine with however you want to handle it. All of that sounds good.” Jack smiled, kissed Mark lightly on the nose, and jumped up from the bed. “C’mon! Up yeh get!”

 

* * *

 

 

Mark and Jack were in the office down the hall from Mark’s bedroom. They’d used a mixture of Mark’s spare equipment and the few pieces Jack had packed (headphones, portable mic and camera) and rigged a temporary setup, so they could record together. They’d opted to park Jack in the office instead of Mark’s bedroom, to avoid raising too much suspicion for the time being. However, Jack came up with the idea to start the video with a mashup of their intros, and they’d decided to record that part in the same room. They put on their headsets and snapped a selfie for social media.

Mark shared it on Twitter and Facebook:

_Managed to convince Jack to work during his vacation. Doesn’t he look well rested? Surprises in the works. #hesnottoofamousformeyet_

The camera and mic were already live- they’d booted up Overwatch on both systems ahead of time. Jack started the intro as they had discussed.

“Top o’ the mornin’ to yeh laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye!”

“And my name is Markiplier, and welcome to”

“OVERWATCH!” They said the last part in unison.

Jack continued introducing the video. “If I did my job well, you’ve all been receiving videos over the last couple of days even though I’ve actually been on vacation! I decided to take a little time off, and I planned a stopover in California to thrash some of my friends in person fer a change.” He glanced pointedly at Mark. “You have no idea how isolating it can be to annihilate you from such a distance.”

“Dude! Jesus! We haven’t even started playing yet!” Mark feigned indignation. “Plus, we’re playing coop this round! Save the sass for the enemy!”

“Oh, right,” Jack giggled.

Mark scowled in Jack’s direction. “Aaaanyway, sit tight for some Overwatch and another surprise or two!”

Jack flashed a grin and a thumbs up before they broke character.

“You goober,” Mark teased. He kissed Jack on the cheek. “See you on the other side!”

They’d texted Bob shortly after their earlier conversation to see if he wanted to coop. He said he’d be available, and Mark opened the connection when he returned to his bedroom. “Say hi to Bob everybody!”

“HI BOB!” Jack yelled.

“Say hi Bob.”

“HI JACK!” Bob yelled back.

“And hello to all of you watching at home!” Mark continued.

“Hmmm.” Jack was deliberating. “Should I heal people, or rain certain death down from the heavens?”

“After all that sassafras you were just talking? Why don’t you put a rocket launcher where your… mouth… is?” Everyone giggled as Mark finished pathetically.

They played for a couple of hours, thoroughly enjoying themselves. Mark and Jack were both amazed at how easily they were able to settle back into the banter of their previous friendship.

Mark was alive with excitement and relief. He’d worried that some awkwardness or uncertainty would have followed them here, that fun and games might become more of an effort than it had been before. If anything, Jack was even more carefree and energetic than usual. They teased each other ruthlessly and saved each other’s skins, just like always.

Jack was just in awe. He listened to Mark ramble and joke as he had countless times before, in disbelief that he, Jack, had been the recipient of so much trust, so much _love_ , from this utterly perfect human being. He felt electric, like a circuit being powered by Mark’s energy.

They said goodbye to Bob after their final round, and Jack initiated the outro they had discussed.

“Thank you guys so much for watching this video, and if you liked it-”

Mark burst into the frame behind Jack, yelling:

“PUNCH that ‘like’ button IN THE FACE-”

“LIKE A BOSS!” They both yelled.

“And, high fives all around-” Jack went on.

WHAPISH! WHAPISH! They high-fived.

Laughing, Jack finished, “But thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes-”

They both threw their heads back, arms in the air: “IN THE NEXT VIDEOOO!”

They looked at each other, breathless and hysterical with excitement, and Mark dove at Jack, covering him in kisses while Jack barely managed to keep the computer chair upright.

“Jesus, Mark!” Jack laughed and gasped. “Good thing we’re not live!” Mark was unconcerned, pulling Jack’s headphones off of his head so he could cover more surface area with his lips and hands. “Mark. Mark! Just let me look at yeh for a second!” Mark relented, pulling back slightly to give Jack some breathing room.

“Sorry, sorry,” Mark was still giggling. “I’m just… so _excited_. That was so FUN. I guess I thought… I dunno… I thought maybe ‘boyfriends’ might mean we wouldn’t be  _best friends,_ anymore. And that was stupid. And I’m so happy.”

“I know what you mean. I’m relieved, too.” Jack was grinning stupidly. He couldn’t help it. “I didn’t come here to change yeh, Mark. I came here because I love everything about you. I don’t want yeh to change a single bit of it because of me.” Jack kissed Mark lightly.

“Ditto, Sean.”

Mark wound his arms around Jack and scooped him out of the chair. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere.”

Jack rubbed his nose against Mark’s neck. “Will there be food?”

Mark chuckled. “I can make that happen.”


	13. Chapter 13

Mark had finally convinced Jack to take a shower by himself. It hadn’t been easy.

“Yeh’re ser’sly not coming in here with me?”

“Babe. I have a super secret plan. I need you to take your time up here while I do my super secret things.”

Jack had eventually given in, and Mark was just finishing up as Jack appeared in the kitchen.

“Fischbach… did you bake me a cake?” Jack’s mouth was hanging open in disbelief. Mark had just taken the pan out of the oven, had been setting it down on the counter when Jack walked in.

“Heh… yeah – FUCK! IT’S HOT!” He managed to set the pan down without dropping it, just barely.

Jack walked over to him, inspected his hand. “You ok?” Mark smiled, nodded. “I’m amazing.”

“You really, really are.”

“Don’t get _too_ excited. It’s Funfetti. Like, from a box. I’ll make you a real one sometime when we’re not on such a tight schedule.” Jack had no idea what Mark was talking about, since it was just after 11:00 PM, and as far as he knew, they had nowhere to be.

“Funfetti is fucking _awesome_.” Jack was grinning.

“It’s going to be hot for a while. We’ll have to pack it up and take it with us.” Mark grabbed some tin foil and wrapped up the pan. He retrieved two cans of frosting from a cabinet. “Chocolate or vanilla?”

“I feel like that’s a trick question.”

“You know me so well!” Mark dropped both containers into a duffel bag that was already mostly full.

Jack finally noticed the two pizza boxes sitting on the table. “SUSTENANCE!”

Mark grinned, opened one of the boxes, and grabbed a slice. He folded it in half and held it up to Jack’s mouth. Jack munched ravenously, giggling. “Is the pizza coming with us?” he asked hopefully, his mouth still partially full. Mark’s heart squeezed. _He is so fucking cute._

“That’s the plan! Well, that’s like, one of the many steps of the plan. Can you grab the boxes if I carry this other stuff?”

Jack was happy to oblige. They loaded their supplies into the back of Mark’s car and piled into the front. “Comfy?” Mark asked. “We’re going to be driving for a while.”

“Never better,” Jack managed, his mouth full of pizza.

Mark had set the GPS on his phone and started to drive, but Jack still had no idea where they were headed, being completely unfamiliar with the geography of California. He couldn’t have cared less. He would have followed Mark anywhere.

 

* * *

 

“Sean? Babe?” Jack woke slowly, shifting against Mark’s shoulder, where he had landed when he’d nodded off.

“I hate waking you up, but we’re here.”

Jack noticed the intoxicating smell before he even opened his eyes. _Salt water? The ocean?_ He heard a low, persistent rushing noise close by – _waves_ – and felt a pleasant breeze against his skin.

He opened his eyes to find that he and Mark were sitting in darkness, with the windows open, in an empty parking lot. Sand dunes rose in front of the car.

“Very cool, love.”

“Yeah, well. I heard there was a PokéGym nearby. Gotta catch ‘em all, right?”

Jack burst into a giggle and gave Mark a squeeze. “Yeh big goof. Yeh’re a sweetheart, and you know it. Give yerself some credit.”

“Guilty. No Pokémon here. Just me and you.” He kissed Jack carefully.

“…But, here, put this on for now, just in case.”

Mark handed Jack a black, nondescript baseball cap, identical to the one he was already wearing. Jack didn’t love the thought of having to cover up, but he knew it was smart to conceal their brightly dyed hair until they could be sure they were alone. Jack still often forgot that people from all corners of the world could recognize him by sight.

“Makes me want to shave my head sometimes, y’know?” Jack’s expression had faltered a bit.

“I literally just heard millions of hearts breaking, including my own.” Mark was teasing, but Jack remained serious.

“Hey, I get it, I know the feeling. But, Sean-” Mark put one arm around Jack. “You are loved, truly and actually _loved_ by millions of people in this world. How many people can say that? And I know how it is. I know it can be a big responsibility. But it’s also a gift. You’re like… a superhero. But better, because you’re real.” Mark pulled Jack into a close hug. “And the person who loves you the most, out of all those millions, is right here.”

Jack pressed a kiss against Mark’s neck, close to his ear.

_“Love you, Mark.”_

Mark gave Jack a final squeeze. “Come on. We have a few hours before the sun comes up. Let’s enjoy it.”

 

* * *

 

Mark shouldered the duffel bag as they stepped onto the rickety planks that formed a pathway through the dunes. The darkness was undercut by a pleasant glow emanating from city lights down the coast, civilization in the distance. Mark reached over to take Jack’s hand as they walked, and Jack jumped about three feet in the air.

“Whoa! You ok?” Mark was concerned.

“Oh, Jesus, Mark, sorry! I was so startled!” Jack took a nervous breath. “I mean, is it safe? Fer us to do that in public?”

“Well… we’re not exactly in public, are we?” Jack glanced around. Mark was right: this place seemed utterly deserted. “Plus, we’ve got the hats, and it’s dark. If anyone did pass by, I really don’t think they’d recognize us.”

“Oh, Mark-” Jack’s voice was pained. “That’s not what I meant. God, that it made it sound like I’d be… embarrassed… or something. That’s not it.” Mark stepped closer, trying to read Jack’s expression in the darkness.

“I meant,” Jack went on, “is it actually _safe_? Like, do we need to worry about people… attacking us? Or anything?”

Mark was stunned. The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. “I didn’t think of that.” His voice was quiet.

They started walking again, and Mark contemplated this revelation. He had never been afraid to walk around in public, not even since he’d become a widely-recognizable celebrity. “I mean, people in California are pretty liberal… I’ve known some gay people in the area, and they’ve never really mentioned anything happening before…”

But then he recalled one incident from the previous year. He’d been walking down the street with a large group of people, including a gay couple, who had been holding hands. A crowd of men had passed by, posturing and hurling homophobic slurs and insults. He recalled that they’d all laughed it off, and tried to remember if they’d even discussed it afterwards. Mark guessed not; he’d forgotten all about it until now. He realized with a jolt that forgetting had been a luxury, that his gay friends had probably lived with every horrible detail of that memory for the past year. That they probably had many, far worse memories to live with. What could have happened if they hadn’t been walking in such a large group? The guilt ached in his chest.

“I was wrong. I have seen people get harassed. Friends of mine, even. I’d just forgotten.” Mark’s voice was low.

“I’ve been in a fight over it.” Jack sounded… _sad_. “I had a friend in high school. We were out and about one time, some guys started harassing him… it came to blows.” Mark struggled with the image of Jack in a fist fight. Superhero Jack, before he had any powers. _Had he bled? Had there been bruises?_ Mark shook his head, trying to clear the image of black and blue marks across Jack’s beautiful face.

Jack was still talking: “I wasn’t exactly eager to think much about my own… preferences… after that.” Mark was nodding.

“I’ll never forget when you posted that video, you know, about voting for marriage equality in Ireland. It was so different from your other vlogs. I know you’ve always tried to be… _real_ … in your videos, but… that was different. In a good way. It was so obvious that you were talking about something that mattered to you so much – something bigger than gaming or fans or YouTube – and you could’ve gotten so much flack for it… That was really brave.”

“No. It wasn’t.” Jack’s voice was quiet, but firm. “I’m sorry, I know yeh’re trying to be kind. But sitting behind a camera, preaching to the choir, isn’t brave.” Jack swallowed hard. “Holding hands with the person you love, when you might get the shit kicked out of yeh for it- _that’s_ brave.”

Mark nodded, apologetic, embarrassed. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He picked up Jack’s hand and squeezed. “So, let’s be brave.”

The view opened up in front of them, black water stretching impossibly far into the distance. The beach was small, just a few yards of sand disappearing into gently rolling waves. They were completely alone, not another soul in sight.

“Lord, Mark, it’s beautiful.”

“Yeah. Beautiful,” Mark repeated, but he wasn’t looking at the water. He was looking at Jack.

He lingered for a moment, enjoying the weight of Jack’s hand in his own. Then, he walked onto the sand, dropped the duffel bag, and unzipped it. He pulled out a blanket, which he spread over the cool, damp sand.

Mark discarded his shoes and socks, and gestured for Jack to join him.

“Sit down here for a second.”

Jack sat at the edge of the blanket, facing the water, and Mark knelt down in front of him. He discarded his baseball cap, and then Jack’s – the disguises were clearly unnecessary. He slowly removed Jack’s shoes and socks. Jack was speechless, in awe of the way Mark could fill the simplest gestures with so much… _love._ Mark placed Jack’s feet in the cool sand, covering them a bit. “Feel good?”

“Mm.” Jack was smiling, reaching up to smooth Mark’s hair. “So good.”

Mark leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jack’s. The kiss was slow and sweet.

Mark eventually pulled back, smiling at Jack. “Stay there.” He stood up and brushed the sand off of his hands. He walked behind Jack and sat down again, scooting forward with one leg on either side of Jack, until he could rest his chin on Jack’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Jack – _God, he feels amazing_ – and took in the sounds of the ocean.

Jack was equally blissful, with Mark’s warm weight surrounding him. Any anxiety at the newness of their physical contact had faded away. He had never felt more calm or safe in his life. He felt Mark’s arms shifting, felt Mark’s warm hands make contact with his stomach and his chest as they slid under his shirt. He felt familiar butterflies fluttering against his insides at Mark’s touch.

He contemplated the many moods and faces of Mark that he had experienced since he’d arrived. Mark had always been the goofiest, most energetic person he knew. But Jack was starting to become more familiar with the depth behind that enthusiasm. Mark had shown him patient seriousness, genuine concern, and incredible sweetness. And… aggression. Barely controlled lust.

“Mark.”

“Mm?”

“Remember earlier? You were a bit… rough with me?” Jack spoke quietly.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“Jesus, no. It was actually… God, it was so _sexy_ Mark. I’ve never had anyone come after me like that.”

“I wasn’t trying to cause you pain. I don’t want that at all. It was just…” Mark searched for the words.

“I think I get it. I’m not fragile. I won’t break. I think yeh know that. I think yeh know you don’t have to hold back so much. Yeah?”

“Yeah, it was like… I _needed_ you. I felt like I would die if I didn’t show you how much.”

“I liked it, Mark. I loved it. I want to try it again, sometime. But I just wanted to tell you…”

Jack found Mark hands and squeezed, pressed his face against Mark’s cheek.

“This, the way you are right now – gentle and kind – this is the best I’ve ever felt in my life.”

Mark brushed his lips against Jack’s ear, pressed a slow, warm kiss against Jack’s neck. He whispered: _“I actually think there’s room for improvement.”_

His fingers were sliding down Jack’s belly, undoing the button on Jack’s jeans. _“Might as well take them off. There’s nobody here but me.”_

Jack leaned back against Mark as he started to push Jack’s pants downward. Jack didn’t hesitate; he felt Mark’s hands return to his belly and pulled his jeans off the rest of the way, keeping his boxers on. He shivered a little; the ocean air was cool in the dark.

Mark felt the tremor and pressed more tightly against Jack, his left arm firmly around Jack’s chest and his right hand moving down Jack’s belly…

_“You were right. This is better.”_

Mark slipped his hand under the hem of Jack’s boxers, found that Jack was already halfway hard. He took Jack into his hand and stroked upward, feeling Jack’s back arch against his chest. Jack moaned sweetly as Mark stroked again and again. Although Mark kept his face pressed against Jack’s, the lovely sounds were barely audible over the sweeping waves. Jack’s heartbeat thrummed against Mark’s cheek as Jack shifted with pleasure, leaning heavily on Mark as he rocked his hips in small movements against his hand.

 _“I love you, Sean.”_ Jack had lost the power of speech. He moaned in response, his head thrown back, squeezing Mark’s free hand as tightly as he could.

_“I love everything about you…”_

Jack was tensing, he was almost there…

_“And you are everything I’ve ever wanted.”_

Jack came, gasping and shuddering, watching an explosion of stars behind his eyelids, even brighter than the stars overhead. He felt Mark holding him so tight, anchoring him in place.

They breathed together, waves of pleasure breaking over Jack like the tide.

Mark held him for a long moment, as he slowly regained his senses.

 _“Incredible, love,”_ Jack finally managed. _“There are no words fer it. But… I think I made a bit of a mess.”_

Mark chuckled, a low, reassuring rumble. _“I came prepared. Stay there.”_

Mark removed his hand as carefully as he could from Jack’s boxers. He leaned over, reaching inside the duffel bag with his free hand, and pulled out some paper towels. He cleaned off his own fingers first, then stood, and came to kneel in front of Jack again.

Jack reached gratefully for the paper towels, but Mark stopped him. “No. Let me.”

He dabbed gently at a spot on Jack’s belly until it was clean. Then he scooted around to Jack’s side, lifted the hem of his boxers, and carefully cleaned the remaining liquid from the fabric and from Jack’s skin. Jack leaned his head against Mark’s shoulder as he worked, thinking this gesture was almost as intimate as the orgasm he’d just experienced. _How does he do that? How can he take something so personal and make it seem so… safe?_

“You know what would really help…” Mark was saying, “is if I threw you in that water.”

Jack wasn’t sure if he was joking. He didn’t care. “Not if I throw you first, Fischbach.” He was on his knees, pulling Mark’s shirt up and off, tossing it into the sand. Mark returned the favor, fumbling in the darkness, Jack giggling as Mark’s fingertips brushed against his skin. Jack grabbed for Mark’s jeans, undoing the button quickly and pulling them off as Mark stood. And then Jack was up, dragging Mark along with him, running into the water.

“Fuck! Sean! Abort! IT’S COLD! I WAS KIDDING!”

“Too late!” Jack practically shouted. He dove for Mark, securing his arms around his neck, and they fell together into the inky water.

Mark was laughing, holding Jack close, shivering as the cold water splashed around their shoulders. “Seriously! Oh my God! IT’S SO COLD!”

Jack and pressed his lips against Mark’s open mouth, smiling as he brushed his tongue against Mark’s. He tightened his arms around Mark’s neck. He wrapped his legs around Mark’s waist. He pressed his body against Mark as tightly as he could.

_“Not to worry, love. I’ll keep yeh warm.”_

 


	14. Chapter 14

Jack had kept his promise. Mark was on his back, watching the stars fade away, as warm as he’d ever been, with Jack sound asleep on his chest.

They’d eventually found their way back to the beach, and Mark had unpacked the towels and extra blanket he’d brought along, just in case. They had dried each other off and reluctantly dressed, agreeing that they’d try to pack up and go before sunrise to avoid running into any early morning beachgoers.

Mark wasn’t sure how long they’d talked and held each other before Jack finally nodded off, and he wasn’t sure how long he’d spent staring at the sky since then, wishing that the night would swallow them up and stretch on forever. He couldn’t have slept if he’d wanted to. His nerve endings pulsed with warm energy, alive with the feeling of Jack’s weight pressed against his heart.

He’d spent a lot of time thinking about their conversation with Bob. _Soulmates._ That’s what Bob had said. The word had never held much weight or interest for Mark before. His previous relationships had been… nice, and fun, and right for the time, but inherently temporary, and ultimately disastrous. He had found himself looking for excuses not to get attached; his work made it nearly impossible, for a multitude of reasons. His schedule was tight, and often unpredictable. His fans numbered in the millions, and they were both devoted and aggressive. He felt immense guilt anytime someone he cared about ended up in the spotlight because of him; it almost always went horribly wrong. The negative press could be demoralizing, humiliating, and incredibly intrusive. It wasn’t a lifestyle he felt comfortable subjecting someone to, and yet… it was a lifestyle he loved. He loved the excitement, loved feeding his creativity day after day. He loved the fact that he could reach out into the universe and find millions of people who supported and adored him.

Except… they did so from a distance. His fan base was like a faraway ball of energy, the sun at the center of his solar system: something that kept him warm, something that gave him life… and something he could never truly touch. He often struggled to understand how so much love could feel so impossibly far away.

And then there was _Jack_. He could feel Jack’s warmth, his vital energy in every corner of his own body. Jack was bright and life-sustaining, and there was nothing distant about him. He was _here_ , incredibly close, incredibly precious. And Jack wasn’t just a visitor in Mark’s world- he _lived_ in it. They orbited the same sun. They shared such similar passions. Such similar fears and doubts.

_So how do we make it work? How do I keep you here with me? Can I love you enough to make you want to stay?_

Mark breathed deeply, taking in the smell of salt water that lingered on Jack’s hair and skin. He closed his eyes. He held Jack more tightly. He would have given anything to stay on that beach, in the darkness, with Jack, forever.

_Just one more hour._

Mark smoothed Jack’s hair.

_Just five more minutes._

Mark felt Jack sighing in his sleep.

_Just a few more seconds._

Mark breathed in time with Jack’s slow and steady pulse.

But pink streaks were bleeding into the inky blackness over the ocean. The sun was coming. The moment was done.

Mark could barely stand it. He moved one hand against Jack’s hair as gently as he could, kissed Jack’s forehead as softly as he could manage. _Superhero Jack. Come back and save me now._

Jack slipped slowly into wakefulness, tightening his grip around Mark’s waist. He yawned and lifted his head sleepily, blinking at Mark in the pre-dawn light. Mark knew how hard it was for Jack to wake up, and had been preparing himself to carry Jack to the car if necessary – so he was thoroughly shocked when Jack climbed on top of him, straddling him at the waist, and kissed him so sweetly, so deeply, he could hardly breathe.

 _“I missed you,”_ Jack breathed, as Mark held him close. _“My dreams were good, but not good enough.”_

_“Love you, Sean.”_

Eventually Jack straightened up, stretching and taking in their surroundings. The sky was becoming lighter every minute, and they both knew it was time to go. They stood, slowly and stiffly, folded blankets and towels, and packed them up. They helped each other with their baseball caps, tucking strands of red and green hair reluctantly away. They’d both put on hooded sweatshirts against the chill of the ocean, and they pulled their hoods on as well, an extra layer of protection against the outside world.

As they stepped onto the wooden path, they could see a woman in the distance, coming toward them from the parking lot. She was dressed much like they were – jeans and a hooded sweatshirt – and she was walking her dog, a golden retriever. Jack stopped walking and looked over at Mark, clearly unsure of what to do. Mark took another glance at the woman, decided that golden retrievers were good judges of character.

“Sean. Time to be brave, right?” Jack nodded, and Mark picked up his hand. They continued on the path, hands clasped tightly together. Mark thought his heartbeat was probably loud enough for the woman to hear. As she approached, he could see that she had headphones in her ears. She smiled at them briefly, and then… continued on her way. She’d barely glanced at them as she walked past.

Relief washed over both of them. Jack was left feeling energized, almost giddy. Mark’s heart rate was slowly coming down.

They finally reached the car. Mark placed the duffel on the back seat and stopped Jack before he climbed in, pulling him into a firm hug. Mark rocked them both from side to side.

“You ok, love?” Jack gave him a squeeze.

“I really am. Just nerves. Are you ok?”

“Never better. Except… starving.”

“Ah. I’ve got just the thing. Go get settled in the front.”

After a moment, Mark climbed into the driver’s seat next to Jack, holding the cake pan, a container of frosting, and two forks.

“Oh. My. God. It’s. _Cake._ ” Jack sounded like he might weep. “I can’t believe I forgot. Jesus, Mark, how can I ever repay you fer tonight?”

Mark smiled. “I’ll let you know.”


	15. Chapter 15

Jack had felt guilty once he’d realized Mark had been awake all night. His jet lag had become ever more apparent, the time of day having little bearing on his sleep cycle (or lack thereof), and he was wide awake as they left the beach. He’d put on music and sung loudly to keep Mark awake and entertained on the drive home, but by the time they’d arrived back at Mark’s house, Mark had been crashing hard.

“Noooo. I’m fine. I want to hang out.” They were standing in the entryway.

“Don’t make me drag you, Fischbach. I won’t do it gently.”

“You promise?” Mark slid his fingers through Jack’s belt loops, smiling an exhausted smile.

“C’mon- you have a perfect excuse to crawl into bed with me, and yeh’re not even going to take advantage?”

“Oh.” Mark grinned sleepily. “Sometimes, when you talk, the words are good.”

Jack giggled. “Let’s go, love.”

Jack led Mark to the bedroom, removed his socks, shoes, and jeans, and tucked him into bed. He scooted in beside him, propping himself up on one elbow, taking in Mark’s sleepy expression. “You tricked me, you… trickster. But the joke’s on you. I can’t sleep here. This is not a sleeping bed. This is a… fool-around-with-Sean bed.” Mark yawned hugely.

“Plenty of time fer that, love. Close yer eyes now.”

 “But you’re not tired.” Mark yawned again. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“Hush.” Jack ran one hand through Mark’s hair. “I’ll be right down the hall. I want to edit some of our footage from yesterday so we can upload. Plenty of time to hang out later, once yeh get some sleep.”

“Stop arguing so good,” Mark mumbled. “Just… talk to me until I fall asleep, first?”

Jack did. He talked about the moonlight over the dark ocean, the feel of Mark’s warm skin shielding him from the freezing water. He described the pounding of his heart, the exhilaration of holding Mark’s hand, out there, in the world. He told Mark how it had felt to be so perfectly, beautifully alone together. How it felt to fall asleep to the rise and fall of Mark’s chest, as if Mark had been breathing for the both of them.

Mark slept.

Jack watched him for a while, thinking about all the things he hadn’t gotten a chance to say out loud yet. Thinking about all of the plans he’d already started making inside his head, barely aware of it until that moment. But it wasn’t time yet. They had a few more days to figure it all out, and Jack had no intention of disturbing the perfection of the first few days they’d spent together.

He slipped carefully out of the bed; Mark didn’t ever stir. He had debated using Mark’s bedroom computer to work on some editing so he could stay closer to Mark, but had decided against it, worried about keeping Mark awake with his clicking and typing. Plus, he’d realized he was looking forward to some time alone with his thoughts. He knew they’d eventually have some big decisions to make, and he wanted to be ready. He knew spending some time working on familiar tasks would probably help.

He settled into the chair in the office – unfamiliar, but still comfortable – and put on his headphones. He decided to do some “research” online for a while before editing. He knew there was a whole realm of ground he and Mark hadn’t covered yet – emotionally and physically – and he was trying to prepare himself, to get a clearer picture of his own boundaries.

He bookmarked a couple of sites with useful information about sexuality and terminology, decided to sift through the information with Mark later on. He stumbled upon some articles and images that made him blush furiously – _Does that actually feel good? Fer real?_ – and tried to take it all in.

So far, sex with Mark had felt surprisingly natural. But that was because of _Mark_ , who had figured out how to be so kind and reassuring when Jack started to struggle. And he _had_ struggled. He reexamined the anxiousness and physical discomfort he had felt periodically. He’d overcome it because of Mark’s confidence and support. He’d overcome it because he _loved_ Mark, wanted to be _close_ with Mark, wanted to… _fuck_ Mark.

As soon as he heard the words in his head, he knew they were true. The idea of it made his heart race and his stomach swoop. He knew it would probably be uncomfortable and difficult and _scary_ at first. But… he also knew Mark had given him no reason to hold back. The desire was obvious. The intimacy was real.

He heard Mark’s voice in his head. _Time to be brave, right?_

Jack decided to work on some editing, to let these thoughts settle for a while.

He clicked into yesterday’s footage and started the playback. He giggled to himself, thought the mashup intro had actually come out pretty well. He grinned stupidly as he watched Mark kissing his cheek before leaving the room, felt his stomach do another backflip at this visual evidence of Mark’s affection.

He created a new folder – titled it “Journey,” for several different reasons – and added two subfolders. He used one to store the clips of him and Mark together: their intro and outro, some particularly hilarious exchanges from actual gameplay, and two clips that would have to be cut from the version he would upload to his channel. He watched the last clip on repeat, watched over and over as Mark threw his arms around him, covering him with kisses. Watched the expression play out on his own face, from excitement, to surprised amusement, to blatant admiration and love. He had watched countless hours of footage of his own face, but this felt almost like watching a stranger. His face was transformed. _He_ was transformed. It was like Mark had reached out to touch him and left him warmer… happier… _better_ than he’d ever been before.

He filled the second subfolder with stills from the video clips, took his time editing some of them into short animations that he knew Mark would enjoy.

He lingered on a couple of stills: himself, laughing, Mark kissing his cheek – himself, grinning, his head on Mark’s shoulder while Mark hugged him – and finally, the two of them standing together with their faces mostly hidden, Mark’s arms strong around Jack, holding him up on his tiptoes, hugging him close. The image was so powerful, Jack had to remind himself to breathe.

He pulled himself away from his private folder and put some time into editing for his channel. He’d already located the highlights of their gameplay, and it didn’t take long to piece together a draft that he could review with Mark once he woke up. He yawned and stretched, satisfied for the time being.

He knew he had been neglecting social media, and felt compelled to investigate before getting up to check on Mark. He logged into Twitter and Facebook to assess the situation.

Mark’s post had received a stunning amount of attention. Jack had noticed that their fan bases had become almost indistinguishable over the last year or so, and the fans had been out in full force. The sheer number of shares and comments was staggering.

Jack prepared himself mentally, as he often had to. It had always been an effort for him to keep from getting lost in the negative comments. He knew that the positive posts usually far outweighed the negative, but it was an effort to see it, to keep from taking it all so personally.

 

He checked the Twitter comments first.

 

_SEPTIPLIER AWAY!_

_they are so cute omg_

_looooove them!!!!_

_septiplier is canon_

_suuuure. vacaaation._

 

_isn’t that mark’s house?_

Jack thought it could have been much worse… and unfortunately, he was right. His face fell as he continued down the page:

 

_guys markiplier is not gay, that’s gross_

_guess they finally fucked_

_septiplier is the dumbest thing_

_thought you guys were cool before this gay shit_

_Fuck._ Jack felt physically ill. He had seen and heard much worse than this in the past, had even spoken with Mark about it before, but it had never hit so hard. He thought of Mark, sleeping peacefully down the hallway. He thought of everything that had happened between them since he’d arrived, a flurry of conflicting emotions beating inside his chest.

He took his headphones off, put his face in his hands, and cried.

His tears were hot against the palms of his hands. Images of him and Mark in bed together flashed through his mind as he tried to reconcile the ugly words with the affection – the love – he knew they’d both felt. He rubbed at his eyes, his shoulders shaking.

Of course, Mark chose that moment to open the office door.

_“Fuck, Mark-”_

He tried to wipe at his face, desperate to minimize the damage for Mark’s sake – but it was way too late. Mark was already there, scooping Jack out of the chair, holding him up, searching his face.

“Sean, _God_ , what happened? Are you alright? Jesus…”

Mark was near tears himself, obviously horrified at the pain Jack was struggling with.

_“It’s stupid, I’m fine, I promise…”_

“No, Sean, tell me…” Mark’s eyes found the computer screen and started to put the pieces together. _“Shit._ Sean, I’m so sorry. I’m here now. It’s alright.”

Mark held Jack in place with one arm and rested his other hand on the back of his neck, pulling him in close. Jack struggled to recover, more tears spilling down his face and onto Mark’s shirt.

“Are people writing things about us? Things that made you upset?”

Jack nodded into Mark’s shoulder.

Mark held Jack silently for a moment.

“Sean, people are going to say all kinds of things. They already have been, ever since we first met. But I know it feels different now. I understand. And it’s ok to be upset, but… I mean… you’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

“NO-” Jack tried to control his voice. “No, Mark, I promise. It’s not like that.” He gave Mark a squeeze. “It just made me so… _sad_. Why do people have to be so…”

“Douchey?” Mark offered?

Jack let out a weepy giggle. “Yeah. Douchey.”

“A few people are,” Mark said, “but thousands of people aren’t. Come on.” Mark kissed Jack’s cheek, and gently led him back to the computer. He grimaced at what he saw on the screen, and started to scroll. Jack watched his expression slowly soften. “Here. Look.”

 

_guys its none of our business, just leave them alone_

_if your hating on jack and mark your not welcome here, gtfo_

_you guys have always been there for me, i’m here for you too_

_jack you make me smile every single day come back soon!!!_

_they look happy dont ruin it douchebags_

_jack just want to say thanks for everything u do for us, luv u_

“See? Superhero Jack.”

Mark put his arm around Jack’s waist, leaned his head against Jack’s. Jack took a few deep breaths, started to feel calm again. Mark kissed his face, gently wiped his tears away.

“Better?”

Jack managed a smile, nodded, pulled Mark into a hug. “Thanks.”

“I think maybe we should deal with social media together for a while. It’s a big adjustment, it’s probably going to feel rough at first. What do you think?”  
  
“Yeah. I know I should’ve waited for you. I knew it was a big mistake as soon as I logged on. I can’t believe how upset I got, it’s not like these people even know what they’re talking about.”

“Right. They don’t. And we don’t have to tell them anything until we’re ready.” Mark looked at Jack, his expression pained and concerned. “I know how easy it is to find a few bad comments and get completely wrecked by it. You know it, you’re usually the one who pulls me back from the edge.”

Jack smiled. It was true.

“Plenty of people would find something to hate about us if we told them what was going on,” Mark went on, “and I want to make sure we’re… strong enough. To deal with it.”

Jack nodded, thoughtful.

Mark continued. “We need to practice focusing on the good stuff…”

Jack was focusing on Mark. _So much good stuff._

Mark was still talking. “…Just look at those comments. Do you know how many people would be ecstatic to see us together? Do you know what a big deal it would be to so many of our fans? To so many people in general? I’m not saying we should tell them right away. This is about us, not them. But I just think we could do a lot of good. For a lot of people. Together.”

Jack breathed deeply, felt Mark’s calm reassurance like a physical presence in the room.

“Yeh’re right, fer once.” Jack smiled. “Thanks fer cheering me up.”

Mark was so relieved to see Jack smiling, he missed the joke.

“C’mon.” Jack stood up and headed for the door, pulling Mark along with him.

“Where are we going?”

Jack stopped, turned, wound his arms around Mark’s waist. He kissed him, gently.

Then he kissed him again, and there was nothing gentle about it.

_“I’ll give yeh one guess.”_

 


	16. Chapter 16

Mark was pressed between Jack and the door to his room. Jack’s hands were under his shirt, sliding over his back and his sides. Jack’s teeth were digging into the back of his neck. Mark was trying to remember how to speak.

_“Uhm. Sean?”_

_“Mh.”_ Jack was undeterred.

_“We didn’t make it into the bedroom yet.”_

_“Yeah. What? Oh.”_

Jack pulled back to look at Mark, his face close, his lips parted, his breathing shallow.

_“I couldn’t wait.”_

_“I’m glad you didn’t.”_ Mark kissed Jack, his tongue exploring Jack’s mouth for a brief moment before they broke apart.

_“Just wanted to see if you were ready to go in.”_

Jack hesitated, his eyes searching Mark’s. _“I’m ready.”_

Mark reached behind him for the doorknob, but Jack grabbed his hand, stopping him.

_“No. I mean, yes, but that’s not what I was... I meant… I’m ready. Fer whatever comes next.”_

Mark held Jack’s face in his hands, searched his blue eyes and found heavily dilated pupils. _“You sure?”_

Jack was firm. _“I’m sure about you. I’m sure that I want this. I don’t want to worry anymore. I don’t want to hold back from you.”_

He kissed Mark – _hard._ Mark crashed against the closed door as Jack’s body collided with his. Jack groped for the doorknob behind Mark’s back. The door swung open, and they stumbled into the room, mouths exploring skin, hands grasping at clothing. It was late afternoon, and the blinds were drawn shut. Mark and Jack moved together in the dim light.

Jack finally broke away from Mark and took a step backward, chest heaving, looking Mark up and down. Mark was usually aware of Jack’s smaller size, loved the sharp edges of Jack’s lean frame and the fact that he could easily manipulate and encircle Jack’s body.

So Mark was breathless, in that moment, as he looked back at Jack and saw that he was… _powerful_. He radiated heat and strength. His eyes burned.

“I’m going to take yer clothes off.” The tone of Jack’s voice was entirely new.

Jack lingered, dragging the moment out, watching a hungry, eager smile spread across Mark’s lips.

And then his hands were at the hem of Mark’s shirt, dragging it upwards and off. He advanced on Mark, forcing him backward until his legs found the edge of the bed, and pushing him firmly onto the mattress. Mark could practically feel Jack’s eyes raking across his skin as he looked him over once more.

Jack kept his eyes on Mark’s as he removed his own clothing. He started with his shirt, pulling it slowly over his head as Mark propped himself up to watch. Next, he undid the button on his jeans, slowly pulled down the zipper, and let his pants and boxers fall to the floor, kicking them aside. He moved confidently, without hesitation, willing Mark to take in the sight of his naked body.

“Jack. _Sean_. You’re so…” Mark sat upright on the edge of the bed and swallowed hard as he searched for the words. “You are the single most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

Jack climbed on top of Mark, straddling him at the waist, and kissed him deeply. He held Mark’s face firmly in his hands, tilted Mark’s chin back so he could push his tongue further into Mark’s mouth. Mark moaned against Jack’s open lips, ran his hands over every inch of Jack that he could reach. Jack could feel Mark’s erection growing beneath him, barely contained by the boxers he still wore. He broke away from Mark’s lips and hugged Mark tightly, settling his head on Mark’s shoulder.

 _“Hey Mark,”_ he whispered.

_“Hey Sean.”_

_“So,”_ Jack continued. _“You ready for something awesome and terrifying to happen?”_

_“I’m not scared.”_

_“Good. You can be brave fer the both of us.”_

_“Anything you need.”_

_“I need supplies.”_

_“Okay. Check my night stand.”_

Jack wasn’t surprised. He’d spent exactly forty-seven seconds on Google before he realized where he and Mark had been headed. He was sure Mark had come to a similar conclusion, probably before he’d even stepped off the plane at LAX.

Jack slid off of Mark’s lap. He grasped the hem of Mark’s boxers, and Mark lifted his hips from the bed so Jack could remove them. “Lay back fer me, love.” Jack guided Mark’s head to a pillow, took in every inch of his strong, beautiful body as he stretched out on the mattress.

“Good. Be right back.”

Jack made his way to the other side of the bed, and opened the drawer of Mark’s night stand. He wasn’t surprised to find what he was looking for, knew now that this moment had been inevitable. He wondered when this outcome had become such a certainty. _The first time I kissed his hand? The first time he wrapped his arms around me? The first time he heard me say his name?_

Jack crawled onto the bed beside Mark and positioned himself on his side. He bent over Mark, kissing him slowly and sweetly as he wrapped his right arm around Mark’s waist, Mark’s hand moving along the back of his neck. He massaged slow circles over Mark’s warm skin, moving from his side to the well-defined crease of his hip. He took Mark’s erection into his hand, stroking slowly and lightly as Mark sighed against his lips.

Jack released Mark and moved his hand gently downward, still kissing Mark’s warm, swollen lips. He finally arrived at Mark’s opening and tentatively brushed his fingers against the tight skin, paying close attention to Mark’s response. Mark only sighed deeply, kissed Jack’s lips a bit more insistently.

Jack removed his hand, and continued to kiss Mark as he flipped open the small bottle he’d found in Mark’s night stand. He lubricated his fingers thoroughly, and returned his hand to its previous position. He brushed his fingers over Mark’s opening again, a bit more firmly this time, and Mark’s eyes opened as pulled his face away from Jack’s.

_“Okay, love?”_

_“Yeah. Just go slow. I’ve never done this before.”_ Mark brushed Jack’s cheek with his fingers.

_“Promise.”_

Jack started pressing gentle kisses across Mark’s face and shoulder, hoping to give him some breathing room. He rubbed slow, firm circles around the tight skin of Mark’s opening, enjoying the sound of Mark’s low, quiet moan.

Finally, Jack pressed his face against Mark’s and slid one finger slowly inside. He felt Mark take in a deep breath and paused, giving him time to adjust. After a quiet moment he felt Mark’s lips against his cheek, heard Mark’s low whisper: _“Keep going.”_

Jack bent his finger and moved it slowly, pressing against the warm flesh inside of Mark. Mark’s moan was barely audible as he tipped his chin back and closed his eyes. Jack pressed his lips along Mark’s throat, his finger moving steadily as Mark began to arch his back.

Jack slowly removed his finger, caressed Mark’s opening, and carefully slid two fingers back inside. A quiet gasp escaped from Mark’s throat as Jack bent his fingers and began to move again, more firmly than before.

Jack was watching Mark intently for signs of distress or discomfort; he found none. Mark seemed to be adrift in pleasurable sensation, his hair falling beautifully across his eyes as he took shallow, moaning breaths.

Jack was transfixed, could barely comprehend the idea that he had the power to bring about such intimate sensation and emotion.

He slowed his movements inside of Mark, kissed Mark’s neck as sweetly as he could.

 _“Mark. D’you want-_ ”

_“I do.”_

Jack removed his fingers slowly, loved the way Mark’s body tensed and relaxed at the changing sensations. He straightened up, braced his right hand on the mattress, and moved carefully to kneel between Mark’s legs.

He bent over Mark and kissed him, felt every corner of Mark’s perfect mouth.

_“You sure, love?”_

_“I trust you.”_

Jack kissed Mark’s forehead, his eyelids, the tip of his nose.

He straightened up, removed a condom from its packaging, rolled it on. He bent back over Mark, covering him in soft kisses while he applied lubricant to Mark and to himself. Mark wrapped his arms around Jack’s neck; his breath was shallow, and his hands grasped tightly at Jack’s bare skin.

Jack lined himself up, rubbed himself gently against Mark’s opening.

_“Ready, love?”_

_“Ready.”_

Jack slid himself slowly, carefully inside of Mark.

Mark closed his eyes, breathed deeply. Jack felt tight resistance, overwhelming pressure. _“Oh…”_ He struggled to keep his eyes on Mark, to keep his movements careful and controlled. He pushed _all the way in_ , then paused, panting, giving them both a moment to adjust.

For Jack, the sensation was almost unbearably intense. He fought the urge to move, to push against the extreme resistance, begging himself to stay still for Mark’s sake.

Mark was similarly overwhelmed. The burning fullness was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. It was equally pleasurable and painful, staggeringly intense. He looked up at Jack, took in his fluttering eyelids and heavy breathing, saw his arms braced tightly against the mattress as he fought to remain still. The sense of intimacy was incredible. The discomfort slowly began to subside as Mark discovered the beauty and perfection of Jack all over again.

 _“Sean,”_ Mark breathed. _“Go ahead. Nice and slow.”_

 _“God, Mark. It’s so intense. What if I-_ ”

_“Look at me. Just focus on me.”_

Mark moved ever so slightly against Jack. Jack inhaled deeply, his blue eyes wide and wild.

Jack gripped the sheets and arched his body in a slow, careful thrust.

 _“Oh-_ ”

He tried it again.

 _“Oh, God-_ ”

On his third attempt, he settled into a more regular - but still restrained - rhythm, watching Mark as carefully as he could in the midst of such overwhelming sensation. Mark’s eyelids fluttered as he gasped and moaned quietly, holding tightly to Jack’s arms.

_It’s good. He’s good. He’s perfect._

Jack felt one of Mark’s hands sliding up his arm, applying firm pressure to his shoulder. He was overcome by the desire to lean down and kiss Mark’s lovely mouth.

He slowed his movements and bent down carefully, resting his forearms on Mark’s chest, one hand in Mark’s hair above his ear. He kissed Mark then, tried to pour all of his pleasure and affection into the gesture, his eyes shut tight, Mark’s hands running through his hair.

Jack moved inside of Mark again, and the tenor of Mark’s moan was entirely new. Jack’s angle had changed, and Mark was responding almost desperately, rocking his hips in response to Jack’s movements. Jack pressed his lips against Mark’s neck and thrusted in time with him, adding speed and force as Mark tensed his arms around his back.

 _“Oh my God, Sean-_ ”

Mark’s low rumble had become a desperate whimper. Jack had no idea that Mark could produce such a sound, then heard his own voice, moaning in response, equally unfamiliar. The thought struck him that he and Mark were  _changed_. He closed his eyes, saw his own face in a still photo, transformed by Mark’s touch. He was transforming Mark now, altering them both on some fundamental level. He opened his eyes, tried to memorize every sight and sound, prayed he would never forget what it felt like to be with Mark in this moment.

He felt Mark pulling his head down, kissing him deeply, moving his tongue inside of his mouth. He gripped tightly at Mark’s hair, braced himself with his other arm so that he could thrust more quickly, more deeply inside of Mark.

 _“OH-_ ” Mark gasped against his lips, and Jack pulled _hard_ on his hair, tilting his head backward, pressing his lips and tongue to the soft skin of Mark’s neck, below his chin. He felt Mark’s voice vibrating against his lips with every movement, every thrust – felt Mark moving with him, his arms wrapped tight around Jack’s back and waist.

 _“Sean, don’t stop- Faster- Oh, God-_ ”

Jack was barely holding on, nearly fell over the edge at the sound of Mark’s voice as he moaned and pleaded. Jack thrusted deeper – faster – lost his breath as Mark’s arms crushed against his ribs. He felt the pressure building, felt Mark tensing, pressed his forehead against Mark’s-

 _“FUCK- SEAN-_ ”

Mark came _hard_ , his body wracked with pleasure, his arms tightening painfully around Jack, his mouth opened wide, rocking and squeezing against Jack-

And Jack promptly lost his mind.

He felt his body explode with pleasure as Mark tensed around him, felt an indescribable sensation radiating from his center, to his toes, to his fingertips. He kept his face pressed tightly against Mark’s as he shook, felt Mark’s tight grip loosen into a firm caress. Mark held him close as his orgasm broke in waves, kissed Jack’s face sweetly as Jack shuddered and moaned.

They lay pressed together for a long time. Jack thought they must have been breathing with the same set of lungs, imagined that the once-immovable boundary between their bodies had dissolved and fallen away. _If I blink, will you blink too?_ Jack decided to test the theory. He pressed a kiss against Mark’s cheek, felt Mark kiss him in return. He raised his head to find Mark’s eyes, found Mark looking up at him.

 _“Hey,”_ they both breathed, and Jack couldn’t tell if the voice he’d heard was Mark’s or his own. He grinned, laughing softly, trying to bring himself back to reality.

Mark was smiling up at him. _“I don’t even care why you’re laughing. I just love the sound of it.”_

_“I’ll tell you about it later. Mark… how are you? How d’you feel?”_

Mark took Jack’s face in his hands, pressed his lips to Jack’s. Mark kissed him slowly and carefully, supporting his neck and chin, smoothing his hair. Jack felt himself becoming more grounded, became more aware of his body as Mark’s lips and fingers caressed his skin. He realized he was still inside of Mark.

He pulled back, kissing the tip of Mark’s nose and then smiling. “So… good, then?”

Mark nodded. “I don’t think I can describe it yet. But it was… _you_ were… perfect. I love you. _So,_ so much.”

“Love you too, Mark.” Jack kissed his lips. “And now, I think we need to move. Are you ready?

“Yeah. Just go slow.”

Jack propped himself up, bracing his hands against Mark’s chest. “Here. Hold on to me.” Mark placed his hands on top of Jack’s, and held them tight.

Jack slowly pulled himself away from Mark, watched Mark breathe deeply and close his eyes in response. Jack felt himself pull free, felt a loss of pressure and contact, felt both relieved and… _Sad? Not really, just… not close enough._

“Mark? D’you think you can move?” Mark sat up slowly, reached for Jack’s hands. “Ok. Good. I’m feeling… I just want to stay close to you. Can yeh come to the shower with me?”

Mark kissed Jack’s hands, one at a time. He stood up, pulling Jack with him, and wound his arms around Jack’s waist. He pulled Jack in close and lifted him slightly, until Jack wrapped his legs around Mark’s midsection.

Mark held Jack firmly, covering his lips and face with kisses, and carried him into the bathroom.

_“Love you, Mark.”_

 


	17. Chapter 17

A few moments later, they were standing close together under the warm, rushing water. Mark had covered Jack in soap suds from head to toe, and was running his hands slowly over Jack’s bare skin, rinsing him clean.

“Mark?”

“Sean?” Mark smiled, his hands lingering around Jack’s hips.

“Did it hurt?”

Mark thought for a moment. “Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“It _really_ fucking hurt, at first.” Mark grinned at Jack until he grinned back, and they dissolved into a fit of laughter.

 _“At first,”_ Mark emphasized, his giggles subsiding. “And then… God, I’ve never felt like that in my life. I had no idea sex _could_ feel like that. How did you even know what to do?”

Jack smoothed Mark’s wet hair out of his eyes. “I Googled. Like a boss.”

Mark chuckled. “Seriously?”

“Ser’sly.”

“When did you do that?”

“Earlier, while you were still asleep. I… wanted to be ready. I didn’t want you to have to be the brave one all the time. I didn’t want yeh feeling like you were… chasing after me, or forcing me, or something. And I just needed to know-”

Jack’s voice broke off, abruptly. He picked up one of Mark’s hands and squeezed.

Jack finally went on. “I needed to know what it would be like. And when I saw you like that… God, when I saw how it made you feel, when I felt you come… I knew I could do it fer you, too.” Jack wrapped his arms around Mark’s neck, rested his head on Mark’s shoulder. “I needed to know that I could be everything you need.”

Mark took Jack’s hands from around his neck and placed them on his chest instead, moving Jack backward slightly so he could look into his blue eyes. “Sean, I need you to hear me now. What just happened between us was incredible. You are already everything I need.”

Jack stretched his awareness to take in the reality of the situation: his hands on Mark’s bare chest, their naked bodies so close together; Mark’s voice as low and as serious as Jack had ever heard it. He knew the words were true.

“Thanks fer saying it, love. I wasn’t doubting you. I know yeh’re serious about this.” Jack put his hands on Mark’s waist, pulled him closer.

“But… sex… is a big deal. To me. Especially now, with you. I feel like a teenager again, like I’m starting from scratch and figuring it all out fer the first time. The uncertainty was driving me mad. I kept thinking, what if we get to a certain point, and it just doesn’t work?”

“But it does.” Mark’s hands were low and strong on Jack’s hips. “It did work. You can feel that, right?”

Jack nodded. “I do, now. Because you let me go first. And Jesus, Mark, you were so calm. How did you manage it?”

“That was entirely your fault.” Mark smiled, ran his thumbs up and down Jack’s damp skin. “I had thought about it a lot. I hoped we would eventually get there, but I wanted to give you time. I didn’t want to force it. I would _never_ force you, Sean-”

“I know that, love. That’s why I went fer it.”

Mark nodded. “I wasn’t expecting it. I’d never been… dominated? Is that a good word for it? I mean, I’ve never had anyone… take control… like that. I’m pretty sure I would have done literally anything you asked me to. It was _so_ fucking sexy, Sean.”

Jack smiled, brought his hands to rest around Mark’s neck. “Tell me what it felt like?”

Mark was thoughtful. “I’ve never had anything inside me like that before. What you did with your fingers… it felt… not _strange_ , because it was you, and everything you do is perfect.” Mark kissed the tip of Jack’s nose. “But it felt… unfamiliar? Slightly uncomfortable? Just at first. Then it felt really good, once I adjusted and you started moving... I probably could’ve come, just from that.”

Jack smiled, playfully. “Noted.”

“Did you seriously learn that by Googling?”

Jack giggled. “I just read about it. I had no idea if I could do it until it was actually happening. I’m glad it felt good. What about… the other stuff?”

“You mean your dick inside me?” Mark suggested.

“Jesus! Mark!”

“What? You asked! That’s what happened, right?” They were both laughing. “C’mon, I’m not afraid to say it. Not to you, anyway.”

“And so eloquently, too,” Jack teased.

“Dude. I am a fucking poet. Don’t even joke about that.” Mark tried to keep a straight face, and failed. They laughed together, warm water running down their bare skin.

“Ser’sly though, it felt ok?”

“Like I said, it was uncomfortable at first. It kind of… burned? That’s not really a great word for it. But it faded. You did everything perfectly. I could tell it wasn’t easy. Thank you.”

“I just about lost my head.” Jack was running his fingers down Mark’s chest, recalling the sensation. “I thought I would die if I didn’t move, but I was so scared of hurting yeh… and then once I _did_ start moving, it was… I don’t think I’ve even processed what it felt like. I was out of my mind.”

Mark nodded. “Yeah. I’ve never felt anything like it. And I’m no stranger to orgasms. I’m like… the king of orgasms. And that was… _different_. _More._ I don’t know how to explain it.”

Jack pulled Mark into a hug, kissed his neck. _“Yeh’ll just have to show me sometime.”_

Mark shivered, despite the warm water. _“Only when you’re ready. You just let me know. I’m not going anywhere.”_

 

* * *

 

Mark was sitting in his car in a grocery store parking lot. He had his red fringe tucked into a baseball cap, but it was late in the evening, and the parking lot was blessedly empty. He’d been sitting in silence for a few moments, keys in the ignition, lots in his thoughts.

He eyed the empty passenger seat accusingly. Jack was at home, and Mark hated everything about it. He was wrestling with this new emotion, feeling Jack’s absence like a physical weight. He knew it was good for both of them to spend _some_ time alone with their thoughts. He knew it made sense for Jack to get some work done while he ran errands. He knew it, he just… hated it. He couldn’t stand the idea that they were spending any of this precious time apart. He knew he would be heading home in an hour or so, and that Jack would be there waiting for him, and everything would be perfect.

But he also knew that sometime soon, he’d pull into his driveway, walk through his front door, and find that Jack was… _Gone._ _Shit. What am I going to do?_

Mark fought against the tears he felt prickling behind his eyes. He pulled out his phone and opened Jack’s most recent message.

 

J: DON’T PANIC! see you soon. love you.

 

Mark smiled. _He always knows._

He scrolled to one of Jack’s previous messages, clicked on one of the links that Jack had sent him. It was a glossary of terminology related to gender and sexual orientation. Mark couldn’t believe the number of terms, the amount of _language_ involved. But then, the last week or so had taught him that there was nothing straightforward about sex or sexual orientation. He’d spent years in the blissful ignorance of presupposed heterosexuality, had never thought that any of this information might apply to him until Jack had walked into his life. He realized what a luxury that ignorance had been, felt an uncomfortable tug in his chest when he thought about how many people had no choice but to confront and acknowledge their identity. So many young people feeling so exposed and alone. He knew many of his fans fit that description. His heart broke a little for each and every one of them, and he promised himself that he’d talk to Jack about becoming a better advocate.

He scrolled down and took in some of the terminology.

 **“Bicurious:** Curious about having an attraction to people of the same sex/gender.”

 _Not really ‘people,’ just Jack._ But Mark thought about it more carefully. Jack was a guy, and he was attracted to Jack. He’d had _sex_ with Jack. He’d LOVED having sex with Jack. He wasn’t aware of being sexually attracted to any other men, but he couldn’t deny that his attraction to Jack included a very real preference for Jack’s physical appearance, his body, his identity as a man.

 **“Bisexual:** A person who is emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to people of the same sex/gender.”

 _So does it count if it’s just Jack? What if I never have feelings like this for another guy?_ Mark continued reading the definition.

“This attraction does not have to be equally split across the genders or sexes the individual is attracted to.”

 _Oh. Jesus._ It was there, in plain language. He couldn’t deny it. _Fuck off, Internet. Why do you always know more about me than I do?_

He scrolled for a while longer until one more term caught his eye.

“ **Demisexual:** A person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they have formed a strong emotional connection with another individual.”

He knew that hadn’t been the case with women in the past, but it sounded an awful lot like what had happened with Jack. _“Strong emotional connection.” That’s one way to put it. How about “Deep-seated existential obsession?”_

He examined his overall emotional state, and decided that, as far as identity crises went, this one had come with some pretty incredible side effects.

He flipped back to Jack’s last message.

 

M: Thanks for the links. Lots to think about. Everything ok at home? Miss you.

 

He wondered briefly what Jack was up to, figured he was probably recording another video or two to try and stay ahead and slowly starving to death. Mark finally turned off the car, opened the door, and headed into the store.

 

* * *

 

Jack was in Mark’s office finishing an e-mail when he heard his phone vibrate. He responded right away.

 

J: take your time, i’m not going anywhere! miss you too, love

 

Jack was equal parts miserable and relieved to have some time to himself. He had been with Mark for two full days, and even though so much had happened between them, he still felt like the time was flying by. He knew he would be devastated at the end of the week if they didn’t come up with some kind of plan, but at the same time, he didn’t want to spend his time with Mark feeling sad and worrying about the future.

He wasn’t sure what Mark was planning- as far as Mark knew, Jack would be heading back to Ireland in a few days. Jack knew Mark would have a hard time with it- he was obviously committed to Jack, a realization that filled Jack with warm affection. But at the same time, Jack had no idea what Mark would envision as a solution. They would both run out of backup content for their channels by then, would need to figure out how to get back to work and carry on. Was Mark thinking they would try to make things work, long-distance? Would they spend their time planning visits, pressing pause on their relationship for months at a time until they could see each other again? The thought of it made Jack dizzy with dread. He thought they might be able to keep it up for a while, that they could ride the excitement of this week for a few months until they could be together again. But eventually…

_It won’t work. It can’t._

So, Jack started making other plans. He left a couple of voicemails, sent a couple e-mails, looked up some useful information online, filled out some forms, and made a tentative appointment. He decided to keep it all to himself for the time being. He had no idea if Mark would come to a similar conclusion, had no way to know how Mark would respond if he knew what Jack was thinking. He decided to try to make the next few days as perfect as possible, hoped he and Mark would naturally end up on the same page. If not… Jack tried to look on the bright side. He knew few people got a single moment of actual, perfect happiness in this life. He’d had two full days. And if that was all he got… _Fuck the bright side. Two days is not enough._

He was surprised to see an e-mail notification pop up in response to one of his messages, given the lateness of the hour. He opened it, scanned the content. The news was good.

Jack heard the front door open and made his way to the stairwell. Mark was there, standing at the bottom of the steps, looking up at him. Jack smiled, sped down the stairs, skipped the last two, and jumped into Mark’s arms.

 _“Sean.”_ He felt Mark’s lips kissing up and down his neck.

“Hello love. I missed you!” Mark didn’t respond, just squeezed Jack more tightly. “Mark? Everything ok?”

_“You can’t go.”_

“Mark, I’m not- _”_

_“I don’t know what I would do if I came home and you weren’t here.”_

Jack slowly set his feet on the ground and stepped back to look at Mark, who was looking at the floor, incredible sadness in his eyes. Jack took his face in his hands.

“Hey, now. None of that. I’m here right now. See?” Mark looked up, felt instant relief as he registered the love and compassion in Jack’s clear blue eyes. “I have never been so happy in my life,” Jack went on, “and I’ll be damned if I let yeh go on feeling like this. We’re together now, yeah? If yeh want to be with me, we will figure out how to make it happen. Okay?”

Mark nodded. “Okay.”

Jack hugged him close. _“Now,”_ he whispered. _“Bring me to the food.”_

Mark laughed, Jack's bright enthusiasm washing the sadness away. He picked Jack up, threw him over his shoulder, and carried him to the kitchen.

 


	18. Chapter 18

Mark was grinning absently in Jack’s direction. Jack was wolfing down the pizza they had just made together. It took Jack a moment to notice Mark’s expression.

“Wha’?” His mouth was full of pizza.

Mark giggled. “Don’t make me say it.”

“Spit it out, Fischbach.”

Mark started to laugh in earnest. “…You just look so sexy with your _mouth full_! Oh my God, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t stop thinking it…” He continued to laugh stupidly.

Jack picked up a slice of pizza and shoved it into Mark’s mouth. “Now whose mouth is full?” Jack giggled as Mark chomped, excited that Mark’s mood had improved enough for him to make terrible jokes.

Jack had loved making dinner with Mark, and Mark’s mood had started to feel better as soon as they’d gotten to work in the kitchen. Jack marveled at the way Mark responded to all of his teasing and sarcastic comments, could actually see Mark’s joy and enthusiasm awakening in stages the longer they were together.

But he was concerned. Mark had left the house for less than two hours, and Jack was still reeling internally from how upset he’d been when he returned. He worried that their happiness had reached some kind of critical value, that the longer they spent together, the more they’d focus on eventually being apart.

Despite the worry, another part of Jack was relieved. Mark was as distraught as he was, obviously starting to search for ways to keep them together. He’d hoped they might have made it through another day without having to address the inevitable, and he realized now how foolish that had been. They were both planners, both wholeheartedly dedicated to their careers. And they had both thrown themselves full force into this relationship, with no idea what the outcome would be. He realized now that neither of them could live like that, even for a couple of days, no matter how badly they wanted to. But at the same time, he had too many loose ends to tie up before he could let Mark know what he was thinking. If it fell through, they’d both be devastated. Jack couldn’t bear the thought of getting Mark’s hopes up, and then letting him down.

Mark must have noticed Jack’s expression change as he thought.

“You ok?”

Jack smiled. “I’m great. Just want to check something.” Jack picked up his phone, saw that he had another e-mail response. “Sorry, I just have an e-mail to get back to, it’ll only take a second.”

“Work?”

“Yeah,” Jack said truthfully. He typed a quick response, sent it off, and put the phone away. “Sorry, love. I’m all yers.”

 

* * *

 

After dinner, they made their way to Mark’s office to check out Jack’s cut of their Overwatch footage. Mark was impressed with what Jack had managed to put together without his usual setup. Jack had been waiting for Mark’s feedback about how to cut the ending, so he showed Mark two different options. In the first version, the video cut out just after the outro, Mark and Jack’s arms still in the air.  In the second version, the video played for slightly longer, and Mark watched himself and Jack on the screen as they broke character and turned to face each other. The feed ended.

“I think,” Jack explained, “that we should still be careful about our privacy fer the time being. While we figure things out. But I couldn’t resist. I mean, did yeh see us?”

Mark was certain he knew what Jack was talking about. That look they had given each other, just as the video cut out - they were joy and affection, personified. He clicked the mouse, replayed the ending one more time.

“It’s okay, if yeh think it’s too much. We can cut it-”

“No, we can’t,” Mark interrupted, smiling. “It has to stay. People will speculate, like they’re already doing. I don’t think that’s the worst thing in the world.”

“Maybe that should be our stance fer now?” Jack questioned. “Keep things quiet, but don’t fight the speculation too much? Might make it easier on both of us. It feels bad, thinking about cutting that video. It would feel like… lying.”

Mark nodded. Jack was relieved.

“Okay. It’s settled, then. Here, let’s copy my footage. You can use it as a reference to make yer own cut- should save time. I’ll set mine to render while yeh work. Think yeh’re up fer it?

Mark was reluctant, could think of about a thousand things he’d rather be doing – _to Jack_ – instead of editing a video. But he knew Jack was right, they needed to prioritize getting these videos released. “Sure. Keep me company?”

“You got it. One last thing, though. Here, sit, check these out.”

Jack clicked into his “Journey” folder, and switched places with Mark.

Mark clicked through the stills and animations, and Jack watched his face closely. He was rewarded for his efforts as Mark’s smile grew steadily larger, until he had a full-fledged, goofy grin plastered across his face. “Wow. Sean, look at your face!”

Jack giggled. “Yeah, I noticed it too.”

Mark finally clicked into the last photo, the one of him holding Jack up as they embraced. “Oh. Wow.”

“Right in the feels?” Jack said softly.

Mark nodded. He opened his e-mail, clicked into his private drive, created a new folder, and uploaded the photos. He opened his phone and downloaded them to a local folder, then turned back to the computer and scrubbed the folder he’d just created, deleting everythng. “Just in case,” he explained. He turned back to his phone, opened the photo of him and Jack with their arms around each other, and set it as his background.

Jack smiled and took out his own phone to show Mark the photo he’d taken the previous morning in Mark’s bathroom.

“Are those our toothbrushes?” Mark was smiling.

“Yeah. I didn’t get a chance to tell yeh what that was like fer me. I’d never felt so… _wanted… loved…_ in my life. I didn’t want to forget it.”

“I won’t let you forget.” Mark stood, wrapped his arms around Jack. “Promise.”

They held each other for a long moment, and both jumped when Jack’s phone vibrated loudly in his pocket. They giggled.

“Sorry, love. Work again.”

“Anything to worry about?”

“Not in the least. All good stuff. But I need to wait a bit before I tell you about it. Is that ok?”

“I trust you.” Mark kissed his lips.

“Thanks.” Jack glanced at his phone. “Can I meet you in the bedroom in a few? I just have to return a call. You can get a head start.”

“Don’t take too long.” Mark kissed him again, taking his time. He eventually broke away and headed into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

Jack swiped into his phone, took a deep breath, and tapped to return the call he’d just missed.

A few minutes later, he was wrapping his arms around Mark’s shoulders, checking on Mark’s editing progress. He kissed Mark’s cheek. Mark smiled, took his headphones off.

“Hey, Sean. Everything alright?”

“Yeah. Everything’s perfect.” He gave Mark’s shoulders a squeeze. “Looks like yeh’re moving along.”

“Yeah, I’ll be done soon. Thanks for the references, you really did most of the work.”

“I’ll leave yeh be, and we can upload together when yeh’re done, yeah?

“Yeah.” Mark squeezed Jack’s hand.

Jack propped himself up on Mark’s bed with his tablet, leaving Mark to his work.

He didn’t have to wait long. It only took Mark another half hour to finish his cut of the video. He set it to render, then made his way over to Jack, sitting on the edge of the bed beside him. Jack turned off the tablet and placed it on the night stand.

“It’s going to take a while to render.”

“Right. Sleepy?”

“Nope. You?”

“Nope.” Jack flipped off the light.

Mark was in his lap before he knew what was happening, kissing him deeply. Jack giggled softly against his lips, felt Mark’s hands supporting his chin and the back of his neck.

“Mm.” Mark broke away. “This is nice."

“As nice as having me in yer lap?”

Mark chuckled. “No, but close.” He held his face close to Jack’s, looked into Jack’s beautiful eyes. “Sean. Are you as happy as you look in those photos?”

“Happier.”

Jack was pulling up on the hem of Mark’s shirt. Mark raised his arms, helped Jack to pull it upward and off in one slow, careful, almost graceful movement. Jack watched as Mark’s hair fell beautifully across his eyes, the bright color muted in the dark room. He reached up to smooth it away, and Mark grasped his hand, pressed it against his own cheek. Jack’s other hand was running down the smooth skin of Mark’s chest. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of Mark’s sweatpants, let his hand rest there. They paused for a long moment, just taking in the sight of each other.

And then Mark’s lips were pressed against Jack’s again. He raised Jack’s arms gently above his head, following the smooth skin and tight muscles with his palms, before pulling Jack’s shirt up and over his head. Jack started to lower his arms, but Mark raised them back up, found Jack’s hands with his own, pressed Jack’s wrists gently against the headboard. Mark kissed him again, loved the way Jack leaned into him despite being pinned in place. His lips traveled to Jack’s neck, where he could feel Jack’s heart rate rising steadily.

Mark finally released Jack’s arms, just to see what he’d do with them. He wasn’t disappointed- Jack grasped Mark’s hips firmly, pulling Mark down as he thrusted upward in one slow but insistent gesture. Mark moaned, arching his back, tipping his chin upward, and Jack leaned forward, pressed his lips hard against Mark’s collarbone. He thrusted upwards again – slowly – and was rewarded with another low, sweet moan from Mark.

Mark finally looked back down at Jack, and pressed on his shoulders gently to lean him against the pillows and headboard. He slid down the length of Jack’s body, pressed hot kisses along Jack’s shoulder, and moved down to his chest. Mark lingered, his mouth over Jack’s heart, feeling Jack’s fingers slide through his hair.

Jack closed his eyes, sighed deeply. He imagined he was back on the beach, could almost hear the waves rushing against the sand as Mark moved against his skin. Of all the ways that Mark had touched him, this slow, gentle movement was the most precious to Jack. It was so intimate, so personal, so different from the irreverent face he often wore for his friends and fans. Being with Mark this way was like being trusted with an incredible secret.

Jack shivered.

Mark had just undone the button on his jeans, pulled down his zipper, and paused. Jack opened his eyes and found Mark looking up at him, positioned low between his knees.

“You are my favorite person. I fell in love with you a thousand times in so many little ways.” Mark’s voice was quiet, serious. “You have no idea how much I already loved you before I ever touched you like this. God, Sean, do you know how perfect you are?”

Jack tried to see himself through Mark’s eyes. He was leaning backward against Mark’s headboard, hands resting at his sides, hair tousled, naked from the waist up. His flat stomach was creased slightly, his narrow waistline disappeared into fitted boxers that were just visible underneath his unzipped jeans. One knee was slightly bent, and Mark’s head rested lightly against his inside thigh.

“I know how perfect _this_ is. I know how lucky I am to be with you, Mark. I promise you, I’ll never take it for granted.”

Mark kissed the soft skin that had become visible through Jack’s unzipped jeans, slowly started to pull his pants and boxers down. Jack felt himself pulsing and throbbing at Mark’s touch. Mark moved off of the bed, removing the rest of Jack’s clothing and letting it fall to the floor. Jack moved sideways, making room for Mark on the bed next to him. Mark stretched out beside Jack, one hand resting low on Jack’s belly. Mark kissed Jack – slowly, carefully –  rubbing Jack’s smooth skin with his thumb.

Mark pulled back, whispered close to Jack’s ear. _“I want to make you come now. Ready for something new?”_

 _“Fingers,”_ Jack whispered back, trying to be brave.

Mark smiled against Jack’s cheek, brushed his lips against the shell of Jack’s ear. He kissed Jack’s neck as he took Jack’s erection into his hand, squeezing and stroking, oh, so gently. Jack sighed. Mark started to move his head downward toward Jack’s lap, but Jack stopped him. “No. Please. Stay up here with me."

Mark smiled and kissed Jack carefully, pulling at his lower lip. _“Anything you want, Sean.”_

Mark reached behind him, opened the drawer in his night stand, grabbed the small bottle. He kissed Jack’s lips, taking his time with every corner of Jack’s partially open mouth. He lubricated his fingers and grasped Jack’s cock again, smoothing the liquid over Jack’s taut, pulsing skin. He let go, and picked up Jack’s hand.

_“I want you to touch yourself now. It’ll feel good. Can you do that?”_

Jack nodded and kissed Mark's lips as he started to stroke himself. Mark made his fingers slick again and pressed them firmly against Jack’s opening, moving in a slow circle. Jack pulled his lips from Mark’s, his mouth opening wide, his eyes closed.

Mark watched him breathe for a moment, watched Jack take in the new sensation. _God, is he lovely._ Jack started to lift his chin, leaning his head back, and Mark took the opportunity to press slow, hot kisses under his jaw, his hand still moving in slow circles against Jack’s tight skin. Jack sighed, breathing deeply. Mark counted the breaths, giving Jack time to adjust or protest. He finally kissed the side of Jack’s face, whispered close to his ear:

_“Ready?”_

_“Ready.”_

He kissed Jack hard on the lips, slid one finger _all the way_ inside, and waited.

 _“Ohh-”_ Jack moaned quietly, then continued to move his lips against Mark’s, breathing deeply between kisses. Mark counted breaths again, pressed slow kisses onto Jack’s face. Finally, he felt Jack tilt his hips against his hand, heard Jack let out a low, quiet moan. He bent his finger and moved it slowly, following Jack’s lead, searching for signs of distress. But Jack was lost in the feeling, lips parted, breathing shallow. Mark pressed into him, felt Jack responding to his touch.

 _“More.”_ Jack’s whisper was barely audible. Mark pulled his finger out slowly – Jack tensed and relaxed – then slid two fingers back inside, moving along Jack’s neck with his lips and tongue. He felt Jack’s moan vibrate against his lips, felt Jack tensing as he moved his fingers firmly and evenly.

 _“Oh, Mark-”_ Jack was panting now, stroking himself in time with Mark’s movements. Mark was fascinated, overwhelmed by the power he held over Jack, in love with the way Jack was surrendering control. He began thrusting in earnest, his fingers pressing quick and hard inside of Jack.

 _“Oh, God-”_ Jack’s voice was changing, his back was arching, head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut. Mark found his collarbone with his mouth, sucked at Jack’s skin.

 _“Mmh-”_ He knew Jack was getting close, could feel the tension spiking, his fingers aching pleasurably inside of Jack. He quickened his pace, thrusted more deeply, bit down _hard_ on Jack’s collarbone-

And Jack released with a gasp, hips shuddering against Mark’s hand, back bent in a graceful arch.

They stayed pressed together, breathing deeply, for a long moment.

 _“Oh, Jesus,”_ Jack managed, and Mark pulled back to look into his eyes. Jack’s lips were still parted, his eyes half-closed. Mark kissed him, carefully, felt Jack’s lips moving eagerly in response.

Mark pulled back, looked into Jack’s eyes again. “I’m going to move now, ok?”

Jack nodded. Mark slid his fingers out in one fluid movement, reclaiming his hand. Jack didn’t flinch.

_Nailed it._

“How do you feel?”

Jack thought for a moment.

“Like my body has been keeping secrets from me. I can’t believe how… _different_ that was. Jesus, Mark… thank you.”

“Thank _you_. For trusting me. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of watching you come. It’s… breathtaking. I mean it.”

Jack slid to the edge of the bed and stood. He took Mark’s hand, leading him into the bathroom. Jack flipped on the light, and they both blinked against the sudden brightness, Mark taking in every detail of the bright blue returning to Jack’s eyes.

He grabbed a towel, ran it under the faucet, and dabbed gently at Jack’s belly, clearing away patches of white liquid.

“I love how you do that.” Mark looked up, and Jack went on. “I know it must seem like a little thing. But no one has ever done that fer me, not ever. It’s one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen. I love it. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Sean.” Mark was blushing, smiling a small smile.

Jack turned on the faucet and guided Mark’s hands into the sink. He covered them in soap and scrubbed gently, running his hands over Mark’s strong fingers, massaging Mark’s palms. Then he cupped his hands, scooped and poured water over Mark’s until the suds had washed away. He turned off the faucet, dried Mark’s hands gently with a towel.

“Better?”

“Perfect.”

Mark put his hands on Jack’s hips, lifted him slightly so that he was sitting on the edge of the counter, next to the sink. He wrapped his arms around Jack’s back, and Jack wrapped his legs around Mark’s waist.

“How did I get by before I had you here to take care of me?”

Jack giggled, softly. “Yeh stayed up all night, taunting me relentlessly and murdering me on the Internet.”

Mark chuckled. “Oh yeah. That was fun.” He pulled Jack even closer. “But this is better.”

He kissed Jack then, sweetly, leaning in close and supporting Jack’s back with warm hands.

“I dunno, love. If yeh keep this up, I might have to retaliate.” He pulled on Mark’s lower lip with his teeth.

“You can do whatever you like, as long as you do it from the bed.” Mark picked him up, carried him carefully back to the edge of the bed. He put Jack down, but continued to hold him close, kissing along his neck and shoulder.

“Mm. Mark.”

“Hmm?”

“Videos.”

“What?”

“The videos. We forgot.”

“Oh. Shit.” Mark straightened up, yawned hugely. “You’re right. Want to upload real quick?”

“No, but yes, we should.” Jack stood, searched for his boxers in the pile of discarded clothing, pulled them on. They made their way to Mark’s computer and spent a few minutes each preparing their videos to upload. Mark let Jack do the honors, enjoyed watching him carry out a task he’d done thousands of time in the past, while sitting mostly naked in Mark’s computer chair. They both found their phones and tweeted to promote the videos. Jack noticed the time – saw that it was the middle of the night – as the retweets and responses flooded their screens. Mark checked on Jack.

“I’ll sit up with you for a while, if you want to see what people say.”

Jack smiled, turned off his phone screen. “Maybe tomorrow.” They headed back toward the bed, plugged their phones into the wall charger, and left them on the night stand. Jack yawned hugely, his arms stretched high over his head.

Mark chuckled. “We suck at going to bed.”

“I was just thinking that. But, we’re so good at so many other things!” Jack smiled.

Mark laughed, kissed Jack’s forehead. “You. Are the best. At _all_ the things.”

Jack kissed his lips quickly. “C’mon. Let’s get some sleep, fer real. I think tomorrow is going to be a _really_ good day.”

He climbed into bed, and Mark followed. Mark stretched out and extended one arm to pull Jack in close. Jack settled his head on Mark’s chest, his arm snug around his waist, one leg draped over his side.

“Mark.”

“Mmm?”

“How do you feel, after earlier? I mean, your body. Everything ok?”

“Oh…” Mark thought for a moment. “It actually feels… good. Like, I can still sort of feel it… like an echo. Keeps bringing me back. Which is good. I never want to forget it.”

“Me neither.” Jack lifted his head, kissed Mark’s lips sleepily.

“How are _you_ doing? We had a lot of new adventures today.”

“Mmm. Really good. Nothing hurts. I feel… warm. Everywhere. It all felt… _perfect._ Thank you fer trusting me.” He snuggled closer to Mark’s side, felt Mark gently stroking his hair.

 _“I do.”_ Mark held him close, all night.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Shockingly, Jack woke up before Mark. He had actually woken up many times throughout the night, too excited and apprehensive to fall properly asleep. He had no regrets about spending the night in partial wakefulness, had been perfectly content to spend hours examining the feeling of Mark’s sleeping body. Mark had felt so  _solid_ , so steady. Jack had tried to imagine what it would be like to sleep without Mark’s reassuring weight next to him. He imagined he’d never sleep again.

But now, pale morning light was flickering around the edges of Mark’s blinds, and Jack was deliberating. He needed to get up, and he had two options for how to proceed. He could try to sneak out of bed, and risk startling Mark- or worse, worrying him if Mark woke up and found him gone. _That would be the badness._ He settled on option two: he would wake Mark gently, tell him part of the truth, and hope Mark was too sleepy to ask too many questions.

He found one of Mark’s hands and squeezed it lightly. Mark slept. He snuggled against Mark, hugged him tight. No response. He raised his head and pressed the bridge of his nose under Mark’s chin.

“Mm.”

_There we go._

He felt Mark’s arms tighten around him, loved the tiny stretching movements Mark made as he woke.

 _“Hey love,”_ he said quietly. _“I have to get up and work fer a little bit. I want you to go back to sleep, and I’ll be back before yeh know it.”_

He felt Mark loosen his grip. He propped himself up, kissed Mark’s cheek lightly. Mark kept his eyes closed. _“Come back soon.”_

 _“Promise.”_ Jack carefully disengaged from Mark and slipped out of the bed. He tiptoed over to the night stand to grab his phone and his wallet, and stole Mark’s wallet from the drawer as well. He glanced longingly at Mark’s sleeping face, and left the room as quietly as he could.

He felt wide awake, but jumpy, wondering when he’d last been so alert in the early morning without having a cup of coffee first. His phone read 6:57AM, local time. _Perfect timing._ He headed into the office, shutting the door silently behind him. He flipped on the monitor and the printer. He opened his e-mail. He waited.

His phone finally rang at 7:07. He jumped a mile. _Jesus._ He took two deep breaths, and picked up the call.

 

_Hey! –_

_Yeah, me too, man –_

_Definitely –_

_No, nothing like that –_

_Yeah, I’m sure –_

_Yeah, we can talk about it next week –_

_Yup, I’ll get it right back to yeh, and I’ll send yeh the fax number –_

_Sure. Thanks, man. You just saved my life, fer real –_

_Thanks. Bye!_

 

Jack ended the call. He stared at his e-mail inbox menacingly until the message finally came through. He opened the documents quickly and printed them out. He took his time, reading all of the details, growing steadily more anxious.

_What – the fuck – am I DOING?_

He put the papers down, closed his eyes, and took several deep breaths. He thought of Mark, holding him close through the night. He thought of Mark, holding his hand at the beach. He thought of Mark, sighing as they made love in Mark’s bed.

 _“C’mon, Jack,”_ he whispered to himself. _“This is the right thing. Being with Mark is the right thing.”_

He found a pen in the desk and signed the papers. He used a scanner app on his phone to fax them back. It was done.

He leaned his head back against the back of his chair, spun idly back and forth, trying to calm himself. If this was a horrible idea, he’d know soon enough.

He opened his eyes, turned his attention back to the monitor. He opened a browser, typed and clicked for a moment. He purchased two plane tickets, double-checking Mark’s birthday using his driver’s license. He printed the tickets.

He searched the drawers of the computer desk and found some manila folders. He took one, put the hard copies of the paperwork and the plane tickets inside. He put the folder back in the desk for the time being, made a mental note to put it into his backpack as soon as he had a chance.

He tiptoed back down the hall, silently opened the door to Mark’s room. He could tell that Mark was still out cold. _Good._ He snuck over to the night stand and put both wallets back, before heading back into the hall.

He made his way downstairs to the kitchen. It felt cold and empty without Mark’s huge personality bouncing off the walls. He made fresh coffee and poured a cup for himself, and drank it while he made bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast. He piled two portions onto a single plate, refilled the coffee cup, prepared it to Mark’s liking, and carried everything carefully up the stairs.

He had to set the coffee cup down to open Mark’s door. He swung it open, saw that Mark was still sleeping heavily, and tiptoed over to the night stand. He put the food and coffee down, and sat carefully next to Mark.

Mark was perfectly still, breathing evenly. Jack couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen him look so relaxed, cringed at the thought of disturbing him, and then scolded himself. _He’s relaxed and happy because I’m here. He’s relaxed and happy because he didn’t have to sleep alone last night._

Jack found one of his hands and gave it a little squeeze. Mark shifted, opened his eyes, smiled.

“You’re here.”

“I am.”

“And you smell like bacon.”

Jack laughed.

Mark maneuvered into a sitting position against the head board. “How long have you been up?”

“Not long. Just had some things to take care of. Here! Coffee!”

Mark took the cup and sipped, then moaned happily. “You are the absolute best.”

Jack picked up a piece of bacon, munched, and handed the full plate to Mark.

“You made me breakfast?”

“Jesus, Mark, it’s the least I can do.”

Mark squeezed Jack’s hand and started eating happily, making _food-is-fucking-delicious_ type sounds.

He eventually set the plate down, and Jack took a deep breath. “Was it okay?”

“It was amazing. I already have a running list of ways I can repay you. Want to hear some examples?”

Jack giggled. “I do. But not quite yet.” Mark waited patiently for Jack to finish. “Okay. Mark. I need you to think about how delicious that food was, and the fact that yeh have a really high opinion of me right now, yeah? Because I need a favor.”

“Anything. Name it.” Mark’s response was immediate. _That’s a good sign._

“Okay. I need to ask you a couple of questions first.”

“Sure – everything alright?”

“Yes. Everything is good. I promise.”

“Ok, go ahead.”

“How long can the guys take care of Chica?”

“I asked them to keep her until Sunday.” It was currently Wednesday morning. Jack watched Mark’s face fall at the mention of the deadline. They hadn’t even discussed it until now.

“D’you think they could keep her fer a bit longer, if we needed them to?”

“Yeah, I’m sure they could… why, what’s up?”

“D’you have anything else important going on fer the rest of this week?”

“…No, nothing. I put everything on hold while you’re here.” Jack could tell Mark was starting to get worried.

“Okay. Mark.” Jack took a deep breath. “Yeh’ve trusted me so far. And it’s been… incredible. I have a project I’m working on, and I need yeh to stick with me. I need yeh to trust me a bit further. Can yeh do that?”

“I can. I do.”

“Ok. I need you to come to Dublin with me. Tonight.”

Mark stared. Obviously, this was not what he had been expecting.

“It’s not going to interfere with our time together. I know it’s probably not what yeh were hoping for. But it’s really important, and I think it will be really good fer the both of us. Will you come?”

“Yeah.” Mark’s voice was quiet. He cleared his throat, spoke more confidently. “Yeah, of course I’ll come, Sean.”

Jack smiled. _Oh, thank God._ “Yeh’re going to love it. I promise. You can see my apartment! And maybe meet my parents, if yeh want.”

_Parents. Is Jack taking me home to meet his family?_

“Sean, I would love to meet your parents.” Mark grinned. “But. Uhm. Should we start thinking about… talking to our families, first? Before meeting in person? I mean, do you want to tell them what’s going on?”

Jack had been so distracted by his other plans, he hadn’t even thought of this. “Oh. Yeah. Yeh’re right…” _But what if something goes wrong?_ If his appointment on Friday didn’t go the way he hoped it would… there might not be anything to tell. “I’ll let my family know yeh’re coming fer a visit, at least. I think I’d rather call to tell them the rest once we get there. Is that alright with you?”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.” Mark was thoughtful. “I guess I should think about telling my mom and stepmom, too.”

“Let’s stick to the same plan. Let them know where yeh’ll be, so they won’t worry. We can make some calls and share more details together, at the end of the week. Friday afternoon. Yeah?”

Mark smiled. “Sure.”

“Okay.” Jack grinned, screaming internally with relief. “So, our flight leaves at 7:50 tonight from LAX. It’ll be a little over ten hours, but we’ll get there tomorrow afternoon because of the time difference.”

“Okay. What should I pack?”

“Not much. Just clothes fer the weekend. And… supplies.” Mark grinned, and Jack hugged him gratefully, aware of the amount of information he’d just thrown in his direction. “It’ll be great. I swear.”

“Hey. I know it will. I trust you.” Mark kissed his cheek. “You trust me too, right? You promise you’ll tell me what’s up? When you’re ready?" 

“I do. I promise.” Mark’s arms tightened around Jack.

 

* * *

 

“Oh, go fuck yerself sideways, Fischbach!” Jack was yelling into his microphone. “You cheated so hard!”

A moment ago he had been an orange traffic cone, hiding cleverly on the pavement. A grenade from Mark had reduced him to a puddle of pixelated blood.

“Fuck off, Jack, you wiggled and you know it!” Mark was yelling back.

“There is NO WAY you saw that from across the thing.”

“You’re full of bananas, I had my eyes right on you!”

They were in the midst of a round of Prop Hunt with Bob and Wade. Even though they’d already played it fairly often in the past, it was an obvious choice. They were all familiar with it, enjoyed it well enough, and could each use the footage easily for their respective channels if they wanted to.

“Don’t worry, Jack,” Bob was saying. “Wade will help us cheat next round. It’s only fair.”

Mark had invited Wade to a video chat earlier that morning. He and Jack had finished breakfast and got most of their packing done, and they had decided they should put some time into recording during the afternoon to accumulate some backup footage. They’d talked it over and agreed that Wade should know what was going on between them, because of his close friendship with Mark, and because the four of them often played games together. They felt sure that Wade could be trusted to keep the information to himself for the time being.

“WADE!” Mark had yelled into the phone.

“Hey, man,” Wade had replied. “What’s up?”

“You up for some coop in a bit? Bob and Jack are already in.”

“Sure, I just need, like, twenty minutes.”

“Cool.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“And, why did you video chat instead of just texting? Something up?”

“Yeah.” Mark had paused uncomfortably. He’d rehearsed this in his head a bunch of times, and it had made zero difference. “It’s about Jack.”

“Is he alright?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. He’s actually here right now.”

“’Here’ as in LA?”

“’Here’ as in, my house.”

“I didn’t know he was coming over from… oh. _No shit_.”

“Huh?”

Wade laughed. “Mark, I can only think of one reason that Jack would come to visit, and stay at your house, and that you both would keep the whole thing a secret. Let me guess- he’s not sleeping in the guest room?”

“Jesus FUCKING Christ, is it really that Goddamn obvious?”

Jack appeared beside Mark. “Hey, Wade!”

“Jack! What’s up, man?”

“Hey, can we back the fuck up for a second here? What the shit, man? You really knew this already?”

“Nah, not for sure. I figured you guys were in pretty deep denial.” Wade laughed. “I’m sorry… like, you guys are adorable, and I know this is a really big deal for you to be telling me. It’s just so obvious. It’s like if Jack called me and was like, _Hey Wade, Mark sucks at Prop Hunt!_ I would be like, _We hold these truths to be self evident_ , yadda yadda.”

“Oh, fuck you too, Wade!” Mark yelled, laughing. Jack was giggling too.

“I’m kidding. I’m happy for you guys. It’s awesome. Don’t fuck it up, Mark.”

“Bob said the same thing.”

“Bob is smarter than he looks.”

They had ended the call shortly after and logged on to play. The game had been running for close to two hours, and Jack knew they needed to get going soon. “Hey guys, that might’ve been the last round.”

“Yep,” Mark agreed. “Time to quit while I’m ahead.”

“Watch yerself, Fischbach,” Jack taunted. “I’ll be back fer you.”

They logged out of the game and took a moment to record their respective outros.

As soon as he was done, Jack took off his headphones and sprinted down the hallway. The door to Mark’s room was open, and Mark was waiting for him just inside. Jack tackled him at full speed onto the bed.

“Holy shit!” Mark was laughing.

Jack grabbed the front of Mark’s shirt and pulled.

“YOU AND YOUR BULLSHIT.” He was also laughing, and sort of yelling. “YOU AND YOUR SHIT. YOU MAKE ME SO… FUCKING…” He knew he was incoherent. It occurred to him that he should also quit while he was ahead, and get on with pushing his tongue into Mark’s mouth. Once that was done, he pulled roughly at Mark’s shirt, releasing Mark for just long enough to pull it off. He grasped at Mark’s hair, pulled his head backward, and kissed him again, deeply and roughly. Mark could actually feel the aggressive energy radiating from Jack. He might have been amused, if he hadn’t been so distracted by the feeling of Jack’s teeth cutting into his lower lip, almost hard enough to break the skin.

_Jesus fucking Christ._

Jack had already moved on, was pulling Mark’s sweatpants and boxers down and off.

“Stand up.”

“Jesus, Sean-”

_“Stand up.”_

Jack kneeled as Mark stood, and Mark’s cock was already inside his mouth before Mark had fully registered what was happening.

_“Oh, fuck-"_

Jack moved aggressively, powerfully. He sucked and stroked at Mark without pausing or slowing. Mark couldn’t catch his breath, couldn’t find his bearings. He moaned senselessly, completely overpowered by the forcefulness of Jack.

 _“FUCK, SEAN-_ ”

Jack sucked and squeezed, picked up the pace at the sound of Mark’s voice. He could feel Mark tensing, thrusting-

Mark released in an explosion of warmth inside Jack’s mouth. Jack swallowed hard, disengaged, and stood up to face him.

They were both red-faced and panting. Mark thought for a moment that Jack might actually be  _angry,_  until a smile spread across his face.

“I feel better,” he said, happily.

“Oh,” Mark breathed. “…Good? I mean, _shit_ , what even was that?”

“Too much?” Jack frowned.

“Oh my God, no! I mean, I thought you might kill me for a minute, but otherwise it was fucking fantastic.”

Jack laughed. “Sorry, love. I just get… worked up… sometimes. I mean, yeh’ve seen my videos, right? I just accumulate all this energy sometimes when I’m playing, and you were being such a Goddamn smartass, I just felt like I needed to… manhandle you, a little bit. God, I do feel much better.” Jack sighed, sounded almost… _content_.

Mark was giggling at the absurdity. “I’m at your disposal. Anytime you’re feeling upset, you just… go right ahead. Do what you need to do.”

“Don’t push it, Fischbach.” Jack was grinning. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. _“Shit._ It’s getting late. We need to pick up the pace here. Shower, clean clothes, finish packing. Quickly, yeah?”

“Because…”

“What?”

Mark was giggling like a fool. “We need to do it quickly because…? C’mon, say it!”

Jack rolled his eyes, threw his arms into the air. “SPEED IS KEY!”

 

* * *

 

“Here, why don’t I hang onto yer passport? I’m going to keep the boarding passes in my backpack, I can just keep everything together.”

“Sure.”

Jack tucked Mark’s passport into a secure pocket with his own. “I just need to grab a couple things from yer office.”

He made his way down the hall and took his folder out of the drawer. He removed the boarding passes from the folder, folded them up, and put them inside their passports. He put the folder and its remaining contents into his backpack. He packed his headphones in a convenient place, in case he wanted to use them on the plane. He had already packed his camera and microphone, along with everything else he had brought for the trip.

Except his toothbrush. He had no intention of ever removing that toothbrush from Mark’s bathroom.

He shut the office door and went back down the hall to check on Mark’s progress. Mark was standing in the middle of the room, reviewing what he had packed so far.

“I think I might be done.”

Jack nodded. “Me, too. Shall we?”

Mark looked thoughtful.

“Don’t overthink it, love. On to the next adventure. C’mon. It’s going to be amazing!”

Mark smiled, letting Jack’s optimism wash over him.

They carried their bags downstairs and loaded up the car. Mark set his GPS for LAX.

He looked over at Jack in the passenger seat. “Are we really going to fucking Ireland right now?”

“Yep! Buckle up, Fischbach.”

Mark chuckled. “You… are amazing.”

“And _you…_ ” Jack leaned over, kissed Mark’s lips. “…are all mine. C’mon, you got to take me home with you. It’s my turn now.”

 


	20. Chapter 20

Mark and Jack were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder at their departure gate at LAX, waiting to board their flight. They’d decided to wear baseball caps, sunglasses, and nondescript clothing, hoping to avoid being recognized for as long as possible. They knew it was inevitable that someone would eventually spot them over the course of this trip, but they were enjoying the relative anonymity for the time being. _Plus,_ Jack thought, _Mark looks like a total fucking badass in those sunglasses._ He looked over at Mark, smiled, and fought hard against the urge to touch him more intimately.

There were fewer people waiting at the gate than Jack had expected- he guessed overnight flights were probably less desirable for most people, hoped they’d have some space to relax once they were on board.

Mark was scrolling through Twitter. “People are psyched about the video we posted. Lots of Septiplier shipping.” Mark spoke quietly.

“That’s good, right?” Jack asked.

“Yeah. It’s good.” Mark leaned more heavily against Jack’s shoulder. “Nothing to worry about.”

They both perked up as they heard their boarding call over the loudspeaker. Mark grinned.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Jack fished their passports out of his bag. They stood up together, walked through the gate, and boarded the plane.

 

* * *

 

Once they were settled in their seats, they glanced around the cabin to take stock of their fellow passengers. There were only a handful of people in first class with them. They noticed some older men wearing suits; a young, well-dressed couple; a middle-aged woman who was already typing away on a laptop; and what they presumed must have been a family: two adults and a teenage boy. The boy was young, probably fifteen or sixteen. He was slender, wearing skinny jeans and a fitted t-shirt, dressed all in black except for an armful of brightly colored bracelets. He wore a backwards Legend of Zelda baseball cap. He had glanced at Mark and Jack as he’d boarded. Jack thought he saw the boy smile briefly in their direction, but he had passed by without comment, sitting with his parents a couple rows behind them. The rows directly surrounding them were blessedly empty.

“I think we’re pretty safe, for now,” Mark said. “I thought that kid might’ve recognized us, but he looks pretty harmless. Can you take off the hat and sunglasses now? I hate not being able to see your eyes.”

Jack smiled and did as Mark suggested.

“Oh, thank God. Much better.” Mark was grinning, removing his own disguise. They stashed their sunglasses and hats in Jack’s backpack for the time being. They both stretched and sighed hugely, trying to relieve some of the tension they’d accumulated in the busy airport. They leaned back into their seats as the loudspeaker chimed with pre-flight announcements, and the plane started its slow crawl toward the runway.

Jack was enjoying the warm pressure of Mark’s arm pressed against his. _We’re really going. It’s really happening._ He was also feeling immense relief- he and Mark had stepped out in public together, and the world hadn’t ended. Things were good. They were safe. _Maybe this can really work._

They both put on their headphones and flipped on some music as the plane prepared for takeoff. Jack closed his eyes and leaned his head back, gripping his arm rests as the plane picked up speed. He felt warm pressure on his right hand and opened his eyes, found Mark’s hand on top of his own. Mark beamed at him and gave his hand a small squeeze.

Jack grinned at Mark, then closed his eyes again. He concentrated on the feeling of Mark’s warm, strong hand as the plane escaped from the ground, the world below tilting and falling away. Jack’s stomach did a backflip. He wondered why the sensation felt so familiar, and finally realized that he got a similar feeling every time Mark kissed him. He silently thanked Mark for being bold enough to hold his hand, wishing they could be even closer. Mark must have picked up on the psychic energy, because he rested his head on Jack’s shoulder, his eyes closed.

Jack took in the now-familiar smell of Mark’s hair, kissed the top of his head lightly. He rested his head against Mark’s, absorbing Mark’s warmth and affection. He closed his eyes. He slept.

 

* * *

 

Jack woke up slowly, trying to identify the tugging sensation he felt around his right arm. He opened his eyes to look around, and found that the teenage Zelda fan was crouching next to his seat in the aisle.

“Hey, Jack, I’m so sorry to get inside your bubble like this.” Jack rubbed at his eyes, noticed that Mark was still fast asleep on his shoulder.

“Uhmm…”

“Look, I just wanted to let you know- some asshole was back here a minute ago trying to take your picture or film you or something. I told him to fuck off.” The kid smiled a lopsided smile.

“Oh. Jesus. Thanks.” Jack was wide awake now, taking in everything the kid had said.

“No problem. I figured you guys probably weren’t looking for that kind of attention right now.”

Jack followed the kid’s gaze to Mark’s sleeping face, snuggled in the folds of Jack’s sweatshirt.

“Yep, yeh’d be right about that.” Jack knew the damage had been done. He smoothed Mark’s hair, trying to wake him gently. Mark opened his eyes and sat up, looking startled, and then embarrassed. “It’s ok,” Jack said quickly. “I’m pretty sure this kid just saved our asses. Someone was trying to take our picture.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“Don’t worry, I threatened and shamed him. I don’t think he’ll be back.” The kid grinned again.

“Thanks, man,” Mark said. “What’s your name?”

“Will.”

“Thanks, Will. That was really nice of you.”

“I’m glad I could help out. I’m a big fan, but it pisses me off when people fuck with your privacy. I thought it was cool when I saw you together, I figured you were on your way to a convention or something. But you’re like… _together._ Right?”

Mark and Jack glanced at each other, then looked back at the kid and nodded.

“But not publicly?”  
  
“Right.” Jack said.

The kid smiled. Jack noticed that several of his bracelets were decorated with rainbow colors. “Wow. You guys are going to break the fucking Internet.”

“Yeah…” Mark started. “We’re not really there yet.”

“Got it,” the kid replied. “Look, if people find out, please know it wasn’t me. I can keep a secret.” He rubbed at the back of his neck nervously, and Mark believed him.

“Thanks, we owe you one,” Jack said.

“Yeah, what can we do?” Mark asked. “Do you want a picture or something?”

The kid grinned. “Fuck yes.” Jack and Mark stood up and flagged down a flight attendant, who was happy to take a picture of the three of them using Will’s phone.

“Would yeh mind waiting a few days before yeh share it around social media?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, no problem, whatever you want.” The kid was obviously beside himself and trying to stay cool. But then, his grin faded slightly.

“Can I ask you for one more favor?”

“Sure.”

“If things, like, _work out_ between you guys… would you consider announcing it eventually? I feel like shit even asking this. I know it should be private. It’s just that…” the kid swallowed hard. “Being different fucking _sucks_. I know it would mean a lot to… people… to see you guys as allies. Anyway. It’s stupid. You guys are awesome. Thanks for the photo.” He smiled again.

Jack took out his phone. “Are you on Twitter? What’s yer username?” The kid told him. Jack ran a quick search, found his profile, followed him and sent him a direct message.

“We’ll think about what yeh said,” Jack assured him. “Thanks again fer being awesome.”

Will blushed furiously. “Oh my God. _You_ guys are awesome. Thanks. And… good luck.” He walked back to his seat.

“Jesus, that kid is cool,” Jack said as they settled back into their seats.

“I know, I was just thinking that. God, I was such a doofus when I was his age.”

Jack was nodding. “Yep. Me too.” He frowned. “D’you think the guy got any pictures of us?”

Mark leaned over him. “We’re pretty far back here, I doubt he got that close. I think we’re okay.”

“I wish we didn’t have to worry about it.”

Mark kissed Jack’s cheek. “Maybe someday we won’t.”

They spent the rest of the flight talking, watching in-flight movies, and dozing off. They were tired and stiff by the time the plane landed. Mark reflected that he was usually a cranky disaster after travelling like this, but Jack’s unyielding optimism had had a healing effect. He felt calm and happy, even when he and Jack replaced their baseball caps and sunglasses.

They were both yawning and stretching as they stepped off the plane and made their way into the terminal. Jack noticed Will, a few yards away, waving to them as he walked with his parents. Jack waved back, grabbed Mark by the sleeve, and walked quickly over to the family.

“Hey, Will. Thanks again.” Jack scooped the kid up into a big hug. Mark joined in. “Yeah. Thanks.” Will’s face burned with happy embarrassment.

Jack looked over at Will’s parents, who seemed mildly surprised. “Yer kid is _awesome_.” They laughed.

They all said goodbye, and Mark and Jack headed off to pick up the rest of their bags.

Jack had booked them a room at the Westin, which was about 25 minutes from the airport. It was after 4PM local time when they arrived, and they were both exhausted. Jack checked them in at the desk, and they brought their bags up to a room on the top floor. He swiped them in, and they ditched their stuff in a corner and flopped onto the bed, arms and legs all over the place.

“I’m sure the view is lovely. Whenever you get up, you can describe it to me,” Mark mumbled from flat on his face.

Jack giggled sleepily. “No worries, love. We should probably catch up on some sleep.”

“Shouldn’t we do fun things?” Mark sounded half asleep already.

“I can’t think of anything more fun than getting in bed with you.”

“Oh yeah!” Mark’s excitement was muted by exhaustion.

“Here. Get comfortable.” Jack got up from the bed and moved closer to Mark. He removed Mark’s shoes and socks, put his glasses on the night stand. He emptied his pockets, put his phone and wallet on the night stand as well. “Is yer data plan working okay?”

“Yeah. Seems fine.” Mark yawned, propped himself up, and flopped onto his back. He had activated an international plan before they’d left, so his phone would work as it normally did during the trip.

“Good. I’m going to go find a spot to give my parents a call. It’ll be quick. Just call if yeh need me.”

“Ok. I’ll be here.”

Jack kissed Mark’s forehead. He walked around the room briefly, taking in his surroundings. The view _was_ nice. The bathroom was massive, and there was a sitting area with a table, couch, and TV that was completely separate from the bedroom. He debated just calling his parents from there, but he knew Mark would probably overhear, and he wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to say yet.

He slipped a room key into his pocket and stepped into the hall. After a brief walk, he found an empty conference room down the hall from the room. He went in, shut the door, sat down, and took out his phone. He tapped a button to call his mother’s cell phone.

 

“Hey Jack!” She sounded excited to talk to him. “How’s yer trip so far?”

“It’s been great. How’re you and Dad?”

“Oh, fine. I’ll tell him yeh say hello. So when’re yeh heading back?”

“Actually… that’s why I’m calling. I landed in Dublin a couple hours ago.”

“Really? That was a short trip, everythin’ ok?”

“Yeah, everything’s great. I actually brought Mark fer a visit.”

“Oh, that’ll be nice. Plenty to do, sightseein’ and such.” Jack laughed internally. _Something like that._

“Yeah. So. Mum. Any chance you and Dad are free tomorrow night?”

“Should be. Comin’ fer a visit?"

“I was actually hoping you guys could come meet me in Dublin. Possibly. I’m not actually sure yet. I just wanted to check.”

“Are yeh sure everythin’s alright?”

“Yeah, I promise. I know it’s a bit of a hike…”

“I’m sure we can get there if yeh need us to.”

“Okay. I’ll give you a call tomorrow and let yeh know if I can make it work.”

“Okay, we’ll be here. Say hi to Mark fer us.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love yeh too.”

 

Jack hung up. A knot of apprehension was forming in his stomach. His life would never be the same after tomorrow morning, and he had no idea if he’d be celebrating or picking up the pieces.

He headed back to the room, swiped, stepped inside. Mark was out cold. _Whoops. I left his jeans on._

He walked over to Mark, smoothed his hair away from his forehead. Mark’s eyelids barely opened. “Hello, love.”

“Hey, everything okay?”

“Yes.”

Jack undid the button and zipper on Mark’s jeans and pulled them off. He took off his own pants, too, and climbed onto the bed, snuggling close with his head on Mark’s chest.

“I set an alarm fer a couple of hours. We should eat something before we go to bed fer the night. My appointment is at 8:00 tomorrow morning, I don’t think I’ll have time fer breakfast first.” Jack knew he would be too nervous to eat anyway.

“Good idea.” Mark’s eyes were closed. Jack sighed and let himself be calmed by Mark’s low rumble and even breaths. He fought against the exhaustion, didn’t want to fall asleep, didn’t want to miss out on a single, precious moment with Mark.

His eyes closed. He lost the battle.

 


	21. Chapter 21

Jack’s alarm clock sounded at 6AM. His eyes flew open, and he was momentarily disoriented. He was lying face down in an unfamiliar bed, with one arm thrown over Mark’s chest.

_Oh. Dublin. Right. Why is my alarm…?_

He sat upright with a jolt, remembering why he’d set his alarm. _Oh fuck. Oh fuck._

He grabbed his phone, saw that it was only 6:02. He breathed. He tried to relax. He failed.

Hey tried to think back to the previous night, wondering why he felt so confused. Then he remembered; he’d set an alarm for them to get up for dinner, but they hadn’t. They’d been so exhausted, they’d turned off the alarm and gone back to sleep. His anxiety eased slightly as he got a better grip on the situation.

His appointment wasn’t until 8:00, but he wanted to make sure he had plenty of time to get there. He glanced over at Mark, who was sleeping soundly with a puddle of drool forming around his mouth. Jack almost giggled, despite his extreme nervousness.

He got up, careful not to disturb Mark. He took a quick shower and dressed. He assessed the state of his backpack, making sure he had his passport and all of his paperwork in a convenient place. He stepped into the sitting room and called for a cab. Then, he went back to the bed, and sat down next to Mark.

He watched Mark sleep for a long moment, his heart aching, his mind racing with anxious thoughts. He finally bent over and kissed his forehead gently.

Mark opened his eyes. “Hey! We’re in Ireland!” he said, sleepily.

Jack managed a smile. “Hello, love. I have to get going in a minute. I should only be gone fer a couple of hours, so yeh should just go back to sleep. I’ll be back before yeh know it.” He bent down and kissed Mark, slowly and sweetly. He pulled back reluctantly, smoothing at Mark’s hair.

“Sean. Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay. We can deal with it together, when you get back. Right?”

Jack nodded, hoped Mark wouldn’t notice that his hands were shaking. He still had no idea what he would tell Mark if things didn’t work out.

He leaned over and rested his head against Mark’s chest, and Mark hugged him tight.

_“Love you, Mark.”_

_“Love you, Sean.”_

Jack got up from the bed, walked out the door, and closed it behind him.

He took the elevator to the lobby and left the hotel, was relieved to see a cab waiting for him in the street. He told the driver his destination and sat in silence as they drove, playing with his hands nervously. The ride was short. He paid the driver and stepped onto the sidewalk. He checked the time on his phone: 7:37AM. _Perfect._

He took several deep breaths, and walked into the U.S. Embassy.

 

* * *

 

Mark was pacing the hotel room, trying not to panic. He had no idea where Jack was, or why it needed to be a secret. Jack had mentioned he had an appointment to keep, and that that was part of the reason for this trip. But Mark was starting to think that it might be the _whole_ reason for this trip. He could tell Jack had been distraught before he’d left, and worse, he’d been trying to hide it. Why? Why wouldn’t he just tell Mark what was going on? He’d asked Mark to trust him, and Mark had done his best, but his stomach ached with worry. What if something was really wrong?

He suspected that Jack had been thinking about the end of their visit. He knew they had both been putting off the conversation, trying to soak up as much happiness as they could before facing reality. He wondered if Jack had brought him here to walk him through the trip, hoping Mark might be more likely to visit if he had practiced the journey, and could look back on fun memories of visiting Jack at home.

_Does he really think I wouldn’t visit? Of course I would…_

But Mark started to think about it more carefully. What would it be like for them, splitting time between California and Ireland? It took a full day to travel, maybe another day to deal with the time change. They would need to plan to see each other for at least a week at a time. _Well, we figured it out this time…_ Mark thought, but then he recalled the previous week, the overtime he and Jack had set for themselves to get ahead in their work. They had barely survived it. Would it even be possible to keep that up in the future?

Mark supposed they could work on content when they visited each other… and promptly rejected that notion as well. What would be the point of traveling halfway across the world, just to work instead of spending time together?

Mark felt sick. He had pushed these thoughts away for days, and they were finally overtaking him. He realized that Jack had probably come to similar conclusions, and his heart ached. What was Jack thinking? What were they going to do? _Am I losing him right now?_

Mark sat in a chair, put his elbows on his knees, put his head in his hands, and waited.

 

* * *

 

Jack was sprinting. He had called a cab and left the Embassy, and was running full force to meet his ride at the corner of the street. He knew his green fringe had come untucked from his hat, thought fleetingly that someone might recognize him running down the street like a fool and post the whole thing on the Internet. _Fuck it._ He didn’t care.

The drive back to the hotel was excruciating. Weekday morning traffic had picked up, and Jack bounced his knee nervously as the cab moved slowly through the busy streets. _Come on. Fucking come on!_ After a half hour that felt like at least a month, the cab reached the hotel. Jack gave the driver a handful of cash and jumped out of the cab without waiting for change. He moved as quickly as he could to the elevator, pushed the button to the top floor about a dozen times before he realized it wasn’t helping. He fidgeted, screaming internally, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

He finally got into the elevator, thankful to be alone so he could groan audibly as the floors ticked by far too slowly for his liking. _Ding._ The doors popped open, and he was sprinting again, grabbing for the room key in his pocket.

He stopped abruptly in front of the door, hand outstretched. He was out of breath and probably looked a mess. _Fuck! What am I doing?! What am I going to say?!_ He couldn’t think straight, couldn’t stand to wait, needed to see Mark before he passed out right there in the hallway. He swiped his key and stepped through the door.

 

* * *

 

Mark heard the door opening and flew out of his seat. He examined Jack from a distance, saw that he was red-faced and breathing heavy. He looked like he’d been running. He looked…

“Sean. Please tell me what’s happening.”

“Mark.” Jack’s voice was shaking.

Mark was by his side in an instant, holding his shoulders, searching his face. “Tell me what’s going on. Please let me help.”

“Mark-” Jack took another deep breath. He tried to smile, but Mark could tell he was close to tears. “I need to tell yeh something. I did something without asking you first, and I knew yeh might be upset, but I had to risk it. I needed it to be my decision, and it’s done. So, please, just-” Jack couldn’t finish, couldn’t find the words.

“Sean.” Mark’s voice was gentle. “I’m not upset with you, I promise. I’m just very, very worried. Please tell me what happened.”

Jack’s heart squeezed at the concern in Mark’s voice. He tried to catch his breath. “Mark. I figured out how to stay with you. You don’t have to leave without me. We can stay together.” He looked into Mark’s eyes, smiling shakily.

“Wait- what? I don’t understand…”

Jack pulled back from him and opened his backpack. He took out the manila folder, set it down on the table, and opened it for Mark.

Mark wasn’t sure what he was looking at. The first item in the folder was a small rectangular envelope, like a holder for a driver’s license or credit card. Jack picked it up, slid out a small plastic card, and handed it to Mark. At first Mark thought it _was_ a credit card, but it had Jack’s picture on it, so that wasn’t right... He read the text printed on it:

 

**VISA - United States of America**

**Surname:**

McLoughlin

 

**Given Name:**

Sean

 

_Not a credit card Visa. The other kind of visa. The go-live-in-another-country kind of visa. How-?_

“Sean…”

Mark looked at the packet of papers in the folder. It looked like a job application. No… not an application. _A contract. With Jack’s signature at the bottom._

Mark stared at the paper.

Mark stared at Jack.

Mark grabbed Jack’s passport and opened it. A folded piece of paper fell out. No- _two_ folded pieces of paper. The first one was Jack’s crumpled boarding pass from the flight they’d just taken. The second one was-

“You bought a round-trip ticket, back to California.” Mark’s voice was shaking. “Sean. You had a round-trip ticket? This whole time? What’s happening?”

Jack gently took the paper from Mark and set it back on the table. He put his arms around Mark’s waist and spoke softly. “Mark. Did yeh think about what was going to happen at the end of this week?”

Mark nodded.

“Did yeh think about what it would be like to try to make this work long-distance?”

Mark swallowed hard, made a pained expression that Jack thought might have been a repressed sob. He nodded again.

“It wouldn’t work.” Jack smoothed Mark’s hair out of his eyes. “Maybe at first, but not in the long run. It wouldn’t be right or fair fer either of us. There’s no getting around it. And leaving you-” Jack’s voice broke- “was not an option fer me.”

Mark took Jack’s face in his hands, tried to keep them from shaking. He couldn’t control his voice. “Are you saying you’re coming home with me?”

Jack smiled. When he finally spoke, his voice was choked with emotion. “Yeah. I’m saying, we’re going home together.” Tears splashed onto his cheeks.

Mark put his arms around Jack, lifted him off the ground, and kissed him.

He felt his own tears mixing with Jack’s as the full weight of the situation hit him. He replayed Jack’s words in his head: _Leaving you was not an option for me..._

Jack was getting ready to leave his home, to move halfway across the world, to change his entire life…

Mark set Jack down gently and looked in his eyes.

“Sean. I can’t even tell you what this means to me. I can’t believe you did all of this, for me. For us. The idea of going home without you is… unbearable. I would do just about anything to keep us together. I would do anything you asked me to.” He paused to kiss Jack’s lips, holding him close. Jack felt himself relaxing, felt both of them breathing more easily the longer they touched.

Mark finally broke away. “But I need you to walk me through this. I need to know this is the right decision. How did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?”

Jack took a shaky breath. “Remember when you came home from the store? You were so upset…”

Mark nodded, embarrassed.

“It hit me right then. I knew what would happen if I came back to Ireland, and you stayed in California. I knew it wouldn’t work out, no matter how badly we wanted it to. I saw how sad yeh were, and I thought… I _knew_ … you were serious. About us. After everything that happened between us… I thought yeh’d want me to stay.”

“Of course I wanted you to stay.” Mark brushed at Jack’s hair.

Jack nodded. “I know. And I had already been e-mailing with my friend who works at Blizzard.”

“Blizzard? As in, Blizzard Entertainment? As in, Overwatch?”

“Yeah. Their office is in Irvine."

"I know. That's... right outside of LA."

“Yeah. I know a couple people who work there. Anyway, I asked my friend to talk to his boss, see if the company might be interested in working something out. They were. It’s just a few hours a week, consulting fer game design and marketing and such. Just enough to get on the payroll.”

“And that was important because…?”

“I needed the job to get a visa. I wouldn’t be able to stay in the States without one. I mean, I could visit, but I wouldn’t be able to stay fer any length of time. Luckily the folks at Blizzard were excited. They put a rush on the paperwork fer me.”

“Jesus. Sean, why didn’t you just tell me?”

Jack looked steadily into Mark’s eyes. He spoke firmly. “Because you might’ve tried to stop me. Because I didn’t want you feeling guilty, or feeling like you forced me into this decision. ‘Decision’ isn’t even the right word fer it. Like I said… leaving wasn’t an option.”

“But then… why didn’t you tell me after you signed the contract? Wasn’t it a done deal at that point?”

Jack shook his head. “No. I didn’t know if the Embassy would approve the visa, until today. If they hadn’t… God, Mark, I was so scared they wouldn’t. I would’ve had to stay here. You would’ve had to go back without me. I couldn’t face it. I had to make sure it would work out before I told you. And I had to come back to Dublin to do the interview, I didn’t have a choice.”

Mark let this sink in.

“Mark, I’m _so sorry_ I put yeh through this. But this is what I want. This is the right thing fer me, I know it.”

“Are you _sure_ , Sean? What if I-”

“What if you what? Moved to Ireland? Mark, there is _nothing_ here, there would be no point! I promise you, I’ve thought a lot about this. It just makes sense. And don’t go thinking like it’s some kind of huge sacrifice. It isn’t. I’m _excited_ about this. I _want_ the job at Blizzard. I can keep doing YouTube. And we... we can be together. I have literally _nothing_ to lose, and everything to gain. D’you see?”

Mark couldn’t deny the logic. He nodded. “I get it. But, Sean…” He searched for the words. “I just feel like you’re giving me this massive gift. How can I ever pay you back?”

Jack’s lower lip shook. “Tell me yeh’re not going to leave me here. Tell me you want me to come. Tell me yeh’re going to take me home.” A single tear ran down his cheek.

“ _God, Sean-_ ” Mark wrapped his arms around Jack, pulled him close. _“It’s not home, anymore, without you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! This was a tough chapter to write. Their anxiety actually started to rub off on me a bit, and I really wanted to get it right. I did some research about Visas and work permits to try to make the plot somewhat realistic, but I have never gone through this process myself, and I know there may be some flaws in the timeline or logistics. If you are knowledgeable on this topic and have suggestions, feel free to send me a message!


	22. Chapter 22

Mark held Jack for a long time. He finally felt Jack’s shoulders start to relax, felt him breathing more easily with his face pressed into Mark’s hair.

Mark stepped back and pulled Jack gently to the bed. He knelt down and removed Jack’s shoes and socks. He guided Jack down onto the mattress, and then positioned himself so he was kneeling between Jack’s slightly-bent knees. He leaned down, bracing his forearms on either side of Jack’s head, smoothing Jack’s hair with one hand. He let Jack take his glasses off, felt Jack’s arm resting lightly around his shoulders.

“How do you always know how to save me? How do you always know exactly what I need?” Mark’s low, gentle voice washed over Jack. He felt relief spreading outward from his chest.

“You chose me,” Jack said quietly. “Out of all the people in the world, you chose me. It should’ve been impossible. There were a million good reasons fer you to keep this to yerself. You could’ve moved on with yer life, without me.” Jack paused, smoothing Mark’s hair. “But you didn’t. You were brave. You risked everything fer me. You felt like yeh had to, yeah?”

Mark nodded.

“So, it’s my turn. I can be brave, too. I choose you, too.”

Mark kissed Jack then, overwhelmed by the impact of his words. He tried to be gentle, but felt his own heart rate starting to climb, felt longing building in his chest as Jack’s lips moved eagerly against his. He felt Jack’s hands sliding down his back, felt Jack’s fingers slipping under his shirt, moving against his skin.

Mark took a breath, looked into Jack’s eyes. “You… are incredible. I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I think you actually blew my mind today.”

Jack shook his head, whispered: _“Not yet. But I will.”_

He slid his hands up Mark’s back, pulling at his shirt. Mark raised his arms, allowed Jack to pull it off. Jack put his arms back around Mark’s neck and pulled himself up, pressing his lips against Mark’s throat. Mark shuddered, closed his eyes. He leaned into the feeling of Jack’s mouth against his skin.

Mark lifted the hem of Jack’s shirt, wrapped his arms tightly around Jack’s back. He felt the rise and fall of Jack’s ribs, his breath coming in heavy bursts.

Jack leaned backward, letting Mark hold him up. He pulled his shirt off, let it fall to the floor.

Jack’s hair stood on end. His cheeks were flushed. He was pulsing with warmth. _God, he’s so perfect._ Mark tilted his chin with one hand, kissed him deeply. He felt Jack pulling at the button on his jeans, felt his waistband loosen, felt Jack’s hands traveling over his hips inside his boxers, easing them down.

Mark found Jack’s eyes. He lifted Jack’s arms, one at a time, and placed them around his neck. “Hold on to me.”

Jack obeyed. Mark slid his hands down Jack’s chest, taking his time, watching pleasure and anticipation register in Jack’s expression. His eyes were bright. Mark undid his jeans and slid them down, pressed his strong fingers along Jack’s exposed skin. Jack closed his eyes. Mark kissed his parted lips and laid him back down, one hand supporting his back, the other exploring Jack’s bare hip and thigh. Jack sighed against his lips, his arms tight around Mark’s neck.

Mark moved down the length of Jack’s body, pressing slow, firm kisses against his chest and his belly. He pulled at Jack’s jeans, removed them carefully, and then discarded his own. Then he lay back down, his face hovering just above Jack’s, his hips between Jack’s knees.

_“Hey, Sean.”_

Jack grinned.

_“Hey Mark.”_

_“How do you feel?”_

_“Can’t yeh tell?”_

Jack tilted his hips, pressing against Mark. Mark shuddered, leaning into Jack.

_“I want you to touch me now, like yeh did before.”_

Mark smiled, bent down to kiss Jack’s neck. _“Anything you want.”_

He started to lift himself up, but Jack stopped him, shaking his head.

_“Check the night stand.”_

Mark could easily reach it with his left hand. He opened the drawer and found the supplies he’d packed.

He grinned at Jack. _“When did you do this?”_

_“Last night, when you were asleep.”_

_“Planning ahead?”_

Jack nodded.

Mark felt a flutter in his lower abdomen, knowing that Jack had been imagining this moment.

Mark lubricated his fingers and reached down. He watched Jack’s eyelids flutter as he grasped Jack’s erection, spreading warm liquid along the throbbing skin. He stroked gently, loved the way Jack slowly closed his eyes and tilted his chin.

He moved his hand downward and found Jack’s opening. He rubbed gently at first, then kneaded the heel of his hand against the tight skin. Jack rocked his hips in response, making small, sighing sounds.

Mark slipped the tip of his finger inside, watching Jack carefully. Jack leaned into him, and he slid his finger all the way inside. Jack moved against him almost immediately, and Mark bent his finger, pressing firmly inside of Jack.

Jack’s cheeks were flushed, his head was thrown back. Mark pressed his lips and tongue under Jack’s ear, slid his finger out, and then slid two back inside.

 _“Mmm…”_ Jack groaned softly, rocking his hips more insistently, breathing shallow. Mark counted the breaths while he kissed and sucked at Jack’s skin.

Finally: _“Try one more.”_

_“You sure?”_

_“I’m sure.”_

Mark slid two fingers out, and slowly pressed three into Jack’s opening. He felt tight resistance against his slick fingers. Jack squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath, but didn’t protest. Mark moved as carefully as he could, slid his fingers as far as they would go. Then he stopped, waited, kissed Jack’s forehead lightly. Jack had started to breathe again, inhaling deeply with his head tilted all the way back. Mark struggled to stay still, acutely aware of the crushing pressure around his fingers.

After a long moment, Jack moved. _“Ohh-”_

Mark slowly pressed with his fingers, and Jack started to rock his hips in small movements. Mark pressed kisses across his chest and shoulders as they moved together.

Eventually, Jack lifted his head and kissed Mark’s lips. He reached down and wrapped his fingers around Mark’s erection, stroking up and down. He grabbed a condom from the night stand and opened it. He looked up at Mark.

_“I trust you.”_

He grasped Mark’s wrist and pulled his hand back, guiding his fingers free. He handed Mark the condom. Mark held it in his hand, looking down at Jack.

_“Tell me I’m not going to mess this up.”_

_“Yeh’re not going to mess this up, love.”_

Mark rolled on the condom, applied slick liquid to himself and to Jack. He leaned over Jack, bracing his left hand on the mattress.

_“Hold on to my wrist.”_

Jack obeyed.

_“Tighter. Trust me.”_

Jack squeezed.

_“I’m going to go slow, but not too slow. It’ll get better quickly. Ok?”_

Jack nodded, his eyes wide, breathing shallow little breaths.

Mark took a deep breath, and slid himself inside of Jack.

 _“OH-”_ Jack gasped, his eyes even wider, his fingers painful around Mark’s wrist.

Mark had thought he’d been prepared, and he’d been mistaken. The intense pressure was completely overwhelming, almost painful as he pushed further inside. He struggled to keep his eyes on Jack, knew how much pain he could cause if he made a wrong move. Jack had squeezed his eyes shut and was breathing heavily, but he hadn’t protested, hadn’t asked Mark to stop.

Mark pushed _all the way in_ , and forced himself to stay still.

_“Mmh. Sean-?”_

_“Ooohh-”_

_“You ok?”_

_“Uhhm-”_

_“Here-”_

Mark braced himself with his right hand, and carefully moved his left to rest on Jack’s hip. He pressed firmly into Jack’s skin, massaging slow circles.

 _“Ohh-”_ Jack groaned with- pleasure? _“Keep doing that.”_

Mark fought the overwhelming urge to thrust. He continued to press his fingers along Jack’s hip and lower belly, hoping to distract him until the discomfort started to fade.

It worked. Jack’s breathing became more normal. He looked up at Mark.

_“I’m going to try to move now, but, keep doing that, yeah?”_

Mark nodded, bracing himself.

Jack rocked his hips toward Mark. They both moaned, pleasure and pain intermingling. Jack tried it again, and then again, focusing on the way Mark’s perfect mouth had fallen open. The pressure was incredible. The pain was very real. But moving felt… _better._

_“Move fer me, Mark-”_

Mark moved. He started with a small thrust, and felt Jack press toward him in response.

_“Oh my God-”_

_“Don’t stop-”_

Mark thrusted slowly but more assertively, felt immense relief as he pushed back against the pressure that was crushing him. Jack was moaning continuously, breathing and shifting in time with Mark’s movements.

 _“Jesus, Mark-”_ Jack reached forward, ran his hands along Mark’s chest, gripped at Mark’s hips.

 _“Ohh- Sean-”_ Mark was overwhelmed by the additional sensation, overcome by love and desire as Jack touched him. He bent over Jack, bracing against the bed with his right elbow, and curling his other arm underneath Jack’s shoulder, pressing their bodies together. He kissed Jack’s open mouth and thrusted deeply, stifled Jack’s moan with his tongue.

Jack was adrift. He felt Mark pressing against every inch of his body, felt a combination of emotional affection and physical _need_ overtake him in a way that was entirely new. His body burned, struggling against the searing pain he still felt, surrendering to the incredible pleasure that came with it. He sucked on Mark’s shoulder, dug his teeth into Mark’s skin, memorized every precious moan that escaped from Mark’s throat.

_“Faster-”_

Mark obeyed, felt his control slipping away as he thrusted desperately into Jack. He pressed his face against Jack’s neck, felt Jack’s hot breath against his skin.

Jack was giving in to the pressure, felt his body begging for release-

_“Mark- Jesus- OH-”_

He bit down on Mark’s shoulder as he came, hard and fast.

Mark felt Jack’s body tighten, felt Jack’s hips slam against him-

And he came with a groan, crushing Jack’s body against his chest.

They shuddered together, holding each other close. Mark tried to catch his breath, tried to focus- knew he needed to take care of Jack.

He felt Jack’s body still tensing in waves, and pulled out, hoping to minimize the discomfort while Jack was still lost in the feeling. The strategy worked; he felt Jack start to relax his hips and shoulders.

He let Jack breathe for a moment, waited until Jack laid his head back and opened his eyes. Mark smiled down at him. _“Hang onto my shoulders.”_ He moved backwards into a cross-legged position, pulling Jack with him until Jack was settled in his lap. They were face-to-face, Jack’s legs wrapped around Mark’s hips, Mark’s strong arms supporting Jack’s back and shoulders.

“Hey, Sean.”

“Hey, Mark.”

Jack kissed Mark gently, loved the light, fluttery feeling of Mark’s lips more than he ever had before. He brushed one hand lightly along Mark’s shoulder, and felt-

He opened his eyes, examined Mark’s skin. “Oh, Mark- I bit yeh pretty hard, I’m sorry!” The red patch was obvious against Mark’s tanned skin, and a small bruise was forming.

“Sean. I need you to _not_ apologize to me right now. Or ever again. That was- _”_

“Incredible. Yeah.” Jack grinned.

“Really? You’re ok?”

“Jesus, yes!” Jack giggled.

“I didn’t hurt you?”

“Oh my God, it hurt so much!” Jack continued to laugh. “But in a really good way. And I loved it. And you were perfect.”

“Oh, thank God.” Mark laughed, relieved, then kissed Jack lightly. They both had a new appreciation for these gentle sensations, after the overwhelming intensity they’d just experienced. After a long, lovely moment, Mark made a small space between them, searching Jack’s eyes.

“So. This was, like, the best surprise ever. Were you thinking about this for a while?”

Jack was thoughtful. “Yes and no. I wanted to try it, after you let me… after the first time. But I also wanted to wait. This was a _very_ big deal fer me. I didn’t want to do it unless… I didn’t want to do it until I knew we could stay together. I didn’t want to have this with you and then… lose you.”

The sincerity in Jack’s voice tugged at Mark’s chest. He pulled Jack closer, rested his chin on Jack’s shoulder. _“Thank you for trusting me.”_

Jack pressed his face against Mark’s neck. _“Thank you fer being the only person in the world I can trust this much.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Rickster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rickster/pseuds/Rickster)! 

 


	23. Chapter 23

“I think I have to call my parents.”

Jack was still in Mark’s lap, snuggled against his shoulder.

“Mmm. Just five more minutes.” Mark was lazily tracing patterns across Jack’s lower back.

“It’s ok, love. If they come, it’ll be at least a couple hours before they get here.” Jack brushed a quick kiss across the back of Mark’s neck. Mark sighed happily.

“Do it again.”

Jack kissed him again.

“One more?”

Jack giggled, pulled back to face Mark, and kissed his lips carefully.

“No, it’s worse now, you have to stay here forever.”

Jack giggled again, brushed at Mark’s hair. “You can go get in the shower, and I can come join yeh as soon as I’m done. It’ll only take a minute. Ok?”

Mark frowned, but nodded, loosening his grip so Jack could climb out of his lap.

“Sean-” Mark had grabbed his hand. Jack waited.

“Are you sure you want to do this today? After what just happened? It was a big deal. It was so… intense. I mean, amazing! But _intense_. You sure you’re ready to talk to your parents about… everything?”

Jack shook his head. “I’m not. I never will be. That’s why I feel like I need to get it over with. I need to let them know I’m moving… it just makes sense to tell them everything now. I think it’d be much worse fer them if I did it over the phone.”

Mark nodded. “Ok. I’ll be here for you.” He gave Jack’s hand a squeeze, and let him go.

Mark made his way to the bathroom and examined himself in the mirror. His life had changed so drastically over the last few days, he almost expected his physical appearance to be altered just as much. He searched for signs, and found a few: a small collection of bruises and bites around his neck and shoulders, and a couple more on his inside thigh. He ran his fingers over each mark, remembering the emotions and sensations attached to each one. Remembering what he had done to Jack… Jack’s tense body in his arms… Jack’s teeth cutting into his skin…

He shivered. He braced his arms against the vanity and leaned forward, examining the emotions he felt swelling inside his chest. Being with Jack… having _sex_ with Jack… had made him feel… _strong._ In more than one way. He was proud of the restraint he had shown, proud of the fact that they’d done something they had once considered so foreign, so taboo, so potentially damaging… and they’d not only survived it, they’d… _owned_ it. That’s how Mark had felt. He thought of the way Jack had moaned, begged, bitten… _come_ … it was so private, so incredibly personal to the two of them… he felt like he owned those moments they’d shared together, that they were _his_ in a way that nothing had ever been before.

Jack appeared in the mirror behind him, wrapping his arms around him from behind, his chin on Mark’s shoulder. He was examining Mark’s reflection, too.

“Does it hurt?” He brushed his fingers over the angriest bite mark, pale skin against red and purple.

“Yeah. Just a little. I love it.” Mark pressed Jack’s fingers against the bite, felt sharp pain bloom briefly from the damaged skin. He sighed. “It reminds me of you. It reminds me of how it felt.” Jack smiled a small smile, brushing his nose against Mark’s neck. Mark watched in the mirror as he tilted his head, and saw a handful of red and purple marks along Jack’s shoulder, too. He turned to face Jack, felt Jack’s hips settle against his own.

“Looks like I got you, too.”

Jack smiled, nodded. “It’s good. It’s like a secret. No one will know but us.”

Mark kissed the bruises, as gently as he could manage.

“Mark.” Jack’s voice was low. Mark straightened up to look into his eyes.

“I’m going to need some time to… recover. Y’know, physically. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t love it. That wasn’t a one-time thing.”

Mark smiled, put his fingers under Jack’s chin. “You don’t have to decide that right now. I’m not going anywhere. We can take our time.”

Jack kissed his mouth, slowly pressing his body against Mark’s, pinning him against the counter.

Jack’s voice was soft when he spoke. _“It’s done. This is it fer me, Mark. I want this, with you. Badly. I doubt I’ll be able to think of much else until the next time.”_ He blushed, but held Mark’s gaze.

Mark nodded. His voice was low. _“It’s the same for me.”_ Mark kissed Jack, slowly, sweetly, for a long, long time.

They eventually made their way into the shower. They took their time washing up, gentle hands exploring aching bodies. They dried each other off, but didn’t dress. They climbed back into the bed and pulled up the covers. They shared a single pillow, their faces close together, their arms around each other.

Despite his best efforts to keep Jack calm, Mark could feel tension creeping back into his body. Mark gave him a squeeze. “Any word from your parents?”

Jack grabbed his phone from the night stand and checked his messages. “They’ll be here in a couple of hours.” He settled back in beside Mark, sighing heavily.

“What do you think they’re going to say?”

Jack was silent for a moment. “They haven’t always been thrilled about my choices in the past, but they’ve always come around eventually. This is different, though. I think they’ll be really shocked. I don’t think they ever thought I would turn out to be… queer? Bisexual? Whatever I am. They don’t have a lot of experience with it. I think my dad is going to have a really hard time.” Jack shifted, tightened his grip around Mark’s waist.

Mark nodded. “Yeah. I think my mom is going to have a hard time with it, too. I think I want to tell my stepmom, first. She’s a little more… open.”

“Why are things always so complicated with family?”

“They love you. They want what’s best for you. But sometimes they get confused between what’s best for _you_ and what’s best for _them_.”

Jack was still for another moment. “What if my dad… what if he really can’t deal with it? What if he can’t deal with me?”

Mark shifted until they were face-to-face on the pillow. “When have you ever let anyone stop you from doing what you knew was right?”

Jack smiled. Mark was right. He’d had plenty of disagreements with his parents in the past, had dealt with thousands of negative comments online and countless instances of criticism and harassment. And he’d never given up, had still built an amazing life for himself.

“You might just need to give them some time. They’ll follow your lead. You’re the strongest person I know, Sean. You can do this.” Mark knew better than anyone what he’d been through, where he’d come from. Jack took in Mark’s words. He felt… _better._ He kissed Mark gently, allowing the calm feeling to spread through his body. Then he yawned and stretched, feeling exhausted after a restless night and stressful morning.

“You should close your eyes for a while. You’ll feel better. I’ll be right here.” Mark smoothed Jack’s hair.

Jack nodded. He set an alarm on his phone, then laid his head on Mark’s chest, felt Mark’s arms wrapping around him. He was asleep in moments.

 

* * *

 

“Helping you get dressed isn’t nearly as fun as undressing you. Why are we doing this again?”

Jack laughed as Mark secured the button on his jeans and gave his belt loops a tug.

“Because my parents don’t enjoy seeing me naked as much as you do.”

“Oh. Right.” Mark smiled, adjusting the hem of Jack’s shirt. “Any updates from your mom?”

“She said they’ll be here in a half hour.”

Jack and Mark had both dozed off in a tangle of limbs and brightly colored hair. But Jack’s alarm had eventually sounded. It was an incredible effort for both of them to leave the bed and get dressed.

“I think I’m going to head down early and grab a drink before they get here.” Jack grimaced.

“Hey. It’s going to be fine. You can’t control how they react. We just have to take it as it comes. We’ll figure it out together, ok?”

Jack nodded. “I know. And I don’t want yeh to worry- my mind’s made up, no matter how they react.”

Mark kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll be here when you get back. Call me if shit gets real. I’ll come to the rescue.”

Mark hugged Jack tightly, and then watched him go.

Mark stretched out on the bed, flipped on the TV, and promptly ignored it. He mentally followed Jack’s footsteps, dwelling on the seriousness, the immense loneliness of what Jack was about to do. He felt a pang of guilt, imagining that Jack may have never found himself in this situation if it weren’t for him… but he knew those thoughts were pointless. Jack’s mind had been made up a long time ago. Jack had been so certain, had believed in Mark so passionately, he’d brought him halfway around the world, and thrown his entire life into turmoil, just to keep them together. This moment was as inevitable as everything else that had happened between them.

Besides, so much happiness had to have a cost. Mark knew they’d both eventually pay for it; they’d just have to rely on each other, and trust that it would be worth it.

Mark lost track of time, lost in his thoughts. He replayed their more intimate moments again and again, missed the feeling of Jack’s body pressing against him. He tried to imagine what Jack must be feeling. His heart ached. He waited.

 

* * *

 

Mark heard the door opening sooner than he had expected. He jumped up from the bed and approached Jack, and he could tell from Jack’s face that things had not gone well. Jack looked back at Mark for a moment before dissolving into tears, and Mark pulled him into a hug, rocking them both from side to side.

“Want to talk about it?”

It took Jack a long time to find his voice. “I think my mum will come around. My dad-” His voice broke into a sob. “He couldn’t even look at me.” He buried his face in Mark’s shirt, his shoulders shaking.

Mark held him tightly, wrestling with his own emotions. His heart was breaking for Jack- strong, stubborn, perfect Jack. He’d never seen him wounded like this. He was desperate to make it stop.

“I am _so_ proud of you. I’m _so_ sorry it has to be so hard.”

Mark held Jack for a long moment, massaging circles around his back with one hand. They both jumped when Jack’s cell phone started ringing from inside his pocket. Jack checked the screen and pulled back from Mark. He took a shuddering breath, sniffled, and answered the call.

“Hey. No, it’s fine. What-? Uhm. Yeah-”

Mark heard Jack say their room number.

“Yeah. Bye.”

He ended the call. “My mum is coming up.” His voice was shaking, his eyes were puffy and red, his cheeks were still wet with tears.

“Oh. _Oh._ Hey, Sean- go sit for a minute while I clean up, ok?”

Jack followed Mark’s gaze. His eyes picked up on their discarded clothing… the unmade bed… _the condom wrapper on the night stand…_

“Oh, Jesus-”

“No, Sean, it’s fine, I’ve got it. Just go relax for a minute, ok?” Jack nodded. He sat down on the couch, his elbows on his knees, his forehead in his hands.

Mark sprang into action, trying to make the hotel room look less like any parent’s worst nightmare. It was in decent shape by the time they heard a knock at the door.

Mark looked over at Jack, saw that tears were still trickling down his face as he moved to stand up. “No, Sean-” He took a deep breath. “Let me get it.”

Jack stared at him for a moment, then nodded.

Mark walked over to the door. He closed his eyes for a moment, took another deep breath. He opened his eyes. He opened the door.

Jack’s mother was standing in the hallway. Mark focused all of his energy into keeping his voice even.

“Hi, Mrs. McLoughlin. Come in.” He opened the door to let her pass. “I’m Mark. It’s really nice to finally meet you.” He extended his hand, and she shook it.

“It’s nice to meet yeh, too, Mark.” She pronounced his name with the same lovely inflection Jack used.

Her eyes lingered on his shirt. Mark looked down and saw the wet stain left from Jack’s tears. He spoke softly. “Sean – _Jack_ – is having a hard time.”

She nodded. “It wasn’t right, the way we left off.”

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear that from you.”

She nodded again, and they approached Jack together. She sat down on the couch next to Jack, and put her arms around him. Mark pulled a chair over and sat down close to Jack.

 “Oh, Jack. Yeh need to forgive yer father. He’s going to need some time.”

Jack nodded, tears welling onto his cheeks. After a long moment, he broke the silence. “I’m sorry I had to tell yeh like this. I’m glad yeh came up to talk.”

Jack’s mother smiled. “I’m trying to understand, Jack, but I’m not sure I do.”

Jack nodded. “I’m not really sure I do either.”

“Me neither,” Mark chimed in, smiling awkwardly.

“How long has this been going on?”

Mark and Jack looked at each other. Mark spoke first.

“For me… pretty much since we met. Maybe even before that. Sean – _Jack_ – has always been… special… to me.” Jack’s mother noticed Mark’s nervousness, heard the emotion in his voice as he stumbled over the words. “But I didn’t tell him. I didn’t tell anyone. I’ve never… I always dated girls in the past. I didn’t think he would feel the same way.”

“But I did. I do.” Jack reached over and squeezed Mark’s hand. Mark blushed, but Jack didn’t let go. “So we decided to spend some time together and see… y’know. See what it would be like.”

Jack’s mother nodded.

“Mum, we’ve thought about this a lot. We both have a lot to lose. Starting a… relationship… like this… it’s a huge risk. We wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t important. If we weren’t sure.”

“I hear yeh, Jack. And I heard what yeh said earlier. You know yer own mind, and I’m not going to try to change it for yeh. I couldn’t leave here letting you think I was upset with yeh- I know how hard it must’ve been to tell us. I’m concerned fer you, but I love you and I’m proud of yeh.” Jack hugged her again. She smiled, and gave Jack a squeeze. Then she shifted her attention to Mark.

“Mark, I believe you when you say that yeh care about my son. I believe you feel like yeh have a good reason to take such a risk. And, Jack… I’ll talk to yer father. It’ll be all right.”

Jack nodded. His mother stood from the couch, and Mark and Jack followed suit.

“Jack, try not to worry too much. We’ll talk to yeh soon.” She hugged him. “The both of yeh, take care of each other.” She hugged Mark too.

They watched her leave, the door clicking shut behind her.

And then Jack was in Mark’s arms, and Mark was pulling him up on his tiptoes, kissing the side of his face.

“Lord, Mark, you were perfect. I never could’ve done this without yeh here. Thank you.”

Mark rubbed his nose against Jack’s neck. “I’m so proud of you.” He set Jack back down on the floor. Jack was giggling.

Mark smiled. “You’re laughing! This is so good! Feeling better?”

“ _So_ much better. So let’s go do something. Let’s celebrate.”

“Anything you want. Where should we go?”

Jack grinned. “I know _exactly_ where we should go.”


	24. Chapter 24

“Yeh’ve still got no idea where we are?”

“Dude, I don’t know what I’m looking at. You’re going to have to spell it out for me.”

Jack and Mark had just hopped out of a cab in the middle of a large parking lot. It was after dark, but it was a Friday night, and there were still plenty of cars around them. Mark could see two large buildings, one of them oddly-shaped with huge glass windows. He was squinting at it, trying to decipher the shapes he was seeing through the glass.

“I’ve got two words fer you, Fischbach. INDOOR. WATERPARK.”

“No fucking way.”

“Ser’sly.”

“NO FUCKING WAY!”

Mark scooped Jack into a hug and swung him around in a circle. Jack giggled hysterically until Mark finally put him down. They both continued to chuckle, glancing around the parking lot nervously.

“So… how careful should we be?” Jack was blushing.

Mark grimaced. “Hands off, I guess? Ugh, I hate even saying it.”

Jack nodded. “I know. I think it’ll be hard. Maybe just… no kisses? Hugs are ok?”

Mark smiled. “Yeah. Hugs are ok.”

“I think we should make sure people find out in the right way. We should really think it through first. Yeah?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah. We can still have fun without making out, right?”

Jack looked thoughtful. “Well… it’s not like there will be NO making out… it’ll just be _postponed_. Something to look forward to.”

They had both tweeted earlier to let their fans know that they were in Ireland. There was no great way to do it, but they knew they’d probably be recognized as soon as they left the hotel, and they hoped the situation would seem less secretive and scandalous if they got ahead of it.

Jack noticed that Mark was frowning. “What, no making out later?”

Mark chuckled. “No, not that! I just realized I don’t have a bathing suit.” They were both wearing jeans and sweatshirts.

Jack took off his backpack and opened it. “Don’t underestimate me, Fischbach.” Mark’s bathing suit was packed inside, along with Jack’s.

“When did you do that?!”

“I stole it from yer house. I knew I wanted to take yeh here if we had time.”

“Oh my God. I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more than I do in this moment.”

Jack chuckled. “We haven’t even gone inside yet! Let’s see how yeh feel at the end of the night.”

They made their way inside, and Mark saw a huge sign that said AQUAZONE. As they approached the ticket counter, it became clear that most of the employees at the park were teenagers and young adults, and they were recognized immediately by one of the teenage girls who was manning the counter. They gave her a minute to recover from her shock and excitement, and then happily signed some autographs and took a couple of photos.

They paid their admission and headed to the locker room to change. They found several shower stalls with curtains, and begrudgingly chose stalls next to one another, rather than sharing a single one, as they would have preferred. Jack finished quickly and waited for Mark to emerge. The locker room was blessedly deserted, for the time being.

Mark finally pulled the curtain aside, and Jack took in the sight of him. He held his clothes in a precisely folded pile. Jack adored the tidiness of Mark, the attention he gave to everyday tasks, recalling the way Mark had folded his jeans so carefully the first time he’d taken them off. Mark’s hair was tousled, the red strands reflecting vibrantly in the bright fluorescent lights. He was shirtless, and Jack took in the smooth skin - followed the angle of Mark’s jaw, to the lines of his chest, to the sharp crease of his hip. His swim shorts sat low and snug around his waist, well-defined muscles disappearing into black fabric.

_Jesus Christ. Just look. Don’t touch._

Mark was wearing a lopsided smile, admiring Jack’s bright blue eyes as they examined him. He took in Jack’s lime green swim shorts, shockingly vibrant in the bright light, a perfect complement to Jack himself. Mark was flooded with relief to see Jack’s strong posture, his massive grin- he practically pulsed with excited energy. _Holy shit._

“Let’s fucking do this!” Jack chirped, and Mark couldn’t tell if he meant _let’s go on some waterslides_ or _let’s fuck in that shower._ Jack saved him the trouble of thinking too hard about it; he grabbed Mark’s folded clothes, packed them into his backpack, and stashed the pack in a locker. “C’mon!” He headed toward the exit.

They walked together into the huge open space of the park. Mark had trouble locating the ceiling at first- it was incredibly high and obscured by the tangle of water slides that rose up around them. There was a large map in front of them with a list of attractions.

“Does that say what I think it says??” Mark was gesturing dramatically at the map. “Fucking _water coaster_? Like, _roller coaster_ , but with fucking _water_??”

Jack laughed, but looked somewhat nervous.

“Come on come on let’s go right now!” Mark was practically hopping in place.

“Uhm… maybe we can do that one later? Can we start with something else?”

Jack _was_ nervous. Mark examined his face.

“Oh, Jesus, Sean- I forgot! Heights!”

Jack blushed. “How did yeh know?” They had never actually talked about Jack’s fear of heights before.

“Oh, come on, we both know I’ve seen every single one of your videos.”

Jack’s blush deepened.

“But... are you sure you don’t want to go do something else? Why did you pick this place?”

“Because I knew yeh’d love it.” Jack smiled, straightened up, spoke more confidently. “Besides. I’ve already done so many impossible things today. Figured I could add to the list. I just need to… ease into it a bit. Yeah?”

Mark grinned. “Yeah. Anything you want. How about this one?” He pointed to a slide that looked much less intimidating.

Jack nodded. “Let’s go.”

They started walking through the park and took in the rest of their surroundings. It wasn’t particularly busy; it was late in the evening, and the other patrons were mostly older children with their parents, or teenagers moving together in groups. They finally reached the stairs for the slide they’d picked out. Jack hesitated at the bottom of the steps, and Mark put his hand on Jack’s arm for a moment, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “You go first. I’ll be right behind you.”

Jack grinned. They climbed up together.

They didn’t encounter anyone else until they reached the top, where they saw a group of five teenagers waiting in line in front of them. The teens turned around as they approached, and Mark and Jack saw recognition in a couple of their faces.

One of the boys spoke up. “Jesus Christ, that’s Jacksepticeye!”

“Who?” another boy asked.

“Jacksepticeye. And that’s Markiplier, too!” one of the girls answered. “Do you ser’sly not know who they are?”

The skeptical boy shook his head. “Friends of yers?”

Mark and Jack looked at each other and laughed. They always found it amusing that, despite the millions of fans who could recognize them by sight, many people had no idea who they were. It was refreshing.

The girl was giggling. “They’re, like, _so_ famous!”

“Fer what?” The boy clearly thought his friends were trying to prank him.

“Oh, fuck off, Alec!” the girl said. “Hi, Jack, Mark- I’m a big fan.”

They smiled. “Thanks!” Jack said. “What’s yer name?”

“Abbie.”

“Thanks, Abbie. It’s nice to meet yeh.”

“Oh my God.” She giggled. “You guys are awesome. I saw yer tweets that you were both comin’ to Ireland… and here yeh are!”

They both laughed.

“So… you guys actually are best friends? In real life?” the girl asked hopefully.

“Yeah, we are!” Mark said, truthfully.

“I knew it!” she declared happily.

Mark and Jack smiled. They had both been accused of purposely flirting or exaggerating the closeness of their actual friendship, just for publicity. Mark was thinking that spending more time together in public would be a good way to put those rumors to rest.

Another group of people had just reached the top of the stairs, and Mark, Jack, Abbie, and her friends realized they were holding up the line.

“Hey, if you guys have time later, d’you think I could grab a photo? I don’t have my phone with me.” Abbie seemed disappointed.

“Sure,” Jack said. “We’ll be here fer a while.”

Her face lit up. “Oh my God, thank you! Well, have fun!” She turned back to her friends.

Mark leaned close to Jack and whispered: _“Nailed it.”_ Jack giggled.

They watched the teenagers disappear into the rushing water one-by-one, until it was their turn. Mark turned to Jack and smiled. “I can’t leave you up here to change your mind. You’re going to go first, and it’s going to be amazing. I’ll be right behind you.” Jack stared at him for a moment, and then nodded. He took a few deep breaths, jumped up and down several times, looked back at Mark, and then swung himself onto the slide. He disappeared in a rush of water.

Mark followed shortly after. The ride was short; he reached the bottom in less than a minute, and hopped out of the water to find Jack. He was still wiping the water away from his eyes when Jack threw his arms around him, soaking wet and vibrating with excitement. “That was fucking _AWESOME!_ ” he declared.

Mark laughed and lifted him up in a tight squeeze. “You did it!”

Jack nodded. “Let’s go again!”

Mark put him down, and they both turned to head back toward the stairs. Jack saw Abbie a few yards off. Her friends were walking away, but she was looking in their direction. She smiled a huge smile, then turned and followed her friends.

Mark had been following Jack’s gaze. “It’s fine, Sean. We’re fine. People are going to think what they want. Anyway, she seemed really nice.”

Jack smiled. “I’m not worried. Let’s go.”

They spent the next hour working their way through the smaller slides in the park. Jack was ecstatic. Mark kept a close watch on him, but he barely seemed to notice as they gradually worked their way up to taller staircases and slides. They crossed paths with a handful of fans, who were all ecstatic to meet them, but refreshingly respectful of their personal space. They realized eventually that a water park had been good place to test out a public appearance; no one they met had a cell phone with them, due to the nature of the venue. If they’d been photographed or recorded, they weren’t aware of it.

They finally forced themselves to check on the time. “I think we only have time fer a couple more. Coaster time?”

Mark grinned. “Only if you want to.”

Jack grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the massive staircase. They stood at the bottom, looking up.

“Jesus _Christ_ , it’s fucking tall!” Jack chirped.

“Don’t think about it. I’ll be right behind you.”

Mark talked and joked with Jack all the way up the stairs, keeping him distracted from the dizzying height. Jack was shocked when they were already at the top. He felt his chest swell with gratitude towards Mark. _How does he always know?_ Jack wished they could slide down together, but the sign said they couldn’t double up.

“Hey. Look, it’s not even steep! It’s just long. It’ll be really fun, I promise.” Mark grinned at Jack. Jack nodded and breathed deeply, defying the nervous butterflies he felt fluttering around his stomach. He flashed Mark a grin, and jumped into the rushing water.

Mark breathed a massive sigh of relief. Jack had been right; he’d done a lot of impossible things that day. Mark was in awe of the way Jack had handled himself, of the way he had stepped right back into the strong, confident version of himself that Mark had come to love and admire so much. He smiled and threw himself into the water.

Once they’d both reached the bottom of the slide, Mark and Jack noticed Abbie and her friends hanging back a few yards away. They’d changed and collected their belongings, and were obviously preparing to leave. Mark waved them over. They took some photos, signed some autographs, and exchanged hugs before waving goodbye.

They checked the time. “Think we can squeeze in one more?” Jack asked. Mark noticed a staff member walking by, and walked up to her. It was one of the teens who had recognized them at the entrance.

“Do you think we have time for one more ride?”

The girl blushed, nodding emphatically. “You can do literally anything you want.”

Mark laughed and thanked her. He and Jack moved quickly toward the stairs and made their way upward as fast as they could. They were out of breath when they reached the top. Jack didn’t hesitate. He flashed Mark a massive grin, and jumped into the water.

Jack was still breathing heavy when Mark reached the bottom and stepped out. He gave Mark’s arm a quick pull, and set off at a jog toward the locker room. Mark followed.

They weren’t the last people in the park; they had seen a couple of groups going back for last rides before closing time, but the locker room was empty when they reached it. Jack grabbed his backpack from their locker and hoisted it over one shoulder. Then, he practically pushed Mark into one of the shower stalls, followed him in, and closed the curtain behind them.

Mark was laughing, but Jack put his fingers over Mark’s lips. _“It’s not that I don’t love yer voice. But I need yeh to be nice and quiet fer me.”_

 _Holy shit,_ Mark thought.

Jack hung the backpack on a hook by the curtain, and then reached behind Mark to start the shower, testing the water until it was hot. He tilted the shower head at an angle, then pushed Mark against the wall, hot water running over both of them.

 _Jesus Christ,_ Mark thought.

Jack’s hands were pressing hard into his chest. Jack’s blue eyes were burning. Mark opened his mouth to speak, and Jack covered it with a kiss, pressing his head backward against the wall. Mark felt Jack’s tongue exploring his mouth, felt Jack’s hands moving downward to his hips. Mark moaned softly, and Jack pushed _hard_ against his hips, flattening him against the wall.

Mark fought desperately to keep silent as Jack’s mouth started to travel down his throat. Jack’s thumbs were digging into his sides as Jack slid his tongue along his collarbone.

 _Oh my God,_ Mark thought.

And then the sensation stopped. Mark opened his eyes to investigate the loss of contact, and saw Jack already kneeling below him. His cock was in Jack’s mouth before the scenario had even registered.

_Oh. My. God._

Jack was already sucking hard and stroking at Mark. His eyes were open, looking up to see Mark’s reaction. Mark tried to smile and failed, his mouth hanging partially open as Jack took him deeper into his mouth. He tilted his head backward, tried to brace himself against the wall as the sensation started to overtake him. A low moan escaped from Mark’s throat, luckily drowned out by the sound of the shower.

But then, much louder sounds reverberated in the locker room: footsteps and voices. Mark’s eyes flew open, looking for Jack.

Jack was up in an instant, his hand clamped tightly over Mark’s mouth, his fingers wrapped firmly around Mark’s cock.

Mark’s eyes were wide. Jack was grinning. He leaned forward, grazing Mark’s neck with his teeth, and whispered: _“Ok, love?”_ He pulled back to search Mark’s eyes, keeping his fingers pressed over Mark’s mouth.

Mark nodded.

Jack’s grin widened. He tightened his hand over Mark’s mouth and held his gaze. He started to stroke firmly at Mark’s cock, pressing his body against Mark’s to brace them both against the wall. Mark closed his eyes, and Jack allowed him to tilt his head back against the wall, although he kept his fingers pressed over Mark’s lips. He watched Mark’s face intently, taking in every response.

Mark had started to rock his hips against Jack’s hand. They heard voices and footsteps nearby. Jack picked up the pace, could tell that Mark was getting close. He put his lips against Mark’s ear.

_“I want yeh to fucking come fer me.”_

And Mark obeyed. He came hard in a shuddering thrust, his breath hot against Jack’s palm. Jack held his hand in place, but released Mark’s cock. He wrapped his free arm around Mark’s waist, pulling him close, covering his neck and shoulder in firm kisses as Mark shivered and shook against him.

They heard the footsteps and voices fading away.

When Mark started to breathe more normally, Jack finally uncovered his mouth, looking deeply into his eyes. Mark stared back for a moment, then kissed Jack’s lips, wrapping his arms around Jack’s waist and back. They lingered for a moment. Breathing. _Feeling._

But time was ticking away. They knew they’d already stayed too long. They let the warm water rinse them clean, then dried each other off and dressed quickly. Jack left the shower first, guarded the entrance, and then called for Mark to come out. They left the locker room together, their shoulders touching occasionally as they walked.

Jack called for a cab. They spent the short ride back to their hotel with their arms pressed together in the back seat.

They both sighed happily when the door to their hotel room finally clicked shut behind them. They took off their shoes, socks, and jeans, and crawled into the bed. They positioned themselves as they had earlier that day: face-to-face, sharing a single pillow. Mark brushed at Jack’s hair.

“You were so strong today. I’m so impressed with how you handled everything.”

Jack grinned. “I told yeh not to underestimate me. You believe me now? I think I handled _you_ quite well.”

“Jesus. Yeah.” Mark laughed softly. “I love it. I love you, like that. I love you all the time.”

“Love you too, Mark.”

Mark kissed his forehead. “Think you can sleep?”

“Mhm. Fer a week, probably. You might have to go fer coffee in the morning.”

“Anything you want.”

Jack was moving closer. He rested his head on Mark’s shoulder, his nose barely brushing against Mark’s neck, his arm wrapped tightly around Mark’s waist. Mark wrapped one arm around his shoulders, and rested his other hand low on Jack’s back, his fingers just inside Jack’s shirt.

“Can every day be like today?” Jack’s voice was quiet.

Mark laughed softly, his voice a faraway rumble. He knew this had probably been one of the most stressful days of Jack’s entire life. And here he was, thinking only of Mark, and the time they had spent together. Seeing only silver lining, letting the darkness fall away.

“You were right, earlier. I’ve never loved you more than I do _right now_.”

 


	25. Chapter 25

Mark woke up slowly. The first thing, the _only_ thing he felt was Jack’s warm weight pressing down on him. Jack had shifted in his sleep and was almost fully on top of him, his head under Mark’s chin, his right arm and leg thrown across Mark’s body. Mark kept his eyes closed and examined all of the ways their bodies were touching. He could tell from Jack’s breathing that he was still deeply asleep, and Mark was grateful, for more than one reason. Jack had been through a lot, and he was relieved to find him resting peacefully instead of tossing and turning. He also selfishly loved these quiet moments with Jack. He found it incredible that the same person who had held him against a wall in a public locker room the night before was now so still and vulnerable in his arms. He loved the calm as much as he loved the storm.

He lingered on the memory of the previous night, of the way Jack’s eyes had looked as he’d pressed his hand over Mark’s mouth… Mark shivered. He had never done anything like that before, had never had sex in a public place, especially since he had become widely recognizable. But then, he had never been with anyone like Jack before – vibrant, aggressive, powerful Jack, who couldn’t keep his hands to himself…

He shivered again, despite Jack’s warmth. All of the heat had concentrated in his lap, pressing against Jack…

_Fuck._

He shifted. Jack didn’t move. He tried to think calm, lovely thoughts of Jack. He thought of Jack’s mouth on his cock.

_Fuck!_

He stabilized Jack in his arms as well as he could, and then partially lifted him, scooting to the side so Jack was resting on the bed and pillow. Jack stirred for a moment, but settled immediately back into a deep sleep. Mark hated the idea of leaving Jack, but he also wanted him to sleep for as long as possible. He was wide awake now, and would only disturb Jack if he stayed close by.

He found a pad of paper and a pen, scribbled a note.

_Thanks for the epic boner. You were sleeping. Went for coffee. Love you, -M_

Mark left the note under Jack’s cell phone on the night stand. He pulled on his jeans and sweatshirt, grabbed his phone, wallet, and room key, and wandered into the hall.

He checked the screen on his phone. It was only 5:30AM, local time. No wonder Jack had been so deeply asleep. He did a quick Google search and saw that there was a coffee shop a couple of blocks away, but it wouldn’t be open until 6:00. He had some time to kill.

He sent his stepmom a quick message.

 

M: Hey Dee, still up?

 

He knew it was late at night where she lived, but there was a chance she might still be awake. Sure enough, he got a response after a few seconds.

 

D: Hey! How’s the trip going?

 

He smiled. He had texted Dee and his mom to let them know that he would be visiting Ireland with Jack. He knew they would both be confused as to why he was abroad if they saw news or photos posted online, without hearing from him first.

 

M: It’s amazing so far. Have a minute to talk?

D: Sure!

 

He made his way down the hall to the empty conference room, sat down, and tapped his phone to call his stepmother. She sounded sleepy when she answered. He suspected the text messages had probably woken her up.

“Hey, is this an ok time? I know you’re probably ready to go to sleep.”

She yawned. “No, it’s fine! Everything ok?”

“Yeah, everything is… _awesome_.”

“How’s Jack?”

Mark couldn’t stop himself from grinning.

“He’s… great. He’s… really great. I actually wanted to talk to you about that. About Jack. About _me_ and Jack.”

“Ok. I’m listening.”

“So… we’ve been friends for a long time. Like, really good friends.” Mark paused, his heart rate quickening. “Ok, this is harder than I thought it would be.”

“Mark? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Everything is great. I just need to tell you something that might… freak you out, a little bit. But, for me, it’s a really good thing.”

“Mark, you know I love you. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Mark took a breath. “Jack wasn’t really on vacation. He came to California to see me. We were friends before, but now… it’s more than that. We spent some time together, and it just…” He ran out of words.

“Sorry, Mark, I’m not sure I get it- what happened with Jack?”

Mark swallowed hard. “Dee… I _love_ Jack. Not just as a friend. I… really love him. I have for a long time.”

The line was quiet.

“You’re right, I was not expecting that.” Silence for another moment. “I didn’t know either of you were… I didn’t know you were interested in… men. How does Jack feel about all this?”

“I wasn’t, before. This is the first time. And he loves me, too. He’s coming back to California with me.”

“That sounds serious!”

“It is. It’s really good. I’m really… _happy_. And I can’t tell a lot of people. We decided to keep it a secret for now. I just really wanted to tell you. You’ve always been there for me… I thought you would understand.”

“I will try my best. It seems like a lot has happened. But you sound really happy. That’s the most important thing.”

Mark smiled with relief.

“Did you tell your mother yet?” Mark’s smile slipped a bit.

“No. I’m really not sure how she’ll take it. I think she might have a hard time.”

“I think she will be… surprised. I think her first reaction might not be what you hope for. But she loves you. You might just need to give her some time.”

“Yeah. I know. Thanks, Dee. Maybe we can talk more in a couple days? I know you’re tired.”

“I’d really like that. Thank you for telling me, Mark- I know that was probably hard to do. I’m so glad to hear that you’re happy.”

“Thanks. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

The call disconnected. Mark sat still, staring at the screen for a moment. It had gone about as well as he could have expected. He had known that he and Jack would both have to deal with some awkwardness, negativity, or even downright disgust from people they knew. He reflected on the fact that, more likely than not, the people who would have the hardest time adjusting would be members of their own families, rather than their close friends. Jack had been right- everything was always harder with family. He felt a wave of gratitude toward Bob and Wade, realizing now that he couldn’t have possibly hoped for a better reaction from anyone. He sent a text to each of them, thanking them for the support.

He checked the time and saw that the coffee shop should have opened already. He memorized the directions, took the elevator downstairs, and stepped into the street. The air was pleasantly cool. He passed a few people on the sidewalk, but the streets were still mostly empty. Nobody paid him any attention. He enjoyed being alone for the moment, knowing that Jack was safe and warm and waiting for him.

The buzzing activity of the coffee shop was a shock after the quiet streets. Mark waited in line for a few minutes, then stepped up to the counter to order. He was awake enough, so he decided to take a pass on coffee for himself. He wasn’t sure what Jack would be in the mood for, so he ordered two different options, just in case.

The cashier stared at him

Mark stared back.

“Are you Markiplier?”

Mark laughed. “Yeah. What’s your name?”

“Uhm.” It seemed like he needed to think about it. “Connor! It’s Connor.”

“Hey Connor, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Hey… I’ve been a fan for a long time! It’s so cool that you’re here!”

Mark smiled.

“Uh, sorry, can you repeat your order for me?”

Mark repeated the coffee order, and also asked for a couple of muffins and bagels to bring back for breakfast. The kid entered his ordered and swiped his card.

“You’re all set. But, uhm-”

“I can sign something for you, if you want!”

The kid looked around for something Mark could autograph. He finally settled on an empty coffee cup and the Sharpie he was using to detail customers’ orders. Mark signed the cup.

“Photo?” The kid nodded enthusiastically, had clearly been too embarrassed to ask. He took out his cell phone and set the camera. He leaned over the counter and snapped a selfie.

“You are so cool. Thank you so much for that. My friends would never believe me otherwise.”

“No problem. Thanks for your help, Connor. It was nice meeting you.”

Mark made his way to the end of the counter to wait for his order.

It was almost 8:00 by the time Mark arrived back at the hotel room. He knew it would still be early for Jack to get up, but he had no idea what Jack had planned for the day, if anything. He wasn’t even sure if they were supposed to check out of the hotel or not. He resolved to try and rouse Jack as painlessly as possible.

He swiped his key, walked into the room, and set the coffee and food down on the table. He approached the bed quietly.

Jack was… _gorgeous._ He was sleeping soundly on his back, with his right arm curled over his head, and his left arm thrown over the mattress where Mark had been sleeping earlier. The sheets and blanket were pooled around his waist, and his shirt had crept up his torso, revealing about two inches of smooth, pale skin. His lips were parted, his cheeks slightly flushed. It occurred to Mark that this was how Jack often looked right after they kissed, before he opened his eyes, when he was still clinging to the sensation. Mark felt color rising in his own cheeks. He was caught between his desire to make the moment last – to observe the _beauty_ of Jack for as long as possible – and the overwhelming urge to press his hands – his lips – against Jack’s body.

He only lingered for a moment. He couldn’t resist. He climbed onto the mattress near Jack’s feet, moving upward as carefully as he could, until he was hovering above the exposed skin of Jack’s stomach. He moved his hand so slowly, so gently, bringing it to rest on Jack’s side, just underneath his shirt.

Jack made a small stretching movement with his shoulders, and then lay still.

Mark moved his thumb in a small circle, gently stroking the smooth skin of Jack’s hip.

Jack repeated the stretching movement, then lay still again.

Mark smiled. He loved that Jack was calm and comfortable enough to sleep so soundly.

He leaned down and pressed his lips against the warm skin of Jack’s belly, pressing into Jack’s hip a bit more firmly with his hand.

“Mm.” Jack was finally stirring. He kept his eyes closed, but moved his right hand downward, searching for Mark, finally winding his fingers through Mark’s hair.

Mark was still tracing the hem of Jack’s fitted shorts with his lips. Jack was still again, his hand resting lightly in Mark’s hair, but Mark felt an involuntary throb through the thin fabric of Jack’s boxers. He smiled and hooked his fingers around Jack’s waistband, moving his lips and tongue downward as he pulled at Jack’s shorts. Jack kept his eyes closed, but he sighed happily and made another stretching movement, arching his back slightly. Mark took it as a cue. He straightened up, pulled the blankets down, and pulled Jack’s boxers off. Then he moved upwards again, bending one of Jack’s legs slightly so he could settle between Jack’s knees. He rested his head against Jack’s inner thigh and looked up.

Jack seemed like he was still halfway between sleep and wakefulness. He was sighing quietly, shifting his hips and shoulders in small stretches. He was partially erect. Mark wasn’t sure if he could resist. _Is this okay to do?_ Thus far he had been extremely hesitant to do _anything_ physical to Jack without his explicit permission. He considered the appropriateness of his intentions, and immediately flashed back to the night before, when Jack had licked and stroked him to the point of orgasm in what had basically been a crazed frenzy.

_Also, we had sex in this bed. Very real, very intense sex._

Mark was fairly sure they had moved beyond the point of second-guessing their physical connection. He lifted his head and gently took Jack into his mouth.

Jack sighed more audibly and wound his fingers through Mark’s hair again, pressing the side of his face into his pillow.

Mark forced himself to move slowly, exploring the length of Jack with his lips and tongue. Jack swelled immediately in response- warm, pulsing skin filling Mark’s mouth. Mark couldn’t deny he had honestly come to enjoy the sensation; he was obsessed with the idea of making Jack _feel_ in this way. He adjusted his position to get a better angle, and took Jack deeply into his mouth.

 _“Ohh…_ ” Jack sighed, arched his back, and shifted his hips.

Mark sucked and licked at Jack in a slow, steady rhythm, his fingers wrapped loosely around the base of Jack’s erection. He kept the pressure gentle, imagining that he might be appearing in Jack’s dreams, guiding him slowly back to the world. Jack’s hand moved through his hair to his forehead, where he traced the line of Mark’s brow with his thumb. Then, he finally started to move his hips, rocking gently against Mark’s traveling lips. Mark looked up, keeping his mouth busy, watching Jack arch off of the bed, his face buried in the pillow. His movements were fluid, almost lazy.

Mark tightened his grip, increased the pressure. _Come back to me now._

The response was immediate; Jack started to tense. He curled his free hand around the pillow, squeezing it hard, squaring his shoulders. He gripped Mark’s hair more tightly and tensed his hips, rocking more quickly, silently begging for Mark to do the same. He was close. He was ready to fall.

Mark sucked more firmly with his lips and tongue. He tightened his grip, quickened his pace-

And Jack was back. He arched off of the bed, hand tight in Mark’s hair, and came with a moan, hot and wet inside of Mark’s mouth. Mark was ready for it; he swallowed easily, then moved his tongue lazily over Jack, enjoying the way Jack shuddered in response.

Mark made sure Jack was clean, then moved up the bed, bracing himself over Jack, stroking at Jack’s hair with one hand. He was greeted by bright blue eyes and a lazy smile.

_“There you are.”_

Jack reached up, held Mark’s face in his hands, and kissed him for a long moment.

“That was _so_ much better than coffee.”

“Oh, I brought coffee too. Don’t you underestimate _me_ , now.”

Jack giggled. “Have I mentioned that yeh’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me?”

Mark smiled. “No. You haven’t. Go ahead. Mention it.”

Jack brushed at Mark’s hair, studying his soft, brown eyes. “Yeh’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Mark kissed his mouth, believing every word.

He pulled back after a long moment. “Coffee now, before it’s too cold.”

He climbed out of the bed and brought the drinks and food over to Jack. Jack took a sip of coffee and then yawned hugely. “Wow, ok, good thing I brought two cups!” He laughed at Jack’s scrunched-up face.

“Oh, you hush! What time is it, even?” Jack yawned.

“It’s a little after eight. I know it’s kind of early. I couldn’t get back to sleep with you laying on me. You are very… _tempting_ … even when you’re asleep.”

“Oh _really_ ,” Jack snarked, munching on a muffin.

“ _Really,_ ” Mark said. “You were almost completely on top of me when I woke up. I seriously almost lost it. I wanted to give you some time to sleep, so I went and called my stepmom.”

“Oh.” Jack stopped munching, his mouth still partially full. “How did it go, love?” Mark heard the concern in his voice, despite the muffin bits.

“It went really well. We didn’t really talk about the details too much, but she said she was happy for me. I knew she would be a safe person to tell. She’s always been there for me, even when my mom and I weren’t getting along too well.”

Jack nodded. They had each had ups and downs with their parents in the past, and had talked about it before.

“I’m proud of you fer telling her. I’m really excited to meet her sometime.”

Mark’s expression brightened. “She is going to _love_ you.” Jack grinned.

“So, what’s the plan? Should I get back in bed with you, or is it time for the next adventure?”

“Adventure time, I think,” Jack said. He was starting to look and sound much more alert. “You took me home once, and my whole life changed. You ready to come home with me?”

 


	26. Chapter 26

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! GO SLOW, MARK!”

“Oh, shit!” Mark was laughing. Jack was covering his hands with his face.

“Sean. Relax. Do you know how many hours I’ve spent playing shitty driving games? I’ve been preparing for this moment for my whole life!”

Jack groaned loudly, his eyes squeezed shut.

Jack had described his plans for the rest of the trip to Mark, and they had discussed various methods of accomplishing everything they had to do. In theory, renting a car had seemed like the preferred option. In practice, Jack was convinced they’d never make it out of Dublin alive. He’d never obtained a license, so Mark was in the driver’s seat, operating a motor vehicle on the left side of the road for the first time in his life. Mark was unfazed, thoroughly enjoying himself. They stopped at a traffic light, and Jack peeked through his fingers.

“NO! MARK! JESUS! YEH CAN’T TURN YET!”

“What? Oh, fuck, ha!” Mark grinned while Jack glared at him, shaking his head.

“Sean! Seriously! We’re fine!”

“Oh, fer the love of God, just get us out of the city,” Jack begged.

And Mark did, despite Jack’s terrified skepticism. The roads were much easier to navigate once they got outside of Dublin, and the drive was pleasant. They kept each other entertained with singing, ranging from legitimate harmony to complete obnoxiousness.

After about an hour on the road, Jack gave Mark directions to pull off the highway; they needed to grab some supplies for the rest of the day. Mark successfully navigated them to the parking lot, put the car in park, and switched off the engine. He stretched and yawned. Jack watched him, happily.

“Ready to experience retail shopping in Ireland?”

“So ready. Anything I need to know ahead of time?”

“Yeah. It’s _exactly_ like retail shopping everywhere else.”

Mark chuckled. He reached over to Jack, started playing absently with the hem of his shirt.

“So. You sure you want to do this today? I’m sure we could figure something out if you want to wait a while…”

Jack shook his head. “My lease is up in about a month. The timing is good. I want to make sure I can pack up all the important stuff the way I want to. Plus… I want yeh to see my where I live, y’know, where I’ve been all this time. This will probably be the last time I ever go back. I need yeh with me.”

Mark nodded, picked up one of Jack’s hands, interlaced their fingers. “Whatever you need.”

Jack gave his hand a squeeze. “So… baseball caps?”

Mark thought for a moment. “I think I might be ready to be done with that. For now, at least. I mean, I know there will be times when we want more privacy, for different reasons. But I don’t feel like I need it to be a secret every time we’re out in the world together. I don’t really _want_ it to be a secret. What do you think?”

Jack was smiling. “I was thinking the same thing.”

 

* * *

 

They were back on the road about an hour later, the trunk and backseat full of the packing supplies they’d purchased. They’d managed to make it through the shopping trip without being approached by anyone, although they did get some sideways looks from people who took notice of their brightly-colored hair. They had some time left before they’d reach Jack’s apartment in Athlone, and they were keeping themselves entertained with different versions of the game “Would You Rather.”

“Would you rather… wax your whole body, or wear makeup in public for a week?” This was directed at Jack.

“Who’s doing the makeup?”

“Me, obviously!”

“Fischbach, this better be hypothetical.”

“You don’t think I could make you look so pretty?”

“Oh, fuck off, I’m pretty enough without yer help! I’d wear makeup for a week if I could do it myself.”

“Where’s the fun in that?!”

Jack giggled. “You sound like yeh’re planning challenges fer a livestream.”

Mark gave Jack a sideways look. “Shhh. Don’t tell anyone. I ran out of original ideas, like, two years ago.”

Jack laughed, trying to think of a challenge for Mark.

“I know. Would you rather get a secret blowjob during a charity livestream, or during a convention panel?”

“Jesus!”

“Oh, c’mon, you know yeh’ve thought about both of those things.”

“Uhm, yes, by myself, alone, in my own head! Do you _want_ me to crash this car?!”

“Nope, I need yeh alive fer this one.”

Mark feigned thoughtfulness for a minute. “I guess it depends on the charity.”

Jack giggled. “Oh yeah? Which charity would be most appropriate for a secret blowjob?”

“Nothing with puppies. I would feel so guilty.”

“But think of how much money we’d raise!”

“Hey- I thought you said _secret_ blowjob. Livestreams aren’t for porn, Sean.”

“Oh, right.” Jack laughed. “So, convention panel, then? They have those curtain things on the tables, no one would even see!”

“People would see my _face_!”

“Guess yeh’ll just have to practice keeping it straight.”

Mark chuckled. “Fine. Convention panel.” He glanced over at Jack. “So… public places? Is this a fantasy of yours?”

Jack thought about it. “I don’t really know if it was before. Maybe a little. I think it might be more like… well, we can’t really be as… _physical_ … in public. I got… impatient. I know I lost it a little last night.” He was quiet for a moment. “That’s not really all of it though. It’s just… _you_. I can’t fucking stand it sometimes. I just need to-” He clenched and unclenched his fists, looking for the words.

“Fuck with me?” Mark smiled.

Jack nodded. “That’s a pretty accurate way of describing it.” He rubbed his hand through his hair, somewhat nervously.

“Sean. It’s ok. I love it.” Mark’s voice was low.

Jack thought of Mark, pinning his arms over his head, holding him against a door. “Me too. I mean, I loved what yeh did this morning.” He leaned over the center console, put one hand on Mark’s chest, put his lips close to Mark’s ear, and spoke quietly.

“I love-”

He kissed Mark’s neck-

“how _sweet-_ ”

He kissed Mark’s ear-

“yeh can be.”

Mark was smiling a lopsided smile, shaking his head, trying to keep his eyes on the road.

“But I _also_ love-”

Jack moved his hand down to Mark’s waist-

“getting a little bit-”

He gave one of Mark’s belt loops a firm yank-

“ _rough.”_

 _“Fuck._ Uhm. Sean.” Jack was kissing the back of his neck. _“Jesus._ I can’t… _SEAN._ ”

Jack straightened up. “Oops.” He giggled.

“Sean. I would pull this fucking car over if it wasn’t broad daylight.” Mark licked his lips. “But since that’s not an option…”

Jack kissed his cheek and retreated back to his own seat. “Sorry. See what I mean? Can’t fucking help myself.”

Mark was breathing deeply. “How far is your place?”

Jack looked out the window for a landmark. “About fifteen minutes.”

Mark took a steadying breath. “Ok. We can make it, right?”

“Right.”

They barely did. After what seemed like forever, Mark pulled into Jack’s driveway and parked. Jack was still disengaging from his seatbelt when Mark opened his door and pulled him bodily from the car. Jack had the presence of mind to grab for his backpack, searching for his keys as Mark practically dragged him up to the house by the arm.

Jack was giggling, trying to keep up with Mark. “Ok! Ok! Listen, if yeh let me go fer a second I can find my keys…”

Mark released him when they got to the doorway. He watched silently while Jack dug his keys out of the backpack, his hands balled up into fists. Jack finally unlocked the door and swung it open. He pushed Mark inside, and followed, closing and locking the door behind them.

They stared at each other for a moment. Mark was still silent, watching Jack intently, clenching and unclenching his fingers. Jack dropped the backpack and the keys on the floor. He opened his mouth to speak, but Mark was already on him, holding him against the door, pinning his arms at his sides. Mark kissed him hard, his tongue deep inside Jack’s mouth, his fingers tight around Jack’s wrists. Jack pushed back against Mark’s hands, testing the pressure. Mark didn’t budge. He was so strong. _I’m strong, too._

Jack leaned into Mark, pushing off of the door behind him, and pried his arms free. He put his hands on Mark’s chest and pushed him backwards – not _hard_ , exactly – just firmly enough to put some space between them. He grabbed at the hem of Mark’s long-sleeved shirt and forced it upward, tracing his palms along the skin of Mark’s sides and arms as he pulled it off. The shirt fell to the floor. Jack examined Mark, blue eyes raking over bare skin.

Mark grinned and made a grab for Jack’s shirt, but Jack pushed him backwards again. He started to remove his own shirt, slowly, making Mark wait, daring him to watch. Mark restrained himself, examining Jack’s pale skin as it was slowly revealed. Jack tossed the shirt aside.

Mark made a grab for the button on Jack’s jeans, but Jack pushed his hands away, then hooked his fingers through Mark’s belt loops and advanced on him, forcing Mark to walk backwards. Jack grazed his teeth over Mark’s shoulder as they moved, moving his mouth up Mark’s neck, and finally licking slowly at Mark’s jawline. Mark let out a low, quiet moan.

Jack undid Mark’s button and zipper as they moved into the living room. He steered Mark towards the couch, then pushed him down into a sitting position. He pulled Mark’s jeans and boxers the rest of the way off. Then he stood over Mark, slowly unbuttoning and removing his own jeans and boxers. He was enjoying the control, enjoying the fact that he could force Mark to wait for him. Mark was grinning, breathing heavily.

Jack lingered for a moment, then climbed onto Mark’s lap, straddling him on the couch. He held Mark’s arms down and went straight for his throat, kissing roughly at first and then nipping at the sensitive skin, moving up toward Mark’s mouth. He found Mark’s lower lip, bit down, and pulled, earning himself another low moan from Mark. He pressed Mark’s hands firmly into the couch cushions as he moved to Mark’s neck, licking and nipping down to his shoulder, rocking his hips on top of Mark.

 _“Jesus Christ.”_ Mark couldn’t stand it. He tried to pry his arms up from the couch. Jack held him more tightly. _Fuck, he’s strong._ He tried again. Jack pulled back to look in Mark’s eyes, keeping his face close, and tightened his grip even more, smiling an open-mouthed smile.

Mark throbbed. Jack felt it. Mark lost it. He wrenched his arms away from Jack’s grasp and grabbed Jack around the waist. He stood up, picking Jack up with him as he moved. Jack struggled, trying to press Mark back onto the couch. They wrestled for a moment, each of them trying to gain the upper hand, and Mark finally won out. He tightened his grip around Jack’s waist and turned them both, using his body weight to force Jack downward until he was laying down on the couch, with Mark straddling him.

 _“Nice try, Sean,”_ Mark’s voice was so low.

 _“If I’d really tried, yeh’d be on yer back, Fischbach.”_ Mark loved the edge in Jack’s voice.

_“Is that right?”_

Jack nodded. Mark was bracing his hands on the couch, hovering over him. Jack pressed his hands against Mark’s chest, grinned, and pushed Mark backward as hard as he could. Mark let out a surprised _“Oh!”_ He straightened up just enough for Jack to lift himself up, swing into a kneeling position, and tackle Mark backwards onto the couch.

 _“Jesus!”_ Mark was laughing.

 _“Told yeh.”_ Jack held Mark’s arms against the couch. _“Behave yerself now.”_

Mark obeyed. Jack slowly released his arms, taking his time to make sure Mark would remain still. Then he ran his left hand through Mark’s hair, gripping firmly, tilting Mark’s head backward. He ran his right hand down Mark’s chest to wrap his fingers around Mark’s erection.

Mark throbbed. Mark groaned.

Jack covered his mouth with a deep kiss, stroking firmly at Mark’s cock, grinding his hips and his own erection against Mark. Jack worked at Mark for a long moment, and finally felt Mark’s fingers wrap around him in response. They stroked at each other, kissing deeply, moaning against each other’s lips. Jack pressed against Mark, rocking his hips in a steady rhythm.

They moaned. They tensed. They came.

Jack continued to kiss Mark’s lips, but the fight had gone out of him. He kissed Mark sweetly, moving from his mouth to his eyelids and forehead. He stroked at Mark’s hair. He looked in Mark’s eyes.

Mark was smiling. His expression had softened. He held Jack’s face in one hand, brushed his thumb against Jack’s cheek.

“Was that ok?” Jack sounded hesitant.

“Oh. Sean. Yeah, it was incredible, for real. Are _you_ ok?”

Jack nodded. “Just making sure. It was… new, y’know?”

“New is good. I like all of the new things.”

Jack was relieved. “Just let me know if it ever goes too far.”

Mark shook his head. “It won’t. I get it. I’m right there with you. I know you’re not trying to hurt me. You’re just doing it because-”

“Because I want you. Because yeh’re mine.”

Mark nodded. “And I want you to. Because I am. Yours.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Thanks for the view! Hope you enjoyed the new chapter.
> 
> If you're on Tumblr and we haven't found each other yet, send me a message! @songsforfelurian


	27. Chapter 27

“TOP O’ THE MORNIN’ TO YEH LADDIES, MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE-”

“Oh, you WISH you could sound like me. Voice of an angel, I have.”

Mark started to giggle, and quickly succumbed to a coughing fit. He was sitting in Jack’s computer chair, and had been impersonating Jack – poorly – for the last several minutes.

“See? Yeh’re gonna break yerself. C’mon, do it in yer own voice.”

Mark repeated Jack’s intro in the voice he used for his own Let’s Plays.

“Hmmm. Better. Now, World’s Quietest Let’s Play voice!”

Mark stood up from the chair. He approached Jack, put his arms low around Jack’s waist, and rumbled close to Jack’s ear:

_“Top… of the morning… to yeh laddies…”_

Jack shivered, giggled. Mark smiled, rubbed his nose against Jack’s neck, hugged him close.

Jack had eventually pulled Mark up from the couch. It had been an effort; they had both felt lazy and clingy after their most recent encounter. They had held hands as they’d retraced their steps, collecting the clothing they had discarded in a trail that led back to the front door. Then Jack had led Mark to the shower, and they’d rinsed off quickly, dried each other off, and helped each other dress. They’d unloaded the car, and Jack had finally shown Mark around the apartment. Mark had noticed that Jack’s living space was similar to his own: simple, sparsely decorated. The only room that really captured Jack’s vibrant personality was his recording space.

Mark untangled from Jack, holding onto one of his hands, and turned to examine the tall bookshelf. “It’s so weird to see all of this stuff in real life. I thought I had it all memorized from your videos, but it’s definitely cooler in person.”

Jack nodded. “Most of the stuff I want to bring is in here. I have cases fer most of the electronics I want to take with me. As long as I can get it all organized today, I can just have them shipped.”

“What about your computer?”

Jack smiled. “I think this is a perfect excuse to build myself a new one. I’ll just have new parts shipped to LA. I’m sure my parents or my sister could use this one.”

“Oh… yeah, I guess that makes sense.” It dawned on Mark that Jack was planning to leave most of his belongings behind, including the computer he’d build from scratch for his channel. His bed… his bookshelves… his desk… all of it would stay behind.

“Hey, Mark? There’s one other thing I wanted to talk about, too.” Jack held both of Mark’s hands in his own. Mark looked concerned. “It’s nothing bad. It’s just… well… obviously yeh know I’m coming to LA to be with you, yeah?”

“Yeah, I know…”

“But… I think I need to get my own apartment.”

Jack seemed hesitant, like he was trying to soften a blow, but Mark had expected this. “Oh, Sean, I know- it’s fine! It makes sense.”

“Really?”

“Really. You need space to record. And you need your own place if we have any hope of keeping things private for now.” Jack nodded, relieved that Mark had thought this through as well.

“But,” Mark went on, “You’re going to stay with me, right? I mean, we’re going to stay together when we’re not working, right?”

Jack put his arms around Mark’s shoulders. “You will _never_ sleep alone again if yeh don’t want to. The apartment will just be fer work and fer show. And fer a change of scenery, if yeh’re feeling adventurous.” He smiled, kissed Mark’s cheek lightly. Mark sighed, relieved.

They spent the rest of the day and the evening packing up the pieces of Jack’s life. Thankfully, Jack didn’t really own much _stuff_ , other than the books and collectibles in his office that he planned to have shipped. He packed the clothes he wore most often into a large suitcase, and put the rest into boxes to be donated. He knew a lot of his clothes wouldn’t be appropriate for California weather anyway, and it would be easier to buy new ones than to haul everything through the airport.

They finally quit around 9PM, completely exhausted. Jack called for pizza, and they flopped down on the couch to eat as soon as it arrived. They munched quietly, side-by-side, staring at the cartoons playing on Jack’s TV, but too tired to really take in what they were watching. Jack cleaned up when they were finished, and then made his way back to the living room. He examined Mark, who was yawning hugely. He flipped off the TV, reached down for Mark’s hands, and pulled him up off of the couch.

“C’mon. Bedtime.” Mark nodded sleepily. Jack held Mark’s hand and led him upstairs to the bedroom, closing the door behind them. Mark looked like he was about to fall asleep on his feet. He gave Jack’s hand a squeeze.

“It’s your last night. It should be special. What do you want to do?”

Jack smiled. “It’s already special, love. It pains me to say it, but I just want to get a good night’s sleep together. Yeah?”

Mark smiled. “I will sleep you so hard.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Jack was undoing Mark’s jeans, sliding them off. Mark returned the favor.

“So. Your bed, your rules. Tell me how you like it.” Jack giggled at Mark’s exhausted attempt at flirting. Jack’s bed wasn’t big, which suited him just fine in that moment. He didn’t want space, couldn’t imagine he ever would again.

“You get in first. On yer back.” Mark released Jack’s hand and climbed into the bed. Jack set an alarm on his phone, plugged it into the wall, and followed. He put his right arm over Mark’s chest, resting his fingers against Mark’s neck. He slid his right leg over Mark, too. He laid his head on the pillow next to Mark, his forehead pressed against Mark’s hair. He felt Mark’s hand sliding under his shirt, warm fingers against the small of his back.

_“Thank you fer coming here with me.”_

_“You came for me first. One late-night conversation and you came halfway around the world for me.”_

_“It wasn’t one late-night conversation. Yeh know that. It was everything you ever said to me. It was years of trying to figure out how I got lucky enough to have you in my life at all.”_

_“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”_

Jack shook his head, smoothed his fingers through Mark’s hair.

_“You were my best friend. I couldn’t’ve been with you like this if I hadn’t trusted you like that. Yeh gave me time. I wouldn’t change a minute of it.”_

Jack lifted his head, searched Mark’s sleepy eyes, kissed him sweetly for a long moment.

_“Love you, Sean.”_

_“Love you, Mark.”_

They slept.

 

* * *

 

It was still dark when Jack woke up. He had shifted in his sleep, and his head was pressed against Mark’s chest, over his heart. He breathed deeply, listening to Mark’s steady heartbeat. He lifted his head to spy on Mark’s sleeping face… and found Mark’s eyes open, looking down at him. Mark smiled, brushed his fingers through Jack’s hair, rested his hand on the back of Jack’s neck.

Jack climbed over Mark carefully, pressing the length of his body against Mark’s waist and torso. He kissed Mark’s neck, slowly and softly, and felt Mark’s warm hands sliding up his back. Mark took his time easing Jack’s shirt upward, and Jack finally allowed him to pull it off.

They were silent and still waking, moving in slow motion, breathing deep, quiet sighs.

Jack sat up, straddling Mark at the waist, and slid his fingers under Mark’s shirt, hooking his thumbs around the hem. He slid his hands slowly upward, feeling Mark’s skin as he went. He bent down and pressed slow kisses along the center of Mark’s ribcage, felt one of Mark’s hands supporting the back of his head. Mark leaned into the pressure of Jack’s lips, arching his back in a slow movement. Jack slid one arm under Mark’s back, helping to hold him up, and used his other hand to help pull Mark’s shirt the rest of the way off. He laid Mark back down and kissed his mouth, moving slowly, taking his time. He felt Mark’s fingers slide inside his boxers and settle firmly around his hips.

They kissed, long and slow and gentle. Jack’s fingers were in Mark’s hair. Mark’s hands were holding him, warm against his skin, pulling him closer.

Jack finally broke away and looked down at Mark, tracing Mark’s jaw with his thumb. He had forgotten where they were, and suddenly realized that they were in his bed, in his apartment, where he had been alone for so long. Gratitude hit him hard in that moment. He knew that if Mark hadn’t spoken up, he’d be alone right now, avoiding sleep like they both had done so many times before, facing an endless series of restless nights in an empty bed. But Mark was _here_. Mark was _his_. He would never sleep in this bed, alone, again.

He wanted to tell Mark what he was thinking. He searched for the words and found only a lump in his throat, wished desperately that Mark could read his mind, that they could trade thoughts and feelings as easily as they traded kisses. _Please let him know. He has to know._

Mark removed one hand from Jack’s waist and reached up, supporting Jack’s face with his fingers, brushing his thumb lightly over Jack’s lips. Jack closed his eyes for a moment, lost in the gentleness of Mark. Then Mark removed his hand and reached over to the night stand. He picked up an unopened condom, and offered it to Jack. It was a gift, a love letter. It said everything Jack couldn’t find the words to say.

Jack kissed the back of Mark’s hand and took the condom. He pressed a kiss onto the center of Mark’s chest, then straightened up, and placed the condom where his lips had just been. He moved down the length of Mark’s body, slid his fingers inside the hem of Mark’s boxers, and started to ease them down. He took his time, pressing kisses down the crease of Mark’s hip as soon as soon as the skin was uncovered. He lingered for a moment with his lips pressed against Mark’s inner thigh, then pulled Mark’s boxers the rest of the way off, and removed his own.

Jack picked up the condom, opened the wrapper, rolled it on. Then he laid back down, his hips between Mark’s legs, his belly pressed against Mark’s belly, his nose almost touching Mark’s nose. Jack felt one of Mark’s hands settle onto his back, the other brushing through his hair. He pressed his lips against Mark’s face, high on his cheek. When he pulled away, Mark took his right hand, kissed his palm, and then pulled two of Jack’s fingers into his mouth.

Jack watched, fascinated, enjoying the warm sensation of Mark’s tongue sliding over his fingertips. Mark explored Jack’s skin briefly, then pulled his hand free, and steered it down between his legs. Jack smiled, then kissed his mouth, exploring Mark’s opening with his slick fingers. He slid them inside. Mark sighed against his lips. Jack moved his fingers slowly, felt Mark pressing back against him in response as he moved his lips down Mark’s throat.

Jack took his time, loved the way Mark sighed and shifted in response to his touch. Eventually Mark reached down between them and wrapped his fingers around Jack’s erection. Jack propped himself up, looked into Mark’s eyes. He reached for the small bottle on the night stand. Mark’s hand was waiting. Jack poured the liquid onto Mark’s fingers, closed his eyes as Mark reached down and spread it over his length. They breathed, deeply, together.

Jack shifted. He kissed Mark’s cheek. He looked into Mark’s eyes. Mark nodded.

Jack slid himself inside of Mark. They barely made a sound.

Jack took it slow. He kissed Mark’s lips, his forehead, his eyelids. Mark held him, one arm wrapped firmly around his back, one hand exploring his hair, his neck, his shoulder. They moved together in the dark, limbs tangled, hair tousled, chests heaving, low moans muffled against hot skin.

Jack was starting to lose his grip. He had tried to keep it slow. He had wanted it to last. But Mark’s fingers were digging into his hip, and Mark’s tongue was in his mouth, and he was drifting…

He wrapped his fingers around Mark’s erection, thrusted more deeply. Mark was arching his back, moaning softly against Jack’s shoulder. Jack’s lips were firm against Mark’s neck.

_“Mark-”_

_“Sean-”_

_­_ Jack thrusted. Mark came. _“Oh-”_ And so did Jack.

Jack buried his face against Mark’s neck and made a small noise. Mark had been expecting a moan, but it sounded more like a sob.

_“Sean?”_

Jack took a long, shuddering breath. _“I was alone here for so long. And now yeh’re here. And I love you, so much.”_

_“No worries now. I love you, too.”_

Mark tightened his arms around Jack and shifted them both slightly, laying Jack’s head on the pillow next to him. He stroked at Jack’s hair. He rubbed circles along Jack’s back.

They didn’t clean up. They didn’t move from the bed. They drifted off to sleep again. They held each other until the sun came up.


	28. Chapter 28

Mark woke up to the sound of Jack’s alarm beeping. He opened his eyes and found Jack sleeping soundly, sharing his pillow. He sat up carefully, reached over Jack to pick up the phone, and silenced the alarm. The clock read 6:31 AM. He noticed that Jack had several notifications waiting, including a text message from his mother. He deliberated. He wanted to let Jack sleep, but he knew they needed to make a plan for everything they had to accomplish today, and the message might be important.

He put the phone back on the night stand, then looked at Jack. Jack’s lips were parted, and his hair had fallen into his face. Mark was reminded of the only time Jack had ever called him from this bed. At the time, it had probably been the most intimate thing that had ever happened between them: Jack looking back at him from under the covers, inviting Mark to stare. He’d already decided to come to California, had already started making the plans that had brought him to Mark. He had already started imagining what would happen when he arrived. Mark remembered how calm and confident Jack had seemed.

_He didn’t even blink. Didn’t hesitate once. He came right to me and never looked back._

Mark pressed his lips to the top of Jack’s head, breathing in the smell of Jack’s hair. He gently slid his fingers around the back of Jack’s neck. Jack shifted. He wrapped one arm around Mark’s waist and squeezed.

“Hey, Sean.”

“Hello, love.”

Mark found Jack’s eyes, then kissed him, pulling him close.

“Sorry I woke you up. Your alarm went off, and I saw that you had a message from your mom. I didn’t read it or anything, I just saw the notification pop up.”

Jack smiled. “Jesus, Mark, I’m not worried about that. I’m not hiding anything from yeh. You know more about me than anyone in the world at this point.”

“I know. But still. I’m not going to snoop around your phone without your permission.”

“I appreciate that. But I promise yeh. There are no secrets to be found.”

Jack untangled himself and reached for his phone. He opened the text from his mother.

“Oh. Jesus.”

“What?” Mark was concerned.

“They want to come fer breakfast.”

“Oh. Hey, isn’t that good? I don’t mind, I can wait here while you meet them-”

“No. Mark. They want to have breakfast with both of us.”

“Your parents?”

“Yeah.”

“Like, your mom and your dad?”

Jack chuckled. “Yes! My parents, my mom and my dad.”

Mark was thoughtful. “Your dad, huh?”

Jack nodded.

Mark grinned. “Let’s do it.”

Jack sent his mother a quick response, then threw his arms around Mark. “Thank God. I don’t think I could’ve gone without yeh.”

Mark chuckled. “Come on. Let’s get cleaned up.” He moved to stand up from the bed, pulling Jack with him. He scooped Jack up and carried him to the bathroom.

Jack’s bathroom and shower were much smaller than Mark’s, which made showering together slightly less enjoyable. Slightly. They both enjoyed the feeling of the hot water and soap. Mark took his time washing Jack’s hair, searching his blue eyes.

“How do you feel today?”

Jack smiled. “I feel really good right now.”

“And after last night?”

Jack reached up for Mark’s hands and pulled them down to his chest. “I know I can get a bit… sentimental.” He paused. “I’ve been lucky in my life. I’m proud of a lot of the things I’ve accomplished. I know I have a lot, and I’m grateful. But I’ve never had anything that was… _mine_ … like this, before. I mean, yeh’re really _here_. It happened, right? We… I mean, I…”

Mark pressed his lips against Jack’s. Jack had become almost agitated, stumbling over his words, trying to explain himself. Mark pulled him close and kissed his lips again and again, until he felt the tension starting to leave Jack’s body.

“Sean. This is what happened.” Mark’s voice was quiet. He kept his arms wrapped around Jack. “We spent the night together, in your house, in your bed. We had sex-” Mark smiled, shook his head. “We made _love_ , because I _love_ you. And it was perfect. And then you fell asleep, and when you woke up, I was here. And that’s how it’s going to be, from now on. Ok?”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Now close your eyes.” Jack let Mark rinse his hair, sighing happily. Mark kept one arm wrapped around Jack’s waist, tracing his jawline with his other hand. He smiled. “Stubble.”

“Hmm. What d’you think? Should I let it grow back in? Or did yeh like it smooth?”

“It looks good either way. But I love that you changed it before you came to see me.”

Jack grinned. “Ok. Let’s get out. You can help me.”

Jack turned off the water and led Mark out of the shower. They dried each other off. Jack found his razor and shaving cream, and handed them to Mark.

“Seriously?”

Jack nodded.

Mark smiled. “Cool.”

He took the cover off of the shaving cream and sprayed some into his hand. He inspected Jack’s face, and started smoothing cream over the stubble with his fingertips. Jack giggled. “It kinda tickles.” Mark accidently got some in Jack’s nose. Jack snuffled.

“Oops! Sorry. God, why is this hard? I’ve done this to myself a million times.”

Jack was still giggling. “I guess it’s different when it’s someone else’s face.”

“Jesus. Sean. Your face! You are so fucking lovely, what if I mess you up?”

“I’ve got complete faith in you.”

“Oh, that is such a mistake.” Mark chuckled. He finished applying the shaving cream and stepped back to admire his handiwork. “You look… ridiculous.”

“Oh, fuck off, Fischbach.” Jack was laughing. “C’mon. Show me yer skills.”

Mark picked up the razor. “Ok. Stay still.” Jack obeyed, encouraged by Mark’s more serious tone.

Mark held up the razor and pressed it to the side of Jack’s face, near his sideburn. He moved slowly, supporting Jack’s chin with his free hand as he worked.

Jack watched him. Mark’s face was set in concentration. His eyebrows were creased, his lips slightly parted, his eyes completely focused on the task.

Jack spoke quietly. “Jesus, yeh’re sexy, all serious like this.”

“Shh. Don’t move yet.” Mark looked into Jack’s eyes and flashed him a brief smile, and then resumed his careful work. Jack loved the feeling of Mark’s fingers moving gently over his skin, his thumb checking over his progress as he went. Jack was getting impatient, barely resisting the impulse to kiss Mark’s parted lips…

“Ok.” Mark set the razor down. “I think I’m done.”

Jack went for it. He took Mark’s face in his hands and kissed him deeply. Mark tasted hints of shaving cream mixing with the familiar flavor of Jack’s mouth. He smiled against Jack’s lips, wrapping his arms around Jack’s waist.

_“Thanks fer that, love.”_

_“Thanks for letting me.”_

Mark pulled back from Jack. He ran warm water in the sink, held a towel under the faucet, and then used the towel to dab lightly at Jack’s face, clearing away the last of the shaving cream.

“There you are. Still so lovely.”

Mark kissed him again, and felt Jack’s fingertips tracing the outline of his own jaw.

“Too stubbly? Do you want me to try shaving, too?”

Jack shook his head. “No. I like it. I like how it feels.” He rubbed his nose against Mark’s scruff. “And I like how it looks.” He kissed Mark again, carefully.

Mark wanted nothing more than to let the moment stretch, but he knew they had somewhere to be. “We should check the time. I don’t want to be late for your parents. I think we should try to make a good impression.”

“Better let me dress yeh, then,” Jack teased.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

Jack giggled. “Kidding, love. You know yeh always look good. But I do like picking out yer clothes.”

Mark grinned. “I’m at your mercy.”

Jack selected fitted denim and a gray, long-sleeved shirt. It pained him to put clothing on Mark, but he had to admit he was extremely satisfied with the end result. Mark chose black jeans and a royal blue sweatshirt for Jack.

They were dressed and ready just in time to head to the restaurant. Luckily for Mark, it was close by, and he was able to drive them to the parking lot without committing any life-threatening traffic violations. He switched off the engine. They sat in silence for a moment.

Mark knew that this was a ridiculously big deal for Jack. His father had agreed to come and sit down with the two of them. Together. He was trying to think of something reassuring to say, but kept getting sidetracked by his own nervousness.

_I cannot fuck this up._

He decided on the nonverbal approach. He reached over to Jack and picked up his hand, threading their fingers together.

“Mark.” Mark squeezed Jack’s hand. “This might not go so well. This might be really difficult. But honestly, all I can think about is how grateful I am that yeh’re willing to do this with me. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, and I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to yeh. But thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, there’s still plenty of time for me to fuck it up.” Mark smiled.

Jack shook his head. “Impossible. You might be the most charming person on the planet. If anyone’s going to fuck it up, it’ll be me. And I can live with that.”

“Sean. It’ll all work out. Even if things don’t go our way today, it’ll work out eventually. Ok?”

Jack nodded. “Ok.”

They released each other, got out of the car, and walked into the restaurant.

Jack’s parents must have arrived early, because they were already inside waiting for them. Mark hung back while Jack walked straight for his mother and gave her a massive hug, and then shook hands with his father. Jack’s mother waved Mark over, and they all said a polite “hello.” It was early on a Sunday morning, and Mark was grateful when they were seated right away, glad to avoid the awkwardness that might have come from standing around, waiting for a table.

They all perused their menus in silence until their waitress arrived.

 _“Jack??”_ Jack looked up at her and smiled. He and Mark had left their disguises at home. Jack was used to being recognized around Athlone, since he had lived there for quite a while. He often met fans when he ventured out into the city, and usually enjoyed it.

“Yep, it’s me!”

The girl was blushing under her large, thick-framed glasses. Streaks of soft purple were visible in her blonde hair. She looked like she was probably in her late teens or early twenties.

“And _Mark??_ ”

Mark grinned. “Yup, it’s me, too!”

“Oh, my lord.” The girl covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I know yeh’re just here to have breakfast, but I’m so happy to meet yeh.” She was clearly embarrassed.

“What’s your name?” Mark asked, smiling.

“Lissa.”

He stood up. “Hey, Lissa, it’s nice to meet you.” He hugged her. She was blushing red in a shade that was closer to the color of Mark’s hair than typical human skin.

“Oh Jesus, yeh’re so nice.” Mark released her and gave her some space. “I just need to tell yeh. I mean, I know you hear this a lot...” She swallowed. “But yeh’ve helped me through some really hard times. Both of yeh.” Jack’s parents were watching the exchange thoughtfully.

Jack stood up and hugged her, too. “Anyway… thanks fer always being there. Fer me.”

Mark said, “We’ve both been through hard times too. I bet you were there for us, too.” She nodded. “Are you ok now?” She nodded again.

“Yeah. I’m doing really good, actually. Thanks.” She was still blushing furiously. “Now, can I bring yeh some drinks?”

Mark and Jack sat down as she disappeared to fill their drink order. Mark smiled awkwardly at Jack’s parents.

“Sorry, I know it can be inconvenient.”

Jack’s mother smiled and shook her head. She had been in similar situations with Jack plenty of times before. “You were very kind to that girl. How do the both of yeh keep it up? Don’t yeh get tired of it?”

Mark was thoughtful. “Yes and no. Sometimes I wish I could have more privacy.” He glanced at Jack. “But most of the people I meet are really nice, like her. I try to remember that a couple minutes of my time can be a very big deal to someone.”

Jack’s mother nodded. “That’s a big responsibility. Yeh both handle it well.”

Mark smiled. “Thanks.”

Lissa returned with their drinks, took their food order, and disappeared again.

“So.” Jack’s mother changed the subject. “Yeh’re flying back to LA tonight?”

Jack nodded. “We’ve both been away from work fer too long. I need to start looking fer an apartment so I can get settled.”

Jack explained his plans to have some of his belongings shipped, and Jack’s mother said she could be available to help from this end.

“So… yeh won’t be living together, then?”  

Jack and Mark exchanged a nervous glance. “Not at first. I need space fer YouTube… and we want to take some time before… y’know, before the whole world finds out.”

Jack’s mother was nodding her approval. “That’s smart. I’m glad yeh’ve thought that through.”

Jack’s father hadn’t said much. He was sitting somewhat stiffly, but he kept his attention on the conversation, clearly making an attempt to be present.

Lissa brought their food from the kitchen, and they were all grateful to focus on eating for a few minutes.

“So.” Jack’s mother eventually switched gears again. “Mark. Tell us a little more about yerself.”

Mark tried his best to answer her questions as politely and honestly as he could. He explained how and why he had first started his YouTube channel, spoke in vague terms about his parents’ divorce, his father’s battle with cancer, and his rocky relationship with his mother. He spoke highly of his stepmother and the friends that had supported him through family struggles and health-related issues.

“YouTube was a way for me to… make life better. For myself. And eventually for the people who followed me. That wasn’t really the point at first, but now it is.”

“Jack has told us about all the money yeh’ve raised fer charity.”

Mark nodded seriously. “That’s probably what I’m most proud of. I don’t want to speak for Jack, but for me… honestly, the whole thing is crazy. I never feel like I deserve any of it. I don’t understand how or why so many people care about my channel. So. Anyway. I try to pay it forward.”

“Yeh’ve helped a lot of people. Including Jack. We’re grateful fer that.”

Mark smiled, shook his head.

“Jack helped _me._ Really. I know I seem goofy on my channel.” Mark paused and looked at Jack. “But I’ve been through a lot. And Jack has been the best friend I could ever ask for. He’s been a huge part of my life, ever since we met. Jack is… the best person I know.” Jack blushed, his eyes locked on Mark.

“Well. We have that in common.” Jack’s mother smiled. Mark thought Jack’s father might have nodded his head, but he wasn’t sure.

They eventually finished eating. Mark convinced Jack’s parents to let him pay the bill – “Seriously, let me pay it forward-” and Mark and Jack stood to give Lissa one more hug when she returned the check. Jack’s parents stood up, too. They walked together to the parking lot to say their goodbyes.

Jack’s mother pulled Jack into a long, tight hug.

_“Thanks, Mum.”_

She gave Mark a quick but sincere hug as well. Jack’s father approached them awkwardly.

“Look. I don’t get it. I know you two are friends. But the rest of it… I don’t understand it. I don’t know why… Anyway. It doesn’t matter. I love my son.”

Mark slid his arm around Jack’s shoulders. He nodded. “So do I.”

Jack’s father extended his hand. Mark shook it.

Jack felt tears prickling behind his eyes. He took Mark’s hand from around his shoulder, gave it a squeeze, and then hugged his father tightly. _“Love yeh, Dad.”_

They said goodbye. Jack slid his arm around Mark’s waist. Mark replaced his arm around Jack’s shoulders. They walked back to the car, together.

 

* * *

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Linadoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linadoon/pseuds/Linadoon)! And find him on [Tumblr](http://linadoonofficial.tumblr.com/)! 

 


	29. Chapter 29

_“Does it feel like home yet?”_

Mark was holding Jack up on his tiptoes. Jack’s arms were tight around Mark’s shoulders, his face buried against Mark’s neck. He nodded.

“ _You_ feel like home.”

They were finally standing in the entryway of Mark’s house, after many exhausting hours of travel. They had taken another overnight flight, but because of the time difference, the sun was just starting to come up in California. Mark was weary to the bone, but Jack was jittery, tired but anxious about everything he needed to accomplish now that they’d arrived. Mark could feel Jack’s restlessness.

_“Wait here for a second.”_

Mark put Jack down, then bent over to rummage around in Jack’s backpack, which Jack had dropped by the door when they’d first walked in. He pulled out Jack’s key ring (which had very few items left on it, since he’d left his apartment keys with his parents, and had never owned a car) and walked into the kitchen. He opened a drawer and found his own duplicate house keys. He slid them onto the key ring, then brought the keys back to Jack.

“Now it’s official.” Mark handed the keys to Jack.

Jack grinned. “That’s _awesome_. Thanks, love. I’m _so_ happy.”

He wrapped his arms around Mark again, kissed him thoroughly.

“However.” He looked at Mark seriously. “There are _many_ things we need to do to make it official.” He kissed Mark’s nose. “ _After_ yeh get some sleep.”

“After _we_ get some sleep. I know we still have a lot to plan and figure out, but you should rest too – you have to be exhausted.”

Jack nodded. “I am. But I can’t settle down until I do a vlog. I’ve been away from YouTube and social media fer _way_ too long, people are going to start to freak out. I don’t want to take any more risks with the channel than I need to.”

“Ok. I hear you. What do you need?”

 

* * *

 

“Top o’ the mornin’ to yeh laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome to my vlog!” Jack spoke in the more restrained tone he usually used for update videos, rather than the high-volume, high-energy style he reserved for Let’s Plays. “I have so many things to tell yeh about, it’s hard to know where to start.”

Jack had set up his portable camera in Mark’s backyard, hoping that the landscape would be nondescript enough to keep people from figuring out exactly where he was.

“I need to tell yeh about some big changes that are happening in my life. This channel has always been about a combination of things. I’ve always tried to be honest with you and available to you, to the best of my ability. I’ve tried to create content that I think yeh’ll enjoy, and I’ve tried to support you all and care fer you all in my own way. But at the same time, I’ve also tried to maintain some privacy in my personal life. There are some things I haven’t been able to share, because I’m only human, and I need to keep some things to myself if I want to stay happy and healthy fer all of you. So, that being said, I hope yeh’ll keep an open mind, and try to be understanding about what I have to tell yeh.”

Jack paused and took a deep breath.

“I’ve decided to move to California. Most of yeh know by now that I’ve been on vacation and came to California last week, and I made this decision during that visit, for several different reasons. One reason is because of the channel. There are so many opportunities fer me to collaborate here, with other people in different industries, with different backgrounds and ideas. I’ve felt fer a long time that living in Ireland was limiting how far I could take the channel in the future, and I know I’ll be able to do so many more great things fer you guys now that I’m here. I can’t tell yeh how excited I am about it.”

Jack smiled into the camera.

“Another reason has to do with a different aspect of my career, but I can’t tell yeh everything about that yet. I’ll do another vlog as soon as I have an update, but I know yeh’re all going to be really excited about it.”

Jack took another breath.

“There are other important reasons fer this move, that are very personal to me, and that I’m not able to share with you at this point. It’s nothing bad, or scary, or anything like that- I don’t want you all to worry. I’m fine – fantastic, actually - but I don’t want to lie to you and tell yeh that I made this move solely fer my career. There are things happening in my personal life that I need to figure out, and I need yeh to respect my privacy so I can do that. I’m hoping I’ll be able to share more with yeh in the future, but fer now, I’m asking all of you to try and respect where I’m coming from.”

Jack smiled again.

“So, to sum it all up- I’ve moved to California! I arrived today and will spend the next couple of days settling in. I’ve brought the channel and all of you with me, and I want yeh to know that I still love you all, so much, and still care very deeply about keeping this community going and creating content for all of yeh. Again, I am beyond excited about all of this, and you can expect more updates soon. In the meantime, please respect that this move has resulted in a major shift in my personal life, and that I will need some time to adjust. I know I can count on you to help me through it.”

Jack ended the announcement with a toned-down version of his outro. “Thank you guys so much fer watching this video. I’ll see you all in the next one!” He waved at the camera, then stood up to turn it off. He packed up the equipment and walked back into Mark’s house. _Our house?_

He brought the camera upstairs to the office, then went to the bedroom to check on Mark.

The blinds were shut against the emerging daylight, and the room was dim. Mark was out cold, face down on the bed. Jack could tell that he had made a concerted effort to be thoughtful, as usual; Jack’s suitcase was open on the floor, and it looked like Mark had started to put his clothes back into the dresser before he had passed out on the bed. He took a step closer, and saw that Mark had also found clothes for Jack to change into – a comfortable t-shit and gym shorts – and laid them out on the bed next to him. He shook his head. Every time he thought Mark couldn’t possibly get any sweeter, any more thoughtful, he went ahead and proved Jack wrong.

Jack took a moment to look Mark over. He had changed into a thin t-shit and loose boxers. His hair was sticking up in every direction. His face was almost completely engulfed by the pillow he was laying on. It looked like he had basically fallen into the bed, since his shirt had shifted upward, exposing about three inches of his midsection. Jack examined the lines and creases of Mark’s side and back. He tried to memorize every detail of Mark so he could file the memory away- another private moment that belonged only to the two of them, that no one else would ever see or touch.

Jack ached to get into the bed with Mark, to move his hands over Mark’s body, but he needed to get his vlog ready for release. He tried to project thoughts of gratitude in Mark’s direction as he changed into the more comfortable clothes Mark had picked out for him. He tiptoed closer to the bed and risked a quick kiss on the top of Mark’s head. Then he left the bedroom and headed back to the office.

He got to work, preparing the video he’d just recorded. It was blessedly short and required very little actual editing. After about a half hour of touching up, he set the video to render. Luckily, this process would be much shorter than usual as well. He decided to respond to some e-mails while he waited.

It was Monday morning. He had tentatively agreed to go to Blizzard on Wednesday to meet with the team and iron out the details of his consulting commitment. He thought it was workable, he was sure he could get there… _How? How will I get there?_ It was a detail he honestly hadn’t considered until that moment. He didn’t have a car. He didn’t even have a _license_.

 _Fuck._ He felt anxiousness start to swell in his chest. He started Googling. Luckily, it seemed like it would be fairly easy to obtain a California driver’s license… but he needed to be a legal resident, first.

 _Right. Apartments._ He Googled for a few more minutes, searching for listings between LA and Irvine. If he could find a place just south of LA, it would cut down on the commute if he and Mark wanted to stay there occasionally. He was only planning to commute once or twice a week, anyway. He bookmarked several listings, then checked on the status of his video. It was ready to be uploaded.

He hesitated. He’d already been back to Ireland, packed up his apartment, and said goodbye to his parents, and yet this felt like the biggest turning point he’d faced so far. He was about to announce his decision to the world at large. There would be no going back after that. And he knew there was a possibility that the decision would not be a popular one amongst his viewers. He hadn’t viewed this move as a sacrifice that he was making for Mark… but he couldn’t deny that it had been a risk. He knew he’d find out soon how big of a gamble it had been.

He set the video to upload. Once it was finished, he logged into Twitter to share the link.

_SURPRISE! Check my vlog for a big update!_

Jack rubbed at his eyes. He felt light-headed, and he couldn’t tell if it was from exhaustion, or anxiousness, or both. He went to the kitchen and downed a glass of ice water before making his way back to the bedroom.

Mark was exactly where Jack had left him. Jack waited for the calm feeling Mark usually inspired to wash over him. It didn’t come.

He slid into the bed next to Mark, propped himself up on one elbow, and tried to smooth Mark’s hair away from his face.

“Hey.” Mark’s eyes opened halfway. “I’m sorry. I tried to wait for you.”

“It’s ok, love.”

Mark shook his head, trying to wake up. “I can’t believe you’re here. I don’t want to miss any of it.”

Jack was chewing on his lower lip. Mark noticed his tense posture, the crease in his brow.

“Sean? What’s wrong?” He propped himself up too, so they were facing each other.

“Mark, what are we going to do?”

“What do you mean?” Mark’s voice was soft and gentle.

“I mean… I’ve never had my attention divided like this before. YouTube has worked out fer me because I put _everything_ into it. I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I came here to be with _you_. So how do we make it work without losing everything else?”

Mark was fully awake now. He sat up, pulled Jack with him, and wrapped his arms around Jack as tightly as he could.

“Sean. Things are going to change now. We both had different priorities before. My work was my biggest priority before you came here. But… it wasn’t right. It wasn’t working. Do you know why?”

Jack shook his head.

“Because I was alone. My channel works best when I feel… energized, creative… happy. Do you know who makes me feel all of those things?” Mark’s words were sinking in. Jack pulled back so he could see Mark’s face. “ _You._ That’s the whole point. I couldn’t do my job alone anymore. I couldn’t be _me_ without… you.”

Jack nodded. “I couldn’t either. I couldn’t go back now, even if I wanted to. And I don’t. I just need a plan.”

“Ok. Tell me what you want. Tell me what your priorities are, now.”

“I want to spend time with you. I don’t want to spend twenty hours a day working so we can pass out together fer six, and then start all over again. I want yeh to be a bigger part of my life than that.” Mark smiled, brushed a strand of hair back from Jack’s face. “But I don’t want to lose my channel. I don’t want to give it up. I wouldn’t be _me_ without that, either.”

Mark nodded. “I know. I think we might just need to adjust our approach. Changing the way you think about YouTube doesn’t mean you’re going to lose your channel. There are so many kinds of content we can try. We can both get better at outsourcing more editing. I bet we can figure out how to do a lot of our work together, too. But, Sean-” Mark put one hand on the back of Jack’s neck. “It might be really hard at first. It’s going to take some time to get it right. But it’s _ok_ if it doesn’t all work perfectly right away. It will be ok if we have to spend some days apart sometimes. It will be ok if we’re tired for a while. We’re changing… YouTube is going to have to change with us. I’m not going to give up. I knew this would be a challenge. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jack put his hands on either side of Mark’s neck, brushing at his jaw with his thumbs. _How did he always know? How was he always so sure?”_

Mark’s eyes lit up a bit. “Hey. I think I have another idea. Maybe we were thinking about this the wrong way. What if we look for a house? Instead of an apartment? If we found a big enough place… we could both record there. We could stay together most of the time. What do you think?”

Jack hadn’t thought of this. “But… yeh’ll have to move yer whole setup… people would probably notice that. People might figure out we’re living together. And what if… I don’t know… what if something goes wrong? Between us?”

“I think my viewers will be able to cope with my walls looking slightly different. And yeah, people will probably figure things out eventually. Or we’ll tell everyone the truth. I don’t want to keep it a secret forever, do you?” Jack shook his head. “Plus, I get the feeling that things are more likely to go badly between us if we’re apart, don’t you think?”

Jack nodded. “Yeh’re right.”

“I can keep up with the lease on this place for a while, if it would make you feel better.”

“Maybe just fer a while, at first.”

Mark nodded. “Ok. So what do you think? You came all this way for me. I promise, I’m going to be here for you now. Can we give it a try?”

Jack finally felt the anxiousness dissipating, being replaced with affection and gratitude. And underneath that, exhaustion, like he’d never felt before. He kissed Mark gently and leaned against him, let himself be steadied by Mark’s warm, solid presence.

“Yes. Yeh’re right, as usual. It’ll be great.” He tried to stifle a yawn.

“We need to get some rest before we worry about anything else. If we sleep for a few hours, we might be able to check out some places tonight. Do you think you can fall asleep now?”

Jack nodded. “Thanks, love. I’m so happy yeh’re here.”

Mark kissed his cheek, lingered there for a long moment. “I’m going to take your shirt off first. Don’t worry though. I’ll behave.” He pulled Jack’s shirt up and over his head. “Ok. Face that way.” Jack finally laid down, facing away from Mark. Mark pulled the blankets over both of them, then pressed his body against Jack’s back, wrapping one arm around Jack’s chest. He pressed warm, slow kisses behind Jack’s ear, down the back of his neck, then across his shoulder.

_“Mmm. Mark. Can you do that every day? Forever?”_

Mark let the words sink in. He smiled against Jack’s skin. _“Yes. I can.”_

 


	30. Chapter 30

Mark felt the rise and fall of Jack’s chest under his hand before he was fully awake. He was still cradling Jack’s body, could feel Jack pressing against him from his chest to his toes. Jack’s skin pulsed with warmth, and his breathing was slow and even. Mark silently thanked the universe for this moment, grateful to know that Jack was relaxed for the time being.

He was concerned. He knew Jack had had the best of intentions in making this move, and agreed that it would be best for both of them in the long run. But he knew how hard it was for Jack to go off script. Jack’s life had been so precisely planned and scheduled up until last week, and Mark suspected he was probably in shock from the amount of change he had experienced in such a short time. He knew things were probably going to get worse for Jack before they started to get better.

But he was ready for it. He wasn’t experiencing any of the same jittery apprehension that Jack was carrying. He had been ready for this change for a long time. He knew his channel and his lifestyle would never be the same, and he was glad. He wasn’t even sure how much longer he could’ve kept up the pace, if Jack hadn’t come. He knew that his passion and commitment had been slowly slipping away for a long time. He knew that every moment he spent with Jack made him a better version of himself. He knew that Jack was probably about to experience an overwhelming amount of pressure, anxiety, and possibly doubt - and he knew it would be fine. He could be calm and certain for the both of them.

He felt Jack shifting against him. He tightened his arm around Jack’s chest. He pressed his lips against Jack’s neck and lingered there as Jack started to wake.

“Hello, love.”

“Hey Sean. How do you feel?”

Jack sighed. “I don’t know if I’ve ever slept that well in my life. Thank you. I feel better.”

He rolled over to face Mark and kissed him sweetly. Mark kept one arm wrapped around his waist.

“Sean. I know this isn’t easy for you. I just need you to know- I will do whatever you need. Whatever it takes. It’ll all be alright.”

Jack nodded. “I know.”

“So. I kept in touch with the realtor who helped me out when I moved to this place. She’s cool, she could probably help us out on short notice. I was thinking I could give her a call.”

Jack nodded. “Good idea. The sooner, the better.”

Mark rolled over to retrieve his phone from the night stand and tapped at the screen to place the call.

“Hey! Jenny! Yeah. You too. Yeah. I need a favor. No. Not me. My… friend.” He winced slightly as he said it. “Yeah. Today, if possible.” He described what type of property they were looking for, and their preferred location. She said she would call back shortly with a plan, and Mark hung up. He looked at Jack.

“Sean. That sucked. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to tell people.”

Jack shook his head, frowning. Listening to Mark call him his “friend” had stung, but he wasn’t upset with Mark. “It’s not yer fault. I know it’s fer the best right now. But yeah. It sucks.”

Mark nodded. “I hate the idea of making you upset, so don’t take this the wrong way… but I’m glad you think it sucks. I think it sucks, too. It would make me really sad if you were happy keeping everything a secret. This is so much more to me than that.”

Jack’s expression softened. “Yeah. Yeh’re right. I didn’t think of it like that.”

He kissed Mark gently. Then, less gently. He shifted his position, climbing over Mark until he was straddling him at the waist, exploring his lips insistently. Mark ran his hands down Jack’s sides, settling his fingers around Jack’s hips.

Mark’s phone rang. They both groaned. Jack sat up to let Mark answer the call, but he held his position in Mark’s lap.

“Hey, thanks for getting back to me. Really? Yeah. Uh huh. Umm…” Mark pulled the phone away from his ear to check the time, then replaced it. “Yeah, that should work. Yeah, can you e-mail that to me? Uh huh. You too. Thanks.” Mark hung up. He looked up at Jack.

“We need to leave really soon to meet her.”

Jack bent down to kiss Mark’s neck. _“How soon?”_

“Uhm. Twenty minutes. Ish.”

 _“Good. Plenty of time.”_ Jack licked the edge of Mark’s ear with the tip of his tongue. Mark inhaled deeply. Jack pulled the neckline of Mark’s shirt aside so he could press kisses along Mark’s neck and shoulder. He rocked his hips slowly against Mark. Mark moaned softly.

Jack kissed Mark deeply, found Mark’s tongue with the tip of his own. He rocked against Mark again, felt Mark throbbing beneath him. He straightened up, flashed Mark a grin, then moved down Mark’s body, pulling Mark’s shorts down to access his erection. He looked up.

Mark was breathing deeply. He reached down and brushed at Jack’s lips with his thumb. Jack grinned again, and then took Mark into his mouth. Mark moaned beautifully in response. Jack lingered at the tip for a moment, kissing and licking sweetly, trying to pour affection into the gesture. He knew he needed to be quick. And he wanted to make Mark come. But he also wanted Mark to know what he was feeling, needed Mark to know that this act went beyond sex and impulsivity.

Mark was getting the message. He held the top of Jack’s head with one hand, his fingers tangled in Jack’s hair, his thumb brushing gently across Jack’s forehead.

Jack looked up at Mark, smiled briefly, then switched gears. He pulled Mark deep into his mouth and moved his lips and tongue more aggressively. He dug his fingers into Mark’s hip with his left hand, and stroked at the base of Mark’s cock with his right. He worked at a steady pace until Mark started to arch his back, then increased the intensity again, sucking at Mark over and over.

Mark tipped his head back and let out a low moan. Jack gripped tightly, moving faster-

Mark came, hot and wet inside Jack’s mouth.

Jack reached over to Mark’s phone and swiped the screen to check the time. “New record!”

Mark chuckled. “Oh my God. I love you.”

Jack giggled and moved up the bed to hover over Mark. “I love you too.”

“Why do I feel like you’re always one blowjob ahead?”

Jack blushed, laughing. “It’s not a competition, Mark. I told yeh, I can’t fucking stop myself. C’mon, quick shower before we go?”

Mark let Jack pull him up from the bed and lead him to the bathroom. They were both feeling more stable and alert after sleeping. They hated to rush, but Jack was excited to check some of the boxes on his daunting to-do list. Mark had done a decent job of sorting through some of his clothes, prioritizing t-shirts and lighter pants that would be most appropriate for California’s warmer weather. He made a mental note to invest in some shorts.

They dressed quickly, and Jack checked the contents of his backpack. He still had the manila folder with his employment contract, visa, and passport inside. He knew he would probably need these documents, and possibly others, in order to sign a lease. He closed up the backpack and put it on. He held Mark’s hand as they made their way to the front door, disengaging reluctantly as they stepped outside.

Mark drove south for about twenty minutes before they reached the first house. It wasn’t as private as they would have hoped; it was in a neighborhood with another house close by on one side. They wanted to check it out anyway, especially since Jenny had gone to the trouble of setting up showings on such short notice.

Jenny was leaning on her car at the end of the driveway. They parked and walked over to her, and Mark gave her a hug and introduced Jack. They shook hands. Jenny was short and blonde, and Jack thought she was probably in her mid-to-late thirties. She had a friendly smile.

“It’s so nice to meet you! Welcome to California! Mark told me you need at least three bedrooms, and this place has three, so you can let me know if it feels just right or too small. Are you in a similar line of work?”

Jack nodded as they walked up the driveway. “Yeah. I need a lot of space for equipment. And privacy is good, since recording can get loud, and I keep strange hours a lot of the time.”

“Yeah, sounds like Mark! Are you planning to live by yourself?”

Jack hesitated, glancing at Mark, who took the lead beautifully.

“I’ll be visiting a lot. We’re really close. And Jack just moved here from Ireland, he doesn’t know a lot of people yet.” Jack was relieved that Mark had fielded the question, and also impressed by Mark’s response. It was truthful, without being overly specific. He hadn’t gotten the hang of that yet.

“Sure. Well, it’s always good to have an extra bedroom for visitors, especially if you ever have family coming from overseas!”

They chatted some more as they entered the house and started to look around. The house was big, but it was only a single-story home. It occurred to Jack that it might be best for him and Mark to set up their recording spaces on separate floors, or at least on opposite sides of the house. He politely let Jenny know what he was thinking.

“Sure thing. Keep the listing for this one anyway.” She handed him the flyer. He knew California real estate was notoriously expensive, and had tried to prepare himself, but the monthly cost was still a shock.

Mark and Jack piled back into Mark’s car to head to the next listing, which was only about ten minutes away.

“Close, but not quite,” Mark said. “I think you’re right, four bedrooms and two stories. And, hey. Don’t worry about the price. We’re going to share it, ok?”

They hadn’t really talked about it earlier. “Can yeh really swing it? And keep yer other place?”

Mark nodded. “I really can. And I don’t think I’ll need to for long. We’ll try it out. If it goes well, I’ll cancel my other lease. I pay month-by-month. Actually, I guess we should see if you can do the same.” Mark paused, seemed uncomfortable for a moment. “How long does your visa last?”

They hadn’t talked about that, either. “Six months.”

Mark swallowed. “And then what?”

“I can apply to have it renewed. As long as I stay employed I can keep reapplying.”

“That makes it sound like they could reject it.”

Jack nodded. “They could.”

Jack was desperately looking for a way out of this conversation. He had looked into this, and had purposely avoided bringing it up with Mark. He knew where it would lead, and he was sure neither of them were ready for it yet.

“So every six months, there will be a chance you’ll have to go back to Ireland?”

 “Yeah. But, Mark-”

“There has to be some other way.”

_Fuck._

“Yeah. There is. But we should-”

“You already know? What do we have to do?” Mark sounded confused. Jack was worried that he would be hurt, thinking Jack had been keeping another secret from him. He was frustrated. Mark would have figured it out if he’d been thinking about it more carefully. But Jack knew that Mark was exhausted and experiencing a flurry of intense emotions. Jack was going to have to spell it out.

“People who want to live here more permanently need a green card. Yeh don’t have to keep reapplying, and you can try to become a citizen if you want to. Eventually. But yeh need to be a relative of someone who’s already a citizen.” Jack paused. “Or yeh need to marry someone who is.”

Silence for a moment.

“Sean, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to force you into that conversation.”

“It’s ok. I didn’t want you to think I was… misleading yeh, or something. I thought it might be better to wait a while before we talk about it. And if we ever do talk about… in the future… I don’t want it to be because of some deadline.”

Mark took this in. “I understand what you mean. But this is kind of a… unique situation, don’t you think? I mean, eventually we’ll figure it out. We’ll either decide that we can live without each other… or we’ll decide that we can’t.”

Jack considered this. “Yeah, I guess yeh’re right.”

“Ok. I’m going to make a better effort to stay calm about it. Six months sounds like a good amount of time to try things out. We’ll see where we’re at when the deadline is coming up.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah. But yeh’re right, about the lease. Obviously I can’t sign on fer a full year. I didn’t think of that before.”

“Yeah. We can ask Jenny about it. Being kinda famous tends to come with perks.” Mark paused. “Sorry again, that was heavy. Are we ok?”

Jack reached over to Mark and slid his hand under Mark’s shirt, hooking his fingers lightly into Mark’s waistband. “We’re great.”

They finally arrived at the next listing, and they both thought it had a lot of potential. There were no other houses in the immediate area, and the driveway was long and private. They parked on the street behind Jenny.

“I think you’ll like this place better than the last one. It has four bedrooms and a potential office space, and the bedrooms are on the second floor. It’s also a bit more private, as you can see, but all of that means it’s also more expensive.” She handed Jack a flyer. The price was high, but he was fairly certain he and Mark could afford it between the two of them.

They loved it immediately. The kitchen was huge, and there were two large, open living spaces on the first floor. There was also a bonus room at the back of the house with a door closing it off. They both thought it would be perfect for a recording space.

The second floor was equally appealing. The bedrooms were spaced far apart, with bathrooms and closets in between. The master bedroom was huge, and the connected bathroom was actually bigger and nicer than the one in Mark’s current house.

They were already in love with it by the time they made their way to the backyard, which was private – completely surrounded by trees – and had a huge pool surrounded by a concrete patio.

“We’ll take it,” Mark said, stupidly, without thinking. “I mean. Uhm. Sean- _Jack_ \- do you like it?”

 _Smooth, Fischbach._ “Yeah, I love it.”

Jenny was watching the exchange with one eyebrow slightly raised. “Ok! Great. Well, we have one more stop- might be worth checking out just for comparison.”

Jack nodded. “Sure.”

Mark covered his face with his hands as soon as he and Jack were in the car alone. “Uuggghh. I’m sorry. I feel like I could sleep for a month.”

Jack giggled. “I’m not sure it would help. I don’t remember you ever thinking too hard about what came out of yer mouth. It’s ok, love.” He pulled Mark’s hands away from his face. “But I’m pretty sure she figured out that something’s going on. D’you want to just tell her? Is she trustworthy?”

Mark thought about it. “I’ve known her for a while... I mean, she’s professional, she deals with people’s personal and financial information… And she’s worked with celebrities, so she knows that privacy is important… What do you think?”

“I’m fine with it, if you are. Might make it easier, or at least take some of the pressure off.”

“Ok. I’ll talk to her when we get to the next house.”

They parked behind Jenny again, and Jack stayed in the car while Mark went to talk to her. He knew it might be easier for Mark to explain by himself at first. He watched Mark approach Jenny, running one hand nervously through his hair. He watched Jenny nodding, then smiling, then glancing in his direction, and finally pulling Mark into a hug. Mark turned around when she released him and waved Jack over.

Jenny smiled hugely at him as he approached. “Can I give you a hug?” Jack smiled and nodded. “I’m really happy for you guys.”

“Thanks, me too,” Jack said.

“Listen. I _love_ Mark. He’s the kind of guy that’s worth moving across the world for, and you actually did it, so I’m inclined to think you deserve each other.” She smiled at both of them. “I do have to tell you, though. A lot of property managers are wary of cohabitation if one of the parties hasn’t been named on the rental agreement. Jack, I’m assuming you were planning to lease the property in your name?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok. Well, I have no intention of sharing this information with anyone, for any reason. But you may want to consider it down the road, especially since you value your privacy. You might save yourselves some grief if you decide to add Mark’s name to the lease eventually. People have roommates all the time- you could do it legally without having to explain the nature of your relationship. Your property manager might be more likely to get suspicious if you try to keep it a secret. But, of course, it’s up to you.”

Mark and Jack both nodded. “Thanks,” Mark said. “That’s helpful. We’ll think about it.”

They toured the house. There was a lot to like, but they were already sold on the property they’d just left. They asked Jenny about next steps. Jack told her about the paperwork he’d brought with him, and she asked them to wait for her in the driveway while she gave the property manager a call.

They didn’t have to wait long. “Well, if you’re ready to move forward, we can head back to my office and get going on the paperwork. One thing though. Jack- do you have some way of reporting on your earnings? Can you access bank statements or tax documents?”

Jack nodded. “I can get you both, if I can use a computer at yer office.”

She smiled. “Excellent.” She turned to Mark. “I’ll text you the address.”

About two hours later, they were back in Mark’s car, getting ready to leave Jenny’s office. Jack had passed along his documentation and signed the paperwork. They would be able to move in on Wednesday.

“So?” Mark looked over at Jack. “How do you feel?”

Jack smiled. “Really good. Thanks, Mark. That was way easier than I expected it to be.”

“Thank Jenny. She’s magical.”

Jack shook his head. “She’s great. _Yeh’re_ magical.”

Mark smiled. “So. What now?”

Jack grinned. He leaned over and put his arms around Mark’s shoulders.

He kissed Mark’s neck.

_“Now-”_

He kissed Mark’s ear.

_“I need you-”_

He rubbed his nose into Mark’s hair.

_“to teach me how to drive.”_

 


	31. Chapter 31

“Ok. Now lift up your foot REEAAALLLY slowly.”

“Um. No.”

“Come on. You’ve got this. Just lift up for a second, and then press the pedal back down.”

“Nope. I’m just going to wait until these things can interface with a game controller. Ser’sly, how is that not a thing? Oh! That’s what I’ll do with the rest of my life! I’ll invent cars that yeh can drive with a PlayStation controller. I’ll be so famous!”

Mark was laughing. He was also filming Jack’s tangent with a portable camera.

“Oh, yeah, because you’re not famous enough. I fully support the idea, but in the meantime, you need to learn to drive like the rest of us. Seriously, if _I_ can do it, so can you.”

Jack glared in Mark’s direction.

“Are yeh not concerned that I have the power to turn yer car into a two-ton death machine?”

Mark looked around. “In this empty parking lot? With no people or vehicles or woodland creatures in sight? I think we’re pretty safe.”

Mark had brought Jack to a parking lot at one of the nearby high schools. It was early August, and most schools were still out on summer vacation. The parking lot was deserted.

“Can’t you do the pedal thing, so I can just steer?”

“And how exactly would _that_ work?”

“C’mon, get creative, Fischbach.”

“C’mon and get your game face on, McLoughlin. We’re not leaving until you roll this car forward at least a foot.”

Jack sighed heavily, still scowling.

“Just press your foot back down if shit gets real.”

“ _Fine_. Oh, Jesus. Oh, fucking Christ.”

Jack finally released the pedal, ever so slightly. The car started to roll forward. He slammed his foot back down.

“Hey! You did it!”

“Jesus fucking _Christ_ , that’s horrifying!”

Mark laughed at Jack’s scrunched-up face. “Come on. You’re a Goddamn badass, do it again!”

“Eeehhhh.” Jack squinted and tried again. He let the car crawl forward for a few seconds before he stomped on the brake again.

“WOOO! AGAIN!”

Jack lifted his foot slowly off the pedal, and let the car roll for several feet before he stomped _hard_ on the brake.

“Oh fuck-” Mark crashed sideways into the dashboard, giggling. “Ow, shit!”

“SORRY! JESUS!”

“No, I’m fine… you just need to be a bit more gentle.”

“You and I both know that ‘gentle’ isn’t always a strength of mine.”

“Jesus, Sean, I’m recording!”

“C’mon, Mark, it’ll have to be edited anyway. _Besides-_ ” Jack switched his voice to an exaggerated whisper. “ _They don’t know I’m talking about sex things.”_

Mark chuckled. “Yup. Go ahead. Spell it out for them.”

Jack tried to think of something witty to say. He shook his head. “I want to tease yeh, but I can’t do it. I just fucking love you.” He looked at the camera and flashed a grin. “That clear enough fer all of yeh?”

Mark put the camera in his lap. He leaned over and kissed Jack for a long moment. _“Love you too. Now. Time to steer the death machine.”_

They practiced until Jack could successfully let the car roll, steer it in a circle, and then stop it again, more smoothly than his original attempt. Mark was satisfied. It was starting to get dark, and he thought they should probably save the gas pedal for another day.

They switched places and Mark drove them home. Mark had made plans to finally go pick up Chica, and they’d both decided that he would drop Jack off at the house first. They had agreed that it might be best to wait a while before telling any more of their friends about what was going on between them. Mark hadn’t spelled it out for Jack, but he was concerned about the move and both of them settling into a new routine, and he didn’t think either of them needed the extra pressure or stress that accompanied every new confession and explanation.

Jack didn’t question him. He was equally content to try to enjoy their relationship as much as possible for the rest of the day, rather than spending several more hours explaining it. He was also anxious to take a look at the footage they had collected. He had an idea for a series of vlogs and clips called “How to Move to America.” He thought his viewers might warm up to the idea of him moving to California if he could share more of the experience with them.

Mark dropped Jack off and headed over to Matt and Ryan’s house. They were both home, and they were both full of questions, which Mark avoided ungracefully. He assured them that he and Jack were both fine, and that they’d all find some time to catch up soon.

Mark was beyond thrilled to see Chica, and she shared his enthusiasm. She sat beside him in the car on the drive home, panting happily and wagging her tail. Chica had been his steady companion before Jack had come. He couldn’t wait to bring her home, to have his… _Family?_... all together. His thoughts strayed back to Jack.

Being evasive about their relationship was making him increasingly uncomfortable. He’d had plenty of practice keeping parts of his personal life purposely vague with fans, and often with friends as well, depending on how close or how trustworthy they were. He knew that he was protecting Jack by keeping things quiet, but he couldn’t help feeling like he was also betraying him. He wished he could skip over the next couple of weeks, wished he could spare Jack the anxiety and doubt that came with this massive transition. He craved a “normal” day: wake up next to Jack (morning sex?), waffles, good day at work, throw Jack in the pool (pool sex?), make dinner, throw dinner at Jack, wash food off of Jack (shower sex?), let Jack win at video games (couch sex?), fall asleep next to Jack. Repeat.

He sighed. He examined these images over and over until he was finally home.

Chica bolted into the living room as soon as Mark let her into the house. Mark figured she must have picked up on Jack’s unfamiliar scent. “Sean? Maybe order pizza tonight?” Mark waited for a reply. He heard nothing. And then he heard Chica… _whining?_

He walked into the living room. Chica was there, whimpering and fidgeting with agitation. Jack was sitting on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest, his face buried in his arms. He looked up when he heard Mark approaching, and Mark saw a steady stream of tears falling down his cheeks.

Mark closed the gap between them and sat down next to Jack. _“Sean? What happened?”_

Jack looked at him and opened his mouth to speak, but he choked on a sob, his face crumpling.

Mark had expected that Jack would experience some emotional ups and downs, but nothing could have prepared him for the agony of watching Jack suffer like this. He had never seen him look so… _small._ It was unbearable.

 _“Sean?”_ His own voice sounded unfamiliar, thick from the lump of emotion that was rising in his throat. Jack had buried his face in his arms again, and made no attempt to respond.

Mark saw Jack’s laptop open on the coffee table and grabbed it, examining the screen.

 _Fuck._ Jack’s YouTube stats were displayed in the browser. Mark could immediately identify the issue. Jack hadn’t actually _lost_ any subscribers, but the rate of growth had declined drastically over the last three days, since his content had become sparse. Mark wasn’t surprised- fluctuations like this had happened for him in the past as well, when he had been less consistent about releasing content. He hadn’t checked his own stats lately, but wouldn’t have been surprised to find a similar trend.

Still, he understood that this would be devastating to Jack. Jack was a perfectionist, deeply dedicated to the success of his channel, and it wasn’t surprising that he would have such a strong reaction given all of the doubt and anxiousness he was already experiencing.

Mark noticed several other tabs open in the browser. Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram… _Shit._

He clicked through the pages. The feedback was mixed; many people had expressed excitement and support after viewing Jack’s most recent video, announcing his move to California. Mark guessed the majority of the feedback was actually positive. But he knew which comments Jack had been focusing on:

 

_yeah im not surprised he finally sold out_

_Jack why are you changing everything about yourself we liked you before_

_He went to visit Mark and now he’s moving to California? All of a sudden? Am I the only one who’s getting kinda sick of their shit?_

_if they are actually gay just fucking kill me now, septiplier is such trash_

_tbh was feeling like i might finally unsub from jack ugh not sure_

Mark put the laptop down and turned to Jack.

“Sean-”

He reached over to take one of Jack’s hands, but Jack pulled away without looking up. His shoulders shook in a silent sob.

Mark felt dizzy, almost nauseous. Jack had _never_ pulled away from him, not since they’d been… together. He had known things would be tough for Jack, but he hadn’t expected… this. He searched for something to say, some way to make it better.

“What can I do?”

Jack didn’t answer.

“I can give you space, but I won’t leave you. Ever.”

Mark slid off of the couch to sit on the floor. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the cushions, resting his head near Jack’s feet. They sat in silence for a long time. Mark was fighting against panic, becoming increasingly distraught. _This is bad. This is really bad. I can fix it, right? He won’t leave… will he?_

Mark finally felt Jack shifting next to him, opened his eyes to watch Jack stand up from the couch. Jack kneeled on the floor next to Mark, and met his gaze. Jack’s face was red and tear-stained. He reached over to Mark and used his thumb to brush gently at the corner of Mark’s eye, wiping at tears Mark hadn’t been aware of. Jack grimaced miserably as he took in the pain that was etched into Mark’s expression. Mark was too afraid to touch him, too worried about how Jack would respond.

But then Jack leaned forward, put his arms around Mark’s shoulders, and crawled into Mark’s lap, burying his face against Mark’s neck. Mark was dizzy with relief. He wrapped his arms around Jack, pressed his face against Jack’s hair.

 _“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.”_ Jack’s voice was wounded and far away.

Mark hugged him more tightly. _“I’m sorry for everything. Please let me fix it. Please don’t leave.”_

_“Jesus. Mark. No. Never.”_

He pulled back and leaned his forehead against Mark’s, lingering for a long moment before gently kissing Mark’s lips. Then he leaned his head against Mark’s shoulder, pressing his body against Mark’s. Mark held him tightly, gratefully, desperately.

After a long time, Mark felt Jack’s breathing start to change, and he knew that Jack was calm, maybe even starting to drift off to sleep. He kept one arm wrapped tightly around Jack’s back, and slid his other arm under Jack’s legs. He held Jack carefully as he shifted to his knees and stood up slowly. Chica followed him as he carried Jack up to the bedroom and settled him gently on the bed. Jack kept his eyes closed, snuggling against the pillow. Mark took off Jack’s socks and jeans and pulled the blankets up around his waist. Then he sat down on the bed next to Jack.

Jack opened his eyes and blinked at Mark sleepily, his cheeks still puffy and red. He reached for Mark’s hand, pulled it against his chest, and closed his eyes again. He slept.

Mark waited a few minutes, grateful for the physical contact. Then he retrieved his hand from Jack as carefully as he could, and made his way silently into the hall. Chica followed. He went to the office and got to work.

 

* * *

 

Jack opened his eyes groggily. He couldn’t tell what time it was. The bedroom was dark, and he was alone. He remembered Mark tucking him into the bed… _Oh, Mark._ His stomach twisted as he remembered what had happened. He had completely lost it. He’d been so sad and so overwhelmed… and so _lonely_ without Mark close by.

He hung his head. It was more than that. He didn’t want to admit it, but the negative comments had made him feel… embarrassed. Sick. Like he’d made the wrong decision. Like being with Mark was… _wrong._ When he was actually alone with Mark, it was the easiest thing in the world to give in to their connection, their chemistry. Mark made it easy. He was aware every moment that Mark loved him more than anyone else ever had. Probably more than anyone else ever _could._

But when Mark was gone, it was different. He hated that he had given in to the criticism and skepticism so easily. The memory of tears on Mark’s perfect face settled in his stomach like a sickness. He needed Mark to forgive him. He needed to do better.

He got out of bed and wandered into the hall. He started toward the stairs, but then saw Chica exit the office, wagging her tail. He walked over to her and bent down to scratch her ears and give her a hug. _“Hey, fluffers.”_

He stood up, continued to the office, and looked through the open door. He stopped to consider what he was seeing.

Mark was asleep on the desk with one arm folded under his head. He hadn’t moved as Jack approached, and Jack could see that his headphones were still mostly covering his ears as he slept. The computer monitor was on, and Jack could see that Mark had been editing… photos? Video? It looked like a still frame of Jack on the screen.

He considered how best to wake Mark up without startling him. He assumed that Mark hadn’t intended to fall asleep here, and would probably be disoriented when he woke. He decided to put his arm around Mark’s shoulders, rubbing one shoulder gently with his hand.

Mark sat up quickly, startled. Jack let him go and kneeled down on the floor in front of him. Mark rubbed at his eyes, took his headphones off, and looked down at Jack.

“Why are you down there?”

“Why are _you_ in _here_?”

“You first, McLoughlin.”

Jack sighed. “Because I was horrible, and I hate myself, and I will die right here if yeh don’t forgive me.”

Mark stared at him for a moment, not moving. Jack’s words stung. He wanted to touch him, hold him, comfort him… but he was too worried to make the first move. He couldn’t risk pushing Jack too far again.

“Jack…”

 _“SEAN.”_ Jack’s voice was pained, almost angry.

Mark swallowed, nodded. _“Sean._ Just… get up. Please. I’m sorry I left you for a while. I want to show you what I was working on.”

Jack stood up. Mark turned to the screen and started clicking. “Do you know what your fans do when they’re sad?”

Jack shook his head. He wasn’t sure what Mark was getting at.

“They spend hours watching your videos. They turn your life into art. Sometimes just seeing your face is the best part of their day. You bleed goodness and happiness. You’re everything to them.”

Mark pulled up a video made by one of Jack’s fans. It was a long edit of video clips and still photographs. The audio had been replaced with upbeat music. Jack vibrated with energy and happiness in every frame.

“This was you, before. If you were ever confused about why I fell in love with you… you’re insane. The whole world is in love with you.”

Mark clicked into a different edit. It was new. Jack stared.

_Mark made this. Jesus._

“I always watched you when I was sad, too.” Mark clicked into the video. It was a collection of clips and stills from the footage they had recorded together, at Mark’s house. Jack saw it right away. He was infinitely happier. It was written all over his face in every shot. The edit ended with Mark diving at Jack for a hug, and the two of them standing together, Jack up on tip-toes, kissing each other like their lives depended on it.

Jack felt tears welling in his eyes again, for a completely different reason.

“This is you, now. We said we didn’t want to change each other… but it happened anyway. You’re different. But you’re _better._ I know it’s scary, but all you have to do is show it. Anyone who doesn’t love you like this… doesn’t deserve you.”

Mark had been looking at the screen. He finally turned to face Jack and stood up. He resisted the urge to wipe the tears from Jack’s face. He waited.

Jack chewed on his lower lip, blinking at the tears that were clouding his vision. He reached up to hold Mark’s face in his hands, brushing at Mark’s cheek with one thumb.

_“Sean. There’s nothing to forgive. I love you. More than ever.”_

Jack kissed him gently, his tears warm and wet on Mark’s face. Mark rested his hands tentatively on the small of Jack’s back.

“Can I show you one more thing?”

Jack nodded.

Mark turned back to the computer and pulled up a Word document. It was a list… or a schedule. Jack leaned down to take a closer look.

Mark had written up a schedule for the next two days. It included several hours for recording and editing, along with suggested content for the two of them. Another few hours were blocked off in the evening for packing. Mark had designated time for the two of them to drive down to Blizzard in Irvine the next morning, and filled in the timeframe for their move to the new house later in the afternoon.

“This is you, now. You can do it. You believe me?”

Jack nodded. Mark smiled.

“Good. You ready to get started?”

“Almost.”

Jack reached for Mark’s hand, threaded their fingers together. He led Mark into the hallway and down to the bedroom. He closed the door behind them, leaving Chica in the hallway. Pale morning light had just started to creep through the closed blinds. Jack pulled Mark to stand with him beside the bed. He grasped the hem of Mark’s shirt lightly, then looked into Mark’s eyes. Waiting. Asking silently for permission.

Mark nodded.

Jack pulled Mark’s shirt over his head and let it fall to the floor.

_“Now mine.”_

Mark hesitated. Jack took Mark’s hands and placed them around his own waist.

_“Please, Mark.”_

Mark slid his fingers under Jack’s shirt. Jack’s skin was cool against his fingertips. He eased Jack’s shirt up and off, pulling it carefully over his head.

 _“There. Better.”_ Jack wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist and pressed himself against Mark’s chest. He brushed his lips against the back of Mark’s neck. He felt Mark relaxing, settling into the embrace. He moved his hands down Mark’s back and slipped his fingers inside Mark’s shorts, exploring Mark’s hips. He pulled Mark closer for a moment, then slipped down through Mark’s arms to pull his shorts off. He stood up again and pulled Mark’s hands to his own waistband. He smiled.

_“C’mon. I want you to.”_

Mark smiled back. He bent down and pulled Jack’s shorts off carefully. He straightened up.

Jack turned to the bed and stacked two pillows against the headboard. He guided Mark into a seated position and then climbed into his lap, straddling his lap the way he had on their first night together. He stroked at Mark’s hair for a moment, then kissed him softly. He felt Mark’s lips moving against his, but Mark’s hands remained at his sides. Jack reach for them, pulling them around his waist.

_“Mark. Come back to me now.”_

Mark tightened his arms around Jack, pressed his lips against Jack’s shoulder. Jack sighed with relief. He let Mark explore his chest and his neck for a moment, then kissed Mark’s mouth again, more deeply than before. He felt for Mark’s tongue, his fingers tangled in Mark’s hair. He rocked his hips gently, felt Mark pressing against him in response. He kissed Mark slowly. Sweetly. He kissed Mark like he had never kissed anyone in his life. He hoped he would never kiss anyone else, ever again.

He took his time, until he was sure that Mark was with him. He brushed at Mark’s throat with his thumb and reached over to the night stand. He unwrapped a condom and rolled it onto Mark. He handed Mark the small bottle and watched Mark lubricate himself, small butterflies fluttering around his insides. He wrapped his fingers around Mark and stroked at him gently, kissing his lips.

He sat up on his knees, and then lowered himself carefully onto Mark. He held his breath against the pressure, felt Mark gasping as he slid inside of Jack. They moved slowly until Jack was settled into Mark’s lap, Mark’s hands firm around his hips. Jack leaned his forehead against Mark’s. They breathed together.

Jack clasped his arms around Mark’s shoulders. Mark leaned into him, covered Jack’s neck and shoulders with slow kisses.

Jack moved his hips. They moaned together. He tried it again. Mark’s voice was a low rumble against his skin.

Jack braced his hands against Mark’s shoulders, covered Mark’s mouth with his own, and started to move. They breathed deeply between kisses. Jack felt Mark’s hands tightening around his hips, guiding his movement. He loved the way Mark’s hands dug into his skin, pulling him closer. He moved more insistently, watched Mark’s head tilting backwards, pressed his lips against Mark’s throat.

_“Ohh-”_

Jack leaned into the vibration, let Mark pull at his hips more aggressively.

_“Ahh- Mark-”_

Mark moaned at the sound of his own name. He reached between them to wrap his fingers around Jack, stroking firmly. Jack throbbed, rocking against Mark again and again. Mark worked at Jack, his lips hard on Jack’s collarbone. He loved every moan and whimper that escaped from Jack’s throat. He pulled back and found Jack’s eyes.

_“Hold onto me.”_

Jack wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulders, pressed the bridge of his nose against Mark’s neck. He moaned against Mark’s skin as Mark grasped him more tightly, felt his body tensing in response-

_“Sean-”_

Jack gripped Mark tightly as he came, rocking his hips as his body shook-

Mark’s arms were around him, Mark’s fingers were painful against his back, Mark’s breath was hot against his skin-

And Mark came inside of him, stars exploding behind his eyelids. They shook together, lips parted, arms tangled, skin on fire. They held each other, heaving chests settling into quieter sighs. Mark kissed gently along Jack’s cheek until he found his lips. He explored them slowly, carefully, brushing his fingers softly across Jack’s lower back. Jack shivered.

_“Mark.”_

_“Mm.”_

_“I’m sorry. Fer everything.”_

Mark shook his head.

_“It’s ok to be scared. I’ll take care of you.”_

_“Superhero Mark. Think of all the people we can save.”_

_“You’ve done that already. You’re allowed to be happy, too. Let me save you, now.”_

 

* * *

 

 

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Rickster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rickster/pseuds/Rickster)! 

 


	32. Chapter 32

Mark wished desperately to take his time with Jack, and he was trying to summon the strength to push the desire aside. He knew Jack would feel better as soon as he spent some time focusing on YouTube. Mark just needed to…

_“Uhhmm. Sean.”_

Jack’s lips were moving along the back of Mark’s neck, his fingers smoothing at Mark’s wet hair as warm water poured over both of them.

_“Mmm.”_

_“I’m not complaining, but I don’t think I’ll ever get out of this shower if you keep doing that.”_

_“Good. Stay right where yeh are.”_

Mark laughed softly. He pulled back and held Jack’s face in his hands.

_“You know I want to. But we have work to do. You’ll feel better. And I’ll be right here when you’re done.”_

Jack nodded. He knew Mark was right. He knew Mark would much rather spend all day in the bedroom, and that he was trying to hurry them along for Jack’s benefit.

_“I hear yeh, love. I’ll follow yer lead.”_

He pressed his lips against Mark’s cheek.

Mark sighed, tightened his grip around Jack’s waist. _“Mmm. Ok. Let’s go. Before I change my mind.”_

They turned off the shower, dried each other off, and dressed. Jack found a navy blue t-shirt and gray sweatpants for Mark. Mark dressed Jack in a maroon shirt and black sweatpants. His fingers lingered around Jack’s waistband, tangled in the drawstring.

“I like you in red. Bright colors, for some reason. Helps you stand out, like you should.”

Jack blushed. After everything they’d been through, Jack still felt flickers of flustered embarrassment when Mark talked about his appearance. It was partially due to his own conflicted feelings about the way he looked, and partially because he was still getting used to this sincere, affectionate tone from Mark.

Mark wasn’t used to it either. His first impulse was usually to make jokes when things turned serious. And he did love being silly with Jack. But there were moments – more and more, as the days went by – when he felt something so new or so important, he couldn’t stand the idea of Jack not knowing, couldn’t let it pass without at least trying to explain.

Mark had pushed the hem of Jack shirt up a couple of inches, so he could trace the crease of Jack’s hip with his thumb. “I don’t like to cover you up. But I like the idea of watching you on camera, wearing something I put on you, thinking about what’s underneath…”

He met Jack’s gaze, saw the flush in Jack’s cheeks. “Is this ok?”

Jack smiled. “Jesus, Mark, after what we just did?” He pulled Mark’s other hand up, guided his fingers onto his exposed skin. “Lord, yeh’re always so sweet. How do yeh do that? You always know what to say, and I feel like I can never find the words…”

He stepped closer to Mark, pressed his lips against the side of Mark’s face, put his fingers in Mark’s hair.

_“I’m sorry I pushed you away. It was horrible. I don’t even feel like a person anymore if yer hands aren’t on me.”_

Mark closed his eyes, leaned his head against Jack’s as he spoke.

 _“I don’t want yeh to stop. I don’t want to slow things down. I want you…”_ Jack kissed Mark’s neck. _“I want to be with you all the time. I want to be the only person you touch.”_

Mark slid his arms around Jack’s back, pressing their bodies together. He kissed Jack- behind his ear, along his jaw, under his chin. He kissed Jack’s lips. He rubbed his nose against Jack’s nose. _“And I want to make you breakfast, every day, for as long as I get to be with you. Waffles?”_

 

* * *

 

Jack had protested, but eventually given in to Mark, and agreed to get ready to record while Mark walked Chica and made breakfast. He logged into Steam to check out the games Mark had picked out for both of them to play. He was impressed; all of the games would work well for shorter episodes, so they could work quickly through the editing phase and release more content in a shorter period of time. He also got the impression that Mark had put a lot of thought into which games he had assigned to each of them. The games on Jack’s list suited his commentary style, and the games Mark had picked for himself were equally appropriate.

It occurred to Jack in that moment that Mark was _incredibly_ smart. It was a trait that he didn’t usually get credit for – in fact, Mark’s humor tended to lean toward self-deprecating, and he usually took every opportunity to downplay his own intelligence. Jack wondered if it was all part of Mark’s goofy public persona, or if he might actually be insecure about his intellect. Jack frowned. That would be unacceptable. He filed the thought away for future consideration.

He spent some time reorganizing the list of games and getting everything ready for recording. By the time he was done setting up, Mark was at the door, with a plate of waffles and a cup of coffee. There was only one chair in the room, so Mark handed Jack the mug, then sat down on the floor. Jack joined him. Mark used a fork to cut up some bites of waffle, then speared one and held it up for Jack. Jack grinned and took a bite.

“Jesus. I could get used to this.”

Mark smiled. “Don’t worry. If you do, I’ll find some other way to blow your mind.”

Jack spoke with his mouth full. “Of that, I have no doubt. Thanks, love.” He took the plate from Mark and started shoveling down the rest of the waffles.

“Thank _you._ For this morning. I keep thinking, _this is it, this is as good as it can possibly get._ And then you blow me away, all over again.” Mark paused, trying to formulate his question. “Did you think about that beforehand? Being on top like that?”

Jack thought about it while he chewed. “I knew it was an option. I may have looked into some of the things we can try.” Jack smiled, blushed. “But I didn’t plan it for that exact moment or anything, it just felt like the right way. I wanted to stay… close? Does that make sense?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah. I loved it.” Mark reached over to Jack, started playing with the fabric of his sweatpants.

Jack chewed and swallowed another bite. He was trying to finish quickly; Mark was making it almost impossible to concentrate on eating. His stomach kept swooping in response to Mark’s voice, and the things he couldn’t keep from imagining. “I have… more ideas,” he said, watching Mark’s eyes. “Fer later.”

Mark grinned, and took the hint, taking pity on Jack. They were supposed to be working. He had to keep reminding himself. “I’ll look forward to later.”

“Me too.”

Jack finished the last few bites. They both stood up. Mark took the plate and the coffee cup and set them on the desk. He pulled Jack into a hug. “You’re going to be amazing today. I’ll be right here if you need anything.”

Jack nodded. “I know. I’m ready. Thanks, Mark.” He kissed Mark’s cheek. _“Love you.”_

_“Love you, too.”_

Mark kissed Jack’s forehead, gave his waistband a tug, then left him alone, closing the door behind him. Jack took a deep breath and got to work.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and welcome to this video update!” Mark had set up his portable camera and was recording in his bathroom, a habit he’d gotten into at his last house. He wanted to do a vlog update and was looking for a more personal feel than what he could get with his gaming setup.

“First of all, I need to thank all of you for your patience and understanding. I know I’m behind in releasing content since I’ve been on vacation. It happened on short notice, and I want to sincerely apologize that I wasn’t more prepared with content for you guys.”

He paused, organizing his thoughts.

“I wasn’t planning to take a break from YouTube, and I’ll be getting back to a more regular recording schedule over the next couple of days.” Mark tried to emulate the tone Jack had used in his most recent vlog. “I want to try to explain why there have been some changes happening for me.”

He ran a hand through his hair, left it standing on end.

“Some of you have pointed out that you felt like I seemed… different… in some of my more recent videos. If you happen to be one of those people, I have to tell you that you’re not wrong. I was having some trouble. I hadn’t felt like myself in a long time. But I want to tell you sincerely- I’m fine. There’s nothing seriously wrong, and I don’t want you guys to worry about me. But, I have been making some changes in my personal life. When I’m struggling, it affects my videos, and my ability to be creative, and I know that affects all of you. I have some things I need to work on, and that has been the focus of my attention this week, so that I can be a happier, more supportive, more creative person- for myself, and also for all of you. So, I want to say thank you for giving me some time to myself. You guys are amazing.”

Mark grinned and gave the camera a thumbs up.

“That being said, I do have one more message for you guys. You have all been there for me when I’ve been through hard times in the past. I’ve tried to be there for you guys, too, even though I know I can always improve in that way. We all can. So I need to ask you a favor.”

Mark looked into the camera seriously.

“If you know that someone in your life is struggling… if you see that someone is having a hard time, or you feel like they’ve changed, and you’re wondering why… I want to encourage all of you to reserve judgment, and try to be compassionate. Criticism is hard to take, no matter who you are. As much as I try to be, I’m not immune to the negative things people say about me online. Other people who do this job are affected by it, too. Your words matter, even to someone like me, but especially to each other. You have nothing to lose from being kind, especially online. I know it can be tempting to speak your mind anonymously from the other side of a screen, but… well, the best advice I can give, is to pretend you have to say everything you type, right to the person’s face. Imagine how they would take it. Imagine how it would feel, for both of you. Make it your goal to make someone’s day today.”

He grinned at the camera. “I’m looking forward to reading more of your comments and making some videos for you today. I love you guys. You’re all amazing. Thank you all so much for watching, and as always, I will see you in the next video! Buh-bye!” He smiled, waved, stood up, flipped off the camera. He brought it back to his desk and started working on the footage right away. He finished the edit, set it to render, and took a break to grab a drink from the kitchen.

Jack’s voice and laughter encircled him as soon as he stepped into the hallway. The urge to go to Jack was almost irresistible. He battled the impulse for a moment, enjoying Jack’s animated happiness from a distance, before finally making his was downstairs. He knew he couldn’t disturb Jack. Not yet, at least. He resolved to finish at least one more edit before reaching out. He took Chica for another short walk, noticing that several packages had been delivered to his front door, including the packing supplies he had ordered, as well some boxes of varying sizes that he assumed were the components of the computer Jack was planning to build.

Mark was happy to see that the vlog was ready for release when he returned, and he got started on his first gameplay recording. He was pleased enough with the footage once he finished recording and started reviewing it, but he could tell that he had been… distracted. Restless. _Shit. Need to focus._ He put some work into editing, set the video to render. He checked the clock. It was mid-afternoon; he and Jack had already been working for several hours. He decided to text Jack.

 

M: Pizza break?

 

Jack must have been editing, too. His response was quick.

 

J: you read my mind, starving!

M: Coming right up, just open your door when you’re ready!

 

Mark placed the order, got organized for his next recording, then headed downstairs to wait for the delivery guy. He brought the pizza, plates, and drinks upstairs. He was sitting in the hallway when Jack finally opened the door. He grinned up at Jack. Jack grinned back and sat down next to him.

“You sound good in there. How’s it going?”

Jack nodded. “Really good. The first game you picked out was awesome. You did an amazing job, Mark. Thanks fer this.” He shoved most of a slice of pizza into his mouth and groaned happily.

Mark chuckled. “So… I was thinking. Maybe we could play a couple rounds of Overwatch between games? Just for a few minutes? If we keep it clean we might be able to use some of the footage… could be fun.”

Jack nodded enthusiastically, swallowed the rest of the pizza. “I miss you too, love.”

Mark nodded, brushed at Jack’s hair. “I should’ve just said it. I just didn’t want to distract you too much.”

Jack grabbed another slice. “Breaks are good. So far this is the most fun I’ve ever had between recordings. And like you always say…”

Mark grinned. “There’s room for improvement.”

They finished eating, separated, and booted up the game. Mark was immediately more engaged than he’d been all day. Jack was high-energy and upbeat. They dominated several rounds easily. Mark realized that they had spent many of their recent collaborations playing on opposite sides, and that they actually made an excellent team. And he _loved_ watching Jack annihilate people. It was _incredibly_ sexy. He squirmed as Jack blew someone away at close range. He swallowed.

“Sean?”

Jack was laughing. “Yeah Mark?”

“Is it later, yet?”

Silence. Mark had the presence of mind to log out of the game and turn off his camera. He was taking off his headphones when Jack burst through the door, and Jack was kissing him hard before he’d had a chance to put them down. He felt Jack pull them out of his hands, let Jack push him backward toward the bed. Jack’s hands were already under his shirt, pushing it upward. Jack shifted his attention to Mark’s chest as soon as it was exposed, kissing and biting at his skin and his nipple, his hands inside of Mark’s sweatpants. Mark groaned happily, breathing hard as Jack finished undressing him.

Jack pushed Mark backwards onto the bed, then removed his own clothing quickly. He climbed over Mark, kissing him forcefully, his tongue deep inside Mark’s mouth. He felt Mark grabbing at his hips in response.

Jack nipped at Mark’s neck. _“Mark.”_

_“Uh huh.”_

Jack licked his lips. _“Can I… fuck you, a little bit?”_

 _“Yes.”_ No hesitation. Jack throbbed.

_“Ok. Tell me if yeh need me to stop.”_

_“No. Don’t stop.”_ He felt Mark’s fingers wrapping around his cock. He moaned against Mark’s shoulder, his teeth buried in the skin. He let Mark stroke at him for a minute before he pulled away and stood up from the bed. He kept his eyes on Mark as he went to the night stand, rolled on a condom, tossed the small bottle onto the bed.

 _“Sit up.”_ Jack’s voice was low and hard. Mark obeyed. Jack crawled on hands and knees until he was in front of Mark. He kneeled, kissed Mark’s mouth, bit down and pulled at Mark’s bottom lip, felt Mark’s warm breath as he sighed.

He looked in Mark’s eyes. _“Remember the first time you got on yer knees fer me?”_ Mark bit his lip, recalling in vivid detail. He kissed Jack, hard, then flipped over onto his hands and knees. Jack leaned against him, bending over his back to kiss at Mark’s neck and shoulders. He reached in front of Mark to stroke at his cock. He felt the line of Mark’s body change as Mark arched his back, moaning softly as Jack touched him.

Jack straightened up for a moment, lubricating two fingers before sliding them, carefully, inside of Mark. Mark tensed and gasped in response.

Jack pressed firm kisses along Mark’s hip and lower back, then bent over Mark again. He wrapped his free arm around Mark’s chest and kissed the back of his neck. He grinned as Mark started to move against his fingers. He pressed his hips against Mark and his own hand, grinding slowly. Mark’s moans were low and lovely.

Jack stayed close to Mark, monitoring for signs of discomfort. But Mark was enthusiastically engaged in what they were doing. Jack throbbed again and again with anticipation. He shuddered with relief when Mark finally breathed, _“Ready.”_ He kissed Mark’s ear, straightened up, poured lubricant onto himself and Mark.

He lined himself up and grasped firmly at Mark’s hip. He closed his eyes. He slid himself inside.

He was used to taking his time, adjusting slowly. He gasped when he felt Mark press backwards against him, moaned loudly as he found himself _all the way_ inside, surrounded by crushing resistance.

 _“Jesus. Oh, God.”_ Mark was moaning, too. Jack had no time to catch his breath. Mark was already moving.

_“Oh, fuck, Mark-”_

_“Move, Sean-”_

Jack thrusted. Twice. Three times. Mark groaned, moving against him. The rhythm was awkward at first, as Jack searched for a natural position. He wondered momentarily if this approach had been a mistake- he missed looking into Mark’s eyes, seeing all of his responses… but Mark was moaning and tensing beneath him, seemed lost in the sensation.

Jack craved more contact, so he bent over Mark, resting some of his weight on Mark’s back. He wrapped one arm around Mark’s chest, held him tightly, and thrusted. _“Oh, fuck.”_ That felt good. He tried it again, waited for Mark’s response.

_“Fuck. Sean. Don’t stop-”_

_“Oh, Jesus-”_

Jack complied. They moved together, settling easily into a regular rhythm in this new position. Jack reached in front of Mark with his still-slick fingers and stroked at Mark’s cock. Mark’s body vibrated with pleasure. He moaned and whimpered continuously while Jack thrusted, kissed at his neck, groaned against his skin.

_“Fuck. Sean. Sean?”_

_“Mm. Yeah? What?”_

_“Come on. Stop holding back.”_

Mark was right. Jack had been restraining himself, and it had been incredibly difficult. The impulse to _thrust_ was completely overwhelming. Jack straightened up slightly, bracing one arm against Mark’s shoulder, and finally, aggressively, _fucked_ Mark.

The energy was incredible. Jack knew he would be lost in a moment. He couldn’t last like this.

_“Mark-”_

_“AHH-”_ Mark released with a groan, his body arching away from Jack. They were both startled by the force of Mark’s orgasm. Jack pulled out. Mark panted, breathed, recovered quickly. He turned his body, kneeled in front of Jack, pushed Jack _hard_ onto his back. He pulled off the condom, bent over, and took Jack into his mouth, sucking aggressively for a moment. Then he wrapped his fingers around Jack’s cock instead and moved up his body, kissing Jack’s mouth as he stroked hard and fast. Jack moaned deeply against his lips, his body hard with building tension. Mark moved to Jack’s neck, giving Jack room to vocalize. He was rewarded with a series of moans and whimpers.

Mark sucked on Jack’s neck. He stroked again and again. He bit into Jack’s skin. Jack thrusted, tensed, and released with a gasp.

_“Oh- FUCKING hell…”_

Mark grinned, pressed a gentler kiss against Jack’s neck. He searched Jack’s face, watching him blinking and breathing as he came down from the high, looking slightly stunned. _Fuck, he’s gorgeous._

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous, Sean.”

“Mark. Jesus. I didn’t hurt yeh, did I? Fuck, I totally lost it.”

Mark smiled, kissed Jack’s lips. “It did hurt. But it was so worth it. Jesus. You were amazing. I have never felt anything like that.” He smoothed Jack’s hair. “Are _you_ ok? I feel like I stole all of your energy away.”

Jack giggled. “Hmm. Maybe a little. I feel… light. Floaty. But _so_ good. Happy.” He ran his fingers along Mark’s collarbone. “You read my mind. I missed you. I was so excited when you flipped and pushed me down. It was perfect.”

Mark nodded. “I missed you too. I was nervous about it. But I really wanted to try it. And _you_ were perfect. You’re always perfect.”

Jack was grinning. “Mark.”

“Sean?”

“Mark!”

Now Jack was laughing. Mark chuckled. “Are you alright?”

Jack nodded enthusiastically. “It’s working. _We_ are working. It’s actually happening. Jesus. Mark. Are you as happy as I am? D’you feel it?”

Mark laughed, Jack’s excitement washing over him. He nodded. “I do.” He kissed Jack sweetly, for a long time.

“Sean. Don’t take this the wrong way…”

Jack nodded. “I know. We need to go record. Right now. It’s the perfect time.”

“Do you always know exactly what I’m thinking?”

“I’m getting pretty good at guessing.” Jack let Mark pull him up from the bed and lead him to the bathroom. Mark ran hot water in the sink and cleaned Jack’s skin carefully with a soft towel. They checked their reflections in the mirror, found smiling faces and flushed cheeks. Jack’s hair was short enough that it had remained largely intact, but Mark’s was wild, shocking red sticking up in all directions. Jack tried to smooth it. Mark grinned and pulled Jack’s hands down. “Leave it. I love it.”

Jack nodded. “I don’t think yeh’ve ever looked sexier in yer life. And believe me, that’s saying something.”

They dressed each other again, and Mark went to check on his setup while Jack brushed his teeth. He noticed his mistake immediately – he had left his microphone on the whole time. Luckily he’d logged out of the game they’d been playing, but all of the audio in the room from the last half hour or so had been recorded. He stopped the recording now and examined the visual playback. He giggled.

“What’s so funny?” Jack had emerged from the bathroom.

“Come here.”

Jack stepped close to Mark and looked at the screen. Mark pointed to a sharp spike in the audio display. “I’m pretty sure that’s you. When you came.” He scrolled backwards. “And that’s me!”

“Shit!” Jack was giggling. “Play it, see if yeh’re right.”

Mark pressed play a few seconds before the first spike. He heard his own voice groaning loudly… he covered his face with his hands. “Oh my God, so embarrassing.”

The recording kept playing. Mark heard Jack’s voice now, gasping and moaning… Jack dissolved into giggles next to him. “That. Is. _Awesome._ ” He pulled Mark’s hands away from his face and kissed his cheek. Mark pressed pause on the audio.

Jack took control of the mouse and examined the audio display, scrolling back and forth. “Mark. It’s kind of beautiful.” He brushed his fingers over the curves and spikes on the screen. “D’you see it?”

Mark nodded, looking at Jack. “I do.”

They finally separated to get back to work. It felt right. They were both coasting on high energy, both excited to record.

They spent the rest of the afternoon working on two more videos each. Mark couldn’t stop grinning as he reviewed his own footage. The transformation was unmistakable. He was pretty sure he’d never been funnier, happier, or more engaged. He texted Jack to see if he wanted to review his edits before he uploaded. Jack had had a similar thought. They skimmed through the highlights together, and Mark was similarly impressed with Jack’s footage.

“Jesus, is it too obvious? D’you think people will figure it out?”

Mark shrugged. “I doubt it. I mean, I’m sure people will be like, _wow Mark’s first video sucked_ , but I doubt they’ll read too much into it.”

“Ser’sly? Yeh think they won’t read too much into it? _Your_ fans?”

Mark chuckled. “Yeah. You’re right. Maybe I just don’t care. Maybe they’ll just be happy for me.”

Jack nodded. “Ok then. Let’s do it.”

“Right. So, set your stuff to upload, and meet me downstairs. I’ll start dinner. We should eat before we start packing.”

Jack hugged Mark gratefully for a moment. “Ok, love. Be there soon.”

The rest of the night proceeded according to Mark’s plan. They finished dinner together and ate quickly, anxious to get started with the packing process. They immediately put Mark’s sheets and blankets into the wash, then started to organize and pack the rest of Mark’s things. Luckily, Mark hadn’t brought much with him to this house; many of his belongings were actually already in storage, and his furniture could be moved as it was, except for the two computer desks. He and Jack worked together to disassemble the two setups, pack the components carefully, and break down the desks to be moved.

It occurred to Mark that Jack was actually… _helpful._ Having Jack nearby made him feel _more_ productive, rather than less. Jack was careful and energetic. He knew at least as much about technology as Mark did - possibly more - and Jack was actually more tidy and organized than Mark in many ways. The relief of being able to trust and rely on another person in this way was… overwhelming. It was an effort to keep from wrestling Jack back to the bed.

They were able to finish with the essentials within a few hours. Luckily, Mark could come back at any time to finish tying up loose ends, and retrieve any belongings they hadn’t had time to pack. It was just after 10PM, and Mark was completely exhausted after a restless night and a long day. Jack retrieved Mark’s bedding from the dryer, and forced Mark to relax in his computer chair while he remade the bed. He had set aside some of their clothing for the night and the following day, and he retrieved long pajama pants for the both of them, and helped Mark get changed.

Mark was overflowing with affection for Jack by the time they got into the bed. He pulled Jack close, and Jack settled onto Mark’s chest, his head tucked under Mark’s chin.

 _“Sean.”_ Mark tried to stifle a yawn. _“Please tell me you know how much I love you. You’re my favorite person. I’m so lucky to have you here. I need you to know it.”_

Jack pressed his lips to Mark’s throat. _“I love you, Mark. I’m so happy.”_

_“Happy enough to stay with me?”_

_“For as long as you want me to.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Promise.”_

 


	33. Chapter 33

Mark woke up earlier than he needed to. He had set an alarm to vibrate and left the phone on his pillow the night before. It was currently vibrating somewhere close to the back of his head.

He found that his arm was draped around Jack’s side, cradling his chest as he slept. Mark took a moment to examine the peacefulness of Jack. He moved his face closer to the back of Jack’s head. He breathed deeply. He sighed. Somehow, waking up next to Jack always surpassed all of his expectations.

He removed his arm as carefully as he could and groped for his phone, silencing the buzzing alarm. Jack stirred. _Oops._ He stayed still, hoping Jack would fall right back to sleep. But Jack was already turning over, blinking sleepily at Mark.

 _“Whassamatter?”_ Mark chuckled. He loved how incoherent Jack was in the early morning.

_“Nothing, babe. Sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep.”_

_“Mmf.”_ Jack shifted, crawling over Mark and laying fully on top of him, their noses practically touching. Mark laughed softly as Jack continued to blink, trying to keep his eyes open.

 _“It’s ok. Close your eyes.”_ Jack let his eyelids fall. Mark supported Jack’s chin with both hands, and kissed his lips. He felt Jack smiling, kissing him sweetly.

_“Mmm. Mark?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“Can we stay like this fer a while? Do we have time?”_

Mark kissed his forehead. _“We do.”_ He tilted Jack’s chin up and kissed him again. Slowly. Jack’s lips were soft and warm against his own.

Mark kissed Jack for a long time, until he finally felt Jack’s chin starting to droop against his hands. He smiled and placed Jack’s head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around Jack and rolled them both, so that Jack was on his back, and Mark was hovering over him.

 _“Mm- I’m awake.”_ Jack didn’t even open his eyes.

Mark smoothed Jack’s hair and kissed the side of his face.

 _“Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you up in a little while.”_ He was already dreaming.

Mark moved carefully out of the bed. He started to pull on a pair of sweatpants and stopped mid-action. _Ugh._ His body _hurt. Why…? Oh…_ He flashed back to the previous afternoon. He felt his face flush as the images replayed in his mind. He felt… confused? _Why?_

It occurred to him that he had spent about twenty-six-and-a-half years believing he would _never_ allow someone to do what Jack had done to him.

He frowned. That wasn’t right. Jack hadn’t done anything _to_ him. They had done it together. Mark had wanted it just as much… right? So why were those the words that had come to his mind?

He finished dressing and stretched, trying to ease some of the discomfort. Tension in his shoulders, stiffness in his hips, a dull, burning sensation… _Ouch…_ and now, anxiousness, twisting in his stomach. _Shit._ He’d thought he’d gotten over it, the whole, _this isn’t right because I’m not gay_ , thing. Jack made it so easy to forget that there was some past version of himself, way back in his timeline, that would have been disgusted by the things they’d done together. The thought made him feel sick with shame, but it was the truth. It hit him suddenly that he was probably feeling exactly what Jack had felt two nights ago - the unsettling discomfort that came, inevitably, unbidden, with such a massive shift in identity.

He walked back over to the bed, and sat down beside Jack. He reached for Jack’s hand and held onto it lightly. Jack stirred, opened his eyes for a moment to look at Mark, then closed them again. He smiled sleepily. _“I was dreaming about you. This is better.”_

That was all it took. The uncomfortable emotions faded away, until the only thing Mark could feel was his affection for Jack. He thought back, again, to the time they’d spent in bed the day before. He felt a nervous flutter. He focused on the way Jack’s body had felt, pressed against his back. He focused on the feeling of Jack’s lips on his neck. Jack’s hands. Jack’s beautiful face. He had wanted it. He had loved it. It was all ok.

Mark smiled. He loved Jack. He loved every single thing about him. And he knew Jack had been right. Things were working out. _They_ were working out.

He forced himself away from Jack and out of the bedroom. He went to find Chica, and took her out for a quick walk. The sun was barely coming up, but it was already hot outside. Mark wondered how long it would take Jack to get used to the weather. He made a mental note to help Jack inventory his clothes, and help him find new ones if necessary. He tried to remember if he had ever seen Jack wear shorts out in public before. He loved the way Jack looked in jeans and sweatshirts, but he knew Jack would eventually die of heat stroke if he kept up with that wardrobe.

He set up his laptop in the kitchen as soon as he got back to the house. He would normally have used his desktop for this task, but all of his other technology was already packed for the move. He forced himself to enter the world of social media and set to work. His project took about a half hour, and he spent another forty-five minutes making breakfast: pancakes, eggs, bacon, fresh coffee. He was grateful that he’d had the presence of mind to leave some kitchen essentials unpacked, but made another mental note to bring them along soon, or buy replacements, so he could cook in the new house.

_So I can make breakfast for Jack. In our house._

Mark checked the time. It was still a little early for Jack, but he figured they could both use some extra time to get ready before heading down to Irvine. He hadn’t heard any signs of movement from upstairs, so he tried to figure out how to bring everything up to Jack. He put all of the pancakes on one plate, and the eggs and bacon on another, and wrapped both plates in foil with utensils inside. He put the coffee in a travel mug. He stacked the two plates onto the laptop, balancing the whole stack on one arm, and carried the coffee with his other hand. _“Chica. Stahp. I’m gonna trip.”_ She was dancing around him as he headed toward the stairs.

He was happy to see that he’d left the bedroom door ajar when he’d gotten up earlier. _Thanks, Past Me._ He nudged the door open with one foot, walked carefully to the night stand, put down the food and coffee, and examined Jack. He was out cold, his body splayed diagonally across the bed. It looked like he had tried to move closer to Mark’s side of the bed and ended up with his head on Mark’s pillow, with one foot hanging off the other side.

He was so lovely. Mark could’ve watched him all day. Instead, Mark climbed into the bed, sitting up against the headboard. He smoothed at Jack’s hair, waking him gently. Jack opened his eyes, smiled, put his head in Mark’s lap, and closed his eyes again. Mark laughed softly. _Making progress._ He ruffled Jack’s hair. _“Sean. Bacon. Coffee.”_

_“Prove it.”_

Mark chuckled. He wasn’t sure if Jack even knew what he was saying. He reached over to one of the plates, moved the foil aside, and grabbed a piece of bacon. He broke it in half, ate one half himself, and held the other half near Jack’s face. Jack started to perk up. He let Mark feed him the bacon, chewed, and swallowed. He smiled.

_“Yeh need to stop doing nice things fer me. I’ll never catch up.”_

_“Don’t boss me around, McLoughlin. You’ll just have to get used to it.”_

Jack opened his blue eyes. Mark bent over and kissed him gently. “Ok. Time to sit up, before it gets cold.”

Jack managed to pull himself up to sit beside Mark. Mark handed him the travel mug, and he sipped at the coffee gratefully. Mark put the plates onto the bed and encouraged Jack to eat, which he did happily. Mark leaned his shoulder against Jack’s, enjoying the light pressure and the warmth of Jack’s skin pressed against his arm. He felt better and better, the longer he spent by Jack’s side.

When Jack was done, Mark put the plates back on the night stand and grabbed his laptop.

“So,” he said. “Today is going to be a great day.”

“Hmm. I dunno. Those pancakes were pretty amazing. Not sure it gets better than that.”

Mark shrugged. “Every now and then I get something right.”

Jack made a face. “I can’t tell if yeh’re joking or not, but I wish yeh wouldn’t. Yeh’re incredible, Mark. Yeh know that, right?”

Mark was surprised by Jack’s tone, and touched by Jack’s sincerity. He smiled. “Thanks, Sean. _You’re_ incredible. Can I show you something before we get up?”

“Sure, anything.”

Mark opened the laptop, clicked into the edit he’d made, and handed it to Jack. “Just scroll through.”

Jack started reading. Mark had taken screenshots of Jack’s social media comments and edited them together into a continuous stream. Jack teared up as he took in what he was seeing.

 

_Jack, please take care of yourself, we need you!_

_If ANYONE deserves some time off, it’s you! We will be here when you get back!_

_hey Jack just wanted to say your last couple videos were AMAZING you seem so happy!!!_

_those videos made me laugh so hard_

_i honestly dont think u have ever been funnier u should never leave CA_

_Hey Jack I hope you get to spend some time with Mark in California, you guys both seem really happy in your videos lately, love both of you so much_

The list of comments seemed endless. Jack eventually gave up on reading them all. He shut the laptop, wiped at his eyes, and then climbed over Mark, settling into his lap. He wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulders and hugged him tightly.

_“See? So many people love you so much. And no one loves you more than I do.”_

Jack nodded, his face in Mark’s hair. _“Love you too, Mark. Thank you.”_

They took a quick shower, both of them wishing they could make it last longer. Mark brushed his teeth thoroughly while Jack searched for some of his bathroom supplies; he hadn’t bothered to unpack much, since they’d be moving to the new house later in the afternoon anyway. He eventually returned to the bathroom with his razor and shaving cream, and offered them to Mark.

Mark rinsed his mouth, then smiled. “You sure you want to risk it?”

Jack nodded. “Please? I like it better when you do it.”

Mark felt a little swoop in his midsection. He had _loved_ shaving Jack’s face. It was incredibly intimate, but also… innocent. It was exactly what he needed right then.

“I’ll do it anytime you want.”

“Every time, then?”

Mark grinned. “Yeah. I love it.”

He worked more slowly than he really needed to. He loved this excuse to stay close to Jack, to examine his face, to move his fingers slowly over Jack’s skin. He loved the way Jack held onto his waist lightly while he worked. He checked over his handiwork, then washed Jack’s face with warm water. He rubbed his nose against Jack’s smooth skin. Jack had picked up on Mark’s mood, and he kissed Mark so softly, their lips barely touched. Mark sighed happily, then released Jack so they could both get dressed.

Jack brought Mark the clothes he had picked out for him: a short-sleeve button-up and navy blue shorts. The shirt was light gray, almost white. Jack let Mark put on the shorts, then helped him pull on the shirt. Jack buttoned it slowly, starting from the bottom, stealing gazes at Mark’s eyes while he worked. He stepped back to take in the full effect, then led Mark to the bathroom to look in the mirror.

“I won’t be offended if yeh don’t like it.”

Mark shook his head. “No, I do. I really do. I don’t think I’ve ever actually worn these two things at the same time. I really like it, though.” Mark grinned.

Jack nodded. “It was fun going through yer clothes while we were packing. I mean, I don’t want to change how yeh dress, or anything.”

Mark looked at Jack. “Change is good. I like the way you see me.” He kissed Jack’s lips. “Your turn.”

They returned to the stack of clothes that Jack had left on top of his suitcase. He pulled on black pants – fitted, but not skin-tight – and a light blue collared shirt. Mark had never seen these clothes before, and he couldn’t help thinking the style was… off.

Jack noticed his expression. “I know. I don’t know what to wear. I just don’t want to look like a twelve-year old. I don’t know how to be professional. Oh, Jesus.”

Mark chuckled. “Sean, I’m pretty sure they know they hired Jacksepticeye, and they’re probably looking for authenticity. You should be yourself! Here-” He knelt down on the floor and started rummaging through Jack’s suitcase. He pulled out some clothes, then turned to Jack and waved him closer. He reached up from his kneeling position to undo the button on Jack’s pants, kissed the waistband of his boxers, and stood up while Jack undressed. He handed Jack dark blue denim – very fitted, with cuffs on the bottom – and a plain black V-neck t-shirt. Jack looked skeptical, but he pulled them on anyway, and they headed back to the bathroom mirror.

Mark stood behind Jack, holding him lightly at the waist, his thumbs hooked into Jack’s belt loops. Jack grinned. It was a vast improvement.

“Ooh. Yes. There’s the smile.” Mark kept his eyes on Jack’s reflection in the mirror, kissed his neck. Jack’s smiled widened until it took up most of his face. He giggled.

“Thanks, love.”

“Feel better?”

“I do. But I can’t really tell if it’s the clothes, or if it’s you.”

“It’s neither. It’s _you._ You’re perfect.”

Mark turned Jack to face him, then lifted him up until he was seated on the counter. Mark leaned against Jack and kissed him slowly. He felt Jack’s legs and arms wrapping around him.

_“Mmm. Mark. Pause.”_

Mark pulled back, smiled.

“Time to go?”

Jack nodded. “But I have good news.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Our new bathroom has a counter just like this one. We can do this anytime we want.”

 

* * *

 

Jack sang in the car the whole way down to Irvine, scrolling through songs from his own media library on his phone. Mark joined in periodically, but he mostly just listened to Jack. Jack’s taste in music ranged eclectically from classic rock, to hardcore punk, to pop, to movie soundtracks, to types and styles that Mark had never heard of before. It was one of the things Mark loved most about him; while Mark had always had trouble setting aside time to explore personal interests that were separate from his job, Jack was incredibly well-rounded. He could quote most books, movies, and songs that Mark had ever heard of, and many more that he hadn’t. Every now and then, Mark would have a moment of clarity, discovering some truth about Jack he hadn’t fully seen before. This was one of those times. He noticed right away that something had changed since the time they had sung together in the car in Ireland. He turned the volume down.

“Sean.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Dude.”

Jack giggled. “What?”

“You can actually sing.”

Jack stared at him. “Mark, yeh goober, yeh’ve probably heard me sing every day since we’ve been together. I’ve been making a fool of myself singing online fer years. It’s not a secret.”

Mark shook his head. “No. I mean you can _actually_ sing. Like, _really_ well. I can tell.”

Jack was blushing. “It depends what you mean by ‘really well.’”

“Sean, I love you, but that is such bullshit. You’re incredible. But you usually… cover it up. Why?”

Jack thought about it. “I can’t do it in front of other people, or on camera. I get too embarrassed, or… I feel like it’s not going to be good, so I shouldn’t take it too seriously. I just try to make a joke of it, make it funny so people will laugh. That kind of thing. The last thing I need is people online commenting, _oh, Jack thinks he’s so good at singing, look at him try, but he actually sucks._ I never really thought I was actively hiding something but… yeah, yeh’re right.”

“So, easier to make a joke out of it, so people have one less thing to pick apart?”

Jack nodded. “That sounds right.”

“But you were singing for me. I heard you.”

Jack blushed again. “I honestly wasn’t really thinking about it. It just came out that way.”

“Sean. You’re good at so many things… I can see why it would be impossible to focus on all of them.” Jack had the urge to hide his face. He forced himself to keep his chin up. “But that is, like, a gift. You can’t let it go. Will you practice with me?”

Jack grinned, nodded eagerly. “I will.” He tried to think of something else to say, some way to let Mark know how much this conversation had meant to him. He failed. He reached over to play with the hem of Mark’s shirt.

“Ok. Let’s start now!”

“Sure.” Jack scrolled to a song they both knew. Mark turned the volume back up. They sang together.

 

* * *

 

Mark dropped Jack off in the parking lot at Blizzard Entertainment. He had never actually seen it in person before, and he was impressed. The building was massive, and looked brand new. Jack had told him some of the details he already knew about the inner workings of the company, but he was excited to hear more about it when he saw Jack later on.

Mark was insanely proud of Jack. He was energetic, but composed. He held Mark’s hand for a minute before he grabbed his backpack, jumped out of the car, and made his way inside.

Mark wasn’t sure how much time he would have. He knew it would be at least a couple of hours, but not enough time to head back to his house to accomplish anything productive. He didn’t love the idea of venturing out in public, but he had brought along his hat and sunglasses anyway. He had a list of things he wanted to pick up for Jack and for the new house, so he decided to do some shopping.

He managed to make it through the trip without being approached by anyone, which was a massive relief. He still hadn’t heard from Jack by the time he was done, so he found a café where he could grab a drink and put some time into social media on his laptop. He spent another hour in relative solitude before Jack finally texted him.

 

J: JESUS MARK IT IS SO FUCKING COOL

M: Ha! Amazing!

J: COME GET ME RIGHT NOW

M: Hungry?

J: YES BRING SNACKS

M: On my way!

J: HURRY UP I MISS YOU

 

Mark chuckled. Jack didn’t usually text in all caps, so Mark knew he must be really excited. He didn’t bother asking what Jack wanted; he had already developed a decent sense of what Jack liked to eat, and he wanted to be quick. He went to the counter, ordered assorted food and drink options, and jumped back into the car. He was pulling into the Blizzard parking lot within ten minutes. He saw Jack right away, practically hopping up and down on the sidewalk. He didn’t wait. He jumped out of the car and headed towards Jack at a jog. Jack spotted him, sprinted in his direction, and dove into his arms, laughing.

Mark grinned and squeezed him tightly. “Hey! I’m guessing things went ok in there?”

“Fucking hell, Mark, it was AMAZING.” Jack was still clinging tightly to Mark. Mark was vaguely aware that they were completely out in the open, but the thought barely registered. His mind was full of Jack; there was no room for anything else.

Jack seemed to realize it, though. He loosened his grip, stepped back from Mark, and let his arms fall awkwardly to his sides. “Uhm. Mark? Can we get in the car so I can hold yer hand?”

Mark looked around. They were a good distance from the building, and he didn’t see anyone else in the parking lot. He moved beside Jack and took his hand discretely, walking them both back to the car. Jack knew they should probably be more cautious. He was too happy to care.

They jumped into the car, and Mark directed Jack to the food he’d brought along. Jack ate gratefully while Mark started driving them back to the house. Jack’s meeting had run a bit longer than expected; they would have just enough time to get organized before the movers arrived.

“So did you figure out what you’ll be working on?”

Jack nodded, his mouth still full. He passed a bite of sandwich to Mark and swallowed. “Yep, the first couple of things, at least. DLC and patches fer Overwatch. And they’re starting to look at concepts fer new titles, so I will be in some of those meetings as well. Fuck, it was _awesome_. Everyone was so cool. I really, really loved it.”

It was a massive weight off Mark’s shoulders to know that Jack would actually enjoy this job. He had trusted Jack’s decision, but had still wondered whether it was actually the right choice for Jack’s career. He was internally frolicking with relief, but he tried to play it cool.

“So awesome! What’s the schedule going to be like?”

“I’m just going to do one day a week fer now. I told them I’m working on getting my license and living situation figured out, so we can revisit the commitment in a few weeks. Honestly, they were so accommodating, I think I can pretty much set my own terms. I might even be able to do shorter videos on the days I work, if I plan it well enough.”

“Sounds amazing, Sean.” Mark reached over to rest his hand on the back of Jack’s neck. “I’m _so_ happy for you.”

Jack grinned. “I’m happy, too.”

 

* * *

 

They managed to make it back in time to tie up loose ends and meet the movers, and they were relieved to find that the rest of Jack’s belongings had finally been delivered to Mark’s house. The moving process was surprisingly painless; they did very little other than supervise, and there wasn’t much to be moved anyway. They were on their way to the new house within a couple of hours, Chica panting happily in the backseat, and the movers were finished by dinnertime. The property manager had met them at the house with keys and paperwork. He seemed friendly and non-intrusive, and made himself scarce after a brief conversation. Mark and Jack hadn’t done much heavy lifting, but they were hot and tired from running around by the time they finally shut and locked the front door. _Their_ front door.

Mark tossed the keys to Jack. “Welcome home!”

Jack tossed them back. “You too, love.” He looked Mark over. He was grinning, red-faced, and sweaty, his brown eyes locked on Jack’s. Jack grinned back. “Shower?”

Mark shook his head. “Nope.” He approached Jack, put his hands on Jack’s waist. He kissed Jack’s lips, felt Jack kissing him back enthusiastically. He picked Jack up, felt Jack’s legs wrapping around him. Jack kissed at his neck while he walked them both through the house, to the back door, and out to the backyard.

 _“Mark-_ ”

“Shhh.”

“MARK-”

Jack had just figured out Mark’s game plan, and it was way too late. He squirmed in Mark’s arms, laughing. “MARK- SER’SLY-”

Mark wrestled with him until he was holding him horizontally, his arms around Jack’s back and under Jack’s legs. He grinned down at Jack. “Hold your breath!”

He tossed Jack in the pool.

Jack came to the surface a second later. “FUCK, FISCHBACH, I STILL HAVE MY SHOES ON!”

Mark was laughing hysterically. “And you look fucking _sexy_ , all soaking wet with your clothes on.”

“Come down here and say that to my face.” Jack was grinning.

“You got it.” Mark stripped down to his boxers and jumped in. He came up laughing, his arms around Jack. He kissed him, then helped him pull off his soaking shirt. He dove down to remove Jack’s shoes, and helped him pull off his jeans. He helped Jack spread his clothes out on the concrete to dry. He had just enough time to grin in Jack’s direction before Jack tackled him, dunking him under the water.

They wrestled for a few minutes, enjoying the cool water and the physical contact. Mark eventually gained the upper hand, pinning Jack against the wall of the pool with Jack’s legs wrapped around his waist. He teased Jack for a moment, pressing against him, his lips close to Jack’s, but not touching. Jack was smiling an open-mouthed smile.

 _“This… has been a really good day.”_ Jack’s breath was warm against Mark’s lips.

_“It’s not over yet.”_

Jack nodded. _“Room for improvement?”_

Mark nipped at his bottom lip.

_“Ooh. Better already.”_


	34. Chapter 34

Mark kept Jack pinned against the wall of the pool and kissed him thoroughly, until he felt Jack starting to grind against him. He withdrew a bit, and Jack was taken off guard by the loss of contact.

“Everything ok?”

Mark smiled, nodded. “Yeah. Let’s head upstairs.” They climbed out of the pool, and Mark took one of Jack’s hands and pulled him toward the back door.

They left a trail of wet footprints across the concrete and into the house. It was still hot outside, but the air conditioning was on full blast inside, and Jack was immediately freezing, shivering as Mark led him to the stairs.

“Jesus, I never thought I would be cold in California. Did we even find the boxes with towels and blankets yet?”

“Yeah, so, obviously I didn’t think this through.” Mark was shivering too. They were both soaked, wearing nothing but wet boxers, with no way to dry off.

“Good thing I labeled the boxes, Fischbach.”

“What would I do without you?”

They finally made it to the bedroom, and examined the several packing boxes that were strewn around the floor.

“I’ve got bedding!” Jack called out. He peeled the tape off the top of the box and pulled two large blankets out, then piled them onto the bed.

“Bathroom stuff!” Mark was already rummaging through the large box. He pulled out one huge towel and made a dive for Jack, wrapping him up in the towel and hugging him from behind.

“AH! Cold hands!” Jack pulled Mark’s hands away from his skin and rubbed at them. “C’mon, I’ll dry you off…”

He turned to face Mark, pulled off the towel, and rubbed it over Mark’s wet hair, then let it settle around Mark’s shoulders. He slipped his fingertips into the waistband of Mark’s boxers, which were still dripping water onto the carpet. “These have to come off now.”

Mark grinned, nodded. Jack pulled them off. Mark returned the favor.

“So. Shower or bed?” Jack’s voice was quiet, excited.

“Bed.” Mark pulled him toward the pile of blankets. He kissed Jack’s nose. “Lay down.” Jack was happy to follow Mark’s instructions. Mark climbed in next to Jack and pulled the blanket over both of their heads until they were completely covered.

Jack moved until he was on top of Mark, his hips settled between Mark’s legs. “Mm. _Much_ better.” He sighed happily, brushing at Mark’s damp hair. “Warming up?”

Mark nodded. He rubbed slow circles across Jack’s back, felt warmth spreading outward from the places where their bodies were pressed together. “I know we should probably start unpacking, but-”

Jack shook his head. “Absolutely not. We can get up early to set up. It’ll be quick. We make a good team.”

“I noticed that, too.”

Jack was searching Mark’s face. “Hey. Are yeh really alright? I thought you were… into it. In the pool. Did yeh slow things down on purpose, or did I imagine it?”

Mark winced. “I know. I did. I’m sorry.”

Jack shook his head. “Don’t apologize, love. Just talk to me.”

Mark thought for a moment. “I just got a little nervous today. I was…” He looked for the words. “My body _hurt_. When I first woke up. I’m starting to feel sore again. I just didn’t know what to do about it.”

“Oh. Shit. Mark, yeh need to tell me these things. Are you alright?” Jack had lifted himself off of Mark’s body, his face full of concern.

Mark nodded emphatically. “Yes. I’m fine. I Googled it. I guess it’s normal. I’m just not used to it.”

“Fuck.” Jack sat back on his knees and pulled the blanket off of both of them. Mark sat up so they were face-to-face.

Jack rubbed at his hair, agitated. “I should have known… I’m sorry… I don’t know what I’m doing-”

“Hey. Listen. Nothing’s wrong. I don’t regret it at all.”

Jack looked skeptical. “I know yeh’d try to spare my feelings – I really want yeh to tell me the truth.”

Mark picked up both of Jack’s hands, tracing patterns with his thumbs. “I am. I promise. It was _amazing_ when it was happening. You did everything right. I don’t want you to have to be careful all the time. That’s one of the best things about the fact that we’re…”

“Both dudes?” Jack offered.

Mark smiled. “Yeah. I mean, I love it when we go slow. And I also love that we don’t always have to. But… I’m still getting used to everything. All the new feelings. I don’t think I’ve ever actually _hurt_ after sex before. It feels… I don’t know… embarrassing, maybe?”

Jack nodded. “I’ve been uncomfortable, too. Physically, I mean. Just a little bit though – yeh’ve been so gentle with me. Jesus, I really railed on you yesterday.”

“I’m pretty sure I asked you to.”

Jack smiled. He chewed on his bottom lip, remembering. He finally squeezed Mark’s hands. “We just need to trust each other enough to talk about this stuff. You love me, right?”

Mark nodded. “I do.”

“And yeh’re not going to leave just because things are hard sometimes.”

“Right.”

“And _I’m_ not going to leave. No matter what. Even if things go wrong fer a bit. Even if yeh have to tell me something hard, or if yeh’re feeling sad, or if we can’t have sex fer a while, or whatever it is. I’m not going anywhere.”

Mark leaned forward and hugged Jack around the waist, pressing his face against the cool skin of Jack’s chest.

“I’m serious, Mark.” Jack wound his fingers through Mark’s damp hair. “I think we’re both afraid that it’ll all fall apart if things get bumpy. It’s not going to happen. Ok?”

Mark nodded, pressed a kiss against Jack’s chest. Jack shivered. Mark looked up.

“Cold or excited?”

“Both.” He bent down to kiss Mark, lingering for a moment. Mark’s lips were cool against his own. “You’re cold, too. I can fix this.” He shifted, stood up from the bed, pulled Mark with him. “Go grab some more towels.”

Jack made his way into the bathroom and started running hot water into the massive bathtub. Mark appeared in the doorway with a stack of towels. Jack took the pile, put it on the counter, and then pulled Mark into a hug. “Hang out with me in here? I’ll make yeh feel better. I promise.”

“Absolutely.” Mark ran his hands over Jack’s back and waist, while Jack covered his shoulders in kisses. They clung together until there was plenty of hot water in the tub. Jack kissed Mark’s neck, rubbed his nose against Mark’s scruff, then turned and stepped into the tub. He sat upright with his back against one of the far ends.

“C’mon. Facing that way.” Jack gestured to Mark, and Mark climbed into the tub, settling between Jack’s legs, with his back against Jack’s chest. He slid down until he could rest the back of his head on Jack’s shoulder. Jack rubbed gently at Mark’s neck and shoulders with both hands.

“Oh my God. Why have we never done this before?” Mark sighed happily.

Jack giggled softly. “We haven’t exactly had tons of time to relax. But I’ll be here fer you, now.”

Mark found Jack’s hands with his own. “You were right, as usual. I feel so much better.” He kissed one of Jack’s hands. “How do you feel? Relaxed yet?”

“Hmm. ‘Relaxed’ probably isn’t the right word. I’m sorry. I’m trying.” Jack pressed his lips against Mark’s neck. _“I can’t stop thinking about… Mark, will yeh let me…?”_

Mark slid Jack’s hand down between his legs, felt Jack’s fingers wrapping around him.

_“I’ll be gentle. I promise. Just tell me if-”_

_“I want you to.”_

Mark tilted his chin back, and Jack pressed slow kisses along the line of his jaw. He moved his hand in long, gentle strokes. He kept one arm wrapped firmly around Mark’s chest, felt their bodies moving together as Mark breathed deeply.

Eventually Mark started to sit up. He turned to face Jack, held onto the edge of the tub, and pressed his body against Jack’s, kissing him deeply. He felt Jack’s arms and legs wrapping around him, felt Jack’s lips moving slowly, eagerly against his own. Water splashed out of the tub and onto the floor as Mark moved his lips to Jack’s neck. Jack was radiating warmth, pulsing with restrained desire.

Mark finally wrapped his arms around Jack’s back and pulled them both into a standing position. They supported each other’s weight as they stepped out of the tub. Jack grabbed a towel and ran it over Mark’s hair, dabbing lightly at his face where he’d been splashed with water. He dried the rest of Mark’s body from shoulders to toes, forcing himself to move slowly, trying to ease Mark back into physical intimacy. He stood up and let Mark take the towel from him. Mark wrapped the towel around Jack’s back and used it to pull him close. He kissed at Jack’s neck and shoulder as he dried him off, then let the towel fall to the floor, wrapping his arms around Jack’s waist. Jack kissed the side of Mark’s face and walked Mark backwards, out of the bathroom and over to the bed. Then he wrapped his arms tightly around Mark’s shoulders.

_“Lay down fer me, love? Please?”_

Mark nodded. Jack let him go and arranged the blankets so that Mark could lay down comfortably. Mark stretched out on the bed and Jack climbed over him, straddling his waist. He bent down to kiss Mark’s lips and was relieved the feel Mark’s fingers exploring his hips.

_“I want to try something new. I think it’ll make yeh feel good, but I’ll stop if yeh don’t like it. Ok?”_

Mark nodded. _“I trust you.”_

Jack kissed him again. He took his time, exploring Mark’s lips, his fingers in Mark’s hair, until he felt Mark rocking his hips against him.

He pressed one more kiss under Mark’s chin, then moved down Mark’s body and settled between his knees. He kissed his way up Mark’s inner thigh, then kissed the head of Mark’s cock gently. Mark sighed audibly. Jack ran his tongue slowly from the base to the tip, felt Mark throbbing in response. He took the head of Mark’s cock into his mouth, and moved his tongue in slow circles while he grasped at the base with his fingers. Mark was moaning softly, playing with Jack’s hair.

Jack finally released him. He moved further down the bed, and pulled Mark’s legs over his shoulders as he stretched out onto his stomach. He held Mark’s cock with one hand.

He slowly, gently, slid his tongue over the tight skin of Mark’s opening.

He paused for a moment. Mark had gone still… but he didn’t protest. Jack tried again. He rimmed Mark slowly, moving his tongue in gentle circles. He felt Mark starting to respond, moaning quietly and pressing against Jack’s tongue. Jack stroked at Mark’s cock and licked more insistently, enjoying the lovely sounds that Mark was making.

Jack felt Mark starting to tense, and pulled back, rubbing at Mark with his thumb. He adjusted his position so he could pull Mark’s cock back into his mouth. He heard Mark’s low moan, felt Mark’s fingers gripping at his hair, gently guiding his movement. He worked at Mark with his lips in tongue, moving more insistently as Mark rocked and shifted under his touch.

_“Mm. Hey. Sean.”_

Jack slowed his pace and looked up.

_“I’m close- come up here now?”_

Jack grinned against Mark’s skin, moved his tongue in a final sweep, then released him. He moved up the bed until he and Mark were face-to-face, his body pressed against Mark’s side, his fingers firm around Mark’s cock. Mark held Jack’s face with one hand and pressed his forehead against Jack’s, his eyes closed, his lips parted. Jack’s heart squeezed at the closeness, at Mark’s sweetness.

_“Mark.”_

_“Ahh-”_

Jack picked up the pace, felt Mark tensing against him-

_“Come fer me.”_

_“Guh-”_ Mark released, hot and wet against Jack’s hand. Jack resisted the urge to kiss his parted lips. He stroked gently while Mark pulsed and sighed, until Mark’s breathing started to slow. He rubbed his nose against Mark’s nose.

_“Ok, love?”_

_“Uhm.”_ Mark swallowed, sighed. _“Perfect.”_

Jack grinned. _“Good. Stay here fer a minute, I’ll be right back.”_

Mark nodded. Jack slid out of the bed and grabbed his bathroom supplies from his suitcase. He went to the bathroom and washed his face and hands. He brushed his teeth thoroughly. He dampened a towel with warm water and walked quickly back to Mark. He bent over the bed, put his face close to Mark’s. Mark grinned.

_“I washed up. I need to kiss yeh now, ok?”_

_“Please.”_

Jack kissed him, slowly, his fingers resting against Mark’s neck. He climbed onto the bed and stretched out along Mark’s side, wiping at Mark’s skin with the warm towel.

“That does feel nice.”

“I can be sweet, too, Fischbach.”

“Oh, I know. So sweet. I wasn’t expecting that.” He traced Jack’s jaw with his thumb. “Felt amazing, Sean.”

“Not gross?”

Mark shook his head. “No. Not at all.”

“How’s the pain? Any better?”

Mark did a quick body-scan. “Huh… yeah, it does feel better.” He grinned. “How can I ever repay you?”

He rolled to face Jack, then shifted until he was straddling Jack’s waist, supporting Jack’s head with one hand.

Jack giggled. _“I have several ideas. But, Mark?”_

_“Mm?”_

_“Pizza first?”_

 


	35. Chapter 35

Mark was trying to place an order for pizza. Jack’s tongue was grazing his ear. Mark shivered.

“How much? Awesome. Yep, bye.” He hung up the phone and tackled Jack, tickling him ruthlessly up one side.

“AH! MARK! STAHP!” Jack managed to slide sideways out of Mark’s grasp. He flipped over and tackled Mark from behind, laying on top of his back with one arm around his neck. He sank his teeth into Mark’s shoulder.

Mark was laughing. “ _Fuck._ Sean.” Jack’s tongue was sliding up Mark’s neck. “Sean! Pizza, remember?”

Jack giggled. “Oh yeah. Clothes, huh?”

“Unfortunately.”

Jack loosened his grip on Mark and flopped onto the bed. Mark stood up and went over to Jack’s suitcase. He picked out a pair of maroon boxers and brought them back to Jack, who grinned, stood up, and pulled them on. Mark admired the effect, pulled at Jack’s waistband, and then started rummaging around in a bag on the floor that Jack didn’t recognize. He pulled out some clothes and handed them to Jack.

“Like you said… I won’t be offended if you don’t like them. But you need shorts and t-shirts. It’s going to be really hot this weekend.”

Jack pulled on the shirt. It was a simple short-sleeved t-shirt, but it fit perfectly, and it was a bright shade of turquoise. He examined the shorts. They were charcoal gray, and the material reminded him of sweatpants, except it felt light and comfortable. He pulled them on. He walked into the bathroom to check out his reflection, and Mark followed, pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of his own sweatpants.

“Yep. You can just dress me from now on. I look way cooler when yeh do.”

Mark grinned. “You like it?”

Jack nodded. “When did you get this stuff?”

“I picked up a few things for you and the house while you were at Blizzard.”

“I didn’t know you, like, shopped.”

Mark laughed. “I don’t usually. I mean, not for fun, or anything. But I do buy myself clothes sometimes. I figured you could use some extras.” He put one hand around Jack’s waist.

Jack turned to face him, hugged him tightly. _“Thanks, love.”_

Mark kissed his forehead, then led him out of the bathroom. Jack walked over to the bed and started folding the blankets.

“Mark, grab some pillows fer me. Like, all of them, yeah?”

“Sure. But… why?”

Jack grinned and picked up the pile of blankets. “Y’know the room at the back of the house? With the skylights?”

Mark was catching on. “Mmhm. Good idea.”

They brought the bedding downstairs and put it on the floor in the back room. It was a large living room with a high ceiling and skylights, and glass sliding doors that opened to the backyard. They didn’t have any furniture for it yet. Jack arranged the blankets and pillows and flopped onto the pile, staring up at the ceiling. It was past 9 PM, and stars were visible through the glass in the high ceiling. Mark watched Jack, a smile creeping across his face. The doorbell rang.

He sighed. “Don’t move. I’ll get it.”

He put on a baseball cap, hoping the delivery person wouldn’t look at him too closely. Luckily, it was dark outside, and the kid didn’t seem to recognize him. He locked the front door, discarded the hat, and brought the pizza back to Jack. Jack threw his arms in the air as he entered the room.

“I AM SO HUNGRY! AND SO HAPPY! BUT SO HUNGRY!”

Mark chuckled. He kneeled down in front of Jack, grabbed a slice of pizza, and handed it over. Jack folded it in half and ate most of it in a single bite.

“I know it’s probably weird, but I love watching you eat. You’re just so… enthusiastic. It’s fucking adorable.”

Jack giggled with his mouth full. He swallowed. “You just like the way I look with my mouth full.”

Mark laughed. “I’m glad you can still make dick jokes, after all of this.”

“Who would we be, without the dick jokes?”

“So true.” Mark took a bite of pizza. Jack watched him.

“I see what yeh mean.” He reached over to Mark, brushed his thumb across Mark’s lips. “Fucking adorable.”

Mark swallowed, grinned. “Watch it, McLoughlin, or I’ll throw you right back in that pool.”

“You can try. I’m pretty sure I can redirect yer attention.” Jack held Mark’s gaze and took another huge bite. They both heard Mark’s phone buzzing in his pocket.

Mark kissed Jack’s lips quickly. “Hold that thought.” He took out his phone, swiped at the screen. He sighed.

“So. I’m pretty sure Arin is going to get legitimately pissed if I don’t give him an actual update soon.”

Mark had been getting texts from Arin and Danny since Jack had released his vlog update, announcing his move to California. He had tried to stall them with vague responses, but Arin was starting to sound worried about the fact that Jack had moved to California without warning, and that both of them had gone MIA for a week.

Jack nodded. “I’ve been getting texts from Suzy, too. I feel bad, I just didn’t know what to say.”

“Sounds like they want to hang out on Friday night… what do you think?”

Jack thought about it. “I’d like to tell Suzy what’s going on. I know she’ll be cool with it. And I think the rest of the guys will be able to deal with it, but-”

“Yeah, they’re going to fucking torture us.”

Jack nodded. “Yep. Which is fine. But d’you think they’ll be able to keep it a secret?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe we should give Suzy a call tomorrow? We could tell her first and see what she thinks.”

“Hm. Yeah. Good idea.”

“I think we should hang out with everyone on Friday, regardless. It’ll be good to see friends, even if we don’t want to tell them everything right away.”

“Sure. Sounds good.”

Jack took out his own phone and sent Suzy a message.

 

J: hey suz, i’ll call tomorrow and fill you in :)

 

She responded right away.

 

S: FINALLY!

 

Mark texted Arin back to let him know that he and Jack would both be free to hang out on Friday night.

 

A: It’s about Goddamn time! Glad you’re alive! Come to our place around 7

M: See you then asshole

A: Can’t wait dickbag

 

Mark silenced the phone and put it away. “Ok. I’m all yours.”

Jack moved toward him and climbed into his lap, with his legs wrapped around Mark’s hips and his arms around Mark’s shoulders. He felt Mark’s fingers pressing into his lower back.

_“All mine?”_

Mark nodded.

_“Prove it.”_

Mark grinned. He knew Jack was teasing, but he loved the edge in his voice. He pulled Jack’s body closer, slipped one hand under his shirt, and kissed him. He took his time, lingering on Jack’s bottom lip. Then he pushed at Jack’s chin with his nose and kissed Jack’s throat, nipping at the sensitive skin. He felt the vibration of a faint moan. He pulled back to look at Jack.

_“What do you want, babe?”_

Jack was playing with Mark’s hair. _“I want yeh to fuck me. Hard. I mean, not right this second, but eventually. When yeh’re up fer it. Will yeh try it with me?”_

Mark slid his other hand under Jack’s shirt, tightened his arms around Jack. _“I want to.”_ He kissed Jack’s neck slowly. _“I really want to. I just don’t want to hurt you.”_

_“It’s worse, watching yeh go through it by yerself. We should go through it together. I can take it. I’m not scared.”_

Mark nodded. _“Ok. Soon. I promise.”_

Jack bit his lower lip, and Mark kissed the side of his face. Mark lifted Jack’s arms over his head and held them there for a moment, then pulled Jack’s shirt up and off. He kissed his way down Jack’s neck to the center of his chest, grazing Jack’s warm skin with his tongue. Jack sighed and leaned into him.

Mark held Jack firmly and pulled them both into a kneeling position, then laid Jack down onto the pillows and blankets. He hovered over Jack, taking in his blue eyes, his breathless expression. He watched Jack reach up, felt Jack’s fingers in his hair…

Jack grasped firmly at Mark’s hair and pulled his head back. He grazed Mark’s chin with his teeth and tongue. The gesture had the desired effect. Mark pushed Jack back down, grabbed both of his wrists, and pinned his arms over his head. He nipped at Jack’s open mouth, then sucked _hard_ on Jack’s shoulder. He felt Jack’s legs wrapping around his waist, and thrusted against him while he bit at Jack’s skin. Jack let out a moan that was stifled by Mark’s weight on his chest. Mark grinned and pulled up to look in Jack’s eyes. He ran his hands down Jack’s arms, slowly, and then sat back on his knees. Jack tried to sit up, and Mark stopped him, pushing him down with one hand.

_“Stay on your back.”_

_“Make me.”_

Jack tried to sit up again. Mark used both of his hands to push him back down, one thumb firm at Jack’s throat. He _pressed_ his thumb, slowly, and Jack smiled in response. _Fuck._ He put his whole hand around Jack’s throat and rocked his hips. Jack grinned.

_“Fuck. Sean. You’re so fucking sexy.”_

Jack didn’t, or _couldn’t_ , answer. He just rocked his hips against Mark in response.

Mark released his grip slowly and sat back on his knees again. He reached between Jack’s thighs, wrapping his arms underneath Jack’s hips to lift him up slightly, and pulled his shorts and boxers down. He bent and shifted Jack’s legs to remove them, and tossed them aside. Then he put his arms under Jack’s thighs again, grasping his hips from underneath, and pulled Jack’s whole body toward him. Jack groaned excitedly.

_“Fuck. Mark. Yer so strong.”_

Mark bent over and covered Jack’s mouth with a hard kiss. Then he sat up and slid backward until he was on his stomach. He kept his left arm wrapped around Jack’s right leg, grasping his hip from behind. He wrapped his right hand around Jack’s cock, which was rock hard and throbbing. Mark thought Jack was already on the edge, and he’d barely touched him yet.

He squeezed. Jack moaned. He flicked his tongue over the tip, barely making contact. Jack thrusted. He flicked his tongue again. Jack groaned.

 _“Jesus, Mark-”_ Jack was frustrated, impatient. Mark grinned.

 _“Yeah, Sean?”_ He wasn’t sure what he was expecting Jack to say, but Jack surprised him, as usual.

_“Let me feel the inside of that pretty mouth.”_

_Holy shit._ Mark had intended to tease Jack for a while longer, but he couldn’t resist. He took Jack deep into his mouth and sucked in long, slow movements. He had been right- Jack was already tensing. Mark tightened his arm around Jack’s hip, pulling him closer. Jack moaned loudly, arching his back, his fingers in Mark’s hair. Mark moved more quickly, licking and sucking aggressively as Jack shifted beneath him.

_“Fuck- Oh my God- Mark-”_

Mark picked up the pace-

Jack came with a thrust, gasping, grabbing hard at Mark’s hair.

Mark swallowed in two large gulps, and licked lazily at Jack as he shuddered. He released Jack, and looked up to find that Jack’s head was still thrown back, his eyes closed, his shoulders heaving as his breath started to slow.

Mark grinned. He moved up Jack’s body, kissing his stomach and chest lightly as he went. He hovered over Jack’s face, and Jack opened his eyes and grinned.

“How did I do?”

Jack put his arms around Mark’s shoulders. “It was perfect. Exactly what I wanted. As usual.” He yawned. Mark giggled.

“Ready for bed?”

“Actually, yes. You?”

“God, yes.” Mark kissed Jack’s nose and stood up to flip off the overhead lights, then set an alarm on his phone. Jack pulled his shirt and boxers back on, then flopped back onto the pillows and blankets, sighing happily. Mark slid down next to him, and they stretched out, side-by-side, fingers clasped together, looking at the stars.

 _“Telescope.”_ Jack sounded half asleep.

_“Hmm?”_

_“We need one. A telescope. Fer the backyard.”_

Mark grinned. It was public knowledge that Mark was obsessed with astronomy, a fact that his fanbase had recently latched onto. Even though Mark felt strongly that it was important to share parts of his real personality with his audience, the line between his actual self and his public persona become increasingly blurred over time. He had never actually shared this interest with anyone who had been really close to him. He had never _been_ this close to anyone, before. And Jack had a gift for making him feel more like himself.

_“Great idea. This weekend?”_

_“Mmhm.”_

Mark rolled onto his side. He rested his head on Jack’s shoulder, his forehead pressed against Jack’s neck, his arm snug around Jack’s waist. Jack put both arms around him, hugging him close. He kissed the top of Mark’s head.

_“Love you, Mark. Thanks fer being here, with me. I love it. I love being with you like this.”_

_“Love you, Sean.”_ Mark pressed his lips against Jack’s neck. _“I thought I was the luckiest person in the world, just to get a few days with you. I haven’t even processed the rest yet. But I never want to spend another night without you.”_

_“Good. Yeh’re stuck with me now.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Promise.”_

Mark pressed closer to Jack. Jack held him tightly. They slept.

 

* * *

 

They spent the next morning setting up their recording spaces. Jack chose the office space on the ground floor, and Mark chose a spare bedroom on the opposite side of the second floor. They wished their workspaces could be closer together, but it wasn’t practical; they were both too loud while they were recording, and they both found each other incredibly distracting. They knew they needed separation, and would just have to make up for lost time when they weren’t recording.

The work went quickly; they _were_ a good team. Jack opted to use a combination of the equipment he had pieced together at Mark’s old house, and his own technology that had finally arrived in the mail. He decided to wait to build his new computer over the weekend, when he had more time to devote to the task. He and Mark were both anxious to get some content ready for release. Mark walked Chica and made a quick run to the grocery store for basics while Jack finished setting up, and they ate together before settling in to work for the next several hours.

Recording went smoothly for both of them. They had slept soundly, and were both feeling happy and energetic. They worked off of the game list Mark had put together earlier in the week, enjoying themselves thoroughly. Mark felt more at ease than he had in days. Even though he missed spending time with Jack, he was starting to realize that there was nothing to panic about. Jack was right downstairs. He wasn’t going anywhere. And Mark knew that some time apart, focusing on other things, was good for both of them. He was enjoying the opportunity to miss Jack.

They both worked into the late afternoon. Mark was working on some edits when he saw his phone blinking.

 

J: HUNGRY

 

Mark chuckled.

 

M: Will start lunch in 5, see you downstairs

J: LOVE YOU

M: Love you!

 

Mark finished the task and set his video to render; it took slightly longer than expected. He made his way downstairs to the kitchen and found Jack sitting on the counter, cooking supplies spread all around him.

“So, I have no idea what I’m doing in here. I couldn’t tell if I was helping or hurting, so I gave up and waited fer you.”

Mark grinned. “No, this is good. Thanks for getting a head start.” Mark walked over to Jack and stood between his knees, his hands resting on Jack’s hips. Jack wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist. Mark kissed him.

“How’s it going down here?”

Jack nodded. “Good. I like the room. Definitely needs more sound-proofing, but it’ll be great.”

“Feeling ok?”

“Feeling _awesome._ You?”

Mark grinned. “Yeah. Really good.” He kissed Jack again, gave him a squeeze, then got to work. Jack wasn’t completely clueless in the kitchen, but Mark was more experienced, so he took the lead, and Jack assisted. Jack was impressed with the end result. It was delicious, and he wolfed it down while Mark watched, amused. They cleaned up together when they were done.

“So. Call Suzy now, or later?”

Jack thought about it. “Maybe now? Might be good to get it over with.”

Mark nodded. They sat side-by-side at the kitchen table, but Mark kept his distance so he wouldn’t appear in the frame. Jack initiated a video call, and Suzy answered right away.

“Well HEY neighbor!”

Jack giggled. “Hey! Yeh’re right! I’m probably only about a half hour from you.”

“That’s cool and everything, but I am so confused. Are you alright? What’s going on? And what’s up with Mark? Have you seen him?”

“Yeah, I have. We’re both fine, I promise.”

“Ok… so why the move, all of a sudden?”

“Suz, are yeh by yerself?”

She grinned. “Secrets, huh? I hope it’s something scandalous.” Jack saw her looking around the room. “Hang on.” She walked to a different room and shut the door. “Arin’s working, but I shut the door just in case. So what’s up?”

“Ok.” Jack took a breath. “I’m not really sure if this will be a surprise to yeh or not, but I came here to visit Mark a couple weeks ago.”

“Yeah, I figured you guys were working on some top-secret project or something. We’ve all been dying to hear about it.”

Jack laughed. “Something like that. But it had nothing to do with YouTube. It was personal. We’ve been… seeing each other. In a… more-than-friends kind of way.”

Jack watched a grin creep across Suzy’s face as the information sank in. “Shut the fuck up! You better not be joking, Jack- my heart can’t take it.”

Jack grinned back, overflowing with appreciation for Suzy, since she hadn’t needed him to spell it all out. “I’m not. I swear. Things just kind of… fell into place, once I got here. It was a long time coming.”

Suzy looked thoughtful. “Wait. But you, like, _moved_ here. From _Ireland._ You moved here to be with Mark?”

Jack nodded. “It sounds a little insane when yeh say it like that, but yeah.”

“Shit, that sounds serious.”

Jack looked over to Mark. “It is.”

“WAIT! Are you guys _together_ right now?”

Jack laughed. “Yeah. Mark helped me find this house and then… well, we both live here now. As of yesterday.”

Mark leaned over Jack’s shoulder. “Hey Suzy!”

“Mark!” Suzy was giggling. “Shit! I don’t really know what to say… I’m happy for you guys though. I mean, we all worked pretty hard to laugh off the whole Septiplier thing. I know the guys gave you a hard time sometimes, but they were always joking. I don’t think they ever actually thought it was true. Although, I think Danny might’ve wished it was.”

“Did you think it was true?” Jack asked.

Suzy thought about it. “I mean, I believed both of you when you said it wasn’t. But I won’t lie, I kinda shipped you guys. You obviously had something special. As friends. I’m not really surprised. Although… I mean, you were both, like, _straight_ before, right?”

They both nodded.

“Yikes. What’s _that_ like?”

Jack laughed nervously. “It’s been… a process. But it’s going really well.”

Suzy nodded. “Who else knows?”

“Not a lot of people. We told Bob and Wade first, and they weren’t surprised at all. I told my parents while we were in Ireland, and Mark told his stepmom. Our realtor found out because…”

“Because I’m an idiot and can’t keep my mouth shut,” Mark chimed in. “And some kid on a plane saved us from being filmed when we fell asleep on each other by accident, so that was cool.”

Suzy looked serious. “Yeah, yikes, I’m assuming you’re trying to keep it mostly under wraps for now?”

They nodded.

“That sounds like it will be… challenging.”

Jack grimaced. “It is, and it’s no fun, honestly. That’s actually one of the things we wanted to talk to yeh about. How do yeh think the rest of the guys will react?”

“Oh. Shit. Arin is going to grill you guys, for sure. But, I mean, he’ll be cool with it, and everything. I wouldn’t worry about that. I think Danny and Ross will probably take it pretty well.”

“D’you think they’ll be able to keep it a secret fer now?”

“I mean, I think all of them will talk about it nonstop amongst themselves for about a week… but I’m pretty sure you can trust them to keep it from the general public, if that’s what you mean.”

Jack nodded. “D’you think Friday would be a good time to tell them?”

“Sure. We were just planning on Chinese food and games all night. And I can keep it a secret until then. Or for as long as you want, if you change your mind.”

Mark and Jack both smiled. “Thanks, Suzy,” Mark said.

“Hey Suz, can you hang on a sec?” Jack asked.

“Sure.”

He muted the call and put the phone on the table. “It’s fun, being able to talk to her,” he said to Mark.

“Yeah, feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Want to see if she can hang tonight?”

“Sure!”

Jack picked the phone back up. “Hey, any chance yeh’re free later? Mark will be giving me driving lessons. You can come see the house if yeh like. Maybe tell Arin we’re getting coffee or something?”

She grinned. “Absolutely! What time?”

Jack looked at Mark. “Seven-ish?” Mark nodded. “We have to keep working fer a bit. I’ll text you the address and send you an update later on.”

“Sure, I’m flexible. Hey, guys… thanks for telling me. This is really cool. I’m sure you’ve both been through some shit… I’m really happy you felt like you could trust me. Can I ask for a favor?”

Jack nodded. “Sure.”

“Do something cute and boyfriend-ish? Let me fangirl for a sec?”

They both giggled, were both internally excited about the idea of showing affection in front of someone they knew. Mark leaned over and kissed the side of Jack’s face. Jack grinned, turned his head, and kissed Mark’s lips. They kept it sweet and brief, then turned back to the phone.

Suzy’s eyes were wide. “Oh, my heart.”

Mark and Jack smiled, amused by her expression.

She shook her head. “Sorry, that blew my mind a little bit. Whew. Ok. So, see you later?”

They all waved goodbye and hung up.

“I legitimately enjoyed that.” Mark was grinning.

Jack nodded. “I knew she’d be happy fer us.” He kissed Mark’s cheek. “C’mon, let’s get back to work. I want to finish up fer the day so we have plenty of time to hang later.” He stood up, and Mark followed. Mark wrapped his arms around Jack’s shoulders and hugged him. _“You’re awesome.”_

Jack laughed softly. _“Love you too.”_

They both worked for a few more hours, and they each managed to get two shorter videos ready for release. Jack was finishing up around 6:30, and he texted Mark.

 

J: DONE! can i come see you yet?

M: Yes please! I’m just editing, be done soon.

 

Jack texted Suzy to let her know they were finishing up on schedule, and she told him she was planning to leave her house in a few minutes.

Jack sprinted up the stairs, down the hall, and into Mark’s space. He found Mark working hard at his computer, his headphones intentionally askew so he could listen for Jack. Mark turned and found Jack already beside him. Jack bent down to press a few kisses against Mark’s neck.

“Sorry, I meant to give yeh some space. You just look so fucking cute with yer headphones all messed up like that. Couldn’t help myself.”

Mark grinned. “I missed you, too. I’ll be done in a few.”

“Want me to take Chica out fer a bit?”

“That would be _awesome._ I’ll come down soon.”

Chica had been asleep at Mark’s feet, but had perked up as soon as Jack’s energy had filled the room. Jack gave Mark a quick kiss, then called for Chica and brought her down to the backyard to play. He was still tossing a frisbee with her when his phone buzzed, signaling Suzy’s arrival. He had left the front door open, and he gave her directions to let herself in and meet him in the backyard. She was coming through the sliding doors within a couple of minutes. She ran over to Jack and gave him a massive hug.

“This place is AWESOME!”

“I know, huh?”

“It is _so_ good to see you. How are you doing? For real?”

Jack thought about it. “I’m in complete shock, to be honest. But I’ve never been happier in my life.”

“How did this even happen?”

“Mark.” Jack grinned, remembering. “He made the first move. We just got to talking late at night and… I mean, at first, I was really cautious. He was so sweet and I was completely terrified. I felt this way fer a long time, and I couldn’t believe he might actually feel the same way. I don’t know if I ever would’ve been brave enough to tell him, if he hadn’t spoken up.”

She nodded. “So you came here to visit…”

“Yeah. And it just kind of… worked. Almost right away.”

“Did you hook up with any guys before this?”

“Jesus, no, and I never wanted to. I didn’t even really know I wanted to be with Mark like that until I was actually here.”

Suzy grinned mischievously. “So how has _that_ been? The whole _being with Mark_ part?”

Jack smirked. “I get the feeling yeh’re talking about sex things.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it, I’m so curious! And fascinated!”

“I’d rather make sure Mark is comfortable sharing, first. But things are really, really good between us.”

She nodded. “So this is, like, a serious, long-term relationship.”

“Yeah. It is.”

“Like, _how_ long-term?”

“I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Ever again.”

“Holy shit.” Suzy looked Jack up and down, like she was seeing him for the first time.

Mark chose that moment to open the sliding doors and join them in the backyard. He pulled Suzy into a brief but sincere hug.

“Thanks for coming. And being awesome about everything.”

“Are you kidding me? This is the coolest thing that’s happened to me in a _long_ time. Jack was just filling me in a little bit- how are _you_ doing?”

Mark grinned. He slid one arm around Jack’s waist. “How do I look?”

Suzy looked him over. “Like the poster child for sickening happiness. Jesus. Thank you for this gift. I felt so guilty for secretly shipping you guys, but, I mean, you’re fucking _made_ for each other.”

Mark looked at Jack. “That sounds about right.”

Suzy grinned. “So what’s the plan? I mean, I’m happy to just stare at you guys all night, if you want.”

Mark smirked, but shook his head. “Speed Racer here needs to learn how to use the gas pedal today.”

Jack glared. “Make yer jokes, Fischbach. I know what yer motor skills are like. We’ve all seen you try to use a console controller.”

“OH MY GOD. OVER THE LINE, SEAN.”

Jack and Suzy giggled.

“C’mon, love. I’ll try to behave. Show me how it’s done.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I think you should take your shoes off.”

“Don’t fuck with me, Fischbach.”

“I’m not! I swear! I really think it’ll help.”

Jack glared at him skeptically.

Mark grinned back at him. “I drive barefoot all the time. Trust me.”

“Oh my God, you _have_ to be joking. I can just hear the Internet screaming. _Markiplier got Jacksepticeye to take his shoes off and drive! Jack is so cute when he’s being a complete idiot!”_

Mark and Suzy were giggling. They were filming the whole thing with two different cameras. Mark was in the passenger seat, and Suzy was in the back. The sun was starting to set, but they were in an empty, well-lit parking lot.

“Jack,” Suzy chimed in, “I know it’s hard to believe, but he’s being serious. You’ll be able to feel the pedals better. Give it a try!”

“Jesus Christ. If I go down fer this, I’m taking both of you with me.” Jack bent over and pulled off his shoes and socks. He passed them over to Mark.

Mark leaned over to get a close-up of Jack’s bare feet. He giggled. _“Awesome.”_

Jack glared at Mark even more intensely. “My feet are delicious, Fischbach. Want a taste? Or should we get on with it?”

“Ok, ok. What’s the first step?”

Jack pressed down on the brake pedal.

“Next?”

He put the car in drive.

Mark’s current car was an automatic. He knew how to drive standard, and had thought about trading it in, but he was grateful he’d put it off- he was pretty sure Jack would have been completely overwhelmed if he had to learn how to shift.

“Ok. You have tons of room. Let it roll for a second and then press the gas pedal. REALLY GENTLY. Go right back to the brake if you need to.”

Jack nodded, smiled in spite of himself. He had been enjoying the banter, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that Mark was actually an excellent teacher, and could put him at ease almost instantly.

He followed Mark’s instructions, and was pleasantly surprised. Mark and Suzy teased him occasionally, but were largely enthusiastic and supportive. By the end of the night, he was able to drive the car in slow circles around the parking lot with relative control. They finally quit around 9:45, and Mark drove them back to the house. Mark and Jack hugged Suzy goodbye in the driveway.

“That was _so_ fun- thanks for inviting me!”

“Thanks fer being the coolest, Suz.”

“I promise I won’t say anything to the guys. Tomorrow night will be great. Let me know if you need anything.”

Mark grinned at her. “Thanks, Suzy.”

They waved at her while she drove away, then went into the house and locked the door behind them. Jack tried to smile at Mark, but dissolved into a massive yawn instead. Mark giggled, wrapped his arms around Jack, and lifted him off the floor for a moment.

 _“I don’t think we ever made the bed.”_ Mark’s voice was quiet.

_“Mm. Sleep down here again? Just fer one more night?”_

_“This is your house, Sean. You can sleep wherever you want. You can do whatever you want. It’s all up to you.”_

Jack sighed happily. He led Mark to the back room. He undid the button and zipper on Mark’s shorts, pulled them off, then discarded his own. He pulled Mark down to the floor and steered him onto the pillows. He rested his head on Mark’s chest, pulled a blanket over both of them, and felt Mark’s arms wrapping around him.

_“You were awesome today, Sean.”_

_“I can’t believe driving barefoot is actually a thing. I really thought yeh were fucking with me.”_

_“If I decide to fuck with you, I’m pretty sure you’ll know it.”_ Mark put one hand under Jack’s shirt.

 _“I’ll look forward to it.”_ Jack pressed his body against Mark’s. He yawned. _“Maybe tomorrow?”_

Mark kissed his forehead. _“I’ll be here.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I need to give special thanks to @kairibunny for helping me out with references for the next couple of chapters. I am trying to incorporate some new characters, which is a challenge, since I don't follow all of YouTube as closely as I'd like to. I apologize in advance for any inconsistencies or inaccuracies that you may notice- please keep in mind that it's fiction, and I'm doing my best with the time I have to devote to it. Thanks so much for sticking with me! I'll try to get another chapter out soon! Love, Kay


	36. Chapter 36

Jack woke up before Mark’s alarm went off. He opened his eyes and found Mark sleeping soundly on the pillow next to him. He looked up at the skylights, and saw pale sunlight shining through; the sun was just starting to rise.

 _Why am I awake?_ It was so unusual for him to be awake and alert so early in the morning that he was confused and disoriented. He knew where he was… _Home._ He looked at Mark again, and it hit him, all at once. He was awake because he was _happy_. He was awake because Mark was here, which meant there was no reason to go back to sleep.

He sat up and heard a snuffling noise coming from the far side of the room. He looked around and saw Chica looking back at him. She had been sleeping close to the sliding doors, and had perked up as soon as she noticed that Jack was awake. He stood up carefully and tiptoed over to her. He slid the doors open as quietly as he could, and stepped into the yard with Chica. She frolicked around happily.

Jack walked over to the pool, sat on the edge, and slid his feet into the water. It was already hot outside, and he had to resist the urge to jump in. He lingered for a few moments as faint sunlight started to creep across the trees and the grass. He couldn’t believe how quiet it was. He was used to living in the middle of a city, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually _enjoyed_ being outdoors like this. It was just like being with Mark; he hadn’t known what he’d been missing until it was actually happening. And now that he’d experienced it, he couldn’t imagine willingly giving it up.

Chica approached and nuzzled at him. He knew she was probably hungry, so he brought her into the house to feed her. He used the other set of sliding doors, hoping to avoid waking Mark, and walked Chica into the kitchen. He put down fresh food and water, then made his way back to the living room.

Mark was still sleeping soundly. Jack chewed his bottom lip, deliberating. He knew Mark could probably use the extra sleep… but he couldn’t resist. He hoped Mark would be as excited as he was to spend some extra time together.

He got down on his knees next to Mark. He bent over and kissed his forehead, resting his fingers along Mark’s jaw. Mark opened his eyes, blinked sleepily, and grinned.

_“Hey, love. Should I let you sleep?”_

_“No.”_

Mark sat up, put his arms around Jack’s shoulders, kissed his lips, and then hugged him.

_“Good. Come swim with me?”_

Mark rubbed his nose against Jack’s hair. _“Absolutely.”_

Jack tugged at the hem of Mark’s shirt, and Mark let him pull it off. Jack stood up, pulling Mark with him. He let Mark remove his shirt, and they walked outside to the pool. The morning was getting hotter by the second. They stood together at the edge of the pool, hands clasped together, feeling the warmth on their skin.

Mark looked at Jack. “Jump on three?”

Jack grinned. “Sure.”

“Ok. One-”

Jack grabbed Mark around the waist, and threw both of their bodies into the pool.

Mark came up laughing, and Jack wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulders, grinning.

“I should’ve seen that coming. I’ll be ready next time.”

“Challenge accepted.”

Mark tried to think of something witty to say, but he was distracted by Jack’s mouth…

“Hey, can I tell you a secret?” Jack interrupted Mark’s train of thought.

“Please.”

“I don’t really know how to swim. I mean, I know to… _not drown._ But I don’t actually know what I’m doing. And I’m kind of craving exercise, a bit.”

Mark smiled. “Too much energy? I can help with that.”

Jack giggled. “You do. You can. But yeh know what I mean.”

Mark nodded. “I do. I was thinking we should go rock climbing soon.”

“Mark. I don’t _climb_. _Climbing_ is not a thing that I do.”

“You will. You’ll love it. I’ll help you.”

Jack looked skeptical. “Hmm… maybe. Yeh’ll have to owe me one.”

Mark shook his head. “I already owe you. I’ll owe you forever.”

Jack kissed him, sweetly.

“Ok, love. Show me how it’s done.”

Mark spent the next few minutes showing Jack some basic strokes. Jack was naturally athletic, and he had no problem imitating Mark’s movements. They swam laps together until the sun was fully up. Mark had to admit that Jack had been right- the physical activity felt amazing. He loved all of the new experiences they were collecting together, loved the way Jack’s presence transformed everyday tasks and familiar situations. Jack’s body, close to his, improved every moment of every day.

But eventually, Mark knew it was time to quit. He pulled Jack into a hug as cool water splashed around them.

“So, I could easily watch you do this all day, but I feel like we should get to work soon so we can have some fun later,” Mark said. “You should keep going for a bit while I make breakfast. Sound good?”

Jack smiled. “Yeh’re sweet. I’ll come help!”

Mark shook his head. “Nope. I’ll be just fine, thinking about you all soaking wet out here. Bacon? Eggs? Toast?”

“All of the above?”

“You got it. Coffee?”

Jack thought about it. “Actually… no.”

Mark put his hand on Jack’s forehead. “Are you dying?”

Jack giggled. “No, I just feel… I dunno, I already feel really good. Ask me in a couple hours, I’ll probably be asleep at my desk.”

Mark kissed Jack’s cheek. “Have fun. I’ll come get you when it’s ready.”

“Thanks, love.”

Mark put a rush on it, and brought all of the food outside when he was done. He put the plates down and sat on the edge of the pool, dangling his feet in the water. Jack joined him, and they ate together.

“I guess we should probably get some furniture back here, huh?” Mark said.

“Sure. This is good too, though. I can’t believe I can just come out here and do this whenever I want. And I can’t believe yeh’re just… _here._ All the time. I have no idea how I was just… by myself, fer so long. I knew I was lonely sometimes, but I didn’t know how terrible it was until now.”

Mark grinned. “Give it time. You’ll be sick of me before you know it.”

Jack glared at him. “Doubtful.”

“Seriously.” Mark brushed at Jack’s damp hair. “You’ve been stuck with me for a while. You might need some space eventually. I don’t want you to feel guilty if it happens.”

Jack nodded. “We’ll see. I had fun hanging out with you and Suzy together. It’s good to be with other friends, too. I think tonight will be awesome.” Jack frowned. “Well, I hope it will be.”

“Are you nervous?”

“A little. I don’t know how to act. I feel like a totally different person sometimes, like I have no idea how people will respond to me. And I care about that a little bit more than I used to. I feel… protective. Of you. Or… us.” He picked up Mark’s hand. “But I think keeping it a secret would be worse. Having to pretend… I don’t like the idea of that. Not with friends, anyway.”

Mark nodded. “I’d rather get it over with, too. I think it will feel weird at first. But it will get better. And we need to practice. I feel worried about what other people will think, too, and I don’t like it either. I don’t want to care. I don’t want anything to change what’s happening between us.”

Jack leaned his head on Mark’s shoulder. “I’m not sure if we can avoid it. But yeh’re right. We’ll practice. We just have to stick together.”

They eventually, reluctantly, made their way into the house. They showered, dressed, and spent the day recording separately, exchanging the occasional encouraging text message. They broke for a quick lunch, and then spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening finalizing their videos. They were still making an effort to record and edit shorter episodes, so they could continue to release two videos each day, while keeping at least one on deck in case they needed a backup. Feeling productive was a huge relief for both of them, but they were also aware of the number of hours they were logging to meet their self-imposed deadlines, and the fact that they’d eventually need to bring more diversity back to their channels.

Around 6:15, Mark yawned, stretched, and texted Jack. He heard the increasingly familiar sound of Jack sprinting upstairs from across the house. He stood up and planted his feet on the floor, and was fully prepared when Jack flung the door open and jumped into his arms.

He laughed softly. _“Hey Sean.”_

_“I missed you.”_

_“I missed you too.”_

_“We need editors.”_

Mark nodded. _“We can talk to Danny and Arin tonight. Don’t worry though. We’ll figure it out.”_

They both changed their clothes, piled into Mark’s car, and started driving to Arin and Suzy’s house. Jack played with Mark’s hair absently, lost in thought. He felt immense gratitude toward Suzy, who had been sending him encouraging messages since the night before. She had welcomed him immediately when he had first met her and the rest of the Game Grumps, and had always made an effort to keep in touch through texts and the occasional collaboration for one of their channels. He liked and admired Arin, Danny, and Ross, and had enjoyed the limited time they had all spent together, but he didn’t know them nearly as well. He was trying to prepare himself for the range of reactions he and Mark might face. He was more nervous than ever by the time they pulled into the driveway, and it must have shown on his face.

“Hey.” Mark’s voice was quiet. “It’s going to be fine. I’ll be with you the whole time. If something doesn’t feel right, just text me or something. We can leave anytime we want.”

Jack nodded. “Thanks. I’ll be fine. Let’s go.”

They went to the door, and found Suzy opening it before they had a chance to ring the bell. She must have been watching for them.

“HEY!” She hugged both of them enthusiastically and pulled them inside. Arin, Danny, and Ross were all standing nearby, and had clearly been waiting somewhat impatiently for them to arrive.

“Jack!” Arin pulled him into a hug, and Danny and Ross piled on top of them. Jack giggled.

“Hey, guys. It’s really good to see you!”

“You too, man,” Arin responded, finally releasing Jack. “It’s awesome to see you, so don’t take this the wrong way, but… what the fuck? I mean, what happened? Suzy wouldn’t tell me anything. Why all the secrecy? Are you alright?”

Jack smiled gratefully at Suzy. Mark moved closer to Jack’s side.

“And YOU, asshole!” Arin went on. “What the fuck is up with you? Feel free to drop a line next time you flee the country, so I know you’re not dead!”

“ _Fuck,_ Arin, remember what we talked about? Can you be _slightly_ less of a dick?” Suzy was clearly annoyed.

“Oh, come on, he knows I’m kidding.” Arin pulled Mark into a hug as well.

“Sorry, man. We’ve had a lot going on. Can we go sit down, or something? We’ll try to fill you in.” Mark could feel icy nervousness flooding his insides. He could already tell that this was going to be more difficult than he’d anticipated.

They moved into the living room and settled into couches and chairs. Mark sat on the far end of one couch, with Jack in the middle, and Suzy on the other end. Arin, Danny, and Ross stared at them expectantly.

Mark fidgeted nervously. Jack ran one hand through his hair. “Fuck. Ok. Someone needs to say something.”

“Shit, what’s up with you two? Are you really alright?” Danny asked.

Jack tried to take a deep breath. He looked at Mark. “We’re fine. We just… Mark and I have some things to tell you guys.” Suzy reached over and gave his hand a squeeze.

“What, some super secret project?” Ross sounded intrigued.

Mark shook his head. “No. I mean, yeah. It is a secret. And it has to stay a secret for now, so we’re really hoping we can trust you guys not to let it get out.”

“Dude.” Arin looked concerned. “This doesn’t sound like the fun kind of secret. What’s going on?”

Mark and Jack looked at each other. Mark cleared his throat. “Should I start?”

“Jesus Christ, yes.” Jack was already blushing.

“Ok.” Mark took a deep breath, and looked at his friends. “So, I asked Jack to come visit me a couple weeks ago-”

“Hang on,” Jack interrupted. “That was a mutual decision.”

“Right. Ok. So, Jack and I were talking a couple weeks ago. I was having a hard time. So he came and stayed with me for a few days.” He ran out of words. He looked at Jack, and spoke softly. “I’m sorry. I’m trying.”

Jack’s heart squeezed. He couldn’t let Mark do this on his own. He picked up Mark’s hand and threaded their fingers together. He didn’t let go.

“Um… what’s happening?” Arin’s eyebrows were creeping up his forehead.

“Dude. Shut up,” Danny said in a loud whisper.

“What-?”

“Shut up!” Danny whispered more harshly. He turned back to Mark and Jack. “Guys, it’s alright. Something’s going on between you, right?”

They both nodded, grateful that someone in the room was catching on.

Arin stared between Mark, Jack and Danny for a moment, then dissolved into a fit of laughter. “You _assholes._ Is this a Septiplier prank? For real? Danny, they’re joking. They’re probably filming it too. Ha ha, very funny, Mark and Jack are in love, it’s all over the Internet. Nice try.” Jack was squeezing Mark’s hand tightly. Arin kept going. “You guys are cute as a fake couple, and everything – I mean, we’ve all read the fanfiction – but if you put this online your fans will never let it go.”

“ARIN.” Suzy was glaring ferociously. “DON’T. BE. A. DICK. REMEMBER??”

“Oh, come on, Suz, they’re _kidding_.”

“Dude, no, they’re not,” Danny said. Ross just kept staring from person to person, trying to follow what was happening.

Mark found his voice again, tried to keep it steady. “Arin, we’re not. I can see why you think so, but it’s not a prank or a joke. Jack…”

“I came here to be with Mark.” Jack’s voice sounded so loud in his own ears. He was fighting a wave of uncomfortable emotions: embarrassment, frustration, anger.

Arin stared at both of them with his mouth hanging open. “But… neither of you are gay, right? I mean, you’ve said it a bunch of times…”

Mark looked at Jack and said, “I’m pretty sure we’re both slightly gayer than expected.” Jack thought he might throw up.

“Bullshit.”

“ARIN!” Suzy and Danny both yelled.

“I don’t even kind of believe you.”

Jack let go of Mark’s hand and stood up from the couch, running both of his hands through his hair. Mark stood up after him. “Sean-”

“Mark, I can’t-”

“Yes, you can, come here-”

Mark turned Jack to face him. He put his hands on Jack’s shoulders and squeezed. He held Jack’s face in his hands.

“Sean. It’s fine. He just doesn’t get it yet. Look at me. We have to stick together, right?”

Jack met Mark’s gaze. Mark smiled. Jack rested his hands lightly on Mark’s waist. He took a deep breath.

Mark kissed the side of Jack’s face.

Jack closed his eyes, and Mark kissed his lips.

Jack sighed, and Mark felt him starting to relax. He pulled Jack into a hug. _“You ok?”_

Jack nodded. _“Yeah. Sorry.”_

“Holy _shit._ ” Arin had stood up and walked over to them. “Oh my God. I am the biggest douchebag in the world. I’m so sorry, I really thought you guys were joking.”

Mark released Jack so they could both look at Arin.

“Jack, man, I fucked up, I’m sorry.”

Jack shook his head, embarrassed. “It’s fine.”

Danny and Ross had gotten up and approached them, too.

“It’s really not. I honestly didn’t think…”

Danny pushed Arin out of the way and scooped Jack into a massive hug. Ross put his arms around both of them. Arin finally added to the pile.

Jack let out a stifled giggle. “Ok, thanks, guys, but I can’t breathe-”

They let him go, but Danny held onto one of Jack’s arms and steered him toward Mark.

“Come on. Let’s see it. It’s a beautiful thing.” Danny was grinning.

Mark was wiping at his eyes, but he was smiling. Jack wiped at Mark’s face with his thumbs. “It’s ok, love.”

“I know.”

Jack kissed him, felt Mark smiling against his lips. Mark wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist and lifted him off the ground for a long moment.

They found their friends staring at them when they finally broke apart. Suzy and Danny were grinning stupidly. Ross and Arin looked dazed, their eyes wide, their mouths hanging open.

Ross broke the silence. “Wait. So you guys are, like, in love?” Everyone else laughed.

“Jesus, so fucking observant, Ross.” Arin glared at him.

“I’m sorry! I’m just used to thinking that you’re both straight! I mean, not that it matters… shit, now I sound like a jerk…”

“It’s ok, man,” Mark said. “This _just_ happened.” He frowned. “Ok, that’s not exactly true. We both felt like there was something between us for a long time, but we didn’t talk about it or act on it until now. It’s not like there was some secret relationship that we were lying about.”

Jack was nodding. “And we didn’t date guys before. We weren’t lying about that either.”

“Like I said,” Mark added, “ _slightly_ gayer than expected.”

“But… not _completely_ gay?” Ross was still trying to catch up.

“Ross, people aren’t just one thing,” Danny said.

“I know that, Danny, I’m just curious. Sorry, guys. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s alright,” Jack said. “In theory, we’re both still attracted to women. Right?” He looked at Mark, and Mark nodded. “But, this is a real relationship. Emotionally… physically…” He blushed.

“Oh, shit,” Arin chimed in. “So you guys are actually…” He gestured vaguely with his hands.

Mark smirked at him. “I’m not sure what you’re picturing, but yeah. We’re living together. It’s serious. Let your imagination run wild.”

“Happily,” Danny said, grinning.

Jack took in Danny’s goofy expression. “I’m getting the feeling that yeh’re not surprised by any of this.”

Danny shrugged. “Not particularly. Anyone with eyes could tell you guys love each other. But I don’t think a lot of people in your situation would ever act on something like that. It’s incredibly cool. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, man,” Mark said.

Jack looked at Arin and Ross. “Any other questions? Might as well get them out of the way since I’m already dying of embarrassment.”

“Who else knows?” Arin asked.

Jack gave them the short list of people he and Mark had already told.

“So you didn’t tell Ryan and Matt yet?”

Mark shook his head. It had been nagging at him. He was grateful that Matt and Ryan had been willing to take care of Chica while he and Jack had figured things out, but things had been somewhat awkward between them since Mark had moved out of the house, and he was worried that this conversation might complicate things further. “I’ll try to tell them soon. Every time we tell someone, it’s…”

“Horrifyingly traumatic?” Jack offered.

Danny and Ross giggled. Suzy glared at Arin, and Arin looked distressed. “Sorry again, dude. How can I make it up to you guys?”

Jack grinned. “Come hang with us this weekend? Maybe help us unpack a bit?”

Arin looked encouraged. “I’m in.”

“Me too!” Danny said. Suzy was nodding enthusiastic.

“Rain check?” Ross asked. “I already made plans with Holly.”

“Definitely, anytime,” Jack replied. He had met Ross’ wife once before, and Mark had always spoken very highly of her. “Yeh’ll both have to come.”

“Absolutely.”

Mark was looking Jack over. “So, you guys will learn this quickly- Jack is going to pass out soon if he doesn’t eat something.”

Jack groaned, embarrassed. “Sorry. But yeah. Is there food?”

“Shit!” Suzy looked apologetic. “We all got so distracted… dinner’s in the kitchen! Let’s eat!”

They divided up the Chinese food and ate enthusiastically while Jack and Mark answered more of their questions. Jack told them about his job at Blizzard, and they all expressed envy and support. Ross asked some very specific questions about Jack’s visa and immigration status, which made sense. Ross had been born overseas and was familiar with the logistics of moving to a new country. They all slipped into an awkward silence when Jack explained that his visa would expire after six months. Mark clumsily shifted the topic of conversation to the fact that he and Jack would be looking for editors, and Danny and Arin agreed to help them investigate some options. They all traded ideas for future projects and collaborations, and Jack was excited by the prospect of adding some new kinds of content to his channel.

They spent the rest of the night playing classic console games and torturing Mark relentlessly about his attempts to use a gaming controller (“HOW THE FUCK DO YOU AIM WITH THIS THING??”). They finished off with several rounds of Drawful, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed, until Jack started yawning loudly, and finally let his head fall onto Mark’s shoulder.

Arin checked the time on his cell phone. “Is he alright? It’s, like, 9:30.”

Mark chuckled. “Dude, the last couple weeks haven’t exactly been relaxing. Plus, jetlag. I should probably take him home.”

Mark pulled Jack up from the couch. They all made tentative plans for the weekend and said their goodbyes. Mark kept his arm around Jack’s waist, supporting his weight as they walked out to the car. Mark helped him into the passenger seat and then settled in behind the wheel. He was about to start the engine when Jack threw his arms around his shoulders. He felt Jack’s lips pressing against his neck. He chuckled.

“Hey, Sean.”

“Hey, love.”

“Feeling better?”

Jack giggled. “I was faking it. I just wanted to be alone with you. Is that ok?”

Mark grinned. “Definitely.”

He started the engine and set the GPS on his phone for their new address. Jack played with his hair while they drove, and they enjoyed a comfortable silence for a long time, stealing glances at each other periodically. Eventually, Jack’s hand wandered to the back of Mark’s neck. And then to his shoulder. And then to his chest, to the hem of his shirt, and under it… He watched a grin spread across Mark’s face.

“Sean. We’re almost home. Have mercy. Please.”

Jack moved closer to Mark, put his lips close to Mark’s ear.

_“Did I just hear you beg? Do it again.”_

Mark took a breath. _“Please.”_

Jack slipped his fingers inside the waistband of Mark’s shorts.

_“Please what?”_

Mark moaned softly, felt Jack’s fingers wrapping around his cock.

_“Please don’t stop. Please forgive me if I crash this car.”_

_“You won’t. Keep yer eyes open.”_

Mark nodded. Jack kept shifting his gaze between Mark’s face and the road in front of them. It was completely dark, and they were mostly alone on the back roads they were traveling. Jack stroked at Mark lightly, teasing him until he saw that they were about three minutes away from the house.

_“Keep it together, love.”_

He pulled Mark’s waistband aside, leaned over, and took Mark into his mouth. He felt Mark’s fingers in his hair, felt Mark breathing deeply in response to his touch. He licked at Mark gently, resisting the urge to engage him more aggressively, knowing how easily he could push Mark over the edge. Mark grasped at Jack’s hair, trying to anchor himself, forcing himself to keep his eyes on the road. He moaned softly, felt every movement of Jack’s lips and tongue.

Mark was startled when he found himself pulling into their driveway. Jack released him, jumped out of the car, ran to the driver’s side, and pulled Mark roughly out of the driver’s seat and up to the front door. Jack slid his hand inside Mark’s shorts, grasped at his hip, and _squeezed_ while Mark wrestled with the keys. Mark practically dragged Jack into the house when he finally got the door open. They half-raced, half-wrestled their way up the stairs, pulling at each other’s clothes, biting at each other’s skin. Their shoes and shirts were gone before they reached the top.

Jack was impatient. He stopped Mark in the hallway and kissed him, forcing his tongue into Mark’s mouth. He felt Mark grabbing firmly at his hips, lifting him up. He wrapped his legs around Mark’s waist and let Mark carry him into the bedroom. Mark tackled him onto the bed and covered his neck and shoulders in rough kisses, biting and sucking at his skin. Mark kissed his way down Jack’s chest, pulled Jack’s shorts and boxers off, and licked, teasingly, at the head of Jack’s cock. Jack inhaled sharply, arching his back. Mark ran the tip of his tongue up Jack’s length, lingering at the head, looking up to watch for Jack’s reaction. Jack arched his back again, trying to lean into the sensation, but Mark was still teasing. He grinned up at Jack.

“I think it’s your turn to beg, Sean.”

Jack smirked. “Come up here.”

Mark raised his eyebrows.

_“Please.”_

Mark moved up Jack’s body and hovered over him for a moment. They breathed together, lips parted, until Mark leaned close to Jack’s ear.

_“Tell me what you want.”_

Jack grazed Mark’s neck with his teeth. _“I want you to finger me, then fuck me. Hard.”_

Mark ran his tongue up the shell of Jack’s ear. _“You got it.”_

He left Jack on the bed, searched through Jack’s backpack, found their supplies. He returned to Jack and stretched out next to him. He lubricated his hand and started running one finger lightly over Jack’s opening. He kept his eyes locked on Jack’s, and Jack looked back at him, biting his lower lip. Eventually, Mark covered Jack’s mouth with a kiss, and slid one finger inside. He moved slowly, exploring Jack’s lips. He pulled out, and slid two fingers back in. Jack kissed him eagerly, his fingers tangled in Mark’s hair. When Jack started rocking his hips, Mark moved his mouth to Jack’s neck, sucked at his skin, and moved his fingers more aggressively. Jack moaned, arched his back, and sank his teeth into Mark’s shoulder. Mark sighed, enjoying the sharp pain, thinking of the bruises Jack would leave across his skin. He loved seeing the evidence of Jack’s power and pleasure written all over his own body.

Mark worked at Jack with his fingers until Jack was practically thrusting against him. He sat up to find Jack’s face flushed, his chest rising sharply with each shallow breath. He pulled his fingers out.

Jack took a deep breath and moved until he was kneeling in front of Mark. He kissed Mark deeply, then flipped over onto his hands and knees. Mark kneeled behind him, watching his shoulders rise and fall for a moment. Then he bent over Jack’s back, kissing roughly at his shoulders and neck, running his hands over Jack’s chest and hips. Jack tilted his head so Mark could kiss his lips, and Mark held him in place with one arm, stroking at his cock with his other hand. Jack moaned against Mark’s lips. Mark throbbed.

_“Mark. Now, please.”_

Mark kissed his way down Jack’s back, then sat back on his knees. He rolled on a condom, lubricated himself and Jack. He held Jack’s hip firmly with one hand, and slowly, carefully, slid himself inside of Jack.

 _“Oh my God.”_ He’d almost forgotten what it felt like. The sensation was so intense, it was difficult to replicate in his memory and imagination, despite his many attempts. He was completely overwhelmed, all over again.

 _“Fuck. Oh, Jesus Christ.”_ Jack’s voice was lower than Mark had ever heard it.

Mark shuddered. He rocked his hips slowly. Jack groaned. He moved again, and Jack moved with him. He guided Jack’s hips against him for a moment, trying to adjust to the intensity. He couldn’t. He thrusted. Jack moaned.

Mark bent over Jack, pressing his torso against Jack’s back. He held onto Jack’s shoulder with one hand, wrapped his other arm tightly around Jack’s chest, and pressed his forehead against Jack’s hair. He started thrusting in a steady rhythm, fighting against the pressure, feeling increasingly reckless as Jack moved and moaned beneath him.

_“Sean.”_

_“Harder.”_

Mark bit into Jack’s shoulder and thrusted more aggressively, crushing his body against Jack’s. He felt Jack matching his movements, felt his control slipping away.

_“Fuck. Jesus. Mark-”_

He released his hold on Jack’s chest and straightened up. He braced one hand against Jack’s shoulder, and gripped tightly at Jack’s hip with his other hand. He thrusted deeply inside of Jack, again and again, pulling at Jack’s body, trying to stay grounded, trying to be careful… failing…

Jack moaned loudly, continuously, grasping at the mattress with both hands.

_“Mark, c’mon, let it go-”_

Mark took a breath, closed his eyes, and fucked Jack. _Hard._

They gasped and moaned together. Mark felt himself starting to fall over the edge. He felt Jack’s body, tense and hard against his hands and his hips. He forced his eyes open, saw the muscles in Jack’s back contracting. _Beautiful._ It was the only thought he could hold in his mind.

He bent over Jack’s body again and held him close. Jack groaned loudly as the angle changed, and Mark wrapped his hand around Jack’s cock, stroking insistently. Mark picked up the pace, his lips hard against Jack’s neck-

Jack released with a shudder. His arms gave out, and he fell forward onto his elbows, pulling Mark with him. Mark slammed into Jack-

_“SEAN-”_

He came with a gasp, collapsing onto Jack’s back.

They breathed together. Mark leaned his head against Jack’s, consumed by the feeling, unable to move. His kept his eyes shut tight, absolutely convinced that Jack’s body was the only real thing in the world.

_“Mark.”_

_“Mm.”_

_“Yeh with me, love?”_

_“Always.”_

_“Let me kiss you, now?”_

Mark kissed the side of Jack’s face and sat up, pulling out slowly. He moved off of the bed, and Jack turned to face him. Jack came up on his knees, and Mark bent down, pulled him close, and kissed him sweetly. He took in the soft, gentle pressure of Jack’s lips.

Mark pulled Jack into a standing position. He put one arm around Jack’s back and bent down to scoop him off the floor. He kissed Jack’s forehead and carried him to the bathroom. Jack clasped his arms around Mark’s neck, and Mark turned on the shower. Hot water poured onto both of them. Mark didn’t put Jack down.

_“Hey, Sean.”_

_“Hello, love.”_

_“How do you feel?”_

_“Loved. Safe.”_

Mark held Jack closer. _“You are.”_

_“So are you.”_

_“Sean.”_ Mark pressed his lips against Jack’s cheek. _“It might hurt tomorrow. You were right. I shouldn’t have tried to hide it. I don’t want you to, either. Let me take care of you.”_

_“You always do.”_

_“I always will.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout-out to @flashjumper, my unofficial editor. And to all of you, for making it through 36 chapters. So much love!  
> \- Kay


	37. Chapter 37

Mark woke up slowly, gazing up at a largely unfamiliar ceiling. They had contemplated spending another night down in the living room, but Mark had concluded that Jack would be more comfortable sleeping on an actual mattress. He had put the bed together, tucked Jack under the covers, and held him until he’d fallen asleep.

He looked around to see bright daylight glowing around the edges of the blinds, and hoped that Jack was still sleeping. He knew how badly they had both needed a good night’s rest. He rolled over and found Jack stretched out in a crazy configuration. He was fully on his stomach and had slid halfway down the bed. His head was resting on the mattress instead of a pillow, and his arms were stretched out at odd angles. Mark smirked and shook his head. It was adorable, but it couldn’t possibly be comfortable.

He reached over and rested his hand lightly between Jack’s shoulder blades, feeling Jack’s muscles through his t-shirt.

“Mmf.”

“Hey Sean. You ok?”

“Uugh.”

Jack shifted slightly and turned his head toward Mark.

“Am I black and blue all over? I feel like a giant bruise.”

Mark moved closer to Jack and carefully pulled the neckline of his shirt to the side, examining his neck and shoulders. He found two small bruises and one more pronounced bite. He hadn’t broken the skin, but he could see red indentations that matched his own teeth. He brushed his fingers over the mark. He fought a wave of arousal.

“I got you pretty good there. It’s fucking sexy, though. Jesus.” Jack smiled.

Mark sat up and slid Jack’s shirt up from the bottom, examining his back. His skin was pale and smooth.

“How’s it look?”

Mark kissed the small of Jack’s back as gently as he could, barely touching Jack’s skin with his lips.

“Perfect.”

He traced the line of Jack’s boxers and rested his fingers on Jack’s hip.

“How’s it feel back here?”

Jack shifted his hips, testing the sensation. “Different than I thought. Not so bad. My muscles ache more than anything.”

Mark nodded. “Ok. Bath or pool? Either would probably feel good.”

“Mm. Bath first, once I remember how to walk.”

Mark kissed his forehead. “Stay here for a minute.”

“That won’t be a problem.”

Mark went to the bathroom and filled the tub with hot water. He went around to Jack’s side of the bed and moved his hand lightly over Jack’s back. “Think you can get up?”

Jack rolled slowly onto his back. “UUUGGHH.”

“I can carry you, if you want.”

Jack nodded. “Yes please.”

Mark undressed him first, then picked him up as carefully as he could. He carried Jack into the bathroom and stood him up in the tub. Jack settled into the warm water and leaned his head against the edge of the tub. Mark kneeled on the floor, and Jack looked over at him.

“Why’re you out there? And fully dressed?”

“I thought you might want some space. And maybe pancakes?”

Jack scooped up a handful of water and splashed it all over the front of Mark’s shirt.

“Nope.”

Mark laughed. “You absolute nerd. You could’ve just asked!”

Jack smirked. “You could’ve said no.”

Mark put his face close to Jack’s _“You really think I’d say no to you?”_

_“Wasn’t worth the risk.”_

Mark kissed him. He forced himself to be gentle. He stood up to take his boxers off, and Jack scooted forward to make room in the tub. Mark slid into the water behind him, his legs on either side of Jack. He put his hands on Jack’s shoulders and held him in a sitting position.

“Where does it hurt?”

“Everywhere?”

Mark chuckled. “You don’t have to trick me into feeling you up. I’ll be all over you as soon as you’re feeling better.”

“Promise?”

Mark leaned forward and pressed his lips against the back of Jack’s neck.

_“Promise.”_

Jack sighed. “Ok. Shoulders, please.”

Mark rubbed gently at Jack’s neck, shoulders, and back, until Jack took a slow, deep breath, and finally leaned back against Mark’s chest. Mark wrapped his arms around Jack’s torso, and Jack rested his head against Mark’s shoulder. Mark covered Jack’s neck in slow kisses until Jack’s breathing was slow and even. Mark held him while he nodded off.

Jack dozed for about twenty minutes before he finally lifted his head.

_“Hey Sean. How are you feeling?”_

_“Did I fall asleep?”_

_“For a little while.”_

_“I feel better.”_

_“Hungry yet?”_

_“Starving.”_

They both stood up and climbed out of the tub, Jack stretching tentatively. “Jesus, so much better. Thanks, love.”

Mark wrapped him in a towel and kissed his forehead. “You should get back in bed. I’ll make breakfast.”

“I should help.”

Mark shook his head. “ _You_ should start studying for your driving test.”

Jack sighed. “Yep. Yeh’re right.” They had researched it together. Jack needed to pass a written exam before he could get a learner’s permit. He and Mark couldn’t practice on the road until that happened, so the longer he put it off, the longer it would take him to get his actual license. “How long do yeh think I’ll need?”

“A few hours, I’d guess. If my sixteen-year-old self could pass, you should be just fine. God, I was an idiot back then.”

“But you took a class fer it, right?”

“Oh, yeah, and it was totally useless. Don’t worry, I found you some videos and a practice test.”

“Yeh’re the best.”

Mark put Jack back to bed and set him up with a laptop before he went downstairs. He played with Chica in the backyard for a while, then made breakfast, and brought it upstairs to Jack. Jack had been alternating between the videos, the practice test, and his own typed notes, but he set the work aside and ate with Mark.

“So. I had an idea.”

Jack stopped chewing. “Oh Jesus, how worried should I be?”

Mark chuckled. “Only slightly. I was thinking of giving Matt and Ryan a call.”

Jack nodded. “What d’you want to tell them?”

Mark thought for a moment. “I know I haven’t talked about it a lot, but I was not in a good place before I moved out. All three of us were having a rough time. We didn’t exactly leave off on _bad_ terms, and we’ve been in touch on and off, obviously. But I think I should try to let them know what’s been going on. I’m not sure how they’ll take it, but I’d rather give it a try than just let it go.”

Jack nodded again. “Whatever you want. Sounds like the right call to me.”

Mark called Ryan’s cell phone, and was surprised when he actually picked up. He asked if he and Matt could be free to hang out for a while, and he said they could make it work. Mark hung up and texted him the address. He sighed.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. Will you be ok for a while?”

Jack smiled. “I’m fine, Mark. Don’t worry about me. Don’t worry in general. It’ll all be alright.”

Mark showered, dressed, and headed downstairs to play with Chica while he waited for Matt and Ryan. Eventually his phone buzzed, and he went to the front door to let Matt and Ryan into the house. They greeted each other somewhat awkwardly, and Mark led them into the kitchen to sit down.

“Where’s Jack?” Ryan asked. “Isn’t this his house?”

“He’s upstairs. And yeah, kind of. That’s what I wanted to talk to you guys about.”

Mark looked at both of them. “Ok, I have some things to say to you guys. I’m hoping you’ll hear me out.”

They both nodded. “Sure,” Matt said. “What’s up?”

Mark took a breath. “So. We went through a lot together. I’m guessing you could tell that I was having a really hard time before I moved out. I didn’t feel like myself at all. I’m pretty sure I was probably miserable to live with, and selfish, and generally a total asshole. And I want to say I’m sorry for that. The fact that you guys still kept in touch, and agreed to watch Chica for me, was a huge deal. Thank you.”

Ryan was shaking his head. “We all could’ve handled things better.”

Matt nodded. “Yeah, man. Don’t worry about it.”

Mark tried to smile. “Thanks. So, I’m trying to be less of an asshole, and I’m trying to be more honest about things. I have to tell you something else that might be surprising, but I’m hoping it will help explain why I was having such a hard time keeping my shit together.”

Mark paused. His friends were looking at him seriously. He took another deep breath.

“Obviously, Jack is living here now. This is his house. But it’s mine, too. We’re living here together.”

Ryan nodded. “I thought this looked like your kitchen table. Are you guys partnering up, or something?”

 _Shit._ Neither of them had gotten the message. He shook his head.

“Not for work. Jack came here for me. He’s not my roommate. He’s my…” The word _boyfriend_ hung in Mark’s mind, unspoken. It didn’t sound right, for some reason. He didn’t feel like it captured the seriousness of what was going on between them.

“I love him.”

Matt and Ryan stared.

Ryan finally broke the silence. “Normally, I would tell you to go fuck yourself, but I get the feeling you’re not joking.”

“I’m not. I swear.”

Matt was nodding. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not surprised. And, you’re right. It explains a lot.”

Mark let out the breath he had been holding in. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Fuck, that must have been hard. How long has it been going on?”

Mark thought about it. “I felt it for a long time, but I didn’t tell him until a couple weeks ago. It was definitely affecting me, but I thought things would get even worse if I told him and it went badly. So I moved, tried to change things up, tried to move on. It didn’t help. I basically waited until I couldn’t handle it by myself anymore. And then… well, I got lucky. He came to see me, and now here we are.”

Ryan looked like he’d come to a realization. “So he moved here to be with you?”

Mark nodded.

“Oh, wow. So this is a really big deal.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“So.” Matt was smiling. “How’s it going?”

Mark grinned. “Really good. Seriously. I feel… I don’t know. I feel like myself again. But better. I’m sorry it took so long to get here, and I’m sorry if all of my bullshit affected either of you. If you can get over the awkwardness, I hope we can still be friends.”

“Jesus, dude. We’re cool. Don’t make it weird.” Ryan was grinning.

Matt nodded in agreement. “So what’s the plan? Should we all hang out?”

“I had a couple ideas. We need tons of stuff for the house. If you guys are up for it, I thought we could go buy some stuff. If you help me build a grill, I’ll make dinner later.”

They both nodded. “Deal.”

“Cool. Sean – uhm, Jack, I mean – he’s studying, so I think he’ll probably stay here. Want to say hi before we go?”

They both laughed. “Obviously,” Ryan said.

Mark took out his phone and sent Jack a message. He appeared in the kitchen a minute later. Mark, Ryan, and Matt all stood up to greet him.

“Hey, guys, thanks fer coming.” Jack extended his hand, and they both shook it.

“We heard you’ve been rehabilitating our friend,” Matt said, smiling.

Jack giggled. “That’s one way of putting it.”

“Seriously. Thanks,” Matt went on. “How are _you_ doing?”

“Well, I feel like I’m going to burst into flames every time I walk outside. And I’m about to apply fer a learner’s permit, so there’s that. But otherwise, I’m _awesome._ Thanks fer asking.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been keeping up with your channel, with all this going on,” Ryan said sincerely. “You too, Mark. I’m really impressed.”

They both thanked him, embarrassed.

“So, Sean, we were going to go grab some stuff for the house, and maybe grill later? That ok with you?”

“Oh my God. Like, hamburgers and stuff?”

Mark laughed. “Please tell me you’ve grilled before.”

“Irishmen don’t _grill_ , Mark. It doesn’t stop raining long enough.”

Mark stared at him. “You’re joking, right?”

Jack giggled. “Yeah, I’m joking in a general sense, but grilling is totally foreign to me. I’m excited. Knock yerselves out.”

“Ok. Text me if you need anything.”

Jack grinned. “Thanks.” He put his arms around Mark’s shoulders and hugged him briefly, then tensed, pulled back, and looked over at Matt and Ryan.

“Sorry guys…”

They were both shaking their heads.

“Nah, man, it’s fine. Proceed,” Ryan said.

Mark smiled gratefully and pulled Jack into a proper hug. He kissed Jack’s lips briefly before letting him go. “See you later?”

Jack nodded, then turned to Matt and Ryan. “Thanks fer being cool, guys, it’s really good to see both of yeh.” They said their goodbyes, and Jack headed back upstairs.

“Wow,” Ryan said. “That’ll take some getting used to.”

Mark grimaced. “Too much?”

“No, no… you guys are fucking adorable. That’s what I mean- I’m not used to thinking of _you_ as being _adorable_.” He looked Mark up and down. “It suits you. You seem… good.”

Mark nodded. “Thanks, man.”

Matt drove the three of them to rent a small truck, and they spent the next couple of hours buying patio furniture, a grill, and several other things Mark had wanted to keep secret from Jack for the time being. After sending some photos to Jack for his approval, Mark also purchased a couch and chairs for their empty living room, which would be delivered directly to the house in a couple of days. They made a final stop at the grocery store before heading back to Mark and Jack’s house.

Mark, Matt, and Ryan started assembling the grill as soon as they arrived, and Jack took a break from studying to help out with dinner. Matt and Ryan jumped in the pool to cool off while Mark and Jack finished up, and then they all ate together in the kitchen. The mood was light; they all enjoyed each other’s company.

Afterward, Matt and Ryan helped Mark store the rest of the items from the truck in the garage. Mark drove the three of them to return the truck, and then Matt and Ryan dropped Mark back at the house. Mark let them know that the Grumps would be visiting the following day, and invited them to join. They already had plans, but assured him they would be back another time. They both hugged him goodbye before they left, reassuring him that they would be careful to keep Mark and Jack’s secret for as long as they needed to. Mark felt confident that they were telling the truth.

He found Jack in the bedroom with his headphones on, scrutinizing the laptop screen. Jack grinned when he saw Mark, setting the headphones and the laptop aside.

“Hey, love. Seems like that went well, yeah? Want to tell me about it?”

Mark sat cross-legged on the bed in front of Jack. He smiled. “Yeah, it went really well. I feel _so_ much better. I can’t even remember the last time we all had fun hanging out like that.”

Jack picked up one of Mark’s hands and squeezed. “I’m proud of you.”

Mark squeezed back. “How are you feeling?”

“Really good. I mean, a tiny bit sore, still. But fine.” He held Mark’s gaze. “I actually… kind of like it.”

“What, being sore and miserable?”

“Do I look miserable to you?”

Mark looked him over. He shook his head.

“I like that yeh’re strong. I like that I can always feel you, all over me…” He picked up Mark’s other hand. “I love it. I love that I can always trust you. It’s like this truth that’s with me all the time.”

He leaned forward and kissed Mark’s lips.

_“Did yeh like it? Losing control with me?”_

Mark took a deep breath, resisting the urge to tackle Jack onto the mattress. _“I don’t think I can even describe what it felt like. It was… fucking… insane.”_ He hooked his fingers into the neckline of Jack’s shirt, pulled him forward, kissed his lips firmly. He felt Jack tracing his upper lip with his tongue. He smiled.

_“Sean.”_

_“Mmm.”_

_“I’m trying to be… gentle.”_

_“Oh. Right.”_ Jack put his arms around Mark’s shoulders and hugged him. _“I just wanted you to know I loved it. I want to do it again. Y’know. Eventually.”_

Mark kissed his neck. _“No rush. I can be patient. I mean, it’ll be torture. But I’ll behave.”_

_“Not too much, I hope.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points for anyone who can identify the following reference:
> 
> "How are you feeling?"  
> "Did I fall asleep?"  
> "For a little while."
> 
> The end of the quote goes:  
> "Shall I go now?"  
> "If you like."
> 
> HINT: Joss Whedon fans will have an easier time.


	38. Chapter 38

Jack woke up with Mark’s bare arm thrown snugly across his chest, holding him in place. He was on his back, Mark was fully on his stomach, and they were both laying the wrong way on the bed, with their feet close to their pillows. The sheets and blankets were a mess. Mark’s shirt was nowhere to be seen. Jack thought back to the previous night.

Mark had insisted on slowing things down – physically – until Jack was feeling better, and Jack had been both grateful and frustrated. Mark was infinitely kind and cautious, which only made it harder for Jack to keep his hands to himself.

They had decided to get in a couple hours of driving practice, before eating dinner late, and then heading back to the bedroom. Mark had been a perfect gentleman. Jack had not. Mark had made him promise that their pants would stay on. Jack had taken off his shirt instead.

They’d made out aggressively for so long that Jack had lost track of time, making a mess of the bed, and leaving another handful of red marks along each other’s necks and shoulders. But Mark had made sure it hadn’t gone any further than that, and they’d eventually tired themselves out. Jack assumed the transition between heated makeout session and sleep must have been abrupt, given their current configuration.

Jack was inspecting Mark’s bare arm and back. He loved how _solid_ Mark was, loved the feeling of being held, anchored under Mark’s weight. He thought about what it felt like when Mark climbed over him, pinned him down…

He sighed. He had no idea what time it was, and they had things to do. They had friends coming over later, and Jack needed to spend time building his new computer. He was anxious to improve the quality of his recording setup so he could use it for the rest of the week. He reminded himself that Mark wasn’t going anywhere… Waiting could be fun, right?

He put his hands on Mark’s arm, and kissed his way from Mark’s elbow to his shoulder. Mark opened his eyes, although Jack thought it must have been an effort, since most of his face was pressed firmly into the mattress.

_“Ehh.”_

Jack giggled.

“Hello, love. Looks like we got a little carried away.”

Mark lifted his head, stretched his neck. “ _You_ got carried away. I kept all of my promises.”

“I know, I’m horrible. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to tease yeh.”

Mark lifted himself up and climbed over Jack.

“That is _ridiculous._ ” He kissed Jack’s lips, then looked in his eyes. “What, you think I’m in this for the orgasms, or something?”

Jack shook his head, giggling. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Good.” Mark kissed him again. “Sean. I love fooling around with you. There’s no endgame.”

He kissed Jack’s neck, slowly. _“You don’t owe me anything.”_

He moved down Jack’s body and pushed his shirt up, revealing several inches of bare skin. He kissed his way down to Jack’s waistband, slid his fingertips underneath, and started to ease Jack’s boxers off.

_“Oh. Mark. Yeh don’t have to…”_

Mark looked up at him. _“I know I don’t. I want to.”_ He ran his thumb over the bulge in Jack’s boxers, then kissed it. _“I’ll be gentle. Ok?”_

Jack nodded. _“Ok.”_

Mark slid Jack’s boxers the rest of the way off. He settled between Jack’s knees and looped his left arm under Jack’s right thigh, resting his arm along Jack’s hip. He opened his hand, palm up, and Jack took it.

Mark held Jack’s cock lightly in his right hand, and licked at the head with the tip of his tongue. He heard Jack sighing, gave Jack’s hand a squeeze. He took Jack into his mouth, applied light pressure, moved his lips and tongue as slowly as he could. Jack moaned softly, smoothing at Mark’s hair with his free hand.

Mark moved slowly for a long time, enjoying the feeling of Jack’s skin against his lips and tongue, loving every quiet sound Jack made. Eventually Jack started arching his back and squeezing Mark’s hand more tightly. Mark looped his right arm under Jack’s left thigh so that he was cradling both of Jack’s hips. He moved Jack’s whole lower body, guiding Jack in slow, deep thrusts inside his mouth. He knew Jack was hovering, ready to fall.

He squeezed Jack’s hand. Jack gripped at him tightly.

He moved Jack’s hips. Jack moaned, low and sweet.

He held Jack firmly. He licked, sucked, _rocked_ Jack over the edge. Jack squeezed Mark’s hand as he came.

_“Oh- Mark...”_

Mark swallowed, pressed a kiss against Jack’s hip, and moved up Jack’s body.

_“Yeah Sean?”_

Jack stared at him. _“I feel like yeh must love me so much. To be able to do that. I mean, I could actually feel it.”_

Mark grinned. _“And you love me, too. I know you do.”_

Jack nodded. _“So much. I can prove it.”_

He kissed Mark’s lips firmly and slid his hands down Mark’s chest. Mark kissed him eagerly for a moment before pulling back.

_“Later. Time to get up.”_

Jack raised his eyebrows. _“Ser’sly?”_

_“Sean. I know you. You need to get up and be productive, yes?”_

_“Jesus, how do you always know?”_

Mark kissed his nose. _“I’m happy to spend all day looking forward to this.”_

_“I promise it’ll be worth it.”_

_“I know.”_ Mark kissed his lips. _“Omelets for breakfast?”_

_“Later. You can’t go. Shower with me.”_

Mark looked at him skeptically.

_“I’ll behave. I promise.”_

_“Ok. I trust you.”_

Jack was true to his word. Mark helped him shower and shave, forcing himself to move efficiently, ignoring every impulse to keep Jack to himself. They dressed quickly, and Mark went to make breakfast while Jack recorded a vlog and an intro for his next video.

“Top o’ the mornin’ to yeh laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome to my vlog! Many of you have left me questions about my move to California, and I want to take the time to answer some of them now!

First of all, fer those of you who think the whole thing is a prank or a joke- I promise you, it’s not. I applied for a work visa and I’m a legitimate resident of the state of California. I’m spending a few hours a week consulting for Blizzard Entertainment, which shouldn’t interfere much with my YouTube schedule, and it’s an incredible opportunity fer me to learn and contribute more within the gaming industry. I’ll share more details about that as I’m able to. My visa will last fer the next six months, so around New Year’s, I’ll be deciding whether to reapply for an additional six months. I love it here, and I’ve never been happier, so I have every intention of staying, but I figured yeh’d like to know some of the details.

Fer those of you who have paid close attention to the subtle nuances of my life in past videos, yeh’re right- I’ve never driven before, and I’ve never needed to until now. I spent most of the day yesterday studying fer my driving test, and have been collecting footage of the whole hilarious and demoralizing process. Stay tuned!

Fer those of you who are concerned about the changes to my appearance… all I can say is, I love you guys, but yeh need to let the facial hair go. I know you all get used to me looking a certain way on camera, but change is just a part of life. I need to feel like I have control over the way I look, and I hope you can all respect that. Along those lines, I have seen an incredible amount of speculation about what may or may not have happened in my personal life to set all of this in motion. I’ll take this opportunity to put a few rumors to rest. No, I didn’t go through a horrible breakup. No, I didn’t meet a girlfriend online and move here to be with her. No, I didn’t have a falling out with my family. No, I didn’t commit any terrible crimes in Ireland that caused me to flee the country. Yes, I did think about how this move might affect my YouTube career before I made this decision, and yes, I knew it could be risky, and that some people in the community would have a really hard time with it. This community and this channel have been the most important things in my life fer a long time, so trust me when I say, I have really good reasons fer being here. Many of you have been nothing but supportive and encouraging through this process, and I really can’t thank you enough fer the support. I have no doubt that this was the right decision to make, but it hasn’t exactly been easy, and I’m so grateful fer all the love you guys have been sending my way. I’ll do my best to send it right back to yeh.”

Jack recorded an outro, then set up a new recording, repeated his intro, and recorded a brief introduction to his next video. Mark had agreed to help him film the process of building his new computer, along with some humorous scenes for dramatic effect, and Jack intended to share an edited version on his channel.

“I’m very excited today, because I’m about to build a BRAND NEW computer! Fer those of you who were wondering, I did take some of my equipment with me from Ireland, but I saw this as a perfect opportunity to update my computer, so I ordered the parts and had them shipped directly to my new house. Also, I honestly enjoy building computers, and I haven’t done it fer a while, and I thought you guys might enjoy getting some insight into the process. Buckle up!”

He ended the recording and headed to the kitchen. Mark was putting plates of food onto the table: omelets and home fries.

“Oh my God. That looks _so_ good. You know I would love you even if yeh sucked at cooking, right? But Jesus, it’s a nice perk.”

Mark grinned, speared a piece of potato with a fork, and held it in front of Jack’s mouth. Jack took the bite and groaned happily. “Fucking amazing. Thanks, love.”

They ate quickly, then launched into recording. Mark filmed Jack as he unwrapped and organized the pieces of the computer. Jack commentated as he assembled the components, and Mark was impressed with the way he was able to make something so technical sound fun and interesting. Mark could tell that Jack was often speaking directly to him, even though he was on camera, and he felt flutters of affection and excitement every time it occurred to him that he might be inspiring Jack’s energy and enthusiasm. He was reminded again that Jack was _brilliant_. Knowledge flowed from him freely as he gestured expressively, his eyes bright. Mark was humbled, amazed, and hopelessly in love.

When Jack was finished, they spent time filming some scenes inspired by _Terminator._ Jack pretended that his new computer had acquired consciousness, and filmed staged conversations with it, then acted as though the machine had taken him hostage so it could achieve world domination and enslave mankind. Mark experienced a very specific kind of enjoyment while binding Jack’s wrists together with spare wires for these scenes. He wondered what it would be like if _he_ took Jack hostage. He filed the thought away for future consideration.

It was mid-afternoon by the time they finished and heard their doorbell ringing. Suzy, Arin, and Danny helped them carry the new patio furniture to the backyard, and they got to work assembling a large dining set and several lounge chairs. Jack and Suzy blew up inflatable rafts while Arin, Danny, and Mark started prepping for lunch on the grill. They were all sweaty and uncomfortable by the time Mark was getting ready to grill, so everyone changed into swimsuits before regrouping in the backyard. They wolfed down the food, complimented Mark’s culinary skills, and got ready to jump in the pool.

Jack pulled off his shirt and headed toward the deep end with Suzy and Arin.

“Holy _shit._ ” Arin grabbed his arm, looking him over. “What the actual _fuck_. Should we take you to the hospital?” Jack was confused until he saw Arin’s smirk, and realized that he’d just identified the bruises and bite mark on his shoulders. Jack blushed.

Suzy giggled. “Oh my _God._ I’m sorry, that is so hot. Good one, Mark,” she called.

“What’s hot?” Danny approached them. “Oh, _shit._ Mark, come here.”

Mark wandered over, confused. He’d just removed his own shirt, and Danny took the opportunity to look him over as well.

“Oh, you guys are so busted,” Arin said, eyeing the bruises near Mark’s shoulders, less visible because of his tanned skin. “Thanks for the mental images. I’m going to go bleach my eyeballs now.” He jumped in the pool.

Suzy continued to giggle. “Don’t listen to him, he’s kidding.”

“I’m not,” Danny chimed in. “Thanks for the mental images. I’ll cherish them forever.” He jumped in the pool, too.

Suzy gave Jack’s hand a squeeze. “You ok? I know it might not seem like it, but Arin’s trying to be supportive. He’s trying to act normal... or, well, act like he would have before. So, douchey, like always. See what I mean?”

Jack smiled, nodded. “I’m good. Mark?”

Mark grinned. “Me too. Oh, hey, what’s that?” He pointed over Jack’s shoulder, and Jack turned toward the pool. Mark pushed him in, and Jack came up with both middle fingers pointed dramatically at Mark.

Mark laughed hysterically. “C’mon, McLoughlin, you make it so fucking easy, I can’t resist.” Mark and Suzy jumped in.

They spent the afternoon having an absolute blast in the pool. Danny floated serenely on a raft while Mark and Jack challenged Suzy and Arin to chicken fights. Jack and Suzy were evenly matched, tossing each other brutally into the water while perched on Mark and Arin’s shoulders. They were all sunburned, exhausted, and deliriously happy by the time the Grumps had to leave, and they hugged each other goodbye, promising to repeat the day’s events as soon as possible.

Mark and Jack returned to the backyard and settled into lounge chairs while Chica frolicked in the grass.

“Jesus, that was _awesome._ But I am going to be _so_ sunburned.”

Mark looked Jack over. “I don’t think it’s that bad. I put, like, ten layers of sunscreen on you. I bought aloe though, just in case.”

Jack nodded. “Thanks.”

They enjoyed a comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Jack spoke up.

“Mark? This was an awesome day, and everything. But I think we need to talk about a couple of things.”

Mark shifted so he could look at Jack more easily.

“Sure, what’s up?”

Jack swiped at his phone and winced. “We need to talk about Felix.”

Mark grimaced. “Yeah, I know.”

They had both been stalling Felix for the last two weeks with evasive text messages, and his attempts to reach them were becoming both dramatic and profane.

“I really want to tell him the truth…” Jack started.

“Yeah, but he’s the fucking captain of our fucking ship,” Mark finished.

“Yep. D’you think he’s even capable of keeping it to himself?”

Mark looked thoughtful. “I mean, I think of him as an actual friend, and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way about both of us.”

“Yeah, me too. I’m just not sure he’ll understand why we need to keep it a secret.”

“Maybe you should just call him? Feel it out a little bit?”

Jack nodded. “Ok. I’ll give it a try. Can I tell him, if it seems like the right idea?”

“Sure. Lying about it sucks. Just go for it.”

Jack tapped at his phone, and Felix picked up immediately.

“YOU ABSOLUTE DOUCHEBAG OF A MOTHERFUCKER.”

“Hey, Felix.”

“I MEAN IT, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

“Nice to talk to you too!”

“Don’t fuck with me, Jackaboy, I’m not pleased with you at the moment. Explain yourself.”

“Dude, I’m sorry, I’ve just had some shit going on-”

“Like???”

Jack took a deep breath, grimacing in Mark’s direction. “I can’t really tell you everything right now.”

“Like the fact that you’re fucking Mark?”

Jack almost dropped the phone. “WHO TOLD YOU THAT?”

“OH MY GOD! NO ONE! I WAS GUESSING!”

“FUCK!”

“FUCK _YOU,_ ASSHOLE! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

“Felix, I’m sorry, we’re just not ready to announce it to the whole world yet…”

Silence on the other end. “Dude, I hate to break it to you, but the whole world already knows.”

“No, they don’t. Some people _assume._ It’s not the same thing. Having to explain all of it is really stressful. We’re still trying to figure everything out. We haven’t even told our whole families yet- Mark’s mom and brother don’t even know. We’re really not ready fer it to get out.”

“Ok, ok, fine. Is Mark there?” Felix was impatient.

“Yeah.”

“Let me talk to him.”

Jack handed the phone to Mark with a scowl. “Best of luck.”

Mark put the phone to his ear.

“Hey-”

Jack could hear a torrent of indecipherable screaming on the other end. Mark winced and held the phone away from his ear.

“Jesus, Felix- FELIX! No. Shut up. NO. What the fuck, man? Like I would actually do that? No, it was me. I swear. Yeah. I fucking love him, dickbag. YES. JESUS. What kind of proof do you want? We moved in together, it’s serious. No. I won’t. YES. I SWEAR.”

Jack was staring in fascination.

“Ok. Yeah. Just for now. We’ll see you in a couple weeks, right? We can talk about it then. Ok? Yes. _Yes._ Relax. Ok. Yeah.”

Mark handed the phone back to Jack. “Jesus fucking Christ, he’s all yours.”

Jack held the phone up to his ear. “Hey.”

“Dude, if he hurts you, I will fucking murder him. Just so you know. Glad you’re getting laid, though. Good for you.”

“Um. Thanks?”

“Games this week?”

“Sure.”

“Bye.” Felix hung up.

Jack stared at Mark. “What the fuck was that?”

“Oh, just five minutes of Felix violently threatening my life. I get the feeling he’s not sure if I deserve you.” Mark looked thoughtful. “I think he might be a little bit in love with you, actually.”

Jack giggled. “We’re just friends, Mark.”

They were both silent for a minute.

“Sean.”

“Yeah?”

“We should talk about PAX, too.”

Jack nodded. “I know.”

The weekend of PAX West was rapidly approaching. They had both been planning to attend long before Jack had come to visit Mark, and they needed to finalize their plans over the next week. This was another conversation they had been actively avoiding.

“I almost waited, you know. I knew I would see you in September. I just… I don’t know. I didn’t want to risk losing my nerve. I couldn’t wait.”

Jack smiled. “I’m glad yeh didn’t.”

“So.” Mark looked at Jack. “I remember you saying you were thinking of doing a solo panel.”

Jack felt a pang. It was an emotion he hadn’t experienced in a long time. _Regret._

He tried to choose his words carefully. “I don’t think there’s any way I can.”

Mark’s expression was pained. “Sean, I’ll do whatever you think is best. I’ll support you if you want to-”

Jack was shaking his head. “Imagine the kinds of things people will be asking me about. I can’t do it. It’s not the right time.”

Mark nodded slowly, frustration settling in his chest. He’d had a feeling Jack would be making this decision, and it was killing him. He knew what a massive opportunity it would be for Jack to run his own panel, and how much Jack would have loved every second of it. He knew Jack was free to make this choice, but he couldn’t help feeling responsible.

“Maybe you can do a solo signing?”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, they said I can do more than one. We can do one together, like we’ve done in the past- if yeh still want to, I mean. And I can do a second one myself on a different day.”

“Yeah. That’ll be great. So, obviously, you have to do the panel with me and Bob and Wade, again.”

Jack forced himself to smile, hating this conversation more by the second. “Yeah, and I’ll do the big group panel with everyone, too.”

“Sean…”

The look on Mark’s face was making everything worse.

“Don’t, love-”

“I’m sorry…”

Jack sighed.

“Please don’t apologize. We’ll make it work. PAX East is in March. Maybe I can do the panel then.”

Mark nodded. “It’ll be great. And this part of the year always goes by so fast. We have Halloween… the holidays…”

“And then it’ll be January.”

Mark reached over and picked up Jack’s hand.

“And you’ll be here. With me. And I’ll do everything I can to be worth all of this.”

Jack got out of his chair, stood over Mark for a moment, then pulled him up. He put his arms around Mark’s bare shoulders and hugged him tightly.

 _“You’re worth it. You are.”_ He kissed the side of Mark’s face. He took Mark’s hand and led him into the house, up the stairs, and into the bedroom. He pulled off Mark’s damp shorts and steered him onto the bed. He settled on his knees between Mark’s legs and kissed him, slowly, for a long time. He started to move down Mark’s body-

 _“No. Stay with me.”_ Jack smiled, brushed Mark’s hair back from his face.

_“Anything you want, love. Tell me.”_

Mark wrapped his legs around Jack’s waist, pulled him close, rocked his hips against Jack.

Jack kissed his lips. _“You sure?”_

Mark nodded.

When Jack finally slid inside of him, Mark buried his face against Jack’s shoulder. He held Jack tightly as they moved together, trying to forget.

_Six months._

Jack’s lips were hard against his neck. Jack was moving deep inside him.

_It’s not enough._

Jack was moaning against his ear, pushing both of them to the edge.

 _“Sean._ ”

 _“Mark._ ”

_“Stay with me-”_

He meant _forever._ He didn’t say it.

 


	39. Chapter 39

“Really? Red?”

“Uh huh. Trust me. You look awesome in red.”

Mark pulled the shirt down over Jack’s head. He looked him over: gray sneakers, black fitted jeans, dark red t-shirt. He nodded.

Jack checked out his reflection. “Huh. Yep, yeh’re right, as usual.” His phone buzzed, and he checked the message. He sighed. “That’s Suzy. Gotta go, love.”

Mark nodded. “You’re going to have an amazing day. Say hi for me.” He kissed Jack, sweetly, then watched him disappear from the bedroom.

It was early Wednesday morning, and Jack was scheduled to spend a few hours at Blizzard. He hadn’t wanted Mark to lose half a work day driving him back and forth, so he’d asked Suzy if she wanted to make the trip with him, and she had made herself available. Mark would’ve gone with Jack, and he’d acted disappointed about the whole arrangement, but he was secretly happy to have the house to himself for the day. He had plans.

But it wasn’t time for fun yet. He walked to his recording space, sat down in his chair, stared at his phone for a few minutes, and finally tapped at the screen to call his brother.

“Mark!”

“Hey, Tom.”

Tom was an artist to his core: quirky, cool, open-minded, and infinitely accepting. Mark was predicting that Tom would handle this phone call fairly well, but he still felt the awkwardness of having to steer the conversation to such a personal topic. He was reminded again of how incredibly different this scenario felt compared to past relationships he’d been in, because of the way his own identity and preferences were inevitably examined and scrutinized. He wondered if he would ever get used to it.

“How have you been? Everything alright?” Tom asked sincerely.

“Yeah, everything’s great. How are you?”

“Fine. Same old. Mom’s been asking for you, I told her I hadn’t heard from you in a while.”

“I figured. Sorry.” Mark was legitimately apologetic. “I’ve had a lot going on.”

“Seems like it. Ireland, huh? Was that a last-minute decision?”

“Yeah. Kind of. Jack decided to move here, so… I went back with him for a few days.”

“I heard! I’m sure he appreciated that. How’s he doing? Have you seen him much since you guys got back?”

Tom had never actually met Jack in person, but he followed both of their channels, and was aware that the two of them had been close friends for quite a while.

“Yeah. I’ve seen him a lot. Uhm.” Mark paused. “Tom. I have to tell you something kind of serious. Not serious in a bad way, but, like… people keep expecting me to be joking all the time, and I just want to tell you up front that I am _not_ joking about this. And it’s incredibly awkward, so you can make it a lot easier for me if you just believe me the first time around.”

“Um… ok… but if you end up pranking me after all that, I’ll be pissed.”

“I’m not. No pranks. I _swear._ ”

“Ok. Go for it.”

“I’m assuming you’ve seen Jack’s videos about moving to LA?”

“Yeah.”

“So, you know how he mentioned dealing with some things in his personal life? And that was part of the reason why he decided to move?”

“Yeah…”

Mark tried to sound confident. “I’m the reason he moved here. Our friendship kind of… turned into a relationship.”

Silence for a moment. “…Relationship. Like, the _dating_ kind?”

“Yeah. And, like, the _living together_ kind.”

“Wow… ok… I can see why some people would think you were joking.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s not like I was blabbing to the whole world that I was having confusing feelings about my best friend. But I was, and here we are. You believe me?”

Another pause. “Yeah, I do.”

“Oh, thank God.”

Tom chuckled. “So… want to talk about it?”

“Maybe a little. I could use the practice. I suck at explaining it. It makes me feel so guilty.”

“Why guilty?”

Mark thought about it. “I feel like I need to handle it right. For Sean. _Jack._ He deserves it. I would hate it if he thought I was embarrassed, or something, but it’s just so awkward to explain. It’s not like I can just say, _Hey, meet my new girlfriend,_ and have everyone be like, _Hey, Mark dates girls, this is the most normal thing that’s ever happened._ It’s like, _Hey, here’s my brand new, painfully complicated identity, and a bunch of awkward sexual implications. You’re welcome and thanks for not outing me on the Internet._ ”

Tom was laughing. “Dude. I’m sure Jack understands that it’s a big adjustment. He’s probably going through the same thing.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“And as for the rest… I mean, you don’t really owe anyone an explanation, unless you want to give them one. People make all kinds of assumptions about any kind of relationship. You just have to decide what information you’re comfortable sharing. People will probably try to label you, and a lot of people think that simplifies things, but it can actually make everything a lot more complicated.”

The awkwardness Mark had been feeling was starting to dissipate. He was grateful for Tom’s perspective. “Yeah, I noticed that. We’ve both looked into it. The labels don’t really fit.”

“Do you mind if I ask… is it guys in general, now, or just Jack?”

“Just Jack.”

“That is… adorable. But, yeah, a little messier than people typically prefer.”

“Yeah. And I’m sure there are plenty of people who won’t think it’s ‘adorable.’ Including Mom.”

Tom was quiet for a minute. “How serious are you guys?”

“Very. As serious as it gets. I am, anyway. I’m pretty sure Jack is, too.”

“Yeah. I think it might take her some time to process that.”

“That’s one of the reasons I wanted to tell you. Other than the fact that, well, obviously I wanted you to know, and I knew you would handle it really well. So, thanks. But, yeah. I was hoping you could talk to Mom. After I tell her, I mean.”

“Sure. Are you coming home for Thanksgiving?”

“I’m not sure. Definitely for Christmas. I want to tell her a lot sooner than that, though. I want to bring Jack home with me when I come.”

“Ok. Then, yeah, I would tell her soon. Hey, should I send Jack a message, or something? I’m sure this hasn’t been easy for him, either.”

Mark felt a wave of appreciation for his brother. “He would love that. I’ll text you his number. Also. PAX West? Can you come?”

They discussed the details, and Tom promised that he would try to make it work. Mark heard a notification come through on his phone, and said goodbye to Tom so he could check the message. As he had expected, it was Arin, letting him know that he had just pulled up to the house. Mark told him to let himself in. He sent a quick message to Jack, letting him know to expect a message from Tom, and then headed downstairs to meet Arin.

“Hey man, thanks again for helping me out today.”

Arin grinned. “No problem. I honestly didn’t know you were this nice of a person. I like to encourage good behavior.”

Mark let out a short laugh. “Maybe I _wasn’t_ that nice of a person, before. I don’t know.”

Arin looked at him seriously. “I was joking. But you do seem different, you know? More serious. In a good way. But maybe that’s just the existential trauma of actually boning one of your best bros.”

“Oh my God. Can we not?”

“What? Too far? You know I’m cool with you guys, right? I think it’s great. For real.”

Mark nodded. “Thanks, man. You didn’t take it too far. I’m just… adjusting.”

“I get it. You’re not used to being buried in _actual_ dicks. I’m sure you’ll get used to it.”

“SUCK MY _ENTIRE_ COCK, DOUCHEBAG.”

“ _There’s_ the Markiplier I know and love! See? We can joke about it. The world won’t end.”

Mark grinned. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“Good. So. What’s the plan?”

Mark checked the time on his phone. “They should be here any minute. Let me show you the room…”

 

* * *

 

 

Mark was sitting on the front steps when Suzy and Jack pulled into the driveway later that afternoon. Suzy got out of the car to give them both a quick hug before driving away. They waved goodbye, and then Jack pulled Mark into a tight hug.

“Hey Sean. How was your morning?”

“Awesome. Missed yeh, though. How’re you?”

“Better now.”

Jack gave him a squeeze. “I got a message from Tom.” He took his phone out of his pocket, tapped into his messages, and showed Mark the screen.

 

T: Hey man, welcome to the family. Hope to see you soon.

 

Mark grinned. “He’s a great guy. I know you’ll get along really well.”

Jack nodded. “I’m really glad he took it well. I’m proud of you fer telling him.”

“Thanks.”

“So. I’m getting the feeling that yeh’re trying to stop me from going inside the house. Should I be worried?”

“No, but I do need a favor.”

“Anything.”

Mark kissed his nose. “I need you to let me boss you around for the afternoon. Will you trust me?”

Jack smirked. “I’m guessing I’ll enjoy it, so, yes.”

“Ok. I did a thing. And you’re not allowed to look at most of the house until we’re both done working for the day.” Mark pulled something out of his pocket and held it up.

“Is that a tie? Are we dressing up?”

“Yes, it is. And no, not this time, but I couldn’t find anything else to use. Stay still.” He started securing the piece of fabric over Jack’s eyes.

“Are you _blindfolding_ me?!”

“You’re Goddamn right I am. No peeking.”

Jack giggled.

“I’m serious!”

“Mark, as much as I’d love to fool around-”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, McLoughlin. We’re still on the clock. I’m just bringing you to your recording room.”

“Will there be food?”

Mark laughed. “I’ll make you something. But you have to stay in there. You’ll have to text me if you want to leave. The blindfold goes on if you need to walk around.”

“Got it.”

Mark took a moment to admire the way Jack looked with the black fabric covering his eyes. He brushed a thumb across Jack’s lips, then kissed him. He felt Jack smiling against his lips.

“Feels good, love, but-”

“I know, sorry, couldn’t help myself. Come on.”

Mark opened the door and led Jack to his recording room. He untied the blindfold, gave Jack another kiss, and went to the kitchen to make them both some snacks. They ate together while Jack described his morning, and then separated to work on recording and editing for a few more hours. They were learning to anticipate each other’s work habits, and Mark was wrapping up when Jack finally texted him.

 

J: blindfold me now?

M: Oh yes.

 

He ran downstairs to Jack’s space and closed the door behind him. Jack grinned and handed him the blindfold. He secured it over Jack’s eyes again and started to lead him toward the door, but Jack stopped him. He felt for Mark’s hands and secured them around his own waist, smiling.

Mark watched Jack for a moment, then leaned down and pressed his lips against Jack’s throat. Jack sighed. Mark covered his neck in slow kisses, pulling Jack’s body closer to his own. He rubbed his nose against Jack’s hair.

_“Can I surprise you now?”_

_“Yes please.”_

_“Ok. Come on. No peeking.”_

Mark pulled Jack into the hallway and guided him to the huge living room at the back of the house. He positioned Jack in the middle of the room.

“Stay right there.” Jack could tell that the room had gotten dimmer, and assumed that Mark must have turned off the lights and pulled the blinds on the sliding doors. He heard some noises he couldn’t identify, and then music that he recognized right away. He grinned.

“Are we watching a movie? Pixar?”

The music became much louder, and he started to feel confused. There hadn’t even been furniture in this room when he’d left the house that morning.

“Mark? What did you do?”

He heard Mark moving toward him, felt Mark’s fingers at the back of his neck. “Ready?”

Jack nodded. Mark slid the blindfold off of his eyes. Jack saw stars.

A large portion of the huge wall was now covered with a massive screen. It was almost like being in an actual movie theater. Jack grinned stupidly. He turned around to see a projector mounted on the wall, then turned back to watch scenes of stars and galaxies playing across the screen. It was the opening scene of _WALL-E,_ one of his favorite movies.

He was legitimately speechless. He turned his head toward Mark, staring, his mouth hanging open. Mark grinned.

“I’m going to assume you like it? If you don’t, we can change it. I just thought-”

He was forced into silence when Jack grabbed his face and covered his mouth with a kiss. Jack steered him toward the couch, pushed him into a sitting position, and straddled him, kissing his mouth insistently as he settled into his lap. His lips traveled to Mark’s neck, and Mark sighed, smiling.

Jack eventually straightened up, holding the line of Mark’s jaw with one hand.

“This is _incredible._ How did yeh do it?”

Mark grinned. “I can’t take all the credit. I asked Arin to help me find the equipment and some people to help with the install. I already knew the furniture would be delivered today. He came to the house to answer the door and supervise so no one would know who was actually living here. He helped me set up the speakers, too.”

“Mark. I don’t even know what to say. I love it. I love you.”

“Love you too, Sean.” Mark kissed the side of his face. “So. Movie night?”

Jack nodded. “Not yet, though.” He reached across the couch and grabbed the blindfold.

 _“Close yer eyes, love.”_ He kissed both of Mark’s eyelids, then tied the fabric securely around Mark’s head. He shifted his position and guided Mark sideways until he was laying down on the couch. He straddled Mark again, picked up both of his hands, and leaned forward to pin his arms over his head. He kissed both of Mark’s wrists, then hovered above his face. He nipped at Mark’s bottom lip. He licked at Mark’s open mouth.

_“I’d like to leave some marks on you. How does that sound?”_

Mark nodded.

Jack moved down his body, settled between his knees. He eased Mark’s shirt upward, tugged at the waistband of Mark’s shorts, and sucked aggressively at the crease of Mark’s hip, teeth sharp against warm skin. Mark let out a muffled moan.

Jack worked his way downward, redness blooming across tanned skin in a vague pattern. He could feel Mark throbbing through his shorts; he ran his hand over the tight fabric, felt Mark pressing against him in response. He tugged Mark’s shorts down and wrapped his right hand around Mark’s cock, his lips and tongue still firm on Mark’s lower belly. He stroked slowly. He breathed against Mark’s skin.

Jack looked up at Mark’s face. His chin was tilted back, and faint light from the screen reflected across the smooth fabric that was pulled over his eyes. _Jesus._ The image was stunning.

_“Mark.”_

_“Sean?”_

_“I’m going to make yeh come so hard.”_

A smile spread slowly across Mark’s face.

_“Please.”_

Jack was true to his word. He sucked at Mark until he was arching his back so sharply, he was practically lifting the both of them off of the couch. Jack pulsed with energy and poured all of it into Mark, aroused and excited by the idea of Mark being… _bound._ He thought about the way Mark had looked at him, lingering as he wrapped wires around his wrists a few days earlier. He thought about Mark blindfolding him, and the anticipation he had felt- a handful of beautiful seconds between the sudden darkness and the feeling of Mark’s lips pressing against his own. He thought of all the lovely things he’d done to Mark’s body, and all the things they hadn’t tried yet.

He sucked hard and fast, and dug his fingers into Mark’s hip as he came.

Jack swallowed, adjusted Mark’s clothing, and climbed up his body. He lingered, watching the rise and fall of Mark’s chest. He kissed Mark’s lips. He pushed the blindfold up and off, and looked in Mark’s eyes.

 _“Hey Sean. Want me to take you upstairs?”_ He held Jack’s chin with one hand.

_“No. I can wait. I want to watch the movie.”_

Jack pulled Mark into a sitting position and wrapped his arms around him. Mark hugged him close.

Mark had carefully selected this couch for a very specific reason. It had a wide lounger at one end, which meant that he and Jack could lay down comfortably together and look right at the screen or the skylights. He retrieved pillows and a blanket from the bedroom, and snuggled onto the couch with Jack resting comfortably on his chest. They restarted the movie.

_“Mark. This is the best ever. Thank you.”_

Mark hugged him tightly.

_“YOU are the best ever. When you’re happy like this… I can feel it on your skin. It’s my favorite thing in the world.”_

Jack kissed his hands.

They watched the movie. They watched the sky. They slept, together, as the stars burned above them.

 


	40. Chapter 40

Mark drove Jack to the California DMV early Friday morning to take his written driver’s exam. It didn’t take long; Mark just spent some time on social media until Jack finally climbed back into the passenger seat with a goofy grin, a passing grade, and a learner’s permit.

“Ready to supervise me?” Jack held up the certificate. Mark took several photos while he posed, then drove them both home. They took a quick celebratory swim and spent some time in the backyard drafting a rough script for a sketch. They had already enlisted Arin and Suzy to participate in some filming later that night, and they forced themselves back into their individual work routines until it was time to head to their friends’ house.

They picked up Chinese food on the way, and Arin and Suzy helped them improve the script while they all ate together. Mark and Jack intended for the sketch to feel like a dramatic reenactment of Jack’s driving exam, but with very little basis in actual reality. They would both pretend to take the exam, and had decided to try to make themselves look as close to sixteen as possible, so they could act as though Jack was actually going through the experience as a teenager. They planned to add a text heading to the edit, letting the audience know that the video was taking place in the year 2006. The transformation wasn’t difficult for Jack- he and Mark had both agreed he already looked much younger since he’d shaved his beard. A loose-fitting sweatshirt and a pair of Mark’s jeans – which were much too big for him – completed the look. Mark had trimmed his own beard and found similarly loose-fitting clothing, and they both chose plain baseball caps to cover their hair. Arin would be playing the part of the exam proctor, and dressed to make himself look like a “legitimate adult”: black pants and a button-up shirt. Suzy and Arin would do most of the filming. The scene went something like this:

“Ok… I just need to take attendance.” Arin had a talent for sounding so disinterested, it was easy to believe he might actually die of boredom.

Mark and Jack stared at each other, then looked back at Arin. “Attendance?” Mark started. “You know there are only two-”

“’Fiskback?’ Arin talked over him, looking down at a clipboard and mangling the pronunciation of Mark’s last name. “Mark ‘Fiskback?’”

“Uhm. Hi. It’s ‘Fish-bock,’ though,” Mark responded, emphasizing the proper pronunciation.

Arin stared at him, coolly, silently, for a full thirty seconds. He looked back at the clipboard.

“McLoughlin? Sean McLoughlin?”

“Yes. Yeah. Hi. It’s Jack, though.”

That earned him an equally icy stare from Arin. “So you’re _not_ Sean McLoughlin?”

Jack giggled nervously. “No, I am. But people call me Jack.”

The look of boredom on Arin’s face was exquisite. “Why?”

Jack stared back at him. “Um. It’s, like, a nickname?”

“Look, kid, can you just tell me if you’re Sean McLoughlin or not? Weirdly enough, I hate this fucking place, and would like very much to leave here and get back to living my life.”

Mark and Jack gave each other another brief look. “Yep, I’m Sean.”

“ _Lovely._ So. I’m going to go ahead and move this shitshow along. I’m just going to ask you a bunch of questions. If you get enough of them right, I’ll give you a giant gold star and send you on your way to murder pedestrians at will. If you get too many wrong… well… not really sure what will happen. Depends on my mood.”

Mark and Jack were both fidgeting in their seats. Mark bounced his knee. Jack tapped his foot.

“Ok, Sean. You first. What’s the standard speed limit for residential areas?”

Jack’s expression brightened. “Twenty-five miles per hour?”

“Huh. Guess you’re smarter than you look.”

Jack threw his arms in the air. “Nailed it!”

Arin glared in his direction. “Jesus, not _that_ smart.” He turned to Mark. “Ok, Fiskback. Ready to blow my mind?”

“Um. Yes?”

“ _Great._ So. What would happen if you jumped out of a car that was moving faster than 65 miles per hour?”

“Umm… you would… die?”

Arin spared him a disdainful glance. “Nope. You’d get arrested. It’s illegal in the state of California.”

“Ok… but… wouldn’t you also probably… die?”

Arin stared at him. “Does that information seem relevant right now?”

“Um…”

Arin sighed. “Better luck with the next one, Fiskback.”

They continued in a similar fashion. Jack’s questions got increasingly easier, while Mark’s became increasingly ridiculous and impossible to answer. By the end of the exam, Jack was giggling hysterically as Mark crashed and burned, becoming more and more agitated. Eventually Arin ran out of questions, said “Fuck it,” gave them both a passing grade, and tossed his clipboard on the floor before storming out.

Jack stared at Mark, grinning. “So. Wanna come over and play _Shadow of the Colossus_ on PlayStation 2?”

“YOU HAVE A PS2???”

“YEP!”

“AWESOME!!”

They high-fived and ran out of the room together. Suzy cut the recording.

They all reviewed the footage, did a few re-shoots, and made some minor changes until they were satisfied enough to quit filming for the night. They agreed that Mark and Jack would edit the footage together for release on Jack’s channel. Arin mentioned that he had found a prospective editor for the two of them, and they made plans to meet with her the following week. Mark and Jack changed back into their regular clothes, and the four of them played a few rounds of games before calling it a night.

Mark and Jack talked excitedly about the sketch for most of the ride back to their house. They had loved writing and filming together, and were both nervous and excited that they’d been able to include some small hints about their closeness in the sketch. Jack was thoughtful as they pulled into the driveway, smiling to himself.

“What d’you think it would’ve been like? If we’d known each other in high school?” They walked up to the front door together.

“Oh, I know exactly what it would’ve been like.” Mark unlocked the door, and they went inside. “I would’ve forgotten my trumpet one day before marching band, and gone back to the band room to get it.” They walked through the house to the ‘theater’ and sat down on the couch, side-by-side. “I would’ve found you there after hours, practicing on the drum set. Too cool for marching band and adolescent bullshit, just whaling on the cymbals.”

Jack was grinning. “Sounds about right. I would’ve been embarrassed that you caught me. I probably would’ve tried to run out of there.”

“And I would’ve said something super awkward, like, _Nice drums, bro_ , or something.”

Jack giggled. “I think I would’ve talked to yeh. We would’ve bonded over music and video games.”

“Definitely. I think we would’ve been friends. I probably would’ve tried to convince you to join the band.”

“Hmmm. Instrument?”

“Quads. Definitely. So hot.”

“Ha. Yep. So… just friends? Or eventually more?”

Mark thought about it. “I was such a nerd back then. I probably would’ve thought you were the coolest person in the world. I would’ve been shocked that you wanted to be my friend, and I would’ve had no idea how to handle it.”

“I think yeh would’ve made me nervous, too. So cute and sincere. So smart. I think we would’ve hung out and talked a lot.” Jack held his hands in front of his face and flexed them. “I used to ice my hands sometimes after practicing. Maybe, one day, we would’ve gone to your house after band. Maybe you would’ve helped me ice my hands.”

Mark was nodding. “Definitely. I’m sure I would’ve done anything for you.”

“I might’ve made the first move, back then. I can picture holding on to yer hand fer too long. Rubbing yer shoulders when you were sore after practice.”

“I would’ve snuck you into my house in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement.”

“I would’ve fallen asleep next to you on the couch.” Jack leaned his head on Mark’s shoulder. “Maybe like this.”

“I would’ve stayed with you all night.” Mark kissed his forehead. “I would’ve loved you. I know it.”

  


* * *

  


They spent most of Saturday practicing for Jack’s road test, and he finally drove in traffic for the first time. Mark wasn’t surprised that he had caught on quickly once he’d learned all the basic operations, and Jack adjusted easily to driving on residential streets. On Sunday morning he merged onto the highway for the first time, and by mid-afternoon he had finally convinced Mark that he could drive the two of them without putting their lives in imminent danger.

Jack drove them home, and then made an appointment to take his road test later in the week. He was sitting cross-legged on the couch with his computer in his lap. He looked over at Mark and found him staring at the ceiling, chewing on his lower lip.

“Hey, love. Everythin’ alright?”

“Mm. What?” Mark turned his head, and Jack could tell he was forcing a smile. He shut the laptop.

“Oook. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Mark looked in Jack’s eyes and sighed. “I think I have to try to call my mom.”

“You sure?”

Mark nodded. “I think it will be worse for everyone if I let any more time go by. We’re going to be so busy getting ready for PAX this week, and she knows Tom is coming for that weekend, so she’ll be questioning him. I can tell she’s starting to catch on that I’m avoiding talking to her, and it’s only going to get worse.”

Jack reached for one of Mark’s hands. “I’ll be here fer you. I can work on some edits while yeh call. Just come find me when yeh’re done, ok?”

Mark nodded, and Jack hugged him tightly before they separated. Mark decided to place the call from his recording room.

“Mark?”

He smiled. He was always amused at the way his mom answered the phone with a question, as if she hadn’t just seen his name pop up on her caller ID.

“Hey, Mom.”

“I was starting to forget what your voice sounded like.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot going on.” He felt like a broken record, apologizing to friends and family for dropping off the face of the Earth.

“So you haven’t been avoiding me on purpose?”

He wasn’t sure how to respond to the question. “I’m sorry if it seemed like that. I do have to talk to you about something important.”

“I knew something must be wrong.” She sounded concerned. “What is it?”

“No, I promise, nothing’s wrong. I’m doing really well.” He paused. “I actually started seeing someone.”

“Oh!” She sounded relieved. “Well _that_ explains it. I can’t even remember the last time you told me about a girlfriend… I’m guessing you really like her? What’s her name?”

Mark winced. _Should’ve seen that coming._

“Mom. Listen, this will probably surprise you. Just… hear me out before you make too many assumptions, ok?”

“Assumptions about what?”

“Mom.” He had to get it out. “It’s not a girl. There’s no girl. It’s Jack.”

Silence for a moment. “What about Jack?”

“He’s my… we’re _together_. In a relationship. Like… I know I dated girls in the past. But now I’m dating Jack.”

The silence was painfully long. “Are you talking about your friend Jack? From YouTube?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t really understand what you mean by _dating_.”

Mark wasn’t sure how to make it more clear. “Uhm… I mean, you’re aware that men sometimes date each other, right?”

“Yes, but… _you_ don’t. I don’t get it… is this some kind of YouTube thing?”

“’Some kind of YouTube thing’? Like what?” Mark was trying hard to keep the frustration out of his voice.

“I don’t know, Mark, but you’re not… _gay_.”

_“Slightly gayer than expected, actually…”_ he mumbled quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Mark was starting to lose his battle against a dozen uncomfortable emotions. “Mom. I wouldn’t be telling you this if it wasn’t a big deal. If I wasn’t sure, I would be keeping it to myself. This is not something we’re making public- we’ve only told close friends and family. I’m going to try to spell it out for you, and I want you to think about it for a while before we talk anymore.” He took a deep breath. “I fell in love with my best friend. I didn’t do it on purpose, and I don’t know why it happened, but he moved halfway across the world to be with me, and it’s serious. I really love him. I want you to meet him. I want you to love him, too.”

“Mark.” He could almost hear her brain trying to process the information. “You sound really confused. Maybe you should come home-”

“I’m not confused.” Mark was starting to feel legitimately angry. “I’m happy. For the first time in a long time. He really loves me, too.”

“I’m glad you have friends in your life, but… that doesn’t make any sense. I mean, _why_? With all the girls in the world who would love to date you… I don’t understand why you would make this choice. Have you thought about what people will say? Have you thought about your future? Don’t you want to get married? Have a family? I would hate to see you get caught up in something that’s not… _right._ ” She paused briefly. “For you.”

Mark was struggling against the massive lump in his throat. He knew what she was implying. He had loved and admired many things about his father, but his military career had solidified some conservative beliefs and habits that Mark had moved away from as he grew older. His mother shared some of those same attitudes, and it had led to disagreements between them in the past. He knew she would probably react like this, but he was completely unprepared for how much it hurt to hear her say it.

 “I can’t argue with you about this. I hope you can figure out how to accept it. We can talk more some other time.”

“Mark-”

“Bye, Mom.” He hung up. He stood up from his chair. He clenched and unclenched his fists. He texted Tom a quick recap. He wiped at his eyes. He went to the bedroom, curled up on the bed, and lay still, his arm thrown over the side of the mattress where Jack usually slept.

  


* * *

  


Jack was starting to feel worried. Mark had been upstairs for a long time. He had sent him a text message a few minutes ago, and had gotten no response. He didn’t want to disturb Mark… but he _had_ to be off the phone by now. Jack decided to go check on him. He went straight to Mark’s recording room, and found it empty. He tried the bedroom next and found Mark on the bed, looking miserable.

_Fuck._

He went and sat down, cross-legged, close to Mark.

“Hey, love.” He smoothed at Mark’s hair, and saw that his eyes were red. “Why didn’t yeh come get me?”

Mark looked up at him. He sniffed. “I didn’t want to make you sad.”

Jack shook his head and pulled one of Mark’s hands into his lap. “I’m not here to be entertained. If yeh’re sad, we’ll be sad together. Want to tell me what happened?”

Mark swallowed. “It could’ve been worse. We didn’t really fight, or anything. She just… she doesn’t get it. I don’t know if she ever will.” Mark grimaced. “It felt _awful_.”

Jack took a moment to process this. His instinct was to try to be positive. He knew Mark’s mother would probably come around, eventually. But he wasn’t sure if that would be helpful to point out.

“I’m sorry it hurts. It’ll be ok. I promise.”

Mark was silent for a long time. Jack stroked at his hair.

“Sean.”

“Hmm?”

Mark paused again, obviously struggling with whatever he was about to say.

“Did you think about having a family? Kids, I mean? Eventually? I mean, were you planning on it, before we got together?”

Jack opened his mouth, and nothing came out. He closed it again. He thought.

“I have thought about it before, but I honestly don’t know. When I was on my own, it was hard to picture it. I thought maybe I would meet someone, and we would decide together, and I would know what the right choice would be.”

“ _Someone_ , meaning, a girl. That you could actually have a family with.”

Jack realized what Mark was getting at.

“Hey. Come here. Sit up for a second.” Mark moved into a sitting position, facing Jack.

“I have some things to say about that, and I want yeh to listen very carefully.” Mark nodded, and Jack continued. “ _You_ are my family. You know me better than anyone else in the world. I have no idea what things will be like a year from now, or five years from now, and this is not the time to decide all of that. But you _are_ the person I want to make those decisions with. When we’re ready.”

“I’m listening. I hear you. I just don’t want to spend all this time building a relationship, and then find out I’m holding you back, or… keeping you from something you really wanted.”

Jack looked at him seriously. “Do you know if yeh want to be a parent or not?”

“No. I don’t know for sure,” Mark said honestly.

“Right. And if yeh did – if both of us did – don’t yeh think we’d find a way to do it?”

Mark considered this. “I guess so…”

Jack picked up both of his hands.

“Do yeh love waking up with me in the morning?”

“Yes.”

“Do yeh love being around me? Do yeh miss me when I leave?” He leaned forward, kissed Mark’s lips. _“Do yeh love it when I kiss you?”_

_“Yes.”_

Jack kissed his neck slowly. _“Do yeh love being with me?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“You sound pretty sure.”_

_“I am.”_

_“Me, too. So no more worries, now. We’ll figure out the rest.”_

Mark wrapped his arms around Jack’s back, rested his head on Jack’s shoulder.

_“Love you, Sean.”_

_“Love you, too.”_

 


	41. Chapter 41

The next couple of days passed slowly. Mark was as kind as he’d always been with Jack, but Jack could tell that he wasn’t himself. They had received overwhelmingly positive feedback on their driving exam video, and Jack had shown Mark countless comments from people who were ecstatic to see them filming together. Jack was thrilled. Mark’s reaction was subdued, at best.

Mark continued to be uncharacteristically quiet and distracted, and Jack knew his conversation with his mom had taken a toll. Mark had received a handful of text messages from her, asking him to come home so he could spend some time “getting back on track.” Tom had been in touch to let them know he was working on it, but hadn’t made much progress yet.

Jack had been unsuccessful in engaging Mark physically; Mark just kissed him sweetly and hugged him close, but it hadn’t gone any further than that. Jack knew it was normal, and probably necessary, for them to keep things simple while Mark processed this situation, but he was getting more and more concerned as time went on.

By Wednesday afternoon, Jack was considering taking matters into his own hands. He and Mark had just finished lunch, and he could tell Mark was having trouble holding up his end of the conversation. He hadn’t slept well for days; he looked tired, sad, and far away. Jack had tried to keep Mark from returning straight to work, kissing playfully along his ear. Mark had just smiled and hugged him before sighing and heading back upstairs. Jack had stood in the kitchen, alone, for a long time.

He finally went back to his recording room and turned on his camera and microphone. He stared at the image of his own face on the monitor for a moment, and then he started talking.

He reviewed the footage several times, trying to decide what to do with it, before finally attaching it to an e-mail addressed to Tom.

 

_Hey Tom,_

_Mark’s having a really rough time. I know there might not be much we can do, being so far away, but I’m starting to get really concerned. I thought this video might help. Please watch, and let me know if you think it could help your mom understand things a bit more. I haven’t told Mark about this- I’m pretty sure he’d try to stop me if he knew, and I really think it could make things better. I’ll trust your judgment, though_

_Jack_

 

He sent the e-mail, fighting a wave of anxiousness, then got back to editing. Tom responded much more quickly than he’d anticipated.

 

_Hey Jack,_

_You did a really good job. I’m not sure how she’ll take it, but there’s definitely a chance it will help. I could head over there soon to watch it with her. Just say the word._

_Tom_

 

Jack thought of Mark, upstairs by himself. He thought of the way Mark had been tossing and turning at night. He thought of Mark squeezing his hand while he slept. He decided to take the risk.

 

_Hey Tom,_

_Thanks. The sooner the better, before I lose my nerve. I owe you one._

_Jack_

 

Jack forced himself to get back to work, and spent the next couple of hours recording and editing another short video. He took his headphones off and stretched. He checked his phone for e-mails or texts from Tom. Nothing. He chewed his lip. He jumped a mile when he heard loud knocking at the door.

He got up to open it, but Mark was already letting himself in.

“Hey, love-”

“Sean. I need you to explain something to me.” Mark’s voice was quiet, but Jack heard restrained anger in his tone. “Why is my mom texting me about some video you sent her? _Please_ tell me you didn’t do that.”

Jack’s heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

“Mark- I’m sorry-”

“Oh my God. Oh my _God._ ” Mark ran his hands through his hair. “ _Why_ would you do that? How could you do that without telling me?” He wasn’t yelling, but Jack could tell it was a massive effort. He was legitimately angry. Jack’s head spun, a giant weight settling onto his chest. This was _not_ what he had expected to happen. He scrambled to contain the situation.

“Mark. Please listen. I was just trying to help-”

“By going behind my back? Sean. This is my _family._ ” Mark’s voice was so quiet.

The words stung. “Mark, did you actually talk to her?”

“No.”

“You need to-”

“No. I don’t. I need to go for a walk.”

“Shit. Mark. Please-”

Mark was shaking his head. Jack forced himself to stop talking.

Mark took a long, deep breath. He was looking at the floor. He fidgeted with his hands. “I love you. But I’m really upset. I don’t think we should talk about it now. I’m going to take Chica for a walk, and then I’ll be back.”

Jack nodded, blinking against the tears he felt filling his eyes. “Just… come back soon.”

Mark looked back at him for a moment, then left, closing the door behind him. Jack sat down in his chair, buried his face in his arms, and cried. He’d known that sending the video would be a risk, and he had obviously miscalculated. He felt physically sick; he had wanted to help Mark, and instead he’d dealt him one more blow. He knew Mark had every right to be angry and upset. He could only hope that Mark would eventually understand why he’d done it.

He spent several minutes trying to pull himself together before he heard his phone ringing. He checked the screen; it was Tom.

He sniffed, cleared his throat, and picked up the call.

“Hey, Tom.”

“Hi. Is this Jack?” It wasn’t Tom. The voice was unfamiliar, but he knew who it must be. _Mark’s mom._

“Yeah, it is. Um… I’m glad you called,” he said, awkwardly, trying to control the tone of his voice.

“Mark won’t answer my calls. I thought I might have better luck with you.”

Jack took a shaky breath. “He’s been having a really hard time. And now he’s furious with me fer contacting you. I just didn’t know what else to do.”

“Is he with you right now?”

“No. He said he was going to take Chica fer a walk.”

A brief pause. “So he _was_ with you.”

“Yeah. I’m hoping he’ll be back soon.”

“Ok. I’ll have Tom try to call him again.”

“Good idea.” Jack rubbed at his face. “I’m sorry if I made things worse. I just can’t stand to see him upset.”

There was silence on the line for a moment. “You meant everything you said? In the video?”

“I did. Every word.”

“Thank you. For saying those things.”

“Thank you fer listening.”

“I’d like to talk to you again, soon. Maybe in person? When things settle down?”

“Yeah. I’d like that, too.” They hung up.

Jack closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the chair. He waited.

 

* * *

 

Mark was several blocks away, scowling at his phone. He had spent the last few minutes ignoring a continuous stream of calls from Tom, but his resolve was slipping. He knew he needed to deal with what was happening. The further he got from the house, the more he wished he’d just stayed at home with Jack. He hated everything about this situation. Jack was his greatest source of comfort and security, and yet here Mark was, pushing him away. He knew Jack had been trying to help, and he knew that much of his anger and frustration had been misplaced. He hadn’t been himself. He knew it, and he knew he’d been taking it out on Jack, despite his best efforts not to.

But, still… He just couldn’t understand how Jack could do something so extreme without telling him first.

His phone was ringing again: Tom. He glared at the screen, and finally swiped to pick up the call.

“MARK. Don’t hang up.”

“Tom, seriously, I am _not_ happy with you right now.” He was equally frustrated with Tom for his role in this conspiracy.

“I know, but, look- Mom wants to talk to you-”

“Absolutely not.”

Tom sighed over the line.

“Fine. At least watch the video. I sent it to your e-mail. I’m serious, Mark. You need to.”

“I’m getting really sick of people telling me what I _need_ to do.”

“Mark, I’m sorry, but _please_ shut up, and listen to the people who love you most. If you won’t listen to me, listen to Jack.”

Mark swallowed the biting remark that was threatening to escape from his mouth. “Talk to you later, Tom.”

“WATCH THE VIDEO.”

Mark jabbed his thumb at the screen, ending the call.

He sat down on the curb. Chica sat down next to him, and he put his arm around her. He pulled his headphones out of his pocket, plugged them into the phone, and put them into his ears. He clicked into the video Tom had sent him. He saw Jack’s face, smiling uncertainly at the camera. Jack was obviously nervous, but his voice was strong and confident.

“Hi. It’s me, Jack. I know we don’t know each other yet. I know yeh might not feel like yeh have any reason to listen to me, but… please, hear me out. Fer Mark’s sake.” He took a breath. “I’m not sure if yeh’ve ever seen one of my videos before, but if yeh have, this one will probably sound pretty different. I need yeh to know some things about me, and I thought this might be the best way to explain myself.

I knew Mark through his videos fer a long time before we actually met. I’m sure you know this, but I’ll say it, anyway- there’s an incredible number of people all over the world who feel like they’ve been saved by Mark. You really wouldn’t believe how many. And I’m one of them. Mark is the kind of person who can smile, or make a joke, or share a piece of his life, and make perfect strangers feel safe and loved. It’s a gift, and I’m not big on praising people fer things that come naturally to them. But the way Mark handles himself online is a _decision_. He chooses to get up every day and improve people’s lives. He chooses to spend his time making life safer and happier fer other people. Yeh’d have to be insane not to admire him.

And I did. I can’t even tell yeh how much he inspired me when I was younger. He made me feel like…” Jack ran a hand through his hair. “He made me feel like I could do something _important_ with my life. Like I _had_ to. And then we actually met, and became friends… I’ll never know what I did to deserve it. Having Mark in my life, I mean. Please know how sincere I am when I say this: I have _no_ idea who I would be if I hadn’t known Mark. He’s responsible fer most of the truly important things I’ve done in my life- and not because he helped me with my career. It’s because he showed me what kind of person I could be, if I tried hard enough. If I chose it.” Jack looked down at the floor, thinking for a moment.

“We’ve both made a lot of choices recently. I understand that yeh’re worried they may not have been good ones. I’m asking fer the opportunity to convince you otherwise. I know yeh love Mark.” He looked directly at the camera. “I love Mark, too. I can’t even tell yeh how much. He’s my best friend, and my favorite person in the world. I would do anything fer him. I would do anything to make him happy. I promise you that I’ve been trying. But… he’s not. He’s not happy.” Jack sniffed. It looked like tears were welling in lovely blue eyes.

“He needs you in his life. He needs to know that you love him and support him. I’m asking yeh to give us a chance. Please talk to me. Please meet me. I know I’m probably not the person you hoped would end up loving yer son. But I do. I think I can love him more than anyone else ever could. Please give me the chance to prove it.” Jack took another deep breath.

“Sending you this video is my way of starting that process. I know it might take some time fer you to trust me. So I’m trying to trust you, instead. This is the most private and potentially damaging video I’ve ever recorded. Mark and I are not ready to announce our relationship publicly. It could do both of us a lot of harm if this got out before we’re ready. Sending this video to _anyone_ is a massive risk fer me. I’m trusting you to think carefully about all of this. I’m trusting you to help me take care of Mark. I would do it by myself, if I could. But I can’t. I need yer help. Please… think about it.”

The video ended.

Mark was stunned. He leaned against Chica, tears streaming down his face. _Great fucking work, Mark. Jesus, could I BE more of an asshole?_

He wiped at his face and stood up. He had to fix it. He had to get back to Jack. He turned toward home, pulled Chica along with him, and started to run.

 

* * *

 

 

“SEAN?”

Jack was still in his office when he heard Mark yelling his name. He sprinted to the entryway and found Mark there, red-faced, sweaty, and breathing hard. He stopped a few feet away, forcing himself to give Mark space.

“Mark… what are you… did you run here?!”

Mark was panting, but he tried to answer. “I… play video games… for a living. I… _don’t_ … run.”

Jack stared. Was Mark making a joke? He wanted to laugh, but he wasn’t sure if it was safe.

Mark was taking in his expression, trying to catch his breath. He shook his head.

“I actually did. Run here, I mean.” He took two more breaths, running both of his hands through his hair. “I fucked up, Sean. Please forgive me.”

Jack winced. “No. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have done it. You had every right to be upset.”

Mark closed the gap between them. He rested his fingers lightly on Jack’s waist. _“Sean. I saw the video. I’m sorry. I should’ve trusted you.”_

Jack put his hands on Mark’s chest. Mark rested his fingers along Jack’s jaw, and kissed his lips.

Jack was lightheaded with relief. He wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulders and pressed against him. Mark was radiating heat. He felt his own cheeks flushing as Mark pulled him closer. He was dying to give in to Mark, felt like dragging Mark up the stairs… He pulled away instead.

_“Mark.”_

_“Sean.”_

_“You need to call yer mom.”_

Mark groaned softly. He pressed his forehead against Jack’s. _“I know. You’re right.”_

_“I’ll wait fer you. In the pool. Ok?”_

Mark grinned. _“Ok.”_

Jack pulled him upstairs, then kissed him, lingering longer than he meant to, before heading into the bedroom to change. Mark went into his office to place the call.

“Mark?” His mother’s voice sounded strained.

“Hey, Mom.”

“I wasn’t sure if you would call me back.”

“You can thank Jack for that.”

“I will.” She sounded sincere. “Are you alright?”

He thought about it. “I think so.”

“Mark, you know how much I love you, right?”

“I love you, too.”

“I can’t pretend that I fully understand what’s going on with you. I need your help to understand why you think this… _friendship_ … has to be… well, anyway. I can tell that Jack cares about you very much, and I am trying to appreciate that. I’d like to meet him.”

Mark sighed. It was a start. “I appreciate the fact that you’re willing to give us a chance.”

“When would be a good time?”

“I’m assuming Tom told you about PAX?”

“Yes. I’m glad you two will get to spend some time together.”

“Yeah. Me too. So, we’ll be really busy with that for the next couple of weeks. Maybe we can talk about making a plan after that?”

“Alright. Just… keep in touch, please. I’m worried about you.”

“Thanks, but you don’t need to be. Jack… he’s amazing. You’ll see. This is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”

“I just want you to be happy, Mark.”

“I am.”

They hung up.

_I am happy. Time to start acting like it._

He went to the bedroom, changed into a swimsuit, and headed down to the backyard.

Jack was sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet dangling in the water, facing away from the house. He was soaking wet; he’d probably just climbed out of the pool a moment before. Mark could see drops of water falling from his hair, running down his bare back. Jack was _beautiful._ Mark’s chest ached with gratitude and affection. And guilt.

He closed the sliding door, and Jack heard him. He stood up and turned around, grinning in Mark’s direction. _Can he really forgive me so easily?_ Mark approached him, wrapped his arms around him, held him close.

“Jesus, yeh’re still so warm. How far did you run?”

“I don’t even know. God, Sean, I was horrible. I’ve been a mess all week. And then today.” Mark physically cringed, squeezing Jack awkwardly. “I wish I could take it all back.”

“I don’t.” Jack pressed his forehead against Mark’s neck. “You had every right to be upset. I should’ve told yeh what I was doing.”

Mark pulled back to look in Jack’s eyes. “I know why you didn’t. I would’ve been a jerk about it. Sean…” He was searching for the words. “I’ve never been close to anyone like this, before. I’m not used to having someone in my life who actually knows what’s best for me. I should have trusted you more. And I never should have talked to you like that.”

Jack smiled, shook his head. “You might be remembering it differently than I am. You didn’t yell. You weren’t unkind. You were upset. You handled it well. Jesus, Mark, you were _so_ mad, and you were still so… _kind_.” He brushed at Mark’s hair. “We’re going to get upset with each other once in a while. It’s going to happen. I’m happy to know yeh can be that angry with me and still be so nice about it.”

Mark smiled, shook his head. “I _was_ really angry, but not at you. I wanted to see you as soon as I left the house. I just didn’t know what to do. With all the bad feelings.”

Jack rested his fingers lightly on the back of Mark’s neck. “How do you feel now?”

“Hot,” Mark blurted, very aware of the way Jack’s fingertips were brushing against his skin.

Jack giggled softly.

“Um. I meant… good? Better. _Awesome_. Thanks to you. My mom… she wants to meet you.”

Jack nodded. “I know. I talked to her.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. She called me. She loves you. I really think it’s going to be ok.”

“Again, thanks to you.” Mark pulled Jack closer. “ _Really._ No one has ever done _anything_ like that for me. The things you said about me… God, Sean, I don’t even know what to say.”

 _“Then shut up.”_ Jack kissed him, hard. Mark started to lift him up.

 _“Fischbach- if you throw me in that pool-_ ”

 _“You’ll do what, exactly?”_ Mark tickled Jack up one side.

“HEY! You very well know that I’m stronger than I look.”

Jack ducked away from him and made a grab for Mark’s waist. They wrestled each other right into the pool, falling together into the cool water. They came up laughing, their arms around each other. Jack ran one hand through Mark’s hair… then dunked him under the surface. He came up splashing and laughing.

“Cooling off yet, love?” He put a hand on Mark’s forehead. “Hmm. Still hot.”

Mark put his hands around Jack’s face. _“You too.”_

_“That’d be your fault.”_

Mark kissed him. Deeply. He pressed against Jack, pulled Jack’s legs around his waist under the water. He slipped his hands inside Jack’s shorts. He ran his tongue along the crease of Jack’s mouth.

_“Mark?”_

_“Sean?”_

Mark could see color rising in Jack’s cheeks.

_“Should we go slow?”_

Mark searched Jack’s eyes. _“Too much?”_

_“No, not fer me… I just meant…”_

Mark kept one arm wrapped firmly around Jack’s body. He held Jack’s chin with his other hand.

_“I’m sorry I pushed you away.”_

He kissed Jack’s cheek.

_“I’m sorry.”_

He kissed Jack’s lips.

_“I love you.”_

_“Love you, Mark.”_

Mark kissed him again. Jack tightened his legs around Mark’s waist. Mark ran his hands over Jack’s skin.

_“Sean.”_

_“Uh huh.”_

_“Can I take you upstairs now?”_

_“Please.”_

They climbed out of the pool and wrapped each other in towels. The sun was starting to set, but the grass was still warm under their feet. They kept their hands clasped together as they walked inside the house, up the stairs, and into the bedroom.

Mark shut the door behind them. There wasn’t any practical reason for it, except that they both liked it that way. When they had finally started spending more nights in the bedroom, Jack had said that he loved feeling like Mark was the only other person in the world, just for a little while. Mark hadn’t been able to get the words out of his head.

He turned back to Jack, and put his hands around Jack’s waist, his fingertips just inside his waistband.

_“Can I take these off?”_

_“Yeh don’t have to ask, love.”_

Mark smiled. _“Just making sure. And… I like it when you say ‘yes.’”_

Jack grinned. _“Yes.”_

Mark slid his shorts down, and Jack stepped out of them, before easing Mark’s off, too. He let Jack take his hands and steer both of them onto the bed. He settled between Jack’s bent knees, put a hand on Jack’s forehead, ran his fingers through Jack’s damp hair.

 _“Can I put my mouth right here?”_ Mark brushed his fingers over Jack’s throat.

_“Yes.”_

Mark pressed his lips against the warm skin under Jack’s chin, felt Jack’s breath vibrating in his throat. He worked slowly, moving his mouth along Jack’s neck and shoulders, moving one hand down his side, then his hip. He pressed Jack’s knee down onto the bed, his hand moving up the inside of his thigh.

 _“Mark.”_ Jack moaned softly. _“Feels good. So good. I missed yeh so much.”_

Mark’s lips were close to Jack’s ear. _“Thank you for waiting for me.”_

_“Always. Fer as long as yeh need me to.”_

Jack slid his other knee up Mark’s side, wrapped his leg around Mark’s back.

_“No more waiting, though, right?”_

_“Right.”_ Mark was looking in his eyes. _“Can we stay like this?”_

_“Yes.”_

Mark kept one hand behind Jack’s head when he slid inside of him, his thumb pressed over Jack’s temple. He timed his breathing with the rise and fall of Jack’s chest, his gaze traveling from Jack’s closed eyes to his open mouth. They moved together, slowly. Mark’s voice was low and sweet.

_“Can I hold you like this?”_

He wrapped his right arm under Jack’s thigh. He kept Jack’s knee bent and pressed his leg upward, pinning it against Jack’s chest, shifting the angle of Jack’s lower body.

 _“Jesus. Yes.”_ Jack extended his mind to the new places that Mark’s body was pressing against him. He felt Mark moving deep inside him. He moaned.

_“Can I put my teeth here?”_

Mark ran the tip of his tongue along Jack’s collarbone.

 _“Yes.”_ Sharp pain layered on top of slow, thrusting intensity. Jack breathed.

_“Can I pull on your hair? Can I feel your tongue? Can I move like this?”_

_“Yes. Oh, God. Yes.”_

_“Can I make you come?”_

_“Please.”_

Mark kissed and bit at Jack’s skin. He stroked. He thrusted. He held him so tightly, Jack barely moved when he came. He pulsed and vibrated in Mark’s arms. His body ached as Mark squeezed more tightly, releasing deep inside him.

Jack surrendered to several overpowering sensations: Mark’s physical domination of his body. The waves of pleasure traveling from his midsection to his fingertips. Happiness. Affection. And layered on top of everything: Relief. _He’s still here. He’s still mine._

_“Sean.”_

_“Mark.”_

Mark was still laying on top of him, his face pressed against his shoulder. _“Can I hold you all night? In a really uncomfortable position? Because I don’t want to let you go?”_

Jack giggled, softly.

_“I’ll sleep with you however and wherever yeh want. Downstairs?”_

_“Uh huh.”_

They got up slowly, helped each other clean up, and carried pillows and blankets down to the theater. Jack had been actively ignoring the fact that he was starving, but Mark had finally realized they’d both missed dinner. They made snacks together in the kitchen, hovering close to each other, working and eating quickly so they could reclaim the physical closeness they were both craving. Mark watched, amused, while Jack downed an entire glass of water in one gulp.

“Sean, you can slow down, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Nope, I’m done, let’s go.” Mark grinned, and Jack pulled him through the house and steered him onto the couch, so that Mark was sitting up in the lounger with his legs stretched out. Jack arranged some pillows around Mark’s body and then climbed into his lap horizontally, his arms wrapped around Mark’s shoulders. Mark pulled a blanket over both of them.

 _“Close enough?”_ Jack smiled, looking in Mark’s eyes.

Mark shook his head, and kissed him- slowly, sweetly, and for a long time.

_“Can you sleep like this?”_

Jack shifted slightly, settling his head against Mark’s shoulder. _“I think so. Don’t worry, love. I’m not going anywhere either.”_

Mark was asleep before long, his breath warm and even against Jack’s hair.

Jack drifted periodically. He couldn’t tell how much he actually slept. He wasn’t sure if he was awake because of the awkward position, or because he wanted to feel every inch of Mark’s sleeping body pressed against him.

He was stiff. His body ached. One of his hands kept falling asleep.

But he didn’t move. He knew nothing could have pulled him away. He pressed close to Mark, all night, suspended in the moment. His eyes were closed, but his mind was filled with the sound of Mark’s voice, the feeling of Mark’s body. It was better than any dream he’d ever had.

 


	42. Chapter 42

It was 7:30 AM Friday morning, and Mark and Jack were back in the parking lot at the California DMV. Jack had driven them there, and Mark had been filming most of the morning with a portable camera.

“Ok, Jackaboy, remember: You get 100 points for rolling through a stop sign, 200 for crossing the median, 500 for gridlock, and 1000 for sideswiping a school bus. Don’t worry, I’ll keep track. I’ll buy you breakfast if you can break 1500 before the test is over.”

Jack was giggling. “Mark, this is the opposite of helpful.”

“Nuh uh! You’re laughing instead of making yourself sick over it.”

Jack considered this. “I’ll give yeh that. And thanks fer reminding me about gridlock, I always forget that one.”

“What would you do without me?”

“Move back to Ireland and take the bus fer the rest of my life.” Jack beamed at Mark. It occurred to both of them that they might have to edit that last comment out of the video, but they would decide that later. “Hey… turn it off, fer a minute?”

Mark flipped the camera off and set it down in his lap. He grinned at Jack. “You’re going to be _amazing_. Besides, you can always re-take it if something goes wrong.”

“Thanks, love.”

“Seriously, Sean… I don’t have to film if you don’t want me to.”

“I know. I want yeh to. People will love it. And I want to remember.”

“Ok. Just tell me when.”

Jack looked around. The parking lot was mostly empty, and he didn’t see any people. He picked up one of Mark’s hands and kissed it lightly. He smiled at Mark. “Let’s do it.”

Mark flipped the camera back on and teased Jack some more as they walked into the building together. They had called ahead to let the DMV know that Jack was somewhat of a celebrity, and to request that Mark be allowed to ride along and film the test. The DMV didn’t have a specific rule against it, and luckily one of the instructors had agreed to the arrangement ahead of time. The reception area was empty when they arrived, and Mark stopped recording while Jack checked himself in. Mark let Jack choose a seat, then sat across from him so he could tease Jack with funny faces and snap occasional photos.

After a few minutes, two more people wandered into the room: a teenage girl and a middle-aged woman, presumably her mother. They checked in, then chose two chairs close to Mark and Jack. Jack stole a glance at the girl, who was yawning hugely and nodding as her mother spoke to her softly. She had large, silver headphones around her neck, and long dark hair streaked with magenta and turquoise. She was pretty, but tough-looking, like she could probably hold her own in a fist fight. She rubbed at her eyes sleepily and finally glanced back at Jack. She stared. She looked at Mark. The three of them stared at one another for a long, awkward moment.

“Holy _shit,_ ” the girl finally said.

 _“LIBBY. LANGUAGE.”_ Her mother was visibly annoyed. The girl didn’t acknowledge her.

“Is it actually… you?” She gestured vaguely at Mark and Jack.

“Yep. Pewdiepie and Cr1tikal. Nice to meet yeh,” Jack joked.

“ _Fuck!”_

_“LIBBY!”_

Mark and Jack giggled.

“So… here fer yer road test?” Jack questioned.

“Um. Yeah…”

“Same.” Jack smiled at her.

“Libby… want to introduce me to your friends?” Her mother was looking between Mark and Jack, confused.

“Mom. Seriously? That’s Markiplier and Jacksepticeye.”

“From the Internet?”

Libby groaned, clearly mortified.

“Hello! I’m Jack.”

“And I’m Mark!” They both waved at Libby’s mother, smiling.

“Are you seriously here to take your road test?” Libby questioned Jack.

“Yeah… I’m pretty nervous. How ‘bout you?”

Libby stared. “Well _now_ I am!” Her eyes were wide.

Jack laughed. “I’m sure yeh’ll be great.”

She shifted her gaze to Mark. “I know _he_ doesn’t drive. What’s your excuse?”

Mark grinned, enjoying the girl’s attitude. “This punk has a learner’s permit. He needs to be escorted by a legitimate adult. We couldn’t find one, so… y’know, next best thing.” He shrugged.

Libby giggled.

They were interrupted by an employee entering the room with a clipboard.

“Sean McLoughlin?”

 _“Holy shit!”_ Libby whispered.

“That’s me. Good luck, Libby. Maybe I’ll see yeh after.”’

“Yeah, good luck!” Mark gave her a thumbs-up.

“Um… yeah! Thanks!”

Jack stood up and walked over to the man with the clipboard, and Mark followed. The man held out his hand to Jack.

“I’m Steve. You like to be called Jack, right?”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, how did yeh know?”

“Oh, there’s the voice.” The man chuckled. “It’s a familiar sound in my house. My kids are big fans of yours.” He turned to Mark, shook his hand as well. “Yours, too- I didn’t know you’d be here as well. It’s really nice to meet both of you. You mean a lot to my kids.”

They both smiled and returned the sentiment.

“So. I’ll let you film in the car in exchange for some autographs for my kids. Fair trade?”

“Works fer me! Mark?”

“Sure.”

Jack’s practice had paid off; he had no difficulty passing the road test with flying colors. Mark acted disappointed, teasing that a little bit of drama would have made for a better video. Internally, though, he was relieved. He knew that this was an important milestone for Jack in more than one way. It was a huge accomplishment, something that Jack could feel proud of and that they could celebrate together. It was also symbolic of Jack’s transition to living in the United States; the printed version of Jack’s license - complete with his photo, solidifying his residence in the state of California - somehow made everything feel more real.

Most of all, though, Mark knew how critical it was for Jack to reclaim some independence. As much as he loved being close to Jack, he was worried that their relationship could become strained if they were _forced_ to be together all the time, out of necessity rather than by choice. It wasn’t good for Jack to rely on him. He knew that Jack was an aggressively independent person, and that Jack had knowingly forfeited much of that independence to be with him. He wanted Jack to develop a life and a community in California beyond their relationship. He knew Jack would be more likely to stay if that happened. And he _needed_ Jack to stay.

After all of Jack’s paperwork was finalized, he and Mark signed some autographs for Steve, and then they celebrated briefly with Libby, who had also passed her exam. She tried to maintain her tough exterior, but Mark and Jack could tell that she was overwhelmed by the whole situation, and she was ecstatic when they offered to take pictures with her.

Mark and Jack looked each other over as soon as they were alone in Mark’s car, with Jack in the driver’s seat. They were both craving physical contact, but the parking lot was starting to fill with cars, and they knew it was too risky.

“Ready to go get a car?” Mark asked, grinning.

“Oh, yes.”

Jack had decided ahead of time that he was going to lease a Tesla. He was fascinated by the company and the technology, and he and Mark had agreed it didn’t make much sense to actually buy a car at this point, with the future being so uncertain.

Mark punched the address into his phone’s GPS, and Jack checked his own phone for messages. He had a new response from Suzy.

“Have you heard any more from Arin about the party tonight?”

Mark paused, thoughtful. Arin and Suzy were hosting a pre-PAX party at their house. Mark and Jack had been planning to work through the weekend, so they were trying to decide if they would be able to go. At first Mark had been enthusiastic about the idea – most of the people attending would be existing friends or acquaintances from their industry, and he was anxious for Jack to start making friends and networking professionally. A couple of drawbacks were nagging at him, though.

“Yeah, we were texting a little bit. Think we can drive and talk at the same time?” He snapped the phone into a holder on the dash.

“Sure.” Jack put the car in drive and steered them out of the parking lot. “So… what’s got yeh worried?”

Mark smiled. Jack always knew. “Nothing terrible. Just a couple things we should talk about ahead of time.”

“Ok. Let’s have it.”

“So. Boundaries. Generally speaking. Obviously everyone at the party will be friends with Arin or Suzy, or connected to the Grumps in some way. But…”

Jack sighed. “Yeah, I know, we need to… pretend.”

Mark frowned. He rested one hand on the back of Jack’s neck. “You know I don’t want to.”

Jack nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s not yer fault.”

“I’m not going to pretend I don’t care about you. I would never do that. I still want to hang out all night. I still want to be with you. I’ll do whatever you want, Sean.”

“Alright. So, say you put yer arm around me or something. Or we’re just talking like we normally do. What if someone flat-out asks you? What would yeh say?”

“Depends on the exact question, I think.”

“Ok… how about, ‘What’s up with you and Jack?’”

“Easy. ‘Jack is my best friend, and I’m psyched that he’s here.’”

“Ok, not bad. ‘Are you and Jack fucking?’”

“Every night, in all of your dreams!”

Jack giggled for a moment, then looked serious.

“’Are you in love with Jack?’”

“’Obviously, have you seen the Internet?’”

Jack smiled. “Yeh’ve thought about this.”

“Well… yeah. I’d really rather not lie about it. I would rather make a joke… and I’d rather people get used to seeing us together. Are you comfortable with that? For now?”

Jack reached over to brush at Mark’s hair. “Yeah. Fer now. We’ll make it work. So, what else is on yer mind?”

“Alcohol. You should definitely drink if you want to. I’ll just feel guilty about it if I know I’m stopping you.”

Jack knew what Mark was referring to. Mark had had serious medical complications related to alcohol. He couldn’t drink, ever. Jack found it endearing, although he sometimes wished he could see Mark drunk, just once.

“Hmm. I don’t think it’s really the right opportunity to get drunk around yeh fer the first time.” He smirked.

“Oh yeah? Why might that be?”

Jack jabbed at his side with a finger. “Yeh’ll find out. Eventually.”

“I’ll look forward to that.”

“Right. Seems like we’re on the same page. Anything else I should worry about?”

Mark’s smile slipped. “One other thing. There’s this… girl… who might be there.”

“Ah.” Jack nodded slowly. “Ex-girlfriend?”

“Not exactly. Her name is Lindsey, she’s done some artwork for the Grumps in the past. We hung out a few times, mostly with friends. We fooled around a little.” He looked at Jack seriously. “We didn’t have sex, or anything. It didn’t go anywhere. For obvious reasons.”

“Um… not so obvious…”

Mark stared at him. “I was in love with someone else. Sorry, I thought that was clear at this point.”

“Oh. Me? Oh.” Jack grinned, blushed. “Wait… when was this?”

“Um… a few months ago? Around the holidays.”

“Is that the last time you dated someone?”

“I don’t think it really qualified as _dating_. But, yeah, she was the last person. Before you.”

Mark watched Jack process this. “I feel like I should’ve known this. I didn’t realize you were… I don’t know… avoiding other relationships? Because of me?”

Mark chuckled. “I wasn’t doing it on purpose. It just… didn’t feel right. I’m not sure if I knew it was because I wanted to…” He gestured vaguely. “Date you? Kidnap you? Love you forever?”

Jack filed that comment away for future consideration, since Mark continued talking.

“Anyway… I did compare. I always knew I’d rather be talking to you… playing games with you… I didn’t meet anyone else who gave me that same feeling. I’ve _never_ been comfortable with someone else, like I am with you.”

“Even when you were fooling around?”

“Yeah. Especially then.” Mark thought for a moment. “It’s been a problem ever since YouTube took off for me. It was basically impossible for me to trust someone enough. I was always imagining what some girl would tell her friends, or tweet, or whatever. Waiting to see pictures of myself from private situations showing up online. It was exhausting. And _frustrating_. I mean, you’re aware of how much I like sex, right?”

Jack giggled. “I’m aware of how much yeh seem to like sex with _me_ ,” he teased. “But, yeah, it’s hard fer me to picture yeh waiting fer that long.”

“But you must’ve, too, right?”

Jack nodded. “I can relate. Casual sex hasn’t exactly been an option fer me, either, but… luckily, that was never really my style anyway.”

“Right. So… when was the last time? Before me?” Mark knew that Jack had been in a couple of relatively serious relationships over the past few years, but they hadn’t really talked about the specific details.

“I actually have a pretty similar story. It was probably more like a year ago, though. Someone I’d known from college. We talked a lot and went out a few times. I thought about taking it further, but… yeah. I didn’t trust it. I’ve talked to a couple of girls since then, but… like you said, nothing that would qualify as _dating_. So. Yeah. My sex life was nonexistent. Fer a long time.”

“Is it selfish that that makes me really happy?”

“What, that I didn’t get laid fer, like, forever?”

“Yeah. No. Kind of.” Mark laughed. “I mean, yeah, the idea of you sleeping with other people makes me feel… huh. Kinda violent, actually.”

Jack grinned. “Jealousy, huh? Not necessary, love. I’m all yers.”

Mark moved his hand to rest in Jack’s lap. “I know. That’s not what I meant, anyway. I just like the idea that we… _fit_. Everything just… works.”

“And the sex does _not_ suck.”

“Oh my God, I know.” They both laughed.

“Ser’sly, though.” Jack stole a glance at Mark. “We’re solid, right? I think we should go to the party. I’m sure it’ll be great. Maybe I’ll get jealous and violent. Could be fun, yeah?”

Mark giggled. “God, I hope so.”

Jack had just steered them into the Tesla dealership parking lot. He switched off the engine. “Jesus, this is so exciting. Ready?” He grinned at Mark.

Mark played with the hem of Jack’s shirt. “I was actually thinking I could meet you at home after. Get a head start on breakfast.” He glanced at the clock. “Hmm. Lunch, maybe.”

Jack was frowning. “Really? Why?”

Mark shrugged. “You just got your freedom! I know you don’t need me following you around all the time. I thought you might want to do this on your own.”

Jack grabbed at Mark’s hand and squeezed. “Jesus, Mark, I didn’t do all this to get away from you. I did this so I could _stay_ with you. Yeh know that, right?”

Mark nodded. “I do. I know. I just don’t want you to feel… trapped.”

“I don’t. I feel _awesome._ Believe me, if I need space, I’ll let yeh know. This is the kind of thing I’ve been dying to share with someone. Yeh’re my best friend. And I’m about to test drive a car that runs on a fucking _battery._ I need yeh with me now, love. Please?”

Mark ran his thumb slowly over the back of Jack’s hand. “Say it again.”

Jack leaned closer to Mark, until his nose was almost brushing Mark’s cheek. _“Please.”_

Mark laughed softly. _“Anything you want, Sean.”_

They had a blast exploring the dealership and test-driving cars. Jack had no trouble finding one he liked that was available for lease. He signed the paperwork and high-fived Mark in the parking lot before they drove home separately. They talked on the phone the whole time, Jack giving Mark the play-by-play of the driving experience, the two of them tailing each other on the highway.

They forced themselves to focus on work for the afternoon, then met in the bedroom to get dressed for the party. They picked out clothes for each other, and decided that Jack would drive both of them to Suzy and Arin’s house in the new car, rather than driving separately. They were comfortable with the fact that people would assume they were spending a lot of time together. It was a happy realization for both of them.

Suzy met them at the door when they arrived, hugging them both enthusiastically. Mark recognized most of the people who were already there, and introduced Jack to the people he hadn’t met before. Arin, Matt, and Ryan were playing Munchkin with a group of people at a large table, and Danny, Ross, and Holly were playing console games with a different group in the living room. Jack became quickly absorbed in conversation with Danny and some of the other people who regularly collaborated for Game Grumps or Ninja Sex Party.

Mark could tell how excited Jack was to meet more people he had followed on YouTube or only spoken to online. He was happy to give Jack some space, so he teamed up with Suzy to join the next few rounds of the card game. He could hear Jack talking animatedly in the next room, the familiar sound carrying easily over the music and laughter in the house. He loved experiencing Jack’s happiness and energy from a distance; the connection between them was a physical sensation, a warm fluttering in his midsection that intensified every time Jack’s laugh drifted into the room.

Suzy poked at his arm, giggling. “Something on your mind?” She had caught the goofy grin that had been plastered on his face. She looked around the table and saw that everyone else was absorbed in their individual conversations. “How are things with you guys?”

He smiled at her. “Really good. Thanks.”

She nodded. The doorbell rang. “Don’t go anywhere!” she told him, jumping up to answer it. Mark saw two girls come through the door, hugging Suzy before they made their way into the house. The first girl was small and pretty, with short, blonde hair; Mark didn’t recognize her. The second girl was Lindsey.

 _Fuck._ He had no idea what Jack would think when he actually met her. There was no denying it – Lindsey was _gorgeous_. She was petite and athletic-looking. Her long, black hair reflected violet highlights in certain lighting, and she had wide, clear green eyes. She was also an exceptionally nice person. Mark cringed internally as she caught his eye, smiled, and waved. He forced himself to return the gesture.

Lindsey and her friend made their way around the table, saying hello and making polite conversation. They finally stopped to say hello to Mark. He stood up and gave Lindsey a brief, polite hug.

“Hey stranger,” she said. “How’ve you been?”

“Really good, thanks. How about you?”

She smiled and shrugged. “Same old. Can’t complain. This is Maggie.”

Mark extended his hand, and Maggie shook it, giggling. “Hey Maggie, nice to meet you.”

“Oh, wow. The voice. It’s even better in person.”

Mark smiled awkwardly.

“Come on, Mags, be cool.” Lindsey jabbed at her with an elbow.

“Sorry. Um. It’s nice to meet you, Mark.”

“Hey. Mark. Have you seen Jack since he moved here? Is he coming tonight?” Lindsey questioned him.

 _Here we fucking go._ “Yeah, I think he’s actually in the other room.”

“Really?” She looked excited. Maggie looked _painfully_ excited. Mark wondered briefly if he should offer to introduce them, but Maggie made the choice for him. She grabbed Lindsey’s arm and started dragging her toward the living room. Lindsey waved, embarrassed. “See ya, Mark.”

Jack had been enjoying himself thoroughly in the living room. He was sitting on the floor next to Holly, waiting his turn while Ross and Danny battled each other on the screen. Holly jumped up when Lindsey and Maggie entered the room, hugging them both. Jack stood up to introduce himself.

“Jack, this is-” Holly started, but Maggie didn’t let her finish. She stuck her hand out and smiled hugely at Jack. “Hey! I’m Maggie! It’s SO COOL to meet you!”

Jack shook her hand and returned her smile. “Hey, I’m Jack. It’s nice to meet you, too!”

“Oh, she knows who you are,” the other girl said, rolling her eyes. “Hi. I’m Lindsey.” She extended her hand. Jack was shaking it before he’d fully registered what she’d said.

“Hey, Lindsey. Nice to meet you.” _Of course, yeh’re the prettiest girl in the universe. Of course you are. Fuck._

Holly sat back down on the floor, and Jack followed. Lindsey and Maggie made their way around the room, and it was clear that they were already friendly with most of the people there.

Holly nudged Jack with her shoulder. “Hey. You alright? Based on what everyone’s told me, you have _nothing_ to worry about. I don’t think they’ve even seen each other for months.”

Jack had given Ross permission to tell Holly the whole story. He and Mark had both agreed that she was trustworthy, and that it would be virtually impossible for Ross to keep it from her anyway. Jack found it comforting to be around friends who knew what was going on. He smiled at Holly.

“I’ll be fine.”

She glanced at the two girls, who were chatting with another small group of people across the room. “I’d keep an eye on Maggie, though.”

Jack frowned. “What, she has a thing fer Mark, too?”

Holly giggled. “Um, I’m pretty sure she has a thing for _you_.”

Jack laughed. “Doubtful.”

Holly stared at him, then smirked. “We’ll see.”

Lindsey and Maggie eventually made their way back. Lindsey sat down between Holly and Jack, and Maggie sat down on Jack’s other side.

“SO,” Maggie said loudly, “welcome to LA! How do you like it so far?”

“Uh, yeah, I really like it! Have you lived here long?”

He tried to focus on Maggie as she started chatting about herself, but he couldn’t ignore the conversation that was happening on the other side of him.

“…I mean he looks _different_ , right? Like, _good_ different. What’s up with him? Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?” Lindsey was asking Holly.

“Um… I don’t really know...” Holly said awkwardly.

Lindsey made an exasperated noise.

“Hey, they’re friends, right? Maybe Jack knows.”

“Oh, Linds, um-”

Lindsey was tapping on Jack’s shoulder. _Oh, please no._

“Hey, Jack? You and Mark are good friends, right? Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?”

“Um.” Jack tried to control his facial expression. He hadn’t anticipated this particular question, especially from this particular person. “I think he might be. Yeh might want to ask him, though.”

“Wait, seriously? Do tell. Mark _never_ dates. Or, well, no one ever hears about it, anyway.” Jack thought she looked sort of… _sad._

“Yeah, I mean, he must want to keep it to himself, I guess. I can see why,” Jack replied.

She nodded.

“… _Anyway,_ ” Maggie said, rolling her eyes. “What’s new with _you_ , Jack?”

The four of them chatted for a few minutes before they heard raised voices – a mixture of groaning and laughter – coming from the next room. Jack heard Mark’s normally-deep voice rise in pitch in mock agitation. He smiled absently.

Maggie giggled. “Sounds like someone finally won!”

“Yep, that’d be me!” Arin had appeared next to them, followed closely by Suzy.

“Arin cheats,” she said, swiping at his floppy hair.

“It’s ok, Suz. We’ll get him next time.” Mark joined the group, smiling briefly down at Jack. Jack tried to smile at him reassuringly, very aware of the two ridiculously attractive women on either side of him.

“Fuck yeah,” she said. “So, my love.” This was directed at Arin. “You can brag for five more minutes if you go grab us some chairs.”

“I’ll make sure they’re comfortable. I know you and Mark are sore from all the _losing_ you just did.”

“Choke on my balls, Arin,” Mark said calmly.

“Gladly. Let me know when you find them.” Arin clapped Mark on the back, then went to drag some chairs in from the next room. Mark, Suzy and Arin sat down a few feet away from where Jack and the girls were settled on the floor.

Everyone continued chatting and laughing. Jack was trying hard to stay engaged in the conversations happening around him, but his gaze kept drifting to Mark. More often than not, Mark was looking back at him, wearing a small smile.

“Jack? _Jack?_ ”

“Huh? Oh, sorry. What was that?”

Maggie had noticed that his attention was drifting.

“I was just asking what you’ve been doing for fun. You know, since you’ve been here.”

“Oh. Honestly, I’ve mostly just been working a lot and getting settled. I really like swimming, though. That’s new fer me.” He was trying his best to project an image of polite detachment. He’d finally realized that Maggie was, in fact, flirting with him, somewhat aggressively.

She was looking him over. “Swimming, huh?” She rested her hand on his upper arm, moved it slowly over his bicep. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

He jumped up from the floor, running one hand through his hair. “Um. Sorry. I’m just going to grab some water-” He looked across the room and found Mark looking back at him, a pained expression on his face. He left the room quickly and practically ran to the bathroom. He shut the door and locked himself in. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and saw that he was blushing furiously, and jumped a mile when someone knocked on the door.

“Jack. It’s me.”

_Mark._

Jack unlocked the door and cracked it open. Mark looked up and down the hallway, then came in quickly, shutting and locking the door behind him. He looked Jack over, taking in the tension in his posture.

“Sean.”

“Mark, I’m sorry, that was- I wasn’t trying to- I didn’t want to-” The words came in a flurry as Jack gestured vaguely with his hands.

Mark couldn’t stand to listen to Jack struggle. He approached him, put his hands around his waist, and lifted him onto the vanity, next to the sink. He kept one hand on Jack’s hip and wrapped his other arm firmly around Jack’s back. He kissed him. _Hard._ Jack wrapped his legs around Mark’s waist, pulling Mark closer, letting Mark’s tongue into his mouth. Mark pressed against him, holding him up, encircling him. Jack moaned against his lips.

Mark broke away, grinning, and pressed his forehead against Jack’s. _“As much as I love it when you get loud…”_

Jack giggled. _“Sorry, love.”_

_“Don’t apologize. I’ve been dying to do this all night.”_

_“Me too.”_ Jack straightened up so he could look in Mark’s eyes. _“Mark, I’m so sorry. I thought I knew what I was walking into. I didn’t expect that at all.”_

_“Didn’t expect what? That someone else would eventually notice that you’re sexy and brilliant and incredible? You’re kidding, right?”_

Jack blushed again, looking down. Mark lifted his chin with his fingers.

 _“Sean. It’s going to happen. And I’m going to fucking hate it. Every Goddamn time.”_ He bit at Jack’s lower lip. _“Because I love you.”_ He nipped at Jack’s neck. _“Because you’re mine.”_

Jack moaned again. _“Mark.”_

Mark didn’t answer. His mouth was firm on the back of Jack’s neck.

_“Mark. Take me home now.”_

_“Mhm. You got it.”_

 

* * *

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Rickster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rickster/pseuds/Rickster)! 

 


	43. Chapter 43

_“Mark.”_

_“Mm.”_ Mark still had his lips pressed firmly over Jack’s collarbone.

_“MARK.”_

_“What?”_

Jack giggled. _“We need to get out of here!”_

_“Oh. Shit.”_

They were still locked in Suzy and Arin’s bathroom, and they knew there was a strong possibility that someone would figure out that they’d disappeared together if they stayed much longer.

Jack let Mark pull him into a standing position. “I’ll go first, ok?”

Mark nodded.

Jack unlocked the door and cracked it open. He found Suzy standing in the hallway just outside.

“Dude, are you alright?”

He stepped into the hall and shut the door behind him. “I’m fine.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. _“Mark’s in there, though.”_

She grinned. “I mean, the guest room might have been more comfortable, but ok.”

“Jesus, Suzy, we weren’t…” He sighed. “Ok, we kinda were. We both just needed a minute. And we need to get out of here, now, before Maggie gets anymore ideas.”

Suzy looked around, making sure they were relatively safe. Then she opened the bathroom door and pulled Mark into the hallway. “Come on. I’ll stick with you guys while you say goodbye.” Mark hugged her gratefully.

They wandered back into the living room and made the rounds. Holly hugged Jack tightly. “Sorry, Jack, I don’t think I was much help. Everything ok?”

“No worries. You were great. Come visit soon.”

Suzy escorted them to the front of the house, where they found Maggie and Lindsey preparing to leave, as well. Maggie’s expression brightened. “Hey! Jack! I’m so glad I didn’t miss you. Are you guys leaving, too?”

He nodded.

“I’ll walk you out!” Suzy said loudly. Jack made a mental note to pay Suzy back somehow.

The five of them walked out to the driveway. Mark and Jack’s attempt to keep a respectable distance from one another backfired, since Maggie made an obvious effort to steer Jack away from the group.

“So…” she started. “Want to call me sometime? Maybe we could hang out?”

Lindsey, Suzy, and Mark were close enough to hear every word of the exchange.

Jack tried to give Maggie a friendly smile. “It was really nice meeting you. And I’m _really_ sorry if I gave yeh the wrong impression. But I’m not available.”

“Oh… ok, then.” Surprise and disappointment were obvious in her expression. “See you around, maybe?”

“Sure.”

She walked back to Lindsey, linked their arms together, and pulled her toward their car.

“Um… bye, guys. Bye, Mark,” Lindsey said awkwardly as Maggie pulled her away. Mark, Jack, and Suzy waved goodbye, and watched the two girls drive away.

Mark and Jack tackled Suzy into a group hug, then piled into Jack’s car with Mark in the driver’s seat.

Mark started the engine and steered them toward home. He slipped his right hand under the hem of Jack’s shirt and hung on to his waistband for a moment.

“Sean… thanks for saying that stuff. To Maggie. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, I did. Mark, ser’sly, there was nothing enjoyable about any of that. I needed to make sure it wouldn’t go any further.”

Mark shook his head, smiling.

Jack raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“You did _look_ at her, right?”

“Yeah, she didn’t really leave me much choice.”

“Sean, she was… _hot._ ”

“So?”

Mark stole a glance at Jack’s face. “You didn’t even think about it, did you?”

“Think about what?”

“Flirting with her… touching her…” Mark tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “Kissing her…”

“Not fer a second.”

“You weren’t attracted to her? At all?”

Jack thought about this for a moment. And then another moment.

“Sean?”

“I’m thinking. Jesus, why is this a hard question to answer?” He sighed. “I thought she was pretty. I thought it was flattering that she was interested in me. But I felt sick when she touched me. I’m trying to figure out what that means.”

“Do you think…” Mark shifted awkwardly in his seat. “Was it because I was there? Or because you didn’t want her to?” The edge in Mark’s voice was making Jack concerned.

“Listen. Mark. I wouldn’t have let her do anything, whether you were there or not. I wouldn’t have touched her, I swear.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m interrogating you. You didn’t do anything wrong. God, Sean, do you know how… _special_ you are? Like, how many guys would walk away from a girl like that?”

Jack was still processing the implications of this when Mark’s phone started ringing. They had connected their phones to the touch-screen console on the dashboard, and Jack could see who was calling. It was Lindsey.

“ _Shit._ I can just ignore it-”

“No, it’s fine. You should probably talk to her.”

Mark sighed, then picked up the call.

“Hey. No, I’m still driving home. Yeah. Is Maggie still with you? Oh, ok.” He paused. “Yeah, it was good to see you too. I know.” He listened for a moment. “No, look, Lindsey, it wasn’t like that.” Another pause. “Wait- who said that? Oh.” He glanced over at Jack. “Yeah, he’s right. Yes. No. You’re great, and I really want you to be happy. But that wasn’t going to happen with me.” He sighed. “I _do_ know.” He looked over at Jack again. “Because the person I’m with is… _the_ person. For me. I know what it’s supposed to be like, now. You deserve to have that, too. It’ll happen. Just not with me.” He listened for a minute, then nodded. “Thanks for saying that. I’m sorry if I hurt you. Yeah. Take care.”

Mark ended the call. He ran a hand through his hair.

“Sean… I’m sorry…”

“She was in love with you.”

Mark nodded. “And I was in love with you.”

“But… I mean… I was in Ireland. I didn’t even _know…_ and she was _here_ …”

“And I was in love with you,” Mark said again.

Jack was desperately trying to figure out how to get physically closer to Mark without endangering their lives. They were still a few minutes from home. He leaned over the console and pushed the sleeve of Mark’s t-shirt up, exposing his shoulder. He pressed his lips along the skin of Mark’s upper arm. He slipped one hand under the hem of Mark’s shirt, pressed his palm against Mark’s lower belly.

Mark sighed happily, pressing kisses into Jack’s hair whenever he could afford to look away from the road. They were both breathing slowly, but the calm was forced. The wait was excruciating, and Mark seriously considered pulling the car over, more than once. Jack was touching him gently, which was almost making it worse. He could _feel_ the restraint in Jack’s movements, and the intention behind them. His skin was hot under Jack’s hand.

Jack was in his lap as soon as he parked in the driveway and switched off the engine, pressed between Mark’s body and the steering wheel. They kissed each other slowly, faces hot, hands grasping at clothing, fingers sliding along partially exposed skin. Mark felt for the door handle in the unfamiliar car, pulled, and kicked the door open with one leg. Jack nipped at Mark’s lower lip, smiled, climbed over him, and pulled him into the driveway. They fell through the doorway in a tangled mess, kicking off their shoes, laughing softly. Mark wrestled Jack against the wall and held him there for a moment, his fingertips inside the waistband of Jack’s jeans, his mouth pressed under Jack’s chin.

 _“How does this feel?”_ Mark’s voice was low.

_“Like I’ll die if yeh stop.”_

Mark made a noise deep in his throat, and pressed his hips against Jack’s.

_“What else? Tell me what you’re thinking.”_

Jack pulled at Mark’s waistband, undid the button on his jeans.

 _“Yeh’re all I can think about.”_ He slipped his hands inside Mark’s boxers, pulled at his hips. _“Yeh’re the only person I want.”_ He nipped at Mark’s neck. _“I want yer hands on me. I want you inside me. I want to be the only person you touch.”_

_“You are. You’re the only one I want. And I want you so fucking much.”_

He kissed Jack deeply, crushing his body against the wall.

_“Jesus. Mark. Upstairs. Now, please.”_

Mark half-dragged him away from the wall and toward the stairs. He managed to get Jack’s shirt off before Jack ducked away from him and sprinted up ahead of him. Mark grinned and followed as quickly as he could.

Jack was waiting for him in the bedroom, and immediately tried to tackle him onto the bed. Mark had anticipated this- he ducked low and grabbed Jack around the waist, throwing him over one shoulder and carrying him into the bathroom. Jack was giggling uncontrollably. “Mark, the bed is back there!”

“We’re not going to the bed.” Mark set Jack down on the tile floor and undid the button and zipper on his jeans. He eased his pants and boxers down, running his hands over Jack’s smooth skin, and Jack kicked them the rest of the way off. Mark finished undressing as well, then went into the shower and turned on the water. He made sure it was hot, then pulled Jack in with him. Jack wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulders, let Mark pull him close. Mark pressed slow kisses along his shoulder, his hands low on Jack’s hips.

_“Mm. Feels good, love.”_

_“I think I can do better.”_

Mark found some soap, lathered it between his palms, and ran his hands slowly over Jack’s body. Jack caught on, and imitated Mark’s movements, until they were both covered in suds. Mark kissed the side of Jack’s face. He slid his left hand down Jack’s belly, then stroked slowly at his cock. He ran his right hand around Jack’s hip and used two sudsy fingers to massage at Jack’s opening. Jack moaned softly and leaned against him. He moved his fingers in slow circles, pressing in a steady rhythm, moving his lips along the back of Jack’s neck.

_“Ohh. Yes. This is better.”_

Mark smiled. He ran the tip of his tongue along Jack’s ear. _“I’m not done yet.”_

He positioned Jack’s body under the water, clearing the suds away with his hands. He pressed Jack against the wall and kissed his lips, stroking slowly at his cock. Then he pulled back and turned Jack’s body until he was facing the tile. He held him from behind and pressed his lips between Jack’s shoulder blades. He spoke quietly, close to Jack’s ear.

_“Ready for something new?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“I’ve never done this before. You’ll have to tell me if it feels ok.”_

Mark pulled at Jack’s hips so that Jack was bent slightly at the waist, with his forearms and palms braced against the tile. He kneeled down behind Jack, his hands firm around Jack’s hips, and ran the tip of his tongue over Jack’s opening. He watched the muscles of Jack’s back contract as he inhaled deeply. He tried it again. Jack’s moan was low and soft. He closed his eyes and licked more confidently, trying to recall how Jack had moved when Mark had been on the receiving end of this act.

It had felt _incredible._ It had also pushed Mark to the very edge of his comfort zone, and he had felt guilty ever since that he hadn’t found the courage to do this for Jack. He wasn’t sure what had changed, but the urge to please Jack – to manipulate his body, to make intimate contact – was completely overwhelming. He acknowledged that seeing Jack interact with a beautiful girl – someone he would’ve once considered a potential partner – had had an impact on him that went beyond basic jealousy. Possessiveness was a part of what he was feeling, but it was also… commitment. Devotion. He belonged to Jack, and he was feeling their connection in an entirely new way.

_“Mark- Don’t stop-”_

He moved his tongue more assertively, taking in the soft, whimpering noise Jack was making, smiling as Jack pressed against his mouth. It occurred to him that, from his perspective, this was the most intimate thing that had ever happened between them. He dug his fingers into Jack’s hips, moving his body, willing him to feel it, too.

He moved one hand to the front of Jack’s body… and found that Jack was touching himself, stroking his cock as Mark kissed and licked. _Holy shit._ Mark throbbed. He stood up, lubricated two fingers, wrapped his other arm around Jack’s chest, and slid his fingers inside of Jack, kissing firmly along his shoulder. Jack moaned loudly, and Mark throbbed again, almost painfully.

_“Sean, can I-”_

_“Please-”_

Mark removed his fingers; it was an effort to move slowly. He lubricated himself, pulled at Jack’s hips, clasped one arm around Jack’s chest, and slid himself inside.

Mark pressed his face against Jack’s back and held him tightly while they both adjusted. He loved the way Jack’s chest strained against his arm as he breathed deeply.

_“Sean-”_

He moved slowly inside of Jack.

_“Oh- Mark-”_

Mark pressed against Jack. _“I love you- Sean- you’re mine, right?”_

Jack moaned. _“I am- I’m yers-”_

They moved and breathed together. Mark covered Jack’s back in slow kisses, running his hands over Jack’s body, but he still felt like he couldn’t get close enough.

He stopped moving and pressed a long, slow kiss against Jack’s neck. Jack read his mind, as usual.

_“Feels amazing, love. My turn, now.”_

Mark pulled out, and Jack straightened up, stretching. He turned, and Mark kissed him deeply, massaging slow circles into his lower back.

They washed up quickly, and Jack led Mark back to the bedroom. He covered Mark’s neck and shoulders in firm kisses. He fingered Mark slowly, kissing his lips again and again. He held Mark’s hand as he slid himself inside, then pressed his forehead against Mark’s, rocking his hips slowly.

_“Hey, love. This is better, yeah?”_

Mark smiled, his lips parted. _“I missed you. I missed you all night.”_

 _“Yeh don’t have to miss me.”_ Jack wrapped one arm under Mark’s back and held onto his shoulder. He thrusted, slowly, deeply. They moaned together. _“All yers, remember?”_ He thrusted again. _“Yeh feel it?”_

 _“I do. Ohh. Sean.”_ He tightened his arms around Jack’s back.

It occurred to Jack for the first time how familiar these words had become – _I do_. Mark said them often, and Jack had been keeping track without realizing it, subconsciously collecting evidence that Mark had fallen as deeply as he had, that Mark felt something _permanent_ solidifying between them. He wanted to ask. He wanted hear it said out loud.

_“Mark-”_

They were moving faster now, exchanging shallow breaths, holding each other tight. Jack searched for the words.

_“I need you- I need yeh with me- Always-”_

Mark moaned. He was nodding. _“Always- I promise- Ohh- Sean-”_

Mark came first. Jack felt him arching off of the bed, watched his chin tipping toward the ceiling... He put his mouth over Mark’s collarbone. He thrusted… he moaned… he came.

They were quiet for a long time. They kissed each other slowly. They cleaned up and dressed for bed in silence, maintaining physical contact- clasped hands, gentle fingers, warm lips on bare skin.

When Jack finally laid down in the bed, he pulled Mark with him, settling Mark’s head on his chest. He held Mark close, buried his face in Mark’s hair.

_“Thanks fer tonight love. Fer everything. Thanks fer waiting all this time fer me. Thanks fer choosing me.”_

Mark reached up, rested his fingers against Jack’s neck.

_“I had no choice. I think I might’ve waited forever.”_

There it was again. Jack’s heart squeezed. _Forever. For real?_

 _“Now we can spend forever like this, instead.”_ He held his breath.

Mark yawned. _“Promise?”_

Jack picked up Mark’s hand, kissed his palm.

_“Promise.”_

 


	44. Chapter 44

Jack woke up before Mark. They had both slept soundly, and neither of them had moved much; most of Mark’s body weight was still pressing down on Jack, and his head was still resting over Jack’s heart. Jack moved one hand to rest between Mark’s shoulder blades, feeling the steady rise and fall of his back as he slept.

He was grateful to have a few minutes to himself to think about everything they had experienced the night before. When it was happening, Jack had felt like the party had been a complete disaster. He wasn’t sure if he had ever been more uncomfortable in his life. But given how the night had ended up, he was feeling relieved that they could check a couple more awkward relationship milestones off the list. He felt like they had taken some sort of test together, and passed.

He remembered the feeling of Mark’s tongue, warm and wet… _Jesus. Yep. Nailed it._ He needed to thank Mark for that. And he needed to talk to Mark about the less comfortable thoughts he hadn’t sorted through yet.

He started rubbing slow circles across Mark’s back, and he ran his other hand gently through Mark’s hair. He felt the pattern of Mark’s breathing change, felt Mark’s arms tighten around him.

“Mornin’, love.”

“Mmm.” Mark looked up, smiled, then covered Jack’s neck in kisses. Jack giggled.

“Heyyy! Tickles!” Mark ignored his protests. He swung his leg all the way over Jack and continued the assault, pulling the neckline of Jack’s shirt to the side to reach his shoulder. Jack was laughing, struggling for breath.

“HEY! Yeh know I can make yeh regret this, Fischbach-”

Mark stopped, grinning, and looked in Jack’s eyes. “Oh my God, please do.”

Jack scratched his fingertips across Mark’s scruff, giggling.

Mark kissed his nose. “Let’s shave it.”

Jack raised his eyebrows.

“Seriously. I like tickling you on purpose, not by accident. I want to see if you like it. It’ll grow back if we both hate it.”

“What if yer fans riot?”

Mark laughed. “It’ll be a good first step. They’re going to have to get used to some much bigger changes. Eventually, I mean.”

Jack smiled, nodded. “Ok. We can try it.” He brushed at Mark’s hair. “Also. Speaking of massive changes.” Mark was listening attentively. “You were _awesome_ last night. I’ve never felt anything like that.”

Mark smiled, looked a bit embarrassed. “I wanted to try it for a long time. I was just… nervous. Was it really alright?”

“It was perfect. I loved it.” He kissed Mark’s lips. “And I was nervous, too. I’m still feeling a little… overwhelmed? After yesterday.” He took a deep breath. “I need to ask you about something.”

“Sure, anything.”

“Mark. What if I’m… gay? And I just didn’t know it before?”

Mark looked thoughtful. He sat back between Jack’s knees, and pulled Jack into a sitting position, so they were face to face. He held both of Jack’s hands.

“What do you think would change, if you were?”

“Uhm. My entire self-image?”

Mark raised his eyebrows. “Really? More than it already has?”

Jack thought about it. “Maybe it would be more like the way I project it. Publicly.”

Mark nodded. “We will both have to deal with that. When we’re ready, though. I really don’t think we should rush it. And you’re still _you_ , Sean.”

“I know, but I do feel… different. I meant what I said last night. I had _no_ interest in that girl. I was legitimately freaked out by the idea of it.”

“I believe you, but you’re also a person with an absurd amount of integrity in a committed relationship. The fact that you’re not interested in dating anyone else doesn’t mean you’ll never be attracted to a girl again. And, babe-” He squeezed Jack’s hands. “I mean, yes, there is a very real risk that I might throat punch anyone who touches you.” He grinned, teasing. “But it’s _ok_ if you find other people attractive. I think it’s important, actually, while you figure things out. While _we_ figure things out.” He sighed. “I need to ask myself the same questions. We’ll do it together.”

“What feels different fer you?”

“Besides all the gay sex I never thought I’d have?”

Jack giggled. “No, including that.”

“Ah. Uhm. I like it. A lot.”

“What d’you like?”

“Specifically?” Jack nodded. “Fuck. Ok. Uhm. I love it when you suck me off? You’re really good at it? And it’s… special. Because it’s you.” Jack was grinning. “I love kissing you when we have sex. A lot. That might be my favorite thing. I like how other positions feel, but I love being close enough to kiss you.”

“Which way is better fer you? When we have sex?”

“You mean, like, top or bottom?”

“Yeah.”

“Both? I think? Is that weird? I don’t know if I expected it to be like that, but… that’s how I feel.”

Jack smiled, relieved. “It’s not weird. I mean, not to me. I love it. I was worried about it, at first. I thought, since I’m smaller, yeh might think… I thought yeh might act like I was…” Jack groaned.

“Sean, it’s ok. Take your time.”

Jack took a deep breath. “I thought yeh might think that I would be more like a _girl_ , or something.”

“Oh. Jesus, _no._ I never felt like that.” Mark thought about the aggressive side of Jack he loved so much, of all the times Jack had wrestled with him… tackled him… dominated him. “I love that we’re evenly matched. I love it when you fuck with me. I love it when you’re in control.”

“And I love it when you are, too. We can still be like that if I end up being gay, right?”

Mark rested one set of fingers along Jack’s neck, with his thumb at the base of Jack’s throat. Jack found the gesture to be both comforting and suggestive. “We can be anything you want, Sean.”

Jack smiled. “I want it to be like last night. And all the other times. It’s perfect.”

Mark nodded. “I get that all of this has to do with gender, to an extent, but I mean… before all of this happened, did you really think of interests, or… personality traits… as being ‘male’ or ‘female?’ Or did you just like whatever you liked, because fuck it?”

Jack laughed. “The second one.”

“Right.” Mark leaned forward, kissed Jack’s lips carefully. “It’s one of the best things about you. And it doesn’t have to change.”

Jack nodded, then hugged Mark tightly. “Thanks, love.”

“Feeling better?”

“Yes.”

“And starving, I bet.” Jack nodded enthusiastically. “Pancakes?”

“Hmm. Do we have strawberries?”

Mark nodded. “I think so.”

“Nutella?”

“Definitely.”

“Crepes, then?”

“You got it.”

Jack grinned. Mark had significantly broadened his list of favorite foods. “I’ll walk Chica while yeh start. I could use the exercise.” He stretched, stiffly.

Mark frowned. “Sore?”

“Just a little.”

“Swim after breakfast. I’ll help with your back.”

“Love you, Mark.”

“Love you, Sean.”

They enjoyed each other’s company for the morning, then separated to put in a few hours of work through the afternoon. Jack got a message from Suzy asking if he wanted to grab a late lunch, and Mark was enthusiastically supportive. He was happy to see Jack feeling more comfortable to spend time with friends on his own. Also, Jack was a much more efficient worker than he was, and Mark could use the extra time to catch up on editing. He and Jack had both met with an editor that Arin had recommended, and had decided that her resume and personality would fit best with the style of Jack’s channel. He had a follow up meeting scheduled with her after PAX. Mark was still looking for someone, and was starting to feel the effects of the busy schedule he and Jack had been following.

He sighed. He decided to call Wade to check in before getting back to work.

“WADE!”

“What’s up, man? You read my mind, I was planning to call you later. Now is good, though.”

“How have you been?”

“Awesome. Listen. I want to hear all about you and Jack, but I have to ask you something first.”

“Sure.”

“What’s the plan for the Markiplier and Friends panel?”

Mark, Bob, and Wade had been exchanging texts and e-mails about PAX, but had only talked about general plans so far.

“Dude… I have no plan. I was hoping you could help me figure it out. Things are more… complicated. Because of me and Jack, y’know? He’s still going to do the panel with us.”

“I think I can help with the complication.” Wade sounded excited.

“What are you thinking?”

“I was thinking of proposing to Molly. During the panel.”

Mark processed this in a stunned silence. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

“Yeah… I mean, it might take some of the pressure off you and Jack…”

“FORGET ME AND JACK! ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?? THIS IS AMAZING!”

Wade was laughing.

“I’M SERIOUS! YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED???”

“Well, assuming she says yes… God, how do you get your voice to screech like that?”

Mark giggled. “Dude. She’s going to say yes.”

“Heh. Yeah, I think she will. So what do you think? You ok with this plan?”

“It’s _awesome_. I’m SO happy for you guys!”

“Thanks, but, obviously it’s a secret. I mentioned it to Bob, and you can tell Jack, if you want. Otherwise let’s keep it between us, for now.”

“You’ve been keeping my secrets. I can keep yours.”

“Yeah, speaking of that… how are you guys doing? Social media seems pretty well-controlled… I mean, plenty of people think you guys are a couple, but I don’t think that’s a new development.”

“Yeah, and we’re not trying really hard to discourage it. We’re hoping people will get used to seeing us together. And having to deny everything all the time would really suck.”

“Have you started telling more people?”

Mark gave him the list. “My mom is having a hard time with it, but she agreed to meet Jack, so I’m trying to stay positive about that.”

“Yeah, that’s a good start. It’ll be good to see Tom- we should all get dinner on Thursday night.”

“Definitely.”

“So… how are you guys _doing_ , though? I mean, what’s it like? Sorry, I’m just curious.”

“It’s…” Mark wasn’t sure how to sum it up. “It’s the kind of relationship I honestly never thought I’d have. I’m really not sure if I even deserve it.”

“Dude. That’s bullshit.”

“I’m serious. Jack is… God, Wade, I know I sound like an idiot, but I love every single thing about him. I’ve never been so happy in my life.”

“I can tell. From your videos. No offense, but your commentary has drastically improved. You sound… engaged. Smart. Thoughtful. I don’t know. You sound more like a whole person, less like a performer. I think it’s a good thing.”

Mark took a moment to consider this feedback. He had seen hints of this sentiment floating around social media, but Wade had just articulated it much more clearly. “Yeah, I think it’s good, too.”

“So… this might be a stupid question, but, what’s the long term plan? Do you think Jack will stay?”

“I need him to. I can’t even think about the alternative.”

“So this is a long-term thing.”

“This could be a life-long thing.”

“Wow. Ok. Does he know you feel that way?”

“Uhm. I think so? It’s so tricky. I don’t want us to get ahead of ourselves. I don’t want to add extra pressure.”

“I get what you’re saying. It’s smart not to rush. But… I don’t know. Just make sure he knows how you feel.”

Mark was nodding. “Yeah. It’s good advice. Thanks. Anyway, let me know what else you need for the panel. We’ll see you at the hotel?”

“Yeah, man. Can’t wait. And… thanks. I feel bad crashing your panel…”

“No, it’s perfect. I’m really glad you asked. And I’m proud of you, dude.”

“Thanks. See you in a few days. Say hi to Jack for me.”

“I will. See you soon.”

They hung up. Mark sat and thought for a long time. Wade was getting _married_. He remembered when he’d first found out that Bob was going to propose to Mandy. He’d felt like such a _child_ in comparison. He’d been happy for them in an abstract kind of way, completely unable to relate to the idea of two people deciding to spend the rest of their lives together. He’d harbored a thinly-veiled jealousy of Bob and Wade’s relationships as well. They were his gold standard, his truest representation of couples who genuinely loved, respected, and understood each other. He knew he’d never had a relationship that came close to measuring up. Until now.

All of a sudden, the idea wasn’t abstract anymore. This was his reality. The people he loved and admired most were growing up and marrying each other, creating families for themselves. His own angry words echoed in his mind: “Sean. This is my _family._ ” He wished desperately that he could take it back, felt sick every time he imagined what Jack must have thought when he’d heard those words. Jack had taken a huge risk by contacting his mom, showing him more love and support than most of Mark’s biological family ever had, and he’d returned the favor by pushing him away.

He took a deep breath. It was done, and he knew he could only move forward now. He knew that he made Jack happy. He could feel how much Jack loved him. They were on the right path.

He forced himself to get back to work. He recorded one more video, then stood up to stretch, and cracked his office door so Jack would know it was safe to come in whenever he got home. He spent another couple of hours working on edits before he felt the vibration of the front door opening and closing downstairs. He smiled to himself, took his headphones off, and listened to Jack’s footsteps as he climbed the stairs, wondering why Jack wasn’t sprinting like he usually did.

The answer was obvious once Jack came through the door. “Hey, love. Hungry?” He was carrying a paper bag, presumably filled with food, and a smoothie.

“Oh my God, could you be more perfect?” Mark took the food and drink from Jack, set them down on his desk, and scooped Jack up for a massive hug. Jack giggled. “Did you have fun?”

Jack nodded, squeezed his arms around Mark’s shoulders. Mark put him down. “I missed you. But yeah, it was really fun.”

“Good. Tell me about it in a minute. I have some cool news.” Jack actually danced around the room when Mark told him about Wade’s plan, and Mark was thrilled to see him so happy about something that was associated with PAX. Jack seemed to be in high spirits overall, but when Mark questioned him about his visit with Suzy, he was vague on the details. Mark had a feeling that Jack was purposely keeping something a secret, but he didn’t push it. He trusted Jack, and he figured that if Jack was hiding something that was contributing to his happy mood, he must have a good reason for it. Mark was glad to let him keep it to himself for now.

They both put in a couple more hours of work, then met each other in their bathroom. Mark took one last look at himself in the mirror, then handed Jack the shaving cream and razor.

“Yeh’re sure? We can wait…”

“I’m sure.” Mark grinned.

“Ok. I’ve never done someone else’s face before. I’ll go slow, yeah?”

“I trust you.”

Jack spread shaving cream over Mark’s face, taking care to dab an unnecessary amount onto his mouth and nose. Mark exhaled sharply and managed to spray a few globs onto Jack. They both giggled. Once Mark’s face was covered, though, Jack’s expression became serious. He held Mark’s chin still with his left hand, and ran the razor slowly over Mark’s skin with his right. Mark was silently grateful for this opportunity to keep his eyes locked on Jack’s in such close proximity; he could see many shades of blue sparkling and reflecting in Jack’s irises. He found himself holding his breath.

Jack worked gently and methodically until most of the shaving cream was gone. He ran the tips of his fingers over Mark’s now-smooth skin, checking for missed patches. Then he ran a towel under warm water and washed Mark’s face clean. He held Mark’s face in his hands, and pressed his cheek against Mark’s. He smiled. He smelled Mark’s skin. He pressed his lips against Mark’s jaw. Mark sighed happily, and Jack took the opportunity to kiss his parted lips.

 _“Ohh,”_ he sighed. Mark grinned, and kissed him enthusiastically, moving from his lips, down his throat, to the back of his neck. He forced himself to pull back and check in with Jack.

_“What do you think?”_

_“Jesus. It’s lovely. Do it again.”_

Mark happily complied until Jack sighed heavily and leaned against him. He hugged Jack close.

_“I’m glad you like it.”_

_“Thanks, love.”_ Jack stretched stiffly, straining against Mark’s firm grip. Mark smiled.

_“C’mon. Let me take care of you for a while.”_

They made their way downstairs with pillows and blankets, and settled onto the couch with a movie playing in the background. Jack let Mark pull his shirt off, then stretched out on his stomach on the lounger. Mark moved his hands over Jack’s tight muscles, trying to erase the stiffness and soreness Jack had carried with him from the previous night.

He started with Jack’s neck and shoulders, rubbing small circles with his thumbs and fingertips until Jack took a deep, contented breath. Then he moved between Jack’s shoulder blades and applied steady pressure with the heels of his hands. Jack made some noises that Mark was used to hearing in a different context, and he smiled to himself, trying to stay on his best behavior. He worked at the center of Jack’s back until he stretched, groaning happily. Then he moved his fingers down to Jack’s hips and lower back.

His hands brushed against the waistband of Jack’s sweatpants, and he felt that he needed access to more surface area.

_“Hey Sean. I’m just going to move these a little bit. I’ll behave, I promise.”_

Jack giggled. _“Mark. You can do anything yeh want.”_

Mark slid Jack’s sweatpants down a few inches, and ran his hands over Jack’s bare skin. He held onto Jack’s hip with his left hand, and used the heel of his right to rub circles across his lower back. Jack groaned happily, sighing with his whole body. Mark changed his approach, squeezing and rubbing at Jack’s hips with both hands. Jack groaned again, and Mark couldn’t resist- he pressed a firm kiss onto the small of his back, hoping Jack would enjoy the feeling of his smooth skin. He breathed in the smell of Jack. He moved up Jack’s body and kissed the base of his neck. He wrapped his arms underneath Jack, held his shoulders, and pressed his chest against Jack’s back.

_“How’s it feel, babe?”_

_“All better, love.”_

_“Ok. Flip over now. I’ll help you stretch.”_

Mark released his hold on Jack and helped him turn over. He kissed his lips carefully, then moved back  down his body. He bent Jack’s left knee and pressed it upward, folding it against Jack’s chest with his own body weight. _“Tell me when.”_

_“Uh huh. That’s good.”_

Mark held Jack’s body still. Jack breathed.

_“Ok. A little more.”_

Mark pressed Jack’s knee a bit further, held him still again.

_“Ok. Good now.”_

Mark released him, and repeated the process with Jack’s other leg. Then he started all over again, except he kept Jack’s left leg mostly straight this time, with his arm looped under Jack’s knee. He pressed Jack’s leg up toward his chest until he felt Jack resisting. He hovered over Jack, enjoying the feeling of Jack’s solid body beneath him.

 _“Have yeh done this before?”_ Jack was smiling and taking shallow breaths.

Mark shook his head, laughing softly. _“You’re definitely the only person I’d ever be in this position with. I’ve just seen people do it. I thought it would feel good.”_

_“It does. So good. A little more, now.”_

Mark pressed down against Jack’s chest. Jack reached up and held Mark’s face in his hands, and Mark leaned down to kiss his lips, slowly, sweetly.

_“Ready to switch?”_

_“Yes please.”_

Mark wrapped his arm around Jack’s other leg and leaned against Jack’s body again. Jack sighed, then yawned hugely. Mark grinned.

_“Mission accomplished. Ready for sleep?”_

Jack nodded. Mark released him, straightened up, and pulled him into a sitting position. He pressed his lips over Jack’s heart for a moment, then helped Jack pull his shirt back on. They arranged the pillows, and Mark turned off the screen. They climbed under the blanket together, facing each other. Mark ran his fingers through Jack’s hair, and Jack brushed his fingers along Mark’s jaw.

_“How d’you feel, Sean?”_

Jack smiled. He leaned over and pressed his face against Mark’s. _“So happy.”_ He kissed Mark’s lips, then laid back down on the pillow.

_“How’s your body?”_

Jack wrapped one arm around Mark’s side and pressed against him, burying his face against Mark’s chest.

_“You tell me.”_

Mark secured his arm around Jack’s waist. _“Feels amazing. Sean...”_ He slipped his hand under Jack’s shirt, pressed his palm against Jack’s skin. _“I want you to be with me, like this, every night. I want you to stay with me. I want you to be my family.”_

Jack’s breathing was slow and even. Mark wasn’t sure if he’d heard. But then Jack pressed even closer, and tilted his chin to press his lips to Mark’s neck.

 _“Love you forever,"_ Jack breathed.

_“You mean it?”_

_“I do.”_

 


	45. Chapter 45

The next four days passed in a similar fashion. Mark and Jack ate breakfast together, worked for as long as they could stand it, and spent time together in the evenings. They had lunch separately most days, enjoying the opportunity to miss each other for a while and talk freely with their friends. Jack was developing close friendships with Suzy, Holly, and Ross, and Mark appreciated that Arin and Danny made themselves available to spend time with him. Arin had a way of reminding Mark not to take things too seriously – mostly by saying _Hey Mark, lighten the fuck up_ – and Danny was full of support and wisdom. The whole group decided to go rock climbing together on Wednesday night, hoping to work through some of the nervous energy everyone was feeling about the weekend’s convention.

Mark, Arin, and Danny had all been climbing together before, and were experienced enough with harnesses to belay for the rest of the group. They decided to climb in pairs, and Arin and Suzy went first, while Mark and Danny belayed from the ground, and Ross and Holly filmed and took photos. Jack stayed by Mark’s side, observing and groaning dramatically.

“Sean, no one’s going to force you to climb,” Mark said reassuringly.

“I might!” said Ross, teasing.

“Dude, not helpful.” Mark tried to project an aura of displeasure in Ross’ direction, while keeping his attention on Suzy, who was just starting to climb the wall. He spoke to Jack again. “I’m serious, you don’t have to do it. But I know you. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t try.”

Jack scowled, but nodded.

“C’mon, it’ll be just like the water slides. You’ll love it.”

“What happens if I fall off?”

Mark looked up at Suzy and Arin, who were still barely getting off the ground.

“Hey Suz! Stay still for a sec, I’m going to pick up your slack.”

“Ok!”

Mark walked backward until he was happy with the tension in the line, then he called to Suzy again.

“Ok, I have you! Step off for a second! I just want to show Jack!”

“Sure!” She held on tight with both hands, then let both feet fall off of the wall. She barely moved an inch, and hung suspended with her feet dangling.

“Thanks Suz! You can get back on!”

She swung her feet back onto the wall and started to climb again.

“So, I have to give her a little bit of slack while she climbs. If she actually did fall off by accident, she would drop a tiny bit, and I would catch her. No problem. Happens all the time.”

“But _you_ need to come with me up _there_.”

Mark grinned. “Wouldn’t miss it. Danny will hold you up.”

Jack sighed audibly, running both hands through his hair. “Alright. As long as yeh stay with me.”

“Of course I will.”

They all enjoyed watching Suzy and Arin race up the wall, trash-talking each other relentlessly. About halfway up, Suzy started laughing uncontrollably, and lost her footing. Mark was ready for it; he caught her easily when she fell off the wall, and helped her repel to the bottom. Jack watched Mark’s body tense, his muscles contracting as he supported Suzy. He made it look easy. He made it look _sexy_. Jack had to remind himself several times not to stare.

Holly and Ross took their turn, and then it was finally time for Mark and Jack to climb. Arin took Mark’s place as belayer, and Mark helped Jack put on his harness. Jack caught his eye, smiling, and Mark knew he was lingering too long with his fingers at Jack’s waist, but he couldn’t figure out how to care.

They approached the wall together, and Mark swung himself up, then helped Jack find his footing.

“Ok, Sean. Give it a try. I’ll follow your lead.” He flashed Jack a grin, and Jack gave him an uncertain smile in return. He started to climb.

Mark watched him carefully, examining Jack’s body from head to toe. He could see Jack’s muscles moving under his fitted t-shirt and gym shorts, and it occurred to him that Jack seemed _different_ , somehow. Stronger, maybe? Had he really memorized Jack’s body so well that he could detect such a subtle change? He thought about the way Jack looked, shirtless and soaking wet, doing laps in the pool…

“Stay with me, Mark!”

“Shit, sorry…” Mark climbed upward until he was eye level with Jack again. “You are… very distracting. Looking good, Sean.”

Jack giggled. “Ser’sly? You were checking me out? While my life hangs in the balance?”

Mark looked down, then laughed. “Sean, we’re, like, four feet off the ground.”

“Still! I need yeh to focus!”

“On you? That won’t be a problem.”

They started to climb together, and it occurred to Mark that Jack could probably outstrip him in terms of speed. No, not probably. Definitely. _Easily._ He watched Jack make a jump with one foot, pulling himself up with both arms. _Holy shit._

They made their way upward for a few minutes, then paused to take a break, catching their breath. “Seriously, Sean. Looking good.” He lowered his voice. “ _Really… fucking… good.”_

Jack giggled, shaking his head. “I may need yeh to watch that pretty mouth, love. I can’t concentrate-”

He looked down.

 _“SHIT.”_ Jack closed his eyes and pressed close to the wall. Mark looked down at Danny, who was watching Jack intently.

“SEAN. YOU’RE FINE. LOOK AT ME.”

Jack opened one eye a tiny bit and peeked over at Mark.

“Listen! You could step off this wall right now and _nothing_ bad would happen. I _swear._ Danny’s got you- you can stop anytime you want. C’mon. Look at me.”

Jack locked his eyes on Mark’s, and took several deep breaths.

“You ok?”

“I want to keep going.”

“You sure?”

Jack nodded, took another breath, and reached for the next handhold.

Mark flirted with Jack continuously as they climbed, and his strategy worked- Jack made it all the way to the top without looking down again. Jack looked over at Mark instead, grinning.

“What now, love?”

“This is the best part! Hang on-”

Mark looked down at Danny and Arin, and they both nodded.

“Ok, ready? Go like this-” Jack watched as Mark moved his hands from the wall to the rope that was holding him up. “Keep your feet on the wall. Danny has you.”

Jack imitated Mark’s movements, finding it surprisingly easy to sit back in his harness. He and Mark walked backward down the wall together, grinning stupidly. When they reached the bottom, Mark approached Jack slowly, trying to control his breath. And his hands. And his mouth. The urge to grab Jack and kiss him was almost overwhelming, and it took all of his remaining energy to resist.

He tried to concentrate on the task of unfastening Jack’s harness, rather than the fact that he was close enough to Jack to feel heat radiating from his skin…

“There. All set.” He risked a glance at Jack’s face, and found clear, blue eyes looking back at him, so close…

Jack put his arms around Mark’s shoulders and hugged him. Mark held him close.

_“Thanks, love. That was awesome.”_

_“You were awesome.”_

_“I’m going to try really hard not to kiss you.”_

_“Until later.”_

They released each other, and found that everyone else in the group had lined up to give Jack a congratulatory hug. Suzy smiled in Mark’s direction, and Mark suspected that they all might be doing damage control, trying to minimize the physical affection Jack and Mark had just put on display. They hadn’t been approached by any fans since they’d arrived, but they were not alone in the gym, and it was always a possibility that someone might be filming or photographing them. Mark felt a surge of gratitude toward his friends.

He and Arin took one more turn belaying while Ross and Danny climbed, and then they all decided to call it a night, promising to meet up in Seattle once they arrived.

Jack and Mark walked shoulder-to-shoulder into the parking lot and climbed into Jack’s car, with Jack in the driver’s seat. It was fully dark, and the parking lot was starting to empty out, but they were parked close to the gym, and there were still several cars close by. Jack started the engine and drove them to the very back of the parking lot, until they were far away from any other vehicles. He pulled into a parking space and switched the engine back off.

Mark’s hands were on him before he had a chance to say anything. Mark leaned in close to his face, then stopped, breathing shallow with his lips parted, his nose almost touching Jack’s.

Jack held Mark’s face in his hands. _“I couldn’t wait,”_ he whispered.

Mark kissed him deeply, slipped his hands under Jack’s shirt, ran his palms over Jack’s sides. Jack moaned softly against Mark’s lips. Mark pulled at his waistband, and slid one hand inside his shorts.

_“Ohh. Mark. Yeh don’t have to…”_

Mark’s lips were on his neck.

 _“But you want me to.”_ Mark wrapped his fingers around Jack’s cock.

_“Uhm. I do.”_

_“Please let me.”_

_“Ok. Yes.”_

Mark kissed his lips, bent over into his lap, and pulled Jack’s cock into his mouth. Jack glanced around briefly, saw that they were completely alone, and then closed his eyes. He leaned his head back, ran one hand through Mark’s hair, and slipped his other hand under Mark’s shirt, resting his palm against Mark’s back. He concentrated all his attention on the feeling of Mark’s mouth, his lips and tongue moving insistently.

Jack moaned softly. He’d been halfway gone the moment Mark had kissed him, and warm pressure was already building. He throbbed, deep inside Mark’s mouth. He arched his back. He gripped at Mark’s hair. He bit his lip and held his breath. He came hard with a suppressed moan, his fingers pressed into Mark’s back.

Mark swallowed and straightened up. He slid his arms behind Jack’s back and hugged him, resting his chin on Jack’s shoulder. Jack took a long, deep breath.

_“Thanks, love. Yeh’re amazing.”_

_“YOU are. I might’ve died if you hadn’t let me.”_

Jack giggled softly. _“Me too. My turn, now?”_

_“Mm. Take me home first.”_

Jack did.

 

* * *

 

 

They slept late into Thursday morning, and then started to get organized for the long weekend in Seattle. Mark dropped Chica off with a dog sitter he had used in the past, then headed home to help Jack finish packing. They lined up their bags in the bedroom, took a quick inventory, packed a few last-minute items. Jack started to pick up his backpack, but Mark stopped him, and pulled him over to his night stand.

“Hey. I got you something.” He ran his fingers over the three bracelets Jack was wearing on his right wrist. He usually wore at least one, and Mark knew that each one had sentimental value. He opened the drawer of his night stand and pulled out a bracelet Jack had never seen before. It was a simple black cord with a small, circular disc in the center; one side was polished silver, and the other side was decorated with muted rainbow colors.

“I know this weekend could get a little… crazy. I need you to know I’ll be thinking about you. Loving you. The whole time. You can wear it inside out if you want…”

Jack took the bracelet and turned it over in his hands. He saw what Mark meant- it would look “normal” enough if he wore it with the silver side facing up. He shook his head.

“Nope. Rainbow side up.” He let Mark tie it around his wrist, then pulled Mark into a hug. “I love it. I love you.”

“Love you too, Sean.”

 

* * *

 

 

The flight was quick and painless compared to their journey to and from Ireland, and they were checking into their hotel in Seattle in no time. Since they knew they would be spending time with people who didn’t know about their relationship, they’d decided to book two rooms on the same floor in case they needed to keep up appearances. They got keys for both rooms and headed up to the top floor.

Their room was huge, and had enough seating for a dozen people, which was lucky, since they were already receiving text messages from friends who had just checked in, or would be arriving soon. The first person who came to their door was Mark’s brother, Tom. He tackled Mark into a huge hug, then turned to Jack.

Jack smiled and extended his hand, but Tom pulled him into a genuine hug. “Jack, it’s _so_ cool to meet you.”

“It’s _awesome_ to meet you,” Jack said sincerely.

Tom let him go, and pulled Mark to stand next to Jack. “Come on, get together for a second.” They stood side-by-side, and Tom looked them over, nodding. “You guys look great.”

Mark ran a hand through his hair, mildly embarrassed, but clearly pleased. “Thanks, Tom.”

They all jumped when they heard someone pounding at the door.

“OPEN UP, BITCHES.”

Jack grinned, giggled, and ran to let Felix into the room. Felix hugged him, lifting him off the floor for a moment, then hugged Mark, too. Mark introduced him to Tom, and they shook hands. Felix jabbed his thumb in Tom’s direction.

“He knows, right?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah, it’s cool.”

“Ok. Make out. Now.” He raised his eyebrows impatiently.

“Jesus _Christ_ , Felix.” Jack scowled at him.

“I’m not kidding, motherfuckers. I waited a whole year for this shit to go down. Let’s see it.”

“Felix, seriously-” Mark started.

“I’m completely serious. I’ll fuck with you all night if I have to, might as well get it over with before things get truly embarrassing.”

Jack groaned. Mark pulled at his arms, wrapping them around his own waist. “C’mon, Sean. It’ll make him happy.”

“Maybe _too_ happy.” Jack continued to glare at Felix.

Mark giggled. “Tom, feel free to cover your eyes.” Tom laughed, unfazed. Mark pulled Jack close and kissed him lightly. Then deeply, for several moments. Jack felt his cheeks starting to flush. He put his hands around Mark’s face and gently disengaged, smiling. He looked over at Felix.

“Satisfied?”

“I hate both of you so much. If I find out this has actually been going on this whole time-”

“Dude. No. We told you the truth, it’s just been a few weeks,” Mark said seriously.

“You look like you’ve had a bit more practice than that, is all I’m saying. So. How’d it go down? Who jumped who?”

“No one jumped anyone, Felix,” Jack said. “It just happened.”

Felix was shaking his head. “Don’t believe you. Let me guess- Mark was the lovesick one, and Jack couldn’t keep his hands to himself.”

Mark glared at Felix. “That is disturbingly accurate. Have you been hacking my camera?”

“No dude, you guys are just so… _obviously_ and _disgustingly_ in love. And I don’t understand how you didn’t know it.”

Mark and Jack exchanged an amused glance.

Felix glared at both of them. “Ugh. Let’s get some fucking pizza.”

The room steadily filled with people over the next half hour. Marzia joined them after a few minutes, hugging Mark and Jack enthusiastically. Wade, Molly, Bob, and Mandy arrived next, shortly followed by Ross, Holly, and Danny. Arin and Suzy were the last to show up. Jack polled the room and Mark placed an order for pizza and sandwiches. Everyone was happy to stay in and catch up, swapping travel stories and talking about the PAX events they were most looking forward to. Actual chairs became scarce, and Jack moved to settle on the floor next to the armchair where Mark was sitting, but Mark pulled on his hand.

“Sit with me?”

Jack looked around the room. Wade had one arm around Molly. Marzia was settled between Felix’s legs on the floor. Arin was playing absently with a strand of Suzy’s hair. It occurred to him that there wasn’t a single person in the room who would take issue with him and Mark being physically close. They had all shown Jack and Mark unconditional acceptance and support – even Arin and Felix, in their own way – and would probably be secretly thrilled to see more evidence of the relationship they’d been rooting for. Jack climbed into the chair with Mark, settling cross-legged in his lap.

Mark let Jack do most of the talking for the rest of the night. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been happier, which was saying something, given the very recent, very vivid images he could conjure up of his more private times with Jack. But this feeling was different. This was him and Jack, openly and honestly existing in their community. Not as performers, not as carefully crafted personas, but as the people they actually _were_. He watched Jack and Tom talking animatedly to each other, feeling Jack’s warm weight pressing against him. _This is what it feels like. This is family._

Eventually, their friends started gradually dispersing back to their own rooms. Tom hung back for a few minutes to talk with Mark and Jack about plans for the following day, and then he said goodnight, too, giving each of them another hug. Mark put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door handle, and shut and locked the door behind him. Jack was already unpacking their pajamas, and he was happy to let Mark undress and re-dress him, smiling at Mark’s exhausted expression.

Mark was yawning sleepily as Jack settled onto his chest, but Jack was feeling restless. He hoped that snuggling under the covers next to Mark would help, but the feeling only got worse as Mark drifted off to sleep. He had been coasting on a high of excitement for hours, carried away by the idea that he and Mark could just _be together_ freely in the midst of so many people who supported them.

But now that they were alone, the reality of the rest of the weekend was setting in. He was about to spend the next four days suppressing the feelings of freedom and excitement he had just experienced, covering up everything he and Mark had been building together. Could he even do it? Was it even possible? Would he hate himself for it? Restlessness turned into anxiety. Anxiety turned into dread. He heard Mark’s voice in his head, a memory from a different lifetime: _Jack and I are just friends._

The room spun in the dark. He climbed off of Mark, sprinted to the bathroom, prayed that the door would swing shut behind him, and threw up.

_Fuck._

He wiped at his mouth, coughing against the sour taste. _Please, please, please stay asleep._ He retched again, and couldn’t tell if it was because of the dread he’d been feeling a few moments before, or because of the horrifying notion that Mark might find him like this.

 _“Sean?”_ He could tell Mark was standing right outside the door.

_Fuck!_

Jack coughed. “Don’t come in.”

Mark pushed the door open and flipped on the light, a worried expression on his face. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. Ser’sly, don’t come in here. I’m gross.” Jack was kneeling on the floor, wiping at his mouth with toilet paper.

Mark disappeared for a minute, then came into the bathroom with a bottle of water. He handed it to Jack and sat down on the edge of the tub, keeping his distance.

“Are you sick?”

“Nope. Just stupid.” Jack rinsed his mouth. “Thanks. I think I’m alright.”

He stood up shakily and sat down next to Mark. Mark stood up, ran a hand towel under warm water, and used it to dab at Jack’s mouth. He felt Jack’s face with his hand, rinsed the towel under cold water, and then held it against Jack’s forehead. Jack closed his eyes.

“Thanks,” he said again.

“Want to tell me about it?”

Jack sighed, keeping his eyes closed.

“I’m just… I don’t know… nervous, I guess? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I fuck everything up?”

“Impossible. You’re going to be amazing. Anyone who’s coming here to see you already adores you. And a good chunk of those people might die of happiness just seeing us in the same room together. I really think it’s going to be fine.”

Jack took a deep breath, taking in the soft, low tone of Mark’s voice. “I know yeh’re right. I know it’s stupid. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Yeah, you know how much I hate spending time with you.”

Jack smirked.

“Seriously, Sean. I’ll stay up all night with you. I’ll do whatever you need. Please don’t push me away when you’re having a hard time.”

Jack winced. “Yeah. That was stupid. I was just embarrassed.”

“Yeah, and I’m the one person you never have to be embarrassed with.”

Jack nodded, focusing on the warm brown of Mark’s eyes.

“Hang here for a minute.”

Mark disappeared again, and came back with their toothbrushes and toothpaste.

“This is not a criticism in any way. I would totally still make out with you right now. I just thought you might feel better.”

Jack giggled. “Jesus, yes. Thanks, love.”

They brushed their teeth together, and Mark walked Jack back to the bed. He stacked their pillows high against the headboard, and climbed into the bed in a sitting position. “I like to be propped up when I don’t feel well.”

Jack nodded. “Me too.”

“Need some space?”

“God, no.” Jack climbed into bed next to Mark and rested his head on Mark’s shoulder. Mark wrapped both arms around him, kissed his forehead.

“You know I’m here to take care of you, right?”

“I know. I’m just not used to it. And I wish yeh didn’t have to.”

“I get it. And I love that you can take care of yourself. I’m not looking to take that away from you. I just need you to know that you can let me in. You trust me, right?”

“I do. More than anyone.”

“Good. So when you’re sick, or sad, or hurt, or in trouble… we deal with it together, ok?”

Jack found Mark’s hands, pulled Mark’s arms more tightly around himself.

“Ok, love.”

They were quiet for a few moments. Jack finally felt the tension leaving his body.

_“Mark?”_

_“Mm?”_

Jack was thinking about the way Mark had wiped at his mouth in the bathroom, with no hesitation, no hint of disgust- nothing but genuine affection and concern.

_“Yeh’re incredible. I don’t know how else to say it. Yeh’re my favorite person.”_

Mark pressed his lips against Jack’s temple.

_“Love you, Sean.”_

_“Love you, too.”_

 

 


	46. Chapter 46

Mark woke up when his alarm sounded at 7:30. He and Jack had made plans to meet up with Tom, Bob, and Wade for breakfast before they went to the convention center. The fact that Bob, Wade, Mark, and Jack were all doing a signing and a panel together gave them a good excuse to meet up separately from Mandy and Molly without raising suspicions, and Mark knew that Wade was anxious to review the details of his proposal plans before the panel on Saturday.

Mark looked over at Jack, and was grateful to find him still sleeping soundly. He texted the guys, asking if they could push back their breakfast plans. He thought Jack could use the extra sleep, and they really didn’t need to rush. It was Friday morning, and the only event any of them _had_ to attend was the Markiplier and Friends autograph session, which wasn’t until 1:00.

Hey checked his other messages and found a text from Ken, explaining that his flight had been delayed, and that he and Mary had arrived at the hotel late the previous night; he was asking to meet up at the convention center at some point during the day. Mark and Jack had decided to put off telling more of their friends about their relationship until after the convention, hoping to avoid additional stress and complications, but Mark was still excited to spend some time with Ken, and he knew Jack was, too. He texted back with a rough estimate of his schedule for the day.

Mark climbed carefully out of the bed. He put on a pair of jeans and a baseball cap, scribbled a quick note in case Jack woke up, and made his way down to the hotel lobby. There was a Starbucks right inside the hotel, and he purchased two coffees, tea, a couple more bottles of water, and a muffin. He went back up to the top floor and swiped himself back into their room, balancing everything carefully.

Jack was sitting up in the bed, stretching. He smiled when he saw Mark.

“I do love waking up next to you, but this is definitely the next best thing. Yeh look so sexy holding coffee.”

Mark grinned, relieved that Jack seemed to be feeling better.

“I brought options.”

“I can see that. Yeh’re the best, love.”

“It gets better.” Mark held up the paper bag from Starbucks. “Muffin?”

Jack’s eyes widened. “ _Carbs._ ”

Mark put everything down on the night stand next to Jack. He put his arms around Jack and pecked kisses across his neck. Jack giggled.

“I already pushed back our breakfast plans a bit. We can take our time. How do you feel?”

“Better. Thanks, love.”

“They didn’t have any cold bottles of water, and you should definitely drink some. I’ll go grab some ice.”

Jack kissed his cheek. “I’ll be here.”

Mark put his room key back in his pocket and walked into the hallway. He located the ice machine and filled a bucket with ice, then made his way back to their door, balancing the ice bucket in one hand and fishing around in his pocket for his key.

_“Mark?!”_

Mark looked up and saw Ken emerging from a different room, several feet away. Excited recognition shifted abruptly to mild panic; this was _not_ the way he had hoped to meet up with Ken. His mind raced.

Ken walked up to him, wearing a massive grin and holding his arms out at his sides. “I didn’t even _recognize_ you, man! What did you do to your _face?”_

It took Mark a moment to register what Ken was referring too. _Oh, shit, the beard._ He finally remembered to smile and acknowledge his friend’s presence. “Yeah… it was just time for a change. So good to see you, man!”

“You too! Here, let me help- _”_ Ken grabbed the ice bucket from him and waited expectantly. “How’s your room? Ours is kinda small, but we have a decent view. Mary’s still sleeping.”

Mark realized that Ken was waiting for him to open the door. “Uhm. Yeah, my room is pretty nice.”

“Well, come on! Let’s see it.”

“Uhm.” Mark said again. “I’m not sure it’s the best time…”

“What, you hiding a girl in there or something?”

Mark laughed nervously. “No, definitely not.”

“Jeez, man. Stop being so weird.” Ken grabbed the key out of his hand, swiped it, and pushed his way into the room.

He stopped abruptly in the entryway, trying to process the sight of Jack, who was still sitting up in the bed, sipping his coffee. Jack stopped mid-action, holding the coffee awkwardly, his mouth hanging open.

“Whoa! Jack! Sorry man, I thought this was Mark’s room!”

Jack just stared for a moment. “Um, hey, Ken! It’s… good to see you.”

“You too! This room is _huge_! Jeez, how big is your bathroom?”

Ken started exploring the room, clearly oblivious to the true nature of the situation. He made his way into the bathroom, and Mark and Jack gave each other a wide-eyed look. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, Mark was feeling… surprisingly calm. Was it finally getting easier? Mark mouthed silently to Jack: _Should we just tell him?_

Jack gestured vaguely, thinking quickly. He searched for the anxious, nauseous feeling that had overpowered him the night before, and didn’t find it. _This is fine. We’re ready for this. Mark is here._ He finally nodded, smiled, mouthed back to Mark: _Yeah._

_“Dude! Jack!”_ Ken was calling from the bathroom. He emerged, holding Jack’s toothbrush in one hand, and Mark’s in the other. “Who’s the extra toothbrush for?” He was grinning, eyebrows raised. “I didn’t know you had a lady friend.”

Jack let out a giggle at Ken’s choice of words. “Jesus, Ken. Give me a minute.” He got out of the bed and went to stand next to Mark. “So, how do yeh want to do this?” He raised his eyebrows at Mark.

Mark grinned, then looked at Ken. “Dude, the other toothbrush is mine.”

“Oh. Wait. What?” Ken looked confused. “Is there an issue with your room, or something?”

“Guess again, bro.”

Ken stared, clearly no closer to figuring things out. Jack tried to spell it out for him.

“We booked this room together. On purpose. We’re staying here together.”

“But… why? Wait… did one of you run out of money? You, I bet, you complete man-child.” He pointed a finger at Mark.

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Mark demanded, the pitch of his voice jumping wildly.

Jack giggled. “Jesus.” He coughed, made a face, put one hand on his stomach.

Mark examined him, concerned. “You alright? You should have some water.” He retrieved a cup from the bathroom, filled it with ice and bottled water, and brought it back to Jack.

Jack sipped. “Thanks, love.”

Mark put a hand on his forehead. “You sure you’re ok?”

Jack nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

“HEY.” Ken was staring between the two of them. “What is _happening_ right now _?_ What’s with you guys?”

Mark and Jack looked at each other, smiling. Mark slid his hand down, rested it on the back of Jack’s neck, and kissed his forehead. He looked back at Ken.

“Like Jack said. We’re together. Sorry if it’s a shock, man. We should probably try to get the weirdness out of the way before we head to PAX.”

Ken was… _squinting._ “No offense, but I can’t tell if y’all are joking. I really can’t. I think I need an adult.”

Mark laughed. “Yeah, let’s do this. Call Mary.”

Ken pulled out his cell phone and tapped at the screen.

“Babe, I need you. Yes, for real. Yes, it _is_ a freaking emergency. I don’t care, put on a sweatshirt or something. Red alert, babe, I’m not kidding.”

He gave Mary their room number, hung up the phone, and continued to stare at them warily. They could practically see the effort he was expending in trying to process the situation, and they were both thoroughly amused. Amused, and relieved to be amused, rather than horrified.

Jack answered the door when Mary knocked. “Jack! I didn’t know you were on this floor!” She gave him a quick hug, then approached Mark and Ken. “ _Wow._ Looking _good,_ Mark!”

“Oh my God. Babe. I’m standing _right_ here.” Ken scowled at her.

Mary raised an eyebrow at him, gesturing in Mark’s direction. “I know, but his _face_!” She hugged Mark, too, then glanced around the room. “So what’s the matter? I thought I’d be driving someone to the hospital or something.” Jack had moved back to Mark’s side, so that the four of them were standing in a circle in the center of the room.

Ken pointed between Jack and Mark. “These two,” he said dramatically, “are trying to tell me that they’re staying in this hotel room _together._ On _purpose._ ”

Mark and Jack gave each other a look, suppressing a bout of laughter. Ken’s southern accent was becoming more pronounced as he became increasingly flustered. Mark reached over to Jack, picked up his hand, threaded their fingers together.

“Oh my _God!_ ” Mary put her hands over her mouth and actually hopped up and down. “I KNEW it!”

She bounced forward and threw her arms around Mark and Jack.

“Are y’all _serious_ right now? This is actually a thing?” Ken was gesturing accusingly at the three of them. They all released each other, and Mark looked at Ken more seriously.

“Sorry you found out like this, man. This isn’t how we planned it. Yes, it’s a thing. Think you can be ok with it?”

Ken’s expression softened. “Aw, jeez, that’s… that’s not what I meant. You know I love you guys. I just didn’t know y’all were… I mean, what _are_ you?”

“Ken! You can’t just ask people that!” Mary glared at him threateningly.

Jack shook his head. “It’s alright. We’re not even completely sure. We’re living together, though, so… it’s a big deal.”

“You’re _living_ together? Wow. Ok. Who else knows about this?” Ken questioned.

They gave him the list, and walked him through some additional vague details. Ken listened seriously, making an obvious effort to handle the conversation more respectfully.

“I’m assuming y’all are waiting to go public with this.”

Mark and Jack nodded.

“No worries. We got you guys.” Ken stepped forward and hugged both of them sincerely. “Right, Mary?”

“Absolutely. Whatever you guys need.” She smiled cheerily at both of them.

They all made plans to meet up at the convention center after breakfast, and Mark and Jack finally found themselves alone in their room.

Mark immediately pulled Jack into a close hug.

“Is it just me, or did that feel… easier?”

Jack nodded, rubbing his nose against Mark’s hair. “It was almost… _fun_. Jesus, what a relief.”

“Still feeling ok?”

“Mhm.” Jack pressed his lips to Mark’s neck. “Thanks to you, love.”

“Proud of you.”

“Proud of you, too.”

They eventually broke apart and started getting ready for the day. They showered together and shaved each other’s faces, lingering for a long time to enjoy the results. Jack felt guilty that he might be passively pressuring Mark into keeping his face clean-shaven, but he couldn’t help it- he _loved_ the way it felt against his skin.

They dressed reluctantly and packed their backpacks for the day. Jack fastened the bracelet Mark had given him around his wrist, along with a couple of his other favorites, and they finally made their way down to the hotel lobby. They had decided to meet for breakfast right in the hotel and then call for transportation to the convention center, hoping to minimize the amount of time spent in public and the need for a security escort.

Tom, Bob, and Wade were already waiting for them in the hotel restaurant. Mark hadn’t given them a reason for delaying their plans, and he was grateful that they didn’t mention it. Instead, they launched into a lively discussion about Wade’s proposal plans. Mark could tell that Wade was incredibly excited, and he and Jack were both grateful to be out of the spotlight for the time being. Mark was basking in the warm glow of Wade’s affection for Molly; he had always loved and supported them as a couple, but his attitude toward their relationship had taken on a new dimension. He found himself suppressing a surge of genuine emotion as Wade spoke. He looped his ankle around Jack’s under the table, saw Jack smiling out of the corner of his eye.

Even with the delay, they still made it to the convention center before any of the main events had started. They checked in, received their badges and a quick debrief from the convention staff, and decided on their plans for the morning. They were all interested in attending an early panel about gaming and mental health, and they made their way to the auditorium as a group. Jack felt no trace of the anxious doubt he had experienced the night before, and the warm, contented feeling that had taken its place only grew now that he was surrounded by friends again, with Mark by his side. Mark stayed close to him, letting their shoulders brush often as they walked, and kept up a steady stream of goofy commentary. Jack was fairly certain he didn’t stop laughing for a solid fifteen minutes, as he surrendered to irresistible brightness of Mark.

Molly, Mandy, Mary, and Ken met them at the auditorium, and the convention staff helped them all find seats in a location where their presence wouldn’t be disruptive to the presenters. Jack and Mark took a lot from the panel; they both took concerns around mental health extremely seriously, especially within their fanbase communities, and they were always looking for ways to show their support and become more knowledgeable on the subject.

They decided to break for lunch early so that the Mark & Friends group would have plenty of time to get ready for their signing. The venue provided food and space for featured panelists and speakers, and they were all glad to get away from the noise and the throngs of people wandering the main floor, so they could spend more time visiting with each other. Before long, though, it was time to split up. Mark, Jack, Bob, and Wade said their goodbyes, and followed the convention staff to a staging area close to where the signing would take place. And finally, after a few minutes of conversation filled with both brutal teasing and warm encouragement, they stepped through a set of double doors and came face-to-face with a wall of sound.

The number of people was unfathomable; Jack could tell from a cursory glance that there was no way they’d make it through every person who was standing in line. It was flattering, overwhelming, and discouraging all at once, and he fought to control his expression and his body language. All four of them grinned and waved, stepping up to the tables to greet their first group of fans.

The first few minutes passed in a blur. They signed some autographs and chatted with fans, making an effort to focus on the individual people in front of them rather than the faceless mass of the crowd. They knew that they had had a profound impact on most of the people who came to these events, and that they needed to make the most of the very brief time they were able to spend with each person.

Their first truly exhilarating moment came when a group of fans offered Mark and Jack a set of superhero capes. They put them on immediately and spent several minutes role-playing, battling each other at first, then joining forces against Bob and Wade. Eventually, they hugged the fans and returned to their places. They kept the capes on.

As the fans filtered through, Mark and Jack were acutely aware of two trends they were noticing. The first trend was the number of fans with rainbow bracelets, necklaces, patches on their backpacks, or other signs that they might be affiliated with the LGBT+ community in some way. The second trend was the number of these same people who also carried signs of sadness, ranging from drawings and writings that they gave as gifts, to halting stories told in nervous voices, to more overt signs of actual self-harm. This wasn’t exactly a new discovery for either of them, but they were both feeling the significance of it more deeply than ever.

About twenty minutes into the signing, two teenage boys approached Mark and Jack nervously. They looked to be about sixteen or seventeen, and they were both wearing backpacks with small rainbow patches attached to the straps. They introduced themselves as James and Aidan, and James took a piece of paper out of his pocket. He leaned over the table, unfolded the paper, and spoke softly.

“We know it’s not real. We promise we won’t make a big deal out of it, and we really don’t want to make you guys upset. But… could you still sign it? Please?”

Jack picked up the folded paper, and Mark looked over his shoulder. It was a printed image of the two of them from the rock-climbing gym, locked in a close hug. They hadn’t been aware of the image’s existence until that moment, but neither of them were surprised. They glanced at each other briefly, then smiled at the two boys. They both signed the photograph and slid it back across the table.

“Oh, Wow. Thanks,” James said quietly. He’d clearly been expecting a different response.

“Yeah, thanks,” Aidan said. “It means a lot to us. We won’t share it around.”

“It’s no problem,” Jack said, smiling warmly. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Yeah,” Mark added. “Take care of each other.”

Over the next half hour, seven more people presented them with copies of the same photo. It had obviously resonated with their fans, and they were pleasantly surprised to find that everyone who approached them about it did so quietly and respectfully, clearly concerned about making them uncomfortable or infringing upon their privacy. After sending the eighth person on their way with signatures in hand, Mark spoke close to Jack’s ear.

_“If one more person comes through with that photo, I think we should say something about it.”_

_“Agreed.”_

_“Trust me?”_

_“Yes.”_

They didn’t have to wait long. They signed their names to the photo for a teenage girl, and then Mark asked if he could borrow it for a minute. She nodded, grinning. He grabbed the megaphone he had been keeping nearby and tugged on Jack’s sleeve, and they walked out onto the floor together. Mark held up the photo and switched on the megaphone.

“RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU BROUGHT A COPY OF THIS PHOTO, OR SOMETHING SIMILAR.”

They scanned the endless line of people, eyebrows raised, guessing that at least 60% of the people were raising their hands.

“RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU HAVE ALL KINDS OF AWKWARD QUESTIONS YOU’D LIKE TO ASK US ABOUT IT.”

They were fairly certain that every person in line had their hand raised.

“WE ARE GOING TO ADDRESS THOSE QUESTIONS NOW, SO WE CAN USE OUR BRIEF TIME TOGETHER TO TALK ABOUT OTHER THINGS. TAKE YOUR PHOTOS, CHAT AMONGST YOURSELVES, AND THEN MOVE ON. SOUND GOOD?”

The wall of sound hit them again as the crowd roared. Mark handed the photo back to the girl, put the megaphone down on the table, and turned back to Jack. He leaned close to Jack’s ear.

_“I’m going to hug you now. Don’t get any ideas.”_

Jack giggled. _“Wouldn’t dream of it._

Mark put his arms around Jack’s waist and hugged him tightly. Jack wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulders and settled into the hug, smiling. Mark held Jack in place for several moments, then released him, tugged at his sleeve again, and led him further down the line of people. They made three more stops, hugging each other each time, smiling in response to the cheers and camera flashes. They finally jogged back to their table, and Mark picked up the megaphone again.

“THAT’S IT! SHOW’S OVER! GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!”

He and Jack took their places behind the table, apologizing to Bob and Wade, who were grinning stupidly, clearly appreciating the display as much as the fans had.

Mark’s tactic worked. Jack hadn’t been sure what Mark had been hoping for, but all of a sudden, people were moving much more quickly through the line. It occurred to Jack that he and Mark were able to engage their fans in much more animated, comfortable, and diverse conversations, rather than fixating on the awkward pseudo-secrecy of the photo. Had Mark known what he was doing? Or had he just seized an opportunity to share a bit of themselves – their true selves – with their fans? He decided it didn’t matter. He wondered if he’d ever loved Mark more.

With five minutes remaining in the signing, and dozens of people still waiting to meet them, Mark, Jack, Bob, and Wade left the table and made their way down the line. The gave as many hugs and high-fives as they could, pausing whenever possible for quick photos, and they managed to make it to the end of the line before their time ran out. They waved goodbye and headed back through the double doors, stumbling into the startling silence of the staging area. They all looked at each other, grinning. Bob and Wade went straight for the bottles of water that were waiting for them, and Mark excused himself to the bathroom on the far side of the room. He stood in the middle of the room, waiting, until Jack appeared in the doorway.

Mark grinned. “Hey, Sean-”

Jack was already on him, pressing his lips firmly against Mark’s, his arms wrapping around Mark’s waist. He turned Mark’s body and walked him backward, until Mark’s back was pressed against the bathroom door, holding it shut. He looped one arm around Mark’s back, holding his shoulder, using his grip as leverage to press their bodies together more tightly.

Mark was alternating between suppressed moans and nearly-silent laughter.

_“Sean. Ooh. Feels so good…_ ”

Jack pulled back to look in Mark’s eyes, grinning, breathing shallow.

_“I’m guessing this means you’re not upset?”_ Mark asked hopefully.

Jack shook his head, nipping at Mark’s lower lip.

_“How are you so fucking incredible? Every day? All the time?”_

Mark grinned, tightening his hold on Jack’s waist.

_“I love you. Showing it is… the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”_

Jack kissed his lips. _“I love you.”_ He kissed him again. _“I need yeh to stay right here with me. I can’t share yeh right now. Just fer a while. Just fer five minutes. Ok?”_

Mark nodded. _“I’m all yours.”_

_“You are. Yeh’re mine.”_

_“I am. I swear.”_

Jack covered Mark’s mouth with his own, pressing against him. He thought of Mark’s arms wrapping around him in front of hundreds of people, recalled the flashes of hundreds of cameras… He released Mark for a moment.

_“The photos. I mean, yeh had to know. They’re just… out there. In the world. Forever.”_

Mark grinned, nodded, held Jack’s face with one hand.

_“Exactly.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Sorry I had a bit of a delay in getting this chapter out. It's going to happen from time to time. For those of you who don't know, I work full-time at a very challenging job and am writing this story in my free time, basically as often as I possibly can. Sometimes all I want to do is sit down and write after work, and I'm literally too tired to do it well. I have no interest in publishing chapters I'm not proud of, and you'll never see me intentionally sacrificing the quality of a chapter just to get it out more quickly. I love hearing from all of you and am so appreciative of those of you who check in with me throughout the week and encourage me to take my time. Really, thank you for that. It means the world to me. I know this story is flawed, but it's beautiful to me, and I feel like I have a responsibility to maintain that, even if it slows me down. Hope you're all well- stay kind, my friends!


	47. Chapter 47

_“Sean.”_

_“Mm.”_

Jack had both hands inside Mark’s shirt. He was playing absently with the hem of Mark’s boxers, his mouth pressed to the back of Mark’s neck.

 _“Babe.”_ Mark tried to shift his hips and found himself completely pinned by Jack’s lower body. _“Uhm. Fuck. Sean. I can’t… We have to stop.”_

_“I could make you come. Right now.”_

_“Oh my God.”_ Mark swallowed. _“I know.”_ Mark moved his hands to Jack’s shoulders and pressed gently, creating some space between them. Jack was flushed and grinning.

_“Yeh’re really going to stop me?”_

_“I hate myself, but yeah. Later. I’m actually feeling kind of weird. Can we get some water?”_

_“Shit, sorry, you ok?”_

_“Fine.”_ Mark smiled, kissed Jack’s cheek. _“Don’t apologize. I wanted to do this all day. Think you can wait a little longer?”_

_“Fer as long as yeh need me to.”_

They kissed each other slowly, heart rates finally stabilizing. They adjusted each other’s clothing, checked on their reflections in the mirror, then went back to the staging area. Bob and Wade greeted them with raised eyebrows.

“Bob wanted to go check on you guys. I told him you would call us if you seriously injured each other.”

“Fuck off, Wade,” Mark squeaked, grinning. “Like you and Molly have never snuck off for five minutes.”

“Not at a convention… but check back with me tomorrow afternoon.” Wade was smiling stupidly.

Jack grinned. “Fingers crossed fer yeh, dude. We’ll stand guard.”

Jack grabbed a bottle of water and handed it to Mark, who took a sip, and… winced? Jack wasn’t sure.

“Ser’sly, Mark, you alright?”

Mark took another sip, nodding. “I’m great. Let’s go do all the stuff.”

The four of them met up with Tom, Ken, Mary, Molly, and Mandy, and they all wandered the floor for a couple of hours before Jack made it clear to the group that he was quickly starving to death. They agreed that it was a good time to quit for the day, and called for rides to a nearby restaurant, where the staff had to rearrange multiple tables to accommodate the size of their party.

Jack loved everything about the scenario. He had been in similar situations before – in fact, almost exactly a year ago, he had been eating dinner in this same city, surrounded by many of the same people, including Mark – but he couldn’t believe how different it felt this time around. A year ago, he had been an outsider, and acutely aware of it. He had felt that blind luck alone had allowed him to venture into their world for a brief time, that he barely deserved the kindness and attention these people had shown him. And then he had returned home, and found himself… bereft. It felt like a massive loss that he had never anticipated, to experience acceptance and community in such a concentrated dose, only to have it ripped away. He wondered if he had ever recovered from it, or if that feeling – the sharp loneliness of returning to his empty apartment, missing a group of people he could barely refer to as friends – had taken hold within him, guiding him toward this path.

And then there had been _Mark._ He would never forget the first time they’d met, the way Mark had wrapped his arms around him and spoken to him like an old friend. The way Mark had stuck close by his side, even then, working overly hard to make sure that Jack felt comfortable and included. At the time, all he could think was what a _nice guy_ Mark actually was. But he knew better, now. Mark _was_ a nice guy. But Mark was _his._ He may have been, already, even back then.

Mark caught him staring, and tugged at his shirt under the table, smiling. “Something on my face? Or do you just adore me that much?”

Jack grinned. “The second one.”

“Hmm. Must be pretty serious. You know there’s food on your plate, right?”

Jack looked down, giggling, and started shoveling food into his mouth. He looked back at Mark, his mouth full. “I don’t think there’s anyone else alive who could make me forget to eat.”

Mark giggled. He was clearly amused and enjoying himself, but Jack noticed that he was just moving food around on his plate with his fork.

“Not hungry?”

Mark took a small bite, chewed, and swallowed. “Just getting full.”

Jack raised an eyebrow, wondering if he should push it. Mark would tell him if something was really wrong, right? He watched Mark take two more bites, and decided to let it go, for the time being.

When everyone was finished eating, the group decided unanimously to head back to the hotel for a while before going out for the night. They all had a party to attend, and everyone was looking forward to spending some time relaxing beforehand.

As much as Jack had loved spending time with friends, he was grateful to finally be alone with Mark in their room. He pulled Mark over to the bed, and they lay down on their sides, face-to-face. Jack smoothed at Mark’s hair. “Is it _later_ yet?”

Mark grinned, but dissolved quickly into a yawn that shook his entire body. Jack tried to tease him, but it was contagious – he was overpowered by a yawn of his own, stretching involuntarily. Mark giggled.

“I’m going to take off your pants and snuggle you so hard.”

Jack giggled. “You sure? I can wake up…”

“No rush, babe. Let’s sleep for a while. The party will be fun, and I’ll drag you right back here afterward.”

“Hmm.” Jack sounded skeptical. Mark was pushing him onto his back, unbuttoning his jeans, pulling them down. “We’ll see who ends up dragging who.” He flipped Mark gently, hovering over him, and took his time unbuttoning his jeans, his fingers moving slowly over Mark’s skin. He pressed a sleepy kiss onto Mark’s belly before pulling his jeans all the way off and flopping back onto the bed. Mark set an alarm on his phone, then turned back toward Jack, resting a hand on Jack’s chest.

“Can I sleep on you?” He asked the question as if he actually wasn’t sure what the answer would be.

Jack kicked the blankets down and pulled at Mark’s arm and shoulder, until Mark’s head was resting on his chest. He pulled the blankets back over them and smoothed at Mark’s hair.

“Are yeh really ok, love?”

“Mmf. Just tired, I think.” Mark sounded half asleep already. “In a good way. It’s been the best day.”

“Fer me, too. And it’s not over yet.”

“Love you, Sean.”

Jack scooted down slightly so he could rest his face against the top of Mark’s head. He slipped his fingers inside the waistband of Mark’s boxers, rested his hand on Mark’s hip.

“Love you too, Mark.”

Mark was already asleep.

 

* * *

 

Jack winced, stretching stiffly, when he heard the chirping tone of Mark’s alarm. He waited for it to stop sounding… but it only grew steadily louder. He moved his hands over his own chest; Mark wasn’t there. He opened his eyes and rolled over. Mark was there next to him, sleeping soundly, curled into a strange position with his knees pulled up toward his chest. He looked like he was… frowning? Maybe having a bad dream? Jack reached over him, grabbed his phone, and silenced the alarm. He sat cross-legged next to Mark and gently took one of his hands, pulling it into his lap. Mark didn’t stir. Jack used his free hand to smooth at Mark’s hair, brushing his thumb gently across Mark’s forehead.

“Mark. Hey, love.”

Mark squeezed his hand, opened his eyes. Jack smiled at him.

“There you are. How are yeh feeling?”

Mark stretched, propped himself up, and then rested his head in Jack’s lap. “Just a little groggy.”

“Still want to go to the party?”

“Yeah. Just… rub my head for a minute?”

“Anything yeh want, love.” Jack moved his fingers slowly through Mark’s hair, his thumbs massaging firm circles over Mark’s temples. Mark sighed, eyes closed, making low, satisfied noises.

Jack held him there for a long time, until Mark eventually reached up, took both of Jack’s hands, and brought them to rest around his own face. Jack leaned down and kissed Mark’s lips, slow and sweet.

Mark finally pulled himself into a sitting position. “So. Ready to go on a date with me?”

Jack giggled. “I’m not sure how date-like it can be. There will be plenty of people there that we haven’t told.”

Mark took both of his hands. “How did you feel today? Spending time together in public?”

“Hmm. Honestly? _Awesome_. I mean, I would’ve liked to hold yer hand a couple of times, maybe. Otherwise I wouldn’t have changed much.”

“Right. Same here. It’ll be just like that. We don’t need to hold hands for it to be a date, as long as it feels like one.”

Jack leaned over, kissed Mark’s lips. “Yeh’re right. It’ll be great.”

They picked out clothes for each other and headed down to the hotel lobby. They were running a bit later than expected, as were Arin and Suzy, so they decided to meet up and share transportation so they could all be fashionably late together. The party was in full swing when they arrived, but they had no trouble locating friends; all of the guests were related to YouTube or Internet-based entertainment in some way. Mark and Jack spent a few minutes saying hello to a handful of acquaintances, and then found a seat close to Danny, Ross, Holly, Ken, and Mary, sharing a chair that was barely big enough for two people, which suited them just fine. Arin and Suzy quickly followed, and Felix and Marzia joined them momentarily, balancing handfuls of shots and distributing them throughout the group.

Jack looked at Mark questioningly. Mark grabbed a shot from Felix as he passed by and handed it to Jack, smiling.

“I mean, no pressure. But I’m here. I’ll watch out for you.” He leaned closer to Jack ear. _“And I’m dying to know what it’ll be like.”_

Jack held Mark’s gaze as he downed the shot, and then another immediately afterward. The group launched into a game of Fluxx (the Adventure Time edition), playing in teams. Mark and Jack almost won early on with Jake and Lady Rainicorn, but they knew it was too good to be true – the win was snatched away when Felix changed the goal at the last minute.

“Good _Christ_ Felix, I will fucking END you fer that,” Jack spat, jostling his shoulder angrily.

“Have another drink, Jack,” Felix said soothingly, handing him a shot. “I’m sure Mark can keep you upright.” Felix cocked his head at Mark. “Or can you? Keep him upright?”

“HEY. No need to concern yerself with my spatial orientation, BRO.” Jack took the shot. Mark giggled, thinking that Jack’s vocabulary actually seemed to be improving as he became more intoxicated, although his pronunciation had become somewhat… mushy. Mark had one arm draped casually behind him in the chair, and he took the opportunity to slip his thumb just under the hem of Jack’s shirt, rubbing it against his skin.

Jack giggled. “I feel that. Good idea. No one can see yer hand,” he announced loudly. Everyone nearby heard and burst out laughing.

“Nice one, Sean. Louder and more descriptive, next time,” Mark said, eyebrows raised in amusement.

“Are you being _sarcastic_ , Fischbach? Jesus. It’s so _cute._ You’re so _funny._ Don’t you guys think so?” Jack was being sincere. He was also polling the group, jabbing his finger in Mark’s direction. Their friends nodded enthusiastically.

“He’s _very_ cute Jack. We all agree,” Suzy reassured him, giggling.

“Goddamn _right_ he is.” Jack nodded, satisfied. “Now. Let’s play the fucking game!”

Arin and Suzy were victorious in the end, partly because Arin never hesitated to destroy one of his friends when presented with the opportunity, and partly because several other players had become too intoxicated to keep track of the changing rules of the game. They decided to start one more round, and played for about a half hour before they realized that no one was even _trying_ to win anymore. Holly and Suzy were reminiscing about their favorite Adventure Time episodes. Danny and Arin were googling lyrics and singing all the songs they could remember from the show, and everyone joined in for the main theme. Jack was still arguing loudly at Mark, trying to figure out how many cards they were supposed to have in their hand.

“Sean, I think the game might be over,” Mark said gently.

“Like _fuck_ it is! Look at all these princesses!”

Mark giggled and took the cards out of his hands. “We can play tomorrow. I’m thinking we might want to head back to the hotel pretty soon.”

Jack frowned. “It’s because I keep staring at yer mouth. I knew it. I didn’t kiss yeh, though. Or… wait, did I kiss yeh? Did I mess it up?”

Mark shook his head. “You’re perfect. We’re good. So far.”

“So I just _thought_ about kissing yeh. But I didn’t actually do it yet. Ohhhh, that makes sense. Yes. We should leave. Right now.”

Mark laughed, shaking his head, then directed his attention to the group. “Anyone want to share a ride? We need to call it a night.”

Suzy had moved gradually into Arin’s lap throughout the night, and Arin was currently looking at her the same way Jack was look at Mark. “Yeah, I think we’re good to go. Huh, babe?” Arin asked.

“Yeah. So sleepy.” Suzy faked a yawn dramatically and jumped up, pulling Arin with her. “’Night, guys!” She took out her cell phone to call for a ride.

Mark maneuvered around Jack and stood up. “Ready, Sean?”

“I feel like standing will be hard.”

“Here.” Mark held out a hand. Jack held onto his forearm as he stood, swaying slightly. Mark looped his arm securely around Jack’s waist, steadying him.

“But… people will know that you love me.”

Everyone within earshot laughed, including Mark.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Ross said. “That ship has sailed.”

“Oh, thank God,” Jack said, leaning against Mark’s shoulder.

“Ooook. ‘Night, everyone,” Mark said, waving.

He started to walk Jack toward the exit. Suzy got on Jack’s other side and put her arm around his waist, too.

“Aww. Suz. Yeh’re so nice,” Jack told her. “Now it looks like Mark loves me the same way you do.” He frowned. “But it’s not true. He loves me more. I think he loves me the most. Even though we lie about it.”

Suzy nodded and gave Jack a squeeze. “He does, Jack. And I’ve never heard Mark lie about it. Not once.”

Jack nodded. “That’s because he’s perfect.”

Mark was trying desperately to figure out whether he should respond to this exchange when they finally made it outside, and he got sidetracked helping Jack into the cab that was waiting for them. Arin took the front seat, and Jack sat between Suzy and Mark in the back. They were all quiet on the way back to the hotel, and Suzy kept one arm around Jack as they made their way through the lobby and up to the top floor. She hugged Jack and Mark goodnight, then practically dragged Arin to their door down the hall.

Mark swiped the key to their own room and steered Jack carefully inside. He scrutinized Jack, who smiled dreamily in his direction before stepping toward him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, and leaning most of his body weight against Mark’s chest. Mark held him tightly, for a long time.

 _“You were right. It did feel like a date.”_ Jack’s voice was quiet.

Mark smiled against Jack’s hair. _“Did you have fun?”_

_“So much.”_

They were silent for a few moments, then Jack spoke again, sleepily.

_“Is this how we would dance?”_

Mark made a small space between them. He kept one arm around Jack’s waist, took Jack’s left hand in his right, and held it against his chest. _“More like this.”_

Jack looked in his eyes for a moment, then rested his forehead against Mark’s face. _“Yeh’ve thought about it.”_

_“I’ve thought about a lot of things.”_

Jack’s thumb was sliding gently across the back of Mark’s neck, just inside the neckline of his shirt.

_“What else?”_

_“That accent after several drinks. I thought a lot about what that might sound like.”_

Jack laughed against Mark’s skin.

_“Top o’ the morning’ to yeh, love. My name is-”_

_“Sean. Sean McLoughlin.”_

Jack brushed his nose against Mark’s cheek.

_“It never sounded like my name before. I think I lost it a long time ago. People shouldn’t lose their names. You can turn into someone yeh weren’t supposed to be. I wasn’t me, before you.”_

Mark lost his breath, lost all sense of the world beyond Jack’s body, so close… He pressed his lips against Jack’s, sweetness mixing with restrained desperation. _How do I tell him? He has to know…_

 _“I know you.”_ He kissed Jack’s lips again. _“You’re mine. You’re perfect.”_ He released Jack’s hand and slid his fingers slowly to Jack’s waist, pulling up on the hem of his shirt. He pulled it off, moving slowly, carefully. He removed his own, then pulled Jack close, pressing their bodies together, feeling the warmth spreading between them. _“I love you. You fit. You belong, right here.”_

He moved around Jack’s body, wrapping his arms around him from behind, pressing slow kisses behind Jack’s ear. He pulled at the button on Jack’s jeans, undid his zipper slowly, then moved his hands back to a slightly more neutral position around Jack’s chest.

_“Don’t worry, I won’t take advantage of you.”_

_“Really? Not even a little bit?”_

Mark laughed softly. _“Ok. Maybe a little bit. Take those off.”_

Jack maneuvered out of his jeans, swaying slightly. Mark made sure he was steady, then pulled off his own pants, steered Jack toward the bed, and purposefully arranged several pillows. _“You trust me?”_

_“I trust you to be more of a gentleman than yeh need to be.”_

Mark nodded, grinning. _“You’re Goddamn right I am. Lay down. Face that way.”_ Mark gestured toward the opposite wall. His voice was soft, teasing.

Jack arched one eyebrow, then did as he was told.

Mark climbed into the bed next to him, pressing his chest against Jack’s back, and pulled the blankets over both of them. He wrapped on arm around Jack’s chest, holding his shoulder, and slid one leg lazily over his hips. He pressed his lips across Jack’s skin, moving from his jaw, to the crease of his neck, to the space between his shoulder blades.

_“Oohh. Mark.”_

_“Mm?”_

Jack sighed in slow motion. _“I might fall asleep.”_

Mark smiled against his skin. _“That’s the idea.”_

_“Mm. I don’t want to. I don’t want to forget.”_

_“Forget what?”_

_“My name. I need you. You have to remind me.”_

Mark pressed his lips to Jack’s neck. _“Your name is Sean. And you don’t need me to make you incredible. You already were. You always have been.”_

Jack shook his head slowly. _“I lied to everyone. I didn’t mean to. But I was pretending. Jack was made up.”_ He covered Mark’s hand with his own. _“Sean… is real.”_

Mark tightened his arm around Jack’s chest. _“You are.”_ He tilted Jack’s body toward him, kissed his parted lips. _“You’re real_. _We’re real. You feel it? You believe me?”_

_“I do.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Rickster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rickster/pseuds/Rickster)! 

 


	48. Chapter 48

“Mark. _Mark._ ”

“Mm.”

“MARK!”

“WHAT!”

Mark sat up quickly in bed, startled. He winced for a second, placed a hand over his stomach.

“Shit, sorry, love. I’m just excited. Wade’s getting engaged today!” Jack looked more closely at Mark’s pained expression. “Oh, hey, are yeh alright?”

Mark took an unsteady breath. “Uhm. I think so.”

Jack shook his head. “No. Something’s up. Tell me now, please.”

Mark sighed. “Just feeling a little… off. I get stomach aches when I’m dehydrated sometimes. Do we have any bottled water left?”

Jack jumped out of the bed, went to the fridge, found the last bottle, and brought it back to Mark. Then he started pulling on a pair of jeans.

Mark frowned. “Getting dressed already? Is that necessary?”

Jack giggled. “I’m going to get more water and ice. I’ll take care of yeh, love. And we’re bringing you to the doctor as soon as we get home, just in case.” Jack was aware of Mark’s complicated medical history, to some extent, but he trusted Mark’s judgment. He knew they had been eating and drinking inconsistently since they’d arrived at PAX, with more than a few moments of stress mixed in, and that it wouldn’t help Mark feel any better to pile on more worries right now.

“Hey. Hang on. Aren’t you supposed to be hungover?”

Jack grinned. “Yeh’re aware that I’m Irish, yeah?”

Mark chuckled. “Yeah. But… you were pretty drunk. I think, anyway. Now that I’m saying it, I’m realizing I have no basis for comparison.”

Jack nodded. “I was. I think I remember everything, though.” He finished stuffing his wallet and room key into his pocket, and sat down next to Mark.

“Including your name?” Mark asked, gently, brushing at Jack’s hair. “I’ll remind you, if you need me to.”

Jack put his hands on his own face. “Wow. Yeah. I was pretty drunk.”

“Pretty honest, I think.”

Jack nodded. “Jesus, you were so sweet.”

“Love you, Sean.”

Jack smiled, kissed Mark’s lips as carefully as he could manage. “Love you too. Yeh’ll be ok fer a few?”

“I’ll be fine.”

Jack made a face, licked his lips. “And I’ll brush my teeth as soon as I get back. Ugh.”

“I love your disgusting breath.”

“Ha. Good thing yeh’re cute, Fischbach.”

Jack flashed him a grin and disappeared out the door. He returned after a few minutes with bottled water, bagels, and ice. He supervised Mark, satisfied to see him drink a whole bottle of water and eat half of a bagel.

“Sean. You’re staring.”

“So? Yeh’re just so pretty.”

Mark chuckled. “I’m good. Really. We should start getting ready soon, Wade is probably a mess.”

He reached for his phone and scrolled through his messages. “Hmm. I think we should go grab him for breakfast, sounds like he’s having a hard time keeping his cool around Molly.”

Jack nodded. “Sounds like a job for MegaMark and SuperSepticeye. Should we bring the capes?”

“Um, I think you were kidding, but yes, we should.”

Jack hopped up, rummaged around for the cape he’d received at yesterday’s panel, and put it on, striking his best superhero pose.

Mark grinned stupidly, looking Jack up and down. “You’re not going to keep anyone calm, looking like that.”

“Mark. I’m pretty sure Wade doesn’t look at me the way you do.”

“He better not.”

They brushed their teeth together, showered, and dressed. Jack brushed his teeth a second time, just to be safe. They went to retrieve Bob first, then knocked on Wade’s door. Molly didn’t seem suspicious; she knew it made sense for them to eat together and head to the convention center well before the start of the panel. Wade hugged her goodbye, and the four of them headed downstairs to the hotel restaurant, where Tom met them, as well. Wade seemed more at ease as soon as they were seated and eating, whereas Bob, Jack, and Mark were becoming increasingly more nervous.

“We’re all set, right? I mean, you’re ready? Like, we have a plan. It’ll be fine. It’ll be awesome. Sooo good. Right?” Mark had been rambling continuously for at least two minutes. Wade was just staring at him, his eyebrows traveling further and further up his forehead.

Bob finally cut Mark off. “Dude, not helpful! Relax!”

“Oh, because you’re the epitome of calm! I can feel you bouncing your knee from over here!” Mark fired back. Jack giggled as the pitch of Mark’s voice rose and fell in agitation.

“Guys, maybe we should get going?” Jack was trying to be the voice of reason. Everyone was too nervous to eat much more, and he thought it might help if they got up and moved around.

They paid the bill, and Mark called for a ride. Less than an hour later, they had said goodbye to Tom and made their way to the backstage area of the theater where the panel would take place. They were wearing microphones, staring awkwardly at each other, and listening to the rumble of footsteps and voices as the theater filled with people on the other side of the curtain.

Jack watched Mark carefully as he started rambling again. His demeanor was… strange. He seemed legitimately nervous, but he was also subdued, speaking softly in a low tone.

 “I mean… she’s gonna say yes. Obviously. Right? Obviously.”

“Mark, feel free to shut the fuck up,” Bob said, noticing the horrified look on Wade’s face.

“Oh my God, for real, can you all get your shit together?! You’re making me insane!” Wade’s voice was high, almost panicked.

“Shit! Sorry!” Mark was visibly cringing. Jack handed him a bottle of water, then put his hands on Wade’s shoulders.

“Dude, you’ve got this, she’s going to love it. Piece of cake, yeah?” Wade nodded, inhaling deeply.

Event staff had been hovering, and they finally signaled that it was time for the panel to start.

“C’mon!” Jack chirped. “It’ll be _awesome_!”

They all waited for Wade to take several more deep breaths, and then headed through the curtain, onto the stage.

The noise was unbelievable. They had all become somewhat accustomed to the fact that an entire theater’s worth of people would gladly show up to watch them talk to each other, but it still seemed surreal to each of them, no matter how many times they went through it. They all waved at the crowd as they took their positions, and then Jack, Bob, and Wade looked expectantly at Mark, waiting for him start; it was his panel, after all.

He fumbled spectacularly. It was that same mixture of nerves and low energy that Jack had been suspicious of all morning. He tried to send reassuring vibes in Mark’s direction, and to step in with jokes and sarcasm whenever possible, but Mark was physically far away from him. He had mentioned to Mark that it might be best if they sat on opposite sides of the stage, hoping to eliminate the temptation to be physically close with so many eyes on them, and Mark had agreed that this would probably be for the best. Jack was regretting this decision now.

Finally, thankfully, Mark figured out how to shift the attention to Wade, and Bob, Jack, and Mark were happy to let him take the lead. He did a beautiful job. Jack allowed his attention to stray from Mark for a moment, listening to Wade talk about Molly as she made her way onto the stage. He had been looking forward to this moment with genuine excitement ever since Mark had told him about Wade’s plan, and now he found himself downright emotional. He had been to very few weddings in his life, and had never witnessed the engagement of someone he considered a true friend, particularly someone so close to his own age. He was looking at someone who was so in love, so devoted to another human being, that he was about to promise to spend the rest of his life with her. He knew that, a few weeks ago, he would have given anything to be in Wade’s position, to love someone that much, to have someone to go home with every day. He’d never admitted to himself how badly he’d wanted these things, until now.

He risked a glance in Mark’s direction, found Mark looking back at him, smiling a small smile.

He was already wiping at his eyes discretely by the time Wade got down on one knee, trying desperately to keep from diverting people’s attention away from what was happening between Wade and Molly. He knew Mark had noticed, though. He thought Mark might have been sniffling, too, and Mark was fidgeting with one of his hands, opening and closing his fingers periodically while he watched Jack from across the stage.

The rest of the panel passed in a blur for all of them, and they were selfishly grateful when it was over, so they could congratulate Wade and Molly in a more private setting, do some celebrating, and let the tension dissipate. They met up with most of their friends to eat lunch at the convention center and talk about their plans for the rest of the day. Jack’s afternoon was actually the most restricted; he was scheduled for a solo signing immediately after lunch. It would only last for three hours – a bit shorter than the signing he’d done with Mark, Bob, and Wade the previous afternoon – and he was incredibly excited.

“You’re going to be _amazing_.” Mark was smiling at him, ignoring the mostly-uneaten sandwich on his plate.

Jack checked the time on his phone. “I should get going. As soon as yeh take a couple more bites.”

Mark picked up the sandwich, took a small bite, chewed and swallowed. He smiled, but Jack could tell it was an effort. Mark looked… _tired._

“Hey, love… maybe get some rest this afternoon?”

Mark shrugged. “I’ll probably stick with these guys for a bit… then, yeah. I’ll plan to take it easy tonight.”

“Ok. Let me know where yeh end up. I’ll text yeh when I’m done.”

Mark looped his ankle around Jack’s under the table. Jack returned the pressure, searching Mark’s sleepy expression for another moment before waving goodbye to the group and heading to the signing area.

He was preoccupied as the convention staff briefed him, cursing poor timing and wishing he could have stayed by Mark’s side for the afternoon. But the distraction was short-lived; he was completely swept away by jittery excitement as soon as he stepped onto the floor and saw the massive line of people waiting to meet him.

It had been a tough decision to turn down the opportunity to do a solo panel. He’d never blamed Mark in any way, but he had been dealing with secret disappointment leading up to PAX. He was relieved to feel the last remnants of that feeling evaporate as soon as he met his first group of fans. He discovered quickly that this experience would be completely different than the group signings he had done in the past. He couldn’t believe the amount of attention that was focused on him. _Just_ him. Jack. _Sean._

He had been hearing it for years – people thought he was someone special. Important. And the more he heard it, the less he believed it. This public opinion of him had taken on a life of its own. It had become a living, breathing entity that was entirely separate from his actual self. He wasn’t special. He wasn’t important. He was a lonely kid, who grew into a lonely adult, willing and able to bear the burdens of others, just to feel like he mattered. He’d _wished_ to be special. He’d _wished_ to be important. But he wasn’t. He was just lucky. There were a million other lonely people on YouTube that Felix and Mark could have noticed. The only thing that had brought him here was random chance.

_Right?_

He finished signing an autograph and looked around, his expression thoughtful. These self-deprecating ideas had cycled through his mind a million times before. _I didn’t earn this. I don’t even deserve it. I’m not special. I’m not._ He heard the words, and all of a sudden… they didn’t fit. His inner voice sounded strange. Foreign. _Wrong._ He took a deep breath, tried to clear the doubts from his mind, and heard a different voice. His favorite voice in the world.

_You don’t need me to make you incredible. You already were. You always have been._

He smiled. _Mark._ He trusted that voice completely. Could he trust it more than his own? Could Mark make him believe it?

_Your name is Sean. You’re real._

And he realized he felt like it, for the first time in his life.

 

* * *

 

M: Did you know the PAX people just have a room full of pies? Like, I’m not complaining, but, why?

M: Felix and I are trying to get Wade and Molly to have a pie eating contest.

M: Oh my God, they’re doing it.

M: Molly won. Wade proposed again.

M: Felix and Ken ate the rest of the pies. And by “the rest” I mean SO MANY.

 

Jack was back in the staging area after the signing, sipping from a bottle of water, reviewing Mark’s text messages from the afternoon. He laughed out loud, spilled water all over himself, and laughed even harder. He put the bottle down and finished reading.

 

M: Also, I love you, and you’re a Goddamn rockstar, and I’m so proud of you. Can’t wait to hear about the signing.

M: Stay as long as you want. I’ll be at the hotel. Love, Mark

 

Mark had sent that last message around 5:00, and it was almost 6:00. Jack was glad Mark had taken his advice and gone back to the hotel early. He scarfed down a sandwich and reviewed several messages from friends asking him to meet up. He politely declined. He had no intention of sticking around; Mark was the only person he wanted to see. He asked the convention staff to call a ride for him, and he was impatiently swiping his way into their hotel room within a half hour.

He entered the room slowly, taking in the sight of Mark sprawled in the bed. He was face-down and shirtless, with his arms wrapped around the pillow he was resting on, and the sheets and blanket tangled around his waist.

_Perfect._

Jack emptied his pockets, moving as quietly as he could. He pulled off his shirt and pants, and climbed carefully into the bed. He remembered the way Mark had held him the night before, and found that he couldn’t resist- he pressed his chest against Mark’s back, wrapped one arm gently around Mark’s stomach, and buried his face in Mark’s hair. Mark’s skin felt warm. _Hot._

 _“Mm.”_ Mark shifted sleepily, pulling Jack’s arm up around his chest. _“Sean.”_

_“Hey, love. Go back to sleep.”_

_“You sure? I can get up…”_

_“Don’t move. Please. Let me stay here.”_

_“Everything ok?”_

_“Everything’s perfect. I just missed you.”_

Mark reached back and moved his hand down Jack’s hip, pulling him closer. _“I tried to wait for you…”_ Mark’s voice was barely audible. Jack wasn’t sure if he was actually awake.

_“It’s ok, love. We’ll talk when yeh wake up.”_

Mark was still squeezing his hand, but his breath was slow and even. Jack felt his own body relaxing, felt warmth radiating from Mark’s skin and encircling him. Mark slipped effortlessly back to sleep, and Jack followed.

 

* * *

 

Jack was making an effort to focus on what was happening around him, with mixed results. He was perched on a stool in front of a massive audience, listening to Ken read out read out questions from fans and posing them to the group. The Revelmode panel had been fun, but it was almost over, and Jack was counting down the minutes, eyeing Mark ferociously from across the stage. They had gotten an embarrassing amount of sleep the previous night, and Mark had seemed to be feeling better in the morning. Jack was starting to feel the effects of all the time they’d had to spend together being… platonic. He was also acutely aware of how much of their private time had been spent sleeping and… snuggling. And it had been nice. Lovely. But he was aching to be closer to Mark.

He watched Mark take a sip from a bottle of water, staring at his throat as he swallowed… _Jesus._

“This one is for Jack and Mark…”

Ken’s voice brought him back to reality.

“Jack: Did you ever forgive Mark for… rejecting your proposal?” Ken had stumbled a bit, glancing at Jack. He hadn’t chosen these questions. They’d been selected ahead of time, and he was clearly wishing he’d read ahead and decided to skip this one. But it was too late. “And Mark: what have you done to make it up to him?”

Jack’s mind spun. He was completely unprepared for a question like this. Everything at PAX had gone so much more smoothly than he’d anticipated, and he realized with a jolt that he’d been gradually letting his guard down without realizing it. He looked over at Mark, color rising in his cheeks.

Mark had stood up from his seat. He smiled reassuringly in Jack’s direction. “Yeah, Jack. You forgive me, yet?” His voice was light. Friendly. Jack knew he was trying to salvage the situation. He stood up from his stool and tried to smile back at Mark.

“Never.”

Mark walked toward him casually. “Never? No matter what I do?”

Jack shook his head, still smiling. “Yeh’ve wounded me deeply, Mark. I may never recover.”

Mark was standing close to him now. _Woah. Too close._ Jack was starting to get nervous. _What is he doing? Why is he-_

“We should just have a do-over.”

_Oh. No. Please don’t. Jesus-_

Mark sank down to one knee, clearly not registering the horrified look on Jack’s face.

“Jack, will you kick my ass in Overwatch for as long as we both shall live?”

Jack stared. Shock and anxiety expanded in his chest, transforming into embarrassment. Frustration. Anger.

“No.” He spat the word at Mark. “Fuck off. How’s that? Now we’re even.”

Jack barely recognized his own voice. He was vaguely aware that the audience was laughing and cheering, obviously mistaking this exchange for humorous banter. He should have been glad, but he was practically shaking with anger. Mark was staring up at him, hurt and confusion on his face.

“Seriously, fuck off.” _Get up, Goddammit. Get the fuck up. Jesus, get me out of here._

Mark finally took the hint. He stood up, arms raised, palms facing toward Jack. “Ok. We’re even. Got it.”

His voice was quiet. Jack knew he was scrambling to catch up, could see the shock, hurt, and regret registering on Mark’s face. He didn’t care. He got back on his stool and looked away.

Ken finally intervened. “Right. We have time for one more question. Have a seat, Mark. Felix…”

Mark moved blindly back to the couch he’d been sitting on, trying and failing to control his facial expression. _Fuck. Why did I do that? Fuck!_ He looked at Jack, his heart hammering in his ears. _Please look at me, please look up…_ Jack stared at the floor, his shoulders set in a hard line of tension. _Oh my God._ His stomach ached. He thought he might be sick. He seriously considered standing up and pulling Jack off the stage with him. He sat under the lights, in front of hundreds of people, gripping the fabric of the couch, thinking he would give just about anything to see Jack’s eyes looking back at him.

And then it was over. He jumped up from the couch as soon as Ken was finished with his closing remarks. He watched Jack give the crowd a half-hearted wave before practically sprinting through the curtain at the back of the stage. He followed as quickly as he could, praying that someone would catch up with Jack and slow him down.

Jack was almost out of sight by the time Mark made it backstage. He started to jog, conscious of the fact that several convention staff were close by, and that the other members of the panel would probably be right behind him.

“Jack. JACK. Please, wait.” Jack paused with his hand on a door handle. He turned around and watched Mark approach. He held up his hands.

“That’s close enough.”

Mark winced. “Fuck. I’m sorry. Can we just-”

“No. We can’t. Not right now.”

“But-”

“I said _NO_ , Mark.” Jack’s voice was loud, harsh, angry. “The _only_ thing I have to say to you is _what_ the _fuck._ And I’m not looking fer an answer right now, either. I need to get the fuck out of here. Can yeh let me do that?”

Mark couldn’t think of a single thing to say. He didn’t trust himself to speak, anyway. He knew there was nothing to be done; he had to let Jack go, for the time being. He stifled a sob. He nodded.

He watched the door swing shut as Jack disappeared.

 


	49. Chapter 49

Mark was staring at the floor, lost.

“Jeez, Mark, I am _such_ a jerk. I’m _so_ sorry, I swear I didn’t know what the question said before I was already halfway through…” Ken appeared in his field of vision and took hold of his arm. Mark struggled to process what he’d just said.

“What?” _Oh. Right._ “No, man. It’s my fault. Jesus _Christ_. What is _wrong_ with me?”

“Dude… I don’t know what I would’ve done, either. I’m sure Jack just needs some time. Do you know where he went?”

“Probably back to the hotel.”

Ken nodded. “Why don’t we head back, too?”

Mark looked at his friend, choking down the wave of panic and regret that was threatening to overtake him. He thought about telling Ken to forget about the whole thing and enjoy the convention, but he couldn’t find the will. He didn’t want to be alone.

“Yeah. Thanks, man.”

They caught a ride back to the hotel together. Mark was desperate to see if he could get Jack to talk to him, so they went straight to Mark and Jack’s door. But when Mark swiped his key, he found the room empty. He reminded himself to breathe, felt his heart hammering in his chest. _Where would Jack have gone? Oh… shit._ He’d completely forgotten that they’d booked two rooms. He looked for the extra set of keys on the night stand, and found both of them missing. The implication was clear. Jack had taken both keys on purpose. He didn’t want Mark to follow him.

“Ken.” His friend walked in, looking sympathetic. Mark sank slowly into a chair, resting his forehead in his hands. “This is bad, dude. I really fucked up.”

The door had just swung shut, but someone was already knocking. Ken opened it, and Bob, Wade, and Tom walked in. Mark looked up at them helplessly.

“Dude,” Wade started. “What happened? We couldn’t really tell from the audience, but that seemed…”

“Completely fucked up?” Mark offered pathetically. “That’s because I’m a _massive_ asshole.” He grimaced, put one hand on his stomach. “ _Ngh.”_ He made a muffled choking noise and clamped one hand over his mouth, swallowing hard.

Tom and Wade kneeled down next to him, their faces full of concern. “Did you just throw up?” Tom asked quietly.

Mark nodded weakly, his hand still tight over his mouth.

“C’mon. Bathroom. Just a sec, guys.” Tom pulled Mark carefully out of the chair and steered him toward the bathroom. Wade followed them in and shut the door behind them. They gave Mark a minute to rinse out his mouth.

“You’re sick,” Tom said gently. “Not because of what happened today. You were sick already.”

Mark sighed, nodded.

“How bad?”

“I’m not sure. It might be nothing.”

Wade shook his head. “You’re minimizing it. You’re trying not to freak Jack out. You can’t do that, man.”

“Dude. I can’t flip out every time I get a stomach ache. I need to live my life.”

“You _need_ to go to the doctor,” Tom said emphatically.

Mark put up his hands. “I know. I was planning to go as soon as we got back to LA. I was going to talk to Jack after the panel and see if he’d fly back early with me.” He looked them imploringly. “What the fuck do I _do_?”

“You need to tell him what’s going on,” Wade said.

“I need to get him to talk to me first. I need to apologize.”

“Do you know where he is?”

Mark nodded. “I think so. We booked two rooms, and he took the keys. He’s probably just down the hall.”

“Alright. Let’s go.”

Mark followed Wade and Tom back into the bedroom area. “Can you guys hang here for a few? We’re going to try to find Jack,” Wade explained.

Bob, Ken, and Tom agreed to stay behind, and Mark led Wade down the hall to the second hotel room. He hadn’t even gone inside it since they’d checked in, and he was grateful that he remembered the number. He took a deep breath, knocked on the door, and waited. The door opened a crack, and he saw Suzy on the other side. She stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind her.

“Hey, Mark.”

“Hey, Suz. Is he alright?”

She looked apologetic. “He’s pretty upset.”

Mark nodded. “He should be. I know I fucked up. Do you think he’ll talk to me?”

She shook her head. “Not right now. He’ll come around, though. He loves you. A lot. I’m pretty sure that’s why he’s so upset.” She looked at Mark with a pained expression, and spoke a bit more quietly. “Look, he’ll tell you when he’s ready… but there are reasons why this particular scenario fucked with his head. And that’s all I have to say about it.”

Mark nodded again. He didn’t know exactly what she was referring to, but he had a few guesses.

“Suzy-” Wade started, but Mark cut him off.

“Dude. It can wait. It has to. Suz… can you just tell him I’m sorry? I need to make it right. I’ll do whatever it takes.” Mark’s voice was shaking. He didn’t bother trying to hide it.

“He knows. But I’ll tell him anyway. See you guys later.” She disappeared back into the room.

“Mark-” Wade started.

“ _Dude_ ,” Mark said again. “I can’t tell him right now. I _can’t_. I’ll be fine until tomorrow. I’ll plan to fly back to LA first thing, regardless. Ok?”

Wade let out an exasperated sigh. “Fine. But you need to go FIRST THING. Earliest flight, man. I’m not kidding. I’ll help you pack.”

Mark nodded, touched by Wade’s concern. “Thanks.”

Mark kept the details vague with Bob and Ken; it wouldn’t help anyone to have more of his friends worrying about him unnecessarily, and he honestly wasn’t sure if he’d live through another challenging conversation. Wade and Tom supervised him while he used his laptop to change the time of his flight and purchase an additional ticket for Jack, leaving him the option of staying for the rest of PAX and flying home on Monday night, as they’d originally planned. Mark would be flying back to LA at 6AM, with Jack or without him. The thought brought on another wave of nausea that he barely managed to suppress.

Tom must have noticed the look on his face.

“Hey, Mark,” he started. “I was thinking of changing my flight too. I think I should spend a couple days in LA. You’ve got room on the couch, right?”

Mark hadn’t considered this. “I mean, I know you need to get back to work…”

“It can wait. I’ll just stay until you’re feeling better.”

Mark nodded, relieved. At least he could be sure he wouldn’t have to fly back to LA alone… his stomach lurched again.

In keeping with the day’s tradition of terrible timing, Ken and Bob started putting together an order for food, and Mark put in a halfhearted request for pizza and bottled water. They all made quick work of gathering and packing Mark’s clothes and belongings, and they were finished by the time the food arrived. Wade kept a close eye on Mark, frowning at the tiny bites of pizza he was chewing.

“Not hungry, man?” Bob asked sympathetically.

Mark put the pizza down. He was trying to think of something neutral to say. But all he could manage was, “Jack…”

Bob nodded. “I know. But it’ll be ok. Really.”

The four of them slipped into silence, finishing their food and staring at an old movie on the hotel TV. The only other sound in the room was the nearly-constant buzzing of all of their phones as the rest of their friends checked in. Mark was ignoring his notifications; none of them were from Jack. Eventually, the buzzing started to get on his nerves.

“Guys, you should get going. I’ll be fine here for a while.” Wade, Bob, Tom, and Ken exchanged glances. Wade spoke up.

“You guys go. I’ll stay with Mark.”

Ken nodded. “Text me if you need anything, man. I can check on you later.”

“Same here,” Bob said. “Hang in there. Maybe try to get some sleep.”

Tom hugged Mark. “I’ll go pack up. See you in the morning, ok?”

“Thanks, Tom. Thanks, guys.” Mark’s voice was quiet. He felt a tiny pang of relief when the door shut behind them, and flopped onto his back, groaning.

“How can I help?” The genuine worry was evident in Wade’s voice.

“Knock me unconscious? I don’t know, dude.”

Wade was thoughtful for a minute. “Have you thought about what Suzy said?”

“Nonstop for the last hour and a half.”

“Do you know what she was talking about?”

Mark scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I’m not completely sure, but I have a pretty good idea.”

“And?”

“Jack and I haven’t really talked about it. More like talked _around_ it.”

“Talked around what?”

Mark took a long, slow breath. “Getting married.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“I’m guessing Jack might have been thinking about it more seriously than I thought.”

“And you weren’t?”

“I was. I am. All the time.”

“…But you haven’t told him.”

Mark sat up, groaning, keeping a hand on his stomach. “Do I look like someone who’s ready to get married? I’m a fucking _disaster._ I need to get my shit together. I need to… I don’t know. I need to know I deserve him.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s already decided that you do.”

“Yup. And if today was any indication, he’s making a huge mistake.”

Wade shook his head. “Bullshit. I don’t want to hear it, Mark. I’m not kidding. You’re one of the best people I know. Maybe _the_ best. And I’ll kill you if you tell Molly I said that.”

Mark moaned again. He stood up from the bed, wincing.

“Is it getting worse?”

Mark exhaled sharply. “I can’t really tell. Maybe.”

“Drink some water.”

“Ok, _Dad._ ” Mark grabbed a bottle from the fridge and took a few sips. He sighed. “I think I’m going to take a shower.”

“Good idea. I’ll be here.”

Mark was quick; he didn’t want to be in the bathroom if Jack came back. He dried off, dressed, and went back to the bedroom area. Then he opened Jack’s suitcase and started organizing and packing Jack’s clothes.

“Um… Mark? Isn’t that Jack’s stuff?”

Mark nodded. “Maybe he’ll come back soon.” He paused, wiping at his eyes. “Maybe he’ll come home with me.”

Wade stood up. “Right. You’re right. I’ll help.”

They packed up everything except Mark and Jack’s toothpaste and toothbrushes, which Mark put in a cup near the sink. Mark took a set of clothes out of Jack’s suitcase and laid them out carefully on a chair. He noticed Wade staring and fidgeted uncomfortably.

“I know what he would want to wear. On the plane. I always know what he wants to wear.”

Wade took a step closer to Mark.

“I know what he likes to drink in the morning, and how to make it, depending on his mood. I know what he sounds like when he fucks up on an intro or outro and has to do the whole thing over. Did you know he can do, like, ten takes in a row without losing steam at all? Maybe more, I’m not sure. I lose count.” Mark was staring at Jack’s clothes. His voice was low and so, so sad. “I can guess when he’ll want waffles instead of eggs. I know what his hair looks like at 3AM. I know how he likes to fall asleep. I know that sometimes he doesn’t. He stays up all night. I think he likes knowing that I’m there. I can tell when he’s extra tired the next day, even if he won’t really admit it.”

Tears were splashing onto Mark’s cheeks now. Wade pulled him into a hug. “It’s ok, man. He’ll come back.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“He will.”

Wade held Mark at arm’s length. “I think you should try to get some sleep. I’ll stay for a few. I have to go check in with Molly in a bit, but then I’ll come back. Ok?”

Mark nodded. He got in bed and closed his eyes. Wade spent several minutes scrolling on his phone, until he was sure Mark was asleep. Then he walked down the hall and knocked on Jack’s door.

 

* * *

 

Mark was sleeping restlessly, so he woke up right away when he heard the lock on the hotel door click open. His first thought was _Did I give Wade a key…?_

“Mark.”

_Sean._

He sat up quickly, and paid for it when a sharp pain throbbed in his abdomen. He fought against it and climbed awkwardly out of the bed. Jack was walking toward him, looking distraught.

“Sean, oh my God, I’m-”

Jack threw his arms around Mark’s shoulders. “ _Jesus, love, yeh should’ve told me…”_

Mark was dizzy with relief, but Jack took a step back before he had a chance to settle into the embrace.

“Ser’sly, Mark- why didn’t yeh _tell_ me?”

Mark finally processed what Jack was asking him. “Shit. Wade?”

Jack nodded. Mark sighed heavily.

“I was going to. Until I fucked everything up. And then I just… couldn’t. It would’ve been manipulative. I just hoped you’d come back, so we could talk, and then I could tell you.”

Jack nodded again. “So tell me. Please.”

“Can’t I apologize first? I mean, aren’t you upset?” Mark searched Jack’s eyes, saw that they were red and swollen. He was sure his own were, too. “You’re _allowed_ to be upset with me,” he said, more softly. “You _should_ be. I deserve it. The fact that I have a stomach ache doesn’t change that.”

Jack was shaking his head. “But it’s not just a stomach ache. I mean, Wade didn’t get very specific, but he said it could be… more serious than that.”

Mark ran his hands over his face. “It could be. Maybe.”

“So… I mean… why don’t we go now? To the emergency room, or something? Why are we waiting?”

“Because my doctor is in LA.”

“ _Your_ doctor. As in, a specific one. Fer what?”

Mark found it obvious that Jack was trying and failing to keep the agitation out of his voice. Jack _was_ angry. Mark could tell. He was angry about the panel. He was angry about the fact that Mark hadn’t been more forthcoming about his illness. And he was setting it all aside. Mark was struggling with a surge of powerful emotions. Relief. Regret. Affection. Love.

“Mark?”

“Uhm. Ok. So, ever since I had that surgery… you remember?”

Jack nodded. “Right after we first met, right?” He would never forget it. He’d met Mark for the first time at PAX East more than a year ago, and had found out that Mark was seriously ill only a couple of weeks later. He’d been completely distraught, alone in his apartment in Ireland, with no way to express what he was feeling. He’d turned to social media until #GetBetterMark was trending worldwide on Twitter.

Mark noticed his thoughtful expression and smiled. “You made me famous.”

Jack smiled back. “Ditto.” Then, more seriously: “So. Continue.”

“Right. So, I go see a specialist a couple times a year. Just to make sure there aren’t any… complications.”

“What? Like, from that same surgery? Hang on. Yeh’ve known about this. That something like this could happen, I mean. _Fuck_ , Mark…” Mark winced, chewing the corner of his lip. The edge in Jack’s voice was getting sharper, a harsh combination of concern and frustration. Jack put a hand over his mouth, shaking his head, looking apologetic.

“I’m sorry. I get it. Yeh’re trying to stay calm. Freaking out won’t help.”

“I don’t even know if it’s anything to be worried about, yet.”

“Right. Sorry,” Jack said again. “I’m here fer you, ok? What’s the plan?”

“We can fly out at 6AM. Tom is coming, too.”

“Good.” Jack checked his phone; it was just after 7PM. “Ok. I should probably…”

He looked around the room for the first time, noticing the packed suitcases and backpacks, and the set of clothes Mark had laid out on the chair.

Mark gestured vaguely. “We’re all set. I just left our toothbrushes in the bathroom. But I can help you unpack again, if you need something…”

“No. I’m good.” Jack stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do next.

“Sean… it’s ok if this is weird. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. Can we… Can we just talk about what happened?”

Jack nodded slowly, meeting Mark’s gaze. “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t’ve left yeh like that if I’d known…”

“God, Sean, you _cannot_ apologize to me right now-”

“No, Mark, let me finish, alright?” Mark stopped himself, nodded. Jack ran both hands through his hair.

“I just… I got so overwhelmed. I had too many thoughts. I needed to sift through them and decide what I wanted to say.”

Mark took a small step closer. “I’m listening.”

Jack looked at him seriously, for a long moment. Mark could tell he was thinking very hard about what he was about to say.

“The idea of getting married to you is not a joke to me.”

Mark’s breath caught in his chest. It took him a long moment to find his voice. “I know. I think we should talk about it-”

“No. We shouldn’t.” Jack’s voice was soft, but firm. Mark stopped, forcing himself to let Jack finish.

“D’you know how many times I’m going to have to re-live that moment? All the photos and videos people will post?” He took in Mark’s miserable expression. He made an effort to soften the tone of his voice even further. “I’m not saying this to make yeh feel worse. I know yeh feel awful about it. I’m just trying to explain why I wasn’t ready to talk right away. That was really… difficult… fer me. But I’m not angry at you.”

“You’re not?”

Jack shook his head. “It was a setup, love. There was no right way to handle it. I know yeh were just trying to save face. I know yeh’d never hurt me like that on purpose. But…” Jack fidgeted with his hands. “I need yeh to respect the fact that this was rough fer me, and that I don’t think we’re ready to talk about… well… y’know. No more proposals, fake or otherwise. I don’t even think we should discuss it until we’ve decided we’re ready to go public. I really don’t think I can handle it. Ok?”

“Sean, can I _please_ just tell you-”

“NO. Mark, I’m begging you. I’m pretty sure I know what yeh want to say. Do yeh really think today is the day? Does it really seem like the right time?”

Mark examined Jack’s expression, the mixture of pain and affection in his blue eyes. He shook his head. “I hear you. I’m _so_ sorry. I need you to let me make it up to you. I have no excuse, other than the fact that I’m a complete idiot.”

Jack was shaking his head. He spoke softly. “You mean, other than the fact that yeh haven’t eaten an actual meal in days? And yeh’ve been sick and scared and hiding it from me?”

He closed the gap between them and looked in Mark’s eyes. “Mark…I love you. Even if I’m upset or angry or… who knows what. I still love you. More than anything. No matter what.”

“Sean…” Tears were starting to flow from Mark’s eyes.

Jack took Mark’s face in his hands, and kissed him. He kissed his lips, slow and sweet. He kissed his face, erasing salty tears. He wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulders and held him close.

_“Sean, I’m so sorry.”_

_“I know. It’s alright.”_

_“It’s not.”_

_“It will be.”_

_“I missed you so much. God, I thought…”_

Jack made a small space between them, resting his hands on the back of Mark’s neck.

“Yeh thought what, love? I mean…” Jack looked around the room again. “You packed up my stuff. So you knew I’d be back… You knew I’d come home with yeh, right?”

Mark opened his mouth, wanting to reassure Jack… but nothing came out. He _hadn’t_ known for sure. He spoke as gently as he could. “Sean… I fucked up. I honestly didn’t know what would happen. This is all new to me.”

“Jesus, Mark.” Tears were filling Jack’s eyes now, too, threatening to fall. “I’m so sorry. I was just upset. I need yeh to _know_ I’m not leaving. _Ever_. Ok?”

Jack kissed Mark’s lips again, almost desperately.

_“We go home together, love. Always.”_

Mark kept his eyes closed, his forehead pressed against Jack’s. He nodded, his nose brushing against Jack’s cheek. He was swaying slightly, leaning most of his weight against Jack’s shoulders.

_“C’mon, love. Bed. We sleep together, too.”_

_“Mm. What time is it?”_

_“Time fer you to rest.”_

Jack stepped back from Mark and maneuvered out of his jeans. He set an alarm on his phone, plugged it into the wall, and flipped off the light. He stacked their pillows high and climbed into the bed, sitting up against the head board. Mark climbed in too, and sat up next to him.

 _“I know yeh don’t feel well. I’ll hold you up.”_ Jack held his arms out, and Mark wrapped his own around Jack’s shoulders, moving closer. He brushed his nose against Jack’s nose, brushed his lips against Jack’s cheek. And then Jack was kissing him again, softly, carefully.

_“Sean…”_

_“Mark, if yeh apologize to me one more time, I’ll kick yeh right out of this bed.”_

Mark rearranged his thoughts, pressed his lips against Jack’s neck.

_“I’ll do better. I promise.”_

_“We both will.”_

They kissed each other for a long time, holding each other close, not feeling close enough.

Eventually, Jack felt Mark’s body relaxing in his arms.

_“Sleep, love. I’ll be right here.”_

Mark shifted his position, making small noises of discomfort. Jack’s heart rate rose, concern and apprehension keeping his eyes wide open as Mark settled against his chest.

_“Yeh’re going to be fine, love. It’ll all be ok.”_

Mark almost believed him.

 


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I need to put a warning at the beginning of this chapter.
> 
> WARNING. This section of the story will deal with a serious illness for one of the main characters. Pain, sickness, hospital, etc. I have a working knowledge of the medical realm because of my job, and I've done research to try to make the scenario realistic, in the context of the story. However, this is FICTION. To the best of my knowledge, there is no reason to think that any of this is actually happening or will actually happen in real life. But please protect yourself- if you feel that the idea of one of these characters being seriously ill will trigger you in some way, please send me a message or think carefully before reading.
> 
> That being said, this illness is not the primary focus of this story. This story is about two people building a relationship, and all of the challenges they need to deal with in order to do so. I've actually based most of this plotline off of something that happened to me personally, which added an incredible depth to my own relationship. I hope you'll stick with me, Mark and Jack through this rough patch. Love, Kay

Jack was exhausted, but unable to close his eyes, holding Mark’s sleeping body against his chest. He was practically sick with guilt, replaying the afternoon’s events over and over, wishing he could have handled things differently. He was still reeling from emotions and realizations that had hit him.

_Why didn’t I just stay with Mark? Why did I leave like that? What’s wrong with me?_

He knew the answer. He’d been overwhelmed. He’d been frustrated. He’d been caught off guard by the forcefulness of his own reaction, and he hadn’t trusted himself. He cringed internally, remembering the harsh sound of his own voice: _I need to get the fuck out of here._ He’d been terrified of what he might say to Mark. He’d been trying to protect him. He’d been trying to protect both of them. And he’d failed spectacularly.

The image of Mark down on one knee came crashing into his mind for the millionth time. Had he made the right decision, trying to delay this conversation? He knew it was all Mark had thought about all afternoon. He knew Mark had probably been thinking about it long before today. Just like he had.

But they weren’t ready. They needed more time. Jack knew that he and Mark needed to figure out how to make their relationship public before they took things any further. He needed to know that he could handle it. Their whole lives would change as soon as they went public, and he needed to know that Mark would still want the relationship they were building together. He knew they needed to wait.

Right?

_If you’d asked me today, what would I have said?_

Jack knew the answer to that, too.

He sat still, eyes wide open, for a long time, letting himself be comforted by the warmth of Mark’s skin. He’d just decided to try to get some sleep when Mark sat up suddenly.

 _“Ngh.”_ Mark jumped out of the bed and ran for the bathroom. Jack could hear him gagging and coughing. He was paralyzed for a moment, the potential seriousness of this situation hitting him all over again. He was terrified.

He closed his eyes and thought back to their first night in the hotel, when Jack had been the one on his knees in the dark. He remembered the warm brown of Mark’s eyes, the way he’d come to the rescue without a second thought. _Get it together, Sean. You can do this._

He climbed out of the bed and retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge. He walked into the bathroom, flipped on the light, and sat on the edge of the tub, just as Mark had done.

Mark was in the midst of vomiting. Jack could see his shoulder blades tensing painfully through his t-shirt as his whole body heaved. Jack forced himself to keep breathing, counting every agonizing second.

_You can do this. You need to._

He waited until the worst of it was over, then spoke with all the snark he could muster.

“Listen, I know I’m so famous, but yeh don’t have to copy _everything_ I do.”

Mark made a noise that could have been a cough or a laugh.

“Imitation-”

Mark spit.

“-is the highest form of flattery.”

Jack giggled, handed Mark the bottle of water.

“I mean, if yeh wanted me to stare at yer ass, yeh could’ve just asked.”

Mark had been rinsing his mouth. He spit prematurely, giggling weakly.

“Plus, I could give yeh a much better excuse to get on yer knees.”

Mark was laughing in earnest now, leaning against the bathroom wall.

“Sean,” he managed between quiet giggles, “of all the things I’d rather be doing… that is at the top of the list.”

Jack grinned. _There’s my Mark._ He ran a towel under warm water and sat down on the floor by Mark’s side.

“Hmm. Doesn’t look too bad. I dunno how yeh made it, you were dead asleep.” He dabbed gently at Mark’s mouth.

“And you were wide awake. Caught red-handed, McLoughlin.”

“Have yeh seen yerself sleep? Yeh’re fucking adorable.” Jack put the towel down and brushed Mark’s hair out of his face. He looked sick and exhausted, but he was smiling.

“Any better, love?”

“Yeah. You can take all the credit for that.”

“Ready to stand up?”

Jack got to his knees, held out his arms, and helped Mark get to his feet. They brushed their teeth together, and then Jack slid one arm around Mark’s waist and led him back to the bed, where they settled into their previous configuration. Jack put a hand to Mark’s forehead; he felt warm, but he was shivering slightly, so Jack tugged the blankets up around his shoulders and hugged him close.

 _“Sean.”_ Mark yawned. _“You need to get some sleep. Maybe I should move…”_

Mark’s exhaustion was contagious; Jack felt himself yawning in response, felt his own body finally starting to relax. The worry was still there, but he found that he could set it aside and examine it from a distance. He felt close to Mark again, and far away from anything and everything else.

_“No. I need yeh right here.”_

_“But… what if I throw up again?”_

_“Shh. I’ll take care of yeh._

Mark nodded, his nose brushing against Jack’s neck.

_“I know you will.”_

* * *

 

Jack and Mark left their hotel room the next morning in nondescript jeans, baseball caps, and hooded sweatshirts. Even though it was still fully dark outside, they carried sunglasses with them as well, completing their disguises so they could avoid being recognized at all costs. There were many reasons they didn’t want to be spotted in public, but one in particular that was on both of their minds. They both wanted to be as close to each other as they safely could be.

They met Tom in the hotel lobby, put their sunglasses and hoods on, and then piled into the back of a cab with Mark in the middle. Mark immediately leaned over to rest his head on Jack’s shoulder, sighing sleepily. Jack glanced at the cab driver, acknowledged a low-level risk of being identified… he found he didn’t care. He pulled at Mark’s arm, securing it around his waist, and rested his head on top of Mark’s.

About an hour later, they were seated in a similar configuration on their flight back to LA. Jack had tried to get Mark to sit on the aisle in case he felt sick again, but he had protested, convincing Tom to take the aisle seat and Jack to take the window. The reason was clear as soon as the plane took off; Mark raised the arm rest between his seat and Jack’s, leaned over, and laid down in Jack’s lap. Tom watched him for a moment, looking concerned, but his expression gradually softened. He met Jack’s gaze with an appreciative smile, and Jack slid his arm around Mark’s back, rubbing gently in slow circles.

Mark was asleep almost immediately, and Jack allowed himself to relax, taking in the warm pressure of Mark’s body. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He could almost imagine that they were back home on their couch, under the stars, avoiding sleep just to spend a few more hours together… Jack didn’t open his eyes again until the plane touched down at LAX.

_“Mark.”_

_“Mm.”_

_“Hey, love. We’re home. Time to go.”_

Jack could tell that Mark was at least partially awake, but he’d barely moved. Mark still had his hood pulled over his hair, and Jack couldn’t see his face.

_“Hey. You ok?”_

_“Uhh-”_ Mark tried to prop himself up, and Jack pushed gently on his shoulders until he was in a sitting position. He looked _exhausted._ It was obviously a massive effort for him to keep his eyes open. Bright red strands had come loose from his hood, so Jack pushed it back, replace Mark’s baseball cap, and then pulled his hood back up. He kept his fingers at Mark’s cheek for a moment.

_“You’re ok. Just a little longer.”_

Mark made an effort to nod.

Jack and Tom managed to get Mark off of the plane and through the airport without incident, and Tom volunteered to drive Mark’s car to the doctor’s office so Jack could stay with Mark in the backseat. Mark became more alert as they drove, but he held on to one of Jack’s arms, and kept his head tilted back against the seat. He’d left a message with his doctor’s office the night before, and he was relieved to find a voicemail from the hospital on his phone, confirming that his doctor would be in the building when they arrived, and that he should come in right away.

“Sean.”

“Yeah, love?”

“I think I should see the doctor on my own first. They’ll probably want to run some tests, which could take a while. But they’ll let me see you once they figure out what’s going on.”

Jack’s first instinct was to argue, but he restrained himself. He knew he needed to give Mark some space to deal with whatever was happening. He knew they both needed to stay calm.

“Just don’t make any insane decisions without me, alright?”

Mark lifted his head to look in Jack’s eyes. “I promise to run all of my insane decisions by you from now on.” He pressed his lips against Jack’s cheek, and Jack rested his head under Mark’s chin.

They spent most of the drive in silence. Mark started giving Tom some very specific directions once they pulled off the highway, and Jack sat up to look at the tall buildings they were passing by. He saw signs for UCLA, and they finally turned into a maze of streets that looked like a college campus.

“Oh… wow… this isn’t just a hospital…” Jack’s eyes were wide.

Mark shook his head. “It’s a hospital network. There are whole buildings for different specialties.”

“How many times have you been here?”

Mark looked up, visualizing to jog his memory. “Three other times. I’m pretty sure.”

“But they never found any issues before?”

“No. Nothing since the last time, in Cincinnati.”

Tom eventually located the correct building, dropped Mark and Jack off at the entrance, and went to park the car. There were people everywhere – students, patients, medical professionals – so they kept their baseball caps firmly in place as they made their way to the elevator, through several hallways, and finally to the appropriate office. Jack was relieved to see that there were only a handful of other people in the waiting room, and he and Mark were able to sit far away from any other patients once Mark had checked himself in.

Jack was quiet and thoughtful, one arm pressed against Mark’s, trying to come up with something reassuring to say. He missed his chance; he’d just turned to Mark with the most genuine smile he could muster when they were approached by a nurse.

“Aw, hey, Jane!” Mark said weakly.

“Mark!” She spoke discretely but enthusiastically, her round face dominated by an infectious smile. She was plump and pretty, her black hair swept back in a messy ponytail. “I’m really happy to see you. I wish it were under better circumstances. You can come on back now.”

Mark nodded, and he and Jack both stood up slowly, Jack watching attentively to make sure Mark was steady on his feet.

“Jane, this is Jack.”

Jane looked more closely at Jack’s face and beamed at him, warm recognition showing in her expression. “Jack! Welcome to California.”

“Uhm… thanks. It’s nice to meet you.” Jack guessed that Mark has probably met Jane each time he’d visited this office, and that she was aware his YouTube career, and probably Jack’s by extension.

“My brother Tom is on his way up, too. Is there somewhere they could wait for me that’s a little more… private?”

She nodded. “Sure. There’s a meeting room that should be empty, at least for a while. I’ll let the staff know.” She had a quick word with the woman at the reception desk, then led them through a set of double doors and down a hallway. She opened the door to an empty room with a large conference table and comfortable-looking chairs.

“You can hang here for the time being. I’ll come back if we need to move you. Mark, you can tell Tom to give his name at reception – someone will bring him back here.”

“Awesome. Thanks so much.” Mark took out his phone briefly to message Tom, and then turned his attention toward Jack, who was making a massive effort to keep his expression neutral.

“Hey, Sean.”

“Hey, Mark.”

Mark took a step closer. “It’s going to be fine.”

Jack nodded, fidgeted with his hands, forced himself to stop. “I know.”

“I’ll be back soon.”

“I’ll be right here.”

And then Mark was holding Jack’s face in his hands, kissing his lips. Jack slid his arms around Mark’s shoulders, aching to pull him closer, terrified of hurting him. He kissed Mark slowly, pouring all of his affection into the gesture, memorizing the feeling of Mark’s hands around his waist.

And then it was over. Mark took a step back.

“Don’t worry. Jane’s cool. We go way back.” He turned to Jane, who was wearing a wide-eyed grin. “Right, Jane? I love him. Don’t tell anyone.”

She nodded. “You got it. Don’t worry, Jack. We’ll take good care of him.”

Jack forced himself to nod. “Thanks.”

Mark gave Jack a final exhausted smile, and then he and Jane disappeared back down the hallway. Jack was alone.

He chose a chair close to the door and sat down, staring after them, wishing desperately that he could stay by Mark’s side, but equally grateful that he had some time to himself. His hands shook. Keeping his composure had been a massive effort, and he finally let a handful of tears fall, hoping they would run their course by the time he was able to see Mark. He knew he should probably check his messages, but he couldn’t summon the strength. He took off his hat, pulled up his hood, crossed his arms on the table, and rested his head, breathing deeply.

Tom arrived a few minutes later, carrying a tray of drinks and a bag of bagels. Jack raised his head and hoped he was returning Tom’s smile.

“Hey, any news?”

Jack shook his head. “They just took him back a few minutes ago.”

“Yeah. We could be here a while. You should eat something.”

“Thanks. That was really nice of you. Could we talk first, though?”

Tom sat down next to Jack. “Sure.”

Jack examined Tom’s features. He’d initially thought that Mark and Tom looked nothing alike, but up close, he could see the similarities. He could also see the worry and strain in Tom’s expression.

“What do yeh think is going to happen?”

Tom sighed, thinking. He met Jack’s gaze. “I don’t want to scare you.”

“Do it. Scare me now, while Mark’s gone.”

Tom nodded. “It could be nothing. But it seems really similar to the last time. The scar tissue can come back and cause problems. He knows this, but he’s been keeping up with all of his doctor’s recommendations, and he’s been fine for so long… I don’t think he was actually _trying_ to hide anything from you. I think he was just hoping it wouldn’t get to this point.”

Jack nodded. “I know.” He pushed his hood back and ran his hands through his hair. “So if the scar tissue is back, what does that mean? What will they do?”

“They’ll do some tests to confirm it. Again, it could be nothing.” Tom took a nervous breath. “But if his intestines are blocked again, he will probably need another surgery. But, Jack-” Tom was responding to the look of utter terror on Jack’s face. “He did _great_ last time. It was rough, and scary, but it all turned out ok. And he didn’t have you, back then.”

“Fuck.” Jack felt sick. “What if… Jesus Christ. What if I can’t do this?”

“You can. You will.” Tom leaned over and hugged Jack, briefly. “I don’t think you need to _do_ much of anything. I’ve never seen my brother so happy in his life. You just need to show up. Don’t overthink it- you’ll know what to do when you see him.”

Tom pulled a plain bagel out of the bag and handed it to Jack. “You should eat. You’ll feel better. If I know Mark, he’s probably a lot more worried about you right now than he is about himself. I know you guys had a rough day yesterday, and I think it put a lot of things in perspective for him.”

Jack looked down at the floor. “Fer me, too.”

“Right. So take care of yourself, for his sake, so we can both take care of him.”

Jack took a bite of the bagel and a sip of coffee, letting the words sink in. Tom was right. He would be no use to Mark if he fell apart. He felt a surge of confidence fighting against the dread that had taken hold in his chest.

“Thanks, Tom. Not just fer this. Fer everything. Mark’s really lucky to have you.”

Tom smiled. “We’re both lucky. It’s not like we had much choice in the matter. But he did, with you. He _chose_ you. Best decision he’s ever made, in my opinion.”

Jack was fighting back tears again, for an entirely different reason. “Jesus. I can’t even tell yeh what that means to me.”

“No need. Finish your bagel.”

They ate together in a comfortable silence, then spent some time responding to messages. Jack had a text or voicemail from pretty much everyone that had been at PAX, and he answered as best he could, reassuring everyone that he would update them as soon as he could. He avoided social media and passed the time chatting and watching videos with Tom. Jack wasn’t sure exactly how long they waited – it must have been at least two hours – and it was mid-afternoon by the time Jane came back to see them.

“Hey, Jack. Tom, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Jane. I’m one of the nurses here, I’ve been working with Mark’s team since he first started coming to this office.” She sat down at the table with them, wearing a reassuring smile. “Mark asked me to fill you guys in. He wanted to come himself, but the doctor advised against it. It’s really important for him to stay calm at the moment, and I’ll bring him out here as soon as we’re done talking.”

Jack and Tom nodded, processing. They’d been preparing themselves for this conversation all afternoon.

“We’re going to admit him right away. He has an intestinal blockage that needs to be removed surgically. It’s small; we’re lucky to be catching it so early. He’s not in any immediate danger, so we’ll be keeping him here tonight to get him ready for the surgery. It’ll happen first thing tomorrow morning.”

She paused, giving them a moment to take in the information and react.

Jack was counting his breaths, keeping his cool. _You can do this. You have to._

“What are the risks?” He was surprised at how steady his voice sounded. He felt encouraged.

“The greatest risk with this type of surgery is what we’re seeing right now: scar tissue forming after the fact and eventually causing a blockage, or some other complication. Like I said, this one is small. The team is hopeful that they can minimize the risk of this happening again. In the short term, given the fact that Mark has had this kind of surgery before and responded well, the risks are minimal.”

“Right. Ok.” Jack looked at Jane seriously. “One more thing. I need to stay with him tonight. And fer however long he’s here.”

Jane beamed at him. “He said you’d say that. You can. The doctor will meet with you later today to tell you what to expect, during and after the surgery. The most important thing right now is to help Mark stay calm and positive. You can take all the time you need before I bring him back.”

Jack and Tom exchanged a glance. Jack looked thoughtful.

“Who should we tell? Everyone’s still at PAX… if we catch them early enough they might be able to change their flights.”

Tom nodded. “You’re right. Definitely Bob and Wade.”

“Felix? Ken?”

“Yeah.”

“And the Grumps would’ve been back tonight anyway… I’ll still tell them though. Jane, can we have a couple minutes to make some phone calls?”

She smiled. “Sure. I’ll be back in a few.”

Jack made a round of calls to friends, and got confirmation that Bob, Wade, Felix, and Ken, as well as their respective significant others, would all be changing their flights to arrive at LAX as soon as possible. Suzy confirmed that she and Arin would be back in LA late that night, and they agreed to pick Chica up from the dog sitter the next day and watch her for as long as they needed to.

Tom called his mother and Dee, who took the news as well as could have been expected, and hung up quickly to make their own travel arrangements.

Jack and Tom both stretched stiffly, trying to shake off this most recent wave of tension, and Jane appeared a couple minutes later, her warm smile firmly in place.

“Hey, Jane. We’re good. We’d really like to see him now.”

“You got it.”

She disappeared down the hall, and returned a moment later with Mark in tow. He was carrying his hat and a packet of paperwork in one hand, and his hair was a mess. He looked more exhausted than ever. His eyes were red and puffy, but his expression brightened as soon as he saw Jack.

“Looking good, love. Yeh might need to let me cut yer hair, though.” Jack flashed him a teasing smile.

Mark grinned, running a hair through his red fringe. He closed the gap between them and pulled Jack into a loose hug. Jack put a hand on the back of his head.

_“It’s ok. It’s just another adventure. It’ll all be fine.”_

_“I’m so happy you’re here.”_

_“Me, too.”_

Jack kissed the side of Mark’s face, and gently disengaged so Tom could give him a hug, too.

“So what’s next, love?”

“We actually have to go to a different building. We can walk over there now so I can get checked in.”

Jack smoothed Mark’s hair back from his forehead and secured his baseball cap in place, then put his own back on. They all thanked and hugged Jane, and let Mark lead them down the elevator and outside. They could see their destination as soon as they stepped into the street; the building was massive, and Jack found it even more intimidating once they stepped inside. The building they had just left had been several floors of offices; this felt more like a proper hospital, and it was the biggest and busiest one Jack had ever seen. He was continuously fighting the urge to grab onto Mark’s hand.

Mark checked in at the information desk, and the staff directed them to a set of elevators along the far wall. They rode in silence to the appropriate floor, Jack’s hand resting lightly on the small of Mark’s back, and then finally located the correct office. Mark checked in again and handed over his paperwork, and a nurse accompanied them to a small waiting room.

“Hi, Mark, I’m Nancy. I’ll be working with you while you’re staying with us.” She appeared to be in her mid-forties, with short blonde hair, kind eyes, and a no-nonsense tone. “I just spoke with your doctor’s office. I know that privacy is crucial for you, so I’m going to get you checked in quickly. Your family members can stay here for a few minutes, and then you can all spend some time together once I get you settled.”

She smiled at Jack and Tom. Mark turned toward them, looking nervous.

“Sean…”

Jack picked up his hand, threaded their fingers together.

“It’ll be quick, love. We’ll be right there.”

Mark squeezed his hand so tightly, it hurt. Jack could tell he was close to losing it. He directed his attention toward Nancy.

“He’s just going to get in bed, right?”

She nodded.

Jack put his arms around Mark’s shoulders and whispered, close to his ear.

_“I’ll drag yeh to that bed if I need to. Yeh know I can.”_

Mark laughed softly. _“Is that supposed to be a threat?”_

 _“It’s a promise.”_ Jack kissed the side of his face, close to his eye. _“C’mon. I’ll be right behind yeh.”_

Mark took a breath, nodded, and followed Nancy through a door at the back of the room.

Nancy returned about a half hour later. “He’s doing fine, just nervous. I’m guessing he’ll feel much better once he sees you.” She spared Jack a brief smile. “I’ll take you back, now.”

She led them through two sets of doors and into a long corridor, with doors spaced every few feet on either side. Mark’s door was the closest on the right side, and Jack wondered whether the room assignment had been intentional, to minimize the number of patients and visitors that might walk by. Jack noticed gratefully that the blinds on the window and door had been drawn.

Nancy opened the door and let Jack and Tom pass by. Mark was sitting up in a narrow bed in the center of the room, wearing a hospital gown. He smiled sleepily at Jack, who quickly closed the gap between them and took his hand.

“You guys can stay together for now. The doctor will come by later on to give you more information, and Jack and Tom may need to clear out for a while. Jack, you’ll be staying the night, yes?”

“Yes. Definitely.”

“Right. I’ll make sure someone brings a cot for you. Can I help you with anything else before I go?”

“Um. I was wondering,” Mark started. “Can I take a shower?”

She nodded. “Now is a good time, since we won’t start your IV until later. Just make sure someone stays nearby if you need help.”

Jack spoke quietly to Mark. _“That won’t be a problem.”_

Mark grinned. _“Were you serious about cutting my hair?”_

Jack raised his eyebrows. _“I was half kidding, but I’ll do it if yeh’ll let me.”_

“Nancy, could you find us some scissors? Like for cutting hair?”

She smiled a bit more widely than Jack was expecting, given her business-like manner. “That’s a first. I’ll see what I can do.”

She disappeared into the hall, and the door swung shut behind her.

Tom approached Mark’s bed, too. “How are you feeling? Any news from the last half hour?”

“Better now.” Mark squeezed Jack’s hand. “She just gave me some basic info and had me fill out some paperwork.”

“Do yeh know what the rest of the night will be like?” Jack was relieved to hear calm confidence in his own voice.

“A little bit. Obviously I can’t eat or drink anything. They’re going to give me an IV to keep me hydrated overnight. Nancy pretty much said to just get as much sleep as I can.”

“Ok. Shower, then sleep.” Jack rubbed slow circles over Mark’s hand with his thumb.

“Do you think you could call Mom and Dee, Tom?”

“No worries. I already did. They probably already booked their flights.”

Mark nodded slowly. “Thanks.”

Nancy returned shortly afterward with scissors, a comb, and some extra towels. She told them to contact the nurse’s station if they needed anything else, then breezed out of the room.

“Ok, guys,” Tom started. “I’ll leave you for a bit. Maybe just text me when you’re both fully clothed again.” Jack giggled, glancing at Mark. “Jack, want me to see if I can grab you a snack, or something?”

“Yeah. That’d be awesome.”

“Thanks, Tom,” Mark said sincerely. Tom waved and left the room.

Jack felt a massive weight lift off of his shoulders as soon as he was alone with Mark.

“Hey, love. Yeh’re doing _awesome._ I’m so proud of you.” He put his fingers through Mark’s hair, rested his thumb on Mark’s forehead.

“Come here, please.”

Jack smiled, bent down, and kissed Mark’s lips gently, slowly, for a long time.

“So. Yeh really trust me to cut yer hair?”

Mark nodded. “You used to cut your own, right?”

Jack giggled, nodding. “How did yeh know that?”

“I think you said it in a Vlog once.”

Jack grinned. “I’m sure I did. I can’t believe yeh remember that.”

Mark traced the palm of Jack’s hand with his thumb. “I remember all of it.”

Jack nodded. “Right. Let’s do this so we can get yeh back in bed.”

“You just want to see me naked.”

“Yeh’re Goddamn right I do.”

Jack helped Mark out of the bed. He carried a chair into the bathroom, and put towels on the floor around the sides. He positioned Mark in the chair and draped another towel around his shoulders. He held the comb under warm water and started running it through Mark’s hair, following with his fingers to make sure none of the drops fell into Mark’s eyes.

“Mmm. That feels so nice.”

“Wait ‘til I’m done. It’ll feel so good to have yer hair out of yer face fer a while. Even though I love it.” He smoothed some strands between his thumb and forefinger. “So much. I promise I won’t cut it too short.”

“You can do whatever you want. Really.” Mark sighed happily. “Just don’t stop.”

“You got it.”

Jack finished dampening Mark’s hair, picked up the scissors, and started carefully trimming the ends, starting with the strands that were long enough to cover Mark’s forehead. He gently ran his fingers through Mark’s fringe again and again, smoothing it from left to right, the way Mark usually wore it. He knew he was taking an unnecessarily long time, but he kept getting distracted by the small noises Mark made in response to his moving fingers.

Mark was feeling more relaxed than he had in days, despite the mounting pain in his abdomen. The gentleness, the closeness of Jack almost made him forget where he was and what was happening. Almost. He looked for Jack’s eyes and found him concentrating intently, checking his progress, making small changes. Perfect, lovely Jack, the person he loved most in the world, was cutting his hair in the bathroom of a hospital.

He felt his eyes filling with tears again, and found he had no energy to stop it.

Jack noticed the change in his expression and set the scissors aside. The gentle tone of his voice almost broke Mark’s heart.

“Are yeh alright, love?”

Mark shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Sean. I don’t want you to have to do this.”

“What, cut yer hair? I think I actually did a pretty good job.”

Mark laughed sadly, wiping at his eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

Jack kneeled down on the floor between Mark’s knees, resting his hands lightly at Mark’s hips.

“I know what yeh meant. And I’m not sorry. I know yeh might not believe me, but I do want this. Badly. I’ve waited my whole life to love someone this much. All I want is the chance to take care of you. I need yeh to let me do it. Please.”

Mark nodded, held Jack’s face in his hands, and kissed him.

 _“Can we get in the shower now?”_ Mark’s voice was almost pleading.

_“Yes, please.”_

Mark pressed his forehead against Jack’s, smiling against still-falling tears.

_“Take off your clothes.”_

Jack giggled quietly. _“Happily.”_

He stood up slowly and pulled off his shirt. He let Mark undo his belt, button, and zipper so he could pull off his jeans and boxers. He helped Mark carefully out of the chair, slid his arms around Mark’s waist, and undid the ties on the hospital gown he’d been forced to wear. They let it fall to the floor. Jack held onto Mark’s hand and led him to the shower. He turned the water on, waited until it was hot, and then positioned Mark under the rushing water. He found shampoo and soap by the sink, and put them on the edge of the tub before climbing in with Mark.

Jack held Mark’s head in his hands, examining his work again, brushing at the cut strands that had fallen onto Mark’s face and neck. He covered Mark’s eyes and tilted his head under the water, washing them away. He poured shampoo into his hands and smoothed it through Mark’s hair, rubbing with his fingers and palms, reacting to the small noises and movements Mark was making.

He had washed Mark’s hair like this several times before, and he was having trouble reconciling the fact that they were in a small bathroom in a strange place, dealing with an incredibly serious illness, with the fact that he’d never felt more intimately connected to Mark. He’d been aching to get closer to Mark for days, and now that it was happening, it occurred to him that this might be as close as two people could possibly get.

He finished rinsing Mark’s hair and then reached for the soap, lathering with his hands and running suds over Mark’s shoulders and chest. Mark leaned his back against the wall of the shower, seeking extra stability so he could focus on the feeling of Jack’s hands moving over his body. Jack covered Mark in suds, lingering unnecessarily in several places, feeling a small pang of guilt each time he did so. He pressed his lips against Mark’s neck, as gently as he could.

_“Mark.”_

_“Yeah, Sean?”_

He kissed Mark’s neck again.

_“Is it terrible that I’m enjoying this so much? I’m supposed to be sad and worried, right?”_

Mark kissed the side of his face. _“No. You’re supposed to be happy. I’m supposed to make you happy.”_

He took the soap and pulled Jack closer, ran his hands over Jack’s back, Jack’s hips…

 _“Ohh. Mark.”_ Mark’s fingers were brushing over his opening. _“Be careful. Uhm. Should we…?”_

Mark kissed his lips. _“Yes. We should. We need to.”_

Jack pressed his forehead against Mark’s. _“Oh, thank God… ahh...”_

Mark slid one finger inside of Jack.

He focused on Jack’s closed eyelids, his parted lips, their foreheads still pressed together. He moved his hands slowly, pressing inside of Jack with one, rocking Jack’s hips with the other. He pressed his lips across Jack’s shoulder, his neck, his throat.

_“Feel ok, Sean?”_

_“Ohh. Jesus. Yes.”_

_“Ok. I can do this part. Touch yourself for me.”_

Jack kept one set of fingers on Mark’s neck, and reached between them with his other hand, stroking himself slowly, moaning in time with Mark’s moving fingers.

_“Mark. Uhm. Yeh can- ohh-”_

Mark slid his finger out, and then slid two back in. He breathed deeply in time with Jack, then kissed Jack’s parted lips. He was exhausted. He was lightheaded, sick, and scared. He felt like Jack’s heart must have been beating for the both of them, keeping him awake, keeping him alive.

_“Sean-”_

_“Mark-”_

_“I love you.”_ Mark worked at Jack’s body, kissed at his neck. _“I love you forever.”_

 _“Oh- I love you-”_ Jack breathed, moaned, tensed. _“No matter what-”_

He pressed his forehead to Mark’s neck and came with a moan, shuddering, struggling to stay upright, to keep from pressing his weight against Mark’s body.

Mark had felt the surge of emotion and sensation almost as intensely as Jack had. He felt light and woozy. He felt like he might pass out.

_“Sean. I’m sorry. I have to get out now.”_

Jack straightened up. _“You ok, love?”_

Mark nodded weakly. _“I just need to get back in bed.”_

_“Ok. I’ll help yeh.”_

Jack rinsed them both quickly and turned off the water. He dried Mark off and replaced his hospital gown, then pulled on his own t-shirt and boxers. He slid one arm around Mark’s waist, walked him back to the bed.

_“You have to come too. I need you to stay with me.”_

Mark’s tone caused Jack’s heart to thud painfully in his chest. The bed was really only designed for one person, so Jack found the controls and raised the top half, until it resembled a reclining chair more than a bed. He climbed in, sitting upright, and Mark climbed in after him, leaning his back against Jack’s chest. Jack wrapped his arms around him, and Mark pulled the covers over them both, sighing heavily, closing his eyes.

_“Just for a little while.”_

Jack pressed his lips to the side of Mark’s face.

_“I’ll stay in this bed fer a little while. I’ll stay with you fer always.”_

Jack wasn’t sure if Mark nodded, or if he was starting to drift off to sleep.

_“I didn’t ask you yet. But I wanted to. I will.”_

Jack barely heard him, but he knew what he meant. He closed his eyes. He held Mark close.

_“Love you, Mark.”_

Mark slept.

 

* * *

 

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Linadoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linadoon/pseuds/Linadoon)! And find him on [Tumblr](http://linadoonofficial.tumblr.com/)! 

 


	51. Chapter 51

Jack guessed that Mark had been sleeping for almost an hour when his phone started buzzing on the table nearby. He moved his arm slowly off of Mark and grabbed for it. It was Tom, checking in.

 

T: Everything ok up there?

J: we’re good, mark’s sleeping, come back up whenever you like

T: See you in a few.

                                                    

Jack pressed his nose into Mark’s hair.

_“Hey, love.”_

_“Mm. Hey, Sean.”_

_“Tom’s coming back up. I’m going to get dressed fer a bit, ok?”_

Mark sighed. _“Just come right back.”_ He sat forward with an effort, trying to give Jack some space.

_“I will.”_

Jack slid out of the bed and laid Mark back on the pillows. He went to the bathroom to retrieve his jeans, then spent a moment cleaning up the mess he’d left earlier when he’d cut Mark’s hair. He’d done a decent job of collecting the fallen strands and placing them on the counter, and there they were still, in a pile of shining red and black, like feathers, or butterfly wings.

_Where did that thought come from?_

Jack realized he was avoiding throwing them away.

_That’s ridiculous. Mark is fine. Mark is going to be fine._

Still, he found that it took a great deal of effort for him to sweep the strands into the trash. He finished up as quickly as he could, and went straight back to Mark’s side.

Tom came through the door shortly afterward, carrying three backpacks: his own, Jack’s and Mark’s. “I thought you guys might want some of your stuff. I hope you don’t mind, I checked and found your laptops and headphones in these. Jack, I can go back to the car later and get some of your clothes and things, if you need me to.”

“That’s awesome. Thanks, Tom.”

Tom put the backpacks down and pulled up another chair next to Jack. He handed Jack a bag of pretzels, and Mark propped himself up to chat for a while.

“Wow, dude, looking good. Jack did that?”

Mark looked confused for a moment, then put a hand up to his forehead. He smiled.

“Yeah. I guess I didn’t even look at it yet. It feels much better, though. Thanks, Sean.”

“It _looks_ much better. Seriously, good job, Bro.” Tom nudged Jack with his elbow.

Jack blushed, self-conscious but pleased. He suspected that Tom’s choice of words had been intentional. He’d heard “Bro,” with a capital “B.” As in “Brother.”

“Will it bother yeh if I eat, love?”

“No. I don’t even feel hungry. Go for it.”

Jack opened the bag of pretzels and started munching, suddenly ravenous.

“So, I talked to Mom and Dee again,” Tom explained. “They’re going to fly in tonight, but they’ll get to the airport really late. I’ll go pick them both up.”

Mark gave Tom a sympathetic look. “Jesus. Awkward.”

“Yeah. Want to trade places? I’ll get the surgery, and you can spend an hour in the car with Mom and Dee.”

Mark chuckled. “Nope. I’ll take the surgery. Best of luck.”

Jack was fascinated by this exchange. He realized he didn’t really know much about Mark and Tom’s family dynamic. “Do they not like each other?”

“Hmm.” Tom thought about it. “They’re civil. Our relationship with our mom has been… strained, in the past. Pretty much ever since our parents got divorced.”

Jack nodded. “I know the basics.”

“Dee was definitely more of a parent to us, for a lot of years,” Mark explained. “And we went through a lot together. Y’know. When we lost our dad.”

“We’re all on decent terms,” Tom finished. “I just hate the idea of being in an enclosed space with the two of them. Anyway, I booked us all rooms at a hotel nearby. I’ll take them straight there tonight, and I’ll bring them over tomorrow morning. They’ll probably want to see you before the surgery, if you think you can handle it.”

“Yeah. That’s fine. Maybe one at a time?

“You got it.”

Jack had been wondering whether he should tell Mark that an army of their friends would also be arriving overnight. He knew Mark would be thrilled to see everyone after the surgery, but he wondered whether the idea of it might overwhelm him right now.

His thought process was interrupted by a knock at the door. Tom got up to answer it, and a middle-aged man in scrubs and a lab coat came in. He held a medical chart in his left hand, and shook Tom’s hand with his right.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Bruno.” His voice was loud and firm, and immediately inspired confidence.

“Tom. I’m Mark’s brother. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

He approached Mark’s bed and extended his hand, and Mark shook it.

“Usually the patient is the one in the bed. I’m guessing you’re Mark?”

Mark and Jack both smiled at this attempt at humor.

“That’d be me, although I was just trying to convince my brother to take my place.”

Tom sat back down next to Jack, and the doctor pulled up a chair on Mark’s opposite side.

“I’m guessing he turned you down?”

“For now. There’s still time.”

Dr. Bruno chuckled. “Glad to see you’re in high spirits. I’m guessing I can thank these two for that.”

Mark nodded. “This is Jack.”

The doctor extended his hand again, and Jack shook it.

“It’s good to meet you. So. Mark. I’ll be taking the lead on your surgery tomorrow. I’ve been reviewing your history, and I know you’ve been through a very similar procedure in the past. I brought a packet of information for you to keep, but I’d still like to give you the rundown. Ok?”

“Sure.”

“Great.” He opened one of the folders he was holding. “So, I’m seeing that you’re not married. It would be best if you could plan to have someone stay with you for a few days while you recover, and that person should also be aware of all of the information I’m about to go over. Do you have a friend or family member who’s up for the task?”

Mark nodded confidently. “I have Jack. We live together. He’s my partner.”

Jack looked at Mark. He’d never heard him say the word before. He liked the way it sounded, and the implication that came with it. He liked the clear confidence he heard in Mark’s voice.

Mark was looking back at him. “Can I call you that? Sorry, I should have asked you before.”

Jack nodded. “It’s perfect.”

Mark smiled, then turned back to the doctor. “That’s confidential at this point, though. We’re not out.”

Dr. Bruno nodded. “Your referring physician let me know that you’re somewhat of a celebrity.”

“Jack is, too,” Mark added.

“That’s helpful to know. I’m not familiar with your work, but I know some of the other staff here may be. Everyone here takes confidentiality very seriously, but I’ll make sure anyone who works with you directly is aware that the nature of your relationship is confidential as well.”

Mark and Jack both nodded gratefully.

“Right. On to the fun part. Mark, someone will be in shortly get an IV going for you. We need you to stay hydrated leading up to the surgery. I recommend that you use the restroom and take a short walk beforehand, since it can be a hassle to move around with the IV. You’ll need to keep it in all night, so if you need help getting up at that point, you can call the nurse’s station. Or… Jack, are you planning to spend nights here?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Great. Then I’m guessing you’ll have all the help you’ll need. I’d prefer it if you slept alone in this bed, mostly because you shouldn’t sleep on your side. If you do try to sleep together, Mark needs to stay on his back or sitting up. Sound fair?”

They both nodded again. Jack was impressed by the doctor’s ability to address these kinds of issues so tactfully, and having such explicit instructions was helping to put him at ease.

“I’ll be in to see you first thing in the morning. You’ll need to say goodbye to each other here. Mark, I’m sure you remember from your last surgery- you’ll be under general anesthesia, so you will be asleep during the procedure, and you may have trouble remembering some events before and after the surgery. I’m sure these two can film the whole thing and play it back for you, if you like.”

Mark chuckled. “I’m sure you’re joking, but they probably will. And, yeah. Last time I definitely had some missing memories.”

The doctor nodded. “It’s normal. Waking up will be tough. We’ll need to keep you by yourself and monitor you closely directly after the surgery. You’ll have a breathing tube in your throat during the procedure, so afterward you’ll have some trouble speaking, and your throat will be sore. We’ll also be keeping a smaller tube through your nose and into your stomach for a day or so. I know it sounds uncomfortable, but it will actually make you feel much better. It can add to the discomfort in your throat, though, so be prepared to keep your verbal communication to a minimum for a day or two. Some people like to keep a pad of paper or a laptop nearby so they can write or type. You can have visitors as soon as you’re cleared to return to this room, but I’d like to limit the number of people who come in at the same time. Groups of two or three would be best, and just for a few minutes at a time.”

Jack was making mental notes and trying not to become overwhelmed. He’d never been close to anyone who’d had a major surgery before, and all of this was new to him. The idea of Mark being unable to communicate, even for a short time, hit him hard. He forced himself to focus on the doctor, who was still speaking.

“We’ll keep you on an IV for at least a couple of days, since you won’t be able to eat right away. We’ll gradually start you on liquids and eventually get you back to solid food, and you’ll stay here with us until you’re eating regularly. On average, people stay for about five days after this type of surgery, but it could be more, depending on how you’re doing.”

 _Five days? At least?_ Of course, it made sense. Jack just hadn’t put the pieces together. Mark wouldn’t be able to _eat_ after this. He’d be in the hospital for at least the rest of the week, and he’d be recovering for much longer than that. Jack felt a pang, remembering what Tom had said to him earlier that day: _He didn’t have you, back then._ He felt more motivated than ever to do anything and everything he could to make this easier for Mark.

“…Of course, you’ll have some physical pain around the site of the actual incision or incisions. You’ll have some bruising and a wound that will take some maintenance. The nursing staff will walk you through that over the next day or two. You’ll need to stand up and move around a bit each day, but strenuous exercise is off the table for at least two weeks. I’d avoid sexual penetration for about that long, as well, although you can use your best judgment and resume other sexual activities as soon as you feel well enough. When you come back for your follow up appointment, we can develop a plan to gradually increase your level of physical activity.”

The doctor paused, giving them time to react. Mark and Tom wore neutral expressions; none of this was news to them. Jack’s expression was serious but composed. He felt a squeeze around his fingers, and realized that he’d picked up Mark’s hand without knowing it.

“I know this is a lot of information. Do you have any questions so far?”

Mark spoke up first. “You said visitors for a few minutes at a time. Not Jack, though. He can stay the whole time, right?”

The doctor smiled. “Right.”

Jack was trying to figure out how to phrase his question. “Do I need to watch out fer anything? After the surgery, I mean? To make sure he’s ok?”

“We’ll be keeping a close eye. The tube will keep him from vomiting, and he’ll have medication for the pain. Just keep him calm and make sure he gets as much sleep as possible.”

Jack nodded. “I can do that.”

“Excellent. Anything else for now?”

“Yeah, any chance these guys could get some food?” Mark looked at Jack. “I mean, it’s probably better if you don’t wander around in public too much, right?”

“Oh. Yeah. I hadn’t thought of that,” Jack replied.

The doctor nodded. “We can have some food brought up.”

“Awesome. Thanks. Otherwise, I think we’re good… right, guys?”

Jack and Tom agreed.

“Ok. Read through the paperwork, and call the nurse’s station if you have any other questions.” The doctor checked his watch. Jack looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was past 6PM. “Someone will come by within the hour to start your IV. It’s ok if you visit for a while longer, but make sure you get plenty of sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He extended his hand to all three of them once more, and then he was gone.

Mark squeezed Jack’s hand again, searching his eyes. “That was a lot. Are you alright?”

Jack let out a laugh, shaking his head. “Yeh know _yeh’re_ the one getting surgery tomorrow, right? I’m fine.”

Mark’s expression remained serious. “C’mon, Sean. For real.”

Jack’s façade slipped, just for a moment. “I won’t have yeh worrying about me. I’m good. Really.”

“Maybe Suzy and Arin can come stay with you in the morning.”

Jack picked up Mark’s phone from a nearby table, and saw that he had dozens of unread messages from friends who’d be boarding their flights shortly. He didn’t see any point in trying to keep it from Mark now.

“Not just Arin and Suzy. Everyone who was at PAX. They’re all on their way.”

Mark’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”

“Ser’sly.”

“Wait. Wade and Bob?”

“Yep.”

“Ken?”

“Uh huh.”

“Felix?”

Jack giggled. “Yeah, Mark, everyone. All the girls too. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t get mobbed. But they all wanted to see you.” He handed Mark his phone, and Mark scrolled through the messages.

“That’s… awesome. Thanks for telling them.” His voice was quiet. Jack wiped a tear away from the corner of Mark’s eye.

“Oh…” Mark had scrolled to a message and stopped. He looked up at Jack.

“Shit. Matthias.”

“Oh. Did someone tell him what’s going on?”

“No. He’s just asking to meet up this week. He figured I’d be back from PAX.”

Mark’s friendship with Matthias had fallen victim to bad timing lately. Matthias had been anxiously awaiting the arrival of his first child right around the time that Jack had come to visit Mark, and things had only gotten more hectic from there. Mark had felt strongly about finding a time for him and Jack to tell Matthias about their relationship in person, but the opportunity just hadn’t presented itself.

“How d’you want to handle it? I mean, yeh have to tell him what’s going on.”

Mark nodded. “I’ll let him know.” He typed the message, and waited for a response. He texted back twice more.

“He said he wants to come visit tomorrow afternoon. I told him you’re here and gave him your number.”

Jack’s phone buzzed. He responded to Matthias’ message and saved his number.

“Do yeh want me to tell him about everything when he gets here?”

Mark shook his head. “We can still do it together.”

Jack grinned. “You sure? Yeh might be pretty out of it still.”

“Even better. He’ll probably get a kick out of it. Might distract him from the fact that we waited this long to tell him.”

“I’m guessing he won’t be too worried about that, with everything else going on.” Jack looked thoughtful for a moment. “Hey, Mark. I think we should talk about a couple other things, too, while we have time.”

“Sure.”

Jack was looking for a way to start this conversation without upsetting or overwhelming Mark. “Have yeh thought about what yeh’d like to do with the channel this week? I think I can help, I have some ideas.”

Mark’s eyes went wide again. “Holy shit. I didn’t even think about it until now.” He thought for a moment. “I have videos scheduled for release through tomorrow… and that’s it.”

Jack nodded; he’d suspected as much. He’d been able to accumulate a more extensive backlog of content, and could release videos through the rest of the week without recording anything new, if he had to. Mark hadn’t been able to get so far ahead.

“Do yeh want to tell yer fans what’s going on?”

Mark paused again, thinking.

“Yeah. But not yet. I’ll record something today, and then try to record again after I get out of surgery. I think I should release both videos at once, so people know they don’t have to worry.”

“Good idea. Ok, so my idea might work, then. I was thinking I could get the Grumps to do reactions and commentary fer some of yer older videos, and we can release them on yer channel. I haven’t asked them yet, but I can, if yeh like the idea. I can do some too, and maybe Bob, Wade, and Felix, while they’re here.”

Mark looked legitimately stunned. “That’s… an _amazing_ idea. Oh my God. I never would have thought of that.”

Jack smiled. “Wait a sec, though. I can’t do it unless… I mean, yeh’d need to give me access to pretty much everything. Basically yer whole content library and all of yer passwords. So I think yeh should take some time to think about it. It’s alright of yeh’re not ready fer that. We can figure something else out.”

“Hey, Tom, can you grab my laptop?”

“Sure.” Tom pulled it out of Mark’s backpack and handed it over.

“Mark, ser’sly…”

Mark spared him a lopsided smile, then looked back at the laptop. He tapped the mobile hotspot setting on his phone, connected his laptop to the signal, clicked into his e-mail, and sent Jack his list of passwords and instructions for navigating his video library. Jack’s phone buzzed, and he clicked into the message, eyebrows raised.

“Jesus. Mark, are yeh sure-”

“Yes. I’m sure. You know I am.”

Jack swallowed. The amount of trust Mark had just demonstrated was staggering. Jack was holding the keys to Mark’s entire career in his hands: everything he’d built, everything he’d worked so hard to accomplish. He’d handed it over without a moment’s pause. Jack was speechless.

Mark was looking at him affectionately. “You seem like you might need a hug.”

Jack nodded and stood.

Mark climbed out of the bed with obvious discomfort, and slid his arms around Jack’s waist. Jack rested his chin on Mark’s shoulder, smoothing his fingers through Mark’s much-shorter hair.

“Hey.” Mark kissed his cheek. “I want to see it. Come with me?”

Jack smiled. “Sure.”

They walked into the bathroom together, and Mark examined his reflection for a long moment, a smile spreading slowly across his face. He turned to Jack, hooked his thumbs through his belt loops, pulled him closer. He kissed him, a bit more forcefully than Jack was expecting, and Jack had to remind himself to keep his hands gentle when he slid them around Mark’s waist.

 _“Uhm. Mark.”_ Jack giggled softly, looking through the open door to where Tom was sitting, just a few feet away, staring purposefully in a different direction.

 _“I can’t help it.”_ Mark was whispering, close to Jack’s ear, his fingers resting around Jack’s neck. He pushed the door shut with one foot. _“I mean… Jesus Christ, Sean.”_

_“What, love? The hair? You like it?”_

_“The hair. The channel. It’s like…”_ Mark pressed his forehead against Jack’s hair. _“It’s like you saw me a certain way, and you changed me, and now it’s real. I can see it… I can feel it. You’re all over me.”_ He was kissing Jack’s neck. _“I don’t want to be sick. I want to go home. I don’t want to wait two weeks to be with you.”_

_“Mark. Love. Slow down.”_

Jack nudged at Mark with his nose, then pressed his lips to Mark’s forehead for a long time, breathing slow, hoping Mark would follow suit.

 _“Listen. My one job is to keep yeh calm right now. So I need yeh to hear me. Yeh’re going to be fine. It’ll be over before yeh know it, and I’ll be here the whole time.”_ He looked in Mark’s eyes, smiling. _“And I’ll let yeh fuck me senseless as soon as yeh’re feeling better.”_

Mark laughed quietly. _“You promise?”_

 _“I do.”_ Jack kissed his nose. _“And if yeh promise to keep yer cool, I’ll even make out with yeh before bed. Deal?”_

Mark nodded. _“Deal.”_

_“Ok. I’ll be right outside.”_

Jack kissed him gently, then left the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Tom looked up.

“Sorry, man,” Jack said softly.

Tom shook his head, and spoke equally quietly. “Don’t apologize. I know he’s scared. You’re doing great.”

Jack sighed, relieved.

“I’ll go grab the rest of your stuff from the car after dinner, and I’ll probably head out after that. I might try to get some sleep at the hotel before I head back to the airport.”

“Good idea. I can’t say it enough- thanks, Tom.”

Mark emerged from the bathroom, stretching stiffly. Jack’s heart thrummed uncomfortably; he could hardly stand to think about the discomfort Mark was already feeling. How would it feel to see Mark confined to a bed, recovering from a major surgery? How could he stand _that_?

“Here. Let me help.” Jack pulled at one of Mark’s arms, stretching his shoulder, then repeated the process on the other side.

“Better?”

Mark nodded sleepily. Jack put one arm around his chest to hold him steady.

“Bend yer knee.”

Mark obeyed, and Jack pulled his leg back carefully, stretching his hip slowly in several directions before switching sides.

“Ok, love?”

“Much better. Thanks.”

“Ok. Back to bed.”

He managed to get Mark settled under the covers again, and sat down beside him, massaging one of his hands.

There was a knock at the door shortly afterward, and Tom got up to answer it again. Nancy came inside, pushing a rolling cart.

“Hey, guys. Someone brought up some food from the cafeteria. Mark, how are you feeling?”

Mark tried to respond, and yawned instead.

“Sounds about right. I’m going to get your IV hooked up, ok? Think you two can give us some space for a bit?”

Jack gave Mark’s hand a squeeze, then followed Tom to the opposite side of the room. He wolfed down a sandwich, trying to project calming vibes in Mark’s direction. He was grateful for Nancy’s business-like manner; she was careful but efficient, and he guessed the whole process only took two or three minutes. She disappeared back into the hall for a second, and returned with another nurse and a folding cot and pillow, which she positioned in the corner of the room.

“Guys, this is Jessie. She’ll be here overnight, and she’s familiar with your case, Mark.”

Jessie was beaming, and Jack wondered if she might recognize them from YouTube, but felt relieved that she didn’t mention anything about it. “If you need anything, just call the nurse’s station, and I’ll be right down.”

They thanked her, and she and Nancy disappeared back into the hall.

Jack shoved his last bite of sandwich into his mouth, and moved back to Mark’s side. Mark giggled weakly as he chewed and swallowed, trying and failing to be discreet about it.

“You don’t have to rush, Sean, I’m alright.”

Jack shook his head. “I’m done. I’m all yers.”

Tom cleared up the remains of their dinner, and then left Mark and Jack alone to retrieve more of their belongings from the car. As grateful as he’d been for Tom’s help and support, Jack felt a familiar calm wash over him as soon as he was alone with Mark again.

“Ok. You promised. Time to make out.” Mark blinked at Jack, exhausted, but smiling.

Jack giggled, kissed the back of Mark’s hand. Mark rested his fingers along Jack’s jaw.

“C’mon. Come up here.”

Jack looked skeptical. “Mark, I want to…”

“I’ll behave. I promise.”

Jack stood up and adjusted the height of Mark’s bed until he was sitting almost completely upright, hoping to avoid the temptation to accidentally lean on Mark’s chest or stomach. Then he climbed carefully into the bed, swinging one leg over Mark, settling onto his lap.

He held both of Mark’s hands for a moment, pressing his lips to the side of Mark’s face. Mark sighed and moved his hands to Jack’s waist, his fingertips resting just underneath the hem of Jack’s shirt, brushing lightly against Jack’s skin. Jack held Mark’s face with both hands, tilted his chin back, and kissed his lips.

Jack was used to being able to taste Mark’s mouth. He usually tasted like toothpaste, or coffee, or strawberries, or whatever else he’d recently eaten. Jack loved all the tastes, even the bad ones. He loved kissing Mark after dinner, or in the middle of the night, or in the morning when he first woke up. But right now Mark tasted like… _nothing._ Nothing familiar, anyway. Jack could feel the warmth of Mark’s lips, but for a moment, it was like Mark wasn’t there. The feeling was profoundly unsettling. Jack looked in Mark’s eyes for a moment, then kissed him again, more firmly than he should have, pulling at Mark’s lower lip, touching Mark’s tongue with his own, thinking about what Mark had said: _You’re all over me._

Jack kissed Mark’s lips, again and again, thinking:

_It’s ok. It’s ok. You’ll taste like me._

 


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Welcome to my longest chapter yet! I'm not exactly sure why it's happening - this whole time I've just written sections until they reach some kind of logical conclusion, but sometimes the sections just feel like they need to be longer. Anyway, thanks for sticking with me! I hope you enjoy it!

“Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and welcome back to another episode of… Mark’s in The Hospital!” Mark spoke as brightly as he could manage, making an effort to keep a smile on his face, but he knew his voice was still unusually weak and quiet. He cleared his throat. “First of all, don’t panic! If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I have a habit of getting sick occasionally, and that I’ve had a couple of surgeries in the past. Since I’ve been feeling awesome for the last couple of years, _especially_ the last couple of months, the universe has seen fit to take me down a peg, and I do need to go in for another surgery. If you’re watching this video, it means the surgery has already happened, and I’m doing just fine! I have friends and family here taking care of me, and you have no reason to worry. If you’re wondering why I bothered to record a video now, instead of just uploading one from after the surgery… well… I won’t exactly look or sound like myself for a few days. My voice will sound strange, and if any of you saw my videos from my last surgery…” Mark cringed. “It’s not pretty. I’m going to look like shit. Like, seriously disgusting. And I’m so sorry about that. But it looks worse than it is, I promise. I’ll be good as new in no time. You can expect some delays in videos, but I’ll do my best to stay in touch and keep you guys updated. Again, don’t waste your energy worrying about me. I’ll be back in action before you know it. I love you guys. See you all soon.”

Jack stopped the recording on his phone. “Nice one, love. Want to see the playback?”

Mark shook his head. “Seemed good enough to me.” He yawned hugely. “I think I’m done for the night.”

“That’s my cue,” Tom said. He hugged Mark carefully, then turned toward Jack, who pulled him into a close hug.

“Thanks fer bringing our stuff. And fer everything else.”

Tom gave him a squeeze and then held him at arm’s length. “I’ll leave my phone on all night. Call me if you need _anything_. I’ll be back early.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. _“Try to get some sleep, ok?”_

Jack nodded. “Thanks.”

And then he was gone.

“Right. Bedtime, love.”

Jack rummaged in his suitcase until he found a pair of long pajama bottoms, and he changed into them, leaving his jeans on a nearby chair so he could get to them easily if he needed to.

“You’re going to sleep with me, right?” Mark’s voice was barely audible; he was half asleep already.

Jack felt his heartbeat flutter painfully. He was concerned that they’d both be uncomfortable and wake each other up, but he was also succumbing to a mind-numbing exhaustion, and thought there was a decent chance they’d both sleep through the night no matter how uncomfortable they were. Selfishly, he couldn’t stand the thought of spending the night away from Mark - even just a few feet away - and he felt no inclination to upset Mark by even suggesting it.

“We’ll try it. As long as yeh actually _sleep,_ Mark. I’m going to set up the cot just in case.” Jack unfolded the frame and wheeled the cot closer to Mark’s bed. Then he flipped off the light and returned to Mark’s side.

“Ok. Scoot forward, like earlier.” Jack helped Mark sit up so he could climb into the bed behind him. He put his arms around Mark’s chest, felt Mark’s hands covering his own. He pressed a kiss into Mark’s hair. He sighed deeply, fighting sleep, wanting to make the moment last, unsure of how long they’d have to wait before sharing a bed again. The thought was agonizing.

 _“Talk to me, love. Just fer a minute.”_ Images of Mark without his beautiful voice kept creeping into Jack’s mind.

_“I love you. You’re the best thing in my life.”_

Jack silently thanked the universe that Mark was facing away from him, unable to see the tears escaping from his eyes.

_“Love you, Mark.”_

He was already asleep.

 

* * *

 

_“Jack. I’m sorry. I need you to wake up, now.”_

_“Mm.”_

Jack was warm and floating. He might have been under water. The voice sounded so far away.

_“Jack.”_

He tried to open his eyes, and found that his eyelids were so heavy, it physically hurt. _Why am I so tired?_

He tried to move, and found himself pinned. _Mark. Mm._ He tightened his arms around Mark’s chest. He finally opened his eyes.

“Oh, thank goodness. I was honestly about to check your pulse.”

He blinked stupidly at the strawberry-blonde girl who was standing next to him.

_What the fuck…? Oh, shit…_

He finally remembered where he was, and what was happening. His adrenaline spiked. His heart thrummed.

“Hey, Jessie,” he managed.

She looked at him sympathetically. “I’m so sorry to wake you up. I know nothing about this is easy. But Mark’s family is here, so I want to make sure he has enough time to visit with them before we have to take him in. Think you can wake him up?”

Jack sighed, nodded. He found Mark’s hands and threaded their fingers together, taking care not to disturb Mark’s IV. Jessie stepped back to give them some space.

_“Mark. Hey, love. Time to wake up.”_

Mark took a deep breath and squeezed Jack’s hands.

_“Sean…?”_

_“I’m here. Yeh’re ok.”_

Mark tilted his head back, and Jack kissed his forehead.

_“Can we sleep a little longer?”_

Jack fought to keep his lip from trembling.

_“Sorry love. Yer family’s waiting fer you. Time to wake up.”_

_“You’re my family.”_

Jack squeezed his eyes shut, praying he could keep his voice steady.

 _“I know. I’m not going anywhere. I just need-”_ Jack’s voice broke. He tried again. _“I just need to get up now.”_

Mark finally opened his eyes and noticed Jessie standing nearby. He blinked at her, confused. “Oh… Jessie, right?”

“Hey, Mark. How are you feeling?”

“I’m not sure. I think I’m still asleep.”

Jack was grateful for a moment to compose himself. He was starting to feel more stable, listening to Mark’s voice. He gently pulled his arms away from Mark and slid out of the bed, staying close by Mark’s side, brushing at his hair.

“Yeh’re ok, love. Sounds like yer mom and Dee are here.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” Mark was wide-eyed, staring back at Jack.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Sean. You haven’t even _met_ them yet. Oh, my God.”

Jack suppressed a laugh. He might have been delirious with exhaustion, but the fact that Mark was just experiencing this revelation now was incredibly amusing.

“I’m aware of that, yes.”

“Fuck. This is _not_ how I wanted this to go. I’m so sorry, Sean.”

“Quit underestimating me, Fischbach. I’ve got this. I’m ready. Uhm…” Jack looked down. “I might need to put some pants on, though.”

Mark smiled, tried to laugh, failed. “If you must.”

Jack squeezed Mark’s hand, grabbed his jeans, and locked himself in the bathroom. He changed and stared at his reflection for a moment, feeling less confident by the second. He looked tired and disheveled. He thought he could use a haircut, too. And a shower. This wasn’t the way he’d hoped to meet Mark’s parents, either. He washed his face, then combed some water through his hair and toweled it dry again. He felt marginally better.

_You can do this. Fer Mark._

He stepped back into the room.

Jessie smiled brightly at him. “Ok. If you’re both ready, I can go get your family.”

“I’m ready,” Jack said. He was happy that he sounded more confident than he felt.

Mark nodded. “Let’s do it.”

Jessie stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind her.

“Sean.”

Jack took his place by Mark’s side.

“Should I even stay right now? Should I give you guys some space?”

“Don’t even joke about that. I need you here.”

Jack nodded, picked up Mark’s hand. “I’m here.”

There was a brief knock at the door, and Jessie walked in, followed by Tom, and finally, Mark’s mom. Jack started to loosen his grip on Mark’s hand, but Mark held on tight.

Mark’s mom crossed the room quickly, concern and fatigue written all over her face.

“Mark.” She put a hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry. How do you feel?”

“Hey, Mom. Thanks for coming. I’m doing ok. Jack and Tom have been taking good care of me.”

Jack felt color rising in his cheeks as she looked directly at him for the first time.

“Jack. Hi. It’s good to finally meet you.”

“Yeah, you too!” Jack thought his own voice sounded overly friendly; he was having trouble controlling his tone. He watched her eyes travel over his face.

“You’ve been here all night.”

He nodded slowly. “I’ll be here as much as they’ll let me.”

She looked like she wanted to respond, but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out. She turned back to Mark.

“Can I do anything for you?”

“Yeah. Try not to worry too much. I’ll be fine.”

Something about this exchange was prickling at the back of Jack’s mind. Why? There was nothing strange about the way Mark’s mom was behaving… _But it’s backwards. HE is reassuring HER._

He thought about Mark in the bathroom the previous night, his voice quiet, almost desperate: _I don’t want to be sick. I want to go home._

Jack’s throat tightened. _I’m the only person he can trust that much._ He followed this train of thought even further: Had Mark _ever_ been able to trust and rely on a parent like that? Or even another friend? Had he ever been able to let his guard down so fully? Had he ever been that honest before?

_I’m the person he tells when he’s sick, or sad, or hurt. Maybe the first person he’s ever told in his life._

“…and I can stay as long as you need me to,” Mark’s mom was saying.

“Thanks. I’m really glad you’re here.”

She kissed his forehead. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

Tom put a hand on her shoulder. “We should get going for now.”

She nodded. “See you soon.” She let Tom lead her out of the room.

Mark and Jack both sighed with relief.

“Could’ve been much worse, I think,” Jack said.

“Agreed. Also, brace yourself.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Why…?”

“MARK!”

The door had swung open again, and an older woman with short hair and an expressive face had pushed her way past Tom. Mark’s grin was about as genuine as Jack had ever seen it.

“Hey, Dee!”

She kissed his forehead and gestured dramatically. “Good Lord, Mark, are you _trying_ to kill me? What do I have to do to keep you out of the hospital?”

“Visit more often?” Mark narrowed his eyebrows accusingly.

“Don’t try to pin this on me. I’m not the one being all famous and flying off to Ireland at a moment’s notice.”

She met Jack’s gaze, eyes sparkling. “Jack.” She moved around the bed to approach him.

“Dee, it’s so nice to meet yeh-” He’d extended his hand, but she pulled him into a bone-crushing hug instead. He smiled, overflowing with relief. She was pleasantly warm, and she smelled like honey and mint. It was almost like being hugged by his own mother.

She finally held him at arm’s length, looking him over. “Even more handsome in person, I see.”

He beamed at her. “And yeh’re about as nice as Mark said yeh’d be.”

“Oh my Lord, and the accent!”

He giggled.

“ _And_ the laugh!” She gave Jack’s shoulders a squeeze. “Thank you for being here with him. I can’t tell you what a comfort it was, knowing Mark hasn’t been alone through this.”

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”

She nodded approvingly, then turned back to Mark.

“Is it silly to ask how you’re doing? I know you must be in a lot of pain, but you’re handsome as ever.” She brushed at his fringe, smiling. “You changed your hair.”

He nodded. “Jack cut it for me yesterday.”

“Really? _You_ did that? Lord, is there anything you _can’t_ do?”

Jack looked thoughtful. The notion amused him. A few months ago he would have said, _I can’t drive. I can’t swim. I’m afraid of heights. I can’t figure out how to not be alone all the time._ That voice belonged to Jack. He was fairly certain Sean could do just about anything.

“I can’t parallel park on the left. Mark tried to teach me, but it’s hopeless. Luckily, fer my driver’s test, they only made me do it on the right.”

Dee’s laugh was loud and contagious; Mark, Jack, and Tom all joined in.

There was a knock at the door, and Jessie entered, smiling apologetically. “Sorry to break up the party, everyone. We need to start getting Mark ready.”

_Jesus. No. Please, not yet._

Jack saw Dee’s smile falter, just for a second: evidence of the worry concealed beneath. She kissed Mark’s forehead again, lingering a bit longer than before.

“We’ll be right down the hall. Love ya, Mark.”

“Love you too, Dee.”

Tom put a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “See you soon.”

Mark grabbed onto Tom’s arm. “Hey, Tom. Take pictures, or video, or whatever. I know it sucks. But I want to remember.”

Tom nodded. “Sure. Whatever you want.”

“Love you, Tom.”

“Love you, too.” Tom smiled at Mark, and then Jack. “We’ll see you in a few minutes, ok?” He was giving Jack permission to stay behind. Jack nodded gratefully. He watched Dee and Tom go.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Jessie said, before following Dee and Tom into the hall.

Jack was trying to keep his expression neutral.

“Are yeh sure, love? We don’t need to film today. We can wait ‘til yeh’re feeling better.”

Mark shook his head. “I need to remember. That you were here.” Mark’s lower lip was trembling.

“I don’t want to forget, Sean-”

Jack leaned down and kissed Mark’s lips, cutting him off. He kissed him slowly, carefully, fingertips tracing his neck and jaw.

_“Listen to me, love. Yeh’re going to close yer eyes, and it’ll feel like a minute’s gone by. And when yeh open them, I’ll be waiting fer you. Just tell them to come get me, and I’ll be right here.”_

_“I don’t want you to go.”_

Jack pressed their foreheads together. _“It’ll be like a dream. Just close yer eyes.”_

Jack kissed him again, slowly, gently, making it last. _“Keep yer eyes closed. Think about last night, when yeh were falling asleep. And all the other nights. Remember the beach?”_

Mark nodded, breathing deeply.

_“Just keep thinking about that. We can go back, when yeh’re better. Whenever you want. Because I’ll be here. Every night.”_

_“Love you, Sean.”_ Mark’s breathing had slowed. Jack kissed him one more time.

_“Love you, Mark. Keep yer eyes closed fer me.”_

Mark nodded. He kept his eyes squeezed shut and lay back on the pillow. Jack stepped away from the bed and slipped out of the room, pulling the door shut silently behind him.

Jessie was waiting right outside. He looked at her helplessly and put both hands over his mouth, stifling sobs as tears streamed down his cheeks. She put a hand on his shoulder and steered him through the first set of double doors and into an empty office. She shut the door.

“You waited, so he wouldn’t see you.”

Jack nodded, swallowing hard against another sob that was threatening to break free. Jessie passed him a handful of tissues.

“You really love him. And he knows it. You did great, and he’s going to be just fine. I know it’s exhausting, keeping it all in. Making sure everyone else is ok, even when you’re falling apart.”

He got the feeling that she wasn’t just talking about today, that she’d already known who he was before they’d met the night before.

“I’m going to go check on him. You can take all the time you need in here. Do you remember how to get to the waiting room?”

Jack nodded again, still unable to speak.

“I’ll be down with an update as soon as the surgery starts, alright?”

“Thanks,” he managed. She flashed him her most sympathetic smile, and then she was gone.

He looked around the office, trying to get his breathing under control. There was no mirror, but there was a sink, so he blew his nose and washed his face, pressing cool paper towels over his eyes, hoping to reduce the redness and swelling. There was nothing more to be done; he just hoped he’d be able to keep his composure better once he was surrounded by people again.

Of course, there was no hope of that. He arrived in the waiting room to find Tom, Mark’s mom, and Dee staring up at him, looking about as distraught as he felt. He stood awkwardly, hands clenched at his sides, completely overcome with fear and doubt.

He _believed_ that Mark would be fine, but he was still grieving, mourning the sudden loss of security, the abrupt realization that love didn’t come with permanence. All of a sudden he _knew_ that he couldn’t keep Mark safe and happy through sheer force of will, no matter how badly he wanted to. He’d never felt so helpless in his life. He sobbed.

And then Tom was out of his seat, pulling him into a hug.

“Don’t worry,” Jack choked. “He was calm when I left him. I just… I couldn’t…”

“Jack. It’s alright. You did a great job. He’ll be fine, ok? He will.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, man.” Tom took a step back, grabbed a box of tissues from a table, and handed them to Jack. “Can you imagine what this would’ve been like for him if you hadn’t been here? This is the second time this has happened. This is his third major surgery. Do you know how overwhelming and discouraging that should be? How depressing?”

Jack nodded slowly, wiping at his eyes.

“Mark is an exceptional person, but no one’s that exceptional. Not without help. He’s never been less depressed in his life. And that’s because of you.”

Jack took a long, shaky breath. “I hear yeh. I just don’t know how yeh do it.” He looked at Mark’s mom and Dee. “How do yeh love him so much and just… watch this happen? How do yeh stand it?”

Dee stood up and put her arms around him. “We’ve had a bit more practice than you have. It doesn’t really get much easier, but like Tom said…” She stepped back, held him by the shoulders. “Mark is exceptional. And you are, too. And I think it would break his heart to see you feeling like this.”

Jack nodded. “Yeh’re right. It would.”

“Right.” She smiled warmly. “So why don’t you sit with me, and tell me about you and Mark. You said he taught you how to drive?”

Jack let Dee pull him into a chair. He looked over at Mark’s mom, and she managed a small smile.

“Yeah. He did. I never had my license in Ireland. It’s just not as common fer everyone to have it, like it is here. I was really nervous about it, honestly, but…” Jack grinned, remembering. “He made it really fun.” He giggled, still sniffling. “He made me drive barefoot.”

Dee smiled. “That sounds like Mark. So what else is different? Is it a big shock, moving to California?”

Jack cleared his throat, starting to feel a bit calmer. “Yes and no. I was really excited to come. My job had made it really hard to make friends where I was living. I have more friends here than I ever had in Ireland. And Mark was really my closest friend, ever since we met, so… well… I guess that’s how this whole thing got started.”

They all looked up when Jessie came through the double doors, smiling reassuringly. Jack stood up from his seat.

“They’ve started the procedure, and Mark is doing great. He’ll be under for a while, though- at least a couple of hours. This would be a good time to go get some breakfast or take a walk. My shift is ending soon, but Nancy will be back to relieve me, and anyone from the nurse’s station can help you if you need something.”

“Thanks, Jessie. D’you think I could go back to the room fer a bit? I could use a shower and a change of clothes. I didn’t even bring my phone with me.”

“Of course. I can walk you back.”

Jack turned back to Tom, Dee, and Mark’s mom. “I hope yeh don’t mind… I’ll be quick, and then maybe we can get something to eat?”

They all nodded.

“Take your time, hun,” Dee said kindly.

Jack followed Jessie back to Mark’s room.

“It’s all yours. Just call if you need something.”

“Actually, can we talk fer a minute?”

She checked her watch. “Sure.”

He opened the door, and she followed him inside.

“So, Jessie… listen, did yeh know who we were? Before we came here, I mean?”

She sighed, nodded. “I wouldn’t have brought it up. And I would _never_ tell anyone. I swear. Not because I’d lose my job – which I would – but I would never do that. You both mean a lot to me. I know you don’t know me at all, but… I guess you’ll just have to trust me.”

Jack nodded. “It helps to hear yeh say it. Yeh’ve been great, and I’m honestly relieved to have someone here who actually knows what’s at stake fer us. I just wanted to let yeh know that, and to say thanks.”

Jessie was blushing furiously, highlighting the splash of freckles on her cheeks. “It’s an honor. Truly. I know it wasn’t your choice to share any of this with me, and I’m so sorry about that. And I could get in so much trouble for even saying this to you. But for what it’s worth, seeing the two of you… I don’t know how else to say it. It’s like watching actual magic happen. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen something more beautiful in my life.”

It was Jack’s turn to blush.

“Anyway. I’ll be back tonight for another shift. I’ll see you then… if that’s still ok with you?”

“Yeah. It is. Thanks.”

She gave him a small wave, still blushing, and let herself out of the room.

Jack avoided looking at the empty bed, and opened his suitcase instead. He was happy to discover that he had a clean pair of jeans and boxers left, but otherwise, he was running low on fresh clothes. He found a clean undershirt, and added it to the pile. Then he opened Mark’s suitcase and rummaged around until he found the long-sleeved t-shirt Mark had worn to the party in Seattle. He pressed the fabric to his face; it smelled like Mark. He brought it into the bathroom with him, along with the other clothes he’d picked out.

He showered quickly and towel-dried his hair. He found his toothbrush and toothpaste, and brushed his teeth. He unpacked Mark’s toothbrush, too – _When would Mark be able to brush his teeth again?_ – and put it in a cup next to the sink with his own. He put on his boxers, jeans, and undershirt, and finally pulled Mark’s shirt over his head. When Mark wore it, it clung close to his body in a way that Jack enjoyed very much. It fit much more loosely on Jack, but he was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t look out of place. He would’ve kept it on, even if it had.

He tidied up in the bathroom and then went to re-pack his backpack. He answered a few messages on his phone, grabbed a baseball cap, and headed back to the waiting room.

“Oh, as if you weren’t handsome enough, already.”

Jack giggled, in spite of the anxiousness he still felt squeezing inside his chest. “Thanks, Dee. I’m definitely feeling a bit more human. Should we go get some breakfast?”

They decided to head to the main floor to eat in the hospital cafeteria, Jack’s baseball cap placed carefully to conceal his hair. He chatted with Dee some more, and Tom did his best to keep his mom involved in the conversation, but she remained distant, and Jack didn’t blame her. There were several layers of awkwardness and stress to the whole situation, and he knew he had a better chance of establishing a relationship with her once Mark was out of the woods. He also knew it couldn’t be easy for her to spend so much time around Dee, who seemed better able to cope with the strangeness of the scenario, and who had obviously maintained such a strong, positive bond with Mark and Tom.

They ate quickly and made a brief stop at the hospital gift shop so Jack could purchase a marker board. He knew Mark would prefer to type if he needed to rest his voice, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to right away. He reunited with Mark’s family, and they went straight back to the waiting room on the surgical floor. Jack checked in at the nurse’s station, and they promised to send someone with an update shortly. They’d been waiting less than five minutes when Nancy finally emerged through the double doors, looking serious but confident. Jack reflexively got out of his seat again, bracing himself despite all the reassurances he’d received.

“The surgery is going very smoothly. Mark is doing just fine. The doctor says it’ll only be another hour and a half, maybe less. I’ll let you know as soon as he’s out.”

Jack hugged her. She cleared her throat and patted him awkwardly on the shoulder until he let her go.

“Thanks, Nancy.”

“You’re welcome.” She let herself out.

Jack inhaled deeply, then felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He checked his messages and found that Wade, Bob, Ken, and Felix had arrived at the hospital, and were awaiting further instructions. Jack texted Wade some basic directions, explained the situation to Mark’s family, and went to meet his friends at the elevator.

When the doors slid open, Jack found that his four friends looked about as ragged as he felt. He guessed he’d probably slept better than any of them had the night before, and he felt a surge of appreciation and empathy- particularly for Bob and Wade, who had known and loved Mark for much longer than he had. Wade stared at him for a moment, then pulled him into a rough hug.

“They just gave us an update.” Jack squeezed Wade’s shoulders, then took a step back. “They said he’s doing great. The whole thing should be over within a couple hours.”

“Jack.” Ken looked downright stricken. “I’m _so_ sorry about the panel, man.” Ken had already apologized several times in text messages, but Jack could tell he had been waiting to say this in person. “I can’t believe I did that… And Mark was already sick… and I made everything worse…”

Jack realized with a jolt that Ken felt partially responsible for what was happening to Mark. He put a hand on Ken’s arm.

“Jesus, Ken, no. This has _nothing_ to do with the panel. We’re over it. It’s not important. And it wasn’t yer fault to begin with. I was just…” Jack felt his eyes fill with tears again. He’d been an inch away from crying all morning. “Fuck. I was an asshole.” He wiped at his eyes. “But Mark and I are fine.”

“You don’t look fine, bro. What can we do?” Jack barely recognized Felix’s voice. He’d never seen Felix in the context of such a serious situation before. He gestured vaguely.

“Just keep me alive until Mark wakes up.”

Felix opened a paper bag he was holding, and pulled out a package of cookies.

“I baked them myself.”

There was a tag on top with a barcode and a supermarket logo. Jack managed a smile.

“Fuck off, Felix.”

Felix grinned. “Fuck off yourself.”

Jack led them back to the waiting room, and introduced Ken and Felix to Mark’s parents. Everyone exchanged hugs or handshakes, and Jack was relieved to find that Bob and Wade had better luck engaging Mark’s mom in conversation than he and Tom had had thus far. Jack settled between Felix and Dee, happy to sit quietly and listen to the conversations happening around him. He was grateful to have his friends nearby, but the only person he wanted to talk to was Mark.

He sat in silence for a long time, thinking, still holding the package of cookies. Eventually Felix reached over, opened the lid, and pulled out a cookie. He broke it in half, put one half in his mouth, and handed the other to Jack, who took a bite. It was delicious.

“These cookies suck, Felix.”

Felix let out a short laugh. “ _You_ suck.”

Jack grinned and finished the cookie. He was swallowing the last bite when Nancy appeared through the double doors. He jumped out of his seat again, tossing the cookies into Felix’s lap, thinking he’d have whiplash by the end of the day if he couldn’t figure out how to get a grip.

“The surgery is over. They’re waking him up now. Everything went great.”

“When can I see him?” Jack’s question came out more forcefully than he’d intended.

“It’ll be at least another forty-five minutes. We just need to keep an eye on him for a little while. But like I said, he’s doing great.”

Jack nodded, screaming internally. He’d known that Mark would have to make it through a recovery period after the surgery, but being so emotionally overwhelmed for so long was taking its toll. He sat back in his chair, chewing his lip, bouncing his knee involuntarily. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked over to find Dee smiling sympathetically at him.

“Come on, hun. Let’s talk.”

Jack stared at her for a moment. “I’m not sure if I can.”

“Nonsense. Tell me more about Mark. What was it like when you met?”

Jack inhaled slowly, sifting through his memories, looking for the words. “It was like… finding a best friend I never knew I had. The kind of friend I never thought I _would_ have. At first I thought he was just being nice, the way he’s nice to everyone. But we started talking almost every day after we met. And then he got sick – this was when he had to have surgery in Cincinnati – and, Jesus, I was a mess. That was probably the first time I realized that the way I felt about him was… special. But I didn’t tell him. I don’t know if I ever would’ve, if he hadn’t told me first. But I wish I had. I wish I could’ve done that fer him.”

“But you did.” Dee’s voice was warm and kind. “You came when he called, and you stayed. I’m guessing you went through a lot to get here. It must have been hard.”

Jack was shocked to find himself smiling. “We’ve been through a lot together. But there’s nothing hard about loving Mark.”

She beamed at him. “I couldn’t agree more.”

“What was Mark like when _you_ first met him?”

Her face brightened as she thought about it. “Hmm. Quiet. Polite. Incredibly smart, though I’m not sure if he’d admit to it. He was just as creative and brilliant as he is now, but he held it all in. And he was _so_ kind. I’m not sure how many other people saw that side of him, but I certainly did.”

Jack was nodding. “That’s how I know him, now. I mean, he’s hilarious as ever. He’s the funniest person I’ve ever met. But he’s also the sweetest.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. I think he waited a long time to show that side of himself…”

Jack felt some of the tension leaving his body as Dee spoke. He loved listening to her talk about Mark. He stopped counting the minutes, taking in every word, thinking about the quiet, lonely kids he and Mark had both been, and all of the unlikely events that had eventually brought them to this point.

“Sean?”

He was so lost in thought, it didn’t register that someone was saying his given name.

“It’s Sean, right?”

Nancy had approached him and put a hand on his shoulder. He jumped, and flew out of his chair.

“Oh, Nancy, sorry…”

She managed a brief smile. “That’s ok. Mark’s asking for you.”

“Oh. Oh, Jesus.” He looked around the room and found everyone’s eyes on him. Tom stood up, and handed him the marker board he’d bought earlier.

“It’s ok, Jack. Go ahead.”

“Go, Jack,” Wade said. “We’ll be here.”

“Yeah, man,” Bob added. “You’ve got this.”

He heard murmurs of encouragement from around the room, and found that his feet were carrying him toward the double doors all on their own. Before he knew what was happening, he was standing outside Mark’s door with Nancy.

“Here. I’ll hang onto this until you need it.” She took the marker board out of his hands. “Ready?”

He nodded, his eyes wide, his own heartbeat deafening in his ears.

She opened the door and let him pass, and then set the marker board on a nearby chair.

“I’ll give you a few minutes. I’ll be right outside.”

He watched her leave, and then turned back toward Mark.

He was in the bed with his eyes closed. Jack noticed right away that it was actually a different bed; this one was much wider… _Wide enough for two people._ He guessed Jessie had had something to do with it.

The upper half of the bed was partially elevated, and Mark had his face tilted toward the door. Jack approached him slowly, taking in the number of wires that were attached to Mark’s body, including the long tube that ran inside his nose. He looked incredibly pale, and there was something strangely labored about his slow breathing. Jack’s heart squeezed painfully. He lifted a hand, and then hesitated, looking for a safe way to touch Mark. He finally rested his fingers gently above Mark’s ear, his thumb just brushing Mark’s forehead.

_“Hey, love. It’s me.”_

Mark opened his eyes. He smiled weakly, but only for a moment, as if he didn’t have the energy to sustain even the smallest physical gesture. He tried to speak, and no sound came out, but Jack didn’t need to hear Mark’s voice to know what he’d said.

As long as he lived, he’d never forget the way Mark’s mouth looked when he said his name. _Sean._

_“Yeh don’t need to talk, love. It’s alright.”_

Mark frowned, shook his head slightly.

_“Ok. Hang on.”_

Jack retrieved the dry erase board, took the cap off of the marker, and offered both to Mark, who scribbled a message with some effort:

 

_you look good in my shirt_

 

Jack giggled softly, fighting off tears of relief. He leaned down and pressed his lips to the side of Mark’s face.

_“Yeh’re all over me, too.”_

Mark scribbled another message.

_love you_

_don’t go_

_even if I sleep_

_“Love you, Mark.”_ He kissed Mark’s forehead. _“So much. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”_

Jack moved to the opposite side of the bed and pulled up a chair. He slipped his hand under Mark’s, carefully navigating the tubes and wires, and then laid his head next to Mark’s on the pillow.

 _“Sean. Talk to me.”_ Mark managed to engage his voice this time, but it was weak and gravelly, and Jack could tell that speaking was incredibly painful. He kissed Mark’s nose.

_“It’s all over, and yeh did so well. All yeh have to do is rest. I’ll take care of yeh now.”_

Mark had closed his eyes, and Jack decided to do the same, feeling the warmth of Mark’s skin as he spoke.

Nancy eventually let herself back into the room.

“Hey, Mark. How are you feeling?”

He turned his head toward her and gave her a thumbs-up.

“Think you’re ready for another visitor or two?”

He nodded.

“Maybe Tom, first?” Jack suggested. “He can help bring people in and out. So I can stay here.”

Mark smiled, and scribbled another note on the board.

 

_beautiful and brilliant Sean_

 

Nancy nodded her acknowledgement, disappeared into the hall, and returned a moment later with Tom.

Jack started to lift his head, but Tom stopped him. “No. Stay like that. I think this is the kind of thing he’ll want to remember.”

Jack nodded, laid back down next to Mark, and closed his eyes. Tom pulled out his cell phone and took a short video and several photos, paying particular attention to the notes Mark had scribbled for Jack.

Jack wondered if he should feel strangely about having these moments immortalized, but he knew Tom was right. Mark would want to have evidence of this, and he found that he did, too. He knew they would both leave this hospital profoundly changed. They were becoming different people, this very moment, and he never wanted to forget how it felt to have Mark close to him again, breathing, warm and alive.

Tom finished discreetly and spoke quietly. “Hey, bro. I think I should go get Mom. You ready?”

Mark blinked at Tom sleepily and gave him a thumbs-up, then closed his eyes again, pressing his forehead closer to Jack’s. He moved his right hand and grasped lightly at the neckline of Jack’s shirt, his fingertips brushing against Jack’s skin.

Jack realized that Mark was now holding him in place, and he found that he had no intention of pulling away, no matter who came through that door.

Mark’s mom entered the room a minute later, and Jack opened his eyes to watch her approach.

_“Hey, love. Yer mom’s here.”_

Mark sighed, opened his eyes with an effort, and tilted his head to look in his mom’s direction. He let his fingers fall away from Jack’s shirt, and Jack sat up, blushing, but secretly pleased. He didn’t want to have to hide his feelings for Mark, nor would he have been capable of it in his current state. He knew how awkward Mark’s mom must have felt to be bombarded with evidence of their intimacy so soon after meeting him for the first time – especially given her reservations about their relationship - but the affection flowing from Mark was so instinctive, so genuine… he could only hope Mark’s mom would see it that way, too. He watched her eyes traveling over the marker board with Mark’s messages still scrawled across it, and he thought he saw one corner of her mouth twitch in a small smile.

“Mark, you did so great. I’m so happy you’re alright.”

Mark let go of Jack’s hand and pointed at the marker board. Jack erased it with his sleeve and handed it back to Mark.

 

_how are you?_

He tilted it toward his mom.

She laughed, shaking her head. “I’m fine. All of your friends have been keeping me company. Everyone’s so relieved that you’re ok. Is there anything I can do for you?”

He nodded, and scribbled another message.

 

_give Jack a chance_

He tilted the board for her to see.

 _“Please,”_ he added, out loud, in a strained whisper.

Her expression was pained. She laid a hand gently on Mark’s arm. “I will. I promise. Jack…”

He was blushing and fidgeting, but he forced himself to meet her gaze.

“Thank you for being here with Mark. I can see how much it means to him. It means a lot to me, too.”

“And he means a lot to me.” Jack wiped at his eyes. “He means _everything_ to me.”

She nodded. “Maybe we can all spend some time together when Mark’s feeling better.”

“Yeah. I would love that.”

Mark scrawled on the board again.

 

_family_

 

He underlined the word.

She nodded again. “I hear you.”

Tom came up next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. “Mark, do you need a rest? Or do you want some more visitors first?”

 

_want to see everyone_

“Ok. Ready, Mom?”

 _“Love you,”_ Mark managed in a whisper.

“Love you, Mark.”

Dee came next, full of warm energy, and then Tom managed to convince Nancy to let Bob, Wade, Ken, and Felix come in at the same time, if he promised to stay in the hallway.

“Jesus Christ, Mark. You look like shit,” Felix said, grinning, snapping a picture with his cell phone.

Mark glared at him, scribbled on the marker board:

 

_I had surgery, what’s your excuse?_

He held up the board with one hand, and flipped Felix off with the other. Everyone laughed loudly, and Felix snapped another photo.

“Dude, when did you have time for a haircut? Felix is full of shit, you look awesome,” Ken said sincerely.

Mark picked up the marker:

 

_Jack cut it for me_

He put down the board and found Jack’s hand, squeezing his fingers gently.

“Seriously?” Bob asked. “Dude. Keep it like that. It’s awesome. Good job, Jack.”

“Thanks, man.”

The door opened, and Nancy stuck her head inside.

“I have one more out here. I’ll let him in if you all promise to keep it short.”

Everyone nodded their agreement, and Matthias pushed his way into the room.

 _Oh, shit._ Jack hadn’t been checking his messages. He assumed Matthias must have been in touch with Tom or one of the other guys. He looked down and found that Mark was still holding his hand tightly. There was no going back now.

“Mark, dude, are you alright?” Matthias sounded as distraught as he looked. Ken put a hand on his shoulder.

“He’s good, man. He can’t really talk a lot, though.”

“Why? What happened?”

Jack realized that Matthias was probably the only person in the room who hadn’t talked through the specifics of Mark’s surgery and anticipated recovery.

“Hey, Matthias, it’s ok,” he started. “He had a tube in his throat during the surgery, and the tube in his nose actually goes down into his stomach. His throat is just sore, it’ll get better quickly.”

Mark was nodding and smiling at Matthias, who was clearly trying to process what he was hearing. And what he was seeing. His gaze came to rest on Mark and Jack’s clasped hands.

“Uhm. Ok… what else did I miss?”

Mark looked at Jack, smiled. He erased the board, picked up the marker, and wrote:

 

_wanted to tell you before, I love Jack, don’t be mad_

Jack giggled, blushing as Mark held up the board, amused to see it stated so plainly like this.

Matthias stared at Mark, then at Jack, then at the rest of the guys.

“This doesn’t seem like a joke.”

“It’s not, bro. I’m pretty sure they fuck and everything,” Felix said seriously.

“Jesus Christ, Felix, can we not?” Jack begged, while Mark continued to scribble on the board.

 

_we do though, it’s awesome_

“Mark! Jesus!”

Wade, Bob, Ken, and Felix dissolved into laughter, and Jack started to giggle in spite of himself.

Matthias was still staring. “You guys are serious?”

 _“Yeah,”_ Mark managed.

“But… for how long? Wait… is this why you moved here?”

Jack nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I came to visit first, and it all just kind of… happened.”

Mark picked up the marker board again, underlined _don’t be mad._

Matthias took a step closer to Mark. “I’m not mad, dude, I’m just… surprised? You know I love both of you guys… Anyway, maybe we should talk more when you’re feeling better? I’m just glad you’re ok. You _are_ ok, right?”

Mark scribbled again:

 

_I’m fine, promise_

Matthias breathed deeply with obvious relief. “Right. So, hey, guys. Good to see all of you.” He finally greeted the rest of the guys, exchanging hugs and handshakes and brief conversation.

Mark turned his head toward Jack, blinking sleepily.

_“Hey, love. Maybe you should sleep?”_

He nodded, picked up the marker.

 

_with you_

Jack brushed at Mark’s hair, pressed his lips to Mark’s forehead. _“Absolutely.”_

He stood up from his chair and put a hand on Wade’s shoulder.

“I think Mark should get some sleep. Can I check in with you guys later?”

“Yeah. Sure. Just let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, man.”

They all said their goodbyes to Mark, and Jack followed them into the hallway, where he found Tom and Nancy standing by.

“Hey, Nancy? Mark’s ready to get some sleep. I can still stay with him, right?”

She flashed him her signature, no-nonsense smile.

“Sure. Just let me check on him, first.”

Jack and Tom followed her back into the room. She spoke softly to Mark, checked over his wires, tubes, and machines, and made some notes in his chart.

She smiled at Jack on her way out. “Call if you need me.” The door swung shut behind her.

“Think yeh can manage the horde out there fer a while?”

Tom nodded. “Don’t even worry about it. Just let me know when you’re up, I can bring you some food.”

“Thanks, man.”

Jack moved back to Mark’s side, then climbed carefully onto the bed. He settled onto his side, holding Mark’s shoulder, his forehead pressed close to Mark’s. Tom took a photo discreetly, then flipped off the light and left them alone.

 _“Sean.”_ Mark’s whisper sent pinpricks of relief down Jack’s spine.

_“Hey, Mark.”_

_“Thanks for keeping me alive.”_

Jack held Mark’s chin with his fingers, as gently as he could. He ran his thumb gently over his cheek and his mouth.

_“Yeh’re mine. I’m keeping yeh forever.”_

_“You’ll be here when I wake up?”_

Jack kissed his lips, slow and sweet.

_“Every time yeh wake up, fer as long as yeh live.”_

 

* * *

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Rickster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rickster/pseuds/Rickster)! 

 


	53. Chapter 53

_“Sean.”_

Jack felt something brushing against his neck.

_“Babe. Open your eyes.”_

He did. Mark was looking back at him, his face so close that Jack could feel his breath. He could just make out the warm brown of Mark’s eyes in the dim light. Mark smiled.

_“There’s my Sean.”_

_“Hey, love!”_

Jack could hear Mark’s actual voice cutting in and out as he tried to speak. He felt Mark’s fingers at the neckline of his shirt again, pulling gently. He lifted his head, briefly considered the wisdom of what he was about to do, and then kissed Mark’s lips, supporting Mark’s chin with his fingers. Mark’s mouth felt dry and cracked, and scratchy stubble was growing in around his chin, and Jack loved every second of it.

 _“Mark…”_ He rested his thumb on Mark’s lower lip, examining his face. _“You look… better! How do yeh feel?”_

Mark nodded. _“Yeah, a little better.”_ He cleared his throat painfully, but Jack was focusing on the alertness he could see in Mark’s eyes.

_“Ready to wake up fer a while?”_

_“In a minute.”_ Mark pulled on the front of Jack’s shirt again, and Jack kissed him, a bit more thoroughly than before. Mark slid his hand down Jack’s chest, slipped his fingers under Jack’s shirt to rest on his hip. Jack leaned into the pressure as much as he dared, the sensation of Mark’s hand on his bare skin radiating in all directions, warming him from the outside in, his head swimming and spinning with affection and relief.

_“Jesus. Mark. Can yeh just… Can yeh stay like that fer a minute?”_

Mark smiled. He slid his hand slowly up and down Jack’s side, and Jack pressed his forehead against Mark’s, his eyelids fluttering closed.

_“So lovely, Sean.”_

Jack sighed deeply, drifting, perfectly alone with Mark, just for a moment.

_“Oh. Mark. Love.”_

_“I’m here. I’m fine. Everything’s ok.”_

They kissed each other, slowly, for a long time.

_“Sean.”_

_“Mm?”_

_“I’m sorry. I’m dizzy.”_

Jack gave Mark some room to breathe, examining his face. _“Me too. Probably fer a different reason.”_

He rested two fingers against Mark’s throat, feeling his heartbeat. _“Let’s take a break. Nice, slow breaths fer me, love.”_

Mark did as he was told, and Jack breathed with him until he was certain that Mark was feeling more calm.

_“I think I should get someone to come check you out. Just in case.”_

Mark nodded reluctantly.

Jack kissed his forehead, climbed out of the bed, picked up the phone, and dialed the nurse’s station.

“Hi, it’s Jack. Yeah, he’s awake. Great. Thanks.”

Nancy came through the door a minute later, followed by a tall, dark-haired man who was also wearing scrubs.

“Jack, want to give us a few minutes? We’re just going to make sure Mark’s doing ok.”

Jack looked at Mark, hoping the idea wouldn’t upset him. But Mark smiled.

_“Go. Eat something, I know you’re starving.”_

Jack grinned. _He always knows._

“I’ll be right down the hall. And I bet yer parents would love to see yeh fer a bit. Y’know. Alone.”

Mark frowned, but nodded his agreement. _“Just for a bit, though.”_

Jack made his way back down to the waiting room, and was greeted enthusiastically by Mark’s family and all of their friends. He blushed, embarrassed to feel like the center of attention, but put on the most confident smile he could manage.

“He just woke up. He already seems a lot better. The nurses are just checking him out now, and I think he’ll be ready to visit some more pretty soon. Uhm… how long was I gone?”

“A couple hours,” Wade said. “We went and got some food. We didn’t know what you’d want, but we brought you a couple sandwiches and snacks.”

“I’ll eat literally anything. Thanks, guys.”

Matthias had been sitting next to Wade, but he moved down a seat so Jack could settle between the two of them. Jack accepted a sandwich gratefully from Wade, noticing that he finally felt hungry without also experiencing the anxious nausea he’d been carrying since they’d left Seattle. Individual conversations resumed throughout the room as he started eating.

“So. Hey, Jack,” Matthias said, somewhat awkwardly. Jack knew he should probably be feeling awkward too… but he didn’t.

“Hey, man. Thanks fer coming. It’s really good to see yeh.”

“Yeah. You too.” Matthias put a hand on the back of his neck, looking nervous. “Sorry if I was a little… intense… in there. I was just worried. And… confused.”

Jack smiled reassuringly, chewing and swallowing a bite of sandwich. “Don’t apologize. This whole thing is intense. I can’t even tell yeh what it was like to just watch him open his eyes again…” 

Matthias was staring, fascinated.

“Uhm. Sorry, man. He really wanted to tell yeh about… everything. We both did. The timing was just terrible. He felt strongly about telling yeh in person.”

He nodded. “I get that. I just… I don’t know. I’ve spent a _lot_ of time with Mark. I just can’t believe I didn’t _know_.”

“We weren’t exactly shouting it from the rooftops, though. I certainly wasn’t. And Mark… I mean, he’s been through a lot, y’know? I think he might’ve reached some kind of breaking point, and he just went fer it.”

Matthias’ expression softened. “You’re right. He has been through a lot. I didn’t really think of it like that.”

“I think he just wanted to make sure the timing was right. He knew how important it’s been fer yeh to stay focused on Amanda and Luna. How are they, by the way? I didn’t even get to say congratulations properly- I’m so happy fer you guys.”

Matthias grinned. “Luna’s _amazing_. You guys will love her.” His eyebrows settled into a crease. “But… I mean, this is all a secret, right? Should I be trying to keep this from Amanda? And Joey and Bryan?”

“Uhm. Great question. That’s one of the reasons we were hoping to talk it over with everyone in person. And I don’t really want to speak fer Mark…”

“Ok. So just speak for yourself, for now.”

Jack swallowed the last of his sandwich and sighed. “I’m getting pretty tired of keeping secrets, to be honest. It feels like a relief, every time we tell someone. I’m fine with it if yeh want to tell Amanda and the guys, but we should still ask Mark, first. And I’m assuming he’ll want yeh to keep it to yerselves fer now, since we’re not ready to go public with everything. Although…” Jack thought about it. “That conversation might be coming soon.”

Matthias raised an eyebrow. “Really? You’re planning on, like… _coming out?_ ”

“Yeah. I think we are.”

“Wait. So you’re not just, like, _dating..._ ”

Jack shook his head. “It’s more serious than that.”

Nancy appeared through the double doors, and Mark’s mom and Tom followed her back to visit with Mark. Jack stared after them, sighing heavily, and Matthias took notice.

“You love him. Like, you _love_ him.”

“That’s a fucking understatement,” Jack said.

Matthias’ expression changed to genuine concern. He lowered his voice.

“Shit, man… you must have been… I mean, I can’t even imagine if something like this happened to Amanda… This must have been torture. Are you alright?”

Jack fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt, _Mark’s shirt,_ feeling the bracelet Mark had given him underneath.

“Well, I’m wearing Mark’s clothes, and I lost my shit in front of some poor nurse this morning. I was a wreck, at first, when I had to leave him. I’m starting to feel better, though. We had an actual conversation when he woke up a little while ago. I just needed to see that he’s ok. Jesus, I just can’t wait to bring him home.”

Matthias smiled sympathetically. “You’re living together.”

Jack nodded.

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Yeah, man, what can we do?” Wade added. He was sitting close enough that he’d overheard most of their conversation.

“Actually, I do have a couple ideas.” Jack got Bob, Ken, and Felix’s attention as well, and they pulled their chairs closer to listen to him talk. He described his plan to re-release some of Mark’s old videos with friends’ reactions and commentary, and everyone agreed to record a video when they left the hospital for the night, or the following day if necessary. Matthias volunteered his house as a home base for recording and editing, since it was much closer to the hospital than Mark and Jack’s. Most of the guys already had videos in mind, so they scrolled through Mark’s YouTube channel on their phones and texted the details to Jack. He made a mental note to start pulling files from Mark’s media server as soon as possible.

“One other thing… slightly more embarrassing. I really hate asking…”

They all looked back at him expectantly, and he felt certain that they’d be willing to do pretty much anything he asked.

“…But I’m running out of clean clothes.”

Matthias nudged him with an elbow. “Pack ‘em up. I think the five of us can figure out how to do your laundry. I’ll just bring your suitcase home when I go, and I can bring it back tomorrow.”

Jack nodded appreciatively. “Thanks, guys.” Dee beamed at him from her seat nearby.

They all looked toward the door as Mark’s mom and Tom returned, followed closely by Nancy. Jack stood up from his seat.

“How’s he doing?”

Tom smiled sincerely. “Better already, like you said. Dee, you’re up. Take your time, and then I thought we could go get some dinner and head back to the hotel.”

Dee stood up and took hold of Jack’s arm. “Let’s go!”

“Oh, Dee, I don’t mind waiting-”

“Hush.” She cut him off. “I’m pretty sure spending time with you will help him heal faster than any medicine can.”

Jack blushed, nodded. “See you guys in a bit?”

His friends waved him on, so he picked up his backpack, and walked with Dee back to Mark’s room.

When Nancy opened the door, Jack was surprised to see that Mark was actually out of bed, sitting up in a chair. He assumed that this was why Nancy had needed an extra set of hands; she and the taller nurse must have transferred Mark out of the bed when he’d left the room.

_Why didn’t they ask me to help? I could’ve…_

Jack noticed the pained expression on Mark’s face. He closed the gap between them and pulled a chair close to Mark, resting one hand gently on his arm.

“You ok, love?”

Mark nodded.

_“Glad to be up. Just hurts a bit.”_

His voice was weak and raspy. Jack narrowed his eyes.

“A bit?”

Mark sighed. _“A lot.”_

It occurred to Jack that it wouldn’t have been _safe_ for him to try to move Mark. He also wondered whether the nursing staff were protecting him as much as they were protecting Mark; how had Mark felt when they’d moved his damaged body? What had his face looked like? He liked to think he could’ve handled it, that he could handle anything as long as he was close to Mark, helping him… but he honestly wasn’t sure.

Jack forced himself to smile. “I’m so happy yeh’re up. Yeh look awesome, love.”

Mark glared. _“Don’t lie to me, McLoughlin.”_

Jack giggled, tracing Mark’s arm with his fingertips. “When have I ever?”

“He’s telling the truth, Mark,” Dee chimed in brightly. “You look better already!”

Mark managed a smile. _“Thanks, Dee.”_

“D’you want me to tape yeh now? While yer up? You can keep it short. If yeh’re happy with it, I can upload the two videos to yer channel.”

Mark nodded. _“Good idea.”_

He cleared his throat and let Jack smooth his hair. Then Jack took out his phone, gave Mark a thumbs-up, and pressed record.

_“Hi guys. Mark here. Look! I’m fine! The surgery went great, and I have the most incredible people here taking care of me. You have nothing to worry about. I promise I’m in good hands. I’ll upload more as soon as I can. Love you guys. See you soon.”_

Mark gave a small wave, and Jack stopped the recording. They watched the playback together, and agreed that the clip was ready for upload.

“I need to start pulling files from yer media server anyway. Maybe I’ll work fer a bit while yeh visit with Dee?”

Mark had held his composure while he’d been recording, but all of a sudden he look like he was close to tears.

“Mark?”

_“Give me a hug, please?”_

Jack put his arms gently around Mark’s shoulders, and Mark pressed his face into Jack’s hair.

_“I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you.”_

Jack kissed the back of Mark’s head.

_“Yeh’ve made me breakfast pretty much every day fer the last two months. I owe yeh one.”_

_“I’m serious, Sean.”_

_“So am I. Yeh gave me a home. How can I pay yeh back fer that? We’re not keeping score. We’re taking care of each other. And it’s my turn, right now. Ok?”_

_“Ok.”_

Jack kissed Mark’s forehead, and offered his seat to Dee. He set up his laptop at a nearby table, put on his headphones, and got to work. He uploaded Mark’s two Vlogs first. Then he accessed Mark’s Twitter and Facebook accounts and shared the links with a brief message:

_Hi guys, sorry to say I’m in the hospital this week, but I’m fine! Don’t worry! Check out my uploads for more info._

Then he logged into his own social media accounts and left messages on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram:

_Just wanted to reassure you all that Mark is absolutely fine. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. He’s surrounded by family and friends, and there’s no reason whatsoever for concern. The best thing you can do is stay positive and keep sending your love and support, like always!_

His phone buzzed. He checked his messages, and saw that Arin, Ross, and Danny had finally arrived at the hospital. Suzy and Holly had gone to pick up Chica and then met up with Marzia, Mary, Mandy, and Molly, who had driven a rental car to Arin and Suzy’s house. Jack forwarded Arin’s messages to Wade, hoping he could help the Grumps find their way to the waiting room, and then responded to all of the girls’ questions and well-wishes.

He eventually got back to work, connecting to Mark’s home computer remotely and pulling files from his media library to a cloud server, so he could grant access to each of their friends. He knew the process could take a while, but he guessed at least a couple of the videos would be ready by the time Matthias, Wade, Bob, Ken, and Felix got to Matthias’ house.

He’d been consciously avoiding social media since leaving Seattle, hoping to distance himself and Mark from any additional fallout from the Revelmode panel. But he felt the need to monitor their communities’ responses to Mark’s videos, so he checked on the pages, looking for a consensus. Luckily, most people had taken his advice; the outpouring of support for Mark was already in full swing, and he knew Mark would enjoy going through the messages and posts when he was feeling up to it.

He decided to chance it and search through their tags to try and gauge their fans’ responses to PAX, and he was pleasantly surprised. While he _did_ find about a million different screen caps of Mark’s unfortunate proposal, these were balanced out by a massive number of photos, videos, and GIFs of moments he remembered much more fondly: Wade’s proposal. His solo signing. Himself and Mark chasing each other around in their capes, and hugging each other close amidst the cheers and flashing cameras.

His stomach twisted as he realized for the hundredth time how hugely he’d overreacted to Mark’s misstep at the panel. In the end, nothing had changed; half their audience still speculated that they were secretly dating, and the other half still relentlessly defended their heterosexuality. The guilt he’d felt about inadvertently punishing Mark morphed and settled into a more persistent ache as he clicked through several heated Tumblr exchanges between fans. He’d mostly opted to turn a blind eye to this type of dissent within his community before he and Mark had gotten together, since his fans’ speculation about their relationship had been unfounded at that point. Not only that – he and Mark had actively denied that their feelings for each other had ever, or would ever, extend beyond friendship. He knew that he would have to take responsibility for the fact that things had changed. His fans deserved better.

He looked over at Mark, who caught his eye and smiled sleepily. He looked pale and exhausted, like he might fall asleep at any time. Jack sighed, setting his other worries aside. _One thing at a time._

He took his headphones off and moved back to Mark’s side. He slipped his arm around Mark’s shoulders, and Mark leaned heavily against him.

“Time to get back in bed, hun?” Dee asked.

Mark nodded against Jack’s side.

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door, and Nancy came into the room with the same tall nurse Jack remembered from earlier in the day. Nancy’s voice was brisk, but friendly.

“How are you feeling, Mark? Ready to get back in bed?”

He nodded again, managed a quiet _Yeah._

Dee stood up and kissed the top of his head. “Love ya, Mark. I’ll plan to be back tomorrow, but if you need anything sooner, just call Tom.”

 _“Love you, Dee,”_ Mark forced out.

She picked up Jack’s hand and squeezed. “Call if _you_ need anything, too.”

Jack grinned. “Thank you. I will.”

She left them alone, and Nancy and the other nurse approached. The tall man extended his hand to Jack, and Jack had to remove is arm from Mark’s shoulders to shake it.

“I’m Theo. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Same here,” Jack replied.

“So,” Nancy started, “want to give us a few minutes, Jack?”

Jack hesitated, looking between Mark and Nancy. “Is he just going to get back in bed?”

“Yes. But we need to assist him to do that safely right now.”

Jack looked down at Mark. “I’ll go if yeh want me to.”

Mark shook his head, then looked at Nancy.

_“Can he stay?”_

“That’s entirely up to the both of you.”

Jack studied Mark’s face. “If it’s what yeh want, I’ll be right here.”

Mark nodded, looking nervous.

“All right.” Nancy’s no-nonsense tone was exactly what Jack needed to hear. “I need to encourage you not to be alarmed. The process can be painful. That’s why two of us are here, to make sure Mark is safe.”

Jack managed to tell her “Thanks, I’ll be fine,” despite the twisting sensation in his abdomen.

He rested his hand on the back of Mark’s neck briefly, and then stepped back to give them some space.

Nancy moved to Mark’s side while Theo approached him confidently from the front. “Hey, Mark. Same as before, just in reverse, ok? You ready?”

_“Yeah.”_

“Great. Don’t try to move or turn. Just let me support your weight.”

_“Got it.”_

Theo put his hands on Mark’s shoulders and leaned him forward slightly in the chair. Then he looped his arms under Mark’s and, in one fluid motion, lifted him from the chair and into a sitting position on the bed. Mark’s face contorted in pain, and he made a sound that broke Jack’s heart. Jack held his breath, felt his eyes filling with tears as Theo finished the transfer, supporting Mark’s upper body while he pulled his legs up and onto the bed. The whole thing was over in a matter of seconds, but Jack felt like he’d aged about a year. He was still holding his breath, watching silent tears fall down Mark’s face as Theo stepped away from the bed.

“You did great, Mark,” Theo said reassuringly. “I’ll adjust your pain meds, ok?”

Mark nodded, still silent, staring at his lap.

Theo made some adjustments to Mark’s IV and made some notes in his chart.

“Ok. Hang in there, and call us if you need anything,” Theo said matter-of-factly.

“You’re doing great, Mark,” Nancy chimed in. “You can visit with friends for a while longer, if you’re up for it, but you should get some rest soon.” She turned toward Jack, who was trying to figure out how to breathe without sobbing.

“Keep an eye on him?”

He managed a nod, and Nancy and Theo left them alone.

Jack looked over at Mark and found him still staring into his lap, weeping soundlessly. For once he was grateful that Mark wasn’t looking back at him; he wiped at his eyes as discreetly as he could and moved back to Mark’s side. He grabbed a handful of tissues from the bedside table, and climbed carefully onto the bed, curling one arm over Mark’s head. He pressed his lips to the side of Mark’s face, then dabbed gently at his cheeks. Mark continued to stare straight ahead, and Jack was fairly certain he was pouring all of his energy into maintaining as much composure as he could. Jack took a breath and spoke quietly, praying that his voice would sound steady.

_“Listen, love. Theo seems like a nice guy and all, but I will mess him up if he tries to make a move on yeh.”_

Mark made a noise that sounded like half-sob, half-laugh. Jack smiled, encouraged.

_“I mean, I know he’s got the height going fer him. I get it. But, c’mon. I’m so much prettier than that guy.”_

Mark laughed softly, and finally turned his head to look in Jack’s eyes.

_“Sean, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”_

_“Yeh’re Goddamn right I am.”_ Jack kissed Mark’s face, high on his cheekbone, and stroked gently at his hair. _“And you are a legitimate badass. Yeh’re doing awesome, love. I promise yeh’ll feel better soon.”_

_“I already do. Thanks for staying. Were you scared?”_

Jack hesitated. Seeing Mark suffer so intensely had been deeply disturbing. He scrambled for something to say.

_“Doesn’t matter. I’ll never leave yeh when yeh need me.”_

Mark shifted slightly to rest his head against Jack’s shoulder.

_“I need you.”_

Jack found Mark’s hand and squeezed. He rested his head against Mark’s.

_“I’m here. Stay like this fer a while. Everyone else can wait.”_

And Mark did. He let himself drift, surrounded by the warmth of Jack, swallowing the pain until he felt the medication starting to take hold, thinking nothing except _He’s here, he’s here, he’s here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. I really need to thank those of you who reached out to check up on me this week. I did have a rough week, and it affected my ability to work on the story. I'm starting to feel much better, and a big part of that is the fact that many of you kept in touch and kept encouraging me. Truly, thank you, it means so much to me <3


	54. Chapter 54

_“Sean.”_

Jack rubbed his nose in Mark’s hair.

_“Still awake, love?”_

_“Yeah. I feel a little better. I’m really tired, though. Is everyone still here?”_

_“Yeah. Arin, Danny and Ross actually got here a while ago. I haven’t seen them yet.”_

_“Ok.”_

Jack propped himself up and scrutinized Mark’s face. He looked tired, but composed.

_“I’m sure they’d love to see yeh, if yeh’re up fer it.”_

Mark sighed heavily. _“I do want to see them…”_

_“Maybe just fer a few?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“I’m on it. No worries, love.”_

Jack kissed his forehead and climbed carefully out of the bed.

“I’ll be right back, ok?”

Mark nodded, and Jack made his way back to the waiting room. He walked straight into an enthusiastic hug from Danny, which was reinforced by Ross and Arin.

Jack giggled, appreciating the comfort and support of more familiar faces. “Hey, guys. Thanks fer coming.”

They gave him some space.

“These guys filled us in,” Arin started. “How’s he doing?”

Jack chose his words carefully. “As well as could be expected? He’s pretty tired, though. He wants to see everyone, but we might need to keep it short fer tonight, if that’s ok.”

They all nodded. “Whatever you guys need,” Ross said sincerely.

Jack smiled, then addressed the room at large. “I think we should do visits in two groups. Ross, Danny, and Arin first, and then everyone else?” Felix, Ken, Wade, Bob, and Matthias nodded their agreement.

“Do _you_ need anything, Jack?” Matthias was wearing the same concerned expression he’d shown during their earlier conversation.

“Honestly… I’m just really happy yeh’re all here. Mark is really lucky to have you guys.”

“We’re here for you, too, man,” Wade said seriously.

“Yeah, dude,” Ken added.

“Whatever you need,” Bob said.

Felix smirked. “Speak for yourselves, I’m here for the cookies.”

Jack laughed softly, appreciating Felix more by the minute. He should’ve been back home by now, halfway around the world, and instead he’d just spent the day in a hospital waiting room. Jack appreciated the sarcasm, but he also saw right through it. He walked over to where Felix was sitting, leaned over, and hugged him. Felix reciprocated the gesture.

“Thanks, guys. See yeh in a bit.”

He walked Danny, Arin, and Ross back to Mark’s room, and hung back for a moment, watching Mark’s eyes light up as his friends approached. Danny commented immediately on Mark’s hair and flirted shamelessly, which amused Jack to no end.

“Dude, don’t tell Suzy, but I’m pretty sure I’d bang you, too,” Arin added. “Good job, Jack.”

 _“Too bad, Hanson,”_ Mark managed. _“You missed your shot. Also, Jack could absolutely kick your ass.”_

Jack giggled, and Arin regarded him skeptically. “Really? You sure about that?”

Mark smirked sleepily, cleared his throat. _“Trust me. He’s stronger than he looks.”_

“Oh. That’s hot,” Danny mused, looking Jack up and down.

“Jesus, I’m glad yeh’re all enjoying yerselves. Carry on.” Jack sat down in front of his laptop, blushing with embarrassed amusement. He wasn’t sure if it was because he knew Mark was heavily medicated, or if it was because he was becoming acutely aware that the more intimate aspects of their physical relationship had been wrenched away from them without warning, but he was surprised to find that he actually enjoyed hearing Mark talk about him suggestively. He stole another glance at Mark, wishing more than ever that they could be home together, for entirely selfish reasons.

He checked on the status of the file transfers, and found that the videos Felix and Ken had requested had uploaded successfully. He e-mailed them links to the files right away. Then he checked on Mark again, and found him smiling but blinking sleepily. He caught Mark’s eye, smiled, and cocked his head toward the door. Mark nodded slightly.

Jack stood up and walked back to the group.

“Ok, guys. Time to give everyone else a chance to flirt with Mark. Can yeh send them down?”

They agreed begrudgingly and said their goodbyes, promising to take care of Chica while Mark and Jack were stuck at the hospital, and to visit again soon. Jack moved close to Mark’s side as soon as they were gone.

“Hanging in there, love?”

Mark nodded unconvincingly, and Jack laid a hand lightly on his forehead.

“It’s ok. We’ll keep it short.”

_“I feel bad. They’ve been waiting here all day.”_

“Hush. They understand. Yeh’ve got nothing to worry about. I promise.”

_“What would I do without you?”_

“In general? Probably get a lot more sleep.”

Mark smiled widely, leaning into Jack’s touch.

There was a knock at the door, and then Wade came through, followed by Bob, Felix, Ken, and Matthias. Jack looked up, and pulled his hand reluctantly away from Mark.

“Shit, Jack, hands to yourself,” Felix snarked. “He does not look like he’s ready to fuck you yet. Mark, are you safe in here with him?”

 _“Safer than I’d be with you, asshole,”_ Mark replied, as sarcastically as he could manage.

“Well, you’re right about that.” Felix grinned.

“So we’re all gay now?” Matthias joked.

“Everyone’s a little gay, dude,” Felix responded, without a trace of irony. Everyone laughed.

“Right. I’m going to pack up our clothes real quick. Be gentle with him, please.” Jack regretted his choice of words as soon as they were out of his mouth, and Felix didn’t let the opportunity pass.

“We’ll leave the unnecessary roughness to you, dude.”

Jack blushed, and set to work transferring his and Mark’s dirty clothes to a single suitcase. It didn’t take long, since they hadn’t packed much for PAX in the first place, but Jack figured that he could make it to the end of the week if he wore a couple of Mark’s shirts. The idea suited him just fine.

He zipped up the suitcase and carried it over to the door, then rejoined the group. Mark was smiling as their five friends joked and laughed, but it was obvious that he was starting to fade. Matthias saved Jack the trouble of having to intervene.

“Ok, guys. After-party at my house. Time to go.” They took turns saying goodbye to Mark, and they all hugged Jack before heading for the door. Matthias gave him an extra squeeze.

“One of us will come by early with your clothes. Probably whoever gets the least drunk tonight.”

Jack giggled. “You’re actually having an after-party?”

Matthias nodded. “Yep. Just us five and the video footage you sent us.” He turned back to Mark. “Buckle up, Markiplier.”

_“Oh, Jesus. Is it too late to change my mind?”_

Ken nodded. “Way too late.”

“Yeh do realize I’ve got veto power, right?” Jack reminded them.

“Don’t worry,” Wade said reassuringly. “Bob and I will babysit. Let’s go, guys.”

He ushered the group into the hall, gave Jack’s shoulder a final squeeze, and pulled the door shut behind them.

Jack moved back to Mark’s side and picked up his hand. “Jesus. I think this has been the longest day of my life. I can’t even imagine how you must feel. Are yeh alright?”

Mark nodded, barely.

_“Sean.”_

“Yeah, love?”

_“You can go with them. If you want.”_

Jack blinked. “Yeh can’t be serious.”

_“Really. Hang out. Get a good night’s sleep.”_

Jack blinked again. “Yeh _know_ that’s insane, Mark. Want to try that again, with some honesty, please?”

Mark sighed, then pulled on Jack’s hand and rested it against his cheek.

_“Don’t go.”_

Jack leaned over, kissed his forehead. _“Never.”_

He straightened up. “I’m going to let the nurses know yeh’re ready to sleep, they might want to check on yeh first. Ok?”

_“Ok.”_

Jack disengaged gently and placed the call, and Jessie appeared in the doorway a moment later, smiling hesitantly. Jack tried to project warm reassurance in her direction; he was happy to see her.

“Hey, guys. Nancy’s gone home, but I’ll be here overnight.” She approached Mark’s bedside. “Looking good, Mark. How’s the pain? Scale of one to ten?”

_“Five. Tolerable.”_

She nodded. “Any nausea?”

_“No. Just tired.”_

“Great. And the sore throat will pass. Rest your voice tonight and tomorrow morning. I just need to check on your dressings before you sleep, ok? Jack, want to take a walk for a few minutes?”

_“Can he stay? Please?”_

She looked between the two of them, and finally nodded. “Of course, if that’s what you both want.”

Jack nodded. “I’ll just be on my laptop fer a few, ok, love? No worries.”

He sat down at the table nearby, trying to keep his eyes on the screen, but it was no use. He watched as Jessie secured the blanket around Mark’s lower body, then pulled his hospital gown up, exposing his stomach. Jack’s eyes widened. The bandage was _huge_. He couldn’t stop himself from imagining the wound underneath, from acknowledging that only a few hours ago, someone had used a knife to expose Mark’s insides, to slice through his skin, to mar the perfection of his body, to add to his collection of scars…

_Stop. Stop._

He had been flooded by waves of intrusive thoughts and images periodically, but these had been the worst so far. He had never watched someone suffer so intensely like this, let alone someone he loved so deeply. It was like being cut open himself. He closed his eyes and took a breath, trying to calm himself.

_Mark is here. Mark is alive._

He opened his eyes, and watched reality settle back into focus. Mark was there, breathing and safe, just a few feet away.

Jessie finished her exam and readjusted Mark’s clothing.

“Looks great, Mark. There’s no reason to change the dressing tonight, which is really good news. We’ll check on it again in the morning.”

She made some notes in Mark’s chart, then smiled reassuringly at Jack.

“ _Really._ He’s doing great. You should both get some rest. Just call if you need anything.”

Jack stood up and approached her.

“Hey… are you the one who swapped the beds?”

Her face remained neutral, but she flushed a vibrant pink.

“I thought it might help.”

Jack nodded. “Thanks fer doing that. Fer watching out fer us.”

Her blush deepened. “Like I said, I know you don’t know me but… I love you both. I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

He hugged her. “Yeh’ve helped a lot. Thank you.”

“Really.” She squeezed his shoulders, then took a step back, clearly trying to maintain some semblance of professionalism. “Whatever you need. Just call.”

She directed her attention toward Mark. “Rest. You’ll feel even better tomorrow. I promise.”

He nodded. _“Thanks, Jessie.”_

She left them alone.

Jack moved to Mark’s side, sighing heavily.

“Yeh made it, love. Time to sleep, now.”

_“Together?”_

Jack nodded. “Just need to check on the files fer a minute. I’ll be quick. Sleep if yeh need to, I’ll be right back.”

_“I can wait.”_

Jack was finally able to focus on his laptop screen, and was happy to find that most of the files he’d pulled were ready to be accessed. He sent links to the appropriate people and responded to some messages, then located the clothes he’d set aside for the night: long pajama bottoms, and one of Mark’s white undershirts that had still been clean. He pulled off his jeans and pulled on the bottoms, then removed the long-sleeved shirt that he’d been wearing all day.

_“Hey. Slow down.”_

Jack paused, white shirt in hand, and looked over at Mark.

_“Stay like that? For a little while?”_

Jack nodded. He flipped off the light, then approached the bed, left the shirt on the bedside table, and climbed in carefully next to Mark.

 _“Anything yeh want, love.”_ He knew that any of the hospital staff working on Mark’s case could find them like this. He didn’t care.

 _“I want to feel your skin.”_ Mark was barely keeping his eyes open.

_“Here. Lift yer head up. Careful, though.”_

Jack supported Mark’s head with one hand as he lifted it, then undid the ties that had been holding Mark’s hospital down snugly around his neck. He pulled the fabric down until Mark’s shoulders were exposed. Then he pulled the blanket over both of them, and rested his arm across Mark’s chest, making contact with his bare skin. He laid his head in the space between Mark’s neck and shoulder, pressed his lips against Mark’s throat.

_“Sean. I miss you so much.”_

_“I’m right here, love.”_

_“You know what I mean.”_

Jack traced small circles over Mark’s shoulder with his thumb.

 _“I do. And I miss yeh too. But we’re ok. We’re together. Yeh’ll be better before yeh know it.”_ He pressed his lips over Mark’s collarbone. _“Besides, doesn’t this feel good?”_

Mark sighed heavily, leaned his head against Jack’s. _“So good. Perfect. Perfect Sean.”_

_“Love you, Mark.”_

They slept.

 

* * *

 

 

Mark woke up slowly, and barely realized it. It was dark in the room; he blinked to make sure his eyes were really open. He tried to swallow, and realized immediately what had woken him up. He _couldn’t_ swallow. He tried again, and felt the sick, squeezing feeling of the tube pressing against the back of his throat. He felt his heart rate climbing. He started to lift his head, and found that his cheek was still pressed against Jack’s hair.

_Sean._

Mark realized that Jack had barely moved since they’d fallen asleep. He felt Jack’s arm, snug across his chest. He felt Jack’s slow breaths, Jack’s head resting heavily on his chest. He knew Jack was _deeply_ asleep. He felt his own heart rate starting to slow again, mild panic being erased by Jack’s comforting presence. The urge to clear his throat was overpowering, but he didn’t want to wake Jack.

Jack, who had met his parents for the first time before leaving him to undergo major surgery.

Jack, who had taken on the responsibility of singlehandedly managing both of their careers without a second thought.

Jack, who was sleeping soundly by his side in a hospital bed.

Mark knew he could have been anywhere else. He could have been _with_ anyone else.

_But he’s here. With me._

He tried to remember what it had been like to love Jack from a distance, as the single, separate person he had adored and admired as a friend for so long. He couldn’t. Jack had become essential to his life, to his sense of self. He knew that very few people in the world were capable of the love and devotion Jack had shown him over the last couple of days. He remembered how easy it had been to slip into denial and avoidance when he’d felt the first symptoms of this illness setting in, knowing that the strain of these types of challenges was more than enough to tear a relationship apart.

But he’d never felt closer to Jack. He’d never been closer to anyone in his life. Jack was exceptional. Jack was his.

He couldn’t stop it; he coughed. He coughed again. It got worse, the more he tried to hold it in.

Jack lifted his head, blinked sleepily, looked in his eyes.

_“You ok, love?”_

Mark nodded, coughed again, cleared his throat. He licked his lips, which did nothing to help the situation.

The damage was done. Jack was awake, and would immediately see through any attempt at deception.

_“I’m alright. I just can’t swallow.”_

_“I’ll go call someone-”_

Mark shook his head. _“Stay. I’ll try again.”_

He licked his lips again; it didn’t help. He took a deep breath, trying to open up space in his throat.

Jack picked up on the fear and discomfort in his expression.

_“Yeh’re alright, love. I know it’s uncomfortable, but yeh’re ok.”_

He traced Mark’s bottom lip with his thumb, wishing he could smooth away the roughness, wishing he could trade places with Mark, wanting to steal the pain away.

On impulse, he kissed Mark’s lips, but pulled back quickly, realizing it might not have been the smartest choice. Mark needed room to breathe…

_“Can you do that again?”_

Jack shook his head. _“Just let me call Jessie. She can probably help…”_

_“Sean…”_

Jack knew what Mark wanted to say. He didn’t want strangers coming in here. He didn’t want to be poked and prodded. He didn’t want any of this to be happening.

_“Let me go talk to her. I’ll come RIGHT back, I promise. I’ll make sure they leave us alone.”_

Mark looked conflicted, but he nodded. Jack climbed carefully out of the bed and pulled Mark’s undershirt over his head. He checked the time on his phone; it was after 3AM.

 _“I’ll be RIGHT BACK,”_ he said again, then felt his way into the hallway, blinking against the harsh fluorescent lights. He walked down to the nurse’s station, scanning for a familiar face and coming up short. Luckily, he spotted Jessie emerging from a room down the hall, and managed to get her attention. She moved toward him quickly and put a hand on his arm.

“Jack? Here, come on…”

She pulled him into a nearby office and shut the door.

“What’s wrong? Is Mark ok?” She looked extremely concerned, and Jack was trying to figure out why. He saw her eyes flick toward his hair, and it clicked. _Shit._ He’d just wandered into the hallway of the hospital wearing pajamas, where anyone could potentially recognize him.

“Fuck. I mean, shit. I mean… yes, Mark is fine. I think.” He rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up. “He’s having trouble swallowing, and he didn’t want anyone else coming in the room. I know he still can’t drink anything, right?”

She shook her head. “I can give you some ice chips, though. Not a lot, but it should make him feel better.”

Jack nodded enthusiastically. “That’s perfect.”

“Ok. Wait here.”

Jessie disappeared into the hall, and returned a moment later with a paper cup that was filled halfway with ice chips. “Just make sure he goes slow. I’ll walk you back down.”

She opened the door and peeked into the hallway, presumably checking for patients or unfamiliar personnel. Luckily, it was the middle of the night, and the hallway was mostly empty. She steered Jack briskly down the hall, and he gave her arm a grateful squeeze before stepping back into Mark’s room.

“Mark? You alright, love?”

Mark cleared his throat painfully. _“Yeah.”_

Jack moved back to Mark’s side, feeling his way slowly in the dark. He put the cup on the bedside table and climbed back into the bed as carefully as he could manage.

_“Now. Normally I prefer to heat yeh up. But cold can be fun, too.”_

He could see Mark eyeing him skeptically in the dark.

_“Trust me?”_

Mark nodded.

Jack took an ice chip from the cup, supported Mark’s chin with one hand, and slid the ice over Mark’s lower lip. Mark smiled as the sensation registered, and Jack let him pull the ice into his mouth. He felt Mark try to swallow, wishing he could smooth away the discomfort in Mark’s expression. He gave him another ice chip, and was relieved to feel him swallow more successfully.

_“Better, love?”_

_“Yeah. Thanks, Sean.”_

_“Ok. You can have some more, we just have to go slow.”_

_“You know I like slow.”_

_“Are yeh flirting with me, Fischbach?”_

_“Always.”_

Jack traced Mark’s lips slowly with another piece of ice, enjoying the look of contentment spreading across his face.

_“Yeh know, yeh should let me do this some other time. I think it’d be quite fun.”_

_“It’s fun right now.”_

Jack let Mark pull the ice into his mouth. He rested his thumb _so_ gently against Mark’s throat, felt him swallow, then moved his thumb to Mark’s lower lip.

_“Too cold?”_

Mark nodded.

Jack leaned in slowly, brushed his nose against Mark’s, and kissed his lips. The cold was pleasant. He pulled gently at Mark’s lower lip, felt Mark responding more enthusiastically than he’d expected. He pulled back reluctantly, and Mark gave him a questioning look.

_“Do I taste bad?”_

Jack giggled. _“Jesus, no. It feels so nice. But yeh need to get some sleep.”_

_“It’s helping. Don’t stop yet. Please.”_

Jack shivered, remembering Mark pleading with him under different circumstances.

_“Say it again.”_

_“Please.”_

He kissed Mark again, knowing he should be more cautious, but wanting desperately to get closer, flooded with images of their bodies pressed close together... He felt the warmth of his own mouth bleeding onto Mark’s lips, which were soft and wet. Like they usually were. Like they were supposed to be.

_Mark is here. Mark is alive._

Mark sighed – almost moaned – against his lips, and Jack finally came back to his senses. He disengaged gently.

_“Ok, love. Time to finish yer ice and get back to sleep.”_

Mark looked like he wanted to protest, but Jack slid an ice chip into his mouth, and he smiled sleepily instead. He swallowed.

_“I’ll go back to sleep if you lose the shirt.”_

Jack grinned. _“Deal.”_

He sat up, pulled the shirt over his head, and left it on the bedside table. He pressed his lips against Mark’s cheek, letting the moment stretch, and then resumed his earlier position, his arm secured firmly across Mark’s chest.

_“Sean.”_

_“Yeah, love?”_

_“Thanks.”_

_“Thank Jessie in the morning, she got me the ice.”_

_“No. I mean, yeah. That, too. But that’s not what I meant.”_

Jack pressed more closely against Mark.

_“It’s ok, love, yeh don’t have to-”_

_“I do. Sean…”_ Mark cleared his throat. _“The fact that you’re still here… The fact that you can still kiss me like that, after all of this… I’ll never be able to repay you for this. This must be so hard, and I’m so sorry.”_

Jack lifted his head and looked in Mark’s eyes.

 _“It’s not. It’s easy.”_ He pressed his cheek against Mark’s.

_“Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”_

 


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. As usual, I need to take a minute to thank those of you that have reached out and been so incredibly kind and supportive between posts. Updates will continue to be a lot slower than I'd like until the holidays, and possibly beyond that. It's out of my control, and it means so much to me that so many of you have stuck around for this long. Really, I can't thank you enough.

Jack was pulled gradually out of a dreamless sleep by unfamiliar noises. His head was still resting on Mark’s shoulder, and he felt Mark breathing slowly, evidently still asleep. Jack opened his eyes.

Jessie was nearby. The sun must have been coming up; he could tell that it was her in the dim light. She smiled at him and whispered: _“You guys ok?”_

He smiled back and mouthed: _“Yeah.”_

_“Ok. Just making some adjustments. Go back to sleep.”_

He watched as she manipulated Mark’s IV, made a note in his chart, and disappeared silently back into the hallway.

He tried to keep his eyes open, waiting for any sign that Mark might have woken up. But Mark was still. His skin was warm. Jack felt his breaths, listened to his heart. Jack let his eyelids fall closed again. He slept.

 

* * *

 

“Sean.”

Jack had been deeply asleep, buried again under several layers of exhaustion, but the familiar sound penetrated through. _Mark._ He lifted his head.

“Mark?”

Mark nodded, brown eyes reflecting pale morning light.

“Say it again.” Jack held his breath, waiting for the sound to wash over him.

“Sean.”

 _Mark’s voice._ Still low, edged with muted roughness, but it was _his_ , warm and familiar, Jack’s favorite sound in the world.

Jack felt Mark’s thumb brushing against his cheek.

“Babe. It’s alright.”

“What-?” Jack blinked, felt another tear spill over onto his cheek. “Shit.” He sniffed. “Sorry. I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me, McLoughlin,” Mark said gently. He brushed his fingers down the side of Jack’s face, let his hand rest at Jack’s neck.

Jack smiled, sniffed again. “Really. I’m just so happy to hear yer voice. How d’you feel? Yeh look…” He rested his fingers along Mark’s jaw. “Perfect, as usual."

Mark scrutinized Jack’s face, feeling somewhat alert for the first time since before the surgery. He could tell Jack was exhausted, even though he’d just woken up. His face was creased on one side where he’d been sleeping against Mark’s shoulder, his hair standing up in all directions. But he was smiling, and his eyes were bright. Mark was internally flooded with both gratitude and concern, could barely fathom what all of this must be like for Jack. He struggled for a moment, lost in the blue of Jack’s eyes, searching for a way to express what he was feeling. The words didn’t come. He wasn’t sure the right words even existed. He decided to keep it simple for the time being, sliding his hand down to rest on Jack’s chest, over his heart.

“Love you, Sean.”

Jack kissed his face, high on his cheekbone.

“Love you, Mark.”

Mark nodded. “I know. More than I ever thought anyone could.”

Jack blushed, smiled. “Give it time. I’ll probably love yeh even more tomorrow.”

“Probably not, if I keep you trapped in this bed. You should take a break, Sean.”

Jack looked like he wanted to argue, but Mark forged ahead. “I’m serious this time. I’m good. You’re supposed to keep me calm, right? Do that by taking care of yourself. Hang out with the guys. Get some real food. Take a nap. Whatever you need.”

“I need to know that yeh’re alright. That’s the only thing I need. But…” Jack shifted uncomfortably. “I hate to even bring this up.”

“Spill it, McLoughlin.”

Jack sighed. “I was supposed to work today. I didn’t know what to tell them. No one at Blizzard knows about us… and I need to keep working. I don’t want to risk anything with my Visa. So… I was thinking I could call in?”

Mark’s heart squeezed. He could tell that the idea of leaving was agonizing for Jack.

“Sean. Go. Do what you need to do.”

Jack nodded. “It’ll just be fer a while, I promise.”

He reached for his phone and e-mailed to let his team know he’d be calling in for meetings later that morning. He scrolled through his notifications, and Mark watched a grin spread across his face.

“Oh God, what did they do?”

Jack giggled. “They can’t upload to yer channel without permission, love. But it looks like they put something together last night. Want to check it out?”

Mark grimaced. “I guess we should.”

Jack climbed out of the bed and pulled on Mark’s shirt. He collected his laptop, then climbed back into the bed beside Mark and opened the link Matthias had e-mailed to him. He pressed “play” on the video.

An image of Felix, Ken, Bob, Wade, and Matthias materialized. They were crammed onto what Jack assumed must be Matthias’ couch. They all spoke in unison, in a rough approximation of Mark’s baritone:

“Helllloooo everybody, we’re Markiplier’s friends, and welcome to Matthias’ living room!”

Wade continued on his own:

“We’re going to assume you all know that Mark has landed himself in the hospital again. We’ve all been to see him, and we can promise you that he’s doing just fine. He’ll be up and about and back to his usual idiocy before you know it. In the meantime, we’re going to go ahead and seize the opportunity to highlight some of his recent embarrassing moments.”

Bob chimed in:

“One of the best things about watching Mark’s channel is the feeling that you’re just sitting down to play or watch a game with one of your friends. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again now. Mark is _exactly_ the person you think he is. He _is_ that friend that you want to stay up all night playing games with, and a big part of that is how hilarious he gets when he fucks it all up.”

Felix spoke next:

“I can’t even describe the special kind of pleasure I got from watching Mark play Lethe, because of how hard he sucked at it. I mean, really. Right guys? It’s just so bad. Watching him get fucked by those bear traps over and over... Right?” The rest of the group had dissolved into laughter.

Ken reached over to an end table and started distributing shot glasses to the group. He spoke as he passed out the drinks:

“So in honor of Mark, we’re going to screen some sections of his first episode of Lethe, and hopefully provide some colorful commentary for you guys.” He raised his glass to the group, and they all followed suit. “Cheers, buddy. We love you. Get well soon. And I’m so sorry for what’s about to happen.” They all clinked their glasses and took their shots. Everyone grimaced except Matthias, who clarified his position:

“They’re drinking actual liquor. I’m drinking apple juice. Some of us have babies to raise. But don’t worry, Mark. I don’t need to get drunk to insult you, as you very well know.”

“Ok, bros. We ready or what?” Felix waited for everyone to acknowledge, then used a keyboard and mouse to manipulate the video feed. The image of the five friends condensed into a small rectangle and shifted to the upper right-hand corner, while the frozen image of Mark’s Lethe Let’s Play filled the screen, including Mark’s face in the upper left-hand corner. “Right. Pour the drinks, Ken. Let’s get fucked, bros!”

“Hang on there.” Ken looked skeptical. “Who am I getting fucked by? Because if I have a choice, I pick Wade.”

“Aw! Dude!” Wade batted his eyelashes at Ken.

“Just saying. You seem like you’d be real gentle about it.”

Wade nodded solemnly. “I would.”

“Dibs on Jack,” Felix said emphatically.

“Dude,” Bob cut in, “Jack’s not exactly… available right now.”

“None of us are _available_. That’s not the point. If we’re making a fake list of dudes to get fucked by, Jack is at the top. Right?” Felix stared them all down, and they all nodded their agreement, except for Matthias.

“Wait, is Mark on this list somewhere?”

“Can I just say that I’m not nearly drunk enough for this conversation?” Bob interjected. “Can we come back to this after a few more drinks?”

Felix started the video, and they all continued to chat and joke for the first several minutes, until Felix finally shushed them.

“Ok. It’s coming up. Wait for it…”

The all stared intently at the screen until…

_SCREEEK._

_“HHHUHHHH FUCKING COCK!!!”_

Felix paused the video as they all shook with laughter, imitating the image of Mark’s face frozen mid-jumpscare.

“…Ha… I mean… Jesus...” Felix choked out between laughs. “…He’s clutching his chest! In terror!”

They all continued to laugh as Ken distributed their shots. They clinked glasses again and drank before passing them back in Ken’s direction.

“Another round, bro,” Felix directed, then shifted his attention to the camera. “In case you haven’t figured it out, we’re drinking every time Mark gets fucked by a bear trap, which means we’ll be wasted in no time.” He clicked the video back on, and the group quieted down to listen to what Mark was saying in the recording.

_“…Well. Aaaallllright. Let me just get my heart started back up again… Wow. Why was that there? …Into the thick of it I go again, watching out for more bear traps... heart attack bear traps...”_

_SCREEEK._

_“AH! FUCK OFF!”_

Felix paused the playback again as laughter boomed over the audio track. Ken tried to pick up a couple of shot glasses and immediately put them back onto the table, laughing uncontrollably.

“…Like…” Felix was trying to catch his breath. “…He was literally… _still_ talking about… watching out for the bear traps! Like… he was mid-sentence! Talking about watching out for the bear traps! Oh my God!”

Ken finally distributed the shot glasses, and they all toasted Mark again. They drank twice more over the next twenty minutes, and Felix was doubled over with tipsy laughter by the time Mark finally summed up the experience:

_“Goddammit! When am I ever gonna learn? LOOK DOWN!”_

“Yeah Mark-” Felix started – “LOOK DOWN!!!” the rest of the group yelled at the camera.

In real time, Jack pressed pause on the playback as he and Mark dissolved into giggles.

“…Jesus Christ…” Jack managed between hiccups of laughter. “They did _not_ hold back…”

“I know…” Mark coughed, winced, said _Oh fuck ow,_ and continued to giggle, although Jack could tell he was in pain and trying to hold back. He got his own laughter under control, put a hand on Mark’s chest, and kissed Mark’s cheek slowly until his laughter had subsided, too.

“Thanks, Sean. I’m good. It’s hilarious. Post it.”

“I think we should preview the end first, love.”

“Sure. Just keep your hand there so I don’t pop any stitches. Jesus.”

Jack used his free hand to click on the video, and the sound of laughter filled the room again, until it was drowned out by Felix’s voice, which was more heavily accented than Mark and Jack were used to hearing it.

“Ok bros, that’s all for this episode, but watch out for the next one. We’re just getting started. And, Mark, if you’re watching… maybe take a break first, it’s only getting worse from here.”

“But we love you, man!” Wade cut in, wobbling slightly as he spoke.

“Yeah dude,” Bob chimed in, still giggling. “Get better soon.”

 “Hang in there, Mark,” Matthias added.

“See you soon, man!” Ken finished.

“Jesus, if you’re all finished licking Mark’s balls, can we wrap this up?” Felix drawled. “See you in the next one, bitches.”

They all laughed, waved at the camera, and chorused, “BUH-BYYYE!” The video cut to black, and Jack paused it again.

“Oh my God, that was brutal.” Mark chuckled. “I love it. Queue it up, babe.”

“You got it, love.” Jack set the file to download, and noticed that he’d received a second link while he and Mark had been previewing the video. He set that video to download, as well. “Maybe we can watch that one later?”

Mark nodded. Jack checked his phone.

“Oh. Matthias will be here soon. He’s bringing clean clothes, and he wants to see yeh, obviously.”

“Sean. I really think you should go with him for a while. Take a break. Eat some real food.”

Jack smiled, brushed at Mark’s hair. “I don’t need a break. I do want to record something for yer channel, though. But I don’t need to go today…”

Mark shook his head. “You should. It’ll make me happy.”

Jack studied his face. He could see that Mark was telling the truth. He nodded. “As long as Tom’s here. And just fer a bit. And I’ll come RIGHT BACK if yeh need me.”

Mark tugged on the neckline of Jack’s shirt. “Come here, please.”

Jack kissed him, sweetly. Then, a little less sweetly. Then, the door opened. Jack straightened up, his red cheeks matching the blush he could see on Jessie’s face as she slowly approached.

“Hey, guys. Feeling a little better, Mark?” Jack could tell she felt incredibly awkward, but as usual, her professionalism won out, and her voice was steady and confident. Mark returned her smile.

“Definitely more awake.”

She nodded. “I adjusted your meds. How’s the pain?”

“A little worse. Tolerable.”

“Ok. We’ll be getting you out of bed to walk around today. You remember what it was like the last time?”

Mark sighed. “Yup. No way I can bribe my way out of it?”

She giggled. “No can do. It’s important for your circulation. It’ll be worth it in the long run.”

Jack reached for Mark’s hand and squeezed. “Yeh’ve got this, love. No worries, yeah?”

Mark squeezed back, nodded.

“I do have good news, though. You’ve got a friend here to see you. He said you’d be expecting him?”

Jack nodded. “Probably Matthias. Can he come in fer a few minutes now?”

“Definitely. You can visit for a bit. My shift is actually about to end, so I just wanted to check in and say goodbye for the day. Nancy will probably come by soon.”

They both thanked her and said goodbye, and she let Matthias into the room before disappearing into the hall. Jack climbed out of the bed to greet Matthias, extending his hand, but Matthias pulled him into a hug instead.

“Good to see you, Jack.” He gave Jack a brief squeeze and then approached Mark’s bed. “Looking good, Markiplier.”

“You too, Apple Juice.”

“Hey! You sound good, too! And you’re still speaking to me after watching that video. All good things. Did you see the second one yet?”

“No, Sean just set it to download. Laughing hurts, so I figured I’d save it for later. You guys did great with the first one, though. Thanks, man.”

“Guess whose idea it was.”

“Felix,” Mark and Jack said in unison.

Matthias laughed. “No surprises there, I guess. The rest of the guys were still passed out when I left, I think they were up pretty late working on the edits. Plus they were wasted. But they’ll come see you later on.”

“You guys are the best. I do need one more favor, though.”

“Anything.”

“I need you to get Sean out of here for a while. Maybe help him find some real food?”

“Oh, yeah, of course!” He turned toward Jack. “Whatever you need, man.”

“Food would be great. And I’d love to use yer setup to record and edit fer a bit, if yeh don’t mind.”

“Absolutely.”

“Ok. I’m going to grab a shower, then. Keep an eye on this one fer me?”

Jack caught Mark’s eye, and checked for signs of discomfort, either physical or emotional. Even the idea of leaving the room to shower made his insides twist uncomfortably; could he actually bring himself to leave the hospital? But Mark was smiling calmly, and Jack knew he’d already made up his mind. Arguing the point now wouldn’t improve the situation for either of them.

He opened the suitcase Matthias had brought back, found a change of clothes, and locked himself in the bathroom to shower. He checked his phone again and saw that Tom and Mark’s parents would be arriving shortly, and he found that he felt somewhat more at ease. He knew he could trust Tom to call him back to the hospital if anything happened. He showered and dressed as quickly as he could, thinking that the sooner he left, the sooner he could get back and be with Mark again.

When he finally left the bathroom, Nancy and Theo had joined Matthias at Mark’s bedside. He greeted them as warmly as he could, given the uncomfortable feeling that was still squeezing inside his stomach. He packed up his backpack and put on a baseball cap, then moved close to Mark and picked up his hand.

“Looking good, McLoughlin.”

Jack’s heart thrummed. He loved to hear Mark compliment him in front of other people.

“Yeh’re not so bad yerself, Fischbach.” Jack watched Mark’s gaze shift between his face and their clasped hands, and realized he’d been squeezing Mark’s fingers too tightly. He loosened his grip, and Mark smiled.

“It’s ok, Sean. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

Jack nodded. “I know. Just _please_ call me if yeh need anything. Ok?”

“I will. I swear.”

“Ok. Good.” Jack moved to reclaim his arm, but Mark lifted his hand and kissed the back of it. Jack blushed, self-conscious but pleased.

“See you soon, love.”

Mark finally released him, and he said goodbye to Nancy and Theo before heading into the hallway with Matthias. He sighed involuntarily as soon as the door clicked shut behind them.

“You ok, man?”

“Uhm. Yeah, I’m good.”

“You don’t want to leave.”

Jack shook his head. “I really don’t. But I know it’s probably better. I think he’ll be in a lot of pain this morning, and he’s worried about how I’ll handle it.”

“Seems like you’ve been handling it all really well.”

Jack thought of Mark’s thumb brushing gently at his cheek, wiping away unbidden tears. “I can fake it pretty well, but Mark knows me better than that.”

Matthias nodded. “Yeah. I’m still getting used to that, I guess.”

“Sorry… was that weird in there?”

“Oh. God, no. It’s… I mean, honestly it’s really sweet. The way Mark is just going for it, I mean. It’s so… _real._ ”

“Yeah. It feels pretty real.”

They made their way through the double doors, and Jack was relieved to find Tom and Mark’s parents sitting in the waiting room. Tom stood up, shook hands with Matthias, and then hugged Jack tightly.

“Hey, Tom. I’m glad yeh’re here.” Jack turned to Dee and Mark’s mom.

“He’s doing really well this morning. His voice sounds a lot better, and they’re starting to lower his medication, so he’s more awake. I think they’re getting him out of bed fer a while, so maybe check in at the nurse’s station in a bit?”

“ _You_ look better too, hun,” Dee said brightly. Jack couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

“Hearing his voice again helped a lot. Anyway, he was pushing me out the door today – he seems to think I need a break, and it didn’t seem smart to argue. I’m going to go eat and get some work done, and then I’ll be back, but… can yeh call me if I should come sooner? He might not say it…”

He was surprised to find all three of Mark’s family members nodding.

“Go,” Tom said reassuringly. “I promise I’ll call if there’s a reason to, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Thanks.” Jack hesitated, looking back toward the double doors. Matthias put a hand on his arm and steered him toward the exit, saying goodbye for the both of them. Jack became more independently mobile once they were back in the main hallway, and Matthias looked him over as soon as they got into the elevator.

“Seriously, man, you alright?”

“Uhm. Yes? I don’t know. Sorry. I’ll feel better as soon as I’m busy. What’s the plan?”

“My house isn’t too far. I think we should just head back there, we have plenty of food for breakfast.”

Jack checked the time on his phone. “That sounds good. I have to call in to Blizzard for a couple of meetings in a bit. D’you have a room I could use fer a while?”

“Absolutely. Whatever you need.”

Jack was grateful that Matthias remained chatty and upbeat on the drive back to his house. He made a concerted effort to let go of some of his anxiety as Matthias told him stories from the night before, and he was smiling and laughing much more easily by the time Matthias was letting him into the house. He felt even better as soon as he realized that someone was brewing coffee, and he and Matthias found Ken, Bob, and Wade chatting animatedly in the kitchen, sipping from coffee mugs and cooking breakfast. They practically cheered when Jack entered the room and piled onto him in a group hug. Wade handed him a plate filled with pancakes and eggs and ordered him to sit down and eat.

Jack found Felix sitting by himself at the bar, sipping slowly from a mug, his face partially obscured by the hood he’d pulled over his head.

“I can’t hug you right now, bro.” Jack stifled a giggle; Felix’s voice was scratchy with hungover misery.

“Too bad, asshole.” He put his arms around Felix’s shoulders and squeezed.

“Fuck, dude, what did I just say?” Felix croaked, but he leaned against Jack, squeezing one of his arms.

Jack sat down and started shoveling food into his mouth, feeling infinitely better now that he was surrounded by friends again. He responded to questions intermittently, but was happy to sit and listen to the sounds of familiar voices and laughter. He eventually checked the time on his phone again, ate even faster, and then jumped up with his backpack.

Matthias led him to an office, where he set up his laptop and headphones and plugged in his phone. Both video files had finished downloading before he’d left the hospital, and he set the Lethe video to upload to YouTube, and queued up some social media posts on Mark’s accounts to publicize it. He also booted up the desktop in the room, just in case he needed to use it during his meetings. He wasn’t actually sure whether he would need to use video chat or share his screen, but he was glad he had the option, just in case. His work commitments had been a nagging concern in the back of his mind, especially since he hadn’t actually been to the office in two weeks, and he was grateful to Mark for helping him prioritize.

His feelings of gratitude expanded when Matthias returned with another plate of food and a second cup of coffee.

“Dude. Seriously, thank you.”

Matthias nodded. “We’ll leave you alone, just text me if you need anything else.”

“This is awesome. Really. Start thinking of ways that I can make it up to yeh.”

Matthias blinked. “You’ve singlehandedly pulled one of my best friends through an actual life-or-death situation. There’s no comparison, man.”

Jack stared. He hadn’t been expecting that. Matthias took pity on him and redirected the exchange.

“Although… how are you with babies?”

Jack giggled. “I can hold my own.”

“Great. See you later.”

He left Jack alone.

Jack knew he could use the desktop computer to record later, so he logged in to his and Mark’s accounts, and set some files to download so he could use the footage later on. He spent a couple of minutes responding to e-mails, trying to keep his thoughts from drifting constantly to Mark, but it was a massive effort. He finally picked up his phone, and found a text waiting for him.

M: I’M FINE. Stop worrying. I love you. I’ll be here when you get back.

Jack smiled. _He always knows._

J: just send this text on repeat, and i’ll be good. i missed you as soon as i left the room. i love you. so proud of you.

Hearing from Mark made all the difference. Jack called in to talk with his team and found that two-and-a-half hours flew by, punctuated by the occasional reassuring text message from Mark. He finally logged off, stood up, stretched, and ventured back into the main living space of the house. It was quiet; he made his way to the living room, where he found Matthias working on a laptop, and Amanda sitting in a chair nearby, holding Luna in her lap.

“Jack!” Amanda said quietly.

“Sorry, I don’t want to disturb you guys…”

“No way! Come sit!” She cocked her head toward the chair next to her.

Jack sat down and saw that Luna was actually awake, but looking sleepy, fussing with the pacifier Amanda was trying to keep in her mouth.

“We just played for a little while, but I think it’s going to be naptime soon. It’s really good to see you, Jack.”

“You too. Thank you so much for letting me work here. And, oh my goodness, she is so beautiful. I’m so happy fer you guys.”

Amanda grinned at him. “Want to hold her?”

Jack nodded. “I really do.”

Amanda stood up carefully, and leaned down to help settle Luna in Jack’s arms before disappearing into the kitchen.

Jack stared. Luna stared back. She burbled happily. He giggled.

_“Hello, little lovely. You are just the best ever, aren’t yeh?”_

Luna opened and closed her little fist. He rocked her gently with one arm and nudged her tiny palm with his opposite index finger. She grabbed on and squeezed. He sighed.

He heard a muted _click_ and looked up to find Matthias aiming his phone in his direction.

“Sorry, not sorry, I’m sending it to Mark. And you’re trapped under a baby and can’t do a thing to stop me.”

Jack just smiled. _“She’s so cute, I’m not even mad. Just wake me up in a bit if I fall asleep.”_

“Sure thing, man.”

Jack turned his gaze back toward Luna, and found that her eyes were starting to close. She was still holding onto his finger, and he gave her a tiny squeeze, enjoying the warmth of her squishy body. The sensation of rocking her to sleep was incredibly soothing, and he felt more calm than he had in days. He leaned his head against the back of the chair. He watched her fall asleep. He let his eyelids fall shut.

 

* * *

 

_“Jack. Hey. I brought you some water.”_

Jack opened his eyes and found Amanda leaning over him. He was still holding Luna snugly as she slept.

_“I’m going to put her down in her room, ok?”_

He let Amanda take Luna from him and rubbed at his eyes, trying to force himself back into a state of alertness. Matthias was still on the couch nearby.

“Mmf. How long was I out?”

“Just a half hour or so. We figured you’d probably want to get back to work pretty soon, even though that snuggle nap was pretty much the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Jack giggled. “Jesus, yeh filmed it, didn’t yeh?”

“Of course I did. As if Mark wasn’t head over heels enough. You’re welcome.”

Jack retrieved his phone from his pocket, and opened his texts from Mark.

M: As much as I miss you, these photos are worth it. Tell me all about it later? I’m going to sleep for a while. Text Tom if you need anything. “I love you” doesn’t cover it, but I’m saying it anyway.

Jack grinned stupidly and nodded at Matthias. “Thanks.” He typed a response:

J: you’re right, it doesn’t, but I still love hearing it. love you too. can’t wait to see you.

He stood up and stretched again, finally realizing that the house seemed strangely empty.

“Where’s everyone else?”

“They were going to meet up with the girls for lunch and then go see Mark. They might already be at the hospital by now. Amanda and I thought we might order in later – any requests?”

“Chinese? I feel like I should eat at least one vegetable this week.”

“Sure. Let me know when you’re done recording.”

Jack found a bathroom and examined his reflection. He looked a bit sleepy, so he washed his face and smoothed his hair until he was satisfied. He didn’t normally spend a lot of time scrutinizing his appearance before recording, but this felt different. He knew this video would be important, for him and for Mark, even if it was never uploaded to either of their channels. He ran his fingers over the bracelet Mark had given him, and pulled up on the cuffs of his long-sleeved shirt until it was visible. He went back to the office, prepped the foreign setup, and started to speak.

 

* * *

 

It was evening by the time Jack and Matthias returned to the hospital. Jack hadn’t really intended to spend so much time away, and even though he had kept in touch with Mark throughout the day, he was still anxious to be close to him again. He’d gathered from text messages that Tom, Bob, and Wade had stayed at the hospital through the afternoon, and were currently keeping Mark company. Jack and Matthias finally made it back to Mark’s room, and found them settled in chairs close to Mark’s bedside.

“Sean!”

If anything, Mark’s voice sounded even stronger than it had earlier that day. And something else was different… Jack practically jogged over to Mark’s bedside, pulling off his baseball cap and setting it aside.

“They took yer tube out!” It was true; the tube that had been threaded through Mark’s nose and throat was gone. Mark flashed him a massive grin.

“Guess what else?”

He picked up a cup of water from the bedside table and took a tiny sip.

Jack felt his eyes welling with tears again; the relief was staggering. “I can’t believe I missed it.”

“Hey. Come here.” Jack moved even closer and let Mark take his hands. “You missed the shitty parts, and I’m happy about that. And now it’s better. I wanted you to see the good parts. Good surprise, right?”

Jack nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Mark tugged on the front of his shirt, and he looked around the room self-consciously.

“Sean. It’s fine. They get it. And if not, fuck it, right?”

Jack smiled and made a sound that was half-laugh, half-sob. “Right. Fuck it.”

He leaned over and kissed Mark’s lips. The relief and familiarity were overwhelming; Mark’s mouth felt like his own again, and it was an incredible effort for Jack to break away. He pressed his lips to Mark’s forehead before straightening up. He sniffed, wiped at his eyes.

“So, what else did I miss?”

“They made me walk around a few times. A whole bunch of people came to visit, and then I passed out for a while. Bob kicked everyone’s ass in a couple card games. That’s about it.”

Bob, Wade, and Tom had stood up and crowded around Jack.

“He’s deflecting,” Wade said. “He talked about you for, like, several hours.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Mark groaned. “He’s exaggerating.”

“Not by much,” Bob added. “The baby photos didn’t help. I wish someone would cradle me in their arms like that.”

Wade put his arms around Bob’s midsection. “I got you, buddy.”

Everyone chuckled until Tom reigned them in.

“Ok. Let’s call it, guys.” He moved closer to Mark and gave him a careful hug, and everyone else followed suit before hugging Jack as well. Jack gave Matthias an extra squeeze.

“Thanks fer everything today.”

“Really, it’s the least I could do. Call if either of you need anything else. We’ll see you soon.”

They said their goodbyes, and Jack finally found himself alone with Mark. He opened his backpack, pulled out his laptop, left it on the bedside table, and then climbed into the bed, pressing his forehead against Mark’s cheek.

“I missed yeh _so_ much.”

Mark pressed gentle kisses into his hair. “I missed you too. But doesn’t it feel so good to be back together now?”

Jack nodded, eyelashes fluttering against Mark’s skin. “You were right, as usual. And I got a chance to record. Oh, speaking of which…”

He sat up and pulled the computer into his lap. He pulled up the downloaded files he needed Mark to review.

“Before yeh get too tired. Ready to watch the second video from last night?”

Mark looked hesitant.

“Yeh’d rather make out.”

Mark nodded.

“I’m yers fer the rest of the night, love. But I should get this queued up if yeh want me to upload it tonight. I don’t think it’s that long, anyway.”

Mark sighed. “Ok. Let’s see it.”

 Jack clicked into the video, and Matthias’ face materialized on the screen.

“Hellloooo everybody, my name is Matthias, and welcome to SCOOT SCOOT, BITCH! Mark, if you’re watching, I really can’t apologize enough, but the idea was just too good to pass up. I’ll let you guess who came up with it. Anyway, here’s the deal: Felix, Ken, Bob, and Wade just took a bunch of shots and are well past the point of inebriation. We’re all going to try to beat your time for Scoot Scoot. Since I’m _not_ intoxicated, I’ll go first to set a baseline. If the whole thing takes too long, Ken’s on standby to pour more drinks, to make sure everyone is good and handicapped before making their attempt. I think they decided to screen your original episode and take more shots every time they hear that high-pitched wailing noise you make. You know, the whole ‘What THE FUUUCK!’ thing? Right. Everyone clear on what we’re doing? Great. Here we go!”

Mark and Jack watched a heavily edited version of Matthias’ attempt to beat Mark’s time. Mark sighed with relief when he finally gave up; he’d been able to get within ten seconds of Mark’s final time, but that was all.

“Fuck it, that’s it, I’m out!” Matthias called over his shoulder: “Good luck fools, this game is impossible.”

Static filled the screen for a brief moment, and then Bob’s face appeared in its place, looking much pinker than usual.

“Mark! Scoot Scoot, buddy! Let’s do this!”

Again, the footage was heavily edited, and Mark and Jack were laughing out loud at Bob’s many clumsy attempts to navigate the challenging controls. By the end, though, Bob had managed to get within two minutes of Mark’s time before he finally threw in the towel.

“That’s my best effort. Seriously, fuck this game.” He called over his shoulder: “Good luck, Ken.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Mark breathed. “I do _not_ like where this is going.”

Jack giggled. “Sorry, love, but it’s genius.”

Static again, then Ken’s face appeared. “Scooty Scoot, Mark! Here we go!”

Ken giggled continuously through his entire clip. He seemed to forget the objective entirely, and spent several minutes driving aimlessly around the course and humming nonsensically about his new friends, the orange cones. At one point Mark and Jack heard muffled yelling in the background ( _PLAY THE FUCKING GAME, KEN)_ and he was finally able to get back on track, but he didn’t even come close to beating Bob’s time, let alone Mark’s.

“Well fellas, I don’t think I scooted too good. Morrison OUT.”

Static, followed by Wade’s goofy grin.

“Sorry, Mark, but I’m coming for you.” Wade slurred a bit, and his level of intoxication was clear as he wobbled through his first few attempts, but Mark recognized the look of laser focus on his face.

“He’s going to beat my time.”

“What? There’s no way-”

“I’ll bet you a blowjob. Just wait.”

Jack giggled. “I’ll take that bet.”

They watched Wade fumble through several more rounds, improving each time. After a few minutes, the only evidence of Wade’s inebriation was the fact that he kept leaning gradually to the right, almost falling out of his chair before finally straightening up again. On his final attempt, Wade was able to get within 30 seconds of Mark’s time.

“That’s it. That’s all I got. Rematch when I’m sober, Mark.”

“See?” Jack said. “I win! I’ll still give you a blowjob, though.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Jesus, that was too close though. So why…?”

Felix’s face appeared on the screen.

“Oh, shit,” Mark and Jack said in unison.

“Scoot Scoot, bitches!” Felix could barely articulate the words. “I’ve lost count of how many… drink things. Glasses. SHOTS. I’ve lost count. And I will still fucking CRUSH you, Markiplier.”

Jack and Mark were both giggling again before long; Felix was _awful_ , and the string of unintelligible profanity in more than one language was almost as enjoyable as his many failed attempts to master the course. Eventually, though, he started to get the hang of it, and when he finally got within ten seconds of Mark’s time, they knew it was all over. He beat Mark’s time by a full twenty seconds on his last run, before raising his arms triumphantly, and then slumping over onto the desk.

“Bro. I am _so_ fucking drunk, and I just _annihilated_ you.” They heard more muffled yelling in the background ( _TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, FELIX_ ) and Felix sighed heavily, aiming a middle finger over his shoulder. “Right. Get well soon, Mark. I should probably drink some water before I end up in the hospital too. Until next time, bitches. Um. I mean. BUH BYE!” He pointed both middle fingers at the camera, and the screen went dark.

Jack looked over at Mark, who was shaking his head. “That _motherfucker._ Only Felix could drink enough liquor to intoxicate a small town and _still_ beat my time. Fuck!”

“It’s ok, love. We don’t have to upload it if yeh don’t want to.”

“Oh, no, we definitely need to upload it. It’s hilarious. Fucking Felix.”

Jack giggled, relieved that Mark was taking it all in stride. He set the video to upload, and queued up some matching social media posts. Then he clicked over to the video he’d recorded at Matthias’ house.

He hesitated, suddenly self-conscious.

“This one’s mine. I tried to keep it… well… I wanted to be able to actually upload it, but I’m still not sure if we should. But I want yeh to see it, anyway.”

Mark had picked up on the blush in Jack’s cheeks. “Sean? What’s up?”

Jack shook his head. “Nothing. I’m good. Ready to watch?”

Mark nodded. He waited until Jack had clicked into the video, then picked up Jack’s hand and threaded their fingers together. Jack felt his heart start to race as he heard his own voice on the playback.

“Hello everybody, and welcome back to Markiplier’s channel! Many of yeh know me as Jacksepticeye, but since this isn’t my channel, and since the circumstances that inspired this recording are quite serious, just fer today, I’d like yeh to think of me as Sean McLoughlin.”

Mark noticed right away that the style of this recording was markedly different from the Vlogs and Let’s Plays that Jack usually uploaded. He adored Jack’s YouTube persona, including the exaggerated voice he used in his videos, but it was vastly different from the calmer, more serious tone he had grown used to over the weeks they’d spent together. The realization hit him square in the chest: he wasn’t watching Jacksepticeye. He was watching Sean. And Sean was speaking directly to him.

“I’m sure yeh’re all aware by now that Mark’s been in the hospital recovering from surgery. He’s doing great, but as yeh can imagine, he’s been a bit out of the loop. I’m not even sure if he’s aware of it, but I bet most of you are – he hit 15 million subscribers last night!”

Mark’s mouth fell open. He hadn’t known.

“I’m sure he’ll find his own way of celebrating as soon as he’s home, but in the meantime, I need to take the opportunity to show my appreciation fer this channel, and fer Mark. I can honestly say that I quite literally wouldn’t be the person I am today without him, and believe it or not, there was a time when I felt really badly about that. In my weakest moments, I used to wonder whether I’d just invented this persona based on people I looked up to when I was younger, and then figured out how to fake my way into playing the part. But if yeh’ve been following my journey, yeh know I’ve made some changes in my life recently, and I’ve learned to see things differently. I’m hoping the clip I’m about to show yeh will help me explain what I mean. Now, I watched Mark’s channel fer quite a while before I ever saw this video, and yeh’ll probably be able to guess why. Mark made this recording when he hit 10,000 subscribers on YouTube, and I want to share a piece of it now, to try to remind you all of the person Mark is, and to try to explain what he means to me.”

The image of Jack’s face condensed into a smaller rectangle and shifted to the upper left-hand corner of the screen. A frozen image of Mark was now the primary focus of the video, and real-time Mark laughed softly, taking in the image of his much younger self and the barely-familiar sound of his recorded voice.

“I just wanted to take a moment to reintroduce myself. My name is Markiplier, but that's just my handle. My full name is Mark Fischbach. I'm a biomedical engineering student from the University of Cincinnati, and I'm introducing myself again because I realized that the more subscribers I get, the more people that see my videos who don't have any idea of who I am and why I do this YouTube thing. And to really get an idea of why I do this, you have to go back a year. Last year was one of the worst years of my life, and I'm not even exaggerating... I was in a terrible relationship, I got kicked out of the house, I had an appendectomy where they then found a tumor... and it just all culminated into a year where I didn't know what I was going to do or why I was doing it.

So, flash-forward to this year, where in April I finally started a YouTube channel, just on a whim. I didn't even really see it going anywhere, I just thought it'd be fun... then it just spawned into something bigger than I could possibly imagine. It's incredible, it's why I get up in the morning. I may be studying biomedical engineering in school, but I don't think that's what I want to do with my life anymore. I _love_ to get up and entertain you guys. I love to do this every day. I love every opportunity I have to make videos...

But I want you to realize that the more subscribers I get, I don't ever plan to lose focus on why I'm here. The reason I care so much about building up a community is because I know that we can do amazing things together. The 2,000 people who were with me when I first did my charity livestream did an amazing job... just think what we could do with 10,000... just think what we could do with 100,000... even a _million_. The amount of change that we could make with a million people would be outrageous. And make no mistake, I have big goals for this channel, but I'm not in this for the fame. I'm not in this for the money. I don't care about those things... If there's any reason why you guys should share my videos or tell other people about my channel... it's because I'm never going to lose sight of where I started, and how I started. Going from the worst year of my life, into now the best year of my life, where I've found purpose, and I've found a reason... to live, basically. It's an incredible feeling. So. I just wanted to take a moment to thank you.”

The image froze, and Jack’s face filled the screen once again. His expression was thoughtful.

“It took me a long time to realize it, but… I didn’t start doing YouTube because I wanted to _be like_ Mark. I started doing YouTube because I _was_ like Mark. Everything he just said about building a community, bringing people together to do something great… trying to change the world… I had that passion long before I started following other people on YouTube. I had that drive long before I ever saw this video. I didn’t steal my goals or my beliefs or my aspirations from _anyone._ They’re mine. They always have been. So when I tell yeh that I wouldn’t be the person I am today without Mark, it’s not because I stole my dreams from him. My dreams were _mine_ , long before I ever knew his name. I wouldn’t be the person that I am right now without him, because when I watched him… when I met him… I realized that those dreams could actually come _true_. Because he _did_ it. He took all of that pain and loneliness and turned it into something incredible. And he made me believe that I could do it, too.

So, Mark, from the bottom of my heart, _thank you._ I am one of millions that yeh’ve inspired. I’m living proof of the impact yeh’ve had on the world. It’s been a long road from 10,000 to 15 million, and we’ve changed a lot along the way. Different hair, different clothes, different styles, but the same dreams, and the same goals. And no matter where we end up…”

Jack’s image shifted back to the corner, and Mark’s younger self appeared in the center of the screen again.

“…This is who you are to me. I’ll never forget what it was like to hear you speaking these words, feeling like I was hearing my innermost thoughts coming out of someone else’s mouth. I’ll never forget what it was like to feel seen and understood fer the first time in my life. I’ll never be able to repay yeh. All I can do is make the same promise you made. I’m never going to lose sight of where I started. And I’ll never forget that yeh’re the reason I became the person I was meant to be. Thank you, and congratulations.”

Jack’s smiling face faded slowly to black.

In real time, Jack realized he’d been holding his breath for the majority of the video. He felt another uncomfortable sensation, and realized that Mark was squeezing his hand painfully tight. He finally worked up the courage to look at Mark’s face, and found him weeping openly, tears streaming silently but steadily down his face. Jack put the laptop back on the bedside table and shifted onto his knees, taking Mark’s face in his hands, brushing at his tears with his thumbs and fingertips.

_“It’s alright, love. Talk to me?”_

Mark tried to speak, but choked on a tiny sob.

Jack pressed his lips to Mark’s face, slowly, gently, erasing salty tears. He rested his thumb on Mark’s throat. He smoothed at Mark’s hair.

“Sean.”

Jack made some space between them, looked in Mark’s eyes. “Hey, love.”

“I need to say some things. Ok?”

Jack nodded. “I’m listening.”

Mark took a shuddering breath, then started to speak.

“I know this must be awful. And I was thinking I wanted to tell you that I’m so sorry all of this had to happen. But… that would’ve been a lie. I’m not. And I know that’s selfish. But I wouldn’t trade this for anything. Having you here with me… seeing that video… knowing that you’ll still be here when I wake up tomorrow morning... And it’s not that I underestimated you. It’s not like I thought you were the kind of person who’d walk out if things got tough. It’s that…”

Mark’s lower lip trembled. Jack was paralyzed, breathless, listening intently to Mark’s every word, lost in the raw honesty of what Mark was trying to convey. Lost in the sound of Mark’s voice.

“…It’s that I honestly didn’t think I deserved it. You. Us. Any of it. And especially this. Having you here, like this. I can’t… it’s just…” Another tear splashed onto Mark’s cheek. He shook his head, took another breath.

“But you make me feel like I could deserve it. Like I could deserve _you_ , if I try hard enough. Like I could make all of this worth it. I promise you, I will do everything I can to make this worth it.”

Jack put his arms around Mark’s shoulders, pressed his forehead against Mark’s cheek.

 _“You’re worth it.”_ He pressed his lips against Mark’s neck.

 _“Yeh’ve always been worth it.”_ He straightened up, found Mark’s mouth with his own.

 _“I love you.”_ He kissed Mark again.

_“I love every single part of you. I love the person you were in that video, four years ago. I love the person you are in this very moment. I’ll love yeh four years from now. Or ten. Or a hundred. Because yeh deserve it. Yeh do. And I’ll tell yeh every day if yeh need me to. Yeh’re worth it.”_

Jack kissed him, again and again.

Mark tried to believe him.

 


	56. Chapter 56

Jack giggled himself awake, squirming in response to a tickling sensation around his midsection.

_“Shit. Sorry.”_

He opened his eyes, and found Mark looking back at him, his face close by, resting on the pillow they were sharing. Jack was curled on his side, holding Mark’s shoulder with one hand.

_“Hey. What’s wrong, love?”_

He felt Mark’s fingertips sliding along his belly, underneath his shirt.

_“Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s perfect.”_

Jack shuddered, let out a small gasp as Mark slid his fingertips inside the waistband of his pajama bottoms. He blinked, the darkness of the room making him wonder if he was actually still asleep.

_“Mark. What are you…?”_

He gasped again as he felt Mark’s thumb slip inside his boxers, tracing the crease of his hip. He throbbed involuntarily.

_“Mark… We can’t…”_

_“Yes we can.”_

Jack knew he should be putting up more of a fight, but he was having trouble formulating a coherent thought with Mark’s hand moving across his skin.

_“But… What if…”_

_“Sean. I don’t want to wait anymore. Please let me.”_

Mark’s hand was warm and strong.

_“Oh. Say it again.”_

Mark wrapped his fingers around Jack’s cock.

_“Please.”_

Jack flipped onto his knees and braced his forearms on either side of Mark’s head. He kissed Mark’s mouth, _hard_ , channeling all of his restraint to keep from climbing into Mark’s lap, from pressing their bodies together. He nipped at Mark’s lower lip. He licked at Mark’s upper lip. He forced Mark’s mouth open with his tongue; the inside was warm and wet. He imagined the sensation traveling elsewhere… he moaned against Mark’s lips as Mark stroked at him. He knew he was already leaking precum, could feel Mark’s hand gliding easily over his sensitive skin. Stress and deprivation had weakened his defenses; he was helpless.

Mark nudged at Jack with his nose, creating a small space between them. They stared at each other, breathing hard.

 _“Take off your shirt.”_ Mark’s voice was quiet, but hard and commanding. Jack obeyed.

Mark removed his hand from Jack’s pants and held his arm out to the side, creating a space for Jack to settle into.

_“On your back.”_

Jack shivered at this second command, understanding what Mark had in mind. He turned over, put his right arm around Mark’s shoulders, and rested some of his weight tentatively along Mark’s left side so that Mark could easily reach around him.

_“Like this?”_

Mark responded by pulling down on Jack’s pants and boxers, and taking Jack’s cock in his hand. He was using his left, which should have been awkward, but was actually thrilling. They both pulsed with arousal, overtaken by the need for closeness and release, rebelling together against everything that had been keeping them apart: Mark’s illness, this hospital room, this too-small bed.

_“Sean. It’s just like the beach.”_

Jack buried his face in Mark’s hair, grinding his hips while Mark stroked at him, eyes closed, moaning softly.

_“I knew I could make you come. I knew you wanted me to. I knew I wanted to do this every day, for the rest of my life.”_

_“Mm.”_ Jack leaned into Mark, trying to think of something intelligible to say. _“Yes. Please. Fuck. Mark.”_

Mark laughed softly. _“There’s my Sean. I love it when you get monosyllabic.”_ He slowed his pace, brushing his lips against Jack’s cheek, wanting to make the moment last, and also fighting off a small wave of lightheadedness. Jack let out a long, low moan, grinding slowly against Mark’s hand.

_“Mark. Love. I missed yeh so much. I can’t wait to take yeh home.”_

_“What, you don’t want to stay here forever?”_ Mark squeezed in a long, slow movement.

_“Ooh. In this position, yes. In this room, no.”_

Mark’s whisper was barely audible. _“Which room, then?”_ He continued to stroke in long, slow movements, pushing Jack toward the edge an inch at a time.

_“Downstairs. On the couch.”_

_“Mm. And you would be…”_

Jack grazed Mark’s ear with his teeth.

_“In yer lap. Riding you until I felt yeh come inside me.”_

_“Mm. Sean. Would you like to come now?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Yes…?”_

_“Please.”_

Mark gradually picked up speed, leaning his head against Jack’s, loving the feeling of Jack’s hot, hitching breath against his skin. Jack moaned continuously until he started to go rigid, and Mark could tell he was ready to fall.

_“Sean. I love you. Come for me, now.”_

_“Ahh- Mark-”_

Jack released with a gasp, splashing warm liquid over Mark’s hand and his own stomach. Mark felt the tension in Jack’s body break, felt his limbs and hips relaxing as he finally exhaled. He could actually feel affection radiating from Jack’s skin, felt warm and satisfied as if he’d been the one exploding with pleasure a moment before.

_“Mm. I think I actually felt that one, too. How’s it feel, Sean?”_

_“Uhm. Not sure there’s a word fer it.”_ Jack took a long, shaky breath. _“I love you too.”_

He adjusted his position so he could press his lips against Mark’s. He took his time, exploring all the lines of Mark’s mouth until his limbs started to ache from the awkward position he was holding. He assumed that Mark was probably equally uncomfortable, and reluctantly broke away.

_“Hey, love. How about we clean up, and I make out with yeh ‘til yeh fall asleep?”_

Mark nodded. _“Yes please.”_

_“Ok. Be right back.”_

Jack climbed out of the bed, trying his best not to make a mess of the sheets and blanket. He did a rough job of cleaning up in the bathroom, then returned to Mark with a warm towel, and took his time cleaning Mark’s hand.

_“Ok. I’m going to take the world’s fastest shower. Two minutes. Alright?”_

Mark nodded. _“I’ll be here.”_

Jack was true to his word, and he was climbing back into the bed with Mark within five minutes. He’d towel-dried his hair as best he could, but it was still slightly damp. Mark ran his fingers through it and pulled him close, inhaling deeply.

_“You smell so good. You feel so good. How did I ever sleep before you came?”_

Jack giggled softly. _“Yeh didn’t, remember? Yeh stayed up all night talking to me.”_

_“Mm. Right.”_

Jack settled onto the pillow next to Mark, close enough to touch Mark’s nose with his own. He gave Mark a nudge.

_“Thanks fer that, love. It was almost like we really were somewhere else, fer a while.”_

Mark nodded sleepily. _“That’s what I was going for. I wish I could do more.”_

Jack traced the corner of Mark’s mouth with his thumb.

_“Me too. And I will. As soon as it’s safe. I’ll do anything yeh want. I’ll make yeh feel so good. I promise.”_

Mark smiled. _“I’m not in this for the orgasms, Sean. But… that sounds amazing. You’re amazing. And I can’t wait.”_

_“Close yer eyes, love.”_

Mark obeyed. Jack ran his fingers slowly through Mark’s hair, starting at his forehead and moving down behind his ear. He rested his fingertips along Mark’s jaw and kissed him, so sweetly.

They drifted back to sleep with their lips close enough to touch.

 

* * *

 

Jack spent the early morning doing maintenance for his and Mark’s channels and sifting through social media, while Mark played cards with Wade, Bob, Ken, and Felix. Mark had spent most of the previous afternoon convincing them all to fly home, and they’d finally started to pick up on the fact that Mark was feeling guilty and stressed about keeping them from their work and their homes. They’d agreed to visit early the following morning (“…to make sure Jack can keep you alive,” as Felix had put it,) and they’d booked afternoon flights under Mark’s supervision.

Jack knew Mark was relieved, but his own feelings were more complicated. Selfishly, he didn’t want any of them to go; he had already grown attached to all of them by the time he’d left Seattle. He’d never had so much fun in his life, and he knew that feeling of enjoyment stemmed from the unconditional support they’d shown for his relationship with Mark. He’d already been dreading saying goodbye to them, even before Mark’s surgery, and now he found the idea intolerable. They’d helped him survive the most challenging week of his life, and they were like family to him now.

Wade had been eliminated from the game, and noticed Jack’s expression as he stared aimlessly away from his laptop screen. He got up and dragged his chair over to the table where Jack had been working.

“It’s going to be ok,” he said quietly.

Jack forced a smile. “I know, I’m fine-”

Wade cut him off: “None of us are fine. I remember what it was like the first time Mark went through this, and it really wasn’t much easier this time around. I can’t even imagine what this was like for you.”

Jack nodded. “I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done without you guys.”

Wade smiled. “You would’ve taken care of Mark. No one could do it better. I don’t think any of us had any doubts that you guys belong together, but if anyone did… well… it’s obvious. You do. If I had to make a list of people that I’d trust to take care of my best friend, you’d be the only person on it. Especially after all this.”

Jack felt heat rising in his cheeks. “Thanks, man. I’m glad it shows that I’m… serious.”

“It does. He is, too. You know that, right?”

“I do.” Jack sighed. “Maybe we can come visit soon? I know Mark was talking about going to Cincinnati around the holidays…”

“We’ll miss you, too,” Wade said, reading between the lines. “I know you met us as ‘Mark’s friends,’ or whatever. Me and Bob, anyway. We’re your friends, too, though. I know Bob feels the same way. We’re here for you.”

“Hey. Wade. Quit flirting with Jack, we’re dealing you back in.” Jack was fairly certain Felix hadn’t overheard their conversation; he was just being generally antagonistic, as usual.

“Deal Jack in, too,” Wade said.

They all played one more hand together, and the mood became gradually more subdued until it was time to say goodbye. Felix hugged Mark first, and then draped an arm around Jack’s shoulders.

“Listen to me, dude,” he said to Mark. He used his free hand to point at Jack’s face. “Do _not_ fuck this up. Do you see this face?” He grabbed Jack’s chin and gave him a shake.

“Christ, Felix,” Jack giggled.

“I mean it. Look at him. Don’t fuck it up.”

“I won’t,” Mark said seriously. “I swear.”

Felix nodded approvingly, then made room for Ken, Bob, and Wade to exchange hugs with Mark and Jack.

“Call if you need anything,” Wade reminded Mark. “You too, Jack.”

Jack nodded, trying to find the words to express himself, to tell these people what they meant to him. But he found that he could only wave as they let themselves out of the room. He let his hand fall to his side as the door clicked shut behind them.

“Sean.”

He looked back at Mark, forcing a smile.

“It’s ok to be upset. I know they’ll miss you too.”

“No, love, I’m fine-”

“Hey. Babe. You don’t have to do that.”

Jack sighed. He knew he was working too hard to be protective. Mark was recovering, and becoming more alert by the hour. Jack knew he couldn’t – _shouldn’t_ – hide how he was feeling; Mark would always see right through him.

“I’m not _upset_ , exactly. I just… I’ve never had _friends_ , like this, before. And… they know about us. And they still…”

Mark’s forehead was creased with concern. He gestured with one finger, and Jack moved toward the bed until he was close enough to hold Mark’s hand.

“Being with me doesn’t make you less lovable, Sean. And I have no use for anyone who would think like that.”

“I know. I just… I always feel like people will think differently about me. I can’t help it.”

“They _do_ think about you differently. You’re different. You’re _better._ We’re better together, and they know it. They told me so. They liked you before – you know that – but now… they love you.”

Jack nodded. “I think I knew that. Maybe that’s why I feel sad. How d’you always say goodbye to them?”

“Keeping in touch is easy. We’ll all be playing games again together in a few days. And with Bob and Wade… I’ve known them for so long. They’re family. I know they’ll always be there. And… I don’t know. I don’t have any concrete plans, or anything, but… I always envisioned that we would all live near each other again. Someday.”

Jack had been wondering about this, but had chosen not to bring it up. He knew from previous conversations that Mark had always viewed living in LA as a temporary career move rather than a long-term life plan. Temptation tugged at the corner of his mind; he wanted to talk about the future. He wanted to be making these plans with Mark. But he knew the timing wasn’t right.

“I can see why. I think it’d be good fer all of yeh.”

“For all of _us_. I’m not going anywhere without you.”

Mark said it so matter-of-factly, Jack’s heartbeat danced. He smiled.

“Does it snow in Cincinnati?”

“Yeah. The seasons are nice. I think you’ll love it.”

There was a brief knock at the door, and Nancy and Theo entered the room. As much as Jack had been hoping to take the conversation further, he decided to take this interruption as a sign; it would be best to come back to it another time. He took a step back so Nancy could approach the bed and hand Mark a cup of water.

“How are you feeling?”

Mark nodded, taking a sip, keeping his eyes on Jack’s. “Good. Better. Thanks.”

“Your family is here, but we’d like you to get up and walk before you have any more visitors.”

“Sure. I’m ready. Let’s do it. Uhm… Sean? Want to stay?”

Jack nodded enthusiastically. “I do.”

He watched as Nancy and Theo skillfully instructed Mark, noticing that he needed far less assistance to get out of bed this time around. He accompanied them to a room a couple doors down which was much larger than the patient rooms, and contained equipment that Jack guessed was used for physical rehabilitation. Theo and Nancy directed Mark to walk between a set of bars, so he would have something to grab onto in case he needed it. He didn’t. Jack stood at the end of the pathway, alternating between scathing insults and words of genuine encouragement until Mark completed each lap. Jack took note of Nancy’s barely-contained smile, and made it his mission to antagonize Mark until she finally broke into a genuine laugh.

Mark’s spirits were equally high. Jack was relieved all over again that Mark had insisted on giving him a break the day before. He hadn’t wanted to admit it at the time, but his nerves had been fraying from the stress. He wasn’t sure how much more pain he could’ve witnessed Mark suffering through. Maybe he was still coasting on memories from the night before – Mark’s hand moving confidently over his body – but today, Mark seemed… _good._ Better. Stronger.

Happy.

Jack spent more time online while Mark visited briefly with Dee. The response to the content he’d posted to Mark’s channel had been almost entirely positive, particularly the Vlog he had recorded himself. It had received far more than the typical number of views given the short time since he’d uploaded it, and he thought it might actually break viewership records for his and Mark’s channels, given more time. He took his headphones off and stretched, eyeing Mark flirtatiously from across the room.

“Hey. McLoughlin. Time to eat. Dee’s going to take you out for lunch.”

“Oh? What’ve I done to deserve such an honor?”

“Such a gentleman, Jack.” Dee beamed at him. “Only if you’d like to.”

Jack grinned at her, genuinely pleased that she’d even make the request. He knew this was a practical plan for other reasons, too. Mark needed to spend some time alone with his mom. Jack guessed he’d have a better shot at winning her over if he could show that he respected her privacy.

“I’d love to. Need anything while we’re out, love?”

“Large pizza? Burrito? Wings? Brownies?”

Jack giggled. “Starting to feel hungry?” It had been days since Mark had actually spoken positively about food, which had been disturbing in and of itself.

Mark nodded. “Yes. I was going to mention it earlier, but… I’m kind of scared of Nancy.”

Jack laughed in earnest. “I know what yeh mean. She’s all fluff inside, though. Want me to mention it to her?”

“Yes, please.”

“You got it. I’ll take a walk while yeh say goodbye.”

He put on a baseball cap and walked down to the nurse’s station, where Nancy was sitting behind the desk. She smiled warmly when she saw him, and he thought he might’ve finally put a permanent dent in her no-nonsense exterior.

“Everything ok down there?”

“Everything’s great. Mark says he’s actually feeling hungry. That’s good, right?”

She nodded, and checked her watch.

“Right on schedule. Wait here a minute?”

She disappeared into a room nearby, and came back with a cup filled with what looked like a smoothie. She handed it to Jack.

“I thought you’d like to do the honors. I think it’ll mean more, coming from you.”

He hugged her with his free arm. She stood rigid for a beat, then gave his shoulder a brief squeeze. He released her.

“Thanks fer helping him get better.”

She smiled. “You can take more credit for that than I can.”

He blushed, nodded. “Thanks. Uhm. Any idea when he’ll be able to eat real food again?”

“We’ll see how he does with that. If he tolerates it well, we can start him on soft solids tonight. He might be able to eat a real meal tomorrow, but don’t quote me on that, just in case.”

Jack couldn’t keep the grin off his face. “Right. Thanks. Again.”

He practically skipped back to Mark’s room, and presented the smoothie to Mark with a flourish. Mark’s eyes went wide.

“Really?”

“Yep. Nancy says it’s ok.”

Mark reached for the cup, but kept his hand over Jack’s, holding it in place.

“You’re the best, Sean.”

Jack flushed happily. “Smoothie now. Compliments later. Go on, love.”

Mark took the cup, sipped hesitantly, and moaned with pleasure.

“Oh my God. This is so gross. I love it.”

Jack inadvertently took hold of Dee’s arm, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.

Mark looked him up and down and broke into a low giggle.

“Sean. It’s ok. It’s just a smoothie.”

Jack took the bait.

“Just a fucking _SMOOTHIE, FISCHBACH?”_

Mark was laughing fully now, and Jack realized he’d been teasing.

“Jesus Christ, love…” He laughed, then looked at Dee, embarrassed. “Sorry fer the language, Dee.”

She patted his arm. “I’ve seen your videos, dear. It’s alright. I’m excited, too.”

Mark took another sip, made another satisfied noise. “Ok. You guys should go. Dee, if he doesn’t settle down after you eat, see if you can get him to do laps in the parking lot, or something. He’s been trapped in here for too long.”

Jack searched for a sarcastic response, and came up short. Mark was trying to take care of him, the only way he could right now. He took the cup out of Mark’s hand, put it on the bedside table, and wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulders.

_“See yeh later.”_

Mark’s whisper was so quiet, Jack barely heard him:

_“Love you.”_

Jack and Dee met Tom and Mark’s mom in the waiting room. Tom hugged Jack, as usual, and surrendered the keys to Mark’s car. Jack addressed Mark’s mom.

“He’s drinking a smoothie! They said he can start eating soon. He’ll be really happy to see yeh.”

Her smile was more genuine than he’d seen it thus far.

“And how are you doing?”

His heart fluttered with nervous excitement.

“Really good. I mean, he’s so much better. I’m… just… really happy.”

She nodded. “You look happy.”

“Thanks. Uhm. Do yeh need anything? While I’m out?”

“No. Thank you.”

“Right. Call if yeh do. See yeh later?”

She and Tom both waved while he and Dee headed for the exit.

Dee was excellent company. Jack was reminded all over again that he’d be content to listen to her talk about Mark all day long. He told her so, and got the feeling that she felt the same way about him. He navigated them to a nearby restaurant, ordered enough to feed at least three people, and worked his way through it under Dee’s supervision. She even agreed to snap some photos with his phone so he could send them to Mark, and Jack blushed and giggled in response to the somewhat suggestive responses he received.

He looked a Dee apologetically. “Sorry, he’s… he always makes me laugh.”

She nodded, looking thoughtful. “You know, I’m sorry to admit it, but I was skeptical when Mark first told me about the two of you. I mean, he sounded so _happy_ , but…”

Jack chewed and swallowed. “It’s alright. I know how shocked _I_ was at first, I can’t imagine what everyone else must feel like.”

“I felt like I owed it to you. To be honest about that. I felt so guilty, having that reaction. Even right afterwards. Mark has _never_ called me to tell me about someone in his life like that, before. At first I thought it had more to do with him feeling like he needed to… _come out_? Is that what you call it?”

Jack giggled. “I think so. It’s new to me, too.”

“Right. But I know different, now. He didn’t make a big show of it to make some point about his… _preferences_. He was making a big show about _you_. And rightfully so. I promise, I was ready to give you the benefit of the doubt before any of this happened. For Mark’s sake. And as much as I wish to God that Mark didn’t have to… I mean, _Lord_ , what he’s been through…”

Her eyes had filled with tears. She sniffed, and dabbed at them with a napkin.

“What I mean to say, is… all any parent wants is to see their child loved and cared for. That’s all any decent parent _should_ want, anyway. I’m sorry that I had a hard time picturing you with my son. After all this, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to picture him with anyone else. And I hope that makes up for it.”

Jack had completely lost his breath. He tried to find it, and failed. He felt a tear splash onto his cheek. He wiped it away. He opened his mouth, and waited for something to come out.

“I…”

He managed to take a breath.

“However you think he feels about me… that’s how I feel about him. Love and care don’t even begin to cover it. He’s everything to me. I promise, I won’t disappoint yeh.”

“I know you won’t. I’ve seen it for myself. That’s the one part of all this heartache that I wouldn’t trade away.” She paused, her eyes traveling over his face. “You’re so young. You may not know this, but very few people are capable of this kind of commitment. This kind of selflessness. Mark is easy to love when he’s happy and healthy. He might be the most lovable person in the world, then. You know it. Millions of people know it. But I always wondered how many of those people would stick around, through something like this. How many people would love him just as much after seeing him so…”

She paused again, fighting off another wave of emotion. She wiped at her eyes, took a steadying breath. “But you do.”

Jack reached across the table and put his hand on her arm. He nodded.

“I do.”

 


	57. Chapter 57

Jack and Dee met Tom and Mark’s mom in the hospital waiting room after lunch. They were both in high spirits, and reported that Mark was, as well. Jack encouraged Dee to spend a few more minutes with Mark on her own, and he sat across from Tom and Mark’s mom to get more details.

“Nancy brought him another one of those smoothie things,” Tom said. “She said, so far, so good.”

Jack bounced happily in his seat. He knew he might appear to be overly excited about Mark’s calorie intake, but he couldn’t help it. He knew he’d give just about anything to see Mark eat a slice of pizza again.

“I really hope they let him eat some actual food tonight. I think he’ll feel so much better,” Jack explained.

They both nodded.

“He seems much better already,” Mark’s mom offered. Thus far, Jack thought she had avoided addressing him directly, and his heart fluttered again to find her meeting his gaze.

“I know. I…” Jack tried to choose his words carefully. “I can’t imagine what this must be like, fer you. I know it’s helped him so much, that yeh’re here.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

An awkward silence fell for a moment. Tom nudged his mom’s arm with an elbow. She cleared her throat.

“So… Jack.” She paused, shifting uncomfortably. Tom nudged her again. “The last time this happened… I mean, the last time Mark was in the hospital… they let me bring him some food from home.”

Jack smiled. “Chicken and dumplings, right?”

She looked confused.

“Oh. Uhm. I saw the pictures. I mean, we were already friends back then... I was worried… and he told me the story, later.”

She nodded. “Right. Anyway… I would like to do that again. I thought… maybe you could help?”

“Oh! Right! Yes! One of the nurses told me there’s actually a guest house really close, they have a kitchen and everything. I’m sure yeh can use it, I can ask one of the nurses, if yeh like.”

“Oh… no... I mean, yes, sure. But I meant… I thought you could help me make the food. I thought… well, I think it would make Mark happy.”

Jack blinked, trying to process what she was telling him. _Asking_ him. It took a moment for it to click.

“Oh. _Oh._ Yes! I mean, thanks! I mean…” Jack shook his head, trying to get control of what was coming out of his mouth. “Yes, I know it’d make Mark really happy. And I’d love to. It’s… it’s a really good idea. That’s… really nice of yeh.”

She seemed to relax a bit. Tom jumped in to rescue them both.

“Can you scope out the kitchen situation? I can take her shopping in the morning, once we figure out what we need.”

Jack was doing his best to project silent gratitude in Tom’s direction; he had a feeling Tom had been the motivating factor behind this development.

“Yes. Absolutely.” Jack thought his voice sounded _way_ too loud, given that they were all sitting less than two feet away from one another. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He jumped. He winced apologetically, embarrassed.

“…Sorry, my phone…”

He fished it out of his pocket and found a message from Suzy, asking whether Mark would like some visitors later on, and telling him to check his e-mail. He flipped to his other messages, and saw that Arin had shared a link to a video the Grumps had recorded for Mark’s channel. He smiled and put the phone away.

“Suzy. Sounds like the Grumps want to visit. I’ll make sure Mark’s up fer it, first, though.”

Mark’s mom nodded approvingly. They all stood up when Dee came back through the double doors.

“Your turn, Jack,” she said brightly. “…Or is it ‘Sean’?”

Again, Jack was slow on the uptake. His given name always sounded strange to him… except when Mark said it.

“Sorry?”

“I suppose I could have asked Mark about it, but it just occurred to me as I was leaving… I noticed that he calls you ‘Sean,’ sometimes. When he’s talking about you, I mean.”

Jack blushed. _When he’s talking about me?_

“Right. My given name is actually ‘Sean’. But even my parents call me ‘Jack.’ Everyone does.” He gestured vaguely with one hand. “Well. Everyone except Mark.”

“Oh, Lord. Sorry to put you on the spot, hun. I’ll stick with ‘Jack,’ unless you tell me otherwise.”

He smiled against the crushing awkwardness.

“It’s no problem. How’s he doing?”

She looked thoughtful. “Strangely enough, given the circumstances, I don’t think he’s ever been better. But don’t take my word for it. Go on!”

Jack nodded. “Right.” He turned back to Tom and Mark’s mom. “I’ll text yeh about the kitchen, ok? And I’ll see yeh all later?”

They nodded and waved him away. He felt like sprinting to Mark’s room. He forced himself to walk.

“Sean!”

The top half of Mark’s bed was fully upright, and Mark was sitting up, smiling and alert. Jack practically skipped to his side.

“Looking good, love.”

“ _You_ look good. _I_ look like an unwashed disaster. I keep forgetting to ask Nancy when I can take a shower.”

“I’ve been looking forward to that, myself.”

Mark’s smile slipped. “I know. I’m gross.”

_Fuck._

“No, Mark, that’s not what I meant…”

Jack put a hand on Mark’s chest, then leaned forward until his lips were close to Mark’s ear.

 _“Yeh’re perfect. And if I don’t see yeh naked soon, I might die. That’s all I meant.”_ He pressed his lips against Mark’s neck, felt him sigh.

_“It’s fine, Sean. I know I’m a mess.”_

Jack put his other hand on Mark’s chest and pushed, flattening him against the raised portion of the mattress. He brushed his nose against Mark’s cheek. _“Yeh know very well I’d fuck you right here in this bed, if I could.”_

_“Oh, Jesus. Can you? Please?”_

Jack found Mark’s eyes for a moment, then kissed his mouth. His lips tasted… bitter? Vaguely sweet?

_He’s drinking. He’s better. He’s alive._

_“Mmf. Sean-”_

_“Mark. You taste good.”_

Mark was blinking back at him, breathing shallow breaths.

_“Don’t lie to me, McLoughlin. I taste like day-old smoothie.”_

Jack nodded. _“You do. I love it.”_ He kissed Mark’s mouth again, lingering on his bottom lip.

_“Oh- fuck- ow-”_

Jack gave Mark some space.

“What? Shit! What happened?”

Mark was shaking his head, looking pained.

“Nothing. I’m fine. I’m just… fuck.” He shifted uncomfortably, and Jack directed his gaze to Mark’s lap.

“Fuck. Sorry. I got carried away… it hurts?”

Mark shook his head. “Just my stomach. My cock feels just fine. _Fuck_ , I’m so sick of this.”

“I know… I’m sorry… I know that probably didn’t help…”

“Sean. You’ve done nothing _but_ help. I’m fine, really. Come here…”

Mark pulled at the front of Jack’s shirt, and Jack was happy to lean in and kiss Mark’s lips again, although more carefully than before. He could feel Mark’s frustration, was acutely aware of the fact that Mark was grasping the front of his shirt with a tight fist…

“Hey. Love. It’s ok.”

He gently pried Mark’s fingers open and gave his hand a squeeze.

“No use getting worked up now. I’m not going anywhere. Maybe we should try to keep our minds off it, fer now?”

Mark sighed, nodded. “I’m open to suggestions.”

“Up fer some visitors? I think the Grumps want to come by. It looks like they recorded something fer yer channel, too.”

Mark’s expression remained neutral, solidifying Jack’s plan to distract the both of them from all the sex they hadn’t been having lately. He gave Mark’s hand another squeeze.

“C’mon. It’ll be fun. I’ll text Suzy, yeah?”

Mark finally agreed, and Jack sent Suzy a confirmation. Then he retrieved his laptop and climbed into the bed.

“Hands to yerself ‘til later, Fischbach. Ready to see what they came up with?”

Mark rested his head on Jack’s shoulder in response, and Jack clicked on the link he’d received from Arin. Arin’s face and torso materialized on screen. Something about his appearance was bothering Jack, but he couldn’t quite place it. He paused the video after a moment.

“Wait…” he started, but Mark cut him off, sitting upright suddenly.

“Oh my God. He’s wearing my shirt. And my old glasses. And his _hair…_ ”

Jack was giggling. “Yes! He looks _just_ like you, before the red hair…”

Mark shot Jack an accusing look. “What did you do?”

Jack continued to giggle. “Nothing! I swear! Except… I may have handed our keys off to Suzy. I asked her to check on the house and grab some stuff fer Chica… looks like the guys raided yer closet.”

“Oh, Jesus… You do realize what this means, right? Arin and Danny have been in our house. Unsupervised.”

Jack cocked his head. “What, is there a sex dungeon I’m unaware of, or something?”

“No, just our lube and condoms and…”

Jack raised his eyebrows, intrigued. “…And?”

Mark sighed. “I might’ve had some other stuff in my closet.”

“’Other stuff?’” Jack echoed, his eyebrows climbing further up his forehead. “Like what, exactly?”

Mark looked legitimately uncomfortable. “Ok, so, you know how we were really busy getting ready for PAX? I mean, we didn’t really have a lot of time to focus on…”

“Sex?” Jack suggested.

“Right. That. And I was really looking forward to getting home, and having more time, and… maybe trying out some other stuff.”

“Like?” Jack had set the laptop aside and turned to face Mark.

“Uhm. I might’ve bought some rope.”

A smile spread slowly across Jack’s face. “Mm. I was thinking about that, too.”

“…Really?”

 “Yeah. Since yeh put those wires around my wrists… and then the blindfold…”

“Wait… seriously?” Mark sounded hesitant, and Jack finally noticed the hint of a blush in his cheeks.

“Mark… love… yeh’re not… _embarrassed,_ right? After everything?”

Mark sighed. “Kind of. I mean, no, not really embarrassed. I just… I wasn’t sure if you’d be into it, or feel pressured, or…” His voice trailed off. Jack shifted to his knees, shaking his head, his expression serious.

“I’m into _you_. You know that. You know me. That’s not it.”

Mark frowned. He leaned his head back against the bed, clearly thinking carefully. Jack waited patiently until he started to speak again.

“You’re right. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m insecure.” Mark lifted his head to meet Jack’s gaze. “Sean… how did I go so long without knowing these things about myself? You make everything feel so… _right_. It all just _happens_. I haven’t had to think about why or how. All I think about is how it feels, when I’m with you. But then, sometimes I start thinking about things we haven’t done yet, or really talked about, and…” He gestured vaguely, running out of words. Jack was nodding.

“I think I know what yeh’re getting at. I feel nervous sometimes when I’m alone with my thoughts, too. Like, ‘I’m really this gay? This is how gay I am? How did I not know this?’”

Mark giggled, nodded.

“And yeh’re worried that we might not always be on the same page.”

Mark took a deep breath, nodded some more.

“And it didn’t help to think about Arin and Danny digging around in our bedroom.”

“Right.” Mark smiled weakly. “I can’t even tell you how much better I feel, just hearing you say that. ‘Our bedroom.’ I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say it before.”

Jack smiled playfully. “How would yeh like to tie me up in Our Bedroom?”

“Uhm. Yes? Maybe?”

“Oh.” Jack picked up Mark’s hand, slid his fingers around Mark’s wrist, and squeezed. “I’ll be tying you up, then? Is that what yeh had in mind?”

“I mean… I don’t… I thought…”

“Mark.” Jack squeezed harder. A small _oh_ escaped from Mark’s mouth. “It’s me. We might not be on the exact same page at every moment, and that’s ok. All yeh have to do is talk to me.” He tightened his grip even further. Mark flushed, breathing shallow. Jack dug his thumb into Mark’s skin, holding his gaze.

“I’m into it. I want this. I want _you_. Yeh hear me, love?”

“I do.”

There was a knock at the door, and Nancy let herself in. Jack loosened his grip, but kept his fingers wrapped around Mark’s wrist.

“Hey, guys. Mark, how are you feeling?”

“Starving!” Mark winced. “Sorry. That was rude. How are you Nancy and where are you hiding the food?”

Jack could tell Nancy was fighting a smile. She checked her watch. “We’ll bring you something soon. It might be Jessie, since I’ll be leaving shortly. Think you’re up for some visitors first? I’ve got a whole crew out in the waiting room.”

Mark looked at Jack, confused. “Grumps already? That seems too fast.” He turned toward Nancy. “Tall guy? Huge hair? Potentially weird outfit?”

She nodded, unfazed.

“Maybe they were already on their way?” Jack mused.

“They can come in,” Mark told Nancy, and she disappeared into the hallway. Jack gave Mark’s wrist a gentler squeeze.

“Hey. We’re ok, right, love?”

Mark maneuvered his hand until he was grasping Jack’s wrist. He squeezed, _hard_ , holding Jack’s gaze.

“We’re perfect.”

They heard Arin’s voice before the door opened, and braced themselves as a crowd of their friends entered the room, including Suzy, Arin, Danny, Ross, and…

_“Tyler?”_

Jack winced and giggled, happy to hear that the pitch of Mark’s voice was becoming more dynamic again. He promptly scrambled out of the bed as Tyler made his way into the room, unsure of what Tyler knew about their relationship.

“Dude… you said… I thought…” Mark rambled.

Tyler grinned and approached the bed, holding out his arms.

“Yeah, I wanted to surprise you. Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. Wade promised me you had enough company the last couple days.”

He leaned over and gave Mark a long-limbed hug. Jack was surprised by Tyler’s calm confidence, until he remembered that Tyler had actually been in the hospital with Mark during his last surgery.

Tyler released Mark, then approached Jack with outstretched arms.

“Hey, dude. Long time, no see!” He hugged Jack sincerely. “So… Mark filled me in over Skype yesterday. I’m really happy for you guys. Sorry I didn’t tell you I was coming, I really wanted it to be a surprise.”

Jack grinned, relieved. He wasn’t offended in the least. He considered Tyler to be a friend because of his long-time connection with Mark, but they’d only met each other briefly at past conventions, so he didn’t find it odd that Tyler hadn’t contacted him personally about his plans. He was pleasantly surprised that Mark had felt confident enough to tell Tyler about their relationship.

“Dude, it’s so cool that yeh’re here. And… thanks.”

Tyler nodded. Suzy pulled Jack into a crushing hug while the rest of the Grumps said hello. Mark and Jack learned that they had been nearby all afternoon; they’d picked Tyler up from the airport and then waited at the hotel until hearing from Jack. Suzy reassured them that Holly was back at the house, taking care of Chica.

Arin eventually steered the topic of conversation.

“So. Did you guys watch the video yet?”

Jack scrutinized Arin’s appearance for the first time, and noticed that he was still dressed like Mark. Although they didn’t resemble each other facially, anyone who was familiar with both Mark and Arin would have identified the impersonation immediately. He had obscured the blond in his hair with dye or makeup so that it was the same shade as Mark’s natural color. He wore an old pair of Mark’s glasses and a borrowed sweatshirt that was unmistakably Mark’s.

“We were about to,” Jack explained. “We got a little distracted by...” Jack gestured at Arin. “…all of that. Did you go through our stuff?”

Arin nodded enthusiastically. “Mark’s closet has gotten _much_ more interesting since he’s… come out of it.”

Mark groaned. “Can we not?”

Danny laid a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “He’s teasing. You guys are, like, the least scandalous sexually active people we know. And we fully support you in your endeavors to become _more_ scandalous, if you so choose.”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Arin went on, “I’m glad you didn’t watch yet. It’ll have much more impact this way. Plus, we got a chance to add Tyler into the mix while we were waiting.”

Suzy dragged two chairs close to Mark’s bedside, sat in one, and pulled Jack down beside her. Arin had pulled a medium-sized Bluetooth speaker out of a backpack and set it up on a nearby table. Ross, Danny, and Tyler were standing in a horizontal line near the foot of Mark’s bed, and Arin joined them, tapping at the screen of his phone.

“Ok,” he said, looking down the line. “Ready?”

The other three men nodded. He directed his attention to Mark.

“This may be our one and only live performance. You better enjoy it.”

Jack and Mark exchanged a wide-eyed glance, fascinated.

Arin tapped at the screen again, then put his phone in his pocket. Familiar music started to play, and then all four of them started to… _dance_. Jack was in hysterics before a minute had gone by. They had spliced together a long track of all of the music Mark had used for intros and outros over the years, and pieced together a routine from the dance moves Mark had shown on camera in various videos, ranging from uncoordinated shoulder-rolls to vaguely choreographed steps. There was even a ballad section with the slow guitar music Mark had used for many of his Vlogs, complete with interpretive dance by Danny. They finally transitioned into a more upbeat song for the ending, and it seemed like Arin came to some kind of sudden realization.

“Shit, Jack, get up here!”

Jack had a feeling he knew what was coming. He jumped up and fell in line next to Arin, right before the group synched up: knees together, moving from side to side, with one arm up in the air. These dance moves had become iconic; Jack could vividly remember dancing with Mark like this while cameras flashed around them. He realized that he had felt it, then: the spark of what they would become. He’d felt their potential closeness, felt Mark pulling him in like a magnet until he forgot about the cameras and the onlookers and the implications. When the videos had surfaced online, he’d braced himself, sure that Mark would withdraw, that Mark would see the images and all the attention that went with them, and think, _You’re too close. I don’t want this. I don’t want you._

He caught Mark’s gaze, saw Mark grinning back at him, shaking his head. He knew how wrong his assumptions had been. He tried to guess at what Mark had _actually_ thought, seeing that video for the first time:

_I want this. I want you. Why are you so far away?_

The music ended. Ross, Arin, Danny, and Tyler struck goofy poses, and Jack did his best to follow suit. Laughter pushed against the walls of the small room, and Mark and Suzy cheered, wiping at their eyes.

“There are some extras in the actual video, but you get the idea,” Arin explained.

Mark nodded, trying to catch his breath. “Thanks, guys. It’s awesome. You’re awesome.”

“We wanted Jack to be in it,” Danny went on, “but we didn’t want to keep him away. And we can always do a re-shoot.”

Jack pulled Danny into a hug. “I’m sure it’s perfect.” He turned toward Mark. “I’ll get it queued up while yeh visit, yeah?”

“Thanks, Sean.”

Jack set up his laptop and plugged in his in-ear headphones, so he and Suzy could watch the video together. They giggled through several minutes of footage of Arin, Danny, and Ross impersonating Mark, including solo dance moves leading up to the group routine. Jack set the video to upload to Mark’s channel, and queued up some social media posts to match.

Jack visited with Suzy until there was another knock at the door, and Jessie let herself into the room. She stopped short when she saw the crowd of people, blushing furiously. Jack knew that Nancy must have warned her about Mark’s visitors, and he guessed that she’d done her best to prepare herself, but…

 _Oh. Right. She’s a fan._ Jack realized with a jolt that Jessie’s night shift rotation had kept her separate from all the other YouTube-related visitors Mark had had over the last couple of days, except for Matthias, who had come to the hospital alone. He scolded himself internally, realizing how happy he could’ve made her by finding a way to introduce her to Felix, Ken, Bob, and Wade… and she’d never even mentioned it. She’d done nothing but look out for the two of them since they’d arrived.

He jumped out of his seat and made his way over to her. He spoke quietly.

“Hey, Jessie. Sorry fer the crowd. It’s ok if yeh’re feeling nervous. Can I introduce yeh?”

She nodded, swallowing hard. He flashed her a reassuring smile.

“Guys, this is Jessie. She’s been helping us out since we got here. She’s probably the best nurse in California. She’s also a fan, although she won’t admit it. She’s been nothing but professional and incredible, and we owe her a lot, so be nice, at least at first. Yeah?”

His friends nodded their agreement, and he introduced them one-by-one, taking note that Jessie flushed a particular shade of pink when she shook hands with Tyler. He found a blank pad of paper and a pen, and started passing it around for autographs. Jessie tried to protest, but he waved her concerns away, promising to take full responsibility if she found herself in any kind of trouble. She finally, carefully tucked all of the autographs, including two detailed notes from Mark and Jack, into the pocket of her scrubs.

“Mark, I’m sorry, I got so distracted… it’s time for dinner! I can bring you some real food! I need to monitor you while you eat, though, so…”

Arin nodded. “That’s our cue, lady and gents.” He hugged Mark briefly, and then Suzy, Ross, and Danny did the same. When Tyler finally approached the bed, Mark looked questioningly at Jessie.

“Can he stay with us? He just got here… He came from Ohio…”

She nodded. “Not a problem. I’ll be back soon.” She followed the Grumps into the hallway, and returned a couple minutes later with a tray of food. Jack sat down in front of his laptop, and Tyler joined him, giving Jessie some space to work with Mark.

“Hey, man,” Tyler started, somewhat stiffly. “Thanks for watching out for Mark. He was… I mean… you were all he could talk about when I finally got him on Skype. It took me twenty minutes to get him to talk about the actual surgery. I had to call Wade to get any real information.”

He shook his head, smiling. Jack fidgeted with his hands under the table until Tyler continued.

“Anyway, I’m sorry that I know all these things about you without actually talking to you. I mean, I’m sorry if that’s weird for you. I just wanted to be up front about it. Honestly… I wasn’t that surprised. About you and Mark, I mean. It’s… it’s really good. I really am glad.”

Jack could tell that he meant it. He nodded, returning Tyler’s awkward smile.

“That’s more or less what Wade said, too. I appreciate it. I know Mark does, too. It really helps to have friends on our side. I’m glad yeh’re here.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

They paused their conversation to watch Mark, who was chewing and swallowing a bite of toast. He gave them a thumbs-up. Jack giggled with relief.

“Jesus, it’s good to see him eating.”

Tyler nodded solemnly. “I know that feeling. Well… no, I guess I don’t. I’m sure it’s different for you.”

Jack shrugged. “I was really lucky that Wade and Bob and the other guys came. And Tom. Seriously, thank God fer Tom. Oh, speaking of… yeh just missed him. Does he know yeh’re here? I’m sure he’d like to see yeh.”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen him yet, but I’m staying at the same hotel. I talked to him before I made my travel plans. He had a lot to say about you, too. And… look, I would’ve talked to you, too. If I’d known about you and Mark, I mean. I just… I wasn’t sure…” He tapered off.

Jack was shaking his head. “Oh, God, no, it’s fine. Really. I didn’t even know if yeh knew, or not. We’ve been taking our time with that. But I’m glad yeh know. Yeh mean a lot to Mark… I hope we can be friends.”

“Absolutely.”

They paused again, overhearing Mark and Jessie’s conversation.

“…was hoping I could take a shower soon. Any chance the IV can come out tonight?”

Jessie checked her watch.

“I can take it out in a few minutes, if you hold your food down ok.”

“Really??”

Jessie giggled. “Really!”

Mark called across the room. “Sean? How do we make the next few minutes go by really fast?”

Jack kept the first few ideas that flashed through his mind to himself.

“Maybe give Jessie a sneak peek of the Grumps’ video?”

Her expression brightened for a moment, but then she seemed unsure. “I don’t know if I should…”

“Hey.” Mark’s voice was reassuring. “We won’t tell if you won’t. And you’re supposed to be watching me, right?”

She nodded.

“Perfect.”

Jack unplugged the laptop and brought it over to the bed so they could all watch the video together. He could tell that Jessie immediately recognized all of the dance moves that the Grumps had referenced. Mark and Jack promised to reenact their tandem dance for her as soon as Mark was up to it, and then Tyler made small talk with Jessie while Mark scratched absently around the tape that was holding his IV in place. Eventually, Jessie checked her watch again.

“Ok, Mark. How are you feeling?”

“Dirty and starving.”

She nodded. “Let’s do this!”

Jack and Tyler gave her some space while she expertly removed Mark’s IV. Jack breathed a sigh of relief, realizing that Mark was finally free of tubes, wires, and machines. Mark slowly raised his unencumbered arm over his head, stretching contentedly.

“Can I shower now?”

“I need to check on the incision first.”

Tyler rested a hand on Jack’s shoulder.

“Right. I could use a cup of coffee. Or five. I’ll be downstairs. Take your time.”

He excused himself from the room, and Jack prepared himself for what he was about to see. Mark held out his hand, and Jack took it, appreciating the steady pressure of Mark’s thumb against his skin. Jessie exposed the rectangular dressing on Mark’s stomach, and carefully removed it. Jack hadn’t seen the actual wound up close, and he was grateful that he’d been able to put it off for so long. He guessed that the incision was about two inches long, a thin, vertical gap near Mark’s belly button, held closed by long, white strips. Jack knew that there were stitches holding the wound together as well, but they were invisible, the kind that would dissolve on their own over the next several days.

“Looks great, Mark. I know you probably remember what to do, but I need Jack to keep an eye on you for a while. Jack, you can wash the incision _very_ gently with soap and water. When you’re done, you’ll need to pat it _completely_ dry with a towel. Again, _really_ gently. Those white strips will fall off on their own in a few days, so leave them alone for now. Call the nurse’s station once you’re finished, I’ll put another dressing over it for the night. And, Mark… I think you should stay seated for this one. You can use that chair in the shower.” She gestured to one of the chairs across the room. “Questions?”

Jack was feeling reassured by Jessie’s calm efficiency. “I think I’ve got it. I’ll call down if anything comes up.”

“I’ll be close by. Um.” She hesitated. “Mark, I know the doctor briefed you before the surgery, but… do what you can to keep your heart rate low.”

They both caught the implication. Mark gave her a two-fingered salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

She stifled a giggle, and then let herself out of the room.

“Ready, love?”

Mark nodded enthusiastically. Jack looped one arm under his shoulder blades and supported his weight as he climbed out of the bed. He knew Mark was perfectly capable of walking to the bathroom unsupported at this point, but he felt Mark’s arm slide around his waist, and decided to keep his own firmly in place around Mark’s lower back. He walked Mark to the sink, then retrieved the chair from the outer room, placed it in the shower, turned on the water, and closed the door behind them.

“Sean.” Mark was picking at the gauze Jessie had placed over the spot where his IV had been, looking toward the floor. “Maybe I should… I mean, I can do this by myself.”

Jack took in Mark’s unhappy expression, trying to understand where the sudden hesitation was coming from. He heard Mark’s words replaying in his mind: _I know. I’m gross. I’m a mess._

He took a step forward, put his arms around Mark’s neck.

 _“Remember what I said earlier?”_ He undid the ties at the back of Mark’s hospital gown, holding Mark’s gaze. _“Do yeh need me to say it again?”_

Mark swallowed, rested his hands at Jack’s waist. _“That might help, honestly.”_

Jack pulled at the gown, exposing Mark’s chest. He stepped even closer, nudged at Mark’s cheek with his nose. He slid his hands down Mark’s arms, guiding Mark’s fingers to the button of his jeans.

_“If I don’t see yeh naked soon, I might die. Let me do this. Please.”_

He felt Mark pulling at his button and zipper. He kissed Mark’s lips. He maneuvered Mark’s arms until the hospital gown fell to the floor. He felt Mark’s fingers under the hem of his shirt.

_“I can do that, love.”_

Mark shook his head. _“I’ve been waiting to use this hand for days. There are only four things I want to do with it, and this is one of them.”_

Jack giggled, relieved that Mark was recovering from his momentary uncertainty. _“I think I can probably guess the other three.”_

_“I’m sure you can.”_

Jack shivered as Mark slid his hands upward. He raised his arms and let Mark pull his shirt off. He felt Mark’s fingers around his hips, inside his boxers.

_“Oh. Uhm. Let me do that.”_

Mark smiled, tightened his grip.

_“Why? Because you’re getting hard?”_

Jack swallowed, took a steadying breath.

_“I can’t help it. I’ll behave, though.”_

_“You sure about that?”_ Mark was sliding his jeans and boxers down.

_“Mark…”_

Mark paused. He found Jack’s hand with his own, and pressed Jack’s palm over his heart.

_“See? Calm enough. It’s fine, Sean. Stop worrying. Just… let me be close to you.”_

Jack’s heart squeezed. He nodded. He kicked off his shoes and socks, and stepped out of his boxers and jeans. He rested his head against Mark’s shoulder, let Mark run his hands over his bare skin. He shivered.

_“Cold, Sean?”_

_“Maybe a little.”_

_“Me too. Let’s warm up.”_

They stepped into the shower together, and Jack helped Mark settle into the chair.

 _“You first. I can wait. Just let me watch.”_ Mark smiled up at him expectantly.

Jack giggled. He’d never been one to take his time in the shower before he and Mark had gotten together, but he could tell that Mark wanted him to move slowly. The idea of someone actually _admiring_ his naked body was still somewhat foreign to him, but he was enjoying it more and more as time went on. He knew he was guilty of showing Mark the same attention; he _loved_ looking at Mark’s body, and made no secret of it. But he was used to being the _admirer,_ not so much the _admired._ He’d had all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts about masculinity and femininity at first:

_I know that expression. That’s how I used to look at girls. Is that how he sees me? What does that mean?_

But talking to Mark, _being_ with Mark had helped him start to work through those fears. He knew they’d both discovered submissive tendencies in themselves since they’d become physically intimate. Every time he started feeling nervous about the changes he noticed in himself, he realized that Mark had changed with him, that they had each traveled far, but always together. He’d also come to realize that _submissive_ and _feminine_ weren’t necessarily the same thing, and even if they were… even if other people thought so… he found himself becoming less and less concerned. He wasn’t ashamed of how he felt. He wasn’t ashamed of who he was, when he was with Mark.

He took in the look on Mark’s face, watched Mark’s eyes traveling over his body.

_I know that expression. That’s how I look at you._

He finally rinsed himself off, and then used the detachable shower head to dampen Mark’s hair. He took his time working shampoo through the red-and-black strands, tilting Mark’s chin backwards to keep the suds from running down his chest. Then he washed Mark’s upper body systematically, protecting his incision, finally kneeling hesitantly on the floor in front of Mark. He offered Mark the soap.

“Maybe you should?”

Mark shook his head. “I trust you.”

Jack paused, considering his plan of attack. He rinsed his left hand clean, then let water pool in his palm, and poured it carefully over the wound. Then he covered his thumb with suds, and moved it slowly over Mark’s damaged skin, barely making actual contact. He realized that they were both holding their breath, but he could tell that Mark wasn’t in distress. He repeated the process of gently pouring water over the incision until the soap had cleared. He met Mark’s gaze.

“Ok, love?”

“Perfect.”

He took his time with Mark’s lower body; he knew that Mark was feeling cramped and sore from spending most of his time in bed. He stretched Mark’s calves and ankles, massaging his muscles, running warm water over his legs and feet. He felt Mark’s fingers in his hair, tilted his chin back to find Mark’s eyes.

_“Stand up, Sean.”_

Jack obeyed. He let Mark take the soap from him so he could place it on a nearby ledge. He surrendered the shower head, and let Mark rinse his hands clean before placing it on the tile floor.

And then Mark’s hands were on his hips again, pulling him forward. Mark’s thumbs were tracing his skin, Mark’s lips were traveling the crease of his hip.

He thought about what Jessie had said. He put one hand in Mark’s hair, and rested his other hand along Mark’s neck. He could feel Mark’s heart pulsing in a steady rhythm. _Calm enough._ He thanked the universe silently; the thought of protesting was unbearable.

_Let him be close to you. Let him…_

_“Oh-”_

His breath caught as he felt Mark’s lips around the head of his cock, Mark’s tongue tracing slow circles across the sensitive skin. He let his eyes fall closed as the sensation spread. He could tell Mark was being careful, moving slow. It put his mind at ease. It also felt _incredible._

_“Mark- I love you- I love this- Oh-”_

Mark was rubbing slowly at his opening with one fingertip… hesitating? Waiting for permission?

_“Yes- Please-”_

Mark pressed his fingertip _just_ inside, pulsing slowly. He felt Jack throbbing in response, smiled against Jack’s skin. He moved his lips and tongue at a crawl, knowing Jack would start to protest if he pushed it too far, but wondering whether Jack could actually come without more aggressive action.

He didn’t have to wait long for an answer. Jack started moaning more audibly and less coherently. He could feel Jack tensing in response to his touch.

_“Mark- Uhm-”_

Jack felt a startling loss of contact.

_“It’s ok, Sean. You can come.”_

_“But-”_

_“Don’t think. Let it go. Trust me.”_

He took Jack back into his mouth, pulsing his finger against the mounting pressure. He kissed and licked at Jack as firmly as he dared, hoping it would be enough…

_“Mark- I- I’m-”_

Mark pressed inside of Jack, holding him close-

_“Oh, fuck-”_

Jack came, _hard_ , and Mark was ready for it. He held Jack in place with his hands and his mouth for as long as he could, then sat up to meet Jack’s gaze.

Jack was blinking and breathing shallow. His expression changed from bliss to concern in an instant.

_Oh my God, did he swallow?_

“Oh, _fuck_ , Mark- _”_

But Mark was shaking his head. He held one finger up – _wait –_ then covered his mouth with his hand.

Jack was flooded with relief. Mark spit discretely, then picked up the shower head and rinsed his hand clean.

“See? Safe. Nothing to worry about, Sean.”

Jack made a small noise and sank onto his knees. At first Mark thought he was laughing, until he saw tears spilling onto Jack’s cheeks. He put his fingers under Jack’s chin.

“What’s wrong, love?”

Jack smiled, memorizing the sound of Mark’s voice speaking his favorite term of endearment. He sniffed.

“Nothing. Yeh’re perfect. That was incredible. And it’s driving me _insane_ that I can’t do that fer you. I can’t, right? It’s still not safe?”

Mark took a deep breath, trying to control the physiological impulses he usually experienced when Jack was kneeling in front of him.

“Right. Not yet. But- _”_

Jack cut him off. “Do yeh know how badly I want to? It actually hurts, that I can’t. Just tell me what to do. Tell me what I can do fer you.”

Mark blinked. “You can’t be serious.”

Jack blinked back.

Mark held Jack’s face in his hands. “You really don’t know? You moved _across the world_ for me. You got a _day job_. You learned to drive a _car._ You met my _mother._ You’ve spent a week sleeping in a hospital bed, living out of a suitcase. You- _”_

Mark’s voice broke.

“You stayed with me. When I was sick, and gross, and… you stayed. Do I need to keep going? I will, if you need me to. I’ll tell you every day, if you need me to. Just… please don’t start keeping score, Sean. I’ll never catch up.”

Jack realized he’d been holding his breath, taking in Mark’s words. He held Mark’s gaze in a stunned silence. He put his fingers around Mark’s wrists, tightened his grip. He was relieved when Mark finally continued speaking.

“The only thing I need you to do is… be patient. Let me do this for you while I get better. It doesn’t always have to be a trade, it’s not about what’s ‘fair.’ I just… I love you, Sean. You’ll wait for me, right?”

Jack nodded, his fingers tight around Mark’s wrists.

“Fer as long as yeh need me to.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! If you've made it this far, I'm sending you all of my love and thanks, as usual. Updates will continue to be inconsistent indefinitely - I wish I had better news about that - but I'm not giving up! <3 Kay


	58. Chapter 58

_“Sean.”_

_“Mmf.”_

_“Sean. Hey. Sleeping Beauty.”_

_“Wha-?”_

Jack raised his head from Mark’s shoulder, squinting sleepily.

_“Mm? You ok?”_

Mark nodded, clearly wide awake. _“Yeah. I’m fine. I’m so sorry, I’m just…”_

Jack grinned, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

_“Yeh’re hungry!”_

_“Yeah…”_

_“I’m on it.”_ Jack yawned, stretched, rubbed at his eyes. Then he paused, taking a moment to enjoy the fact that he was still under the covers with Mark. He put his arms around Mark’s shoulders, pressed his face against Mark’s neck. He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply.

_“Jesus, yeh smell so good.”_

Mark chuckled softly, wrapping both arms snugly around Jack.

_“I was skeptical the first five times you said it, but this time, I believe you.”_

Jack giggled. He pressed his lips against Mark’s neck. _“I can’t help it. I’m so happy yeh’re feeling better.”_

Mark sighed contentedly. _“You smell good, too. Can I eat you for breakfast?”_

_“God, I wish.”_

Jack moved to give Mark some space, but Mark pulled him close, kissed his lips. Gently at first, and then more assertively, until he was holding Jack’s lower lip firmly between his teeth. He pulled. Jack moaned.

_“Mm. So lovely, Sean.”_

_“Missed yeh, love.”_

Jack finally climbed out of the bed and checked the time; it was just after 6AM. He walked around to the phone and dialed the nurse’s station.

“Yeah, it’s Jack. Uh huh, we’re good. Yeah, Jessie or Nancy? Thanks.” He paused, gave Mark a thumbs-up. Mark cocked an eyebrow suggestively in response. He’d refused to let Jack into the bed fully clothed the night before, and Jack was still shirtless, looking sleepy and tousled in a pair of Mark’s pajama bottoms.

“Hey, Nancy. Yeah, I think he might rebel if we don’t keep feeding him. Oh, yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.” He hung up.

“Bad news, love,” he teased as he pulled on one of Mark’s white t-shirts. “The hospital’s run out of food. We may need to have each other fer breakfast, after all.”

He moved back to Mark’s side, leaned in close, kissed his lips.

 _“Mm,”_ Mark rumbled. _“You taste-”_

He didn’t get a chance to finish; Jack’s tongue was already in his mouth.

_“Uhm. Sorry, love. What were yeh saying?”_

_“I forget.”_

Mark hooked two fingers into the neckline of Jack’s t-shirt and tugged.

_“Hey. Where’d this come from? You know this offends me.”_

Jack giggled.

_“If yeh behave fer Nancy, I’ll take it off after breakfast.”_

“I’ll _take it off after breakfast.”_

They ate scrambled eggs and toast together under Nancy’s supervision, and then she promised to keep staff and visitors away from the room so they could sleep for another couple of hours. Mark wrestled Jack’s shirt off as soon as she was gone.

Nancy had finally cleared Mark to sleep on his side if he could do so comfortably, and he drifted off easily with one arm braced across Jack’s chest, and his forehead pressed against Jack’s neck. Jack stayed awake for as long as he could, feeling fully grounded for the first time in days, comforted by Mark’s solid weight pressing down on him.

Ever since Mark had gotten sick, Jack had noticed that he could never quite match his breathing pattern, as much as he’d tried to before falling asleep each night. He’d found it extremely unsettling, an intimate reminder that there had been something deeply _wrong_ , that something inside of Mark had _changed_ or _broken._

He adjusted his right arm, which had been wrapped around Mark’s shoulders, until his fingertips were resting along Mark’s collarbone. Mark didn’t stir; Jack could feel his slow, steady heartbeat, and the rise and fall of his chest against his side. He breathed. He held Mark close and waited, _in and out_ , until something essential clicked back into place.

They breathed together.

Jack slept.

 

* * *

 

 

“Thanks fer sending the recipe along. I cleared it with the nursing staff, and they said we should have the kitchen to ourselves fer as long as we need it.”

Jack had spent the morning trying to figure out what to tell Mark, since he needed to slip away for several hours, and he wanted to keep the cooking plan a secret until later. In the end, and much to Jack’s relief, no white lies had been necessary. Mark had encouraged him to take a break and get a decent meal, and Jack had felt secure leaving him in Tyler and Tom’s capable hands.

Mark’s mom was nodding approvingly. “I wasn’t sure if you’d remember. I know you’ve had a lot on your mind.”

“Oh… I…” Jack looked for the words.

_She doesn’t know you, yet. Just be nice._

“I was really looking forward to it, actually. I wouldn’t forget something like this. I even looked on YouTube fer some recipes… I used to be useless in the kitchen. But Mark…” He knew he was rambling, but he decided to go for it. “I’ve gotten a lot better from watching Mark. And I know he learned a lot from yeh, so I guess I should be thanking you, too.”

She paused, awkwardly holding an unopened bag of flour.

“Mark mentioned that you’ve been… living together.”

Jack replayed everything he’d just said, and realized that he had, in fact, implied as much.

“Yeah. That’s true.”

“But not… like… roommates.”

Jack had gathered that she was struggling with the concept of same-sex relationships in general. He knew there were both cultural and generational factors at work, but he and Mark hadn’t discussed it at length, and he wasn’t sure how far to push.

“Well, Mark is still my best friend. But… we _are_ more than that, now.”

She looked thoughtful. “We should get the chicken cooking.”

They fell into a companionable rhythm once they got to work. Jack appreciated her soft-spoken demeanor; he found it calming, especially since he’d walked into the scenario expecting several hours of awkward conversation. He was also impressed with her skills, and glad he’d been developing his own skillset somewhat. He hoped to avoid making a fool of himself in front of Mark’s family members at all costs.

Once the primary ingredients were cooking on the stove, they turned to the more monotonous task of kneading, slicing, and rolling dough for the actual dumplings. Mark’s mom demonstrated each step, and seemed impressed when Jack caught on quickly.

“Sugar cookies,” he said.

She looked at him questioningly.

“I love cookies. Mark taught me how to make sugar cookies. Yeh know, the kind where yeh roll the dough and use… cutters? Is that what they’re called? To make all the different shapes… He said we could make them fer Christmas.”

She nodded, slipping into another thoughtful silence as they each sliced and rolled, creating thin circles and placing them on wax paper.

“So… you cook together. And bake. What else do you do?”

“Uhm. Well, we work, a lot. We’ve had to work more hours than usual, to catch up. Traveling and moving took a lot of time. But… we have _so_ much fun. We swim a lot, we have a pool at our house. And we play games together, and also with other friends, when we’re not on camera. And Mark even took me rock climbing, even though-”

“-You’re afraid of heights,” she finished, smiling. “He told me.”

“I actually really loved it. I mean, I was completely terrified. But Mark is just… Mark is amazing.”

She nodded. “He is. It sounds like you are really good friends.”

Jack could tell she wasn’t being purposely antagonistic, as much as the comment stung. She’d been asked to make a massive shift in her thinking. She was discovering who Mark was, all over again. She was doing the best she could.

“We are. But I don’t want yeh to get the wrong idea. It _is_ more than that.”

“Does it need to be? I’m trying to understand why.”

He nodded, hoping to validate her skepticism. “We didn’t understand why, at first, either. I’m still not sure if I do. But we’re… _close_ … in a way that’s different from friendship. Mark… he fits into my life. We fit each other. We want to spend our lives together. Mark is family, to me.”

“I always thought of Mark in a family, eventually. Married. Children. He would be such a good father.”

Jack caught the implication.

“He would be. He can be. We… if that’s what he wants, we…” He stopped talking, before his emotions got the better of him.

“’We’? The two of you? Together?”

He took a measured breath, decided to change his strategy.

“Are yeh having trouble thinking of Mark as… _gay_?”

She stopped mid-slice, stared, nodded.

“Because he doesn’t talk or act a certain way?”

She gave a small shrug: _Not sure._

“Right. I mean, I think that word means different things to different people. Sometimes the labels can make things seem more complicated than they actually are. Things aren’t complicated, between Mark and me. We’re in a relationship… maybe it would help to think more about that part. Ask yerself what kind of person yeh’d like Mark to be with, and see if I measure up. I think I will, if yeh give me a fair shot.”

“I want to be able to do that. Talking to you is helping. You… you seem very nice. You seem… good.”

She made a face, like she knew the statement hadn’t come out quite right. He flashed her a grin.

“Good. That’s a good start.” He could sense some of the tension easing. He decided to push a bit further.

“Yeh know, this whole thing has been impossible. Mark being in the hospital, I mean. I’ve never been more scared in my life. But… I’m also glad I got the chance to be there fer him. He’s been doing that fer me, since I got here. Did he tell yeh how nervous I was? When I first came?”

“No. He didn’t tell me about that.” She had gone back to slicing. He went on, encouraged.

“God, I was a mess. I mean, I _had_ to come. I would’ve gone to the ends of the Earth fer Mark, even when we were just friends. But I knew this was… important. I knew something big was happening between us. Except I made a complete fool of myself as soon as I got here. I almost passed out in the airport, before he even found me. I had _no_ idea what I was doing.”

He watched a smile start to spread across her face.

“But… Mark was incredible. He took me home and calmed me down. He held my hand while I fell asleep. And that was it, fer me. I mean, I knew right away. I never wanted to hold anyone else’s hand again. It really was that simple.”

She didn’t say anything. She kept her eyes on her work, smiling a small smile.

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of the afternoon passed in comfortable collaboration. Mark’s mom explained how she had modified the recipe to include only ingredients that were safe for Mark to eat right now. She described the steps and ingredients that were missing, and promised to send along the full recipe, so Jack could make it for Mark once he’d had more time to recover. She forgave his initial mistakes in filling and sealing the dumplings, and seemed genuinely impressed at how quickly he improved his technique.

“Don’t get too good at this, or maybe Mark won’t need me anymore.”

Jack knew she was teasing, but he took advantage of the opportunity.

“He needs you, so much. I doubt he would say it like that, but he does. He needs yeh to listen, and to try to accept him. Watch his reaction, when we tell him what we did today. Yeh’ll see.”

When they were finally finished cooking and cleaning up, Jack used his cell phone to call the nurse’s station, to make sure Mark had the final all-clear to eat a real meal. The news was good. They packed the broth and dumplings into containers, and stored them in bags. They had a short walk back to the main hospital building, so Jack put a baseball cap on, hoping to avoid being recognized as they moved through public areas.

“Hang on. Let me.” Mark’s mom put a hand on his arm, then took the cap off of his head. She brushed his hair back from his face, replaced the hat, and then tucked some loose strands into the sides. He blushed, holding his position awkwardly as she checked him over.

“Does it make you sad?” She was lingering, standing close to him, examining her handiwork.

“Sorry?”

“Hiding, just to walk outside. Does it make you feel sad?”

“Oh…” He thought about it. “It used to make me feel really lonely. But… not now. I never feel lonely anymore.”

“Because Mark is here. Because he understands.”

He nodded.

She looked like she wanted to say something else, but she took a step back instead. He smiled and picked up the two heaviest bags.

“Shall we?”

Jack’s stomach fluttered with nervous excitement as they made their way down the sidewalk, through the hospital lobby, and up the elevator. By the time he was pushing Mark’s door open, his hands were actually shaking.

“Hey, Sean!”

Mark was sitting up in bed, looking happy and alert. Jack grinned at him, and held the door open for his mom, watching his expression change as he realized that they’d come together.

“Hey, Mom…” Mark said more hesitantly.

She approached the bed, beaming.

“Mark. How are you feeling?”

“…Confused. What have you been up to?”

She put down the bag she had been carrying, and took out one of the containers and a spoon. She put them on the bedside table.

“Wait… did you cook? How?”

“Jack found a kitchen for us to use.”

Mark stared, then spoke much more quietly. “’Us.’ You and Jack?”

She nodded. “You’ll know which ones are his. His technique is very precise. He might be better than you.”

Mark went on staring for a long moment. One tear splashed onto his cheek and fell. “Mom.” He reached for her hand, pulled her closer, put his arms around her. “I love you. _Thank you._ ”

He kissed her cheek, closed his eyes for a moment, then looked at Jack, who was an inch away from losing his own composure. He knew Mark could probably tell. He smiled, gave him a quick nod. Mark nodded back.

Tom and Tyler had been seated across the room, observing this exchange silently. Tom finally got up and approached Jack.

 _“Good job,”_ he whispered.

Jack wiped at his eyes. _“Thanks again, Tom.”_

Mark’s mom finally freed herself from Mark’s grasp, wiping her own eyes discretely. “So serious, everyone! We should eat while it’s hot. Mark, you first.”

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of the evening passed quickly, and, despite the looming threat of exhaustion, Jack realized that the last two days had actually been… _fun._ Mark was showing very few symptoms of illness or discomfort, and he was _happy_ , as happy as Jack had ever seen him. Jack fought hard to stay awake once their visitors had left for the day, wanting to keep the celebratory mood alive, but nervous energy had left him yawning uncontrollably, and Mark was perfectly content to hold him, all night, while he slept.

Jessie was the first person to visit them the following morning, which was unusual, since she didn’t enter the room until after 7:30AM. She explained that she and Nancy were both on the daytime rotation for the day, a change that sometimes occurred over the weekend, depending on their workload. Jack was suspicious; the two women had been pulling daily twelve-hour shifts since he and Mark had arrived at the hospital, and he was starting to wonder whether they’d been required to adjust their hours to minimize the number of personnel working on Mark’s case.

“Sorry, Jack, but I need to borrow Mark for the morning. He’ll be busy with us for a while, if you want to go get some breakfast.”

He nodded. “Can I grab a quick shower first?”

“Ditto?” Mark added.

“Sure. Just call down when you’re done.”

The shower was somewhat less enjoyable than their last one had been, given the time constraint, but when Jack eventually left Mark’s room on his own, he imagined he could still feel Mark’s lips traveling between his shoulder blades.

Tyler picked him up in front of the hospital (he’d rented a car, for simplicity’s sake) and they drove to meet Tom, Dee, and Mark’s mom at a nearby restaurant. Spirits were high. Jack could tell that Dee and Mark’s mom both _adored_ Tyler, and Tyler had no problem keeping everyone involved in the conversation. Two hours flew by before Jack received his first text from Mark.

M: I have good news. Love you.

Jack got confirmation that Mark wanted them all to visit as soon as soon as possible, so they overpaid their bill and headed back to the hospital. Jack was happy to listen quietly to the group’s chatter as they made their way to Mark’s room. Everyone naturally deferred to him when they arrived, giving him room to approach Mark’s door on his own. He knocked, turned the handle, and stepped inside.

Mark was sitting in a chair by the bedside table, scrolling on his laptop. Fully clothed.

“Sean!”

He stood up carefully, while Jack stared in a stunned silence, and the rest of the group filed into the room.

“Surprise!”

“Mark… what are you…?” Jack struggled to string a thought together.

“We can go home!”

“What? When?”

“Now. As soon as you’re ready.”

Jack found that he was unable to move. He watched Tom, Dee, and Tyler take turns hugging Mark. He felt a hand on his arm, and found Mark’s mom smiling at him, before taking her turn as well. Jack struggled to get his thoughts in order, watching Mark embracing his mother with genuine affection.

“Thanks for everything, Mom. Thanks for the food.”

“Thank Jack for that.” She took a step back from him. “Go on.” She cocked her head in Jack’s direction.

Mark closed the gap between them, looking excited, but hesitant.

_“Hey, Sean. You ok?”_

Jack was at a complete loss. The words just wouldn’t come. He nodded.

Mark moved even closer, took off Jack’s baseball cap, tossed it onto a nearby chair.

And then Mark’s hands were holding Jack’s face – _“Thank you, Sean”_ – and Mark was kissing him, slowly, while time stood still.

Jack had no room in his head to worry about the fact that four of the most important people in Mark’s life were watching them. He kept his eyes closed, feeling Mark’s mouth on his, as the words finally started to form in his mind.

_We’re going home. Together._

He felt Mark’s arms sliding around his lower back as the kiss ended. He kept his eyes shut tight and let Mark pull him close.

_“Hey. Babe. It’s all right.”_

Jack nodded, his face buried against Mark’s shoulder. _“I know. I’m so happy yeh’re ok. I was just… When did yeh find out?”_

_“They told me yesterday that it was a possibility. I didn’t want to get your hopes up, just in case. I wanted to be sure.”_

_He wanted to take care of me._

Jack whispered, as quietly as he could: _“Love you, Mark.”_

_“Love you, Sean.”_

Jack finally opened his eyes, and was relieved to find that Mark’s parents, Tom, and Tyler were chatting quietly amongst themselves. But there was no way they’d missed it.

_Mark knew they would see. He wanted them to. And so did I._

Mark made some space between them. He smiled, brushed at Jack’s hair, then turned to address everyone else in the room.

“So. Fam.” He kept one arm looped around Jack’s waist. “You are absolutely invited to stay as long as you want. I can book rooms closer to the house, if you’d like.”

“Or you can stay with us,” Jack chimed in. “Fer as long as yeh want to.”

Mark gave him a squeeze.

“But… it’s been a long week. There’s a flight later today, if you’re ready to head home.”

Mark’s mom approached them. Mark let go of Jack so he could give her another hug. Then she addressed Jack directly.

“You’ll take care of him.”

It wasn’t a question. She sounded sure.

He nodded. “I will. I promise.”

And then, she put her arms around Jack’s shoulders, and hugged him. He held his breath. He hugged her back. She let him go.

“Mark. Do what the doctors tell you. Do what Jack says. And come home for Thanksgiving. Both of you.”

Mark nodded. “We will.”

It was Tom’s turn to pull Jack into a hug. _“Hey. You made it. You did great.”_

_“Thanks, Tom.”_

He let Jack go, then took Mark’s car keys out of his pocket, handed them over, and told Jack where to find the car. Then he hugged Mark, and whispered something that Jack couldn’t hear.

Mark chuckled. “I know.”

Tyler was next. He hugged them both, and promised to visit soon, under happier circumstances.

Tom, Tyler, and Mark’s mom said their final farewells and let themselves out, giving Dee a chance to say goodbye on her own.

Jack had noticed a steady improvement in the dynamic between Mark’s mom and Dee over the course of the week. At first, he knew they’d been splitting time with Mark out of awkward necessity, and that Tom had been heavily facilitating their schedule and their interactions. But now Jack could tell that they were splitting time out of respect, giving each other room to maintain the two relationships which, Jack realized, weren’t exactly equal, but were equally important to Mark.

Dee was hugging Mark, rocking him from side to side.

“Love ya much.”

“Love you too.”

She released him after a long moment, then turned to Jack, and held him at arm’s length.

“Don’t be afraid to scold him if he tries to do too much, too fast. But… something tells me he might play by the rules, for your sake.” She gave Mark a sidelong glance. “Right, hun?”

She was teasing, but Mark nodded seriously. “Right.”

She smiled, satisfied. She kissed Jack’s cheek, then hugged him.

“You’ll come see me for the holidays. Or any time you like, for any reason.”

“Thanks. I honestly can’t wait.”

She gave him a squeeze, then let him go.

“Thank _you._ I don’t think I could go, if you weren’t here. These are things you can’t ever really prepare for, as a parent. Someone else taking care of your baby. But you’re doing such a _beautiful_ job. Just make sure you let him take care of you, too.”

Jack’s heart squeezed. He wondered if his own parents would ever view his relationship with Mark the way Dee did. He hoped so.

“I’m so glad I met you,” he blurted, blushing. She seemed to be at a loss, and possibly close to tears, so he went on as reassuringly as he could. “We’ll see yeh really soon.”

She smiled, nodded, and let herself out.

Jack barely had time to turn in Mark’s direction before Mark was on him, arms around his waist, pressing him backwards until he was flattened between the closed door and Mark’s body. Jack surrendered to the strength Mark was slowly rediscovering, comforted by the pressure, grateful to let Mark redirect the emotional roller coaster he’d been on. Mark held his chin with one hand, rested his thumb at the corner of his mouth.

_“Sean. I…”_

_“Mark. Yeh don’t need to say it.”_

Mark swallowed. Their noses were close enough to touch.

_“I can’t think.”_

_“Don’t try.”_

Mark kissed him. It wasn’t the impatient, sexually-charged kiss that Jack was expecting. It was slow, and sweet, and powerful. It was a worthy placeholder for the words Mark was still searching for. It was the kind of kiss Jack knew he’d never get tired of. He knew that if Mark kissed him like that in a year, or five, or ten, it would leave him just as breathless, and helpless, and hopelessly in love.

_“Mark.”_

_“Mm?”_

_“I’m going to take yeh home now, love.”_

_“Right. Yes. Please.”_

Mark took his time disengaging, obviously reluctant to break physical contact.

“Hey, love. This is good! We made it! We can go get Chica, and I’ll make yeh some dinner, and we can sleep in our own house tonight, yeah?”

Mark grinned, starting to come to his senses.

“Right. Sit fer a few while I pack up. Is there anything else yeh need to do?”

Something clicked in Mark’s mind.

 “Nancy and Jessie. I’ll call them, they said they’d come down so we can say goodbye.”

“Oh, Jesus, how will we ever pay them back fer everything? Shit, I didn’t even think of it until now…”

Mark nodded. “I think I have some ideas. I did some investigating. I’ll tell you about it later, though, ok?”

Jack was curious, but he knew there was no point pushing it now. Mark picked up the phone and dialed the nurse’s station. Nancy answered, and she was knocking at the door by the time Jack had finished packing their belongings.

“Well,” she said, cool and calm as always, “things will certainly be less interesting without you both. I’m happy for you, Mark. I sincerely hope I don’t see you here again.”

“Aw, Nancy, I think that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.” He hugged her dramatically, and she allowed herself a small giggle.

“Nancy, we really can’t thank you enough.” Jack hugged her briefly, too. “I know yeh didn’t know who we were when we came here… D’you know who we are, now?”

She nodded. “We’ve had a handful of celebrities pass through here. You two are the nicest I’ve met. By far.”

Jack giggled. “Thanks. So, if yeh ever need anything…”

She waved the comment away. “Thank you. I appreciate it. But that’s really not why I do this.”

“That much is obvious. Yeh’ve been amazing. Thank you.”

There was a knock at the door, and Jessie popped her head in.

“Is this a good time?”

“Jessie!” Jack waved her in.

“That’s my cue,” Nancy said. “I really wish you both the best.” She spared them a genuine smile, and let herself out.

Mark approached Jessie, wearing a lopsided grin. “I heard a rumor that you’ve been holding out on us.”

A tinge of pink appeared on her freckled cheeks. “That makes me nervous. What did you hear?”

Mark took his phone out of his pocket and tapped at the screen. He held it up so she could see it.

“Is this you?”

Her eyes went wide. She clamped both of her hands over her mouth.

“Hey, Jessie, seriously, we won’t tell anyone. Did you do this?”

She gave a tiny nod.

Mark caught Jack’s eye, motioned for him to come and see. Jack looked at the screen. He could tell immediately that it was an image posted to a Tumblr profile. He took the phone from Mark so he could see it more clearly. His eyes went as wide as Jessie’s; it was an artist’s digital rendering of Mark in the stylized environment of a video game that Jack recognized, but couldn’t quite place.

“It’s-”

“Soma,” Mark finished.

Jessie looked like she was about to cry.

“You _cannot_ be embarrassed about this,” Mark went on gently. “Jessie, it’s _amazing_. I love it.”

“Wait… I recognize this… or, the style at least…” Jack was saying. He tapped at the screen several times. His mouth hung open.

“This is _you_?”

She nodded again, her face blazing. Jack was holding up another digitally rendered image of himself as Wander from Shadow of the Colossus, shooting an arrow at Avion, the giant winged beast. It was one of a small handful of additional posts on the same account, all of which were original, digital art pieces.

Jessie spoke in a small voice. “I really loved watching those games. Watching you play them, I mean.”

“I remember reblogging this,” Jack said, stunned.

“Yeah. You did.”

“Jesus, Jessie, these are _incredible_ … when do yeh have time to _do_ this?”

She sniffed. She looked… _sad._

“I don’t, really. I try to make time. I do love being a nurse, but…”

Jack noticed for the first time that she also looked _exhausted_ , in addition to being embarrassed and emotional.

“But… yeh have to love it. Making art, I mean. To be able to do something like this.”

She sighed. “I do. Maybe someday.”

Jack took his wallet out of his pocket, and handed her a small, rectangular card. It listed a personal e-mail account he distributed to people he knew he could trust to keep it to themselves. If anyone fit that description, it was Jessie.

“I want to help. I’ll figure out how. E-mail me, alright?”

She held the card like it might shatter in her hands. Then, her expression brightened.

“I know! Let me draw something for you. Maybe the two of you? Together? I’d never show anyone… it would just be for you.”

Jack was about to protest – he was trying to figure out how to help her, and she was suggesting ways to make more work for herself – but Mark cut him off.

“That would be amazing. Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself. We’ll love whatever you come up with.”

She nodded, looking determined.

“Also,” he went on, “I’m sure there’s been nothing fun about keeping all this a secret. I know you have rules about confidentiality, but you have my permission to tell people that you worked with me here. If you want to, I mean. As long as…”

“I’ll _never_ tell anyone that you were here together. I _swear_ ,” she said firmly.

He smiled. “I believe you. Let’s take some pictures.”

She beamed and took her phone out of her pocket. They took a series of photos in various configurations.

“Thank you for that. For taking the time, I mean. I’m sure you’re dying to get out of here.”

Jack knew she’d been enjoying herself, but he could tell she was close to tears again. He pulled her into a hug.

“Please e-mail me,” he said. “I don’t want to lose you.”

She made a noise that sounded like a stifled sob.

Mark put his arms around them both.

“Hey. It’s ok. You’ll see us again. We’re friends, now.”

She pulled away from them.

“Really?”

Mark chuckled. “Really. If you send us your phone number, I’ll even pass it along to Tyler.”

She looked stricken. “What? No, I…”

Mark narrowed his eyebrows. “Did you or did you not have a _very_ pleasant conversation with him the other day?”

She let out a small squeak. “Who told you that?”

“Tyler did! I’m not kidding, he thought you were really cool.”

She was holding her face in her hands again. Jack put a hand on her arm.

“Mark, I think we should go, before we finish her off. Jessie, don’t worry, he’s teasing.”

“I’m really not, though,” Mark contradicted. “What, after everything we’ve been through together? You won’t trust me on this? He’s a good guy. One of the best.”

She sighed. “I’ll think about it.” She checked her watch, looking anxious. “And I do need to get back. But… I hope I really will see you again. I know it’s silly. I’ll really miss you.”

Jack nodded. “We’ll miss you too. E-mail me. Don’t forget.”

He kissed her cheek.

She sniffed, wiped at her eyes, took a deep breath, and let herself out.

Jack nudged Mark in the shoulder as soon as she was gone. “Were you _trying_ to kill her? Jesus, I thought she was going to pass out. Also, d’you really think it’s wise fer her to be spending hours making more art fer us? She looks like she could sleep fer a month.”

Mark was shaking his head. “Don’t underestimate me, McLoughlin. We can get her to open a Patreon account.”

“What…? Oh! Right! Fuck, yeh’re a genius, love.”

Mark beamed. “I asked around. She’s working these extra shifts to try to make her student loan payments. I’m assuming that’s why she’s not pursuing her art more seriously, too. So if we can get her to sign up for Patreon…”

“…We can choose how much we pay her fer the artwork. God, yeh’re brilliant. And kind. And I fucking love you. And… I need yeh to come home with me. Right now.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jack and Mark stopped by Arin and Suzy’s house on their way home, so they could pick up their house keys, and…

_“CHICA!”_

Jack giggled as Mark flung his arms around the Golden Retriever. She began to dance between them, hopping and whining excitedly, and Jack was pleasantly surprised that she seemed to have missed him just as much as Mark. Jack tried to encourage Mark to sit with Chica in the backseat, but he refused. She kept her head close to both of them, resting it on the center console, while Mark held one of Jack’s hands in his lap. They were quiet for the rest of the ride, giggling occasionally when they found each other grinning, Mark’s fingers clasped around Jack’s wrist.

And then, finally, Jack was opening the front door, and steering Mark inside with one arm around his waist.

“Feeling up fer the stairs, love? Or would yeh rather stay down here?”

“Couch, for now, I think,” Mark said. He tugged at one of Jack’s belt loops. “No pants allowed.”

Jack giggled. “Can’t argue with that.” He got Mark settled on the lounger, let Chica into the backyard, and went upstairs to locate some more comfortable clothes for them to change into. It was immediately apparent that the Grumps had, in fact, been through _all_ of their stuff. All of their laundry was clean and put away, and their bed was made. Even the bathroom looked freshly scrubbed. He changed quickly, grabbed some clothes for Mark, and went downstairs to the kitchen on a hunch. He opened the fridge and found it fully stocked. He smiled, took out his phone, and sent some thank-you texts.

“Mark?” he called into the next room. “Hungry? There’s tons of food…”

“Later?”

Jack closed the fridge and skipped back to the living room.

“Oh, much better,” Mark said approvingly, eyeing Jack’s choice of loungewear: a pair of Mark’s sweatpants that were slightly too big, and a plain, fitted black t-shirt that Mark had bought for him. “Why do you always look better in my clothes than I do?”

“I think yeh might be biased, love,” Jack said, perfectly content to let Mark stare.

“No, objectively speaking, you are impossibly fucking sexy in those sweatpants.”

“And you,” Jack said, climbing onto the lounger, his knees on either side of Mark’s legs, “are overdressed.”

He moved toward Mark until their faces were close together, then hooked two fingers into the waistband of Mark’s pants and tugged.

 _“Where’d these come from?”_ he imitated. _“You know these offend me.”_

Mark giggled; the impression was spot-on.

_“How can I make it up to you?”_

_“Well…”_ Jack had moved his hand to make contact with Mark’s skin. His palm was pressed over Mark’s hip. _“If yeh’re not busy… I was thinking we could hang out fer the rest of the day.”_

Mark was smoothing Jack’s hair with one hand. _“Still not sick of me yet?”_

Jack shook his head. _“Never.”_ He kissed Mark’s forehead. _“Now stay still, love.”_

He kept one hand in place around Mark’s hip, hoping the pressure would encouraged Mark to keep from moving his midsection. He used his other hand to slide Mark’s pants down until he could easily pull them off. Then he straddled Mark again, slowly resting his weight in Mark’s lap, looking for signs of discomfort. Mark was nodding.

_“It’s good. It feels good, Sean.”_

_“Yeh need to tell me if it hurts.”_

_“It doesn’t. I promise.”_

Mark put his hands around Jack’s hips, over his sweatpants. He squeezed.

Jack leaned forward, bracing one hand against the back of the lounger, using the other to support Mark’s chin. He kissed him, with all the restraint he could muster. Mark’s mouth was soft and warm. He could feel all ten of Mark’s fingertips through the fabric of his sweatpants. He knew Mark was restraining himself, too.

_“Mark. Is this ok? I’m not trying to tease yeh. I’m just trying to keep yeh safe.”_

Mark nodded. _“We’ll go slow. It’s perfect.”_

Jack kissed him again, one hand resting along Mark’s neck, the other sliding through his hair, around the back of his head. Their lips moved together in a natural rhythm that slowly, steadily escalated, until Jack’s tongue found its way inside Mark’s open mouth. He felt a pulsing movement beneath him and rocked his hips instinctively. Mark let out a low moan.

_“Does it hurt?”_

_“No. Don’t stop.”_

Jack pressed his forehead against Mark’s and rocked his hips again, felt Mark throbbing through too many layers of fabric. He moved his lips to Mark’s neck, felt both of Mark’s hands underneath his shirt, sliding over his lower back. He rocked his hips again, felt Mark inhale in response. He smiled, enjoying the control he could finally exert over Mark’s body, rediscovering the sense of ownership that had been stolen from him so suddenly.

 _I can keep yeh breathing. I can help yeh heal._ Jack reassured himself silently, over and over.

_“Oh- Sean…”_

_I can make yeh happy._

He found Mark’s eyes.

_“Stay still fer me, love.”_

He kissed Mark’s lips again, then shifted carefully back to his knees. He moved down the lounger and then pulled at Mark’s boxers, manipulating Mark’s legs until they were all the way off, pleased that Mark was letting him do most of the work. He spread Mark’s legs apart, then lowered himself into his stomach, between Mark’s knees. He rested his face against Mark’s inner thigh, brushing his lips against Mark’s skin. Mark was smoothing his hair back; it kept falling into his eyes.

_“Sean… I want you to, I just…”_

Jack found Mark’s free hand and squeezed.

_“I’m going to go slow. If it feels good, I’ll do this all day. If it doesn’t feel good, I’ll stop. I don’t need yeh to come, if yeh’re not ready. Ok?”_

Mark took a deep breath, felt cool relief settle in his chest.

_“How do you always know what I need?”_

Jack closed his eyes and kissed Mark’s skin in response. He slid one hand under the base of Mark’s cock, which was partially erect. He kneaded gently, feeling Mark throb, leaving a trail of kisses along Mark’s inner thigh. He pressed his lips to the crease of Mark’s hip and sucked, moving his tongue in slow circles. He wrapped his fingers around the base of Mark’s cock and squeezed, gently. Mark moaned. He squeezed again. And again. He found a steady rhythm, admiring the red blush he’d left on Mark’s skin as Mark swelled in response to his touch.

Jack looked up at Mark, blue eyes clear in the afternoon light. Mark was looking back at him, his fingers still wound through Jack’s hair.

_“Tell me how it feels, love.”_

Jack pulled Mark into his mouth, moving his lips and tongue, applying slow, gentle pressure. He felt Mark’s fingers tighten in his hair. He shivered.

_“Oh- oh my God. Please don’t stop.”_

Jack swirled his tongue in response. Mark moaned.

 _Right,_ Jack thought. _Can I make yeh come without tearing yer stitches?_

Mark was still holding tight to his left hand. He looped his right arm under and around Mark’s hip, looking to hold him in place as much as possible. He hoped Mark had gotten the message; he decided to test it out.

He pulled Mark further into his mouth.

_“Oh-”_

Mark made a small rocking movement with his hips that Jack deemed acceptable. He slid back to the tip, then pulled Mark deep again.

_“Mmh- fuck- Sean…”_

He gave Mark’s fingers a final squeeze, then reclaimed his left hand. He wrapped his fingers around the base of Mark’s cock and squeezed in time with his traveling tongue. He was still moving at a crawl - playing it safe, but also enjoying the intimacy, the feedback, the pleasure of manipulating Mark’s body. His own erection throbbed – he knew he was leaking precum – and he imagined what it would feel like when Mark finally slid inside him again… He moaned, deep in his throat, and Mark throbbed in response.

Jack sucked and licked at Mark for a handful of blissful moments, before he could feel Mark starting to tense. Tension was good, but potentially problematic. He knew he shouldn’t leave Mark hovering on the edge like this. He needed to stop, or push him over. He looked up and found Mark’s eyes.

The unrestrained affection in Mark’s expression was overwhelming: blinking brown eyes, flushed cheeks, parted lips. Mark moved his hand in Jack’s hair, rested his thumb on Jack’s forehead. Jack increased the pressure, maintaining eye contact. Mark nodded, breathing shallow. Jack squeezed and stroked, more firmly than before. Mark nodded again, watching Jack’s eyes.

_“Sean- it’s safe, I promise, I’m- Oh, God-”_

Jack went for it. He closed his eyes and focused all of his energy. Mark was hard and throbbing inside his mouth. He sucked hard, stroking fast, cradling Mark’s hip with his arm, holding him close-

_“Fuck- Sean-”_

Mark came with a moan, his head thrown back, his fingers tight in Jack’s hair. Jack held him inside his mouth, making it last, swallowing hard, flooded with happiness, relief, arousal. He waited until he was sure Mark was finished, then sat up on his knees, scrutinizing Mark’s face. Mark panted, opened his eyes, grinned.

“Holy _fuck…_ ”

Jack threw his arms over his head.

_“WOO!”_

Mark giggled. “I fucking _love_ you.”

Jack leaned forward, bracing his arms on the couch. _“I love you. I love this. I’m so happy-”_

He kissed Mark’s mouth. Mark’s fingers were at his hips again, traveling, grabbing-

_“Oh, hey, love-”_

_“Sean-”_

_“Yeh don’t have to-”_

_“I know, I want to-”_

_“I can wait-”_

_“Sean!”_ Mark giggled, shaking his head. _“Trust me, please? I asked. I can swallow. It’s safe.”_

Jack stared, processing. _“Please tell me yeh didn’t ask Jessie-”_

_“Oh my God. NO. I asked the doctor.”_

Mark leaned forward, pressed his lips against Jack’s throat. He pulled at Jack’s hip, rubbed at the bulge in Jack’s sweatpants.

_“Oh… Jesus, yeh’re so… I love you… Oh, thank God…”_

Mark nipped at Jack’s neck. _“Stand up, Sean.”_

 _Trust me, please._ Mark had spoken these words more than once over the last few days. Jack knew it was time to start listening. There was no reason to resist. This was all Mark wanted in the world.

Jack stood up.

Mark sat forward carefully, and moved to the edge of the couch. He put his hands around Jack’s hips.

_“Take off your shirt.”_

Jack obeyed.

Mark put his mouth on Jack’s belly; Jack’s skin was smooth and warm against his lips. He covered Jack in kisses as he pulled his sweatpants and boxers down. He discovered that Jack was hard, throbbing, and slick with precum. He licked at the tip of Jack’s cock, smiled, looked up to find Jack’s eyes.

_“Close already, babe?”_

Jack nodded, both hands in Mark’s hair.

_“You taste so good…”_

Jack blinked at him, cheeks flushed, breathing hard.

Mark took Jack deep into his mouth. He tried to move slowly; he failed. Jack was already bucking his hips, making beautiful sounds as Mark stroked him with his tongue. Mark moaned back to him, a low rumble deep in his throat. Jack thrusted, gripping at his hair.

 _This close already?_ The notion prickled pleasantly at the back of Mark’s mind: _How close can you get without being touched?_

The same notion had occurred to Jack. The feeling of Mark coming inside his mouth, in addition to the diverse fantasies that had been playing through his mind, had brought him right up to the edge.

_Why now? All of a sudden? Why…? Oh, God-_

Jack wanted the moment to last. He tried to wait; he failed. He released with a thrust, thinking only of Mark, feeling nothing but Mark’s tongue on his skin.

Mark held him still for a long moment, then released him. He rested his cheek against Jack’s belly, wrapping his arms around him. He felt one of Jack’s hands sliding inside the neckline of his shirt, until it came to rest between his shoulder blades. They held each other, quietly, breathing together.

Eventually, Jack leaned down, looped his arms under Mark’s, and pulled him smoothly to his feet. He retrieved Mark’s boxers and replaced them, then helped Mark pull on the pair of pajama bottoms he’d chosen from the bedroom. He found his discarded shirt and let Mark put it on for him, keeping his arms raised above his head for longer than was strictly necessary, noticing Mark’s eyes traveling over his body. Then he helped Mark settle back onto the lounger and stretched out beside him, pulling a blanket over both of them. They laid together, silent and thoughtful, brushing at each other’s hair, kissing at each other’s skin.

 _“Sean.”_ Mark finally broke the silence. Jack nodded, his fingers resting along the back of Mark’s neck. _“Was that… different? For you? Different than other times?”_

Jack nodded again, still thinking. Mark waited patiently until he was ready to speak.

_“I think so. I might know one of the reasons. Maybe.”_

Mark found one of his hands, rubbed slow circles into his palm.

 _“Some of the things we do… well,_ most _of the things we do… they’re new. They’re things I never pictured myself doing, before you. I didn’t think I was supposed to do these things. I didn’t think I was supposed to enjoy this. And… yeh’ve been helping me deal with that. We’ve been helping each other, right?”_

Mark nodded. He knew what Jack was describing, and it hurt his heart, for both of them.

_“But today… I just wanted to do this fer you, so badly, and I was concentrating on that, and then I noticed how it actually felt… fer me, I mean… and… I do. I do enjoy it. I love how it feels. I love doing this with you. Not just because I love you. Yeh know I do.”_

Mark nodded again, gave Jack’s hand a squeeze.

_“Maybe it’s because yeh’ve made me feel so safe. But… all these doubts I used to have… I don’t feel them anymore. You were all I could think about. I started thinking about having you inside me again and… I almost lost it.”_

Mark leaned forward, pressed his lips to Jack’s cheek.

_“I think it’s beautiful.”_

Jack nodded. _“It is. I guess that’s what’s different. I really believe it’s beautiful. I_ know _it is. Maybe because-”_

He hesitated. He squeezed Mark’s hand, then threaded their fingers together.

_“Maybe because I’ve actually had to think about what it’d be like to lose you, and… I can’t. Not ever. I’m going to take care of you, forever. And yeh’re going to stay with me. Ok?”_

Mark wrapped both arms around Jack, pulled him closer. _“I will, I promise. We’ll take care of each other. For as long as you want. For forever, if that’s what you want.”_

Jack kissed Mark’s lips, then buried his face against Mark’s shoulder. He spoke so quietly, Mark barely heard him:

_“That’s what I want.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Linadoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linadoon/pseuds/Linadoon)! And find him on [Tumblr](https://linadoonofficial.tumblr.com/)! 

 


	59. Chapter 59

They slept heavily in a tangle of limbs for about an hour. Mark woke up first, and wasn’t sure why, though he wondered if Jack had been talking in his sleep. One of Jack’s arms was inside his shirt, wrapped around his back. He felt Jack’s fingers press into his skin, even though Jack was clearly still asleep, and realized he must be dreaming. His nose was still buried in Jack’s hair, and he inhaled, giving in to the warmth of Jack’s presence, thinking he might drift back to sleep. But then Jack’s whole arm tightened around his back, and Jack sat up suddenly, having startled himself awake.

_“Hey, Sean-”_

Mark moved his hands over Jack’s skin, making sure Jack could feel him.

_“It’s ok. You were dreaming.”_

Jack blinked, smiled.

_“Mm. I was. It was good.”_

_“That’s a relief. Want to share?”_

Jack shook his head. _“I’ll show yeh. Later. Time to eat, now.”_

_“Does that mean you’re getting up?”_

Jack kissed Mark’s lips. _“Yeh won’t even have time to miss me. Grilled cheese and soup?”_

Mark nodded.

_“What else? Want me to put a movie on?”_

_“Hmm… think you could find my laptop? And my guitar?”_

_“You got it, love. Let me feed Chica first.”_

He stood up and stretched, then tucked the blanket back around Mark, who was blinking up at him sleepily.

_“Go back to sleep if yeh like. I’ll be quick.”_

Mark smiled in response, and closed his eyes.

Jack made his way to the kitchen and let Chica in through the sliding doors. She danced around happily as he filled her bowls with food and fresh water. He watched her munch for a moment, then headed to the garage to retrieve their two backpacks. He went upstairs to Mark’s recording room, located Mark’s acoustic guitar, and brought it back downstairs. He found Mark sitting up in the lounger with Chica by his side.

“Replaced me already, have yeh?”

Mark giggled. “There’s plenty of room for the three of us.”

“Hmm. After we eat. You hang with Fluffster, and yell if yeh need anything.”

Jack set to work in the kitchen. After a few minutes, he heard Mark plunking away at the guitar and humming softly. He thought he recognized a couple of the melodies, but he couldn’t quite place them. He’d only been aware of Mark practicing a handful of times since they’d been living together, and he recommitted to the idea of reclaiming more time for their personal lives. He caught a familiar-sounding tune coming from the living room, and hummed along with Mark, aching to actually sing, but too embarrassed to do it on his own.

He was reluctant to interrupt Mark’s playing, but he also knew they had a vague schedule to stick to. He had reviewed the instructions from Mark’s surgeon that included suggestions for the types of foods Mark should be eating, as well as the quantity and frequency that would be most beneficial. He made two trips to bring the food and drinks into the living room, then sat cross-legged by Mark’s feet, happily watching Mark take small bites while he wolfed down his own food. He’d been concerned about Mark abiding by the doctor’s suggestions, but he supposed Dee had been right; Mark seemed motivated to play by the rules, if only because he didn’t want Jack to worry.

_Or maybe he cares more, now? Because of how much I care?_

“Sean? You ok?”

Jack realized he’d been staring, holding his last bite of sandwich. He smiled.

“Yeh’re doing a good job. Going slow, I mean. I’m proud of yeh. How d’you feel?”

Mark returned his smile. “Really good. Thanks for cooking.”

Jack giggled. “That’s generous terminology. More like ‘reheating.’”

“Fuck off, this grilled cheese is amazing.”

“Says the guy who hasn’t eaten real food in a week.”

“Mm. Can’t argue with that. But I do appreciate it. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“You can start tonight. Play fer me some more? When yeh’re done, I mean.”

Mark chewed and swallowed his final bite of sandwich. “I’m done. Finish up and get comfy. Any requests?”

“Hm. I’ll think about it.”

Jack spent a few minutes cleaning up, then sat down next to Mark with his own laptop. Mark was practicing the same riff he’d half-recognized earlier.

“I feel like I know that song. What is it?”

Mark smiled. “I’ll tell you when I can play it better.”

Jack responded to a couple of work e-mails, then checked his personal e-mail, and was encouraged to find a message from Jessie:

 

Dear Jack and Mark,

I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you for sharing the last week with me. Like I said before, I know you didn’t choose to, and I can’t imagine how it must have felt to be forced into that kind of situation, surrounded by strangers. I want to reassure you that everyone on the staff takes confidentiality very seriously, and that the entire team felt so protective of both of you while you were here. I hope I can ease your minds that your secrets are safe, and that you inspired compassion and empathy during your stay with us. Everyone was sad to see you go, but it makes me so incredibly happy to think of you finally being at home. If we don’t cross paths again, I want you to know how lucky I feel that I was able to meet you. I’m still having trouble understanding how you both turned out to be more wonderful in real life than I ever imagined. I know you’re flooded with similar compliments every day, but I’m hoping it might sound more true, coming from someone you’ve actually met.

Mark, I’m wishing you the fastest possible recovery. I hope you can feel the love surrounding you both from every corner of the world.

I’ve included my phone number and social media information, but I promise you, I won’t be upset if you decide not to keep in touch. I’ll have nothing but respect for the both of you, either way.

Love,

Jessie

 

Mark had stopped playing to read over Jack’s shoulder.

“We should text her a selfie,” Jack suggested. “Although she might have an actual heart attack. Poor thing.”

Mark giggled. “Brilliant.”

Jack set his phone to selfie mode and extended his arm to snap the photo. His laptop and Mark’s guitar were clearly visible in the picture; they looked like two fairly average people spending a quiet night at home, which, he imagined, would probably blow Jessie’s mind. He saved her number and texted her the photo, letting her know that it was coming from his cell phone. He got an almost-immediate response:

 

Jessie: Mark looks like he’s behaving himself. Are you as shocked as I am?

 

Mark smirked. “See? She’s fine.”

“Yeah, far away from us, in the comfort of her own home. Text messaging is a beautiful thing.”

“Ask her about Tyler.”

“Ser’sly? What was that all about, anyway?”

Mark shrugged. “He liked her. I don’t know, she seems kind of special. They might be friends, at least, don’t you think?”

Jack nodded. “She might be more comfortable with it if yeh explained it to her like that.”

“What? I was nice, wasn’t I?”

Jack laughed. “You were a little… direct. C’mon, let’s e-mail her back.”

Jack clicked back into the e-mail and started typing a response.

 

Dear Jessie,

We really can’t thank you enough. I don’t know how we would’ve managed without you. We’re both so impressed with your professionalism, and it made such a huge difference to have someone close by who knew who we were. You forgot to include your mailing address – please send us that, too. I’m handing the computer to Mark, he has some things to clarify for you.

 

Mark made a face, but accepted the laptop and started typing.

 

Hey Jessie, it’s Mark. Jack is telling me I might have been too “direct” when I mentioned giving your number to Tyler, and I wanted to explain. I think you’d be good friends. He left with a high opinion of you, which I happen to agree with, and I just wanted to give you the chance to get to know each other better. No pressure. I promise to behave myself in the meantime, I think Jack would drag me right back there if I didn’t. Thanks again, for everything.

 

Jack nodded, satisfied, and took the laptop back. He typed up one more section:

 

Hey Jessie, Jack again. Have you considered signing up for Patreon? You definitely deserve to be compensated for your art. I hope you’ll think about it. Send us the information, if you decide to make an account. Or I can help you set one up, if you like.

 

Jack signed the e-mail and sent it along. Then he sent Jessie one more text to let her know that she should watch for a message. Mark picked up his guitar and started to strum again while Jack scrolled through social media. He thought he could sense a positive change in the tone of some of their fans’ interactions. Most people had finally realized that he and Mark had done nothing whatsoever to discourage the Septiplier ship in recent months, and that they’d been much more candid about their closeness in recent videos. Jack had finally come to understand what Mark had picked up on a long time ago: the ship had originated because their fans had seen something between them – something real – and had come to believe that they were better together than they were apart. Which, of course, they were.

Mark struck up another riff, and Jack felt another wave of frustration as he tried to place it.

“I _know_ I know that one. What is it?”

“Hmm. I’ll give you a hint. My taste in music had stopped evolving in the mid-nineties, until you came along.”

“Play it again.”

Mark hit the first few notes, then stopped. “Oh, also, I was playing it really slow. Hang on.” He started again, at a quicker tempo.

Jack’s expression brightened with recognition. “D’you know the whole thing?”

“Well, I pretty much always fuck up the key change, but I know the basics, yeah.”

“Ok. Keep practicing. Back in a minute.”

Jack set his laptop aside and sprinted up the stairs; Mark could hear his footsteps as he moved around the second floor. He sprinted back down a moment later and went straight for the kitchen. Mark heard a range of noises, including cabinet doors opening and closing, and occasional tapping sounds he couldn’t identify. Jack eventually reappeared in the living room, holding a pair of drumsticks and a plastic mixing bowl.

Mark raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you even owned drumsticks anymore. Can I see?”

Jack handed them over. They were partially wound with what looked like fraying electrical tape, and there were dents and scrapes covering the upper third of each stick.

“They’re mostly keepsakes, at this point, but they’ll work in a pinch,” Jack explained.

“I can’t even tell you what kind of money I’d pay to see you play,” Mark said seriously.

“I’ll do it fer free! Someday. I’ll give you a preview in a few minutes, though.” He took his headphones out of his backpack and plugged them into his laptop.

“Sean.”

“What?”

“…Why do you have a mixing bowl?”

“Oh!” Jack giggled. He picked up the bowl and held it upside-down between his knees. He held a drumstick in each hand, twisted his wrists, and then played several measures of rhythm on the bottom of the bowl.

“See? Makes kind of a cool ‘klackity-klack,’ y’know? I don’t have any real drums anymore…”

He finally noticed Mark’s open-mouthed stare.

“What?”

“Jesus, Sean… how long has it been since you played?”

“Uhm…” Jack thought about it. “Years? I’m not sure.”

Mark blinked. “Is there anything you can’t do perfectly?”

Jack grinned, embarrassed, but pleased. “I can do better than that. Just give me a few minutes. I’ll practice on the floor, it shouldn’t be too distracting.”

He moved into a crisscross position on the floor, put his headphones on, and listened to the track he’d queued up for several moments. Then he started drumming on the floor. The carpet absorbed most of the noise, and it was springy; Mark could see the tips of the drumsticks bouncing with each impact, much like they would bounce off the head of an actual drum. He was fairly certain that Jack had never drummed on their carpet like this before – he was almost positive, in fact, that Jack hadn’t even held those drumsticks since he’d moved to California.

But Mark could tell that what Jack was doing came as naturally to him as breathing. His whole posture had transformed. He held his shoulders and arms in a shape that Mark had never seen, and moved through a range of styles as he warmed up. At first he held the sticks almost lazily, barely hanging on, letting them bounce in an exaggerated arc with every strike. Then he tightened his grip and played closer to the floor, controlling the rebound, his wrists snapping precisely, again and again.

Mark was wrestling internally with a mix of fascination, admiration, and barely-contained arousal. He wallowed momentarily in self-doubt:

_What is this perfect human doing in my living room? Or in my life, for that matter?_

But he managed to set the notion aside, knowing how disappointed Jack would be if he knew he was thinking like that. Jack wasn’t keeping score. He wasn’t looking for a way out.

_He loves me. He thinks I’m worth it. I need to prove that he’s right._

He would’ve gone on staring, but he knew it might eventually make Jack uncomfortable, and he didn’t want to risk ruining the moment. He forced himself to direct his attention back to his guitar. He practiced the key change that had been tripping him up, and made some decent improvement. Then he ran through the primary riffs again and again, going for accuracy at first, and then increasing the tempo. He knew he wouldn’t be able to play it as quickly as the actual song, not yet anyway, but it was a good start.

Eventually, Jack took his headphones off.

“How’s it going? Ready to give it a try?”

Mark nodded. “As long as you promise not to judge me.”

“Are yeh kidding me?” Jack swept his hair out if his face and looked at Mark, blue eyes wide and bright. “This is… like… my dream come true. I fucking _love_ you. It’ll be amazing!”

Mark took a deep breath. “I love you too. How do you want to start?”

“Play from the beginning, if yeh can. Don’t worry too much about the tempo. I’ll play along on the floor, fer now, just to get it all lined up. And I might hum along, a bit, if it’s not too distracting. Also… maybe skip the first and last verse?”

Mark grinned. “Definitely skip the first. And maybe repeat the second at the end, instead?”

Jack resisted the urge to jump up and kiss Mark. “Brilliant.”

Mark started the familiar riff, and heard Jack join in at the verse, easily matching his tempo, humming quietly to himself. Mark started humming, too, and they stayed in unison until they reached the chorus. The first line was sung in a two-part harmony, which Mark couldn’t manage without practice, but he’d been humming the melody down an octave anyway, which had a similar effect. He stopped before the second line, leaving Jack to hum through the rest of the chorus… but Jack sang the words out loud, instead. Mark was so excited, he flubbed the transition and lost the melody, dissolving into giggles.

“Fuck! You did so great, I got distracted and fucked it up.”

Jack was laughing too. “It’s fine! It was great! Let’s go again, I’m going to try it on the bowl this time. I think I can do that little intro part too, if yeh want.”

They started and re-started several times, until they found a tempo they could both stick to, and then spent some time smoothing out the transitions. The song was fairly short and simple to begin with, and they’d shortened it further by removing a verse, so it didn’t take long for them to clean up the basics.

They both paused for a drink, and then Mark tried to project supportive vibes in Jack’s direction.

“This is _so_ fun, Sean. Will you try singing with me? For real?”

Jack fidgeted with his drumsticks. “I don’t know why I’m nervous about it, but I am.”

“Maybe for the same reason you don’t sing for real on your channel? You’re worried it won’t be good enough?”

Mark winced, thinking he might have been a bit too… _direct._ But Jack was smiling when he looked up.

“Yeh’re right. And it sounds ridiculous, when yeh say it.”

“I could go first, if it would make you feel better… but I honestly don’t think I can carry the tune without you.”

Jack nodded. He knew Mark was being sincere. “Right. We’ll try it together. You ready?”

“Whenever you are.”

Jack took a breath. He reviewed the lyrics in his head, and started the beat. They played smoothly through the intro, and when they got to the verse, they sang together:

 

_Look into your heart, pretty baby_

_Is it aching with some nameless need?_

_Is there something wrong,_

_And you can’t put your finger on it?_

_Right then, roll to me_

_And I don’t think I have ever seen_

_A soul so in despair_

_So if you want to talk the night through_

_Guess who will be there?_

Mark tried to go on to the next verse, but he lost his fingering again, for the same reason as before. He set the guitar aside and ran a hand through his hair.

“Sorry, Sean- can you come up here?”

Jack jumped up from the floor; he was on his knees next to Mark in an instant.

“You ok, love?”

Mark nodded.

“I can’t concentrate. I keep listening for you. I don’t want to stop, I just… I wanted to hear you sing for so long. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m going to keep fucking it up.”

“Mark-”

Jack leaned forward, put his arms around Mark’s shoulders, held Mark’s gaze.

“You didn’t fuck it up. It was _awesome_. I loved it. And I’ll sing fer you whenever yeh want.”

“Really?”

Jack smiled, then sang, much more slowly than the tempo of the song:

_If you want to talk the night through_

_Guess who will be there?_

Jack was legitimately startled by the look of pure joy on Mark’s face. He started to giggle, and was immediately interrupted by Mark’s mouth pressing against his own. He smiled into the kiss and let Mark pull his body close.

 _“Sean?”_ Mark was holding him in a close hug.

_“Yeah, love?”_

_“Can we play some more tomorrow?”_

Jack wound his fingers through Mark’s hair.

_“Anytime yeh want.”_

Mark tried and failed to stifle a yawn. Jack pressed a kiss against the back of his neck.

_“Snack, then sleep. Smoothie?”_

He felt Mark nodding against his shoulder. He maneuvered Mark back against the couch, kissed his forehead, then went to the kitchen and started pulling ingredients from the fridge. He decided to keep it simple – strawberry and banana – and he was pleasantly surprised by the results. He rummaged in a drawer, found two straws, and then brought the glasses back to the living room.

Mark was still awake, but just barely. Jack sat close to him and handed him a glass. He retrieved a bottle of pain medication from Mark’s backpack, shook one pill into his palm, and handed that over, too. Mark took the pill with a sip of smoothie.

“Oh my God, this is so good. Have you been playing me, McLoughlin? I thought you said you couldn’t cook.”

Jack laughed. “I’m really concerned about your definition of ‘cooking.’”

“You know what I meant.”

“I know what yeh like.”

Mark stifled a giggle, swallowed hard. “That is for Goddamn sure.”

“Watch yerself, love. I’m already counting the days ‘til I can throw yeh in the pool again.”

“You can do literally whatever you want to me.”

 “Mmmmh,” Jack groaned. “Keep it up and yeh might be sleeping alone tonight, Fischbach.”

“What?” Mark looked legitimately concerned. “Why?”

 “Oh, fuck, Mark, I didn’t actually mean that… I just meant… Jesus, yeh make it hard fer me to keep my hands to myself. I’m trying not to, like, _wreck you_ right now.”

“Sean.” Mark held out his hand until Jack surrendered one of his own. Mark pulled it into his lap and started rubbing at his wrist, palm, and fingers. “You got a little worked up? Like earlier, maybe?”

“Uhm.” Jack thought about it. “Fuck. Yeah, yeh’re right.”

“I was just trying to flirt with you. I wasn’t trying to tease, or make you upset...”

“I know. I’m not upset, I’m…”

“Trying not to rip my clothes off?” Mark suggested.

Jack eyed him aggressively. “Something like that.”

“Sean… I’m right here, we can-” The rest of the comment was replaced with a massive yawn.

Jack smiled, took a deep breath. “We can get yeh to bed, is what we can do. C’mon.” He stood up and held out his arms. Mark shifted so that Jack could help him stand up, and then Jack steered them both into the kitchen, keeping one hand on the small of Mark’s back, and holding their empty glasses in the other. He left the glasses in the sink, making a mental note to clean up in the morning, and looped his arm around Mark’s waist.

“Ready fer the stairs, love? Just lean on me, alright?”

Mark giggled, and started to sing as Jack walked him toward the stairs:

 

_Lean on me_

_When you’re not strong_

_I’ll be your friend_

_I’ll help you carry on_

 

Jack was laughing, supporting Mark’s weight as they took the first few steps together. “Are you drugged already, or just painfully adorable?”

“Can I be both?” Mark rubbed his nose in Jack’s hair.

“Hey- eyes on the road, Fischbach-”

Jack managed to steer them both safely to the second floor and into the bedroom.

“Shit!” Mark sounded nervous, all of a sudden. “Whose house is this?!”

“What…? Oh, Jesus Christ, Mark,” Jack laughed. “This is our house. It’s just been a while. And the Grumps just organized our stuff, a bit. See? We picked out that blanket together.”

“Why does it look like that?”

“Because the bed is made, love.”

“Oh.”

Jack managed to get Mark under the covers, thankful that Mark had already changed his clothes. He made a mental note to make sure Mark took his medication _after_ climbing the stairs in the future, but he had to admit he was enjoying the way it was amplifying Mark’s already-goofy personality. He brushed Mark’s hair back from his forehead.

“Close yer eyes. I’ll be right back.”

“What? No-” Mark grabbed onto his arm.

“Hey,” Jack said gently, placing his hand over Mark’s. “I’m just going to brush my teeth, I’ll be _right_ back. Ok?”

Mark sat up suddenly, and gave a small yelp as the pain in his midsection registered.

_Christ, what’s being amplified now?_

“Jesus, Mark, yeh can’t do that, love-” Jack was holding his shoulders, trying to keep him still.

Mark’s eyes were round and shining. “I’m really sorry, Sean.”

“Here, scoot back fer a second-” Jack helped him slide backward, so he could sit up against the headboard. Jack pulled the blankets back and climbed onto the bed, settling on his knees in front of Mark. He scrutinized Mark’s face and found that he looked… distressed. He reached forward to hold both of Mark’s hands, and spoke in a low voice.

“I’m right here. Want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t… I’m not sure. I thought you were leaving.”

“I wasn’t. I’m not. I promise.”

Mark blinked back at him, looking sleepy and confused. Jack went on:

“I’m sorry fer what I said, earlier. I wasn’t thinking.” He leaned forward, put his arms around Mark’s neck. He kissed Mark’s lips. _“I miss you. I miss being with you.”_ He kissed Mark again, felt Mark’s lips moving slowly against his own. He gave Mark some space and found that he seemed much more calm. Mark reached up and held Jack’s face in his hands.

_“You can’t say sorry. You’re the most perfect… The most beautiful… Out of all the places. Not just here. The whole world, but bigger. Space, too. You’re the most beautiful thing there is. Did you know that?”_

Jack whispered: _“No. I didn’t know that.”_

Mark nodded. _“It’s true.”_

Jack swallowed. _“How do you know?”_

Mark looked like he was fighting hard to stay awake.

_“Because… I don’t have to pretend to be someone else, for you to love me.”_

Jack bit his lower lip to keep it from shaking. _“Yeh’re absolutely right about that.”_

He kissed Mark’s lips, slow and sweet.

 _“Listen, now, love,”_ Jack went on. _“I’m going to turn off the light, and then we’re going to lay down together. I’m going to be with yeh all night. Yeh’re going to go to sleep, and yeh’ll feel much better when yeh wake up. Ok?”_

_“Ok, Sean.”_

Jack leaned over and flipped off the lamp. He helped Mark adjust his position, until they were both laying down, face to face. Mark slid one hand under Jack’s shirt and rested his palm along Jack’s side.

_“Mm. Feels good, love.”_

_“Can I…_ ”

_“You can do anything yeh like.”_

Mark moved closer to Jack. He tucked his head under Jack’s chin and wrapped his arm around Jack’s back. He put one of his legs between Jack’s two, adjusting until even their feet were pressed together. He pressed his palm between Jack’s shoulder blades. He breathed deeply, and then slowly.

Jack extended his mind to all the points of contact, examining each, enjoying all of the ways Mark’s body was touching his own. He stroked gently at Mark’s hair. He matched Mark’s breathing, with no effort at all. He thought about what Mark had told him, and wondered if Mark would remember it, in the morning.

He decided it didn’t matter. He knew Mark had meant every word.

 

* * *

 

 

Jack woke up with Mark’s lips pressed under his chin. He shifted, and realized he was still intertwined with Mark, their bodies pressed close together under the blankets. He opened his eyes, and found that it was still dark. He could feel Mark’s hand moving slowly over his back.

_“Sean. We’re home.”_

_“Mm. Mark.”_

Mark pulled the neckline of Jack’s shirt aside, and put his lips over Jack’s collarbone.

_“Is this ok?”_

_“Yes.”_

He slid his hand down Jack’s side. He pulled at Jack’s hip, establishing another point of contact.

_“Oh, God, yes.”_

_“Good. Take off your shirt.”_

Jack did so strategically, staying as close to Mark as he could while freeing himself from the fabric. He tossed the shirt aside, and immediately felt Mark’s hand sliding around his waist, pulling him closer. He felt Mark’s mouth pressing on the center of his chest, traveling to his nipple… and then Mark’s tongue was exploring the sensitive skin there, moving in slow circles, his mouth hot and wet and-

 _“Ohh- Mark-_ ”

Mark’s hand was inside his boxers, sliding down his lower back-

_“I need these off, Sean.”_

Jack returned the gesture, making contact with the curve of Mark’s hip-

_“Yers too, love.”_

Jack slid his pants and boxers down and off, and noted that Mark removed his own with reasonable efficiency, given his limited mobility. Mark rolled onto his back with some effort and opened his night stand drawer to retrieve some supplies. He rolled back to face Jack.

_“Trust me?”_

Jack nodded.

Mark lubricated his right hand, then slid his fingers over Jack’s erection, slowly at first, watching Jack’s expression change as the sensation registered. He moved in long strokes, feeling Jack swell, distributing occasional kisses over his neck and jaw and chest.

He stroked at Jack until he felt him start to rock his hips, and then he reclaimed his hand and lubricated his fingers again. He reached between Jack’s legs and rubbed one finger over his opening, watching fluttering eyelids, parted lips… he kissed Jack deeply, and slid one finger inside. Jack leaned into the kiss, grinding immediately against Mark’s hand. Mark throbbed.

He pressed deep inside of Jack, and Jack moved against him, making small noises, sounding lost and lovely and… impatient? Mark kissed his way along Jack’s jaw while he slid his finger out, and slid two back inside. Jack grinded against him with a satisfied moan. Mark throbbed again.

_“Mmh. Mark.”_

_“Yeah, Sean?”_ Mark kissed the side of his face.

_“…I wanted this so much.”_

Mark pulsed in a steady rhythm while Jack shifted and moaned. He kissed Jack’s neck, under his ear, and whispered:

_“This is all I want… all the time…”_

_“Ahh, Mark-”_

_“Sean, can we…?”_

_“Yes. Sit up fer me? Like the first night?”_

_“Anything you want. Are you ready?”_

Jack kissed Mark’s cheek, one hand in Mark’s hair.

_“I’m ready.”_

Jack felt Mark’s lips on his own as Mark slid his fingers out. He shifted to his knees and put his arms around Mark, supporting his weight so he could sit up against the pillows and the headboard. Then he straddled Mark, taking care to protect his midsection, and kissed his lips for a long moment. He found the small bottle, poured lubricant into his palm, then stroked at Mark’s cock, kissing at his neck and throat.

Mark reached over to the night stand and grabbed a condom. Jack took it, opened the wrapper, and rolled it onto himself.

Mark looked at him, confused. Jack ran his fingers lightly over Mark’s torso, above his t-shirt.

_“Less messy. Just to be safe.”_

Mark reached up, brushed his thumb over Jack’s lower lip.

_He’s protecting me._

Mark reached for another condom, but Jack stopped him.

_“Uhm. Mark. I was thinking…”_

_“You want to try without it?”_

_“Can we? D’you want to? I just… I want to feel you. Just you.”_

Mark nodded. _“I want to.”_

Jack smiled a small smile. He put his hand over Mark’s hand, found that it was shaking. He squeezed reassuringly.

_“Ready, love?”_

_“Ready, babe.”_

Jack sat up on his knees, stabilizing himself with his hands on Mark’s shoulders. He waited for Mark to line himself up, and then slowly, carefully lowered himself down, closing his eyes and holding his breath as he felt Mark sliding inside of him. He exhaled in a long breath as he settled into Mark’s lap, adjusting to the pressure, examining the sensation. It was incredibly intimate, feeling that there was no barrier between them. He throbbed.

He opened his eyes, and found Mark looking up at him. His head was tilted back, and his hands were firm around Jack’s hips. He was waiting. He’d been waiting for so long.

Jack leaned forward, flattening one hand against the headboard, over Mark’s shoulder. He kissed Mark’s mouth, then rocked his hips, testing the friction… The movement felt easy. Natural. _Incredible._ Jack moved in a series of small thrusts, adjusting the angle until-

 _“Ohh-”_ they moaned together as Mark hit a barrier deep inside. Jack kissed at Mark’s neck and continued to thrust slowly, one hand cradling the back of Mark’s head.

_“Mark.”_

_“Sean.”_

Jack found Mark’s eyes.

_“Does it feel different, love?”_

Mark nodded. The look on his face suggested that speaking would be an effort, and Jack was happy to let him moan incoherently. He tightened his fingers in Mark’s hair and gave a sharper thrust, felt Mark’s hands gripping at his hips. A short moan escaped from Mark’s throat, at a higher pitch than before, and Jack groaned in response, throbbing as Mark made contact with something deep inside him, over and over.

_“Sean-?”_

Jack forced himself to focus, found Mark’s eyes blinking up at him. He felt Mark’s fingers wrapping around his cock, warm, steady pressure penetrating through the barrier. He nodded.

_“Please.”_

Mark stroked him once, then lubricated his fingers and stroked again, gliding more easily, gauging Jack’s expression to find an ideal pace. He felt Jack start to tighten around him -

_“Oh-”_

\- and fought the urge to thrust. Jack felt Mark’s fingertips pressing _hard_ into his hip, felt Mark stroking at him more insistently. He knew Mark’s control was starting to slip.

He pressed his forehead against Mark’s.

_“Close, love?”_

Mark nodded.

_“Tell me if it hurts.”_

_“Nothing hurts.”_

Jack smiled, nipped at Mark’s bottom lip, and then straightened up, grasping the top of the headboard for leverage, keeping his other hand firm on Mark’s shoulder. He tested out the angle –

_“Fuck, Sean, yes-”_

_-_ and then thrusted aggressively, listening for Mark, knowing it might be impossible to distinguish between noises of pleasure and pain, but certain that he’d brought them both right up to the edge-

_“Sean, I’m-”_

_“Come fer me, love-”_

Jack heard Mark call his name again, then felt a bloom of pressure, and Mark’s fingers tight around his cock-

_“Fuck- Mark-”_

He came in a massive wave, gripping the headboard, burying his face in Mark’s hair.

Jack felt Mark’s arms sliding around his waist, felt Mark’s lips on his chest, but he spent a full minute in throbbing oblivion before it occurred to him to move. He finally relaxed his arms, let his fingers come to rest along Mark’s neck. He sat back carefully and found Mark looking tousled and a little stunned.

_“Ok, love?”_

Mark responded by reaching for Jack’s face, pulling him down, and kissing his lips. He was so gentle, Jack felt a swoop of affection fluttering in his stomach that amplified the rest of the sensations he’d been experiencing. His whole body pulsed.

He kissed Mark for a long moment, then felt another unfamiliar sensation. He sat up.

_“Mark-”_

_“It’s ok, go-”_

He disengaged clumsily, ran for the bathroom, and locked himself in.

Mark breathed deeply, scanning for signs of damage. He felt minimal pain in his midsection, but he knew the medication he’d taken before bed was probably still in effect. He lifted his shirt and examined his incision; all seemed well. He leaned his head back, and noticed that the headboard shifted backward when he rested more weight on it. He giggled; Jack had pulled it loose.

_Sean._

His gaze drifted toward the closed bathroom door, and he felt a wave of anxiousness. He started to doubt whether this had been the right time to try something new. He was groggy and weak, and his mobility was limited. What if Jack needed him? What if they’d made a mistake? What if Jack regretted what they’d done? His thoughts started to spiral as he sat alone in the dark.

Then, he heard the shower turn on, and the door finally opened. Jack was by his side in an instant, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, pressing kisses into his hair.

_“Sorry I had to run. I love you.”_

Mark took a deep, calming breath.

_“Love you, Sean. Is it bad?”_

Jack pulled back, looked at him seriously.

_“Nothing’s bad. Everything’s perfect. I loved it.”_

_“Really?”_

Jack nodded. _“Totally worth it. I promise.”_ He kissed Mark’s forehead. _“Now c’mon. It went by too fast. I miss yeh already.”_

He pulled Mark to the edge of the bed, removed his shirt, and helped him stand. He walked Mark to the bathroom and straight into the shower, and Mark was happy to find that Jack had left the lights dimmed low. It was all he wanted in the world, to be touched by Jack under the warm water in the dim light.

_“Sean.”_

_“Mm.”_ They’d finished washing up, and Jack was holding Mark from behind, his arms wrapped around Mark’s chest and lower abdomen, expertly avoiding Mark’s incision.

_“I think you broke the headboard.”_

Jack giggled against his shoulder.

_“Ser’sly?”_

_“Mhm. You were… incredible.”_

Jack tightened his arms around Mark. _“A bit rougher than I intended to be.”_

_“No, it was just right. It didn’t hurt at all. And every time I wanted to move, it was like… you moved for me. You just… knew. How do you always know?”_

_“I don’t_ always _know. But some things are easy. We fit. You do the same fer me, yeh just don’t realize it. How’d yeh know to slide two fingers? Yeh knew I wanted that, right?”_

Mark thought about it. _“Yeah. I did.”_

_“Right. Some things, we just know. Other things, we need to talk about.”_

_“Like whether to use condoms, or not.”_

Jack traced circles over Mark’s belly with his thumb.

_“I didn’t pressure yeh, did I?”_

Mark turned to face Jack, slid his arms around Jack’s waist.

He spoke firmly. “Absolutely not.” He watched Jack’s eyes, softened his tone. “I was worried it would put pressure on _you_. To do it all the time. We don’t have to do that, if you don’t want to.”

“What if I do? Mark, it felt… amazing. _So_ amazing. And I didn’t just _decide_ , randomly, right then. I was… I’ve been… I thought about it. A lot.”

Mark still looked skeptical. Jack stepped even closer. He pressed his lips to Mark’s neck.

_“I imagined it. I fantasized about it. I wanted it. I wanted you inside me with nothing between us. The idea of it… I…”_

Mark’s hands were on his hips again, pulling him close, pressing their bodies together.

_“Uhm… Mark…”_

Jack was hard again; Mark’s fingers were wrapped around him.

_“B’lieve me, now?”_

Mark nodded, squeezed. Jack shivered.

_“Talking about it turns you on?”_

_“Just thinking about it turns me on.”_

Mark stroked. _“Were you thinking about it at the hospital?”_

Jack bucked. _“When you fingered me in the shower that first day, I was – oh – I was thinking about…”_ Jack trailed off as Mark handled him more aggressively.

_“What were you thinking about, Sean?”_

_“I was thinking about you fucking me against the wall. And I thought about – oh, fuck – I thought about fucking you, too… I was hoping yeh’d want to feel me come inside you, too…”_

_“I do. I want to feel you come. I want to make you come. Now, Sean.”_

And he did. He fell right over the edge, all over again. He sagged against Mark’s shoulders, riding waves of pleasure until he was utterly exhausted. Mark kissed his face, nudged him with his nose.

_“You ok?”_

_“Mm. So good.”_ Jack sounded half asleep.

_“Ok, babe. Back to bed.”_

They supported each other on their way. Mark found boxers for each of them in their dressers, and Jack helped him replace his t-shirt. Jack had the presence of mind to make sure Mark laid down safely before he collapsed next to him, face-down and sprawled. His body had gone limp, but his eyes were open. Mark stroked at his hair, then ran a hand over his back, tracing patterns over his cool skin.

_“Mark.”_

_“Yeah, Sean?”_

Jack was quiet for a moment. _“I want to tell yeh how I feel, but I don’t know how.”_

_“Can I tell you how I want you to feel? And you can tell me if you do, or not?”_

Jack giggled. _“Brilliant.”_

Mark nodded. He thought for a moment, still running his hand over Jack’s skin, then spoke quietly.

 _“I want your body to feel good. I want you to feel how much I love it, how much I love touching you, how beautiful I think you are.”_ Mark leaned over and kissed Jack’s bare shoulder.

Jack nodded. _“I do.”_

_“I want you to feel confident about everything we just did. I loved everything that just happened. I love having sex with you. I love making you come. I want you to love it, too.”_

Jack smiled. He reached over to brush a strand of hair back from Mark’s forehead. _“I do, love.”_

 _“And, Sean…”_ Mark moved closer to Jack, so he could wrap his arm all the way across Jack’s back. _“I want you to know that this last week… everything you did for me, everything you went through for me… I want you to know it was worth it. I want you to know that I’ll take care of you, too. I’ll be with you if you get sick or hurt. I’ll stay with you no matter what happens. I want you to believe that I’ll be here to keep you safe.”_

Jack lifted up from the bed. He put a hand on Mark’s shoulder and pressed until Mark was flat on his back. He rested his weight on Mark’s chest, hovering above his face. He smoothed one hand through Mark’s hair.

_“I know it.”_

He kissed Mark’s lips.

_“I do.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some things I need to address about this chapter. I've tried really hard to write this story with a conscience, and this chapter raises an issue that I feel I need to clarify further. If you want to skip the sex ed lesson, go for it. If you're underage, or still discovering sexuality, or feeling lost or confused or misunderstood or in need of information, this note might be for you!
> 
> PRACTICE SAFE SEX! IF CONDOMS ARE APPLICABLE, USE CONDOMS! Safe sex is SO important. You have a right and an obligation to your own health and well-being (physical and emotional) to practice safe sex. Don't ever let ANYONE make you feel otherwise, for any reason, including a partner that you feel you can love and trust. I remember vividly being young, fumbling through my first sexual experiences, and wondering at what point condoms could become optional. As an adult, the fact that I even considered that thought horrifies me. This is especially important for those of you who are still in high school, thinking you know your partners really well. Maybe you've even known each other since you were kids. Maybe it's your first time. Maybe it's theirs, too. (Is it? Do you know for sure? How sure should you be, to gamble with your own well-being?) Maybe you know all the people they've ever been with, because you're all in English class or band together. Maybe you've been dating seriously for a while, and you're sure they really love you. 
> 
> It doesn't matter. PRACTICE SAFE SEX. USE CONDOMS. It's not worth the risk, and it's a slippery slope. I've personally been in the position of being pressured not to, and I didn't even realize how messed up it was at the time. Just make a habit of it, and set the standard for your partners, too. Buy condoms. Google where to find them for free. Practice with them. Carry them around with you. Just be safe, and protect yourself.
> 
> The only reason I feel secure writing and posting a chapter like this is because I'm an adult, with more than a decade of decent experience under my belt, including some insight about healthy, sustainable relationships. The characters in this story have communicated at length about their sexual history. It's been explicitly stated that they had no other sexual partners within a year of starting their relationship, and even though I didn't write about it explicitly (I wish I had), we can assume they've both been tested. They're also explicitly monogamous, and while I do support polyamory, in addition to general sexual exploration and a wide range of gender identities, sexual identities, and relationship styles, all of these factors can impact the decision to practice safe sex.
> 
> One more thing. This applies to the concept of safe sex, but it can also apply to a range of other sexual activities. IF YOU TRY SOMETHING ONCE WITH A PARTNER, YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO EVER DO IT AGAIN. If you didn't like it, don't do it. If you realized afterward that it wasn't a safe choice, or that it made you feel bad, or that it hurt your body, or that it hurt you emotionally, DON'T DO IT. And don't let anyone pressure you into doing it. You owe your partners exactly NOTHING when it comes to your body and your well-being. 
> 
> So, the main theme here: Go forth. Explore. Enjoy. BUT BE SAFE. GET TESTED. Take care of yourself. Value your health and well-being, because you really and truly can't always trust others to do it for you.
> 
> If you have any questions about anything I've said here, or need help or advice, send me a message. You can e-mail me at songsforfelurian@gmail.com, or send me a message on Tumblr, @songsforfelurian.
> 
>  
> 
> On a lighter note, song credits!
> 
> "Roll to Me" by Del Amitri : music and lyrics credited to Justin Currie
> 
> "Lean on Me" : music and lyrics credited to Bill Withers


	60. Chapter 60

Mark woke up naturally, blinking against the light that was coming through the blinds. He was on his back with his left arm spread toward the opposite side of the bed, where Jack usually slept. Jack wasn’t there, but there was a post-it note on his pillow. Mark smiled and picked it up.

_I have no impulse control right now, and you need to sleep. I’m right downstairs, text me when you wake up. Loved last night. Love you. – Sean_

Mark grinned stupidly, thinking about the previous night. Or had it been early morning? He picked up his phone and saw that it was after 10 AM. He texted Jack:

 

M: Sorry I slept so long. I’m not surprised though, last night, holy shit, I love you.

J: good timing! i need 5 minutes. holy shit is right, cant stop thinking about it. love you too.

M: Take your time. I’ll be thinking about your lack of impulse control.

J: i’ll be thinking about what you sound like when you come

M: Holy shit

J: i know, i told you, no fucking impulse control

M: Fucking sexy, Sean

 

Mark forced himself to put the phone down. As much as he wanted to know what Jack would say next, he guessed he was probably distracting him from whatever he was trying to accomplish. He propped himself up and sat up against the headboard. The pain was there, but it was tolerable, and he guessed it was being dulled by the rubbery, post-orgasm sensation he could feel from his waist to his toes. He closed his eyes and remembered the feeling of Jack’s weight in his lap from the night before. He realized he’d trade five more surgeries for another night like that, with Jack. Then, he realized that he didn’t have to. Jack was here. Jack was his.

“Hey, love!”

Jack had appeared in the doorway, balancing two plates of pancakes and a full glass. He came around to Mark’s side of the bed, put everything down on the night stand, and sat down next to Mark, who was shaking his head.

“This is _awesome_ , Sean. You didn’t need to. Thank you.”

“Thank me after yeh’ve tasted it. It might be awful.”

Mark giggled. “Come here, first?”

Jack hesitated.

“Sean?”

Jack reached over and picked up one of Mark’s hands.

“I can’t kiss yeh right now. I’ll get carried away. C’mon. Let’s eat.”

Mark knew Jack was trying to be practical, and watching out for him, as usual.

“I hear you. It looks amazing.” He picked up a plate that held two pancakes, whipped cream, and strawberries. “Where did you find whipped cream like this?”

Jack had just picked up his own identical plate and popped a strawberry into his mouth. He smiled, held up a finger, chewed, and swallowed.

“I made it.”

Mark stared.

“Like, from scratch?”

Jack nodded. “C’mon. Give it a try.”

Mark covered a strawberry in whipped cream and put it in his mouth. He chewed. He groaned.

“Oh my God. Fucking ridiculous.”

He repeated the process, adding a bite of pancake.

“Oh my God! You made these from scratch, too?”

Jack giggled. “I’m glad yeh can tell.”

Mark was staring at him again.

“Mark! Eat!”

Mark smiled, then started working his way through the rest of the plate. It didn’t take long; he thought it was probably the best breakfast he’d ever had. He set the plate aside when he was done, and took a sip of the ice water Jack had brought with him. Mark knew that Jack normally would have brought him coffee, or juice, or a smoothie. But he was supposed to be drinking water in large quantities, and Jack knew this. It was perfect, down to the last detail.

“Sean. I loved it. The extra effort… it means a lot.”

Jack blushed. “I know yeh can’t eat a lot, yet. I just really wanted it to taste good.”

“It’s my new favorite. Really.”

“Good. That makes me happy.”

Mark could tell that he meant it.

“So how long have you been up?”

Jack checked the time on his phone. “Maybe three hours? I figured yeh’d sleep fer a while. I took Chica outside fer a bit, and then I recorded fer a bit, and then I started breakfast.”

“Oh, wow… aren’t you tired? I think we were up half the night…”

“Mm. I remember.” Jack moved to sit cross-legged in front of Mark. He took one of Mark’s hands. “I feel… I don’t know. I feel like I can’t sit still. I felt so helpless all week, I just… being productive helps. I need to put the energy somewhere.”

Mark was nodding. “I get it. I’m sorry. I wish I could be there for you, like I normally would.”

Jack made a face. “No, love, it’s not you-”

“Sean. C’mon. You’d be fucking me against the wall right now if you could.”

“Jesus!”

“What? Am I wrong?”

Jack took a breath, then realized he was grinding his thumb into the palm of Mark’s hand. He loosened his grip.

“No. Yeh’re right. I don’t know what my problem is.”

“There’s no _problem_. You’re fine. We’re fine. We just need to make it a few more days. And there’s plenty we can do in the meantime. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

Jack sighed. “Just… be patient with me?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the one who’s being patient. And I’m sorry. What can I do?”

Jack thought about it. “Just let me record fer a while? Maybe I can work through some of it.”

Mark nodded. “Whatever you need. I should get back to work, too.”

“Ok. I’ll help yeh change. Um… maybe let me fix yer hair a bit, too.”

Mark smiled. “Yes, please.”

 

* * *

 

 

Mark had been recording and editing for more than two hours before he finally heard from Jack.

 

J: still feeling jittery. miss you. come outside with me? so i can swim?

M: Good idea. I’m ready now. Miss you too.

J: be right up

 

Mark listened for the familiar sound of Jack sprinting from across the house, but he heard slow, even footsteps instead. Jack appeared in the doorway with more food – jelly toast and a banana – and another full glass of water. Mark grinned; he’d been starving.

“Amazing, Sean.” He accepted the toast and took a bite.

“How’re yeh feeling, love?”

Mark swallowed. “Happy. Grateful.”

Jack smiled. “Good. But I meant yer body. Let me see?”

Mark lifted his shirt, and Jack examined the incision. Based on the information packet from the surgeon, he could tell that it was healing well. It was starting to look more like a scar than an actual wound, and one of the white strips that had been holding it together had finally fallen off. Jack guessed that the others would, too, the next time Mark showered, and he could tell they weren’t necessary anymore, anyway.

“See? Just fine. I’ll be good as new in no time.”

Jack nodded approvingly. He waited while Mark finished his toast, and then helped Mark stand up so they could head back to the bedroom.

Mark happily watched Jack change into a swimsuit, and then Jack helped him change out of his sweatpants and into a pair of shorts. He was fairly certain he could make it down the stairs by himself with minimal risk and discomfort, but he had no problem with the fact that Jack insisted on keeping one arm wrapped firmly around his waist.

Mark brought his laptop outside, though he found it difficult to concentrate on anything other than Jack’s body cutting through the water in the pool. Jack was swimming aggressively, to the point that Chica was periodically tracking his movement as he propelled himself up and down the length of the pool.

Mark scrolled absently on his computer, trying to figure out if he should be concerned. He knew that what they’d just gone through had had a massive psychological impact on both of them. He imagined that they’d been in a cage all week, and had come home to find themselves in… a slightly bigger cage. Jack was currently throwing himself against the bars. He thought back to the handful of times that Jack had been this wound up, vividly remembered the way Jack had talked to him and touched him in those moments. He knew what Jack wanted – _needed_ – and he couldn’t give it to him, and it was incredibly frustrating. He thought about what else he could do to help, and started formulating a plan.

“Sean?” he called to Jack from several feet away. Jack had stopped momentarily at one end of the pool, breathing heavily.

“Yeah, love?”

“You still going to Blizzard tomorrow?”

Jack moved to the edge of the pool so he could talk with Mark more easily.

“Just fer a couple hours. I’ll probably leave around 11:00. But I can stay here, if yeh need me to-”

“No, it’s good, I need to keep working, anyway. I was going to see if Arin and Suzy want to come for lunch, or something.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, although Mark was keeping a few additional details to himself, for the time being.

Jack nodded. “Good idea.”

“Sorry I interrupted you. Looking good, Sean.”

Jack grinned. “Thanks. I feel a little better.”

Jack pushed up on the edge of the pool and climbed onto the concrete in one fluid movement, and Mark stared shamelessly. Jack was red-faced, breathing deeply, and soaking wet. Mark cocked his head, and Jack approached him, looking wary. Mark suppressed the urge to put his mouth all over Jack’s bare stomach. He stood up instead, and pulled Jack into a gentle hug. Jack giggled.

_“I’m all wet, love.”_

_“Don’t care. Couldn’t resist.”_

Jack’s ribcage rose and fell as Mark held him, and Mark deliberately slowed his own breathing, hoping to help Jack feel more centered. Jack’s breathing eventually started to slow, and he leaned more of his weight against Mark. He gave a small sigh. Mark held the back of his head with one hand.

_“See? You’re fine. Everything’s fine.”_

Jack nodded against his shoulder.

_“More than fine. Perfect.”_

Mark pressed gentle kisses into his wet hair, then smoothed it back.

_“I don’t know if I’ve ever seen your hair this long. I like it. It feels so nice.”_

_“Mm. I’ll keep it long, if yeh like it.”_

_“I do.”_ Mark pressed his lips to Jack’s temple. Jack made a small, satisfied noise.

Mark grabbed a towel from the table and pulled it around Jack’s head like a hood. He rubbed at Jack’s hair, removing the excess water, and then draped the towel around Jack’s shoulders. Jack yawned, and then smiled at him, finally looking calm.

Mark breathed a sigh of relief. He put a hand on Jack’s chest; his skin was pleasantly cool.

“C’mon. Let’s lay down.”

Jack nodded cooperatively. It was late afternoon, but Mark guessed that Jack had gotten very little sleep the night before, and he was encouraged that Jack had finally tired himself out. He picked up Jack’s hand and walked him back into the house. He brought Jack to the downstairs bathroom, undid the lacing on his swimsuit, and let it fall to the floor. He watched as Jack slowly pulled on a clean pair of shorts and one of Mark’s old t-shirts. Then he picked up Jack’s hand again, led him to the living room, and draped a blanket around his shoulders, just as he’d done with the towel. Jack blinked back at him, looking docile and sleepy. Mark sat down on the lounger, pulling Jack with him, and stretched out so Jack could settle in next to him. Jack immediately rested his forehead against Mark’s neck, and Mark wrapped both arms around him, smelling chlorine, and sunshine, and a hint of the shampoo he’d smoothed through Jack’s hair the previous night.

He’d spent all day thinking of getting close to Jack, and as much as he had been craving sex and release for both of them, he realized that this calm, quiet moment was equally satisfying, and thought that he’d never get sick of holding Jack’s body close to his own, for as long as he lived.

He thought of saying this out loud, but Jack was already asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Jack woke up with his face still pressed against Mark’s skin. Mark kissed his forehead, then put one hand in his hair.

_“Hey, Sean. How d’you feel?”_

Jack made some small stretching movements, then snuggled even closer to Mark.

_“Happy. Grateful.”_

_“Mm. You feel so good.”_

Jack lifted his head and kissed Mark’s lips, so slow and gentle that Mark found himself holding his breath. He felt Jack’s tongue make contact with his upper lip, just barely, just for a moment.

_“And you taste good, love.”_

Mark held Jack’s gaze, deliberating. He knew it was a good thing that Jack had finally calmed down. He could physically feel the difference in Jack’s energy, and as much as he loved being the object of Jack’s affectionate aggression, he knew it would be safer for both of them if he could figure out how to keep Jack calm.

He pressed his lips to Jack’s cheek, and Jack returned the gesture. He took Jack’s hand, and kissed his palm. Jack watched, his lips slightly parted. He looked like he was deliberating, too.

_“Mark…”_

Mark moved his hand to support Jack’s chin. _“What can I do for you, Sean?”_

Jack looked hesitant. He whispered: _“I want to be close to you.”_

Mark nodded. _“I want to make you feel good. And I want you to stay nice and calm while I do it. Think you can do that for me?”_

_“I’ll do anything yeh ask me to.”_

_“Ok. Close your eyes.”_

Jack did. Mark pressed his lips to Jack’s, holding still for a long moment. Then he kissed Jack’s cheek, and his nose, and both of his eyelids.

_“Deep breaths, Sean.”_

He brushed his lips against Jack’s neck.

_“In and out.”_

He slid one hand under Jack’s shirt, pressing his palm against Jack’s lower back. He pulled Jack closer, and put his mouth on the back of Jack’s neck. Jack sighed deeply; Mark felt no tension in his posture.

_“Feel good, babe?”_

_“So good, love.”_

Mark put his other hand under Jack’s shirt, and lingered for a long moment with his fingers pressed lightly along Jack’s lower back. He took his time sliding his hands upward, kissing Jack’s neck, feeling Jack’s smooth, warm skin. He raised Jack’s arms over his head, one at a time. He clasped his fingers around both of Jack’s wrists, holding his arms in place, just for a moment. Then he slid Jack’s shirt all the way off and let it fall to the floor. He rested his hands loosely at Jack’s hips and pressed his lips to the center of Jack’s chest, feeling it rise and fall, slow and even.

_“Good, Sean. So lovely. I’m going to move, now.”_

Mark slid to the edge of the lounger, and lowered himself carefully to the floor. He shifted onto his knees and pulled at Jack’s arm until Jack followed his lead, moving toward the edge until he had one leg on either side of Mark. He put his hands in Mark’s hair, cradling the back of his head. Mark put his hands on Jack’s sides, leaned forward, and put his mouth on Jack’s belly, pressing slow kisses downward until he reached the hem of Jack’s shorts. He raised his head, held Jack’s gaze.

_“Come here.”_

Jack leaned down and kissed Mark. Sweetly, carefully.

_“Now lay back for me.”_

Jack hesitated.

_“Trust me. I’ll be right here.”_

Jack pressed his lips to Mark’s forehead, and then laid back on the lounger. Mark looped his arms under Jack’s legs, bringing them to rest on top of his shoulders. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of Jack’s shorts, and felt Jack lift himself off of the couch so he could pull them downward and off. He pulled Jack’s legs back onto his shoulders, and then lingered for a moment, his lips pressed against the soft skin of Jack’s inner thigh. He moved closer to Jack, kissing as he went, enjoying the gentle weight of Jack’s legs pressing down on him. He found that Jack was partially erect. He smiled.

_“Sean.”_

_“Mm?”_

_“Remember what you said to me yesterday? ‘Don’t try to come.’ Ok? Just breathe, and relax, and let me touch you.”_

_“Love you, Mark.”_

Mark kissed the head of Jack’s cock. _“Love you, too.”_

He kissed his way gently down Jack’s length, lingering at the base. Then he put both hands around Jack’s hips and manipulated his lower body, adjusting the angle. He held onto Jack, leaned down, and slid his tongue slowly over Jack’s opening. He heard Jack moan softly, felt Jack’s hands in his hair. He licked Jack again, felt Jack rocking toward him in response. He wrapped his fingers loosely around Jack’s cock, then moved his tongue in a slow circle, feeling Jack swell and throb in his hand. Jack moaned quietly, rocking his hips to meet Mark’s tongue. Mark moved at a crawl, kissing and licking, giving Jack’s cock an occasional gentle stroke. He felt Jack sigh with his whole body, heard Jack making low, lovely sounds. He pushed the tip of his tongue inside of Jack and pulsed. Jack rocked and throbbed, and they moaned together.

Jack was trying to stay present, to appreciate the beauty of what Mark was doing. The affection he felt in Mark’s every gesture was overwhelming. It occurred to him that if Mark hadn’t reached out to him – if Mark hadn’t found him, loved him, _needed_ him – he might have gone his whole life without experiencing this level of intimacy. But Mark had been brave. Mark was here. Mark was his. Jack was flooded with gratitude, helpless against the building pressure, slipping effortlessly toward release.

And then Mark’s mouth was on his cock, kissing him, tasting him, surrounding him. Mark pulled him so deep, Jack arched his back off of the couch – _“Mark- oh-” –_ and felt a sweep of strong sensation spreading up to his chest and down to his toes. He arched again as he made contact with the back of Mark’s throat, and felt Mark’s thumb rubbing slow circles where his mouth had been a moment before. Mark moved his mouth slowly, but he steadily increased the pressure, holding Jack firmly with his lips and tongue. He could tell that Jack was still taking long, deep breaths, and Jack’s hands were moving gently through his hair. But he could feel the mounting tension in Jack’s hips, could feel Jack pulling him closer with both of his legs. He deliberated again, wondering how slowly he could proceed without frustrating Jack. He pulled Jack deep in a firm, fluid movement, and Jack answered the question he hadn’t asked out loud.

 _“Yes-_ ”

He slid back, then pulled Jack in again, holding him steady.

 _“Mark-_ ”

He slid back again, then pulled Jack deep into his throat- and Jack was lost. He fell over the edge, speaking Mark’s name, his back arching gracefully off of the couch. Mark tried to concentrate on swallowing, but he was distracted by the loveliness of Jack’s posture. He thought that Jack had never looked more beautiful than he did right now, coming in waves, holding himself up with his legs secured around Mark’s shoulders. He released Jack slowly, swallowing hard.

Mark felt the tension easing in Jack’s hips, and he gently maneuvered Jack’s feet back to the floor. He pulled himself up and crawled over Jack, until he was hovering just above his face.

Jack’s eyes were open, and his cheeks were wet. Mark brushed at a tear with his thumb, looking concerned.

 _“Sean…?_ ”

Jack touched his own face, and examined his moistened fingertips. He smiled. He put his arms around Mark’s neck, holding his gaze.

 _“I was… I was thinking about you… It was so… I felt…_ ” He found that he couldn’t complete any of his sentences, couldn’t find any of the words he needed to express what he was feeling. Instead, he pulled himself up to kiss Mark’s lips, and was immediately flooded with powerful emotions all over again. He felt another tear sliding down his cheek. He laid back against the couch and let Mark smooth his hair away from his eyes.

_“I thought I would always hate seeing you cry…”_

Jack nodded. _“I didn’t know I could cry like this. I didn’t know I could feel like this.”_

Mark pulled one of Jack’s hands to his lips and kissed the back of it. _“I didn’t either. I didn’t know people were allowed to be this happy. I didn’t know something like this could be… real.”_

Jack looked up at him, brown eyes reflecting in blue. _“My turn, now?”_

Mark shook his head. _“Later. This is all I want. Just let me look at you.”_

 

* * *

 

 

They spent the rest of the night feeling calm and close. They made dinner together, not saying much, but finding excuses to touch as often as possible. They laid together on the lounger – Jack’s head on a pillow by Mark’s feet – while Mark practiced his guitar. They found themselves in bed well before they needed to be, kissing each other quietly until they fell asleep.

They both woke up early the next morning, hoping to get a head-start on recording and editing, since Jack needed to drive to Irvine for the afternoon. They were relieved to be releasing new content on their channels on time, but anxious to get ahead again. Neither of them had a safety net at this point, and Jack was concerned for Mark, who needed to be resting or sleeping much more than he usually did, and certainly didn’t need to be internalizing any additional stress.

But Mark seemed calm, and almost unusually excited to get back to work when they separated. Once Jack was alone in his recording room, he clicked into Mark’s files to watch one of the videos Mark had recorded the day before, a playthrough of a game called ‘Keep in Mind.” Jack smiled as he watched. Mark was witty and expressive, but there was a thoughtfulness to his commentary that had evolved to an entirely new place, and a seriousness that matched perfectly with the tone of the game. Mark spoke with purpose and insight, and Jack was completely captivated. He remembered what it had been like to be so drawn to Mark’s style as a fan, connecting with exaggerated humor in conjunction with genuine passion and kindness. Now that he knew Mark so well, he knew that he was infinitely _more_ kind and passionate than he appeared to be in his videos. His older videos, at least. The version of Mark that he was currently watching very closely resembled the actual person he had come to love. He wondered if he should feel jealous that Mark was learning to share more of himself with the world… but he wasn’t. He loved Mark more than ever.

He managed to record and edit two more short videos before texting Mark that he’d have to leave shortly.

 

M: Don’t go without saying goodbye

J: never

 

Jack sprinted up the stairs and found Mark waiting for him, smiling with his headphones askew. Jack was concerned that it still might be mildly painful for Mark to stand on his own, so he kneeled down on the floor in front of him, resting his arms in Mark’s lap.

“I watched yer ‘Keep in Mind’ playthrough.”

Mark nodded, happy to hear that Jack had been thinking of him throughout the morning. “Thoughts?”

“I’m _so_ proud of yeh, love. It’s _awesome._ Really. I love it. Yeh sound… different. Better than ever.”

“You can take all the credit for that.”

Jack shook his head. “No. It’s still you. It just sounds… _more_ like you. Like the way I know you.”

Mark framed Jack’s face with his fingers. “Like I said. That’s entirely your fault. And I can’t thank you enough.”

Jack leaned into his touch. “You sure yeh’ll be ok if I go?”

Mark nodded emphatically. “Yes. Go. I’d rather get caught up while you’re busy so I can spend time with you later. Plus… I feel really good today. I promise.”

Jack stood up, leaned over, and spoke close to Mark’s ear. _“Yeh feel good, yeh look good… how d’you taste?”_

He kissed Mark’s mouth, found Mark’s tongue with his own.

_“Mm. Yeh taste good, too.”_

Mark smiled. _“Go, before I try to stop you.”_

_“I wish yeh would.”_

_“I know. Soon.”_

Jack kissed him again, exploring Mark’s mouth, lingering too long. He had to force himself to stop and walk out of the room.

Mark never _wanted_ Jack to leave, but today, he needed him to. He recalled the way Jack had reacted when he’d surprised him with the theater room, and felt fairly confident that he could replicate the effect, or maybe even top it. He spent another half hour finishing the edits he’d been working on, and then he texted Arin and Suzy.

 

* * *

 

 

It was late afternoon, and Jack was devoting all of his energy to driving the speed limit. When he’d gotten his license, he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize his visa, including speeding on the highway. It wasn’t worth the risk of getting pulled over, and he’d never minded much, until today. Today, he was crawling out of his skin.

He’d managed to hold it together the previous day, and Mark had supported him beautifully, combatting frustration with gentle affection in a way that Jack had never expected. Jack had felt calm and stable right up until he’d put his tongue in Mark’s mouth before leaving the house. He was aching to touch Mark again, to be close, to run his hands over Mark’s body and know that he was healthy and strong.

Concentrating at work had been nearly impossible. He was used to having an excess of energy, but he wasn’t used to being held hostage by it. It hadn’t helped that several of his colleagues had asked him about Mark throughout the day; even though they didn’t know the exact nature of his relationship with Mark, they were aware that Mark and Jack were close friends, and that Jack was likely to know how Mark had been doing since his surgery. And the more Jack had talked about it, the more guilty and anxious he’d felt. What had he been thinking, leaving Mark on his own? It was too soon. It had been a mistake. He wasn’t ready. He needed to get home.

He took a long, slow breath as frustration swelled in his chest. He cursed the speed limit, cranked up his music, and tried not to think about what could have happened in his absence. He failed.

By the time he pulled into the driveway at home, he had a rough plan in mind to survive the rest of the day. Mark had kept in touch by text throughout the afternoon, assuring Jack that he was just fine on his own, but Jack knew he’d feel better as soon as he could see Mark, safe and sound, with his own eyes. He guessed some food and a swim would also help. He texted Mark from the driveway:

 

J: home! still working?

M: Nope, in the basement!

 

 _The basement? Doing what?_ Jack felt his chest flood with renewed anxiousness, cursing himself again for leaving Mark before either of them had been ready. What if Mark had tried to do too much? What if he hurt himself? What if they had to go back to the hospital? What if…?

Jack jumped out of the car and ran inside the house. He practically sprinted for the basement door and down the stairs, where he found Mark sitting on a stool in the middle of the finished section, surrounded by…

“Mark… what’re yeh doing?”

Mark looked up, flashed Jack a grin.

“Hey, babe, come here…”

Jack moved closer and found that Mark was using a boxcutter to open several cardboard boxes of varying sizes.

_“Mark-”_

Mark looked up, his smile fading as he recognized the agitation in Jack’s voice. He stood up and set the boxcutter aside. Jack was trying to control the tone of his voice, and failing. The words spilled out, sounding too harsh and too loud:

“Please tell me yeh didn’t carry this stuff. Yeh can’t-”

“No, I didn’t-”

“Mark, seriously, I _need_ you to be careful-”

“Sean! Listen!”

Mark put his hands on Jack’s shoulders. He was shaking his head.

“I did _not_ carry the boxes. Arin and Suzy did. I promise. I’m sorry I scared you.” He held Jack’s gaze, looking concerned and apologetic.

Jack’s shoulders rose and fell as he took a deep breath. He nodded.

“Sean? What’s wrong?”

“I thought…” Jack slid his arms around Mark’s waist and pulled him into a hug.

“You thought what? That I’d start taking risks as soon as you left the house?”

Jack was quiet for a moment. “It sounds stupid, when yeh say it like that. I just…” He paused; his voice was shaking. “I don’t know how to do this. I can’t stand it. I should never’ve left. I can’t lose you.”

Mark tightened his arms around Jack. He spoke softly: “You won’t. I would never risk it. I would never do that to you. I need you to trust me on that. Please.”

Jack made a small, frustrated noise, his face buried in Mark’s hair. “I know. I’m sorry. I’ll try harder.”

Mark made a small space between them, examining Jack’s face.

“No apologies. Breathe, Sean.”

Jack breathed.

“We’re fine, ok?”

Jack nodded.

“Tell me.”

Jack managed a small smile.

“We’re fine.”

Mark nodded, considering his next move. He had thought this might be coming. Jack had held it together beautifully through their stay at the hospital, and it was all catching up with him now. It had hit Mark in waves like this, too, the first couple of times he’d been through it. He’d never recovered so well or so quickly before, physically or emotionally, and he knew that was because of Jack.

But Jack was recovering, too. Damage had been done.

_How much? …Too much?_

Mark thought it best to explore these questions another time. The best thing he could do right now was help Jack calm down. He pressed his lips to the side of Jack’s face, then smoothed his hair away from his eyes.

“Right. Think you can help me with this stuff?”

Mark gestured toward a nearby box. Jack noticed that it was the largest one in the room, and it looked like it needed to be opened from the side.

“Uhm… want to tell me what’s going on, first?”

“Nope. Trust me. Open it.”

Jack looked skeptical, but he stepped back from Mark, picked up the boxcutter, and kneeled down to open the side of the box. He pushed the flaps apart, and pulled on the plastic packaging he found inside. It was _heavy_ , whatever it was. He reached inside the box to get a better grip, and paused, looking up at Mark, a smile spreading across his face.

“It’s a bass drum.”

Mark nodded.

“Did you buy me a drum set?”

“Two, actually.”

Jack finished pulling the bass drum out of the box. He cut apart the plastic packaging and ran his fingers over the smooth outer shell, trying to process what was happening.

“What, one wasn’t enough?”

“Well… one is electronic. I thought it might be cool to have both, so you can play whenever you want without worrying about the noise. Until we get all the soundproofing done, anyway.”

Jack realized that several of the thin, rectangular boxes on the floor probably contained foam soundproofing panels, similar to the ones they’d installed in their recording spaces.

He stood up and moved close to Mark, resting his hands at Mark’s waist.

“And… Sean…” Mark was saying. “I won’t be offended if you don’t like it. I know you might’ve been able to pick out something better. But I did some research-”

Jack didn’t let him finish. He kissed Mark’s mouth in a hurry, unable to cope with the space that had been between them. He felt Mark smiling against his lips, felt Mark’s arms sliding around his waist. He kissed Mark for a long time, and eventually had to force himself to give Mark some space.

Mark looked at him affectionately, resting his fingers along Jack’s jaw, his thumb close to Jack’s mouth.

_“I wanted to get it all set up for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t. I just needed to do something. For you.”_

Jack nodded, his heart fluttering with a mix of gratitude and guilt.

_“I love it. It’s perfect. And I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a wreck.”_

Mark brushed Jack’s lower lip with his thumb, shook his head. _“You’ve been amazing.”_ He kissed the side of Jack’s face. _“C’mon. Let’s do this. I want you to play for me.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Jack made some food for both of them, and then started assembling the equipment in the basement while Mark sat nearby, practicing chords on his guitar. Once Jack started organizing the contents of the boxes, it became clear that the actual drum sets were only one component of Mark’s vision. Mark had also purchased microphones for vocals and for the standard drum kit, as well as a multi-track recorder. Jack looked at Mark, holding the new recorder in his hands.

“Oh. Yeah. In case you ever want to record. Or… you know… maybe we could record something together, sometime.”

Jack found that he couldn’t stop smiling.

He was happy to discover that he could assemble the standard kit from memory, even though it had been years since he’d put together a drum set. He took his time admiring each piece, touching the outer shells, examining them up close to see the grain in the wood.

“Maple?”

Mark nodded. “And walnut, I think?”

“Did yeh know that’s what I prefer? I don’t remember talking about it before.”

“No, I don’t think you ever told me. I had to guess about that. This one just… felt like you.”

Jack traced the woodgrain on the snare drum with his index finger. _It does feel like me._

He did a final check to make sure everything was secured appropriately, and then sat down on the stool, ancient drumsticks in hand. Mark stopped plucking at his guitar.

Jack squared his posture and raised his arms, then hesitated. He looked at Mark.

“It’ll be rough, at first. It’s been a long time.”

Mark smiled, and gestured to his guitar. “You’ve heard me fumbling around on this thing. Perfection is not the standard here. That’s not why I did this.”

 “Why _did_ yeh do this?” Jack already knew. He just needed to hear Mark say it, and Mark didn’t disappoint.

“Because you saved me. Because I need to save you, too.”

Jack nodded.

“And because I need you to do the things you love. Because when you play, you’re… because I loved watching you, and I want to share this with you. But, no pressure. I can go upstairs, if you need me to. It’s ok if you’re not ready yet.”

Jack returned his smile. “I am. I’m ready.”

He raised his arms again, and started to play. He began with some basic rhythms on the snare, moving his wrists in controlled snaps. Mark heard some variations in tempo and precision; he could tell that Jack was rusty, but incredibly skilled, and the rhythm tightened steadily over the next several minutes. Jack started nodding to himself, looking satisfied for the time being, and then changed his strategy. He kept up a steady rhythm on the snare with his left hand, and crossed his right hand over it, adding a complementary rhythm on the hi-hat. Mark had never really watched someone play a drum set up close before – not carefully, anyway – and he found this movement unexpected. He could tell that this was muscle memory for Jack, that he had probably performed this maneuver hundreds of times in the past. His eyes widened as the sound of the cymbal changed, and he cheered involuntarily:

_“Woo!”_

Jack looked up at him, lost his sticking, and dissolved into giggles. Mark put his hands over his mouth.

“Sorry! That was just so cool! How did you do that?”

“What? This?” Jack picked up the hi-hat rhythm again, and Mark heard a repetition of the same sound that had caught his attention. He nodded. Jack grinned.

“Come here.”

Mark stood up – fairly easily, Jack noticed – and walked around to where Jack was sitting.

“There’s a pedal down here, see?” Jack demonstrated, playing on the hi-hat and manipulating the sound with his foot.

“Ohhh, ok… what’s that one do?” Mark pointed to the other pedal. Jack stepped on it – _BOP._

“Bass drum!”

“Ok… this looks hard. Can you use both hands and feet at the same time?”

“I mean, I used to be able to… Let’s find out!”

Jack started with the bass drum, feeling it out. He stopped, adjusted the height of his stool slightly, and started again, nodding to himself. He settled into a steady rhythm on the bass drum and the snare, and then added the closed hi-hat, which made a tinny _tat-tat_ sound that Mark quite enjoyed. Jack finally used his left foot to manipulate the hi-hat again, and Mark cheered, impressed at how easily Jack had been able to engage all four of his limbs.

Jack stopped and grinned up at Mark. He put down his sticks and gestured for Mark to move closer. He hugged Mark around the middle, resting his face against Mark’s stomach, careful to avoid his incision.

“Sounds awesome, Sean. Thanks for letting me stay. I love it.” He smoothed at Jack’s hair.

“I love you,” Jack said, rubbing his nose against the fabric of Mark’s shirt. “Thanks fer this.”

“Love you too.” Mark gave Jack’s shoulders a squeeze. “I have some work left to do. Will you play for a while longer?”

Jack straightened up, keeping his hands on Mark’s sides. “Yes. I’ve got a list a mile long of songs I’d like to learn. It’ll be less entertaining to watch, anyway – lots of starting and stopping and repeating over and over. But… the noise…”

Mark shook his head. “I recorded everything I needed to this morning, and saved some editing. Play as loud as you want.”

Jack stood up, and flung his arms around Mark’s shoulders. Mark staggered slightly, chuckling into Jack’s hair.

_“Happy, Sean?”_

_“Thanks to you.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Mark didn’t actually go straight to his recording space. He sat outside the closed basement door for a full half hour, listening to Jack, sifting through everything he was feeling. He knew the drum set had been a good move. Jack needed an outlet, and Mark could tell he’d felt better as soon as he’d started assembling the kit. But Mark knew he hadn’t solved the problem. He had neither wanted nor expected his health to become a factor in their relationship so quickly, and his surgery had forced them into a situation that neither of them had been prepared for.

He knew Jack hadn’t flinched, that he’d readily accepted the responsibility of loving someone with the potential to develop a life-threatening illness. And there had been consequences. Jack was… _afraid._ Jack had given Mark safety and security and unconditional support; had he traded his own well-being to do it?

Mark eventually forced himself away from the door and up to his recording space. He had work to do, and a lot to think about.

 

* * *

 

 

Jack emerged from the basement much later, feeling better than he had all day. He’d thrown himself into the activity, and it had been exactly what he’d needed. Once again, Mark had come through for him beautifully when he’d needed it the most.

Still, he was anxious to see Mark. He felt guilty for losing track of time, and for the way he’d reacted when he’d found Mark in the basement. He knew they needed to talk. He exchanged text messages with Mark, and was happy to discover that he was already in the bedroom – exactly where he’d hoped to find him. He made his way upstairs.

Mark was sitting up in bed with his computer in his lap. He looked up when Jack entered the room, set the laptop aside, and then pulled his legs into a crisscross position, making room for Jack, watching him without speaking. Jack approached the bed and sat down so he was facing Mark. They looked at each other silently for a moment, and then Jack picked up both of Mark’s hands.

“I lost my shit, earlier. I know yeh don’t want me to apologize, but I need to, ok?”

Mark nodded, waiting patiently for Jack to go on. Jack took a slow breath, fidgeting with one of Mark’s fingers.

“You were right. I forgot to trust yeh. That reaction wasn’t fair, and yeh haven’t done anything to deserve it. I psyched myself out all day, worrying over nothing. I shouldn’t’ve left. I wasn’t ready, and that’s on me. I’m sorry I took it out on you.”

“It’s not all on you, Sean.” Mark’s voice was quiet and gentle. “I hear what you’re saying, but you haven’t done anything wrong. I _need_ you to let me know how you’re really feeling, and I _don’t_ need you to be feeling ok. You can be anxious, or sad, or angry, or all of the above. And I’ll be here. I need you to let me be here for you.”

Jack sighed. “Yeh’re right, again.”

“I’m not trying to be right. I’m trying to take care of you.”

“I know. You are. Yeh have been.”

Mark nodded. “How are you feeling now?”

Jack thought about it. “Much better, actually. The drums were a great idea. I can’t thank you enough fer that. And fer… just… being amazing. I’ve never… God, it sounds stupid in my head.”

“Sean.” Mark pulled one of Jack’s hands to his lips, kissed the back of it. “There’s nothing stupid about you, or the way you feel. You can tell me, whatever it is.”

Jack smiled. “That’s what I mean. Yeh keep doing that. I’m not used to… _needing_ someone. But I do. I needed help today. And you were there.”

“I will do literally _anything_ you need. You know that.”

Jack nodded. “I do.”

Mark shifted onto his knees, moving closer to Jack. “Good. So let’s practice. Tell me what you need.”

Jack moved into a kneeling position, too, imitating Mark’s posture.

“I need to stay close to yeh fer a while, so I can see that yeh’re ok.”

Mark leaned forward, pressed his lips to the side of Jack’s face. _“As close as you want.”_

Jack sighed. _“I need yeh to do that again.”_

Mark put his hands on Jack’s waist, slipping his fingertips under the hem of Jack’s shirt. He pressed his lips to Jack’s neck, kissing in a slow progression toward his collarbone. He moved his hands over Jack’s skin.

He paused, giving Jack time to protest; Jack didn’t. He pulled Jack’s shirt up and off. He slid his arms around Jack’s waist, pulled him close, kissed his lips. He moved his fingers to the front of Jack’s jeans, and waited, holding his gaze.

_“Trust me?”_

Jack nodded, spoke without hesitation: _“Yes.”_

Mark undid Jack’s button and zipper. He stood up from the bed and maneuvered Jack’s body until he was flat on his back. He leaned over and kissed Jack’s lips.

_“Mark?”_

_“Mm?”_

_“I don’t want yeh to stop.”_

_“Ok. I won’t, unless you tell me to.”_

He pulled Jack’s pants and boxers off, then started to climb back onto the bed, but Jack stopped him.

_“I need yer clothes off, love.”_

Mark smiled, then undressed, taking his time, trying to show Jack that he was being cautious. Then he climbed onto the bed, settling onto his side, pressing the length of his body against Jack’s. He moved his hand slowly over Jack’s bare stomach and kissed him, carefully, focusing on one lip at a time, feeling Jack’s fingers moving through his hair. He kept his lips pressed to Jack’s as he wrapped his fingers around Jack’s cock, stroking slowly, massaging the head with his thumb. Jack throbbed and swelled. He pressed his forehead against Mark’s.

_“Mark.”_

_“Yeah, Sean?”_

Jack kissed his lips. _“I trust you. I do.”_ He pulled on Mark’s arm, kissed his palm, and pulled two of his fingers slowly into his mouth. He moved his tongue and watched Mark’s eyelids flutter. He pulled Mark’s fingers toward the back of his throat, and Mark closed his eyes and tipped his head back. Jack enjoyed the sensation for a long moment before he finally released Mark’s hand.

Mark kissed him immediately, pushing his tongue into Jack’s mouth while sliding his fingers into Jack’s body. He felt Jack thrusting to meet him and kissed Jack more deeply, exploring the inside of his mouth, tasting his tongue. He fingered Jack slowly, searching for the right angle, waiting for a reaction-

_“Oh, Jesus-”_

Jack let his head fall flat against the pillow, inhaling deeply. Mark put his mouth under Jack’s chin and moved his fingers against the same spot, feeling the vibration of Jack’s breath in his throat as he moaned. He kissed his way down to Jack’s chest, enjoying the feeling of Jack’s hand moving through his hair, pulsing his fingers in a slow rhythm.

Mark was feeling encouraged that Jack had been able to transition to physical intimacy so easily. He was still concerned about Jack’s overall well-being, but he felt certain that staying physically close would only help. Still, he wasn’t sure exactly how far to push. He was still thinking it over when he felt Jack’s fingers wrapping around his cock. He moaned, rocking his hips involuntarily.

_“Oh- Sean-”_

_“Uhm- Mark-”_

Mark sat up. He held his fingers still and climbed between Jack’s legs, settling onto his knees. He leaned forward, braced his free arm on the pillow beside Jack’s head, and kissed his lips, moving his fingers deep inside of Jack again. Jack moaned, looked in Mark’s eyes.

_“Mark?”_

_“Mm?”_

_“Uhm. Tell me yeh’re ok like that.”_

Mark rocked his hips against Jack. _“I’m ok like this. Can we try-?”_

Jack nodded. _“Be careful-?”_

_“Promise.”_

Jack reached over to the night stand, grabbed the small bottle, lubricated his fingers, slid his hand over Mark’s cock. Mark sighed, leaned into Jack’s touch, rested his forehead against Jack’s shoulder. He loved the feeling of Jack’s fingers moving over him, knew how easily he could come just from this. No one he’d been with previously had figured out how to touch him quite like Jack did; it was very high on his list of favorite things.

He heard Jack laughing softly and started to come back to his senses.

_“Still with me, love?”_

He raised his head and found Jack smiling at him.

_“Mm. Sorry. Feels so good.”_

Jack nodded. _“I can do better.”_ He held up the bottle. Mark smiled, straightened up, and took it. He carefully slid his fingers out, lubricated them thoroughly, and then slid them back inside, holding Jack’s gaze. Jack blinked, inhaled, tightened his grip on Mark’s arm.

_“Ok, Sean?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Ready-?”_

_“Yes.”_

Mark kissed Jack’s lips and pulled his fingers out. Jack put his hands around Mark’s face, and Mark gave him some space, looking in his eyes.

_“Love you, babe.”_

_“Love you, Mark.”_

_“Hold on to me, ok?”_

Jack smiled, nodded. Mark braced his forearm against the pillow again, and Jack slid his arms around Mark’s back. Mark lined himself up, and slowly slid himself inside.

They inhaled – moaned – exhaled – together. Mark met with resistance and stopped, holding steady, holding a lock of Jack’s hair between his fingers. He pressed his lips to the side of Jack’s face.

_“Feel ok, Sean?”_

Jack nodded, breathing shallow. _“Feels perfect.”_

Mark kissed his lips. _“It is. You are. Perfect.”_

Jack framed Mark’s face with his hands again, pulled him down, kissed him slowly. He rocked his hips against Mark, and they moaned in unison.

_“Again-”_

Jack moved again, sliding both arms around Mark’s neck. Mark leaned into him, and Jack kept on moving in small thrusts, holding Mark close, tasting Mark’s mouth.

_“Sean- uhm-”_

_“It’s ok- move-”_

Mark wrapped his right arm under Jack’s left leg, and held it pinned against Jack’s side. He hesitated briefly, then moved his lower body in a slow thrust. He had planned to ease into the sensation, but he was met with crushing resistance instead – Jack had moved to meet him, and the feeling caused his breath to catch in his throat.

_“Oh- fuck- Sean-”_

_“You ok-?”_

_“Yeah- again-?”_

Jack nodded. They moved together in a long, slow thrust. Jack dug his fingers into Mark’s skin. Mark moaned, soft and low. They inhaled – moved – exhaled – kissed.

Mark had secretly been concerned about restraining himself if he happened to find himself in this position, but Jack was meeting him halfway, matching his movements perfectly, and the result was-

_“Oh God-”_

_“Fucking hell-”_

They moved together, taking it as slow as they could stand to. Mark looked down at Jack, who was flushed and breathless. His hand was in Jack’s hair.

_“Is this close enough, Sean?”_

Jack shook his head.

_“No- not close enough.”_

Mark’s heart squeezed; he leaned down and kissed Jack’s lips. They moved and met each other in pulses of heat and pressure – Mark’s mouth on Jack’s throat, Jack’s fingers in Mark’s hair. Mark made a small space between them, released Jack’s leg, and slid his hand over Jack’s cock, feeling slick precum and warm, pulsing skin. He stroked at Jack slowly, watching his eyes, feeling his breath, thinking: _This is it. This is as close as two people can get._

He needed Jack to feel it, too.

_“Sean. Close your eyes.”_

Jack tipped his chin back, let his eyes fall closed.

They were thrusting together more regularly now; Mark was having trouble organizing his thoughts.

_“This is all I want. You- you’re all I want.”_

He stroked at Jack firmly, feeling Jack’s warmth pressing around him.

_“We’re home. We’re safe. I’m-”_

_“Oh- Mark-”_

_“I’m here- I’ll take care of you-”_

_“I need yeh to- I need yeh to stay with me-”_

_“I will- Oh, God-”_

Mark gave up on verbal communication, hoping he’d gotten his point across. He put his mouth on Jack’s collarbone and lost himself in the sound of Jack’s voice, stroking fast, thrusting deep. He moved his lips over Jack’s skin until Jack’s tone started to change.

_“Mm- Mark-”_

_“Ready, Sean-?”_

Jack nodded, arching his back off of the bed, pressing closer to Mark.

_“Ok- Let it go-”_

_“Oh-”_

Mark felt Jack come in the palm of his hand, felt a rush of pressure surrounding him, lost all awareness of the boundary between his body and Jack’s-

_“Sean-”_

He came in a wave, with his forehead presses against Jack’s. They breathed – shuddered – kissed.

Mark took his time, exploring Jack’s mouth for longer than he should have. He wanted nothing more than to pick Jack up and carry him to the bathroom; the idea of separating was almost unbearable. He looked in Jack’s eyes, smoothed at Jack’s hair.

_“I’m sorry. I know you need to get up. I’m having trouble letting you go.”_

Jack smiled, put his hands around Mark’s hips.

_“I’ll be so quick, yeh won’t have time to miss me. And I’ll be with yeh all night. Just like this, if yeh want.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Promise.”_

Jack was true to his word; he was gone for less than five minutes before Mark heard the shower running. They helped each other wash up, and Jack examined Mark thoroughly, smiling uncontrollably as soon as he was satisfied that Mark was safe, and happy, and in no pain whatsoever. Jack found clean pajamas for both of them, and they laid down on the bed, face-to-face, sharing a pillow, kissing each other slowly until Jack finally failed to stifle a yawn. He snuggled closer to Mark, brought one hand to rest on Mark’s chest. He closed his eyes.

_“Mark.”_

_“Yeah, Sean?”_

Jack didn’t answer.

Mark smiled, wrapped his arm around Jack’s body. He listened to Jack’s slow, steady breathing. He felt Jack’s skin, warm against the palm of his hand.

Jack was sleeping. Jack felt safe again.

Mark let his eyes fall shut, thinking:

_Please let it last._

 


	61. Chapter 61

“ _Please,_ Sean?”

“Nope.”

“Seriously?”

“Ser’sly.”

“I was really patient all week, wasn’t I?”

“No, you were a downright nuisance.”

“COME ON. You know I’m going to love it. And I hate waiting.” Mark scowled at Jack from the passenger seat, and Jack giggled, stealing a glance in Mark’s direction and then shifting his gaze back to the road.

“I know, and yeh’re _so_ cute when yeh’re all impatient. C’mon. Frown a little harder fer me.”

Mark obliged, before joining Jack in a fit of giggles.

“Ser’sly, love, I’m not ready yet. I’ll sing something else with yeh, but I need more time to practice with the new stuff. I’m trying to be… like… _good._ Fer real.”

Mark gave an exaggerated sigh. “Sorry. I know I’m a pain. Take it as a compliment.”

Jack smiled. “I do.”

The center console lit up, notifying Jack that he’d just received a text message.

He gestured to Mark. “You can check it.”

Mark picked up his phone and tapped on the notification.

“Jessie! She said she can make it.”

“Ok. Let her know we’ll be a few minutes early, if she wants to come ahead of time.”

“Sure.” Mark typed the message, and set the phone aside. He looked over at Jack and found that his smile had faded. He was staring at the highway silently, looking serious.

“Sean…”

Mark had tried to speak quietly, but Jack seemed startled by the sound of his voice. He recovered quickly, though, smiling in Mark’s direction.

“Sorry… what?”

Mark watched him for a moment.

“I meant what I said. You really don’t need to come in, if you don’t want to.”

Jack sighed. “And I meant what _I_ said. Yeh’re out of yer mind if yeh think I’d let yeh do this on yer own. I’m…”

The word _fine_ got stuck in his mouth. He knew that statement would have been an exaggeration. His mood and his sense of security had steadily improved over the course of the week, but he’d still been jumpy, and anxious, and sleeping less than he should have been, and Mark knew it.

He tried again.

“We do these things together. You let me deal with the doctors and the hospital and all that, and I’ll let yeh deal with some of my emotional baggage. Ok?”

Mark nodded. “Ok.” He pulled Jack’s right hand into his lap, moved his thumb over Jack’s fingertips.

“Right. Yeh’ve got just enough time fer a song, if yeh can find one quickly.”

Mark picked up Jack’s phone again and tapped at the screen, smirking to himself.

“I know that face. That’s yer ‘early eighties classic rock’ face. Or is it yer ‘Shrek soundtrack’ face?”

The first few bars of _Don’t Stop Believin’_ blared through the speakers. Jack laughed.

“I knew it.”

“Don’t leave me hanging, McLoughlin.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

 

* * *

 

 

The doctor’s office was busier than they would’ve liked, and they were both glad that they’d remembered baseball caps and hoodies before leaving the house. It was Friday morning, almost a full week after Mark had finally left the hospital, and they were back in his specialist’s office for a follow-up appointment. Luckily, someone had been watching out for them; one of the staff from the front desk walked them through the set of doors and down to the empty conference room as soon as Mark had checked in. It was the same conference room Jack and Tom had waited in when they’d first come back from Seattle, and it occurred to Jack that that day felt like a lifetime ago, even though it hadn’t even been two full weeks. They barely had time to sit down before they saw the door opening again.

“Nancy!” they blurted in unison.

They both stood up to greet her. She stared at them for a moment, frozen in the doorway, looking uncharacteristically ruffled. She sniffed, and Jack thought it sounded like she might be close to tears. He was still trying to figure out what to say when she walked straight for Mark, threw her arms around his shoulders, and hugged him.

Jack had been so distracted by intrusive thoughts about Mark’s appointment that he’d forgotten why Nancy had come. He realized why Nancy’s professional façade had slipped as the magnitude of the situation hit him all over again.

Mark had spent the last couple days of his hospital stay collecting information from the staff. He knew that Nancy wouldn’t accept any gift he tried to give her, and he had searched for some way to thank her for everything she had done. He’d finally gotten someone to tell him more about Nancy’s personal life, and he had discovered that her son had been born with a developmental disability. After some further investigation, he also found out that her son was receiving speech therapy and a handful of other services through the hospital network. And although Nancy received some financial benefits as an employee of the hospital, the bills had still piled up over the last couple of years.

Mark had paid the balance.

“They told me it was you,” she was saying, still hugging Mark tightly. She finally let him go.

He nodded. “I asked them to. I mean, not to take credit, or anything. But I wanted to do more. I tried to pre-pay for the rest of the year, but they wouldn’t let me, and I had to get really creative to pull it off in the first place. I wasn’t sure if I could do it again. So I was hoping you’d give me permission to pay the balance again at the end of the year.”

She stared. She opened her mouth, then closed it again.

“Nancy,” Mark continued gently, “you _literally_ had my life in your hands. Try not to think of this in financial terms. I want to make a difference in your life, like you did for me. This is the only thing I can think of, so please let me do it.”

Nancy squared her shoulders, wiped a tear from her cheek, and nodded. Mark hugged her, and she let him. Jack thought about how difficult it must be for her to show this kind of vulnerability in front of relative strangers. That was how he had felt, when he and Mark had arrived on her surgical floor. Her cool, calm presence had been an immense comfort. Nancy was _tough_ , and she had made Jack feel like he could be tough, too.

And yet here she was, weeping silently in Mark’s arms. Mark had gotten past the tough exterior, had connected with her on such a personal level, and fostered a trust that Jack wouldn’t have thought possible. Mark was changing her life, this very moment. It was stunning. Jack had never loved him more.

Mark eventually released her, and she took a moment to compose herself, before finally giving Mark her contact information. She let Jack hug her, and then started for the door. She paused with her fingers on the handle.

“I don’t really believe in fate, or miracles, or anything like that. But I believe in doing good things. Doing right by people, even if they might not deserve it. Doing what you can with what you have. I thought  that maybe if I put enough good out there, it would eventually come back. I kept it up for a long time. I did whatever my son needed, even though I knew my husband and I would probably be in debt forever, and that it would probably catch up to us, eventually. And then the two of you showed up, and… it feels like you were _supposed_ to. So… I don’t really know what I believe. But I know that my son will have a better life, because of you. I’ll never forget it.”

She let herself out.

Jack walked over to Mark, picked up his hand, threaded their fingers together.

“Mark…”

He was interrupted by the sound of the door opening a second time.

“Jessie!”

Jack practically tackled her in a hug, then held her at arm’s length to examine her face up close. She looked less tired than the last time he’d seen her, and she’d styled her strawberry blonde hair to fall in waves around her shoulders, rather than pulling it into a messy ponytail. He smiled.

“I hope yeh’ve been getting more sleep since we left.”

She blushed furiously. “I’m fine! Really! And I’m so happy to see you! I can’t believe my supervisor let me come over here.”

Mark approached them, and pulled Jessie into a hug. “Yeah… I made a couple phone calls. Don’t worry, Sean reminded me not to be rude. But I figured you wouldn’t get in trouble for leaving if I told them I needed to see you.”

“Oh… wow… thanks for doing that,” she managed, clearly stunned that Mark had gone out of his way. She shook her head, then continued. “So. _This-_ ” She held up a tablet PC, which had been tucked under her arm. “-is incredible, and I have _no_ idea how to thank you for it. It’s pretty embarrassing, actually.”

Jack and Mark had decided that supporting Jessie’s art would be the perfect way to show their appreciation for everything she’d done for them. Jack had done some research and purchased a tablet PC engineered specifically for illustration and graphic design, and mailed it to her house.

“Yeh’re missing the point,” Jack replied gently. “ _We_ need to thank _you._ And we have the means to do it properly, so yeh need to let us. Yeah?”

She nodded. “I’m really grateful. I could never get something this nice for myself. It’s… well… I promise I’ll make good use of it. Speaking of… want a preview? I started some art for you guys, and I have one piece that’s actually starting to look like something.”

“Yes!” they replied in unison. She grinned and opened the PC, folding it back and navigating via the touch screen. She opened a digital art file, which was organized into a number of sequential panels, much like a comic strip. She tapped on the first panel to enlarge it.

It was a full-body image of Mark, looking incredibly sad. The entire color palette was cool and dark, all deep blues and reds and purples, creating a mood that matched the pained expression on Mark’s face. The image on the second panel was similar, except that Mark had lifted his shirt, exposing his stomach to examine a thin, red line that looked very much like his surgical scar. In the third panel, Jack appeared in the frame, looking just as distraught as Mark. The next several panels showed him approaching Mark and kneeling down to examine the scar. The digital version of Jack raised his hands to the level of the wound, hovering an inch or so away from digital Mark’s stomach. His hands started to glow, pale green at first, and then a much brighter green that illuminated the whole frame. Vines and flowers grew slowly from the incision, and then faded gradually, erasing Mark’s scar as they went. The image of Jack rested his fingers on Mark’s stomach, looking up at Mark with a hopeful smile, while Mark looked down at him, stunned. The final frame showed them embracing, eyes closed, illuminated in warm, green light.

Mark and Jack both stared for a long moment, and then put their arms around Jessie.

“You like it?” she managed, sounding like she was on the verge of tears. They let her go.

“There aren’t words fer this, Jessie,” Jack said, feeling like he could dissolve into tears at any moment, too. “It’s… unbelievable.”

Mark nodded. “It’s _perfect._ I love it.”

Jessie took a deep breath. “I have to admit that I borrowed the idea…” she started, and Jack nodded.

“ _Adventure Time,_ right?”

Her eyes went wide. “I wasn’t sure you’d get the reference. But, yeah.”

“Oh!” Mark’s eyes lit up. “Finn’s arm! Oh my God! It’s even cooler now!” He had remembered the episode from the 6th season where Finn had lost part of his arm, and a flower had grown in its place.

Jessie nodded. “I just loved the idea.” She looked down at the floor, blushing, and continued, speaking quietly. “I wanted you to have some way to remember all the good parts of what happened. In case you were feeling scared, or worried.”

Jack wondered if Jessie could legitimately read minds, until he remembered that she worked full-time as a surgical nurse, and had very intimate knowledge of the way people dealt with life-threatening situations. It occurred to him, not for the first time, that there were very few people in his life that could truly understand what he and Mark had been through, and that she was one of them.

“Meeting you was one of the good parts,” he managed.

“And we’re so grateful for that,” Mark added.

She forced herself to look up and smile at them, though her bottom lip shook a bit. She cleared her throat. “I’ll let you know when it’s completely finished. It might take me another week or so.”

“Take yer time,” Jack said emphatically. “We’re not going anywhere.”

She nodded, recovering. Mark took the opportunity to change the direction of the conversation.

“So. When’s the last time you talked to Tyler?”

Her eyes went wide again. “That is _none_ of your business!” She clamped both hands over her mouth, looking mortified as she realized what she’d just said.

Jack laughed and turned to Mark. “The sass is strong with this one. I love it.”

“Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry! That was so rude!” Jessie looked like she might die of embarrassment.

Mark was giggling. “That’s almost exactly what Tyler said, when I asked him. I thought I might be able to get more out of you.”

“Really? He wouldn’t talk about it?” She sounded intrigued, although she was still blushing a bright crimson.

“He’s a gentleman. He said you’re great, and that’s _all_ he said. It was very frustrating.”

She nodded. “He seems like a great guy. A great guy who lives in Ohio.”

Mark jabbed his thumb in Jack’s direction. “Sean lived in Ireland three months ago. You’d be surprised how quickly things can change, if you want something badly enough.”

Jack tried and failed to suppress a smile.

Jessie looked thoughtful. “I didn’t think of it like that.”

They were interrupted by a knock at the door, and Jane let herself in, looking cheerful.

“Mark! Hey! It’s so good to see you on your feet.” She had visited him once during his stay at the hospital, and Mark had been touched by her concern. He gave her a genuine hug, and then she greeted Jack and Jessie.

“You can come on back now, if you’re ready,” she said to Mark. He nodded, then turned to Jack.

“I’ll be back soon, ok?”

Jack was trying hard not to think about the last time he’d said goodbye to Mark in this room. He forced himself to smile, but Mark wasn’t fooled. He kissed Jack’s cheek and pulled him into a hug. He looked at Jessie and cocked his head: _Can you stay?_ She nodded.

“It’ll be quick,” Jane said warmly.

Jack gently disengaged from Mark, self-conscious that everyone in the room felt like he needed so much reassurance.

“I’m good. Take yer time. I’ll be here.”

Mark gave one of his hands a squeeze, and followed Jane out of the room. Jack stared after them for a long moment before he realized that Jessie was still standing close by.

“Really. I’m fine,” he said, disheartened further by the look of concern on her face.

She pursed her lips, staring him down.

“What?”

“I mean, I’ll pretend that I believe you, if you want. Or, we can talk about how you’re really feeling.”

“Jesus, Jessie, can yeh be a bit less perceptive?”

“Sorry. It’s part of the whole… nurse… thing.”

Jack sighed. “I’m sure yeh’ve got things to do…”

“Talking to you is number one on my list right now.”

Jack looked back at her, trying to figure out why he was putting up such a fight. He trusted Jessie implicitly. He decided to try acting like it.

“Sit with me?”

She nodded, and they sat down together.

“Ok, so, I’m going to make some guesses, and you can tell me if I’m right or wrong,” she ventured.

Jack breathed in and out. “Ok. Go.”

She looked at him apologetically. “You’re worried, or sad, or angry sometimes, even though you feel like you shouldn’t be. You have to keep reminding yourself that he’s ok.”

“…Well, that’s disturbingly accurate.”

“Mhm. I know it’s horrible, and I’m so sorry. But it’s also really, really normal, given what you’ve been through.”

He sighed. “What do I do?”

“Take care of yourself. Stay busy. Talk to your friends about it. And…”

She paused.

“…Yeah?” Jack prompted.

“…Keep an eye on it. If you don’t start feeling like yourself again soon… well… ask for help, if you need it. Tell Mark. Don’t try to hide it.”

Jack fidgeted with his hands. “I’ve been trying to work on that. It’s… I’m not really used to talking about... like…”

“Feelings?” Jessie suggested.

“Uhm… _bad_ feelings, I guess? I mean, I feel like I’ve talked about other people’s bad feelings a lot. Not so much my own. But it’s getting easier. With Mark, anyway.”

Jessie smiled. “Why am I not surprised?”

Jack grinned. “Anyway. Thanks fer staying with me. D’you have a few more minutes?”

“Sure. I don’t think my supervisor is interested in alienating any celebrities. I’m guessing Mark probably made an impression.”

Jack laughed. “He usually does. Here, open that up.” He gestured to the tablet PC. “We’re going to sign you up fer Patreon.”

He helped her create an account, and e-mailed himself the information so that he and Mark could subscribe. They explored the site for a while, and then Jessie walked him through the features of the tablet PC that she had mastered so far. She showed him the sketches and drafts she had completed for the multi-panel project, and he could tell that she had put a massive amount of work into it already. He was so absorbed in what she was showing him, he was shocked when Mark let himself back into the room, smiling and holding a packet of paperwork.

“All good news, Sean!”

Jack jumped up and skipped over to him for a brief hug.

“Tell me.”

“Healing right on schedule. No diet restrictions. Light exercise for two weeks, regular activity after that. And…” He glanced at Jessie, and then back at Jack. He grinned. “I’ll tell you the other stuff later.”

Jack giggled. “Right. Great news, love.”

Mark retrieved Jack’s baseball cap from the table. “Ready to go?”

Jack nodded. Mark smoothed Jack’s hair back and put his cap on, tucking the longer strands into the sides. He took his own hat out of his back pocket and put it on.

“C’mon, Jessie,” Mark cocked his head toward the door. “We’ll walk you back.”

“Oh, gosh, you don’t need to…”

“Of course we don’t,” Jack replied. “We want to.”

They spent the brief walk trying to convince Jessie that they’d see her again soon, and that she was welcome at their house anytime. Jack could tell she had been expecting them to disappear and never contact her again, but he got the sense that that uncertainty was fading. She said goodbye to them cheerfully before heading back into the main hospital building.

They made their way quickly back to the parking garage, their arms brushing periodically as they walked side-by-side. They passed by a handful of people on the sidewalk, and saw a man close to their car in the garage, though he ignored them completely, much to their relief. They climbed into the car, and Jack sat still in the driver's seat, watching the man exit the garage. He glanced around, found no other signs of life, and then knocked Mark’s baseball cap off of his head and kissed him. Mark made an amused sound that was stifled by Jack’s lips pressing against his own. He let Jack take the lead, and completely forgot to be concerned about the fact that they were in a relatively public place.

But Jack eventually remembered. He sat back in the driver’s seat, looking ruffled. Mark raised his eyebrows.

“Have I told yeh lately that yeh’re my favorite person?”

Mark grinned. “I think it’s been at least four hours.”

“Well, you are. Yeh’re incredible.”

“And you’re the best thing in my life.”

Jack was always caught off guard at how simply and easily Mark could express such a massive concept. He wished they were alone, at home. He played with the hem of Mark’s shirt.

“So… more good news from the doctor?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah. I asked when we could… when _I_ could… uhm, Sean? Do we use the word ‘bottom’? Is that a thing that we say?”

Jack giggled. “Good question. I know people use it as a label. I wouldn’t really define either one of us that way.”

“No. Me neither.”

“But… like… referring to the actual physical activity? I dunno, is there another name fer it? How have we not talked about this before?”

“We have. You know, when you’re like, _I’m going to fuck you now_ , and I’m like, _Yes, I would like that very much_.”

Jack laughed. “Jesus. Ok. Yes. But sometimes we do it and it’s not… like… _fucking._ ”

“Yeah. That’s kinda what I meant.”

“Ok. So, you asked the doctor when yeh’ll be able to… bottom. And…?”

“He said Monday. So, like, a day earlier than we thought. But… uhm… now I feel kind of weird that I just said that out loud. Like, we don’t _have_ to do it, or anything… Or, like, I’m not trying to schedule it, or something… fuck, I don’t know.”

Jack was watching him thoughtfully. “I know what yeh mean.” He found that he was hearing Jessie’s voice in his head, remembering their earlier conversation. “Can I be honest about something?”

“Yeah. Anything.”

“I’m nervous about it. I’m worried about hurting you.”

Mark pulled Jack’s hand into his lap and squeezed it.

“Ok. That’s ok. We can wait as long as you want. And we’ll go really slow, so you can tell it’s alright. You’re not going to hurt me.”

Jack leaned over and hugged him. Mark took Jack’s hat off and put a hand on the back of his neck.

“Feel better?”

Jack found that he actually did. “Yes. Thanks, love. I am excited, though. Yeh know that, right?”

Mark nodded. “I do.”

Mark’s phone buzzed in his pocket, and Jack let him go.

“It’s ok, Sean, I don’t have to get it.”

Jack smiled. “I’m good. Really. It’s probably Matthias.”

Jack was right. He and Mark had planned to have lunch with Matthias and Amanda at their house, since it wasn’t far from the hospital, and since Mark still hadn’t met Luna.

“Any requests for food?” Mark asked.

Jack shook his head. “Literally whatever you want. I’ll eat anything.”

“Chinese?”

“Perfect.”

Mark typed a response while Jack started the car and navigated them out of the garage. Jack felt immense relief to be driving away from the hospital again, further reassured by one of Mark’s hands in his lap. They spent the short drive singing along to one of their playlists.

Matthias greeted them at the door, hugging Mark first, then embracing Jack with equal enthusiasm. He led them to the living room, where they found Amanda playing with Luna on the floor. Jack saw that Luna had already grown since the last time he’d seen her; he’d forgotten how quickly babies changed.

“Need a break?” Jack asked Amanda.

She shook her head. “Eat first. She’ll probably be ready for a nap by the time you guys are done.” She smiled up at Mark. “How are you feeling? You look… totally normal, to be honest. I saw your videos from after the surgery… I had no idea you would be up and about so soon. I’m _so_ happy you’re alright.”

Mark nodded. “Thanks. I feel really good. Not so sure about Jack, though. It’s been, like, three hours since he last ate. Things could get dangerous soon.”

“Oh, right, like yeh’re a ray of sunshine when yeh’re starving.”

“Are you implying that there’s _ever_ a time when I’m _not_ a ray of sunshine?”

“You could fool people better if yeh didn’t spend half yer life on camera. The footage speaks fer itself.”

Mark pretended to glare at Jack. Jack pretended to glare back. Amanda and Matthias laughed.

“Just so you know,” Matthias said, “I’m feeling pretty grateful that I don’t have to pretend there’s no sexual tension between you guys. Thanks for that.”

Mark clapped him on the back. “Happy to help.”

Matthias led Mark and Jack into the kitchen, and told them to help themselves to some food. He noticed the way Jack stayed close by Mark’s side. He would have described Jack’s demeanor as… _watchful, or_ _protective_ , despite the snarky comments he occasionally aimed in Mark’s direction, which Mark obviously enjoyed. He also noticed that they weren’t overly affectionate with each other, and wondered whether this was their true preference when they were among friends, or whether they might be purposely avoiding overt physical contact for some less desirable reason: embarrassment, self-consciousness. Fear. He decided to talk to Mark about it at some point.

“So,” he started, “how have you guys been able to stick to your upload schedule, with everything going on? Your videos have been really good, too.”

They both smiled appreciatively.

“Luckily, sitting in a chair for hours on end is really easy for me right now,” Mark replied. “And Jack helps me stay on schedule. He’s ridiculously productive. He can probably do twice the work that I can in the same amount of time.”

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration,” Jack said, although he was clearly pleased by the compliment.

“I think I’ve actually gotten more efficient since we’ve been living together, though.”

Jack nodded. “ _That_ is true. Yeh’re doing really well. Although it’s time to get serious about finding editors again.”

“Do you have anyone in mind?” Matthias asked.

“Yeah, we met with someone the Grumps have worked with before,” Jack replied. “I liked her style a lot, I think I might do a trial with her. Melissa? D’you know her?”

Matthias nodded. “Yeah, I’ve met her before. She’s good. Definitely give it a try.”

“Good to know. Got any leads fer Mark?”

“I think I might, actually. Remember that guy Justin who did some work for us, way back when?”

Mark nodded. He knew Justin had edited a couple of the videos he’d shot with Team Edge, and they had gotten along well, but Justin had become unavailable after taking a more consistent job elsewhere.

“I think he’s looking for part-time work again,” Matthias explained. “I can send you his information, if you’re interested.”

“Absolutely,” Mark replied.

“In the meantime, Joey and Bryan and I would love to shoot with you guys. Have you thought about doing any content together?”

Mark and Jack glanced at each other. They had actively avoided discussing the subject. They both desperately wanted to film more together, but they had no idea how to approach it. In the past, they had both been careful to keep their personal lives fairly separate from their YouTube channels. But evidence of their closeness had crept into their content, despite their attempts at practicality, and they knew they would eventually have to make some decisions.

Matthias raised his eyebrows at the prolonged silence. “Sorry… sensitive subject?”

“No,” Mark said, at the same time that Jack said “Yes.” They all laughed.

Jack tried to elaborate. “We just… haven’t talked it through, all the way.”

Matthias nodded. “I thought maybe doing something in a group might make it feel more… casual? Take some of the pressure off? But we could shoot with each of you individually, too, if that would be better.”

Jack looked at Mark. “Maybe we can talk it over?”

Mark smiled. “Sure. And thanks, man. It’s a great idea.” He pushed his plate away from himself. “Oh my God. So full. I can’t wait to eat like a normal person again.”

Matthias was used to watching Mark consume food in large quantities, and had noticed the small size of the portion Mark had barely been able to finish. He looked Mark over more closely.

“Still getting your appetite back, huh? How much weight did you lose?”

“Almost ten pounds. I gained one back already, though.”

Mark stole a glance at Jack, concerned about how he might respond to this topic of conversation. Sure enough, Jack has put his fork down, and was fidgeting with his hands in his lap. Mark reached under the table and pried Jack’s hands apart, then threaded their fingers together. Jack squeezed.

“Sean’s been learning how to cook. He’s really good. Gaining weight will not be a problem.”

Jack knew Mark had switched to his given name deliberately, and it had the desired effect. The knot in his stomach resolved into butterflies.

The exchange hadn’t been lost on Matthias, either. He kicked himself internally; _obviously_ they were both still recovering. They _looked_ fine, and it had been easy to overlook the magnitude of everything they’d been through over the last couple weeks. He thought it best to redirect the conversation.

“Awesome. We’ll bring Luna over sometime if you guys cook!” He stood up and started clearing their plates. “Speaking of which- come on, Mark. Time to hold the baby.”

Jack excused himself to the bathroom, leaving Mark and Matthias alone in the kitchen, and Matthias decided to take advantage of the opportunity.

“Hey, man… how are you guys doing? For real?”

Mark thought about it. “Better every day, I think. It’s just… a lot. Especially for Sean. Jack. Uhm.” He ran a hand through his hair.

“Dude. Call him Sean, if that’s what you normally do. Act like you normally would. I’m happy you guys are together.”

Mark nodded. “I know. Thanks. I guess we don’t really know what _normal_ is, yet. Around other people, at least.”

“That’s fair. It’ll probably take time. But we’re all good here. Really.”

Jack rejoined them, and Matthias led the way into the living room, where Amanda was still sitting with Luna on the floor.

“Good timing,” she said quietly. “This is the perfect time to hold her.”

They could see that Luna was starting to fade. She blinked her eyes periodically, brushing at her face with her tiny fist. Amanda scooped her up and stood carefully.

“Mark? You might want to sit first, and I can hand her to you.”

Mark hesitated. He looked at Jack. “You first?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Show me how it’s done.”

Jack wondered whether Mark was actually nervous to hold Luna. He knew Mark had been excited to meet her, but he had also mentioned that he hadn’t spent much time around babies in the past. Jack hadn’t either, in recent years, but he’d been an uncle by the time he had turned fifteen. Even though his brother Malcolm had been living in Paris when his children were born, Jack still remembered what it had been like to hold Malcom’s daughter for the first time. It had been a truly unique experience, realizing that a tiny human had just entered the universe, sharing his blood and his family’s name. He also remembered being acutely aware of the vast age gap between Malcolm and himself. Malcolm was a _parent._ Parenting was something grownups did. He had felt so incredibly young, back then.

He sat down on the couch, and Amanda settled Luna easily into his arms.

_“Hey, little lovely. It’s Sean, remember?”_

She burbled.

_“I missed you, too.”_

Mark was staring, eyes wide. Matthias nudged him with an elbow, cocked his head toward the couch.

_“Go. Sit.”_

Mark shook his head. _“I’ll ruin it. He’s, like, the baby whisperer.”_

_“Yeah, and you’re missing it. Come on. Eventually she’s going to grow up and realize we’re all giant nerds. Make friends with her while you can.”_

Mark took a breath, approached the couch, and sat down carefully next to Jack, who was still staring down at Luna, holding one of her tiny hands. She blinked sleepily once in a while, but Mark could see that her eyes were fixed on Jack’s. He sat stiffly, not wanting to disturb either of them, until Luna finally closed her eyes and fell asleep. Jack looked at him, smiling.

Mark was trying to take Matthias’ advice. _Act normal. What’s normal in a situation like this?_

He slid one arm around Jack’s shoulders. Jack sighed and leaned against him, and Mark realized that he was actually helping Jack hold his position. He used his free hand to support Jack’s arm.

_“Thanks, love.”_

_“You make it look easy.”_

Jack nodded. _“It is.”_

Matthias and Amanda had sat down in chairs a few feet away. They were both pretending to scroll on their phones; in reality, they were both stealing glances at Mark and Jack. Matthias took some photos and a few seconds of video; he guessed there was a good chance that they might want the footage in the future.

Mark and Jack didn’t notice. They sat silently for a long time, thinking private thoughts. Eventually, Jack yawned, and realized he was starting to drift.

_“Your turn. I’m falling asleep.”_

_“Ok.”_

Mark disengaged gently, and mimicked Jack’s posture. Jack turned his body carefully, and settled Luna in Mark’s arms; she didn’t even stir. He put his arms around Mark, rested his head on Mark’s shoulder, and closed his eyes. He was asleep within a minute.

Mark stared down at Luna. He had expected her to feel… fragile. But she didn’t. She felt safe and solid in his arms, although the extra support from Jack was certainly helping him feel more stable. He found that he wanted to hug her, but he didn’t want to upset the perfect configuration the three of them were in. He gave her a tiny squeeze instead.

He looked over at Matthias, who didn’t bother to try to hide the fact that he’d been watching. He gave Mark a thumbs-up.

Mark smiled. He rested his head against Jack’s, but kept his eyes open, watching Luna’s sleeping face and Jack’s fluttering eyelashes. He counted Jack’s breaths, and his own, until he couldn’t tell them apart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! I need to take the opportunity to share some of my thoughts with you. I've been very conflicted about whether or not to include Jack's brother Malcolm in this story. I've heard some buzz around Tumblr that fans of Jack's have attempted to get in touch with him because he has a presence on social media. I need to make it clear that contacting Malcolm, or any of Jack's friends or family, to attempt to get information about Jack or get close to him in some way, is incredibly inappropriate. Do NOT do this. That being said, Malcolm McLoughlin is an incredibly talented writer who has chosen to share many personal details about his life publicly, in his published work and on his blog. Given that the information is widely available, I've chosen to include some of it in this story, as respectfully as I possibly can. Please join me in keeping a respectful distance from Jack's friends and family (and Mark's, too, for that matter), and in making sure that potentially controversial content (like this story) stays far away from them as well! 
> 
> One more thing! I'm not a digital artist (although I've dabbled in drawing, particularly charcoal) but I wish I were, and would love to be able to create images to go along with this story. If you're an artist and liked the idea of the art piece Jessie created in the story, please let me know! I would love to see it come to life for real, since I don't have the skillset myself.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


	62. Chapter 62

Mark and Jack left as soon as Amanda put Luna down in her crib, hoping to give Amanda and Matthias some time to themselves while Luna was napping. They held hands quietly on the ride back to their house, trying to figure out what to say to each other. The day had been pretty close to perfect, but the significance of holding a sleeping child together hadn’t been lost on either of them, and neither wanted to ruin it by saying the wrong thing, or pushing the conversation too far.

Jack finally decided to test the waters. He stole a glance at Mark, who was looking out the passenger side window.

“You did a good job with Luna, love.”

Mark looked back at him and smiled. “ _You_ did a good job with Luna. I can’t believe you were calm enough to fall asleep after that.”

Jack giggled. “That happened the last time I held her, too. She makes me sleepy, when she’s sleepy. Didn’t she make yeh want to take a nap?”

Mark shook his head. “No. I was too scared I would drop her, or something.”

“But yeh didn’t. Yeh won’t.”

“How do you know?” Mark asked seriously.

Jack thought about it. “I’m not sure. Yeh just sort of _feel_ it. Yeh know what to do to keep them safe. It’s weird.” He glanced at Mark again, and found that he was smiling. He decided to push a tiny bit further. “I think yeh’ll figure it out if yeh practice more. We could invite them over, maybe, sometime.”

“Yeah. We should. It was… I mean, I was really nervous, but… it was kind of awesome.”

Jack’s heart fluttered. “ _You_ are kind of awesome.”

Mark kissed the back of his hand and the inside of his wrist. He was still trying to figure out what to say to Jack next when his phone beeped once, and then again, and then twice more in a quick succession. He took it out of his pocket and tapped at the screen.

“It’s Suzy. Sounds like the Grumps are having people over tomorrow night… Oh…”

His voice trailed off as he read the next message, which was also from Suzy, and the one after that, which wasn’t.

“What’s up?” Jack asked. “Don’t feel like going?”

“No, it’s not that…” Mark paused, wishing he could put off this conversation, knowing that he couldn’t. “So… you know how Lindsey started texting me again last week?”

Jack immediately recognized the discomfort in Mark’s voice, and felt a pang. He knew it wasn’t Mark’s fault that Lindsey had contacted him. She’d inevitably found out that he was back in the hospital, and had been concerned. At least, that’s what she’d said at first. When the messages kept coming, Mark had realized that she’d been waiting for an opportunity to make contact again. He got the impression that she was still struggling with her feelings, and he’d been trying to figure out what to do about it.

Jack didn’t exactly love talking about her, but he knew it was necessary, and it wasn’t fair for Mark to stress over it alone.

“It’s ok, love. What’s up?”

Mark let some of the tension out of his posture. “So… I never told Suzy I was back in touch with her, or anything. I mean, it’s not like it came up. But Suzy and Holly are still close with Lindsey, I think they still see her pretty often. So they invited her to come tomorrow night, and I guess…” he paused again, organizing his thoughts. “I guess she started asking about me when she first found out I was sick again, and Suzy didn’t think anything of it, but now she’s being kind of… aggressive… about it. Anyway. She’s texting me now, asking if we can talk tomorrow night. Suzy was trying to warn me. And all of this is stupid, and I just want to go home and hide under a blanket until Monday.”

Jack thought for a moment. He had hoped Mark would be able to resolve the situation through text or over the phone, but Lindsey clearly wasn’t getting the message.

“D’you think… I mean… maybe you should just tell her the truth? About us?”

“I’ve thought about it. But… what if she doesn’t take it well? I mean, what if she freaks out and posts it all over the Internet?”

“What if she does? She’ll be in good company, half of our fans already think it’s true.”

“Huh. I didn’t think of it like that.”

Jack nodded. “I think we should go. It’ll be good to see friends. You can talk to her and feel it out. Better to resolve it, one way or another… don’t yeh think?”

“So… no hiding under blankets?”

Jack smiled. “Maybe just fer tonight.”

 

* * *

 

Saturday evening arrived more quickly than either of them would have liked. They’d decided to be fashionably late to Arin and Suzy’s, hoping that most people would already be absorbed in activities and conversations, and that their arrival might be overlooked. It had been wishful thinking; Mark hadn’t seen the majority of the people in attendance since he’d been in the hospital, and he became the center of attention as soon as he set foot inside the house. Jack said a brief hello to Arin, Ross, and Danny before Suzy grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a seat at the dining room table.

“God, I’m _so_ sorry for how this went down,” she said, looking genuinely distressed. Jack had already spotted Lindsey among the small crowd by the door, hovering near Mark, holding a red solo cup. “I had _no_ idea she was still so hung up on Mark. They barely even dated! She hadn’t mentioned him in _months_ , except for the one time she saw you guys here, and she didn’t even _say_ anything after that-”

“Jesus, Suzy… relax, ok? It’s not yer fault.” Jack said.

“No, listen, this is _not_ good. She’s been drinking for the last hour, and she is _not_ in a good place. I have _no_ idea what she’s going to say.”

“Suz. Ser’sly. It’s fine. Mark can handle it. We both can.”

She shook her head. “I’m not joking around, maybe you guys should…”

She stopped talking, looking distracted, and Jack followed her gaze. The crowd of people around Mark had finally dispersed, and Lindsey had him cornered. Her face was serious, and she was speaking quickly, although Jack and Suzy couldn’t actually hear what she was saying. She gestured toward the door, and Mark shook his head. He gestured in the opposite direction, and Lindsey nodded, looking reluctant. He pointed to her drink, and she made a face, but let him take it from her; he set it down on a table nearby. He put his hand on her arm and led her through the room and into a nearby hallway, briefly making eye contact with Jack as they passed through the dining room. Jack’s heart sank a bit when he saw that Mark looked… _rattled._ He realized quickly that Mark had brought Lindsey into this hallway on purpose; it was far away from most of the people in the house, but Jack and Suzy would still be able to see them from where they were seated. Lindsey started talking again, and Jack realized he would be able to hear them, too, just barely, although that was mostly because Lindsey was having trouble controlling her volume.

“…don’t understand why you wouldn’t let me come see you. I was really fucking worried, Mark.” Jack thought she sounded angry, and more than a little drunk.

“I know. I appreciate it. But, I told you, I’m seeing someone. I just don’t think-”

“I don’t believe you.” She’d cut him off. “I think you’re lying.”

“Jesus, Linds, why would I lie about something like that?”

“Because you’re trying to avoid me? Because you can’t give me any other good reason why… why you just… you just fucking _disappeared_ …”

“God, no, that is _not_ it,” Mark said emphatically.

“Then where _is_ she, Mark? What the fuck are you _doing_ here without her, if she’s so fucking special?” Lindsey was practically yelling. “If she’s SO fucking special, why doesn’t anyone know who she is??”

Jack winced, squeezing his hands into fists under the table. Suzy looked at him helplessly. _“Jack_ _…”_

Mark was silent, running one hand through his hair, shaking his head. Lindsey forged ahead. She seemed to be getting control over her tone.

“Right. So you lied about it. I can get over that. I just don’t understand why we can’t… I mean, why can’t we just…”

Her voice continued to soften. She stepped closer to Mark and put her hands on his arms. Jack had to force himself to stay seated.

“Lindsey, _no_.” Mark was trying to disengage from her as gently as he could, but he sounded angry. Jack could see that his hands were shaking. “You _need_ to stop. I’m sorry you’re so upset, but we are _not_ together. We are not _going_ to be together. I know I said we could be friends, but this is _not_ ok. I can’t… I can’t talk to you like this.”

He walked away from her, further down the hall, disappearing from Jack’s view. Lindsey stood frozen for a moment, and then burst into tears. Jack and Suzy stood up from the table.

“Go,” Suzy said. They walked toward Lindsey together, and Jack moved past her and headed down the hall. He found the bathroom door closed; he knocked.

“Mark?”

Mark opened the door, let him in, and then closed it again.

“Fuck, Sean, I’m _so_ sorry…”

Mark ran both of his hands through his hair, looking downright frantic. Jack’s stomach flipped over. He couldn’t stand seeing Mark so upset.

“Mark, it’s ok, just-”

He didn’t get a chance to finish. The door swung open behind him, and Lindsey came through it. Her face was red and tear-stained. Jack barely had time to curse the unlocked door before she started talking, and it took him a moment to figure out that she was speaking to him directly.

“…Of _course_ you’re in here. Jack-fucking-septiceye.”

“Lindsey.” Mark was legitimately angry now. “Don’t-”

“What? Don’t _what_ , Mark? What’s his deal?” She turned back to Jack. Her tone was ugly. “Seriously, what’s your deal? What are you _doing_ in here? I saw your video. You’re, like, in love with him, or something, right?”

“LINDSEY.” Mark was an inch away from yelling.

“ _What?_ Come on, Mark, it’s pathetic-”

Mark put his body between Jack and Lindsey. He spoke loudly, confidently, angrily.

“It’s not. It’s true. I love him. We’re together. _Back off._ ”

He spat the last two words at her, and she finally stopped talking. She stared wide-eyed at Mark for a long moment, and then dissolved into tears again.

Suzy pushed her way into the room and locked the door behind her, trapping all four of them in the small space. She took Lindsey by the shoulders.

Mark turned to Jack, picked up his hand, and pulled him to the far side of the room. He could hear Suzy and Lindsey talking, and he found he didn’t care one bit about what they were saying. He stepped close to Jack, squeezing his hand tightly.

 _“Are you ok?_ _”_ Mark raised his free hand, put his fingers under Jack’s chin, brushed at Jack’s cheek with his thumb.

Jack sniffed, and then realized he must have been crying; he could feel the tears on his cheeks. He wiped at his face and nodded.

 _“Yeah. I_ _’m ok. Are you?_ _”_

 _“I am, if you are._ _”_

“Hey, guys…” Suzy was trying to get their attention. They looked in her direction, and found her and Lindsey staring at them. “I’m going to drive her home. I’ll call you later, ok?”

They nodded.

Lindsey was still weeping openly, but she managed to say, miserably, pathetically, “ _I_ _’m sorry, I didn_ _’t know_ _…_ ” before Suzy pulled her out of the room.

Mark and Jack looked at each other. Jack slid his arms around Mark’s waist.

 _“Can we go home now?_ _”_

 _“Yeah. Can I kiss you first?_ _”_

 _“Yeah._ _”_

Mark kissed him gently, searching for the calm he usually felt when he was holding Jack close like this, finding it after several moments.

He knew that the whole situation had been a disaster, that it had gone about as badly as it possibly could have. But Jack was still here. Jack was kissing him. He could feel all ten of Jack’s fingertips pressing into the small of his back. It was going to be alright.

They spotted Arin and Danny in the dining room on their way out of the house, presumably waiting for them. Mark told Jack he could skip the goodbyes and head straight to the car, and Jack accepted the keys gratefully, sparing Arin and Danny a brief wave. Mark watched him disappear out the front door, thanking the universe that, after everything, they would be driving home together.

Mark gave Arin and Danny a brief summary of what had happened. They let him know that no one else in the house had any idea what the fuss had been about, except that Lindsey had had too much to drink and gotten upset, and that Suzy had left to take her home. Mark knew he should be relieved by this, but he found that he felt somewhat indifferent about it. He was tired of caring about what everyone else knew, or saw, or thought. He only cared whether Jack was alright.

He found Jack in the passenger seat, waiting patiently with a neutral expression on his face. He checked for tears, and found none. He kissed Jack again, gently, and then started the car. Jack kept his eyes closed during the ride home, holding Mark’s right hand in both of his.

Jack went straight to the master bathroom as soon as they got back to the house, while Mark took Chica into the backyard. He washed his face with cold water, then pulled off his clothes and put on a set of Mark’s pajamas. He stacked his pillows against the headboard and sat up against them, holding his arms around his knees. He sat quietly, thinking, until his phone started to ring.

It was Suzy. He picked up the call.

“Hey, Suz. Yeah, we’re home. No, he’s still downstairs… can we call you back? Yeah, soon. Ok. Bye.”

He resumed his previous position, and waited.

Mark appeared in the doorway less than five minutes later. He pulled off his jeans and climbed into the bed. He put both of his arms around Jack and held him close, pressing kisses into his hair. Jack leaned against him for a long moment before he spoke.

“Suzy called a few minutes ago. We should probably call her back.”

Mark pressed one more kiss to his forehead. “Ok.” He gave Jack some space.

Jack tapped at his phone, placing the call. Suzy answered after the first ring. He put her on speakerphone.

“Hey, guys.”

“Hey,” they both replied.

“I’m not even going to ask if you’re ok. That was _so_ fucked up. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not yer fault,” Jack repeated. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I thought it would be a good idea.”

“Well… believe it or not, I think it’s going to be ok,” Suzy replied. “She feels really bad about what happened. I don’t think she’s going to say anything to anyone. But I’m going to stay at her place tonight and talk to her again in the morning, just to make sure. Ok?”

Mark and Jack exchanged a glance; they both felt badly that Suzy had found herself in the middle of this mess.

“Yeh don’t have to do that, Suz,” Jack said.

“It’s no problem. I just can’t believe she acted like that. I’m so sorry, again.” She sounded like she might be crying. “I really hope you guys… I mean… you’re going to stay together, right? You have to.”

“Hang on a second,” Jack told her. He hung up, and then placed a video call. She picked up right away. He and Mark both waved.

“See?” Jack went on. “We’re in bed. We’re ok. Ok?”

She nodded, sniffling. “Ok. Talk to you tomorrow.” She hung up.

Jack silenced his phone and put it on his night stand. Then he found Mark’s eyes, and discovered that Mark looked completely miserable.

“Sean… can you tell me… are you mad? It’s ok if you are...”

Jack sat up on his knees. He put his hands on Mark’s shoulders, swung one leg over Mark, and settled into his lap. He hugged Mark tightly.

“I’m not mad.”

Mark slid his arms around Jack’s back. “Ok. Can you tell me how you feel?”

“Lucky.”

“…You can’t be serious.”

“Well… and a bit traumatized, I guess,” Jack said, straightening up so he could look in Mark’s eyes. “But yeah. We’ve been lucky. Almost every single person we’ve told has accepted us. _You_ _’ve_ accepted _me_. Unconditionally. And I’ve spent this whole time waiting fer something terrible to happen… fer my dad to disown me, or fer someone to go online and out us, or fer one of our friends to hate us, or something. Tonight was _awful_ , but… I don’t feel any different. About you, I mean. I want this just as much as I always have. Maybe even more. I think bad things are going to happen to us sometimes, because of who we are, because of the fact that we’re together. And I don’t care. It won’t matter, as long as yeh stay with me. Yeh’re going to stay with me, right?”

Mark nodded. “No matter what.”

“Right. I believed yeh when yeh’ve said it before, but… it means more now. You proved it. I saw it. I’ll never forget what yeh did fer me, tonight.”

Mark shook his head. “It doesn’t feel like enough.”

Jack kissed him, sweetly, resting one hand around the back of his head.

“It is enough. _You_ are enough. That was… that was one of the worst things that’s ever happened to me, I think. And yeh still managed to make me feel like the most important person in the world. How d’you always do that?”

“Because you are. You are the most important person in the world. And I don’t care who knows about us, or what they think. I won’t ever let anyone talk to you like that. Not my friends, or my family. Not my mother. Not your father. I’ll be there, every time. I’ll always care about you the most. I promise.”

Jack nodded, brushing gently at Mark’s hair. _“I know. It was all worth it, just to find that out._ _”_

He framed Mark’s face with his hands. He kissed Mark’s mouth. He put his arms around Mark’s shoulders and hugged him. He sighed with his whole body.

 _“Sean._ _”_

 _“Mm._ _”_

 _“I wish we could sleep like this._ _”_

 _“I probably could, to be honest. But yer legs would fall asleep._ _”_

 _“Will you lay on me, though?_ _”_

 _“Mhm. All night._ _”_

Jack straightened up, reached over, and switched off the light. He climbed off of Mark and let him get settled on his back. Then he slid his left arm and leg over Mark, resting most of his torso on top of Mark’s upper body. He pressed his lips to Mark’s throat, then tucked his head under Mark’s chin. He felt Mark rubbing slow circles over his back, under his t-shirt.

 _“Mark._ _”_

 _“Mm?_ _”_

 _“I love you. No matter what._ _”_

Mark tightened his arms around Jack.

 _“I love you, too._ _”_

 

* * *

 

 

Mark had forgotten to silence his phone before falling asleep. He and Jack slept through the first several beeps, but the ringtone sang out much more loudly, startling both of them awake. Jack had already been up to let Chica out, but he’d had no problem falling back into a deep sleep as soon as he was in bed with Mark again. Mark picked up the phone and saw that it was just before 9AM, and that Suzy was calling. He swiped.

 _“Hey Suz._ _”_ The words barely came out on the first try. He cleared his throat. “Hey, sorry, I was asleep… oh. Like, right now? No, yeah, it’s fine. Give us a minute.” He hung up.

Jack had moved to the pillow next to him. He was blinking sleepily.

“Suzy’s outside.”

“Huh? Right now?”

“Yeah. She said everything’s fine. She brought breakfast.”

“Oh, Jesus, bless her,” Jack yawned. They climbed out of the bed, stretching, and Mark pulled on a pair of sweatpants. They went downstairs and let Suzy in through the front door. She was holding a large paper bag and a drink tray with four coffee cups. She looked exhausted.

They took the food and drinks from her and led her into the kitchen. Jack set down the drink tray so he could hug her, and she burst into tears as soon as he put his arms around her. Mark went to grab some tissues from the bathroom, and gave her a handful. She took a step back from Jack and started wiping at her face.

“I’m… _sorry_ …” she sniffed. “I just wanted… to help… and I’m a _mess_ …”

Mark put an arm around her shoulders. “It’s ok, Suz. We’re fine. We were sleeping. Together. We snuggled and everything.”

“Really?”

“Really. Look at Sean’s hair.”

Jack rolled his eyes and swiped at his fringe, which was stuck at a crazy angle. “Like yers is any better. Mine’s just _longer_. _You_ look like Sonic the Hedgehog from the back. Or… who’s the red guy?”

Suzy giggled, still wiping at her nose. “Knuckles.”

Jack grinned. “Yep. Him.”

“Knuckles, huh?” Mark let Suzy go and swiped for Jack, running one set of knuckles lightly over his ribcage. Jack squeaked.

“HEY! No fair! I can’t retaliate!”

“I know. It’s a beautiful thing.”

“Speaking of beautiful…” Jack stepped close to Mark, put his arms around his neck. He nudged Mark’s nose with his own, leaned in… and tickled the back of Mark’s neck with his fingertips.

“ _HEY!_ ”

Jack grinned, kissed his lips. “You earned that one, love.”

The banter had had the desired effect. Suzy had stopped crying, and she was giggling continuously instead. Jack guided her into a chair, and then unpacked the food she had brought: an assortment of bagels, muffins, and breakfast sandwiches. She’d even had the presence of mind to bring tea instead of coffee for Mark.

“This is awesome, Suz. Yeh really didn’t have to.”

She sighed. “I know you keep saying that, but I need to apologize, ok? Just… like… be quiet for a second.”

They both smiled, nodded.

“I’ve tried to keep your secret. All of us have. And it hasn’t really been that hard. I mean, it’s not really something people talk about. And it’s no one’s fucking business, anyway.”

Jack smirked. Suzy had a flare for summing things up.

“So this was the first time I had to… well, I didn’t exactly _lie_. To Lindsey. Maybe I should have.” She looked at Mark. “I just told her I knew you were seeing someone, and that it was serious, and that she should leave it alone. I didn’t think…” She trailed off.

“Suzy,” Jack started. “Listen. Yeh did great. Yeh shouldn’t have to lie fer us. We know it’s asking a lot, fer everyone to keep this massive secret. It really isn’t fair.”

Her expression was pained. “How can you be so nice about everything? She was _awful_ to you.”

He nodded. “She was drunk and hurting. And it was in no way yer fault.”

She sighed. “Well, speaking of that. She sobered up around 4AM, and we had a nice, long chat.” Neither of them missed the sarcasm in Suzy’s voice. “I told her I have no interest in defending her to you, but… well… she regrets what happened. She has every intention of keeping the whole thing to herself and wallowing in misery for the rest of her life, as she should.”

Jack shook his head. “I’m not so sure about that. Like yeh said, she wasn’t in a good place. People make mistakes.”

“Jeez, Jack… What are you, an actual saint?”

Mark nodded, grateful that he and Jack were evidently on the same page. “He is. And I agree with him. I’m not defending her, either. I’m glad she feels terrible. For now. But… you’ve known her for a long time, right?”

Suzy nodded.

“And you thought of her as a good person, right? Before last night?”

She nodded again, begrudgingly.

“Right,” Jack chimed in. “So, yer friendship with her is yer business. Yeh don’t need to stop being friends with her because of what happened. Not fer my benefit, anyway. Ok?”

“Ok. I’ll think about it.”

Mark was staring at Jack with blatant affection. Suzy was right – the fact that he could access so much empathy for someone who had wronged him so deeply was… exceptional. He reached under the table and squeezed Jack’s hand. Jack smiled at him, then turned back to Suzy.

“So… want to hang with us fer a bit? Swim with me? Yeh can borrow some clothes.”

She started to smile, but yawned enormously instead. “Love to. I need to go back to bed, though. Later this week, maybe?”

Jack nodded, feeling badly that Suzy had been up all night on his behalf. He leaned over and hugged her.

“Yeh’re a good friend, Suz, and this really wasn’t fair. How can we make it up to yeh?”

She gave him a squeeze. “Live happily ever after,” she said simply. Then she added, “If you break up, I’ll kill you both.”

Jack giggled and let her go, then looked at Mark.

“What d’you think, love? Ready to call it quits?”

Mark smiled. “Never.”

They walked Suzy to the door, and Mark scooped Jack into a hug as soon as she was gone. Jack noticed that Mark was holding him gently, and he found himself wishing for more. The anxiousness he’d felt about being intimate with Mark had faded as soon as Mark had taken the pressure off. And he knew Mark wasn’t looking to take risks; he had to trust that. But he was determined to abide by the doctor’s recommendations, all the same. He did some mental math and guessed that it was probably around 10AM.

_Not Monday yet._

He was making a mental list of all the ways he could distract himself until the next morning when Mark’s phone beeped. Mark didn’t move; he never reached for his phone when he was in the middle of something with Jack, and Jack adored him for it. He kissed Mark’s cheek.

“Better check it, love. Just in case.”

Mark sighed and took a step back. He took his phone out of his pocket and tapped at the screen. He made a face.

“Everything ok?”

“Mm… it’s an e-mail from Lindsey.”

“Oh. Jesus. What did she say?”

Mark finished reading, then handed him the phone:

 

_Mark,_

_I know I have no right to contact you, but I need to apologize. I_ _’m so sorry for the things I said, and the way I acted. I know I don_ _’t deserve your forgiveness, but I_ _’m hoping I might be able to earn it, by keeping your secret. I promise I will. Please tell Jack how sorry I am. I hope someday I can apologize to you both in person. I_ _’d love the chance to try to make this right. I wish you both the best._

_Lindsey_

 

Jack looked at Mark. “What d’you think?”

Mark shrugged. “I think she means it.”

Jack nodded. “I think I want to see her.”

“…Seriously? Sean… think really hard about that. You don’t owe her anything. I mean, aren’t you… I don’t know… _mad_? I am. I’m really angry at her.”

Jack thought about it. “I’m not really sure if _angry_ is the word I’d use. And I know I don’t owe her anything. It’s not about her. It’s about me. I think it’ll help.” Mark was still eyeing him skeptically, so he tried to elaborate. “Like, abstractly, I can cope with this situation. But I can still hear her voice in my head… I dunno. Maybe if I talk to her, it’ll replace what happened last night.”

Mark thought about this for a long moment. The idea of Jack talking to Lindsey was extremely unsettling, but he knew better than to argue. Jack had made up his mind.

“Should I come?”

Jack shook his head. “No. Yeh need to work through it in yer own way. Maybe talk to her when yeh’re feeling less upset.”

“I _would_ come, though. For you.”

Jack smiled. “I know. Yeh did enough fer me, last night. Let me give it a try.”

“Ok. I’ll write her back. Should I give her your e-mail?”

“Sure.”

Mark typed and sent a response, and Jack’s phone buzzed a moment later; obviously Lindsey had been waiting by the phone, hoping to hear back from them. She’d sent Jack the address of a coffee shop, and let him know that she was already there, if he wanted to come meet her.

“Right. I’m going to go now. I’d rather get it over with.”

He changed quickly, tucked his hair under a hat, kissed Mark goodbye, and started toward the coffee shop. He found it easily, parked on the street, and stood outside the door, staring at the sign for a long moment, wondering why he didn't feel more nervous.

_Because she spent all night crying, and I spent all night in bed with Mark._

When he stepped inside, he could tell it was the kind of place that was frequented by students, artists, and writers. Sure enough, he spotted Lindsey in the back corner, wearing a set of large headphones, doodling in a sketchbook. It occurred to him again that Lindsey was exceptionally beautiful, despite the fact that her face was red and puffy. He approached her, moving slowly until she spotted him. She took off her headphones and closed her sketchbook, and he sat down across from her.

“Hey,” he said.

“Jack. Hi. Um… sorry, is ‘Jack’ the right name to use?” Her voice was shaking; he could tell she was painfully nervous.

He nodded. “Jack is fine.”

“Ok.” She met his eye for a moment, and then looked away, fidgeting uncomfortably in her seat. “I… I can’t believe you came.”

“Neither can I,” he said truthfully.

“Mark didn’t…?” She trailed off. Jack shook his head.

“He’s still pretty upset.”

She nodded miserably. “Right. Um. You like coffee, don’t you? Do you want something?”

“Oh… no, thanks… Suzy brought some over this morning.”

“Oh. Yeah. She said she was going to.”

“Yeah. She’s a good friend.”

Lindsey chewed on the corner of her lip. The silence was uncomfortable, but Jack felt he should give her some time to think.

“Jack… I can’t even explain how sorry I am. For what I said to you. I don’t think I’ve ever said something so awful in my whole life.”

Jack sighed, nodded. “Can I ask yeh something?”

She glanced at him, looking surprised. “Yeah.”

“D’you think yeh would’ve said it, if Mark had just told you about us in the first place?”

“Oh my God. _No_. I would never have said something like that, if I’d known... And I never would have kept contacting Mark… God, I’m such an idiot.”

Jack suppressed the impulse to agree with this assessment. He was decidedly taking the high road; he knew it would be better for all of them in the long run.

“Mark and I are partially responsible. I understand why yeh didn’t believe Mark was in a relationship. We’ve both lied about it, or mislead people to try to keep it a secret. Not because we’re ashamed, or embarrassed. We just want to handle it on our own terms, in our own time. But… well… there have been consequences. Obviously.”

“None of that excuses what I did.”

“No, it doesn’t, but I’m guessing yeh had to be pretty unhappy fer a while, to get to that point.”

She met his gaze again. “Would that matter to you? If I was unhappy?”

“Yeah, it would.”

“Why? Why are you being so nice to me?”

Jack thought for a moment. “Because Mark thought really highly of you, before all of this happened. Because yeh’re the first person I’ve met face-to-face who’s tried to tear me down because of the way I feel about Mark. Because… if I can convince myself yeh didn’t really mean it… maybe I can get over it. Or set it aside, until the next time it happens.”

Lindsey sat very still. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She tried and failed to speak, several times, before she managed to whisper, _"I didn't mean it."_ Jack watched her crumble for as long as he could stand it.

“Please… I didn’t come here to make yeh cry."

She reached for a napkin and wiped at her face. She nodded, and Jack tried to think of some way to move the conversation forward. He gestured toward her sketchbook. "Want to show me what yeh're working on?"

She stared at him for a moment, still trying to compose herself, and then opened the cover and started flipping through the pages. She held it close to her chest, protectively, until she found what she was looking for. She folded the cover back and held it up.

"I did this one after the party. The one where I first met you, I mean."

The page was covered in pen and ink sketches of some of the people that had been at Arin and Suzy's that night, including Danny, Mark, and... Jack.

"You were so nice," Lindsey was saying, staring down at the table. "I've watched your channel for a long time. I was really happy I met you, that night."

He could tell from the sketches that she was telling the truth.

"So what changed?" he asked her seriously. "When did you start thinking I was..." He stopped, holding the word _pathetic_ in his mind, wishing he could scrub it out. "I mean, it didn't sound like yeh came to that conclusion last night. It sounded like yeh'd already made up yer mind."

She lowered her head even further, shaking it back and forth. "It's _so_ stupid. When I found out Mark was in the hospital... I thought... I don't know. I thought if he was really _with_ someone, there would be pictures, or he would have said something about her online, or something. I thought maybe they had broken up, or he was just lying to me about it, or making excuses... And I was so hurt that he didn't want me to come see him, when I knew all of his other friends were there... And then I saw your video go up on his channel... I didn't understand why you were allowed to be there, and I wasn't... I didn't know why you were visiting him and posting videos for him and... Oh, God, you were there the whole time, weren't you?"

Jack nodded. "I didn't leave the hospital fer days." He wasn't sure why he felt the need to point it out. He knew she already felt terrible, but he couldn't help it. He was trying to understand her pain. He needed her to understand his, too.

Tears were falling onto her cheeks again. She nodded. "I'm so sorry. For everything. The fact that you bothered to come here, to listen to me say it... I can see why he chose you, instead of me.”

Something clicked in the back of Jack’s mind. She’d just labeled something he hadn’t quite understood until now – the reason why he still felt for her, despite everything she’d said and done the night before.

 _Mark left her. He_ _’s with me. And she_ _’s been waiting, this whole time, hoping he_ _’d eventually be with her. I'm with Mark, and she's alone._

“I don’t think he really _chose_ ,” Jack said, eventually. “It doesn’t work like that. It just… _is_. I hope yeh can move past it, now that yeh know.”

“I've been stuck in it for so long. I'm not sure if I could have gotten over it, if you hadn't come here. But… you deserve him. You deserve each other. I’m going to try really hard to learn to live with that.”

He nodded. “Fair enough.”

She sniffed. “So… what now?”

He looked at her sympathetically. He was about to go home to the person he loved. She was about to go home to an empty apartment.

"Who d'you talk to, when yeh're having a hard time?"

It took her a moment to process the question. "Suzy. Except I'm pretty sure she hates me now."

"I asked her to try not to."

"Really?"

He nodded. "I was just wondering because... Well, I know what it's like to be alone, dealing with something painful. And I'd appreciate it if yeh didn't tell any of yer other friends about Mark and me. So if yeh need to talk... send me an email."

"Why...? Why would you...?" She trailed off, looking stunned.

He tried to smile. He got halfway there.

"I bet we would've been friends, if none of this had happened." He stood up. "Take care of yerself."

"I... I'm so sorry, Jack."

He nodded. "I believe you."

He walked out without looking back.

 

* * *

 

 

He found the first floor still and silent when he returned to the house. Well… _almost_ silent. He could just barely hear music coming from the second floor, and he tiptoed upstairs to find Mark sitting on the bed, humming and playing his guitar. He stood quietly in the doorway, grateful for the opportunity to observe Mark from a distance. He thought he caught a hint of a melody that he recognized, but he didn’t work too hard to identify it. He listened to Mark’s voice. He watched Mark’s hands. He rested his head against the door frame, feeling like he’d passed some kind of test, like he’d earned this quiet moment.

“Come here, Sean.”

Jack lifted his head. He smiled, and moved toward Mark.

“Yeh knew I was here the whole time?”

He climbed onto the bed and sat cross-legged next to Mark. Mark reached over and pulled off his baseball cap, then smoothed at his hair.

“I can feel you in the house. Pretty much all the time.”

Jack smiled self-consciously; he knew his hair was a mess. “I need a shower.”

Mark shook his head. He set the guitar aside, opened his night stand drawer, and pulled out a rubber band. He sat up on his knees and smoothed Jack’s hair between his fingers, pulling it back from his face. He secured it with the band, trying his best to do so gently, happy that Jack wasn’t showing any signs of discomfort. He sat back on his knees.

“Feel better?”

Jack giggled. “Doesn’t it look ridiculous?”

Mark cocked his head. “No. I love it.”

“Ser’sly?”

“Seriously. I like the changes, sometimes. I like that you didn’t look like this, before you were with me.”

Jack nodded. “I know what you mean. I like it, too. I mean… I want yeh to like how I look.”

“I _love_ how you look.” Mark ran one hand across Jack’s shoulder and down his arm. “You’re so strong, Sean.”

Jack knew Mark wasn’t just talking about his body.

“So,” Mark went on. “Want to tell me about it? Did it help?”

“Yeah. Even more than I thought it would.”

“What did she say?”

“She’s a mess. She’s really sorry. I actually feel really bad fer her.”

Mark leaned forward, put his arms around Jack’s shoulders, and hugged him.

 _“That_ _’s insane. And I love you so, so much._ _”_

Jack smiled, rubbed his nose in Mark’s hair. _“I love you, too._ _”_ He rested his head on Mark’s shoulder. He rubbed his hand over Mark’s lower back. He breathed in the smell of Mark’s skin.

He felt Mark’s lips on the back of his neck. He throbbed.

 _“Mark_ _…”_

Mark’s mouth was on his throat.

 _“Oh, Jesus_ _… Mark_ _… hang on_ _…”_

Mark paused, found Jack’s eyes. _“Sorry, too much?_ _”_

 _“No, it_ _’s just_ _… it_ _’s not Monday yet._ _”_

 _“Fuck Monday._ _”_

Jack giggled. _“We should wait._ _”_

 _“…Only if you want to_ _… I can think of several things I could do to you right now that wouldn_ _’t break any rules_ _…”_ Mark put his hands on Jack’s hips, slipped his thumbs under the hem of Jack’s shirt.

 _“I know, I just thought_ _…”_

Mark paused, searching Jack’s eyes. He smiled.

 _“You have a plan._ _”_

 _“…Yeah. Kind of. Fuck, is that weird?_ _”_

 _“No. Tell me._ _”_

 

* * *

 

 

They found creative ways to keep themselves occupied for the rest of the day. They recorded a game of Prop Hunt with Bob and Wade, and edited the footage. They made home-made pizza and ate it outside by the pool. They took Chica for a long walk and then played with her in the backyard. They re-watched the first five episodes of _Futurama_ , Mark stretched out on the lounger while Jack sat on the floor, resting his head against Mark’s legs, compulsively checking the time on his phone.

At 8PM, Jack suggested catching up on other YouTube channels.

At 9:45, Mark suggested putting on a movie.

At 11:30 on the dot, Jack stood up, turned off the TV, and dragged Mark off of the couch. Mark’s breath caught; he’d been waiting all day to be dragged.

Jack pulled him up the stairs, through the bedroom, and straight into the bathroom. He let go of Mark for long enough to turn the shower on, then advanced on him, backing him against the wall, holding him there by the hips. He kissed Mark’s mouth. He found Mark’s hands and lifted his arms over his head, pressing his wrists against the wall. He spoke close to Mark’s ear:

 _“Stay there, love._ _”_

Mark shivered.

Jack slipped his hands under Mark’s shirt and pushed it upward, feeling Mark’s ribs and muscles with his palms, watching Mark react to his touch. He pulled Mark’s shirt off.

He held Mark’s wrists with his left hand, put his right hand around Mark’s upper arm, and pressed his mouth over the inside of Mark’s bicep. Mark moaned softly, tilting his head back against the wall. Jack released his wrists and moved his left hand down Mark’s side, sliding it into his sweatpants, pulling at his hip. He closed his eyes and sucked at the taut skin of Mark’s inner arm, pressing his lower body against Mark’s. Mark moaned again.

Jack slid his other hand inside Mark’s sweatpants and pushed them down, letting them fall to the floor. He took two steps backward and moved his eyes over Mark’s body, undressing slowly, pleased that Mark had kept his arms in place over his head. He tossed his shirt aside.

 _“Come here._ _”_

Mark lowered his arms and walked toward Jack. He moved to slide one arm around Jack’s waist, but Jack grabbed it, clasping his fingers tightly around Mark’s wrist. Mark grabbed Jack’s wrist in response, then manipulated it firmly until it was pinned behind Jack’s back. Jack bit the corner of his own lip. Mark applied pressure to Jack’s arm, pulling his body closer. He forced Jack’s other arm behind his back and held both of Jack’s wrists with his right hand, then wrapped his fingers around Jack’s cock, which was already fully erect. He watched Jack’s eyes. He squeezed his hand around Jack’s wrists. Jack throbbed, and let out a low moan.

 _“Mh. So lovely, Sean._ _”_

He released Jack’s wrists and slid both arms around Jack’s waist, pulling him close, kissing him deeply. Jack let himself be held for a moment, and then walked Mark backwards into the shower. Mark kissed him, taking his time, holding him tightly, his fingertips digging into Jack’s hips. Then he looked at Jack, finding flushed cheeks and parted lips, and tiny beads of water clinging to Jack’s eyelashes. He reached up and used both hands to remove the rubber band from Jack’s hair, sliding it onto his own wrist. He smoothed his fingers through Jack’s fringe and then gripped at it, tilting Jack’s chin upward, pressing his mouth under Jack’s jaw. Jack moaned softly, and Mark decided to test his theory again. He kept his right hand tight in Jack’s hair, and found Jack’s cock with his left. He tugged Jack’s head further back-

 _“Ah-_ _”_

-and Jack throbbed in his hand. He smiled.

 _“How_ _’s it feel, Sean?_ _”_

He slid his fingers up and down Jack’s cock.

 _“Oh- so fucking good-_ _”_

Mark released his hair, sliding his hand around the back of Jack’s head and pulling him forward into an aggressive kiss.

Jack smiled against Mark’s mouth. He ran his hands over Mark’s lower back. He nipped at Mark’s lower lip. He looked in Mark’s eyes.

 _“Hold still._ _”_

He lathered some soap between his hands and washed Mark’s torso, protecting Mark’s scar with what little restraint he’d managed to hang onto. Then he put his mouth over Mark’s collarbone and ran his hand between Mark’s legs, washing him clean, moving his fingers over Mark’s erection. Mark moaned, and Jack bit down, gripping Mark’s hip with one hand and his cock with the other.

 _“Fuck_ _– yeah, Sean_ _– use your teeth_ _–”_

Jack smiled against Mark’s skin. He straightened up to find Mark’s eyes.

 _“You want my mouth on you?_ _”_

 _“All over. Everywhere._ _”_

Jack grazed his teeth over Mark’s neck, kissed his way down to Mark’s shoulder, and sank his teeth into the soft skin there. Mark inhaled sharply as Jack bit and sucked, smoothing suds between Mark’s shoulder blades, then down to his lower back, then over his hips. Jack moved his mouth down Mark’s chest, settling over Mark’s nipple, holding it firmly between his teeth. He slid his fingers over Mark’s opening, rubbing exaggerated circles, feeling Mark’s body tense and relax in his arms.

 _“Oh, God-_ _”_

Mark leaned against Jack, taking in the sensation, pulsing with anticipation. He reached for the soap, lathered his own hands, and then moved them slowly over Jack’s body. He slid one hand over Jack’s belly and downward, covering him in suds, stroking at his cock in slow movements. He moved his hand further between Jack’s legs-

 _“Oh, Jesus-_ _”_

-and rubbed slow circles over Jack’s opening with one fingertip, and then two. They stood with their bodies locked together, kissing at each other’s skin, until Jack finally pushed one fingertip inside of Mark. Mark took another sharp breath; the sensation was new and forceful and powerful, all over again. He wanted more. He wanted Jack.

He maneuvered them both under the running water, and they rinsed each other clean. He pulled Jack out of the shower, draped a towel around his shoulders, and used it to pull him close. He kissed at Jack’s neck and chest while he dried him off, and then let Jack return the favor, sighing as Jack’s hands and mouth moved over his body.

 _“Sean._ _”_

Jack straightened up, and Mark took the towel out of his hands. He set it aside, then put his arms around Jack’s waist, pulling him close, lifting him up on his tiptoes. Mark whispered:

 _“I_ _’ve never wanted anything like I want you._ _”_

Mark watched Jack’s expression change from curiosity to unqualified affection. Jack cocked his head, put his fingers in Mark’s hair, pressed his lips to the side of Mark’s face.

 _“How d_ _’you want me, love?_ _”_

Mark shivered again.

 _“On your stomach, on the bed._ _”_

 _“Yeh might have to hold me down._ _”_

 _“Only if you ask nicely._ _”_

Jack nodded. _“Please._ _”_

Mark lifted Jack off the ground, and Jack wrapped his legs securely around Mark’s waist. Mark hadn’t held Jack like this for so long, he almost got distracted from what he’d been about to do.

Almost.

He walked Jack to the bed and set him down, covering his neck and shoulders with kisses. Jack groped for the night stand and found the small bottle. He poured lubricant into his palm, then smoothed his hand down the length of Mark’s cock. Mark moaned, his mouth vibrating against Jack’s shoulder. Jack slid backward, and Mark followed, climbing onto the bed, keeping his face close to Jack’s, nudging Jack’s nose with his own. He kissed Jack’s lips, briefly, then sat back, pulling at Jack’s arm and shoulder. Jack turned onto his knees, and Mark leaned forward, pressing his palm between Jack’s shoulder blades, pushing him onto his stomach. Mark lingered for a moment, feeling the rise and fall of Jack’s breath. Then he pressed slow kisses along Jack’s shoulder, pausing at the back of his neck.

 _“Sean?_ _”_

 _“Now, please, Mark._ _”_

Mark straightened up. He found the bottle and poured lubricant onto his fingers. He slid his thumb over Jack’s opening, watched Jack’s back rise and fall as he sighed. He slid one finger inside of Jack, his pulse quickening as the pressure registered. He throbbed. He lined himself up, pressed forward, and slid himself inside of Jack.

He paused, eyes closed, and took a long, shaky breath.

 _“Mark?_ _”_

He opened his eyes, found Jack gripping the sheets. He moved his hands over Jack’s lower back. He leaned forward slowly, pressing his body on top of Jack’s.

 _“Sean, you_ _… Oh_ _… You feel so good_ _…”_

 _“Mmh_ _… Mark_ _…”_

Mark looped his arms under Jack’s shoulders, holding him tightly. He put his mouth on Jack’s neck. He thrusted.

 _“Oh, God- Again-_ _”_

Mark thrusted again, moaning softly.

 _“Don_ _’t stop-_ _”_

He moved inside of Jack, rocking his hips in a slow, regular rhythm, and Jack moaned with every thrust. Mark was struggling; the feeling was intense… overpowering… he didn’t want to stop, he could’ve lived in it forever… but he missed Jack’s eyes. He missed watching Jack’s face. He was holding Jack’s whole body, but he wasn’t close enough. He kept one arm tight across Jack’s chest, and put his other hand in Jack’s hair. He gripped. He pulled Jack’s head back-

 _“Oh-_ _”_

-and felt Jack tighten around him. He watched Jack’s face – lips parted, eyelashes fluttering. He put his mouth on Jack’s throat.

 _“Sean-_ _”_

 _“Mark-_ _”_

 _“I want- Oh, God-_ _”_

 _“Tell me-_ _”_

Mark slowly straightened up, pulling Jack’s body with him. He tightened his arm around Jack’s chest and put his other hand around Jack’s throat, keeping his head tilted back, kissing his neck, thrusting more and more slowly. He stopped, and pulled out.

 _“Turn around-_ _”_

Jack turned and flung his arms around Mark’s shoulders, kissing Mark’s mouth. Mark pulled him closer, wrapped his fingers around Jack’s cock.

 _“I want to come with you inside me._ _”_

Jack moaned as Mark stroked at him, smoothing lubricant over his length. He put his hands on Mark’s shoulders and pushed him onto his back, following along with him, kissing under his jaw. He felt Mark pulling at his hips, lining him up. He closed his eyes, pressed his forehead against Mark’s, and pushed his way inside.

He moaned. He felt Mark shudder underneath him. He opened his eyes, found Mark looking back at him. Mark nodded, then thrusted against him. Jack inhaled sharply.

 _“Sean- God, I missed you-_ _”_

Jack moved his hips and saw stars; the pressure was incredible. He moved again, and again. Mark was nodding, breathing shallow.

 _“Don_ _’t stop-_ _”_

Jack looped one arm under Mark’s shoulder, holding him tightly. He put his other hand in Mark’s hair and pressed his lips to Mark’s neck. He moved inside of Mark, trying to take it slow, unable to think, caught up in the sound of Mark’s voice, the warmth of Mark’s body, the pressure building at his center. He thrusted deep-

 _“Yes-_ _”_

 _“Oh, fuck-_ _”_

-and Mark moved to meet him. He gave three more deep, slow thrusts before he completely lost his mind. He gripped at Mark’s hair, sank his teeth into Mark’s shoulder, and thrusted aggressively, moaning against Mark’s skin as Mark’s fingers dug into his back, spurred on by the sensation, loving the pain. He felt Mark’s body shudder again-

 _“Sean, I_ _’m- Oh, fuck-_ _”_

-then felt a bloom of warmth on his belly as Mark tensed in his arms, speaking his name, coming in waves.

 _“Mark-_ _”_

Mark opened his eyes, blinked at him helplessly, nodded his head. Jack was hovering, caught between the need for release and the overwhelming desire to stay this close to Mark, for a few more minutes, for a few more seconds, for as long as he possibly could. But it was no use; Mark put one hand in his hair and one hand on his hip and _pulled_ , and Jack was falling – pressing his face against Mark’s neck, moaning against Mark’s skin, coming in a rush deep inside of Mark.

Jack kept his eyes squeezed shut, panting, suspended in warmth and affection and trust. He felt Mark’s hand moving slowly over his back. He heard Mark’s voice close to his ear: _I love you so much, Sean._ He lifted his head, found warm, brown eyes looking up at him.

 _“Mark. I love you._ _”_

 _“Look._ _”_ Mark tilted his head toward the clock on the night stand. It was 12:07 AM. Mark smiled. _“It_ _’s Monday._ _”_

Jack smiled, nodded, still catching his breath. _“It is._ _”_

 _“We made it._ _”_

 _“We did._ _”_

 _“So_ _…”_ Mark breathed, brushing Jack’s hair back from his eyes. _“What do you want to do today?_ _”_

Jack told him.

 


	63. Chapter 63

“I changed my mind. I can’t do it.”

“Sean!”

“Ser’sly, Mark, I really can’t.”

Mark walked around the drum set and kneeled down on the floor next to Jack, who was sitting on his stool, drumsticks in hand.

“I’m making you nervous.”

“No! …Yes! Fuck!”

It was Thursday morning. Jack had been practicing in his free time all week, and Mark had finally convinced him to let him into the basement, but Jack’s nerves were getting the better of him. He put the sticks down and started rubbing at his right palm with his left thumb. Mark put his hands over both of Jack’s, squeezed, then took his right hand and started massaging it.

Jack sighed. “It’s not you. It’s me. I dunno why this is so hard. It’s not like I don’t _know_ the songs, I’ve played them a hundred times by now…”

Mark nodded. “But you still don’t feel like they’re good enough. You never will.” He kissed the back of Jack’s hand. “That’s why you need me. So I can convince you that you’re good enough.”

Jack tilted his head, smiling, meeting Mark’s gaze. “Get out of my head, Fischbach.”

“Get out of your own way, McLoughlin.”

Jack sighed again, and Mark decided to change his strategy.

“You said you learned these songs for me?”

“Yeah.”

“So play something else. Something you just practice for fun.”

Jack considered this, then nodded. “I think I can do that.” He stared at Mark’s mouth, which was pressed against the inside of his wrist. “Jesus, yeh’re distracting. Sit behind me, maybe?”

Mark giggled. “Sorry.” He stood up, moved further behind Jack, and sat down on the floor with his back against the wall.

Jack tapped at a tablet that was resting on a music stand next to him. Mark knew he’d figured out how to play separate audio tracks from the songs he was learning through his speakers, so he could eliminate the drum part, or the vocals, or both, and play or sing along to the rest of the track. He knew Jack had been practicing singing with a microphone, but Jack hadn’t let him hear it yet.

“Ok,” Jack finally said, spinning his stool to face Mark. “I think I can pull this one off. Yer boys from Cincinnati.”

Mark smiled. He had been largely unfamiliar with Walk the Moon before Jack had mentioned them, which had baffled Jack, since the band had been formed in Ohio, close to where Mark had grown up. But Mark hadn’t been surprised; he hadn’t spent much time exploring different styles of music before Jack had come into his life. Now, he _loved_ listening to music with Jack, and he liked most of the songs Jack had played for him.

Mark threw his arms into the air and yelled, dramatically: “I BELIEVE IN YOU!”

Jack laughed, shaking his head. “Good thing yeh’re cute.” He turned back to the drum set and tapped at the tablet again. “I just need to test the volume.”

Mark heard familiar tones play loudly through the speakers. Jack turned on his microphone, and spoke a “Three, two, one!” countdown, similar to the one he used to synch his audio and video when he recorded gameplay. Mark leaned his head back against the wall, thinking that his affection for Jack was something like music, like a familiar song he could hear in his head or feel in his chest all the time. He felt his heart rate start to rise; Jack was about to crank up the volume.

Jack seemed satisfied with the state of his equipment, and re-set the song to play from the beginning. Sustained guitar tones played through the speakers again, and then Jack started to sing:

 

 _Screen falling off the door, door hanging off the hinges_  
_My feet are still sore, my back is on the fringes_  
_We tore up the walls, we slept on couches_  
_We lifted this house_  
_We lifted this house_

  
Jack started in with a bass drum rhythm, and continued to sing through the verse:

  
_Firecrackers in the east, my car parked south_  
_Your hands on my cheeks_  
_Your shoulder in my mouth_  
_I was up against the wall on the west mezzanine_  
_We rattle this town, we rattle this scene_  
_Oh, Anna Sun_

 

He finally added the snare drum and the hi-hat, and sang through the chorus:

 

 _What do you know? This house is falling apart_  
_What can I say? This house is falling apart_  
_We got no money, but we got heart_  
_We’re gonna rattle this ghost town_  
_This house is falling apart_

He didn’t finish the song; he found a logical stopping point, put down his sticks, and turned off the track. He spun his stool to face Mark, smiling nervously.

“FUCKING AMAZING,” Mark yelled at full voice, grinning up at Jack. Jack giggled.

“Ok. Next one, before I lose my nerve. I did pick this one fer you… yeh’ll probably be able to tell why. Same band, different album. Also- here-”

Jack picked up his cell phone and tapped at the screen, and then Mark felt his own phone vibrate in his pocket. He took it out to read Jack’s message, and found that Jack had linked him to some song lyrics.

“This one goes fast. It’ll make more sense if yeh can see the words.”

Mark recognized the song title and smiled. Jack spun around, tapped at the tablet again, and picked up his sticks. A strumming guitar rhythm blared through the speakers, and he immediately picked up the beat on the drums, engaging all four limbs easily. After two instrumental measures, he started to sing:

 

_We walk out the cinema_  
_About to go our separate ways and I,_  
_I almost wave you back_  
_When you let your hair fall in your face and I_  
_Often wonder why the things that I want are so hard to find but I_  
_Often fail to see the things that I need are right here by my side_

 

Mark knew the chorus, and he joined in, singing an octave lower than Jack:

 

_Something in the air is giving me bad ideas  
Something in the air is giving me dangerous thoughts, like:_

_Why don’t you stay at mine tonight?_  
_Why don’t you stay with me and be my sidekick?_  
_Do you want to be my sidekick?_

 

Mark stopped singing and scrolled on his phone, since he didn’t know the rest of the words, and was excited to identify any other details of the song that had resonated with Jack. The connection was immediately apparent:

 

_Keys left hanging in the door_  
_A trail of shoes and winter coats_  
_And we’re kissing on the kitchen floor_  
_Our friendship up against the ropes_  
_And don’t you wonder why_  
_The things that you want are so hard to find?_  
_Well it just occurred to me_  
_The one that I need could be right here by my side_

_Something in the air is giving me bad ideas_  
_Something in the air is giving me wicked thoughts, like_

_Why don’t you stay at mine tonight?_  
_Why don’t you stay with me, and be my sidekick?_

Mark’s smile spread until it was taking up most of his face. _Yup. That sounds like us._ It occurred to him that he and Jack hadn’t _actually_ kissed on the kitchen floor yet, and that it sounded like an excellent idea. He forced himself to wait patiently until Jack finished the song. Then he stood up, closed the gap between them, and pulled Jack off the stool. He lifted him onto his tiptoes, hugging him tightly.

 _“You. Are. INCREDIBLE,”_ he breathed. Jack giggled softly, and Mark put him down. “I’m serious, Sean. I could listen to you all day. I love it. And I _love_ the song. Jesus, talk about _dangerous thoughts_. You’re _so_ …”

His voice trailed off. He held Jack’s chin with his fingers, brushed his thumb over Jack’s lower lip. Jack smiled, raised his eyebrows.

“ _So_ what, love? What am I?”

He could’ve guessed; he just wanted to hear Mark say it. Mark had been thinking about leaving a trail of Jack’s clothing from the basement to the bedroom, but the phrasing of Jack’s question brought him back to his senses.

“You’re the most brilliant and talented human on this Earth… you’re _sexy_ as hell… so gorgeous it fucking _hurts…_ ” He looked Jack up and down. “I could go on...”

Jack nodded, his eyes wide. “Please do.”

Mark held Jack’s face in his hands. “You’re _everything_ to me. That’s what you are.”

Jack kissed him, gently. Mark kissed him back, aggressively. He turned their bodies and walked Jack backwards until his back was flat against the wall. He slid his arms down Jack’s body and picked him up, and Jack wrapped his legs around Mark’s waist, finding it difficult to catch his breath with Mark’s mouth pressed under his jaw.

_“Mark-”_

_“Mh.”_

_“Mark! ‘Light exercise,’ remember? Yeh can’t – oh, fuck – yeh can’t keep carrying me around like this…”_

_“I’m not. I’m holding you against the wall.”_

Jack giggled. _“I noticed... Jesus…”_

He gave in. He kissed Mark’s mouth. He let Mark crush him against the wall, knowing this was a relatively safe alternative to what Mark was actually wishing for.

He heard his phone beep. He wound his fingers through Mark’s hair. He heard three more notifications. He felt Mark’s teeth grazing his neck. He heard his ringtone blaring, and groaned with frustration.

Mark finally came up for air, smiling and looking tousled. _“Do I need to put you down?”_

Jack nodded. _“We should slow down, anyway. Just fer now.”_

Mark sighed, and helped Jack get his feet back on the floor. He adjusted Jack’s clothing, looking mutinous. Jack found his hands and squeezed.

“Hey. We’re fine, love.”

“I know. I’m just… impatient. It doesn’t even hurt anymore _._ I don’t understand why I can’t…”

“Tie me up and fuck me against the wall?”

“Jesus Christ, yes.”

Jack suppressed a giggle. “Because the doctor said so. Well… I doubt he used those exact words, but yeh know what I mean. We need to hold it together fer one more week. Then you can do whatever yeh want to me. Or…” Jack took a step closer and lowered his voice. _“I’ll do whatever yeh want. To you.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Cross my heart.”_

Jack kissed his nose, then went to check his notifications, while Mark made a concerted effort to get his emotions under control. Jack scrolled for a moment before dissolving into a fit of laughter.

Mark smiled. “What’s up?”

“Poor Jessie. She finally uploaded something to Patreon.”

“Oh, God, she must be out of her mind.”

“Yeah, I should call her back. Hang on-”

Jack tapped at the screen and put the call on speakerphone.

“JACK.” Jessie was yelling. Mark and Jack were trying not to laugh.

“Hey, Jessie, we’re both here.”

“WHY DID FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS JUST APPEAR IN MY BANK ACCOUNT?”

“Uhm… surprise?” Jack said tentatively. He and Mark had known that Jessie might have trouble processing this.

“ARE YOU TWO COMPLETELY INSANE?!”

“Jessie, listen, we did the math, ok?” Mark tried to sound reassuring.

“…WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU _CAN’T-_ ”

“Hey, Jessie-” Jack tried to cut her off as gently as he could. “-just let us explain fer a sec, ok?”

“…I’m listening.”

Jack smiled, relieved that she had finally stopped yelling. “We looked through all of yer art. We tried to guess how long it probably took yeh – yeh’ve spent at _least_ forty hours on pieces just fer us, probably a lot more than that. Not to mention everything else yeh’ve made. Right?”

“…I don’t know what you’re getting at…”

“Well, we had to decide on a rate we thought was fair fer all the work yeh’ve done fer us. We thought $100 an hour was a good start. That’s how we figured out the total amount. It’s probably less than you actually deserve, fer all the hours yeh’ve put in, but… well, we thought yeh might… freak out… if we tried to give yeh more.”

Silence on the line. Mark frowned.

“Jessie?”

“Hang on, I’m doing the math.”

They waited patiently.

“Ok, first of all, $100 an hour is _way_ too much.”

“We wouldn’t hire yeh fer less.”

More silence.

“Jessie… we’re not just tossing money at you,” Mark explained. “You took care of us. You’re family.”

“Right,” Jack cut in. “And the fact that yeh’re working double shifts at the hospital physically hurts me. I’ll be in pain until yeh pay off yer student loans. Don’t prolong the agony, Jessie.”

She groaned. “I have no chance of winning this argument, do I?”

“None,” Jack said seriously.

“Ok. But you _cannot_ give me four thousand dollars every time I upload some art. Can we agree that that’s excessive?”

“No, we can’t, but I’ll adjust our subscription, if it’ll make yeh feel better.”

“It’s a start. What else can I do? How can I pay you guys back for this?”

Jack looked at Mark, who had been eyeing him hungrily for the duration of the phone call.

“Come over,” Jack said to Jessie.

“…Are you kidding?”

“No.”

“Now?”

“Yes, now. I need yer help with something.”

“Ok… what?”

Jack smiled, holding Mark’s gaze. “Yoga.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Are yeh sure it’s ok fer him to bend like that?”

“Hmm. Mark? Does it hurt?”

“Nope.”

“Ok. As long as he doesn’t do this…”

Jessie copied the pose that Mark was holding, and then twisted her midsection and bent backwards at the waist.

“This is fine, though-” She straightened her torso again.

Jack nodded. “Got it.”

“Don’t leave me hanging, McLoughlin. Your turn,” Mark prodded. The words came easily, which surprised Jack. The position looked strenuous, and he had to remind himself that Mark had been in excellent shape before his surgery. He was selfishly pleased that Mark hadn’t lost any of his flexibility, and was working hard to keep the thought to himself.

He planted his feet and tried to imitate the position of Mark’s arms. He swayed, almost losing his balance, and Jessie took pity on him.

“Here…” She tapped the floor with her heel, then planted her foot to demonstrate the position. Jack copied her. She reached for his arm, then hesitated, waiting for permission.

“Jessie, yeh’ve seen me in my pajamas at 4AM. Yeh’ve seen me in _Mark’s_ pajamas at 4AM. We’re bonded fer life. You can touch my arm.”

She suppressed a giggle and glanced backward at Mark. “I promise I won’t enjoy it.”

Mark and Jack both laughed, pleased that Jessie was becoming more comfortable with them as time went on. She positioned Jack’s arms and torso until she was satisfied. He was pleasantly surprised to find that he could hold the pose, and she seemed impressed, as well.

“Try this.”

She repeated the maneuver she had advised Mark _not_ to attempt, and Jack imitated her. He found it challenging, but manageable. He enjoyed the pulling sensation of his muscles collaborating in an unfamiliar way.

Mark was relieved that Jack and Jessie were momentarily preoccupied, because it afforded him the opportunity to examine Jack from a distance. He thought he had memorized every line and surface of Jack’s body by now, but he was noticing that Jack was starting to look… different. Jack had spent the last two weeks swimming and drumming daily, and it was starting to show. Mark could tell that he was becoming slightly more lean around his midsection, and slightly more muscular in his shoulders and upper arms. He found himself wishing that Jack was shirtless, wondering what the muscles in his torso would look like with his body in this configuration. He decided to ask Jack to repeat the pose when they were alone.

Mark knew he had fallen in love with Jack’s personality before he’d ever examined his attitude toward Jack’s body. And he knew he would love Jack, desperately, no matter how he looked. But he couldn’t deny or ignore the physical aspect of their relationship. The visceral attraction was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before.

Guiltily, he let his gaze shift to Jessie. She was demonstrating another movement for Jack, with both arms raised over her head and her back arching gracefully. He made a list of the words that came to mind when he looked at her: kind; trustworthy; strong; lovely. It occurred to him that he probably loved Jessie, the way he loved the other people in his life who had earned it: Wade, Tyler, and Bob. He tried to imagine what he would have felt for Jessie in this moment, if Jack hadn’t entered his life. He found that he couldn’t, and he was both relieved and frustrated. His feelings for Jack were clear, but his perceptions of sex, and attraction, and relationships – not to mention his sense of self – had been irreparably altered. And he was glad. He knew he was happier, and _better_ , than he had ever been. But he was also still adjusting. Changing. Becoming someone new.

His focus drifted naturally back to Jack, and his mind was flooded with an entirely different set of descriptive terms: brilliant; uncompromising; exceptional; honorable; sexy; beautiful; _mine_.

“You ok, love?”

Jack had finally caught him staring. Mark smiled genuinely.

“Looking good, Sean.”

Jack returned his smile. He was trying to hold the pose Jessie had demonstrated, but his hair kept flopping into his face. He struggled with it for a moment, and then lost the battle. He got Jessie’s attention and gestured to her arm.

“Hey, can I borrow that?”

She had a spare hair elastic around her wrist. She took it off and handed it over. Jack looked at Mark.

“Help? I suck at this.”

It was an exaggeration. Mark had seen Jack tie his hair back on his own, after the first time Mark had done it for him. He felt a flutter in his midsection. _He just likes it better when I do it._

Mark approached him, took the elastic, and slid it onto his wrist. Then he ran his fingers slowly through Jack’s hair, smoothing it back, reminding himself not to linger too long. He secured it in place, admired the effect, and then looked at Jessie.

“Looks good, right?”

She nodded, then sighed. Jack gave her a concerned look. “You alright?”

“What? Oh. Yeah.” She shook her head, smiling. “Sorry. I was just wondering what the world would be like if everyone had someone to fix their hair like that. I hope I get that lucky, someday.”

Mark nodded. “I think you will.”

They continued through the afternoon in a similar fashion, using video references to try out poses and sequences. Jessie was familiar enough with the basics of yoga to assist them, and Jack felt confident that she also knew enough about anatomy and physiology to keep Mark safe. Mark and Jack both enjoyed the physical activity, as well as Jessie’s company. They kept it up until they were hot and wobbly from the exertion, and Jessie volunteered to get started on dinner.

Jessie had insisted on cooking for them, and Jack insisted on helping her while Mark jumped in the pool to cool off. They sat at the kitchen table together, peeling potatoes.

“This is the most Irish I’ve felt since I moved here,” Jack joked. “Thanks fer this.”

He hadn’t been surprised to learn that Jessie’s mother was Irish, given her freckles and fair complexion. She was planning to make one of her family’s recipes: a combination of lamb, vegetables, and potatoes that Jack found comforting and familiar.

She smiled at him. “Do you miss it?”

“No,” he said immediately. “I really don’t. I didn’t see my family much, as it was, and I can always go visit them. There was nothing holding me there.” He thought for a moment. “I can’t believe it’s almost October though, and it’s still so _hot_.”

“What’s so hot?” Mark had appeared in the kitchen, rubbing at his hair with a towel.

Jack raised his eyebrows. “The weather.”

Mark stared. “Seriously?”

Jack giggled. “What did yeh think we were talking about?”

“…No comment. Need anything from upstairs?”

“No, I think we’re good.”

“Ok. I just need to change. And, by the way… this is, like, the most Irish thing I’ve ever seen.” He picked up Jack’s phone and snapped a photo of them. “You guys are adorable.”

He kissed the top of Jack’s head and left them alone.

Jessie shook her head, giggling. “I don’t know how the two of you don’t just… hang out and goof around all day. How do you get anything done?”

“Oh, it’s an effort, believe me.”

She nodded. “He seems really good, though. How are you?”

Jack thought about it. “Last weekend was a little rough. We had a pretty dramatic run-in with this girl he dated a while back.” He described what had happened with Lindsey, and Jessie was appropriately mortified.

“So you just… like… _forgave_ her?”

Jack shrugged. “I didn’t feel like I had much to gain by being angry with her. And after I talked to her, I felt… I dunno. I felt like I got some control back. I think things could get rough fer Mark and me, once we come out. I’ve dealt with plenty of criticism online, but… this is different. I’ve never been hated fer something so personal, like being…”

Several words flashed through his mind: _Queer? Bisexual? Gay?_

“…like being with Mark,” he finished awkwardly. “But I feel like I can deal with it. I feel like things will turn out ok.”

She nodded. “They will.”

He smiled at her. “Anyway, I’ve felt less anxious since then. We’ve both been really good.”

Mark wandered into the kitchen, wearing a pair of his own sweatpants and one of Jack’s sweatshirts. It fit loosely when Jack wore it, and clung perfectly to Mark’s body. The effect was not lost on Jack.

“Looking good, Fischbach.”

Mark looked Jack over. “Ditto. So. What can I do?”

They finished preparing and assembling the ingredients, and put the dish in the oven. Mark and Jack challenged Jessie to a round of Mario Kart, and were impressed with her skills; Jack had both of them easily beat, but she and Mark were neck and neck for most of the game. They tailed each other relentlessly through the last round, battling for second place, until Jessie nailed Mark with a shell, knocking him clear off the map on the final lap.

“OH MY GOD, NO!” Mark shouted, scrambling to recover from the fall, knowing it was probably already too late.

Jessie was giggling uncontrollably. Jack crossed the finish line and then got up on his knees-

“GO, JESSIE, HE’S FUCKED-”

“OH, YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT, MCLOUGHLIN-”

-and Jessie sped across the finish line, several seconds ahead of Mark. She dove off of the couch and fell to her knees with her arms over her head, holding the controller aloft, cheering excitedly. Jack was laughing hysterically at the look of shock and horror on Mark’s face. He snapped a photo of Jessie in front of the huge screen, and then got down on the floor and hugged her.

“My life is a lie,” Mark said hollowly. Jack reached for his hand and pulled him onto the floor. He slid his arm around Mark’s shoulders and handed his phone to Jessie.

“I want to remember this moment forever,” Jack said, grinning and pointing to Mark’s face. Mark glared at him. Jessie snapped the photo, smiling broadly.

“Oh, you two are hilarious,” Mark said sullenly.

“It’s ok, love,” Jack chirped. “We know yeh’re good at games. Jessie’s just better!”

Mark looked stricken. Jack and Jessie continued to giggle at him.

“Rematch on another day?” Jessie suggested. “I know you could crush me with a keyboard and mouse. You pick them game.”

Mark nodded. He hated losing, and he had to remind himself not to be a poor sport. He forced himself to smile.

“Good idea. We can all play.”

“Yes! Please!”

The look of pure joy on her face overrode Mark’s fixation on his bruised pride. “Thanks for playing, Jessie. That was fun.”

Jack nudged him affectionately with an elbow. “Right. Starving. Dinner?”

They ate together in the kitchen, and then Mark and Jack said goodbye to Jessie, who needed to be up before sunrise for a shift at the hospital. They made her promise to come back and visit soon, and she hugged them both for a long time before walking to her car.

Mark pulled Jack into a hug as soon as she was gone; he had been dying to feel Jack’s arms around him all day.

_“Sean… come sit with me for a while?”_

_“Yes, please.”_

Mark kept hold of one of his hands and led him to the back of the house. He sat down on the lounger, and Jack moved to sit next to him, but Mark steered him into his lap, pulling him close until Jack’s back was pressed against his chest. He stretched his legs out on either side of Jack and slipped one arm around him, resting his palm over Jack’s belly and his chin on Jack’s shoulder. Jack giggled.

“Hey, love.”

“Hey. I missed you.”

Jack leaned his head against Mark’s. They had been together all day, but he knew what Mark meant.

“I missed you, too.”

Mark ran his palm slowly over the crease of Jack’s stomach.

“That was a great idea, inviting Jessie over. I think I could watch you do yoga all day. How do you feel?”

Jack put his hand over Mark’s. “Mm. Really good. How’re you?”

Mark pressed his lips to the back of Jack’s neck. “Happy.” He ran his free hand over the lines of Jack’s shoulder. “Sean… did you notice… do you think you, like, _look_ a little different?”

Jack nodded. “Yeah. A little bit. I wasn’t exercising nearly this much before I came here. Not in a long time, anyway. Why? D’you like it?”

Mark rubbed his nose in Jack’s hair. “I love you no matter what. But yeah. I like it. I was actually hoping… would you let me watch you again? Just for a minute?”

“Doing yoga?”

“Yeah… and… maybe let me keep your shirt over here?”

Jack sat up and turned to face Mark, settling onto his knees. He pulled his shirt up and off, then handed it over. He stood up, holding Mark’s gaze, and pulled his athletic shorts off as well. Mark took in the sight of him, wearing nothing but skin-tight black boxers. He swallowed.

Jack took a moment to roll his neck and stretch his shoulders. Then he planted his feet in a lunge and raised his arms over his head. He breathed, holding the pose for a moment, and then adjusted his stance, arching his back and reaching overhead with one arm. Mark traced Jack’s body with his eyes, moving over the straight line of his left leg and the perfect curve formed by his torso and raised arm. He found that he couldn’t stand the distance between them.

“Sean… stay like that. Just for a minute.”

He stood up from the couch and approached Jack. Up close, he could see the muscles in his stomach contract and release with each long, slow breath. He kneeled down on the floor and put his hands around Jack’s waist. He counted Jack’s breaths. He pressed his lips against Jack’s stomach.

Jack released the tension in his body gradually, lowering his arms, resting his fingers in Mark’s hair.

“Sean.” Mark was looking up at him.

“Mm?”

Mark brushed his nose against Jack’s belly.

“You’re _so_ beautiful. I wish there was a better way to say it. I don’t know how to tell you what you look like, to me. But you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Jack opened his mouth to respond, but he moaned softly instead- Mark was pulling his boxers down, his lips and tongue traveling along the crease of his hip.

“Mark, I- _oh-_ ”

Mark’s fingers were wrapped around him, brown eyes looking upward. Jack felt himself swell, put a hand on Mark’s forehead.

“So sweet, Mark, my- _ah_ -”

Mark’s lips were encircling his head, holding him lightly, kissing him softly.

“…My sweetheart- _oh, God_ \- can I… can I call yeh that-?”

Mark looked up, released him, nodded. “Please.”

“You are. Yeh’re my sweetheart- _mh_ -”

Mark’s mouth was on him again, holding him firmly, transferring warmth that spread through Jack’s body, a glowing affection that made his hands shake and his head swim. He found Mark’s left hand cradling his hip and took it, squeezing Mark’s fingers, touching Mark’s palm, trying to get closer.

 _“_ I wanted this so much... I wanted yeh all day... Yeh’re so _– Jesus, Mark, sweetheart – yeh’re perfect, on yer knees fer me- oh-_ ”

Mark was pulling him deep into his throat, moving slow and steady, eyes closed, brow creased.

“D’you know- _oh, God_ – d’you know how hard it is… being near yeh and not… _mmh_ … not touching yeh like this…”

Mark slid back, released him carefully, nodded emphatically. “I do.” He held Jack’s gaze, licked slowly at the head of his cock, spoke quietly: _“I’m crawling out of my skin when I can’t be with you. When I can’t have you the way I want.”_ He took Jack deep into his mouth again and sucked at him steadily, lovingly.

 _“But yeh do. Yeh have me. Mark- Jesus, Mark-_ ”

Jack abandoned verbal communication. He squeezed Mark’s hand. He wound his fingers through Mark’s hair. He let himself be swept away. He let himself be touched, deeply. He thought of Mark singing along with him in the basement. He thought of Mark holding him against the wall. He thought of Mark’s arms around him, so tight that he couldn’t breathe. He came in Mark’s mouth, feeling safe, and held, and hopelessly in love.

He didn’t bother to catch his breath. He pulled Mark to his feet and kissed his mouth, holding him close. He sat Mark down on the couch and kneeled on the floor in front of him. He undressed Mark from the waist down, and took Mark into his mouth. He kissed, licked, _pulled_ at Mark, felt Mark moving to meet him, heard Mark’s low, rumbling voice surrounding him:

_“Sean… my Sean…”_

He poured warmth and affection into Mark until he pulsed, tensed-

_“Mh- Sean- oh-”_

-and came in a wave, filling Jack’s mouth, speaking his name.

And then Mark was pulling him up, and he was falling forward, climbing into mark’s lap, kissing Mark’s mouth, feeling Mark’s arms around him, so tight that he couldn’t breathe.

 

* * *

 

 

They decided to take the rest of the night off from work. They showered together and got in bed earlier than they needed to. Mark made sure he’d put his hands on every square inch of Jack’s body before he fell asleep.

They woke up early on Friday morning, and were happy to find another excuse to spend more time together. They had received file transfers from Justin and Melissa, and decided to review the footage together before starting their day.

They had both met separately with their prospective editors earlier in the week, and had felt confident enough to hire them on a trial basis. Jack had enjoyed his meeting with Melissa quite a bit; she was young, cool, and energetic, and had had several ideas about style and formatting that had impressed him. He had been satisfied with the footage they had edited together, and had started sending her short gameplay files to edit on her own.

Mark had had a similar experience. He had been concerned that Justin might be more accustomed to editing action footage than gameplay, but he discovered that Justin had kept current with his channel, and was able to adjust to his editing style easily. Justin had seemed grateful for the opportunity to reconnect, and Mark was happy to be working with someone familiar.

They decided to stay in bed, reviewing the footage on one laptop and taking notes on another, keeping their bodies pressed close together under the covers. They were both encouraged by the edits. Jack felt that his videos were ready for release in their current state, and sent Melissa an e-mail thanking her for the work. Mark e-mailed Justin to request some minor changes, and then disappeared under the blankets, covering Jack’s stomach with kisses. Jack giggled and pulled the covers over his head so he could watch what Mark was doing. Mark blinked up at him, and he smiled, biting the corner of his lip, brushing at Mark’s fringe.

“It’s this part, right here,” Mark explained, pressing his mouth over the crease of Jack’s stomach. “I might be a little obsessed. Can we just skip to the weekend? I could do this all day…”

Jack sighed as Mark’s tongue made contact with his skin. Mark paused and looked up at him.

“You’re actually considering it.”

“Huh?”

“Admit it. Jacksepticeye is actually considering spending all day in bed, productivity be damned.”

Jack stared, then smiled slowly. “Yeh’re right. And I need yeh to pull me back from the edge.”

Mark’s expression softened. He moved up Jack’s body and straddled his waist. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

Jack shook his head. “It’s good, love. I’ve never been this happy. I’ve never cared this much about anything else.”

Mark looped his arms under Jack’s shoulders and squeezed him, kissing his neck and his face, over and over. “I’ll be here, Sean. I’ll make you a smoothie, and you can work as much as you need to, and I’ll be patient. I promise.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and welcome back to… my fucking _face_ is out of focus…”

Mark had spent the last half hour experimenting with the autofocus settings on his video camera, and he could tell something was off. He had been trying to fix the problem himself, but it was becoming increasingly clear that he needed an extra set of hands.

He stared at his phone for a moment, deliberating. He knew he should really let Jack work, but he also knew he couldn’t proceed with his own recording schedule without solving the problem. He picked up the phone.

 

M: Take a five-minute break when you can? Not urgent, but I think I fucked up my camera.

J: I WILL SAVE YOU

 

Mark smiled to himself. He took his headphones off and listened to Jack’s footsteps as he moved through the house. He spun his chair to face the door and slouched down in it, trying to make himself look as pathetic as possible. Jack opened the door and stared, looking him over.

“Seeaaan,” Mark whined. “My face is, like, _bleh_.” He gestured vaguely toward his monitor.

Jack burst out laughing. “Jesus, yeh’re cute when yeh pretend to pout.” He approached Mark and held out his hands. Mark took them, and let Jack pull him out of the chair. “Is yer camera actually broken, or were yeh just trying to lure me up here?”

Mark smiled. “I really tried not to distract you. The camera’s legitimately fucked. Help?”

“Sure. Walk me through it.”

Mark brought Jack over to the camera and clicked through the settings menu, describing the adjustments he’d made. “See? It should be better, not _worse_ …”

“Oh, hang on-”

Jack clicked into a second menu and made an adjustment.

Mark’s mouth fell open. He saw his mistake right away. “ _Shit_ , that’s embarrassing.”

“No, it’s awesome. I like it when yeh need me fer something, once in a while.”

Mark tugged on the hem of Jack’s shirt.

“I need you for plenty of things.”

“Mm, yeah, I’m gonna need yeh to elaborate on that at some point.” Jack gave Mark’s waistband a tug. “Let’s test this out, though. Go sit, I’ll check it out.”

Jack stayed behind the camera while Mark sat back in his computer chair. Mark adjusted his light, then looked straight into the lens.

“…Oh…”

Mark raised an eyebrow. “Still off?”

“…No. It’s just… yer eyes… they’re almost _gold_ …”

Mark grinned.

“ _Jesus_ … Take it down a notch, Fischbach…”

Mark chuckled. “I’m guessing it looks alright?”

“Looks… perfect.”

Jack stepped back from the camera and walked around to Mark. He leaned down and kissed his forehead.

“…And I need to get out of here, if yeh want to get anything done fer the rest of the morning.”

Mark stood up. He resisted the urge to jump all over Jack. He kissed his cheek instead, one hand resting gently on his chest.

“Thanks, Sean. See you later?”

Jack nodded. “Can’t wait.”

He let himself out, and Mark sat down to check his image on the monitor, trying to see himself the way Jack did. He liked what he saw, when he looked through Jack’s eyes. He stopped the recording and rewound the playback so he could watch Jack pressing his lips against his forehead, and the warm glow that Jack had brought into the room swelled and lingered inside his chest. He saved the footage, and then got back to work.

He recorded for three solid hours, consolidated the gameplay files into a single folder, and then set it to transfer to Justin. He took off his headphones, stretched, and then checked his phone. He found a message from Jack:

 

J: i love you more than i love food, but i need you both

 

He giggled to himself, and responded right away:

 

M: I’ll make you some lunch, and you can tell me what else you need.

 

He went to the bedroom and grabbed one of Jack’s swimsuits from a drawer. He found Jack in the kitchen, sitting on the counter, drinking from a large glass of water. He held out a second glass for Mark.

Mark smiled and accepted it gratefully. He held up the swimsuit. “I’ll grill if you put this on.”

Jack nodded. “Lose the shirt, and yeh’ve got a deal.”

Jack changed and played with Chica in the backyard, then swam laps in the pool while Mark alternated between staring shamelessly and preparing lunch. They ate outside together, Mark wiping occasional beads of water from Jack’s forehead as his hair dried in the sun.

“How’s the camera? Any more issues?”

“No, it’s perfect. You fixed it right up. How are things going for you?”

Jack nodded, chewed, swallowed a bite of hamburger. “Really good. Feels _awesome_ to get ahead again. I think I can finish up early today. Play guitar fer me, later?”

“Mm. Absolutely.”

Mark finished his last bite, then took his phone out of his pocket. He’d heard it beeping a few minutes earlier, and had been happy to ignore it, focusing on Jack instead. But he knew he needed to check his messages; it was important to stay in close communication with Justin while they established a working relationship. Sure enough, he had an e-mail waiting.

He tapped at the screen and started to read. And then he started to panic. And then he jumped up from the table.

“Oh, my God. Oh, fuck, _fuck-_ ”

Jack stood up too, concern etched all over his face.

“Mark-?”

Mark looked like he might be sick. He stared at Jack for a brief moment, then grabbed his phone and ran into the house. Jack followed, calling after him, panic squeezing inside his throat.

“Mark- wait- what happened? What’s wrong?”

But Mark was way ahead of him, sprinting up the stairs. Jack found him in his recording room a moment later, clicking around on his computer. Mark opened a folder, then straightened up.

_“Oh my God.”_

“MARK.” Jack stepped into his field of vision. “Yeh’re scaring me! What’s the matter?!”

“Sean… I fucked up... I _really_ fucked up...”

“What are yeh _talking_ about?”

Mark swallowed. “You know how you came to help with my camera this morning?”

“…Yeah?”

“Well… I was recording. I was testing the footage. And I was looking back at it after you left, and… you were so _sweet_ … I saved the file…”

“…And?”

Mark was staring at the floor. Jack put his fingers under Mark’s chin and tilted it up. He looked in Mark’s eyes as tears started to fall onto Mark’s cheeks.

“…And I accidentally sent it to Justin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song credits:
> 
> “Anna Sun,” Nicholas Petricca (Walk the Moon); SONGS Music Publishing, LLC; 2010.
> 
> “Sidekick,” Walk the Moon; Sony Music Entertainment; 2015.


	64. Chapter 64

“Mark.”

_“I’m so sorry, Sean…_

_“Mark.”_

_“I’m SUCH a fucking IDIOT…”_

“MARK.”

Mark’s head snapped in Jack’s direction, and Jack winced. He was trying to get Mark to focus, stuffing down the wave of nausea and dread that had swept over him once he’d realized what Mark had done. He had managed to pull Mark into their bedroom and onto the edge of the bed, but Mark had been mumbling apologies and breathing erratically for the last several moments.

Jack slid his arm around Mark’s waist and made a concerted effort to control his tone.

“Sorry, love. I’m… I’m not angry with you. I just need yeh to focus on me, now, yeah?”

Mark nodded. Jack wiped a tear from his cheek.

“Ok. Come here.”

Jack pulled Mark closer, laid Mark’s head on his chest. He rested one hand around Mark’s head, and his other hand over Mark’s stomach.

“Mark. Love.” He kissed the top of Mark’s head. “I’ve thought a lot about what our worst-case scenario would be like. I’ve been through it again and again. And I haven’t thought of a single thing that could happen that would change the way I feel about you. Let’s just be clear on that. Yeh hear me?”

Mark nodded against his chest.

“Right. So yeh’re going to sit here and breathe with me fer a while. I promise yeh, no matter how this turns out, I’ll be here with yeh at the end of the day.”

He tightened his arms around Mark. He rocked from side to side. He pressed slow kisses into Mark’s hair. He held Mark close until his breathing finally started to return to normal.

Mark sat up slowly. He looked in Jack’s eyes. He lightly kissed Jack’s lips.

Jack smiled. “There’s my love. Yeh’re going to keep looking at me, just like that, ok?”

Mark nodded. Jack took his face in his hands and spoke softly.

“We’re going to deal with this together. It’s going to be alright. But I think yeh need to call Justin.”

Mark took a long, slow breath, and nodded again.

“Whenever yeh’re ready. I’ll be right here.”

Jack kissed Mark’s lips, as gently as he could.

Mark took another shaky breath, then picked up his phone. He tapped at the screen, then held it to his ear.

“Hey, man, can we talk?”

The sound of Mark’s voice broke Jack’s heart all over again.

“…Yeah. Thanks for letting me know. Right. Obviously not.” Mark paused, focusing on the blue of Jack’s eyes. “Yeah. I can be there in forty-five minutes. Thanks. See you.”

He ended the call. Jack found his hand and squeezed.

“I’m going with you. We can talk to him together, or I can wait in the car, or… I’ll do whatever yeh need.”

Mark’s bottom lip shook. “Sean…”

Jack shook his head. “I can’t. Not right now. Can we just…” He cleared his throat, tried to soften his tone again. “I’m with you. I’m here. Can we just leave it fer now?”

 “…I love you, Sean.”

“I love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

Jack drove them both to Justin’s apartment, while Mark sat silently in the passenger seat, trying to figure out what he was going to say.

The shock of realizing what he had done was starting to pass, and Mark’s thoughts were becoming more organized. Justin had signed a temporary contract that included a confidentiality clause. It was mutually understood that he wouldn’t be permitted to share any of Mark’s content with anyone, for any reason. But that didn’t mean Justin _wouldn’t_ share what he had learned. He had been expecting gameplay footage, and instead he’d been granted a front row seat to a private moment between two pseudo-celebrities in a secret same-sex relationship.

Mark didn’t know Justin well enough to predict how he would respond, but he knew he needed to take control of the situation. For Jack’s sake. He felt hollow and fragile, like he could break at any moment. But he couldn’t. He would have to pretend.

He reached over and squeezed Jack’s hand.

“It’s going to be ok,” he managed, surprised by the false confidence he heard in his own voice.

Jack nodded, stealing a glance at Mark. “I know.”

Jack parked on the street in front of Justin’s apartment, and they sat in silence for a moment.

“I’ll come up with yeh, if yeh want…”

Mark shook his head. “I can handle it. Just… stay close.”

“I will. I promise.”

Mark kissed the back of Jack’s hand, and then left him alone.

Jack’s composure started to crumble as soon as Mark was out of sight. He gripped the steering wheel so tight, his fingers ached. He let a handful of tears fall into his lap, and then shook his head, wiped them away, and took out his phone. He tapped at the screen, selecting his brother Malcolm’s cell phone number. Malcolm answered on the fourth ring.

“Sean?”

He sounded tired; Jack knew it was late in Paris, and he was relieved that Malcolm had picked up the phone.

“Hey, Mal.”

“Wasn’t expecting to hear from yeh… It’s good to hear yer voice.”

“You, too. D’you have a minute?”

“’Course. Are yeh alright?”

“Actually…” Jack fought to keep his voice from breaking. “I’m really not, right now. I just… I needed to talk to yeh.”

“How concerned should I be?”

“Mal… have yeh spoken to Mum? About why I moved to California?”

Jack had talked with Malcolm through text and e-mail since he’d moved, but he hadn’t told him about his relationship with Mark, and he’d assumed his parents probably hadn’t mentioned it, either.

“Not much. I know she was concerned fer yeh. Hoping it was the right decision, and that. I told her not to worry. I know yeh know what yeh’re doing.”

Jack felt a surge of affection for his brother. Malcolm had managed to disregard the substantial age difference between them, treating Jack as an equal long before he’d established himself as an adult, and he had been one of Jack’s greatest supporters when his YouTube career had started to take off.

“God, I hope I do.”

“Sean? What’s happened?”

“I love someone.” The words tumbled out of Jack’s mouth, and more followed. “I’ve been keeping it a secret. I don’t want to. I _hate_ it. I hate hiding it. I hate pretending to be someone I’m not. But I’m not sure if I’m _ready_ …” He let his voice trail off, let the silence linger.

“…Fer what? Fer people to know yeh’re in a relationship?”

“Fer people to know I’m not straight.”

More silence.

“…Yeh’re not _what_?”

“I needed to tell yeh. I didn’t want yeh to see some video or hear a bunch of rumors. And I need to know… I need to know yeh’ll stick by me.”

“Yeh know I will, but… I’m sorry, I’m not clear on what yeh’re trying to tell me.”

Jack took a long, slow breath. “I’m not straight. I’m bisexual, or gay. I don’t know which. I just know I love Mark, and I need to hear yeh say it’s alright.”

“…It’s alright, Sean.”

Jack closed his eyes. “Thank you.”

“Are yeh talking about Mark from YouTube? Markiplier?”

Jack smiled, amused by the sound of Mark’s online handle, struck by how foreign and impersonal it felt.

“Yeah. Him.”

“…Are yeh happy?”

Jack nodded to himself. “I think I’m as happy as anyone’s ever been.”

“Yeh know very well that’s all I care about.”

“I do. I just needed to hear yeh say it.”

“Right. Well… what else can I do?”

“Meet him. Come see us, or let us come fer a visit. Help me figure out how to live this life.”

“I will. I’ll do whatever I can. But, Sean… yeh don’t need anyone’s permission to be who yeh are, or to live the life yeh want.”

Jack took this in. “Wise words from my much older brother.”

“Borrowed words. I was quoting. _You_ said that.”

“…Right. I bet this would all be much easier if I _ever_ took my own advice.”

“Do that. And call me back if yeh need a reminder.”

“I will. And I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. I’ll call again, so we can make some plans.”

“Love yeh, Sean.”

“Love yeh, Mal.”

He hung up. He leaned his head back against the seat. He waited.

 

* * *

 

 

Mark stood outside Justin’s door for a long moment before he knocked, trying to get a handle on how he was feeling, trying to convince himself that he could rise to the occasion. He pictured his confrontation with Lindsey, and how easy it had been to come to Jack’s defense. It had been instinctive; the words had just come. He had seen Jack in pain and put a stop to it. Could he do the same thing now? Would he be able to find the words?

 _Do I know how to defend_ myself _, if I need to?_

He knocked.

Justin answered the door right away, and moved to the side to let Mark pass. Mark heard his own voice before he knew he was speaking.

“Hey, man. Thanks for making the time. I’m sure this wasn’t how you were expecting to spend your afternoon.”

Justin nodded, and Mark took in his appearance, noticing his stiff posture and wary expression. Mark had never felt intimidated by Justin in the past, but the situation had him off-balance. Justin was fair-haired, tall, and lean, and looked like he would be as comfortable on a surfboard as he was behind a computer screen. For a moment, Mark felt like he was back in high school, surrounded by guys who had grown into tall, attractive, confident people, while he remained small, and shy, and painfully awkward. He did his best to force the notion out of his mind while Justin led him to the kitchen table.

Justin let Mark choose a seat, and then sat down across from him. Mark got the feeling that Justin was trying to keep as much space between them as he could.

 “I’d rather start with your questions, if that works for you,” Mark said, trying to steer the flow of the conversation. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

“Alright.” Justin thought for a moment, directing his gaze away from Mark’s face. “Obviously you sent me that file by mistake. But, like… how do you make a mistake like that? How did that happen?”

This was an easy one. Mark had an answer ready.

“Jack and I live together. He’s not usually in the room with me when I’m recording, but he’s around all the time. I’ve gotten so used to it… I honestly just forgot. I forgot I’d saved the file. I just started recording, and I forgot to make a new folder, and… that was it.”

“…So you guys are roommates? Roommates who-”

“No.” Mark cut him off. “We live together because we _are_ together. We’re in a relationship.”

“…So you’re gay. And you’re lying about it.” Justin was still avoiding his gaze, and there was an edge in his voice that put Mark on alert. He knew he needed to get back in control.

“Listen, man. I’ve really enjoyed working with you in the past. Your work is great, and you’ve always been professional. I know I’m the one who crossed that line, and I’m sorry for putting you in that position. It was a mistake on my part, but… not because I have a boyfriend. It would have been a mistake to send you footage like that regardless of who I happen to be dating. And I’d be asking you to keep it to yourself, regardless, too.”

“Why? Why are you lying about it?”

Mark wasn’t sure if it was an honest question or an accusation. He guessed it was probably both.

“We haven’t lied about it. Not since we’ve been together. We’ve just chosen not to… _announce_ it… yet.”

“You don’t think it’s lying, to tell the whole world you’re straight when you’re actually gay?”

“I think it’s no one’s business, unless I say it is.” The comment sounded more aggressive than Mark had intended. Justin looked him in the eye for the first time.

“You made it my business.” The edge in his voice had sharpened.

Mark suppressed the _Go Fuck Yourself_ that was threatening to fall out of his mouth. He thought about Jack. He tried to imagine what Jack would do in this situation.

_Sean would probably be best friends with this guy by now. How does he do that? What would he say?_

He realized he had no hope of salvaging the conversation if he acted on the hostility he was feeling. He took a long breath and focused on keeping his voice neutral.

“You’re right. I did. And I can see that it’s an issue for you. Want to tell me why?”

Justin seemed surprised by Mark’s change in tone. He sighed and shook his head, and Mark saw some of the tension go out of his posture.

“Hey. I’m sorry. I was out of line.”

Mark thought, _No shit, asshole._ Mark said, “I’m listening.”

“Look, it’s not like I… _hate_ gay people or anything. I don’t. But I’m trying to build a career, here, and I’m not sure… I don’t know if I want my work being linked to that kind of… image.”

Mark was taken aback. He hadn’t known what to expect, but he hadn’t expected this. He laughed.

Justin raised an eyebrow, looking uncomfortable, verging on hostile. Mark could actually see the tension returning to his shoulders. He held up his hands.

“Sorry. It’s just… that doesn’t sound ridiculous to you? How long have you been watching my channel?”

Justin shrugged. “I don’t know… a couple of years?”

Mark nodded. “You do realize it’s, like, 75% dick jokes, right? Could you even count the number of times you’ve seen me curse on camera? Or seen me make a complete fool of myself? You’ve probably seen me wearing makeup and waxing myself and… I mean, my image is a disaster, dude. Are you actually trying to tell me you think my channel is _more_ problematic because I’m not straight?”

Justin had been sitting still, taking this information in. He held Mark’s gaze, but he didn’t respond. Mark decided to forge ahead.

“What do you think of my more recent content?”

“…I think it’s really good.”

“Different, right? Better than it used to be?”

Justin nodded.

“Do you know when it started to change?”

Justin took his phone out of his pocket and tapped at the screen. He scrolled for a moment before he found what he was looking for.

“The Mind’s Eclipse. Someone recommended it to me… probably Matthias… I hadn’t seen one of your videos in a while, and I remember it really stood out. I remember thinking your style had come a long way.”

“When was it uploaded?”

“Huh?”

“What was the date?”

“Oh… uhm… it says August 18th.”

Mark nodded. “That was the first round of videos I recorded after Jack moved here.”

Justin stared. Mark could tell he was profoundly uncomfortable. But he was still at the table. He was still listening.

“I was losing my grip on the channel, before he came. I always wanted to do great things with it. I wanted to build a community. I wanted to help people. I wanted to do something… important. I wanted _that_ to be my image. And I believe it can be, now. I think I can actually pull it off. Because I have someone in my life who thinks I’m… _better_ … than I used to think I was.”

Justin nodded, slowly. Mark decided to continue.

“Listen… I thought I was straight, like, four months ago. You’re not the only person in this room with unresolved issues about gay stuff. Maybe we can both work on it, if you can forgive me for being an asshat and sending you inappropriate footage and making things really awkward between us. What do you think?”

“…You still want to work with me?”

“If you can figure out how to respect me and Jack, then, yeah. Do you still want to work with me?”

“…Yeah. I do.”

Mark nodded, encouraged by the confidence he heard in Justin’s voice. “Ok. We’ll give it a try. Can you delete the file I sent you? And keep this to yourself, for now?”

“I already deleted the file. If people find out, it won’t be because of me.”

“That’s… really cool of you. Thanks. Also, Matthias knows about Jack and me, so if you feel like you need to talk about it… give him a call.”

“Good to know.” Justin hesitated, like he had something else to say. “Hey, man… I do respect you. A lot. I guess I didn’t really act like it.” He stood up from the table, and Mark followed suit. “Thanks for coming here.” He extended his hand, and Mark shook it.

“We’re good. Thanks for hearing me out.”

 

* * *

 

 

Mark found Jack waiting for him in the driver’s seat. Although Jack’s conversation with Malcolm had eased his mind and helped him get his emotions in check, Mark immediately identified the slight puffiness around his eyes and cheeks. He put his arms around Jack, pressed his lips to the side of Jack’s face.

“Sean. It’s all ok. It’s going to be fine.”

Jack nudged at Mark’s cheek with his nose, kissed his lips.

“I know. I’m good. Can I take yeh home?”

Mark nodded. “Please.”

He sat back in his seat while Jack put the car in drive. He slipped two fingers through one of Jack’s belt loops, and they sat quietly until Jack had navigated them back to the highway.

“Sean.”

“Yeah, love?”

“I almost blew it in there. I think he’s kind of… homophobic? I almost told him to fuck off.”

Jack took this in. “But yeh didn’t?”

“No. I didn’t. I thought about you. I thought about how you would handle it. I really could’ve punched him in the face, but… I’m pretty sure I made friends with him instead.”

“Ser’sly?”

“Yeah. Sean… I know I fucked up. I’m so, so sorry this happened. But I think I fixed it. I think you would’ve been really proud of me.”

Jack reached over, rested his fingers along the back of Mark’s neck.

“I am. I’m _so_ proud of you. And I’m proud to be _with_ you.”

“Would you still feel proud if the whole world found out today? If I fucked it all up, and some video of us went viral, and the whole thing got totally out of control?”

Jack nodded. “I would.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“ _Yes_ , Mark.” Jack looked at him affectionately. “Really.”

Mark pulled Jack’s hand down to his lap, traced his index finger across Jack’s palm.

“So… should we start thinking about…”

“…telling the whole world?” Jack finished.

“Yes. That.”

Jack pulled Mark’s hand to his lips, kissed the back of it.

“Yes. We should.”

 

* * *

 

 

They decided to skip cooking and pick up pizza for dinner so they could continue the conversation. They brought the pizza boxes into the theater room and connected Mark’s laptop to the huge screen, so they could make a pros and cons list together.

“Pro,” Jack said, chewing the massive bite of pizza he’d just stuffed into his mouth. “Being able to go to an actual restaurant together.”

“Or the gym.”

“Or the cinema.”

“Or _anywhere._ ”

Mark typed:

  * _Appearing together in public_
    * _Sean is starving (restaurants)_
    * _Sean looks incredible in gym clothes (gym / rock climbing / yoga)_
    * _Sean should be soaking wet whenever possible (water park)_
    * _“Cinema” (pronounced with Irish accent)_



Jack giggled, swallowing the rest of his pizza. He looked Mark over.

“Would we hold hands?”

“I’ll hold your hand whenever you want, Sean.”

“I know, but, like, would yeh _want_ to. In public.”

“Yeah. Sometimes.”

“Me, too.”

Mark typed:

  * _Optional public displays of affection_
    * _I’ll hold your hand whenever you want, Sean_
    * _Arm around shoulders/waist_
    * _I will probably hug you constantly_
    * _Kissing?_



Mark looked at Jack, eyebrows raised. Jack grinned, nodded. Mark erased the question mark, and typed another heading.

  * _No lying. No pretending._



Jack nodded. “Move that one to the top.”

Mark did, and Jack added:

“…And, like, think about all the good it will do. Think of all the people we can help.”

Mark typed:

  * _Save the world_



Jack nodded again, satisfied.

“Right. …Cons?” Mark said hesitantly.

They looked at each other for a moment.

“I know we need to…” Jack started.

“…And we should be honest,” Mark added.

“Right. You first, love.”

Mark typed:

  * _People will try to label us_
    * _I don’t even know how to label myself_



“Neither do I.”

  * _Neither does Sean_



“Labels bring pressure and expectations,” Jack went on. “People will expect us to act a certain way. Groups will be looking fer us to represent them, and they might get upset if we don’t, or can’t.”

Mark typed:

  * _Are we ready to be role models? Advocates?_



“Are we ready to fail at it?” Jack continued. “Are we ready to be in the spotlight while we’re still figuring ourselves out?”

Mark amended:

  * _Are we ready to be (shitty) role models?_



“Also…” Mark started. “It’ll be bigger than just our fanbases. Not to be dramatic, but… it’ll probably make the national news.”

“Oh. Jesus. Yeh’re right.”

Mark typed:

  * _Are we ready for our relationship to be a headline?_



Jack was nodding. “And also, the sex part.”

Mark chuckled, typed:

  * _“The Sex Part”_



“Go on.”

“Y’know. The inevitable intense scrutiny of our sex life.”

“Isn’t that already happening?”

Jack thought about it.

“Yeah… I guess… but this will be different. We’ll be sharing more up front. People will know more about our personal lives than they ever have. Even if we want to keep certain things more private, it’ll be really hard. How do we advocate fer safe sex without admitting to all the sex we have? How do we answer questions about identity and preferences without talking about what we like?”

Mark looked thoughtful. “Hm. Good point. I guess we’ll have to decide ahead of time what we’re comfortable sharing, and try to stick to it.”

Mark typed:

  * _Our sex life is no one’s business, except that it is_



“And people will have all kinds of things to say about it,” Jack said, sounding sad all of a sudden. He pulled his legs under himself and sat facing Mark. “I lost count of the number of times I’ve been called a ‘faggot’ ages ago. Oh, God.” Jack winced. “I hate saying the word.”

Mark set the laptop aside and put his hands on Jack’s knees. “Feels different, now?” he asked, gently.

Jack nodded.

“If anyone can handle it, it’s you, Sean. If anyone could take this opportunity and turn it into something great, it’s you.”

“It’s _us_.”

Mark smiled. “Right. It’s us.”

Jack took a deep breath, examining the pressure of Mark’s hands on his knees. There would be one more potential drawback if they decided to come out so early in their relationship. He was avoiding saying it, and he suspected that Mark was, too.

_What if things don’t work out between us? What if the pressure and the scrutiny are just too much? What if we spend all this time building a relationship – building new identities for ourselves – and it ends? Jesus, what if it ends, after all this?_

Jack leaned forward and put his arms around Mark’s shoulders, hugging him tight, his face pressed against Mark’s neck. He couldn’t say it. He said, “I love you,” instead.

“Love you, Sean.” Mark made a small space between them, pressed his lips to Jack’s forehead. “Ready to look it all over?”

“Yeah.”

Mark pulled the laptop back into his lap, and formatted the page so they could look at the pros and cons side-by-side. The both stared at the big screen for a long moment. Finally, Jack took the laptop from Mark. He selected the first item on the list and bolded it, and then enlarged the font, making it stand out from everything else on the page:

**No lying. No pretending.**

Mark looked at him and smiled. “I have an idea.”

“Mm? How worried should I be?”

Mark nudged him with an elbow. “How’d you like to see the leaves change?”

Jack looked confused. “Where-?”

“Cincinnati. We should go before Halloween. It’ll be fall in a couple weeks. Cider, pumpkins, spooky things, the whole deal. We can visit Wade and Tyler. And we can do a charity stream. And if we’re ready…”

Jack’s smile spread into a grin. “You want to come out during a livestream? Like, _live_? Online?”

“Why not? People will lose their Goddamn minds. Think about how much money we could raise.”

“Jesus… that’s… fucking brilliant.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’ll come with me?”

Jack leaned over, kissed Mark’s lips.

“’Course I will. I can’t wait.”

“Ok. We’ll plan on it. And if we’re not ready by then… that’s fine, too. We can still go for a visit, and… we can wait until we’re sure.”

Jack closed the laptop and set it aside. He climbed over Mark, straddling his waist, settling into his lap. He held Mark’s face in his hands.

_“I’m sure.”_

Mark slid his arms around Jack’s waist, slipped his fingers under Jack’s shirt.

_“I am, too.”_

Jack found that he had no more use for the space between them. He kissed Mark’s mouth. He felt Mark shifting beneath him. He felt Mark’s hands moving underneath his clothes.

He wondered what it would be like to feel Mark’s lips on his with the whole world watching.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to give a shoutout to two friends: Rick (who wishes to remain somewhat anonymous) and @linadoonofficial for creating some truly amazing fanart for this story. Check out my blog on Tumblr if you haven't yet, @songsforfelurian. I have a page just for Septiplier content. Thank you SO much for helping me bring this story to life!


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! We've been blessed by two awesome pieces of fanart for this chapter. One is sfw, and the other is explicit. I've put page breaks before the nsfw piece, so if you don't want to see explicit imagery, please don't scroll to the bottom of the page!

Mark and Jack spent Saturday morning outlining a plan to prepare for their trip to Ohio. They had a four-week head start, which they agreed was sufficient. They planned to stockpile enough videos to spend several days in Cincinnati, and still have at least a two-day buffer at the end of the week. And as long as they could depend on Justin and Melissa part-time, they realized they would only need to edit one or two videos per day, if they worked consistently.

 _So how do I depend on Justin?_ Mark was thinking as he watched Jack finally climb out of the bed, stretching.

“Mark?”

“Mm?”

Jack tilted his head toward the bathroom. “Shower? I promise yeh’ll enjoy it.”

Mark nodded. “Go get started. I’ll be right there, I’m just going to call Matthias first.”

Jack stripped down to his boxers and tossed his discarded clothing in Mark’s direction. “Quickly, I hope.”

“Oh my God. Yes. Quickly.”

Jack smirked, then disappeared into the bathroom. Mark tried to remember what he had been about to do.

_Right. Call Matthias._

He picked up his phone and tapped at the screen. Matthias answered on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, man. Sorry if it’s early.”

“Dude. I have a baby. I’ve been up for hours.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah.”

“What’s up? Everything ok?”

“Yeah. I think so. I was just wondering… have you talked to Justin lately?”

“Earlier this week… he said you guys were going to work out a schedule for some editing.”

“Yeah. And I already fucked it up. I sent him some footage of me and Jack.”

Silence for a moment.

“Are you telling me you sent your editor a sex tape?”

“Oh my God! NO! Fuck, dude, there’s no sex tape.”

“…That surprises me. It’s not like you don’t have the equipment…”

“Jesus, Matt. Focus, for a second?”

“…Sorry. So what’s the issue?”

“I sent him a file by mistake. It wasn’t, like, _explicit_ , or anything. Jack was in my office helping me with my camera… we were just acting normal, like, the way we usually act at home. Like… boyfriend-ish. Anyway. Justin didn’t take it well. I think he has some issues with gay people in general.”

“Wait… really? I didn’t know that…”

“Did it ever come up in conversation between you guys?”

“Um… not that I can think of… I guess I just assumed… he always seemed like a nice guy… what did he say, exactly?”

“He said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be associated with my ‘image.’”

“Shit! What an asshole!”

“I know, right?” Mark felt somewhat validated that he’d entertained the idea of punching Justin in the face. “I think it was just his first reaction, though. I talked to him for a while, I think we can work it out… but I could use some help. Think you guys would still be down for recording with me and Jack? I was thinking I could invite Justin, too.”

“Huh. Yeah, sure, if you think it would help. We actually have something planned for tomorrow, are you guys free?”

 _“Mark?”_ Mark just barely heard Jack’s voice over the sound of the shower running. _“Yeh know I’m naked in here, right?”_

Mark suppressed a giggle, then spoke quickly, trying to wrap up the call.

“Yeah, tomorrow’s great, want to text me the details?”

“I mean, I can just tell you real quick-”

“Sorry dude, I need to get in the shower. Thanks. Text me. Bye!”

Mark hung up and ran for the bathroom. Jack was standing under the water, rinsing suds from his hair and shoulders. He looked Mark over and smirked.

“Take off yer clothes, love.”

Mark did.

 

* * *

 

 

“Am I being an idiot? For trying to work this out?”

“Yeh’re not. Yeh’re amazing. It’s going to be fine.”

“What if he’s an asshole? What if I _actually_ punch him in the face?”

“Mark. Look at me.”

It was Sunday morning, and Justin had agreed to meet the group at Matthias’ house to help out with equipment and filming for the day. Mark had just parked the car in Matthias’ driveway, and promptly refused to get out. It was a gorgeous, sunny morning, and the brilliant blue of Jack’s irises brought him back to reality. Jack smiled.

“We need to practice dealing with things like this. _Without_ resorting to physical violence, if possible. I’ll be with yeh the whole time, alright?”

Mark still looked skeptical, so Jack continued.

“He’s outnumbered, love. If he’s an asshole, yeh won’t _need_ to punch him in the face. Matt and Joey will beat yeh to it.”

Mark finally smiled. “You’re probably right.”

Jack squeezed his hand. “C’mon. We’re going to have fun today.” He got out of the car, walked around to the driver’s side, opened the door, looped his arms under Mark’s shoulders, and pulled Mark out of the seat.

“Jesus, Sean..!” Mark giggled as Jack dragged him to his feet. “No more yoga for you… I didn’t even know you could pick me up like that…”

“Mm.” Jack adjusted Mark’s shirt. “Could probably throw yeh down, too. C’mon! Let’s go!” He pulled on Mark’s arm and started dragging him toward the garage, while Mark shook his head, processing Jack’s last comment, appreciating Jack’s efforts to redirect his attention.

They found Matthias, Joey, and Bryan already in the garage, preparing the supplies they would need for the shoot. They would actually be filming at a park nearby, but Mark and Jack had offered to help organize and transport the equipment. The guys greeted them enthusiastically, and introduced Jack to Mike, who would be manning the camera for the day. Mike seemed friendly and excited, and Mark knew he had been following Jack’s channel for a long time. Everyone in the room knew about Mark and Jack’s relationship, and Mark couldn’t detect any tension or awkwardness. The mood was light while they loaded bottles of water, orange cones, and a variety of other supplies into Matthias’ car.

Jack was still absorbed in conversation with Mike when someone else appeared in the open garage doorway. Jack made eye contact with Mark, who nodded, confirming that the tall, good-looking blonde guy was, in fact, Justin.

Jack had planned to do everything in his power to make the day run smoothly and help repair the damage that had been done. He handed the camera he’d been holding back to Mike and walked toward the entrance to the garage. He approached Justin confidently and extended his hand.

“Hey. Justin, right? I’m Jack.”

Justin nodded and shook his hand. “Hey, man. It’s cool to meet you.”

“It’s cool that yeh came.”

Jack led him toward the rest of the group, noting that the mood in the room stiffened as everyone else acknowledged Justin’s presence. Jack wasn’t sure if Justin was aware of the chilly reception, but he knew the day would be difficult to salvage if Justin got the impression that he wasn’t welcome.

“Hey- help me with this stuff?” He got Justin’s attention and gestured toward some boxes that still needed to be loaded into the car. Justin didn’t hesitate; he helped Jack lift one of the boxes into the trunk, seeming relieved to have something to do.

“So… yer videos have been looking good,” Jack ventured. “The content yeh’ve worked on fer Mark, I mean. It’s a huge help fer him to have someone editing… especially since his surgery, and everything…”

Jack trailed off, hoping he hadn’t been rambling too awkwardly. Justin seemed surprised by the comments, and it took him a moment to respond.

“Thanks. Yours look good, too.”

“Yeah. Melissa’s really good. You know her, right?”

Justin nodded. “Yeah. But I meant… your content. It’s… good,” he finished awkwardly.

“Oh. Right. Thanks.”

Matthias and Mark approached them with one more box and loaded it into the trunk.

“Ready to get going?” Matthias asked. “We’ll need to take two cars. I was thinking I could ride with you guys, Jack.”

Jack nodded. “Sure. Justin? We have an extra seat.”

“…Yeah. Thanks.”

Jack cocked his head toward the driveway, and Justin followed him out. Mark and Matthias hung back for a moment, staring after them.

“Dude...” Matthias started. “Jack is… like… The Asshole Whisperer, or something.”

Mark nodded. “I know. He’s… amazing.”

He led Matthias out to the car, and the four of them piled in: Mark in the driver’s seat next to Matthias, and Jack and Justin in the back.

Jack had been telling Justin about his process for editing the footage he’d shared on his channel from learning how to drive and getting his license. He was expanding on the story as Mark pulled the car out of the driveway.

“…was pretty skeptical about taking driving lessons from Mark, honestly.”

“What?!” Mark squeaked. “Step off, McLoughlin, I’m an _excellent_ driver!”

Matthias chuckled, and Justin cracked a small smile.

“Mark. Ser’sly. Think back on my first few times in the car with yeh.”

“…I picked you up from the airport.”

“Yeah, and I was so nervous I almost blacked out. I don’t even remember it.”

“That’s adorable,” Matthias cut in.

“Horrifying, more like,” Jack clarified.

Mark giggled, remembering. “Ok… I drove us to the beach that week…”

“I was asleep,” Jack reminded him.

“Huh. Right. Then I… Oh.” Mark giggled. “Shit.”

“He almost got us both killed, driving through Dublin,” Jack explained.

“YOU PEOPLE DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!” Mark fired back.

Jack, Justin, and Matthias all burst out laughing.

“ _Also_ ,” Mark went on, regaining some control over the pitch of his voice, “I was doing just _fine_ on the highway until you… well… that part was _your_ fault.”

Jack continued to giggle. “Fuck. Yeah. Yeh’re right about that.”

Matthias raised his eyebrows, looked backwards at Jack. “Do I want to know?”

“Nope,” Mark and Jack said in unison.

They continued to tease each other on the short drive to the park. Jack could tell Justin was still on his guard, but he managed to get him laughing more than once, and the tension continued to ease as they parked and started setting up for the shoot, working collaboratively as a group. Justin and Jack helped Mike set up the recording equipment, while the rest of the guys set up a large, rectangular perimeter with orange cones.

Once everything was in place, they took a few moments to review the rules of the game they would be playing, and then filmed an intro, with Matthias taking the lead.

“What’s up everyone, Team Edge here with special guests, Jacksepticeye and Markiplier!” Jack and Mark both waved at the camera. “So,” Matthias continued, “our goal here today is to shoot each other as much as possible with these arrows, using this bow.” He held up the toy bow and one of the foam arrows, which were promotional materials from a toy company that would be sponsoring the video.

“Jack,” Bryan cut in, “since we’ve been waiting to welcome you to California, you get first dibs. You have to wear these dizzy goggles-” He handed the goggles to Jack- “and we’re going to time you to see how long it takes for you to shoot the rest of us. If someone can get close enough to tag you, you get a ten-second penalty. The round is over when the rest of us are out. The person with the quickest time after the last round wins the game. Got it?”

Jack nodded, trying the goggles on. “Jesus Christ, I can’t see anything...”

Bryan grinned. “That’s the idea!”

“Also,” Matthias added, “safety first, kids. Since our friend Mark here is still recovering from surgery, we won’t be shooting any arrows at him. He _will_ get a turn to shoot at us, though. If you want to tag Mark for a penalty, you have to go below the knee with a hand or a foot. Ok?”

Matthias gave Mark and Jack a few minutes to practice with the bow and arrows, since the rest of Team Edge had already been using the equipment, and therefore had an unfair advantage. Mike and Justin volunteered to act as moving targets, and Matthias filmed with a GoPro while Mark and Jack improved their skills, practicing without the goggles.

Mark was fairly accurate, but Jack was deadly. He was quick and precise, taking Mike and Justin down easily, and it was clear that the dizzy goggles would be a necessary handicap. Mark helped Jack put them on, and then attached the GoPro to them as well, so Jack’s perspective would be captured on film while he played. Then Mark retreated to the sidelines with Justin while everyone else got in position to start the actual game.

It was an absolute bloodbath. Jack was, by far, the fastest person on the field. He ran immediately for Matthias and missed his first shot, but took him out easily with the next one. Matthias jogged to the sidelines and stood next to Mark, panting.

“…Ok… he’s fucking… fast,” he managed, accepting the bottle of water Justin retrieved for him. He took a sip. “Does he run all the time?”

“No. Not since he’s been here, anyway. He swims, like, every day though. And he drums. For hours. It’s awesome.”

“Really? I didn’t know he was drumming again.”

“Yeah. I got him a set when we got home from the hospital. I thought it might help him… y’know… cope.”

Mark risked a glance in Justin’s direction and found him observing the conversation thoughtfully.

Matthias nodded, swallowing another sip of water. “Is he any good?”

Mark chuckled. “He’s a fucking rock star.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“He sings, too. Really well.”

“Seriously?” Matthias sounded impressed. “We should all play sometime.”

“Good idea. I bet I could talk him into it,” Mark mused.

They turned their attention back to the field and found Jack stalking Joey with his bow drawn. Bryan _almost_ managed to tag him for a penalty, but Jack dodged him at the last second, arching his body and speeding out of Bryan’s reach. He turned the bow on Bryan, took aim, and hit him square in the chest. Bryan shook it off, laughing, and jogged to the sidelines.

“…Dude…” he said to Mark, catching his breath. “…he’s, like, the nicest person ever… but he’s kind of scary.”

Mark giggled. “I know, right?”

Jack was out of arrows. He sped across the center of the field, keeping his body turned toward Joey, and grabbed two arrows without slowing down. He drew his bow while dashing sideways, tracking Joey’s movements, and fired directly into Joey’s path, causing him to stop short and change direction. Mark guessed that this had been planned, since Jack drew his last arrow in a blur and fired, catching Joey squarely on the shoulder. Joey was laughing, and Jack approached him, hand outstretched. They shook, then jogged over to the rest of the group.

Mark helped Jack untangle himself from the goggles and the GoPro, and then handed him a bottle of water, which he accepted gratefully. Jack was flushed and panting, and Mark was glad he’d remembered to put sunscreen on him before they’d left the house, although he noticed that Jack wasn’t sweating, even though Matthias, Joey, and Bryan were all wiping their faces with towels.

 _Fucking rock star,_ he thought, momentarily caught in the brilliant blue of Jack’s eyes.

“You’re up, Mark,” Matthias said, pulling him back from his drifting thoughts.

“…And you’re screwed,” Joey cut in, gesturing toward Jack. “I doubt you’ll be able to catch this one. And I _really_ doubt he’ll go easy on you.”

Jack grinned. “Yeh’re Goddamn right, I won’t.” He tried to shake his hair out of his face. He failed. He fished an elastic out of his pocket and held it out for Mark.

Mark took it and started smoothing Jack’s hair back from his face. He did so without thinking, and it took him a moment to realize that this action, which had become so routine lately, might be considered overtly affectionate by the rest of the guys in the group. He glanced around and found that most everyone’s attention was directed elsewhere, but he made brief, awkward eye contact with Justin, who was talking to Mike several feet away. He put his eyes back on Jack’s and found him smiling, but fidgeting uncomfortably with his hands.

“I didn’t think this through,” Jack said, speaking quietly.

Mark shook his head. “You shouldn’t have to.” He finished with Jack’s hair and brushed back a couple of loose strands. “Looking good, Sean.”

“Good enough to be on camera like this?”

“Absolutely. But only if you want to.”

Jack nodded. “I do.”

Matthias approached them and clapped Mark on the back. “Ready, man?”

“Hell yes. I’ve been waiting weeks to pay you back for that Scoot Scoot video.”

“Dude! I had no choice, you know how Felix is. And I couldn’t beat your time, anyway.”

“Too close for comfort, dude. You should probably start running now.”

“Listen, if you shoot that bow like you scooted that scooter, I think I’ll be just fine.”

Mark’s face lit up. “Oh my God. WE SHOULD PLAY SCOOT SCOOT IN REAL LIFE. WITH THESE GOGGLES.”

Matthias laughed. “Yes! We probably already have most of what we need. Let’s plan on it.”

They moved to the center of the field, and Jack helped Mark with the goggles and GoPro before smirking at him playfully and jogging to the far side of the perimeter. Mike gave a signal, and the game began.

Mark moved toward Bryan first, jogging in a wide arc, steering him toward the far end of the field, where Matthias had been camping out. Mark kept his attention on Bryan, drawing his bow as he cornered him near the perimeter… and then changed his aim at the last minute, firing directly at Matthias, catching him square in the midsection from a fair distance.

“NO! WHAT?! NOOO!” Matthias was shocked; he’d been completely fooled by Mark’s misdirection.

“TOLD YOU I WAS COMING FOR YOU!” Mark called gleefully, sprinting toward the center of the field to pick up more arrows. “TRY RUNNING AWAY NEXT TIME!”

Matthias shook his head, chuckling, and jogged to the edge of the field to join Justin on the sidelines. Justin handed him a bottle of water.

“Thanks, man.” Matthias took a sip, catching his breath. He decided to take advantage of the opportunity to talk to Justin alone. “It’s good that you came out today.”

Justin nodded. “I’m guessing Mark told you what happened?”

“Yep. I was _sure_ it had to be a sex tape. He swore it wasn’t, though.”

Justin grimaced. “It wasn’t. Thank God.”

Matthias narrowed his eyebrows. “Ok… I was kidding around, but I do need to be clear… Mark is like family to me, which means Jack is, now, too.”

Justin held up his hands, clearly picking up on Matthias’ change in tone. “I know… sorry… I just…”

“…What? What’s the issue?”

Justin rolled his shoulders, looking agitated. “Look… I was raised Catholic, ok?”

“…And?” Matthias’ voice was stern. “Faith is a big deal in my family, too. So what?”

Justin shook his head. “I’m not trying to be an asshole about it. I swear. I wouldn’t be working with Mark if I didn’t think... well… I’m trying to get over it.”

Matthias pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. He tapped at the screen, scrolled, then tapped again, and held it up for Justin to see. It was a photo of Jack, holding Luna at Matthias’ house.

“You do know that Mark could’ve died a couple weeks ago, right? Jack lived in that hospital for days. He cut Mark’s hair in the hospital room before the surgery. He managed both of their channels from a laptop all week. He ran out of clean clothes and had literally no one to ask for help, except Mark’s friends. _Us._ And I almost had to drag him out of Mark’s room to take a break the day I took this photo. I don’t know what you think it means to be in a same-sex relationship…”

He swiped at the phone screen several times, and then held it up again, displaying one of the photos of Jack and Mark holding Luna together on the couch.

“…but this is it. This is all anyone wants. Do you have someone in your life that would spend a week in the hospital with you? Or take care of you after? Do you have any idea what that’s like?”

Justin met Matthias’ gaze, shook his head.

Matthias gestured toward the field. Jack had just tried for a penalty on Mark and narrowly missed. Their laughter carried across the field as Jack darted away from Mark, jogging backward to keep Mark in his line of sight.

“You should envy them, then,” Matthias finished.

Justin was silent, watching the field thoughtfully.

Mark finally managed to hit Joey, despite Joey’s best effort to dodge by diving spectacularly and rolling for several feet across the field. Bryan stopped to laugh and tease for a moment too long, earning himself an arrow to the shoulder, as well. He helped Joey up, still laughing, and they both jogged to the sidelines while Mark replenished his arrow supply and slowly moved in Jack’s direction.

“WHAT’S YER PLAN, FISCHBACH? YOU KNOW YEH CAN’T CATCH ME.” Jack’s stance was casual. He was moving backwards again, keeping his eyes on Mark, maintaining a healthy distance between them.

“HEY, MCLOUGHLIN,” Mark called back to him, raising his bow. “YOU LOOK SEXY WITH YOUR HAIR PUSHED BACK.”

Jack stopped, stared, broke into a grin. “Did you just quote _Mean Girls_?”

_FWIP._

Mark’s arrow struck him square in the chest. Mark dropped the bow and threw his arms in the air, giggling along with Jack, who was jogging toward him, shaking his head. He extended his hand, and Mark shook it. Mark pushed the goggles up onto his forehead to get a better look at Jack’s eyes, which were reflecting innumerable shades of blue in the afternoon sun.

“Gotta give yeh props. I didn’t think yeh could beat me.”

Mark nodded. “Guess I just know your weakness.”

“Flattery will only get yeh so far.”

“Mm. I’ll take what I can get.”

Jack giggled. “Here. Yeh look ridiculous.”

He took the goggles and GoPro off of Mark’s head and switched off the camera. He caught some movement out of the corner of his eye, and watched Mike approach them from several feet away.

“Good one, guys. You ok with all that making the final cut? We can get creative with the editing, if you need us to.”

They looked at each other, smiled.

“Use whatever you want,” Mark said. “That work for you, Sean?”

Jack nodded. “Works fer me.”

They played several more rounds just for the fun of it, although Jack had established himself as the clear winner from the get-go. Bryan was the only one who came close to matching him, and by the end of the shoot, he had beaten Bryan’s best time by more than a full minute.

Mark was happy to distract Jack on the sidelines while Matthias and Joey grabbed one of the coolers, snuck up behind him, and dumped icy water over Jack’s head. Mark, Justin, and Mike dissolved into laughter at Jack’s shocked expression, but Jack recovered quickly.

“The joke’s on all of you. I’m _Irish_. I’m used to being soaked and freezing. I’m _right_ at home like this, thanks.”

Bryan draped a towel around his shoulders and clapped him on the back. “You’re a good sport. Matt and Joey don’t take kindly to losing on their home turf.”

“We really don’t,” Matthias confirmed. “Rematch sometime?”

“Anytime yeh like,” Jack said, grinning and wiping the water from his face. He let Mark undo his hair and scrub it dry with the towel, then waited patiently while Mark tied it back again, grateful to have the damp, itchy strands out of his face. He caught Justin staring, and was surprised to find that Justin flashed him a smile, and a small nod. He smiled back.

They decided to pick up lunch and eat together at Matthias’ house before parting ways. Jack made a point to seat Justin between himself and Mark while they all shared pizza and sandwiches in Matthias’ kitchen, and he was pleasantly surprised that the three of them were able to stay engaged in conversation about the day’s events, as well as Mark and Jack’s plans to get ahead with recording and editing so they could spend some time in Cincinnati. Jack ate quickly, and then excused himself to the living room so he could visit with Amanda and play with Luna.

Mark stared after Jack absently, watching him scoop Luna out of Amanda’s arms, listening to Luna burble delightedly as Jack tickled and cuddled her.

“…really cool.”

“Mm. What? Sorry. What?” Mark’s attention had drifted, and it took him a moment to realize that Justin had been speaking.

“I said, Jack is… really cool.”

Mark had been encouraged by the way Justin had handled himself throughout the day. He decided to push his luck. “He’s taken,” he said, teasingly.

Justin let out a short laugh. “I heard.” He glanced at Jack, who was making funny faces and chattering away to Luna. “And… I can see why,” he finished, somewhat stiffly.

Mark raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

Justin nodded. “Yeah.”

Matthias made his way to their end of the bar and nudged Mark with an elbow, gesturing toward Jack and Luna.

“Should I be concerned about child abduction?”

Mark chuckled. “I’ll let you know if I find a crib in our bedroom.”

“Dude. If Jack comes home with a crib, it won’t be for Luna.”

“Oh. Whoa. Back it up. We are _not_ there yet.”

Matthias eyed him skeptically. Mark sighed.

“Ok. We’re not _talking_ about it yet. Jesus.”

“Don’t wait too long, man. He knows how you feel, at least, right?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah. He knows. We’re, uh… we’re planning to go public in a few weeks.”

“Really?” Matthias’ expression brightened. Mark could tell he was genuinely excited.

“Really. I mean, as long as we’re both feeling ready by then.”

“Do you think you will be? Ready, I mean?”

“I think I was ready the day he stepped off the plane. But… it’s not that simple. I’m glad we’ve given it some time. It was hard for both of us to imagine how we would make everything work, at first. But we did. It does.”

“Um,” Justin cut in, hesitantly. He cleared his throat. “Do your families know?”

Mark nodded. “My stepmom and my brother _love_ Jack. They’re psyched. My mom… well… she was having a rough time with it at first. But then she saw Jack at the hospital…” He trailed off, distracted by the memories and the varied emotions that accompanied them. Justin nodded. “…Anyway,” Mark went on. “She’s coming around. She knows Jack is…”

“A fucking rock star?” Matthias suggested.

Mark giggled. “Yeah. _My_ fucking rock star.” He got up from his seat and made his way into the living room. He approached Jack, slid an arm around his waist, and kissed him on the cheek.

“Oh, God,” Justin mumbled.

Matthias shot him a look. “Seriously? You did a pretty good job today, dude. Don’t ruin it now.”

“No, I know, I’m just… I’m not used to it.”

“What, human beings touching each other?”

Justin glared back at him. “You know what I mean.”

“I know you need to get over yourself, real fast. I’ll help.” Matthias raised his voice slightly, calling over to Jack and Mark. “Hey. You two. I’ll give you ten bucks if you make out right now.”

Amanda giggled and reached for Luna, and Jack handed her over.

Jack was smirking in Matthias’ direction. “Why-?”

He didn’t get the chance to finish. Mark put his arms around him, dipped him dramatically, and kissed him firmly on the lips. Joey, Brian, and Mike cheered enthusiastically from their seats across the bar, and Matthias studied Justin’s face, pleased to find that he was able to keep his expression neutral.

Mark released Jack after a long moment and helped him regain his footing. He looked over at Matthias.

“Keep your money, dude.”

“Or up the offer,” Jack cut in. “That was worth way more than ten bucks.”

They both went back to fussing over Luna, and Matthias turned back to Justin.

“They wouldn’t have done that, unless I asked them to. Know why?”

Justin shook his head.

“They think they need permission. They think everyone else’s comfort is more important than their own. They expect that everyone around them will view their relationship as unnecessary or obscene. They can’t forget it, even with their closest friends. It isn’t right, and it isn’t fair, and they don’t deserve it. Can we agree on that?”

Justin wrestled with this for a moment, then finally said, “…Yeah. We can.”

Matthias nodded. “Good. We can all deal with the fact that it makes you uncomfortable, as long as you stay respectful. I think they’ll be able to change your mind about some things, if you let them.”

“I think they already have. A little bit. It does make me uncomfortable. But… I still want to be friends with them. And I still really want to work with Mark.”

“Sounds like a good first step.”

Matthias and Justin watched as Mark and Jack both kissed Luna, hugged Amanda, and made their way back into the kitchen.

“What was that all about?” Jack asked Matthias, eyebrows raised. “Trying to freak Justin out?”

Matthias smiled. “Yep. And reminding you that you’re allowed to be comfortable here.”

Jack nodded. “Thanks, man. Today was awesome. Shooting all together, I mean. As if I didn’t have enough reasons to love being in LA. Really. Thanks.”

Matthias hugged Jack briefly. “We’re all really happy you’re here. And we’ll be happy to do it again, as soon as our egos have healed up a bit. Maybe make a list of things you’re bad at, so we can pick one of those for our next video.”

Jack giggled, embarrassed, but pleased. Mark shook his head.

“I honestly don’t think he’s bad at anything.”

“Not true,” Jack countered. “I _suck_ at drawing. Pictionary, maybe? Or Drawful?”

Matthias nodded. “Perfect. I’ll e-mail you guys some dates. But come back anytime for a visit.”

Mark hugged Matthias. “Thanks, Matt.”

Jack turned his attention to Justin, and extended his hand. Justin shook it.

“You survived! I’m really glad yeh came.”

“I am, too. It was really cool to meet you.” Justin paused awkwardly, then continued. “Maybe we could… like… hang out again? Or something?”

Jack was touched. “Absolutely. Anytime.”

Mark shook Justin’s hand, then found Jack’s and threaded their fingers together. They said goodbye to Joey, Bryan, and Mike, and headed downstairs, exiting through the garage and into the driveway. Mark led Jack to the passenger side of the car, but stopped him before he could get in, pulling him into a firm hug. He pressed his face against Jack’s neck, breathing in the smell of Jack’s skin, running his hands over the still-damp fabric of Jack’s shirt.

 _“You’re amazing, and I love you.”_ He brushed his lips against the back of Jack’s neck.

_“Love you too, Mark.”_

Mark kissed the side of Jack’s head, and then the side of his face, and then his already-parted lips. He pressed one palm against the small of Jack’s back, and moved his other hand to rest gently under Jack’s chin. He took his time, pulling at every corner of Jack’s mouth, realizing that he’d spent all day in Jack’s presence and still missed him terribly, feeling comfort and relief spreading through his body as Jack’s arms tightened around his shoulders. He sighed. He smiled. He pressed his forehead against Jack’s.

He heard footsteps close by. He raised his head.

Justin had just emerged from the garage, keys in hand, and stopped several feet away from them. Mark felt the impulse to pull back from Jack, felt an apology taking shape in his throat. He swallowed it.

“Hey,” he called to Justin instead. “Heading out?” He slid his arm around from Jack’s back, found Jack’s hand, and squeezed.

Justin nodded. “Yeah.” He started walking toward them again. He really had no choice; his car was parked next to Mark’s. He looked like he was trying to smile, but couldn’t figure out how. He kept looking at them, and then looking away, like he wasn’t sure how to be polite in a situation like this. Mark and Jack both took pity on him; they weren’t sure, either, and it was obvious that he was making an effort. He surprised them both by breaking the silence to address Mark.

“I really wanted to finish up with the rest of the footage you sent me on Friday. I think I can have it ready by tomorrow morning.”

“Oh. Hey… don’t worry about that on a Sunday,” Mark said. “You already spent all day with us here… really, it can wait.”

Justin shrugged. “I don’t mind. I know you’re trying to get ahead. And I know my contract is temporary. I want you to see more of my stuff, so you can decide if… well… it’d be cool if things worked out.”

Mark nodded. “Yeah. It would. And… thanks. I appreciate it.”

Justin managed a brief smile. “See you guys.”

He got in his car, started the engine, and drove away.

Mark put his arms back around Jack’s waist and studied his face. “What do you think?”

“About Justin?”

“Yeah.”

“I think it’s painful to watch. He’s obviously trying. And… I feel, like, _bad_ fer him, or something. And I’m annoyed by that. I know it’s not our job to make _him_ feel better. But it’s like… he has… potential. Or something. Does that make sense?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah. We could tell him to fuck off, and that would be the end of it. We wouldn’t have to deal with him being all awkward and judgmental, and he wouldn’t have to deal with us being all… gay.”

“Right. But he would just… go on being awkward and judgmental, and potentially homophobic toward a whole bunch of other people. What if… what if we can keep that from happening? What if we can change things fer him?”

“You already have. I can tell. You were incredible today, Sean.”

Jack grinned, a pink flush rising in his cheeks, brightening his already-sun kissed skin.

“You too, love. And… I love it when yeh say that.”

“Can I take you home now?”

“Please.”

They spent most of the drive rehashing the pros and cons of keeping Justin involved in their professional and personal lives, ultimately deciding that neither of them felt right about passing up the opportunity to make a positive impact. Jack was having trouble staying invested in the conversation, though. His thoughts kept drifting back to Matthias’ driveway, and the way Mark had dug the heel of his hand into the small of his back instead of pulling away when Justin had found them. He had been toying absently with Mark’s hair while he drove, and Mark made a low noise that brought him back to the present again.

“Feels good, Sean.”

“When I do this?” Jack had been tracing a slow pattern behind Mark’s ear and down to his collarbone with the tips of his fingers.

“Mm,” Mark rumbled, almost sleepily.

It occurred to Jack that this had been a strenuous day for Mark in more than one way. This was the most physical activity he’d done in a single day since his surgery, and he hadn’t shown any signs of discomfort, but Jack guessed that fatigue was starting to set in. This was good news. He was forming a plan.

“Tired, love?”

Mark nodded. “A little bit. Feels good, though. I had so much fun.”

“I think yeh should rest,” Jack started. He paused. He swallowed. “After yeh earn it.”

Mark’s smile came slowly, as he realized what Jack had just implied. “Tell me.”

“I’ll show you at home. I’ll just… make sure yeh stay awake until then.” Jack slid his hand down to Mark’s waist and under his shirt. He started tracing another pattern from Mark’s ribcage to the hem of his shorts, one fingertip at a time.

“ _Oh_ … That shouldn’t be a problem,” Mark managed, shivering slightly at Jack’s touch. Jack kept it up for the rest of the drive, watching Mark’s face change as he varied the pressure and position of his fingers. By the time they pulled into the garage, his thumb was just inside Mark’s waistband, massaging firmly into the crease of his hip. Mark put the car in park and turned off the engine, and then looked at Jack expectantly.

Jack felt a nervous flutter in his stomach. He knew Mark would gladly give him control. He hoped he could be confident enough to figure out what to do with it.

“Stay there,” he directed, sounding more certain than he felt. Mark nodded. Jack got out of the car, moved to the driver’s side, and opened Mark’s door, just as he’d done earlier in the day. He wrapped his fingers around Mark’s wrist, applied firm pressure, and stepped backward, guiding Mark out of his seat. He pulled Mark into the house and then paused in the entryway.

He faced Mark, put his hands on Mark’s hips, and backed him against a wall. He held Mark’s gaze and slid one hand down and under Mark’s thigh, lifting up, holding Mark’s bent leg close to his own body, pressing against him in a long, slow grind.

“I’m going to carry you upstairs and do things to you.” His voice was quiet and firm. “Would yeh like that?”

Mark nodded. Jack could feel Mark’s shallow breaths against his lips.

“I want yeh to say it.”

“Fuck yes, Sean. Anything you want.”

“I want to tie you up.” Jack pressed himself against Mark’s cock.

 _“Oh-_ ”

“I want you to beg me to let yeh come.”

Mark swallowed. _“Please.”_

Jack kissed Mark’s mouth, flattening his body against Mark’s chest, pressing Mark against the wall. He held Mark in place and pulled up on his other thigh, felt Mark’s legs wrapping around his waist. He held Mark tightly and lifted him off the wall, felt Mark’s mouth hot against his neck while he walked them both up the stairs. He felt strong, encouraged at how easily he was able to support Mark’s weight, excited by the way Mark was clinging to him with all four limbs, by the many points of contact between their bodies.

He carried Mark easily into the bedroom and then stood, holding Mark still, feeling Mark’s weight with his arms and his hands. He kissed Mark’s lips, felt the inside of Mark’s mouth with his tongue. He let Mark’s feet fall to the floor, his fingertips pressing into Mark’s hips, under his clothes. He felt himself escalating, felt the urge to push Mark down onto the bed-

_No. Slow._

He removed Mark’s hands from his waist and took a step back.

“Take off yer shirt,” he said, noticing again that he sounded more confident than he actually felt. Mark complied, taking his time, and Jack nodded approvingly. “Now stay there.” Mark tossed his shirt onto the floor and stood still.

Jack walked into the closet and then walked back out, holding a length of coiled rope and a formal tie. Mark had trouble differentiating the two items at first, since they were almost exactly the same color: deep, crimson red. Jack draped the tie around his own neck, then approached Mark with the rope. He looked Mark over from head to toe, thought that he might have been… shaking?

_Is he nervous? Excited? Is this too much?_

“I’m going to go slow. I don’t want to do _anything_ yeh don’t like. If yeh want me to stop-”

“Don’t stop,” Mark interrupted. “I trust you.”

Jack nodded. “I know. But it’s important. I need to trust _you_ to tell me if it goes too far. I need yeh to actually say it. Ok?”

“Ok. I will. I promise.”

Jack reached out and grasped one of Mark’s wrists. “Practice, now.” He squeezed. Then he squeezed harder. Then he twisted, slowly, in an upward motion.

Mark held his gaze, breathed in and out, and finally said, “Stop.”

Jack nodded, took a breath. “Good. Now hold out yer arms. Hands into fists. Thumbs on top. Yep. Just like that.”

Jack wrapped his fingers around Mark’s wrists and separated them, until there were a few inches of space between them. Then he draped the rope over them, looped it around, and started to bind Mark’s wrists together.

Mark cocked his head, and Jack got the impression that he wanted to ask something, but was waiting for permission. Jack’s insides fluttered again as he considered the fact that Mark would probably do just about anything he asked.

“You can speak,” he told Mark.

Mark smiled hesitantly, keeping his eyes on Jack’s hands. “You look like you know what you’re doing.”

“I do. I’ve been practicing.”

Mark looked up, eyebrows raised. “…On who?”

Jack flashed him a grin. “On myself, love. I’ve no intention of tying up anyone but you. I promise.”

“…But how did you…?”

“Oh. Right. I practiced on my ankles.” Jack gave the ropes a tug. “It should feel good.”

“Tighter?” Mark asked.

Jack nodded, and increased the pressure by a slight margin.

“More?”

“No. Not safe. But it’ll feel tighter once I’m done. Yeh’ll see. Now… sit on the bed. Against the headboard.”

Mark stood his ground, holding Jack’s gaze.

_Is he testing?_

Jack swallowed, then changed his tone, speaking louder and more firmly. “Get on the bed, Mark. Now.”

He could actually see Mark’s breath come more sharply as his change in tone registered. Mark climbed obediently onto the bed, and Jack noticed that his movements were relatively smooth, given the fact that his wrists were completely bound. Mark was _strong_. Mark was looking up at him with wide, brown eyes.

Jack climbed onto the bed after him. He straddled Mark’s legs but held himself up, so that he was barely touching Mark’s body. He rested his hands lightly on Mark’s bare chest, then ran his hands down Mark’s arms, and took hold of his wrists. He raised Mark’s arms over his head and leaned forward, pressing his wrists backward, reaching behind the headboard.

Mark felt a tugging sensation and heard a metallic _clink_ , then watched Jack sit back on his knees, realizing that his wrists were still suspended over his head, anchored in place by some device.

Jack eyed him hungrily. “Go ahead. Struggle.”

Mark tried to pull his arms downward, and was met with firm resistance. He felt the pressure of the rope increase, uncomfortably, he thought, but also pleasurably. He pulled harder, noticing that the pressure increased, but the discomfort did not. Jack had done his job well. Mark was safe, but bound, and immobilized, and completely at Jack’s mercy.

Jack leaned close to Mark’s face, resting his fingertips around Mark’s neck.

_“Want me to let yeh go?”_

_“Absolutely not.”_

Jack bent his knees until he was just barely making contact with Mark’s crotch.

_“Yeh sure?”_

Mark nodded. Jack moved against the bulge in Mark’s shorts.

_“Tell me.”_

_“Don’t stop, Sean.”_

Jack moved again, lightly, teasingly. He licked at Mark’s upper lip, then kissed him, forcing his tongue into Mark’s mouth. He slid one hand around the back of Mark’s head and wound his fingers through Mark’s hair, tugging at the strands each time he rocked himself against Mark’s erection. He could feel Mark’s impatience mounting as Mark kissed him, _hard_ , alternating between deep breaths and low moans. He felt Mark whimper against his mouth and made some space between them to find Mark pulling sharply at his restraints. Mark gazed back at him, looking tousled and annoyed.

“Hands to yerself, love,” Jack warned.

Mark frowned, looking mutinous. Jack smirked.

“I might consider helping yeh, if you ask nicely enough.”

“Take your shirt off,” Mark blurted.

Jack gave him a look, then slid his hands down to Mark’s hips and squeezed, _hard._ Mark squirmed, straining against the ropes.

“Try again,” Jack scolded. Mark licked his lips.

“Sean… please take off your shirt…”

Jack nodded approvingly. He removed the red tie from his neck and draped it around Mark’s neck instead. Then he took his time pulling his shirt upwards and off, and tossing it to the floor. He took in Mark’s hungry expression, smirked when Mark pulled down on the ropes again, loved the sight of Mark reaching, _straining_ in his direction.

“Sean. Can I… I want to touch you.”

“You can. When I’m done.”

Jack put his hands on Mark’s shoulders and started rocking his hips again, moving slowly, bracing himself to keep the pressure light and steady, wondering how far he could push Mark without actually touching his cock. After a long, lovely moment, it became clear that the answer was _very far_ ; Mark was rocking his hips upward, tipping his chin back, vocalizing in a low, rumbling moan.

Jack resisted the urge to kiss Mark’s mouth, and moved down his body instead, dragging Mark’s shorts along with him, but leaving his boxers in place. He bent one of Mark’s knees, settling onto his stomach between Mark’s legs, sliding his face along the sensitive skin of Mark’s inner thigh. His stubble was growing in, and Mark squirmed in response, pulling involuntarily at the ropes, vocalizing in a startled sound that resolved into a low giggle.

“Jesus.”

“Mm?” Jack looked up, eyebrows raised. He looped his arm under Mark’s bent knee, holding him in place, then slid his face over Mark’s skin again, toward his crotch. Mark sucked in a breath, arching his back, and Jack watched him throb through his boxers. He opened his mouth and licked at Mark’s thigh with the tip of his tongue, then pressed his lips into Mark’s skin, kissing his way upward. He kept his gaze directed at the bulge in Mark’s boxers as he moved, watching as a bloom of precum started to spread across the fabric. He smiled, feeling himself twitch and throb. _Just from the sight and the sound of him._

“Good, love. I like to see yeh get all wet fer me.”

Mark managed to look in Jack’s direction, and Jack held his gaze while he ran the tip of his tongue over the stain on Mark’s boxers. Mark throbbed and arched in response, leveraging the restraints to buck his hips in Jack’s direction. Jack licked again. Mark bucked again. Jack smirked.

“Mm. Might need to tie yer ankles next time, too.”

“You can do literally anything you want, Sean, just… oh, fuck…”

Jack ran his open mouth over Mark’s bulge. “Just… what?”

“Oh, _God,_ just… take my boxers off? Please?”

“Really? Already?” Jack put his mouth over Mark’s cock, through the fabric, and sucked.

“Oh- _fuck_ -”

Jack dragged his chin over Mark’s length, then licked and sucked again.

 _“Jesus- fuck- Sean- please-_ ”

“Mm. Since yeh begged fer it so nicely.”

Jack sat back on his knees, and then leaned forward. He slid the tie from around Mark’s neck, nipped at Mark’s bottom lip.

“I want yeh to enjoy this. I do _not_ want yeh to come until I say yeh can. Yes?”

Mark nodded. “Yes.”

Jack couldn’t resist. He grabbed Mark’s chin. He kissed Mark’s mouth. He felt himself straining against the fabric of his boxers. He wondered how long he could keep this up.

He forced himself to let go of Mark, then slid the tie over Mark’s eyes and secured it at the back of his head. He lingered close to Mark ear:

_“Don’t forget to speak up fer me, love.”_

Mark groaned softly.

 _“No. Louder.”_ Jack sank his teeth into the smooth skin under Mark’s ear, and was rewarded with a much louder moan.

_“Mm. Better.”_

Jack sat back again and pulled roughly at Mark’s boxers, sliding them down and off. Mark was fully erect, swollen and leaking, and Jack had to fight against the urge to pull the length of Mark’s cock into his mouth and lick him clean. Instead, he resumed his previous position, laying on his stomach between Mark’s knees with his left arm looped under Mark’s hip. He nudged at Mark’s knee with his forehead, then pressed his mouth over the crease of Mark’s inner thigh. Mark was sensitive here, and he knew it, and he licked and sucked relentlessly, holding Mark in place as he arched and moaned, breathing in shallow gasps.

_“Fucking… Sean… Please…”_

Jack smiled against Mark’s skin, enjoying the fact that Mark was already halfway incoherent. He wrapped his right hand around the base of Mark’s cock, careful to avoid the more sensitive head, and moved his hand in small, firm strokes. Mark’s reaction was disproportionate to the moderate pressure; he arched hugely, pulling at his restraints, moaning with each pulse of Jack’s fingers.

Jack was struggling to take his time. He could _feel_ Mark’s body begging for more contact. He noticed that he had been grinding himself against the mattress, wondered if his own flow of precum had soaked through his shorts yet.

_“Oh- fuck- Sean-”_

Jack heard the intensity mounting in Mark’s voice, and he let go. Mark’s cock twitched and throbbed, and Jack did his best to sound commanding.

“No. Not yet. Breathe, Mark.”

Mark whimpered, then managed to take in a shuddering breath.

“Good. Again.” Jack kept his voice firm, and Mark obeyed, drawing another long, shaky breath. Jack waited – painfully, impatiently – until Mark’s breathing had started to normalize.

“Well done, love.”

Mark didn’t speak; he just let his head fall back against the headboard. Jack pressed a handful of slow kisses along his inner thigh, then wrapped his fingers back around Mark’s cock, and started stroking again, a bit more firmly this time. He watched Mark’s chest rise and fall, knew Mark was making an effort to control how quickly he escalated. He sucked at Mark’s skin, admiring the cluster of red marks that showed where his mouth had been. He stroked at Mark’s cock, bringing him slowly toward the edge again, focusing on the pitch of his voice, the tension in his body. He pumped and squeezed until Mark was moaning continuously, rocking his hips, blurting monosyllables:

 _“Mmh- Sean- I- oh, fuck-_ ”

Jack let him go again, then issued another firm directive.

“Not yet. Breathe, love.”

 _“Uhm- I can’t-_ ”

Jack sharpened his tone again. “You can. You have to wait.”

Mark pulled down on the ropes and tried to buck his hips, but Jack held him still while he groaned, and squirmed, and tried to catch his breath.

“…Jesus _Christ_ , Sean…”

Jack shivered at the sound of Mark’s voice. He took advantage of the fact that Mark was blindfolded and rocked his hips against the mattress, feeling his own erection pulse. He stopped, realizing how quickly he would come if he kept it up.

“Yeh’re so fucking _sexy_ , Mark.”

Mark’s cock twitched, and Jack bit down on his lower lip, wondering if comments alone could push Mark over the edge at this point. But Mark took a long, unsteady breath.

“I know I should be… sweet…” he panted. “But… all I can think about is… feeling the inside of your mouth.”

Jack pressed himself into the mattress, swallowing a moan. He wrapped his fingers around Mark’s cock, covering more surface area than before. He stroked. Mark bucked.

“I dunno if I actually heard a request in there,” Jack managed, fighting off the wave of arousal that was threatening to derail him.

“Oh… God… Sean…”

Jack moved his hand in longer strokes, making contact with the pulsing skin just below Mark’s head.

 _“Fuck- Sean- please-_ ”

Jack increased the pressure. “Please what?”

 _“Your tongue- please- let me come-_ ”

There was nothing for it. Jack pulled Mark’s cock deep into his mouth, licking aggressively, surrounding Mark with warmth and pressure-

 _“Fuck- fuck-_ ”

He kept his arm tight around Mark’s hip, helping him thrust, tasting salt, listening for Mark’s voice-

 _“Oh- Oh my God-_ ”

He held Mark tight with his lips and tongue, moaning low in his throat until he heard Mark speaking his name-

 _“Fuck-! Sean-!_ ”

-and then he felt Mark come with a thrust, felt his mouth fill with hot liquid, felt Mark’s legs tight around his body-

 _“Sean-_ ”

-heard Mark’s voice from far away-

_“SEAN. Please, let me go…”_

Jack opened his eyes and sat up, heart pounding, trying to figure out what had happened, taking in the sight of Mark pulling down on the ropes that still bound his wrists. Jack dove forward to untie them, working as quickly as he could.

“Mark-? What happ-”

Mark didn’t let him finish; he tackled Jack to the bed as soon as his hands were free. He pinned Jack easily, forcing both of Jack’s arms over his head, pressing his hands down into the mattress. He’d pulled the blindfold from his eyes and managed to loop it around Jack’s wrists, and he gave it a brief tug, staring down at Jack’s flushed cheeks and blinking eyes. Then he moved down Jack’s body, pulling aggressively at his shorts and boxers until Jack’s lower half was completely exposed.

He wasted no time; he settled onto his knees, looped both arms under Jack’s hips, and pulled up on his lower body, holding Jack partially off of the mattress and pulling the length of Jack’s cock into his mouth.

 _“Oh- Jesus- Mark-_ ”

Jack had been fighting to avoid coming hands-free inside his boxers, and the sudden warmth and pressure of Mark’s mouth was overwhelming. He decided it was time to give up the fight.

He closed his eyes. He held both hands in tight fists over his head, where Mark had pinned them. He arched off of the bed-

 _“MARK-_ ”

-and he came, uncontrollably, dizzy and blank behind closed eyelids, hearing Mark’s name, realizing after what felt like a long moment that he was the one saying it. He hung in midair, drifting, suspended, until Mark finally brought him back down, and he was startled by the feeling of the mattress against his bare back. He opened his eyes, and found Mark staring down at him.

“Hey, Sean.” Mark was smiling at him, brushing strands of hair back from his face.

“Mark. Mmh.”

Mark giggled. “Can’t talk yet?”

Jack smiled, shook his head. Mark slid his arms underneath him and pulled him into a sitting position, then rolled them both back toward the headboard, making sure Jack’s head made contact with a pillow. He pulled the covers up and over both of them, then snuggled close to Jack, sharing his pillow, kissing the tip of his nose and searching his eyes.

“Recovering?” He traced the lines of Jack’s shoulder blade with his fingertips.

Jack nodded. “I tried to wait. I was going to wait until Friday.”

Mark raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

Jack was still holding the crimson tie; he slid it carefully around Mark’s neck, then smoothed at Mark’s hair. “Fer the ropes. I was worried it wouldn’t be safe. But… I was also planning on using them a bit differently.”

“Oh, God. Tell me.”

Jack kissed him instead, sweetly, resting one hand around the back of Mark’s head. He nudged Mark’s nose with his own. He smiled, and Mark chuckled.

“You’re going to make me wait, aren’t you.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah. I’m going to make yeh wait. And I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.”

 

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Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Linadoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linadoon/pseuds/Linadoon)! And find him on [Tumblr](http://linadoonofficialnsfw.tumblr.com/)!

 

 

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	66. Chapter 66

Mark woke up before Jack on Monday morning, which was a rare occurrence, and he realized why immediately: most of Jack’s upper body was sprawled across his chest, and a dull ache was throbbing in his shoulders, exacerbated by Jack’s weight pressing down on him. He considered leaving Jack right where he was – he loved nothing more than being pinned under Jack’s body – but he knew it wouldn’t be wise. He tightened his arms around Jack, rubbed his face in Jack’s hair.

_“Mmh.”_

Jack woke easily, slid one leg the rest of the way over Mark’s waist, and straddled him, propping himself up and kissing Mark’s lips without missing a beat. Then he studied Mark’s face, blinking sleepily.

“How d’you feel, love?”

Mark had learned that decisive honesty was always the best policy with Jack. “Amazing. But sore.”

Jack nodded; he’d clearly anticipated this response. “Shoulders? Wrists?”

“Yeah.”

Jack picked up one of Mark’s hands and pressed two fingers against the back of his thumb. “Push back against my fingers.”

Mark did so, and Jack watched for signs of discomfort.

“Does that feel any worse?”

“No. Feels the same. Just a little sore. Why the thumb pressure?”

“Safety check. I read about it. We have to be careful with the restraints. I used the safest method I could find last night… you should practice that one, too.”

Jack made it sound like a suggestion, but Mark wondered if it was actually a request. He pulled Jack’s hand to his lips, kissed the inside of his wrist.

“I will.”

Jack smiled. “Right. You should stretch yer shoulders. Like this.” Jack demonstrated some movements for Mark. “I’ll help in a minute, I’m just going to get some ice. And then I’ll make yeh breakfast.”

Mark knew it would be useless to protest, and Jack didn’t give him the chance, anyway. He kissed Mark thoroughly and then disappeared into the hall.

Mark climbed stiffly out of the bed and started stretching. He was familiar with the moves Jack had suggested from their explorations of yoga, and his mind wandered while he slipped easily into the poses. It occurred to him that, even though the previous night had felt spontaneous, Jack had carefully considered every aspect of it before it had happened. It had felt good and right because Jack had acted both cautiously and confidently, and Mark was just now realizing what steps Jack had taken to keep them both safe, and to make the experience enjoyable for both of them. He realized that Jack had probably felt some measure of anxiety – maybe a considerable amount, Mark thought – and he knew he needed to take it just as seriously if they planned to incorporate restraint, or any other potentially dangerous kink, into their sex life. He had done some basic research after the first time he and Jack had gotten sexually aggressive with one another, but he promised himself that he’d get just as invested in Jack’s safety as Jack had done for him.

Jack appeared in the doorway holding two flexible ice packs, and Mark took them, set them on the bed, and then pulled Jack into a close hug.

“Sean.”

“Yeah, love? You ok?”

Mark tightened his arms around Jack’s waist. “Yeah. I’m really good. I know you did a lot for me last night. I loved it. Thank you.”

Jack pressed his lips against Mark’s neck. “I loved it, too.”

“Were you nervous?”

“Yeah. I was. About staying safe, and about… saying the right thing? Acting the right way? I mean… I wasn’t _acting_ , really, but… it was different.”

Mark pressed a kiss into Jack’s hair. “It was perfect. And I want to do it again. And I want to be sweet with you, too. I want all of it.”

Jack nodded against Mark’s shoulder. “Me, too.”

Mark kissed him then, taking in Jack’s gentle posture and careful movements, so different from the confident dominance he had demonstrated the night before. He wondered if he would ever run out of new ways to love Jack. He doubted it.

They spent the rest of the early morning tending to Mark’s sore joints and muscles, eating a larger-than-normal breakfast (expertly prepared by Jack), and researching restraint and aftercare. Mark had loved every moment of the previous night, and he enjoyed talking to Jack about scenarios and activities they could try together, but he was feeling… subdued. He found the idea of tying Jack to the bed incredibly erotic, but for the moment, he’d been overcome by gentle sweetness, and he could tell that Jack was feeling similarly. They’d tried out several configurations on the couch before Jack had finally sat cross-legged in Mark’s lap, balancing the laptop on both of their knees while they browsed and talked. They eventually abandoned both the laptop and the conversation and held each other, swaying from side to side, kissing slowly.

They clung together for a long time before either of them could tolerate the idea of separating, and they planned their recording sessions strategically so they could take short breaks together, and still have time leftover for swimming and music. They decided to practice together, trying out several songs and choosing a handful that they thought they could eventually play from start to finish. Jack suggested that they start accumulating footage of some of their everyday activities, so they could use some of the edits to celebrate milestones during the livestream they were planning. Mark suggested that they choose a donation server that could accommodate heavy traffic, although he wasn’t sure it would help. He was fairly certain most websites would be completely unprepared for the chaos that would follow a screening of the two of them playing drums and guitar together. Then he remembered that he and Jack were also planning to reveal their relationship during the stream, and decided that that announcement would probably overshadow anything else they had planned.

They spent the rest of the week in a similar fashion, craving closeness and planning their days to maximize the amount of time they could spend together. On Tuesday night, Jack discarded both of their shirts and straddled Mark’s lap in bed, covering his neck, shoulders, and chest in slow kisses until Mark flipped him, and held him against the mattress, and kissed him until they both fell asleep, still fully clothed from the waist down.

On Wednesday night, Mark held Jack against the wall in the shower, grinding the heel of his hand against Jack’s opening, kissing his throat while Jack’s cock twitched and throbbed, untouched. He brought Jack right up to the edge and then stopped, watching Jack’s eyes as he came down from the high, finding resolve in his expression. He whispered in Jack’s ear, and Jack shivered, nodded, and kissed Mark’s lips. He wore Mark’s clothes to bed and fell asleep with his head in Mark’s lap, and stayed there all night.

They hadn’t exactly _decided_ to swear off orgasms for the week. It had happened naturally after the intensity of their last encounter, and that coming Friday represented a milestone that they had both internalized as deeply significant: as soon as they woke up on Friday morning, Mark would no longer have any restrictions on physical activity. He would be cleared for all activities he had enjoyed before his surgery, including anything he and Jack wanted to do in their private time.

_Anything._

So, the intensity between them had been steadily mounting all over again, and increasing exponentially every time they escalated together and then forced themselves to stop. By Thursday night, they were both crawling out of their skin. They’d already spent time swimming aggressive laps in the pool, jogging with Chica, and eating enough to feed a small independent nation. They’d tried playing Overwatch together from their respective offices and failed miserably, unable to concentrate on the game, and Jack had ended up sprinting across the house and straddling Mark in his computer chair before he realized what he’d done. Mark had picked him up, pinned him against the wall, and managed to get both hands inside his jeans before groaning in frustration and burying his face against Jack’s shoulder. They’d both cursed creatively before dissolving into giggles, ultimately deciding that they’d come this far, and that it would all be worth the wait.

In a desperate attempt to get control over the situation, Jack had called Jessie and begged her to come over for video games and yoga, hoping that her presence might help them keep their hands to themselves. She had eyed them both skeptically when they’d insisted she sit between them on the couch, but once they’d convinced her that they weren’t fighting with each other or taking drugs, they’d actually managed to enjoy themselves. She’d thrashed them both in Mario Party several times, citing the advantage of consistently gaming on console rather than PC, and she’d shown them a particularly calming yoga sequence that left them both feeling infinitely more in control. By the time they’d said goodbye to her, they were feeling sleepy and much more calm. They’d hugged her goodbye, and held hands loosely on their way up to the bedroom.

“Sean? What are you doing?”

Mark was listening to Jack rummaging around in their closet. Jack finally emerged with a blanket wrapped snugly around his head and shoulders.

“Oh my God,” Mark giggled. “You’re the cutest burrito I’ve ever seen. Are you really that cold?”

“No.” Jack climbed onto the opposite side of the bed, as far from Mark as he could possibly get. “I just don’t trust either of us. I’ll be over here in my blanket fortress until morning.”

“Seriously?” Mark looked distressed, and Jack felt a pang.

“Oh, God, love, I’m not trying to get _away_ from yeh, or anything. C’mon. Lay down.”

Mark flipped off the light, and they both got comfortable under their separate blankets, facing each other with about three feet of space between them.

“Mark?”

“Yeah, Sean?”

“Will yeh hold my hand?”

“Yeah, if you come on over here.”

“Mark…”

“Stay in your blanket. I’ll behave. I swear.”

Jack found that he had neither the energy, nor the desire, to resist. He moved closer to Mark, and Mark met him halfway, pulling the blanket down from Jack’s head, wrapping his arm around Jack’s back, pressing kisses into Jack’s hair. Then he lay still, his arm snug around Jack, his heart fluttering despite his best efforts to stay calm and in control. Jack had been right; the barrier between them was necessary.

“See?” he said, despite the heat he felt building in his midsection. “Nice and safe. Until tomorrow.”

“Until tomorrow,” Jack mumbled sleepily. He hooked his fingertips into the neckline of Mark’s shirt, holding a handful of the fabric, and then closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Mark imagined pulling the blanket from Jack’s shoulders, pictured Jack’s clothes in a pile on the floor. He drifted off thinking of his hands running over Jack’s bare skin.

 

* * *

 

 

Mark found himself alone in the bed when he woke up the next morning. He heard the shower running in the bathroom, and rolled over to check the time. It was just after 8 AM, and he was shocked that either of them had slept so late, although he acknowledged that he wasn’t sure how long Jack had been up. He saw Jack’s sneakers in a pile by the bathroom door and guessed he’d already been downstairs to take care of Chica. He felt a surge of affection for Jack that resolved immediately into intense, overpowering desire. It was Friday. They’d made it.

_No more waiting._

He found Jack in the shower, leaning his back against the wall with his head resting on the tile and his eyes closed. He opened them as Mark approached, wiping the water from his face. Mark slid the shower door open and smiled at him.

“Meditating?”

Jack nodded. “Something like that. I wanted to let yeh sleep. And it was _not_ easy.” He moved closer to where Mark was standing. “Want to wash up?”

“Yeah. Want to keep me company?”

“Nope. I’ll be in the bedroom.” Jack’s tone was playful. He stepped out of the shower, kissing Mark’s cheek as he passed, and then grabbed a towel and started drying off. “Be quick, love.”

Jack said the words casually enough, but Mark knew it was a command. Mark stared after him longingly as he left the bathroom, and then proceeded with the fastest shower he’d ever taken. He had the presence of mind to grab his toothbrush and toothpaste from the sink, brushing his teeth in the shower to save time. He barely remembered to rinse the shampoo from his hair before turning off the water and sprinting out of the shower, leaving wet footprints along the tile.

He found Jack sitting on the edge of the bed, and Jack stared back at him for a moment before breaking into a giggle.

“Yeh’re all wet, love.”

“…Oh, shit…”

Jack stood up and walked toward Mark, raking his eyes over Mark’s bare skin. He draped his towel around Mark’s head and then started rubbing it through his hair, feeling Mark’s eyes on him while he worked. Mark stood still, waiting patiently, but Jack saw his hands tighten into fists out of the corner of his eye, and he thought he could physically feel Mark’s heart rate rise.

He finished with Mark’s hair and draped the towel around Mark’s shoulders, then ran his fingers through the strands, which were now damp rather than soaking wet. He lingered, balancing on the edge of days of anticipation, losing his breath, feeling the heat of Mark’s body, so close…

“…It’s getting long again… I’ll cut it fer you… anytime yeh like…”

…and then Mark was kissing him, hands firm around his hips, forcing him backwards until the back of his legs made contact with the bed. Jack reached behind himself and grabbed the coil of rope he’d placed on the mattress. He used his free hand to press against Mark’s chest, creating a small space between them. He held up the rope and spoke, his voice low and hard.

“You can tie me up if yeh can take this away from me. And I don’t plan on making it easy. Safe word is ‘Overwatch.’ Yes?”

Mark licked his lips. “Yes.”

“Don’t stop unless I say it.”

“I won’t.”

“Right.” Jack nodded, his mouth an inch away from Mark’s, trying to remember how to breathe. “Get on with it, then.”

Mark watched Jack square his shoulders. He tensed his own posture and then tried to push Jack backwards onto the bed, but Jack was ready for him. He dodged Mark’s grasp and pushed Mark from behind – one hand on his shoulder, one hand on his lower back – until Mark was bent over the mattress. He rested all of his weight on Mark’s back, holding him in place, then dragged his mouth across the back of Mark’s neck before biting and sucking at his skin.

_“Nice try, love. I think yeh can do better.”_

He grinded his erection against Mark’s backside, and Mark shuddered, groaning with pleasure. He pressed his face against the mattress, temporarily immobilized, enjoying the sensation of Jack’s mouth moving between his shoulder blades. Then he pressed hard against the bed and forced himself upward. He slipped out of Jack’s hold, dropped to the floor beside the bed, twisted sideways, grabbed Jack around the waist, and pulled _hard._ Jack came down laughing, landing partially on top of Mark, and Mark flipped and pinned him easily, holding Jack’s legs against the carpet with his lower body, his arm locked tight across Jack’s chest. They stared at each other for a moment, panting, before Mark covered Jack’s mouth with his own, pressing himself against the length of Jack’s body, hands grasping, hips rocking uncontrollably. He felt his erection gliding against Jack’s thigh, throbbing and slick with precum. He moaned against Jack’s mouth. He slid his free hand along Jack’s bare arm, searching for the rope that Jack still held tightly in his fist…

But Jack managed to pull one of his legs free and wrap it around Mark’s waist, twisting upward, trying to escape from Mark’s hold. Mark leaned into the pressure and put his hand on Jack’s knee, forcing it back to the floor, running his palm up Jack’s inner thigh, pressing his fingers against soft flesh and hard muscle, earning himself a handful of shallow gasps from Jack.

Mark watched Jack’s eyes and _squeezed,_ and Jack moaned, his cock throbbing against Mark’s hip. Mark nodded.

_“Stay down, Sean.”_

_“Make me.”_

Mark stared down at him, kneading his way up the inside of Jack’s leg, moving toward his groin. Jack bit his lip, eyes burning, and tried to free his leg again, but it was no use. Mark shifted his position so that he was fully straddling Jack, with both of Jack’s legs pinned snugly beneath him. He rocked himself against Jack’s erection in a slow grind, hands holding Jack’s biceps tight against the carpet.

 _“I can. I can make you do all kinds of things.”_ He pulled Jack’s right arm between them and pinned it in place with his torso. _“I can make you give that rope to me.”_ He slid his hand along Jack’s still-outstretched arm. He forced Jack’s chin upward with his nose and sucked aggressively at Jack’s throat. He wrapped his fingers around Jack’s wrist, and squeezed, and started to twist it gradually at an awkward angle. He spoke low and hard, close to Jack’s ear:

_“Drop it, Sean.”_

Jack moaned, deep in his throat, straining upward against Mark’s body, fighting a battle he was hoping to lose. Mark tightened his grip, squeezing at Jack’s wrist, twisting at his arm… until Jack finally let out a gasp that resolved into a moan, and released his hold on the rope. It slid to the floor, and Mark felt the rest of the tension leave Jack’s body. Jack lay panting, blue eyes locked on Mark’s, a small smile spreading gradually to the corners of his parted lips. He gave a slight nod, and Mark felt a rush of heat and pressure in his groin.

He’d won. The rope was his. _Jack_ was his. The notion made him feel strong, and confident, and in control.

 _“You’ll behave now?”_ he rumbled, loosening his hold on Jack’s wrist. Jack nodded mutely, drawing a long, slow breath as Mark eased off of his chest, sighing with pleasure as Mark sat up and initiated a much more gentle hold on both of his arms. He guided Jack to straighten them, kissing roughly at the inside of his wrists. _“Stay like this,”_ he directed, and Jack nodded compliantly. Mark reached for the rope, and started binding Jack’s wrists together, moving confidently, reflecting on the times he had practiced this maneuver on himself in anticipation of this moment. He finished tightening the ropes and gave them a tug, earning himself a soft moan from Jack. Then he leaned down, guided Jack’s bound wrists over his head and around his neck, and covered Jack’s mouth with his own.

He kept his tongue in Jack’s mouth as he sat backward, pulling them both upright. He moved his hands down Jack’s back, dug his fingertips into Jack’s hips, nipped aggressively at Jack’s bottom lip. Then he pulled Jack into a standing position, removed Jack’s arms from around his neck, and took a step back.

“Lay down,” he directed, gesturing toward the headboard. “Face down.”

Jack tilted his head, staring defiantly. “Make me.”

Mark smirked. He grabbed Jack around the waist and half-dragged, half-carried him onto the bed. Mark was surprised by the effort it took to flatten Jack’s chest against the mattress, given the fact that his wrists were bound. Jack was _strong._ Mark straddled his hips, positioning Jack’s arms in front of his face and then examining the well-defined muscles of Jack’s shoulders and back. He wondered if he could count them all. He decided to try.

He ran his tongue down the curve of Jack’s neck and across the tight muscle there, then sank his teeth into Jack’s skin and sucked. Jack moaned into the sheets and grinded against the bed, and Mark held Jack’s lower body more firmly between his legs.

_“Don’t worry, Sean. I’ll make you come. But not yet. Not until I say.”_

He pressed his mouth over a new spot between Jack’s shoulder blades, and Jack groaned with pleasure, immobilized by the ropes and the weight of Mark’s body. Mark moved systematically down Jack’s back, leaving blooms of red and purple across Jack’s pale skin, restricting  Jack’s movements, resisting the urge to touch himself, to touch Jack, prolonging release for just a while longer. He wanted to wait. He wanted Jack to beg for it.

He finally found himself settling onto his stomach, pushing Jack’s legs apart, holding Jack’s hip in place with one hand, spreading Jack apart with the other… he ran the tip of his tongue lightly over Jack’s opening.

_“Oh my God…”_

He did it again. Jack tried to buck his hips; Mark held him still.

_“Jesus, Mark, let me…”_

Mark licked in a long, slow circle. Jack tried to grind against the bed; Mark held him in place.

_“Fucking… I can’t…”_

Mark lapped at Jack with his tongue, holding him tight, throbbing in response to every incoherent moan and whimper, pressing himself into the mattress, wondering if he could come just from this…

_Not yet._

_“Mark…”_

_“Mmh…”_

_“Mark… please…”_

Mark lifted his head, ran both hands over Jack’s lower back.

_“Tell me. What do you want, Sean?”_

_“I want you to fuck me. I want to feel you come.”_

Mark throbbed at the confidence in Jack’s voice. _“Already? I like it just fine back here-”_

 _“No.”_ Jack cut him off, straining against the ropes that held his wrists together. _“Now. Please.”_

It was no use. Days of conscious deprivation had weakened Mark’s resolve. The idea of waiting even another minute to be with Jack was unbearable. He moved to the side and up toward the headboard.

_“On your knees, Sean.”_

Jack complied immediately, leveraging his forearms to prop himself up and shift onto his knees. Mark took hold of the rope and pulled Jack’s arms toward the top of the headboard, attaching the coils to the fastener that was anchored behind it.

 _“Go ahead. Struggle,”_ Mark suggested quietly, echoing Jack’s words from earlier in the week. Jack held his gaze, looking flushed and breathing shallow, and let the restraints support his weight while he leaned forward, arching his back suggestively. Mark’s eyes traveled down Jack’s body to the drip of precum that was coating the head of his cock. He heard Jack’s voice, his tone low and almost desperate:

_“Please.”_

Mark grabbed the small bottle from the night stand and smoothed lubricant up and down his erection, shuddering involuntarily, startled by the sensitivity, enjoying the way Jack was staring with his mouth partially open. Then he moved behind Jack, settling onto his knees, and pulled roughly at Jack’s hips, adjusting the angle until he could easily line himself up. He leaned forward, pressed his lips between Jack’s shoulder blades, and slid himself inside. They moaned and shuddered in unison, and Mark started moving immediately in slow, deep thrusts, fighting the urge to rest his weight on Jack’s back, craving more contact. He looped an arm around Jack’s chest and pulled him upright, still thrusting slowly, holding Jack’s body against his own. He wound his free hand through Jack’s hair, gripped firmly at the strands, and pulled his head back. He pressed his mouth to Jack’s exposed throat, felt the rush of Jack’s ragged breath vibrating against his lips.

_“Mark…”_

_“Mh…”_

_“Harder… Please…”_

_“Fuck, Sean, you feel so good…”_

Mark tightened his arm around Jack and thrusted more aggressively, pressing his face against the side of Jack’s neck, succumbing to days of anticipation and weeks of physical restraint in a flood of sensation. He was overcome by the feeling of Jack’s body, obsessed with the sounds that Jack was making, the sounds he was _causing_ Jack to make…

_“Jesus, Mark, I can’t- fuck-”_

Mark could feel tension mounting in Jack’s body and engaged in the massive effort of slowing his pace. He’d purposely kept his hands away from Jack’s cock – the idea of making Jack orgasm hands-free was almost unbearably erotic – and he could see that Jack was swollen and throbbing, and that strands of precum were pooling on the sheets.

_“Sean- mmh- can you-?”_

Jack whimpered against Mark’s cheek, his body hot and hard in Mark’s arms.

_“Can I come now? Please?”_

_“God – yes, Sean-”_

Mark buried his face against Jack’s neck and gradually picked up the pace, holding Jack tight with both arms, taking in every sound. Eventually Jack’s body started to shake-

_“Mark- fuck- don’t stop-”_

_“Now, babe-”_

-and Mark saw stars as Jack tensed, and moaned, and climaxed, carrying Mark right along with him-

_“Fuck- Sean-”_

-until they were pulsing together – shaking with pleasure, relief, and release – Jack’s chest aching painfully, blissfully, from Mark’s arms holding him, impossibly tight. And then Mark was loosening his hold, sliding his hands down Jack’s stomach and back to his hips. He pulled out and moved around Jack’s body to unfasten and untie the ropes. He looked in Jack’s eyes.

_“Stay still, babe.”_

He bent down and pulled Jack’s still-erect cock into his mouth, licking him clean, holding him lightly with his lips and tongue. Jack shuddered and sighed, riding the aftershocks, finding that the ropes had slipped away from his wrists, winding his fingers through Mark’s still-damp hair. He leaned into the sensation of Mark’s mouth, thinking about how easy it had been for Mark to shift from aggressive dominance to gentle affection…

_“Mark? Come up here?”_

Mark sat up on his knees and moved to wipe at his mouth, but Jack beat him to it. He slid his thumb along Mark’s lower lip, then kissed him, sweetly, resting his arms lightly around Mark’s shoulders. He explored Mark’s mouth thoroughly, then hugged him close, resting his head against Mark’s.

_“I don’t want to get up. I want it to last.”_

_“It can. It will. I promise.”_ Mark pressed a kiss into Jack’s hair. _“C’mon. Bath time. It’ll feel good.”_

_“It all feels good. It’s perfect.”_

 

* * *

 

 

They took their time washing up, enjoying the closeness and the hot water, and tending to each other’s sore muscles. Mark got the impression that Jack would have skipped the rest of his work day and gotten right back into bed with him, but that wasn’t part of the plan. He found clothes for both of them and dressed Jack reluctantly, then took a moment to smooth some unruly strands back from Jack’s face.

“Ok. Time to work, McLoughlin. I’ll be back in a couple hours.”

“Yeh ser’sly can’t tell me what yeh’re up to?”

Mark sighed. “Fine. I quit YouTube to play guitar for a late-90’s cover band. We’re going on tour. You’re not invited.”

Jack giggled. “Like yeh’d _ever_ go on tour without me.”

Mark nodded seriously. “You’re right about that.” He kissed Jack’s cheek. “It’s a good surprise. I promise. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Jack eventually relented. He knew he had a better shot at productivity if Mark was out of the house anyway, and he had no doubt that he’d enjoy whatever Mark had planned. He managed to distract himself with several longer recordings, and was happy to find a text message from Mark when he quit around 4:30.

M: Car’s packed. Meet me in the kitchen.

Jack stood up and stretched, hoping that Mark’s plan would involve dinner at some point. He found Mark sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop, watched Mark break into a grin as he approached.

“Hey, babe.” He shut the computer. “Ready to go?”

Jack nodded, then noticed the red necktie in a pile on the kitchen table.

“Who’s getting blindfolded this time?”

“That’d be you. It can wait until we get in the car, though.”

Mark stashed his laptop in his backpack and put it on. He draped the tie around Jack’s neck, then called for Chica and led the way to the garage. He got Chica settled in the backseat and then climbed in behind the wheel. He flashed Jack a grin, pulled the tie from his neck, and fastened it over Jack’s eyes. Jack searched for something snarky or teasing to say, and came up short. He felt nothing but excitement and affection. He groped for Mark’s hand and squeezed.

“Yeh’re the best, love.”

He felt Mark’s lips against his own for a brief moment. “Hold that thought until we get there.”

They drove in a comfortable silence for about a half hour. Jack had initially attempted to guess where they might be headed based on the stops and turns he could sense, but once they hit the highway, he realized it would be impossible to predict where they would end up. He alternated between scratching Chica’s ears in the backseat and playing with the hem of Mark’s shirt, until he finally felt the car slow and roll to a stop.

“Ok, we’re here. Leave the blindfold on for a second.” Mark’s voice was quiet, and Jack was trying to interpret his tone. This didn’t feel like a lighthearted surprise. Jack was reminded of the way Mark had woken him up when he’d driven them both to the beach during their first week together.

“Sure, love. Everything ok?”

He felt Mark’s fingertips brush against his neck.

“Everything is… so different than I ever expected.” Mark paused for a long moment, and Jack waited patiently, acknowledging the seriousness in his tone. Mark found Jack’s hand, threaded their fingers together, and finally continued. “Having you here… being happy like this… I didn’t even know how to imagine it, before you came. I’ve been looking for ways to try to explain it to you. So you’ll know what I mean when I say I love you, and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He paused again, and Jack opened his mouth to respond, but Mark continued before he could find the words. “Do you know what day it is?”

Jack wondered if it was a trick question. “Friday?”

Mark laughed softly. “Yeah. I meant the date, though.”

“Oh. Right.” Jack knew the date by heart. He’d visualized it so many times over the last few weeks, the final milestone Mark had to reach in his recovery. In Jack’s mind, the weeks leading up to this day had been defined by The Hospital. That could be over, now. Today was defined by The Future. Today Mark was healthy, and strong, and his. “It’s September 30th.”

“Yeah. The last day of the month.”

“Is that significant?”

“This month it is.”

Jack felt Mark pushing his fingers apart, placing something in his palm. He felt rough edges, heard a metallic clink. It felt like a set of keys, but the car was still running, which meant that Mark’s set was still in the ignition. These were different. These were…

“Oh…”

Jack pushed off the blindfold, and found that his guess had been correct. They were parked in the driveway of Mark’s old house, the house Mark had still been living in when Jack had first come over from Ireland. Jack could think of several reasons why Mark might have brought him back here, but he was just guessing. He looked at Mark expectantly.

“I canceled the lease,” Mark said softly. “This house won’t be mine, tomorrow. And I want it to be the last house I ever lived in by myself. I never want to live alone again. I never want to live anywhere without you.” He slid his arms around Jack’s back and hugged him, resting his chin on Jack’s shoulder. “So… I thought maybe we could stay one more night here. Y’know. Together. So you’ll know…”

Mark pulled back, wiped a stray tear from Jack’s cheek, held Jack’s face in his hands. “So you’ll know I don’t want the life I had before you came here. I know I’ve told you, but… I just wanted to prove it. I wanted you to be sure.”

Jack finally managed to find his voice, though it was low and thick with emotion. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”

They kissed each other then, slowly, for a long moment, before wiping the remaining tears from both of their faces and making their way inside. The first floor was completely empty, and it occurred to Jack that it felt much like it always had. Mark had _occupied_ this house, but there had been little evidence that he ever considered it to be his home.

 _It wasn’t_ , Jack thought. _Not until I came._

Mark led him upstairs to the master bedroom, and it was immediately evident why Mark had disappeared for most of the day. There was a bed in the room, where their bed used to be, as well as a tray with a widescreen computer monitor and a selection of gaming systems.

Jack looked at Mark, eyebrows raised. “Where did the bed come from? Did yeh buy it just fer tonight?”

Mark shrugged. “Kind of. I figured we could use an extra for the empty bedroom at our house. I have someone coming to pick it up in the morning.”

Jack bit back the emotion that was still swelling in his chest. He gave Mark’s hand a squeeze, then walked closer to the bed and identified an actual PlayStation 2, as well as an original hard copy of Shadow of the Colossus.

“I just…” Mark started, trailing off awkwardly before trying again. “I loved playing games with you, when I lived here. Before you came, I mean. That might have been the only thing I loved about living here. I couldn’t think of a way for us to play on PC together tonight, so…”

Jack shook his head, overwhelmed by the significance of everything Mark had done for him. “It’s perfect, love,” he managed. He cocked his head toward the bed, gesturing for Mark to join him, but the doorbell sounded from downstairs. Chica barked suspiciously, and Mark checked the time on his phone.

“Right. That’s dinner.” He pulled a baseball cap out of his backpack and put it on. “You ok for a minute?”

Jack nodded, smiling reassuringly against the happy tears he still felt prickling at the back of his eyes.

“Ok. I’ll be right back.”

Mark knew he’d run the risk of being recognized by ordering pizza, but his days and nights with Jack in this house had been some of the happiest he’d ever experienced, and he wanted to remind Jack of what it had been like, before they said goodbye to this place for good. Luckily, the delivery person didn’t recognize him. He handed over some cash and brought the pizza boxes upstairs, then settled onto the bed next to Jack, who already had a PlayStation controller in hand and a start menu on the monitor.

Mark opened one of the boxes, pulled out a slice of pizza, and folded it in half.

“Go ahead. Play. I’ll hold the pizza.” He held the slice close to Jack’s mouth. Jack grinned, took a bite, and pressed START.

Hours passed quickly. They took turns playing some of their favorite single player games, content to watch each other and hear each other’s commentary on the graphics, and the mechanics, and the music. They played a host of multiplayer games together, less competitively than usual. They were both feeling subdued and affectionate after the intensity of their morning, in addition to the significance of what they were doing – saying goodbye to the separate people they used to be, and to the separate lives they used to lead.

After eventually winning three rounds in a row, Jack took Mark’s controller out of his hands, set both controllers aside, and sat on his knees in front of Mark, who was smiling back at him, eyebrows raised.

“Everything ok?”

Jack nodded confidently. “Yeah. Just wanted to make sure yeh’re having fun.”

“I am. I’m ok with taking a break, though. I actually have one more thing to show you.”

He stood up from the bed, picked up his backpack, and led Jack into the bathroom, which was completely empty. He opened the closet and gestured toward the floor, which, Jack realized for the first time, didn’t match the tile in the rest of the bathroom. The floor in the closet was made up of wooden planks, with about two inches of trim running around the edge.

“I never really noticed that the floor was like this until I came back here to clean up… anyway, check this out.”

Mark kneeled down on the floor, and Jack joined him. He pulled at one length of the wooden trim, and it came loose, revealing a small space between the edge of the planks and the drywall. He opened one of the pockets of his backpack, and then hesitated.

“Uhm. I thought maybe… I thought we could leave something here? Something that was ours?”

Jack tilted his head, and Mark took a small, thin carboard box out of the backpack. He opened it. Jack stared.

“Is that-?”

“-your old toothbrush.” Mark nodded. “Yeah. Mine’s in there, too. So… what do you think? We can keep them, if you want…”

Jack shook his head slowly as Mark’s intention registered. “No. Yeh’re right. They belong here.” He took the box from Mark and held both toothbrushes in one hand for a moment, collecting his thoughts. Then he found Mark’s eyes and spoke softly.

“This is the first place I felt like I belonged in my whole life. I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget being here with you.” He replaced the toothbrushes, closed the box, and slid it into the small space in the wall. Mark replaced the trim, tapping at it with the heel of his hand until it stayed in place. Then he picked up Jack’s hands, brought all ten of Jack’s fingertips to his lips, and kissed them.

Mark knew that Jack’s hands had been changing. He had a handful of blisters and calluses along his fingers and palms from hours at the drum set, and Mark took his time now, brushing his lips against each one, heart fluttering as he recalled the image of Jack’s body in the basement – all hard lines and sharp edges – moving purposefully, creating something from nothing, bending sound and rhythm to his will. Jack had filled up the empty spaces in Mark’s life the way he filled the basement with music – forcefully, unapologetically, completely. He had forever altered Mark’s notion of _home_ , had guided Mark toward a sense of stability and identity that was much greater than the physical space they occupied together. This house had felt like home because Jack had come here, and stayed here. But it was just a house. _Jack_ was home.

…And then Jack was kissing him, Jack was climbing into his lap, Jack’s hands were in his hair. Mark held Jack close, on the bathroom floor, until the doorbell rang again. He sighed, pressed his lips to Jack’s forehead.

_“Sorry. That’s dessert. Cookies and ice cream, remember?”_

Jack nodded. _“I do. I remember everything.”_

_“Wait for me?”_

_“Always.”_

Mark remembered to grab his baseball cap from the bed on his way downstairs, but it was no use – the teenage girl at the door recognized him right away.

“Oh… oh, my God… are you Markiplier?”

Mark smiled, nodded. It didn’t matter. He and Jack would be gone in the morning. “I’m Mark.”

“Oh, my God,” the girl said again. “What are you… _why_ are you… I mean, do you live here?”

Mark’s smile spread until it took up most of his face.

“No. I don’t. Not anymore.”

When he got back to the bedroom, he found that Jack had cleared off the bed, and was sitting cross-legged at the foot of it, waiting patiently. He had changed into the pajamas Mark had packed for him: the same Adventure Time bottoms and Wilford Warfstache t-shirt he’d worn on his first night in this house. He stood up and held out his hands, and Mark handed over the bag of snacks. Jack placed it carefully on the floor next to the bed, and then steered Mark around to the side. He pulled the covers down and guided Mark into a sitting position on the mattress, then climbed over him, straddling his waist, settling into his lap. He put his arms around Mark’s neck, pressed their foreheads together.

_“You were gone fer too long.”_

Mark laughed softly. _“Sorry, babe. The delivery girl recognized me.”_

 _“Oh?”_ Jack searched Mark’s eyes, brushed Mark’s hair back from his forehead. _“What did you tell her?”_

Mark slipped his fingertips under the hem of Jack’s shirt, pressed his palms against the small of Jack’s back.

 _“I told her…”_ His breath caught. Jack was so warm, and so close. Jack had come, and never left.

Jack was never leaving.

_“…I told her I don’t live here anymore.”_

Their lips pressed firmly together.

 

 


	67. Chapter 67

“Sean? Everything ok?”

Mark had received a text message from Jack in the middle of their work day, and found him sitting up on their bed with his laptop, looking thoughtful.

“Yeah. No. I don’t know. I just got off the phone with Melissa.”

Mark climbed onto the bed and sat cross-legged, facing Jack, trying not to jump to conclusions. The last time something dramatic had happened with one of their editors, Mark had nearly outed them in a truly inappropriate fashion.

“Did something happen?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s good news, really. She got a full-time job. But she needs to start in a couple of days.”

Mark caught Jack’s meaning immediately. Their editors were typically bound by contract to give at least two weeks’ notice before terminating their working relationship, but Mark knew Jack would never enforce this commitment if Melissa needed to take another job. He was about to lose his editor, who had been an essential part of their plan to take a week off for their trip to Cincinnati. They only had three weeks left to prepare, and Mark knew Jack would have a hard time meeting his deadlines without help.

Mark tried to sound as supportive as possible. “What can I do?”

“Well, she did recommend someone she thought would be a good fit. I was just checking out some of his stuff. But I wanted to talk to yeh before I give him a call.”

“Sure. What’s up?”

Jack sighed. “I know we didn’t talk about it much… but I wanted to tell Melissa about us before the livestream. Anyone who decides to work with us becomes so vulnerable to public scrutiny… I mean, yeh’ve seen Melissa’s social media stats since she started editing fer me. Justin’s, too.”

Mark nodded. He was starting to understand why taking on a new editor at this point could be more problematic than it usually was.

“Whoever’s editing fer me is going to get sucked into… whatever happens,” Jack continued. “After the livestream, I mean. Fer better or fer worse, y’know? I don’t think it’d be fair to keep it all a secret. I just wanted to run that by you before I set up a meeting with this guy. Rafael. That’s his name.”

“Makes sense. You’re right, as usual. So what’re you thinking? Short trial period, then break the news if it seems like a good fit?”

Jack nodded. “That’s the plan. Want to check out some of his videos with me?”

They reviewed Rafael’s portfolio together and agreed that it would be worthwhile for Jack to set up a meeting. Jack made the call, and was relieved to discover that Rafael could be free at his home office later in the day. Mark and Jack were both encouraged by this development, and they were able to separate and work productively until it was time for Jack to leave. Mark got back to his regular recording schedule, and Jack made several shorter recordings of gameplay footage that he could review with Rafael that afternoon, and then loaded them onto a portable hard drive. Jack agreed it would be best for Mark to stay behind this time, so he kissed Mark goodbye and headed out alone.

He parked his car in front of Rafael’s apartment building and spent a full minute trying to wrestle his hair under a baseball cap. He’d come to love his longer hair – mostly because Mark adored it so much – but it was getting more difficult to hide it in public. He’d only had it professionally cut and re-dyed once since he’d been living in LA, and the bright green color was starting to fade again. He stared at himself in the rearview mirror, wondering what Mark would think if he decided to dye it back to his natural color. He had to admit that he missed Mark’s original hair color, too – deep, chocolate brown, almost black – and he guessed it was because he’d first seen Mark that way, before either of them had fallen into the routine of maintaining their brightly colored fringe. Jack wasn’t sure if he was tired of the maintenance, or tired of the bright green persona, or just tired of feeling like he needed to hide whenever he left the house.

_Fuck it._

He left the baseball cap in the passenger seat.

Rafael lived on the top floor of the apartment building, and he buzzed Jack in so he could access the elevator. He greeted Jack at the door with a nervous smile and let him inside.

“Wow. Hi. I mean, hey. I mean, it’s really nice to meet you.”

“You too! It’s Rafael, right?”

“Yeah. Raf.”

“Cool. Thanks so much fer making yerself available.” Jack extended his hand, and Raf shook it. He was a few inches taller than Jack, brown-eyed and slim, with jet-black hair shaved close on the sides and grown longer on the top, similar to the way Jack’s had been cut before he’d let it grow into an unruly mess.

Raf shook his head. “I wouldn’t miss an opportunity like this. I didn’t believe Melissa for a full week when she told me she was editing for you. I’m… I’m sorry, I have no chill, I’m a huge fan.” He stumbled over the words a bit, speaking quickly, clearly flustered.

Jack smiled brightly; it had become second nature to him to try and put people at ease. “I’m a fan of yers, too! Yer portfolio looks great. Seems like yeh got some great experience at yer last job.”

“I did. I was really lucky. It was great while it lasted.”

Jack nodded sympathetically. He knew that many digital artists and editors had to rely on freelance work and temporary positions to get by. But it was clear that Raf had done well for himself; his apartment was clean and organized, and he had a dedicated office space with an impressive array of equipment. Jack guessed that Raf was probably in his early-to-mid-twenties, and he was wondering how he’d managed to afford his setup.

“This is great,” Jack offered, deciding on a less intrusive line of questioning. “How’d yeh learn to navigate this technology?”

Raf’s expression brightened, and Jack could tell he was becoming more comfortable. “My older brother. He got an academic scholarship, he was the first person in our family who ever owned a computer. He let me play around with it when I was in high school, and then I started using the school’s equipment, and… well… I got a scholarship, too. I was lucky.”

The implications of this story weren’t lost on Jack. He guessed that “lucky” actually meant “talented and hardworking.” He appreciated Raf’s humility, but he suspected that he’d probably been through a lot.

“I’m impressed, man. Really,” Jack said genuinely, and he thought he detected a hint of a blush in Raf’s cheeks. “So… did Melissa tell yeh why this job is time-sensitive?”

Raf nodded. “She said you’re trying to stockpile because you need to travel in a couple weeks. I’m ready to start right now, if you want to show me what you’re looking for.”

Jack took off his backpack, took out his hard drive, and handed it over. “I put some raw files on there from this morning. Just basic gameplay. Think we can work on it together?”

Raf grinned. “Absolutely.”

The editing session went even better than Jack had expected it to. Raf became increasingly more comfortable as they spent more time together, and it was clear that he was extremely bright. Once he started working through some edits, Jack discovered that he was creative and funny, as well. They had each other laughing their way through the second video, and by the time they were finished, Jack was ready to make the job official.

“I brought a temporary contract with me, if yeh want to consider signing today.”

Raf nodded enthusiastically. “Definitely.”

“Awesome. I usually prefer to do a longer trial period, but if we can get in a decent routine by the end of the week, the job is yers, if yeh want it.”

“I really, really do.” Raf accepted the contract from Jack and started reviewing it. He frowned after a moment, tilting his head. “Hmm… so, your confidentiality clause looks great with respect to actual digital media, but you might want to reconsider the language here… it’s a little vague. You should be more clear that your communications are confidential, too… texts, e-mails… do you have a good lawyer here?”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, but it’s a new relationship, obviously. This contract is left over from the lawyer I had in Ireland.”

Raf put the contract down and clicked around his computer, finally opening a PDF file. He scrolled through a couple pages, found the paragraph he was looking for, and enlarged the print.

“See? I mean, this is just an example, but I would consider adding something similar. You can use my computer if you want to do it now, before I sign.”

Jack hadn’t needed another reason to hire Raf, but this suggestion solidified the high opinion he’d acquired over the last couple of hours. He took Raf’s advice, accessing his files from Raf’s computer, updating his contract, and printing a new copy. Raf read through it again, looking satisfied.

“Better?” Jack questioned.

“Definitely.”

“Awesome. And… thanks. Fer bothering to say something, I mean. I appreciate it.”

Raf reached the end of the contract and signed it. “Your channel means a lot to me. I’d want to help whether you decided to hire me or not. And I’m going to try to ignore all of that so I don’t psych myself out while I edit your stuff. Jeez, I can’t believe you’re here right now.”

Jack smiled. “Don’t overthink it. I have friends and colleagues, just like anyone else. Yeh’ll do great, I can tell.”

Raf scanned a copy of the signed contract into his phone, and then walked Jack to the door.

“I’ll start sending some files as soon as I get home. Keep in touch, yeah?”

“I will. And thanks, uhm, Jack? Do I call you Jack?”

Jack nodded. “Most of my friends do.” He hoped Raf would catch the implication.

“Wow. Right. Ok. Thanks, Jack. Really. _Thank you._ ”

 

* * *

 

 

Jack spent the next two days training Raf remotely, though there was little training to be done. The edits looked great, and Jack felt confident that he could meet his deadlines for the next couple of weeks with Raf’s help. He and Mark talked it over, and agreed that it would be best for Jack to invite Raf to the house to explain their situation and talk about next steps. Raf agreed to come for lunch on Friday afternoon, and Jack greeted him cheerfully at the front door while Mark camped out upstairs with Chica.

“Hey, man, thanks fer coming!”

Raf stepped into the house and stared around, open-mouthed. “Uhm… you _live_ here? For real?”

Jack giggled. “I do. I love it. Want to see my office?”

“…Yes…” Raf managed, still taking in the high ceilings and large, open spaces. Jack gave him a brief tour of the first floor, and Raf eventually regained his typical conversational skills, although he was looking confused by the time they sat down at the kitchen table.

“Uh…” he started, trailing off awkwardly.

“What’s up?”

Raf shook his head. “Nothing. Never mind.”

Jack got the impression that he was trying not to be rude. “Dude. It’s fine. What’s on yer mind?”

“…Do you live here by yourself? Sorry, it’s just… this place is _huge_ …”

Jack nodded. _Right. Here we go._

“I don’t live here by myself. That’s part of the reason I asked you over here. I need to tell you a few things, before yeh decide if yeh want to work with me.”

“Oh,” Raf blurted. “I do, though. Really.”

“I know. But I need to give yeh the opportunity to change yer mind. My life is going to change a lot in a couple of weeks, and I need to give yeh the chance to opt out before yeh sign a contract.”

Raf was listening attentively, clearly picking up on the serious nature of this conversation. “Ok. Shoot.”

Jack took a breath. He’d had to initiate this conversation several times now, and it had gone differently each time. He still didn’t have a script or a go-to strategy in mind, but he got the impression that Raf would handle the situation well. He decided to be direct.

“I’m in a relationship. A really serious one. With a guy. And he lives here. And… obviously, that’s not public knowledge, at this point, but… in a couple of weeks, it will be.”

Raf was staring, and Jack was having a hard time reading his expression. At first, he looked like he was trying very hard to comprehend what Jack was saying. Jack decided to press on, hoping Raf would understand the purpose of the conversation more fully.

“I know we don’t know each other really well. I used to keep my personal life pretty separate from my job, and my colleagues, but… well… I can’t, anymore. I know it’s asking a lot to tell yeh these things now, but… I need an editor, and I hope yeh still want the job.”

Raf was still staring, and Jack was starting to get concerned. He couldn’t tell whether Raf had taken a breath for the duration of the conversation, and he was holding his mouth shut tight.

 _Oh, God,_ Jack thought. _Is he…?_

Sure enough, a single tear splashed onto Raf’s cheek. He wiped it away quickly, as if he’d been startled by it.

_Jesus._

This was _not_ the reaction Jack had expected. He waited, unsure of what to say, until Raf finally started to speak.

“I thought… a long time ago, I thought, maybe… I thought maybe you were,” Raf managed, wiping awkwardly at the corner of his eye.

“What? Gay?” Jack asked, gently.

Raf nodded, and Jack sighed. “Well, I’m definitely not straight. I think I’m sticking with ‘bi,’ fer now. But…um… are you alright?”

Raf smiled faintly. “Imagine being gay, and then finding out one of your heroes might be, too.”

“Oh. _Oh._ Really?”

“Yeah. But… my family doesn’t know.” Raf sniffed, shook his head. “I didn’t exactly grow up in the most… _accepting_ environment. I haven’t figured out how to tell them, yet.”

Jack nodded, feeling immense relief that Raf was turning out to be as trustworthy as he’d initially seemed. “I want to hear more about it, but… can yeh wait a minute? I think Mark will want to listen, too.”

“Oh, is that your boyfriend? I didn’t know if…” Raf stopped. His eyes went wide. “Your boyfriend’s name is Mark?”

“Yeah. And it’s probably exactly who you think it is.”

Raf stared. “Shut the fuck up.” He clamped both hands over his mouth. “Oh, God, sorry,” he said through his fingers, but Jack was giggling.

“It’s ok. Really. I was shocked at first, too. Want to meet him?”

Raf nodded mutely, and Jack picked up his phone and sent Mark a message. They both heard a door open on the second floor, and then footsteps on the stairs. Mark appeared in the kitchen a moment later with Chica in tow.

Raf stood up from the table, looking like he might be losing his grasp on reality. Luckily, Mark and Jack were both used to people losing their minds upon meeting them for the first time. Mark extended his hand, and Raf managed to shake it.

“Hey, man. It’s nice to meet you. Thanks for giving us a chance to explain things. Jack told me he trusted you right away.”

Raf seemed to have lost the power of speech, so Jack bailed him out. “Raf was just telling me more about himself. Right, dude? Want to sit back down? Maybe tell Mark what yeh told me?”

Mark sat down next to Jack, and Raf followed suit. He stared between them for a minute, then cleared his throat. “Uhm… I’m sorry, I really don’t want to be rude, but… this isn’t a prank, right?”

“Oh, Jesus, no,” Jack said seriously. “Absolutely not.” He looked at Mark. “See? I think plenty of people still won’t believe us, at first, even if they want to.”

Mark shrugged. He put his fingers under Jack’s chin and kissed him, right on the mouth. “I think we can convince them.” Jack giggled, and Mark turned back to Raf. “Proof enough?”

“Holy shit. Uhm. Yes.”

Mark nodded. “Right. So… go ahead. Tell us.”

“…Uh… ok. Well, I’ve watched both of you for a long time. Mark… your channel was part of the reason I got serious about editing. Oh, God, I can’t believe this is happening.”

Mark flashed him a smile. “It’s ok. Take your time.”

“Right.” Raf took a handful of breaths and then continued. “So, when I was growing up… my family… well, I love them, and everything. My parents barely speak English, and they still managed to take care of my brother and me, but… their faith is everything to them. It’s just how they grew up. They can be… intolerant. My father, especially. I never even _thought_ I could be gay until I moved out. It wouldn’t have been… allowed. But I am. And they don’t know. And… uhm… now I’m telling you my life story. Why am I still talking?”

Mark and Jack smiled reassuringly. “I asked,” Jack reminded him.

“Oh. Right. But… I mean, you barely know me. You don’t need to hear about-”

“We do,” Mark interjected. “We want to know. We need to be ready, for when people find out about us.”

“We don’t really know how to exist in the community, yet,” Jack added. “We just started figuring this out, and we’ve had a lot of advantages and support. Most people aren’t so lucky. We want to know how we can actually help.”

Raf was nodding. “Can I make a couple suggestions?”

“Please do,” Mark said.

“Well… your fans are going to go nuts. Not because you’re gay or bi, but because you’re… adorable. Right? Know what I mean?”

Mark and Jack both nodded; the thought had occurred to them as well.

“So…” Raf continued. “I think the most helpful thing you can do is try to redirect that attention. Maybe encourage everyone to focus on education and resources. I mean yeah, you’re adorable, and it will mean so much to so many people to feel represented by you, but… like you said... a lot of people need help. They need places to go, people to talk to. They need help dealing with loss, and illness, and discrimination… and abandonment… Uhm. Anyway. Just my two cents.”

“Dude. Thanks,” Jack said sincerely. “That’s really helpful. Maybe you could even help us come up with something more concrete, before the livestream.”

“That’s the plan? You’re going to announce it during a livestream?”

Jack nodded. “Yeah. And I’ll understand if that means yeh can’t work with me. I mean… yer family… I get it, if it’s not the right thing fer you.”

Raf held his gaze confidently. “It is the right thing for me. Maybe I’ll finally be able to tell them. Maybe it’ll help them understand.”

“If yeh’re sure, we’ll support yeh. I’m going to adjust the contract, too. I usually ask fer two weeks’ notice if someone needs to leave the position, but if things get rough fer you after we come out, yeh’ll be free to move on immediately. Or we can renegotiate the terms when things settle down. Sound fair?”

“More than fair. Let me check your language before you print, though.”

Jack smiled. “I appreciate yeh looking out fer me. We’ll look out fer you, too.”

 

* * *

 

Mark had already made Justin aware of their plans for the livestream, and he’d handled the news surprisingly well. Mark remembered that one of Justin’s initial judgments of his relationship with Jack was that they were being consciously deceptive by keeping their relationship a secret, and although Mark wasn’t sure whether Justin’s general attitude about the LGBTQ+ community had improved, his attitude toward Mark and Jack certainly had. He had seemed infinitely more at ease since they’d filmed together with Team Edge, and he’d been over to the house several times since then. His work continued to be exemplary, and while Mark had come to enjoy and appreciate their working relationship, Jack and Justin had become actual friends. The three of them had even recorded some gameplay together, which Mark intended to release on his channel after the livestream. He and Jack planned to officially introduce Justin and Raf via video chat at the beginning of the stream, and they invited both of them to the house on the Monday before their trip to review some final details.

Raf had let Jack know that he and Justin had actually met once before. This was unsurprising, given their shared profession and acquaintances, but Jack had found himself wondering whether Justin had known about Raf’s sexual orientation, and, if so, whether it would affect his behavior. He and Mark were pleasantly surprised on this count, too; if Justin felt uncomfortable around Raf, it was impossible to tell. He shook Raf’s hand without missing a beat. He was friendly and encouraging, and went out of his way to compliment Raf on his edits for Jack’s channel. Mark and Jack noticed that they slipped easily into two-way conversations about the work and the technology, and that they spoke to each other as if they’d been friends for a long time.

After reviewing their editing and upload schedules for the next week, Raf and Justin helped Mark and Jack record some promos for the stream. Raf had approved wholeheartedly of the charity they’d selected – The Point Foundation – and had helped them decide on some scripts about the charity and the LGBTQ+ community in general, which they could share in the promos and during the actual stream. Mark and Jack were pleased with the footage after several takes, and they decided to leave Raf and Justin alone to start the editing process while they retrieved some snacks from the kitchen.

“Um…” Jack started hesitantly, once he and Mark were finally alone. “I don’t want to be weird about it, but did yeh notice-”

“Definitely,” Mark interjected. “They like each other.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah. As friends. Obviously. …Right?”

“Yeah. Obviously. Because Justin’s-”

“Straight. Right.”

“Right.”

A burst of laughter reached them from down the hall – Raf and Justin had had each other laughing all afternoon – and Mark and Jack looked at each other, smiles spreading across their faces until they both dissolved into giggles.

“Have you ever actually heard Justin laugh like that before?” Jack asked, once he’d regained his composure.

“No. Never.”

“Didn’t think so.”

“…D’you think…?”

“No. Why? Do you?”

“…No. I don’t think so. It’s just-”

“It’s nice. It’s good.”

“Yeah. It is.”

 

* * *

 

 

Mark and Jack spent the rest of the day feeling like everything was falling into place. Their closest friends and family had shown them nothing but support as they’d started planning for the livestream, and Raf and Justin had put them ahead of schedule in planning for their trip to Cincinnati. They’d checked in with each other almost daily to make sure they were both ready to go through with the announcement, and had concluded over and over again that they’d never felt more ready, or certain, or excited about anything in their whole lives.

Their certainty made them bold. And in their boldness, they let their caution slip.

They’d happily made plans with Raf, Justin, and some of the Grumps to catch a movie that same night. They’d decided on a midnight showing at a smaller theater, something Mark had done often with friends in the past to minimize the risk of being recognized in public. But Mark had suggested they still take the precaution of wearing baseball caps when they left the house, and Jack was having a hard time with the conversation.

“…I’m sorry, love. I’m not upset with yeh. I’m just sick of this fucking hat. I’m burning it as soon as we get back from Cincinnati. Yers, too.”

Mark was nodding sympathetically. “I know. I’m ready to be done with it, too. But… I just want to have a good time. We’ve barely left the house in the last couple weeks. I just don’t feel like signing autographs tonight. Do you?”

Jack sighed heavily. “No. Yeh’re right.” He resumed the process of tucking his hair into a black baseball cap, while Mark waited patiently in the driver’s seat.

“Ok. How’s it look?”

Mark took in Jack’s appearance, not for the first time that day: Black high-tops that Mark had picked out, close-fitting blue jeans, and a black hoodie.

“You look like a fucking badass. As usual. And if we don’t get going soon I’ll be dragging you into the backseat.”

Jack giggled, reassured. “Maybe after the movie?”

“Mm.” Mark smirked. “If you can wait that long.”

He navigated them to a shopping mall parking lot that was mostly deserted. Jack raised an eyebrow at Mark as they parked; it definitely wasn’t one of the nicer theaters he’d ever been to.

“I know,” Mark explained. “It’s shitty on purpose. I mean, there are usually less people. Don’t worry, the popcorn tastes the same.”

“Jesus! Popcorn! Yes!”

They watched another car parking a couple rows away, and immediately recognized the two people who got out of it: Justin and Raf.

“Wait…” Jack started, staring after them as they headed toward the theater entrance. “They drove here _together_?”

Mark nodded. “I heard them mention it earlier. Raf was all, _Yeah dude, you live, like, ten minutes from my building_ , and Justin was all, _Yeah bro, we should just carpool_.” He giggled.

“I wonder how Raf feels about being called ‘bro’?”

“He seems pretty ok with it so far. And he seems tough. I’m sure he can handle Justin.”

“Ha. I’m sure he can.”

They found Raf and Justin at the theater entrance, chatting animatedly with Arin, Suzy, and Danny. Everyone exchanged hugs and handshakes, and Jack was encouraged to see Raf holding his own with the Grumps, even though he’d never met them face-to-face before. His confidence had grown noticeably over the last couple of weeks, and Jack reminded himself to thank Justin for helping him feel welcome in the group.

They only came across three other people while they bought tickets and snacks, and no one paid them any attention. The theater itself was large and almost completely empty, except for a couple sitting at the far edge, a group of four at the front, and another small group all the way in the back. Jack sat between Mark and Raf, feeling much more relaxed now that it seemed like the riskiest part of the evening had passed; they were several rows away from the strangers in the theater, and no one had paid them any attention when they’d arrived.

He dropped his guard. He took off his hat. He held Mark’s hand.

The movie itself was forgettable, but the experience of being at ease in a public place, with Mark and some of his closest friends, was both exciting and reassuring. Jack’s mind wandered as the images played out on the screen, imagining how it would feel to be free of disguises, to move on completely from the feelings of worry and dread that were still holding them back. Then his mind wandered in a different direction as Mark slipped his thumb into the sleeve of his sweatshirt, tracing lightly over the inside of his wrist. He knew he’d barely remember the movie in the morning, but he found that he didn’t want it to end.

He would’ve been content to stay through the ending credits, and later, he’d wish that he’d insisted on it. Instead, he acknowledged that everyone needed to work in the morning, and followed Arin and Suzy’s lead as they stood from their seats and led the way back to the hall. They’d made it all the way back to the ticket counter before Mark stopped him, looking concerned.

“Sean. Your hat.”

“Huh?” Jack felt for his baseball cap and discovered that he’d forgotten to put it back on. He reached to his back pocket, where he usually kept it, and found it missing. “Shit. Ser’sly, fuck the hat, Mark.”

“Sean,” Mark said gently, and Jack softened his tone.

“Right. Sorry. Hey- guys- I need to run back in fer a sec. See you all later?” He said a quick goodbye to Justin, Raf, and the Grumps.

“Sean, I’ll come-”

“I’ll be quick,” Jack called over his shoulder; he was already jogging back to the theater. Mark sighed, and turned to the rest of the group.

“You guys can go ahead. I’ll wait for Sean.” No one saw any reason to protest; they said their goodbyes and left Mark alone in the lobby. He spotted a bench in the corner and made his way over to it, then fished his phone out of his pocket to check on social media. He’d just opened the Twitter app when he heard voices nearby.

“…see his hair? What a fucking faggot…”

“…jeans, too, dude…”

“…think he knows he looks like a pussy?”

“…think he’s _trying_ to look like a pussy…”

Mark froze for a moment, icy dread flooding his insides.

_Oh my God. They’re talking about Sean._

He had the presence of mind to pull his hood over his baseball cap, adding an extra layer of anonymity to his appearance. He put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward over his phone, hoping the angle would further obscure his face. Then he watched out of the corner of his eye as a group of three men walked through the lobby, sniggering to each other as they passed. It was a small comfort that they stayed at least a dozen paces away from him, and didn’t seem to notice him as they exited the theater. He jumped up as soon as they were out of sight, and almost collided with Jack.

“Whoa- hey, love-”

“Fuck- Sean- sorry…”

Mark spared a glance at Jack’s face and found him looking sleepy and calm; he doubted he’d heard what the men had been saying.

“Mark? You alright?”

“Mm. Just tired. Let’s go.”

“Sure.”

Mark would wonder later whether the outcome would have been different if he’d told Jack what he’d heard. He would obsess over the tiny details of the evening, agonizing over small adjustments to a timeline that was set in stone, imagining a universe where he and Jack drove safely away from the theater that night. But it couldn’t be changed. It couldn’t be fixed. In the universe that was theirs, it always ended the same way.

“Mark.”

_“Sean. Walk faster.”_

“Mark! Why are you whispering? There’s no one here-”

Jack moved to take Mark’s arm, and Mark moved out of his reach, creating more space between them as he hurried them both toward the exit.

“Hey.” Jack was getting angry now. “Can you stop, please? What’s the matter?”

Jack had stopped walking, and Mark had turned to face him with one hand on the exit door, looking visibly agitated. His voice was low and serious.

“I need you to come to the car with me. Right now. I’m not fucking around. _Now,_ Sean.”

Jack stared, then moved forward quickly, suddenly aware that something was very wrong. He let Mark steer him out the door and into the parking lot, becoming increasingly more anxious as Mark stared around and fumbled for his keys. They’d just stepped off the sidewalk when an unfamiliar voice echoed off the concrete.

“Hey! Loverboys! What’s the rush?”

The voice was playful on the surface, sharp as knives underneath. Mark swore under his breath.

_“Just keep walking.”_

_“What-”_

“Hey.” It was the same voice, and the playfulness had vanished. “I’m _talking_ to you fags.”

Mark turned to the side, ready to reach out for Jack, ready to pull him the rest of the way to the car.

But Jack wasn’t there.

Jack had stopped walking.

_No. No no no._

Mark spun around and saw the biggest of the three men approaching Jack, who was standing still: feet planted firmly, shoulders set in a hard line.

“I’m not sure if I appreciate yer tone, mate.”

_Fuck._

Mark was back at Jack’s side in time to see the man’s reaction as he approached, flanked by his two friends.

“I’m sure I’m not your _mate_ , faggot. I know England’s full of queers. Maybe you should head on back there and visit your _mates._ We don’t appreciate cocksuckers in America.”

The other two men chuckled, nodding their agreement.

Mark’s mind was spinning. _England? What the… oh. Jesus. The accent. Ignorant asshole._ He felt his adrenaline spiking and tried to take stock of the situation. The biggest man was still approaching them; his unkempt stubble was visible in the low light, and he was dressed sloppily in a wrinkled shirt and workboots that looked too big for him. His two friends were moving forward, too: one tall and wiry, clad in a bright red t-shirt with a logo Mark didn’t recognize, and one shorter and stockier (though still an inch taller than Mark) wearing a nondescript snapback.

“Hate to break it to yeh, dude,” Jack was saying. “California’s full of queers, too. I’m pretty sure yeh’re in the minority, here.”

 _“Jesus, Sean. Let’s just go,”_ Mark said quietly, insistently, resisting the urge to grab him by the arm and pull him away from the men.

The ringleader was still advancing on them, nodding to himself in mock thoughtfulness. “Should’ve listened to your boyfriend. We’ll be happy to let you get the fuck out of here. Right after we make sure you won’t ever come back.”

Things were moving too quickly for Mark to keep up. All of a sudden, Workboots was an arm’s length away from them, looking them over, while Jack held his ground, and Mark stood frozen by his side.

“I’ll go where I please, and yeh’ll do nothing to stop me.”

The man shot out his arm and knocked the baseball cap off of Jack’s head.

“Try again, pussy.”

Mark started to move in the man’s direction, but Jack put an arm across his chest, holding him in place. Mark looked frantically at Jack, and found that he was smiling.

“Can’t even tell yeh how much I hate that hat. Let’s say yeh’ve done me a favor, and we can all be on our way.”

Workboots took a swing, aimed directly at Jack’s face, and Jack dodged it easily. However, the failed punch did put Jack off balance, which allowed for several things to happen very quickly. First, Red Shirt managed to get close enough to grab both of Jack’s arms and wrestle them behind his back. Next, Snapback managed to do the same to Mark, taking advantage of Mark’s state of distraction and general agitation. Jack’s name had barely made it past Mark’s lips-

 _“SEAN-_ ”

-before Workboots’ fist collided heavily with the center of Jack’s perfect face.

Mark watched Jack’s head snap backwards, heard a harsh, strangled sound escape from Jack’s throat as the impact registered, heard someone else yelling at the top of their voice-

 _“…WILL FUCKING KILL YOU-_ ”

-and then he was free, having easily slipped out of Snapback’s hold. He punched the taller man squarely in the jaw, watched him stagger and fall, then moved toward Workboots and kicked his legs out from under him before he had time to react. Mark landed a powerful kick to the side of his face, heard a strangled yelp, watched the much bigger man roll to his side, cradling his head.

_“STAY DOWN, ASSHOLE.”_

Mark spun on the spot; the words hadn’t been his. That had been Jack, who had the heel of his sneaker pressed into Red Shirt’s cheek, while blood trickled from the corner of his mouth and pooled on the pavement. Spatters of blood littered the concrete by Jack’s feet, and Mark watched another drop splash to the ground, then traced its origin up to Jack’s face. Blood was flowing freely from Jack’s nose, down to his chin and onto his sweatshirt. Mark felt a wave of nausea sweep upward from his center as he watched blood pouring out of the person he loved. He swallowed. He tried not to break.

_“Sean…”_

Their heads snapped sideways in unison as they heard running footsteps nearby. Less than a minute had passed since Mark had first yelled Jack’s name, and they were both startled to see two more men running toward them from across the parking lot. They both resumed their defensive posture, but then relaxed; as soon as the men’s features resolved in the low light, they realized that it was Justin and Raf who were running in their direction.

“Holy _shit_ ,” Justin observed, as he and Raf skidded to a stop beside Mark and Jack. “What the _fuck_?” He was looking toward the three men who had been on the ground a moment before, but were now standing in a huddle several feet away, looking ragged and beaten.

“What _happened_?” Raf demanded, and Mark noticed that he had his cell phone in his hand, and was most likely capturing photos or video of the scene. _Smart._

“These assholes jumped us,” Mark managed, swallowing against the tremor he heard in his own voice.

Jack snorted, then coughed. “They _tried_.” He spat the words at the three men, then spat actual blood onto the pavement in their direction.

“Shit, you _freaks_ , do you know who these guys are?” Justin called to the men. “They’re _famous,_ dickbags. You are _so fucked_.”

The three men looked at each other, clearly deeply disturbed by the fact that they’d been handily beaten by two queer men – two potentially _famous_ queer men - and were now outnumbered. Jack wondered fleetingly what they would have done if he and Mark had still been here alone, and decided with a swell of affection and defiance that Mark would’ve broken every bone in all three of their bodies.

Mark was wondering the same thing, and choked down another wave of nausea; his mind had imagined a very different outcome.

And then the three men were off, sprinting away across the parking lot and into the darkness. Mark turned immediately to Jack, put his fingers gently under Jack’s chin, and inspected his face.

The amount of blood was alarming, and Jack’s nose was already starting to swell. Mark guessed that it was probably broken, and the thought made his legs shake. He felt Jack’s hand covering his own, then an increase in pressure, then a searing pain in his knuckles-

“Oh, _fuck-_ ”

“Mark, yer hand-”

“Sean- your _face-_ ”

“Both of you,” Raf cut in. “Hospital. Now. I’ll drive.”

Jack shook his head, then swayed on the spot. Mark put one arm around his shoulders and one hand on his hip, ready to catch him if he fell.

“Sean. Come on. We have to.”

“No… Mark… I just want to go home… I don’t want to go back there…”

All the fight had gone out of Jack. He was pleading now, and Mark felt tears prickling painfully at the back of his eyes.

“We’ll go home _right after_. I _swear_. But it’s not safe yet. I need you to be safe. Ok? Please?”

Jack’s lower lip started to shake. He sagged in Mark’s arms.

 _“Can yeh call Jessie?”_ he asked softly.

 _“I will,”_ Mark promised. _“As soon as we get in the car.”_

“Where are your keys?” Raf asked him.

“Uhm… I had them in my hand…”

Justin and Raf searched the pavement nearby and found Mark’s keys in a discarded pile. Raf got into the driver’s seat and set his GPS for the nearest emergency room, while Justin opened the backseat door and helped Mark and Jack inside. Mark propped Jack up with his head tilted back against the seat. The bleeding hadn’t slowed – if anything, it was worse – and he searched the floor of the car for something he could use to clean up Jack’s face. There was nothing. He made sure Jack was steadily upright, then pulled off his blood-stained sweatshirt, wincing as the pain in his knuckles registered all over again. He set the sweatshirt aside, then pulled off the white t-shirt he’d been wearing underneath.

 _“Mark- yeh don’t have to-_ ”

_“Shh. It’s ok, Sean.”_

He pressed the shirt cautiously under Jack’s nose, and Jack winced, but gave a slight nod. Mark held the shirt in place and fished for his cell phone with his free hand, tapping at the screen with his thumb until he’d selected Jessie’s number.

 _“Hey.”_ He spoke quietly, trying not to alarm Jack. _“Yeah, something’s wrong. No, I’m ok… we’re… well, I think Jack’s nose might be broken. We… uhm… we got jumped. Yeah. No, our friends are with us, but… yeah. Thanks. Uh-_ ”

Mark asked Raf for the name of the hospital they were heading to, and then repeated it to Jessie.

 _“Ok. See you there.”_ He hung up, dropped the phone onto the seat, and went back to dabbing carefully at Jack’s face, watching shades of red seep across the fabric of the shirt.

_“She’s coming. It’ll be ok, Sean.”_

_“Mark.”_

_“Yeah, babe.”_

_“I don’t want to sleep there.”_

Mark nodded. _“I know. I’ll be there the whole time. We’re fine. We’re safe.”_ He pulled Jack’s right hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. Then he examined it more closely, and saw that Jack’s knuckles were scraped and bloody, as well. It occurred to him that Jack had taken down one of their attackers single-handedly, immediately after being punched in the face. It had all happened so fast; he hadn’t even seen it. Suddenly, intrusive thoughts flooded his mind, as if a dam had broken:

_I could have stopped them._

_I should have saved you._

_This is all my fault._

He kept the thoughts to himself; he knew it wouldn’t do Jack any good to hear what he was thinking. Instead, he said:

_“Sean. Remember what I said earlier? You’re a fucking badass. You are.”_

Jack had let his eyes fall closed, but he opened them now and held Mark’s gaze. His voice was muffled, but strong.

_“You too, love.”_

The emergency room wasn’t far; they’d arrived within ten minutes. Mark pulled his sweatshirt back on, and then he and Justin helped Jack out of the backseat. They each kept one arm around Jack’s back, supporting most of his weight as they made their way into the reception area, which was blessedly empty. Mark took Jack’s wallet from his back pocket and located his insurance card, then approached the receptionist while Justin and Raf got Jack settled into a chair. He gave the receptionist a brief overview of what had happened, stumbling over isolated fragments, and then filled out a set of forms for Jack and for himself. Then he sat down heavily next to Jack.

“Here, Sean- put your head back-”

He put his right hand around the back of Jack’s head, wincing at the white-hot pain that shot through his knuckles as he did so.

“Mark, no, yer hand-”

“Fuck my hand,” Mark said seriously. Jack managed a smirk, despite the swelling in his face.

“Maybe later.”

Jessie chose that moment to appear in the doorway, looking tousled. She hadn’t bothered to get dressed; she was wearing pajama bottoms with Mario characters printed on them, and she was carrying her wallet, keys, and cell phone in her hand. She moved toward them in a hurry and bent over Jack, inspecting his face without touching him. She sniffed. She leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

“Other injuries?” she asked Mark, who knew she must be deeply distressed, but was impressed and reassured that she didn’t let it show. Years on the surgical floor had made her tough. She was exactly the person they needed right now.

“I… uh… my hand might be hurt,” he said hesitantly, glancing in Jack’s direction.

“He’s downplaying it,” Jack murmured. “It’s probably broken.”

“Yours might be, too,” Mark said gently, and Jack sighed heavily.

“Any other blows to the body?” she prompted. Mark raised an eyebrow, unsure of her meaning, and she tried again. “I mean, did they…” she trailed off. Mark saw a flicker of emotion in her eyes. She cleared her throat. “Did they hit you anywhere else?”

“Oh. No. Wait. Sean? Did they?”

Jack started to shake his head, then winced, then groaned.

“No. Just my face.”

 Jessie nodded. “Right. Enough talking for now. I’ll come in with you. You can explain everything to the doctor, and… I’ll do whatever you need me to.”

Mark found Jessie’s fingers with his free hand and squeezed.

“Thanks, Jessie.” Mark introduced her to Raf and Justin, who were finally starting to look less rattled, and then she sat down in the seat next to him.

_“Mark… did you call the police?”_

_“…No. Shit. I should have, right?”_

She put a hand on his shoulder. _“It’s ok. We can wait until you talk to the doctor.”_

It was past 3AM; if there were other patients in the ER, they were already being treated, and Mark and Jack didn’t have to wait long. A nurse eventually came through a set of double doors, holding a laptop.

“Sean McLoughlin?”

Mark and Jessie stood up, and helped Jack to his feet.

“We’ll be here,” Raf assured them. “Just text if you need anything.”

Mark kept an arm wrapped firmly around Jack’s waist as they followed the nurse back to an exam room. She took both of their vitals, did a cursory exam of their injuries, asked them to rate their pain, and then asked them some basic questions.

“Are you allergic to any medications?”

“No.”

“Do you have any serious medical conditions?”

“Yes.”

“Are you safe at home?”

_“Yes.”_

The door had barely closed behind her before the doctor knocked and entered the room. She introduced herself as Dr. Fellows, and asked Jack to move from his seat to the edge of the exam table. The flow of blood from Jack’s nose had finally slowed, but he was covered in it, and she set about the task of cleaning his face.

“So, Sean.” Her voice was brisk, but kind. “Can one of your friends tell me how this happened?”

Jack nodded. “Mark.” His voice was thick and muffled. “But he’s not just my friend. He’s my partner.”

“You’re in a romantic relationship?”

“Yes. We live together.”

She nodded. “Ok. Mark, want to tell me what happened tonight?”

 _Jesus, that’s the last thing I want to do,_ Mark thought.

“Ok. Uhm. We were at the movies with some friends. And there were these three guys… I think maybe they saw us holding hands in the theater, or… well… I heard them-” Mark stopped abruptly. He would have given anything to avoid saying this out loud, in front of Jack. He cleared his throat. He looked down at his hands. “I heard them talking about Sean. But I didn’t tell him about it, I just… I thought we could just leave, and get to the car… Sean, I’m sorry-”

“Hey.” Jack swallowed thickly. “Love. It’s not yer fault. Just tell what happened.”

Mark took a long, shaky breath. “So, we left the theater, and they were out in the parking lot. I think they were waiting for us. They started saying things. Insults…”

“What kind of insults?” The doctor prompted.

“Slurs,” Jack clarified. “Faggot. Cocksucker. Like that.”

Mark winced when he heard the words, remembering the sound of them echoing off the pavement in the dark.

Dr. Fellows was nodding. “Ok. Go on, Mark. Take your time.”

“Ok. So… Jack stopped to talk to them-”

“I shouldn’t have,” Jack cut in. “It was my fault. I didn’t want them to think – _ah – ow –_ ” He paused while the doctor sterilized a small cut on the bridge of his nose. “Uhm. I didn’t want them to think I was afraid. I wanted to stand up fer us.”

“You did, Sean,” Mark said, more loudly than he’d meant to. “You… you were really brave. Uh. Anyway. So… the biggest guy took a swing at Sean, and he missed, but the other two guys… they grabbed us. I couldn’t move for a minute. And that’s when he… he hit Sean.”

“He used a closed fist?” the doctor asked, and Jack nodded. “Did they hit you anywhere else?”

“No. We hit them, though,” Mark explained. “I… I kicked one of them down… and I kicked him in the face, too. Jesus. I kicked him really hard-”

 _“Ngh- ahh-_ ”

Jack was swaying again. Mark stood up reflexively, sidestepping the doctor to get to Jack’s side. Dr. Fellows made a grab for a nearby basin and handed it to Jack, and he promptly vomited in a steady stream of red liquid.

_Blood._

“Shit! Sean! What-?”

Dr. Fellows put a hand on Mark’s arm. “Mark. It’s alright. It’s from the nosebleed.”

“Oh…” Mark winced as Jack retched again. “God, are you sure?”

“Sean?” Dr. Fellows asked gently. “No one punched or kicked your body? Chest? Stomach? Back?”

Jack shook his head, spat into the basin. “No. Just my face.”

She nodded, answering Mark’s question. “I’m sure. But we can take some x-rays, just to be safe. I need to order one for his face, anyway. And we’ll need to x-ray both of your hands.”

She filled a cup with water from the faucet and handed it to Jack, who rinsed his mouth and spit. She took the basin from him, retrieved a clean one from under the sink, and left it on the counter.

“Just in case,” she explained. “I’ll need both of you to undress from the waist up. Sean, I’d prefer it if you didn’t pull your shirt off like you normally would. I’d like to use scissors to cut it off, just to be safe.”

Jack stared at her, looking like he wanted to refuse.

“Can Jessie do it?”

Dr. Fellows looked confused. “Sorry?”

“That’s me,” Jessie chimed in. “I’m a nurse.” She pulled her hospital badge out of her wallet and held it up.

“She’s my friend,” Jack said. His tone suggested that he’d prefer not to discuss it any further, and Dr. Fellows got the message.

“I think that would be fine.” She took a pair of scissors out of a drawer and left those on the counter, too. “There’s one more thing I have to mention. I have reason to believe you’ve both been victims of a hate crime. I would strongly encourage you to file a report with the police. I can call them at any time.”

Jack looked up at Mark and shook his head slightly. A tear splashed from the corner of one of his eyes. Mark slid his arm around Jack’s back.

“We need to think about it.”

The doctor nodded. “Sean, lay down if you feel faint. Someone will be back soon to take you for x-rays. I’ll see you both when you’re finished.”

She let herself out, and Mark immediately put his hands under Jack’s chin, as gently as he could. Blooms of blue and purple were starting to appear around his nose and eyes, and several more tears had fallen onto his cheeks. Mark knew he was inches from losing his own composure, but he managed a smile.

 _“You were really brave, Sean. You’re a fucking badass, and I love you.”_ He kissed Jack’s forehead, and Jack sobbed a handful of times while Mark wiped gently at his cheeks.

_“Mark…”_

_“Sean. It’s ok.”_

_“It’s not… it’s my fault…”_

_“No. It’s not.”_

_“Why did I have to stop? Why did I do that?”_

_“Because you’re brave.”_

_“That wasn’t brave. That was stupid.”_

_“It wasn’t. They were coming after us. They could’ve easily gotten to us from behind, while we weren’t looking. You gave us a shot. And we’re going to be just fine. You hear me?”_

Jack took a moment to process this, and then nodded. Mark pressed kisses into his hair until he stopped crying, then held him for a long moment.

Eventually, Jessie stood up from her seat. She hugged Jack carefully, then picked up the scissors from the counter.

“Ready, Jack? I’ll be careful, I promise.”

“Yeah. I’m ready.”

Mark held his hand loosely while Jessie used the scissors to cut his sweatshirt and t-shirt up the middle. Once Mark had finished pulling the sleeves off of each arm, he could see that some blood had found its way inside the collar of Jack’s shirt. He ran a paper towel under warm water, washed it away, and then helped Jack dress in a hospital gown. Then he pulled off his own sweatshirt, which was covered in Jack’s blood, and pulled on a gown of his own. He let Jessie help him with the ties in the back, and then he resumed his position next to Jack, pressing against the side of his body with one arm secure around his waist.

“I thought I’d have to wait ‘til we got home to take your shirt off. This was a nice surprise,” Mark teased, and he was rewarded with a genuine giggle from Jack. He let the moment linger, pressing a handful of kisses against Jack’s forehead, and wishing he could avoid the conversation that was about to happen.

“Sean.”

“Mm?”

“I really think we should tell the police what happened.”

“Mark-”

“Babe, just hear me out, for a second? Please?” Mark tightened his arm around Jack, and Jack glared at him, but stayed silent. Mark took a slow breath, shook his head. “Believe me, all I want is to go home with you right now, and pretend this never happened. But…” He traced the emerging bruises on Jack’s face with his eyes. “It did. It happened. And it wasn’t some random fistfight. It was targeted. Those guys came after us because of who we are. Because we’re together. What would you say to one of your fans who told you something like that?”

Jack’s scowl gradually softened. He looked in Mark’s eyes for a long time, and then finally nodded, resigned. “I’d tell them to call the police.”

“Why?”

“…Because it isn’t right. People shouldn’t have to be… afraid. People shouldn’t have to… _Jesus._ People shouldn’t have to go through this.”

Mark gave him another squeeze. “We always talk about changing the world, right? Trying to make a difference? This is… I dunno… it’s bigger than just us.”

“Yeh’re right. It is.”

There was a knock at the door, and the nurse they’d met earlier let herself in.

“Ok… Sean… Mark… I just need to bring you down the hall for a couple of x-rays. Are you ready?”

Jessie and Mark helped Jack down from the table.

“We’re ready,” Jack said. “But… can we talk to the doctor, first? We need to call the police.”

 

* * *

 

 

It turned out that Mark and Jack’s injuries were relatively minor, given what they’d been through: the bridge of Jack’s nose was fractured, and he’d be bruised and swollen for the foreseeable future, but the injury would heal on its own with minimal care. While both of their hands were severely bruised, they’d managed to avoid breaking any fingers or knuckles, much to their relief. The police had interviewed Justin and Raf while they’d had their x-rays done, and then they’d shared their story one more time, and filed a report with the responding officers. Jessie had stayed by their side through everything, offering sound advice and much-needed support. They left the doctor’s office armed with a large packet of paperwork, several ice packs, and stiff, scratchy, hospital-issued t-shirts, leaving their ruined clothes behind.

The police had advised both of them to keep the specific details of their assault as private as possible, for the sake of any subsequent legal proceedings, but they knew it would be impossible to keep the incident completely secret. Jack’s nose would take weeks to fully heal, and he couldn’t appear on camera without at least partially explaining what had happened. He and Mark were both on high alert as Jessie escorted them back toward the double doors to the waiting room, anxious to make it home without being recognized. Jessie had offered to drive Raf and Justin back to the theater parking lot to collect Justin’s car, so Mark and Jack had been prepared to say a brief goodbye and make a quick exit. Instead, they stopped short at the threshold and stared.

Justin and Raf were both asleep in the chairs they’d been sitting in for most of the night. Justin’s cheek was resting on the curve of Raf’s shoulder, and Raf’s face was pressed against Justin’s hair.

 _“Holy shit,”_ Mark murmured.

 _“Fucking hell,”_ Jack agreed.

 _“Are they…?”_ Jessie ventured, and Mark and Jack both shrugged.

_“Dunno, but… Jesus, it almost makes it all worth it, doesn’t it?”_

Mark nodded. _“Yeah. It kinda does.”_

 _“So… who’s going to wake them up?”_ Jessie asked.

Jack put a hand on her arm. _“Let me. You two… go look busy, or something.”_

He approached Raf and Justin as quietly as he could, then sat down carefully in the seat next to Raf. He nudged Raf’s shoulder with his own.

_“Hey, man. Time to go.”_

Raf lifted his head, blinking. “What? Oh…” He looked to his left and found Justin still sleeping soundly on his shoulder. _“Oh… um… we were just-”_

_“Hey. It’s fine. We can talk about it later. I’m going to go back over there and pretend to be oblivious so yeh can wake him up. Sound good?”_

Raf took a breath, looking relieved. _“Sounds good. Thanks, Jack.”_

_“Ditto. Thanks. Fer everything.”_

Jack made his way back to Jessie and Mark, and watched out of the corner of his eye as Raf leaned down and murmured something to Justin. Justin lifted his head slowly, his face barely an inch away from Raf’s, and smiled.

 

* * *

 

 

An hour later, Jack was finally laying on his back in their bedroom, with Mark’s head resting on his stomach. He was smoothing Mark’s hair with his undamaged hand, surprised to find himself fighting sleep after one of the most difficult nights of his life. He knew that neither of them were at fault for what had happened to them, but they both felt like they were, anyway. He guessed that they’d both been in shock for several hours, and he had no idea how he would feel when he woke up, so he decided to say what was on his mind.

_“Mark. You awake?”_

_“Mm.”_ Mark tightened his arm around Jack’s body. _“Uh huh.”_

_“I have to tell you something.”_

Mark lifted his head, blinked up at Jack.

_“Sure. Anything.”_

_“I don’t know how else to say it. I can’t think of the right words right now. But I need yeh to know, anyway.”_

Mark slid Jack’s t-shirt up, pressed his lips to Jack’s belly.

_“Tell me, love.”_

Jack’s heart fluttered. Mark used this term sparingly, which made it feel special, every time he did.

_“I think I learned something new tonight. I think someone could literally beat me senseless, and I’d never even consider leaving yeh. Not fer a second. Someone could break both my hands, or both my legs… it wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t change a thing. If I had to break a bone every day to be with yeh… I would. In a heartbeat. I don’t think anything in the world could make me change my mind. So if yeh were worried… if yeh thought I might be scared, or I might be having second thoughts… I’m not. I won’t. I know it.”_

Mark shifted his position until he was hovering just above Jack’s face, his fingers resting gently along Jack’s jaw.

_“But… Sean… what if I can’t protect you?”_

Jack shook his head slowly, put his fingers in Mark’s hair. _“I don’t need yeh to protect me. I just need yeh to stay with me. Even when things are awful. Even when people tell you that yeh shouldn’t. Even when it seems like it would be so much easier to walk away. I need yeh to love me anyway.”_

 _“I do.”_ Mark kissed Jack’s lips, more carefully than he ever had. _“I will. I promise.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based part of this chapter off of one of my favorite quotes, from one of my favorite books:
> 
> "Let me say this. It was worth the whole awful, irritating time spent searching the Archives just to watch that moment happen. It was worth blood and the fear of death to see her fall in love with him. Just a little. Just the first faint breath of love, so light she probably didn't notice it herself. It wasn't dramatic, like some bolt of lightning with a crack of thunder following. It was more like when flint strikes steel and the spark fades almost too fast for you to see. But still, you know it's there, down where you can't see, kindling."
> 
> \- Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear


	68. Chapter 68

Jack woke up when his alarm sounded early on Friday morning, and he reached over to Mark’s side of the bed before he’d opened his eyes. Mark wasn’t there, and he wasn’t surprised. He knew Mark hadn’t been sleeping, that he’d spent the last three nights fighting off nightmares and disappearing quietly from the bedroom.

Unfortunately, Jack had done little _but_ sleep for the first couple of days since they’d been attacked in the parking lot. The pain from his broken nose had been intense. Thanks to Raf, he had a surplus of ready-to-release videos, and as much as he loathed inactivity, it had been necessary for him to take his medication, and to rest, and to try to heal.

But Jack wasn’t concerned about their physical injuries. He was concerned about a different kind of healing. He was concerned about Mark.

He sat up, and was pleased to find that the pain had finally lessened from intolerable to manageable, even in the absence of medication. He looked around and saw his and Mark’s luggage piled neatly by the door, and he guessed that Mark had finished packing their bags while he’d been asleep. He silently thanked the universe for the thousandth time that he’d been cleared to fly to Cincinnati. They needed to go. They needed to follow through with everything they’d planned. They needed to start to move on from what had happened.

Jack climbed out of the bed and took a closer look at his suitcase and backpack, and found that his belongings were neatly packed and organized. He knew they had plenty of time before their flight, that he really could have finished the task himself, but he was grateful to have one less thing to worry about. He could always count on Mark for that. Mark made life easier. Mark made everything better.

He walked into the bathroom and opened the blinds on the window, which overlooked the backyard. He sighed, relieved, because Mark was down there, playing with Chica. Jack watched him toss a frisbee for her, then chase her down the length of the yard, running barefoot through the grass, wearing nothing but a pair of gym shorts.

Jack knew Mark should probably be more cautious; the doctor had urged him to be protective of his hand while it healed. But he also knew that Mark needed to run. He knew that Mark might need to be angry, or sad, or scared for a while.

He saw Mark skid to a halt, panting, and then drop to his knees in the grass. He watched as Mark ran his undamaged fingers over Chica’s ears. He felt a dull ache in his chest as Mark put his arms around Chica and hugged her for a long time.

He knew Mark needed to heal in his own way. And there was only so much he could do.

He pulled on a pair of Mark’s sweatpants and went down to the kitchen. He collected some ingredients from the fridge, and was halfway through bacon and omelets by the time Mark appeared by his side. He felt Mark’s hands on his hips, felt Mark’s lips on the back of his neck.

_“You’re up. This is good.”_

_“Mm. Missed yeh, love.”_

He felt Mark’s arms sliding around his chest, heard Mark speak in a low murmur.

_“I’m right here, Sean.”_

_“I know.”_

_“How do you feel?”_

Jack felt Mark tracing the outline of his hip with one thumb, and leaned back against his chest.

_“Getting better.”_

_“Still want to go?”_

_“Yes. I do.”_

_“Ok. Me too.”_

Mark pressed his lips against Jack’s hair, then retrieved plates and silverware while Jack finished up at the stove. Then he pulled Jack gently into a chair, served them both, and held his fork in his left hand, leaving his injured right hand in his lap.

“Oh… hang on…” Jack had noticed that Mark had failed to provide him with a fork. He started to get up from the table, but Mark stopped him.

“Let me.”

He ungracefully speared a bite of omelet and held it up for Jack, who was giggling at the clumsy display.

“Mark, I can feed mys _mf_ -”

Mark had shoved the bite of omelet into Jack’s mouth, and Jack chewed, smiling, shaking his head. Mark managed to steer several more bites into each of their mouths before he finally dumped a forkful of eggs down the front of Jack’s shirt.

“Oh, that was on purpose, Fischbach. I know it.”

Mark shrugged, looking nonchalant. “I’m pretty sure that’s my shirt, and I’ll do whatever I want to it. Juice?”

“Like I’d trust yeh with liquids right now-”

But Mark was already holding the full glass of orange juice up to Jack’s mouth. Jack narrowed his eyes, suppressing a smirk.

“Mark…”

“Sean.” Mark nudged Jack’s mouth with the edge of the glass. His voice was soft, but playful. “C’mon. You’re so thirsty. I know it.” He nudged Jack with the glass again, then changed his tone. “Open up. Let me see the inside of that pretty mouth.”

Jack giggled again, and Mark seized the opportunity; he pushed the glass toward Jack’s open mouth, and tilted it. Jack managed to catch a decent-sized gulp, while an equal amount splashed down the front of his shirt.

“Mark!”

Mark was giggling unsympathetically. Jack reached for a napkin, but Mark pushed his hand away. He stood up from his seat and gestured.

“Arms up, babe.”

Jack gazed up at him, shaking his head. “Ser’sly? All that to get my shirt off?”

“You can’t begin to imagine the things I’d do to see you naked.”

“You could just ask.”

Mark shrugged again. “This way’s more fun.”

Jack held his gaze and lifted his arms over his head. He knew he needed to be protective of his nose, but he trusted Mark to be equally cautious. Mark pulled the shirt up from the bottom, removed both Jack’s arms from the sleeves, and then held the neckline open, pulling it carefully over his injured face so that the fabric barely made contact. He set the shirt aside, then kneeled down next to Jack, dabbing at his chest and stomach with a napkin. Jack let him work for a moment, then rested his hand lightly over Mark’s.

“It’s ok. You can wash it off in the shower.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

Mark discarded the napkin, then laid his head against Jack’s stomach instead, and Jack took note of the quick change in Mark’s demeanor, from playful to serious in a matter of moments. Jack smoothed at Mark’s hair, then rested a hand around the back of his head. He took several long breaths before speaking again.

_“Want to talk about it, love?”_

_“No. Uhm. Maybe later?”_

Jack leaned down, pressed a kiss to Mark’s forehead. _“Whenever yeh’re ready. Shower now?”_

_“Yes, please.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Showering had become somewhat of a challenge for both of them, given their injured hands and Jack’s broken nose, and they were happy to accomplish this task collaboratively. Jack’s hand was in worse shape than Mark’s, since his first knuckle had collided violently with his attacker’s jaw, leaving the surrounding area bruised and swollen. This left Mark in charge of shampoo, and Jack didn’t bother apologizing for the inconvenience; it was clear that Mark wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through his hair in the shower.

Mark stood behind Jack, tipped Jack’s chin backwards, and moved his fingers in a slow, circular pattern, working the suds through the long, fading strands. Jack sighed heavily, humming with pleasure, letting his body relax while Mark’s fingers moved down to the back of his neck, massaging as they went.

_“Feels good, love.”_

He felt Mark’s lips on his shoulder.

_“Yeah. You do. Close your eyes.”_

Jack complied, and felt the length of Mark’s hand resting along his forehead, just barely making contact with his closed eyelids. The pressure was so slight, he felt no pain at all. He felt Mark’s other hand under his chin, tipping it further back, then felt warm water running over his hair. He wondered whether he should have flinched, or protested – whether he should have been more concerned about Mark navigating his injuries. He wondered when he had begun to trust Mark so completely, so much more than he had ever trusted anyone else. He knew Mark was still the singular, unique person he’d come to love so deeply, but it occurred to him that Mark could also function as an extension of himself, that he could rely on Mark to be present and steadfast with unquestioning certainty. He felt a calming sensation spreading through him, felt – not for the first time – that the boundaries between their bodies were paper-thin, insubstantial and fading fast.

As if in answer to these wandering thoughts, Jack felt Mark’s arms sliding around his chest, felt Mark’s body pressed close against his back, felt Mark’s lips moving slowly from his shoulder to his throat. He rode a wave of arousal, focusing on the pressure of Mark’s mouth, until his head started to swim and his balance pitched, despite his closed eyelids. He swayed, and Mark held him tight.

_“I’m sorry, love. I’m not ready.”_

_“Don’t be sorry. I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”_

Mark was holding him still, keeping him steady.

_“I know.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“Jack? Yeh’ve been busy this week? Yer father and I were startin’ to worry.”

Jack had stalled until the last possible moment, and it had finally arrived. He’d called Malcolm and his other siblings over the course of the week to let them know what had happened to him and Mark, and to tell them about the livestream, but he hadn’t told his parents yet. He knew he needed explain what had happened before he and Mark left for the airport. A baseball cap would only do so much to disguise his appearance and hide his broken nose, and if someone recognized him, and photographed him…

“I know. I’m sorry. I do have a couple of things I need to talk to yeh about.”

“Oh? Everythin’ alright?”

_No. It’s not._

“Yes. I need yeh to know that I’m fine. But something… _bad_ … happened to me and Mark.”

Silence for a moment. “What happened, Jack?”

Jack had prepared his answer to this question ahead of time, but he still didn’t feel ready to speak the words. He extended the fingers on his injured hand, needing to be reminded that his mobility was improving, that he would eventually be able to play games again, and hold a drumstick, and thread his fingers together with Mark’s without wincing in pain… He rolled his shoulders and started to speak.

“Some guys tried to beat us up in a parking lot. They only got one good swing, but… uhm… my nose is broken. Not too badly, though,” he added quickly, trying to sound reassuring. “It’s healing well. I’ll be just fine.”

More silence. Then: “Oh, _Sean._ ”

Jack swallowed against the lump that was swelling in the back of his throat, his eyes prickling uncomfortably at the sound of his given name, which his mother so rarely used. He had never been more aware that his parents were halfway across the world.

“I know it sounds bad. We’re really alright. I just needed to tell you because… well, we’re doing a livestream this weekend, so everyone will see my face. It’s pretty obvious that I’m… hurt. And… uhm… also… we decided we’re going to tell everyone. About us. About me and Mark, I mean.”

“Oh, _Lord_ , Sean, are yeh _sure_? Don’t yeh think you should give it some time?”

“It’s been months, Mom. Longer than that, really.”

“I know, but… once yeh _say_ it… I mean, once it’s _out_ there… yeh won’t be able to take it back.”

“That’s the point. I can’t hide like this. I can’t pretend. I don’t want to.” Jack felt confidence taking hold of him, felt the lump in his throat dissolving as he spoke.

“Even after being… Lord, Sean, they broke yer _nose_?”

“Yeah. Especially after that.”

“But is it _worth_ all that?”

“Yes. It is. It’s worth everything.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jack found Mark waiting in the kitchen, and had to stop himself from running directly at him and throwing his arms around his shoulders. Instead, he approached him purposefully, took his face in both hands, and kissed him, more enthusiastically than was strictly advisable.

_“Mh- Sean- careful, ok?”_

_“Don’t boss me, Fischbach.”_ Jack kept his face close to Mark’s and held his gaze, his playful scowl resolving into a grin.

Mark giggled softly. _“You know I wouldn’t dare.”_ He put his hands on Jack’s waist, tugged at his belt loops. _“I just… I need you to be ok.”_

Jack nodded.

_“I am. And I love you. And I’m ready. Let’s go.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Jack wore a baseball cap to the airport without complaint, clinging to the notion that it might be the last time he’d ever need to do so. It was busier than they would have liked, but they had planned to bring only carry-on luggage, and they moved quickly through the security line. They’d splurged for first class tickets, and were satisfied with the amount of privacy it afforded them; there were no other passengers nearby. Jack took the window seat, removed his hat, pulled up his hood, and rested his head immediately against Mark’s shoulder. He was asleep before the plane took off, holding Mark’s arm loosely, his fingers tangled in the drawstring of Mark’s sweatshirt.

Mark sighed as the plane climbed higher into the clouds. The pressure of Jack’s sleeping body was so comforting. _Too comforting_. He was fighting the exhaustion of a week’s worth of worry and restless nights. When Mark was awake, Jack was warm, and safe, and never out of reach. When Mark was asleep, he dreamed that Jack was crying, and bleeding, and-

“Sean.”

Jack started, then lifted his head and found Mark’s eyes.

“Mm? Everything ok?”

Mark shook his head. “…I don’t want to sleep. I can’t. I’m sorry I woke you up, I just-”

“Mark.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s ok.”

Jack untangled himself from Mark’s arm, then pulled his earbuds and his tablet out of his backpack. He handed one earbud to Mark, and put the other in his own ear, so they could listen together. Then he tapped into his media library and let Mark pick a movie. He looped his arm under Mark’s again, and rested his head back on Mark’s shoulder as the opening credits rolled.

_“I’ll be right here, love. Wake me up if I fall asleep.”_

Mark wanted to protest. He wanted to let Jack sleep. He wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted both of them to be fine.

But they weren’t. Not yet.

_“Thanks. Love you, Sean.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Tom was waiting for them at their arrival gate, holding a small sign that said “Mr. & Mr. F-M.” Mark pointed it out, and Jack chuckled.

“Fischbach-McLoughlin?”

Mark giggled. “McLoughlin-Fischbach?”

“Fischcloughlin?”

“McLoughbach?”

They were laughing in earnest by the time they reached Tom, who embraced them both genuinely and then led them toward the exit.

“I had to fight Wade and Tyler to get them to stay back at the house. I told them it would draw too much attention if we all came, but… I figured you’d want to know they gave me a really hard time about it.”

Mark and Jack both nodded appreciatively.

“Thanks fer coming to get us, Tom.”

 “Sure. Happy to see you up and about, Bro. I’m really glad you still decided to make the trip.”

“Thanks. I am, too.”

Tom helped them load their bags into his trunk, insisting that Mark and Jack sit in the back together during the drive. They were all painfully aware of the last time they’d been in this configuration – when Tom had driven all three of them to the hospital after PAX – but Tom was ready with questions and upbeat commentary about the livestream and the coming week, and Mark and Jack were relieved to let him steer the flow of the conversation.

Mark rested his head on top of Jack’s for most of the drive, but he lifted it suddenly as soon as Tom pulled into the driveway at their mother’s house.

“Dee’s here?”

Jack guessed Mark must have recognized her car.

“Yeah. They’re… getting along. I think LA might have been some kind of turning point.”

The front door of the house opened before Tom had even turned off the engine, and Jack saw Dee and Mark’s mom heading toward the driveway. And then, as if some kind of switch had flipped, Mark was jumping out of the car, running toward them, hugging them tightly. Jack got out of the car and leaned against it, watching the moment unfold, hoping that this would be part of what Mark needed: to be safe at home, with the people who loved him most. He watched Mark’s mom kiss both of his cheeks, watched Dee examine Mark’s hand and then hug him again, forcefully, like she needed to be reminded that he was safe and solid and close enough to touch.

And then her attention shifted. She met Jack’s gaze. She kissed Mark’s cheek, then walked toward Jack, looking stricken. She stopped short with a few inches of space between them, examined his face – the bloom of blue and purple bruises had spread upward, around his eyes – then wiped at her cheeks, and held out her arms.

“Sweet Jack.” She sniffed, and her voice shook. “So handsome.”

And then he hugged her, and she was soft and safe, like his own mother was. He felt tears staining his cheeks for the first time since the assault, and it occurred to him then that, try as they might, he and Mark wouldn’t always be able to fix everything for each other. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been truly comforted by a parent, by someone who was older, and wiser, and in possession of that mysterious power that could make pain and worry disappear. He closed his eyes and let Dee rock him from side to side, felt the tension in his chest easing in stages, felt the discomfort in his face becoming distant and inconsequential.

When he opened his eyes again, Mark was by his side, waiting patiently, and Jack thought fleetingly, _He’d wait forever_ , before releasing Dee and letting himself fall into Mark’s arms. He felt Mark’s hand holding the back of his head, and he knew it was alright that they still needed their friends and family, too. It was enough that they still wanted each other, despite what they had been through. It was enough that they had both stayed.

Jack let Mark dab at his face with his sleeve as Mark’s mom approached them, looking concerned and uncertain.

“I asked Mark how you were doing,” she offered. “He told me, ‘Mom, you don’t need to worry, Sean is a badass.’”

Jack giggled, still sniffling, enjoying the fair approximation of Mark’s tone mixed with her uneven accent.

“And you look like it,” she continued, nodding encouragingly. “But I’m very sorry this happened to you. I’m happy you’re both here.”

“I am, too,” he said sincerely. “Thanks fer letting us stay.”

“This is Mark’s home,” she said simply.

He smiled, searching for a response, but was distracted when the front door opened again, and more people emerged from the house: Wade, and then Tyler, and then someone tall and bearded, with blue eyes like a beacon that Jack could’ve spotted anywhere, because they were almost identical to his own.

_“Malcolm?”_

Jack felt Mark’s palm press against the small of his back, and Dee gave him a brilliant smile. “Mm. Wade and Tyler picked him up from the airport this morning. But I think most of the credit goes to Mark.”

He barely heard her. He felt Mark steering him toward Malcolm, who was walking quickly in his direction. He broke into a jog.

“Mal!”

Malcolm stopped and opened his arms wide.

“Sean. It’s been _way_ too long.”

Jack jogged straight into his arms and hugged him tightly, ignoring the pain that radiated from his nose when he rested his face against his brother’s shoulder.

_“Jesus, Mal. God, its good to see yeh.”_

_“Mm.”_ Malcolm clapped him on the back, then took a step backward and examined Jack’s face. “Had to make sure yeh’re safe and sound. Surprised?”

“Yeah… I had no idea… how…?”

Malcolm smiled, blue eyes sparkling. “Mark. He bought me a plane ticket before he even called me… which I fully intend to pay him back fer,” he added, casting a sidelong glance in Mark’s direction.

Jack clung to the soothing lilt of Malcolm’s accent, noticeably different from his own after years of living in Paris, but still comfortingly familiar. Mark was shaking his head.

“You came when I called. We’re even. And if you don’t feel like we are, you can owe me a favor.”

Malcolm nodded and shook Mark’s hand, satisfied with this agreement for the time being, and then Wade and Tyler took the opportunity to greet Mark and Jack by way of cautious hugs and promises of food in the kitchen. Mark’s mom tried to lead them all into the house, but Mark barely made it through the front door before he disappeared under a pile of white fluff. Lucy and Bubble yipped and whined happily, covering Mark with kisses before turning their attention to Jack, who took no issue being showered with more enthusiastic affection.

Mark’s mom and Dee had both contributed to the spread of food they found in the kitchen, and no one bothered to sit down at the table. They grabbed plates, served themselves, and ate standing up. Mark stuck close to Wade and Tyler on one side of the kitchen, and Jack guessed that he was purposely giving him space to spend some time with Malcolm. Still, whenever he searched for Mark’s eyes, he found him looking back with a reassuring smile.

“I’m guessing it looks worse than it is.”

Jack shifted his gaze back to Malcolm and swallowed the bite he’d been chewing.

“What, my face? Yeah, I’m feeling better today. That’s why I called everyone, though. I know it looks bad. Did yeh talk to Mum and Dad?”

Malcolm nodded. “They know I’m here. I think Mum might’ve come herself if I hadn’t talked her out of it. I wasn’t sure if this weekend would be the time…”

Jack smiled, relieved. “Jesus, yeah, that would’ve been… stressful. I do miss them, though. I think… I mean, I know it was a little… _abrupt_ , fer them. The way I left.”

“Mm. Yes and no. Yeh’d always talked about moving fer work, eventually. They understood that part. And Mum… she trusts yer judgment, even if it doesn’t always seem like it. Dad…” He trailed off, glancing around the room. “Could we find somewhere to sit, maybe?”

“Sure.” Jack set his plate aside and followed Malcolm into the living room. He sprawled on the couch while Malcolm settled into a nearby chair.

“Right,” Malcolm resumed, somewhat stiffly. “I dunno if this is the right time fer yeh to hear this, but I don’t feel right keeping it to myself, either. Dad… well… he asked me to try to talk yeh out of it.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “What… out of the stream?”

“Yeah. And… the relationship in general, I think.”

“Oh. Shit. What did yeh say?”

“I told him to fuck right off.”

“Jesus, yeh did not!”

Malcolm nodded seriously. “I did. Lectured him a good bit. But it doesn’t matter. That’s why I’m telling yeh. I think yeh’re doing the right thing, being more public, and all. I think… I think he just needs proof. It won’t matter what I say, or what you say, or what Mark says. He needs to see it happen. I know he’ll come around, it’ll just take time. So I wanted yeh to know. In case yeh’re feeling nervous, or… in case yeh weren’t sure. I know it’s the right thing. I’m with yeh.”

Jack stared at his brother for a long moment. “It does matter.”

“Huh?”

“It matters that yeh said something. It matters to me. It’ll matter to Dad, too. And it matters that yeh came. Thanks, Mal.”

“Of course I came. Not that Mark would’ve taken ‘no’ fer an answer. Is he always so…”

“Charming? Persuasive?” Jack ventured. Then, more quietly: “Stubborn?”

Mark stuck his head around the door frame. “I heard that, McLoughlin. You forgot ‘devastatingly handsome.’”

Jack giggled, shook his head. “I was getting to it, love.”

Mark flashed him a grin, and Malcolm beckoned with one hand. “Come sit with us?”

Mark nodded. He disappeared for a moment, then made his way into the living room with an ice pack and a mug. He handed both to Jack, then sat down beside him, sliding one arm around his back.

“Time to ice your face. The coffee’s decaf, and I let it cool a little bit. Should be ok now.”

Jack hesitated for the briefest moment, then kissed Mark’s cheek. His doctor had warned him that extreme temperatures might bother him while his nose was healing, and he’d been discouraged to find that hot food and drinks were particularly uncomfortable. Mark hadn’t missed a beat; he’d spent the week adjusting everything Jack usually ate and drank to a more comfortable temperature.

“I know I said it already. Thanks fer taking care of Sean,” Malcolm said sincerely.

Mark smiled, his hand pressed lightly between Jack’s shoulder blades. “Sean has been keeping me alive all year. This hardly compares. I would… I would do anything.” He looked in Jack’s eyes. “I would do anything you need.”

“I… I know.”

Jack was fighting the urge to kiss Mark’s mouth. But would Malcolm really mind? Did he really need to fight so hard against something so simple? So normal? So comforting? So-

Mark spared him the struggle. He put his fingers under Jack’s chin, and kissed his lips.

“Coffee ok?”

Jack blinked, nodded. “It’s perfect.” He turned back to Malcolm, found him watching the exchange with his head cocked to one side.

“I’ll be honest,” Malcolm started, his expression thoughtful. “I never realized how… _private_ … yeh usually are, Sean, until just now. This is better. It suits yeh. Both of yeh.”

“Yeh think?” Jack asked, encouraged by this response.

“Yeah. That’s what I meant, earlier. I think some people will just need to _see_ it, to understand. And I know yeh shouldn’t have to put yerselves on display for anyone else’s benefit, but… anyway. I’m proud of yeh both.”

Jack meant to say _thanks_ , but he yawned hugely instead.

Malcolm was smiling, but concern was evident in his expression.

“Sean… no one’ll fault yeh if yeh call it an early night.”

Mark gave him a gentle nudge. “Agreed. Ready for bed? We can go down anytime.”

As much as he wanted to spend more time with his brother, Jack didn’t have the energy to protest.

“Yeh’ll be alright, Mal? Are yeh staying here?”

“No, I’m staying with Tom.” Malcolm shifted his gaze to Mark. “Yer brother _also_ has trouble taking ‘no’ fer an answer.”

“I like to think I’ve had a civilizing influence,” Mark said sagely, and Jack made a snorting noise, muffled by the ice pack he was still holding to his nose. Mark glared in mock indignation, but slipped immediately into a giggle at Jack’s expression. “Ok, yes, Tom is the civilized one. I’m a complete savage. Or… I was. Before you.”

Jack softened his expression. He set the ice pack aside, stood up from the couch, and held out his hand.

“C’mon. Bed. Say goodnight fer us, Mal?”

Malcolm stood up, nodding. “Get some rest, I’ll see yeh both tomorrow.”

Mark took the hint. He led Jack to the basement stairs, and then down to the room he used to sleep in and record in when he’d still lived there. He’d brought their luggage down earlier in the evening, and Jack was grateful to find his own pillow already arranged on Mark’s bed.

Jack looked around the room slowly and found that he had a million thoughts and questions, none of which he could articulate at the present moment. He yawned hugely again, and Mark set about unbuttoning his jeans - somewhat clumsily, since he primarily used his left hand. Jack returned the favor, and they stripped off their pants and pulled off their sweatshirts. Jack climbed onto the double bed first, as had become customary during the week, since he still needed to sleep on his back. Mark had taken to dozing with his head on Jack’s chest, or with his face pressed against Jack’s shoulder.

Mark was yawning too, and Jack could tell that he was practically asleep on his feet, but he hesitated before climbing into the bed.

“Mark.”

“Mm?”

“It’ll be ok. You can just wake me up. If yeh have a bad dream, I mean. I really want yeh to… _stay_ … tonight. Ok? Stay with me? Let me help?”

Mark sighed and climbed onto the bed. He slid one leg over Jack’s lower half, straddled his waist, and leaned close to his face, brushing at his hair.

_“Leaving you is the last thing I ever want to do. You know that, right?”_

Jack nodded. _“I do. And I know I can’t fix all of this. Just… let me do what I can. Or let me try, at least. Ok?”_

_“Ok.”_

Mark leaned down and kissed his lips, so gently that Jack felt a tug in his chest – appreciation, overshadowed by desire, and then frustration. He enjoyed it when Mark touched him carefully, but he enjoyed it more when it led to Mark touching him… _not-so-carefully._ He sighed against Mark’s mouth, trying to keep his hands loose on Mark’s hips, stopping himself from grabbing at Mark’s body.

_“Sean?”_

_“Uh huh?”_

_“You ok?”_

_“Yeah. I’m fine. You feel…”_ Jack’s thought was interrupted by a massive yawn. _“…so good.”_

Mark laughed softly. He climbed off of Jack, pressed the length of his body against Jack’s side, pressed his lips to Jack’s forehead.

_“Time to sleep, babe.”_

_“Stay? Please?”_

_“I will. I promise.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Mark had been through a lot in his life. He’d watched his parents’ marriage deteriorate and eventually fail. He’d lost his father at a relatively early age. He’d had three major surgeries, and had been fully aware that his life had been at risk each time. He’d lived with that knowledge for the better part of a decade, and had found himself relatively unfazed. He was goofy, upbeat, and driven by nature. He’d dealt with each challenge and moved on to the next, without wasting energy worrying about what disasters might still be waiting for him. He’d made peace with his own mortality a long time ago, and hadn’t bothered to dwell on it.

Until Jack had come into his life, and given new meaning to his future.

He’d confronted his own mortality with relative ease. But being confronted with _Jack’s_ mortality had shaken him to the core.

He was well aware of what could have happened in that parking lot; he’d been dreaming about it every night. For all the time he’d spent fantasizing about some possible reality where they’d left the movie theater with the rest of their friends and driven away unscathed, he’d dreamed of several others where much more than Jack’s nose had been broken.

And that was why he found himself sobbing in the middle of the night in his mother’s basement, trying to reconcile the image of Jack’s broken body that had been playing behind his closed eyelids with the image of Jack’s actual face hovering above him, and the feeling of Jack’s hands pressing down painfully on his shoulders.

_“MARK. COME ON. WAKE UP.”_

_“S- SEAN-”_ Mark found that he couldn’t make it through the single syllable of Jack’s name without sobbing, and the desperate look on Jack’s face made it all worse. He tried to swallow the horror that had followed him back from the dream. He choked on it instead.

 _“Mark.”_ Jack’s voice was more gentle now. He looped his arms under Mark’s shoulders and slid backwards, pulling Mark into a sitting position. Then he secured his arms around Mark’s back, holding him upright, searching his face. _“It’s ok. Cry. Please. Fer me.”_

And Mark did. At first he cried in heaving sobs, with his face buried in the folds of Jack’s shirt, while Jack rocked them both from side to side. Then he cried silently while Jack stroked at his hair, forcing himself to believe that Jack was as strong and solid as he felt, forcing himself to remember that they had fought back, and won, and saved each other.

Jack waited patiently, choosing his next words. He stayed quiet until Mark had been still for a long time, then said:

_“This is the second shirt yeh’ve ruined in a day, Fischbach. Yeh’ll need to owe me.”_

He wasn’t sure if the sound he heard was a giggle, or if Mark had lost control of a residual sob. Mark lifted his head and met Jack’s gaze, still sniffling.

_“Good thing it’s my shirt. I’d like it back now.”_

Jack nodded seriously. _“You can have it, if yeh take it off me.”_

He sat up on his knees, and Mark followed, sliding his hands around Jack’s back and under his shirt. Mark let Jack wipe at his face, barely resisting the urge to kiss Jack’s mouth. He put his lips on Jack’s neck instead, and Jack moaned, low and lovely, sliding his left hand around Mark’s hip, slipping his fingers inside the waistband of Mark’s boxers.

_“Mark.”_

_“Mm?”_

_“It’s ok. I won’t break.”_

Mark had been moving cautiously, taking his time. He knew what Jack was doing. Jack was trying to comfort him, and it was working. He found Jack’s eyes, and Jack kissed his mouth, gasping in pain as their noses collided, grabbing _hard_ at Mark’s hips when he tried to pull away.

_“No, Mark-”_

_“Sean, I can’t-”_

_“MARK. PLEASE.”_

The last of Mark’s resolve fell to pieces; Jack’s shirt was in a pile on the floor before he realized what he’d done. And then Jack was pulling his arms above his head, Jack’s mouth was on his chest, Jack was sliding off his shirt and tossing it aside. Mark braced an arm around Jack’s lower back, turned them both, and pushed Jack roughly onto the mattress, falling with him, feeling the length of Jack’s body pressed beneath him. He felt Jack throb between two layers of fabric and thrusted instinctively, and they moaned together, and the sound drove any remaining hesitation from Mark’s mind.

He sat back on his knees, pulled Jack’s legs over his shoulders, and slid Jack’s boxers off. Jack sat forward and grabbed for Mark’s waistband, but Mark stopped him, applying gentle pressure to his hands.

_“It’s ok, lay down-”_

_“I will, once these are off-”_

_“No, Sean, I’m fine, just let me-”_

_“No.”_

Mark paused. Jack sounded… annoyed? Mark watched as he reached backwards, into his pillowcase, and pulled out the bag of supplies they usually kept in their night stand. Mark stared.

_“I left that at home.”_

_“I know. You honestly thought I’d want to wait a week?”_

Mark shook his head slowly. _“…No. I wanted you to know that_ I _would wait. I wanted you to feel-”_

 _“Safe?”_ Jack stared back at him for a moment. Then he sat up, wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulders, kissed his lips, and leaned backwards, pulling both of them down onto the mattress. He took his time exploring Mark’s mouth, pushing the pain out of his mind, moving one hand through Mark’s hair, pulling down on Mark’s boxers with the other until Mark finally submitted and kicked them the rest of the way off.

 _“Sweetheart.”_ Jack pressed a handful of kisses along Mark’s jaw while he pulled on his left hand. _“I’ve never been more safe in my life than I am right now, with you.”_ He poured lubricant onto Mark’s fingers. _“I want you to think about that while yeh… while yeh’re inside me. I want you to think about it every time yeh close yer eyes.”_ He sighed with pleasure, eyelids fluttering, as Mark’s fingers slid inside of him. He felt his heart rate start to climb as Mark grinded against him, felt every inch of his body suddenly waking in response to Mark’s touch. He felt a pulse that left him shuddering, started to lose control over his voice-

_“Oh, God-”_

-and wondered vaguely whether either of them could manage to keep quiet. As if in answer, Mark kissed his mouth, then slid his fingers out, stifling Jack’s moan with his tongue. Then he looped his arm under Jack’s shoulder, pressing their chests together-

_“Put your mouth on me, Sean-”_

-then lined himself up, pressed his face into Jack’s hair, and slid himself inside, shaking and moaning, feeling intense pressure and the dull ache of Jack’s teeth, which were pressing hard against his collarbone. He felt Jack moving against him, and they met each other in a slow, fluid thrust, breathing together, making small, stifled sounds as they grabbed and kissed at each other’s skin.

_“Ah- Mark-”_

_“Sean- oh, God-”_

_“Close yer eyes, love-”_

Mark did as he was told, pressing his face against Jack’s neck as they moved together.

_“I’m- I’m safe-”_

Jack’s voice was low and thick, his breathing erratic, his skin hot to the touch.

_“I’ll tell yeh every day… I’ll be here- every day-”_

_“You swear-?”_

_“I swear- fuck-”_

_“Sean-”_

_“There- don’t stop-”_

Mark had both arms tight around Jack, holding him partially off the mattress, thrusting slow and deep with Jack’s legs wrapped around his waist-

_“Mh- Mark- I swear-”_

And suddenly, Mark believed him. Jack’s words had finally penetrated. Jack’s skin was hot, his breath like fire. His body pulsed and tensed under Mark’s touch, his lips hard against Mark’s skin, his voice muffled but strong.

_“Mark- more- please-”_

Jack was here. Jack was begging. Jack was alive.

Mark slid one arm down to Jack’s hips, lifted him further off the bed, and thrusted deep, searching for that perfect angle until Jack tensed and whimpered-

_“Oh- Oh my God-”_

_“Sean-”_

_“Yes-”_

_“Like that?”_

_“Yes-”_

Mark thrusted into Jack, over and over – felt their bodies connecting, again and again – and knew, with complete certainty, that every inch of Jack was safe, and alive, and edging toward bliss in his arms-

_“Oh- Mark- MARK-”_

Jack came with his mouth pressed _hard_ against Mark’s throat, his body tense and vibrating-

_“SEAN-”_

Mark found Jack’s eyes, clear blue even in the dark, and he came with a ragged exhale, eyes locked on Jack’s, committing every sound and sensation to memory. He willed the moment to last, praying that _this_ Jack – _his_ Jack – would be waiting for him when he slept. He closed his eyes. He held the person he loved.

 _“Mark?”_ Jack’s limbs had gone loose. He was stroking lazily at Mark’s hair, radiating calm and affection. _“You ok?”_

Mark nodded slowly, just barely processing what Jack had said, as if he’d heard the words from far away.

_“Shower, love?”_

_“Mm. Please.”_

_“Ok. Give me a head start.”_

Mark kissed Jack’s lips in response, then rolled to the side to let him up. Jack pulled on his boxers, then ran for the door and disappeared into the darkness. Mark counted the seconds, holding the image of Jack’s face in his mind, then stood up from the bed, pulled on his shorts, grabbed some clean clothes from his bag, and went to find Jack.

There was a nightlight in the bathroom, and Jack had kept the main light off, and gotten into the shower in the partial darkness. His wet skin glowed in the pale light, and he smiled as Mark came closer. The shower was a single-person stall, much smaller than the glass enclosure they enjoyed at home, but neither of them minded – the purpose of this late-night adventure was to stay as close as possible.

Jack pushed the door open, and Mark stepped inside, then slid his arms around Jack’s waist, pulled him up on his tiptoes, and kissed him.

Jack had intended to take his time washing up, but Mark was already yawning by the time they’d covered each other in soap, and Jack took this as an encouraging sign. He rinsed them both clean, towel-dried their hair, and dressed them both in clean t-shirts and boxers. He led Mark back to the bedroom, holding his hand loosely, unconcerned about the pain in his fingers. He laid down on the bed, pulling Mark with him, manipulating Mark’s body until their legs were intertwined, both arms around each other.

 _“Here… turn a little bit… oh. Yeah. There.”_ Jack nodded approvingly, shifting against Mark’s thigh, which was secured between his legs. _“See? Kinda like we just were, right?”_

Mark smiled, catching on to Jack’s intention. He was trying to approximate the position they’d just had sex in, adjusted slightly so they could fall asleep in relative comfort.

_“Mm. Feels so good, Sean. You always feel so good.”_

Jack nodded. _“Keep thinking about that. Close yer eyes, now, and picture it.”_

Mark obeyed, examining all of the ways that Jack was touching him, shifting his hips against Jack’s body, pulsing occasionally with muted aftershocks, feeling Jack doing the same.

_“God, Sean, you’re so… I wish we could… I never get sick of it. I never will…”_

Mark was practically asleep, mumbling half-sentences while Jack traced patterns between his shoulder blades.

_“I know, love. I couldn’t wait. I didn’t want to. Yeh know that, right? Yeh know how much I want you?”_

But Mark was already asleep. Jack fought against his own exhaustion for as long as he could, watching Mark for signs of stress, but he was sleeping peacefully. He moved against Mark occasionally – rocking his hips, pressing his palm against his back – hoping the small sensations would follow him if he dreamed, hoping to ease the pain of the person he loved most in the world.

He touched his forehead to Mark’s, just barely making contact – felt Mark stir in his arms without waking – then let his eyes fall shut. And they stayed that way, until the sun came up.

 

* * *

 

 

“Sean.”

Jack opened his eyes, found Mark smiling and blinking back at him.

“Hey, love. You ok?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah. Guess what time it is.”

“Mm…” Jack raised his head, saw sunlight creeping around the shade of the single, basement-style window in the room. “Six o’clock? Seven?”

“Nine,” Mark said happily.

Jack grinned. “Yeh just woke up?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeh slept the whole time?”

“Uh huh.” Mark brushed a lock of hair back from Jack’s face. “Thanks to you.”

Jack pushed Mark onto his back and rolled on top of him, covering his neck with kisses.

“Mm. I dunno. Could’ve been a fluke. Might have to repeat the experiment… oh, Jesus-” Jack’s expression changed from playful to stricken. “Were we loud? Yer mom! Oh, God…”

Mark giggled. “She sleeps across the house. I doubt she heard anything. And I think we were pretty quiet… by our standards, anyway.”

“Hm. Dunno if I can keep that up. Yeh might need to fuck me face down next time.”

Mark raised his eyebrows. Hearing Jack speak so frankly about their sex life was still a relatively new experience – one that he found both unexpected and arousing. “Jesus. I mean, yes, I would enjoy that, but… your face, Sean…”

“Oh… right. I’ll be fucking you, then.” Jack leaned down, put his mouth close to Mark’s ear. _“Any way yeh like.”_

Mark shivered. _“Feeling better today, babe?”_

_“Much better.”_

Mark tightened his grip on Jack’s hips, and Jack took the hint: he leaned down and kissed Mark’s mouth, grinding slowly against Mark’s lap-

_Knock-knock-knock._

_“MARK. YOU BETTER BE ALIVE IN THERE.”_

Jack sat up, startled, but Mark was smiling and shaking his head.

_“I’M FINE, WADE. HANG ON.”_

He sighed, gave Jack’s hips a final squeeze. “Time to get up. My mom must have let him in.”

Jack pouted dramatically and climbed off of Mark’s lap, and they both pulled on some sweatpants.

 _“’KAY. WE’RE GOOD. COME IN,”_ Mark yelled.

The door opened, and Wade stepped through it.

“Like… you guys _brought_ your phones from LA, right?” He seemed legitimately concerned, and Jack guessed that Wade was still trying to cope with Mark’s illness and slow recovery. He felt a pang of sympathy for Wade, who had to care for Mark from such a distance. He knew what that was like.

Mark grabbed his phone from the desk nearby and winced. “Sorry, dude. I left it on silent. We overslept a little bit.” He had clearly picked up on the agitation in Wade’s tone as well, because he set the phone aside and gave Wade a genuine hug.

“Nah… no big deal.” Wade’s tone had softened, and he hugged Mark for longer than was strictly necessary, then looked them both over for the first time. “Shit… sorry… were you guys-?” He gestured vaguely.

“No. I mean, kinda. I mean, not really,” Mark fumbled, running a hand through his tousled hair.

“We were just making out,” Jack said, much more concisely. “We needed to get up anyway. Thanks fer coming to help out.”

“Yeah, of course. I just wanted to check in before I go grab Bob from the airport. I brought the table and the extra PC, and a couple consoles... Tyler’s here too, and Malcolm and Tom are on their way, if you want to get a head start setting up.”

Mark nodded. “Thanks, man.”

They made it halfway to the kitchen before Jack stopped dead, then trotted to the nearest window.

“Jesus… the _trees!_ ”

Mark followed him out the back door and onto the deck. Their arrival the previous afternoon had been a blur, and he guessed that Jack hadn’t actually paid attention to the fact that it was fall in Cincinnati until now. He watched Jack staring at the red and orange leaves, the sun reflecting crystalized patterns in his eyes.

“I didn’t even notice… this is _awesome._ Thanks fer this, love. I honestly almost forgot...”

Mark nodded. “It is beautiful. I miss it, too.” He saw Jack shiver slightly in his t-shirt, and revisited his well-worn, early memories of Jack in winter coats and knitted caps. He slid his arm around Jack’s shoulders, thinking about the all the sacrifices Jack had made to move to California. “Sean… y’know… we can live anywhere. Eventually. I mean… I’ll move. With you. Wherever you want. You know that, right?”

“Wherever _we_ want,” Jack clarified, but Mark shook his head.

“We’re in LA because of me. You can pick the next place. If it’s what you want… if it’ll make you happy… I’ll do it.”

Jack could feel the heat from Mark’s body, keeping him warm against the fall breeze. He studied Mark’s face.

“Yeh’d actually do anything fer me.” It wasn’t a question.

Mark nodded.

“I would.”

 

* * *

 

 

They spent the rest of the morning reorganizing the basement bedroom to accommodate the equipment they planned to use for the livestream. Wade and Tyler helped them swap Mark’s old desk for a long, folding table that could accommodate two large monitors, two keyboards, and their cameras and microphones. Then they left to collect Bob from the airport while Mark and Jack had lunch with Tom and Malcolm, and then went to have their hair dyed at a local salon. Mark had called ahead of time to a salon he’d used before that wasn’t typically open on weekends, and offered to a pay a substantial fee for two off-hours appointments for himself and for Jack: one on Saturday afternoon, and one on Sunday evening, after the stream.

After a family-style dinner, Tom, Wade, Bob, and Tyler helped Mark and Jack do a practice run of the stream, while Malcolm spectated and provided encouraging feedback. Their friends intended to stay on the premises to help out throughout the day, and Mark and Jack had convinced Bob and Wade to join in as part of a milestone celebration. Tyler and Tom both had some reservations about appearing on camera, but had promised to help them keep tabs on the technology and run any crucial errands. Once everyone felt satisfied that the stream would run smoothly, they congregated in the living room to play cards and catch up.

Mark was grateful for the distraction, since he was feeling jittery about the following day. He wasn’t nervous about announcing his relationship with Jack – he knew that would be a massive relief – but he was concerned about having to discuss the details of their assault. As the hour grew later, though, his uneasiness started to dissipate. Feeling Jack’s presence in his mother’s house was calming in a way he hadn’t anticipated. Jack seemed perfectly at ease with his parents and his friends, despite what he had been through, and despite the massive milestone they were about to conquer.

Sometime around 10:30, he felt Jack’s head on his shoulder, and noticed that his breathing had started to slow. Tom, Malcolm, and their friends were all starting to yawn, too, so he grabbed a throw pillow and pulled Jack’s head into his lap, losing the thread of the conversation as he felt Jack start to drift off.

“…should get going anyway, dude.”

“Mm?” Mark shifted his gaze to Wade. “Oh. Sure.”

“Nine-thirty tomorrow?” Tyler asked, and Mark nodded.

“Yeah. That’ll give us time to eat and do another test run.”

Tom, Malcolm, Tyler, and Bob said their goodbyes and went to the kitchen to say goodnight to Mark’s mom, but Wade lingered, scrutinizing Mark from his seat.

“You sure you’re ready, man?” Wade spoke softly, conscious of the fact that Jack was sleeping soundly.

“A hundred percent.” Mark didn’t hesitate. “I honestly can’t wait. I’m so done with all the sneaking around. It’ll be great.”

Wade nodded, still looking thoughtful. “Yeah. I wasn’t talking about Jack, though. I meant…”

Aside from Jack, Wade was one person that Mark could usually count on to read his mind. He sighed.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Maybe it’ll help. I don’t know. But it doesn’t feel like something I have a choice about. I _have_ to talk about it. I have to deal with it. _We_ need to. I have no idea how it’ll go. But I’m really glad you’re here.”

Wade stood up, approached Mark, and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Call if you need anything.”

He showed himself out.

Mark sat still, feeling Jack’s ribcage rise and fall under his hand, until he heard the voices from the kitchen fade and the front door click shut. Then his mom appeared in the entryway with a smile that faltered only slightly when she noticed the position Jack was in.

“Is Jack feeling ok?”

“Yeah. He’s just tired. It’s… been a long week.”

She looked sympathetic. “Are _you_ feeling ok?”

Mark thought about it.

“I thought I wouldn’t be. But… this means a lot to me. Being able to stay here with Jack, I mean. I know…” Mark was choosing his words carefully. “I know it might be uncomfortable for you. I appreciate that you’re trying.”

Her gaze drifted to Jack. She watched them for a long moment before she spoke.

“He is the kind of person that should be in your life.” Mark knew she could have easily said, “as a friend,” but she didn’t. Instead, she added: “He takes care of you.”

“Yeah. He does.”

She nodded, looking resigned. “Make sure you get some sleep.” She disappeared from the room.

Mark waited until he heard her bedroom door close. Then he ran his fingers through Jack’s freshly-dyed hair, and laid his hand to rest over Jack’s forehead.

_“Sean.”_

Jack shifted, but kept his eyes closed. Mark leaned down and pressed his lips to Jack’s temple.

_“Time for bed. C’mon. I’ll carry you.”_

Jack blinked twice. He sat up just enough to put his arms around Mark’s neck, then closed his eyes again. Mark slid his arms under Jack’s body and stood up. He was aware of every ounce of muscle Jack had gained over the last several weeks, could easily feel the difference in Jack’s weight and body composition. He knew that carrying Jack should be an effort, but it didn’t feel that way. Jack’s weight in his arms felt _necessary_ , like an extension of his own body.

Jack didn’t wake up when Mark settled him onto the mattress. Mark removed his socks and pants and undressed himself, and then climbed into the bed. He slid one arm over Jack’s chest, and rested his head on Jack’s pillow, close enough to feel the warmth radiating from his skin. Jack slid one hand over Mark’s arm, then lay still again, and Mark wondered whether he should make more of an effort to wake Jack up. Would Jack be upset about missing out on their last night of anonymity? Would he want the opportunity to talk it over one more time? Did he need one more chance to think about changing his mind?

But Mark knew better than to entertain any of these doubts. They had both had plenty of chances. Jack could have been anywhere – with anyone – but here he was, sleeping soundly in one of the many beds that Mark had once slept in by himself, in a room that used to represent solitude and loneliness and grief, during some of the most difficult years of Mark’s life. This was the reason Mark had felt so strongly about holding the stream in this room. His whole life had transformed since the last time he’d visited this house, and this seemed like the place to make it official.

He curled his body around Jack’s, and Jack responded without fully waking, shifting effortlessly into a complimentary shape, tightening his hold on Mark’s arm. Mark closed his eyes, started to drift, heard Jack’s voice in a whisper:

_“Wake me up if yeh need me.”_

_I do. I need you._

_“Love you, Sean.”_

* * *

 

“Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier-”

“Top o’ the mornin’ to yeh laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye-”

“-and welcome to this charity livestream!”

“Before we really get started, there’s something obvious I need to talk to yeh about straight away. If yeh’re watching yer screen, and yeh can see my face, it should be pretty clear by now that I’m a little banged up. I need yeh to know that I’m _fine_. I’m healing up nicely and there’s no reason fer yeh to worry. I do plan on telling yeh what happened, but it’s going to have to wait until later, so don’t bother flooding the chat with questions just yet. I need yeh to focus on Mark now, he’s going to tell you more about the charity we’re raising money fer today. Can yeh do that?”

Mark and Jack were both scanning various social media accounts on their monitors, sifting through the expected chatter about Jack’s appearance.

“Yes, he really is ok, guys,” Mark said reassuringly. “And we really will explain more about what happened.” He paused, watching the steady stream of comments come through. He chuckled. “Yes, we’ll explain the baseball caps too. We just need you to be patient. Let me tell you about the charity, and then we’ll explain the schedule for the rest of the stream.” He looked over at Jack, who smiled and gave him a nod. “So, Jack and I are here today to represent a cause that’s really important to both of us, and to a lot of people we know, and to so many of you guys, too. The charity is called The Point Foundation, also known as The National LGBTQ Scholarship Fund. They offer scholarships, mentoring, and leadership training specifically to members of the LGBTQ+ community, and they do it really effectively. One of the reasons we picked this charity is because almost 75% of the donations they receive goes directly to the services they provide to the LGBTQ+ community, so if you decide to donate today, you can feel confident that your donation really will make a difference in someone’s life. Potentially a _huge_ difference.”

“We know that so many of you are a part of the LGBTQ+ community, or have friends or family members who are, or are just supportive of the cause because yeh know it’s the right thing to do. Fer those of you who are less involved, or are confused about why charities like this are important, here are some statistics fer yeh. Almost one-third of LGBTQ+ students will drop out of high school, and if that’s not concerning enough, that number is three times higher than the overall U.S. average. And those LGBTQ+ students who are bullied, harassed, or otherwise victimized due to their sexual orientation or gender expression report significantly higher levels of depression, which, I’m sure yeh know, can have a huge and lasting impact on those students’ lives moving forward.”

Mark was nodding “Right. And _nothing_ is ok about that. I know that ‘gay rights’ (he used air quotes, hoping to denote the oversimplification of the term) is still considered controversial in a lot of places. If you’re one of those people who just doesn’t get it… if you have a hard time accepting diversity in preference, orientation, and expression – for whatever reason – I hope you can take this opportunity to set that discomfort aside and join us on a human level today. Members of the LGBTQ+ community are vulnerable. They’re more likely to be victims of violence and harassment. They’re less likely to graduate from high school. Your opinion about their lifestyle really doesn’t matter… they still deserve your compassion and your respect.”

Mark paused for a moment, to emphasize the point and scan the metrics of the stream. They hadn’t lost any viewers over the course of their introduction. In fact, the number was increasing exponentially- much more quickly than it typically did during a livestream. He grinned.

“Welcome, to all of you just tuning in. Thank you so much for joining us. We’re going to be scanning Twitter for #gettoThePoint, and you can click the links on any of our social media accounts to learn more about the charity or to make a donation. Right- on to the fun part! Let’s talk about our plans for the stream. Has anyone figured out where we are yet?”

He scanned the feeds, smiling and nodding. “Wow, yeah, I still can’t believe you guys have been watching my channel for that long. We’re in Cincinnati, in my old bedroom, where it all started for me. One of the reasons we’re here is because we have friends nearby – say hi, guys!”

Bob and Wade had been sitting off-camera, on-call for social media tasks and potential technology disasters. They leaned into the frame, smiling and waving.

“Once we hit $25,000, we’ll have these guys on for some Q&A and some games.”

“Uh… Mark?” Jack cut in.

“Uh huh?”

“We’re already at $15,000.”

Mark stared back at Jack, then flipped to the donation page on his own monitor. There had to be some mistake. They had been live for less than ten minutes.

“…Can that be right?”

Jack was nodding. “I scrolled through the individual donations. It’s accurate.” He looked into the camera. “You guys are incredible. We set a really ambitious goal fer today… $100,000… if yeh keep it up, we might just crush it.”

Mark was doing some mental math. The rate of donations was accelerating the timeline they had originally set, and he was trying to make some quick adjustments.

“Ok… so Bob and Wade will be joining us at $25,000, which should happen relatively soon, apparently. At $50,000, we’ll take off the baseball caps. And at $75,000…” He paused, his gaze drifting to Jack.

“…I’ll tell yeh what happened to my face, and… we’ll make another really important announcement. So stick with us. Yeh really don’t want to miss that. And in the meantime, if yeh have suggestions fer things yeh’d like to see us do fer any smaller milestones, call those out on Twitter.”

“…Jesus…” Mark was mumbling under his breath. “…We’re already at $20,000…” He typed a message to Jack:

_Raf & Justin?_

And Jack typed back:

_Yes!_

Mark texted Justin and got an immediate response, so he decided to proceed with the introduction.

“Ok,” Mark said to the camera. “That first milestone is creeping up, so we’re going to take a few minutes to introduce you to some other really important people. Hang on.”

Mark placed the Skype call to Justin, who picked up immediately. Justin and Raf appeared in the frame together, and Mark set his screen to broadcast. Jack waved at them, smiling to himself, remembering how Justin had suggested that he and Raf should get together in the same location to do this Skype call, because “it’ll just be easier that way.” It was just after 8AM in California, and Jack found himself wondering whether Raf had actually gotten up early to drive to Justin’s apartment, or if he’d already been there.

“…Many of you know that I’m a wreck when I don’t have an editor,” Mark was explaining, “and I never would have been able to get ready for this trip or this stream without Justin. He was also a huge help to me when I was still recovering from my surgery. If you’ve seen my videos lately, you know he’s an awesome editor, but he’s a great dude, too. Say hi, Justin.”

Justin raised a hand to the camera. “Thanks. I’m really happy to be working with Mark.”

“Fer those of you who are asking ‘Who’s the other guy?’…that’s Raf!” Jack explained. “He’s been editing fer me, and doing a pretty spectacular job of it, too. He’s ridiculously efficient, I never would’ve been able to take this trip without him. He’s a fantastic editor, and I’m happy to say he’s a great friend, too.”

Raf had both hands on his cheeks, and was shaking his head, looking both embarrassed and thrilled.

“Working with Jack is _literally_ a dream come true, for me. And… I just wanted to say…”

Justin, Jack, and Mark waited patiently, giving Raf a moment to collect his thoughts.

“…I just _needed_ to say… this charity is really important. Thank you _so_ much to those of you who have donated. It… it means a lot.”

Jack wanted to give Raf more credit, since Raf had actually helped them select the charity, but he decided not to share that detail. He knew that some of Raf’s family members might be watching, and that they were likely to have very strong opinions about Raf’s association with an LGBTQ+ charity. He knew it was best to let Raf’s comments stand on their own.

Mark had come to a similar conclusion. “We have time for a couple quick questions for these guys…” He chuckled. “Justin… they want to know if I’m still impossible to work with. It’s fine, you can tell the truth, I can’t hurt you from Cincinnati.”

Justin cracked a faint smile. “I’d heard those rumors, too, before I signed on. I’m guessing Mark used to be a _much_ bigger asshole. I’d love to give him a hard time, but honestly, he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.”

Mark sighed. “To be clear, I _did_ used to be a much bigger asshole. I’m working on it.”

Jack nudged his foot under the table, and shot him a reassuring smile before addressing Raf. “’Kay, Raf. They want to know if yeh’re single.”

Raf stared back at him through the camera. “Seriously? That’s what they’re asking?”

“Among other things. So?” Jack raised his eyebrows expectantly, and Raf reddened under his dark complexion.

“Uhm… I’m not sure if ‘single’ is the word I would choose to describe myself.”

Jack and Mark were watching Justin intently. His posture had stiffened, and there was a faint blush in his cheeks. He swallowed.

“Excellent,” Jack said cheerily.

“Speaking of excellent,” Mark cut in, “we just hit our first milestone. That has to be a record… $25,000 in… like… what… fifteen minutes?”

“Jesus… well done, all of yeh… that’s _amazing…_ ” Jack was doing the mental math, too. He’d figured it would take most of the day for them to reach their coming-out milestone, but it looked like they would reach that goal much sooner than they’d anticipated. He found the thought exciting. He could feel his adrenaline starting to climb. He was ready for whatever came next.

“…Alright, guys, we’ll let you go for now,” Mark was saying to Raf and Justin. “And to everyone at home- if you’d like to see more of these fools, let us know. Maybe we can convince them to hop on Overwatch later on.”

Raf and Justin were nodding. “Good luck!” Raf said, giving them a thumbs-up before the call disconnected.

“Alright.” Mark addressed the camera directly. “Serious question. How bad do you guys want to see Bob kick my ass in Splatoon?”

“Jesus, _so_ bad,” Jack responded.

“No one asked you, McLoughlin!”

Jack jabbed his thumb at the scrolling comments. “I’m the voice of the people, right now. _Everyone_ wants to see yeh get wrecked.”

“Mm. Fair enough. Let’s do this.”

They launched into a three-person game, taking turns being odd-man-out so that someone was continuously moderating on social media, fielding questions to the group, keeping track of donations, and giving shout-outs to viewers. Jack used his turn at the keyboard to reflect on the tone of the comments and viewer contributions thus far.

The Septiplier ship was alive and well, though it had certainly evolved since Jack had moved to LA, and since he and Mark had started appearing in public and on camera together more frequently. Their more public display of affection at PAX, and subsequent guiding statements on social media, had helped them steer the dynamic somewhat. Bringing their close friendship into the public eye had seemed to satisfy many fans’ desire to see them together, and being more transparent about their closeness had put a stop to the incessant arguments about _how_ close they actually were. They had managed to strike a delicate balance, encouraging people to acknowledge and enjoy their closeness without explicitly defining the nature of their relationship.

So far, the commentary from people viewing the stream was consistent with this most recent interpretation of their friendship. Plenty of people were chatting about how excited they were to see Mark and Jack on camera together. Some were speculating about the significance of Jack having traveled to Mark’s home in Cincinnati, although many were quick to point out that Bob had flown in for the stream as well, and that the location didn’t necessarily have any greater significance. But most of the comments were centered around the charity itself- the fact that Mark and Jack had specifically chosen a charity meant to represent and benefit the LGBTQ+ community, and aligned themselves with the cause more explicitly than they had in the past. Plenty of people were commenting on the significance of this, but Jack was encouraged by the tone of most of the exchanges he saw:

  * _Wait… could they actually BE TOGETHER?_
  * _Or maybe one of them is gay?_
  * _maybe but they wont tell us if we act like assholes about it!!! please respect mark and jack!!!!_
  * _come on guys don’t put pressure on them that’s not cool_
  * _It would be amazing if they really were, but they obviously love each other as friends, we need to be happy for them either way._



Jack got the sense that few of their viewers would be surprised by their announcement, and the notion was calming. They were on the right path. They were doing the right thing.

He scanned through some requests for milestone celebrations, and found that many of them were LGBTQ+ themed. An overwhelming majority wanted to see all four of them wearing makeup, doing dramatic readings of gay fanfiction, or making out with each other. He finished doing a round of shout-outs and then sent Mark a text with his favorite requests, including some they could actually do on camera, and several that would have to wait until later.

When the donation counter flipped over to $45,000, they paused the game, and Bob and Wade left them alone to take a break and eventually bring back some food. Mark took the opportunity to reintroduce the charity and the cause and to summarize the success of the stream so far.

“Guys… we’re almost halfway to our goal already, and we’ve only been live for two hours. This is unbelievable… I _know_ I’ve never raised donations so fast before, and I also know we’ve set a viewership record by a landslide – we’ve _never_ had this many of you watching at the same time before. And I know it’s not _just_ because of Jack and me, although we’re so grateful for your support. It’s because of the way our communities identify with this cause. Take this chance to speak up. Take this chance to reach out. Leave comments. Message with people online. Donate. Get your friends and families to donate. And if you need help, or you know someone who does, check out The Point Foundation. They want to listen. They want to help you. And we do, too.”

He paused, watching the donation counter soar to $48,706, then to $49,311, and finally to $50,028. He looked over at Jack, found him smiling and nodding. They had planned to remove their baseball caps at the same time as soon as they hit the milestone, but Mark felt compelled to deviate from the plan. He reached over, put his hand on the side of Jack’s hat, slid his thumb under the edge, and waited. Jack grinned, and did the same for him.

“Ready, Sean?”

“Ready.”

They took off each other’s hats, and tossed them aside.

Two distinct but related phrases could have been used to describe their recent attitude toward this whole event: _Go big or go home,_ and _Fuck it._

Mark’s hair was cropped close on the sides and slightly longer on the top, the way he had kept it since Jack had first cut it in the hospital. Vibrant red still swept up along one side, but toward the center it resolved into a fiery orange, then faded to bright yellow at the very ends. Jack’s color picked up where Mark’s left off: the longest section was still a bright, emerald green, which transitioned gradually into a turquoise blue, and finally into a rich purple at the ends.

It occurred to Mark that the rainbow effect would be most obvious if they were closer together. He leaned over, put his arms around Jack’s shoulders, and hugged him, cheek-to-cheek. Jack giggled quietly, pressing his face against Mark’s. They released each other after a long moment, grinning stupidly into the camera. Jack was the first one to get control of his thoughts.

“So… I know some of yeh struggle with change.” He shrugged slightly. “Fer me, at least, it’s been a long time coming. I’ve spoken about this before, but I think it’s really important to repeat the message today, since we’re advocating fer people who often struggle with their identity and their sense of self. It’s _so_ important that people be able to express themselves through their physical appearance, whether that’s the clothes yeh choose, or the way yeh dye or cut yer hair, or the tattoos yeh get, or even the surgery yeh might need to feel at home in yer body. We _need_ to respect each other’s choices here, and we need to give each other room to grow and change. I know that _I’ve_ needed to make changes. I know yeh can get attached to the way I dress, or dye my hair – to my persona, so to speak – and I appreciate it so much that many of yeh have listened to me when I’ve asked fer the freedom to make changes over time. I’m proud to wear my hair like this today, to represent myself and my beliefs, and all of you. But I’m not planning to keep it this way, and I hope yeh’ll understand. So take yer screencaps, and draw yer amazing art, and know that I’m here to support each and every one of yeh, regardless of what my hair looks like.”

Mark was nodding his agreement. “Same goes for me. I know it’s fun, and it kinda feels like a celebration – it should, it is – but it’s also a serious thing. I wanted you all the feel sure that I’m here to support you, and stand up for you. Loudly, if necessary. My hair is going to change, but that won’t. I promise.”

“Right. And I think we can do even better. What’s the next milestone?”

Mark checked the donation counter. “We’re coming up on $60,000 _real_ quick.”

“Excellent. Well done, guys. I know we’ve had a lot of requests about makeup, and we might consider it fer another stream, but not fer today. However, we absolutely _will_ paint each other’s nails if yeh can get us to $60,000. So go on: share the link, tell yer friends, donate if yeh haven’t already. I’ve already picked out a color, but Mark’s open to suggestions, so I’m going to set up a poll on Twitter right now. Go ahead and vote on which color yeh’d like to see on Mark.”

They spent the next twenty minutes sharing art and doing shout-outs, while their viewers voted and continued their steady stream of donations. When the counter finally flipped over to $60,000, Jack checked the poll, and wasn’t surprised in the least to find that “Warfstache Pink” had won by a landslide. He retrieved the bag of nail polish and supplies from under the table – they had already considered this as a potential milestone celebration, before the stream had started – and Jack pulled out the bubblegum pink color they had borrowed from Mark’s mom.

“Yeh’ve got the advantage here, Fischbach. I’ve painted nails before.”

Mark giggled. “Who says I haven’t?”

Jack raised his eyebrows as he unscrewed the cap. “Holding out on me, huh?”

Mark shrugged. “Gotta keep things interesting.”

Jack got busy applying the first coat of polish to Mark’s fingers, and tried to decide how he felt about it. Of course, he wasn’t _opposed_ to men wearing nail polish. He was supportive of men participating in interests or activities that were typically perceived as feminine, and vice versa. In fact, he found he now preferred the company of people who shared a similar flexible view of gender and sexuality. He himself had chosen to wear nail polish in the past – black, like his hair and clothes used to be when he’d played drums in a band. So why did this feel different? Just because of the _color?_ Was it _actually_ different for a queer man to wear pink nail polish than a heterosexual punk musician to paint his nails black?

This train of thought continued as they swapped jobs, and Mark started painting _his_ nails. He had chosen the color beforehand; it looked black at first, but reflected a hint of purple in certain light. He recalled that he’d chosen it because he actually _liked_ it, and as Mark progressed (doing a surprisingly clean job of it) he found he liked how it looked on his fingers, as well. He wondered what Mark would think if he decided to keep it on, or wear it in public. He wondered what _he_ would think if Mark decided to incorporate pink nail polish into his everyday routine. He wondered if Mark _liked_ the nail polish. He decided to ask.

“Hey… uhm… I kind of like this. I mean, I think it kinda looks… good.”

Mark nodded without hesitation. “It does look good.”

“As good as yers?”

Mark paused and met Jack’s gaze, realizing he was being asked a serious question.

“Yeah. Way better. The pink isn’t really… _me._ But it’s fun. People should wear pink if they want to.”

“Right. If they want to. If it… _fits_.”

Both of their phones buzzed, and they both jumped. Mark set aside the nail polish, then picked his up and found a text from Wade:

W: You guys are about the hit your milestone… are you ready?

Mark checked the display on his monitor, and saw that it was true. The donation total was at $74,406, and steadily climbing.

“Sean.” He’d switched names without realizing it. Jack hadn’t noticed, either.

“Yeah. I see it.”

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah. Are you?”

“Yes. Definitely.”

“Yeh sure?”

“ _Yes._ ”

“Ok.” Jack nodded, searching Mark’s eyes. “I’ll start.” He looked into the camera, and took a long, slow breath. “I want to tell yeh what happened to my face. And I need to warn yeh that… if yeh’ve been the victim of abuse or assault, this story might be triggering fer you. I’m sorry about that, but it’s important to share. It’s a big part of why we’re here today.” He paused, letting the salient points rise to the surface of his mind, and giving people the opportunity to log off based on his trigger warning. “So… this is what happened. I got jumped by some guys in a parking lot, late at night, and one of them managed to land a pretty serious punch. My nose is broken, but it’s healing well, and… it honestly could’ve been much worse. I know I’m lucky that it wasn’t. Those guys could’ve done some real damage. They _wanted_ to, because…” He paused again and looked at Mark, who was wiping discreetly at the corner of one eye. When he started speaking again, he kept his eyes locked on Mark’s. “Because I’m not straight. I have a boyfriend. And he was there. And he’s the reason I’m alright. I owe him everything. Mark… I owe yeh everything. I do.”

Mark’s lower lip started to tremble, and Jack found this entirely unacceptable. He held Mark’s face in his hands, and leaned over, and pressed his lips to Mark’s. They kissed each other sweetly, alone in Mark’s old bedroom, while thousands of people watched.

When they finally broke apart, they were both smiling. Jack wiped a stray tear from Mark’s face.

“Ok, love? It’s yer turn, now.”

Mark nodded, and turned to face the camera. “Uhm. Surprise? Or is it? I know a lot of you guessed that there might be something between us. There is, now, but there wasn’t always, and I want to talk to you about that for a minute. I’m sure you guys all remember when the whole ‘Septiplier’ thing got started. I’ve seen that title floating around the comments today, and I know I’ve made some really strong statements about it in the past. I have to say that I still stand by some of those statements. It wasn’t really… _comfortable_ … to go online and see so much material about me and Sean, when we were first getting to know each other. It was almost like… seeing so many people’s opinions about our friendship made it hard to figure out what that friendship really _was_. Especially from a distance, when we didn’t really know each other that well… it was hard for me. At first, it was just awkward. I wanted to be able to build a friendship with this person I really liked, and I was constantly wondering what he would think about this… _fake_ relationship. I’m not trying to sound harsh, or blame you guys for anything. But I do need you to know what it’s like to be on the other side of that attention. Shipping real people, who actually know each other, can make it harder for them to understand the boundaries of their actual friendship or relationship. I’m not telling you _not_ to do it. I’m just asking you to think about what can happen, and how you can be as respectful as possible. You all guessed…” He paused, swallowed, went on. “You all _knew_ how I felt about Sean, maybe even before I did. Certainly before I was ready to acknowledge it, and _definitely_ before I was ready to tell anyone about it. It was really tough, having to separate my own thoughts and feelings from everything I was seeing online. It took a long time for me to sort it out. But… now I’m really glad it happened the way it did. Because I knew so many of you saw me that way, or… I knew you would be ok with it if I wasn’t… if I wasn’t straight. I’m not. I know I said I was, before. I thought maybe I should apologize for that, but I’m not going to. I wouldn’t want any of _you_ to have to apologize for how you handle this process. I know some of you might feel like I lied to you on purpose, or that I was trying to cover something up… I wasn’t. I just wasn’t sure, before, and… I wanted Sean in my life. I didn’t know what would happen, if he thought all those rumors were true… if he thought I… had feelings for him… and he didn’t feel the same way-”

“But I do,” Jack interrupted. “I did, all along. But… I needed time. We both did. This was a _massive_ change fer both of us. Try to imagine what it would be like, to go through something like this and know that _millions_ of people are just waiting fer the chance to comment, or analyze, or argue…” He shook his head, collecting his thoughts. “Yeh’ve probably noticed that I’ve been much more personal in my videos since I moved to LA. That’s because this has been a deeply personal experience, and… I’d really appreciate it if yeh can try to respect that when yeh post online, and interact with each other, and interact with us. Septiplier is _not_ real. It’s fiction. You guys made it up. It took on a life of its own, and I know it was based on the two of us, and our friendship… but it’s _not_ us. It’s ok fer yeh to write and draw and share ideas and enjoy the content we make together… but our relationship is our own. It’s personal. We want to be able to share some of it with yeh, but we are _not_ Septiplier. We’re Sean and Mark.”

Mark picked up Jack’s hand, threaded their fingers together. “And we’re here for you,” he added. “We’re sharing this with you because we don’t want to hide who we are, and because you shouldn’t have to, either. We’re open to answering some questions… within reason, of course.”

Jack started scanning the social media feeds, nodding periodically. “Let’s get some of the basics out of the way. Moving to LA did make sense fer my career, and I do love living there fer now, but the main reason was to try to make this relationship work. We were both sure that this is what we wanted. We wouldn’t be making this announcement if we weren’t.” He paused, scanning. “Yes, obviously we told our families and close friends. We’ve had an unbelievable amount of support, and we know how lucky we are to have that. A lot of people don’t. A lot of people have to sacrifice their relationships with friends or family to live a more authentic life. We both have people in our lives who have been… skeptical… or had a hard time understanding our relationship, or wrapping their minds around this shift in the way we represent ourselves. It’s… it’s horrible to have to question whether the people yeh love will still… _love_ you… if they know who yeh really are. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose the support of yer parents or yer friends. If that’s happened to you… _please_ reach out, there are so many people out there who want to hear yer story and help yeh if they can.”

He paused to let Mark take the lead for a while. Mark scanned for a moment, then started to speak.

“No, neither of us actually dated men before. That’s made it hard for both of us to sort out which labels fit us best. But…yes…” He glanced at Jack. “Our relationship is physical.” He continued to scan, sifting through comments that ranged from silly to downright invasive, looking for a way to address legitimate questions without sharing too much about their intimate life. “Um… look… we are _not_ going to be sharing really specific details about the physical-ness. But I will say… we took is slow. We talked a _lot_. It was really important that we had a close friendship to fall back on. I can’t even explain the amount of trust that was necessary to… well… what I’m trying to say, is… if you’re just starting out, or you’re seeing someone who’s new to exploring their sexuality, or even if you just have a close friend who’s going through something like this… please be aware that that person is probably more vulnerable than they’ve ever been in their life. It’s a big responsibility, to be trusted with that.”

Jack had been trying to figure out how to address one of the more popular questions that was circulating: _Who’s the bottom?_ He decided to give it a try.

“I have a request to make. It’s really easy to want to try to fit people into labels and stereotypes. And I understand why. Fer some people, it makes it easier to communicate. It can help simplify issues that are really complex. But I’m going to ask yeh to try _not_ to do that here, because it’s not always a good thing. People _are_ complex. Most of them don’t fit neatly into the categories yeh have in yer mind. Mark and I almost certainly don’t. I personally don’t endorse the gender binary, and I don’t think it’s necessarily productive to try to categorize people in same-sex relationships into more traditional gender roles. I don’t think it’s a productive way of thinking about _straight_ couples, fer that matter. Neither of us is the _girl_ in this relationship. If we ever use the terms ‘top’ and ‘bottom,’ we’re talking about positions, not personalities.” He paused and glanced at Mark, hoping he hadn’t gone too far with that last comment, but Mark looked like he was stifling a giggle. “Of course, some people _do_ fit into these categories,” Jack amended, “and they might be comfortable being described that way. But we’re not. If yeh need some labels to use, we both currently identify as bisexual. You can call us ‘boyfriends’ or ‘partners.”

“Or ‘soulmates,’” Mark added, without a hint of irony. “You guys can thank Bob for that one.” He squeezed Jack’s hand and then went back to scanning for questions to answer. “Oh, yeah, good question. No, we’re not planning to combine our channels at this point. We’ll keep you updated if we start planning any changes like that. Yes, we do plan to stay in LA for now…”

Mark trailed off, realizing that people were trying to figure out whether Jack would be staying in the U.S. indefinitely. Jack was ready with a response.

“I’m here on a six-month work visa. I do have to reapply in January, so… keep yer fingers crossed. I… _obviously_ I want to stay. But… we’ll figure it out, regardless.” He noticed another line of questioning, and changed topics. “Ah. Yeah. Fer those of yeh asking more about… the assault. Yes, they found the guys who did it right away, and they’ve been charged. We were at a mall, there were security cameras everywhere. But, listen, fer a sec. Yeh _cannot_ go all over the Internet looking fer these people or talking about the court case. Trying to interfere in legal proceedings is never a good idea. What yeh _can_ do is share the resources we’ve listed on social media. Mark and I were the victims of a hate crime. Thanks to President Obama, crimes against members of the LGBTQ+ community are recognized federally in this country. But navigating this process is just… _awful._ Plenty of victims never report these kinds of crimes, because they’re afraid, or ashamed, or don’t want to have to live through it, over and over… To be perfectly honest, I didn’t want to report it at first. I couldn’t stand the idea of having to say it all out loud. I’m so incredibly lucky that Mark was there with me, and now I’m really glad I reported it. That’s what I’d want _you_ to do, if it happened to you. I’m just happy he was there to remind me of that.”

He paused, scanning, then giggled. “Uhm… yes. We really love each other. I mean, we did before, too, when we were just friends, but… obviously it’s much more than that, now.”

Their phones had been buzzing intermittently since Jack had first started his explanation, and they both took a moment to scan through the supportive messages they’d been receiving from friends and family.

“Ok.” Mark addressed the camera again. “Enough with the serious questions for now. Sean, I love you, and I would do anything for you, including teaming up for some Overwatch, even though you’re clearly the superior player. You in?”

Jack nodded, grinning. “I’m in.”

Bob and Wade returned with pizza and snacks while they were booting up the game, and Mark and Jack suggested that their friends field some questions while they took a break to eat. Bob and Wade didn’t get far before they were both scowling into the camera.

“Jesus,” Bob scolded. “Give us some credit, maybe? The number one question you’re all asking is how we ‘felt’ when we found out Mark ‘was into guys, or whatever.’” He used air quotes and a sarcastic tone to convey his distaste for the questions. “Seriously? Mark and Jack are family. There is literally no appropriate way to ‘feel’ besides supportive, and pretty fucking grateful that two people who deserve it can make each other happy, excuse my language.”

“Agreed,” Wade said. “Although I _do_ think that Mark is less of an asshole since Jack’s been around. That’s been pretty cool.”

Mark elbowed him roughly, his mouth full of pizza. “Nice, Wade. Thanks for pointing it out.”

Wade put a hand on his shoulder. “Anytime.”

Bob was still scanning through the comments. “Ok… a lot of you are pointing out that Wade and I don’t seem particularly surprised by any of this. But, like, did we _know_ Mark wasn’t straight? As in, did he fit a bunch of random stereotypes? No, he didn’t, and he doesn’t now, either. I try not to make it a habit to make those kinds of assumptions, anyway. But, like… when we all started hanging around with Jack… that connection was really obvious. And it made sense, they have a ton in common. But it did seem like more than that. It was like this… partnership… or something. Like… they fit so well in certain ways, it was like they were _supposed_ to do things together. You could _see_ Mark light up when Jack was around, and… you could see the change after he left, too. So… yeah. It did seem like more than a friendship, and I was relieved when they finally figured it out.”

“I can add to that,” Wade chimed in. “You all know Mark is a great guy. He really does mean it when he says he cares about every single one of you. He does. But in his personal life… he’s more selective. Cautious, I guess. It usually takes him some time to trust people. But this connection with Jack… that was immediate. I’ve never seen Mark so at-ease with another person so quickly. And Jack is literally the most genuine person on the planet. It was obvious that he would do anything for Mark, from day one. Like Bob said… it was honestly painful to watch them both come to life, those few times we were all together, and then to see them go their separate ways again. It’s not like either of them were _unhappy_ before… but they’ve always been better together. So, no. This isn’t a shock. It’s not some scandalous revelation. There’s nothing more normal than Mark and Jack being together. It’s how things should be.”

Mark and Jack had stopped eating, and had been sitting still, listening attentively while Bob and Wade were speaking. They were both at a loss; hearing two of their closest friends speak publicly and supportively about their relationship had been touching in a way they hadn’t anticipated. They all stared at each other for a moment, until Jack leaned over in his seat and hugged Wade.

 _“Thanks, dude,”_ he mumbled.

Wade gave him a reassuring squeeze and whispered, _“You’re doing great.”_

Mark leaned over and added to the hug, putting one arm around each of them.

“See?” Wade said into the camera. “ _Way_ less of an asshole.”

Bob rounded out the group hug, easily encircling all three of his friends. “You have ten more seconds to snuggle. Then it’s time to kill things.”

Justin and Raf joined the group remotely, and they launched into a game of Overwatch. It was one of the more entertaining rounds any of them had ever played, due to their varying degrees of familiarity with the game, as well as the fact that Mark and Jack fed off of each other’s energy, their laughter filling the room until everyone in the group was coasting on their high. They were so absorbed in the round, they missed a handful of notifications each, and didn’t stop to check their phones until they all starting buzzing incessantly. The messages were from Tyler and Tom. They had met their goal of $100,000, with an hour left to go in the stream. Jack clicked into his browser to confirm, and a cheer went up in the room.

“Holy _shit_ , you guys!” Jack blurted, not bothering to censor himself. “Well done!”

Mark set his controller aside. “You know what that means, McLoughlin.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Jack mumbled, his eyes going wide. “Do we have to?”

“Absolutely. C’mon. Just one verse.”

Jack took a long breath, then looked back into the camera. “Right. I know you all deserve something special fer reaching this goal. We’ve had a lot of suggestions that we can’t follow through with today, but fer those of yeh who keep asking to hear us sing something… well, I promised Mark I’d give it a try. And I know yeh’re probably thinking, _Jack, what’s the big deal, yeh sing all the time._ Yeah, but, like, as a joke. Not fer real. Trying to sing fer real in front of all of yeh is much scarier than dating Mark, I can tell yeh that.” He took a moment to watch the responses flood in over social media. “No, I’m not kidding, it really does make me nervous. It’s like… it’s much easier to make a joke of something than to try to be good at it, and risk getting criticized, I guess. It’s silly. I know it is. So…” He looked back at Mark. “Which song?”

“Kaleidoscope.”

Jack nodded, turning back to the camera. “We practiced a handful of songs by LGBTQ+ artists, and this is one of them. At first we tried to find something fer you guys, but… we kinda picked this one fer us.”

He found Mark’s eyes again, then picked up a pencil and tapped a slow rhythm on the desk, counting them off. Then, they started to sing, slowly, in a two-part harmony that filled the room:

 

_My life_

_My life was black and white and I believed it_

_I believed it_

_My eyes_

_My eyes looked at the world but couldn’t see it_

_I couldn’t see it_

_You’re like the thing that makes the universe explode_

_Into the colors of a world I’ve never known_

_You keep turning_

_Keep turning my life around_

They grinned stupidly at each other for a minute, and then Mark executed a video file he’d had sitting on his desktop. He maximized the screen and killed their microphones, so they could relax while the video played.

It was a collection of short clips and still photographs from their time together since Jack had arrived in LA. They hadn’t included anything intimate or particularly personal – just a few carefully-selected snapshots that they’d purposely withheld from social media until now. They both watched the images flash by:

 

Jack holding a Nintendo controller on the floor at Mark’s old house.

Mark driving through Dublin, and then along the Irish countryside.

Jack packing his belongings into boxes, while Mark imitated his intro at the desk he’d left behind.

Mark holding two passports, and two plane tickets that both said “Round Trip.”

Jack scowling into the camera, learning to drive in an empty parking lot.

Mark leaning against Jack’s shoulder while they played cards at a PAX afterparty.

One of the selfies they’d taken with Jessie, the day Mark had finally left the hospital.

Jack sitting at his drum set, eyes sparkling while he whaled on the cymbals.

 

And so on.

“Jeez.” Mark and Jack both jumped at the sound of Bob’s voice. “You guys don’t mess around. This…” he gestured vaguely at the video playing, and the donation metrics that were still visible on Jack’s screen. “It’s amazing. Seriously. You did a lot of good today.”

“We all did,” Mark clarified.

The rest of the stream passed in a blur for Mark and Jack; they were stunned by the scale of the donations they’d received (just over $150,000 when all was said and done), as well as the overwhelmingly positive response from their audience, and the surreal realization that they were publicly out. They drifted through a celebratory meal with family and friends, and were relieved when Tom and Malcolm volunteered to drive them to the salon for the second time that weekend, so they could sit quietly in the backseat.

Two unfamiliar people met them at the salon, introducing themselves as Scott and Nikki. Scott was tall and slim, with close-fitting jeans and a haircut that resembled Mark’s, and Nikki was short and plump, with a pixie cut dyed a vibrant purple. They both grinned approvingly at the sight of Mark and Jack’s rainbow-colored hair and then launched into polite conversation, giving no indication that they recognized them.

“Did Hannah and Steph do this yesterday?” Nikki asked brightly, running a comb through Jack’s fringe.

“Yeah,” Mark acknowledged. “They were great.”

“It _is_ great!” She chirped. “You sure you want to change it?”

“Yeah,” Jack confirmed. “We’re sure.”

They both explained what they wanted, and Scott and Nikki mixed and applied the dye. They offered Mark and Jack some privacy while the color was setting, but Scott returned after a few short minutes, holding his cell phone and looking hesitant.

“Um… sorry… I know we’re not supposed to bother you…”

Jack winced; Scott and Nikki had been nothing but sweet and accommodating, and he felt guilty that their boss must have cautioned them to keep their distance.

“Yeh’re not, I promise. What’s up?”

Scott held up his cell phone, and Mark and Jack saw themselves on the screen in an image that had been captured from the stream earlier in the day.

“Um... is this you?”

A few strands of Nikki’s fringe appeared behind Scott as she peered around the door frame, looking nervous.

“Yeah… that’s us,” Mark confirmed, and Jack motioned for Nikki to come join them. “Can you play the video?”

Scott nodded, scrolled back to the beginning of the video, and pressed “play.”

The website’s logo became visible as soon as the video started to play, and Mark and Jack exchanged a glance; BuzzFeed had already picked up the story.

The video started with a short clip of a BuzzFeed reporter summarizing the events of the stream. The reporter was a young guy – mid-twenties, they guessed – wearing a collared shirt in bright turquoise that contrasted beautifully with his dark brown skin, and a grin that took up most of his face.

“Earlier today, popular YouTubers Markiplier and Jacksepticeye, also known as Mark Fischbach and Jack McLoughlin, raised over $150,000 for The Point Foundation, an LGBTQ+ charity.” The feed cut to a shortened clip of Mark and Jack’s more detailed explanation of the stream and the charity, and then the reporter appeared on the screen again.

“They caused quite a stir on social media when they celebrated a donation milestone by ‘coming out’ to their fans. The two men are now identifying as bisexual, and they’ve admitted to being in a same-sex relationship _with each other._ They’ve stated that their intention is to align themselves with the LGBTQ+ community, to live more authentic lives and to be more transparent with their viewers, and also to use their celebrity status to give visibility to worthy causes. And they’ve certainly succeeded in that goal today! A contact at The Point Foundation reports that this sizeable donation is a ‘gamechanger’ for the organization, which is already one of the most well-respected LGBTQ+ charities in the country.

Along with their ‘coming-out’ announcement, Fischbach and McLoughlin also indicated that they were recently the victims of an assault, and that they were targeted specifically because of their sexual orientation. We at BuzzFeed offer our support and well-wishes to Mark and Jack, and if you or someone you know has been the victim of a hate crime, you can find some helpful resources on our website. And while I can’t speak for the entire LGBTQ+ community, as a member, BuzzFeed has given me permission to speak for myself. Mark and Jack, _welcome_ to the community, and _thank you_ for what you did today.”

Scott was wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. Nikki slid one arm around his waist, her bottom lip quivering as well.

“Um…” She cleared her throat and sniffed. “Almost everyone who works here is queer. Even the owners. I don’t think we were supposed to know who you were… and we’re sorry, but… we just wanted to say thank you.”

“And we wanted to donate,” Scott finally managed. “Can we still do it?”

Jack nodded, but it took him a moment to find his voice. “Uh. Yeah. Of course. Uhm… can I see yer phone?”

Scott handed it over, and Jack opened the donation page in the phone’s browser, and then handed it back.

“Thank you,” Scott said sincerely. “Really. And… sorry again. We don’t want to bother you. Just… let us know if you need anything.”

He and Nikki turned to go, but Jack caught Mark’s eye.

“Hey,” Mark said. “No… it’s ok. Please. Stay.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jack was back in Mark’s basement, staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, and trying to figure out why he’d come in here in the first place. He noticed his toothbrush resting on the counter nearby – _Right, brush teeth –_ then promptly ignored it, his gaze drifting back to the mirror. He raised his right hand, then ran his fingers through his wavy fringe, trimmed but still long enough to be tied back, and dyed a medium brown that closely resembled his natural color.

He had been ready to part ways with his green hair for so many reasons – the hassle of maintaining it, the way it made him stand out in a crowd, the way it tied him to a persona that had been holding him back – but he realized that only one reason mattered to him now.

 _“Sean.”_ Mark had appeared in the mirror behind him, and pressed his face against Jack’s hair. _“You look…”_

 _“…like me,”_ Jack finished. _“I look like me.”_

Mark put both hands on Jack’s shoulders and turned him so they were facing each other. He lifted Jack easily onto the counter, then held his face with his right hand, and smoothed his hair with his left. Jack rested his fingers on Mark’s hips and pulled his body closer, his eyes traveling over Mark’s hair. In the low light of the bathroom, his eyes and his hair were exactly the same color: a warm, rich chocolate brown. But Jack knew every shade of Mark’s irises. He’d seen them turn to deep pools of black in the middle of the night. He’d seen them reflect shards of gold in the afternoon sun. He’d seen them practically disappear, knew exactly how Mark’s face changed when his pupils were dilated with exhaustion… or desire. He had countless, well-worn images of Mark stored in his mind, but he’d never seen Mark look more like himself than he did right now.

_“And you look like yeh did when I first loved you.”_

Mark smiled, his fingers tangled in Jack’s hair, his breath warm against Jack’s mouth.

_“I think my hair was long when we first met.”_

Jack shook his head, his fingertips traveling under the hem of Mark’s shirt.

_“I loved you long before that.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest and most ambitious chapter I've ever written, which is why it's taken me so long to post it. I loved the idea of it, and then wrote tons of content, and then hated it for weeks. The longer it got, the harder it was to tell whether a single sentence of it made any sense. But after weeks of re-reading and editing, I really love it, mostly because of how much work I put into it, and how far I feel like I've come since I started this story. It's far from perfect, and I know I could have spent more days obsessing and editing. But it's time to move forward, and I hope you found something to enjoy.
> 
> The story's not done, though it's getting much more difficult for me to maintain. I have no update schedule at this point, but I promise I won't go without wrapping it up or saying goodbye.
> 
> Song credits:  
> "Kaleidoscope" by A Great Big World. Written by Chad Vaccarino and Ian Axel, produced by Gregg Wattenberg, Epic.


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, I just need to add a warning here real quick! I received some awesome fanart for this chapter and decided to post it at the very end. Be warned, it is explicit, so if you don't want to see explicit imagery, please don't scroll to the bottom. I put a few page breaks before it, so you should be able to avoid it if you need to. Thank you so much for reading!

“Are yeh sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Really, though?”

“Sean! I’m sure!”

Jack frowned inadvertently, fiddling with the bag of cotton balls and the bottle of nail polish remover he was holding.

“But… yeh’d tell me if yeh liked it, right? Like, yeh know it’s ok if yeh do, right?”

Mark cocked his head. He’d forgotten the brief exchange they’d had about the pink nail polish during the livestream, and he was starting to realize that this conversation was more complex than it had seemed.

“Uhm. Sorry. Let me think about it.” And he did, studying Jack’s face, trying to figure out what Jack was getting at. “Ok, no, I’m not sure if I felt like that before. Like, I’m not sure if I thought it would be… _normal_ … for me to wear pink nail polish, like, in my everyday life. I mean… d’you _want_ me to wear it?”

“…I want yeh to wear it if _you_ want to.”

“I don’t think I do. I don’t think I like it.”

“What if it was a different color? Like black?”

Mark swallowed the definitive _No_ that first came to his mind. Jack was wearing black nail polish right now. He knew his next words could impact Jack quite a bit.

“…I’m not sure. Let’s try it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Just do my left hand.”

They were both sitting cross-legged on Mark’s old bed, the nail painting supplies strewn around them. Jack set to work removing the pink polish from Mark’s nails, and then he painted them over again, using the same shade of black that he was currently wearing. They both spent a moment taking in the effect, and then Mark stood up from the bed, pulling Jack with him toward the full-length mirror on the opposite wall.

“Look,” Mark said, gesturing toward their reflections. “ _You_ dress like a rock star. The nail polish is consistent. It looks good on you, and I like it, and if you like it, you should wear it.”

Jack could see what Mark meant. He was wearing black jeans that were frayed at the knees, black boots, and a dark gray hoodie with different Blizzard logos on the front and the back. His fingertips _did_ look consistent, and even though he couldn’t picture maintaining the polish on a daily basis, for today… it looked like it belonged.

He shifted his gaze to Mark’s reflection, and the difference was immediately evident. Mark was wearing blue jeans, gray sneakers, and a close-fitting burgundy hoodie. Jack would have described his current look (as well as his overall style, the more he thought about it) as _athletic_. The nail polish didn’t look _bad_ , but it didn’t really _fit_.

“See?” Mark asked. “It doesn’t look the same on me. I just don’t think it’s something I would choose.”

Jack nodded. “Ok. That’s fine. I just… I wanted you to know yeh could. Choose it, I mean. And it wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t change how I feel.”

Mark was fully aware that Jack was telling him something very important. He slid an arm around Jack’s waist and pulled him close. He pressed a kiss into Jack’s hair.

“I love you, for that. And I love you with the nail polish on. I love the black, and I’d love it if it was pink, if that’s what you wanted. I promise. And I promise I’ll tell you, if… if I feel like I need to change the way I dress, or something. Ok?”

Jack slid both arms around Mark’s waist and sighed, comforted. “Thanks, love.”

 

* * *

 

 

They had originally planned the make the most of the week leading up to Halloween in Cincinnati, but had decided to adjust their plans because of everything they’d been through recently. They both felt like they’d spent enough time being legitimately terrified, and they would be opting out of any adult haunted houses or nighttime tours. Instead, they planned to spend Monday afternoon participating in less traumatic fall activities with Tom, Malcolm, and their friends, before Bob and Malcolm needed to catch their evening flights back home.

Tom and Malcolm picked them up around lunch time, and they met Wade, Tyler, and Bob at a local farm. It was a weekday, so the venue was relatively empty, except for a handful of families with children who were too young to be in school. This suited the group just fine, since they were able to eat lunch with a measure of privacy. Malcolm entertained them all with stories about playing in bands in the Paris music scene, and the cultural hurdles he’d overcome when he’d first made the move from rural Ireland to urban France. Jack surprised everyone, including Mark, by speaking French with Malcolm for several exchanges.

“Jesus, McLoughlin, is there anything you can’t do?” Mark demanded, pressing his leg against Jack’s under the table, where they were sitting side-by-side.

Jack giggled. “I certainly can’t speak French. Those were basics that most people would pick up on, living in that part of Europe.”

“He’s being modest,” Malcolm cut in. “His accent was better than mine fer longer than I’d like to admit.”

They finished their lunch, feeling grateful that none of them had been recognized by any staff or other visitors, and then Wade and Tyler took the lead toward the next activity, since they’d both been to the farm recently. Mark linked arms with Jack and spoke in a low voice while they walked.

_“Maybe you can give me French lessons later.”_

Jack smirked. _“I think I could teach yeh a couple things.”_

_“Like?”_

Jack cleared his throat and spoke with an accent that surprised Mark all over again: _“Mon a_ _éroglisseur est plein d’anguilles.”_

_“Mm. Very nice. What’s it mean?”_

Jack stifled a giggled. _“’My hovercraft is full of eels.’”_

Mark burst out laughing, still holding tight to Jack’s arm. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Yep. _Parce que tu es ma joie de vivre.”_

“Uh huh, and what nonsense is that?”

Jack squeezed Mark’s arm, smiling. “’Because yeh’re the joy of my life.’”

They arrived at the entrance of a large corn maze, and made their way inside as a group. A sign was posted directly in front of them, which read:

TRUE or FALSE? PIGS GET SUNBURNED.

An arrow pointing to the left was printed under TRUE, and an arrow pointing to the right was printed under FALSE.

“So, you can use the clues to help you,” Tyler explained, “or you can ignore them and fend for yourselves. Wade and I have both done it already, and we absolutely will not help you.”

The rest of the group nodded their acknowledgement.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen a sunburned pig,” Bob ventured.

“Spend lots of time with pigs, do ya, Bob?” Mark teased.

“Enough to say that they’re just… naturally… pinkish? Aren’t they?”

“Yeah, but… don’t they… wallow?” Tom asked.

Mark chuckled. “’Wallow?’ Like, when you wallow in self-pity after you eat a whole pizza?”

Tom glared at him. “No, ‘wallow,’ like rolling around in the mud to keep cool. And also… I don’t think most people know what it’s like to eat a whole pizza.”

“Oh my God, _yes they do_ ,” Mark insisted, then scanned the group. “Raise your hand if you’ve ever eaten an entire pizza by yourself.”

Bob, Wade, and Mark’s hands shot into the air. Jack giggled, then raised his hand slowly, while Mark narrowed his eyes in Tyler’s direction.

“Seriously, Ty?”

“Dude, I wish. Gotta watch the kidneys, though.”

“Oh. Right. But, see??” He’d turned back to Tom.

“You’re all complete savages,” Tom said serenely. “And I know I’m right about the wallowing thing. I mean, you can see their skin through their… fuzz…”

 Jack giggled at the absurdity of this conversation, his arm still linked securely with Mark’s. He was thoroughly enjoying himself.

“Ok, can someone just Google it?” Mark asked, and Wade and Tyler gasped in mock indignation.

“ _Dude_ ,” Wade scolded. “You _cannot_ cheat at the corn maze.”

“I’m with Tom on this one,” Jack chimed in.

“I knew I liked you for some reason,” Tom declared.

Jack grinned, and continued: “Sunburned pigs. Also known as ‘bacon.’ Let’s go to the left.”

It turned out that Tom and Jack were correct, although the group fumbled many questions after that, and enjoyed themselves wholeheartedly as they blundered through the maze. Malcolm saved them all on the last question, which asked them to decide, TRUE or FALSE: GOAT CHEESE TAKES A WEEK TO MAKE.

“False,” Malcolm said decisively. “It’s usually only about three days.”

“Seriously? How d’you know?” Mark asked.

“Well… I live in France. Cheese is kind of a ‘thing’ there.”

They finally emerged from the maze, right in front of a stand selling fresh, hot cider, which, in Jack’s estimation, signified the perfect end to a perfect afternoon. He sipped his quietly while they walked back to their cars, encouraged that he no longer felt any discomfort from drinking something hot, and enjoying the chatter around him with Mark’s arm draped confidently around his shoulders.

They’d decided to take both cars to the airport to give Malcolm and Bob a proper sendoff. When they reached Tom’s car, Mark gave Jack a squeeze, then climbed into the front seat, leaving room in the back for Jack and Malcolm to sit together. Then he expertly prodded Tom into a conversation about his web comic, and Jack realized that Mark was trying to give them as much space and privacy as possible. Jack had less than an hour left to spend with his brother, and Mark knew it.

Malcolm seemed aware of it, too. “How do yeh feel today, Sean?”

Jack smiled easily, as he’d been doing all day long. “I feel like… I hadn’t really realized how _hard_ everything’s been lately. And now I know it, because today felt so easy.”

“That’s good. You deserve it. Checked the news at all?”

Jack shook his head. “We both killed our notifications. I just want to enjoy things fer a while. Ignorance is bliss, sometimes.”

“I understand that. You should take the time yeh need. But I can tell yeh… it’s mostly good. You should be proud. And… you should call Mum when yeh’re ready. She’s proud, too.”

“Yeah. I got some texts from her. Nothing from Dad, though.”

Malcolm sighed. “Like I said, Dad’s going to need some time. But don’t get too discouraged. Keep doing what yeh’re doing. It’ll turn out alright.”

Jack mulled over his next question for several moments before he asked it.

“Mal… why d’you think it’s been so easy fer you to… y’know… _accept_ all of this?”

Malcolm looked concerned. “Yeh thought I wouldn’t?”

“I just meant… I wasn’t sure yeh’d be so supportive. I thought it might be hard fer yeh to reconcile it. Y’know… because of yer faith, and everything.”

“Oh. That.” Malcolm smiled. “Well… here’s my take on faith. It isn’t a weapon. It’s a bridge. I needed that, after…” He paused, shook his head. “I needed to find a path toward a better version of myself. And a bridge, back to the people I love, who deserved much better from me. Including you.”

Jack nodded seriously. He knew all of this, but he’d never heard Malcolm explain his troubled past in quite this way.

“I’m the last person on Earth with any right to judge, Sean. Yeh’ve saved lives. Yeh’ve made an actual impact on this world. Yeh might be the best person I know. Everything yeh do is… _good_. I’d abandon any faith that tried to tell me otherwise.”

“You really believe all that?”

“I know it.”

Jack leaned his head against the seat, letting the notion settle. His father’s disapproval often tugged at the corners of his mind, a dull ache that never really went away. But it had eased a bit as he’d listened to Malcolm speak, finally convinced that he had an ally who shared his blood.

They kept the conversation light for the rest of the ride, talking mostly about plans to see each other again around the holidays, or later in the year if Mark and Jack could figure out how to swing a trip to Europe. And then it was over too soon, and they were all standing in the drop-off lot at the airport, and Jack was trying to figure out how he could possibly say goodbye to Malcolm. Luckily, Tyler had the presence of mind to grab Jack’s phone. He arranged Malcolm, Jack, Mark, and Tom in a line so he could take their picture, and Jack put his arms around two of his favorite people in the world and forced a smile, knowing he’d be grateful for the photo once Malcolm was gone. Then Malcolm took the phone, and Mark and Jack posed for one more photo with Bob, Wade, and Tyler.

When they were finished, Bob pulled Jack into a crushing hug, lifting him partially off the ground, but managing to avoid any sore spots on his face and hands. Jack giggled as Bob set him down.

“Thanks fer coming, man. Means a lot.”

“Wouldn’t’ve missed it. You guys did great.” Bob turned to Mark and pointed a finger. “What am I going to say to you?”

Mark chuckled. “Don’t fuck this up?”

“Don’t fuck this up!” Bob echoed, nodding and gesturing vaguely in Jack’s direction. Then he hugged Mark for a long time, and Jack heard him mumble something that sounded like _I’m glad you’re okay_ and _Please be safe._

And then Jack felt an arm around his shoulders, and he let Malcolm pull him into a hug.

_“Sean. Yeh know I’m so proud. I’ll see yeh again soon.”_

_“Mal… thanks fer coming. And thanks fer… Jesus, so many things.”_

Malcolm clapped him twice on the back, then let him go, and hugged Mark. They said some things to each other, too quietly for Jack to hear – and then it was over, and Jack was in the back seat of Tom’s car again, driving away from the airport before he’d processed the sight of his brother walking away from him. Mark held his hand loosely, but he didn’t say anything, and Jack reflected on the fact that Mark always seemed to know when he needed cheering up, and when he needed space and quiet.

“Mark.”

“Yeah, Sean?”

“Thanks fer getting Malcolm here.”

Mark ran his thumb slowly over each of Jack’s fingertips.

“We can go to Paris whenever you want. Ok?”

And Jack knew that Mark meant it – knew that Mark would buy plane tickets right now, if that’s what he needed. He sighed, and felt physical and emotional tension being replaced with the deep calm he usually felt when he and Mark were alone.

“Thanks, love.”

They met Tom, Wade, and Tyler back at Mark’s house, and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening playing games, making dinner with Mark’s mom, and watching Halloween themed movies ranging from hokey, to classic, to legitimately scary.

With his doctor’s permission, Jack had decided to spend the day medication-free. This had been a success overall, but it meant that he was sore and drowsy by nighttime, and asleep on the couch by nine-thirty. Of course, no one faulted him for this – in fact, everyone was relieved to see him so relaxed, especially Mark. They finished the last half hour of the movie they’d been watching, and then Tom, Wade, and Tyler headed home, and Mark put Jack to bed. Then he laid out some clothes, set an alarm on his phone, undressed down to his boxers, and got under the covers with Jack, who stirred for long enough to pull Mark’s arm snugly around his chest. Mark was asleep in minutes, and then awake a few short hours later.

_“Sean.”_

Jack woke slowly to the feeling of Mark’s lips on his neck. He opened his eyes, felt confused when he saw nothing but blackness.

 _“Mh… Mark?”_ He rolled over and found Mark looking at him, propped up on his elbow. _“You ok?”_

_“Yeah. Everything’s fine. How do you feel?”_

Jack blinked, yawned, felt that the discomfort in his face had eased quite a bit after sleeping.

_“Good. Hey… why are you dressed?”_

Mark sat up and retrieved a mug from his night stand. _“I made you some coffee.”_

_“In the middle of the night? What time is it?”_

Jack sat up, accepted the mug, and sipped.

_“It’s a little after 2. If you think you can wake up for a while… we have somewhere to be.”_

Jack raised an eyebrow, fully awake now. _“Ser’sly?”_

_“Uh huh. I would take you tomorrow if I could, but… well… you’ll see when we get there. I mean, if you’re up for it. It’s ok if you want to go back to sleep.”_

_“Fuck no. Let’s do it.”_

Mark grinned. He stood up from the bed and retrieved the clothes he’d set aside for Jack: black jeans, a black zip-up hoodie, and black boots. Jack took this in, and then examined Mark’s outfit: black sweatpants and a black pullover sweatshirt.

_“…Are we robbing a bank?”_

Mark giggled. _“No. I’ll keep that in mind for next time, though.”_

He gave Jack a minute to finish his coffee, then shouldered a backpack while Jack got dressed. They made their way silently to the kitchen so Mark could swipe his mom’s car keys and scribble a note for her, in case she woke up and noticed that the car was gone:

_We took your car for an oil change. In the middle of the night. Without telling you first. Love you! -M_

Then he led Jack out to the driveway, shutting the front door noiselessly behind them.

 _“Hey…”_ Jack mused, keeping his voice low. _“Was the car parked on the street like that earlier?”_

_“No. I snuck out and moved it after my mom went upstairs.”_

_“Where was I?”_

_“Passed out on the couch.”_

_“Oh. Right.”_ Jack smiled and linked arms with Mark. It had been a clever move; the car was now far enough away from the house that the headlights and engine would be much less likely to disturb Mark’s mom.

When they reached the car, Mark opened the passenger-side door for Jack, who giggled as he climbed into the mid-sized SUV.

_“Chivalrous, Fischbach.”_

_“Mhm. I’m a goddamn knight in shining armor.”_ Mark sank into a dramatic bow, while Jack laughed and thought, _Yeah, you really are._ Then Mark made his way to the driver’s side, climbed into the car, and started the engine. Jack had hoped that Mark might use the GPS on his phone, so he’d have some clue about their destination, but he was disappointed.

“Can yeh tell me where we’re going, now?”

“No. I think you’ll enjoy the surprise. Think you can be patient for about forty minutes?”

“Uhm. Maybe?”

Mark giggled. “Check my backpack.”

Jack grabbed the backpack from the back seat and opened the main compartment. He pulled out a thermos, unscrewed the cap, and sniffed: apple cider. He rummaged inside the bag and found cider donuts, chocolate chip cookies, and a bag of goldfish crackers.

“Yeh did this when I was sleeping, too?”

“Yeah. I thought you might need a snack to stay awake.”

Mark had obviously put some thought into this plan. Jack was more curious than ever about their true destination, but he decided to be patient. “Very cool, love. Thanks.” He broke a cookie in half and held a piece out for Mark.

They spent the rest of the drive devouring the cookies and making each other laugh, until Mark pulled the car to a stop close to the curb. They had been driving through a residential area that alternated between clusters of houses and long stretches of trees lined by sidewalks. Mark had parked them along one of the wooded stretches.

“Ok. It’s going to be a little dark, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to use a flashlight unless we have to. We should be quiet, too, so just stick close to me. I know where we’re going.”

“Um… are we trespassing here?”

“Technically not… but it would be best if no one saw us.”

Jack nodded, reassured. Mark could be spontaneous, but Jack had no reason to believe that Mark would put him in actual danger, or get him into any legal trouble.

“Ok. I trust you.”

Mark leaned over to kiss Jack’s cheek, then got out of the car and came around to open Jack’s door. He zipped up the backpack, shouldered it, and then held out his hand. Jack took it, shutting his door quietly behind him, and then followed Mark into the trees.

It _was_ dark. The trees were dense enough to block most of the light from the moon and the street lights they’d left behind them. However, Jack could tell immediately that they were following something like a path, and Mark was moving confidently, helping Jack dodge low branches and roots hidden under fallen leaves. After a few short minutes, some pinpricks of light appeared in the distance. Jack picked one and focused on it, taking in what little sensory information was available to him: the crisp fall air; the crunching of their footfalls in the underbrush; the sound of running water somewhere close by; the feeling of Mark’s hand, warm in his own.

Eventually, the pinpricks of light grew closer, until Jack could see that they belonged to a row of houses. He was just able to identify the shadowy outlines of distant windows and backyard porches through the trees when Mark finally stopped walking, and rested his palm against the trunk of a nearby tree.

“Ok. We’re here.”

He let go of Jack’s hand and slid his arm around Jack’s waist instead. He leaned his head close to Jack’s, then pointed to one of the distant lights.

“See that one?”

Jack nodded, following the line of Mark’s outstretched arm. “Under the window? With the porch underneath?”

“Yeah,” Mark confirmed. “The porch is red. Or, it used to be. I helped my dad paint it.”

Jack leaned his head against Mark’s as the information clicked into place.

“Oh, Mark… that was yer house.”

“Mhm. Before my parents split up. I don’t know why, I just… I wanted you to see it. I practically lived in this tree when I was a kid. I just wanted to be here with you, at least once.”

Jack pressed his lips to the side of Mark’s face, then turned to examine the tree Mark had identified. It had several large, sturdy branches that could easily support the weight of an adult, although they were fairly high off the ground. Jack walked around the trunk and spotted a handful of small planks that were roughly nailed into the bark. He ran his fingers over the footholds Mark had probably climbed countless times as a kid.

“I stole that stuff from my dad’s workshop,” Mark explained. “Tom was so pissed, he wouldn’t let me touch the hammer. He made me hold the nails in place instead. He told me if he nailed my hand to the tree it would be my own fault.” He chuckled, remembering. “I used to think he was way too worried about getting into trouble, but… I think he was just trying to keep _me_ out of trouble. And I needed it, too. I must’ve fallen out of this tree a dozen times.”

Jack tested out one of the planks with his foot, and it held steady. He scaled the trunk of the tree easily, then stepped out onto the largest branch and sat down, his feet dangling above Mark’s head.

“I can see the house better from here. Come on up, love?”

Mark made quick use of the familiar footholds, but he bypassed the branch Jack was sitting on and walked out onto a different one. When he sat down, he was close to Jack, but slightly higher off the ground. He took off his backpack and unzipped the main compartment.

“Tom and I used to play this game… want to try?”

“Fuck yes I do.”

Jack could see Mark’s face light up in the darkness. He took the bag of goldfish crackers out of the backpack, and took one cracker out of the bag.

“I’m gonna toss it for you. You have to catch it in your mouth to get a point. You get twenty chances. Then you can toss for me. Person with the most points wins.”

“Excellent. What do I win?”

“What do you want?”

Mark’s tone was playful, but Jack found that his mind was flooded with much more serious thoughts.

_I want to shut out the rest of the world. I want to be happy with you, forever. I want…_

“I want to pick our Halloween costumes,” he blurted instead.

“Done. And if I win… I get to decide what you wear _underneath_ your Halloween costume.”

Jack giggled. “Deal.”

Mark started tossing goldfish. Jack missed the first four – _It’s pitch-fucking-black out here!_ – but then he got the hang of it, finishing the round with a respectable 11 points.

“Well done, McLoughlin. Any other secret oral abilities I should know about?”

“It’s open fer discussion if yeh can beat my score.”

Mark tossed the bag of goldfish to Jack, who took several practice throws to get the angle right. Then he started tossing crackers, noticing that Mark missed several in a row.

“Don’t yeh dare let me win, Fischbach.”

“Like I’d ever… it’s fucking dark, dude…”

Mark finally caught three crackers in a row, but his performance was much more inconsistent than Jack’s. He finished the round with 8 points.

“Halloween’s all yours,” he conceded. He stood up carefully, then climbed back in Jack’s direction and sat down next to him. The branch barely moved; it could easily support their weight. Jack leaned against Mark, felt Mark’s arm slide around his waist.

“Uhm… Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“What was it like when your parents split up?”

Mark was quiet for a moment. Then: “I know it probably sounds bad, but I was relieved. They were really unhappy together. I guess knowing that was the hardest part. I mean, realizing that people get married when they shouldn’t. That being married doesn’t necessarily mean you even love the other person. Or that some people do love each other for a while, and then eventually stop.”

Jack took this in.

“D’you think that’s part of the reason yeh never got serious with anyone before?”

“Yeah. When I first started dating, anyway. I definitely saw relationships as temporary. Kind of like a ‘nice for now’ kind of thing. I mean, my dad and Dee were pretty happy together, but they weren’t… like… _soulmates._ I never really felt like they _belonged_ together, more like… they got along, and that was enough. I didn’t really understand that it should be more than that, until… until you were in my life. Every time I saw you, I thought… What if every day could be like this? I already wanted that, even when we were just friends, before I had any idea what it would be like to… kiss you… and…”

Mark was holding Jack’s face with one hand, thinking that the only light left in the world was in Jack’s eyes.

“Uhm… Mark?”

“Huh?”

“So… d’you believe in marriage, then? I mean, after yer parents…”

Mark nodded. “I do, now.”

“So… someday…”

Mark frowned, shook his head. “That makes it sound like I’m not… ready… or something. That’s not it. But… we _just_ came out. I think it might take us some time to adjust. Don’t you think?”

Jack nodded. “I do.”

“And… also…” Mark went on. “So far… our relationship has been between us. But, to me, getting married would be about everyone else, too. I want my mom to be there.”

Jack nodded again. “I want that fer you, too. And I want my dad to be there, too.”

“So… we’ll give them a chance to come around.”

“Right. And… if they don’t?”

“Sean… I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but… we might as well have gotten married that first night. The first time I woke up with you… that was it, for me. I do want to make it official. More than anything. But I feel like it already is. That first night… and every night after that… I feel like I’ve been marrying you this whole time.”

Jack held Mark’s gaze, then kissed him, slowly, until he ran out of breath. He sighed.

“I wanted to be married ever since I was a teenager. Maybe even before that. Malcolm would tell yeh that I’ve always been a romantic. But it was shallow, then. That vague idea of ‘happily ever after.’ I had no sense of what that person should actually be like, or what would make me happy… or, happy enough that I’d never want it to end, at least. So I’m glad we’ve given it time. I don’t want it to be shallow, with you. I don’t want us to be happy fer three months and then miserable fer a lifetime. I want it to last. And every week that goes by is more proof that it will. If yeh marry me… I want yeh to have lots of proof that I’ll always make yeh this happy.”

“And I want you to be sure that this is the best life you can possibly have. I need you to be sure I can give you that. Ok? I mean it, Sean. I need you to be sure.”

Jack opened his mouth, reassurances resting on the tip of his tongue, but Mark kissed him before he had the chance to speak, and he let the words fall away. It wasn’t time for new promises. It was time to enjoy the ones they’d already made. He let himself be kissed and held until he was breathless and swaying.

_“Mark.”_

_“Mm.”_

_“I’m going to fall out of this tree if yeh keep doing that.”_

Mark was breathing shallow, his eyes black in the darkness. He nodded.

_“Ok. Back to the car?”_

Jack let Mark pull him back through the woods, his fingers aching from the pressure of Mark’s grip. Mark was holding his hand much tighter than he needed to, moving along the path much more quickly than he had earlier in the night. Jack found that he was having trouble catching his breath, and he knew it had nothing to do with the exercise. He felt Mark’s fingers tighten further around his hand, felt pressure throb below his waistband in response, heard a small sound escape from his own mouth. Mark glanced back at him, his smile just visible in the dark.

_“We’re almost there, Sean.”_

They cleared the woods a minute later, and Mark let go of Jack’s hand, fishing for his keys. He unlocked the car, opened the backseat door, and climbed inside. Jack approached, curious, and saw that Mark was feeling along the outer edge of the seat. He groped until he found what he was looking for, pressed down on the switch, and pushed the seat backward until it was fully horizontal. Then he clicked the interior light off, turned back toward Jack, and held out his hand.

Jack was fairly certain he knew what Mark had in mind, but he had his own plans. He climbed into the car with Mark and pushed him down onto the seat until he was flat on his back, then straddled him. He pulled the car door closed and then leaned over Mark, bracing his forearms on either side of Mark’s head, breathing hard. He eyed Mark affectionately, painfully aware of the layers of clothing that were standing in his way. He sat back on his knees and slid his hands under Mark’s sweatshirt and t-shirt, smiling when Mark squirmed in response to his touch. He knew his fingertips were cold, and he knew Mark was enjoying the sensation. He slid his palms up Mark’s chest, watched the muscles in Mark’s stomach tense, heard Mark let out a small whimper as his fingertips grazed Mark’s collarbone. Mark sat up, just enough to let Jack pull his shirts off, then collapsed onto his back again, his hands sliding up Jack’s thighs to the hem of his sweatshirt. He pulled, and Jack leaned forward again so Mark could undress him from the waist up. Then Jack pressed his stomach against Mark’s, feeling the heat spreading between them, and wound one set of fingers into the dark strands of Mark’s hair. He gripped.

_“Mark.”_

Mark swallowed, one hand on Jack’s forearm, the other on the small of his back.

_“Sean?”_

Jack held Mark’s gaze, their noses practically touching.

 _“I want to take the rest of yer clothes off. Right here, in the back of this car. Because I love you, and I don’t want to wait until we get home.”_ Jack took a measured breath. _“But… I’ll stop, if yeh want me to.”_

 _“Oh, God.”_ Mark pulled down on Jack’s hip and bent his opposite knee, gaining enough leverage to thrust upward against Jack’s groin. _“Please, don’t stop. Please, Sean-”_

And then Jack was kissing him, his breath hot against Mark’s tongue, his hand sliding inside the waistband of Mark’s sweatpants. Mark sighed against Jack’s mouth, expertly unfastening the button and zipper of Jack’s jeans, sliding both hands inside his boxers, around his hips. Jack pressed down against him, grasping his hair, tilting his head back, smiling against his open mouth, nipping at his bottom lip.

_“Pants off, now, love.”_

_“Yours too, McLoughlin.”_

Jack slid down Mark’s body, taking his sweatpants and boxers with him, pulling off Mark’s sneakers so he could slide them all the way off. Then he kicked off his own shoes and tried to maneuver out of his jeans, banging his head against the car ceiling twice – _Fucking hell –_ before Mark was giggling uncontrollably, pulling him down, kissing his neck and shoulders while he finished the job. He ran his fingertips down Jack’s side and Jack shivered, more dramatically than Mark was expecting.

_“Cold, Sean?”_

Jack’s shoulders shook, and he pressed down against Mark’s chest.

_“A little.”_

_“It’s ok. I’ll help. Come up here.”_

Jack looked at him questioningly, and Mark pulled on his hips.

 _“Uhm. On your knees still. But up here.”_ He tapped at the seat, indicating the space next to his shoulder.

Jack’s stomach swooped; this was new.

_“Are yeh sure?”_

_“So sure. C’mon.”_

Jack kissed Mark’s mouth, then moved up Marks body until his hands were resting on the top of the seat. Finding that he had nothing left to hold on to, he sat partially upright, grasping one of the handles along the ceiling, his knees settled on either side of Mark’s head.

_“Like this-? Oh- fuck-”_

He felt Mark’s fingers wrap around the base of his cock, felt Mark’s lips kissing upward toward the head.

 _“Uh huh,”_ Mark managed. _“Just like that…”_

Mark licked a lazy circle around the tip, and was rewarded with a deep throb and a low moan. He thought he would enjoy teasing Jack like this, forcing him to hold this position while he took his time… he filed the images away for future consideration and pulled the head of Jack’s cock into his mouth.

_“Ah…”_

He licked in a long, slow sweep, and felt Jack give a tiny thrust in response. He licked again, and Jack gave another small thrust, accompanied by a stifled sound.

_“Sean.”_

_“Mh…”_

_“Babe. You can move.”_

Jack blinked down at him. _“Uhm… you sure?”_

 _“Yeah. I trust you.”_ Mark repositioned his head, and opened his mouth.

Jack shifted his weight, adjusting the angle, and then slid his cock inside Mark’s open mouth. Mark gave a slight nod, then closed his eyes and started working his tongue. Jack saw stars. He pushed himself further in, moaning in earnest as the sensations registered. He slid back, then thrusted in-

_“Oh, fuck-”_

-eyelids fluttering as Mark nodded and hummed and sucked and pulled at his hips. He finally gave in to Mark’s encouragement and settled into a restrained rhythm, thrusting against Mark’s eager tongue.

Jack had lost count of the number of times he’d had his cock in Mark’s mouth, but he’d never actually _fucked_ Mark’s face like this before. The sensations were more varied. He could feel all of the soft, wet corners of Mark’s mouth, the heat of Mark’s tongue as it slid to meet him. But the biggest difference was the dominant posture, the fact that Mark had volunteered to be helpless underneath him, had offered up his body to give Jack this experience. Jack knew these were gifts that Mark wanted to give, and that the experience wasn’t one-sided; he knew Mark was touching himself. He found that he wanted to touch Mark, too.

He forced himself to slow, and then stop. He slid backwards and down until he was face-to-face with Mark again, taking in his tousled hair and moistened lips, slick with saliva.

_“Don’t swallow, love.”_

He pressed three fingertips to Mark’s lips, and Mark smiled, and pulled his fingers deep into his mouth. Jack pressed toward the back of his tongue and grinded his hips against Mark at the same time, and Mark rumbled, low and deep in the back of his throat. Jack put his mouth on Mark’s shoulder while he swept his fingers sideways, coating them with the slick he’d left in Mark’s mouth. He sucked his way up Mark’s neck-

_“Open, love-”_

-and pulled his fingers free. He shifted so that he was straddling one of Mark’s legs, then reached down to Mark’s opening, and slid his fingers over the warm, tight skin. He nudged the tip of his thumb against the moistened opening, found that it slid easily inside. He removed it, and inserted his middle finger instead, sliding it deeper until Mark groaned with pleasure. He pulsed his finger in a shallow rhythm, leaking precum at every small sound Mark was making. He slid his finger partially out, added one more, and pressed deep again, and Mark but down on his lower lip, rocking his hips in answer.

_“One more?”_

Mark nodded, and Jack kissed his mouth, sliding a third finger deep inside. He hooked all three fingers upward and _pressed_ , and Mark moaned against his mouth, eyes closed, chin tipping back. Jack held his fingers on the spot and eased down Mark’s body, settling on his knees and bending down to take Mark’s cock into his mouth. He slid his tongue around the rigid length, holding the tip toward the back of his mouth, and used his fingertips to pulse on the spot again. He was rewarded with a throb and a thrust from Mark, letting the wetness build around the sides of his tongue, then swirling it slowly, coating Mark’s cock until it was slick and sliding freely. Then he let it go.

Jack had had this scenario in the back of his mind for quite a while. How could he best simulate sex with Mark, if they were in a situation where actual penetration would be impossible or impractical? This was what he’d come up with, and he was aching to try it out.

He moved up Mark’s body again, bracing his free hand on the seat next to Mark’s ribs. He rested his upper thigh against the back of his other hand, his fingers still deep inside of Mark, and _pressed_ so that the weight of his leg added to the pressure of his fingers. Mark moaned and nodded up at him, and his cock throbbed against Mark’s inner thigh. He shifted his hips and thrusted, and his still-slick cock slid pleasurably against Mark’s erection. They moaned together, and Mark took full advantage of Jack’s open mouth. He reached up and pressed two fingertips just inside Jack’s lips, and Jack bit down instinctively, nibbling at Mark’s skin, then allowed him access to his tongue. He thoroughly moistened Mark’s fingers, and then Mark pulled them free and reached between their bodies. He slid his fingers over both of their cocks and then held the tips together, his fingers forming a loose ring that Jack could thrust into. And Jack decided it was time to do just that.

He rocked his hips in a tentative thrust, felt his cock squeezing and sliding against Mark’s fingers and his own pulsing, rigid erection, felt Mark’s body tighten around his fingers.

_“Oh, Jesus-”_

_“Fuck- Sean-”_

He felt Mark’s free hand sliding around the back of his hip and he thrusted again, and Mark moved to meet him, holding his gaze, his lips slightly parted.

_“Mh- Mark-”_

_“Sean-”_

_“Is this ok-?_

_“Fuck- don’t stop-”_

Jack thrusted against Mark’s body, flooded with relief and desire. He’d found himself at the edge of release while he was thrusting down into Mark’s mouth, and now his body was practically begging for it, spurred on by the heat from Mark’s skin, the flash in Mark’s eyes as he blinked and sighed. He kissed Mark, deeply, moving his hips in long, fluid thrusts. He explored Mark’s chest and shoulder with his lips and tongue, pulsing his fingers, thrusting against Mark’s cock until Mark started to whimper. Then he changed his approach, rocking his hips in a quick, regular rhythm, his mouth hard on Mark’s chest, his cock throbbing in Mark’s hand. Mark was moaning continuously, his stomach contracting under Jack’s weight, his fingers gripping erratically between their bodies-

_“Oh- oh, God-”_

-and then the sensation changed. Jack’s cock was swallowed by a wave of heat, surrounded by warm wetness as Mark tensed and came. Jack whimpered, balancing on the edge, his arm shaking as he struggled to hold his position.

_“Mh- babe- let me-”_

Jack held still, and Mark had barely squeezed down the length of his cock before Jack released with a moan, adding to the flow of white liquid that was pooling on Mark’s belly. He let Mark stroke him dry, then pulled his fingers free, looped both arms under Mark’s shoulders, and collapsed onto Mark’s chest, his forehead pressed against Mark’s neck. He sighed, and Mark held him, his arms fastened tight around his back and his hips.

Jack blinked in the dark, observing his surroundings for the first time since he’d wrestled Mark onto his back. He congratulated both of them silently, impressed that they’d been able to stage an encounter so thoroughly satisfying in such a confined space. He checked the window, and saw that, while it was still dark, the sky was starting to lighten faintly. They had time, but not too much.

_“Mark.”_

Mark tightened his arms around him.

_“My Sean.”_

Jack’s heart fluttered.

_“Thanks fer letting me try that.”_

Mark rumbled a low laugh.

_“I don’t LET you do things to me. I WANT you to. I loved it.”_

_“All of it?”_

_“Yeah. That first part… I don’t know. I thought you’d like it. And that turns me on.”_

Jack nodded, pressed his lips under Mark’s jaw.

_“I liked it. And I want yeh to do it to me, too. I want yeh to wrestle me fer it.”_

Mark rubbed his nose in Jack’s hair.

_“On the bed? Or the floor?”_

_“The floor. Like when yeh tied me up the first time.”_

_“Mm. Ok. I’ll wrestle you to the floor, as soon as your nose is better.”_

_“You promise?”_

_“I do.”_

_“God, I love you.”_

_“Love you too, Sean.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Jack promised to keep Mark company on the drive home, and then promptly fell asleep, slumped across the center console against Mark’s side. Mark didn’t mind; he loved that Jack could sleep so soundly after what they’d been through recently, and he was grateful for some time alone with his thoughts.

He was feeling relieved that they’d finally managed to talk seriously about the trajectory of their relationship. He had to stop himself from proposing to Jack almost daily, and he’d been worried that Jack might have been feeling impatient as well, or wondering why Mark hadn’t decided to make that move. But Jack seemed content with their timeline, and Mark got the sense that they were both comfortable with waiting until some loose ends could be sorted out.

Still, he sighed, realizing that he had shared all of his concerns with Jack, except for one: he didn’t want to get married until Jack’s visa got renewed, after the new year. He hadn’t brought it up again because he didn’t want it to sound like an excuse to put things off, but it was true. He didn’t want Jack to have to worry that Mark had married him just to keep him in the country. He had about a million legitimate reasons to marry Jack, and he needed Jack to be convinced of that before they agreed to take that step. He acknowledged that it wasn’t always easy for him to actually _say_ what he was feeling, and he hoped his actions made up for it. Bringing Jack to his childhood home was the most serious declaration of devotion he could imagine making. Not to mention everything they’d done together in the backseat of this car. His trust in Jack had brought them to a level of physical and emotional intimacy that he knew was as precious as it was unique. It meant everything to him, and he would do anything to keep it.

_But… does he know that? Am I doing enough?_

_“Sean.”_

He slid his right arm around Jack’s shoulders.

_“Mh.”_

_“Hey. Babe. Wake up for a sec.”_

Jack tightened his arm around Mark’s waist. _“Mmh. Whassup, love?”_ he mumbled, without opening his eyes.

  _“Uhm. Hey… so… you know I love you, right? So much? More than anything? You know you’re the only person for me, in the whole world, right? You know I want you with me, forever, right?”_

Jack chuckled sleepily, pressed closer against Mark’s side.

_“I do. I know. But I like it when yeh say it.”_

_“Do I say it enough?”_

_“Yeah. Do I?”_

_“Yeah. But I like to hear it, too.”_

Jack slipped his hand under Mark’s sweatshirt, slid his palm over Mark’s heart.

_“Tonight meant so much to me. And yeh’re my favorite person. And I’m never leaving.”_

Mark sighed, satisfied.

_“Ok. Go back to sleep.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Jack managed to get Mark into the house and downstairs to bed without incident, but he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Jack watched him for a minute, then undressed to his boxers, found a change of clothes, and headed to the bathroom to shower. The sky had lightened to a pale pink by the time they’d pulled into the driveway, but he guessed he had enough time to get cleaned up before Mark’s mom woke up for work. When he examined himself under the bathroom light, he was doubly grateful to have a shower in close proximity. He was a mess: sticky from his waist to his chest, his hair tangled and tousled beyond recognition. He smelled more like Mark than he smelled like himself, which he loved, but he had no intention of letting Mark’s mom see him in this state. He scrubbed himself clean in the shower, towel-dried his hair, and dressed in a plain white t-shirt and sweatpants that he realized were actually Mark’s. He decided to keep them on.

He checked to make sure Mark still sleeping soundly, then headed up to the kitchen. He switched on the coffee maker, retrieved two mugs from the cupboard, pulled some ingredients from the fridge, and set about making breakfast. He was pouring coffee into the mugs when Mark’s mom appeared in the entryway.

“Oh… Jack… I didn’t know you would be up so early.”

He paused to smile at her.

“I wanted to say ‘thank you.’ Fer letting me stay, and everything. I wasn’t sure if I’d get another chance. I hope yeh don’t mind… I raided the fridge…”

She returned his smile, shaking her head. “You know you can help yourself. And it smells good.”

“D’you have time to sit?”

“Yes. I have some time.”

He handed her a mug of coffee, and she sat down at the table, adding cream and sugar to her liking while Jack transferred the large omelet he’d made onto two plates. He set one plate in front of Mark’s mom, and then sat down across from her.

“Mark likes this one… I thought you might like it, too.”

She took a bite, chewed, smiled. “It’s very good. I’m glad you’re cooking sometimes. I worry that he works too much, that he doesn’t eat like he should.”

Jack nodded. “I think that was true, before. Like, before I came, I mean. We were both working too much, and ignoring other things. Important things.”

“Like omelets?” she offered, teasingly, and Jack wondered for the first time how much of Mark’s sense of humor had been inherited from his mom. He giggled.

“Yeah. Like omelets.”

She nodded. “This really is very good, Jack. Should we save some for Mark?”

“No. I’ll make him one later. I think he’s going to be asleep for a while.”

She raised an eyebrow, and Jack scrambled for an explanation.

“We… we stayed up late, talking. It happens, sometimes. It’s one of the ways we deal with all these new experiences.” This was true enough. He didn’t want to give Mark’s mom any reason to feel that he was being dishonest.

“What does he talk to you about?”

The question caught Jack off guard. He set his coffee mug down and thought for a moment, realizing that she was acknowledging the awkwardness that still existed between herself and her son, and that she was looking for a glimpse into his personal life, which she had probably felt excluded from for a long time. Jack knew that Mark had been working to repair some of this damage, but there was still a long way to go.

“Well… tonight he told me more about what it was like when he was little. When you still lived in the other house.”

She seemed surprised by this, but she didn’t say anything. She just sipped her coffee, and gave a slight nod.

“He definitely remembers being happy, back then. He told me about it. But he also…” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “He doesn’t blame anyone, that you and his dad… he knows you needed to split up, to be happy. He knows it was better for everyone.”

She nodded calmly, and Jack breathed an internal sigh of relief; he knew it had been a gamble to bring up such a sensitive subject.

“He told me something like that before,” she explained. “But I’m glad he was telling the truth. I mean, if he told it to you, I’m sure it’s true.”

“It is. I could tell it was really important to him, to tell me about those things.”

“Yes. He tells you things he doesn’t tell other people.”

Jack felt his cheeks start to flush. _C’mon, Sean. It’s now or never._

“He does. He trusts me. He… he wanted to talk about the future. That’s mostly what we talked about.”

“Oh?” She pulled her hands into her lap, and waited for him to go on. He took a slow breath, then nodded.

“I need to tell you a few things, while I’m here. Can yeh listen, and then take some time to think about it?”

“Ah… yes, I can do that.”

“Ok. I… I need yeh to know how much I care about Mark. He was my best friend, before, and now… he’s my greatest love. I want to cook fer him every day. I want to sing him songs and take care of him when he’s sick. And I know… I know you must have had a lot of dreams fer him. But… his dreams, and mine… they’re the same, now. I want to be with him through everything. I want to marry him. Uhm. Someday. When he’s ready. So… I just wanted yeh to know that. So yeh can think about it.”

Jack paused and tried to read her expression, with little success. She stared at her coffee cup for a few moments before she spoke.

“I know you love each other. I don’t know if I understand it, but I do respect you. I appreciate everything you do to care for him, and I know he wants you to. I won’t try to stop you from being together, if that’s what you both want. But… why do you feel like you need to get married?”

Jack smiled; this was an easy question.

“Because that’s what yeh do when yeh love someone the most. It’s how yeh show them yeh’re never going to leave, no matter what.”

“And how do you know that? ‘Forever’ is a long time, Jack.”

Jack sighed. “I don’t think anyone can possibly know fer sure. I just believe it. It’s what I want. It’s what Mark deserves.”

She gazed back at him thoughtfully, but didn’t respond.

“…Anyway. I didn’t bring this up to put pressure on you, or anything. I know it’s… an adjustment. We’re in no rush. I just wanted yeh to know what my intentions are. It’s important to Mark to have yer support. Well… it’s important to both of us.”

She nodded. “I have always been impressed by your confidence. I know you mean what you say. And I promise to think about it, if you do, too. I know you make Mark happy, right now. But your relationship could make things harder for both of you, in ways you have not thought of. I see the bruises on your face, and I think about what else could have happened. I don’t want that, for either of you.”

Jack fought to keep his expression neutral as she went on.

“And, also… Mark’s feelings for you could keep him from thinking about… other paths. I know we both want what is best for him, so… I hope you will think about that.”

Jack winced. The words stung – not because they were unfair, but because he knew they were true.

“Oh… Jack… don’t be disappointed. I think… I think you’re very special. I’m happy that Mark picked you. I am.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

She stood up from the table and approached him, her eyes traveling over the fading bruises around his nose and eyes. She put her fingers under his chin, and he stood up to face her.

“You look better, but I know it must hurt. Can I do anything for you before I go?”

“No. But. Uhm. Thank you. Fer listening.”

“I’m happy that you can say these things to me. I think Mark needed me to listen, when he was younger, and maybe I didn’t know how, back then. I want to do better, this time.”

Jack nodded. “Yeh’re doing a good job.”

She looked back at him, and Jack found sadness in her expression. He was still searching for something to say when she put her hands on his shoulders, stood on her tiptoes, and pressed her lips briefly to his cheek.

“I think I should have done that more often, too. For Mark, I mean. Maybe he’ll give me another chance.”

“He will. I know it.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jack found Mark just where he’d left him, sleeping soundly on his back with one arm stretched toward the edge of the bed, as though he’d been reaching for something in a dream. Jack undressed to his boxers and climbed into the bed, cradling Mark’s face with his hand as he started to wake.

_“Sean…”_

Jack moved closer to Mark, pressed his lips to Mark’s face for a long moment. Mark smiled, his eyes still closed.

_“Can you do that again?”_

_“Mhm.”_

Jack kissed Mark’s cheek, and his forehead, and his smiling lips.

_“As many times as yeh want.”_

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Please enjoy this glorious fanart by [Linadoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linadoon/pseuds/Linadoon)! And find him on [Tumblr](https://linadoonofficialnsfw.tumblr.com/)! 

 


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check the end of the chapter for some art of Raf and Justin by yours truly!

“Sean- seriously- I told you not to wear a black shirt-”

“Listen, Fischbach, I didn’t pack an endless supply of clean clothes-”

“You’re ridiculous- here-”

Mark started swatting at the front of Jack’s shirt, which was covered in flour. Jack raised his arms defensively.

“Ah! Mark, that tickles- no, just leave it-”

Mark relented, and used his thumb to wipe at a smudge of flour on Jack’s cheek instead. He chuckled.

“You’re a mess. It’s great.”

Jack raised his right hand, which was covered in flour from the dough he’d been rolling, and dragged his palm down the side of Mark’s face before Mark could intervene.

“Who’s a mess, now?” he demanded

Mark started to laugh, and then sneezed instead.

“Aw, dude, it’s in my nose…”

Laughter sounded from the other side of the kitchen. Dee was watching them, both hands on her hips.

“Serves you right, Mark, for teasing Jack like that.” She shook her head, eyes sparkling. “Lord, how do the two of you ever get anything done?”

Jack giggled. “Our offices are on opposite sides of the house fer a reason.”

“Hmm. Sensible.” She surveyed the counter where Jack had been working. “The dough looks good, Jack. I think we can put it all together, now.”

Dee had taken an extended lunch break to spend some extra time with them, and had suggested that they use some local apples to bake a pie. Mark and Jack had stopped by the same farm they’d visited earlier in the week, and then met her at her house with two bags of fresh apples.

“Ok,” Jack acknowledged. “Want to put the crust in the pan?”

She shook her head. “I’ll walk you through it.”

She showed him how to drape the dough evenly inside the pan, and then helped him trim the edges. Mark had been working on the filling, and he gave Jack a small spoonful to taste before transferring it into the pan; it was delicious. Dee completed the last step, expertly adding another layer of crust to the top and sealing the edges. She put it in the oven while Mark and Jack washed up at the sink.

“Sean.” Mark nudged him with a shoulder while they rinsed their hands.

“Huh?”

“I think your butt’s buzzing.”

“Oh- oops- yeah, I keep forgetting to check it…”

Jack dried his hands and pulled out his cell phone to find several missed calls from Justin. This was unusual; Justin usually preferred to text, and never called multiple times in a row without leaving a message.

“Huh… uhm… it’s Justin, and I think I should go call him back.”

Mark raised an eyebrow. “Everything ok?”

“I’m not sure… he called a bunch of times, back-to-back.”

“Really? Yeah, that’s weird… go for it, we’ll be here.”

Jack made his way through the house to the back porch and tapped on Justin’s number to return the call. Justin picked up immediately.

 

“Hey man. I’m really sorry to bother you.”

“Oh, dude, yeh’re not. Sorry it took me a bit to get back to yeh. Everything ok?”

Justin ignored the question. “Have you heard from Raf this week?”

Jack reviewed the last couple of days in his mind. He remembered exchanging some mutual well-wishes through text right after the livestream, but he hadn’t talked to Raf since then. But this hadn’t been cause for alarm – his videos were queued to release on schedule throughout this week and into the next, and he’d encouraged Raf to take it easy on editing and focus on his other projects while he was away.

“No, not since Sunday… why?”

Silence for a moment.

“Can you call him and make sure he’s ok?”

Justin’s tone set off alarm bells in Jack’s mind.

“Yeah, I’ll call him right now, but… dude, what’s wrong?”

“… I don’t know. I thought it was my fault, at first, but now I think something might’ve happened with his family. He… he won’t return my calls or texts.”

“Listen, man, I’m sure it’s not yer fault-”

“It might be, though. We… we hung out for the rest of the day on Sunday. After the stream, I mean. And he… uh… Jack, please don’t tell anyone…”

“I won’t. I swear. You know I won’t.”

Jack could tell that Justin was close to tears when he started speaking again.

“He stayed over that night. Um. I mean. He stayed… with _me_ that night. But we… we haven’t really _done_ anything. We just kind of… make out, sometimes… and I think he wanted something else to happen, when we were… um… but… I told him I wasn’t ready. He seemed ok with it, I thought everything was fine, but maybe… maybe he thought I didn’t like him, anymore… or maybe he doesn’t like me, after that…”

“Oh, Justin, that does _not_ sound like Raf…”

Justin sniffed. “I know. That’s why I’m worried something else is going on. But… I still wanted to tell you what happened. I didn’t… I didn’t tell anyone else.”

Jack took this in. “Does anyone else know that you’ve been seeing each other?”

“No.”

“Do you mind if I let Mark know what’s going on?”

“No… you can tell him.”

“Ok. I won’t tell anyone else, alright? I promise. I’m going to call Raf now.”

“Ok. Thanks, Jack.”

“No problem. I’ll call yeh back.”

 

Jack ended the call and deliberated for a moment, ultimately deciding that this situation would be easier to navigate if Mark knew what was going on. He opened the door and called across the house for Mark to join him, and then gave him a brief summary of what Justin had said. Then he placed a call to Raf, who answered after several rings.

 

“Hey, Jack.”

Raf’s voice sounded muffled, like he had a cold.

 _Or like he’s been crying_ , Jack thought.

“Hey, man. Just checking in. Everything ok?”

Raf cleared his throat. “Did Justin tell you to call?”

_Busted._

“He sounds really upset. Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Um. My parents. They found out about the stream… they took it a little worse than I thought they would. I got upset, and I ended up telling them about me, too. It’s… I’m dealing with it. I don’t want you to worry about it.”

“I’m worried about _you._ Why didn’t you call me?”

“It’s… it’s not your problem. I knew this could happen. It’s on me.”

“Raf… yeh’re my friend. This matters to me. And it obviously matters to Justin, too-”

“No.” Raf cut him off. “Justin is not ready to deal with this, with me. I’m-” His voice broke. “I’m fine. I’ll see you when you get home, ok?”

 

The call disconnected, and Jack knew better than to call back. He sent Raf a follow-up text instead:

_I’m here for you, please call me back when you can_

He sighed and looked at Mark.

“This is really bad.”

“His parents?” Mark asked.

“Yeah. He wouldn’t really tell me about it. And it doesn’t sound like he has any intention of getting in touch with Justin.” Mark had pulled out his cell phone and was tapping at the screen. “Uhm. Love. What’re yeh doing?”

“Checking for earlier flights.” Mark tapped several more times, then nodded. “There’s a flight at 7:20 tonight. What do you think?”

They had originally planned to fly home the following afternoon, but Jack had no intention of leaving Raf on his own until then. He felt a swell of affection as he realized that Mark had come to the same conclusion.

“We’ll have to miss dinner, but I think we should do it.”

Mark nodded. “Maybe the guys can meet us at the airport instead.”

Jack tugged at the hem of Mark’s shirt. “I fucking love you.”

Mark smiled. “Any reason in particular?”

“Changing our flight…”

“Oh. Like, getting on a plane to go help a friend?” Mark leaned over and kissed Jack’s lips. “I learned that from you, babe.”

Jack pulled him back for another kiss, lingering this time.

“Right. I should probably call Justin back.”

“Ok. I’ll book the flight.”

Jack tapped at his phone, and Justin answered on the first ring again.

 

“Hey, Justin.”

“Is he ok?”

“I’m not sure. He didn’t want to talk to me. But I think you were right – it sounds like something’s going on with his family.”

“Fuck. I knew it. But… why won’t he talk to me, then?”

Jack paused. “Uhm… Justin… does he know how yeh feel? Do _you_ know how yeh feel? About Raf?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… if yeh really care about him… if yeh want to give things a try… yeh might need to think about how yeh can spell it out fer him. I’m not sure he really knows.”

“I don’t… I don’t know how to talk about it.”

“That’s ok. We’ll keep it simple. Do yeh like hanging out with him?”

“Yeah. He’s, like, the coolest person I know. I’ve told him that.”

“Good. Uhm… Do yeh like how he looks?”

Silence for a moment. “So… I had a girlfriend, last year. I dated a couple girls before but… I guess this was more like a relationship. I _thought_ I liked her… I mean, I _did_ like her. I liked hanging out with her. But I didn’t… like… _care_ about how she looked. I mean, she was beautiful, but, like… I only kissed her. We never… we didn’t do anything else. And she could tell I didn’t like her that way. So… it didn’t last very long.”

“Ok… so… yeh didn’t like _her_ that way, or yeh don’t like _girls_ that way?”

“I didn’t think I liked _anyone_ that way.”

“Justin… I mean… it’s ok, if yeh don’t. Plenty of people are asexual. It’s totally normal.”

“But… I like Raf.”

“More than you liked your girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“How do yeh know?”

“What do you mean?”

Justin was starting to sound agitated, and Jack guessed that this was one of the reasons Raf was having trouble letting him in. It was clear that he couldn’t articulate how he was feeling. Jack decided to push his luck.

“I mean, why do yeh like him? How do yeh know it’s more than just a friendship?”

“I don’t let my _friends_ sleep in my _bed_ , Jack!” Justin was practically yelling now. “I don’t let them borrow my fucking clothes because I don’t want them to go home! I don’t watch them change and fucking… _fuck._ I don’t make out with my friends. I don’t make out with _anyone,_ except Raf. I think…” Justin was running out of steam, now. His voice had gone quiet, almost pleading. “Fuck, Jack… I think I’m gay.”

“Dude. That was really good. Yeh did a good job. I know it can be hard to talk about, but… that’s the kind of stuff yeh need to say to Raf, ok? Don’t make him guess. And… if yeh’re gay, yeh’re gay. We’ll deal with it, alright? Mark and I aren’t going anywhere.”

“How… fuck, how did you guys do this? It’s awful.”

“I think it feels that way because yeh’re trying to do it by yerself. But, yeah, it can be awful sometimes. We’ll tell yeh all about it. We’re going to come home early, ok? We should be back at LAX by ten, tonight. I think we’ll head straight to Raf’s place after that. Why don’t yeh plan to meet us there… we can talk fer a bit, and then try to get Raf to let us in.”

“Wait… you guys are coming home right now?”

“Well, in a few hours, yeah.”

“Because of Raf?”

“Yeah… I mean, he’s my friend…”

“Fuck. I’m an idiot. _Fuck._ ”

“What?”

“These issues with his family… it’s a big deal. Way more important than my stupid self-loathing fucking bullshit. God, no wonder he doesn’t want to talk to me.”

Jack winced. He wanted to reassure Justin, but he had a feeling he might be right.

“What yeh’re going through is important, man, and I think normally, Raf would be tripping over himself to support yeh, but… yeah. He might not be able to deal with all of it at the same time. Especially if he’s not sure about how yeh feel.”

“You’re right. I need to fix it.”

“Well… yeh’ve got a few hours to think it over. Think about what yeh want to say. Write it down or something, if that helps. Just… don’t give up. Raf deserves to know how yeh feel.”

“I know. I will. Um… Jack…”

“Yeah?”

“…I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a legitimate asshole.”

“Not fer at least a month, dude. I’ve been keeping track.”

Justin laughed weakly. “Thanks, man.”

“Call back if yeh need to. I’ll text yeh when we land.”

“Ok. See you later.”

 

Jack ended the call, stared at Mark for a moment, and then flung his arms around his neck.

“Mf- Sean- you ok?”

Jack nodded, hugging Mark tight.

_“Thanks, love.”_

Mark returned the pressure, rubbed his nose in Jack’s hair.

_“For what?”_

_“For never making me wonder.”_

 

* * *

 

 

They visited with Dee while the pie finished baking, and then devoured most of it with vanilla ice cream. They had intended to visit for longer, but Dee was gracious when they explained that they needed to head back to California earlier than expected. She hugged and kissed them both excessively, and wrapped up the remaining slices of pie for them to take home to Mark’s mom.

They were in the middle of packing their belongings when Mark’s mom came home from work, and Jack offered to finish up so Mark could spend some extra time with her before they had to leave. He had decided not to tell Mark about the conversation they’d had early that morning, at least for the time being, and he wondered whether she would bring it up. He didn’t think Mark would be angry – after their initial bumps in the road, Mark had made peace with the fact that Jack could do and say what he pleased when it came to friends and family, and he had learned to have more faith in Jack’s judgment. Still, Jack wondered how Mark’s mom had interpreted their conversation. If she brought it up, what would she say?

Jack was cramming the last of Mark’s shirts into his overstuffed carryon when his phone chimed. It was Mark, letting him know that Tom was on his way over to pick them up, and asking if he needed help finishing up. _No, I’m good here,_ Jack typed back. He did another sweep of the bedroom and the bathroom, feeling satisfied that he hadn’t missed anything. Then he stretched out on Mark’s bed and sent a message to Raf:

_Raf- we’re coming home tonight, ok? we want to see you ASAP, please think about it_

He stared at the screen until it notified him that Raf had viewed the message. He wasn’t expecting a reply, and he didn’t get one. He messaged Justin next.

 

Jack: how’s it going?

Justin: Ok. I’ve been looking at the websites you sent me.

Jack: anything helpful?

Justin: Yeah. Can I tell you something?

Jack: anything you want

Justin: I was lying when I told Raf I didn’t want to hook up. I was just scared.

Jack: I bet he’d be happy to hear that

Justin: Were you scared? When you first got together with Mark?

Jack: terrified... I said some truly stupid shit that first week

Justin: Really?

Jack: yeah. I thought I was prepared, but it’s a big adjustment. we took it pretty slow… just kind of tried one thing at a time to make sure it was right

Justin: Did you ever decide to stop? Or did you ever do something you regretted after?

Jack: we decided to slow things down a couple times, but no… no regrets. I think because we talk about everything, but also because we dealt with the fact that we’re not straight. that took time, though

Justin: I’m not straight.

Jack: does it help to say it?

Justin: Yeah.

Jack: it’s ok that you’re not straight, and it’s ok to like Raf. he’s good for you

Justin: Do you think I’m good for him?

Jack: I know he was really happy when you started hanging out. he didn’t tell me why, or anything, it was just obvious

Justin: But… what if we hook up, and I freak out, or I don’t like it, or something?

Jack: tell him you’re worried about it and you want to go slow, before you try anything else. and if you don’t like something that happens, but you still like Raf, make sure he knows that

Justin: Would you still be with Mark if he didn’t like all the things you wanted to do?

Jack. yes. absolutely.

Justin: That helps.

 

Mark appeared in the doorway, an Jack set the phone aside as he approached the bed.

“Hey, babe. Did you get some sleep?”

“Nah. Just checked in with Justin.”

Mark climbed onto the bed and snuggled close to him.

“Any news?”

“Not really. Texting seemed helpful, though. I think it was easier fer him to talk about some things.”

“Uh huh. I can see that.”

“How’s yer mom?”

“She seems good. I think she liked having both of us here. I think she really likes you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jack rolled onto his side to face Mark, slid his knee between Mark’s legs so they were tangled up.

“Tom will be here soon, huh?”

“Mm. He’s already here. I asked him to wait a minute.”

Jack nodded.

“I loved being here, with you, love.”

“Sean.”

“Yeah?”

“I haven’t had a nightmare since last week. I mean, I know they might come back…”

“It’ll be ok if they do. We’ll sort it out, just like before.” Jack studied Mark’s face. “Are yeh worried about going home? Because of that?”

“Maybe a little.”

“We can sleep downstairs fer a while, if yeh like. Save the bedroom fer fooling around, maybe? Give me a couple days. Yeh’ll never want to leave the bed.”

“Mm. Sounds perfect.”

Mark put a hand around Jack’s head and kissed him, slowly, letting the moment stretch until his phone started to vibrate in his pocket. He groaned, pulled it out, and silenced it.

“I set an alarm. We do need to go.”

“It’s ok. We can come back and visit anytime yeh want. I promise.”

They said a brief goodbye to Mark’s mom, and Jack thought that Mark’s assessment had been accurate; she seemed genuinely sorry to see them go. She hugged and kissed them both, and then Tom helped them load their bags and pillows into the trunk of his car. They had originally planned to meet Wade and Tyler in the city for dinner and sightseeing, but those plans had had to change. Instead, they got to the airport early enough to grab dinner with Tom and their friends before their flight.

Jack could sense that Mark wasn’t eager to leave his brother and his friends behind, and he reminded himself to be sympathetic. Jack had spent more time with friends in the last three months than he had in his entire life, so it hadn’t occurred to him to feel wounded by this temporary goodbye. But for Mark, farewells like this brought up all the mixed feelings he harbored about leaving his friends and family to move to LA. On top of that, Jack knew that being surrounded by the people he loved had help Mark deal with their assault. Saying goodbye felt more like a loss this time.

But Jack also knew that Mark was used to going home alone. Things were different now. They had each other.

Mark had managed to secure first class tickets for the flight back, which was empty enough already, given the odd timeframe. They had a row of three large seats to themselves, and found that the armrest between their two seats folded back, as well. Mark was asleep as soon as they were in the air, and Jack stayed awake for the first hour, keeping an eye on him until he was convinced that Mark was sleeping peacefully. Then he put his hand over Mark’s, slipped his fingertips just inside the sleeve of his sweatshirt, against his wrist, and fell asleep. Neither of them woke until they touched down at LAX, right on schedule.

Jack texted Justin as soon as they got to their car, letting him know that they could meet him at Raf’s apartment in about a half hour. He replied immediately, indicating that he’d be leaving right away. Then Jack texted Raf:

_you better be awake. we’re coming over. leaving the airport now_

…and Raf finally called him back.

 

“You can’t be serious.”

Raf sounded tired and miserable.

“Yup. We’re on our way over right now.”

“But… I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow...”

“Change of plans. Things to do.”

“Jack… you didn’t come back because of me, did you?”

“Yes. We did. So yeh better open the door fer us. Ok?”

“…Ok.”

 

Justin was already in front of Raf’s building when they arrived, leaning against the outside of his car. Jack jumped out of the car as soon as they were parked, and Justin closed the distance between them, hugging Jack as soon as he was close enough. Mark watched, fascinated; he associated Justin with stiff handshakes, curt e-mails, and a strict adherence to deadlines. It was hard for him to imagine Justin hugging _anyone_ , let alone making declarations of affection for another guy.

Mark’s train of thought was interrupted when Justin stepped unexpectedly close to him, looking tired and distressed, and hugged him, too.

“Mark… thanks for coming back.”

“Oh… dude… of course. Whatever you need, ok?”

Justin took a step back, and Mark could tell he was an inch away from dissolving into tears right there on the sidewalk. Mark was drawing a blank, struggling to update his perception of Justin, but Jack came to the rescue.

“Ok,” he said authoritatively. “Tell me. What’re yeh going to say to him?”

Justin blinked back at him. “What?”

“Time to practice, now. If yeh haven’t said it out loud yet, yeh might not be able to once he’s standing in front of yeh. I don’t need all the details, just the basics. C’mon.”

Justin swallowed. “Um. I like him. More than other people.”

“Good start.”

“And I want us to be… dating. But… his family is more important. The other stuff can wait. So right now… I just want to be there. For him.”

Jack nodded. “Good job. So… I think Mark and I should go up first. He knows we’re coming, but I didn’t tell him you were, too. I thought it might be… overwhelming. Can yeh wait down here while we figure out what’s going on?”

“Yeah. I think that makes sense. I’ll be here.”

“Ok. Hang in there, man. It’ll be alright.”

Jack hit the buzzer for Raf’s apartment, and the door clicked open right away. He and Mark rode the elevator to the top floor, found Raf’s door, and knocked. They heard a muffled _It’s open_ from the other side of the door, and Jack turned the handle so they could step inside.

Raf was sitting on his couch, his elbows on his knees, looking like the world was coming to an end.

“Hey… um…” His voice was thick, and he was fidgeting with his hands. “You…” His lower lip shook, and tears splashed onto his cheeks. “You didn’t need to come,” he forced out, suppressing a sob.

Mark and Jack sat down on either side of him, and put their arms around him. He started to sob in earnest, his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking even under Mark and Jack’s weight.

“It’s ok,” Jack said gently. “Just cry, ok? Try to get it out.”

And he did. He cried until his face was red and stained, and they held him until his breathing started to slow. Mark kept one hand on his back while Jack retrieved some tissues from the bathroom and a glass of water from the kitchen, and they waited patiently while Raf struggled to gain his composure.

“I can’t believe… you came all this way… to watch me lose my shit,” he managed, wiping at his nose. “Un… fucking… believable.”

“Listen, man,” Jack said. “I was short with yeh on the phone because I was worried yeh wouldn’t let us in. Changing our flight was nothing. Yeh know very well what yeh did fer us last week. We love you. So I don’t want to hear any more about us flying back here, or whatever. Ok?”

Raf took a shaky breath, then nodded.

“So let us help,” Mark added. “D’you think you can tell us what happened?”

“Yeah. I can. Um… well, I told you I thought my parents would probably be upset once they found out I’ve been working for Jack. And I honestly don’t know if it was really as bad as it seemed, or if I’ve just run out of patience for them since I moved out. They’re so ignorant. They said the most horrible things. And I thought… if they think these things about gay people in general, then they already think that way about me, too… they just don’t know it yet. So I told them. I thought, how much worse can it get? They’ll be angry, maybe throw a tantrum, but then after, we’d be able to talk. But… they weren’t angry. They were actually really calm about it. I was supposed to go visit them in Arizona next month, but… well… they just told me not to come. And then they-” Raf’s voice broke. He took a sip of water. “Um. They called the rest of the family. They told _everyone_. All my cousins… my aunts and uncles…” Raf’s lower lip shivered again, and another tear rolled down his cheek. “My grandparents. They all blocked me on social media. I got threatening messages from people who used to send me birthday cards. My brother is the only person in my family who’s speaking to me. He came to see me last night, but he couldn’t stay. Work, and all that. Um… anyway…”

Raf looked between Mark and Jack, who were staring back at him, looking stunned and horrified.

 _“Jesus,_ ” Jack blurted.

“Dude, I’m… I’m so sorry,” Mark stammered.

“I mean… what the _fuck_ …” Jack added.

Raf sighed. “Yeah. I knew they’d have a hard time with it, but I never thought… I mean, my _grandparents_ , you know?”

Jack put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s sick. It’s horrible. I’m so, so sorry. I’ll do whatever yeh need me to do. And, like, fuck the channel, and all that-”

“Oh, God, don’t say that, please.” Raf was shaking his head. “This is why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to feel guilty, or think that I was going to quit, or something. I’m not quitting. It’s my own fault for putting this off for so long. I just have to live with it.”

“ _Nothing_ about this is your fault, Raf,” Mark said firmly. “ _No one_ should have to live with something like this.”

“I know. But I don’t know what else to do. I can lay down and die, or I can… y’know… get my shit together.”

“We’ll be here, while yeh do that,” Jack promised. “D’you have other friends who know what’s going on?”

“I’ve told a couple people bits and pieces.”

“Not Justin, though?”

Raf met Jack’s eye, looking pained.

“Sorry…” Jack backpedaled. “I know it’s not my business, but… he really cares about you. Maybe it would help if yeh let him know what’s going on. He… well… he thought you were mad about something else.”

Raf let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not _mad_ at him, I’m just… I mean, I can barely talk to my closest friends about this. Justin’s not really the best at dealing with… like… _feelings_. What did he tell you about us, anyway? It’s not like we’re _together,_ or something. He’s confused. I thought I could handle being his… experiment, or whatever… but I can’t. Not with all this going on.”

“Ok, I hear you,” Jack acknowledged. “But… look, I talked to him fer a while today. I think yeh should give him a chance to talk it through.”

“Why? What’s the point?”

“Well… how did yeh feel about him before all this happened?”

Raf rubbed at his eyes. “I… I liked him a lot. We had a good time hanging out. I thought… I thought it might go somewhere. I wanted it to.”

“Did yeh tell him that?”

“I kissed him. Like a fool. But… he kissed me back. A lot.”

“Ok, but, did yeh tell him yeh wanted something more serious?”

Raf put his face in his hands. “No,” he groaned through his fingers. “We didn’t talk about it. Fuck.”

“I think yeh should,” Jack prodded. “He’s downstairs. He’ll probably be out there all night if yeh don’t let him up.”

Raf looked up. “Really? He’s here?”

“Yeah.”

Raf took a long, slow breath. “Ok. He can come up.”

Jack nodded. “Good. I think he might die of relief if yeh tell him yerself.”

Raf picked his phone up from the coffee table, tapped out the message, and then put it down again. The buzzer sounded a couple seconds later, and Jack got up to hit the button by the door.

“We can go now, if you want,” Mark said gently.

“Don’t you dare,” Raf blurted. “Um. Just hide in the kitchen, or something. God, I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Mark gave his shoulder a squeeze. “You’ll be great.”

There was a knock at the door, and Mark and Raf stood up. Jack looked at Raf, waited for him to acknowledge, and then opened the door. Justin was in the hallway, looking flushed and impatient. Jack guessed he’d run down the hall from the elevator. He smiled.

“Hey. Come in.”

He moved to the side to let Justin pass, then shut and locked the door behind him. Then he retreated to the far side of the room with Mark. He had intended to give Raf and Justin some privacy, but Raf had made it clear that he didn’t want them to leave. He pulled Mark into a seat at the kitchen table, far enough away from the main living space to keep from being intrusive, but close enough to see and hear most of what was happening.

Justin only hesitated for a moment before walking right up to Raf. He studied Raf’s face for a second, then raised his right hand, which was clearly shaking, and used his thumb to wipe at the corner of one of Raf’s eyes.

“You’re sad.” Justin’s voice was shaking, too. “Please tell me why.”

“You first,” Raf said softly. “Why are you here, Justin?”

“Because I was going out of my fucking mind, not talking to you. And… I care about what’s going on with you.”

“Why?”

Justin squared his shoulders, but his lower lip was shaking. “Because I like you. More than other people. More than just a friend. I can’t lose you, ok? If you don’t feel the same way, it’s fine, just…” He was crying openly now. He wiped at his eyes and sniffed. “…Just talk to me? Let me stay with you for a while? Please?”

Justin tried to wipe the tears from his face, unsuccessfully. Raf grabbed for some tissues, took hold of Justin’s hand, and dabbed gently at his cheeks, looking pained.

“I didn’t… I wasn’t trying to make you sad,” Raf explained. “I just… why didn’t you say something before?”

“Because I’m an _idiot_ ,” Justin said, his voice thick with misery. “I thought… I thought I could just… take my time. Figuring things out, I mean. And I was an asshole for thinking you’d just stick around for that. I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t right. And I wouldn’t be here right now if I wasn’t sure.” He had stopped crying, and he was speaking confidently now, while Raf stared back at him, wide-eyed. “I’m not confused, Raf. I’m not looking to fool around. I know I’m not straight. Ok? I’m not. I want… I want to be with you.”

Raf continued to stare, clearly taken aback by everything Justin had just said to him. Jack and Mark had been trying not to gawk, but had long since abandoned the effort. Raf and Justin were fascinating. They were almost the same height, and similarly built, although Justin was a quarter of an inch taller, with slightly broader shoulders. In every other way, they couldn’t have looked more different. Justin was fair: blonde, with pale, sun-kissed skin and clear, blue eyes. Raf was dark: caramel-skinned, with eyes and hair that were almost black. They were opposites, aching to connect.

“I didn’t…” Raf was finally, blessedly breaking the silence. “I didn’t think you… I’m sorry…” Raf reached up and held Justin’s face in both hands. Justin slid both arms around his back, pulled him close, and kissed him.

 _“Jesus Christ,”_ Jack whispered, at the same time Mark muttered, _“Holy shit.”_ They were stunning, dissolving into each other like they’d been made for it. Jack’s heart broke a little, remembering that Justin had questioned whether he’d ever have these feelings for another person, realizing that some people went years, or decades, or a lifetime living with that kind of loneliness, crushed by denial or self-loathing, unable to be who they were meant to be. Jack reached for Mark’s hand and squeezed.

Meanwhile, Raf had come up for air, though he was still holding Justin’s face in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I should’ve said something. It wasn’t fair to put it all on you. I just… I didn’t think you were ready.”

“But I am.” Justin nodded. “I’m ready.”

“You… you want to stay, tonight?”

“Yeah. I do.”

Raf slid his hands down to rest on Justin’s chest. “Ok. Um.” He cocked his head toward the kitchen. “I think I should let Mark and Jack go home. And then we can… talk.”

“Are you sure? If you want them to stay… I mean… whatever’s best for you…”

Raf smiled. “I want _you_ to stay.”

He disengaged from Justin and made his way to the kitchen. Mark and Jack stood up to meet him, not bothering to pretend they hadn’t witnessed the entire exchange. Raf shook his head.

“You guys must be exhausted.” He put one arm around both of them, pulling them into a group hug. “Thanks. For everything. I was being really stupid.”

“No, yeh weren’t,” Jack scolded. “You were trying to cope with an impossible situation.”

“Failing to cope, I think,” Raf said. “But I think I can do a better job, now. Guys… thanks for getting him here.”

“We’ll leave our phones on,” Mark promised. “Call if you need anything.”

“Call, regardless,” Jack amended. “Or we’ll be back tomorrow night, banging on yer door.”

“I will. I swear.”

He walked them toward the door, where Justin was waiting for them. Jack hugged him first.

_“Excellent work, dude. We’re with yeh, a hundred per cent. Ok?”_

_“Thanks, Jack.”_

Raf and Mark piled on, and the four of them leaned on each other, until Jack shattered the moment with a massive yawn.

“Ugh. Sorry, guys. Jetlag.”

“Go home,” Raf instructed. “Take care of yourselves. We’re good here.”

They said their goodbyes, and then Mark slid an arm around Jack’s waist and steered them both back to the car.

“So… that was wild,” Mark commented, starting the engine and navigating them toward home.

“I know. Jesus, poor Raf.”

“Yeah. It’s terrible. But… I mean… I think he’s probably going to have a pretty good night.”

“Mark!”

“What? You saw what I saw. There’s _no way_ they’re going to cuddle and fall asleep.”

“Yeah… but… it’s none of our business.”

“Oh, c’mon, like you’re not dying to know what’s going on up there right now.”

“Ok, yes, but at least I’m ashamed of myself.”

Mark giggled. “I’m teasing. They’re cute. God, I can’t believe I’m describing Justin as _cute_. What the hell happened to him? Remember when he was a douchebag?”

“Mhm. I’m pretty sure Raf happened to him.”

“Yeah. Kinda like you happened to me.”

Jack put one hand around the back of Mark’s head, smoothing at his hair. “Yeh weren’t a douchebag, love.”

“I kinda was. Maybe not to you, for obvious reasons. But I know what it’s like to act like an asshole because you’re pretending all the time. I’m glad Justin’s figuring it out.”

“Yeah, because of you.”

“Ha. Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious. You hired him after he was a jerk to yeh. You didn’t apologize fer being who yeh are. You might’ve been his first queer friend. And he already looked up to you… I think yeh really made a difference, to him.”

“Huh. I didn’t really think of it like that.” Mark spared Jack an affectionate glance. “You are disturbingly insightful.”

“And yeh’re a much better person than you think you are.”

 Mark sighed. “I love you, and I’m gonna need you to sleep all over me tonight.”

“Can’t wait, love.”

 

* * *

 

 

They woke on their couch the next day in a tangle of limbs – legs intertwined, hands inside each other’s clothes, and Mark’s face buried in the folds of Jack’s shirt, against his chest.

_“Mf. Sean.”_

_“Mm… Mark…”_

One of Jack’s hands had been resting on Mark’s hip, inside his boxers. He slid it further down and squeezed.

_“Oh- ok- good morning-”_

Mark tried to move, and found that one of his arms was fully pinned inside the back of Jack’s shirt.

_“Jesus… what happened last night?”_

Jack’s hand was still exploring inside Mark’s boxers. _“We were making out… I guess we fell asleep.”_ He found the spot he’d been looking for and pressed.

_“Ooh- fucking- ok, I get the feeling you’re trying to tell me something.”_

_“I can’t help it… yeh feel so good… and we’re home…”_

_“Sean-”_

Mark was interrupted by Jack’s phone chiming somewhere in the room.

 _“Ignore it, love,”_ Jack breathed, sliding his leg up Mark’s side.

_“Ok… uhm. Wait. Justin and Raf.”_

_“Oh. Right. Shit.”_

_“Pause?”_

_“Yeah. Don’t move yet, though.”_

Jack groped for his jeans, which were in a heap on the floor next to the lounger. He fished his phone out of the back pocket and checked the notification:

 

Justin: Are you guys hungry?

 

“Jesus, Mark, it’s noon…”

“It’s the jetlag, babe. Plus…” Mark pushed Jack’s shirt up a couple of inches, kissed his belly. “This was pretty much my plan for the day.”

“Mm. Mine, too. Um… it’s Justin, though. He’s asking if we’re hungry.”

“Oh… yeah, I wasn’t gonna say anything, but we have no food in the house, and I’m fucking starving.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Jack texted Justin back.

 

Jack: starving. want to come over?”

Justin: Yeah. I’ll pick up whatever, just send me what you want.

Jack: is Raf coming too?

Justin: No, I need to let him work on a project for his other job.

 

“He’s gonna bring food. Raf’s busy though, so it’ll just be Justin.”

“Huh. D’you think everything’s ok with them?”

“I don’t know. I hope so.”

 

* * *

 

 

They didn’t bother showering or getting dressed. They met Justin at the door in sweatpants and wrinkled t-shirts, earning them a thorough once-over. This was another thing Raf and Justin had in common; they were both perfectly showered, shaved, and dressed at all times. Jack guessed that someone less meticulous would probably drive Justin insane. They were a good match, for a lot of reasons.

“D’you need to show up here looking like Captain America?” Jack demanded. “We haven’t done laundry in a week. Don’t judge us.”

Justin smirked and put up his hands, which were full of takeout bags. “I come in peace. I’ll even help with the laundry, if you want.”

They let Justin inside and made their way to the kitchen so they could eat at the table. Justin passed out sodas and subs, and let Mark and Jack get a head start before he started talking.

“So… um… Raf said to say thanks. I mean, we both wanted to say thanks. And… I asked him if it was ok to talk to you. About everything. And he said it was fine. So I’m not… like… going behind his back, or anything.”

Jack was impressed that Justin had bothered to be concerned about this, given his inexperience with relationships.

“That’s really good. Getting his permission first, I mean. How’s he doing?”

Justin sighed. “I can’t believe what his parents did. And I don’t think he would’ve told me about it if you guys hadn’t talked to him. But he already seems a lot better, today.”

Jack nodded, swallowing a bite of sandwich. “I can’t believe he was trying to cope with that on his own. It’s awful.”

“Mm. That’s Raf, though,” Justin pointed out. “He hates making trouble for other people. He avoids it, to a fault. He’d rather suffer more than risk hurting someone else. He can be… stubborn.”

Mark and Jack exchanged a glance.

“Is everything ok with you guys?” Mark asked.

Justin put down the sandwich he was holding. He looked thoughtful.

“I thought so, last night. After we talked, we…” He trailed off, gesturing vaguely.

“Justin…” Jack said. “Um… we’re here fer you… but yeh don’t have to say anything yeh’re not comfortable with.”

Justin nodded, then started again. “We… we tried a couple of things. And I’ve never felt like that, before, with someone else. It was… it answered a lot of questions.”

“We can both relate to that,” Mark offered.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Our physical relationship is… well… we’ve had a lot of ‘firsts,’ together.”

“Yeah,” Jack confirmed. “We’ve never done anything like this, before.”

“Did either of you… do things with girls before?”

“’Things?’” Jack questioned.

“Um. Like. Sex?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah. We both did.”

Justin fidgeted with his hands. “I haven’t. With anyone. And I’ve had plenty of chances. I never wanted to, until last night. I mean, we didn’t, but... I could picture it. And after, I told Raf why I was never interested in… sex… before, and he said I should talk to you about it, too.”

Jack felt tightness at the back of his throat. He guessed that this story might be hard to hear. “Did something happen to you?”

“Yeah. Something bad. When I was in high school. Um. Is it ok if I tell you?”

“It’s absolutely ok,” Mark said.

“Ok. So… I went to Catholic school, starting in seventh grade. My parents are very religious, and my sister went there, so… yeah. Anyway. I was a pretty small kid… I didn’t get tall like this until I was a senior… but I was always fast. Good at sports. I decided to try out for varsity lacrosse when I was a sophomore, and… well… some of the upperclassmen didn’t like the idea of me taking up a spot on the team. They… they waited for me in the locker room after the tryout… at first they just called me names, and stuff. They said I was too… pretty… to play on the men’s team. That I should go out for cheerleading, because I was probably a faggot, anyway. I just didn’t say anything, I was trying to grab my stuff and go, but I think they thought I was being smug, or something. They grabbed me when I tried to get to the door… and… they held me against the lockers… Fuck. Hang on.”

Justin paused to take a drink. His voice had gotten progressively more shaky as he’d been speaking. He shook his head. “Sorry.”

“Take yer time,” Jack said softly, bracing himself for what Justin was about to say.

“Ok. Um. So… there were like, five of these guys, all huge. They had my face pressed against a locker, and they were making jokes that… that I just didn’t know I was a faggot yet because… because I hadn’t been-”

Justin stopped, cleared his throat, clenched and unclenched his fist several times. “Ok, I need to summarize that part. They… uh… they pulled down my pants, and said they were going to… they said they were going to use my lacrosse stick to... Shit. I don’t think I can say it.”

“It’s ok,” Jack practically whispered, swallowing a wave of nausea.

“Um. So they said they were going to do it, but… they didn’t. The couch found us like that. He just told us to clear out, he didn’t even say anything… I didn’t make the team. All of those guys did, though.”

“Jesus,” Mark breathed, horrified. “Did you tell your parents?”

Justin shook his head slowly. “I didn’t tell anyone. Ever. I just quit lacrosse. Joined the soccer team instead. And… I know it’s stupid, but… I thought those guys were gay. I thought that’s what gay guys must be like, assaulting people in locker rooms… or _getting_ assaulted… and no one ever talked about it, I didn’t have any gay friends, I had no idea what it even meant until I went to college. Obviously, I know better now. Those guys were just…”

“Animals,” Jack murmured.

“Criminals,” Mark added.

“Yeah,” Justin agreed. “Anyway. I know I was lucky, really. I think they might’ve actually done it, if the coach hadn’t shown up. But… I was fifteen when that happened. I’d never even kissed someone. And I couldn’t imagine getting close to anyone, after that. I felt like people would be able to tell what happened just from looking at me, like they could see it on my face, or something. And I thought, if I liked a girl, those guys would find out, and… I don’t know. And _forget_ liking guys… that was out of the question. I didn’t even consider it until I finally started trying to date, and I realized I didn’t… _feel_ … what everyone said I was supposed to feel. And then I met you guys, and… you just seemed so _happy_ together… and then… Raf.” He smiled. “Did you guys know… when we all went to the movies together… that was the first time he kissed me. In the car, after. I was rambling about the movie, because I didn’t want to drive him home, and he was like, _Shut up_ , and he just… kissed me. Like it was the most normal thing in the world.”

“It _is_ the most normal thing in the world,” Jack said.

“Yeah. I know that, now. I thought everything was going really well. Especially last night. But then… after I told him more about my family, and what happened to me in high school… he said we shouldn’t move too fast. At first I thought he meant, like, physically, or whatever, but… he meant, he doesn’t think we should start a relationship. I _know_ he wants to, but he said he’s too worried about me. He thinks it would put too much pressure on me to come out, before I’m ready. And I know he’s being sincere. I think he’s really sad about it.”

“What do _you_ think?” Mark asked.

“I think I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t try to make things work with him. I think I’m sick of being unhappy just because some guys were assholes to me when I was a kid. I think I’m going to tell my parents.”

Jack nodded seriously. “That’s a big step, but it sounds like yeh’ve been thinking about it fer a long time. Can I play devil’s advocate fer a second?”

“Yeah. That’s why I’m here.”

“Ok… well… what if yeh tell yer family, and then things don’t work out with Raf?”

“I’ll still be gay, whether things work out with Raf or not. I’m sick of worrying about what they’ll think. I know they won’t support me. I’ve known that for a long time. Dwelling on that has done nothing but make me feel like I should… hate myself.”

“But you don’t, right?” Jack asked. “Please tell me yeh don’t hate yerself.”

“No. Not anymore.”

“So… when d’you think you’re going to tell them?” Mark asked.

“Today. As soon as possible. Unless you guys can think of any other reasons I shouldn’t do it.”

“If it feels right, I think yeh should. We’ll support yeh. I’m sure a lot of yer other friends will, too. And I know Raf will, whether you guys are dating or not.”

Justin nodded. “Thanks. I think I’ll tell them now.” He stood up from the table, and Mark and Jack followed suit.

“Oh… dude… yeh don’t have to go, if yeh don’t want to. D’you want to call them from here? You can use my office, if yeh like.”

“Really? You don’t mind?”

“’Course not. We’ll be here when yeh’re done.”

“Ok. Um. Ok.” Justin took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders, looking anxious.

“Hang on,” Jack told him. He filled a glass with ice water from the fridge, and handed it over. “Yeh’ll be fine. We’ll be here.”

Justin took a sip. “Thanks. Um. Wish me luck.”

“Good luck, man,” Mark offered, and Justin disappeared into the hall.

Mark and Jack took the opportunity to exchange the horrified glance they’d been suppressing.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Jack said, pouring another glass of water for himself. “Can yeh believe that story? He was just a fucking _kid_ …”

Mark nodded, looking stricken. “Unfortunately, I can. People are awful. No wonder he was such a mess, before. Can you imagine having shit like that happen to you, and then having to actually deal with being gay?”

“No. I can’t. I’ve been ridiculously lucky.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Mark… can you come sit with me on the couch?”

“Yeah, of course…” Mark stepped close to Jack, who was looking pale and anxious himself, and picked up his hand. “Are you ok, Sean?”

Jack swallowed. “Yeah, I just feel… bad.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

They went to the living room and sat down on the couch together, and then Jack laid down in Mark’s lap. Mark leaned over to kiss his forehead, then smoothed at his hair.

“Maybe close your eyes for a bit? He’ll probably be in there for a while.”

“Ok. Just for a while.”

Mark sat in silence while Jack nodded off, thinking about the bigger picture. He wondered how many of his friends had had experiences like Justin’s, and had just never told him about it. He wondered how many of his fans had experiences like that, or worse, every single day. The thought was unbearable. He had to help.

He brainstormed for about fifteen minutes before Justin finally appeared in the room, looking flushed.

“Hey,” Mark said quietly. “How did it go?”

“Um…” Justin gestured toward Jack, who was still asleep. “Is he ok?”

“Yeah. Just tired.” Mark leaned over and kissed Jack’s forehead again. _“Hey. Justin’s back.”_ Jack opened his eyes and sat up, rubbing at his face.

“Hey… sorry man… want to sit? How’d it go?”

Justin sat down on the edge of the lounger and rested his elbows on his knees.

“About what I expected. My mom said she can’t respect my choices, but she still loves me, and, y’know, ‘God will be my judge’ and all that. She said I can’t bring any other ‘gays’ to the house, so I told her she might want to consider changing her mind if she ever wants me to come home again.”

“How do you feel?” Mark asked.

“…Really good. Is that weird? It felt good to just say what I wanted. I used to be so afraid of hurting her, or disappointing my dad, but… they’ve disappointed me a lot. I think I’m going to let them worry about it, for a change.”

“I’m happy fer you, man. Sounds like yeh nailed it.”

Justin smiled. “I think so. Um. I have a question, though.”

“What’s up?” Mark asked.

“Do guys buy each other flowers?”

Jack smiled. “Going to see Raf?”

“Yeah.”

“There are no rules, dude… yeh can do whatever feels right. I would go with something yeh know he likes. Food is always a good choice.”

“Oh yeah,” Mark confirmed. “The first time Sean made me pancakes was a legitimate turning point in my life.”

Justin laughed. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Hm… I know he loves peanut butter cups, but he barely ever eats them.”

“Oh, those are really easy to make,” Mark said. “Do you have a cupcake pan?”

“I don’t think so.”

Mark and Jack stood up, and Justin copied them.

“You can borrow ours, or you can go grab the ingredients and make them here, if yeh want. Might be faster than going home.”

“Oh… I’m sure you guys have things to do…”

“Honestly, we really don’t,” Mark said. “We need to shower and unpack… I’ll go pick up Chica later… and that’s pretty much it.”

“I’ll give yeh my keys,” Jack offered. “You can let yerself in if we’re in the shower when yeh get back.”

“Seriously?”

“Ser’sly.”

Justin stared between them. He ran a hand through his hair, clearly flustered.

“I keep wanting to say ‘thank you’… it doesn’t seem like enough.”

“Justin… we have exactly two friends who can understand what we’ve been through together,” Jack pointed out.

Justin looked confused, but then the realization hit. “Oh… Raf… and me.”

“And if you think there’s weirdness, like, from before,” Mark added, “just forget all that, ok? You’re my friend. I’m guessing you usually try pretty hard not to rely on other people, but you might need friends, now. I know what that’s like. We’re here, if you need us.”

“But… how do I pay you back?”

Mark shrugged. “Save us some peanut butter cups.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jack found Justin in the kitchen a couple hours later, looking busy at the stove.

“Hey… are yeh cooking?”

Justin looked over his shoulder and flashed Jack a grin. “You can call it that, if you want. Spaghetti and meatballs? I figured that would be pretty safe.”

“Fuck yes… Mark will be psyched… but, don’t yeh need to go see Raf?”

“Yeah, I’ll head over there in an hour or so. He’s still working. The peanut butter cups have to sit in the fridge anyway, so… I had some time.”

Jack opened the fridge and groaned with happiness. “Groceries. Thanks, dude. Yeh didn’t have to.”

“Least I could do, honestly. Think Mark will want some food?”

“Definitely. He’s just putting the laundry in the dryer.”

Justin shook his head. “It’s still weird to think about you guys doing… like… chores, and stuff.”

“Neither of us were very good at it before we lived together,” Jack explained. “It’s easier with two people.”

“Yeah. Seems like everything is.”

Jack grabbed a bottle of orange juice from the fridge and poured himself a glass.

“Um… hey… so, I didn’t really get a chance to say it earlier, but… I’m really sorry fer what happened to you.”

Justin put down the spoon he was holding and turned to face Jack, wiping his hands on a towel.

“Thanks. I’m really sorry for what happened to you, too. I could’ve killed the guys that jumped you.”

Jack nodded. “I think they knew that, too. I… I haven’t said this to Mark, but… there’s no way I could’ve gone another round with those guys. I dunno what would’ve happened if you and Raf hadn’t been there. I try not to think about it, but… I’m grateful that yeh were.”

“I’ve thought about it nonstop, since it happened,” Justin admitted. “I think it kind of forced me to… like… deal with myself. I had friends in high school who beat up on other kids. I don’t want to be the kind of person who lets those things happen. And I don’t want to keep posing as straight just because it’s made my life easier in some ways.”

“Yeah. I know what you mean.”

“Plus… I know it can be different than I thought it would be. I know I can be… happy. Raf and I watched all the press come in after your stream… people smiling and crying all over the Internet because… they’re happy for you. They look up to you, and… you never disappoint them. And they love you more than ever because you’re being honest about who you are. I never wanted to be on YouTube or get famous, or anything, but I do want to do something _good_ with my life. I had no chance, before… and now I feel like I can.”

Jack nodded. “I know yeh can.”

 

* * *

 

 

Mark and Jack did their best to keep Justin calm until it was time for him to head to Raf’s. He knew it was possible that Raf still wouldn’t want to pursue a more serious relationship, but he seemed hopeful, and more animated than Mark and Jack had ever seen him. He was vibrating with energy by the time he left, hugging them both more than once before he headed out to his car.

Mark and Jack took the opportunity to pick up Chica, a day earlier than they’d expected to, and spent a good hour playing with her in the backyard before finally heading inside. Mark steered them both upstairs to the bedroom, holding loosely to Jack’s hand, but Jack lingered in the doorway, looking unsure.

“Mark… um… I know I was… I know when we woke up, I was…”

Mark let go of his hand and took a small step back. “You want some space?”

“No, I’m just not sure if I can… I’m sorry, I just feel…” Jack groaned in frustration. “I don’t know.”

“Thinking about what happened to Justin?”

“And what happened to us.”

Mark nodded. “Do you know how I can help you? Or, can you show me what’s ok?”

Jack stepped forward, held Mark’s face in his hands, and kissed him, slow and sweet. He pulled Mark’s arms around his waist, then put his own around Mark’s shoulders. He kissed Mark’s lips without a hint of escalation, his breathing slow and even, his hand on the back of Mark’s neck. Mark matched him effortlessly, holding him tight without pushing or pulling too far. Jack sighed against his mouth, comforted by the safety of it.

 _“Yeah,”_ he murmured. _“Just like that, ok? Just fer now.”_

Mark pressed his lips to Jack’s face. _“For as long as you want.”_

He let Jack go, walked to the bed, and sat down in the space where he usually slept. Jack followed, climbing onto the bed and stretching out on his side, propped up on one elbow, and Mark matched his posture so they were face-to-face. He straightened the collar of Jack’s shirt. He smoothed Jack’s hair back from his forehead. He picked up Jack’s hand and kissed the back of it, then placed it gently back on the bed.

Jack inched closer to him, resting his hand on Mark’s chest. He watched Mark’s eyes and found no hint of impatience or confusion, only the same calm affection he’d felt in Mark’s touch. He laid down on Mark’s pillow and pulled gently at his face, pressing their foreheads together. He closed his eyes and focused on Mark’s slow, steady breathing, knowing that Mark would wait like this forever, that he would leave this last centimeter of space between them for as long as Jack needed it. Jack felt his sense of control being restored, erasing the flashes of fear and violation that had worked their way into his head throughout the day. He breathed with Mark until his mind was his own again, and then abandoned that last centimeter, finding he no longer needed it. He let his lips press against Mark’s. He pulled Mark’s arm around his back and found that he wanted to be held, because he knew he was free not to be.

They kissed for a long time, and Jack thought of nothing but the way Mark felt, and Mark thought of nothing but wanting to heal the person he loved most. He eventually pulled back, but kept his arm anchored firmly around Jack’s body.

“Sean? How d’you feel?”

“So much better, love.”

“Me, too. I love being close with you, like this. I could do this all day. But… I also wanted to talk to you about a couple things.”

Jack nodded. “Whatever you need.”

“So, I… well, today was hard for me, too. I think you know.”

“I do know.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what I can do about it. I had a few ideas leading up to the stream, especially after we spent more time with Raf and Justin. Didn’t it kind of feel like… having a team? Or something?”

Jack nodded. “I know what yeh mean. It’s been really nice.”

“Yeah. And then listening to Justin talk… I think I know what I want to do. You know Adam? From the Point Foundation?”

“Yeah.”

“Last time I talked to him, he said they wanted to use the donation money for new special projects, but they hadn’t figured out exactly what, yet. He told me to let him know if either of us had any suggestions. So I was thinking I could give him a call.”

“Definitely. What d’you have in mind?”

Mark described some of his ideas to Jack, and they decided to call Adam. They were disappointed to get his voicemail, but Mark left a message, and Adam returned their call a few minutes later.

 

“Mark! You read my mind, I was planning to give you a call tomorrow. How’s the weather in Cincinnati?”

“It was great, but we’re actually back in LA now.”

“Excellent. What can I do for you?”

“Well… I was wondering if you’d decided on a project for the donation money yet.”

“We’ve decided that there will _be_ a project, which is a great first step. The board voted and approved our proposal to create a small team.”

“That’s good news. Um. D’you mind if I run a couple ideas by you?”

“Please do.”

“Ok… so… I know most of your work is usually around job training and higher education, but… I think there’s a real need for more support for younger people. Kids in high school… maybe even middle school. I think they’re starved for community… safe spaces, events that cater to them, access to education and counseling, that kind of thing. I was already considering using some of my own resources to try to make an impact there, but I don’t really know where to start. I’d want it to be done right. So… any chance you want to partner up?”

“Hm. My first thought is that it sounds ambitious, but I know you have incredible reach… I think it’s worth talking about. We have a board meeting scheduled for next Tuesday afternoon, do you think you could plan to come?”

“Absolutely.”

“Excellent. Can you e-mail me some bullet points so I can pass them along in the meantime?”

“Yeah. I can do that.”

“Great. Also… we’re considering hiring some new staff, including a team leader for this project. Do you know anyone with management experience who might be a good fit for something like this?”

“Huh. Yeah. I actually do.”

“Great. Send us some resumes, if you can.”

“When are you planning to do the interviews?”

“As soon as possible. I can carve out some time starting on Monday.”

“Ok. I’ll get back to you soon.”

“Perfect. And, thanks again, Mark. Thank Jack, too. Everyone here is just floored. You’ve already made a huge difference.”

“Thanks. Talk to you soon.”

 

Mark ended the call, and grinned at Jack.

“Sounds like it went well?”

“Yeah. I have to make one more call.”

Mark tapped at his phone, and then chewed on his lower lip while the dial tone sounded several times. He was relieved when the call finally connected.

 

 _“Hey,”_ Tyler whispered on the other end.

“Oh. Shit. Are you at work?”

_“Yeah. Are you ok?”_

“Yes. I’m totally fine. I need to talk to you right away, though. Can you take a break?”

_“Yeah. I’ll call you back.”_

Tyler hung up, and then called back a minute later.

 

“Hey. What’s up? Is Jack alright?”

“Jack’s fine, he’s right here.”

“Ok. Say hi for me.”

“I will. Um… dude. How’s work going?”

Silence for a moment.

“Did you seriously call me at work, just to ask how work is going?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“It’s… fine. Why?”

“Really? Is it really fine? Or is it slowly sucking out your soul while your talents go to waste and all of your dreams die a horrible death?”

“Jesus… um… ok… yeah, it’s sucking out my fucking soul, just like everyone else with a normal job. So?”

“So… you need to come to LA. Before Monday. The Point Foundation is looking to hire a team leader, and they asked me for a recommendation.”

“…Are you serious?”

“Very. I can book you a fight right now.”

“Mark, I’m a grown-ass man, I can book my own flights.”

“Does that mean you’ll come?”

“I’ll be there.” Tyler paused for a moment. “Um… hey… do you know if Jessie’s free this weekend?”

 

* * *

 

 


	71. Chapter 71

Mark and Jack planned to pick Tyler up at the airport on Friday afternoon. Jack had woken early to find Mark already awake and typing on his laptop, looking uncharacteristically jittery in the absence of caffeine – partly because he was excited to spend more time with one of his closest friends, and partly because he was bursting with ideas for special projects at the Point Foundation.

Jack had suggested that they both try to record for a couple hours, since they had the time. He hadn’t been feeling particularly motivated to get back on his recording schedule, which meant he needed to force himself to get back to work as soon as possible, and he thought recording might help Mark channel some of his nervous energy. They’d managed to record a couple videos each before leaving for LAX.

Tyler’s flight landed on time, but there was a delay on the runway, so Mark and Jack had to kill some time at the arrival gate while they waited for him to disembark. They grabbed coffees from the shop inside the airport and found a table where they could sit together, and Mark checked the flight status once more on his phone, while Jack scrolled through a series of text messages he’d been exchanging with his mother. He felt an all-too-familiar ache settle under his ribs as he read through the conversation for the fifth or sixth time, but he decided to keep his thoughts to himself, for the time being.

He set his phone aside and watched Mark for a moment, then inched his chair closer to Mark’s, so that their shoulders brushed together. He was still trying to figure out what kind of boundaries he felt comfortable with in public, now that they were out. He knew neither of them would want to hang all over each other to a sickening degree – they were both wary of making other people uncomfortable with public displays of affection, and had been in previous relationships, before queerness had been a factor – but Jack found that he did crave some degree of physical contact. He was acutely aware of the vulnerability they had both been feeling, and he found that he was tired of valuing the comfort of perfect strangers more than his own.

“Mark?”

“Hm?” Mark put the phone down immediately.

“Can I put my arm around you?”

Mark smiled. “Yeah. C’mere.” He draped one arm around Jack’s shoulders, and Jack slid an arm around his back. Jack sighed.

“Thanks.”

Mark kissed his temple, briefly. “I would’ve, already… I just wasn’t sure…”

Jack nodded. “I don’t care who sees, right now.”

Mark picked up his phone with his free hand. “I saw something that’ll make you happy.” He tapped into his Facebook app, and Justin’s page appeared. It was almost completely blank – he didn’t even have any photos of himself tagged – but his recent activity feed showed that he’d changed his status to ‘in a relationship.’ The notification had a string of comments attached to it, which Jack was sure he would ignore.

“Wow. Raf’s too?”

“I didn’t check yet.”

Mark used his thumb to navigate to Raf’s page, which was much more vibrant than Justin’s. He rarely posted anything himself, but friends had tagged him in photos, and people frequently sent him messages or shared posts, which appeared on his feed. His most recent notification matched Justin’s.

“Looks like they worked it out,” Mark said. “I didn’t really think Justin was the ‘Facebook official’ type.”

“That one is full of surprises. He seems pretty serious about Raf.”

“I’d say so. Serious enough to risk alienating his entire family, at least.”

“And serious enough to let anyone near him after… after what happened to him.”

Mark tightened his arm around Jack’s shoulders. They sat in silence for a moment.

“Mark…” Jack looked around, hoping that no one was listening in on their conversation. He spotted a woman in line for coffee, several feet away from them, staring at them and wearing an expression of overt disgust. He raised an eyebrow and smiled at her, and she glared back in response. He sighed, turned back to Mark, and kissed him full on the lips. Then he looked back at the woman. She was shaking her head, her face reddening. She finally looked away.

Mark laughed. “I saw her too. Think we should call her an ambulance?”

Jack giggled. “Ignorance isn’t terminal, unfortunately.” He kissed Mark again, feeling defiant. “Um. Mark.”

Mark’s phone chimed, and he ignored it, patiently holding Jack’s gaze. “What’s up?”

“I know Tyler’s taking the guest room tonight, but I thought… maybe we could…” He trailed off. He wasn’t embarrassed to tell Mark what he wanted, but he wasn’t sure _what_ he wanted. He just knew he wanted to be close.

“Whatever you want, Sean. As fast or as slow as you need, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Also, screw Tyler. He’s got noise canceling headphones. He’ll live.”

Jack smiled. Mark’s phone chimed again, and Jack encouraged him to check the notifications. They met Tyler at the arrival gate a few minutes later, exchanged hugs, and then headed back to Mark’s car. Jack took the backseat, mostly out of respect for Tyler’s height, and Mark let Tyler chatter about the flight for a couple of minutes before he ungracefully shifted the topic of conversation.

“So… did you tell Jessie you’re here?”

Tyler groaned in frustration. Jack and Mark knew that Tyler and Jessie had been speaking regularly since they’d first met in Mark’s hospital room, but despite Mark’s persistence in raising the subject, they had no idea how close Tyler and Jessie actually were. Jessie seemed to be taking a practical stance; she had admitted to Jack that she liked Tyler quite a bit, but that she viewed the distance between them as an impossible obstacle, and had no intention of fostering a relationship with someone who lived so far away. And despite Mark’s needling, Tyler had refused to add any new information to the narrative, aside from confirming that he and Jessie had remained in touch.

“No. I didn’t, yet. I really want to see her, but… I don’t know. Maybe it’s a bad idea.”

“Why?” Jack asked.

Tyler was quiet for a moment.

“She doesn’t like to get her hopes up. It’s just a job interview. It’s not like I’m moving here, or something. I just don’t want her to be hurt if things don’t work out.”

“Hmm.” Jack considered this. “Jessie’s tough. She can take care of herself and her own feelings. And I think she’d be a lot more upset if yeh came here and didn’t tell her.”

“Shit. Yeah. You’re probably right.”

“I’m glad yeh think so, because she’s coming over tonight.”

Tyler spun around in his seat, as much as he was able, and eyed Jack suspiciously.

“What did you do?”

Jack held up his hands. “Nothing. She offered to make dinner with us, we’ve barely seen her since…” He left the thought unfinished. Tyler knew Jessie had been with Jack and Mark at the hospital after their assault. “Anyway… I know she’ll want to see yeh.”

“I think we should surprise her,” Mark said.

“Absolutely not,” Tyler said, facing forward again. “She’d be so pissed.”

Mark laughed unsympathetically. “I know.”

Jack could see Tyler roll his eyes in the passenger side mirror. Tyler took his phone out of his pocket and started tapping at the screen.

“Dude! Don’t text her!” Mark tried to elbow Tyler across the center console, but he dodged it.

“Dude. Jessie gets to decide whether she wants to see me or not.”

Mark frowned. “Ok. Yeah. I’m not trying to be a dick about it… I just think you guys should give each other a chance.”

“She won’t give me a chance, if I don’t give her a choice,” Tyler pointed out. His phone buzzed, and he smiled. “She says she’ll still come.”

Jack’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out and checked the notification.

 

Jessie: Jack, you know I love you both, but I’ll call this whole thing off if Mark can’t behave himself

 

He laughed to himself.

 

Jack: i’ll talk to him. he means well, he just wants you to be happy

Jessie: I know that. It’s just too much pressure.

Jack: i know. don’t worry. it’ll be fun

Jessie: You’re with Tyler right now, right? How is he?

Jack: he really wants to see you

Jessie: Really?

Jack: yes, so you have to come

Jessie: Ok. I’ll be there around 6.

 

Once they were back at the house, Jack stole a few private minutes with Mark while Tyler got settled in the guest room, so that he could relay Jessie’s concerns. Mark was apologetic, and Jack sympathized with his motives. It was frustrating to care about two people who obviously liked each other, but wouldn’t fully admit to it or explore it. They were both protective of Jessie, too. She was brilliant, talented, and fiercely loyal, and Jack hadn’t met anyone he considered to be fully worthy of sharing her time. Tyler was one of the few people he knew who came anywhere close, and he knew Mark felt the same way.

“Listen… _we_ figured it out, right?” he asked Mark, holding his hand tightly in their bedroom. “They will, too. We just need to let them do it.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jessie rang their bell just after six o’clock. Tyler had been thoughtful and serious all afternoon, and Jack guessed he was probably jumping out of his skin underneath his calm façade. He convinced Mark and Tyler to stay put in the kitchen while he went to meet Jessie alone.

She smiled at him when he opened the door, looking as cool and collected as she always did, though Jack could see a faint blush underneath her freckles. He took the bags of groceries she was holding, set them on the floor, and pulled her into a hug.

“You look great, Jack.” She kissed his cheek and tightened her arms around his shoulders. He knew she was referring to the slowly-fading bruises on his face. “How do you feel?”

“Really good. I’m glad you’re here.” He let her go and picked up the grocery bags. “Want to hang here fer a second? I can tell Tyler to come say hello. I thought yeh might want a minute.”

She nodded appreciatively. “Thanks.”

He brought the groceries back to the kitchen, and found Tyler leaning against the sink, his arms crossed, his nervousness betrayed only by the subtle tapping of one heel against the tile floor. Jack cocked his head toward the entryway.

“Go say hi.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Tyler stopped tapping. He stared back at Jack for a moment, then headed out toward the front door.

Mark and Jack got busy organizing the ingredients Jessie had brought. They heard low voices, then Jessie’s laughter, and then silence. Jessie and Tyler appeared in the doorway a moment later, and Jessie moved straight toward Mark and flung her arms around his neck. He returned her hug, lifting her momentarily off the ground, and then she let him go, and took hold of his right hand. She inspected both sides closely.

“It’s much better,” he assured her.

“No rock climbing yet, though, right?”

“God, no, Sean would kill me.”

She nodded, looking satisfied. “Good. You need another week, at least. You both look so much better, though. And I’m-” There was a flicker in her normally steadfast composure. “-I’m really proud of you both. The stream was perfect. You did a really good thing.”

They launched into dinner prep, with Mark and Jessie taking the lead, and Jack and Tyler assisting. Tyler stayed close to her, but not too close, attentive without becoming intrusive. She seemed cautious with him, as well; Jack and Mark were used to Jessie issuing firm directives when she felt it necessary – especially when it came to cooking, yoga, or anything related to her nursing expertise – but she addressed Tyler with questions or polite requests rather than commands. At first, anyway.

“Do these look ok?” Tyler had just started chopping an onion, but he paused to get Jessie’s feedback.

“Hmm. A little smaller. Let me show you.”

He handed over the knife, and she showed him how to slice and chop more efficiently.

“See? Try it like that.”

He did his best to imitate her.

“Yeah. That’s good. Keep- ugh-” She paused, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Sorry, it’s just the onion.” She sniffed.

Tyler put down the knife, rinsed his hands at the sink, then ran a paper towel under the cool water. He folded it up, and turned back to face Jessie. He hesitated, then held it up, in front of her face.

“Let me?”

She nodded, blinking, and he pressed the paper towel over one of her eyes. The position was awkward – he towered over her – and he hesitated for another moment, then put his free hand around the back of her head. She leaned back against the pressure, looking up at him, and he moved the paper towel to her other eye, dabbing lightly and then applying gentle pressure.

“Better?”

She nodded again, but she was still blinking back tears. He let her go, rinsed a fresh paper towel, and repeated the process all over again until she’d stopped sniffling, while Mark and Jack pretended to stay busy at the kitchen table. Eventually, Jessie reached up and put her hand on Tyler’s wrist.

“Thanks. I’m all right, now.”

“You sure?” Tyler didn’t look ready to step away from her.

“Yeah. We should finish up. You guys are probably starving.”

“Right. Yeah.” He handed her the paper towel and went back to chopping, careful to do it the way she had showed him. She stood still for a moment, staring absently, until her gaze drifted to Jack. He smiled and gave her a small nod, and she smiled back.

The mood lightened in stages from there. It seemed that the brief physical contact had helped Jessie and Tyler break through some barrier of awkwardness, and Jessie was already promising to crush Tyler at video games by the time they were finished eating. The four of them played together for about an hour, and Jessie was true to her word, though Tyler seemed to enjoy the beating he was suffering at her hands. They sat side-by-side on the couch, jostling each other occasionally, and Tyler actually won a round, but only because he managed to wrestle Jessie’s controller right out of her hands at the last minute.

Mark and Jack didn’t bother trying to stay competitive; they thoroughly enjoyed watching their friends duke it out, especially when Tyler’s stolen win pitched Jessie into a wholly out-of-character string of profanity. Tyler doubled over with laughter while she seethed, his body curled over the controller she had failed to wrestle back from him, and Mark and Jack took their cue to call it an early night. They both kissed the top of Jessie’s head on their way upstairs, and she barely noticed them, since she was fully invested in the task of peeling Tyler’s fingers away from her controller for long enough to snatch it back.

Jack left a clean t-shirt and a pair of shorts for her in the guest bathroom upstairs, then texted her to let her know he’d done so, and remind her that she should spend the night if she wanted to. He knew Tyler would probably be happy to lend her a change of clothes, but he wasn’t sure if either of them would be forward enough to suggest such a thing. She texted him back a moment later.

 

Jessie: You really don’t mind?

Jack: course not, stay as long as you want, help yourselves to whatever’s in the kitchen

Jessie: Thanks, Jack <3

 

He found Mark already stretched out on their bed, and laid down next to him, turning so they were face-to-face.

“Yeh did good, love. Seems like it’s going well fer them.”

Mark nodded. “It’s fun to watch, isn’t it? It feels good to see them happy.”

“Yeah. It does.” Jack sighed. He _was_ happy for Jessie and Tyler, but he knew he didn’t sound like it. Mark gave him a serious look.

“What’s up?”

“I’ve been texting with my mum a little bit. She said my dad’s still not ready to talk. And, I mean, I knew this could happen. I know I chose this-”

“No.” Mark cut him off, gently. “You’re not responsible for how your dad handles this. You don’t need to put that on yourself. You’re allowed to be upset.”

“I know. And I hate it. It’s not like I just can acknowledge it and then move along. I can’t shake it. It’s always there, underneath everything. I keep telling myself he’ll come around, but… I know he might not. I guess I’m just trying to get used to the idea.”

Mark reached over and fidgeted with the hem of Jack’s shirt. “What can I do?”

Jack took hold of his hand and pushed it further down, holding Mark’s gaze.

“Help me forget about it, fer a little while.”

Mark rolled on top of him, straddling his waist.

“Like this?”

Jack blinked up at him, then dug his fingers into Mark’s hips.

“Yes.”

Mark took hold of Jack’s hands and forced them over his head, pressing his wrists down against the mattress. He kissed Jack’s open mouth, messily, then kept his face close to Jack’s.

_“Like this?”_

Jack tried to lift his hands, but Mark held his wrists tight, keeping them in place. He nodded.

_“Yes.”_

_“Ok. Stay there.”_

Mark loosened his grip and started to sit up, and Jack found that he was disturbed by the loss of pressure. He lifted his wrists off of the bed, and Mark took hold of them again, pressing them back down.

 _“No,”_ he rumbled, tightening his grip. _“Stay.”_

Jack strained back against him and found that he was sufficiently immobilized. He felt himself throb under Mark’s weight and rocked his hips up against him. Mark kissed him, deeply, and slid his left hand down to Jack’s hip, holding it still.

_“Hard for me already, Sean?”_

_“Check fer yerself.”_

Mark shook his head. _“Not yet. I want to try something. Stay still, now, so I can tie you up.”_

_“Fuck. Yes. Please.”_

Mark sat back and leaned toward the edge of the bed to open his night stand drawer. He pulled out a length of rope, and the necktie they still occasionally used as a blindfold. They did own an actual blindfold, but Mark knew that Jack preferred this one.

He felt Jack’s hands moving inside his shirt, and turned back to find Jack being expectedly disobedient, struggling to sit upright even though Mark was still straddling his lower half. He took the opportunity to force Jack’s shirt up his chest, sparing a second to make sure the fabric didn’t catch too tightly over his face as he pulled it over his head. He didn’t remove Jack’s arms, though; instead, he twisted the fabric into a loose knot, so that Jack’s hands were bound together between their bodies. He held them there with one hand, keeping Jack upright, and held up the necktie with the other.

“You need to think of a safe word that you can pronounce with this in your mouth.”

Jack raised his eyebrows. “Really? Am I likely to get that loud?”

“God, I hope so.”

Jack opened his mouth to reply, and Mark kissed him, nipping fleetingly at his lower lip. Then he held the necktie lengthwise in front of Jack’s face, forced it into his mouth, between his teeth, and secured it with a knot at the back of his head. He looked Jack over, admiring the effect.

“How’s it feel?”

 _It feels like I need you to be fucking me right now,_ Jack thought, enjoying the sensation of the smooth, taut fabric against his lips and tongue, and the way Mark was looking at him. He nodded, unable to say what was on his mind.

“Ok. Safe word. Something with a ‘P’ or an ‘M’ might work.”

Jack nodded again. _“Porcupine.”_

The word was muffled, but Mark could identify it easily enough. “Right. Use it, if you need to. Or, like, kick me, or something.

 _“I won’t need to,”_ Jack managed, over-articulating against the thick fabric and the saliva that was starting to pool at the corners of his mouth.

Mark put his fingers under Jack’s jaw. He ran his thumb over Jack’s lower lip, then pressed their foreheads together.

 _“God, you look so fucking good…”_ He put his mouth on Jack’s neck, and Jack felt his lips and his teeth, and his tongue most of all, lapping lazily from his throat to his ear. He closed his eyes and leaned into Mark, who paused long enough to tell him, _“…and you taste so fucking good, Sean… I’ll make you so happy you’re here with me…”_ before resuming his slow exploration of Jack’s skin. He was holding Jack in a sitting position with one arm around his back, and he slid his free hand down inside the back of Jack’s sweatpants, groping and kneading at every inch he could reach. Jack swayed, moaning a muffled moan, and Mark held him close. He kissed his way to the back of Jack’s neck and lapped his tongue over that upper inch of Jack’s spine, and Jack shivered from his shoulders to his toes.

Mark groped for the length of rope, then pressed Jack backward until he was flat on the mattress again. He pulled the t-shirt away from Jack’s hands and started binding his wrists with the rope instead, resisting the urge to rush, reminding himself to keep Jack safe. He finished tying the length of rope, waited for a nod from Jack, then sat up on his knees and pulled the fastener down from behind the headboard. He pushed Jack’s arms back over his head, connected the rope to the fastener, and then lowered himself onto Jack’s body, leaning in close until their noses were practially touching. He let his weight settle on Jack’s chest and groin and held still until Jack moaned with pleasure. He smiled.

_“Ready for the rules, Sean?”_

Jack nodded, his cheeks flushing a deep red.

_“You’re going to come while I’m fucking you, as soon as you can. No edging. Let it build, and then let it go. Got it?”_

_“Uh huh.”_

Mark was pulling down on Jack’s sweatpants with his free hand.

_“I mean it. I want you to come fast for me. You can do that, right? You can do what I tell you?”_

Jack nodded weakly, his breathing shallow, his lungs compressed under Mark’s weight. Mark was lubricating his fingers, now, then reaching between them, then pushing his way inside of Jack, abandoning most of the caution he usually maintained. He slid two fingers straight for Jack’s prostate and started working at it, pulsing in a regular rhythm while Jack whimpered and nodded, begging without speaking.

Mark kept this up for as long as he could stand it, watching the blush spread from Jack’s cheeks to his chest, sucking roughly at Jack’s shoulder. The tension built, until Jack was flattening himself against the mattress. Mark reclaimed his hand and pulled roughly at Jack’s left leg, freeing it from his sweatpants and pressing it up toward his chest. Then he pulled down on his own shorts, poured lubricant over his cock with shaking fingers, and slid himself inside of Jack.

He fought to move slow, feeling Jack tensing and stretching, centimeter by centimeter. He knew he was taking a risk by entering Jack without more prep, but he also knew every inch of Jack’s body – every flavor of every subtle response – by heart. Jack gave no sign of protest. He moaned quietly against the gag, arching toward Mark, searching for that deep connection they both constantly craved.

And then Mark found the barrier, and Jack tipped his head back and mouthed: _Please_.

Mark moaned in response and moved inside him, pressing against that trigger in slow, shallow thrusts.

_“Is this what you wanted, Sean?”_

_“Mh-”_

_“You wanted me to hold you down and fuck you?”_

_“Mhm-”_

_“You feel so fucking good…”_

He paused, rolling his hips to press himself deeper, to press their bodies closer together.

_“That’s it… you’re so fucking hard for me… I’m gonna make you come, now, ok?”_

Jack could do nothing but nod. The edges of his vision were starting to blur, and a deep, white-hot ache had settled into his midsection. He kept trying to thrust up against Mark’s body, to get some friction against his cock, but Mark wasn’t playing along. He guessed that the goal was to come hands-free, and Mark confirmed his suspicion by sitting upright, holding tight to Jack’s leg, and thrusting hard and fast at a very specific angle.

_“MH-”_

_“C’mon, Sean-”_

Jack moaned and whimpered unintelligibly, nodding as often as he could remember to, thinking _oh fuck yes Jesus Christ don’t stop oh God_ , just barely conscious of the slick of precum that was sliding down his untouched cock. He was right there, right on the edge, but he wasn’t falling, not yet, he was filled but not surrounded, his cock was throbbing against nothing-

_“Sean-”_

_“Mh-”_ He throbbed again. Mark’s voice rough and hard in his ears.

_“Remember the car-? How it felt to fuck the inside of my mouth-?_

_“Mm-”_

_“So wet… so hot around your cock…”_

_“Mh-” Fuck yes don’t stop oh God-_

Mark quickened his pace, thrusting into Jack again and again-

_“How does it feel… to be the only person alive who will ever do that-?”_

_Oh God oh God-_

_“My only one, Sean-”_

_“Mh-” Mark-_

Mark moaned against the pressure as Jack strained into a convulsion and released in a wave. He restrained himself, though it was a dangerously close call, and pulled out before Jack managed to drag him over the edge. He moved down Jack’s body – Jack tensed and shook as the orgasm continued to break – and settled onto his knees so he could take Jack’s cock into his mouth. He pulled the length of it back toward his throat, and Jack let out a muffled cry, tensing and shuddering, but the safe word remained unspoken.

Jack was still partially hard, which was a good sign, and he rocked his hips upward, forcing himself even deeper into Mark’s throat. Mark moaned around him, sliding up and down Jack’s cock in several slow movements. Then he moved more insistently, timing the pressure of his lips and tongue with the fading pulses of Jack’s orgasm.

_“Mm- Mh-”_

Jack was whimpering weakly, and Mark kept up the pace until he felt another, stronger pulse take Jack by surprise-

_“Mmmh-”_

-then he wrapped his fingers around the base and started to stroke. He kept his mouth wrapped loosely around the head, letting his tongue collide with the tip as he increased the speed of his hand. Before long, Jack was squirming, moaning incoherently as the overstimulation started to take hold-

_Oh my God oh my GOD Mark I already fuck Jesus oh-_

Jack was fully erect again, and Mark pulled his length to the back of his throat, sucking hard and coating it thoroughly. Then he resumed stroking with his hand, faster and harder now, while Jack whimpered and shook.

 _“You can do this, Sean.”_ His voice was low and ragged. _“You can come again for me. How does it feel?”_

 _“Mh-”_ Jack choked, his bound wrists straining against the ropes, his shoulders pressing down against the mattress, his cock rigid and leaking in Mark’s hand.

_“You’re so good, baby. You look so fucking good. Come for me, Sean.”_

_“Mh- You-”_

Jack was trying to speak. Mark watched him intently.

_“What, babe?”_

_“You too,”_ Jack choked out, biting at the gag. “ _Inside- mh-”_

Mark was close to coming just from watching Jack dissolve into an overstimulated mess; he had no will to deny such a request. He continued to work at Jack’s cock with his hand while he slid back inside, an inch away from orgasm as Jack bucked and tightened around him-

_“Sean- ngh- come for me, now-”_

_Ok ok oh Jesus fucking Christ-_

_“FUCK- NOW, SEAN-”_

_“MMH-”_

Jack released another stream of white onto Mark’s hand, and Mark was entirely undone. He lost his grip on Jack’s cock and fell forward onto his palms, resting his forehead against Jack’s chest as he came in forceful waves, completely adrift in the intensity of it. The world was black, and they were at the center of it, shaking together until their bodies had nothing left to give.

Mark eventually looked up and found that Jack’s head was tipped back. There was a trail of moisture streaming from the corner of one eye.

“Sean,” he breathed. “Did I hurt you?”

Jack opened his eyes, shook his head, tried to speak and choked on the gag, and Mark finally came to his senses. He tilted Jack’s head gently to the side, loosened the necktie, and removed it from Jack’s mouth. Then he unfastened the ropes and undid the restraints, rubbing gently at Jack’s wrists as they came free.

“Sean?”

He sat back on his knees, looking Jack over, praying that he hadn’t done any real damage.

Jack tried to sit up, failed, and let himself collapse back onto the mattress. Mark could see that his hands were shaking – actually, he was shaking all over – but he was smiling, too.

“Hey, love.” Jack swallowed, flexing his fingers. “Well done. I can’t get up.”

“You’re not hurt, though, are you?”

“Christ, no, I just… I think I lost my grip on reality, fer a second there.”

Mark smiled, relieved. “That was the idea, right?”

“Huh? Oh. Right.”

Mark leaned down, kissed his forehead, and then kept his face close. “How do you feel?”

Jack searched for the low-level heartache that had been plaguing him. It was nowhere to be found.

“Light. Dizzy. Happy. Jesus, I didn’t know yeh could make me do that.”

“I did. I knew. I know you.”

Jack nodded. “And I trust you. With everything I have.”

Mark kissed his lips, and it was so sweet, Jack felt tears gathering at the corners of his eyes again.

 _“Sean?”_ Mark was kissing his face, slow and gentle, barely making contact.

_“Yeah, love?”_

_“Want me to carry you to the bathroom?”_

Jack sighed, and he felt warm from his chest to his toes, because Mark always knew exactly what he wanted, and always did exactly what he needed.

_“Yeah. I do.”_

* * *

There was dim light at the edges of the blinds when Jack opened his eyes. Mark was holding him from behind, and his body was warm and familiar, and Jack had no desire to ever leave the bed. He shut his eyes again, then tried to swallow, and felt the scratchy soreness that had woken him in the first place. He sighed. He needed water.

He slipped carefully out of Mark’s hold – Mark slept on, barely stirring – and stood up on wobbly legs. He smiled, reflecting on all the reasons he’d lost control of his limbs the night before, and took a few steps to test his balance before pulling on his discarded sweatpants.

He moved into the hall and down the stairs, and heard faint laughter drifting from the main floor of the house. He paused, trying to clear his head.

_Right. Jessie and Tyler._

He made his way to the back of the house, and found the two of them there, facing each other on the couch, wrapped in blankets and sipping from steaming mugs. They smiled at him as he approached.

“Glad you survived the night,” Tyler teased. “Is Mark alive up there?”

Jack blinked against the groggy haze, trying to figure out what Tyler was talking about, and then realized that he and Mark might not have been as quiet as they’d hoped. He rubbed at his face.

“Shit. Sorry. I didn’t think yeh’d hear us.”

They both giggled.

“No worries,” Tyler said reassuringly.

“No serious injuries?” Jessie asked, her expression deadpan.

“Jesus, no, we’re fine.”

“You sure? He didn’t break the skin there?” She gestured toward Jack’s shoulder, and he felt his face grow hot. He knew what she was referring to; he’d examined the red mark in the mirror the night before.

“It’s fine, really,” he insisted. “I washed it in the shower, just in case.”

She nodded, satisfied.

“We were trying to guess which one of you was…” Tyler let his voice trail of, looking mildly embarrassed.

Jack laughed. “What, like, who was fucking who?”

“Yeah. That. We both decided it was probably you. Doing the fucking, I mean.”

Jack felt his blush spreading, but he found he truly didn’t mind the conversation. He got the sense that Tyler was trying to normalize the topic, and he appreciated the effort, and the fact that Tyler hadn’t assumed he was the “bottom” in the relationship, just because of his smaller build.

“Sometimes it is me. Not last night, though.”

“Really? That was Mark?” Tyler looked legitimately surprised, and a little impressed.

“Yeah. We… we switch.” It was one of the things Jack liked best about his relationship with Mark, and it felt good to express it out loud.

“Does it hurt?” Tyler asked, and Jack could tell he was being sincere.

“No. Not anymore. I mean, it would, if yeh didn’t do it right. It takes practice.”

Tyler looked thoughtful. “Ok, don’t tell Mark I said this, but… I always thought he was a little… I dunno… repressed, maybe?”

Jack nodded. “I know what you mean.”

“But now, he’s just… happy. Comfortable, I guess. I’m really glad you guys made this work. I’ve known him for a long time, and it just makes sense, if you know what I mean.”

“I do. Thanks, man.” Tyler nodded, then stifled a yawn, and Jack was reminded of the early hour. “Uhm… I didn’t wake you guys up, did I?”

Jessie shook her head. “We didn’t actually go to sleep.”

“Really? Yeh’ve been up all night?”

She nodded, dissolving into a yawn. “Uh huh.”

“Jesus, yeh should get some sleep. Wherever yeh like, but the bed’s probably more comfortable than the couch. Mark’s out cold and I’m going back to sleep… we can make breakfast in a few hours.”

Jessie and Tyler exchanged a nervous glance, and Jack put up his hands.

“I don’t care where yeh do it, but Jessie, please don’t drive until yeh’ve slept, ok?”

She smiled. “Ok.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Right. See yeh both later on.”

He retrieved two bottles of water from the fridge, drank half of one, and then made his way back to the bedroom. Mark was right where he’d left him, so he left the bottles on the night stand, undressed fully, and slid back under the covers. He felt Mark’s chest pressing against his back a moment later, and pulled his arm tight around his waist.

_“Mark.”_

_“Mm?”_

Jack smiled; Mark was mumbling, barely awake.

_“Jessie and Tyler never went to bad last night. I found them on the couch.”_

_“Huh? Really?”_ Mark pressed closer to him; Jack could feel his breath, warm on the back of his neck.

_“Uh huh. Sorry I woke yeh up.”_

_“Love you, Sean.”_

There were footsteps in the hall – low voices, Jessie’s laughter, a closing door, and then silence. Jack closed his eyes and let himself drift – even further from worry, even closer to Mark.

_“Love you, too.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATED 12/15/2017
> 
> Eventually, I’m planning to either take the story down from AO3 and fanfiction.net, or at least orphan the work on here. I have a couple reasons for doing so, and I hope you’ll understand.
> 
> First, I’ve always been conflicted about writing fanfiction about real people. I didn’t actively choose to come up with this story… it sort of appeared in my head one day, and once I realized how many people were interacting with it, I decided to take the chance to try to accomplish it as discreetly and respectfully as possible. I’m really proud of it, and it’s given me an incredible opportunity to develop my skills as a writer, but I never intended for it to get back to Jack and Mark or any of the other real people it references. I’ve tried to make that known by keeping it out of their main tags on my blog, and giving periodic reminders that it should be kept far away from Mark and Jack, as well as their friends and family.
> 
> Because of the feedback I’ve gotten about this story, I’ve decided to try writing an actual novel. My goal is to eventually get it published, and if that ever does happen, I don’t want it to be linked to More Than Friends, for the reasons stated above. I’ve decided to create a new pseudonym and a new Tumblr blog so that I can work on accomplishing this goal. Some of you may have heard from me already, because you’ve been so incredibly supportive and I consider you to be trustworthy enough not to link any of my new writing back to More Than Friends.
> 
> I won’t be linking my new blog here, but if we’ve spoken in the past, or exchanged comments frequently, and you can respect my need for this pseudonym to remain anonymous, shoot me a message, and I’ll consider passing along my new pseudonym. You can contact me on Tumblr, @songsforfelurian, or songsforfelurian@gmail.com.


	72. Chapter 72

“So… did yeh actually get any sleep?”

Jessie narrowed her eyes and took a sip of her coffee.

“I slept just fine, thank you.”

Jack laughed. “Jessie. It’s me. We can talk about it fer real, if yeh want.”

She glanced around them. They were sitting in a coffee shop outside the city, and there were plenty of people nearby, but no one was paying them any attention. Jack had been recognized much less frequently since he’d cut and dyed his hair, so they’d decided to make a stop for snacks and drinks before heading back to the house with the Halloween supplies they’d purchased. Jack guessed that Mark was probably taking this opportunity to grill Tyler about the previous night, too.

“I actually did sleep really well,” Jessie said. “We… snuggled.”

Jack raised his eyebrows. “Yeah? How was that?”

She sighed. “I like him, okay? Obviously. He’s great. He’s smart, and respectful, and funny, and… he’s my friend. We’ve been friends this whole time. But I don’t make a habit of getting involved with guys when I can’t see a future together.”

“You don’t think you could have a future with Tyler?”

“Not if he lives in Ohio.”

“Yeah, but… is that the only reason? What if he moves to LA?”

“That’s a big ‘what if.’”

“Humor me.”

She stared at him for a moment.

“Okay, yes, if he lived here… I’d want to spend more time with him.”

“In bed?”

She blushed faintly under her freckles.

“Okay… we did kiss a little bit, before we went to sleep.” Jack pretended to be scandalized, and Jessie giggled. “Hey. It’s a big deal for me, you know.”

“I know. I’m just teasing.”

They sat quietly for a moment, sipping their drinks.

“So… when you and Mark got together… how fast did things progress?”

“Well… we just kissed, the first night, too. We slept together, like, in the same bed, but that’s all. But things moved a lot faster after that. The physical stuff and the relationship stuff kind of happened at the same time… but we didn’t have _sex_ sex fer a while. We were both really scared, at first.”

She nodded. “I’m scared, too. I guess for different reasons. I’ve only been with one person, and things were really serious between us, and then… he left. He took a job in Maryland, and that was it.”

“Oh, Jessie… I’m really sorry.”

She shook her head. “It’s all right. It happened a while ago, but…”

“…But Tyler’s leaving, too,” Jack finished.

She looked sad. “What if he doesn’t come back?”

He nodded. “I see yer point. So… try to have fun, while he’s here. Do what yeh’re comfortable with. Yeh don’t have to have sex to get close. Plenty of other things to do. Y’know, to see if things… fit.”

“Yeah. I was thinking that, too. No sense in pining after each other if it’s not a good fit, anyway.”

He smiled. “I’ve done my fair share of pining. It worked out fer me.”

“Was it really that easy? To just pack up your life and move here?”

“Fer Mark? Yeah. Easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

 

* * *

 

“Jesus. If yeh want to keep those clothes on, we need to get going, like, now.”

Mark smirked, staring at his reflection in their bedroom mirror. He liked what he saw, which was probably because he looked like Jack.

Jack and Jessie had returned from their shopping trip with clothing and supplies, so that they’d all have something to wear to Matthias’ Halloween party later that night. They’d planned to keep it simple, since they couldn’t accomplish anything elaborate on such short notice, and Jack had decided that he and Mark would switch identities for the night. He’d dressed Mark in heavy boots, ripped, black jeans, and a dark gray hoodie. He’d painted his nails black, too, and sprayed the top of his hair green with temporary color.

“I don’t mind being late.” Mark shifted his gaze to Jack, who had mimicked his style perfectly. He’d borrowed Mark’s maroon sneakers and found gray pants and a designer t-shirt that were identical to Mark’s, except in a smaller size. He’d sprayed a small section of his own hair a bright, cherry red.

“Normally, I wouldn’t, either. I’m pretty sure Jessie and Tyler are waiting fer us, though.”

“I know. They can wait one more minute.” Mark tugged at Jack’s pockets, enjoying the way the looser cut of the pants emphasized his narrow waist. “This.” He ran one hand down his side, then ran one fingertip along the top of the waistband. “This is good. So good. Good pants.”

Jack started to laugh, and then stopped, because Mark was kissing him, and he forgot about being late, because he was busy exploring the lines of his body underneath the clothes he’d picked out.

“You too,” he breathed, after a long moment, one hand inside the back pocket of Mark’s close-fitting jeans. “Good pants.”

“I think I love Halloween,” Mark said.

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Really? This is all it took?”

He nodded. “And I’m going to love Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and New Year’s…” His lips were on Jack’s neck.

“Valentine’s Day?” Jack asked.

“Roses are red…”

“St. Patrick’s Day?”

“Top o’ the mornin’ to yeh…”

Jack laughed, succumbing to the closeness of Mark, letting himself be pulled into an embrace. “Yer accent still needs some work.”

Mark gave a small shrug. “I’m a work in progress. Maybe I’ll have it right by next Halloween.”

 _Next Halloween,_ Jack thought. _Will we be standing here, like this, a year from now? Will we make it?_

He said, “If you can do my intro perfectly by next Halloween, I’ll let yeh choose our costumes.” He meant, _I’ll still be here, then, with you._

Mark smiled, his eyes closed, his chin resting on Jack’s shoulder. “Deal.”

 

* * *

 

 Jessie and Tyler dominated the conversation on the way to Matthias’ house, bolstering the mood to match with their costumes. Jessie was radiant in an elaborately draped toga and shimmering makeup in shades of gold and bronze on her lips, cheeks and eyes. She wore a long cord around her neck with a silver staff-and-serpent pendant, a medical symbol dating back to ancient Greece. She’d explained to Jack that the costume wasn’t entirely historically accurate (“Agnodice probably wouldn’t have worn makeup like this”) but that she felt justified in stretching the truth, since she hadn’t worn a real Halloween costume in years, and she was eager to flex her hair and makeup skills. Her strawberry blonde curls were loosely arranged with a golden cord, cascading effortlessly around her face and down her back. Tyler had eagerly agreed to match her; he wore a toga that was almost identically-draped, and he had even let Jessie apply a minimal amount of golden shimmer to his mouth and face. The pair of them _glowed_ , in more than one way, and Jack found himself stealing glances in the rearview mirror for most of the ride. When a lull in the conversation left Jessie gazing out her window, Tyler cautiously took her hand, and Jack’s heartbeat actually danced with second-hand excitement.

Excitement, and nervous contemplation. He knew he was staring, not only because of his interest in their budding romance, but also because of the way they physically looked. There was no denying it – anyone with eyes would see that Jessie and Tyler were two incredibly attractive human beings. Since Jack and Mark had gotten together, they’d checked in periodically about their preferred labels and their evolving perspective on their own sexuality. Mark had encouraged Jack several times to pay attention to his preferences, free of guilt, and Jack had returned the sentiment, though he hadn’t let his attention drift from Mark for long enough to draw any real conclusions.

But when he’d seen Jessie standing in their kitchen, he’d been transfixed by her flowing curls, by the light in her eyes, and by the way her costume fell around her slender form. When she’d hugged him, he’d breathed in the smell of her, and felt sorry to let her go. It was like he had rediscovered some basic truth that had been lost to him since his world had turned upside-down. He was aware that he adored Jessie, but he hadn’t been aware that he was _attracted_ to her. He knew it, now: Jessie was someone he could’ve loved. And once he accepted the idea, he found that he wasn’t disturbed by it. Quite the opposite – he felt some of the conflict inside himself resolving, felt some relief in realizing that he hadn’t stumbled into Mark’s arms because he’d been gay and oblivious. He could’ve loved Jessie, or someone like her, but he didn’t. He loved Mark – he’d _chosen_ Mark – because Mark was the person he belonged with. He wasn’t confused. He wasn’t trapped. He’d never felt more free.

He stole another glance at the rearview mirror, letting his gaze settle on Tyler, who was leaning toward Jessie, murmuring something quiet, close to her ear. Tyler usually wore a serious expression, but tonight his face was alive, animated with barely-contained excitement. His gaze was fixed on Jessie, and his smile reached his eyes, the gold makeup shimmering periodically, catching the light from the street lights they passed. Jack allowed himself to think about Tyler’s body – his broad shoulders, his muscular build – and he felt the tiniest tug in his midsection, behind his navel. He took a long, slow breath, allowing his suspicions to become truth: he was bi. Previously, he’d only acknowledged this in the context of his relationship with Mark, but he understood it differently now. It was a part of him, a piece of his soul, a truth that had always been with him, waiting to be uncovered. He wasn’t sure if he ever would’ve acknowledged it if he hadn’t met Mark, but that didn’t make it less true, or less essential to his identity. Ever since he’d come to California, he and Mark had been walking a path, hand-in-hand, and Jack had always thought that path led toward their future together. He found it comforting to realize that it had also led him back to himself.

He reached over and pulled Mark’s right hand into his lap. He used his index finger to trace a message onto his palm, one letter at a time: _thank you_. He doubted Mark would be able to decode the message, but it didn’t matter. Mark smiled over at him, then raised his hand to Jack’s face, and brushed it lightly against his cheek.

 

* * *

 

 

Raf and Justin were waiting for them in Matthias’ driveway. Their silhouettes were so similar, Jack had trouble telling them apart until he was right next to them, and Justin’s blonde hair resolved in the light coming from the house. They were dressed similarly, both wearing capes and fitted bodysuits. They were clearly meant to be superheroes, but not any of the ones Jack was familiar with.

“You guys look awesome!” he said, and they both grinned and nodded. Raf hugged him and Mark, said hello to Jessie, and shook hands with Tyler. Mark extended his hand to Justin, but Justin hugged him instead.

“Hey, man,” he laughed. “Looking good. Who’re you supposed to be?”

“We haven’t thought of names yet,” Justin said. “We just thought about which superpowers we felt like we needed right now.”

Jack nodded. “Armor, right?”

“Yeah.”

It was true. Up close, Justin’s costume looked like a fusion between a superhero and a knight. The chest piece was reminiscent of chainmail armor, and he wore matching gauntlets on his wrists. Raf was wearing a chest piece and gauntlets, too, but they were covered in some kind of metallic, reflective material. Jack ran his fingers over the edge of one of the gauntlets, trying to figure out what it was.

“It looks like a mirror,” he said, and Raf nodded.

“That’s the idea. Y’know. To reflect all the bad stuff away.” He raised a hand to his forehead, like he wanted to run his fingers through his hair, and then stopped himself, since it was styled up and away from his face.

“It looks great,” Mark said, resting a hand on Raf’s arm. “Are you guys ready to go in?”

This would be Justin’s first public appearance since coming out, as well as their first appearance together as a couple. Matthias had insisted that they both come to the party, and even though Jack had had to spend some time convincing them, he wasn’t surprised they’d eventually given in. Raf had seen the sense in spending time with supportive people, and Justin was eager to prove himself to Raf, as evidenced by the elaborate costume. A month ago, Mark and Jack would have laughed at anyone who tried to tell them that Justin was planning to show up at a Halloween party dressed like a superhero knight, and now they were gawking shamelessly as Justin took Raf’s hand and started leading him toward the house. Raf spared them a backward glance, his wide smile unmistakable even in the dark.

Jack’s heart fluttered nervously for them, and for himself. This would be his and Mark’s first “public” appearance as a couple, too – public enough, since there would be people at the party who hadn’t known anything about their relationship before the livestream. They were relieved and excited to leave the caution and secrecy behind, but they knew they were now at the mercy of public opinion. There would be photos and videos, news columns and blog posts. There would be criticism. Lost subscribers, increased scrutiny. They believed they were strong enough to withstand the worst of it, and they both knew it was time to prove it.

Mark held out his hand, and Jack took it. Tyler offered Jessie his arm, and she smiled up at him, and clasped it with both of her hands. The four of them walked into the house together.

They were fashionably late, and the party was in full swing. Matthias and Amanda were at the kitchen island wearing furry bear jumpsuits, sipping from solo cups and chatting with Joey. A cheer went up throughout the house when Mark and Jack were recognized, and they scanned the kitchen and the living room, waving at many familiar faces, their hands still clasped together. Amanda and Suzy were the first to hug them both.

“ _Mark!_ Wow! Looking good!” Suzy gushed. She wasn’t wearing any particular costume, just a well-coordinated ensemble of patent leather, fishnets, black lace, and dramatic makeup. She turned to Jessie and her eyes went wide. “Oh my gosh. Wow. You are _so_ beautiful! Jessie, right?”

Jessie nodded happily, blushing pink under her golden makeup. “Hi, Suzy. It’s so nice to see you again!”

Suzy put her hands on Jessie’s arms and kissed her on the cheek. Jack felt a familiar wave of gratitude toward Suzy. He’d been concerned about the fact that Jessie had only met a handful of the other guests - briefly and while dressed in hospital scrubs, when Mark was in the hospital - and that she considered most of the people in attendance to be celebrities. But Suzy and Amanda rose to the occasion perfectly, gushing over Jessie’s costume while Tyler kept one hand lightly at the small of her back.

Matthias fixed them drinks (Mark and Tyler stuck with apple cider) and suggested a card game, and they all chose seats around the island. Suzy excused herself to the living room, where she was already in the middle of a different game, promising to return for a later round. Jack sat between Jessie and Mark, feeling relieved that they all had something structured to do. He wasn’t in the mood for small talk or thinly-veiled interrogations. He was in the mood to spend quality time with his favorite people.

“Does this work fer you?” he asked Jessie, hoping she wasn’t feeling pressured to participate in the game.

“Absolutely,” she said sincerely. “Thanks for sitting with me. Amanda and Matthias are really nice, huh?”

“Yeah. They are. Yeh’ll have to come back and meet Luna sometime.”

“I know. I should’ve realized she wouldn’t be here. I guess I wasn’t really sure what kind of party this would be.”

Jack nodded. “Hey, Amanda,” he called across the table. “Where’s Luna tonight?”

Amanda smiled. “Her grandparents practically begged us to drop her off for the night. I’ll head over there in a couple hours to spend the night with her.”

“It’s really nice of you to host,” Jessie said. “Thank you so much for inviting us!”

Amanda nodded. “You’re so welcome. We owe you so much for taking care of Mark. We’re really happy you’re here.”

Mark picked up Jack’s drink and handed it to him; he’d been ignoring it so far.

“Have fun tonight, Sean. You know I don’t mind.”

Jack smiled back at him. He’d intended to stay on his guard through the evening, but now that he was here, surrounded by people who cared for him, he thought it wouldn’t hurt to loosen up.

“Trying to get me drunk, Fischbach?”

Mark nodded enthusiastically. “You know how I feel about that accent.”

Jack dropped the volume of his voice and leaned closer to him. “And yeh know how I feel about you wearing those jeans. You don’t need alcohol to seduce me, tonight.” He kissed the side of Mark’s face. “I’ll humor yeh, though. Cheers, love.” He picked up his cup, tapped it against Mark’s, and took a long drink, pointedly holding his gaze.

Matthias had chosen Exploding Kittens for their first game. There were too many people at the table to play individually, which suited Jack and Jessie just fine, since they’d never seen the game before. Tyler extended his hand to Jessie.

“Partners?” he asked, flashing her a blinding smile. She laughed and shook his hand.

“May I have this explosion?” Mark asked Jack, making an attempt at a seated bow. Jack giggled.

“Pleasure, Sir.”

Mark stood up from the table. “Hey, Matt? You can deal us in together.”

“Where’re yeh going?” Jack asked. Mark picked up Jack’s cup.

“Refill? What was it?”

“Punch, I think. No idea what was in it.”

He returned a moment later with new drinks, and the game began. Jack and Jessie let Mark and Tyler take the lead through the first round. The game wasn’t exactly complicated, but there was some nuance involved that would have been lost on them if they’d tried to dive right in. Jessie sipped slowly at the same cup of punch through the first round, but Jack was more than three drinks deep by the time the second hand had been dealt, and he’d taken to laughing hysterically with Jessie anytime he and Mark received a card he hadn’t seen before.

“AWAKEN THE ‘NARNOPE.’ HA! IT’S A NARWHAL. WITH A GIANT… _THING…”_

“Horn?” Jessie suggested, through barely-controlled laughter.

“And that guy is _IMPALED- OH MY GOD-”_ Jack went on, giggling through each syllable. Mark leaned over and slid an arm around his shoulders.

“Sean. Babe. Light of my life. You know we’re not supposed to tell the other players what cards we have, right?”

Jack picked up his mostly-empty solo cup and waggled it in Mark’s direction. “ _Listen_ ,” he said intensely, his nose an inch away from Mark’s. “These cards are _hilarious,_ and _this_ - _”_ He jiggled the solo cup. “-is _your_ fault.”

Mark kissed his nose. “Fair enough.”

“Are you guys playing in _teams?_ ”

Arin had appeared behind them, with Suzy in tow. He was notoriously ruthless at card games, and didn’t tolerate any coddling of newcomers or deviation from the rules, although it was difficult for anyone to take his posturing too seriously given his costume. He was dressed almost exactly like Suzy – fishnets and all – except in shades of purple instead of black.

“Yes? And?” Jack demanded. “If I wanted to get my ass beat and insulted in fifty different ways, I would’ve joined _your_ game.” He stole another card from Mark’s hand. “Do you see this, Arin? Do you see this feline vomiting _literal_ rainbows? _This_ is why I came here. _This_ is a fucking _card game,_ right here.”

Arin and Suzy didn’t bother trying to contain their laughter. Arin picked up Jack’s solo cup. “How many of these have you had?”

“No idea. Ask Mark.”

Mark grinned, shrugged.

“I’m with Jack,” Suzy said, glaring at Arin in mock exasperation. “I’m sick of losing to you too. Deal me in for the next round, guys.”

Jack got up from his stool. “Here. You should sit with Jessie. She’s good luck, and she smells really nice.” He put an arm around Mark’s shoulders and sat in his lap.

Suzy sat down and leaned close to Jessie. “You _do_ smell really nice!”

Jessie giggled. “So do you!”

Raf and Justin had been sitting on Mark’s other side, and they stopped by to visit on their way back from the drink counter.

“I _love_ this game!” Raf said. His eyes were bright, and there was a faint red blush decorating his dark complexion.

Mark nodded. “What do you think, Justin?”

Justin smiled and spoke quietly. “I like watching Raf play.”

Mark guessed that Justin was also drinking cider tonight, while Raf had clearly discovered the punch. He’d wondered how Justin would behave in this environment – whether he would shy away from conversation, or keep his distance from Raf in mixed company – but when Raf rested his free hand on Justin’s back, he didn’t pull away.

“I lucked out with a good partner,” Raf said. He obviously wasn’t just talking about the card game, and Justin seemed caught off guard by the comment. He turned to look at Raf, his mouth partially open. Raf’s face fell.

“I just meant-”

Justin nodded, a smile spreading across his face. “I wouldn’t be partners with anyone else.”

Raf’s expression brightened immediately. He pulled Justin closer, his gaze shifting between his eyes and his mouth, but he left an inch of space between them. He waited, giving Justin time to decide what would happen next. Justin’s cheeks started to flush, but he put a hand on Raf’s waist, opened his mouth to say something, and then kissed Raf instead. It was brief, and sweet, and when it was over, Raf looked ready to drop his drink and drag Justin to a dark corner somewhere.

He didn’t, though. He smiled, cleared his throat, and asked Justin, “Ready to play?”

Justin looked confused, and a little embarrassed. “I… what?”

Raf laughed, gesturing to the table. “The card game?”

Justin exhaled. “Right. Yes. Let’s play.” They went back to their seats.

Jack rested his head against Mark’s and managed a whisper, despite his state of moderate intoxication.

_“I’ll bet you a blowjob they can’t make it to the after-party without hooking up.”_

Jack was still seated in Mark’s lap, and Mark gave his hip a squeeze. _“Define ‘hooking up.’”_

 _“Anything below the belt,”_ Jack clarified.

Mark laughed softly. _“No way. Kissing only. I’ll take that bet.”_

_“Yeh’re on, Fischbach.”_

_“And you’re projecting. Not everyone is as… impatient… as you.”_

Jack straightened up and narrowed his eyes. _“I dunno what yeh’re talking about.”_

Mark raised his eyebrows. _“The waterpark? Arin and Suzy’s? PAX?”_

Jack tried to scowl, then relented, giggling quietly. _“All fair points.”_

 _“Maybe we should see if YOU can make it to the after-party,”_ Mark suggested.

Jack smirked. _“Impatient, yes, but also stubborn as fuck. I’ll take that bet.”_

Mark casually slid his hand down and around Jack’s thigh in a gesture that probably looked harmless, but wasn’t. But Jack just leaned more heavily against him.

_“Do yer worst, love.”_

And Mark did. He let his hands wander. He refilled Jack’s drink. He spoke low and close to his ear and put a blush in Jack’s cheeks that had nothing to do with the alcohol. Jack squirmed and flirted and kissed him with enthusiasm, especially to cut him off, mid-sentence, whenever he suggested that they excuse themselves to a more private location. Mark knew he was likely to lose this bet, but he enjoyed trying to win just the same, and Jack was certainly not complaining.

Raf and Justin ended up winning three hands out of five, and Matthias declared them the official winners. True to form, Justin raised his hand to high-five Raf, who laughed, shook his head, and obliged. Most of the group filtered into the living room, where Arin and Danny were singing karaoke. They volunteered Mark and Jack to go after them, and Jack only agreed after Jessie and Tyler swore they’d take a turn, too. The song menu was set to 80’s power ballads, which suited Mark and Jack just fine. They dragged two stools in from the kitchen, made their song selection, and perched close to the TV so they could see the lyrics if necessary. They looked at each other, grinned, and sang:

 

 _I wanted to be with you alone_  
_And talk about the weather_  
_But traditions I can trace against the child in your face_  
_Won't escape my attention_  
_You keep your distance with a system of touch_  
_And gentle persuasion_  
_I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much?_  
_Oh, you're wasting my time_  
_You're just, just, just wasting time_

 _Something happens and I'm head over heels_  
_I never find out ‘til I'm head over heels_  
_Something happens and I'm head over heels_  
_Ah - don't take my heart, don't break my heart_  
_Don't, don't, don't throw it away_

They earned themselves a standing ovation from everyone in the room. They bowed and waved, and then Jack put his arms around Mark and dipped him dramatically, kissing his smiling mouth. There were several people in the room they didn’t know personally, but they were swept up in the moment, intoxicated by the freedom of being themselves, and being in love, and not worrying what anyone else might think about it.

Jack eventually pulled Mark upright again, and then the two of them pulled Jessie and Tyler out of their seats to the center of the floor. Previously, Jack would’ve described Tyler as thoughtful, reserved, and stoic. But with Jessie by his side, he was downright expressive. His smile came easily, and he seemed entirely unfazed at the prospect of singing in front of a room full of relative strangers. Jessie was much the same: blushing but composed, and radiantly happy. The two of them had no problem deciding on a song, and as soon as the music started, they discovered something new about each other: neither of them could carry a tune. They laughed and fumbled through the first verse until the rest of the room took pity on them, and chimed in for the bridge and the chorus:

 

 _And even as I wander_  
_I'm keeping you in sight_  
_You're a candle in the window_  
_On a cold, dark winter's night_  
_And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might_

 _And I can't fight this feeling anymore_  
_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_  
_It's time to bring this ship into the shore_  
_And throw away the oars, forever_

 _'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore_  
_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_  
_And if I have to crawl upon the floor_  
_Come crushing through your door_  
_Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore_

 

Jack expected Tyler to sweep Jessie off her feet when they were done, but he didn’t. He just put his hand at the small of her back, barely making contact, and stayed close to her while they took their seats. Jack squeezed her arm when she sat down next to him, then leaned close to her.

“You did great. Having fun?”

She nodded, smiling. “Everyone’s so nice! I can’t believe I just did that. I can’t sing at all. I don’t know why I haven’t died of embarrassment.”

“Probably because Tyler worships the ground you walk on,” Jack suggested. “Or because you’re drunk.”

“ _Tipsy,_ ” Jessie clarified. _“You’re_ drunk.”

“Yeh’re right about that. Will yeh be okay if I get up fer a few?” Mark was pressed close against his other side – his fingertips on his lower back, under his shirt – and Jack’s resolve was starting to slip. He needed a glass of water.

“I’m good,” Jessie told him. “Go. Have fun.”

He leaned close to Mark. “Keep Jessie company fer a few. I’ll be back.”

Mark pressed his fingertips into his lower back, but he didn’t protest.

Jack made his way into the kitchen and downed two glasses of water in succession. He scanned both rooms, realizing that Raf and Justin had never made it to the living room, and decided to investigate. He moved down the hallway toward the back of the house, finding it empty. The bathroom was, too. He moved through another hallway, past Matthias’ office, and found what he was looking for: he caught the shimmer of Raf’s costume through the barely-open door. He leaned against the wall, surprised by what he heard. Raf and Justin weren’t locked in a passionate embrace. They were talking.

“…think ‘Chainmail’ is a cool-sounding name for a character.” This was Justin. Jack could just barely see him, seated in the office chair, looking up at Raf, who was perched on the desk.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It sounds strong.”

“What do you think about ‘Palladium?’”

“It’s a reflective metal, right?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s good. It sounds strong, too.”

“You really think so?” The hopeful optimism in Raf’s voice tugged at Jack’s heart.

“Yeah. You should do some sketches tomorrow.”

“Sure. If we ever get out of bed.”

Silence.

“Justin…” Raf’s voice was hesitant now. “I didn’t mean… I just meant, we’ll probably be tired. From staying up late.”

There was another extended pause. Then Justin spoke quietly:

“You know I want to, right? I just… I can’t…”

Jack swallowed, shook his head to clear it, and walked as quietly as he could away from the door, his fingers trailing along the wall for balance. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop; it had happened before he’d realized what he was doing. He decided he should head to the bathroom and splash some cold water on his face.

He moved down the hall and turned the corner, and found Mark standing outside the bathroom door. Mark broke into a grin, took hold of his hand, pulled him inside the bathroom, and shut and locked the door behind them.

“Hey, Mark-”

He didn’t get to finish, because Mark took hold of his waist and kissed him. It wasn’t frantic, or forceful, or confining. It was slow, and sweet, and deep, and Jack was swaying, even dizzier than he had been before.

 _“I love this,”_ Mark said, between kisses. _“I love kissing you in front of people. I love that everyone knows you’re mine.”_ He put his mouth on the spot under Jack’s ear. _“But being alone is good, too.”_

Jack searched for something to say in response, but his mind was moving sluggishly, and the words drifted out of his reach. He let himself be held, let Mark support his weight, replayed everything Mark had just said to him-

 _“’I wanted to be with you alone,’”_ he finally sang, smiling, his fingers in Mark’s hair.

Mark laughed a low rumble. “I love singing with you.”

“Me too, love.”

Mark gave him some space, put his fingers under his chin.

“You feeling okay?”

He nodded, trying to maintain the steadiness he’d felt in Mark’s arms. “Yeah. I think I should stick with water fer a bit, though.”

“Want me to go get some for you?”

“No. Stay.”

Mark raised his eyebrows.

“Please,” Jack added. He meant, _Please kiss me like you did before,_ but the words were a jumbled mess in his mind. He felt heavy, and disconnected, like there was some invisible barrier between his body and everything around him. He knew Mark could reach right through it, though.

And Mark did. He pressed Jack against the sink – slowly, carefully – and kissed his mouth, once again without a hint of hurry or impatience. The action was fluid and thoughtful, each movement drawn out, leaving Jack reeling with the sweetness and the soft sensation of it.

“Sean.”

Jack blinked, frowning a bit, trying to understand why Mark had stopped.

“Huh?”

“It’s okay. I forfeit. I think we should wait until we get home.”

Jack frowned a bit more. “Forfeit? What?” He felt Mark’s hand grasping his forearm, looked down, and realized he’d managed to unzip Mark’s jeans without realizing it.

Mark laughed. “You forgot the bet already? I mean, I was mostly kidding, I didn’t think- _oh_ \- hey-”

Jack had both hands inside his jeans now. “Fuck the bet,” he managed, pulling Mark closer.

“Sean- _Sean-_ c’mon. I want to wait.”

Jack stopped, catching on to the firmness in Mark’s tone.

“Ser’sly?”

“Yeah. You’re wasted. And it’s adorable, and I’m having so much fun with you. I was having fun, having to wait.” He leaned close to Jack’s ear, spoke in a whisper. _“Make me wait, babe.”_

Jack swallowed, nodded. He buttoned and zipped Mark’s jeans with considerable effort, both of them giggling at the clumsiness of his fingers. Then Mark hugged him tight, lifting him onto his tiptoes.

“Want to go soon?”

Jack nodded. “After-party?”

“Absolutely.”

Mark set him down, then started to move toward the door.

“Oh. Hang on.” Jack shook his head, trying to clear it. “Raf and Justin. I think something’s up with them.”

Mark frowned. “Something bad?”

He looked for the words, but it was like trying to glimpse a penny at the bottom of a well.

“Not sure.”

“Okay. I’ll try to talk to one of them when we get home. It’ll be all right.”

Jack nodded, reassured. They made their way back to the kitchen and found Raf and Justin chatting with Jessie and Tyler. Tyler’s arm was draped casually around the back of Jessie’s stool. Jack sat down next to her, and Mark brought him a glass of water, which he drank in a single continuous gulp.

“I thought you two might be gone for longer than that,” Jessie prodded, while Mark slid an arm around Jack’s shoulders.

“No such luck,” Jack said. “Mark says I have to wait until we get home. So I think we should go. Like, soon.”

Jessie giggled.

“He’s kidding,” Mark said.

“I’m not,” Jack countered.

“He’s drunk,” Mark said.

“I am!” Jack confirmed.

Jessie nodded. “We’re ready to go, whenever you are.”

“You sure?” Mark asked.

“Definitely.”

“Guys?” Mark asked Justin and Raf, who were sitting close to each other, but seemed to be keeping their hands to themselves.

“We’re ready,” Raf said, and Justin nodded, somewhat stiffly, Jack thought.

They made their rounds, saying goodbye, thanking their hosts, and promising to get together again soon. Then the six of them walked down the driveway together, Mark’s arm slung low around Jack’s hips, Jessie holding tight to Tyler’s arm, and Raf and Justin walking side by side, their shoulders brushing together occasionally. They branched off at the end of the driveway, and Mark made sure Jack was tucked safely into his seat before taking his place behind the wheel. He pulled Jack’s hand into his lap, touching his fingers periodically as he pulled onto the street and started for home.

Jack watched Jessie and Tyler in the passenger side mirror, speaking quietly to each other in the backseat, until Jessie bit her lower lip, and then kissed Tyler full on the mouth. One of Tyler’s hands hung in midair as he kissed her back, like he wasn’t sure what to do with it, but he eventually let it rest lightly at her neck. Jack watched them, their golden makeup catching any hint of light, his chest swelling with affection for both of them. He wondered if this was what his friends and fans felt whenever he and Mark kissed each other.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He ignored it.

It buzzed again. And again.

He fished it out of his pocket and tapped at the screen. He frowned. He pulled his left hand away from Mark’s lap. He swallowed.

“Sean?” Mark was looking at him in the dark. “Everything okay?”

He swallowed again. “Yeah,” he lied.

 

* * *

 

 

Mark parked the car in their garage and watched Jack nervously as he unbuckled his seatbelt. He could practically feel the tension Jack had been holding in his shoulders on the drive home, but he knew better than to ask more questions until Jack was ready to talk.

“I need to make a call,” Jack said, not meeting his gaze. He exited the car and went into the house, leaving Mark, Jessie, and Tyler behind. Mark made no move to follow him; he was sitting still, holding the car keys in his hand.

“Is he all right?” Jessie asked, breaking the silence.

“I’m not sure,” Mark said. He rubbed distractedly at the colored spray in his hair, which had grown stiff and itchy over the course of the night. “I think we should give him a few minutes. We can head out back.”

Raf and Justin had arrived just behind them, and Mark let them in through the front door. They asked after Jack, and Mark reassured them that all was well, sounding much more confident than he actually felt.

They all fixed drinks in the kitchen – wine for Raf and Jessie, ice water for everyone else – and then headed for the backyard. Mark lingered outside Jack’s closed office door for a moment, listening to the low murmur of Jack’s voice, unable to make out anything he was saying. He bent down to scratch Chica’s ears, then forced himself away from the door and led her into the backyard.

Luckily, his apprehension about Jack’s mood hadn’t touched the rest of the group. Jessie and Raf were both pleasantly intoxicated, and while Justin had been characteristically reserved during the party, he was smiling easily now, sitting with Tyler at the patio table while Jessie and Raf scrolled on Raf’s phone. Mark approached them with interest just as music started blaring through the phone’s speaker, and Raf and Jessie started moving with the beat, giggling at each other. Raf pulled Jessie into a twirl and then a dip, then placed her hand in Tyler’s, pulled Justin out of his seat, and dipped him, too. Justin laughed, smiling a smile that transformed his whole face, and kissed Raf with enthusiasm. Jessie pulled Tyler to his feet, kissed his cheek, then danced across the grass to the edge of the pool. She turned back to face him, broke into a radiant grin, spread her arms, and let herself fall backward into the water.

Tyler, Raf, and Justin all cheered, then started pulling off their costumes, undressing down to their boxers and jumping in after her. Mark watched them for a moment, feeling torn between his desire to wait for Jack and the impulse to cool off and rinse the spray out of his hair. He decided that Jack wouldn’t fault him for wanting to get comfortable, so he stripped down to his boxers and jumped into the pool, too. His four friends were already racing each other in laps, so he rinsed off quickly, took a moment to sabotage Tyler’s form, and then climbed back out. He was rubbing his hair dry with a towel when Jack stepped through the sliding door, holding a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and a shot glass.

Mark’s heart rate quickened. This was not a good sign.

“Hey, Sean.”

He approached Mark without answering him. He filled the shot glass, swallowed the contents, set the glass and the bottle on the table, and kissed Mark roughly on the mouth. Mark tried to smooth the sharp edges of the kiss, holding Jack’s jaw lightly with his fingertips, but it was no use. Jack’s tongue was in his mouth. Jack’s hips were suddenly pressing against his own.

 _“Sean.”_ Mark tried to keep his voice low and steady, but Jack was trying to force his hand inside the back of his soaking boxers. “Hey. Sean. _Sean!”_

“What?” Jack paused, glaring at him. Mark pressed gently on his chest, forcing some space between them, and Jack’s scowl intensified.

“Sean… what’s the matter?”

“What d’you mean?” The words slid into one another, as if Jack had forgotten how to leave spaces between them. “You said yeh wanted to wait ‘til we got home. And we’re home.” He grabbed at Mark’s waist again, but Mark stopped him, holding his wrists as lightly as we could manage.

“Wait. Just slow down for a minute. Can you tell me what happened?”

“No.” Jack broke Mark’s hold on his wrists and kissed him again, but Mark pulled away, taking a small step backward. Jack stared at him, eyes wide, a mix of shock and agitation playing across his face. “Are yeh serious?”

“Yeah, I am. I’m not doing this with you right now.”

“Why not?”

Mark gestured with one hand, fighting to keep his voice neutral. “Because our friends are here. Because you’re obviously upset about something. And because you’re drunk, Sean.”

“Yeah? And whose fault is that?” Jack’s voice was louder, now. Angrier. Mark’s mind spun as he searched for a way to diffuse this situation. Something was very, very wrong.

“Can we just sit down and talk? _Please_.” He held out his hand, and Jack took hold of it and pulled him close again, putting his mouth on Mark’s neck.

_“Beg me some more, Mark.”_

Mark shook his head. “No. Stop. _Stop_ , Sean.”

Jack stopped. He met Mark’s gaze, looking hurt and defeated, now. “Mark. Please. I need you, right now.”

Mark winced. “I know. Just not the way you think.”

Jack blinked back at him, and Mark wondered if he might be close to tears. A few seconds ticked by, and then Jack picked up the bottle and the glass, turned his back on him, and walked into the house. Mark stood, frozen in place, until he felt a hand on his arm. Jessie was there, water dripping from her hair and her costume, pooling around her bare feet.

“That looked bad,” she said. Mark nodded numbly. “Are you going to go after him?”

“I’m not sure if I should.”

“Okay. I’ll go.”

Mark looked at her. “Really?”

“Yeah. Wish me luck.”

Mark hugged her. “You won’t need it. He loves you.”

She nodded. “I know. And he loves you, too.”

 

* * *

 

She found Jack sitting cross-legged on the floor in the master bathroom, rolling the near-empty bottle of liquor between his palms. She held out her hand, and they stared at each other for a moment before he handed her the bottle. She put it on the counter next to the sink, then sat down on the floor facing him.

“You’ll be cold,” he said to her. Water was still dripping from her curls, running down her bare arms, splashing onto the floor. Her toga clung to her body, translucent and soaking wet. Jack pulled a towel down from the bar near his head and handed it to her, and she draped it around her shoulders.

“Thanks, Jack.”

He met her gaze, waiting for her to continue. Waiting to be bombarded with questions, or with a well-intentioned lecture. But instead, she said, “I was thinking of staying here with Tyler tonight, and I’m feeling a little nervous about it.”

He blinked, trying to force the words in his mind into a coherent pattern.

“Why nervous?”

She gave a small shrug. “I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”

“Does he know that?”

“Yeah.”

“Then… I don’t think yeh need to be nervous. Tyler’s an actual gentleman. He’ll stop if something’s not right. Or if yeh say so.”

“Like Mark stopped things with you just now?”

Jack dropped his gaze to the floor, then scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Is he mad?” he asked, without looking up.

“No. Just concerned, I think.”

She let the silence stretch between them, and it was a long time before Jack broke it. He let his hands fall into his lap, and he looked at her, and he said,

“I think my mum left my dad.”

The words hung heavily between them. When he didn’t continue, Jessie prompted, “Did you talk to them?”

“Not really. Malcolm… he said…” Jack shook his head and rubbed at his eyes again, but the words wouldn’t come together. “It’s my dad. He’s not… he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t accept it. Me.” His lower lip shook. “He doesn’t accept me.”

Jessie pulled the towel from around her shoulders and used it to dab at Jack’s cheeks.

“I’m so sorry, Jack.” She picked up his hand and squeezed it. “What can I do for you?”

His face crumpled a bit. “Get Mark fer me?”

She leaned to her left, peering around the door frame into the bedroom.

“He’s sitting on your bed. I think he made you some coffee. Do you want him to come in?”

Jack nodded, and Jessie gestured to Mark, who was at Jack’s side in a moment, still shirtless and dripping from the pool. He put his arms around Jack’s shoulders, and Jack leaned into him, eyes closed, and let out a handful of sobs. Jessie kissed the top of Jack’s head and then stood up to leave them. Mark mouthed a silent _thank you_ as she passed.

“It’s okay, Sean,” he said, rocking them both from side to side. “I’m here.”

“I’m sorry,” Jack said miserably, his forehead pressed against Mark’s neck. “I’m so sorry, love.”

Mark made a soothing sound. He kissed Jack’s face, careful to avoid the still-fading bruises around the bridge of his nose. “We’re good, babe. Do you think you can stand up?”

Jack nodded. Mark helped him to his feet, then handed him the cup of coffee he’d left on the counter. He sipped while Mark unbuttoned his pants.

“I’m going to wash your hair,” Mark said, his voice quiet. “And you can tell me what’s wrong, or we can just go to sleep. Whatever you want, okay?”

Jack handed the cup back to him, and he set it down on the counter again.

“But… Jessie… Raf and Justin…” Jack mumbled as Mark pulled off his shirt.

“They’re fine. They’re all staying here tonight. We can see them tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Jack stepped out of his boxers and pants, swaying on the spot. Mark put an arm around his waist and walked him into the shower, holding him steady while he adjusted the temperature. Then he positioned Jack under the running water and tipped his chin backward, rinsing the colored spray from the unruly strands. Jack kept his eyes closed, but Mark could tell from the occasional contortion of his face that he was still crying, his tears blending in with the flow from the shower.

“There’s my Sean.” Mark kept his voice quiet. “It was fun to dress up, but I missed your hair. You look like yourself again.”

Jack opened his eyes. His voice shook when he spoke.

“I don’t feel like myself.”

Mark’s chest ached. He pulled Jack into a close hug. “Please tell me what’s wrong, Sean.”

Jack let him support his weight. He concentrated on the running water, and the feeling of Mark’s fingers in his hair.

“Malcolm told me that my mum’s left my dad. He’s not been coping well since the stream, and… well, she’s had enough, I guess. She told me she’s just ‘taking a break’ and visiting her sister. But I can tell Mal thinks it’s more serious than that.”

“Jesus, Sean.” Mark looked in his eyes, held his face in his hands. “God, I’m so sorry. What can I do? How can I help?”

“Remind me why it’s worth it,” Jack said. “Make me feel it. Help me forget everything else.”

Mark nodded, and then kissed him with all the sweetness and sincerity he could muster. And later, when they were in bed together, Mark pressed his chest down on Jack’s, moving deep inside him, willing the pressure to drown out the pain. It was no use; Jack’s cheek was wet when Mark pressed his own against it, but Jack begged him not to stop, and Mark held him even tighter, and told him, _I’m here. I love you. I love you forever._

 

* * *

 

 

The headache hit Jack before he opened his eyes. He groaned. He felt Mark’s hand rubbing his back. He lifted his head off of Mark’s chest and opened his eyes. He saw Mark looking back at him briefly before the dull ache resolved into a white-hot wave of pain and nausea. He squeezed his eyes shut again, but it was no use. He scrambled out of the bed, ran to the bathroom, and threw up.

Mark sighed. He sent Jessie a quick text, then went into the bathroom and found Jack on his knees, leaning against the wall by the toilet. He reached for the cup by the sink.

“Don’t,” Jack groaned. “Just let me suffer. I deserve it.”

“Don’t even joke like that.” Mark filled the cup with water and handed it to him. He rinsed his mouth and spit.

“I’m not joking. I was stupid. I’m not some fucking college freshman. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

Mark kneeled down next to him and held his hand lightly.

“Please don’t say things like that.” His voice was soft, and Jack’s heart squeezed. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Mark, and yet here he was, doing it anyway.

“I’m sorry, love. I’m sorry fer everything. Thanks fer being here.”

They heard the bedroom door open.

“That’s Jessie,” Mark explained. “I asked her to bring up some water and toast. Do you want her to stay?”

Jack nodded. “Just give me a minute.”

He rinsed his mouth one more time, then stood up, washed his face, and brushed his teeth in the sink. He was wearing nothing but a pair of close-fitting boxers, but he figured Jessie would be unfazed, so he went back into the bedroom, pulled on a t-shirt, and joined her and Mark on the bed. She handed him a glass of water.

“Thanks, Jessie. I’m sorry fer last night. Thanks fer staying with me.”

Her smile was warm. “Nothing to apologize for. I just wish there was more I could do.” She handed him a piece of toast, and he took a small bite. “I won’t bother asking if you’re feeling any better. I’m so sorry about your parents.”

“Do you feel up to talking about it?” Mark asked. “I think I just barely got the gist, last night.”

Jack nodded, fighting off another wave of nauseous embarrassment. “Malcolm was texting me last night, in the car. He said it wasn’t an emergency, that he didn’t want to scare me, but he needed to talk to me about Mum and Dad as soon as I was free. I had a feeling something was off. My dad hasn’t answered any of my messages or picked up the phone since the stream.”

He paused. He took another bite of toast, and another sip of water. Mark and Jessie waited patiently for him to go on.

“So, I called my mum afterward, and she told me that Mal’s overreacting, and that everything will be fine. She said my dad loves me, and just needs some time to adjust. And honestly, I know I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s all my fault.” His voice was quiet now, and he was looking down at the bed. “I was okay with making all of these huge choices fer myself. But I don’t think I understood that I’d be making choices fer other people, too. My parents didn’t get any say in all of this. I forced them into it, and they weren’t ready. And now they’re paying the price.”

“Jack.” Jessie’s voice had an edge to it, and it caught him off guard. He looked at her. “I think you know better than that. You’d never say something like that to one of your fans, or your friends. Your parents need to, excuse my language, get their shit together. The only thing they’re supposed to be concerned about right now is supporting you. Nothing else should be more important than that. If they can’t figure that out, that’s not your fault.”

Mark had been nodding along as she spoke. “I think I had some similar thoughts, when I first told my mom about us,” he said. “Even though I was upset at her, and I didn’t agree with the things she said to me, I still felt like _I_ was the source of the problem. Like I was the one driving a wedge between us. Like I had to take responsibility for her reaction, on top of everything else. But, Sean… we’re not responsible for how other people react to us. Your dad’s issues have _nothing_ to do with you.”

Jack was quiet for a moment. Then he sighed.

“I just can’t help feeling like… why did it have to be him? I mean, out of all the people that could’ve had an issue with this… why did it have to be my dad?”

Mark knew the question was mostly rhetorical, but he answered it anyway. “Because he spent more than two decades thinking he knew what was best for you, and he can’t understand why you’ve chosen differently. And honestly, he’s probably a little prejudiced, too. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. You have to know that. But, I mean… you know what it’s like with me and my mom. I don’t think our parents always love us the way we want them to, or need them to. I think they just do the best they can.”

Jack nodded, his expression resigned. “Right. I think I’ve had enough of feeling sorry fer myself fer the time being. I do need a favor, though.”

“Anything,” they said in unison.

He fidgeted uncomfortably. “Obviously, I’m not proud of how I acted last night. Jessie, I dunno if yeh know this, but… addiction runs in my family. I don’t make a habit of drinking heavily when I’m going through something. But I was already drunk last night, and… I dunno. I wasn’t thinking.” He looked at Mark. “There’s really no excuse. I’m sorry. I think I should avoid alcohol fer a bit. Maybe you can both help me keep an eye on it.”

Jessie put a hand on his arm. “I think you’re being a little hard on yourself. But it’s smart to be cautious. Just let me know if you need anything.”

Mark nodded. “I agree. I don’t want to see you punishing yourself. What you’ve been through… what you’re going through… it’s extreme. You don’t have to handle it all perfectly. You know I’m not going anywhere.”

Jack managed a smile. “I do.”

“I think you’ll feel better after you eat some real food,” Jessie said. “Tyler’s downstairs trying to get a head start on breakfast.”

“Any sign of Raf and Justin?” Jack asked.

As if on cue, Justin appeared in the doorway, tapping lightly on the doorframe. His blonde hair was tousled, and he was wearing a plain white t-shirt and long gym shorts. Jack couldn’t remember ever seeing him looking so informal, and he felt glad that Justin was comfortable enough around them to loosen his grip on his clean-cut appearance.

“Hey,” he said, with sleepiness clinging to the edges of his voice. “Um. Raf said I should come talk to one of you. Or all of you. Or… I mean… later is fine, too.” He finished in a mumble, looking uncomfortable.

“Come in, man,” Jack said, trying to sound friendly, despite his aching head, and his aching heart.

“You can have my seat,” Mark offered, standing up from the bed. “Unless you want me to stay, Sean?” he asked Jack, more quietly.

Jack shook his head. “I’m good. Go see Tyler.”

Mark kissed his cheek for a long moment, then headed out of the room. Justin approached the bed slowly, looking unsure, but finally climbed on top of the blankets with Jack and Jessie.

“Would you like some privacy?” Jessie asked him.

“No, you can stay. Raf thinks I need to practice letting my friends get to know me better.”

“Well, no offense to Raf,” she said, “but what do _you_ think?”

“I think he’s right,” Justin said.

She nodded, satisfied. “Okay. What’s up?”

Justin ran a hand through his less-than-perfect hair, then looked helplessly at Jack. “Remember when we were texting? When you guys were still in Cincinnati?”

“Sure.”

“Okay.” He fell silent, fussing with the fabric of his shorts.

“…You want to talk about some of that stuff?” Jack ventured, when it was clear that Justin wasn’t planning to say anything else. “Like relationship stuff? Or sex?”

Justin nodded.

“And it was easier to talk about through text.”

“Yes.” Justin’s cheeks were flushing crimson.

Jack nodded. “Right. Well, why don’t I ask some questions, and you can answer however yeh’re comfortable.”

“Yeah. That sounds good.”

Jack thought for a moment. “Have you and Raf gotten more physical since you decided to get together?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like it?”

Justin hesitated. “I like what we’ve done so far.”

“Which is what, exactly?”

Justin opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He looked at Jessie.

“Hey, man,” Jack said gently. “If yeh can trust anyone, it’s Jessie. She was with Mark and me the whole time, in the hospital. She didn’t say anything to anyone. And it might be good fer you to practice saying some of this out loud. You and Raf need to be able to talk about it.”

Justin nodded, looking thoughtful. “So, that first night, when you met me over at his place, we talked for a long time, and then we, like… we used our hands. On each other. While we were in bed.”

“You jerked each other off?” Jack asked.

“Uhm. Yeah. And that was the first time we, like, took our clothes off, and everything. And then after I came out to my mom, he came over to my place, and we were both really happy, and he… uh… he went down on me?” It sounded like a question, like he wasn’t sure if he was using the right words.

Jack nodded reassuringly.

“And then… I tried it, too. It was harder than I thought. He said I did a good job, though. I mean, it seemed like he really liked it. We did that a couple of times.”

“How did you feel about it afterward?” Jessie asked.

“I felt really good about that part. But then he asked me if he could touch me, like… _back there_. And I told him he could try, and he started to… but then I had to stop.” He shook his head, his cheeks burning. “I felt… I don’t know. Scared, I guess? A little sick? It was like, all those feelings I had about what happened to me in high school just hit me, all at once. And he was so nice about it, and he backed off of everything right away, but I told him I wanted to keep trying things… I told him I wanted to…”

“Have sex?” Jack suggested.

Justin nodded.

“Justin… yeh don’t need to do all of that right away. Maybe yeh’re rushing into it, a bit.”

“No.” Justin sounded confident. “I felt like this for weeks, way before we actually got together. I’ve thought about doing this with Raf about a million times. It doesn’t feel like rushing to me. I waited years to feel this way about someone.”

“Okay. Fair point. So what’s the problem? I’m sure yeh can work it out if yeh just talk to him.”

“I can’t ask him. I don’t know how. It just doesn’t seem right.”

“What do you mean?” Jessie asked.

“I mean… I can’t ask to have sex with him, if I can’t let him have sex with _me_.”

Jack thought for a moment, trying to decipher Justin’s meaning. “Are you saying, yeh don’t think you guys should have sex unless yeh’re both willing to bottom?”

“Yeah. I have no idea when I’ll be able to do that, if ever. It just doesn’t seem right to ask him to do something for me if I can’t do it for him, too.”

Jack thought for a long time before he answered.

“Okay. I have a lot of things to say about that. First of all, I can relate. Mark and I have had similar fears and feelings along the way. But I learned over time that sex isn’t a trade. It’s not something you do _to_ each other. It’s something yeh do together. And if yeh do it right, both positions feel good.”

Justin seemed unconvinced, so Jack continued. “I guess I’m wondering if the way yeh grew up is affecting yer view of this, a bit. Like, maybe yeh’re worried that bottoming is a bit… I don’t know… _demeaning_ , somehow? Something to be ashamed of? Or something to fear? Something that hurts?”

Justin closed his eyes for a moment. “Maybe.”

“And you think yeh’d be demeaning Raf, or insulting him somehow, if you asked him to do it? Especially if yeh’re not ready to try it yerself?”

Justin gave a small nod.

“Okay. Well, I mean, every relationship is different. Neither of you need to do anything yeh’re not comfortable with. But… you should know that there’s nothing demeaning about having sex with someone you care about. I doubt Raf would see it that way, and you should give him the chance to decide fer himself. That’s another huge thing I’ve learned, being in a serious relationship. You shouldn’t try to make choices fer each other. If Raf says he wants something, believe him. And if yeh both want something, don’t look fer reasons to talk yerself out of it.”

Justin took this in. “How long did it take you to get comfortable with, like… being touched… like that?”

“Uh… things happened pretty quick fer Mark and me. I don’t think you should compare. Neither of us had experiences like you when we were younger. If yeh want my advice, though… I mean, it feels _really_ good. Maybe just try to focus more on that? Or tell Raf to talk to you, or play some music yeh like, or something. Stay in the moment. And try not to get discouraged. It might take some time. Trust Raf to be patient.”

Justin nodded. “Good advice. I want to try again.”

Jack tilted his head toward the door. “Guest room’s all yers, if yeh want to go back to bed.”

“Really? You guys don’t mind?”

“Nope. We’re just glad the extra bedrooms are getting some use. I’ll leave condoms and lube in the bathroom down the hall.”

Justin laughed, blushing. “Okay. Maybe after breakfast. I know Raf’s hungry. He’s a bottomless pit in the morning.”

Jack mirrored the smile on Justin’s face. He knew that feeling. There was nothing better than discovering all the quirks and habits of another person. There was nothing better than spending the morning with the same person you spent the night with.

“I’m happy fer you,” he said, and Justin said, “I’m happy, too.”

 

* * *

 

 

The six of them crowded around the kitchen table for breakfast, sharing pancakes and eggs. Jack’s apologies about the previous night were drowned out, waved away, or, in Mark’s case, crushed into oblivion when Mark scooped him into a hug, his arms tight around his ribcage.

They were all in various states of dishevelment. Tyler’s curls formed a wild halo around his face, while Jessie had managed to tame hers into a long braid that hung down over one shoulder. She was wearing a plain white t-shirt and boxer shorts that were too big for her and clearly belonged to Tyler. Raf was alternating between wide smiles and uncontrollable yawning, and he leaned against Justin while he ate, laughing occasionally while Mark teased Tyler about his singing and took a poll of everyone’s favorite costumes from the night before.

Jack let himself sink into the vibe, recognizing the warm, communal feeling of being surrounded by trusted friends that he’d come to love so much. As much as his own family was on his mind, he knew this was the family he needed right now, here in this kitchen. These people knew and accepted things about him that his own family had barely begun to cope with, and he loved them for it. He let some of the tension out of his shoulders and rested his hand on Mark’s thigh under the table.

Breakfast was over too soon. They tackled the dishes as a group, and then Jessie tried to excuse herself, explaining that she had to get home and get back to bed so she’d be ready for her overnight shift at the hospital.

“Sleep here,” Jack told her. “We can make dinner later before yeh go.”

“Really?” she yawned. “You don’t mind?”

“We insist,” Mark said. “And you should come right back when your shift is over.”

She looked at Tyler, who was smiling at her, though he was tapping his thumb lightly against the counter where he was leaning. Jack guessed it must be nervous energy, that Tyler was probably smiling to avoid begging her to stay, not wanting to pressure her or shatter the near-perfect weekend they seemed to be having so far. His patience paid off; she held out her hand to him, wished everyone a pleasant afternoon, and pulled him out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Raf and Justin finished the glasses of orange juice they were holding, and then Raf tried and failed to stifle a yawn. Justin surprised everyone by suggesting that they both head back upstairs, too, “to catch up on some sleep.” Jack caught the hint of a blush in Raf’s cheeks, and reassured him that they were welcome to stay as long as they wanted. The two of them disappeared, and then Mark and Jack were alone, sitting together at the kitchen table. Mark pressed a kiss into Jack’s hair, then gave him some space.

“Hey, Sean. How are you feeling?”

“Much better than last night.”

Mark brushed Jack’s hair back from his eyes. “Want to get back in bed?”

“No. I want to watch you swim. I’ll go grab swimsuits if you finish clearing up.”

This was a first. Jack often swam when something was on his mind, and frequently asked Mark to join him in the pool, but he’d never made this particular request before.

“Sure,” Mark said, intrigued.

Jack left him alone, and then returned a few minutes later, holding Mark’s neatly-folded swim shorts on top of a pile of towels and clean clothes. He gave Mark a minute to change, and then they headed out to the backyard together, the grass cool and damp under their bare feet. Jack left the towels on the patio table, then went to sit at the edge of the pool, dangling his feet in the water. Mark sat down next to him, and they sat in silence for a moment, swirling patterns in the water with their feet.

“Feel like ordering me around a little bit?” Mark finally asked, his voice quiet.

“Yes. But… nicely. Is that okay with you?”

“More than okay.”

“You want me to?”

“Yeah. I want you to.”

Jack nodded, his eyes on the rippling water. “Swim some laps fer me, please, love.”

Mark kissed his cheek, then slid into the water and started swimming.

Jack watched him as he settled into his stride, propelling himself up and down the length of the pool with long, reaching strokes. He decided to focus on one part of Mark’s body at a time, starting with his hands. His fingers were flat – sharp, like blades – and they cut a smooth arc into the water, disappearing below the surface and then reemerging at his sides.

He let his gaze move backward, settling on the muscles of Mark’s back and shoulders, well-defined and shifting as he pulled himself through the water. His back looked like this when he climbed, too – Jack had seen him climb a rock wall shirtless, once – and Jack was mesmerized, imagining how it would feel to press his palms against his cool, smooth skin.

“Mark?”

He stopped swimming and stood up, looking attentive.

“Slower, if yeh can?”

He nodded, then resumed at a much more leisurely pace. Jack smiled to himself, his eyes traveling down to the curve of his lower back, to the clean, black line of his swim shorts-

“Mark?”

He stopped and straightened up again, gazing up at Jack without a hint of impatience.

“Take yer shorts off, love.”

Mark smiled. He untied his drawstring, keeping his eyes on Jack’s, moving much more slowly than was strictly necessary. Jack licked his lips and shifted his hips against the concrete as Mark bent down to slide his shorts off. He knew he was already halfway hard, his erection just starting to press against his swimsuit, and he tried to gauge Mark’s status, but his view was obscured by the rippling waves.

Mark folded his shorts and approached Jack slowly, maintaining eye contact. He set the swimsuit down next to Jack, put his hands on either side of Jack’s thighs, and then pulled himself partially out of the water. He leaned forward, looking in Jack’s eyes, and then ran his tongue over the bulge in Jack’s shorts. Jack shivered – from the cool water dripping into his lap, from the building anticipation – and he let a small sound escape from his throat, just registering the heat from Mark’s mouth before Mark straightened up and pulled away from him.

Mark stood still in the waist-deep water, watching Jack’s eyes, and waiting.

Jack swallowed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small bottle he’d retrieved from their shower. He set it down on the concrete where Mark could see it, and then said, “Carry on.”

Mark slid back into his leisurely stride and Jack continued to stare, examining the parts of him that were now visible, thanking the universe that Mark’s body – that Mark’s particular configuration of planes, angles, and curves – was his to see and to touch. He watched, and his heart thrummed, and his cock ached. He fought the urge to touch himself, and rocked himself slowly against the concrete instead, wondering how long he could stand to wait, wondering if Mark could feel the tension, the affection, the _need_ hanging between them.

Mark stopped swimming. He stood up straight and used both hands to wipe the water from his face. Waves were churning around his waist and Jack could see that he was hard.

“Sean?”

It sounded like begging. Jack slid into the water and moved against the resistance until there was just half an inch of space between them. He stopped just short of kissing Mark, his mouth open, his head tilted, his eyes half-closed. He reached between them and wrapped his fingers around Mark’s erection, and Mark closed his eyes and let his mouth fall open, and Jack kissed him, over and over, until Mark moaned and shivered in his arms. Then Jack pressed him backward until he was pinned against the far wall of the pool, and put his mouth on the cool skin of his neck.

_“Sean?”_

More begging. Jack blinked back at him, scattering tiny drops of water from his eyelashes.

 _“You got hard just from watching me?”_ Mark’s hands were untying his shorts, pushing them down.

_“Yes. How’s that make yeh feel?”_

Mark swallowed, one hand grasping Jack’s cock, one hand pulling at his hip.

_“Like I’d do anything you asked me to. Like I’ll die if you don’t fuck me.”_

Jack put his arms around Mark’s shoulders and kissed his mouth while he coated one hand with silicone. Then he stroked at himself, his cock swollen and warm in the cool water. He rested his forehead against Mark’s and said, _“Hang onto me, love,”_ and Mark clasped his arms around his shoulders. Jack held him against the wall with his body and pulled his legs around his waist, then kissed his lips again and slid two fingers inside of him. Mark sighed with pleasure – with relief – and Jack worked at him while they kissed each other, their lips cool, their breath warm.

And then Mark was begging, again – _Sean, please_ – and Jack was sliding inside him, and they were clinging together, their movements slow and small against the resistance of the water, their lips moving together, the sun drying their hair. Jack pressed Mark against the wall, rolling his hips like rolling waves, and the sounds they made bounced and echoed around them, and Jack forgot that he was sad, because Mark was tense and breathless and perfect in his arms, so sweet and so strong and so lovely. And Jack was shaking, and his eyelashes were wet again, but not from the pool, and Mark was kissing him, and kissing him, and kissing him, and he was awash in the aching, white heat that was holding their bodies together, and Mark’s chest was heaving, and Mark’s voice was quiet thunder – _Sean- Sean –_ and they were both breaking, like waves on the shore.

They held each other until they were calm and quiet, then stretched the tension from their limbs. They reclined on the steps in the shallow end of the pool, letting the sun kiss their faces and their shoulders, their hands clasped together under the water.

“People will let you down, sometimes,” Mark told Jack. “Even people you love. But I won’t. I’ll be right here.”

And Jack kissed him, and said, “I know.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song credits:  
> "Head Over Heels", Songs from the Big Chair, Tears for Fears. Phonogram Inc., Mercury Records, 1985.  
> "Can't Fight This Feeling", Wheels Are Turnin', REO Speedwagon. Epic Records, 1984.
> 
> \---
> 
> Hi! I'm back!
> 
> I was telling the truth when I said I wasn't sure if I'd ever finish this story, but it nagged at me for months, and I've been able to get back to it recently. I still make no promises about an upload schedule, but I am actively working on it again and am hoping to wrap it all up before stepping away for good. If you're back here after this months-long hiatus, THANK YOU! I've really missed uploading and interacting with you all. I want to say a particular thank-you to those of you who have kept in touch, especially the few of you who reached out and took the time to beta read for my novel. It means so much to me, and you're the primary reason I found my way back to this story. 
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Kay


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! This chapter introduces a subplot with a character I haven't written much about: Will. If you don't remember who he is and you want a refresher, check out Chapter 20. It's not necessary, though- you'll get the gist from this new chapter regardless.
> 
> Also, this chapter is a legitimate beast. I know I could've posted it in installments, but I didn't want to drag it out, since we're nearing the end here. Please consider the amount of content if you happen to come across any typos.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!

Tyler insisted on making dinner for Jessie, Mark, and Jack before Jessie left for work, and they all enjoyed each other’s company, but Tyler had been quiet and reserved since Jessie had left for her shift. Mark and Jack had suggested that they catch up on YouTube videos in the theater room, and they had been chatting about the trailer they’d just watched for an upcoming game release, but Mark noticed that Tyler seemed to have lost the thread of the conversation again, and had been staring silently at the screen for the last several minutes.

“Ty? Hey, how are things going with Jessie, man?”

Tyler continued staring at the screen as if he hadn’t heard.

“Tyler?” Mark said again. He reached over Jack and nudged Tyler’s shoulder.

“Huh?” Tyler looked at him. “What? Sorry.”

“I was just asking about you and Jessie She’s coming back in the morning, right?”

Tyler completely ignored the question. “I need to talk to you guys about something.”

Mark glanced at Jack. “Okay,” he said. “What’s up?”

Tyler turned his body toward them, tucking one leg underneath himself on the couch. “I’m guessing most of the people who work at the Point Foundation are gay. Or LGBT… et cetera. Right?”

“Hmm. Probably.”

“So I’m guessing they’d prefer to hire someone who’s not straight, if they can.”

Mark hesitated. “I mean, I don’t think they can really ask you about that. But if they had a choice… yeah. Maybe. They asked me for my recommendation, though. I’m hoping that will count for a lot.”

“Yeh’re worried about the interview?” Jack asked.

“No. Yes. I mean, maybe.” Tyler sighed. “I do really want this job. I want to move out here. I don’t think Jessie will give me a shot otherwise. But it’s not just that. I believe in the cause, you know? It’s something I’ve thought about for a long time, but especially since you guys got together. I thought… I mean, I think…”

“Tyler,” Mark prompted. “Spit it out.”

He frowned, then asked, “How did you guys know you weren’t straight?”

Mark and Jack looked at each other, shocked by the implication of this question.

“We didn’t know fer sure,” Jack said gently. “Not until we got together.”

Tyler nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

“Are you… questioning?” Mark asked.

“Huh. That might be a good word for it. I think so.”

Mark and Jack gaped.

“Well, I mean, I’m not gay,” Tyler backpedaled. “I like girls. I’d marry Jessie next week if she’d have me. But I don’t know that that means I’m straight, either.”

“Not necessarily,” Jack said. “Is the idea of taking this job making you think about it, or did yeh think about this before?”

“It’s something I’ve always thought about. I just never really had anyone to tell, before.”

Mark stayed quiet, updating his perception of one of his oldest and closest friends, acknowledging how strange it felt to be on the receiving end of news like this. But he had to admit, it was only strange because it was new information. He didn’t find it odd that Tyler might be open to all sorts of ideas and relationships. Tyler was one of the most thoughtful, accepting people he knew.

He blinked, realizing that Jack and Tyler were both looking at him. He smiled.

“I’m really glad you said something, man,” he said. “We’re here for you.”

Tyler looked visibly relieved. “I feel like an idiot for not figuring this out sooner. I guess I never felt like I had a reason to. I always liked girls well enough. But I always felt a little strange about it. You know how in, like, middle school and high school, guys started to get all uptight about hugging each other, or accidentally touching, and stuff like that? I guess I must have gone along with it back then, but it always bothered me. I didn’t understand what the big deal was. And it actually made me really sad.”

Jack gave a small shrug. “That makes you a decent human being. Doesn’t necessarily mean yeh like guys, though.”

“So how do you tell?”

“Well, have you ever fooled around with a guy before?” Mark asked.

“No.”

“Have yeh thought about it?” Jack asked.

Tyler hesitated. “Yeah. I think so.”

Mark nodded. “That would be a good place to start. Maybe find a guy to make out with, and see how you feel about it.”

Tyler went red in the face for the first time since the conversation had started. “What, like, some random guy off the street?”

Mark laughed. “Nah, man. Someone you trust, like a good friend or something.”

Jack giggled. Tyler’s face went a deeper shade of crimson. Mark looked back and forth between them.

“What?”

“You just described yerself, love,” Jack said.

“Oh. _Oh._ No. I mean, I would, but…”

He gestured vaguely, looking at Jack.

“But what?” Jack asked. “I don’t mind. Well, yeah, I do, a little bit, but it’s not a terrible idea. I mean, I know you and Tyler aren't going to ride off into the sunset together. It’ll be like an experiment.”

Mark laughed nervously. “Are you being serious? You’re telling me I should kiss Tyler for science?”

Jack giggled. “Yeah. I mean, if it’d help.” He turned to Tyler. “What d’you think?”

“Uhm. I’m not sure. I’d never forgive myself if I caused any problems for you guys.”

Jack turned back to Mark. He leaned close to his ear and dropped his voice to a whisper.

_“Yeh’re going to marry me someday, right?”_

Mark grinned. _“You’re Goddamn right I am.”_

Jack nodded. “ _Nothing to worry about, then.”_

_“You won’t be jealous?”_

_“’Course I will.”_ Jack turned back to Tyler. “No tongue, dude.”

Tyler laughed and held up his hands. “I promise.”

Jack stood up from the couch and held out one hand to each of them, pulling them up to join him. Then he kissed Mark’s cheek and stepped aside.

Mark and Tyler faced each other awkwardly, fidgeting with their hair and their hands. Jack stifled a laugh.

“Maybe hug each other first?” he suggested.

Mark giggled nervously and opened his arms, and Tyler hugged him, and it was different than the other times Jack had seen them embrace. They stood a little closer together, and their arms and hands were more relaxed. They weren’t just hugging. They were _touching_.

Jack fought off a pang of jealousy. He knew this could be a good experience for Mark, knew that Mark had been wrestling with his own identity and self-image just as much as Jack had over the last few months. Tyler’s participation in this scenario meant that one of Mark’s closest friends had accepted him without reservation, and beyond that, it was possible that Tyler might be able to empathize with what Mark was going through. Besides, Jack told himself, Tyler was head over heels for Jessie. There was no danger here.

Mark took a small step backward, but he kept his hands on Tyler’s arms.

“Ready?” he asked. Tyler nodded, and they kissed each other once, briefly, their lips barely making contact. They both laughed at the awkwardness, and then tried again, and the kiss lasted for a few seconds this time. Jack noted that there was nothing remotely sexual about it. It was cautious and sweet, like two grade-school friends kissing on the playground for the first time.

Still, Jack couldn’t stop himself from putting his hand on Mark’s shoulder. Mark and Tyler broke apart, and Tyler stepped back, running a hand through his unruly curls.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Too much?”

“No,” Jack said sincerely. “It was just right. How did it feel?”

Tyler thought for a moment. “I’m not sure. I think it was… nice. I definitely didn’t hate it. But it was kind of like… I don’t know… I mean, Mark, you’re like family to me…” He trailed off, looking thoughtful.

Mark turned to Jack. “Maybe you should try it? I mean, you two haven’t seen each other vomit after downing a carton of ice cream and a two-liter of root beer. Different vibe.”

Jack laughed. “How old were you when that happened?”

“Old enough to know better,” Mark said.

“Okay. I mean, I’ll give it a try. Are you sure yeh don’t mind, though?”

“Yeah. I trust you.”

Jack studied Mark’s expression, and found that he was being sincere. “All right. Uhm. If yeh want to, Tyler.”

Tyler looked at Mark. “You’re really, really sure?”

Mark nodded. “I trust both of you. We’re solid, right Sean?”

“Absolutely.” Jack gave his hand a squeeze, then stepped close to Tyler. He pulled Tyler’s arms around his waist, stood up on his tiptoes, held Tyler's face in his hands, and kissed him.

It was _nothing_ like kissing Mark. Tyler’s height made the angle more challenging than he’d anticipated, and Tyler’s mouth felt completely different than Mark’s did. It was nice – Tyler was gentle and restrained – but the sensation fell flat. His first kiss with Mark had been the culmination of months of longing and passionate affection. It had penetrated to his bones. Kissing Tyler was _nice_ , but it was like comparing a photograph of a sunset to the thing itself.

He stepped back, opening his eyes, and found Tyler staring at him, looking a little stunned.

“Wow,” Tyler said.

Mark stepped between them, scowling.

“Hey. No. No ‘wow.’ That’s the love of my life you’re slobbering all over.”

“Oh, I know, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it like that…” Tyler stumbled over the words a bit, looking embarrassed. “I just meant… that was really nice. I didn’t think it would… well…”

“You liked it?” Jack asked, peering over Mark’s shoulder. He took hold of both of Mark’s hands and squeezed reassuringly.

Tyler nodded. “I did. Thank you. That was… really helpful.” He put his arms around both of them, which wasn’t difficult, given the span of his reach. “Really. You guys are the best. I love you both.” He kissed them both on the forehead.

Mark made an effort to put his jealousy on hold for the time being. He hugged Tyler back, and then the three of them sat down on the couch. “So? What’s the verdict?” he asked.

Tyler looked thoughtful for a moment. “I think… kissing Jack was just as nice as kissing the girls I’ve dated in the past. But not as nice as kissing Jessie.”

Mark nodded. “Okay. So, you may _not_ think about having sex with Sean. But if some _other_ guy kissed you like that… do you think you’d go further than kissing?”

“I think I would try it. But not if I could be with Jessie. I think I would always choose to be with her.”

“Are you sure?” Jack asked. “I mean, you don’t want to explore it more before yeh commit to her?”

Tyler shook his head. “No. She’s _the one._ I just had a feeling this might be a part of who I am. Knowing about it is enough.”

“Are you going to tell her about what we just did?” Mark asked.

“Absolutely. I wouldn’t lie to her. And I want her to know this about me when I ask her to be with me. I want to make sure she’s okay with it.”

“She will be,” Jack said. “I know she will.”

 

* * *

 

Jack and Mark said goodnight to Tyler around ten o’clock, and got in bed with their laptops to plot out their recording schedules for the week. They needed to stay busy, since they were both running dangerously low on reserve videos, and Jack had suggested that they spend some time planning ahead. After about five minutes, though, he realized it was hopeless; Mark had just been staring at his blank screen, pretending not to steal glances at Jack out of the corner of his eye. Jack saved his progress, shut his laptop, and set it aside.

“Okay, love. Let’s talk.”

“Huh?”

Jack reached for his laptop, and Mark handed it over.

“Yeh’re thinking about what happened with Tyler. Tell me what’s on yer mind.”

Mark sighed. He sat cross-legged and faced Jack, but avoided looking at his face. “I know you don’t have feelings for Tyler. But it might help to hear you say it.”

Jack smiled. “I don’t have feelings fer Tyler. He’s lovely, and sweet, and I like him a lot, and I never want to kiss him again.”

Mark met his eye. “Really?”

“Really.” Jack grinned at him and picked up one of his hands. Mark frowned.

“Why are you so… happy? Don’t you feel weird? We kissed someone else.”

Jack nodded. “It is a little weird. And I felt very, very jealous. I know you did, too.”

“Yeah, I did. I _do_. It sucks.”

Jack laughed. “No! It doesn’t! It’s amazing!”

Mark stared at him. “What are you talking about?”

Jack sat up on his knees, moving closer to him. “Mark, love, were you tempted to get involved with Tyler? Even fer a second?”

“Of course not! Sean… you can’t think-”

Jack shook his head. “I don’t! I know you didn’t. And I didn’t, either. Do yeh know how amazing that is? Tyler’s incredible. You know he is. And it means _nothing_ to me. I’d never even consider it, and you wouldn’t, either. You love _me_. I know yeh do. I mean, I knew it before, but now I _know_. It’s… it’s this new kind of certainty. I don’t know how else to explain it, it’s just…”

He trailed off, searching for the words, and then gave up, took Mark’s face in his hands, and kissed him. Mark responded, but Jack could tell he was still distracted. He pushed on Mark’s chest, flattening him against the bed, then climbed on top of him and tried again. This time, Mark’s whole body responded, and Jack kissed him again and again, willing him to feel the passion and connection that he knew they’d never find with anyone else. And then Mark’s arms were holding him tight - Mark’s fingers were pressing into his skin - and they were laughing between kisses, and Mark rolled Jack onto his back, and pressed him into the mattress, and kissed every inch of his bare skin.

 

* * *

 

Mark drove Tyler to his interview the following afternoon while Jack went to a meeting at Blizzard. He was feeling a little nervous about spending time alone with Tyler, and feeling silly for feeling nervous. He was trying to figure out what to say when Tyler broke the awkward silence.

“So… are you and Jack really okay?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah. Better than ever, honestly.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. It’s good.”

They lapsed into silence again. Mark noticed that his fingers were starting to ache from his tight hold on the steering wheel, and he made an effort to relax his grip.

“Neither of us regret what happened,” he finally said. “I never really thought about kissing you before, but I’m glad I did. I know how lucky I am to have a friend that accepts me like you do.”

Tyler nodded. “I feel that way, too.”

“So… we’re still best friends, right?”

“Yes,” Tyler said emphatically. “Absolutely. Jessie’s not the only reason I want to move out here. I really missed you, you know.”

“I missed you, too.” Mark stole a sideways glance at Tyler. “So. You’ve kissed two incredibly attractive men at this point. How do you feel about it?”

Tyler laughed. “Pretty good, I think. I’m a little nervous about telling Jessie, but I think it was the right thing to do. I want to be honest in the interview, and I just felt… I mean, did you ever get the sense that people need you to be gay _or_ straight? Like, one or the other? Like there’s nothing in between?”

“Definitely. Sean and I call it Binary Disease. I honestly think it’s the reason most people don’t feel like they can explore their sexuality or come out.”

“Yeah. I think so, too. I’m pretty sure I’m, like, eighty percent straight, but that other twenty percent does matter.”

“Of course it does.”

“I remember you told me you had to Google some labels when you and Jack first got together, so I did that, too, and I actually learned a lot. I didn’t know ‘heteroflexible’ was a thing. At first I thought it sounded like a copout for guys who don’t want to own up to being bi, but, like… I mean, I’ve never dated a guy. I might never have any kind of real relationship with a guy. So it does feel kinda weird to say I might be bi.”

Mark mulled this over. “Okay… but… I mean, some teenagers know they’re bi even if they’ve never had a real relationship, or had sex with anyone. I don’t know if you actually need the experience to use the label. But, seriously, fuck labels, anyway.”

Tyler nodded. “Agreed.” He was quiet for a moment, smiling to himself. Then he said, “You kiss really good. You both do. I know it wasn’t really supposed to mean anything, but I think it meant something to me.”

Mark nodded. “It meant something to us, too. Something good.”

 

* * *

 

Mark visited with some of the staff at the Point Foundation while Adam interviewed Tyler, and then they headed back toward home to meet up with Jack at a restaurant for dinner. Tyler said he thought the interview had gone well, and that he’d know whether the job was his by Wednesday. He hadn’t decided when to fly back to Cincinnati, yet. He had enough sick days and vacation time to stretch his absence from work, and if he ended up getting the job, he would start planning to move right away. If he didn’t, he’d be talking to Jessie.

“I just don’t know how to convince her,” he told Mark and Jack over dinner. “She said it would be too big of a sacrifice for me to come out here just for her. Too big of a risk. But I just don’t see it that way.”

“I think we might be able to help with that,” Mark said.

Tyler shook his head. “No. Don’t try to convince her. It’ll just make her dig her heels in even more.”

Jack smiled. Tyler obviously knew Jessie well.

“No, I know,” Mark said. “That’s not what I meant. Sean and I were talking, and… well… whether you get the job or not, how would you feel about coming out here to work with me?”

Tyler raised his eyebrows. “Like… with YouTube?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’ve been doing better since Justin’s been editing for me, but I’m still kind of a mess. I suck at planning and getting ahead. I never find the time to do half the things I really want to do. I honestly don’t know what I would do without Sean. And having him here…” He slid his arm around Jack’s shoulders, and Jack leaned into him. “…It’s almost been like having a team. So, what do you think? Want to join up?”

Tyler looked stunned. “Wow. I never thought… wow.” He looked at Jack. “Are you okay with this?”

“Sure am. I’m also okay with giving you the guest room until yeh figure stuff out. If yeh start working with Mark and you have a place to stay, I think Jessie might feel better about the level of risk. You guys can take it slow and feel things out, and hopefully she’ll come around.”

“Wow,” Tyler said again. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“It’s okay if you need to think about it,” Mark said. “I know it’s a big decision.”

“I’m in,” Tyler said. “When do we start?”

 

* * *

 

Jack was sitting up in bed, staring at his laptop screen and listening to the sound of the faucet running in the bathroom. Mark was in there – shaving, or brushing his teeth, or both, Jack guessed – and Jack was mulling, reading the same few sentences of an e-mail over and over. Then the water stopped, and Mark was in bed beside him, kissing his face, pressing their cheeks together.

“Mm. You smell good, love.” Jack kissed the smooth skin of his cheek. “You feel good, too.”

Mark kissed his lips. “How do I taste?”

“So good. Uhm. Can we press pause fer a second, though?”

“Sure.” Mark sat back so they were shoulder-to-shoulder. “What’s up?”

“You know Will? From the plane to Dublin?”

Mark nodded, picturing the gangly teenager in black that had saved them from outing themselves in a truly embarrassing fashion. “Yeah. I saw a message from him after the stream, saying thanks and congratulations. I guess I forgot to mention it, with everything else going on. I did answer him, though.”

“Yeah, I did, too. Just briefly. But then I got a longer e-mail from him today.”

“Really? What did he say?”

Jack handed Mark the laptop so he could read the message himself.

 

_Hi Jack,_

_I’m really sorry for contacting you like this. I know I promised I wouldn’t take advantage of the contact information you gave me, but I don’t know what else to do. I need help, and I don’t know who else to tell. One of my friends from school is in trouble. His name is Cody, and his parents are really religious and strict. They found out from someone else’s parents that he was posting videos on YouTube, so they went through his phone and his laptop and found out that he had a boyfriend, too. They told him he had to shut down his channel and stop seeing his boyfriend, and he told them he would, but he really didn’t. They eventually found out he was lying, and things started to get a lot worse. And then he found some e-mails on their home computer saying they’re planning to send him away to some creepy church thing in Sacramento over winter break. They tried to tell him it’s a Christian fellowship camp, but I’m pretty sure it’s actually some kind of conversion therapy. He’s only seventeen, so he won’t have any choice if they try to make him go. I have no idea how to help without making things worse. I know this isn’t your problem, but I could really use some advice. Can you help?_

  * _Will_



There was a link at the bottom of the message to Cody’s YouTube channel, and Jack clicked on it. He scrolled and clicked on the most recent video, and Cody’s smiling face filled the screen. He had dark brown eyes and dark brown hair that fell in waves almost to his shoulders, and he had a hint of an accent that Jack couldn’t place. He made a quick introduction and then held up a copy of _Slaughterhouse-Five_. Mark and Jack watched while he started to summarize one of the chapters of the novel, including insightful analysis, a tangential comparison to one of Kurt Vonnegut’s other novels, and a hilarious, over-dramatic paraphrasing of one section, including different voices and affects for different characters. It was part study-aid, part comedy show, and he covered topics ranging from time travel to gender politics to the military-industrial complex. Once they had gotten the gist, Jack paused the playback.

He had been wrestling with how to respond to Will’s plea for help. One of the most painful drawbacks of his and Mark’s rise to relative fame was how much they were forced to limit their personal interactions with fans. It had been different when they’d only had a handful of followers each. They’d known those usernames by heart, had spoken to each one of those people at length, had known things about their personal lives, their hopes and their fears. But as those numbers had steadily climbed, it had become impossible to maintain, and now, with millions of followers clamoring for a chance at a ‘like’ on social media, it felt unfair and unwise to pay close attention to individual fans. Jealousy ran rampant through their communities whenever they acknowledged someone on Tumblr or Twitter, and they had both noticed something even more insidious among their younger fans. So many of them obsessed over being ‘noticed,’ as if their self-worth, their very identity had become tied to the prospect of being acknowledged personally by their favorite celebrity. And so, Mark and Jack both maintained an attitude of casual detachment with fans online, not wanting to encourage this attitude.

But now, Jack was struggling with that stance. Casual detachment didn’t seem appropriate here.

“You want to help him,” Mark said.

“Yeah. I think I have to.”

Mark sighed. “Sean… I love you for that. I love how much you care. But we can’t save everyone. You know that. You’ll drive yourself insane trying to figure out how. I mean, think about how many messages we get tagged in every single day. Do Will and Cody deserve our help more than all the other people who ask for it? How would you decide? I just don’t think it’s a good idea to start singling people out.”

Jack felt frustration flare in his chest. “I know all that, I just… I don’t care right now. I know I can’t save everyone. But maybe I can save this one kid.”

Mark heard the sharpness in Jack’s tone loud and clear. He examined Jack’s features, and found resolve in his expression. His mind was made up, and Mark knew better than to argue. He guessed that this story was hitting close to home for Jack right now, and that helping Cody might help Jack deal with his feelings about his own family. He picked up Jack’s hand and kissed the back of it.

“What do you think we should do?”

Jack blinked. He’d been ready for an argument, and it took him a moment to shift gears. “You’ll help?”

“Of course I will.”

“I really, really love you.”

Mark kissed his cheek. “I know. I love you, too.”

Jack described some of his ideas, and they discussed the details for a while before placing a video call to Will. He picked up after the third ring and blinked at them through the phone, wide-eyed with disbelief.

“Holy _shit._ Oh my _God_. I didn’t think you’d actually… I mean… hi!”

They laughed. “Hey, Will,” Jack said. “Love the hair.”

Will pushed his turquoise fringe back from his face. “Thanks. I guess I’ve been feeling a little rebellious lately.”

Jack nodded. “We got yer e-mail. We want to help, but we need to ask yeh some questions, first.”

“Okay. Yeah. Definitely.”

“How do you know Cody?”

“We’ve known each other since middle school, since he first moved here with his parents. We’re in band together. We both play percussion.”

“You said he’s seventeen, right? When’s he turning eighteen?”

“Not ‘til next summer. We’re both juniors.”

“So he has more than a year left at home. D’you think he’ll make it?”

Will ran a hand through his hair, his brow creased in a frown. “Did you check out any of his videos?”

“We did, but it looks like he hasn’t uploaded for a few weeks.”

He nodded. “That’s what Cody was like before his parents found out about everything. Now, he’s…”

Will shut his eyes. He took a long, slow breath, but it was no use; Mark and Jack could see the tears escaping from his closed eyelids. He managed a broken _Hang on_ before his face disappeared from the frame, and they were left staring at his bedroom ceiling while he took a moment to collect himself. When he appeared back on the screen, his eyes were red, and he looked like he was trying very hard to hold himself together. “I’m sorry,” he managed.

Mark spoke in the most soothing tone he could muster. He recognized the pain he saw in Will’s expression. “It’s okay, Will. You love him, right?”

Will nodded and let out a shoulder-shaking sob. “Since last spring.”

“And his parents found out you guys were together?”

Will sniffed. “Yeah. They went through his phone. We tried to keep our texts pretty basic, but they were suspicious anyway. They waited until I came over and walked in on us kissing in his room.”

“They waited until you were there? On purpose?” Jack asked.

“Yeah. They wanted to make a big show of it. And they wanted me to be there when they told Cody we couldn’t see each other anymore.”

“That’s sick,” Jack said.

“I know,” Will said, wiping at his eyes. “They’re crazy. They took his phone and his laptop after that, and he’s basically not allowed out of the house except for school and band. At first we tried to find ways to see each other and talk, but they always found out, and it kept getting worse… I don’t even know if we’re still together at this point. I just know he’s… not doing well. He’s _so_ sad. He’s not turning in his homework. They…” Will was crying again, now. “They made him cut his hair. You know, he used to talk about ‘making it’ to graduation because he was so excited about everything that would happen after… I had no idea he might not actually…”

Will didn’t finish the thought. Mark and Jack waited patiently while he tried to calm himself again, and then Mark asked, “What do your parents think about all of this?”

Will sniffed, wiping at his nose with his sleeve. “They’re great. They know I’m gay, and they love Cody. They tried to talk to his parents, but it went nowhere. They said they don’t know what else to do.”

“This might sound random, but is Cody ‘out’?” Jack asked. “Like, has he ever talked about being queer on his channel, or anything like that?”

“Yeah, he did. He made some references to it in his videos over the summer, and we were out to our friends. He said he didn’t want to keep it a secret once we went back to school.”

“Could you send us links to those specific videos?” Mark asked.

“Sure.”

“Is there any way we can talk to Cody?” Jack asked.

Will thought for a moment. “We have band last period tomorrow. I can try to convince him to be late so we can call you.”

“That’ll work,” Jack told him. “Just text me and let me know what time.”

“Really?” There was a glimmer of hope in Will’s miserable expression. “You don’t mind if I text you?”

“I trust you,” Jack said. “You could’ve sold me out anytime over the last couple months, and yeh didn’t.”

“I never would,” Will said.

Jack nodded. “Listen, Will. I wish I could guarantee that we’ll be able to make a difference fer Cody, but I can’t. I can only promise that we’ll try.

“That’s more than enough,” Will said. “I think just talking to you will really help. He looks up to both of you so much. He lost his shit when I told him I met you guys. But… that was before.”

“Try not to give up,” Mark told him. “And try to get some sleep tonight. We’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

Mark joined Jack in his office the following afternoon so they could answer Will’s call together. Jack’s phone rang just after 1:15, and they could just barely make out Will’s features when they picked up the call.

“Sorry it’s so dark,” he practically whispered. “We’re hiding in the auditorium.”

Mark and Jack nodded. “We’ll try to keep it quick,” Jack told him. “Is Cody with you?”

Another boy appeared in the frame, and even in the dim light, Mark and Jack could see that he barely resembled the person they’d seen in his YouTube videos. His hair was cut much shorter, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He managed a small smile before his features retreated back into a neutral expression.

“I can’t believe it’s really you,” he said, without any particular inflection.

“Hey, Cody, it’s really nice to meet you,” Jack said.

“Hey, we love your YouTube channel,” Mark told him.

“Really?”

“Yeh’re hilarious,” Jack said encouragingly. “And _so_ smart. I would’ve done much better in English class if I’d had yer videos to watch.”

Cody smiled again, and this time it lingered.

“Will told us you’ve been having some trouble with your parents,” Mark said. “We’re really sorry to hear about that. I know we don’t have time to go over all the details, but it sounds like it’s been really rough, and we want to try to help you.”

He looked skeptical. “That’s really nice of you, but… help me, how?”

“We think we could give you an excuse to get away from your parents a couple times a week, and a way to keep working on some digital media. And maybe an opportunity to make some new friends, and spend some time with Will, if that’s what you want.”

Cody sighed. “My parents would never agree to any of that.”

Jack nodded. “Let us worry about that. We might have a way to… convince them. There’s a catch, though.”

“What’s that?”

“Are you comfortable with being publicly queer? Like, very publicly?”

He nodded. “Pretty much everyone already knows. No point in trying to hide it now.”

“Okay. We need a little bit of time, but we’ll be in touch with you guys soon,” Jack said. “Please don’t give up, Cody. I know things seem really bad, but they _will_ get better. I promise.”

Cody’s expression remained unchanged. He said, “It was really nice meeting you.”

“Hang in there,” Mark told him.

They said goodbye to Will and disconnected. They looked at each other, and neither of them could think of anything to say, so they hugged each other instead.

 

* * *

 

Raf and Justin brought dinner to the house that night, and Jessie joined them, too. She planned to spend the night again, since she’d be switching to a daytime rotation at the hospital for the rest of the week, and since she was no longer making any effort to conceal her interest in Tyler. Mark left right after dinner to attend the board meeting at The Point Foundation, and the remaining five friends piled onto the theater room couch to play video games while they waited for him to return. Jack was feeling distracted, though, and he relinquished his controller after a couple of rounds, realizing that all he wanted was to watch Jessie and Tyler battle it out. Justin took a break after the first few rounds too, and started scrolling on his phone while Raf, Jessie, and Tyler started the next round.

Jack saw his phone light up on the couch next to him, and when he picked it up, he saw that the notification was a text message from Justin, who was sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

 

Justin: Thanks again for this weekend.

 

Jack smiled. He felt proud of Justin for trying to talk about his feelings out loud, but he knew that texting took a lot of the pressure and embarrassment out of the equation.

 

Jack: anytime, dude. you guys seem good. how are things?

Justin: We actually slept together last night. Raf said I could tell you.

Jack: slept together? like slept in the same bed? or had sex?

Justin: We had sex.

 

Jack’s smile broadened. Even through text, Justin still had trouble saying exactly what was on his mind.

Jack: that’s good, right? how was it?

Justin: It was probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Jack: wow. that’s amazing. happy for you, dude!

Justin: When did you know you were in love with Mark?

Jack thought for a moment. He didn’t want to make a habit of meddling in his friends’ romantic lives, but he knew how new all of this was for Justin, and how important.

 

Jack: I’ve loved him for as long as I’ve known him, but not the same way I do now. it happened in stages and it changed over time.

Justin: Do you think it’s too early for me to be in love with Raf?

Jack: I’m sure you had plenty of opportunities to fall in love with someone else over the years. if this is the first time it’s felt real, then it’s real. I dunno if I’d start planning your wedding just yet, but you should make sure he knows how you feel.

Justin: Do you think he loves me, too?

Jack: only one way to find out!

Justin: Thanks, Jack.

Jack set his phone aside and looked down the couch at this group of people who had been strangers not that long ago, and who now felt like family. He knew now that there were lots of ways to love a person, and he loved all of them uniquely. He loved Justin’s quiet devotion, and his willingness to change. He loved Raf’s incautious optimism and surprising resilience. He loved Tyler’s loyalty, and his contagious calm. And he loved Jessie’s steadfast confidence, and her many shades of joy. He knew he would’ve been lucky to call just one of them his friend, and yet here they were, surrounding him, easing the pain in his heart, filling up the empty space in this house. This _home._ The home he shared with Mark.

 _Mark._ He’d lost count of the things he loved about Mark a long time ago.

 

* * *

 

Mark returned just after nine o’clock, and Jack paused the video they’d been watching and jumped up to embrace him. They kissed each other quickly – they always felt each other’s absence, even if it only lasted for a couple hours – and then Mark addressed the group.

“It’s all good news. They voted and approved the project I proposed, mostly thanks to Sean for writing it all up for me. And, obviously, thanks to you guys for helping us plan and agreeing to put in some hours over the next few weeks.” He took off the backpack he’d been wearing, pulled out a folder, and removed a packet of paperwork. He handed it to Tyler.

“Here’s your contract. The job is yours, if you want it. They said you can start whenever you’re ready.”

Tyler stared dumbly at the packet for a moment, then broke into a wide grin, jumped up from the couch, and pulled Mark into a rib-crushing hug. He murmured something in Mark’s ear, and then let him go. Then he pulled Jessie off of the couch and hugged her, lifting her off of her feet and spinning her around in a circle. She laughed a shimmering laugh and let herself melt against him, her eyes squeezed shut tight, her cheeks turning pink underneath her freckles.

They celebrated for a while longer before Raf and Justin left for home and Tyler and Jessie called it an early night. Then Mark and Jack sat up in bed together with a laptop, scouring YouTube until the early morning hours. They weren’t looking for entertainment, though. They were looking for other kids like Cody.

 

* * *

 

They woke up the next morning with five names burned into their brains: five high school juniors in the greater LA area, with impressive skills in digital media but little recognition on YouTube thus far. Their areas of expertise ranged from amateur game development, to digital art, to general commentary and community outreach. And, like Cody, they all fell somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, and they were all public about it on their channels.

Mark went downstairs to make coffee while Jack drafted the e-mail they were planning to send to all of the kids, including Cody. He read and re-read it several times, and felt satisfied with it by the time Mark returned. He traded his laptop for a steaming mug so Mark could read what he’d written.

 

_Dear Cody,_

_The Point Foundation is pleased to offer you a place in an experimental mentorship program focusing on digital media. As a member of our pilot group of high school juniors, you’ll have the opportunity to work with our staff to help guide the focus and development of the program. You and your teammates will design a project related to digital media, and you’ll be granted access to whatever technology you may need to execute your vision. You will work with our staff as well as several professional mentors. The program will run twice weekly from November 14 th through February 3rd. _

_We at The Point Foundation are committed to maintaining your personal privacy. Please contact us at the number below to confirm your interest in the program and receive further information._

_Warm regards,_

_Adam Levinson_

_Mark Fischbach_

_Sean “Jack” McLoughlin_

 

“Looks perfect, Sean,” Mark told him. “We should get this over to Adam right away.”

They forwarded the draft to Adam at The Point Foundation, along with the e-mail addresses they’d found for the six candidates. Even though they knew all six kids had discussed their LGBTQ+ status online, and even though they’d purposely chosen candidates who seemed comfortable with their identities and orientations, there was still a chance they might not be out to their families, much like Cody hadn’t been until his parents had gone snooping. For that reason, they’d decided to reach out to the kids directly through e-mail, rather than sending a letter to their homes or contacting their parents. They planned to get verbal consent from each candidate before taking that step. The phone number they’d included was a Google voice number Jack had set up specifically for this purpose.

They went downstairs to eat a basic breakfast while they waited for Adam’s response, and they didn’t have to wait long; he responded within the hour, letting them know that the e-mails had been sent. Jack texted Will to let him know – he knew Cody didn’t have access to a phone, and would have to use Will’s or a school computer to check his e-mail – and Will texted back to say that he’d find Cody as soon as possible.

Jack was in his office transferring some files to Raf when he got the first call. It wasn’t Cody, though – it was Sasha, the amateur developer that had caught their eye.

“Sasha!” Jack chirped. “Thanks so much fer calling!”

“Oh… my… _goodness,_ ” the girl squeaked. “Your _voice_ … is it really you?”

Jack tapped at his screen to initiate a video call, and Sasha’s face appeared, her brown eyes wide with shock.

 _“Whoa,”_ she whispered, and he grinned back at her.

Once Jack managed to calm her, she told him that she would give just about anything to participate in the program, and she was sure her parents would be thrilled. All four of the remaining candidates called within the hour to express similar sentiments, but Jack had to wait until after noon to hear back from Cody. The call came from Will’s phone, but it was Cody’s face on the other end when Jack initiated a video call.

“Cody! It’s good to see yeh again. Did yeh get our e-mail?”

“I did. I… I don’t know what to say. It sounds amazing.” Jack’s heart squeezed. The monotone of Cody’s voice was at odds with the cheerful sentiment. The suffering of this boy was so obvious, it hurt just to witness it. “I just wanted to say thank you,” Cody went on. “But my parents will never let me go.”

“Would you want to, if they did?”

“Of course. Yes. Of course I would.”

Jack nodded. “Right. I have some ideas. Just give me a couple of days.”

Cody’s expression remained neutral. Jack could tell he was unconvinced, but he said, “All right. Um. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me.”

A tone sounded in the background.

“Sorry,” Cody said. “I have to get to class.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you soon,” Jack told him. This finally elicited a response: the slightest twitch of one eyebrow, an expression that might have resolved into shock or surprise if Cody had the energy to follow it through.

“Okay. Yeah. Thank you.”

Cody’s face left the screen, and it went dark for a moment. Jack heard Will’s voice: _Cody, hang on_ , and then Cody’s reply: _Sorry, Will. See you._ Will appeared on the screen a moment later, looking tired and sad.

“See what he’s like, now?” he asked. “You’re, like, his idol. A few weeks ago he would’ve lost his mind, talking to you.”

“Has he ever been depressed like this before?” Jack asked.

“No. Never.”

Jack nodded. “As awful as it is, that’s a good sign. He’s responding to something really terrible. Hopefully if it gets better, he’ll _feel_ better, too.”

“He’s right, though,” Will said, looking defeated. “His parents will never let him go to LA twice a week.”

“Let me worry about that,” Jack said. “There is one more thing you can do fer me, though.”

“Sure. Anything.”

“Text me everything you know about yer school principal.”

 

* * *

 

After he hung up with Will, Jack put the rest of his plan into action. He called Mr. Tanner, the principal at Will and Cody’s school, to tell him about The Point Foundation and the pilot program. He said he was concerned that Cody seemed unsure whether he’d be able to participate or not, and wondered whether a phone call from Mr. Tanner might help convince Cody’s parents of the program’s merit. He got the sense that Mr. Tanner was familiar with Cody and his struggles at home, since he readily agreed to make the call, and to inform some of the other staff so that they might do the same.

Next, Jack pulled up a list of contact information for different newspapers and media outlets that he and Mark had been keeping since the livestream. They had both wanted some time and some privacy before giving any in-depth interviews, but Jack saw this as the perfect opportunity to break that silence. He wanted to talk to someone local in order to keep the focus of his statement on The Point Foundation, so he sent an e-mail and left a voicemail for his contact at LA Weekly. He got a return phone call about a half hour later, and gave a brief interview over video chat.

Once that was done, he got in touch with the local newspaper that ran in Will and Cody’s town, which was about forty-five minutes outside of LA. It took him a while to get someone on the phone who knew who he was, but he eventually ended up on video chat with a young staff writer who was at least aware of his presence on YouTube. He advised her to watch for his interview in LA weekly, and let her know that a high school junior in town had been selected for an exclusive mentorship program. He gave her Cody’s name and told her how to find Cody’s YouTube channel, and then he mentioned that Cody’s parents might be able to give her more information, if she felt like calling for a statement. He left his contact information and ended the call.

He took a long drink of water, stared at his phone for several minutes, and finally dialed Cody’s home number. A woman picked up the phone after several rings.

“Yes, hi, Mrs. Bartlett?”

“Yes… who is this?”

“My name is Jack McLoughlin. I’m calling about yer son, Cody.”

“Are you from the school?” She sounded concerned. “Is Cody all right?”

“I’m not from the school, no. I’m calling on behalf of The Point Foundation. We’ve seen the videos Cody’s posted online, and we think he’s very talented. I’m calling to let you know that he’s been selected fer a mentorship program fer digital media.”

She didn’t answer right away. Jack was considering breaking the silence when she finally said, “My son doesn’t post videos online.”

“Right. I noticed he hasn’t uploaded in a few weeks. It’s a shame, he’s really excellent.”

“I don’t… I’ve never heard of any ‘Point Foundation.’ Who are you, exactly?” She was starting to sound annoyed, now. Annoyed, and… _Nervous?_

Jack grimaced. There was no avoiding it, now. “The Point Foundation offers support and mentoring for LGBTQ+ youth.”

“No.” She was agitated, now. “No, that’s not right. Cody’s not… No. We’re not interested. There’s been some kind of mistake.”

Jack knew there was no sense in trying to convince her of anything. But that wasn’t the purpose of this call. He was just relieved that she hadn’t hung up yet.

“Mrs. Bartlett, there’s no mistake. Yeh’ll be receiving a letter in the mail with more information about the program. Cody’s an incredibly bright and talented young man. We’re offering him a chance to develop his digital media skills, and to be part of a community of people with similar talents and interests. Kids like Cody often need… support. Please, talk to yer son, and consider the offer.”

“You don’t know the first thing about my son,” she said coolly. “Please don’t call here again.”

She hung up.

Jack knew it could have gone much worse. He’d been able to deliver his message. There was nothing left to do but wait.

 

* * *

 

Mark and Jack drove Tyler to the airport later that night. He planned to fly back to Cincinnati for a couple of days to pack up his things and tie up loose ends, and he’d return to LA on Saturday so he could start his new job on Monday morning.

“How did it go with Jessie, last night?” Jack asked him from the back seat.

“Really well,” he said, smiling. “I told her we… y’know. Kissed. And she said she thought it was sweet, and she was happy about the whole thing, because she couldn’t be with anyone who was homophobic, even a little bit. I didn’t even think of that, really. God, she’s perfect.”

Jack nodded. He already knew this – he’d exchanged text messages with Jessie throughout the day – but he was still interested in Tyler’s perspective.

“That’s great news, man,” Mark was saying. “So, are you guys, like, _together_ , now?”

Tyler’s grin lit up his whole face. “Yeah. She said we could give it a shot.” His expression grew more serious. “We both want to be respectful of you guys, though. We don’t want to wear out our welcome. She said I can spend time at her place whenever you guys need a break from us.”

“Are you kidding?” Jack said. “I _love_ having you and Jessie around. It’s like being in a family again.”

The words fell out before he’d really thought them through, and the silence that followed was a heavy one. Jack’s father still hadn’t returned his calls, and his mother was still staying with her sister. His crusade to help Will and Cody had been keeping him distracted, but everyone knew how difficult the last few days had been for him. “I just meant… you guys are welcome,” he added unconvincingly, embarrassed at the vulnerability he was putting on display.

“Thanks, man,” Tyler said. “We love spending time with you, too.”

They had enough time to park and walk Tyler to the security line, and they were all happy to say _See you Saturday_ instead of goodbye. Tyler hugged them both for longer than was strictly necessary, and he kissed them both on the cheek before he walked away from them, blushing faintly. They walked back to the car with their arms around each other.

 

* * *

 

Jack threw himself into recording on Thursday, trying to distract himself from the fact that he hadn’t heard from Will or Cody yet. He knew he had taken some risks in bringing visibility to Cody’s situation, but both Will and Cody seemed sure that things couldn’t get much worse than they already were, and he knew there was no sense in being direct with Cody’s parents. If they were really more concerned with their faith than the obvious deterioration of their son, Jack certainly couldn’t convince them to think otherwise. But if their entire community rallied behind Cody, maybe they would, too. Or, at the very least, maybe they’d have the good sense to get out of his way.

Mark knew Jack was on edge, so he stayed close and quiet, his hand light on Jack’s waist while they made dinner, and gentle in Jack’s hair while they ate. Not grasping or holding. Just touching. Feeling.

They went down to the basement after they were finished. Jack hadn’t played the drums since he’d injured his hand a couple weeks prior, but he felt ready to start again. He sat down on the stool, and Mark took advantage of their height discrepancy to braid Jack’s hair back from his face. This was still a relatively new skill, but Mark was improving, and he loved the intimacy of it – the way Jack sighed at his touch and leaned into him; the way Jack’s hair felt, so smooth and soft between his fingers; the way the pattern looked when he was finished, like he’d left a piece of himself behind when he took his hands away.

He’d brought his laptop downstairs with him, but he didn’t bother opening it up. He just sat on the floor against the wall with his eyes closed – noise cancelling headphones over his ears, to dull the roar to a comfortable volume – and listened to Jack play.

Jack had his headphones on, too. He was practicing a song he’d wanted to play for Mark for a long time, though he knew Mark wouldn’t recognize it without the rest of the track playing. He could get through most of it, but not up to tempo, and he threw himself into the more challenging sections, playing a bit harder than he really needed to, willing himself not to look at the dark phone screen on the music stand in front of him. He’d been playing for a little under an hour when the screen finally lit up.

“Hello?” He scrambled to pick up the call before his headphones were fully off.

“Hi… Is this Mr. McLoughlin?”

“Yes.”

“Hi. This is Daniel Bartlett. Cody’s father.”

Jack made a triumphant gesture with his fist; the lines of communication were open.

“Mr. Bartlett, I’m really glad to hear from yeh.”

“We got your letter today. We also got several phone calls from Cody’s school, and the local newspaper.”

Jack couldn’t decipher his tone, so he decided on a neutral response. “I guess we’re not the only ones who’ve noticed how talented Cody is.”

Jack wasn’t sure what to make of the brief silence that followed.

“Yes, well, my wife and I have discussed it, and we’re willing to meet with you and hear more about what you’re offering.”

“That’s excellent news. Just name the time and place.”

“Tomorrow evening? Around seven, maybe? You can meet us at our home.”

He gave Jack the address, and they hung up.

Jack stood up and stretched, and Mark approached him, leaving a little space between them to gauge Jack’s mood.

“You did great, Sean. You’ll do great tomorrow, too.”

“Yeh’ll come with me, right?”

“Of course I will.”

Jack cocked his head to one side. “Why are you so far away?” He took hold of Mark’s arm, pulled him a little closer, and brought Mark’s hand up to rest against his own cheek, pressing his face against his fingertips.

“I thought you might’ve wanted some space,” Mark said.

Jack stepped even closer to him – close enough to feel his breath on his lips. He spoke just above a whisper. _“Are yeh trying to be sweet, Fischbach?”_

Mark nodded. _“How am I doing?”_

Jack kissed him and held him close. _“Yeh’re perfect.”_

 

* * *

 

They picked Adam up at his office on Friday evening to head to the Bartletts’ house. They knew they needed someone with more official credibility to help them make their case, and Adam fit the role perfectly. He was in his early forties, his close-cropped hair already turning to salt and pepper, and he had a business-like demeanor that inspired confidence. He also had extensive experience working with at-risk youth, and he jumped at the chance to help another kid in trouble.

Jack had been too nervous to drive, so Mark was behind the wheel, chatting with Adam while they left the city behind them. Jack knew he needed to get a handle on his nerves before they arrived, but his go-to strategies were currently off-limits; he couldn’t put his hands all over Mark with Adam in the back seat, and he wasn’t sure how Adam would respond if he started blaring one of his playlists through the speakers.

He ran through potential scenarios in his head. Maybe the Bartletts were starting to come around. Maybe they had noticed the change in Cody and were looking for ways to help him.

Or maybe he was about to walk into the home of an emotionally-abused seventeen-year-old with no way to save him.

He shifted in his seat; his seatbelt felt uncomfortably tight. He felt his heart rate start to rise. This was a mistake. He knew it. The stakes were too high. He was going to say the wrong thing, he was going to fuck it all up. He needed some air. He felt for the window controls and pressed the button. He felt cool air on his face.

And then he felt Mark’s hand on the back of his neck. There was generalized pressure at first – Mark’s palm pressed over the base of his skull – and then the pressure became localized, Mark’s thumb and forefinger baring down on either side of his spine. Jack took a long breath in, and slowly let it out, his lips tingling as he let some of the tension go. Mark was still talking to Adam - his voice quiet and conversational, his eyes on the road – but Jack knew he had most of Mark’s attention, that Mark was pouring all of his concern and affection into this one gesture, protecting his privacy and healing him at the same time. He closed his eyes. He breathed in and out. He felt Mark adjust the position of his fingers and _press_ , and another layer of tension left him, and he unfolded his fists and let his shoulders drop. And then Mark’s fingers were moving, just the slightest bit – in his hair, over his skin – and it was so delightfully distracting, and Mark was _right here,_ and everything was going to be okay.

Mark eventually pulled off the highway and into a network of neighborhoods, all crowded developments with similar or identical houses, picture-perfect monuments to the stereotypical suburban fantasy. They pulled onto a street named Liberty Avenue – Jack suppressed a cynical snort – and into the driveway of number forty-five. As stifling as it was, Jack had to admit it was a nice neighborhood. There was a group of kids playing street hockey a few houses down, and he could smell wood smoke in the air. This looked like a nice place to grow up. He was sure the Bartletts _looked like_ a kind, loving family. But he knew how deceiving looks could be.

They decided to let Adam take the lead as much as possible, and he rang the doorbell while the three of them stood on the front porch. A tall man in a shirt and tie answered the door, introduced himself as Daniel Bartlett, and invited them inside. Cody was there in the entryway, along with his mother, who introduced herself as Patricia. She had one hand on Cody’s shoulder, and he had one hand braced against a doorframe. His eyes went wide when Mark and Jack stepped inside, and Jack put on the broadest smile he could manage. He felt an overwhelming urge to hug Cody and took a small step in his direction, but Cody’s eyes went even wider, and he gave a barely-perceptible shake of his head.

 _Right. Fuck._ Jack swallowed, reorienting himself. Cody’s parents wouldn’t take kindly to Mark and Jack getting overly familiar with their son. It was possible that casual physical contact was discouraged altogether in this house. He recovered, swallowed his discomfort, and offered his hand to Daniel, and then to Patricia. Once the adults had introduced themselves properly, Jack offered his hand to Cody, too.

“Cody. So great to meet yeh,” he said, maintaining an edge of professionalism in his tone that felt false. Cody gave a tiny nod, though – approval. He shook Jack’s hand briefly.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sir,” he said, and Jack nodded. Cody was giving him vital information. This was a house where older men were called _Sir._

Patricia ushered them into the kitchen and offered them drinks, the very definition of polite hospitality. Appearances mattered in this house, too. Daniel took his seat at the head of the table, and Cody sat down on his left. Adam chose the seat on his right, and Mark and Jack sat on his opposite side, maintaining as much distance between their chairs as they could.

“I’ve spent some time looking into your organization,” Daniel said, without preamble. His accent was even more pronounced than Cody’s; Jack had learned from Will that they had moved to California from Louisiana several years prior. “I understand why you thought Cody would be a good fit for your program. He was… confused… about the kind of information he should be sharing online. We approve of his talents, but we don’t approve of the way he conducted himself online, and we don’t approve of the lifestyle that your organization promotes.”

Patricia returned with a glass of water for each of them – the hospitable gesture at odds with the tone Daniel had set – and then sat down next to Cody.

“We don’t promote any particular lifestyle,” Adam said conversationally, his expression friendly. “We acknowledge that a lot of kids are struggling, and we try to help.”

“Cody doesn’t need that kind of help,” Daniel said. His tone was firm, but it wasn’t argumentative. Jack took this as an encouraging sign. He allowed himself a glance at Cody, and found him sitting perfectly still, staring at a spot on the table. Jack guessed he was used to listening to people talk about him as if he weren’t there.

“That’s perfectly fine,” Adam was saying. “The offer still stands. We think Cody would be a great asset to the team we’re putting together.”

“And the other students you’ve chosen are all…” Daniel trailed off, looking off-balance for the first time since they’d arrived. Looking like he’d rather die than say the word _gay_ out loud.

“All of the students we’ve selected identify as LGBTQ+ in some fashion,” Adam said easily, “but their orientations and identities won’t necessarily have any bearing on the project itself. The theme of the program is digital media, and that will be the focus.”

“What will the project entail?” Daniel had command of his voice again.

“That’s really up to them. Our staff will meet with them once or twice to brainstorm, and then we’ll teach them to write up a proposal. It’ll be sort of like applying for a grant, which is something they may need to do if they decide to pursue this in college or afterward. The focus will be on practical skills – operating the technology, video and audio editing, that kind of thing.”

Daniel nodded, almost approvingly. “I’ll need to approve that proposal as well, if Cody’s going to participate.”

 _If Cody’s going to participate?_ Jack tried not to let the shock bleed into his expression. He stole another glance at Cody. He hadn’t adjusted his posture, but he was wearing the tiniest hint of a smile.

“That’s perfectly reasonable,” Adam said. “We’ll be as transparent as you’d like us to be.”

Daniel shifted his gaze from Adam to Mark, and then to Jack. “I know who both of you are. I’ve seen you in the news. I don’t approve of the content you produce, or the lifestyle you promote. I’ll need you to explain more about your affiliation with this project.”

Jack felt white-hot anger bloom in his chest. He opened his mouth on impulse, and then managed to stop himself; Mark was already speaking.

“…plenty of controversial media out there,” Mark was saying. “We’re participating in this project because we support the Foundation, and because we raised the donation money that’s financing it. We will be acting as mentors, but only based on our professional expertise. We don’t plan to influence the direction of the project in any way.”

“And I can trust you to keep your… proclivities… to yourselves?”

Jack’s temper flared again. _You can trust us to keep yer son alive for the next couple months_. He swallowed the comment.

“You can trust us to behave like we would in any professional setting,” Mark said, after a brief pause.

Daniel spared them a small nod. “If I hear otherwise, Cody won’t be allowed to return.” He looked at his son for the first time since they’d sat down. “Cody’s very bright. He should have his pick of any college he applies to, but the admissions process is only getting more rigorous. I realize that a program like this could help set him apart. I’m willing to let him participate on a trial basis, as long as you abide by the conditions I’ve mentioned.”

“That’s excellent news,” Adam said. “We’ll be in touch with more information about the location and the first meeting date, but you can call or e-mail me anytime.”

Jack felt the side of Mark’s foot press against his shoe under the table. He swallowed his competing emotions and fought to keep his expression neutral. _Keep yer mouth shut. Don’t fuck it up now._

Daniel stood up, signaling the end of the meeting, and everyone else followed suit. They said goodbye with another round of stiff handshakes, and Jack was the first one out the door, desperate to get ahold of his mood and away from the conversation that had just taken place. Discomfort mingled with shame as he realized that Cody spent every single day in that house, and he’d barely lasted half an hour.

They were almost at the car when Jack heard footsteps on the porch behind them, and he turned and saw Cody jogging down to the driveway. He stopped and waited, resisting the urge to run to him, or to pull him into the car and drive him away from this place.

“Jack.” Cody pulled up short about a foot away from him.

“Cody! Hey!” Jack put on his most reassuring smile. “Good news, right?”

Cody smiled back at him, but there was pain in his expression, too. “Almost every teacher I’ve ever had called my parents yesterday.”

Jack nodded. “You have a lot of people in yer corner.”

“And the thing with the newspaper… I mean, they were going to say no. They _did_ say no. And then the entire _town_ …”

Jack gave a small shrug. “They seem like they care a lot about what other people think. I figured I’d make it as hard as possible fer them to say no.”

Cody wasn’t smiling, anymore. He had his arms crossed over his chest, and he was blinking, looking down at the ground. He was tall for his age, but he looked small; Jack guessed he’d lost at least ten pounds since he’d recorded his last YouTube video.

“I can’t believe you did all of this for me,” he said. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Easy. Just… don’t give up. Give all of it some time. Things will get better. I know it.”

“Thank you,” Cody whispered, still looking down, and Jack finally lost his grip on the professional front he’d been maintaining.

“Can I give you a hug?” he asked.

Cody shook his head, finally making eye contact. “They’re watching. And I can’t cry right now. He’s… they’re waiting for me.”

It took Jack a moment to find his voice. “Raincheck, then. I’ll see yeh in a couple weeks. Call if yeh need anything before then.”

“Okay. I will.” Cody managed to hold his gaze for a brief moment, and then he turned and walked back toward the house. Jack found that he couldn’t stand to watch him walk back inside, so he brushed past Mark and Adam, got into the car, and wiped at his eyes as discreetly as he could manage. Mark and Adam got in after him, and they all sat in silence for a few minutes. When Jack finally trusted himself to speak, he looked back at Adam.

“How d’you do this? How d’you stand it?”

Adam shook his head. “I can’t stand it. It’s awful every time. But I’ve also seen the other side of it. I’ve lost count of how many kids have made it past their eighteenth birthday because of the Foundation. Cody will, too.”

 

* * *

 

Even though Adam left Mark and Jack with encouraging words, they couldn’t shake the cloud of conflicting emotions that was hovering over them. They didn’t talk again until they were back in their bedroom, sitting across from each other on the bed.

“It went really well, Sean,” Mark said. He was holding one of Jack’s hands.

“Thanks to you,” Jack said. Mark frowned.

“You can’t be serious-”

“I am,” Jack interrupted. “I totally choked.” He reached up and held Mark’s face with his free hand. “And you were perfect.”

Mark leaned into his touch, his mouth partially open. Jack made note of the response, and said it again. “Perfect, Mark.”

Mark squeezed his hand as the words registered, and his eyes fell closed and stayed that way for much longer than the span of a blink. He took a breath – his chest expanding, his posture straightening – and then barely exhaled, like he felt the need to hold himself still. Like he was waiting. Listening.

Jack had elicited all sorts of physiological responses from Mark over the months they’d been together, but he had never noticed this one before – this tense, expectant stillness. It wasn’t stress; Jack could tell by the softness in Mark’s expression. It was closer to arousal, but that wasn’t the whole of it. Jack had touched Mark like this countless times before. Mark was holding something back, or keeping something in. Jack licked his lips, and spoke low and sweet.

_“Mark. Sweetheart.”_

It happened again; Mark inhaled deeply, his lips still parted, and then held himself still, his eyes locked on Jack’s.

_“You did so good, love. You did everything just right.”_

_“Ah-”_ Mark lost control of his breath, just for a moment, a tiny sound escaping from his throat – the loveliest, most fragile moan Jack had ever heard.

Jack’s suspicions were confirmed. Touch and tone probably had something to do with it, but it was the words themselves, too. The praise made Mark want to groan with pleasure, and he was trying to hold it in. Because he was scared? Embarrassed? Because he was trying to give Jack space after a difficult night? Jack didn’t know why Mark felt the need to show this kind of restraint, but he was absolutely sure that space was the last thing he wanted.

He traced the curve of Mark’s jaw, moving his fingers to the space under his ear, and then leaned over and put his mouth there, kissing Mark’s skin as gently as he could.

_“Mark.”_

_“Sean.”_ There was almost no breath behind the word.

 _“What if I told you yeh’re the best person I know?”_ Jack shifted onto his knees and kissed his way down Mark’s neck, pulling the neckline of his shirt to the side. _“What if I told you yeh make me so proud? Would you believe me?”_ He sat back, just enough to see Mark’s face, and found him nodding.

_“I do. I believe you.”_

_“Does it make yeh feel good when I say it?”_

_“Ah-”_ Mark swallowed, and started again. _“Yes.”_

Jack pressed his lips to Mark’s cheek. _“Does it make yeh feel like you deserve it?”_

Mark made an incoherent sound, closed his eyes, and nodded.

_“Good. Because you do. You deserve this-”_

Jack put his mouth on Mark’s throat.

_“-and this-”_

He put his hands under Mark’s shirt.

_“-and this.”_

He kissed Mark’s mouth, and Mark whimpered, and sat up on his knees, and his arms were tight around Jack – painfully, blissfully tight – and then Jack was laying flat against the mattress, and Mark’s body was pressing down on him.

_“Sean-”_

_“Mark-”_

_“Don’t stop- please-”_

_“I can’t- I won’t-”_ Mark had his mouth on Jack’s neck, his hand sliding up Jack’s side, under his shirt. _“I’ll never stop telling you how perfect you are-”_

Mark moaned a low rumble that vibrated against Jack’s skin.

_“Jesus, yeh sound so nice, I love the sounds yeh make fer me-”_

Mark forced Jack’s shirt up as far as it would go and kissed at his chest – ran his tongue over his ribs – pressed his mouth to the flat plane of his stomach.

 _“Ah-”_ Jack’s breath caught; Mark was biting into his hip, _hard_. _“Fuck- fucking- feels so fucking good, love- Mh-”_ Mark was unzipping Jack’s jeans, pulling down on his boxers, mouthing his way from his hip to the inside of his thigh. Jack arched his back – it was about as much movement as he could manage, since his jeans were only halfway off, and Mark’s hands were holding his hips in place – and he let out a string of nonsense syllables while Mark left a trail of red imprints underneath his belly button.

_“Oh- Mark-”_

_“Sean-”_

Jack barely heard the word – Mark’s mouth was already hot and wet against his skin again – but he saw a shiver run through Mark’s body, watched him roll his shoulders and then his hips, baring down against the mattress. Jack throbbed, painfully erect, and Mark took notice, pausing in his progression to lick at the slick of precum at the tip of Jack’s cock.

_“Oh- Mark- sweetheart- look up here.”_

_“Mh…”_ Mark rolled his hips against the bed again and looked up at Jack, one hand curled lightly around the base of his cock. Jack put his hand on his cheek, brushing his thumb over his lips, over the shimmer of precum lingering there, and Mark kissed and licked at his finger, and then leaned against his hand, and Jack worried that what he felt might be too big to describe, but Mark was there, holding his breath, waiting.

_“Mark. Yeh’re so fucking beautiful, it hurts. It aches. It burns all over until I can’t stand it. Until I need you so fucking much.”_

Mark made a high, broken sound, and tightened his hold on Jack’s cock.

_“Ah- look- look what yeh’ve done-”_

Precum was leaking from Jack’s slit onto Mark’s fingers, and when Mark stroked long and slow from the base to the tip and back again, Jack felt it from his navel to his toes.

 _“Ahh- Mark-”_ Mark’s eyes were on his. _“Sweetheart. Baby. I need you.”_

Mark closed his eyes and let out a breath – his shoulders tense, his back held in an arch – and then he pulled Jack’s jeans and boxers off, looped one arm around Jack’s hip, and pulled his cock into his mouth. Jack’s eyes fell shut; he was caught off guard by Mark’s decisiveness, and his mind went momentarily blank. He moaned as he made contact with the back of Mark’s throat, and he put his fingers in Mark’s hair, and he forced his eyes open.

_“Jesus, love… feels so good…”_

Mark moaned around him, pulling him deep, and arched against the bed again. Jack throbbed, holding a fistful of Mark’s hair. This wasn’t the scenario Jack had imagined; even though they loved giving and receiving oral, and had spent plenty of time perfecting their technique, it usually fell into the category of foreplay if they were both craving intimacy. But Jack had to admit that this was _incredibly_ intimate – watching Mark tense and squirm and unravel at the sound of his voice and the taste of his skin.

_“Baby.”_

Mark whimpered and looked up at Jack, his tongue tracing circles around Jack’s head.

 _“Ah-”_ Jack nodded. _“Just like that- so fucking perfect-”_

Speaking in coherent sentences was starting to be a challenge, but Jack fought to find the words, because Mark was undoing his own zipper – touching himself under his boxers – and this was what Jack wanted, he wanted them to be together-

 _“…feel good, baby? When you touch yerself fer me?”_ Mark closed his eyes and nodded, sucking hard on Jack’s head and stroking faster at himself. _“…so fucking sexy- ah- hah- like that- so perfect fer me, Mark-”_

Mark’s coordination was starting to suffer, and Jack loved every second of it – every half-finished movement, every gasp and moan that told him Mark was coming undone-

_“…love you – ahh – so fucking much… faster, love – ngh – baby-”_

Mark’s shoulders shook, and his whole body vibrated-

_“…baby, baby…”_

-and he held Jack in his mouth while he came, and he sucked in time with the aftershocks, and Jack was mumbling incoherent praise and digging his palms into the mattress-

_“Mark… ah… love, can you… please…”_

The words wouldn’t come, but Mark knew what he wanted. He pulled Jack deep into his throat, lifted up on Jack’s hips, and held him, suspended, sucking hard until Jack spread his arms wide, and arched his whole body, and came.

 

* * *

 

“Mark? Love?”

Mark’s head was in Jack’s lap, and Jack’s fingers were in his hair. He spoke quietly, in case Mark was already sleeping.

“Mm?” Mark opened his eyes and smiled. “Hey, Sean.”

“So… that was… new,” he ventured.

Mark kissed his bare stomach. “Yes and no. I always feel that way, when you talk to me like that. I think I wasn’t really ready to show it, before. Or ask for it.” He was blushing, now. “Thanks for… well… it made me really happy that I didn’t have to ask.”

“Yeh don’t have to thank me. I always mean it when I talk to yeh like that. But especially tonight. You just… yeh make me so proud, Mark.”

Mark shivered, and buried his face against Jack’s belly.

“Really? Just from that?”

Mark nodded, still hiding his face.

“Wow. Okay. Noted. But… I’ve told yeh things like this before. Why the big feels tonight?”

Mark opened his eyes. He kissed Jack’s belly again, then sat up.

“It’s like you said earlier. I don’t think I felt like I deserved it, before. But you make me feel like I do. This thing with the Foundation, with Cody… the livestream… I always wanted this. I just wanted to matter to people. To make a difference. And now I do, because of you. Or… because of us.” He put a hand on Jack’s bare chest, over his heart. “Because of who I am, with you.”

 _Ask me,_ Jack thought. _Please. I’ll say yes. I will._

“I love you, Sean.”

 _Marry me,_ Jack thought.

“I love you, too,” he said instead - because his visa could expire in two months’ time. Because his father wasn’t speaking to him. Because his mother had packed her bags and left.

“Sean?”

“Huh?” Mark was holding both his hands, now. _Ask me. Please._

“I feel… different,” Mark said.

Jack nodded. “You are. We both are.”

“And you still love me?”

“Yes. More than ever.”

Mark hugged him, then. “When you first came here, I knew I’d never loved anyone or anything like I loved you. But we’re so much more now, than we were back then. Imagine what we’ll be in a year. Or five. Or ten.”

Jack closed his eyes and let Mark support his weight. “Or twenty,” he mumbled. “Or fifty.”

“Sean.”

Jack sighed. He knew Mark wouldn’t ask, knew that the timing and the circumstances were all wrong. But this was almost better, being close to Mark like this, talking casually about the future.

“Yeah, love?”

“Do you think your hair will still be long like this in twenty years?”

Jack smiled, breathed in the smell of Mark’s hair. “Maybe. If yeh want me to keep it like this.”

Mark kissed the back of his neck.

_“I do.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE 7/28/2018
> 
> Just in case any of you check back here, and don't follow me on Tumblr, I have news!
> 
> I'm delayed in posting the next chapter because I decided to write a spinoff about Raf and Justin! AND IT'S FINISHED!  
> I've added it to a series with this story, but here's a link for good measure:
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15455139/chapters/35875353
> 
> I have to thank you all for your patience. I know some of you may have been frustrated that I decided to spend so much time on a spin-off before finishing this story, but I didn't feel like I could do that without rounding out Raf and Justin's story, first, and honestly, it's helped me rediscover the passion I needed to get back to More Than Friends. You don't NEED to read the spin-off to finish More Than Friends, but I really hope you'll consider it, because of the amount of work I put into it, but also because I think it adds some depth and dimension that you'll enjoy. 
> 
> Sending you all lots of love!
> 
> \- Kay


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